The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • ‘Our children are growing up like semi-illiterates’

    ‘Our children are growing up like semi-illiterates’

    African fabrics and designs are making waves on the international scene. Yetunde Oladeinde spoke to Stella Essi Byll, CEO of Delavi Couture, about the challenges, clothing celebrities like Stella Damasus as well the prospects in the industry.

    STELLA Essi Byll studied marketing in England. When she came back to Nigeria, she worked with a pharmaceutical company and Greenspring Schools. At the moment, she is on her own and applying the skills acquired over the years projecting the brand Delavi Couture, amongst other things.

    What is Delavi Couture all about?

    “The company is bigger and we do a number of things but the clothing line is Delavi Couture. For us style is more than a look; it’s a way of life. We have a number of off the peg staple African fashion knitwear in a wide palette of styles. Things we consider as quality African environmental friendly clothing for that confident look. At Delavi Couture there are styles for every kind of woman. You would also find a variety of waist coats, blazers and more.

    “We are making clothes in hundred per cent African fabric because we believe that the African fabric is the best type of fabrics for the African environment, the heat. These are hundred per cent cotton and the colours reflect our nature.

    “We don’t buy Chinese fabrics at all; it has to be made-in-Africa. And we are making clothes that you can actually wear; we call them African Knitwear. Things you can wear to the office on a daily or regular basis. A simple dress with a jacket; something you can wear to the office.”

    Why did you go into fashion designing?

    I started making clothes for myself when I was about 17 because I was very small and I could not find anything that fit me that was ready made. Then I said rather than buying clothes and altering them, why don’t I just go into this area. I found that I enjoy taking a piece of fabric and converting into something you can wear. I kept doing that.

    I went to the Stafford University in England and did marketing and later did MBA from the University of Liverpool. I have worked with a pharmaceutical company called Upjohn and worked in a school, Greensprings, but I kept coming back to this. We started up at Obanikoro, and then I took a break and worked in the school. Now I am back fully. We have a lot of customers in the corporate sector especially ladies who like class. We also cater for some of our celebrities and Stella Damasus is our brand ambassador.

    How would you assess our designers?

    We have really come into the scene. I remember when I started and we were using African fabrics. In the last 10 years there has been a new consciousness, more and more designers have come in. They are doing a lot of interesting and innovative things with African fabrics and accessories. What I am not so happy about is the influx of cheap Chinese fabrics and unfortunately a lot of people use them and they do not know the difference.

    What can be done to check this?

    Government legislation can make the difference. When we say government, who is government? It is you and I. If everyone refuses to buy them like I do then they won’t have a market. That again is the people’s power. Even the made in Nigeria wax, when it was available, was good. I have some that I have used for over 20 years, it was very good.

    But now there is not much production being done in Nigeria anymore because they have all been chased away. From Ghana you would find a lot of great fabrics. Chinese fabric is very poor quality. Africa can stand beside anybody, we have quality and we have talent.

    What are the challenges for you as a designer?

    Lack of government infrastructure, like electricity and more. Then lack of self-motivation from the people you work with. Even the customers you work with, they like a good thing but do not want to pay for it. They would rather pay for something western looking things that are of a poorer quality. There should be a mindset where we appreciate what is African as well as appreciate the talent of our people and reward them for it.

    Around here we have participated in some exhibitions like the Lost in Lagos event. First, I believe in merit and it is better to do what is good and people would see it. For instance, look at our national awards, a lot of things are wrong. Things must change and of course the change must begin with us.

    If you had to advise the president, what would you tell him?

    He should put money in education. Our children are growing up like semi illiterates. They do not know what is happening in the world. Abroad, two -year olds are pulling computers all over the place. But here 50 year olds don’t know how to use the computer. We need to put money in good education.

    I grew up in a period of hope. In those days you worked and studied. There was good education and good medical care. I didn’t go to posh schools here but there was a standard. I went to Ladilak Primary School and Marywood Grammar School, went abroad and came back. I wish I could see my children in the same environment.

  • South Africa gets female opposition party leader

    MAMPHELA Ramphele is among South Africa’s most prominent and well-respected public intellectuals – which is another way of saying that she talks with great passion and even greater common sense about the way forward for this restless country.

    “They are looking for a box to put me in,” she said, with a laugh. “And there is no box to put me in.”

    South African anti-apartheid activist Dr Mamphela Ramphele has set out her much-anticipated plans for a new political party whose first order of business would be to call for electoral reform.

    Dr Ramphele is hoping her new party, Agang, will challenge the ruling African National Congress, which holds a clear majority.

    “The key issue of the ANC is not a lack of policies, the key problem is leadership and capacity to govern,” she said about the ruling party in the land.

    Now she says she is “disappointed and frustrated” that people have forgotten how to work together.

    “What we have currently is a corrupt, unaccountable government,” which is trying to follow East Asian developmental state models, she declared.

    “We believe that the easiest way for people to understand what power they have is to demonstrate it,” said Dr Ramphele, explaining the decision to challenge the recent reappointment of a controversial figure, weighed down by serious criminal allegations, as crime intelligence chief.

    “Only in a culture of impunity would a government be able to think they could get away with choosing someone facing serious charges, to have those charges dropped and be given a key sensitive position. I mean it’s inexplicable that they could have thought they could get away with it,” said Dr Ramphele.

  • Things a woman should know before getting married

    Things a woman should know before getting married

    IT is every woman’s dream to be whisked away on a white horse by a prince charming from a foreign land.

    However, soon after the dotted lines are signed and the wedding gown sits on a hanger, they tend to realise that marriage is far from the bed of roses they thought it would be. For many, it is a ride to hell.

    In spite of the seemingly insurmountable difficulties associated with getting married, there are a few wisdom nuggets every spinster should have at the back of her mind before saying ‘I do’. They will help moderate your expectations and give a guide on how to wriggle out of sticky situations.

    1. Get Financially stable

    Far too many women are stuck in bad marriages simply because they do not have a valid way to support themselves or their children should they leave.

    Get an education or trade and pursue a career that interests and challenges you. Know how to handle your finances, earn money on your own terms and only accumulate as little debt as you can realistically handle. Don’t expect parents or partners to bail you out of financial trouble. Learn to be your own financial hero.

    If your partner falls ill, your husband loses his job or something bad happens, you need to be able to financially stand on your own two feet.

    2. Become a good cook

    That cliché which goes ‘the road to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ is absolutely true.

    Mrs. Agnes Sumonu, a wife and pharmacist, explains: “I have been married for 16 years and there is no day I have not entered the kitchen to prepare my husband’s meals. It is not like I enjoy it but it is how I show him I care about him and every time he comes home, you can see the joy on his face when I serve him his food. In my house, there is no quarrel a hot plate of pounded yam and egusi can not settle.”

    If you are not such a great cook, you can learn by going to a cookery school or getting a trusted friend to teach you.

    3. Know when to stop fighting

    The gospel truth is that you cannot win every battle, even when you are right and he’s wrong. Sometimes, he might just want to be stubborn or maybe he had a rough day at work and he wants to use that opportunity to transfer aggression or prove ‘he is a man. Let it go!

    Sharing a personal experience, Mary Ekpo who has been married for seven months says, “I learned my lesson the hard way. My husband knows I do not like it when he throws his clothes on the floor and I would start complaining each time he did it.

    “After a while, this little issue began blowing up into major fights and he stopped listening to me completely. Until one day, I prayed about it and decided I was going to stop complaining. Once he came home and dropped his clothes, I would calmly pick it and give him a hug. That solved it. After about a week, he began arranging the room and did his own laundry.”

    Just like Mary, sometimes the solution to some of the challenges we experience are in simply staying calm and letting go.

    4. Have a responsible mentor

    No man is an island and everyone needs sound advice once in a while. That is where a mentor comes in. She does not have to be your pastor or boss at work. She could just be a woman who is older and more experienced than you and has an evidently great marriage.

    Your mentor is someone who you can count on not to lead you astray. But always remember to think through whatever advice you are given; if it does not match the teachings in the Bible or Koran, run for you life.

    Finally read books. They will expand your mind and give a fresh perspective on every issue.

  • Capturing a heart in grief

    LOVING somebody and getting someone to love you back on a fifty-fifty basis can be really ‘good’. The truth, however, is that the emotional pendulum is not static; it moves in a crazy way and that is what makes it unpredictable.

    It can swing any way or anyhow. Your mood, state of mind and the ‘bird’ you settle for determine how balanced your emotional space would be. Shifting with a heart that is in grief can be a great dilemma but you can make it work, if you really try?

    This kind of love deal, however, can’t be struck on a platter of gold; you have to work hard because it’s usually a hard emotional nut to crack. It can actually be boring doling out affection in quantities that you cannot reap.

    Here, you must be ready to listen, give lots of love in return to the one who is on your affectionate thermometer.

    Trust, forgiveness and a heart willing to live up to emotional promises and expectations are equally important.

    When your hearts is heavy with grief, you need to do certain things to purge your emotions. The grief within has its own heartbeat and you can convert this to a positive energy. The greatest desire would therefore be to resist the rhythms of grief. You also need to get someone to stop this bleeding or weeping heart.

    Ronke is feeling this way at the moment. Her husband died in an accident and it hurts because it is the only true love she has ever had. Since then she has struggled and struggled with her emotions without any luck. Her doctor tried to talk to her and at a point he gave her some antidepressants. BUT she is just so lost without the love of her life.

    In the journey of the heart and soul, it can be very tough to find purpose when you are in grief. For some it is easy to find a replacement, while others take a long time to excavate a new heart; a heart that would bring meaning to their lives once more.

    When you are in this state of deep-seated loss, what you need is someone who believes that the sun will shine again.

    Omoshalewa is also feeling bad because she just lost her mother. Her eyes were swollen and she was still not tired of crying; tears for a mother she loved so much. How can this woman choose to depart from this world now? Life can be really callous and her heart was sinking on a daily basis. It was actually a time she expected some emotional sympathy from her father.

    Yes, she knew his heart was sinking too and she expected him to shower all the affection on her as the only child from that union. Unfortunately for our dear gal, this was not to be. Her father’s affection shifted almost immediately via the shifting cultivation ‘methodology’.

    “When my mother died about a year ago she left a terrible vacuum for my dad and I. We just didn’t know how to pick up the shattered pieces. Suddenly, my father’s disposition changed – he looked happier and it was obvious that he had moved on.”

    Naturally that should have been a plus but when the little girl discovered the ‘tonic’, she was disappointed. “Midway, I realised that my father was dating my class teacher. They came close when she came for the condolence visit with two other teachers. She took his number and somehow they became very close.”

    To her utmost surprise, it became a very serious affair and the visits became more frequent. “Then I realised that there was no going back for the two of them. That was just too fast and it affected me psychologically. I became very troublesome and my father had to send me to my grandmother’s place.

    This made me really angry and I began to hate my dad. Does it mean that my father has forgotten my mother so quickly? Could it be that he never really liked my mother and was pretending all along? Or could it be that all this were my teacher’s handiwork and she seduced him to take all the actions that he did?”

    And before she could say jack, the woman was pregnant and she was delivered of a baby boy a year after her mother died. Poor gal. It is only natural to feel betrayed by your dad and class teacher. But again, that is the way love operates. It can happen anytime and anywhere. The demise of your mother had created a vacuum and in a short while he found another missing rib.

    You just cannot blame him totally because he followed his heart. She ignited the flames and sparks that followed showed that they were really in love. As for your class teacher, she did not need to seduce him to win his heart. A lot of other people must have visited to condole, yet he did not swing that way emotionally. The truth of the matter is that love can catch up with you anywhere, anytime and any how.

  • How safe is your feminine heart?

    IT didn’t raise any red flag in Mrs. Bunmi Adekeye’s mind when she began noticing how quickly she got tired after doing every little activity. She had no symptoms.

    So when she travelled to the United Kingdom to seek greener pastures and was asked to go for a routine medical check-up as part of the requirements for employment, it was with shock she received the news that she had a life-threatening hole in her heart.

    Too scared to deal with the information, she bought a few drugs and ignored it.

    By the time Bunmi, a mother of three, was brought to the hospital five years later, she was in a wheel chair with irregular heart palpitations, a climbing blood pressure and she couldn’t carry on a conversation without sweating.

    A battery of tests revealed Bunmi had a malfunctioning heart valve, which trapped the blood in her heart and stopped it from flowing. As a result, the large blood vessel that pumps blood from the heart to the rest of the body was beginning to bulge like an overfilled water balloon. Left untreated, the artery might burst and kill her.

    Bunmi, at 39 years of age, had to undergo an open heart surgery, but more importantly, she needed to find a heart donor that would match.

    N9million and six successful surgeries later, she is almost as healthy as she was before her illness, only this time, she would spend a large chunk of her money paying for quarterly medical check-ups each year for the rest of her life.

    Dr. Eunice Alegbe, a medical practitioner at Health Sinai Diagnostic calls Bunmi lucky; “What she went through is actually something that is becoming a regular occurrence. I cannot count the number of times patients come to the hospital at the last minute after they have tried every other means. And when they come, they want us to perform some kind of miracle!

    “Sometimes, they show up at the beginning, you run a check-up and you will not see them again. Next thing you hear is they have passed on. The lady was just fortunate to be in an environment where she could quickly access good medical treatment, if not I do not know what her story would have been.”

    Ignoring the symptoms of an ailment can be unhelpful. Even if a woman needs to pray for a miracle, it would be great if she identifies them and starts praying on time.

  • A pedigree dog lives here…

    FOR  Susan, falling in love was not a new idea. As a matter of fact, she had been in and out of the love nest over a dozen times. At a point, it became very unappealing and she just wasn’t dreaming of another emotional hide and seek process. For her it had become a routine; something she could almost predict its outcome.

    Just when she thought that the idea was best read in story books and poems, a romantic dude strolled into her life. They actually met in a café and somehow she did not take the connection seriously. The Romeo on his part was very enthusiastic and he took her number and gave her his phone number too.

    Another emotional bullshit! So she did not bother to give him a call. “What is the point starting another failed project; a project that brings heartaches and cumulative stress?”

    He did not give up, so she gave in reluctantly. That was a romantic turning point that she did not bargain for. The first phase of the relationship was done via phone calls and they got along pretty well. His magnetic voice was a major accomplice, and gradually he swept her off her feet in style. In a short while she was lost in another emotional ‘jungle’.

    A love deal? Why not! Date, time and venue were agreed upon and her heart was opened, widened, ready to explore the possibilities available via this window of emotional opportunity. Confusion? Yes, she just couldn’t sleep till the D-day. It was also tough finding something exciting to wear. How can you satisfy someone whose lifestyle is still unclear?

    Everything she actually touched was good enough but somehow she it was difficult making a choice. She finally settled for a pink and blue combination and it looked like a good ‘formula’ to solve this emotional equation.

    Unfortunately for this dehydrated love bird, the neighbourhood wasn’t a familiar terrain. So she had to comb the nooks and crannies to discover the house. She finally found the place and the edifice looks great from the outside. Then she took a look at her wristwatch and discovered that she was almost one hour behind the affection schedule.

    Luckily (or was it unluckily), the gate was open and she walked in quickly with a better-late-than-never look on her face.

    There was a notice on the gate which read: “A pedigree dog lives here”, but our dear friend did not take cognisance of this because she was in a hurry.

    Looking great, she walked towards the front door, hoping to see her Romeo. Her calculations were wrong and the pedigree dog showed her the stuff that it was made of. In desperation she took to her heels and the dog chased her all over the compound. By the time she found her way out of the gates, she had been to hell and back.

    The dog with pedigree was on the other side, barking in anger. A good Samaritan came to her rescue and promised to help fish the lover boy. Hisses and sighs…Would she go back in there? No way! This wasn’t a good first impression at all. Thank God that she was still in one piece, after a quick calculation of the physical and emotional loses. Luckily, they were things that could be replaced: The heel of one of her sandals was damaged, her clothes were dirtied and ‘injuries’ done to her accessories.Oh dear, she looked awful and so confused.

    What stupid dog to encounter on a date! What kind of pedigree does it have? Well, the crux of the matter is that a dog is a dog. At least there was a warning, but our love-struck angel was too ‘blind’ to see this. A lot of times, we go into relationships this way. The signs and symptoms are boldly written on the faces of those we fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with.

    Instead of taking a deeper look, we look the other way until we get into trouble. We wake up to reality when we get chased by ‘pedigree dogs’ (people who also desperately want the one you are falling in love with). In this emotional space, there is great competition by lovers, friends as well as family members. You can, however, survive in this ferocious love battle when you have answers on your fingertips. The slogan usually should be survival of the emotionally fit.

    Of course, there are times when we don’t get any notice(s).Yes, you are right. Sometimes, the people we fall in love with hide ‘the pedigree dogs’ that live with (or in) them from us. We don’t actually get that they could be really wild and intolerant when they see ’emotional strangers’ around what they love and cherish. If you find yourself in that state, then you may just have to run fast and find a way of closing this emotional gate. It is not the end of your love world; it may actually open a better gate. A gate that would eventually usher in a patient dog offering a fat emotional bone.

    No matter the odds there must be something propelling you to go on and on. A school of thought also believes that if you run the first time, chances are that you are going to keep on running at different intervals; you must know how to subdue your rivals and make them accomplices in the quest up the emotional ladder.

  • ‘My dad’s death left a huge hole in my heart’

    ‘My dad’s death left a huge hole in my heart’

    Omorinsola Abaniwonda is the daughter of the late ministerial nominee and chieftain of the Lagos State Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Chief Al-Mustain Abaniwonda. A graduate of Environmental Management, she returned after a long hiatus in Canada, packed up her university degree and set up her dessert café, Helado Delicia. During an interview with Rita Ohai, she talked about losing her father, her new-found passion .

     

    TAKING a wild leap and making a major career change can be a daunting process. However, when people are able to achieve this successfully, there’s a lot to be thankful for.

    Morinsola Abaniwonda has travelled the world and seen the huge potential in the food-making industry; this fanned the embers of her courage as she joined a competitive market and set up her ice-cream shop.

    In her words: “I love desserts and as I travelled to different parts of the world and visited different ice cream parlours and cafés, I knew I just had to open a dessert restaurant here in Nigeria. Just before I moved back to Nigeria from Canada, I took an intensive six months’ course in dessert and pastry-making. This was very different for me as I do not have a culinary background. However, as the months went by it got easier.”

    Although playing with forks and knives might be a walk in the park for her, it still takes a lot of effort to turn a blind eye to crazy drivers, mean and slothful people.

    One of the things she cannot stand about living in Nigeria is the craziness experienced on Lagos roads, she says, “I can’t stand how impatient Nigerian drivers are. A majority of the people on the road have zero driving skills.”

    Further, she shared, “I do not like it when people do things without the fear of God. As humans, we will all pass on eventually and on the Day of Judgment each and every one of us will be held accountable for our actions. I believe that in all that we do we should always have this at the back of our minds. The world will be better place if we do.

    “Finally, I don’t like laziness. In my opinion, for you to attain success, one has to be very hard working.”

    Certainly not a lazy person herself, Abaniwonda, a lover of African meals, now enjoys cooking. When she gets home from work, Edikan ikong is one of the special dishes she prepares due to the ‘variety of ingredients and its aromatic nature.’

    The death of her father, Chief Al-Mustain Abaniwonda, came as a shock to many. While many believe there was some foul play involved, Morinsola and her family are simply thankful for the good life he lived. However, they still miss his presence.

    “We were so close,” she says. “I miss him every single day. I miss chatting with him. I miss his voice. I miss his kindness and warmth. His death left a huge whole in my heart and every day I pray for him to continue to enjoy eternal rest and for Allah to grant him Al-JannahFirdaus.”

    While his demise shook the family to its core, they have found a way to grow in spite of it all; “Coping, since he passed on, hasn’t been easy but God has been wonderful. We are all doing great. Everyone is excelling in all aspects of their lives. My older sister just got married about a month ago and my younger ones are just about finishing their university education in Canada and the UK.”

    Still speaking on marriage, when asked if she would ever agree to be a second wife, Morinsola expressed: “I will never agree to be a second wife because I am a very possessive person and I don’t want to be an option. I will always want to be the only option.”

    While many shy away from speaking on their rights as women, this lady makes bold to share her stand on the liberation of her gender.

    Listen to her: “I strongly believe that every woman in the world can be empowered if she is given the right resources. In Nigeria today, women still do not have equal rights. Women are required to be lower, weaker, inferior and subordinate for back stage and backbench positions. The Nigerian culture endorses this view often to the detriment of the woman’s overall well-being and state of mind. For Nigeria as a country to really develop, the basic needs of women cannot be ignored.”

    Revealing some of the challenges faced in her industry, Abaniwonda says, “The major difference between culinary industry in Nigeria and Canada is that in Nigeria cooking is viewed as a way of life and not a profession. In the western world it’s viewed as a profession and in a lot of cases even viewed as an art. It is taken a lot more seriously over there. Here in Nigeria we have very few seasoned culinary schools that produce well trained chefs.”

  • From slum life to Disney film: The story of an orphan teen girl

    From slum life to Disney film: The story of an orphan teen girl

    SHE grew up in one of the poorest spots on earth. She couldn’t read or write. As a child, she scrounged for food each day for herself, mother and brother.

    But a chance encounter with a chess coach turned her into a rising international chess star, the subject of a book and the protagonist in a future Disney movie. Her father died from AIDS when Mutesi was around 3.

    “I was living a hard life, where I was sleeping on the streets, and you couldn’t have anything to eat at the streets. So that’s when I decided for my brother to get a cup of porridge,” the teenager told CNN, describing her childhood in Katwe, a slum in the Ugandan capital of Kampala.

    Robert Katende, a missionary and refugee of Uganda’s civil war, had started a chess programme in Katwe. He offered a bowl of porridge to any child who would show up and learn.

    Mutesi did not become a top player overnight. But from the time she first showed up in 2005, her aptitude was clear.

    She liked chess, and started training and practicing regularly. “It took me like a year to get very good,” she said.

    She walked about four miles a day to practice and to get that precious food. Soon she found herself beating the older girls and boys in the programme.

    Mutesi wakes at 5 a.m. every morning to “begin a two-hour trek through Katwe to fill a jug with drinkable water, walking through lowland that is often so severely flooded by Uganda’s torrential rains that many residents sleep in hammocks near their ceilings to avoid drowning,” he wrote.

    Disney has optioned the rights to “The Queen of Katwe,” and is starting work on a movie, Crothers said.

    As her world travels take off, she’s in for more culture shock.

  • ‘It took a while for me to forgive my mother’

    ‘It took a while for me to forgive my mother’

    Abiola Laseinde has had a productive career life having worked with some of the major corporate organisations in Africa. At present, the young mother of two boys serves as the legal manager for Cadbury West Africa. Inspite of her victories, it has not been a rosy ride for this lawyer. Raised by a single parent, she was forced to pay her way through school and fought to preserve her dignity while at it. Speaking with Rita Ohai, she shared some of her challenges and how she overcame them.

     

    Being a lady at the level of your career, what are some of the things you did to rise at such a fast pace?

    It starts with God in the sense that I had a pretty rough childhood. At a point in my life, I was left all alone. I had to look for a way to get sponsored through school because I wanted to go to school but my background was filled with challenges.

    My getting an education was funded partly by the community and the church. So very early in life I learnt that I had to be determined. Immediately I was able to get some succour for my education, I was ready to give it my best shot. I was qualified as a lawyer 13 years ago and since then it has been a climb for me because I did not lose my focus and determination to succeed.

    I also had this thing for excellence; wherever I had worked, I always wanted to do things to the best of my abilities. I do not believe in eye-service. I can be very impatient with lazy people because I am not one. I believe that your work should speak for you. I am a lover of helping people develop their capacity and that has helped me. I enter a team and quickly align with the objectives and priorities and I run with it.

    You said you were left alone at a young age, explain what that means?

    My parents were separated just before my 10th birthday and we had to leave with my mum. It was not easy for my mother to bring us up.

    At a point in time, while I was in the University, my mother told me that I would have to drop out of school to help her work as a caterer because she could not pay for the law school fees which was very expensive. I refused and that caused a lot of bad blood between both of us.

    At that time, she felt that maybe if I had taken a break to help her as a caterer, I may have saved enough money to continue with school later but I just felt that would be the same thing as terminating my destiny. So I had to work with my hands a lot to survive because I realised as a very young Christian at the time that any other means of getting money was not an option for me.

    I had a lot of temptations because by God’s grace, I am beautiful and I had offers of all sorts. I went to one of the most notorious schools in this country, Edo State University, which is right on the road to Abuja. So we always had all sorts of stop-over’s from Abuja which was rocking at the time. For me, that lifestyle was a no-go area.

    Could you share some of the things you did as a young woman to make money?

    Very early, I started trading. I could sell anything. I could sell ice to an Eskimo by the grace of God. I think my hands were just blessed. I would get the okirikas of this world, take them back to school and sell them at almost one thousand percent profit. Those were the clothes I was wearing back then. When I went home on holidays, I was always looking for some part-time job to work at. Whether it was as a receptionist, housemaid or anything, I did not mind the fact that I was an undergraduate because I wanted to go to school the clean way.

    What do you think are some of the challenges children from broken homes face?

    When parents are taking decisions to separate or divorce, they never ever think deeply about what the effect will be on the kids. All of a sudden, two people’s luggage becomes one person’s load. It’s as good as one of the parents just dying and it is not easy.

    For some reason, our parents are selfish in the sense that it took a while for me to really forgive my mother. I did not understand why she would tell a young child who was making straight A’s in school to drop out and come and work. I believed that she should have done everything humanly possible to keep me in school instead of throwing it back at me.

    Separation should not be an option if it is possibly to keep the family together. If it is possibly for the two fighting parties to just keep themselves alive, they should stay in the marriage for their children’s interest.

    The few times I had to tell my dad that he was not being responsible and that if only he knew that my life and my brother’s life were fertile grounds for them to sow on so that they could reap in future. But he just said I was talking nonsense because I was less than 10 years old then, but like my mum used to say, big words used to come out of my mouth.

    You talked about being able to blend in any team, how have you been able to handle the ‘office politics’ that comes with it?

    Initially, with my kind of heart, I was a bit naive to ‘office politics’ and I used to think that everybody had my kind of heart that always assumes positive intentions, but with time I got to learn that office politics is as real as the air we breathe.

    I tend to balance things out. If I am in an environment that has a lot of those issues, I try to just maintain a focus on objectives. I did a lot of study on emotional intelligence and how to manage people and their emotions.

    By the grace of God, I have gained some experience and I can handle any situation. Also, my childhood and all the struggles I have been through helped a lot. When I was back in school, many of my classmates used to think I was older than my age due to my dressing and carriage.

    As for dealing with the politics, you need to realise that it is always there. You do not go looking for it but you need to have a laid down strategy when it bounces in your face. You have to blend and learn how to carry people along and manage emotions. Some people have their own hidden agenda and you have to anticipate it positively.

    There’s widespread concern about the strength of character of the average youth. For you who chose not to compromise, what do you think is the problem with many of them?

    It would be difficult for me to imagine what my life would have turned out to be if I had a Blackberry or other kinds of phones. I did not even have the opportunity to own a social media platform or an e-mail address. Right now, they have so many things contending for their attention. There is so much decay in our society. If you ask a child what they want to become in future, they will say they want to become politicians because it is the easiest way to become rich. Whether they are boys or girls, that is all they want to be.

    Parents need to be more involved in their children’s lives now more than ever because of all the things competing for their attention. It starts with inculcating the right values form the home. I had church values which are the same thing as saying I had moral values. My family members would also tell me to make sure I did not go and get myself pregnant and all those things stuck.

    Knowing that you handle a huge amount of responsibilities at work, how do you pacify your husband so that he gives you time for your job?

    My husband is my mentor and friend. He believes in my development. If I am in the boardroom and I have a problem to solve, before I pick up a law book, I call him first and he will have something to say. He is a very wise man and I pick his brain a lot.

    I do a lot of travelling and he supports me tremendously. Anytime I go a trip, once I know my husband is at home, my heart is at peace. We have a very tight relationship and he is always proud of my achievements and I can rely on him one hundred percent.

     

     

  • When time is not a woman’s best friend

    When time is not a woman’s best friend

    Rita Ohai writes on the challenges women face managing time.

     

    TIME is usually not a woman’s best friend.

    It is common place to find men seething in frustration as they wait endlessly for a lady to put on her make-up, get dressed before she saunters graciously out of the house leaving a trail of excuses in her wake.

    For the average woman, wasting time is a normal occurrence and sometimes a necessity. Adeline Chiejine, an insurance broker who says she spends about an hour getting ready for work, corroborates this hypothesis.

    “I am not a morning person, so when I get out of bed, it could take me a while to move into the flow of things. That is not to say that I always reach the office late but because of all the things that I need to do before leaving the house, coupled with Lagos traffic, sometimes I do not have a choice.”

    In contrast, Imoh Egba, an architect and mother of two, believes that the only way to satisfy her family and achieve her personal daily targets without going insane from the pressure is to live by the clock.

    She says, “Using my time wisely is something that has become a part of me. In the earlier part of my life as a young woman, I may not have seen it as important due to the fact that I did not have so many responsibilities. But I have a lot on my hands now and the only way I can make all the loose ends meet is by paying attention to the nitty-gritty, such as doing things in a timely fashion so I can do everything that needs to be done.”

    Like Imoh, many successful people understand the value of judiciously utilizing their time for peace of mind.

    According to management experts, time is like money. If you control how you use it, you can create a productive and profitable working environment. If you don’t, you can spend your working life always being busy, but not getting the important things done.

    In our days, people spent most of their time working. There are times that they feel that they will never manage to escape from the four walls of the office and are lost in the various projects and tasks they have to finish. The solution to this vicious circle is to get organised and start managing your time! Here’s how;

    1. Make a list of what should be done

    Make a list of what to do and try to constantly renew the list and keep it up to date. Include in this list both urgent and non-urgent things so as never to forget or ignore something again. Keep the list all the time with you, in your briefcase or in your daily agenda.

    2. Allocate your time correctly

    Include an estimated time frame for each action and the date by which each task must be completed. If the order that each task must be completed does not matter it may be possible to complete something during an unexpected free time. For example, you can look for information on the Internet while you wait in your office to start a meeting.

    3. Set your own deadlines and meet them

    Be realistic about the deadlines you set and try to meet them. It is true that any work gets exactly the time allocated for it. Have you ever noticed how quickly you can finish something you have to write, give assignments and take decisions on the last day before your vacation? Although we tend to complete many things when we are under pressure, it’s less stressful and much more professional to establish and follow an action plan.

    4. Use your time intelligently

    Consider the case to check your e-mail only certain times of the day and let the answering machine respond to your calls so as not to interrupt your work for a couple of hours. If possible, avoid dealing with the same job or the same e-mail again. Never open e-mail address if you do not have time to read and edit, that is, to answer it, send, or delete it.

    Do not spend all your time chatting with people who do not add any value to your life. If you have to, try and avoid them and only meet with them in your spare time and if you absolutely have no choice.

    5. Be constantly busy

    Keep your skills in shape by having at least one project to be involved. Two or more (projects) would be even better because you are given the opportunity to change speed and to focus on something else for variety. To deal simultaneously with different projects assures that you will always have something on which to work. Also, it keeps your mind alert and renews your prospects.

    6. Choose carefully your projects

    Make sure that your work has some value for the company and that it raises your skills. There are many good reasons why you cannot accept to take part in a meeting and refuse to take an additional project. Successful people know how to say no. Ask yourself, ‘will this promote my career?’

    7. Do not waste your minutes

    It is an integral part of human nature to postpone unpleasant tasks. Plan some of the more pleasant tasks of the project to be made after any unpleasant tasks. If you do not like to work with numbers, plan to do the accounts in the morning when you are still fresh and there are not so many things to distract your attention.

    You must give greater attention to how you spend your time. Watch how successful businessmen allocate their time and emulate some of their time management practices. Success comes to those who know how to manage their time well!