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Virginity……only me!

We live in a generation where being a virgin past a certain age is highly regarded as such a big deal. So that’s pretty much what I did, I made a big deal out of it. I was proudly abstinent and trust me; I didn’t decline any opportunity to announce my “virginal” state.

Then I met Funmi Ayodele. I had been trying to win her to Christ and then possibly myself. She is such a beautiful, intelligent, gifted and creative young woman but a little laid back about the things of God. I mean, she does not even go to Church so how responsible could she possibly have been? I was so concerned about her soul. I thought to myself “if only she could add the God-factor, her life will make so much sense.”

In time we got pretty close. I secured her confidence and also noticed that she was quite evasive about her romantic life. So I put it to her one day. “Who are you courting”? She mentioned a guy’s name and confidently, I asked my next question, “so how sexually active are you?’’ To my utter amazement, she replied with a look of alarm on her face, “I don’t do that!” To say the least, I was shocked to hear that Adeola was a virgin despite being in a relationship.
This is a lady who could not even remember the last time she was in church. Now, Funmi had no moral obligations provided by a pastor, no social scrutiny provided by a church department, and definitely no inclination to being answerable to any God anywhere! She graduated from the University of Lagos and had been living by herself for years. Yet she wasn’t “doing it”.

Then I got really curious and asked how come. And all she told me was. ‘I have always had sense!’

For her, it is not about God! She is not doing it because of a Supreme Being up there who she is trying to impress or who is going to judge her. It is about common sense!

Hmm…, Common sense informing her decision.
Forget Funmi for a second, I have been friends with Adebola Deji-Kurunmi for awhile. Her courtship was one I had long envied. So it was with excitement that I attended her wedding. Then while waiting in the car before the glorious entrance into the reception hall, shortly after the Church wedding, I mischievously teased her about the kiss she and her husband shared during the ‘kiss your bride’ segment in Church. Then she said ‘It was so beautiful. That was my first kiss ever’

Again, I was literally slapped with shock! “Like seriously? ‘You have never kissed?’”
Then she nodded affirmatively. Here is a lady who got married at a year closer to 30 than 25.

To her, that is the right way to live before marriage, the only way acceptable for a daughter of Zion!

‘Never been kissed, never been touched!’ Oh mai God!

I just stood there flooded with the image of the guys I had kissed and let kiss me. Lord have mercy!

Over time, I have met several other virgins who have decided to preserve the gift of their body to the man of their destiny. Then I stopped believing virgins are scarce.

Dearest, you are not the only virgin standing! There are a whole lot out there. Whatever the devil or the society has made you to believe before now does not matter. You are not the only one! There could be so many perversion sin the land and countless daughters, who are indiscriminate about sex, but beyond that, virginity is not out of fashion and virgins are definitely not extinct.

In Adebola Deji – Kurunmi’s note SEX, OH MY GOD, SEX!!!, she said ‘Sex is thrilling, amazing and incredibly powerful. Sex is one of the very few serious, life-defining experiences that are yet coated in sugary appeal. It as the fire in your bed, flame in your soul, melting body, heights of passion, muffled whisper and ruffled sheet. Yet, it is a covenant, a spiritual exchange, souls poured into one, a bond that binds and handwriting on the future. It is amazing how God has made a deeply spiritual transaction so pleasurable.’

I understand that being a virgin can be a real drag. Especially when your association is wrong and all your girlfriends swap stories of passionate lovemaking, scandalous screwing and one-night-stands, leaving you with nothing to contribute to the conversation; it’s easy to feel like you are the odd woman out. It’s also easy to feel like you are missing out.

Combine the two and you might start to feel like you should just hurry up and lose your virginity!

Being a virgin in this day and age is quite difficult because you are literally swimming against the current of the modern times, but it’s a choice at the end of the day. Virginity also tends to scare off a lot of people that would want to be in a relationship with you, but also in the end, it usually turns out to be a blessing because it eliminates crappy and toxic people out of your life.

As a virgin, your ability to rock someone’s world doesn’t come from how you perform in bed.

Virginity is a gift, to be honourably saved for that one person you decide to spend your lifetime with (i.e. marriage partner.) It is the greatest emotional/physical treasure a person can GIVE. You don’t take it. You don’t lose it. You give it. Isn’t that what true love is about?
Chaste woman, I dare to call you a UNICORN. And this is not just about the biological virgins, but as well about those who have been bought and washed with hyssop. It applies to daughters who despite their past have run back to the cross and initiated a new Covenant of purity with God. You are as well covered! What a woman you are!

Now listen up, I want you to add these points to whatever reasons have kept youa virgin till now. “You are ‘married’ to whoever you have sex with! In the Bible, it’s not really the wedding that does the ‘joining together’; it is the sex— the welding. The Bible makes no distinction between marriage and sex.

After Abraham slept with Hagar (his servant girl), she also became HIS WIFE .From that point forward, scriptures had to specify when referring to Sarah by using the phrase “…your wife Sarah.” (Gen. 18:9-10, 20:2, 23:19).

In Genesis 24:67, Rebecca became Isaac’s wife as soon as she was taken to his tent. The real marriage covenant is two people engaging in sexual intercourse.

Jacob could not return Leah the day after the wedding ceremony – even after realizing he had been tricked – because he had already become one flesh with her. [Genesis 29:23, 27, 30].

In Genesis 29:21, we see that Jacob, when later demanding for Rachael, asked her father to give her over that ‘I may lie with her’. That is what matters! Sex is what turns Miss. Rachael into Mrs. Jacob—not a golden ring!”

It is also interesting to note that one of the first questions asked by judges handling divorce cases is “Was this Marriage consummated?” (I.e. have you had sex?). If yes, the marriage cannot be ANNULLED, there can only be a DIVORCE.

You may have also noticed that couples who have been together for a while begin to resemble each other. This is because there has been a three-fold mixing: Spirits have mixed; Souls have been tied and bodies have communicated with each other deeply!

What is the point? The female leaves the bed with A PART OF ANOTHER MAN inside of her (in every sense of the word) and vice versa!

Spare me a minute though, are you sure you are not just a technical virgin? Huh! We know you have done pretty much everything but penis-in-vagina. But if you don’t want to mess up this journey don’t start what you can’t handle! The skin is only a few centimetres deep and beneath that skin; there are 18millionnerves passing information round. Whenever someone touches you sexually, your nerves send information that is stored somewhere in your brain. That’s why when you see the person later you remember the touch! You have imprints of people on your life through sexual relationships.

My papa, Segun Coker said recently, “In a generation where standards are generally zero… you need to put yourself inside some standards. …policies… and refuse to go out of it… NO… not for anything or anyone.’’

We refuse to be kissed, touched, smooched, romanced….and we won’t allow any strange objects into our bodies till we are given in marriage! Yes, the way down the road maybe tough and temptations may lie here and there, but we are resolute about this because we have UNDERSTANDING!

We will not only be pure in our bodies, but in our hearts, words, dressing and actions. We will be an epitome of what grace can do and we will be the standard for all women to follow! And we don’t mind being called ”old-school.” In-fact, we proudly answer to that.

Men desire a woman who can say No! This is the mother of all attractions.

Can I get a witness?

Always remember, the pleasure of sex is nothing compared to the pleasure of a manifested destiny!

God has seen your entire life even before you were born. How he longs for you to fulfill purpose and the prophecies that have gone ahead of you!

Prophecies do not just happen but by the consistent discipline of those who have received them!

Tarry in this groove TILL a man dares sign his life to you. Remember, the heaven is proud of you.

Sex is good; it is better with the right person BUT best served at the right time… MARRIAGE! Period!

Lawal is a Newscaster, reporter and producer at MITV/Star FM

February 2, 2014
Why Nigeria should learn from South Korea

Most of us know of South Korea, officially called the Republic of Korea. Many images may come to mind when Korea is mentioned: a beautiful country with a strong economy and well-protected environment. South Korea is a small country with grit. The shrimp sized peninsula is a national success story that transformed itself from impoverished conditions to industrial riches in a remarkable 68-year postwar period.

It was only a few years ago that South Korea, wracked by poverty, political chaos and popular discontent, was widely regarded as a sinkhole of American aid. Now this small, ruggedly anti-communist country enjoys relative political stability and is making impressive economic progress.
It has become one of the success stories of the United States assistance program. How did this startling reversal come about? The country experienced the fastest growth in per-capita GDP since the 1960.

According to the World Bank, South Korea’s GDP per capita in 1960 was $155 and has risen to $22,424 today, which is greater than the national wealth of their Chinese neighbors. The Republic of Korea became famous across the world and made a very big name for itself in the last few decades founded very big place for its name in few last decades despite a number of limitations.

The country is small, less than 100,000 square kilometers, though with a sizable population of 50 million. The country also lacks all of the natural resources present in many other countries; she has no oil, gas, or iron hidden beneath the surface. On the other hand, this small country has invaded the world with her products, which can be found everywhere we go. Some people cannot fathom how a small country like South Korea managed to achieve this.

To explain this, we must first know the factors that drove Korea to undergo its economic developments. From this, we might derive some lessons that would help us rebuild our country (Nigeria). First we must understand the history of this great country, so I will present the historical image. I will not discuss Korea’s history before the year 1910, but simply mention some important events of the last century which guide us to believe in the phrase: “nothing is impossible before human desire and ambition.”

Korea was annexed by the empire of Japan in 1910, and achieved its independence in 1945. At the end of World War II, Korea was divided into Soviet and U.S. zones of occupation in the north and south, respectively. The Republic of Korea was created by an election held in the U.S. zone in 1948. The de-colonization and political division of the once united nation meant a sudden disruption of trade both with Japan and within Korea, causing serious economic turmoil. The situation was very difficult, as the country was one of the poorest in the world with a GDP per capita of approximately $72.

The Korean War began around 1950, when forces from the North invaded the South. Over the course of the three-year war, 1.5 million people were killed and a quarter of Korea’s capital stock destroyed. After the war, the South Korean people worked hard as a single nation to rebuild the country. 1945. At the end of World War II was divided into Soviet (North) and U.S. (South) zones of occupation. Republic of Korea has created by an election held in the U.S. zone in 1948. The de-colonization and political division meant sudden disruption of trade both with Japan and within Korea, causing serious economic turmoil, and this only further deteriorated the country’s financial situation. With GDP per capita around $72 USD, Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world.

The Korean War began in 1950 when forces from the North invaded the South. By the end of the conflict three years later, one and half million people had been killed and about a quarter of Korean capital stock destroyed. After the war, the South Korean people worked as one hand, moral and loyalty high, in a nation-wide effort to rebuild the country. Policymakers set to work stimulating economic growth by promoting indigenous industrial firms. The government selected firms in targeted industries and gave them privileges to buy foreign currencies and to borrow funds from banks at preferential rates.

The government also erected tariff barriers and imposed a prohibition on manufacturing imports, hoping that the protection would help domestic firms improve productivity through learning-by-doing and importing advanced technologies. Few among indigenous companies are Samusng, LG and Hyundai automobile, the biggest plant in the world in Ulsan with an annual capacity of 1.5 million units, made up of five independent manufacturing facilities on a 5,050,000 m2 site where over 34,000 employees produce an average of 6,000 vehicles per day. In addition, it has a dedicated pier where three 50,000 ton ships can dock at once. With some 590,000 planted trees and state-of-the-art environmental protection facilities, it is also widely known to locals as the “forest factory.”With also NNPC, mobile and Total Plc as one of major clients in the world.

Government gave various types benefits, such as low-interest loans, to start exporting. Firms were evaluated based on export performance, placed under the discipline of export markets and granted wider contact with the developed world. The result of these policies was efficiency growth significantly faster in Korea’s export industries than in the rest of the economy. Per capita output doubled, and South Korea became an industrialized country: from 1962 to 1975 the share of manufacturing in GDP rose from 9% to 27%.

Presently, South Korea is a developed country with a very high standard of living. Its GDP per capita is $33,580. It is Asia’s fourth largest economy and the world’s 15th (nominal) or 12th (purchasing power parity) largest economy. The economy is export-driven, with production focusing on ships, machinery, automobiles, electronics, petrochemicals and robotics. South Korea is a member of the United Nations, WTO, OECD, and a founding member of APEC and the East Asia Summit. It should also be mentioned that Korea’s national development is also aided by its strict gun control laws. Korea ranks among the leading countries in lowest quantity of firearms per capital.

What Is South Korea Doing Right? Education perspective Culturally, South Koreans are invested in education. They have a lot riding on it. Everything from their social status to their marriage prospects to their job is determined by where they went to college. And parents are judged based on what universities their kids get into too. So it goes without saying that parents and students are highly motivated when it comes to school.

South Korean parents spend more on education (15% of their gross national product) than any other nation. Some parents drop close to 25% of their income on education, tutoring and supplemental educational materials. And most parents send their kids to extra private school after their regular school day. “South Korean students go to school from nine a.m. to five p.m. and then they go to Hagwons (private schools for extra class) from five p.m. until ten at night,” said Stacey Bremner, a South African teacher who taught in South Korea. “They only really start their school homework once they get back from private schooling or extra lessons.” And to think kids in the US complain about how much schoolwork they have!

Teachers in South Korea are another major factor in the students’ success. South Korean teachers go above and beyond. “Korean teachers don’t just do what is expected of them,” said Ms. Bremner. “They are extremely dedicated to their jobs. They work very hard and make a huge effort.” And society rewards them for it. Teachers in South Korea enjoy high social status, are paid very well and have great job security. No wonder teaching is the top career choice for young Korean’s these days. But it’s not an easy gig to get. Only 5% of hopefuls are accepted into the elementary school teacher-training program. And once they get a teaching job, not many people give it up. Only 1% leaves the field every year.

The Korean Ministry of Education works hard to make sure all of their country’s schools are tops as well. In 2008, they made several changes in an attempt to close the gap between kids in high-achieving urban schools and lower-achieving rural schools. They offered financial support to all middle school students, subsidized computers, offered meals and opened more schools in rural areas to make them more accessible.

South Korea is very savvy when it comes to leveraging technology to improve their schools. They topped PISA’s digital literacy test in 2009, proving that when it comes to computers, their kids are on the ball. Every school in South Korea has high-speed internet. They also have digital textbooks to make learning materials more accessible, especially to lower income students. By 2015, they plan to go 100% digital and have all textbooks in all of their schools accessible from a computer, tablet or phone. The Ministry of Education has also recently created a Cyber Home Learning System, an online program designed to help kids with their after-school learning.

I hail from Ekiti State, Nigeria. Nigeria is a country in West Africa having boundaries with Niger and Chad Republic in the north, Cameroon on the eastern part, Benin Republic on the western border and the Atlantic Ocean at the southern end. Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa with more than 160 million people living there. What this means is that one in every 7 Africans is a Nigerian. Geographically, Nigerian terrain changes from the high savanna-covered plateaus in the north to the oil-rich Niger Delta in the southern part down to the rain forest belt region towards the coast.

Nigeria is the 12th largest producer of crude oil in the world (averaging 2,525,000 barrels per day) and the 8th largest exporter. Nigeria has the 10th largest proven reserves of petroleum worldwide. Petroleum plays an important role in the country’s economy and contributes to more than 85% of the total government’s revenue. However poverty in Nigeria remains significant despite high economic growth it first started sometime during the British empire. Nigeria has one of the world’s highest economic growth rates (averaging 7.4% over the last decade), a well-developed economy, and plenty of natural resources such as oil. However, it retains a high level of poverty, with 63% living on below $1 daily, implying a decline in equity.

I have written here on South Korea’s economic success to give an impression of their developmental stages and the power of believing that nothing is impossible with the power of human persistence. Despite numerous obstacles, Korea became one of the world’s most developed countries.

Nigerians facing its own share of obstacles, annual shutdown of Universities and incessant industrial actions across all boards, despite all these ugly scenarios the Nigerian people and policymakers can also create a success story from Nigeria. We can become a developed country, a beautiful country rich with resources both human and natural. We much work together, the government and the nation, on the single goal of building a new Nigeria devoid of ethnicity and conflict but rather saddled with commitment to public service and in turn even with our enormous minerals and resources we can then be wealthy and developed. In conclusion, I remind everyone generations yet unborn will one day ask us what we did for them. I hope that my message is heard loud and clear: let’s start building A NEW NIGERIA.

Ayokunle, writes from the Keimyung University, South Korea. He can be reached through the email address below:
olumuyiwaayokunle@yahoo.com

February 2, 2014
From beauty queen to image consultant

Ifeoma Williams former Miss Lux, now an image consultant speaks to Adetorera Idowu about her love for consulting and how she set up Fruition Image consulting.

What’s the focus of your company, Fruition Image?

The umbrella of image consulting is very broad. Fruition image is the holistic image consultancy. This umbrella covers; public relations, media relations, personal image enhancement, corporate group training, personality brand management, etiquette and everything that can help show an individual or corporate organisation in a positive light. An image consultant helps you put your best foot forward and our focus is to be holistic.

How would you describe your life as an image consultant?

I would say it is heeding God’s call for my life. I started out as a lawyer but growing up I was known for packaging and putting people together, be it the way you look or if you’re asked a question. I would say “That’s too many words, say it in 3 or 4 words” I was the family copyrighter. It came to me naturally, and I readily transitioned from my legal career into it. You know what they say about monetizing your passion. I’m blessed to be in image consulting.

What was the journey like to where you are now?

It’s been a very interesting and eventful one but I guess when you’re passionate about and believe in something you’ll stick with it. Image consulting was very new when I started 7years ago and at the time I knew only two certified image consultants; myself and someone else. When I wanted to leave my career to go into image consulting, I remember my father saying “You want to leave law to go tell people how to carry shoe and bag?” So I had to explain further. When I came back from my training, people called me a stylist because the initial thing I did was fashion and fashion styling. I had to educate a lot of people on the fact that, styling is a miniscule part of image consulting. But even though styling was what I started with, it caught on because Nigerians are very fashion forward. It’s been an interesting journey, a gradual process and I’m very proud of the fact that I have risen in my career. Currently, I’m President-elect of Associate of Image Consultants International (AICI) – Nigeria Chapter. I also like the fact that the pioneer image consultants and I opened the gateway for the many young fashion stylists and image consultants. My advice to fashion stylists is; though it comes naturally and every man and his purse is a stylist, styling is an art and getting training will actually enhance your God-given talents. My advice to them is; get trained and join the association.

Who are your major clients?

I do not like to mention names so that one client does not feel less special. The industries we service are the banking industry, entertainment, media, fashion and lifestyle as well as top corporate executives. As a former lawyer myself, we have started doing a lot of corporate training on etiquette for the legal community.

Can you tell us a few of the challenges you’ve faced on the job?

Number one challenge is infrastructure. Number two is that though Nigerians are very knowledgeable, they do not understand concepts. So when you say to someone “I want to enhance your image” They think it’s such a simplistic thing and don’t believe they should pay for that service. Nigerians generally do not understand paying for services but when you spend time with an image consultant and they help you work on your image, you’ll see that it’s a service worth paying for because you can tell the difference post image consulting.

What are the strategies you’ve employed to overcome some of these challenges?

Infotainment basically, because the world is very visual. I simply kept my prospective clients informed of the benefits. It’s advertising of sorts. Thank God for social media. This makes it easier to inform your would-be clients of the benefits. I wrote a lot of proposals, it wasn’t just text, there were pictures and things to show, I held a lot of talks and I think over time people now realized that there was really something to look into with image consulting.

So what was the turning point?

I would say I’ve been quite lucky. But the turning point was the day I gave my first talk. It’s been a life of blessings. After my first talk, people started to invite me.

What are your tips on how we can exude a professional image?

My number one advice is, be true to yourself. My number one style guide is that trend and fashion do not equate to style and as Yves Saint Laurent said, fashion fades but style is eternal. Not every trend will suit you. It is alright to stay with classic and timeless trends. Know what suits you and stick with it
Number 2 and most importantly, learn to highlight your assets and conceal your flaws. If you have k-legs, you cannot wear skirt above the knee cap. It won’t work. If you stutter, public speaking might be difficult, so work on it by slowing down your pace and speech and you’ll become better at it. Know your body type, stick to your style preference and buy classic pieces not trends. For other tips you should be speaking to Fruition.

What are some of the memorable moments you’ve had in Fruition and your personal life?

As I say watch this space, because a remarkable one will be before the end of the year. But some of the memorable moments in the past were; when we moved to our office in Lekki, when we single handedly organized the First Lagos carnival queen competition in 2010, when we spoke at the RISE Network organized by Toyosi Akerele in 2007. There have been too many memorable moments.
In my personal life, the days that I gave birth to both my children, the day I won the LUX competition, and the day I took the leap of faith to become an image consultant.

Do you think winning the Miss Lux Competition shot you to limelight?

It did shoot me to limelight, albeit at an early age. It also has its pros and cons, but I would say it did help because, when you are known, people want to know what it is you’re doing, so it did help my career.

Do you have any mentors?

I have many mentors. My father, Mr Tunde Ezichi is one of my mentors. My other mentors are, Mr. Yemi Candide Johnson SAN, My life coach, Mr Lanre Olusola. Someone I admire greatly would be Mo Abudu who is also a very good friend and Mrs Gbemi Sasore, an older sister, a mentor and a friend.

Out of all these people who has had the greatest influence on your life?

My father- I’m an orator like my dad, public speaking because I watched my dad compère events when I was a child. The comedian side of me came from my father as well. My father is straight in his dealings in life and I think that I got that from him as well. He is generally someone I admire. He is in his 60s and he doesn’t look one day over 40. So I think the image side of things was greatly influenced by him. My father is also a great fashion lover with impeccable taste even at his age.

Beauty pageants are gradually fading out, what do you think is the reason for that?

I don’t think they are fading out, I think that their style is changing because I’m involved in a few of them, pageants are becoming more cerebral and there’s now a focus and it’s beyond just the entertainment. Crowned beauty queens are now indeed ambassadors. When we sift the shaft from the wheat, what would stand out are the truly substantial beauty competitions because people are not just looking for physical beauty anymore, they are looking for voices in this generation.

If you had to advice young women, what would you tell them?

I’ll say that experience is not the best teacher, but other people’s experiences are the greatest teacher. I’d say listen more than you speak and be patient and prayerful. A good name is always priced over mundane worth and you’ll discover in the long run as Solomon said that ‘all is vanity’. So if you pursue your dreams, only that which you sow shall you reap. This law holds true, when you always remember that and you pursue your dreams, you’ll see that in good time, what you have worked for will come to you.

How do you maintain work life balance?

Through the grace of God and a conscious effort. To maintain work-life balance, you have to be deliberate and make up your mind on when you will work and when you’ll relax. As an image consultant, I can only portray a holistic physical image if my mind, body and soul are intact and the only way I can make sure of this is to give each aspect of my life time. There are other people in my life, like my family and I need to spend time with them. I must differentiate between me-time, work-time and their-time

February 1, 2014
Sexual violence the ‘silent-violent epidemic’

Sexual violence against girls and women is one of the strongest expressions of patriarchal cultural values, norms and traditions. These learnt behaviours often cause men to believe that they have the right to abuse women’s bodies.

To ascertain the breadth of the problem, UNICEF and partners recently published research indicating that some 35 per cent of all women will experience either intimate partner or non-partner sexual violence.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual violence as “any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic, or otherwise directed, against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work.”

Alarmingly, the abuse is often committed by someone that is known to the child, including parents, spouses or partners, other family members, caretakers, teachers, employers, law enforcement authorities, state and non-state actors and other children.

Only a small proportion of these acts are reported or investigated, and even fewer perpetrators are ever held accountable for their actions. Amongst females aged 18-24, only about 3 per cent who experienced sexual violence received professional help from institutions such as clinics or NGOs.

There is significant evidence that abuse affects a child’s physical and mental health in the short and long-term. Abuse often impairs their ability to learn and socialize, and impacts their transition to adulthood with adverse consequences later in life.

Violence is often shrouded in silence and is a major contributor to mental health disorders. About half of all mental disorders recorded begin before the age of 14.

Around 20 per cent of children and adolescents are estimated to have mental disorders or problems. Similar to sexual violence, stigma about mental disorders and discrimination often prevent people from seeking mental health care services.

Violence is also a leading cause of unwanted pregnancy and unsafe abortion. Research has documented that women who experienced physical and/or sexual partner violence were twice as likely to have an abortion.

If the abused pregnant female carries to term, they have a 16% greater chance of having a low birth-weight baby – a leading cause of infant mortality and complication.

Sexual violence is often associated with a host of sexual and reproductive health problems, such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV and AIDS, miscarriages, sexual dysfunction and gynaecological disorders.

Gender based violence is responsible for psychological distress which often results in acceptance of the problem. This acceptance results in more violence and consequently more psychological distress: an on-going cycle of risk and consequence.

According to WHO, “women experiencing intimate partner violence are almost twice as likely as other women to have alcohol-use problems.”

Psychological distress can trigger women to use alcohol and other substances of abuse to cope with the violence. However, these substances can encourage other poor-health related risk factors such as tobacco use and unprotected sex.

Childhood abuse directly translates into adverse outcomes for adults. Abused women often suffer isolation, inability to work, loss of wages and lack participation in activities. These outcomes will prevent and limit a woman’s ability to care for herself and her family.

Do not blame yourself. Sexual abuse is never the victim’s fault. To end sexual violence you first have to name it, know it and then report it.

Couillard is an international health columnist that works in collaboration with the World Health Organization’s goals of disease prevention and control. Views do not necessarily reflect endorsement.

February 1, 2014
Advocating rights of children

As 25th anniversary of children’s rights convention approaches, vast progress made but reaching unreached children will require sharper focus on disparities, new report says

Declaring that ‘every child counts’, UNICEF today urged greater effort and innovation to identify and address the gaps that prevent the most disadvantaged of the world’s 2.2 billion children from enjoying their rights.

The children’s agency, in a report released today, highlights the importance of data in making progress for children and exposing the unequal access to services and protections that mars the lives of so many.

“Data have made it possible to save and improve the lives of millions of children, especially the most deprived,” said Tessa Wardlaw, Chief of UNICEF’s Data and Analytics Section. “Further progress can only be made if we know which children are the most neglected, where girls and boys are out of school, where disease is rampant or where basic sanitation is lacking.”

Tremendous progress has been made since the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) was signed in 1989 and in the run up to the culmination of the Millennium Development Goals in 2015. UNICEF’s flagship report, The State of the World’s Children 2014 in Numbers shows that:

– Some 90 million children who would have died before reaching the age of 5 if child mortality rates had stuck at their 1990 level have, instead, lived. In large measure, this is because of progress in delivering immunizations, health, and water and sanitation services.

– Improvements in nutrition have led to a 37 per cent drop in stunting since 1990.

– Primary school enrolment has increased, even in the least developed countries: Whereas in 1990 only 53 in 100 children in those countries gained school admission, by 2011 the number had improved to 81 in 100.

Even so, the statistics in the report, titled “Every Child Counts: Revealing disparities, advancing children’s rights,” also bear witness to ongoing violations of children’s rights:

– Some 6.6 million children under 5 years of age died in 2012, mostly from preventable causes, in violation of their fundamental right to survive and develop.

– Fifteen per cent of the world’s children are put to work that compromises their right to protection from economic exploitation and infringes on their right to learn and play.

– Eleven per cent of girls are married before they turn 15, jeopardizing their rights to health, education and protection.

Data also reveal gaps and inequities, showing the gains of development are unevenly distributed:

– The world’s poorest children are nearly three (2.7) times less likely than the richest ones to have a skilled attendant at their birth, leaving them and their mothers at increased risk of birth-related complications.

– In the Niger, all urban households but only 39 per cent of rural households have access to safe drinking water.

– In Chad, for every 100 boys who enter secondary school, only 44 girls do – leaving them without an education and without protections and services that schools can provide.
– In Nigeria, only 47% of people who live in rural areas have access to improved drinking water against 75% of people in the urban areas. The disparity continues even in HIV prevalence. Prevalence among young girls is 1.3% while only 0.7% among boys. Access to education shows some disparity too in favour of boys. Net enrolment rate for boys into primary school is 60% while for girls it is 55% while net attendance is 72% of boys and 68% for girls.

The report notes that “being counted makes children visible, and this act of recognition makes it possible to address their needs and advance their rights.” It adds that innovations in data collection, analysis and dissemination are making it possible to disaggregate data by such factors as location, wealth, sex, and ethnic or disability status, to include children who have been excluded or overlooked by broad averages.

The report urges increased investment in innovations that right the wrong of exclusion.

“Overcoming exclusion begins with inclusive data. To improve the reach, availability and reliability of data on the deprivations with which children and their families contend, the tools of collection and analysis are constantly being modified – and new ones are being developed. This will require sustained investment and commitment,” the report says.

Much of what is known about the situations of children comes from household surveys, and in particular the Multiple Indicator Cluster Surveys (MICS). Designed and supported by UNICEF, MICS are conducted by national statistical authorities and provide disaggregated data on a range of topics affecting children’s survival, development, rights and experience of life. To date, MICS surveys have been conducted in more than 100 countries. In the last round of MICS, interviews were completed in more than 650,000 households in 50 countries.

Thirty years have passed since The State of the World’s Children began to publish tables of standardized global and national statistics aimed at providing a detailed picture of children’s circumstances. With the release of an edition of the report dedicated to data, UNICEF is inviting decision-makers and the general public to access and use its statistics – at www.data.unicef.org – to drive positive change for children.

“Data do not, of themselves, change the world. They make change possible – by identifying needs, supporting advocacy, and gauging progress. What matters most is that decision-makers use the data to make positive change, and that the data are available for children and communities to use in holding duty-bearers to account,” the report said.

Report by UNICEF

February 1, 2014
What I saw at Auschwitz concentration camp – Ban Ki-moon

As the world commemorates the International Day in Memory of the Victims of the Holocaust tomorrow, the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon captures his experience at a recent visit to the Auschwitz concentration camp and harped on the need for nations across the globe to embrace equality for all.

This year’s observance of the International Remembrance Day on January 27th — the anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp — falls at a time when there are reminders all around us of the dangers of forgetting.

This year marks two decades since the genocide in Rwanda. Conflicts in Syria, South Sudan and the Central African Republic have taken on dangerous communal dimensions. Bigotry still courses through our societies and our politics. The world can and must do more to eliminate the poison that led to the camps.

I visited Auschwitz-Birkenau last November. A chill wind was blowing that day; the ground was rocky underfoot. But I had an overcoat and sturdy shoes; my thoughts went to those who had had neither: the Jews and other prisoners who once populated the camp. I thought of those captives standing naked for hours in icy weather, torn from their families and shorn of their hair as they were readied for the gas chambers. I thought of those who were kept alive only to be worked to death. Above all, I reflected on how unfathomable the Holocaust remains even today. The cruelty was so profound; the scale so large; the Nazi worldview so warped and extreme; the killing so organized and calculated nature.

The barracks at Birkenau seemed to stretch to the horizon in every direction – a vast factory of death. The “Book of Names” identifying millions of Jewish victims filled a room yet contained just a fraction of the toll, which also encompassed Poles, Roma, Sinti, Soviet prisoners of war, dissidents, homosexuals, people with disabilities and others. I was especially moved by a video showing European Jewish life in the 1930s – scenes of family meals and visits to the beach, musical and theatre performances, weddings and other rituals, all savagely extinguished through systematic murder unique in human history.

Marian Turski, a Polish Jew who survived Auschwitz and is today the Vice-President of the International Auschwitz Committee, walked me through the infamous “Arbeit Macht Frei” gate — this time in freedom. Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau, a survivor of Buchenwald and now the Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv, stood with me on the ramp where the transport trains unloaded their human cargo, and recounted the traumatic moment when the swift flick of an SS commander’s index finger meant the difference between life and death. I grieve for those who died in the camps, and I am awed by those who lived — who bear sorrowful memories yet have shown the strength of the human spirit.

I was also accompanied by students from the International Youth Meeting Centre in Oswiecim, who work to build bridges among people and nations. L’dor v’dor, Marian Turski said to me – Hebrew for “from generation to generation”, the passing on of wisdom. It is for this reason that Auschwitz-Birkenau is on UNESCO’s World Heritage List. We cannot build the future without remembering the past; what happened once can recur.

Combatting hatred is among the cardinal missions of The United Nations. Our human rights mechanisms work to protect people. Our special courts and tribunals strive to combat impunity, deliver justice and deter violations. UN special advisers on Genocide Prevention and the Responsibility to Protect scan the world for the precursors of atrocity crimes. The Alliance of Civilizations initiative seeks to counter manifestations of hatred, from anti-Semitism and Islamophobia to ultra-nationalism and bias against minorities. Our new “Rights Up Front” effort seeks to strengthen early action to prevent grave abuses of human rights.

For almost a decade, the “United Nations and the Holocaust Outreach Programme” has been working with teachers and students on all continents to promote tolerance and universal values. The programme’s newest educational package, produced in partnership with the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, will help to introduce Holocaust studies into classrooms in countries ranging from Brazil and Nigeria to Russia and Japan. At this year’s remembrance ceremony at UN Headquarters, the featured speaker will be Steven Spielberg, whose Shoah Institute for Visual History and Education was a landmark in preserving survivor testimony.

A few steps from the crematorium at Auschwitz, I took a moment to myself for reflection. I touched a barbed wire fence — no longer electrified but still sharp and intimidating. I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of what had happened within, and humbled by the courage and sacrifice of the soldiers and leaders of many nations who defeated the Nazi menace. My hope is that our generation, and those to come, will summon that same sense of collective purpose to prevent such horror from happening again anywhere, to anyone or any group, and build a world of equality for all.

January 26, 2014
How National Troupe dazzled the world

The Artistic Director of the National Troupe of Nigeria, Mr. Martin Adaji, relishes how the troupe dazzled the world at a performance in Greece recently in an interview with Edozie Udeze.

National Troupe of Nigeria was in Greece recently for an international cultural show. What was it all about?

We were in Greece by the invitation of the Nigerian Ambassador to Greece, Ayodele Oyedeji. He was Nigerian representative to Germany before and he is familiar with the cultural reputation of the National Troupe of Nigeria. Now that he is fully in charge in Greece, he feels he could also invite us to Greece to be part of the independence celebrations in that country. He was truly thrilled by what we put up for him and for the Nigerian community in Greece. The Nigerian community there was very receptive and happy about our coming.

It is one of our cultural activities for Greece to feel us and we feeling the Greeks. There is a strong cultural bilateral relation between Nigeria and Greece, and that was what the ambassador capitalized on to invite us. We were cleared by the bilateral desk and the decision was taken for us to travel to Greece for the cultural performance. The minister was the one who approved the trip and it was for us to showcase many different Nigerian cultural dances to the people of Greece.

What dances did you take to Greece?

We took lots of our dances; our normal dances. These were all total Nigerian dances which the outside world usually likes to see us perform. These dances were quite well appreciated. In fact, by the time we left the stage, many people were still dancing to the rhythm of our drums and other instruments. There are also some Niger Delta ex-militants in the country who came to watch us. Some of them were working as pilot trainees and were thrilled by what we did. They also danced after the show with us.

They said they had not had opportunity of sweating in a long time. They said it was a very nice opportunity for them to do so; to be part of the cultural troupe of Nigeria, coming to Greece to perform. Some of them even stayed in the same hotel with us. Their stay there is for the government to train and rehabilitate them. We saw that it was a good thing, for part of the federal government transformation agenda is yielding fruits.

Did you also encounter Greece’s form of dances while you were there?

You see, the visit was so short that we couldn’t do that. The festival proper was not exactly when we got our visa. Our visit came towards the end of the festival. When we got there, we were only recalled to put up our performances. It was just to satisfy the yearnings of guests who had waited for us for days. It was the time when they celebrated the anniversary of their independence and it couldn’t have been complete without our performances. The beauty of it all is that the Greek authorities agreed to call us back for more performances in the future. If the situation remains the same I think we are ready to go.

What then is the level of cultural understanding between Greece and Nigeria?

The level of understanding is quite remarkable because Greece is actually receptive of Nigerians. I believe because it is a country that is so peaceful, they are usually in the mood to mix with other cultures, especially those they are used to. Our folks there also interact with them on various levels and so it is easy for them to mingle with Nigerians over there. But the fact remains that the ambassador has done a lot to ensure Nigerians relate with them very well. He has done a marvelous job by bringing all the people together. This event that has just happened therefore became an eye-opener for them. Even some Nigerians who are trying to be on the wrong side of the law now know that there is a man in-charge who does not tolerate nonsense. He equally uses culture to sanitize the image of Nigeria in Greece.

From what the Troupe did last year, do you think it was able to justify the confidence reposed in it?

Definitely. Most of the programmes we set out to do, we were able to execute at least 80 per cent of them. The ones we were not able to do was the university circuit. I think it is going to be one of our key programmes this time around. We will re-establish contact with the universities. This is called town-in-gown. At the moment, the Troupe is performing to the expectations of Nigerians. Certainly you don’t have everything you need. But the little we’ve been able to get we have used it to maximum effect. And our impacts have been felt both locally and internationally. We were most of the time in the villa in Abuja to perform. We had several other outings in Nigeria. So, I wouldn’t say, we have all the money we need, but the little we had we were able to use it judiciously.

Outside the Greece independence festival where you performed, which other countries showed interest in the Troupe in the last one year?

China. As soon as we left Greece, we went over to China. And we had a wonderful experience in China. It was the Nigerian cultural week in China and we thrilled them like we did two year ago. The programme had been on for two years now and we have kept the tempo running. And with the partnership with China, especially in terms of business investments, the cultural week is usually done to keep that tempo on. That is the destination that we must not lose or overlook. They very friendly very understand and have a lot of business sense. It is the right atmosphere for that sort of exchange between the two countries.

January 26, 2014
Tips on how to pass your exams
Excelling in examination can bring many things, like a rewarding career, a better job, financial rewards, promotions, enviable status and respect, while failing examination would certainly put serious barrier on the path to success and greatness in the future.

For you to pass your examinations there are things you need to take into consideration according to Mike Odum in his book “Examination Excellence”

According Odum a leading authority in motivational speaking, below are some tips that would guide you to ensuring successful exams:
1. You must have passion or interest for the course you are studying i.e you must have your whole self in it.
2. Study your lecturers and know may be they fall into these categories, so that you will know how to relate with them:
- The dictator: the lecturers that comes to class and read notes and textbooks to students
- The publisher: lecturers that issue or sells handout to students
- The performers: lecturers that devote most of their time to researches.
1. Make a place of study for yourself i.e. look for a cool place where your friends won’t come to disturb you.
2. Set a time of study or time table for yourself. Manage your time efficiently because time waits for no one.
3. Know your ability i.e. how fast you can understand when reading either ones or twice.
4. Have a formula or shortcut that can help you remember the things you have read.
Be assured that these little things you don’t consider can really help you, you can start with it today and you are sure of making it.
January 26, 2014
My battle against abandoned vehicles – 28 year-old CEO

At age 28, David Sowemimo, takes the driver seat as the Chief executive officer (CEO) of Cosulto DITT limited, a company that combats the menace of abandoned vehicles and associated environmental challenges in Nigeria. In this interview with Justice Ilevbare, Assistant Editor, Online, the Oyo state born and Bowen University graduate spoke on the rationale behind the establishment of the company, mode of operations and efforts to ensure a cleaner environment.

What is the rationale behind setting up of Cosulto DIIT Limited?

Most of the pictures portrayed of Africa by the western world is one of sickness, hunger, war, corruption and general backwardness. We are classified as belonging to the dark ages in the area of the Environment, particularly the absurdity of abandoned vehicles that adorn our roads and communities. The painful thing is that our own people corroborate these claims through the wheels of our widely travelled Nollywood movies, music videos and magazines. Like goiter in the neck of a man, everywhere our media products appear, you must find one or two derelict vehicles on the background. This saddens me. When the government of Lagos state came up with the vision to upgrade Lagos State to a Mega City Status by 2020 and added the political will to it with amazing results in transportation, education, infrastructure and the environment, I said to myself, “this is the time!” that was what gave birth to the company.

How do you carry out your operations?

This depends on the laws of the land. But generally, when an abandoned vehicle is found, it is removed to the auto cemetery or the collection center immediately if it constitutes an immediate danger to the public or marked for removal for the owner to remove immediately. If in 24 hours the vehicle is still on the same spot untouched, it is then removed to the auto cemetery or any other designated location. If the owner comes to reclaim his/her vehicle, he pays a fine and the vehicle is marked with a chip which alerts us if the vehicle is picked as an abandoned vehicle again. In the case where the owners cannot be found, publication of such vehicle is made on the authority of the government and if after the time approved by law, the owner is still not forthcoming, the vehicle is advanced for recycling. But we do all we can to locate the owners of the vehicles for possible reclaim.

What were your challenges since you started business?

I would say, our success story is written in the ink of the challenges we have surmounted. My first proposal to a local government chairman to partner with us was torn in pieces and thrown back at my face. I cried and lost appetite for days but I did not give up. When the government of Oshodi-Isolo under the leadership of the then Hon. AfeezeIpesa Balogun gave us the nod to conducting our pilot scheme with his council, we needed N5million naira to rent a 2000sq/m warehouse for Auto-cemetery and purchase the necessary equipment. The architecture of the business is such that it does not lay any financial burden on the government. The banks said they won’t borrow us money, and thank God they said so because within 3 weeks we had N10million naira to execute the project without borrowing a dime! The biggest challenge came when the government of Oshodi/Isolo Local government changed. Hon Ipesa-Balogun left and Hon. Bolaji Ariyo came in. Our pilot was at its concluding stage and if this new man cancels our contract, all our efforts would have gone down the drain. Amazingly, like a God-dent, he absorbed us and gave us every support we needed to succeed. This, we never forget.

What is the extent of government involvement or collaboration in your work?

The nature of this business the world over is that it is largely done in partnership with the government. Every level of government from the local to the federal have their legislated dictates of how to process abandoned and derelict vehicles within their jurisdiction and that is what we follow. At the moment we are quite popular with the 3^rd tier of government, but their legislative rights are too weak so we get harassed a lot by the police. We hope to work with state and federal governments someday, then, respite will come.

Why Oshodi for a pilot and what are your plans to spread to other parts of the Country?

Knowing Oshodi for what it is, our rationale was that if our kind of business can work in Oshodi and Lagos, it can work anywhere in Africa. I remember our first lawyer saying to us then that we young men are proposing to walk where angels fear to tread. I am glad we have been able to device a model that is replicable anywhere in the world from what we gathered from Oshodi. No longer would criminals unleash terror on innocent citizens using abandoned vehicles as work station. No longer would the public suffer malaria that is caused by the water retained on these vehicles. No longer would there be avoidable floods. No longer will these vehicles be used by ignorant citizens as alternative to landfill sites. We were amazed by the facts we got from our pilot. We saw old women dancing and singing, thanking us for removing such vehicles from their community because it was in them many of their girls were impregnated and hoodlums unleash terror.

As a young CEO, you have older people working for you. How do you manage them?

Yes, I have much older people working with me but they don’t have a problem doing so. I sold the vision to all of them and they loved it. When disciplinary actions are taken on one of them the other day and he angrily left, he came back the next day and sighting me from afar, he started laughing. He got back on his truck and continued working. In our company, nobody presses anybody down. The goal is one. So, technically they work for the vision, not me. We all work for the vision.

What is your background like?

I hail from Awe, Oyo State, Nigeria. I grew up in Ibadan and studied at Bowen University, Iwo, Osun State. I love to read books and to help people. I love Africa, I believe in Africa. I often say if the Africa we inherit from our parents is the Africa we leave to our children, our generation has failed. I am equally convinced that Africa’s problems can be best solved by Africans and that God has given us everything we need to lead the world. I was 27 years old when I started the company and did not have N5, 000 in my bank account at the time but I believe if God gives you a vision, He will make the provision. Nothing is impossible.

What is your inspiration?

I owe a lot to God, my wife, partners and mentors. We withstood the storms of actualizing this dream together.

January 25, 2014
Encounter with GCE whiz kid

After about two hours in the traffic and travelling a distance of about 45 kilometres from our office on the mainland to her school, Edidot Primary School, Badore, Ajah, Lagos state, I met with Anjola Botoku, the 9 year-old who has set the media space abuzz with her confession that she sat for the 2013 General Certificate of Education (GCE) examination and was awarded credit passes in English and French languages, the only papers she sat for.

After getting her father’s consent to speak with her, I was face-to-face with a Nigerian child prodigy of sort, a youngster interested in marching to the sound of her drummer, a pupil prepared for the probe that will trail her adventure through creating the circumstance she wanted, one that has satisfied her desire for fame, and a girl in a hurry to fuse the future with the present. From my conversation with her, I found out that she was motivated to enroll for the examination after reading past question papers and considering them solvable.

Her older siblings helped her enroll for the examination without the knowledge of her parents. After her enrolment, her parents were informed and each parent took time off other engagements to give her tutorials in English and French languages. She did not sit for other papers because she had no teachers to take her through them.

Anjola appears to be in a hurry to make her mark in a society that is in dire need of persons to inspire others, and bring about excellence in Nigeria. Her ambition to become Nigeria’s youngest medical doctor is achievable because she has Alia Sabur, a world record holder as her role model.

Alia Sabur, an American Materials Scientist, born February 22, 1989 in New York City, is reported to have shown “early signs of giftedness”, tested “off the IQ scale” as a first-grader, earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do at the age of 9, left public school as a fourth grader and was admitted to State University of New York at the age of 10. She graduated at 14 and is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the World’s Youngest Professor, having been appointed on February 19, 2008 as an International Professor. She was 18.

Anjola’s bold effort has opened another subject of discourse among Nigerians. Her stride could well be an encouragement to other children to come out and be recognised. It reinforces faith in the long held view that the family has a prominent role to play in the life of any child; and puts a question mark on the continuing relevance of the law that sets age 16 as the minimum for admission into Nigerian universities.

All over the world and through the centuries, states and governments have made provision to accommodate child prodigies like the musical Wolfgang Mozart who started playing the clavier (a keyboard-like instrument) at 3 and composed his first music at 5; Arfa Karim who became the youngest Microsoft Certified Professional in 2004 at the age of 9; Sunny Sanwar who fluently understood six languages by the age of 8 and finished four years of high school in eight months with honours; Arkit Jaswall who conducted his first surgery at 7; Kim Ung-Yong who graduated with a Ph.D in physics at the age of 15; and Blaise Pascal – physicist, mathematician and Christian philosopher popular for his Pascal theorem in mathematics.

The story of Ebube Iris Nwaebuni, a 14-year-old girl from Delta state, who at age 12 sat for WASSCE and had 8 credits. She is presently pursuing a diploma course in a Nigerian university because regardless of her giftedness, she cannot be a full fledged undergraduate of the university until she is 16.

Anjola’s story is well-deserved a welcome relief from the stories of violence, treachery, failures, frustrations and the moral decadence prevalent in our society, whereby some adults have demeaned themselves by getting married to and sexually abusing children and minors. Little Anjola took the GCE exam because she wanted to be “famous”, and, I ask again, how many children want to be famous for the right reasons and using the right tools?

When they achieve their goal, will they be given an unfettered opportunity to contribute to the uplift of society? Anjola posits that the ban and age discrimination should be lifted so that child prodigies like her can make a difference in the world.

She also has a dream to not wait until she is 16, but to get into the university at 13 or 14 so that she can become Nigeria’s youngest doctor and save lives.

With the attention her exploits have created and the discourse it is generating, my hope is that Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) will modify its present rules to create an environment that will accommodate exceptions like Anjola and give them a chance to fulfill their dreams, so that they may not wait for the application of extant regulations, but may be granted the opportunity to bring down the barrier between their dreams and its actualizations.

January 25, 2014