The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Giving new life to children amputees

    Giving new life to children amputees

    Six days after the birth of her first child and daughter, Irede, Crystal and husband Zubby were told that their daughter was missing a tibia and patella in her right leg; and the only option for a normal life was amputation and prosthesis. 

    Crystal Chigbu, mother of three year old Beulah Irede Chigbu spoke with Yetunde Oladeinde about the initial trauma and how it inspired her to care for children in this category
    Crystal, a mother of 5 (2 Biological and 3 adopted) over the last three years, has grown from a confused first-time mom to a pillar for her daughter; challenging her to believe in herself, engage in all activities her peers engage in and live her life to the fullest.
    “About three years ago, I went into labour and had my child. Along the line, we found that she had a funny thing with her leg and we were referred to the National Orthopedic hospital, Enugu where it was detected that she had congenital absence of her tibia and patella.”
    The made a number of medical consultations and they were given a lot of options like fusion of the tibia. “But we wanted to seek a better option or a second opinion. It is not easy to amputate your child’s leg. We even travelled abroad but everything pointed towards amputation. At a point, we just had to take a decision that was best for the child. She was in school and was the only one crawling in her class at the age of two”, she recollects sadly.

    Beulah’s leg was amputated last year and she is doing very well now. “I believe that the worst kind of disability is in the mind and it is important to be positive at all times. So I am driven to share with all kids with limb loss, their families and care-givers ways to manage limb loss with the right outlook”.

    At the moment Chigbu who is the Baby Channel Manager at Procter and Gamble Nigeria Limited, is
    Passionate about a new ‘baby’ called The Irede Foundation (TIF). The foundation provides prosthesis and other helpful aide to indigent children between 0-18 years. Our focus is on children who are living with limb loss, either congenital or acquired”.
    The aim is to encourage children living with limb loss to live a life of fulfillment. “Our desire is for their families to rise to the challenge with an attitude and behavior that says to both the child and the family, “I can’t” is not an option, “but that with unwavering hope and faith We can and We will rise to the occasion that is life and give full expression to our potentials.”

    Ask Chigbu what she hopes to achieve with the organisation and she replies “Over the first year of launch, our goal is to Sponsor the provision of 18 prosthesis to indigent families with limb loss cases. We also plan to capture 50 families in our support group. In addition, we will carry out limb loss and social stigma trainings for 2 primary schools and 2 secondary schools in Lagos. These falls into our program framework categorized as empower, educate and encourage.
    So what are the challenges the organization have been facing? “The first is getting the right kind and quality of prosthetic limbs for our ‘children’ at an affordable cost. One other challenge is fully establishing the support group structure; so that parents can plug in at any time. In addition, I would say that Project funding is also a problem as we are yet to have corporate sponsorships.”
    But in spite of all these, happily she goes on to talk about some of the achievements recorded so far. “In the space of the four months in which the foundation has existed, we have been able to provide Prosthesis for Kelechi, a 2 year old bilateral amputee that lost both legs after a brief illness. With her prosthesis and she now stands and walks. This for us is huge because we see our hope for children living with limb loss come to life”.
    Chigbu adds that: “With encouragement from our support system, one of the families has been able to put their child in school. This was a concern they didn’t know how to address. TIF is currently providing counseling for the Adepitan family currently at LUTH with a 9 year old daughter amputated due to bone cancer. We plan to move to the stage of acquiring prosthesis in 3months.”

    Ask Chigbu about her projection for the next ten years and she replies this way. “Our goal is to provide 250 prosthetic limbs over the next 5 years. We also want to expand our activities to other African countries”.
    Her major source of inspiration, she says has been God and her daughter Beulah. “Seeing her play and jump around daily fills me with so much joy and opens up my eyes to see more possibilities for other children with limb loss given the proper dose of love, encouragement and support”.

    If Chigbu has to advise other parents having this problem, what would she tell them? “I would advise them on a lot of things but the most important, would be that It’s not the end of the world. Limb loss is not Mind loss; and all kids with limb loss can still be who they were born to be. As parents, we need to rise out of the pain and confusion and be there for our children so they can shine and live to their fullest potential. Finally, I’d advise them not to be limited in their thinking…..everything is possible!”
    What is Chigbu’s greatest influence in life? “God is the major influence in my life. He is my creator, my Maker who consistently guides my path and over time I have learnt to depend on him for direction, strength and courage to go on. My mother is also a strong influence in my life.’
    She adds that: “She strongly believes that ‘If you go for anything in life, you will get it, and she fully demonstrates this everyday of her life. Due to her support and constant words of encouragement, I have grown to develop this undefeatable spirit and it has helped me surmount every challenge that I have come across in life”.

  • Women’s brain creative and different

    Women’s brain creative and different

    It’s a man’s world. No it isn’t or yes it is. These arguments have existed for so long but one basic truth that we often forget to address is the fact that a woman’s brain is different from her male counterparts. It is therefore better to understand these differences and turn the disadvantages on either sides of the coin to advantages.

    SHE changes every day based on her cycle.

    Affecting up to 80 percent of women, PMS is a familiar scapegoat. But women are affected by their cycles every day of the month. Hormone levels are constantly changing in awoman’s brain and body, changing her outlook, energy and sensitivity along with them.

    About 10 days after the onset of menstruation, right before ovulation, women often feel sassier, Brizendine told LiveScience. Unconsciously, they dress sexier as surges in estrogen and testosterone prompt them to look for sexual opportunities during this particularly fertile period.

    A week later, there is a rise in progesterone, the hormone that mimics valium, making women “feel like cuddling up with a hot cup of tea and a good book,” Brizendine said. The following week, progesterone withdrawal can make women weepy and easily irritated. “We call it crying over dog commercials crying,” Brizendine said.

    She responds to pain and anxiety differently

    Brain-imaging studies over the last 10 years have shown that male and female brains respond differently to pain and fear. And, women’s brains may be the more sensitive of the two.

    The female brain is not only more responsive to small amounts of stress but is less able to habituate to high levels of stress, said Debra Bangasser of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, describing her recent research looking at molecular changes in the brain. Bangasser’s research was conducted in rats but is considered potentially applicable to humans.

    She hates conflict (but lack of response even more)

    Women may also have evolved extra-sensitivity to interpersonal cues as a way to avoid conflict, a state that can feel intolerable to women, according to Brizendine. The flood of chemicals that takes over the female brain during a conflict — especially within an intimate relationship is almost on the same order as a seizure, she explains.

    Possibly because of their overachievement in “mind reading,” women often find blank expressions, or a lack of response, completely unbearable. A young girl will go to great lengths trying to get a response from a mime while a boy will not be nearly so determined, Brizendine said. For females in particular, a negative response may be better than no response at all.

    She is easily turned off

    “A women’s sex drive is much more easily upset than a guy’s,” Brizendine said.

    For women to get in the mood, and especially to have an orgasm, certain areas of her brain have to shut off. And any number of things can turn them back on.

    A woman may refuse a man’s advances because she is angry, feeling distrustful — or even, because her feet are chilly, studies show. Pregnancy, caring for small children and menopause can also take a toll on a woman’s sex drive (although some women experience a renewed interest in sex after The Change.)

    She is affected by pregnant brain

    Progesterone increases 30-fold in the first eight weeks of pregnancy, causing most women to become very sedated, Brizendine said. “Progesterone is a great sleeping pill.”

    A woman’s brain also shrinks during pregnancy, becoming about 4-percent smaller by the time she delivers, according to a 2002 study published in the American Journal of Neuroradiology. (Don’t worry; it returns to normal size by six months after delivery.)

    Whether pregnancy causes women to think differently is controversial — one recent study linked memory problems to pregnancy hormones — but some researchers have suggested the changes prepare brain circuits that guide maternal behavior.

    These circuits likely continue to develop after birth. Handling a baby releases maternal hormones, even among females who have never been pregnant, found researchers at Tufts University.

    She is affected by mommy brain

    The physical, hormonal, emotional and social changes facing a woman directly after giving birth can be monumental. “And because everything else has changed, she needs everything else to be as predictable as possible, including the husband,” Brizendine said.

    Over the course of evolution, it was rare for our maternal ancestors to be full-time mothers, said Brizendine, because there was always kin-folk around to help with child rearing. And a mother needs a lot of support, not only for her own sake but for the child’s as well. Her ability to adequately respond to her infant can impact the child’s developing nervous system and temperament, research shows.

    One way Mother Nature tries to help is throughbreastfeeding. Nursing may help women deal with some types of stress, studies suggest. (Too much stress, however, can disrupt lactation.)

    She goes through adolescence twice

    No one wants to go through adolescence again. Its physical changes and hormonal fluctuations not only create mood swings and physical discomfort but nagging questions about self-identity as well.

    Women, however, lucky girls, get to do just that. They go through a “second adolescence” called perimenopause in their 40s. It starts around age 43 and reaches its pinnacle by 47 or 48 years old. (Men’s hormones also change as they age, but not nearly as abruptly.) In addition to erratic periods and night sweats, a woman’s hormones during this transition are so crazed she can be as moody as a teenager.

    The duration of perimenopause varies from two to nine years, with most women leaving it behind by age .

    She loves risk during the mature years

    Once The Change has finished, and the body moves into its “advanced” stage, the female brain gets a second wind. While men start to show increased interest in relationships as they age, the mature woman becomes ready to risk conflict especially if her nest is now empty.

    She may continue to feel motivated to help others, but her focus might shift from her immediate family to local and global communities. She may also feel a strong desire to do more for herself, and her career, after decades of care-taking, explains Brizendine.

    Whether she sows her newly wild oats with whirlwind travel, going back to school, or by playing the field depends on the individual, of course. But for many 50-plus women the twilight years are characterised by an increased “zest” for life and a hearty appetite for adventure.

  • ‘Why I am passionate about blind people’

    ‘Why I am passionate about blind people’

    Nikki Laoye’s first single was produced by Cobhams Asuquo, a blind artist. At the moment, she is busy empowering blind people and she spoke to Yetunde Oladeinde about this new passion.

     

    IT was a rally and in that crowd, Nikki Laoye looked so simple and unnoticed. But when she opened her mouth and sang, she set the environment literally on fire. Some other artistes joined her, and in a short while, she became the cynosure of all eyes.

    As a matter of fact, Laoye has the kind of voice that can make a bird dance. She has performed in so many concerts and events like Dan Foster’s Praise Jam and Girls Power Unleashed.

    She actually brought something novel to the gospel music scene. Her single track, Never felt this way before, was one of the hottest depicting her creative talent in a unique way.

    This single was actually produced by visually impaired whiz kid producer, Cobhams Asuquo. At a point, Laoye who is in her early 30s was popular with the Tetmosol Girl’s Power initiative.

    She started singing on a big scale when she was studying Computer Science at the University of Ibadan. The dark-skinned artiste then initiated and teamed up with other ladies to form a group tagged Soul Sistas. It gave her good exposure, and after school, she went solo giving herself a personal identity.

    My passion

    The walk was to celebrate the international white cane day. It is something that is celebrated all over the world to mark the achievement and independence of blind and visually impaired people. It held on the 15th of October, we actually had a walk in conjunction with the Nigeria Association of the Blind, Lagos State chapter and Nigga Wives Real Book Center in conjunction with my foundation, Angel for Life Foundation.

    The Association of the blind, Lagos State chapter approached me to help them organise this walk. We had a walk from Shoprite down to Kings College in Victoria Island. It was actually supposed to be a day of sensitization. We actually walked in the heavy rain; the rain fell heavily on us that day. Myself, Sammie Okposo, Funke Kuti, MC Abbey, Nyore and Nedu from Wazobia FM.

    We all did the walk together and we had a reception for them that day. We got massive sponsorship from organisations like Chicken Republic to Coca cola and Oaking Event. We had a beautiful reception, we had food, great entertainment and they themselves said that it was the best event they had.

    I don’t know why in Nigeria we still have a problem with dealing with blind people. People think it is a kind of plague and people treat them funny and they have been complaining. They said it was the first event that they were treated as equals. We sat down with them, interacted with them and we all held hands and walked together in that rain.

    And that brought some kind of closeness. That was what the walk was about. Then we also have the buy a cane project. It is still going to run for the next six months to one year whereby we are trying to buy this white guide cane they use to walk. On that day a hundred canes were distributed. We are still aiming to do even up to five thousand of the canes to be distributed all over Nigeria at a point. That is what my foundation is trying to do.

    Why did you take a special interest in blind people?

    A lot of people that know how I came into the music industry in the sense that my very first single music was produced by Cobhams. Cobhams is blind and we are best of friends. We actually were neighbours at that time when I recorded the song in Isolo and I linked up with him.

    I found him and we became very very close. I used to watch him despite him being blind; he always stood above his visual impairment. You would see him running around and at a point he even drove, he tried to drive before. So I said I would want to help other who did not have the kind of family and the same kind of relationship that Cobhams had, so that he could stand above his disability.

    Even Cobhams is in with us on this project as well and it has been an amazing one. And I have said that with my foundation, Angel for life, I just want to help people especially those who are visually impaired, that are creative but don’t know how to come out.

    You are married now. Is it easy coping with marriage and life as a celebrity?

    I am just blessed to have a wonderful man, he is even right here. He supports me so much, he loves what I do. He has just been my backbone. Yes, there have been a lot of sacrifices because we have to keep shuffling, we travel a lot. But I thank God for a wonderful man.

    How did you meet him?

    We have been friends for many, many years. That is the funny irony of life. His older brother and I were very good friends in school (university of Ibadan) or are still very good friends. But in school we used to sing together.

    I came across the brother separately and I now found out, say oh my God. It is a funny irony of life that I am married to his brother.

    He is very patient with me, I won’t lie about that and he loves what I do. Some people would in Yoruba, o gbe eru mi sori. He carries everything about me on his head. Luckily he is into the things I do. He is actually a GIS (Geographic Information System) analyst and he loves to do things with the computer and gadgets. Most times he helps me with the editing and just takes the load off me.

    Apart from your foundation, what else should we look out for?

    I thank God for my music, I am doing more and more stuffs this year. I already released two singles. That is ‘No be beans featuring base one and ‘One, two, three’ that is making the rounds. I have released those singles and I am working on shooting videos.

    If you have to advise young ladies and girls, what would you tell them?

    You know what I would just tell young girls, is that, Be very careful who you call friends, watch your company. See, let’s call a spade a spade. If the guy is slapping you, not treating you right, don’t stay there and say he is just angry with me today, I just upset him.Tomorow you would just become a punching bag. I would say at every point, you must be on the look out.

    A lot of people notice some things before marriage and they just take it lightly and it blows up with marriage. I am married for almost a year. Even just in one year you see that it takes wisdom and strength. Both of you are coming from different background, you would argue about so many things and if you are not dealing with someone, in quotes” who has sense then it would cause fight.

    Some people change after a while and some say it should be till death does you apart?

    One thing I know is that there should be wisdom in dealing with things like this. But not a situation when a person is slapping you all the time I know that prayer does a lot of things. What you need to do is to keep praying about it and not pressure him or nag. Instead try and soft pedal. But if it becomes a violent situation, you need to step back a bit. If you need to move out, then you should do that. Don’t stay back until someone kills you.

    What does fashion mean to you?

    For me, I like to be dressed comfortably. That is why I am into trainers, casuals and all that. I try to be as chic as possible but I must say that I am not really a fashionista, not really a label freak. It can be something made in Nigeria or internationally as long as it looks good on me. I also love the African prints too. I am trying to get some African fabrics to make shorts, trousers and skirts and I have some designs in mind already.

    Can you tell us some of our designers that you admire?

    I know two but people may not know them, they are my friends. There is James Brendan, a young man that does some unique designs and Yommie Mummie Couture.

    So, how did it all begin?

    I am into contemporary gospel. It is something that I like doing and it is natural to me. I must say that music runs in my family. My parents are from Ede in Osun State and they are passionate about it. My father is the lead vocalist in the band. I have been in the choir since I was 15 years old.

    I started my first group in 2006 called Soul Sistas at the University of Ibadan. After this, I released my first single titled, Never felt this way before. It was a very exciting period, ushering me into another phase of my career in the entertainment industry. I had a lot of nominations and this was really encouraging. The list included Hip-Hop World, Kora, Sound City and Nigerian Entertainment Awards.

  • What do you do with a rolling love stone?

    WHEN it came to ladies, Debo liked them slim and trendy. But when he met Matilda, he changed his definition of a chic gal because she was on the round side. Her face was very attractive and each time he looked at her, he was convinced that this was the gal. They got talking and he really liked her but there was a snag. Matilda only had a school leaving certificate and he decided to sponsor her to study in the university.

    He invested everything to get her admitted and paid almost all the bills because she was an orphan. Everything went well but when she got into her final year, somebody stole her heart. “She met this other guy and before I knew it she told me it was over. She told me that what she felt for me was brotherly love and she just could not marry me. I was devastated.”

    Frantically, Debo made a number moves to get her friends to remember the good old days, his emotional investments as well as his genuine love for her. “Only God knows what the gentleman did to her. She just did not look back again. Then suddenly, she changed her room on campus and I just could not trace her at a point. It took me a while to get back the pieces again.

    Then I met another gal, this time around she was the slim type and I realised that Matilda was a mistake after all. She came back eight months after begging for forgiveness, the Casanova she fell for had finally thrown her out of his heart. He was also on her trail; around it was not to conquer her love or affection but to avenge the assault done to his emotion and pocket.

    Like Debo, Tony feels so bad about the gal he invested his heart in. She dashed all his emotional hopes. He subsequently hardened his heart towards every other babe that came his way.

    “Women, I don’t think I want to waste any precious energy towards them. Once bitten, twice shy. They just cannot be trusted. They prefer men who deal with them and make them cry. If you are too soft, then they are likely to take you for granted”, he once told a pal.

    They had dated for about a year and it was something everyone described then as a sizzling romance. They actually inspired a number of other couples and everyone thought that the romance was actually made in heaven.

    Along the line, Tony lost his job and things began to fall apart. A few friends he ‘banked’ on to support him turned their back on him and he handled the situation as one of those things. But the most painful thing he did not bargain for was his dear Remi. He had invested so much in her life and it was an opportunity for her to reciprocate all his kind gestures. Unfortunately, she showed him a different personality and it was a great disappointment for him. “The first two months after I lost my job I was able to manage somehow. But by the third month things got really bad and I asked her to give me some money which I would return later.

    To my utmost surprise, she started avoiding me like a plague. I went to her house at different times and I was told that she was not at home. On each of those occasions, I heard her voice inside the house and I felt very disappointed and humiliated. How can a girl who promised to love me treat me this way? Can I still continue to love her after what she has done for me?

    It was a very rough period in his life and she abandoned him and moved on. Three years down the line, this Romeo was back on his feet financially and his emotions had stabilised. A lady who understood the secret of giving and taking in relationship had stolen his heart and they were ready to sign the dotted lines together. It was at this point that the prodigal lover made a u-turn, realised her mistakes and wanted to claim this abandoned ‘mandate’.

    Now the song on her lips has changed. Was he ready to accept her and take her back into his life. Who was he going to drop now, his original love or this new found love? Well,the emotional ball is in his court. Our dear friend has repented. If only he could read her mind, the only lyrics it would be churning out are, ‘Please come back to me’. But on a second thought, love is not for those who do not know how to make up their mind about what they want. Well, why did she allow him to wander away if she loved and admired him this much? Why was she playing to the gallery when it was obvious that this guy is good enough to be Mr. Right?

    Well, the truth is that we all make mistakes. Sometimes deliberately or just because we fail to take a deeper look at the object (s) of our affection. Most times, we keep chasing shadows and allow what we would have cherished to slip away.

    Anyway now that she has come to this realisation, she can still plead for forgiveness. After all, to err is divine and a loving heart should not find it so difficult to forgive. Real love should be humble and flexible. If it is so rigid, then it was never love in the first place.

    Restitution? No way! That would not solve the emotional problems that she had created. She had all the opportunity to show that she cared but she did not make use of the opportunities that he provided.

    At that point, there were too many suitors and she got so carried away. Now, that she has suddenly discovered that he was the best thing that ever happened to her, he just wasn’t available again. It was damn too late.

  • Self-Care tips for working moms

    OF all the tips for working moms, top of the list has to be taking care of yourself. Mom’s needs often seem to come last. After your kids, their dad, your job, the pets, and endless errands, that is.

    There’s just not enough time in the day to get everything done, so your running shoes or novel or bath salts or strappy sandals just gather dust.

    But you can’t always stay on the back burner. Here are four reasons it’s important for working moms to take care of ourselves:

    Tip 1: If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

    When mom’s stressed or burnt out, everyone in the house suffers. Even a baby gets fussy when his mother is upset. Older children may respond to a tense mom by acting out.

    If you take an hour or two to yourself, for whatever nourishes you, the rest of the day (or week) will be easier and more fun. Your family will enjoy having an energetic and refreshed mom, even if they complain about your absence. Bottom line: by paying attention to your own needs, you’ll actually be better at meeting everyone else’s.

    Tip 2: Stress and Sleep Deprivation Make You Fat

    Stress and sleep deprivation release cortisol into your bloodstream, which triggers fat storage around your waist. No wonder it’s so hard to lose that pregnancy weight while getting up every three hours with a new baby!

    Not only is it demoralising to carry more weight than your ideal, it increases your risk of developing heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and arthritis, among other conditions. And we all want to live long enough to play with our grandkids, maybe even see them get married, right?

    So the next time you’re tempted to stay up until midnight sorting, folding, and putting away everyone’s laundry, go to sleep instead. You can just dress the kids out of baskets of clean laundry. Similarly, taking your work lunch break to exercise can actually give you a burst of energy and make the afternoon more productive.

    Tip 3: Other People Are Capable, Too

    So many working moms fall into the Superwoman trap, thinking we have to be in charge of everything because we’re the only one who will do it right. That mentality not only overloads you with work, it doesn’t give enough credit to your other family members. Even worse, it prevents them from learning skills that can lighten your load and make them feel more capable.

    Try leaving the kids with their dad or grandfather for a Saturday morning while you have brunch with your girlfriends. He may not change the diapers as often as you would, or feed them perfectly balanced meals, but I bet they’ll have fun. And not only will he feel rightly proud of his caregiving ability, your children will develop independence, seeing that they’re all right without mom hovering nearby all weekend.

    At work, see if there’s a junior employee looking to advance to whom you can delegate some tasks. Again, they won’t be completed the way you would, but you’ll have more free time for yourself. You’ll also be mentoring someone who could use the experience.

    Tip 4: Life Is for Living

    This is your life, right now. Would you rather spend it rushing around to finish your to-do list, or actually enjoying yourself? Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’ll relax once you reach the bottom of the list there will always be something more to do. Instead, ruthlessly prioritise and eliminate tasks that don’t absolutely have to get done.

    If you’ve having trouble carving out time for yourself, start small. Say you always wanted to meditate: wake up five minutes early for some deep breathing and visualisation. Or if you miss exercising regularly, schedule a once-a-week power walk during lunch. If it’s on your calendar, you can plan work around it.

    And the next time you have some breathing space, don’t fill it with errands. Instead, just breathe.

  • Bukola Smith …one woman, many hats

    Bukola Smith …one woman, many hats

    She started her career at a mortgage bank but chose to follow her passion for law. Now a managing partner at Law City Partners, a vibrant legal firm, consultant for the social enterprise sector, and fashion designer, Bukola Smith has become a force to reckon with.

    With twenty years of legal and entrepreneurial experience in her kitty, Smith bares her mind on some issues. She spoke with Rita Ohai.

    YOU started out your career in the banking sector, why did you leave?

    My mother was a banker for thirty-three years and she was gone almost all the time. She would leave first thing in the morning and come back late at night.

    I can actually remember all the times they changed the currency note because she would return home very late at 11 or 12 pm on many days. For that reason, I didn’t feel inclined to work there even though my mom really wanted my brother and I to end up in the bank. After spending a year in the mortgage bank, I knew I had to leave.

    From your experience in law, are female practitioners given a fair hearing in court or is there some gender bias?

    Oh no! I do not think there is any bias at all. Once you know your onions and who you are, you will always be able to push your case. Luckily, there is a saying that goes ‘There is no woman at the bar, only gentlemen’.

    A woman who knows her stuff will not be intimidated except they want to be. Law is clear, once the facts are there and they can be presented, you win a case and even if you lose, it is not the end of the world. Thankfully, there are appeal options which are ongoing till the case is proven beyond reasonable doubt.

    There is a general perception that marrying a spouse in the same profession can pose marital challenges, what has your journey been like?

    For me, it has been good. My husband and I laugh because we always have to present reasons till we argue to a point of conclusion.

    Interestingly, when we worked together, we complimented each other. He was good at litigation and I was better at corporate governance and so we merged forces.

    Right now he has moved into the entertainment industry with event planning and public relations while I attend to the legal practice, but when we were together, we found a balance.

    In 2005, when you decided to start your own business, what were the steps you took to set yourself up?

    There was something we used to say in school and it was ‘Others are educated, Lawyers are learned’. We are able to flow into any field we enter.

    I first of all didn’t know what to do. So I decided to take a month off to plan because I knew that if I did not leave that job and take time off, I would not be able to plan. It was sudden but I had to do it.

    However, it was not up to one month after that I was approached to consult for This Present House.

    For a woman who multitasks, how do you handle all these businesses and try to succeed at the all of them?

    First of all, it is God’s grace. I find myself doing it without understanding that I even have the capacity. When it comes to taking up an assignment, I do it with my all and I see that I am able to accomplish more. I take on what I can handle at a time, so that I do not become a ‘Jack of all trades and master of none’.

    I take a day off from my job as a consultant so that I can attend to all my other businesses. I sit down and run through a whole week with my staff and then I am able to disengage and move on to other things. When I get home at the end of a work day, I still pay attention to the business.

    Somehow, there has been a synergy and I am able to flow but on days that I feel distracted or scattered, I just shut down until I am able to take on the day again.

    As an entrepreneur, what is the issue with getting qualified staff in Nigeria?

    It has been frustrating to say the least. I have had three managers in the space of three months. It has been challenging getting the right people for the tasks. They all seem to want to work but cannot do the job well.

    We have half-baked graduates who studied Mass Communication but cannot write a correct sentence. It is very scary! When you try to explain this to them, they give you a sour attitude which means they have shut the door to learn. It shows the kind of learning that goes on in our universities.

    To circumvent this challenge, don’t expect too much so that your expectations do not get dashed or you train them.

    There’s widespread assumption that the social sector is marred by financial irregularities such as the misappropriation of funds, how can this be addressed?

    The state of the nation shows that corruption is rife. If Nigeria will redeem itself, starting from each individual, corruption will be diminished. Then it will transmit to all parastatals including the non-governmental organisations, NGO’s.

    Apart from that, accessing international funds has been very difficult and the organisations try to have a face that people can trust.

    Law can be an engaging profession, how do you create time to relax and have fun?

    Having worked with law firms, I saw that it was demanding, almost as much as banking. I remember days when I would be at the office till 10 pm as a nursing mother and that made me take a break in 2005. I knew that if I wanted to practice and have my own time, I would have to set up my own law firm.

    Leaving my job at that time was painful because I loved the job and it was a passion but I knew that if I left, I would have options and the opportunity to multitask effectively from home and set up other businesses.

    I go on retreats at IITA or I might decide to go to Dubai or South Africa with my family. Relaxing is something I long to do a lot more often now.

    What is the one unconventional thing you would want to do before you die?

    If I could conquer my fear of heights, I would like to do some sky-gliding and jump out of a plane. I went to the Table Mountains in South Africa and I had to hold on to somebody because I was so scared.

    Besides that, customer service has been very bad in this country. It is something I feel God is probably calling me to do. So I have said I am going to have an academy where people would have customer service training, because there is something lacking in that field in this country.

  • Time to show affection the love door

    IT was one of the best parties Rebecca had attended in a long while. The serene environment had transported her into another world entirely and was basking in the love euphoria, a sweetness she never imagined existed.

    Pretty faces, handsome dudes wearing outfits that could be described as a collector’s delight made it a very memorable event, indeed. The chandeliers and other lightening effect as well as the nice presentation of exotic drinks and good food all swept her off her feet.

    It could actually be compared to a love feast and everyone appeared to be having some fun. Physically, she looked good too and no one would imagine that her heart which had been battered thrice was still in an awful state. Interestingly, she had a companion, someone she met about two weeks ago. It looked too good to be true, and while rationalising, she came to the fact that it was too early to count any blessings.

    “Men get so carried away when you first meet them. At this point, they would behave as if you are the best thing that ever happened to them. Then just when you think you have found what you have been looking for, he would drop a bombshell.”

    She adds: “If he doesn’t drop a bombshell, then you would begin to notice some differences in his attitude. At this point, he is already getting tired of you. If he does not have the guts to look at your face and tell you then he would drop the hints in style.

    One important thing you need to do is to lay a strong emotional foundation of love in your relationship if you want it to work. It is crucial because it is this foundation that your partner builds upon to constantly get connected to you. Once you have done the basics, you can be sure to have established a stable and loving environment, something that can be cherished forever.

    Of course, a lot of people don’t believe that you need to work on the building blocks of their relationship, especially at the early stage. So, they do it their own way and sometimes they are lucky things work out fine, and they move on. Most times, like a moving bus they jump in and it is likely that the lovebirds would jump out in a short while.

    Naturally, the man or woman in their lives therefore starts pulling away emotionally. It can be worse especially when you are faced with other battles and it is a phase when you just need your partner’s affection most. At this point, it is almost too late to revert to status quo. There won’t ever be that safe stable heart to run to anymore. It is almost like an elusive search: searching for a heart among other like-minded hearts. A heart that would make you feel comfortable and supported in love.

    That you just cannot find your missing rib does not mean that you are bad or that you have failed emotionally. It may just be that you fell for the wrong person, someone who never really cared, someone who did not share your dreams. Sadly, you got mid way only to realise that it was not what you thought it was.

    Sometimes, the person we really want to be with may not fit into our dreams. If this is the case then you can be sure that things would certainly fall apart sooner than expected. Sometimes, we try our best to make it work but no matter how hard we try, such calculations just do not work out right.

    At this point the basic question would be where do we go from here? Can we make amends and rediscover affection here or elsewhere? Can love be transferred to another? Of course, we know that we can shift our affection elsewhere if the person we admire is not budging. But is it really possible to shift love around?

    Well, scientifically, maybe we could do a love transplant. Here, all the emotions would have been uprooted from the one who does not merit or deserve such attention and then you can transfer to one who would appreciate your love currency and make it worth the while.

    One interesting fact that women need to know is that men communicate differently. It’s therefore important to understand and decode the message that he is trying to send across. Unfortunately, if you do not know how to do this, then you would always be at the crossroads.

    For a number of women, the major problem is that they do not know how to communicate with a man in a relationship, and they haven’t been able to do so with men in their past relationships.

    So, if this is the case in your relationship, then you won’t be able to create the critical foundation in your relationship. Once you are in this stage you’ll never experience the kind of stable support system that a relationship can experience or what should be for you and your feelings.

    You are always at an advantage if you have learnt how to handle each of the moments that are sure to come up with your man, especially those issues that are most likely to break up or pull your relationship apart.

  • Ministry of Trade invests in Finima women

    IN a bid to promote development and growth in the riverine area of Rivers State, the Ministry of Trade and Investment has set up a bread-making factory for members of the Finima Women Association (FIWA).

    The bakery which has the capacity of churning out over 380 loaves of bread was commissioned by Dr. Olusegun Aganga. It is the first automated bread factory in the oil and gas dominated environment and has provided jobs for at least fifty workers.

    FIWA bakery, according to the body’s president, Dr. (Mrs), Ibimina Victor-Akan, is aimed at “improving the general wellbeing of the members of the community, especially those from the Brown, Tobin and Attoni Houses, who are the three main founders of Finima community.”

    FIWA was formed on the 27th of September 1997, with the aim of affording the women a common platform to harness their hidden talents to foster sustainable development in Finima Community. The bakery will also undertake other brands of snacks[p when fully operational.

  • Who wears the trousers? Ten ways women manipulate men

    Who wears the trousers? Ten ways women manipulate men

    ALL is fair in love and war, at least that is what we choose to believe.

    For centuries women have been labeled the weaker sex. Most women’s effort at competing with men physically have not ended in their favour but with time and experience, women have come to learn that there are far more effective, intelligent and less stressful ways of winning the game.

    As Bisola Oniwinde, a wife, mother and fine artist puts it, “If we cannot beat them in the boxing ring, we will catch them in the bedroom. After all, it is the same wrapper we use to carry them as babies that we use to cover their faces when they sleep.”

    Others stress that it’s all just a matter of realizing that evolution didn’t work with so much vengeance against the female species.

    These techniques which women are trained to master are far subtler, not to mention easier, ways to cajole men. They are skills passed down through generations from the beginning of time.

    If you have never thought about it, constantly argue with your spouse over issues or would simply like more insight in order to play the game better, there are ways to ‘relate’ with men in the easiest possible manner.

    This reporter went about town gathering knowledge from highly experienced women and here are a few tips they gave;

    10. Play dumb or helpless

    Women know that men love to be knights in shining armour for their lady. It’s a role that lets men feel like capable providers or even heroes. Even if we are perfectly capable of figuring out or doing something for ourselves, we know playing dumb or helpless will signal our knight to come riding in to save the day whenever we want or need something.

    Plus, it’s hard for him to get angry or frustrated with us when we are letting him feel superior and relied upon.

    9. Bore him to submission

    Keep on talking and don’t stop. Go all out when you try and explain yourself when you want to manipulate men. This works very well, especially at times when you’ve picked up something really expensive, and your man doesn’t approve of it.

    Tell him about how the crystal lamps were just what you needed at home. “I could have always picked up that cheap thing, with a manual attachment, and some ugly screws that would just disfigure the walls. But I actually picked up this beautiful one that comes with two thousand cute crystals that illuminate the room so much better.

    “And it also has five different places to fit the bulb, which is just so perfect because I can now arrange the room just the way I’ve always wanted. There was also the bigger type that was great, but you know, I thought it would be better to pick the one I just picked… it was a bit cheaper…”

    And you go on and on and on! He’ll give up, for peace sake, but use this trick sparingly.

    8. Jealousy

    Repeat after me, never stop flirting. If he thinks other men are after you he will just want you more, like a shiny, glamorous trophy he’s trying to win. As soon as he catches a whiff of competition he’ll be bending over backwards to make you happy.

    If there’s no one in vicinity to flirt with simply talking about other men will send him into a jealous rage. Tell him about ‘Emeka’ who’s a ‘great guy’ that you ‘always hang out with. Remember he has also got a few tricks up his sleeves.

    7. Flattery

    Let’s face it, men have epic egos. It’s in-built. So, rather than complain about it, use flattery to your advantage while trying to get what you want.

    Egos are fascinating things and often respond to even the most insincere flattery and generic praise. A woman heaping on the praise will no doubt put them in a good mood and perhaps a little more leniency or appreciation than usual.

    Tell your man how badly you wanted to show him off in front of your family and friends. If he is upset, say how lucky you are, to have a guy like him. And then see if he still sulks.

    Before you know it, he’ll be taking out the trash can and changing your tyres for you.

    6. Emotional blackmail

    Guys can’t stand it, but they also can’t do anything about it.

    So the next time he says he won’t come shopping with you, don’t fly off into a fit of fuming rage.

    Just say something like, “Fine, I’ll go alone, because none of my other friends are free. If they were free, I wouldn’t have asked you anyway. It may be a little late in the evening, but then, that’s okay. It’s not like the Lagos is not safe for girls to travel alone.”

    Oh, and don’t forget to wear your best ‘baby’ expression.

    5. Get his mom on your side

    Now, all the monster-in-law theories apart, the pluses of getting his mom on your side are just way too many to be ignored, especially when it comes to women manipulating men.

    When the two most important women in his life are in it together, there is little that a guy can offer in terms of resistance.

    Most guys, even the ones who are not mama’s boys, still think twice before messing with their mum. So, go ahead, be real nice to the in-laws.

    4. Food weapon

    They were not kidding when they said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If there is something you really want him to do, but you know he’ll refuse straight away, cook him a nice fancy dinner, light a few candles, and then ask when he’s in gastronomic heaven. It will be one tough thing for him to say no, and he won’t.

    Not unless his life depends on it!

    3. Blame it on biology!

    Now, one of the best things about being a woman is that you can yell at him, act all pricey, irritated, and peevish, and blame it all on Post Menstrual Syndrome when you get caught trying to manipulate men. Guys can’t contradict it, because they don’t understand it. And you thought nature was being unfair! Sometimes, it is unfair in your favour!

    2. Shed a tear or more

    All women know that the easiest way to make a man uncomfortable is to cry. We’ve all witnessed men that automatically give in to even the most unreasonable requests just to make the tears stop. Girls learn this female manipulation trick early.

    Most guys don’t really know what to do with a crying woman, especially if she’s crying because of something that they’ve said. Even if they still think they are right, they will shut up. And they will be careful the next time they broach the topic.

    It is the age old, time-tested weapon, a girl’s best friend in all messy situations.

    He’s yelling at you at the top of his voice. And you know, this time it really is your fault. But you also know that saying sorry won’t shut him up. So, wring out a tear or two and most guys will stop, unless he is a monster.”

    1. Seduce him!

    Why waste time talking about his depleting bank! Just tell him you want him, and you want him right now! Men are far more agreeable after a good day together.

    So go ahead! Give it a shot. But remember, moderation, as always, is the trick is never to let him realise what you really are up to. So if you keep wearing that hurt expression every time he refuses to come shopping with you, one day, he might just call your bluff and know that he’s just being manipulated into doing things for you.

    At the end of the day, always remember that women manipulate men all the time.