Festus ERIYE
THIS morning the quantity of granola in my cereal bowl was close to microscopic – a development that caused me to protest to my wife that, having survived the coronavirus onslaught thus far, I wasn’t going to be undone by starvation. She replied firmly that I should get used to it: it was lockdown portion!
Unamused, I worked my way grumpily through breakfast, pondering another less-than-subtle reminder that these are unusual times.
But in Lagos where I live and work, the more certain things change the more they remain the same. A city that never stands still is locked in mortal combat with government directives to sit still. Since the release of President Muhammadu Buhari’s stay-at-home edict last week, it has been observed more in breach.
Twenty four hours after the order went into effect, Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu praised Lagosians for the level of compliance. He spoke too soon. A few days later, he was reporting that 400 Danfo commercial buses had been impounded for violating lockdown rules.
The Danfo driver and his ‘conductor’ are a cultural phenomenon unique to Lagos. They are fearless, lawless, unreasonable and as obdurate as they come. One of Nigeria’s most famous pastors once said: “If you want to see the devil in the flesh, look in the eyes of a Danfo driver!”
These buses, garishly painted yellow, are a ubiquitous part of the city’s landscape. But they largely vanished initially. It was not to be mistaken for obedience on their part.
The first few days saw citizens warily monitoring how serious the authorities were. Early in the day, the roads would be relatively free of traffic but as morning turned to afternoon many began executing their own versions of ‘jailbreak’. By early evening you were left wondering, lockdown, what lockdown? Two days ago newspapers were reporting traffic jams in parts of the city like Lekki.
It was from this same axis that one of the biggest stories of the week broke. Popular actress, Funke Akindele, decided to host a birthday party for her musician husband, Abdulrasheed Bello aka JJC Skillz, lockdown be damned!
Well, wisdom and celebrity are seldom used in the same context and so it was in this case. Not only was the gathering which violated social distancing rules held, the organisers as part of celeb culture excitedly shared their folly with the rest of the world by posting evidence on social media.
Twenty fours later the couple were standing in the dock of a magistrate court – convicted of violating provisions of The Lagos Infectious Diseases Regulations 2020. Never have the wheels of justice spun so swiftly in these parts.
At their arraignment a herd of paparazzi and assorted onlookers were falling over themselves to record the fall of the celebrity couple. Interestingly, the crowd in court dwarfed that which gathered at the home of the offenders. The irony didn’t escape many.
Lagos has been the epicentre of the outbreak in Nigeria thus far with 120 cases recorded. Such mercifully low numbers have affected messaging: in a city of over 20 million inhabitants it is hard to convey the gravity of the situation to people, when no one in their immediately circles, has been affected.
Many have made the assessment that coronavirus is some nebulous, distant irritant conjured up by the rich and powerful to make life difficult for the masses. One poster noted that while just over a hundred people had been infected, millions in the city had tested positive for hunger!
Widespread poverty has been the greatest obstacle to enforcing any shutdown. In many of the poorer neighbourhoods life has returned to normal. Shops are open, commercial motorcycles and tricycles are back on the streets. Vehicular traffic has also increased on highways. In that very Nigerian way everyone now has an ‘exemption’ excuse for being outside their homes.
Unfortunately, neither Buhari nor Sanwo-Olu has enough legions to clampdown on thousands of violators.
But it is not only ‘stomach infrastructure’ people have been moaning about. Many are going out of their minds confined to their apartments. Some have taken to exercises to relieve boredom. They have literally taken it to the streets, or more appropriately, the highways.
Overnight, Lagos has become a city of joggers who quickly converted an uncompleted stretch of the Apapa-Oworonsoki Expressway to an emergency playground – again, undercutting the rationale behind the stay-at-home order. The police have since put an end to the fun and games.
The religious have also been up in arms. Early in the week a mosque in the Agege neighbourhood held a full blown service with the faithful packed like sardines.
A government monitoring team which tried to have a word with the Imam, was set upon by angry worshippers who pelted them with stones. As the officials fled, the crowd chanted ‘Allahu Akbar!’ in triumph, having seen off the ‘enemy’.
Nigerians love a good conspiracy theory and their pulses were sent racing this week by the intervention of Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of Christ Embassy. He claimed that the Federal Government locked down Lagos and Abuja to install the 5G telecommunication network. He argued that it is not possible to hide from a virus by staying at home and that social distancing was the easiest way to prevent protest.
The pastor recently claimed that the world was not battling a virus. He said illness and deaths in parts of the world were caused by the 5G network, not a virus.
The only problem with his claims is that the authorities have confirmed that 5G technology has not been deployed in Nigeria
If some people appear not to be taking the threat of Covid-19 seriously, not so the Ebonyi State Governor, David Umahi, who has ordered security agencies to shoot on sight anyone fleeing designated isolation centres.
He’s not alone. Erratic Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte has issued similar orders. He ordered the police and military to ‘shoot dead’ anyone who ‘causes trouble’ during his country’s month-long coronavirus lockdown.
It just makes you wonder what people mean when they say coronavirus isn’t a death sentence.
