A narcissist is someone dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder or NPD which is characterised by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, resulting in an extreme need for admiration, believing others are inferior, lack of empathy, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. However, there’s one quality they all share: they can wreak havoc in your life through various manipulative tactics.
Below are eight tell-signs to alert you that you are in a relationship with a narcissist so you could put on your ‘running shoes’ and flee from the scene forever:
(1) Everything must revolve around them
When talking to a narcissist, it may feel as though you need to fight to get a word in about yourself. The conversations you have will generally be about them and their problems.
The moment you start to talk about yourself, a narcissist may become visibly bored, tuning you out because you’re not talking about them.
(2) They’re excessively concerned with their appearance and reputation
A well-known characteristic of a narcissist is their inflated sense of self-worth. But this presents itself as more than constantly staring at themselves in a mirror and admiring how beautiful they are, though they may do this, too.
While narcissists may be deeply concerned about their physical appearance, they also tend to spend a great deal of time worrying about how strangers perceive them.
This focus inward can translate to the narcissist you’re dating going above and beyond what would be typical behaviour for the situation to win your heart, a phenomenon called love bombing.
The moment you fall for them, a narcissist will stop trying to demonstrate how they care about you and your needs.
However, in public, a narcissist will continue to play the role of the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, so everyone thinks highly of them but behind closed doors, where there’s no one to impress, they’ll drop the act and emotionally abuse you instead.
(3) They expect perfection from you even though they far from it
A narcissistic partner may also expect you to be perfect and will not accept any of your shortcomings, which everyone has, including them.
With a narcissist, it’s these shortcomings along with their self-loathing that plagues them and are at the root of their abusive behaviour.
(4) They’re manipulative
A more dangerous characteristic of a narcissist is their tendency to manipulate others, particularly those close to them. Because of their excessive need for admiration, they may do almost anything to achieve those ends, no matter how cruel.
A narcissist may manipulate you by making you feel guilty when you do something for yourself that goes against their desires. Or they may blatantly degrade you to keep you feeling trapped in the relationship. For instance, a narcissist may tell you no one else will want you because you’re so fat, ugly, stupid, etc.
(5) They will gaslight you at every given opportunity
Narcissists may also gaslight you by lying straight to your face, causing you to question what you know to be real: something about them and your relationship isn’t right.
Gaslighting doesn’t usually start all at once, like most of their devaluing and discarding behaviours they ignite the process of gaslighting slowly.
They start with a little lie mixed with a spoonful of truth because it’s more believable that way and will certainly get you confused.
If you dare question the truth it gets thrown back at you and you are accused of having a bad memory, you are told you always forget. And they continue to repeat the lie-brainwashing till you start to question ‘reality.’
(6) They are empathy deficient
One criterion of NPD is a lack of empathy, the ability to pick up on and experience feelings someone else has.
The way a narcissist experiences emotion is different from most individuals. They may know why someone might feel a certain way in a superficial sense but cannot share those emotions.
In a relationship, this would translate to a narcissist behaving in a way they know will upset you but not caring because they don’t consider anyone else’s feelings except theirs.
(7) They have few long-lasting friendships
Due to the immaculate ‘false’ image they want to present to the world, narcissists can be charming and have no problem making friends.
However, when an individual is pathologically self-absorbed, it can be challenging to keep friends.
True friends take on a selfless role and listen to their friends’ problems rather than make everything about them.
Like romantic relationships, platonic friendships function as a two-way street, meaning there’s give and take. Because the world revolves around a narcissist, they may struggle to behave like a good friend, resulting in friendships that tend to fizzle out quickly.
(8) They keep a lot of romantic interest (known as narcissist supply) around them
A narcissist is often afraid of making a long-term commitment, though narcissists do marry. Those who are afraid to commit tend to keep a lot of romantic interests around, known as narcissistic supply or a narcissistic harem, just in case one of them begins making demands the narcissist can’t and won’t meet. When that happens, the narcissist generally pulls back using one of their manipulation tactics or disappears.
When the narcissist returns without warning, the same way they left, and successfully reels their target back in, they can effectively reset the relationship to a place where they’re comfortable.
Usually, the target won’t be so quick to make demands the next time, fearing what happened when they did. If they become so bold, the punishment typically escalates; the time the narcissist disappears becomes longer, the verbal abuse becomes more severe, etc.
The longer the cycle continues, the harder it becomes to break away for good. A narcissist always comes back.
Thus, the best way to protect oneself from a narcissist is to have nothing to do with them by strictly adhering to the ‘no contact’ rule.
