Category: New Woman

ONE way to discover and rediscover yourself is by learning from others. Everybody certainly has a love story to tell you and you can be sure that no two stories can ever be the same. You can also learn from others by reading love stories or watching such movies at home or the cinemas. Lovebirds love to dine out and watch movies and this certainly is one of the best places to learn and appreciate those you fall in love with , what goes on in their hearts as well as how to live happily together forever. Or from the other side, it could be a NEVER ‘Ever After’love story.

For many the latter, love is a mirage, a dream that never comes true. That was what yours truly discovered at the Cinema lately. Lots of lonely buddies and happy folks are literarily crying in the rain. In this kind of scenarios, nobody is likely to see your tears because the raindrops would be stronger than your teardrops. The only difference however is that you are going to purge yourself from the bitter memories, the uncertainty and the frustrations of running after an elusive heart.

Interestingly, yours truly discovered this phrase from the movie ‘Journey to self ‘written by Ashionye and produced by Fressia Entertainment.

Would it be interesting to watch? You also wonder if is there going to bring fresh revelations for an old timer like yours truly. Doubting Thomas? No need for that. The best way to tap from your environment is to have an open mind, this way you can get water out of any love stone.

So, yours truly got set and it was time to learn from five yawning hearts, hearts that either fell in love or allowed love to get the better part of their lives at some point. It was the story of five friends who went through different emotional phases to rediscover themselves. Unfortunately, the fifth lady (Uche) did not have the opportunity to get a second chance on the affectionate timetable. She committed suicide when she discovered that she meant nothing to the man she was married to. Instead of being loved, she was a mere property whose worth had been reduced to nothing when she could not bear children.

In the movie, you follow the story of five childhood friends, Regina, Nse, Rume, Alex and Uche who was a victim, sacrificed on the altar of love. Interestingly, she was the one who pulled her friends together over the years with a seemingly happy disposition. She gave other a shoulder to cry on while she bottled up all the tears in heart. Sadly, she left with a series of letters, letters which later provoked her friends to open up on secrets that had become almost ‘stale’.

Luckily, it made them do the things they feared to do and it ushered them into another interesting phase in their lives. Alex threw away her toy boy and got a real man. Nse got the courage to tell her husband about a baby she had way back in school and to her surprise he forgave and accepted her. Regina opted for divorce while Rume’s relationship had also broken and could not be mended.

As the poured their hearts out you it brought vivid images of the deception, blackmail and bitterness from people they love or thought loved them. It made you laugh and cry a little. The things women go through all for love. Can they really do without the heartaches which have actually become part and parcel of almost every relationship?

Humour from Rume and good production made it a delight. It also brought to the fore issues about women and relationships as well as how to find a way out of the emotional woods if you ever get to this point. It featured Nse Ikpe Etim, Dakore Akande , Tosin Sido, Katherine Obiang and the writer of the script, Ashionye Michelle Raccah.In it you find tips on how to make good use of friendship as well as how to be a friend indeed. Lies, secrets and self discovery are the other things that you discover as you allow your mind to explore the many possibilities encountered in the love arena.

It is only natural to want to keep and treasure something that good. If you are lucky to have a very special connection, then you would do everything to make it last. And because it’s so good, you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found your Mr. Right. It is at this point that you find a lot of ladies getting  anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about her. Unfortunately, this is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a lot of mistakes. You can and should communicate what you want to a man and set certain standards.

But you have to do it from the beginning… not keep things bottled up, “hoping” he’s thinking and intending the same things from the relationship that you are, and then feel upset and confused when months later you find out that he doesn’t. If you let a man know what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship early on, then he won’t feel cornered or “hassled.” He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

WHEN you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the center of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here

you can scroll down memory lane recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspires and affects others. From the trees you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what where you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place. It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

The one you desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you anyone any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of ‘an albatross around his neck indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in temptuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 meters. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of bird in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

The behavior of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

Interestingly, these birds the bones from its wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First it is going to lose its clear white color at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden? Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

Conversely if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones.  Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

IT was her birthday and she had planned an outing with the one she loved. Ibidunni had invested so much on her hair, outfit and the other accessories that made the total package interesting. The environment for the dinner was also great and exciting. The date however turned out to be a nightmare because the dude who was supposed to make it romantic failed to turn up.

What a nightmare! Now that it has happened, the whole relationship and memories comes flowing with stark realities. “I realised at this point that I had been wasting my time investing on a guy who did not deserve my emotions. Along the line, I had noticed that he was not sincere with me, I had suspected at different times that he was seeing other ladies but somehow I kept thinking that he was going to change. I kept thinking that he was going to get tired of his bad habits and then we would live happily together forever.”

Dreamer! The truth of the matter is that you cannot give what you do not have. This is why relationships that are unplanned most often fail. Even though every relationship has its peculiar strengths and weaknesses it is better to plan and invest in your emotional future. The next question would be how to you make core love investments? Are you sure that your investments would be appreciated as well as reap emotional dividends at the right time.

Here we must think of the type of emotional investment that we need to make, responsible investing as well as the costly mistakes that emotional investors make before forging ahead. Next, you need to define and understand the kind of investments you need to make as well as how to going about doing it in the right way.

The love arena comes with a lot of complications and what you think is important may not necessarily be cool for the other party. In economics, investment is the accumulation of newly produced physical entities, such as factories, machinery, houses, and goods inventories.

Interestingly, in finance, investment is a different ballgame entirely. Here it is putting money into an asset with the expectation of capital appreciation, dividends, and interest earnings.

However these parallel lines meet at some point. Like financial investments, emotional investments also involve some risk. This includes investment in equities, property, and even fixed interest securities which are subject, among other things, to inflation risk.

Investing in your emotions as well as in the emotions of the one you love is not a short time strategy. It is about making a success about the relationship in the long run and you must have the goal of wanting it to work out. It is only when you are sincere wit h the heart that you treasure that you would be ready to make core love investments..

 To have your emotions given, or “invested,” towards someone or something sounds like a great idea but it requires a lot of hard work, dedication as well as perseverance. It requires the focusing your emotions on to something or someone that you care a lot about.

No matter how hard we try we are still likely to run into emotional and economic depression. They are phases that we pass through in our finances and our emotions. The phase should not be a hindrance, setback or stumbling block. The most important thing is to understand the tools to make use of as you pass through the phase. On the other hand, the assets and investments that you have stored up over time would definitely help you to pass through the raining day without tears.

Experts would readily tell you that it is only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few potholes as the journey through and from the emotional in the road. Some even run into emotional gutters, somersault on the emotional flyovers many times and still survive because they have saved lots of emotions which they use to replenish each time they are in emotional distress.

So, if you recognize ahead of time, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them when they finally show up.

In spite of the fact that every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going strong. Some actually use the problems as a stepping stone, launching themselves to emotional heights they never imagined existed when they started out together.

. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday life. Others also get assistance  by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling as well as observing what other successful couples do to enrich their emotional bank.

It is also good to set up some rules that would guide your relationship with one another. Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems.

The atmosphere within was quite serene. The décor and facilities wee all fantastic and they made the environment unique. However there was a snag, this beautiful room had no roof and all that was within did not make up for this single omission. On rainy days, poor Shade was exposed to the harsh weather and the story was the same when the scorching sun took turn to do the usual. In addition, the missing roof top brought all kinds on invasion within and at the end of it all the discomfort was more than the comfort within.

This scenario actually paints the picture of what Folashade was going through before she ran away from her love nest. On the surface, Sunkanmi appeared to have made all the provisions required to make  her world go round. But when she came into his heart she discovered that the heart was like a room without a roof. She could never be protected here, she would never  experience real love and for so long her heart was exposed to the harsh elements. She was abused by all kinds of intruders and he was just non  challant about the whole saga. The more she complained, the more hostile he became and when she just could not take it any more, she ran away. It was at this point that our dear Romeo had a change of heart, friends and loved ones who heard the one sided story he told also began to rain insults of Folashade. But then when the true story unfolded ,it was obvious that she just could not survive in that kind of space, it was better to fight and run way instead of losing her sanity to an uncaring heart.

For a lot of people finding your way out of a wrong relationship can be very traumatic. For Deborah, this was the same experience.  It was quite frustrating but was at that point that I made up my mind to move on and give Matthew the opportunity he had been crying for. In a short while , I discovered that he was not as bad  as I thought he was. He also had a change of heart and things got really better.

At this point, she realsied that it was better to stay with this emotional devil instead of going after someone else who may actually turn out to be a disaster.

A heart filled with roses? Yes, that had always been her dream. A desire to be a modern day Cinderella or Snow white.

Dotun was exactly what Maureen had been searching for all her life. Interestingly, the encounter was a chance meeting on that fateful day, she was going to the salon to retouch her hair which was long overdue. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to pick her relaxer and she decided to stop over at the supermarket to pick one.

As she stepped into the premises, she bumped into this handsome dude who was just starring at her. Nonsense can you just move out of the way, ‘she muttered. Not moved he assisted her to pick her bag and get herself together. A very close encounter and she was disturbed further but somehow Dotun was cool and calm. “At that point, I wondered what he was up to and quickly moved out of his way. In my heart I kept wandering if he was a fraudster, a miracle or was iit just love at first sight.  He came back and it was apologies galore. As she helped her to carry her things out to the car she felt something leap in her heart. She left for the salon thinking it was all over but Dotun drove ahead and park in a corner watching her gesticulations and every move. He liked what he saw and decided he wanted a relationship with her.

When Maureen finished in the salon, she drove back home tired. The most important thing she wanted was a good sleep. To her utmost surprise, the guy she bumped into at the supermarket was right beside her at the doorstep. Was she going to shout for help from her neighbors or allow her emotional instinct to take over? Well, she took the latter option and that was how the relationship started and got really groovy. For about two years he treated her like an idol. A lot of her friends were wistfully envious of these two lovebirds and the way they projected their relationship to others. On her part, Maureen was also a very beautiful lady with the right curves. She was very faithful with her dude. Of course, there was a constant deluge of propositions but no one was able to lure her away from her dear Dotun. Conversely, Maureen’s heart was not stable, it moved in so direction and that ruined everything they built together.

She spent a fortune to buy the jewelry and every morning, all she did was to take a good look at it, smile and put it back into the treasure chest. Great investment, and then one day she needed some cash and her mind riveted that way. Yes, she was going to use this investment to get what she wanted. But to her utmost surprise, the charming gold bracelet was fake. Fola felt really bad, she threw away the box and it content. How can she hold on to something that is so worthless?

Interestingly, that is the way it is for a lot of relationships. You keep the person you treasure in the uppermost part of your heart. Like gold and diamonds, they have been treasured for so long and your dream is to keep them there forever. But then somehow something happens and your emotional treasure turns out to be a bundle of affectionate disappointments. It becomes useless and you just want to put ‘it’ behind you. Usually, when you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of “promise” and connection, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way.

You might even vow not to date again for a long time, because you just don’t want to get hurt again. It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little “bubble” you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy. What do you need a man for anyway?

You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close.

You don’t want to be vulnerable. What’s the point, if all that’s going to happen is that you’ll end up feeling more of the same? Well, the truth of the matter is that love does not always work this way. Sometimes you win and there are times when you lose.

If you are really honest with yourself, you’ll realise that you don’t want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience. As a matter of fact, one great guy you’re meant to be with could be out there somewhere. And unless you create the “space” for him in your life, you won’t be ready for love when he finally surfaces.

If you’re not taking a risk, then you may just be risking never feeling the love and connection that could transform your life someday. Of course, if your experience with the opposite sex has been, well, less than great, then you would surely have some reservations. For those in this category, they would rather stick a twig in their eye than date again. But the simple truth is that you can experience the kind of love that you’ve always wanted in your life, regardless of what kind of bad experiences you’ve had before.

When you wear an emotional love crown there are lots of expectations. And because so much has been given, you would also want to give back to your crown prince. Once you do not meet the person’s expectation, then things are likely to fall apart. Here you would be thinking of how to get back the love, passion, and enjoyment out of love and life. For a lot of women it is important because they prefer to stop the vicious cycle of getting into a relationship, getting a man, and then losing themselves. The ultimate goal usually is to have a truly loving and “evolved” relationship.

You can also achieve this if you learn to change the way you go about your relationship, you can make this change happen in the man you’re with – or in the kind of man you attract.

Some, however, believe that you can only get to your love destination if you get the right partner. Sometimes , you don’t need to wait for the right relationship to “happen to you,” when you have the power to make it happen for yourself and feel 100% confident about where your love and relationship is headed.

In a lot of relationships the sparks reduce when there is breakdown in communication. Mistrust, arguments and feelings of hurt are likely to occur and recur in this kind of relationship. It further leads to a continual state of frustration, misunderstood feeling and being unappreciated. The truth of the matter is that unexpressed feelings usually pile up and poison the relationship. The emotional buttons that your partner pushes in you can make you happy or angry depending on how you guys connect. So, it is better to be committed by listening not only with your ears but also with your heart.

Always remember that in any relationship it is not what you get but what you give that matters. Criticism, contempt, being defensive and stonewalling are signs that the sparks you once enjoyed in a relationship are going or gone. Even though teasing is an important tool for building healthy relationships, you need to understand your partner to know what jokes are appropriate and those that are not. Please don’t overstretch your limits when it comes to joking or teasing your partner.

The truth about attraction is that it is not just about being a great beauty, or about seducing a man into having feelings for you. It is actually about something deeper and more long-lasting. And the best part is that once a man feels this level of attraction for you, almost nothing can keep him away from wanting to be with you.

IT was supposed to be the best part of his life. Kelechi got calls from far and wide but deep down; he knew that this was a mistake. It was just a few hours to the d-day and all the arrangements had been perfected. All that was left was to sleep, wake up and get to the church to sign the dotted lines

The big question however is how was he going to go through the ordeal of getting hooked to someone he just discovered was unfaithful. Should he continue as if nothing had happened or just walk away from everything?

Wondering what happened? “I got a phone call from someone who told me, he was her ex boyfriend. He told me that she had a baby for him about five years ago and wanted me to know that part of the woman that I was getting married to. The news was so shocking because Ada is someone that I cherish so much. I gave up so many things because of her and I did not hide anything from her since I met her.”

Blackmail? Yes, that is natural. “It is normal to have a past but it is also important to let the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with know about those things that might upset the relationship. If you hide things from the love of your life, then they would certainly get upset when they get the information from another source”.

So, what did Ada have to say about this revelation you wonder? “I called her up immediately and asked her about that part of her life. She told me it was the truth. That she had a baby in her final year in school and she kept it a secret because she thought I wouldn’t accept her if I knew. I was really upset and I felt she couldn’t be trusted anymore.”

A few friends intervened, they tried to talk to him, asking him to forgive her but somehow he thinks that something is wrong somewhere. Ada certainly was his dream girl. For Kelechi, she fit into the picture nicely and he did his best to make it work.

His heart was literarily on fire and he almost made up his mind not to allow the wedding ceremony to go on. Then Ada sent him a message, it was very long and she took time to talk about the baby, blackmail from the other guy and why she kept everything away from him. It was obvious that she had gone through so much pain already and his heart melted and forgave her.

Also, the letters, gifts and souvenirs they shared in the past brought the emotional flames back again and the emotional tragedy was reverted.

Great! Thank God, it was resolved by the twosome. The crux of the matter here is that you must always carry your partner along. This way, you will be able to build trust and understanding around the issues that confront you from time to time. It is also important to have regular discussion to see how you are faring, areas of similarities as well as differences.

At such moments, you can talk about what you appreciate most about each other during the last two weeks. Then you can go on to discuss what can be done to improve the relationship, and how to do so. You can then finish up with gratitude to each other for doing the relationship check-in and have a great lunch or dinner as the case may be.

Trust is also very important. You trust yourselves as well as the people around you, especially those who you admire in your life. All of these strategies will help you build up trust, and research shows, that this is key to having happy, lasting relationships. Always keep in the back of your mind a personal evaluation of the level of trust in the relationship. How much do you trust the other person to act in ways that both match your mental model of that person? How much do you trust that person to have your back?

If you want an intentional relationship, do things to build up trust and gather information about the other person’s trustworthiness. Exhibit vulnerability and openness, share secrets, and be generous in your offers to compromise. If the other person shows themselves trustworthy, then be more committed to the relationship. If they do not, then re-evaluate your own level of commitment, as the relationship likely will not work in the long term.

One great way to depict trust is by allowing each other to set boundaries and permit privacy. Luckily, technological developments make it so easy for us to track each other and to be in constant communication. However, permitting each other to have a private space or not pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships. Respecting boundaries and permitting privacy will do wonders for building up mutual trust!

A love feast? Yes, Love and falling in love can be compared to a love feast. When you are at the peak of affections turn table then there would be lots of loving in the air. It would be a time to wine and dine. Time to look gorgeous and be the subject of someone’s admiration, a time and a season to snap photographs to record these wonderful memories.

One other thing that comes to mind when you are feasting and celebrating is to give and receive gifts. It is a way to show appreciation and be appreciated. And there are all kinds of gifts. You need to understand the personality involve to know the appropriate gift to shower on the one you love. There is no point spending a fortune on something that would not be appreciated.

A Souvenir is a kind of gift that comes to mind at this point. It is something that is kept as a reminder of a person, place or event. When you travel out of the country we usually love to bring back souvenirs that would remind us about the wonderful places we’ve been to .Friends whose paths cross yours also give you some mementos to bring back wonderful memories shared later on in life.

One interesting thing however is the fact that there are different types of souvenirs and their quality and attributes make them important or not. Its aesthetics and general design also determine where you would keep it, how long it would be treasures and what it ultimately means to you.

Love according to a school of thought can be described as a souvenir. Something exciting to behold, something carefully designed and something valuable. Once you have given love to someone it can never be erased, it can never be forgotten.

The only snag however is the quality and quantity of loving that you are giving or getting in return. You can actually assess this by cross checking the type of love that was doled out by your prince charming or the lady who has captured your emotions.

You can do your assessments by looking at the different souvenirs in your custody. Some souvenirs are filled with memories; some are expensive, priceless, precious, fake or cheap. A romantic experience can also be filled with pleasant memories or bitter memories. What you get is what you give and the experience is going to stick on forever. Love can also be expensive. This means that it is going to cost you so much to merit the attention of the person you desire. Here you may give, give and give so much just to get the other party’s emotional attention. This does not mean that you are going to get value for sowing so much affection and love.

If the person you are attracted to appreciates what you are doing then it would be a love feast indeed. The memories would be cherished and everything would fall in the right place as expected. This can also be achieved if you haven’t place square love pegs in round holes. Everyone must know and understand their duties and be dedicated to achieve results.

Sometimes, the loving you get compares with fake and cheap souvenirs. Even if you really like these souvenirs there is a limit to how long you can keep such. Cheap souvenirs like love are likely to crack peel off or be broken. When it gets to that stage you would be forced to take it off the wall, away from table or shelf as the case may be.

In the final category you would find souvenirs that are precious and priceless. Even when you know that you have come to the end of the road, you just can’t stop dreaming. The memories are so good, so exciting and each time you reminisce it is likely to transport you to fantasy land. It is surely going to be rated as one of the best romance you ever had. Like a dream you wish and wish that it is never going to end. It a tape that you just love to play and play all over again. A never ending love story. A tale of selfless love told by dreamers and generous lovebirds.

For 28 year old Tola her experience can be classified into a fake souvenir category. Unfortunately for her the memories continue to reverberate even though she would have loved to sweep it under the carpet. A few weeks ago while she was driving to work a thought occurred to her. “I needed to get out of the relationship. It was obvious that we had come to the end of the road. I felt so sad because it was actually affecting my work and social life. Everything around me simply looked like it had come to a standstill.

How did she get to this point and why did she allow herself to be pushed to the emotional wall before taking a decision.“I had been in a relationship for about four years and there was really no value placed on my emotions. Everyday and every minute I felt used and taken for granted.”

Her dream and desire had always been to love and be loved. But somehow the more she tried to achieve this simple dream the more elusive it has become. Has love become so discriminatory? Was affection selective and partial? Sadly, she posed these questions to her bosom friend, Temi who gave her a personal experience that started with tears but ended on a happy note.

“We met in church and everyone was so happy about the relationship. Somehow his parents and mine weren’t friends and we thought it was not going to end well. There was a lot of frustration in between but somehow things changed gradually and it worked out as planned.

The truth of the matter is that every love story is not the same. But your love souvenir is determined by the goals that you set for yourself, dedication on the part of your partner and the dreams that you share in common. You can achieve this by sending the RIGHT CUES to a guy. No matter the obstacles on your emotional path always prepare for success.

AND I would do anything for love

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I’d never lie to you and that’s a fact

But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now

Oh no, no way

And I would do anything for love

Oh I would do anything for love

I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that

No, I won’t do that

I will do anything for Love. This is certainly a familiar love song and it goes on and on talking about the things lovebirds would do, for the heart the cherish and want to keep forever like diamonds. The song which has been recorded by different artistes overtime points to the promises, love heights and the other side, that reminds us all about love’s reality zone.

So, many lovebirds are willing to do everything and anything for the heart that they love. The stakes are higher when it is reciprocal and everyone is happy and intoxicated by the love environment.

Unfortunately, the love season differs. It changes with emotional chameleon taking charge of the stage at different phases of the game. When some set out to betray the love process from the onset, others simply get carried away midway and forget the sweet promises and vows of sticking to one another till death do them apart.

When the chips are down, those who have hearts as strong as the lion learn to move on without causing a stir. However, not everyone who give up so easy. Those in this category would fight as well as take back a pound of flesh or even more. A recent video of a battered widow beaten to a state of coma by a jealous wife and her sister comes to mind here.

The images naturally brings tears to the eyes and you cannot help but pity the woman at the receiving end. As a widow, she must have been a lonely heart and that vacuum obviously led her to trouble. Perhaps, she didn’t even give the man her conscent. Or she may not even know that he was ‘happily’ married.

Whatever transpired between the twosomes is a personal secret. We are not in their shoes and cannot make any assumptions here. They would be able to tell their story that is if it is something they want to go viral like the video in question.

Next, you mind goes to the woman at the centre of the emotional scandal, the wife. Naturally, she would have been nursing emotional wounds overtime. Sadly, that is the story in cheating game. Someone must be at the lower end and the emotional trauma would someday give way to what happened or even worse. Nights of pain, crying in the dark , waking up to curse the day they met , how she is going to pay them back  and subsequently unleash emotional terror . Unfortunately, you don’t have to take the law into your hand to vindicate yourself. Also wrapped in the love triangle is a sister who has also gone through tough emotional times.

Guilty? Yes. You can’t take the laws ( emotional) into your hands , without fully understanding what’s going on in the space. You just cannot be the victim, the prosecutor and the jury. When in a deep emotional mess, the wise thing to do would be to step aside and allow other people to come in and find answers and solutions for you.

Jungle justice won’t work. This is certainly crude and it would only get you into more trouble. As a matter of fact, it may actually mess up the whole process and you will end up losing what you set out to save in the first place.  To survive, it is better to have a great strategy. That would definitely make you smarter, wiser and you would be able to recover, repossess and realign you ‘loot’ without stress.

Interestingly, sometimes the emotional space can be unfair to the real victims. Some things are not visible and there are no arguments that would justify that you have been robbed in the emotional transaction. Here, the best thing perhaps would be to let go of the loot instead of fighting over a heart that has already be repositioned.

Everyone is part of the emotional jury here and you can give your verdict depending on what side of the emotional coin that you are on. We would all have something to say. It’s tough judging a desperate housewife flogging a helpless rival in despair

The crux of the matter is that, they wear the shoes, they know where and how it pinches and you cannot pass a verdict except you have been down that corridor yourself. If you have, then simply do a flashback and recall the things that went on in your mind. Thank God, you didn’t carry out your plans. Imagine, what would have happened if you had done what you wanted to do then. God forbid!