Category: Tatalo Alamu

  • Baba Lekki dabbles in political astrology

    Day after President Buhari announced his much anticipated cabinet; Baba Lekki buried himself deep in sand at Sand grouse market. With his blistered legs sticking out of the mass of white sand, the old rebel was quite a sight. Many concluded that he was probably a holy savant having an out of body experience. It was here that Okon caught up with him on the third day.  The impish clown eyed the glum-faced mystic with cynical glee.

    “Baba, how far and how market? How many fools you don fool?” the crazy boy crowed.

    “Okon, this is not the time for illiterates and ogberi like you”, the old man snapped.

    “Baba no vex oo, but how dis dem Buhari cabinet? He be like if say dem  Yoruba juju dey work dis time”, the mad boy sniggered.

    “You see”, the old man began with a scholarly frown, “there is a critical misalignment of astral signals between some nominees and portfolios. I see a cabinet shake up very soon”.

    “Baba, all that na gbarogudu grammar. Alignment na vulcaniser work. You mean say portfolio no get portmanteau and portmanteau no get portfolio? “ the mad boy yelled.

    “Okon, na portmanteau no contain portfolio, but he get as he be”, the old man snorted.

    “Baba, in dat case make dem Buhari man name dem Okon minister without portmanteau. When my mama run comot with dem Ibo man, he come leave him portmanteau. I fit go carry dat one from dem Itigidi village”, the crazy boy hollered.

    “Okon, na dat one dem Soyinka man dey call ope  ra wonyonsi”, the old man retorted.

    It was at this point that the old man vanished without a trace as some jubilating urchins approached.

     

  • New frontiers of the National Question

    Almost everybody is on edge these days. There is a foul and murky distemper abroad.  There is so much bile and bitterness around. This new National Charter of mutual loathing is an equal opportunity employer. Individuals, groups, ethnic categories, youths, old people, men, women, rulers, the ruled, pastors and pastoralists are all implicated in the gridlock of national disaffection. Welcome to the new frontiers of the National Question.

    In a multi-national country, whenever there is a rise in ethnic consciousness, you can be sure that it is accompanied by a corresponding recession of national consciousness. There is so much ethnic profiling, group-baiting and tribal scapegoating in this country that one may tend to agree with the American missionary who glumly concluded after a recent tour of Nigeria that God is probably  putting the worst set of people on earth together in a nation-space to conduct an experiment.

    Boxed together in the same territorial space by alien conquerors who consider them an inferior race, it is hard for the diverse people of a colonial contraption like Nigeria not to feel like enemy combatants forced to observe a tense truce. The National Question remains as long as it is impossible for the disparate entities to congeal into organic nationhood, and as long as the political elite are incapable of coming up with certain core values which drive the destiny of the nation.

    This is why MASSOB is massing and sobbing, and why hitherto peaceful Fulani cattle people have suddenly transformed into herdsmen of the new apocalypse armed with AK Kalashnikov. While this is going on, normally circumspect and reflective Yoruba notables are threatening fire and brimstone. In response some northern notables have resorted to ethnic baiting and an irresponsible trivialization of the issues at stake. Meanwhile as the nation’s economic misery is compounded by a looted treasury and falling oil price, there is a vicious and deliberate sabotage of the economy by some groups as a weapon for settling old and recent political scores.

    It is tempting and comforting to dismiss many of these disaffected nationals as belonging to a lunatic fringe of extremists who have lost the battle with reality and who must exhibit certain anti-social pathologies. The problem with this rosy view is that the lunatic fringes are often an uncomfortable manifestation of the deepest political unconscious of a group, a race, a nation or an ethnic formation, that is what everybody thinks but which they are afraid to say,  and what everybody wants to do but which are better left to affronted  voices from the margins who are not afraid of the consequences of their actions and pronouncements.

    In a relentless, mercilessly documented landmark publication titled, Hitler’s Willing Executioners, Daniel Goldhagen has shown how Hitler’s hate-suffused fantasies could not have been the private delusions of a solitary madman or the antics of a lunatic fringe but the manifestation of a group-think which found deep resonance in the political unconscious of the people and made them compliant accomplices and collaborators in Hitler’s genocidal heist.

    Goldhagen has been slammed by some major authorities for first constructing a theory and then looking for compliant evidence to fit into this. But this does not detract from the major thrust of his construct. In most societies, the genocidal impulses of the lower masses are usually held in check by elite social engineering which tries to abolish or neutralize societal divisions based on race, creed and region and religion and through philosophical constructs which sets premium by racial harmony and the fundamental oneness of all humanity .

    It is when the elite of a nation give vent to the baser impulses that darkness looms and an apocalyptic meltdown inevitable. This is the origin of genocide in Rwanda and Burundi, of pogrom in Nigeria and of the madness that hobbled Europe in two memorable world wars.

    There are sections of the Nigerian political elite bent on toying with the apocalypse. Just how we came to this sorry pass after a landmark election that was supposed to usher in a new beginning for the nation must remain a mystery to the uninitiated. But they are merely the return of the repressed.  As this column has repeatedly warned, elections do not resolve national questions. They often bring them into bold and bitter relief or exacerbate them as the case may be. Elections can never unite or unify a political elite bitterly polarized along regional, religious and ethnic fault lines.

    Grappling heroically with corruption in all its systemic manifestations, President Mohammadu Buhari can be forgiven for being peeved and miffed by these centrifugal forces and the attempts to distract or wrong foot him. For now, he has decided to ignore them, or to treat them with the stoic contempt and disdain he thinks they deserve.

    But this is not going to be enough, for they stand a chance of dead-ending his economic reforms. The economic reconstruction of a collapsed nation cannot succeed without its political reconfiguration, for in the final analysis it is the political foundation that determines the economic configuration of a nation after allowances have been made for the modulating pressures of economics on politics.

    Given the economic ravages of the Jonathan years and the total devastation of the Nigerian treasury, the retired general from Daura can be forgiven for behaving like a brutal and candid physician who must first open a festering and purulent wound before cauterizing it. This is the correct surgical procedure even though it may not be sweet music to the ears of those responsible for the nation’s economic adversity in the first instance.  And those lot have been singing like canaries.

    But General Buhari must be reminded that the economic carnage of the Jonathan dispensation cannot be divorced from the unjust politics that threw him up in the first instance and the structural delinquency of the nation’s political architecture. Gazing exclusively at the nation’s hideous economic wounds is a good sign of probity but it can also skew Buhari’s  adamantine disposition in the direction of an unhelpful inquisition which may in turn induce dangerous  countervailing group reaction.

    This is where the president needs the political dexterity and the cosmopolitan gamesmanship much more than he has been able to muster so far. Rather than being constantly nagged about his hideous injuries, a badly wounded patient also needs tropes of hope and narratives of possible redemption. The outstanding surgeon must not only cure the wounds he must also procure hope for the badly mauled. President Buhari’s speechwriters have their work cut out for them. They must infuse the narrative with tropes of hope and the conceits of the heroic stirring of Nigeria’s manifest destiny which threw up the president in the first instance.

    Just as all great and exceptional leaders do in moments of grave national emergency, it is time for President Buhari to engage the nation in critical and introspective soul-searching.  There is too much hatred and bitterness in the land. In the event, it may be discovered that the curious resurgence of MASSOB and its delinquent antics is nothing but a political ploy with an economic foundation which resonates with the deep political unconscious of the Igbo elite or its dominant faction, whether they care to admit this or not. Ditto for the resurgent restiveness in the Niger Delta.

    Yet no one ever knows just when dire economic straits could factor itself into an unstable political equation tipping the balance in the direction of anarchy and chaos. Who would have thought that the phenomenon of hostage taking and economic kidnapping which was thought a southern preserve would achieve a cultural crossover with some urchins abducting an outstanding patriot like Chief Olu Falae on his farm? If that economic misadventure had gone awry, we would have been grappling with a major political disaster.

    But in the prevalent climate of cultural hysteria, notable Yoruba elders also succumbed to ruinous politics. First, by unilaterally ordering the expulsion of Fulani herdsmen from Yoruba space within a stipulated timeframe, they gave an ultimatum which could not be enforced given the subsisting balance of power in the old region. Second, their knee-jerk reaction gave room to the prevalent suspicion that the kidnapping outrage is merely a pretext for a more fundamental animus: the loss of relevance and political hegemony.

    This is not how Awolowo would have handled the situation. The great sage and outstanding political thinker would have closet himself in his study and come up with an original prognosis of the National Question in all its new dimensions. If they want Buhari to take them seriously as altruistic statesmen, they must not give the impression that they are still bickering and smarting over the outcome of the last election when they backed the wrong horse for the wrong and most bizarre reason.

    The election has come and gone and Buhari will be there for the next three and half years. It is time for Yoruba notables to engage him in the quest for the redemption of the nation for which they have sacrificed a lot. And they cannot give precondition for this. Insisting that Buhari must implement the recommendations of the Jonathan Confab is a whimsical nullity.

    Buhari did not order the conference and it was not part of his campaigning manifesto. In any case, despite the reality of the virtual economic collapse of the nation, if the proliferation of unviable states as recommended by the Confab is their main preoccupation at this point in time, then it is time to summon the appropriate protocols.

    But if the reaction of the grand old men of Yoruba politics shows how far ruinous politics can damage the collective health and wellbeing of a nation, the response of certain northern notables reveals the devastating damage to the Nigerian commonwealth and the wide divergence of cultural nous. They range from peevishness to sheer political perversity.  While our friend, Shehu Sani, turned the whole thing into a Suya joint yabis, Rabiu Kwankwaso broke a cultural taboo by openly insulting and slandering elders from a different ethnic formation.

    The issue of cattle grazing factors deeply into the Indigene-Settler segment of the National Question. Even after we have established autonomous grazing zones as an interim measure, it should be clear that this deeply cultural habit cannot be sustained in a modern nation-state. But it is a habit that is part of the cultural identity that has defined and sustained our nomadic compatriots for generations and epochs and hence cannot be summarily abolished without far-reaching ameliorative and radical measures being put in place. Perhaps it will take the advent of a modernizing Ataturk.

    Meanwhile, we must get on with the colonial conjoining and imperialist mish-mash which has brought   hardy Sahelian lifestyle to bear on tropical latitude. If we found the resolve and the creative resources to bear on the National Question, the sheer diversity of Nigeria may yet turn out a source of strength and a unique African brand. If not, the unresolved National Question will eventually resolve itself in its own unique manner. Let President Buhari find the time to be in a hurry.

  • Okon requires three referees

    The craze for titles in the land finally landed on Okon’s doorstep with the heavy and sinister import of an opening gambit leading to a historic scam. On Friday just before dawn, the entire compound erupted in loud singing and wild jubilation. As a bleary-eyed snooper jumped out of bed, he was confronted by a historic scene straight out of comic Bedlam.

    Leading the riotous retinue was Okon wearing an outsize academic gown that had seen better days with American national colours wildly emblazoned. He was accompanied by the usual suspects, an assorted menagerie of out of work vagrants, ruffians, ragamuffins, casual riffraff from the Nigerian underground and the inevitable Baba Lekki dressed like a lawyer in terminal turpitude.

    “Okon, what is the meaning of all this, and why are you disturbing everybody?” snooper demanded.

    “Ha oga, I no dey disturb everybody, na everybody dey disturb Okon. I wan quickly reach dem American university for Arepo becos dem don give Okon dem doctor title”, the crazy boy crowed.

    “I see. Doctor of what?” snooper demanded with cynical incredulity.

    “Doctor of Cutlery and Kitchen Services, abi baba wetin dem yeye Yoruba people call dis dem nonsense again?”  Okon sneered.

    “Doctor of Culinary Science, DCS”, the delinquent contrarian responded with drunken gusto.

    “Ha oga dem ask me which title I fit pay for, dem say dem get am for Pope, Cardinal, Bishop, Ayatolani, Professor and dem doctor. I ask make dem give man Pope gbuaaa, but dem say dem get room for only three Pope and dem Ibo people don corner dat one. Naim I come ask for doctor”, the mad boy giggled.

    Two days after this, Okon appeared swashing and swaggering in drunken self-importance. He eyed his boss with expansive contempt.

    “Oga, na money dey find money. Dem title don dey pay. He get dem new newspaper dem dey call Afinity and dem don appoint Okon as dem columnist. But dem say make I bring three referees and I come ask dem wether na football or boxing referee, but dem no answer. I go get dem Onigbinde man and dem Ibo referee for Ajegunle, and I go beat dem editor silly, him no go fit read again”, the crazy boy sniggered.

    So, what will you be writing for dem?”.

    “Oga dem say na me go dey write dem satire. So I say no problem, he get one Yoruba ogbologbo vulcaniser for Idi Oro and dem dey call dat one Sir Tyre, na him go dey write tire and na me go dey collect money. No wahala “, Okon drawled in self-admiration.

    It was at this point that the half-crazed dustbin woman charged breathlessly into the room. “Oga, oga, dem Calabar boy don put him leg for cow shit again oo. Dem police people dey look for am. Dem say him thief  acada gown. Dem leader say him be Inspector General”, the woman screamed.

    “Ha oga dat one be say title don jam title” , Okon rumbled as he scaled the fence with athletic prowess.

  • Newswatch: Twenty years after

    Newswatch: Twenty years after

    It all seems like yesterday. But it is a little over twenty years ago that Newswatch, Nigeria’s premier newsmagazine, hit the newsstand with aplomb and dazzling self-assurance. From the premier box of history, it has been a tangled web of turbulent events packed into the two memorable decades. That the magazine itself remains on the newsstand is a tribute to the resilience and dogged professionalism of its surviving founding fathers.

    To say, then, that a lot of water has passed under the Oregun Bridge is a wry understatement. If journalism is indeed history in a hurry, the story of Newswatch also reads like the story of the country it has chosen to report and analyse: a gifted child buffeted by unremitting adversity but somehow managing to survive.

    The magazine has had to contend with the assassination and martyrdom of its founding chief executive, the charismatic and visionary Oladele Sunmonu  Giwa. Many members of the original team have left, some to greener economic pastures, others to become successful publishers in their own right, a few to take up political appointments, one or two to global journalistic distinctions, and a handful to lick their wounds in the punitive socio-economic abattoir of contemporary Nigeria. The magazine itself has survived proscription, declining credibility and relevance, and the clogged arteries of professional vitality. Yet pound for pound, it remains arguably the best produced magazine in Nigeria.

    For yours sincerely, it is also a milestone of sorts. As the first contributing columnist of Newswatch, or to be precise, as the self-described fifth columnist after Dele, Ray, Dan and Yakubu, one has continuously held down a column in Newswatch and magazines directly or indirectly associated with it for the past twenty years. The first five years were with Newswatch itself, the next five with African Concord, Tempo and The News, and the last ten years as the founding columnist and editor at large of Africa Today.

    This is not to mention countless affrays and sorties in other magazines and newspapers against the Nigerian post-colonial state in all its malevolence and intestinal putrefaction. It has been a great pleasure to be a ringside witness and combatant in what may yet turn out to be the defining epoch of post-colonial Nigeria.

    To be sure, Newswatch was not the first newsmagazine published in Nigeria. Before it, there had been some faint-hearted and rather tentative beginnings. But these amateurish precursors cannot begin to match the heroic scale of planning and execution  that went into making a sweet reality out of a lofty dream. Okotie’s Newbreed succumbed to military autocracy and perhaps its own chaotic managerial style.

    The New Nation published by Gbolabo Ogunsanwo, one of the nation’s finest and most accomplished journalists, went under as a result of critical under-funding and manpower shortage. But with Newswatch, the men and the moment seemed to have meshed in perfect historic symmetry. Journalism in Nigeria would never be the same again.

    The seventies were unarguably Nigeria’s golden years. With the horrific carnage of the civil war behind it, with the country awash with petro-dollars accruing from dramatically increased oil revenues, with what is in retrospect a benign and benevolent military dispensation in the saddle, and the rump of a political class yet to go berserk with greed and inanition, Nigeria appeared headed for the moon. To add to this embarrassment of riches was the sheer scale of human capital under-girded by an energetically aware public and a flourishing reading culture.

    The week that Murtala Mohammed was murdered, the Sunday Times sold approximately half a million copies. Thirty years later, with the liberalization of press ownership factored in, the combined sales of all Sunday newspapers in Nigeria does not approach this epic benchmark. The Nigerian middle class has relocated— or evaporated as the case may be.

    The buoyant reading culture and indigenous national intelligentsia of the seventies were the fruits and products of the great feats of social engineering of the fifties and pre-military sixties. During that period, the three regional governments, in healthy and dynamic competition, sought to outdo each other in a frantic march towards modernization and the development of human capital.

    Education was the war-cry throughout the length and breadth of the country, particularly in the west and east which appeared to have been bitten by the bug of westernization and liberal democracy. Public and private schools were modeled on the great learning institutions that so dramatically transformed Victorian Britain from the mid-nineteenth century. It is no surprise that when the products of this great educational ferment arrived in the universities at the end of the sixties, they found themselves at the vanguard of a nation-wide revolt against burgeoning military autocracy.

    Ironically enough, by the time Newswatch made it to the newsstand in early 1985, an irreversible decline had set in for the great Nigerian reading culture. With the regions gone and states substituted, healthy competition and the drive to excel also disappeared and a uniform mediocrity of vision and governance settled in with the central government resembling a huge economic almshouse.

    Even then nothing prepared Nigerians for the shock of the Second Republic: a bazaar of bandits and a conclave of crooks. Virtually all the vital sectors had collapsed by the time the politicians finished with the nation. Education had taken a severe pounding culminating in protracted strikes in higher institutions.

    About this time, a slow but hazily perceptible shift of cultural values began to take hold of the nation. The great tradition of learning and arduous self-education which had produced some of modern Nigeria’s titanic personalities began to give way to the glorification of materialism and economic brigands and the lionization of crooks who had come by easy money. If this development cannot be divorced from the logic of military ascendancy with its distaste and disdain for rarefied convolutions, the ascendant political class, in its eagerness to please its new masters and buy into military “culture”, could also not be absolved.

    While this was going on, while the dominant musical class acquired new patrons and objects of giddy adulation, a major geo-political shift was also rumbling its way through Nigeria’s tectonic plates. Newswatch was born into a national paradox. If its elegant song of freedom was a liberating tonic, if its arrival spoke to the majestic  empowerment of journalists and of the dramatic transformation of Kakawa Street grubbers into arriviste entrepreneurs, this advent also coincided with the advent of a far more ruthless and sophisticated military dispensation bent on totally dominating the Nigerian environment and imposing its will on the political landscape. Compared with the tentative and temporizing gentlemanliness of the Gowon era, the architects of politics as war manoeuvres had arrived, hardened and probably unhinged by the pathologies of a brutal civil war.

    This new military prefecture consisted of officers who had been the military backbone of the Obasanjo interregnum. They had developed a historic contempt for the civilian faction of the political class and justifiably so, given the larcenous fiasco of the Second Republic. They were also privy to the historic weaknesses and resentments of the nation’s dominant intellectual class and had perfected how to convert these to achieve their own objective. In the event, Newswatch was to become an early casualty in the crystallization of this reality of perpetual military domination of Nigeria.  The editors were plucked from the giddy clouds of instant success to the ugly reality of violent and fatal collision.

    If Newswatch had been an ordinary, garden-variety magazine, it might have been spared the brutal confrontation with reality. But immediate success also portends imminent tragedy. After some minor boardroom skirmishes, the magazine struck gold in its choice of chief executive. Blessed indeed is the magazine or newspaper whose chief executive is also a talented writer. Still more blessed if the helmsman were to combine this with sound managerial skills.

    But when a chief executive of a magazine is an exceptional writer, a great administrator and a visionary recruiter and manager of human resources, it is the winning ticket in the sweepstakes. Without showing any hint of a personality disorder, Giwa distilled several contending and occasionally countervailing personas. If his writing skills hinted of the Bohemian artist, his administrative thoroughness echoed the dour Prussian burgher; If his personal flamboyance and exquisite taste recalled the cheeky élan of the French, his entrepreneurial bravura suggested the Yankee “New Deal” wheeler-dealer.

    It was not surprising then that the magazine took off like a rocket. By July 1985, it had become a national sensation. By September of the same year, it had become an essential commodity. Its brilliant edition of the Babangida palace coup quickly sold out, and photocopies were stapled together and sold by intrepid vendors. By the hundredth day of the regime, Newswatch had assumed an iconic status with the editors and the new military establishment viewing each other with the wary respect of superpowers immensely aware of the meaning of nuclear deterrence.

    The chief executive of the magazine was already on first-name terms with the chief executive of the nation, and clearly relished this. There were astonishing and alarming indiscretions. Unlike the famous friendship between Gamel Abdel Nasser and Mohamed Heykal, the revered editor of the authoritative Al-Ahram, this one was not based on any political commonality or ideological congruency. It was rather like the concluding chess game in Bound to Violence.

    Behind the glitz and the glamour, the acutely aware and politically discerning must have felt a sense of foreboding . It was all too good to be true. Newswatch was collecting laurels as well as formidable and powerful enemies. Its major weapon was an uncanny ability to pry into the Byzantine maze of intrigues of the military administration and prise open for the public the malign secrets of unaccountable power .

    It was a profoundly democratizing ploy. But for a military regime that relies on stealth and surprise, that thrives on habitual and often malignant opacity, this was the equivalent of enemy action. Indeed, the soldiers were not alone. To many members of the larger political establishment, the frantic disclosures of shady business deals and their sordid collaborations with the military oligarchy induced panic and fright.

    And since men are killed not because horses are stolen but so that horses may not be stolen, the tormentor in chief had to go, with maximum collateral damage and in such a spectacular fashion calculated to drive the fear of the lord into the most stubborn of infidels. Almost twenty years after, the act still resonates in all its daring and chilling homophobic novelty. In retrospect, it is a miracle how the staff of the magazine, particularly the remaining editors, survived the disorienting trauma of the first four weeks. But survived it they did, and without missing a single edition, too.

    There were those who maintained at that point that the damage had already been done, that the point had been made and Newswatch would never be the same again. Teenagers who have witnessed the ravages of a firestorm would never toy with thunder. A slackening of pace and cooling of investigative ardor might have surfaced. But as if to prove its traducers wrong, Newswatch was back with a bang six months later with a sensational scoop of the report of the Political Bureau .A prompt proscription  that was later converted to a six-month ban was the instant reply. A dark cloud enveloped Oregun.

    For many, the publication of the report was an act of futile and perverse bravado. But in retrospect, it was a singular act of courage which extended the frontiers of freedom, particularly against a repressive military autocracy bent on imposing its will on the nation. Others were to build on this in the final phase of the struggle against military dictatorship.

    By then, a chastened Newswatch appeared to have reached a tense truce and uneasy accommodation with the military oligarchy. But as it is always the case with history and the cult of heroic example, they had already inspired others by their example and the martyrdom of their founding chief executive. All in all, it has been an eventful and worthy outing for Newswatch and its staff.

    Such then is the cunning of history that in the murky ambience of contemporary Nigerian journalism, the surviving founding fathers, whatever their foibles and human failings, are beginning to look like secular saints. Dele Giwa must be smiling.

     

    • First published in 2005.

     

  • Dele Giwa on our mind

    Dele Giwa on our mind

    It is just as well that Dele Giwa’s troubled ghost slipped back into our national consciousness just twelve months to  the thirtieth anniversary of his martyrdom. As evident by the contradictions of democratic change, the ethical sandstorm in the senate,  the swift blurring of line between political heroism and grandstanding villainy,  the strange feeling of unease in the land, it is clear that the system is still working off the harmful effects of prolonged military rule.

    Yet it would have been better to leave the ghost of Dele Giwa out of this painful and protracted process of national healing. Some wounds take much longer to heal and they react negatively to inflammation. Nigeria already has too many ghosts and their living survivors to contend with: from war orphans, coup widows, relics of assassinated politicians, poisoned patriots, state-executed exemplars, etc, etc.  If we are to resurrect all these people we have sacrificed at the shrine of the nation, what an endless cortege of misery and shame!

    But it is obvious that some people feel no misery or shame.  A people that have not acquired a culture of shame in the course of their long history are an endangered people.  After a long period of honourable silence over his questionable role in the official cover up of Dele Giwa’s murder, Chris Omeben, a retired Deputy Inspector General of police, has returned to the ring flagging his questionable red bull again.

    In a bizarre ritual of self –exculpation,  Omeben was reported to have told a press conference that his investigation into the death of Dele Giwa was impeded by  the denial of access to the principal suspect: Kayode Soyinka who was the London Correspondent of Newswatch at that point in time.  Soyinka was so close to his boss that he usually spent his official trips to Nigeria in Dele’s residence.

    Omeben’s story is an old wives’ tale which does not dignify anybody, not the least a man who could easily have become the nation’s top cop. Soyinka’s response was bristling with fury and contempt. According to him, it was Omeben who actually prevented the principal suspects from being investigated. Ray Ekpu, Soyinka’s former boss and the man who succeeded Dele Giwa, weighed in along the same line virtually accusing Omeben of perfidy and dishonesty. There seems to be too many living historic witnesses willing to prick and puncture Omeben’s balloon of lies.

    It is possible that in the twilight of his earthly sojourn, Omeben’s compromised conscience is finally pricking him. But repeating old lies is not the best way to go about restitution. Snooper can reveal to Omeben that he (columnist) spent the independence anniversary of October 1st 1986 in Dele Giwa’s house as his guest, that is two and a half weeks before his assassination. The conversation and the ambience remain as fresh as ever.

    Like a self-healing wound relying entirely on its own internally produced anti-toxic agents, this nation is going through a painful and slow process of recovery. The martyrdom of Dele Giwa may well be one of the prices to pay in the tortuous and tormenting journey to authentic nationhood. This is why this morning, we bring you a piece which puts the Dele Giwa and Newswatch saga in proper perspective. Written exactly ten years ago to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the magazine, it has also turned out an unwitting obituary as the great magazine folded up shortly thereafter.

  • On leaders without title

    On leaders without title

    (An evening with Chief Ajibola Ogunshola)

    Toxic politics poisons the environment in Nigeria.   As a delinquent political class threatens to abort the gains of peaceful change in the nation, it may well be time to look at alternative paradigms of leadership in the country and how we got to where we are.  Perhaps in the long run, nations should be treated like business conglomerates which are always under threat to perform and return profit or face immediate or eventual extinction.

    This is why it is so important to direct our attention to many eminent Nigerians who are quietly changing the face and values of Nigeria in other spheres of human endeavours away from the agonistic contentions of competitive politics.  The Centre for Values in Leadership, chaired by Pat Utomi, has taken the laudable and admirable lead in this direction with its Leadership Without Title series. It is indeed a moveable feast of all that is honourable and noble in the Nigerian Project.

    Among past honourees of the series, the list reads  like a who is who of Nigeria’s most illustrious and distinguished citizens:  Pa Akintola Williams, the doyen of the Accounting profession in the nation, Chief Emeka Anyaoku, the quintessential global diplomat and statesman, Chief Phillip Asiodu, the dean of the old Nigerian Civil Service, Alhaji Ahmed Joda, another bureaucratic avatar, Professor Grace Alele-Williams, the first female Vice Chancellor of a university  in the history of the country ,and Gamaliel Onosode, the recently departed private sector titan among many others.

    Last Tuesday October, 20th,  at the twenty seventh colloquium  of the centre, it was the turn of Chief Ajibola Ogunshola, the former chairman of The Punch group of newspapers and president of Newspaper Proprietors’ Association of Nigeria from October 2007 till his retirement in April 2011, to be so honoured. The rather modest conference hall was so packed with eminent Nigerians that many distinguished guests had to be shunted to an adjoining room to watch the proceeding.

    According to his citation, Chief Ogunshola was being honoured for his role and achievements as Punch chairman for over 24 years from February, 1987 until April 2011. The story of Ajibola’s heroic endeavour in saving the newspaper from certain death, and the resuscitation of its fortunes is the stuff of fiction. Under his watchful management and hands-on approach, the newspaper group , after escaping the hangman’s noose, began a steady rise to stardom which has seen it firmly positioned at the pinnacle of print journalism in Nigeria.

    There are two constraining factors which made this achievement all the more remarkable. By his own admission, Chief Ogunshola found himself in the newspaper world entirely by accident. He was already a highly successful Managing Director of Niger Insurance Company Ltd when the deaths of his maternal brothers, Olu and Moyo Aboderin,  changed his life forever and thrust him virtually unprepared unto the cutthroat and high risk world of newspaper publishing.

    The second was the fact often overlooked by many people that Ogunshola was not even an Executive Chairman at the Punch group of newspapers. This did not make the task of inevitable forceful intervention in a threatened company easier. When you are chairman of a company without executive powers, you are forced to lead by example and the force of personal integrity. This is a classic example of the drama of “soft” leadership playing itself out with great consequences in a small corner of Nigeria.

    In the circumstances, public perception and company perception of the leader matter a lot.  It helps a lot and it is just as well then that Chief Ogunshola is an almost obsessive keep fit fanatic who also weighs what goes into his stomach with mathematical exactitude. Even in advanced age, he retains a trim boyish figure which is a product of an excruciating personal regimen which does not entertain gastronomic frills and frivolities.

    All too often in Nigeria, our leaders lose the battle at the door of the management of public perception. If you preach what you don’t practice, nobody is listening to you. Whenever a rotund overfed leader begins preaching austerity and belt-tightening to the populace, you can be sure that he is nothing but a figure of private fun and derision.

    It is understandable that in the business world and private sector, Chief Ogunshola’s  achievement is mainly located in the dramatic revival of the Punch group of papers.  But many in the public and political sectors believe that Ogunshola’s contribution to the development and deepening of democratic rule in Nigeria as exemplified by the heroic defiance of military despotism and stout refusal to placate tyranny of the Punch newspapers may be more enduring.

    It was a tense and fraught face-off which could have resulted in major casualties, but Ogunshola held his ground, refusing all compromise and cajolery.  What was going on was a fundamental collision of altars between two dominant political cultures which frames the National Question up till this moment, despite the current tense alliance between the two ascendant leadership groups of the dominant cultures.

    The military dictators of northern origins who held Nigeria to ransom were also leaders in their own rights. Whatever their circumscribed and suspect worldview, you cannot take certain qualities away from them which in other circumstances could have conduced to exceptional leadership. Being products of classical feudalism, they had been trained to control and rein in the populace. As products of a military culture, they are drilled to dominate their environment.

    This worldview, authoritarian and harshly hierarchical, seeking to control and dominate, is bound to come into potentially fatal contradiction when contesting national hegemony with another world view which is more liberal and permissive of progressive dilution of ancient tradition and which has invested massively in western education for almost a century. And which can also fight its corner in its own unique way when roused to fury and indignation.

    Ajibola Ogunshola is one of the finest products of this nascent Yoruba civilization and a proud Ibadan aristocrat to boot. The son of one of the leading Ibadan educationists of his time and a mother who was reputed to have been the second richest Ibadan person in the fifties and sixties, the young Ogunshola would have wondered where these military upstarts were coming from. Where were they when he was setting records in the School Certificate Examinations in 1961 at Government College, Ibadan, the Baroyin of Ibadan would have rued.

    But the emergent military Caesars, products of another culture and mindset, would have viewed the adamant Punch chieftain as a vexatious and irritating nuisance who is contemptuous of constituted authority, a self-important fly destined to be swatted at their pleasure.  This fundamental collision of habitus has continued to frame the National Question and has in turn conditioned Chief Ogunsola’s subsequent involvement in national politics and abiding indignation with the “aulde enemy”.

    By now if we are sure of what untitled leadership is all about, we are still not sure of what leadership itself is all about. We have even brought together contradictory and contending notions of leadership in a dialectical confrontation. As we have seen, leadership in one culture may become a curse when the frontiers are expanded to incorporate contrasting and contending cultures in a multi-national state. It may also take different leadership qualities and requirements to nurture a company and even a country at different stages of their development.

    But whatever the stage or whatever the company, culture or country, there is a consensus that leadership cannot be hidden. There is a transcendental aura, a magnetic quality, an almost mystical mist about leaders which make them stand out. You can always recognize a leader when you see one. It is not unlike being marked or touched by the badge of special destiny.

    Yet as we have seen, no matter the special intuitive gifts and whether in the private or public sector, the modern leadership process must begin with an arduous and rigorous process of education, self-education and the development of what Awolowo has called the mental magnitude commensurate with the job at hand.

    As the tragedy of some of our rulers has demonstrated, no matter the raw cunning and the native intelligence of a ruler, he will always come a sad cropper if he lacks the mental magnitude for the job at hand. Leadership does not just burst into the open with the unveiling of the curtain. It must have been germinating away from the prying eyes of the public. First seek yee the kingdom of the mind and every other kingdom will be added.

    We cannot conclude this piece without hazarding why it is possible in the same nation-space for the private sector to continue to throw up exceptional gems and extraordinary figures like Chief Ajibola Ogunshola while thepolitical leadership recruitment process after the titans of the First and perhaps the Second Republic seems to have atrophied up to the point where it can only churn out a sad pedestrian rabble.

    Once again, the key for unlocking the mystery and terrifying disconnect appears to be education and relentless self-improvement. Ogunsola is a product of this milieu, a star student in secondary school as well as in the university. His own father, Chief James Ladejo Ogunsola M. B.E, had been a mentor to Adegoke Adelabu, the stormy petrel of Ibadan politics. An intriguing entry in his 1937 diary showed Salawu (as Adelabu was then known) coming to teach his pupils at Kudeti School in Ibadan.

    In civilized societies, the leadership products consist almost entirely of people recruited into the system from the top elite schools in the countries.  Exceptionally talented leadership materials may occasionally come in through the ranks, but the elite schools still account for the bulk of leadership materials that adorn the pinnacle of politics.

    If we take a look at most of the CVL honourees, they are like Ajibola, products of the best education available in this country and elsewhere. But the Nigerian system is badly damaged. Many of those who have looted the country dry have managed to procure good education for their children. Sometimes it works, and the family name and honour are redeemed as present infamy recedes into the clouds of historical amnesia.

    But more often than not, it does not as the children are forced to fight for political relevance with those who have been educated on the streets and are more politically savvy.  This is the bitter and bare knuckle contention going on out there between children of the old monied class and the noveau riche. Before some kind of parity is restored and the national contradictions worked out, the ring will echo with the crying of the children of the rich as they get bludgeoned by heavy duty blows to the body.

    For now, the Nigerian political coliseum is not the best place for the effete elite.  Here is wishing Chief Ajibola Ogunshola many happy returns.

  • Baba Lekki and Okon berate Papa Edwin Clark

    As the last independence anniversary got underway, Okon has been busy lamenting  the good old days before independence when food was aplenty in the land and the local wine made from ripe banana was so abundant that even monkeys were known to get drunk on the heady stuff. At some point, snooper became exasperated with the boy’s lamentation and protest.

    “Okon, but you claim you were born in 1980. How come you remember what happened around independence?” snooper charged.

    “Oga, I don tell una say official age no be facial age. Obudu monkey dey sweat na hair dey cover am”, the mad boy snorted as he continued his rhapsody about pre-independence bliss.  The following day the boy actually raised the stakes by appearing on a television series known as “crunch time” with Baba Lekki in tow.

    “Mr Okon, welcome to the show”, the lead presenter drawled in a heavily accented baritone.

    “Point of incorrection!”  the mad boy charged. “I no be Mr Okon again. Now I be Master Okon. When a man don dey cook for thirty years without accident he don become master be dat”.

    “Ok, Master Okon”, the man corrected in a voice full of mirth and mischief.

    “And make you no dey take Yoruba corner corner eye lauf at Okon like dat. Dis one no be like dem foolish general title dem Abacha man come give dem foolish Yoruba musician and him dey jump all over dem place”, Okon screamed.

    “Just get on with it and answer the question”, a Lagosian-sounding fellow shot out from the audience.

    “Foolish Yoruba man. How market now? Abi you don return from Abuja?” the mad boy sneered. The interviewer saw an opening since Okon was on the offensive.

    “ Sir, can it be said that Chief Clark has abandoned his son Mr Goodluck Jonathan?” the interviewer queried in his merry baritone.

    “Make una tell Jonathan make him produce him birth certificate now. When fire catch man and catch him son, man must to take care of him own fire first oo. He be like if say dem Buhari don set dem afire”, Okon sniggered. It was at this point that Baba Lekki barged in with a frown.

    “Edwin Clark na gbarogudu man”, the old man began in pidgin and then switched to perfect English.”When we were in London he was Urhobo, when we got to Nigeria he became Ijaw. Na money dey determine him tribe. Tomorrow  Kajegbodo Clark fit say him be godogodo”.

    “Ha baba if he wan disowner him fine fine Yoruba wife, Okon dey kampe ooo. He don tey I punish Egba woman”. The mad boy snorted in relish. It was at this point that some Arogbow Ijaw fishermen from the surrounding creeks stormed the station and disrupted proceedings.

  • Some times in the life of Nigeria

    Some times in the life of Nigeria

    Where were you on the first day of October, 1960?  Those who were not born then can take a honourable bow and remain . But for those of us, the surviving relics of a disappearing clan, it is time to ask some hard questions. Unlike human organisms that die and perish at once, never to be seen or heard of again, a nation can go through several incarnations. It can die and be revived. It can get up from the life support machine and walk away. It can surprise mourners at its own funeral wake by suddenly stirring and smiling. Nigeria has survived its most determined obituarists.

    But removing those who were not born on October 1st  1960, that is those under the age of fifty five, leaves a paltry fifteen per cent. Over the intervening decades, Nigeria has become a very young country indeed. Having spent the past fifty years railing and ranting about the iniquities and inequities of Nigeria on every independence anniversary, perhaps it is time to take another approach, to see how far we have come and how far we have fallen behind.

    This exercise is like taking a mental audit of the nation, viewing the nation through the mind’s eye.  A nation is a permanent work in progress which requires sober introspection and even more sober interrogation. All the excoriations and bitter recriminations will neither exorcise the ghosts of the terrible past, nor will they usher in a more glorious future. Nations founder when they are founded on lazy sentiments and idle wishful thinking.

    Better still that this mental audit, this cerebral cinematography, takes place in a foreign land, away from the hectic hurly burly of a post-colonial African nation permanently on the boil and eternally on the brink. More often than not, it is good for one’s sense of perspective to borrow seasons and tropes from an alien land. October 1st found yours sincerely in a dozing reverie inside a cab in Dallas driven by a wonderful hybrid of a man: an ebony black person with Arabian and oriental features superimposed on a melancholic visage which make him faintly unsettling.

    In case you have forgotten, Dallas is not all about Dynasty and other riveting soaps. It is also a land of deadly political intrigues, deadlier marksmen and Texan gunslingers, where the sheer oceanic plenitude of open space also contends with a lethal political insularity. Dallas was where the American dream ended briefly fifty two years earlier when a political psychotic named Lee Harvey Oswald summarily dispatched President John Fitzgerald Kennedy with a telescopic rifle .

    It was the political domain of the legendary Lyndon Baines Johnson, Kennedy’s successor and a man of bawdy humour and earthy profanity, who couldn’t care a hoot about dragging his political accomplices to the toilet while unleashing anal and verbal fusillades. After repeatedly failing in his bid to unseat John Edgar Hoover, the fabled FBI director, LBJ reportedly exploded, “Hell it is better to have a son of a bitch inside pissing out than to have him outside pissing in”. Hoover kept a tab on all of them, including a celebrated clip of Kennedy romping in the White House with Marylyn Monroe.

    Back home in Nigeria, it was a glorious day on October 1st 1960. The lowering of the Union Jack was a powerful testimony to the ability and capacity of the new African elite to seize the bull of history by the horn and by so doing negotiate a new deal for the Black person from his colonial conquerors and oppressors. As a scrawny kid in the concluding segment of primary school, yours sincerely remembered being fed with rice and some fizzy drink. It was all redolent of hope and possibilities. We arrived back home to giggling mothers and smiling fathers.

    On the cultural front, Nigeria was sending out some powerful statements of intent with the emergence of a fetching Aniocha beauty, Rosemary Anieze, as Miss Independence in succession to the delectable Camerounian belle, Nele Etule. Some of our writers and intellectuals were beginning to attract international attention. Nigeria looked set to restore some pride and dignity to the black person.

    Five years after in 1965, the dark clouds had begun to gather. Awolowo, one of the nation’s indisputable founding fathers, was in jail. The falcon could no longer hear the falconer. The entire western region erupted in wild flames which blitzed their way towards Lagos, the seat of government. After the dance of the forest, the nation was set on the path of thunder, as Soyinka and Okigbo, two outstanding literary warriors, would clairvoyantly put it.

    But the nation’s capacity to recover from self-inflicted wounds is legendary and a tad short of the miraculous. Nigeria is a glutton for grueling punishment. By 1975, yours sincerely was a youth corper in the then East Central State, that is after a long disappearance in the Bermuda Triangle of episodic education. The mood of personal buoyancy and optimism coincided with the mood of national optimism and abundant hope.

    It will be recalled that on independence anniversary in 1975, Nigeria was beginning to smile once again. The economy was bearish. After a bitter and bloody coup followed by a ruinous civil war, the country appeared set on the path of righteousness and rectitude once again.  Yakubu Gowon, the well-meaning but politically overwhelmed gentleman general, had been sent packing by junior colleagues. The new military government headed by the testy and tempestuous  Murtala Mohammed set about clearing the Augean stable of corruption and military impunity with much vigour.

    An unreconstructed apologist of military rule as the surest path to rapid modernization and accelerated national development at this point, snooper kept in his bedroom a framed picture of the Federal Executive Council headed by General Mohammed. On the extreme right was a youthful and gangling Colonel Mohammadu Buhari, the then governor of the North Eastern State. On the extreme left was the equally youthful and charismatic Colonel Alhaji, the governor of North Western state, who was later to tragically perish in an air crash off Sao Tome.

    Ten years later and by October 1st, 1985, the hope invested in the military as modernizing messiahs had begun to dim.  It was hope misplaced in the first instance, based on faulty comparison and naïve idealism. In 1979, by deliberate design, the military handed over power to the least competent and the worst prepared. They made an appalling hash of it all and when the soldiers returned four years later, it was to widespread jubilation and national applause.

    The mood of the nation on independence anniversary in October 1985 was of sober introspection and sombre apprehension. Two months earlier, a palace coup led by the Army Chief of Staff, Ibrahim Babangida, had toppled the government of General Buhari. If the applause had been muted this time around, it was because Nigerians were beginning to see themselves as helpless spectators in a play of military giants.

    Yet it was not all a tale of woes. Whatever the overlay of defeat and despondency, there has always been an underlying current of prospects and possibilities about the Nigerian project once certain conditions are in place. Those who watched the independence parade of 1985 must have left with the unforgettable memory of an Ibrahim Babangida drenched in rain and refusing an umbrella as he took the salute. It was a fetching symbol of leadership prospects and possibilities once our leaders get their politics right.

    In the event, the Babangida administration was to founder on the rock of poor politics and the misapplication of leadership potentials. By October 1st 1995, the military had comprehensively bungled the national project of democratization and the mood of despair and despondency had returned in full. After it had exhausted its historic and political possibilities, the military had been forced to bare its fearsome fangs and its most dreaded visage in order to retain the initiative. General Abacha’s despotic and kleptocratic blitz was in full progress.

    Ten years after on October 1st 2005, it was clear that despite the euphoria that greeted the military’s return to the barracks, the “Army Arrangement” that saw to the installation of one of its own as civilian president has failed to live up to its billing. Despite its brisk heroic beginning, the government of General Obasanjo had begun to unravel at the seams as a result of unresolved national contradictions and the monumental personal foibles and inadequacies of the helmsman.

    The self-willed general stalled and stonewalled, rummaging for an overdraft cheque which was superbly checkmated. In the ensuing chaos and collapse of the nascent democratic order, he was able to foist two manifestly inadequate successors in quick succession on a nation yoked to despotism and groaning for visionary leadership.

    This was the precursor and background to the sombre mood of the nation a fortnight ago as it celebrated its fifty fifth anniversary. After almost fifty years of wandering in the wilderness, the military spell has come to its full final swing. By some divine restitution, Nigeria is taking new tentative steps towards self-validation under another retired military ruler.

    If Mohammadu Buhari succeeds in merely laying the foundation of rectitude and fiscal responsibility in this country, he would have redeemed his old institution as well as his new constituency. Historical contradictions, being Janus-faced riddles, are never resolved to the perfect satisfaction of the contending gladiators. Those who win often lose a lot and those who lose often win something.

  • And now a Somali Sapiens in Dallas…….

    Please recall that the dozing reverie was unfolding inside a Dallas taxi cab on Independence Day. A nation needs frequent mental audits in order get a sense of perspective and the national balance sheet.  There seems to be a cosmic overwrite which redirects Nigeria each time it stumbles. But given the profligacy of the Black person in the sultry tropics since nature plays a spoiling mother in such climes, whatever Nigeria has achieved has been at prohibitive cost and appalling human wastage.

    The rumination was eventually terminated by the wonderful hybrid of a driver who could no longer be ignored.

    “Where are you from? From your accent you sound East African?” the well-dressed, elegantly understated and well-comported man noted.

    “Oh God no! I am not from East Africa. I am a Nigerian”, snooper objected without much grace.

    “I see”, the man concurred with calm fortitude.

    “And where are you from?” snooper demanded.

    “I am Somali. I am from Somalia”, the man replied with a wry smile.

    “No wonder, you look like Siad Barre, the monster of Mogadishu”, snooper crowed with a hint of churlish distemper. The driver tapped the steering wheel in good humour and then eyed snooper through the mirror.

    “Oh no, I don’t ever want to look like that horrible man. We sent him to you in Nigeria like some human excrement after we have finished with him. We have not had a government ever since, and that was twenty five years ago”, the old guy noted with a smile.

    “Incredible!” a sleepy snooper yawned as a way of shutting the fellow up, but he was having none of that. He rapidly passed to the offensive. It was as if clan pride had been injured by snooper’s surly carelessness.

    “Nigeria has been the warehouse for expired African dictators. Felix Malloum from Chad, Siad Barre and Charles Taylor. There was even a time you guys were thinking of taking in Hissiene Habre, the devil of Samangudu. May be there was something to learn from them”, the fellow pressed with muted hilarity.

    “Oh shut up!” snooper wanted to slam the rogue but then restrained himself. Where did the guy learn all this from?  Fear froze indignity and indignation. Perhaps the all-knowing  and all-seeing FBI had infiltrated its Swahili specialist and Mogadishu mugger to rough one up. This certainly was no ordinary taxi driver.

    “In 1979, I visited Lagos upon the return of the soldiers to the barracks. There was so much hope and promise in the country. What happened?”, the old boy demanded.

    “Perhaps I should ask you your mission in Nigeria, since you seem to know so much”, snooper slammed the fellow who remained cheerfully unruffled which was all the more ruffling and baffling.

    “Oh no, I was not involved in any dangerous stuff. I was a student with so much money and time on my hand. For many of us who could afford it, Nigeria was the preferred destination as a beacon of hope and promise for the rest of the continent.  I stayed in a beautiful hotel in Ikoyi on Awolowo Road, I believe”, the old boy noted. The age grade and experiential median having been thus established, this was enough to loosen up yours sincerely.

    “See what we have done to ourselves!” snooper moaned.

    “It is the same all over Africa. Look at Mogadishu, a beautiful city overlooking the great ocean, built by the Italians. But now it has been destroyed beyond recognition. What the black man touches turns into ash”, the taxi driver noted without any hint of bitterness.

    Conversation drifted to the fear and suspicion among East African nations, the myth of Ethiopian origin, the real paternity of Haile Mariam Mengistu, to General Andom, Teferi Benti and Colonel Atanafu Abate but by now, we were passing through the Dallas downtown. My Somali interlocutor became sombre and quiet. And then he regained his animation.

    “You see that place?” he began in his calm manner. “That was where Kennedy was shot fifty two years ago. But whenever it stumbles, America has a great capacity to recover its poise. That is the difference between great nations and African toys. When last were you in Dallas?”

    “Exactly ten years ago”, snooper replied.

    “You can hardly recognize the place any more. Great developmental strides every minute. Meanwhile Mogadishu has gone back to the Stone Age”, the old boy noted with cool fatalism. By now we were getting to our destination, a sprawling gloriously leafy suburb of Dallas called Richardson. The old boy brought his calling card.

    “Here is my card and this is what I do. You can call me any time you need me. I live here now with my American family and three young children. The ones I left behind in Mogadishu have become collateral damage. My friends who left have all been slaughtered. I salute those of you who have the guts to go back, but I will never go back to that place”.

    It has been a remarkable Independence Day afternoon with a remarkable cabbie.

  • Okon salutes Gamaliel Onosode

    Okon salutes Gamaliel Onosode

    A day after he escaped public lynching as his latest scam exploded in his face, Okon was in high spirit and fine fettle indeed. It turned out that the crazy boy and the old crook, Baba Lekki, had opened an online processing provider called Internet Roaster Services for ministerial wannabes asking all ministerial prospectives to forward their vitae to the Special Assistant to the Special Adviser on Ministerial Recruitment with a small processing fees of 100k. Applications came in drove and Okon smiled to the bank.

    A day after the ministerial list was unfolded, an irate crowd laid a siege to the house demanding a refund of their money. It was a sad day for the Nigerian political elite as Okon and Baba Lekki beheld them with withering contempt. One distraught applicant brought out a locally made pistol and fired warning shots in the air. As the smoke cleared, the mad boy burst into a satanic grin as he eyed the distressed man with utter disdain.

    “So wetin you say be dem problem? And why you dey fire your  Awka Shakabula like dat? Dem Buhari man say list never complete”, Okon sneered.

    “Just shut up and bring the money”, the man screamed.

    “Which money? Abi no be dem K.O  Mbadiwe say if you want greatness you must to finance greatness?” a drunken Baba Lekki interjected.

    “Baba tell am say internet na enter net . Abi him see where fishing net dey return fish he don catch?”, Okon snorted with relish.

    “Bia, if you Yoruba 419 people no behave, I go blow your yeye head”, the irate man thundered.

    “ If one is going to be threatened by an animal with horns, it is not going to be a snail”, Baba Lekki drawled and then thrust out his chest in a gesture of daring defiance. With this hint of a metaphysical collision, the crowd began disappearing one by one with the angry man screaming, “Chei dis na dem ogbologbo people, dem ngbati crook don finish man again”.

    Flush with unexpected victory, it was a triumphant Okon who appeared the following day resplendent in the resource control costume of the new Creek Croesus.

    “Ha Oga, I wan quickly reach dem Baba Gamaliel Onosode him house make man sign dem Condomless register”, the mad fellow said with a self-important flourish.

    “Congratulations” snooper sniggered with cynical hilarity.

    “Oga, why you dey congratulate man? Na the person who don kaput you go congratulate. At least him own suffer don end. Suffer suffer too much for Obodo”, Okon replied.

    “So what are you putting in the register?”, snooper demanded.

    “Ha I go tell baba make him go well, but make him no come back as Mr Integrity becos integrity no be juju against hunger. But if him come back like dat, suffer go whack am proper proper and hunger go remove him cap and him fine fine trouser go dey drop below him ankle for public”, the crazy boy noted with sadistic mirth as snooper quickly shut the door after the two crackpots.