The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • A tale of ‘monsters-in-law’

    A tale of ‘monsters-in-law’

    Rita Ohai writes on the ‘cat and mouse’ relationship between wives and their mother-in-laws

     

    IT is not uncommon to find the average young woman praying for the quick ‘passing-on-to-glory’ of her husband’s mother.

    No matter how hard the wives try, they never seem to be able to hold a candle to their mother-in-laws.

    The feeling of bitterness and anger that defines their relationship is one many ladies dread but are forced to live with. This often causes them to walk into their matrimonial homes with their sleeves rolled up, battle ready.

    Sharing her story, Gbemi Lawanson, lawyer and mother says, “I do not want to call my mother-in-law a wicked person even though that is how she behaves.

    “My husband is the last child, so I guess that is why they are really close, but she can be a very terrible, controlling person. Nothing ever pleases her and she is always trying to feed his mind with all kinds of rubbish about me and my children. And if not for the kind of man my husband is, we would have been quarreling every day.

    “One day she came to visit us and I asked her if she wanted to have her bath and she said no. Because I was tired and just came home from work, I served her food on the dinning and went to bed. The next morning, my husband asked me why I was ignoring her and I was confused. He then told me she said I walked into the house without talking to her and went to sleep.

    “After telling my husband my side of the story, in his usual tactful way, he gave her a lot of money and helped her get to her house safely because he knows the kind of person she is. Since then, if I see her coming down one side of the road, I cross to the other side for peace to reign,” she said.

    Airing a similar view, Priscila Omoregie who runs a bakery in the Isheri axis of Lagos posits, “Mother-in-laws can be hell to cope with.

    “Mine said I was trying to kill her grandchildren with too much sugar because I bought a tub of ice-cream for my kids to share.

    “There was another time she called all her daughters to come and fight me because she believed I was the one who was stopping her son from sending money to her. What she did not know was that we were going through a crazy time financially and we could barely feed our kids talk less of send her money.

    “After 15 years of marriage, there is nothing she does that surprises me anymore. Instead I just take it in good faith and ignore her when she becomes over-bearing,” she finished.

    Like Priscilla and Gbemi, most women turn a blind eye, shut their ears and wall-up their hearts where their mother-in-laws are concerned. After all, good fences make good neighbours.

    While some are locked in a battle of supremacy with their husband’s mum, others like Ebere Amanze have found the secrets to winning the matriarch’s heart.

    “This might shock many people but my mother-in-law and I have a surprisingly great relationship. She even treats me better than her son because I understand the kind of woman she is.

    “She can be very temperamental. So if I know something will annoy her, I try not to do it in her presence and I never complain to her. If she does something I do not like, I tell my husband and he puts her in her place immediately. If I want to buy something for my mother, sometimes I will buy two and give her one so that she will not feel left out.

    “By doing little things like that, I am able to avoid trouble, and because I have a good relationship with her, all her other children will fall in line.”

    Giving reasons for this antagonistic behavior towards their children’s spouses, Mrs. Joy Mbanugo shares; “The truth of the matter is that it is not easy to let go of a baby that you gave birth to, no matter how old that person is.

    “The womanly instinct to protect her own will always be there especially if she is used to being the center of that child’s attention. So, it is up to the wife to learn how to massage their ego’s and play smart. Besides, you find that most of the girls who complain about their mother-in-laws end up doing worse!”

    According to relationship counselors, becoming a good mother-in-law is easier than one might think. It just involves a little common sense, sacrificial love and the right frame of mind;

     

    •Put yourself in their shoes and respect their privacy. Don’t tell your son and daughter-in-law or your daughter and son-in-law how to raise your grandchildren unless they ask you for your help.

     

    •Understand that they are now a couple living in their own homes and so you do not have the right to barge in and out of their home as you please. Going into the kitchen or cleaning their home for them without asking first can be offensive.

     

    •When your daughter or son gets married, you’re no longer the center of their attention. Their spouse and family come first. It is biblical so learn to deal with it.

     

    •Don’t scold your son and daughter-in-law or your daughter and son-in-law for not being a clean, immaculate perfectionist like yourself.

     

    •Wedding plans are up to your children and their future spouses, not you. If the person in question does not meet your standards, remember that it is not your life, it’s your child’s life.

     

    •If you don’t like something, bite your tongue. Don’t assume your daughter-in-law wants advice on her hair, her house, her clothes, her parenting. Give advice only when she asks or if someone is in immediate serious physical or moral danger.

  • All-female team climbs Africa’s highest peak

    All-female team climbs Africa’s highest peak

    THREE African women will join seven other Nepalese members of the most successful all-female team ever to scale Mount Everest to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.

    Their attempt began from the northern Tanzanian town of Moshi on Wednesday.

    According to a representative of the organisation funding the project, Richard Ragan. “All the team members have had to climb their own personal mountains, overcoming challenges to attend school and get where they are today. We hope their determination will be an example to youth everywhere.”

    One of the seven Nepali climbers ran away from home at the age of 14 to escape a forced marriage and another was a domestic worker in her teens.

    Among the African climbers is Ashura Kayupayupa, a youth activist advocating against early marriage, and teacher Anna Philipo Indaya from north central Tanzania’s nearly extinct Hadzabe hunter-gatherer people.

    They will be joined on the Kili-climb by National Ambassador Against Hunger, Hlubi Mboya, one of the the most popular TV actresses in southern Africa.

    “By staying in school and getting an education, girls can grow up to lead fulfilling lives and really contribute to their families and communities,” says Hlubi Mboya. “Providing them with a daily school meal helps them grow strong and concentrate on their studies. I like to think each step we take up Kili will bring girls in Africa a bit closer to reaching their potential.”

  • Decorating a home on a tight budget

    DECORATING an entire house is a monumental task in and of itself. Add the challenge of working on a tight budget and the project can easily become overwhelming if not completely frustrating. The good news is that it can be done with as little stress as possible if some tips are put to good use.

    When working with a limited budget, a smart strategy is to invest more in the items that last such as big ticket items such as upholstered pieces and cabinetry.

    By purchasing a quality sofa in a neutral fabric, you will get more value in return for your naira because it could last you more than 10 years. Another great thing about investing in a quality piece of upholstery is that you can have it reupholstered several years down the line, which will save you the cost of replacing the entire piece.

    Don’t waste money on unimportant knick-knacks just to fill out the room. Too many can look cluttered and unfocused. Buy only the accessories that you absolutely love and which add impact to the room.

    Take inventory of all your existing furnishings. Label the items you can reuse, items you can repurpose and items that can be sold or given away. Once you know what you have, you will gain a better understanding of what you need.

    Be sure to carry diagrams and measurements of rooms with you when shopping. Do this and you will never have to guess if those materials are going to fit in the family room. This will prevent wasted time and money.

    Also, purchase all of the items that you have selected from a particular store all at the same time. This could enable you bargain for a greater discount. If they can all be packed at the same time, this can help you save on moving them.

    Consider hiring an interior designer. Yes, it will take a portion of your budget, but the advice you receive could actually save you big dollars in the long run. A good designer will work within the parameters of your budget and advise you on how to spend your money wisely. She will also have access to products that are not sold to the general public. If you cannot afford full interior design services, hire her to at least give you a clear direction for your project. Most designers work by the hour, and you can set a maximum number of hours that you can afford.

    Do as much of the work as you possibly can on your own. If you are putting in new flooring, at least do the demolition work if at all possible. Do all of your own interior painting.

    Almost anyone with basic sewing skills can sew their own pillows and make simple drapery panels. Buying fabrics in bulk could also get you a discount depending on the quantity.

    Be willing to look at your existing furniture in a new way. Turn that small dining table into a desk. Take an antique door, put a piece of glass on top, add some legs and you’ve got yourself a new dining or cocktail table.

  • From an angel to a two-timing bitch

    IT was one of the worst periods in his life. He tried so hard to forget it but the memory of the events in the past one week just kept coming back. His life appeared to have come to a standstill and he just had to move on and forget the trauma he was going through at the moment.

    So what really happened to this Romeo? you wonder. Well, he was really angry with his beloved queen, the angel of his life and he beat her to a point of coma. How could he have done a thing like that, wasn’t he supposed to be a perfect gentleman? “Yes, I can’t even believe that I did all this myself. I don’t know what came over me at that point but the truth of the matter is that I was so angry about this betrayal.”

    He continued his story: “This is a girl that I brought out of the gutters. She practically had nothing and I loved her so much. Meanwhile she was not in love with me at all. Pretentiously, she behaved as if I was the love of her life and led me on like a goat. I trusted her so much and foolishly spent my time and resources on her.”

    Five years down the line, he expected his angel to reciprocate the emotional gestures and keep the promise she made at the beginning. “I started noticing that there was another guy in her life and I was shocked. I thought it was the guy who was hanging around her and confronted the fellow twice.”

    Obviously, the guy told his queen and it was time for her to cross carpet. “One morning she called me and said that there was a confession that she wanted to make. Of course, at this point I already knew where she was going and I listened to everything without saying a word. Foolish bitch! However, I told myself that I was going to teach her a lesson, something she would never forget.”

    Betrayal? Well, there has been so many tales of betrayals in the past and there would continue to be tales of betrayals especially from those we gave so much to and expected so much from. But the lessons to learn here is that nobody is beyond or above the betrayal triangle. Once you find yourself on this side of the emotional divide, then you must summon the courage to move on with what is left.

    Once you move on then you can start to plan for a new beginning. Don’t lose hope, love may just be a stone throw away. At this point, it is better to pitch your emotional tent with someone who can make you laugh again. It can be exciting when every interaction you have with him makes you wonder what it would be like to date him or her.

    You also need to be sure it is love before you end up in another sinking emotional ship. Sometimes, what the other person wants is just a casual thing while you want a serious and deeper one. Will he ever ask you out? Should you make the first move and ask him? Is he shy? Is he waiting for some kind of “signal” from you?

    What does it mean when a guy acts like this, and what can you do when you’re attracted to a man who just won’t make the first move? If you are really keen you can stretch your luck a bit further and see if you win this heart over. You can take things beyond just a casual friendship with a lot of flirting to discover something a little more “real.”

    Of course, there can be many reasons a man will flirt and act “interested” in you, but never ask for your number, call, or make plans to go on a real “date” with you:

    One reason may be that he’s actually involved with someone else, and he doesn’t want to be honest about that, but he enjoys your company and thinks you’re a great woman. He just doesn’t want to “go there” with you.

    Maybe he’s attracted to you physically, but doesn’t yet feel that gut-level of emotional attraction to want to take things to the next level with you.

    Maybe he’s getting mixed signals from you…one minute he thinks you’re responding and interested, but the next minute he senses some kind of “vibe” that makes him wonder if you’d reject him if he were to ask you out.

    Sometimes, it may just be that he has his own personal reasons for not wanting to become more involved – that has nothing to do with who you are or what you say or do.

    These are all things you may have wondered about and guessed by yourself at one point. Unfortunately, unless you ask him directly, there’s no way to know for sure what’s going on.

    But there are a few things you can do to increase the likelihood that he’ll want to spend time with you alone and get to know you better. And then you can relax, create the right circumstances, and let it all work out like magic.

  • Changing face of motherhood

    Changing face of motherhood

    It’s Mothering Sunday. Usually, the celebration falls on the 4th Sunday in Lent. Historically, it was a time people returned smaller churches to the main church or cathedral in the area. Today, however, Mothering Sunday and mother’s day have now been mixed and it is usually a time to celebrate womanhood and motherhood. Yetunde Oladeinde takes a look at the challenges women face in contemporary society.

     

    WHILE we roll out the drums and clink glasses, it is also a time for reflections; a time to assess the changing face of motherhood. In the past, the roles of women were confined mostly to being a mother and wife, and she was expected to dedicate most of her energy to these roles.

    However, things are changing and a lot of people are pushing for the role of the father in child-care because the days of the full-time housewife have gone into oblivion. On her part, Funmilayo Bassey Mfon believes that women need to go back to the drawing board. She strongly believes that mothers have abandoned their duties and this has affected the way children are being brought up these days.

    “Things are not as they used to be. When we were growing up, mothers were mothers. A mother was always there for her children. She was the eye of the family and they didn’t have to work from 8am to 5pm and get home late in the night. Then, mothers opted to be teachers, but unfortunately that has changed now,”Mfon stated.

    Mfon added: “A lot of times, most mothers are religious but they don’t know God. If they know God they would know that money isn’t everything; they should be content and put their trust in God. Most of us are materialistic, that is the problem. Basically in the past, the priority was in the kids. I know the Bible says Godliness is contentment. The kids are the future; if the children are not well taken care of, then all the money that they are chasing will be wasted. I think mothers need to get their priorities right.”

    Sadly, Temitope Ashaolu takes you into her world with nostalgia: “I work in the bank and my day starts around 4.30am to 5.00 am every day except at weekends. I wake up early to prepare the children for school and then get out of the house by 5.45 to get to the office on time. The traffic in my area is very bad and if I do not leave on time I would be really late for work.”

    She added that “it is, therefore, very tough cooking a great meal during the week. So what I usually do is to prepare ‘bulk meals’ and store in the freezer. I do a lot of shopping and cooking on Saturday and in addition I stock the house with things that they can make easily when I am not available. When the children and my husband come back before me, they can pick what they want and microwave it.”

    Like Temitope, 38-years-old Hauwa Mustapha says that 24 hours a day is not enough for her. “On a daily basis I get home around 10pm and by the time I get home I am tired and exhausted. Usually, I pick the children from my mothers place and they would have had their dinner there. As soon as I get home I would throw their uniforms, underwear and socks into the laundry machine. In the morning, I do at least three things simultaneously just to get out of the house on time.”

    On a number of occasions, the meal gets burnt and there are times I forget to switch off the cooker and would definitely go back home as soon as I remember this. I thank God that my husband has allowed me to do things my own way. The only snag is that he is a typical African man, he can never assist you with house chores because he believes that this should be a woman’s duty.”

    Is it easier for mothers who are self-employed or housewives? “Personally, I think that they also put in so much. I do all the school runs and I am the children’s driver. At the end of every day, I am so tired and it’s a circle that never really ends. If we had to employ a driver or pay for the school bus, you can imagine how much we would have to cough out on a monthly basis. So, I fill in this gap and earn nothing but the consolation that my children would grow up to be responsible citizens,” says Bisi Phillips.

    This leads us to culinary skills which are supposed to be one basic duty of the wife and mother. “In the past, the best way into a man’s heart was said to be through the stomach. Unfortunately, this has changed these days. A lot of young mothers don’t even know how to cook. It is, therefore, common to find a lot of married men eating at eateries or even cooking their meals themselves,” enthused Gbolahan Adio, a Lagos-based businessman.

    For Chinwe Osuagwu, the executive director of the Green and White Initiative, mothers deserve a lot of recognition for the efforts they put into the development of the family. “Our women should be commended. They work so hard and spend all their time toiling for the family. It is tough getting assistance these days because a lot of the young people are in school now. Many now opt for matured and elderly women and pay through their nose while others have to do all the chores on their own because they cannot afford it.”

    Osuagwu stated: “Our men should learn how to appreciate their women. If they are appreciated they would do more. Most times they actually forget about themselves. A lot of the women I have spoken to tell us during counselling that we are doing so much and it’s like I am doing nothing.”

    32-year-old Emmanuella Nwankwo, who has been married for six years, confessed that it is tough spending quality time with her family. “Since I got married it has been tough juggling family and career. At a point, I thought of resigning from the job but I knew it would be difficult to make ends meet. Most times the children were abandoned in the daycare or with nannies and house helps who did not fill in the gaps properly for me. There were times I cried when I saw the kind of attention given to me, but somehow I knew that something just must give way for the other.”

    Nwankwo continued, “When we were growing up, my mother used to check our notebooks everyday and go through the assignments with us. When we finished the assignments, she would give us her own assignments and by the time she was through with us the homework becomes simplified and easy. These days, by the time I come back from work my children are already in bed sleeping. By the time they get up in the morning, everyone is rushing to work and to school. It’s so hectic, and so what I do is to pay their teachers for extra coaching to fill in the gaps for me.”

    Women are also marrying late now and we have more births by caesarian operation. Luckily, In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) has made pregnancy possible at ages well beyond natural limits.

    Life as a working mother many believe has wiped away the closeness between mother and child. “A lot of the women you find parading themselves as mothers today are not my role models at all. They are always looking for short cuts to everything. When a baby’s nose was blocked our mothers would use their mouths to suck it out to make the child okay. But you find a number of young mothers get so irritated that they cannot do this. They do not want to breast feed their babies because they claim that this would make their breast go sag. Experts say that children who are breastfed are healthier and more intelligent, so why are these mothers finding it so hard to give their children the best?” queried Phillip Idehen.

    For Tolu Banwo, a mother of five, motherhood isn’t as interesting as she expected it to be. “I work six days a week and try to give them quality time and attention on Sundays. I try to reduce my social engagements so that I can be with them. There are times when I feel so guilty, especially when they accuse me with their innocent words. There was a day when my daughter cried after me as I was escaping through the back door. On another occasion, she asked: “Mummy are you going out today, and I said no. Then quickly she replied, ‘you are lying; my teacher said parents should not tell lies o.’”

  • Nigeria’s richest women

    Nigeria’s richest women

    TWO days ago, women all over the world marked the International Women’s Day. They rolled out the drums, counted their many blessings and it was time to clink glasses. Women’s rights, political and economic empowerment had always been uppermost on the women’s agenda. Like a sore thumb, money and economic empowerment continues to limit the strides women would have loved to make. A few women, however, have come, seen and conquered.

    Many years back, you could count women who were multi-millionaires or billionaires on your fingertips. The few who made it in this category were mostly those who inherited such funds from their fathers or husbands. These days, the story is changing and women have, indeed, broken the glass ceiling. Armed with guts, passion, determination and perseverance, they have forced their way into the elite club.

    This brings to mind some of Nigeria’s richest women. Who are these women who bestride our landscape like colossi? The Nation on Sunday went to town to unravel the richest women in the country. However, women whose wealth were traced solely to inheritances and assets owned by their husbands were exempted from the list.

    Also women holding political offices, wives of public office holders, those having inheritance squabbles and women who had criminal cases with EFCC and other related agencies were also left out. Welcome to the world of Nigeria’s female mega-rich.

  • Living in a fool’s paradise

    IT was Bimpe’s birthday, and Wale decided to give her a wonderful treat. He bought all her outfits, accessories and took care of all the other details. Friends were invited to this memorable event and he thought it was a great way to convince the babe that he really loved her.

    Unfortunately, things did not just work out as planned: the birthday gal and some of her friends who were the typical,’ bad gals’ changed the agenda. Some of her other friends were brought into the arrangement a few days to the D-day and they hijacked the ceremony.

    At this point, our dear friend realised that he was not as important as he thought he was on her emotional scale of preference. Oh dear! Why didn’t anyone warn him about all this? How come he never knew that his ‘baby’ was cheating on him?

    Frustrated, he left the party midway because every moment spent made him realise that he had been a fool all this while. His heart was very heavy indeed, and in his belly you could feel the emotional animosity that he was carrying in pains.

    No need to cry sweetheart: It is only an eye opener and it would make you wake up and plan for something better. Most times, a lot of guys and babes get carried away with the emotional gesticulations and display. You need to look beyond the physical and do some assessment of your worth from time to time.

    You also need to understand what goes through a person’s mind when they are feeling attraction for you. What really are the criteria for selecting you and not another? Is it because you have a good job, work very hard, are pretty cute or a really kind and easy going person.

    Time definitely will certainly tell…But before you allow the odds to catch up with you, you may need to do a quick survey. A sincere partner naturally should smile to the emotional bank after working so hard to make a relationship work. Yes, sometimes this is the result of dedication, hard work and perseverance. But there are times when you put in so much and you get so little in return.

    It happens especially when the person that you put all your hopes and dreams upon is insincere. From the outset, he or she has it all worked out, and foolishly you tagged along until the emotional carpet is pulled off your feet in a very rude way.

    Just last week, yours truly ran into a story that brings tears to the eyes on the Internet. It’s actually about a young man dubbed the “Internet Casanova” for breaking hearts online. He ran out of luck and his bag of emotional tricks was turned upside down. Now, the handsome Casanova is facing charges for not just stealing women’s hearts but also their money.

    The 29-year-old man scammed and robbed 38 women in at least seven states while giving different identities as Ray Holycross, Ray Cross and Ray Tompson.

    He was arraigned last Saturday in an Indiana courtroom on one-count charge of theft, accused of stealing the camera of Theresa Bridegroom, a woman from Mishawaka, Indiana.

    So how did he do this, you wonder? Police informed that Holycross spent years logging onto dating websites to meet women before moving in with them and then stealing from them.

    Bridegroom, 35, began dating Holycross in last September. Police arrested him at the apartment they shared after Bridegroom discovered he pawned her camera and turned him in.”That’s when I found out all the information about all of the websites and dating sites,” she said.

    Holycross is also wanted in Oregon on two counts stemming from an identity theft charge.”I think he relies on girls that he meets on the Internet to provide him with what he needs to get through life,” Lt. Michael Budreau of the Medford Police Department in Oregon told ” Good Morning America” in August when the first report of his alleged fraud emerged.

    The next victim was Jennifer Clark. This unfortunate ‘mugun’ met Holycross on the online dating site PlentyofFish.com. She was smitten and the two lovebirds quickly moved in together.”We lived together in my house and I decided I wanted to help him. Once he captured her heart, the next thing was to convince her to sell her home and her car. Love struck lady agreed to do the wish of this prince charming and he also promised to take her to Chicago.

    The emotional coast was very clear and he took her laptop and iPhone, withdrew nearly $1,000 from her bank account, and then vanished. Just like that! “He made me feel like he was going to take care of me and, instead, I was left with absolutely nothing,” Clark recalls sadly.

    Was she really stupid or could it be love? “He was extremely charming and convincing and, looking back at myself, I feel foolish.”Many of the women who met Holycross online told a similar story. They said he was an online charmer who took off with their cash once they let him into their lives and homes.

  • Colombian woman becomes mother to monkey

    Colombian woman becomes mother to monkey

    THE tiny night monkey is with Martha Silva 24 hours a day, nestled in a wool pouch inside her coat or beside her while she sleeps. Eight times a day, she feeds milk to the five-inch baby like an attentive mother.

    The long hours of monkey mothering don’t bother the 54-year-old Colombian woman, she said, because she already raised two children.

    “To me there is no difference. You have to look after each the same. When you give them the bottle, you have to make sure they don’t choke,” said Silva, who works with the neonatal unit of Bogota’s Wildlife Reception Centre, part of the capital’s environment ministry.

    Silva, who has children aged 20 and 30, began working at the centre west of Bogota in 2000. She has nurtured species ranging from birds to turtles to primates.

    Her husband and daughter help her with the household chores and cooking while she is occupied with a baby animal.

    They sleep together and Silva takes the monkey to work each day on her bicycle, the baby snug in the wool bag.

    Every three hours, the monkey must be fed delactosed milk with vitamins added, Cardenas said. In the wild, adult night monkeys eat leaves, insects and small lizards and frogs.

    When he grows up, the monkey will weigh 800 to 900 grams (1.75 to 2 pounds) and stand about 34 centimetres (13.4 inches), Cardenas said, adding that he will look like “a medium-sized teddy bear.”

    Silva says she has raised two other baby monkeys and both of those were freed in different parts of the country. She hasn’t heard anything about them since.

    “It is like with a child. You are at peace because they are going to be in their natural habitat,” she said.

  • What do men think about you?

    What do men think about you?

    WHEN a woman projects a low self-esteem, has poor moral standards and serves as drinking well to every fellow she meets, she is generally treated with very little respect.

    Unfortunately, we live in a society that does not vilify men as much for being irresponsible as it does women.

    The nickname “player” for a man does not carry the same stigma as the word “slut”.This probably stems from centuries of victimizing the female species.

    As a result more ladies are under pressure to go the extra mile to appear ‘sexy’ by being as generous as the women they see on television, a vast contrast from what most men want.

    David Ochonogor, an Infotech expert gives a male perspective on how the average man rates a woman.

    “What girls do not know is that guys talk a lot. If a chick is lazy or does not know how to behave in public, a dude will spill to his boys while hanging out and nothing the girl says will prove him wrong. But if she’s the type who has her head in the right place, everyone will want to roll with her.”

    While some are more liberal in separating loose from wayward, others, like Bayo Esho, are only interested in how proportionate the face and waist-line are with other parts of the body.

    “It’s not hard to size a babe up. If she looks good, smells nice and takes care of herself, she’s good to go!

    “Because if she is fine” he said, “you will be happy every time you see her and you can take her anywhere because she will not have all those inferiority complex issues.”

    Airing a slightly different opinion, Obi Uchendu shares, “A woman’s mind is her treasure.

    “There are women everywhere like pure-water. If I am feeling funny I can just go outside and pick one as long as I throw enough money around but to find a sensible woman is very hard. That is why men like us are afraid to get married, nobody wants to enter one chance!” he finished.

    Although there are general assumptions on how a woman should comport herself, these are a few more to help keep us on the right track;

     

    a) Become busy

    An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Learn to enjoy reading. I will expand your mind and help you make good desicions.

    Master a new skill like tailoring, volunteer at a healthy social club. When you have your hands full with responsibilities, there will be no time for frivolous activities.

     

    b) Grow some standards

    Not everyone is allowed to be your friend. If a man or woman talks or tfully walk away and make sure that person never comes within 10 miles again.

     

    touches you in a suggestive manner, you reserve the right to tactfully walk away and make sure that person never comes within 10 miles again.

    If your lady friends at work, school, church or other places live carelessly , carefully break ties with them because your friends are a reflection of you. Friendship is not by force.

     

    c) Act like a lady

    We know a lot of ’21 century’ ministers and evangelists say it is the heart that matters most in the sight of God but the truth is, you will be addressed the way you dressed.

    If you are ever insulted by okada- men who whistle at you when you walk by, it may be a sign that you are not properly dressed and it will help if you stop giving them something to whistle at.

    Cover your cleavage and close-up the slit at the back of your dress. When you sit down, cross your knees.

     

    d) Stay in control

    In spite of what people say, everyone respects a woman who has enough self-control to abstain from leading a promiscuous lifestyle. Diamonds are rare, so are virgins!

    If you have eaten the forbidden fruit, it is never too late to close your legs and buy yourself some dignity.

    The people who turn their noses and smirk at you for choosing to be disciplined are not looking out for your best interest .

  • ‘We don’t need naked girls to sell a video’

    ‘We don’t need naked girls to sell a video’

    Lydia Idakula Sobogun is the CEO of Gbagyichild Entertainment and the brain-child behind Taruwa, a monthly gathering for budding talents in music, poetry and drama. Through Taruwa, this graduate of Law has provided a platform for artists like Jude ‘M.I’ Abaga, Omawuni, Bez, among others, to hone their skill and become international stars.

    In spite of her efforts, very little is known about the mother of one, as she lies content in doing all the work behind the scenes. In this interview with Rita Ohai, she raises the veil on her life as she shares on her love, temper and childhood.

     

     

    WHAT drives you to do your job in spite of the challenges?

    It is my calling. It’s very simple really. I cannot do anything else. This is my purpose and I’m just blessed to have seen it very clearly with no confusion.

    I also live by the philosophy that lives must be affected positively with everything that I do because I truly believe that we do not live for ourselves and the world would be so much easier if we lived for each other. For every person who has said to me Taruwa has blessed him or her, there’s a sense of fulfillment.

    Did you take any steps to prepare you for a life in the arts?

    I trained at the ‘Idakula Institute’ of performing arts! (she laughs). I grew up in a very artsy family. My father taught my brother, Bez, his first chords on the guitar and we used to sing as a family in churches. We were like the Von-trapp family singers in the day.

    We listened to music from morning till the television came on at 4 and we were allowed space to be creative. In other words, we never went anywhere, so our boredom drove us to acting plays and composing songs.

    I studied Law in the University of Jos and went to Lagos Law School. Law broadened my mind and formed the basis on which other things took shape for me.

    Other than that, I have years of experience and lessons learnt from mistakes made.

    Are there things people do that upset you?

    Most of the things that annoy me happen on the road, especially because I feel the way we drive in Nigeria is an indication of our ‘every man for himself’ mindset. We don’t care about the person in the next car as long as we get to where we’re going. My friends say I have road rage (I don’t agree with them).

    I hate to see people intentionally do stupid things like run a red light, park in the middle of the road, or drive recklessly. When I see those things, my I-Too-Know comes out. I recently, for example, saw a truck from a popular bottled water company drive ‘uselessly’ I got their number from the back of the truck and reported the number plate. I feel the need to be a road marshal.

    When you come home from work, what special dish would you prepare and why?

    I always have ogbono soup in my house because we all love it. I make ogbono in my biggest pot!

    What can you not stand about Nigerian entertainers?

    I do not know if there’s something I can’t stand. Everybody has his life to live. We just need to remember that the industry is fickle and so is life.

    I would really like to see less nudity in our videos. We do not need naked girls to sell a video. We need to be a little more creative. Also, I’d really love for more quality music to get airplay.

    How has married life been treating you?

    Married life has been good. Like every relationship, it has its ups and downs but my husband is a kind and thoughtful man who lets me be myself. I feel blessed and I’m really grateful for him.

    I know that there’s something beautiful about the intimacy that marriage brings. I think everybody should have someone who you know is your ‘person’ for life. And two heads are better than one, so in as far as the marriage relationship makes you a better person, why not?

    Tell us about your childhood, what are your most fond memories…what do you miss?

    I miss the innocence and carefree life of childhood even though I would not go back.

    I love where my life is at right now. I miss my dad who died in 1997. I feel like we would have been best friends, and he would have been a great granddad.

    What values do you want to pass on to your children?

    I would like for my child to be confident and self-assured. To know the difference between right and wrong and be brave enough to do what’s right. Above all, I’d like her to fear God and be true to herself.

    How did you start Taruwa?

    Taruwa started in August, 2007 and it was because we saw a need for stages that would let upcoming artistes express and sharpen their talents, also one that would let corporate workers who love and have a talent for arts express themselves where they would not at work.

    It was something I needed too because I love the arts desperately. My life’s calling is in the arts.

    The day Taruwa was conceived, I went with Sage (the Spoken word Poet) to Bogobiri and as soon as I saw it I knew it was the venue. I spoke with Chike and he was gracious to let us use it. The story can never be complete without Bogobiri.

    On the day of the first Taruwa, we were only 7 in attendance.