The Nation Newspaper

Category: Saturday Magazine

  • Perilous Venture

    Perilous Venture

    • Survivors relive chilling tales  of journey to  Europe via desert

    Many Nigerians, out of frustration, have been seeking greener pasture outside the country. To make matters worse, some of the migrants exit to poorer  African nations than Nigeria for survival after failing to eke out  meaningful living in their country. About 40 of such migrants died last Sunday of thirst in Sahara Desert, which has become a major exit point for many Africans who have lost hope in their countries. INNOCENT DURU, in this report, examines the horrors of embarking on such perilous journey.
    Are you desperate to leave the shores of the country after someone informed you that there is a short cut route to travel to different European countries? You need to have a rethink. The journey is not an Eldorado as they might have made you to believe. You need to read this pathetic account of other Nigerians, who embarked on similar journey earlier on, to make an informed decision.
    They narrated how many of their co- travellers died of intense heat in the desert and how rebels in different spots along the route sexually assaulted the females serially. Some of the victims, according to them, were put in the family way, while others contracted sexually transmitted diseases.
    At the end of the horrific experience in the desert, they could still not realise their dreams. They had their dreams scuttled and started living as fugitives in another land.
    How frustration triggered mass exodus
    Checks revealed that most of the victims embarked on the precarious journey out of frustration. One of them, Osita Osemene, told our correspondent that he subscribed to the idea of  going through the tortuous journey when he could not secure employment for more than three years after graduating from the university.
    He narrated his story thus: ” It all started when I could not get a job after my university education. I searched for job for more than three years to no avail. I schooled in Benin and resided there after my youth service. When I could not get a job,  I went into business. The common business then in Benin was going to Cotonu to buy cars for people. I started by assisting the dealers that were on ground because I didn’t have money to start my own immediately. It was later that I started having my own clients. The business was actually booming but at a point in time, I had terrible challenges and the business stared crumbling and eventually crumbled.
    “It was at that point that the thought of going to Europe to search for greener pastures came to my mind. A  friend came to me that he could help me get a visa to go to the United Kingdom. He said it would cost me about N250, 000 to get everything done. I trusted in the arrangement and gave them the money. After about three weeks, they said the whole thing was out.  When I got to the Muritala Mohammed International Airport, I didn’t know that it was fake visa they got for me. When I was about to board, I was asked to wait for the British High Commission.I challenged them asking what business did I have with the British High Commission? Some security agents who saw that I was innocent alerted me that the visa was fake and that, that could earn me 11 years imprisonment. Somehow, I wriggled out of the problem.
    ‘’That was where my predicament started. You can imagine somebody who had obtained passport and visa (in quote), I was frustrated. Thereafter, somebody in Asaba informed me that there was a group that was leaving for Spain and that they needed just one more person to make up the team. He said there was job and accommodation for us there. At that very moment, I was desperate and ready for anything. I quickly rushed to Asaba and met them. The person we went into his house said: ‘We have been waiting for you, look at the other people, we are leaving this night.’
    ‘’I was able to retrieve some money from those people that arranged the botched UK trip. I still had about N250, 000 at that point and they assured me that it would take me to Spain. They took us into a place and the guy said we should not betray ourselves, we should be one and the journey would be successful. He brought water and said all of us should drink it. We left for Onitsha and from there we took a bus to the border in Kano State.”
    The story is a bit different for Victoria, one of the returnees based in Benin. Unlike Osita who was deceived to embark on the journey by a cabal through a friend, Victoria said she embarked on the journey without any prompting by anybody. She traced her involvement in the awkward migration train to a failed marital relationship.
    “Nobody  took me to the desert. I went on my own but many ladies here in Benin were recruited for the journey by some madams. Circumstances around me at that point in time forced me to take the decision. My fiancée jilted me and it caused me serious setback to the point that  I  fell ill for a long time.  Thereafter, I decided to leave the shores of the country to have a new lease of life”, she said.
    Though,  Edward Osamaye, an ex military officer based also in Benin took to the jouney out of his own volition, he said the poor remuneration he was getting working with the Nigerian army forced him to quit the service to go to in to the desert with the aim of transiting to Europe from there.
    He told our correspondent how he used the Atlas as a guide to embark on the trip.
    “I went to the desert by myself. I looked at the Atlas map and used it to find my way into the desert with the aim of  connecting  Europe from there. I moved from Edo State to Kano and from Kano, I moved to Zinder in Niger Republic. From, there I moved to Duruku and boarded a land cruiser to Libya. Those who boarded trucks later had problem on their way and 90 of them died in the process.
    “I was serving the Nigerian army before I quit to embark on the journey. I left the Nigerian army immediately I came back from Liberia. I decided to leave in 1996 because they were not paying me well,’’ he narrated.
    Tony Jimoh Iraboh, the provost of the United Returnees Foundation (UPF) in Benin said he embarked on the journey immediately after his secondary school education hoping to continue his education in Europe.
    He said: “I decided to travel on my own after my secondary school education because that was the in-thing in Benin that period. I left immediately I finished my West African Examination Council (WAEC) examination with the hope of continuing my education in europe.Before I took the decision, I was given the impression that  travelling through the desert to europe was easy.”
    The horrific experience in the desert
    Contrary to the expectation of most of the travellers, the journey through the desert was not paved with marble, it was rough. They recounted that it was like passing through  the valley of the shadow of death. Incidentally, a good number of them died in the process, with many of the ladies serially abused sexually by the savage rebels that mounted road blocks at various spots in the desert.
    Tony recalled how the rebels asked them to stand stark naked at a point and picked the ladies in their midst one after another and raped them. He said each victim was raped by at least five rebels.
    He said: “We had to be settling some of the soldiers in the desert before they would allow us to past their place. They were collecting about 200CFA. We lost one lady whose name was joy in our vehicle. She died of convulsion. Three people also died in the other vehicle that was coming with us.
    “There was a place in the desert called Mountain Ogan where some rebels mounted road block. When we got there, they asked all of us, male and female to remove our clothes and  stand naked. They would pick any lady of their choice and five of them would rape the victim in our presence. At times some of the victims would faint in the process and immediately that happened, they would say, hey Nigerians, come and carry your sister. Most of the ladies were bleeding profusely from their private parts at the end of the day. We carried them and treated them by administering some of the drugs we bought earlier.”
    His assertions were corroborated by Victoria. She said: ” The rebels raped many ladies that travelled through the desert. Some agents, those who connive with madams in Benin to take innocent young girls through the journey, also abuse the ladies sexually because they are always at their mercy. Some of the ladies became pregnant at the end of the day.”
    Edward also gave account of how they were flogged mercilessly by the rebels.With the benefit of hind sight, he narrated: “When we were journeying through the desert, we met some rebels on the way. They kept us with them for good five days and were flogging us. They asked us to be fetching water for them for the whole days. The fact that we ran errands for them did not make them to pity us. They flogged us as if we were animals. It was when another batch of travellers came to the spot that they released us.”
    Signs that the journey through the desert would be rough, according to Osita, began to manifest when the agents who were conveying them asked them to buy some edibles that would sustain them in the desert.
    He said: “The agent that was carrying us said we should go and buy garri, cabin biscuit and some other edibles. When I demanded to know why we needed to do that, he said  I should look at others buying theirs and that I should join them. I bought some of those things and we left for  Zinder in Niger Republic. When we got there, somebody, one Alhaji, was already waiting for us. He took us into his compound where I saw a large number of Nigerians- young boys and girls. I later engaged  some of them and to my surprise, one told me he had been there for six months and another told me that he had been there for four months. One told me that he had been there for sometime but he was looking for money to make up the amount he needed to pay for his trip to Italy.  Right there in Zinder, the travelling arrangement changed. They said they were killing Nigerians on Morrocco route.
    ” After some days in Zinder, they brought some jeeps and said we were leaving for Agadez, a historic community in Niger Republic. It took us a whole day to get  there from Zinder. Because I challenged them in Zinder for not putting us in a hotel, they made arrangement for us to stay in a hotel at Agadez. The hotel was owned by a Nigerian from Benin. Unfortunately, rebels started fighting around the hotel surroundings and we had to leave for a collection centre. The houses there were  goat houses and that was where we had to live in without minding the goat litters that dotted the whole place. We were paying between 1000 and 2000 CFA everyday and were about 50 in the house.
    “After about five days in the area, they brought another set of jeeps and we went deep into the desert. When we were leaving Agadez, we were each asked to buy two 25 litres of water and another five litres of water as well as a large bag of garri and firewood each.  At that point, it was very difficult for me to turn back. The story was always changing because you would always see somebody that would encourage you, even when you see people who were stranded. It was a long and tortous journey and after some days, we landed in a camp in a place called Duruku. It was a military camp where travellers rest, and where the agents hand them over to other agents who would take them to Libya. By the time we got to Duruku, we were all fagged out. There the soldiers were harassing and extorting money from people. We spent some days there waiting for trucks that would come to take us to Libya.
    “When we left Duruku for Libya, a good number of us started dying. There was a point when 250 Nigerians died because their truck broke down and nobody could locate it in the desert. They started trekking and in the process, their food and water got exhausted and they died of exhaustion. They were buried there and because of that, a well was dug there by the Niger and Libyan governments so that travellers along the area could have access to water. There was a stage that our truck also missed its way and we kept turning around and we exhausted our water and food. We were lucky because we had few days to get to the next town called Tijeri but some of us couldn’t make it, they died. Majority had to pull their shirts and trousers because the heat was extremely too much. We were begging for urine to drink because water was no where for us to drink. We managed with the help of some ladies because they are said to be stronger than men in the desert. They said it
    is as a result of their abdomen and breast, but men easily get tired in the desert. It was these females whose urine we (the males) were begging to give us to drink.
    “At a point in Duruku, the rebels would give you a white substance to drink because they believed that Nigerians could swallow their money. I, for instance, hid my money in  my anus. Whenever I wanted to use money, I would go to a corner as if I wanted to defecate and stylishly bring the money out. I don’t do it again now but I did it for security reasons in the desert. Some people swallowed their money but I preferred to hide it through my anus. The rebels would line travellers up and if you say you don’t have money, they would beat you and after beating you, they would give you that white substance to drink. Once you drank it, everything in your stomach would come out. If money did not come out, they would dip their gun into your  anus  and move it around. I was able to escape such because I always had some CFA with me and used it to settle at those points. The moment you pay, they would ask you to go to one side and from there, you would be watching
    the terror they unleashed on those who could not pay. They tortured many to death and raped the females openly, right there in our presence.”
    Unfulfilled dream of crossing to Europe and life as fugitives in Libya
    After weathering  the storm in the desert to arrive in Libya, the last port of crossing to their respective European countries of destinations, many of the adventurers had their dreams dashed for various reasons. Stranded, they resorted to doing menial jobs and lived as fugitives in the North African country until the Federal Government repatriated them back to the country at the wake of the crisis that broke out in the country.
    Tony narrated his experience in his own words: “When some of us got to Libya, we didn’t have freedom of movement because we were illegal immigrants, so they went and hid us in a farm. From the farm, we had the opportunity of making calls to our family members to send us money to cross to Europe. At the end of the day, I could not cross to Europe again because many people who took the risk perished in the Mediterranean Sea. I even lost one of my very close friends in the same circumstance.  Later on, I found my way out of the camp and joined other black people in the area. I met a Nigerian who was working as a panel beater and mechanic. I joined him and worked with him to earn a living. I also learnt bricklaying, electric and tiles fixing skills right there. Those were the things I was using to eke out a living for myself. Some of the females then were into hairdressing for a living, while majority engaged in prostitution.”
    Edward also gave an account of the unpalatable condition they lived in Libya. He said: “When I got to Libya, I tried crossing the sea twice but the boats that were to carry me across the sea were having problems. Many people who tried to take the risk died in the process, although some succeeded in crossing to Europe. I was doing painting job to earn a living in Libya. Before then I engaged in washing cars to make both ends meet. While doing the menial job, police would always come to harass us. When they arrested you, they would collect all the money you must have made and send you back to zero. At times, they would come into your house to raid and cart away every money you would have been saving to come back to Nigeria to start one business or the other. This was aggravated by our inability to go to the bank to save our hard-earned money. What some of us resorted to doing was to always go to the back of our houses in the middle of the night and hide
    our money in empty beverage tins. We all put marks on the spots we kept our tins. Some people tucked their money inside their anus.At times some of them would forget that they kept money in their anus and when they went to toilet, they mistakingly flushed the money with their faeces. This made many of our people to automatically return to zero.”
    Osita said he did not hesitate to return to the country immediately it dawned on him that the journey might end in death. When we got to Tijeri, we were moved to Quatron in Libya. The agents sold Nigerian ladies for prostitution at Quatron and employed stranded males to do odd jobs  for which they were paid peanut. Some people were employed in places where they broke hard rocks manually. As at the time we were at Quatron, we had spent more than two months on the trip. We spent some days in the collection house they kept us. From there, they moved us one night to another place called Sahaba, another state in Libya. After some time, we left for Tripoli.
    ‘’I never knew that we were going to cross through the sea because that was not part of the earlier plan. When we got to a place called Zuara by the side of the sea, they said we should pay $1200 and showed me a boat that was going to carry us. They said we were almost completed. I was frightened because it was just a boat, the type you find at Takwa Bay that  was to carry us across the sea. They called the boat Lampalampa.
    “When I saw it, I said God forbid that I entered such a boat to cross the sea and it was at that point that I took the decision to return home.  I encouraged some other people in my shoes to join me in returning back to the country. Some of them were reluctant because they said they didn’t know what to tell their people back home. I had some extra money on me so I was able to persuade about four other co- travellers to join me in returning to the country.  The money was able to pay our bills because the expenses were reduced on our way back”, he stated.
    Journey back home and search for means of livelihood
    After a long and tortuous sojourn in a foreign land  all in a bid to travel to European countries, some of the travellers obeyed the maxim that says there is always no place like home and came back to the country. The journey back to the country has, however, not been without serious challenges as they needed to be gainfully engaged. Most of the returnees in Edo State on their return to the country enjoyed empowerment training programme by the government.
    Tony spoke about their dilemma: ‘’I came back to Nigeria and went back to Libya in 2009. I finally came back to Nigeria with others when war broke out in Libya. The Federal Government arranged for our return. When we came back, we made the Federal Government and Edo State government to know that we were not interested in going back to Libya again, that we wanted to stay in our country. They made us to undergo some few weeks of training in farming, fishing and livestock production.
    “After the training, they issued us certificate. They said we should go and look for land where we would start our business. We did by acquiring lands on lease from people in our communities. The name of our cooperative society is United Returnees Foundation, it is registered. Life has been pretty difficult since we came back to the country but we cannot take to crime because of that. We do have meetings from time to time to encourage one another.
    ‘’After the training by the government, I have also paid to attend series of seminars on fish farming because it is an area I am really interested in.”
    The desert experience seemed to be at Osita’s advantage. It provided him with the idea to start establish a non-governmental organisation called Patrotic Citizens’ Initiative.
    It is astonishing that his desert experience and not his university qualification ended the unemployment woes that frustrated  him to embark on the horrific journey.
    He said: ‘’As I was returning, it occurred to me that many Nigerians don’t know about the horrors of embarking on such journey. It was a route from where many depraved people in the society are making money and smiling to the banks and it is a route where many Nigerians are dying in their numbers and innocent girls sold into prostitution. At that point, I said the best thing for me to do is to expose the evil and try as much as possible to discourage the trend. On my return to the country, I stayed back in Sokoto for a whole year, doing self-rehabilitation.
    ‘’at the end of the day, I decided to establish Patrotic Citizens Initiative, an organisation that is campaigning against irregular migration and human trafficking in Nigeria and West Africa at large. We also assist in the repatriation of stranded irregular migrants and victims of human trafficking. We do empowerment training programme for them considering the kind of situation they found themselves. We also do a sort of rehabilitation programme, although we don’t have shelter yet but we do referral. I am also the public relations officer  of the network of Civil Society Against Child Traficking, Labour and Abuse.”
    He said the government has a big role to play in checking the menace which he said is on the increase. “Government’s intervention in the situation has not been easy because there is a large number of stranded Nigerians. At times the government would tell you that they were not the ones that sent you on such mission. They should have a package for identified returnees. They could be given small loans to start small businesses.
    ‘’The Swiss government is even doing it for Nigerians. They train, monitor and empower those returnees. The government could also establish a place for rehabilitating the returnees at least for two months, because most of these people are battered emotionally; they are battered psychologically; they are battered even physically. Some of them came back with different ailments. You can imagine somebody who was raped and impregnated, abandoned to carry the pregnancy for nine months and eventually delivered of the baby in the desert. Government should pay more attention through the agencies who are really taking charge of this thing.’’

     

  • Social medicine: Sexual health matters of men and women in the 35-50-year age bracket

    And any time crisis erupts, they recite the creed and strengthen it with the injunction, ‘to cherish and to hold until death do us part’’. The storm is weathered with three simple words-‘I am sorry’’ a passionate kiss or embrace and life continues in perfect harmony. For others, there is no love lust, men are simply machines that make babies and once they have fulfilled their matrimonial obligations, life begins with younger men. Such women simply abandon husbands even in Hospitals at critical moments of their lives.

    Studies have provided avenues through which we can understand why some men and women, particularly those in the age bracket 35-50 years behave the way they do when it comes to matters of sex. Marital disharmony involves very many variables beyond the scope of this piece but age, cannot be ignored. There are now thousands of studies on aging, to try and explain at the molecular level, what proteins are involved and how we can achieve reversal-perhaps the recent scientific breakthrough in the biosynthesis of brain cells in the laboratory is one step in the journey to find solutions to age related diseases such as Alzheimer and senile dementia. Prevention in many situations are cheaper and safer than cure, and as many couples have found out, it is easier for the head of an elephant to pass through the thread hole of a sewing needle than for any woman to successfully reverse the trend when she has let a bad matrimonial situation to go from bad to worse and reach the point of no return. If you think you are too beautiful for one man or two much of a big guy to be tied down by one man. You need to realize that there are risks when any one allows himself or herself to be led by the natural endowment they have-everyone is beautiful as long as God created us all but until people come together, it is difficult to characterize or grade beauty as observed from the outside of a person, considering the fact that behind the personae there is a personality ,unknown, untested, unpredictable. Imagine for instance a young male Nigerian who met he described as a very beautiful lady in the UK and within a short time they were in Nigeria for Marriage. The lady was actually from his tribe, understood and spoke his language but claimed she was from Togo, and while in her husband’s house in UK received different categories of lovers who spoke French with her any time he was around , a situation that went on for years until they came back to Nigeria . Though she simply disappeared with more than half of his properties, when she felt they had come back finally, the young man is alive to start life afresh with the only daughter the relationship produced.

    In many instances, where a man takes off to stay with another woman without any arguments, there may have been some ‘ smoke before the fire came up’’;- ignorance of what a woman should do to keep a husband happy outside food and child bearing, arrogance and disrespect ranging from supremacy problems to husband battering , elevating house helps to spousal equivalent, doing everything including preparing food and taking care of husband’s underclothing’s all have very potential of incremental

    damage to the romance and sexual components of married life

    Beginning gradually, a man begins to respond to what he sees, hears and a critical moment arrives when try as he can, he finds it impossible to lead events , so events lead him to the beginning of a cascade of problems .A father told his verbose son when the former announced he had decided to take another wife so he can enjoy the second part of his life on earth,-false, ‘To abort my decision in order to please you and your mother is to permanently put myself in displeasure for my life, because tradition forbids me to disclose my grievances with you, my son’’

    Sexual deprivation at times comes later when children will have all gone out and people outside assume a couple are about to begin another honeymoon ,and then one party understands he has made a huge mistake ;This is the understanding of many guys now that everything and any non lethal weapon could be employed to ensure a man takes a marriage vow either in the church or court, and other means employed until a child, preferably a boy comes in, after that, sex becomes weaponised for the many situations where it is required to get dresses, cash, cars houses etc. it is now an essential commodity –Younger men are abandoning their children to begin afresh while older ones that have put in everything are simply dying from stress and other diabetogenic and hypertensionogenic conditions created probably inadvertently in association with sexual dysfunction Many believe that societies and cultures show empathy and tolerance to polygamy, polyandry and even worse and unprintable forms of marital arrangements that completely enslave women, but as was demonstrated in a very large African country recently, continuous sexual subordination only serves to bring out the worst in women . Where there is wrong assessment of self worth as opposed to respect value measured for husband are some of the issues discussed, and many so called good friends to lead you out on one foot and have it sawn off , where there are numerous relations, business associates co workers and fellowship groups , it is not difficult to find an outlet to ventilate feelings and find comfort, Again the problem is that, discordance develops sooner or later and the desires linger driving victims to extremes of action that endanger health.

    Health education on human sexuality is unacceptable in many African communities;-when this writer in company of a Colleague of blessed memory did a study on Child abuse in a population of slum dwellers involving a state in the south-south geopolitical region of Nigeria, the reception in more than 50% of the households surveyed was lethally hostile, and so many couples suffer sexual deprivations in painful silence. Others transfer their sexual frustrations to symptom complexes and take hospital admissions each time husband is around. The unsuspecting man continues to settle medical bills until someone discovers something. A reasonable number of others seek gratification outside with dangerous consequences.

    Rather than apportion blame, think of running away or doing nothing, reasonable people look inwards for solution, do the best they can with a high sense of commitment towards success and then ask God to guide and control everything so that success attends their honest efforts.

    The current trend where intending couples are expected to ensure they run all possible laboratory tests including blood group, hemoglobin genotype, screening for hepatitis, syphilis HIV/AIDS, is good, but certainly not enough, because, there are conditions that cannot be captured through lab investigations. There is need to know who you are going to live your life with you must be able to see, hear and possibly feel to ascertain that what you are accepting is normal , so you need to know something about your husband/wife early in your marriage-otherwise, when deviations emerge, you are not likely to know what the normal was, and whether or not to hold yourself wholly or partially responsible for what has happened.-many able bodied optimally functioning young men go into marriage strong and healthy, only to become ravaged with morbid obesity, kidney disease, hypertension and diabetes mellitus from over indulgence—they become a nervous wrecks and impotent, as more pressure to perform is pilled on them, the situation gets worse and they commit suicide so as to let all intra psychic sufferings go. How much of his/her past life do you really know, in terms of drugs, felling of self worth, considerations for others? Relationships, attitude towards family, nuclear, extended families

    Every man or woman must try and know himself or herself and honestly disclose all relevant details to the person they intend to marry before coming together under one roof. Intending couples should discuss issues with regards to general health status, things that turn you off, the ones that turn him on etc. what parts of your body are different from normal, for instance the normal vaginal odourant molecules are aphrodisiac (cause sexual arousal) ,not offensive, but chronic vaginal infections–trichomonas vaginalis and cancer of the cervix will create very offensive and sometimes foamy or blood stained vaginal discharge which becomes more copious during coitus. Conditions like these are sometimes concealed until court marriage register has been signed. Some women also use uterine fibroids as pseudo pregnancy to hoodwink men into marriage and even when the truth is discovered, a man may decide to play intrigue versus intrigue, maintaining a fertile mistress and producing children outside the marriage.

    Emphasis is on trying as hard as possible to keep the man or woman in your life as close to you as possible ,and stop making comparisons between your husband and any other one ,openly or in your fantasy ,or in advertisement because in western societies, the situation is completely different- you can get almost anything you want- there are drugs that can turn you into a sex machine within weeks, drugs that can enlarge any part of your body and surgical operations that can create a new person out of you, they are however not as safe as the claims of those who are marketing them. The side effects have one common pathway. sudden death ,for some, the side effects come later when you are older in the forms of cancer, heart, liver and diseases of prostate.

     

  • Two friends asking me out….

    Hi Aunty Dee. I am in a dilemma; two close friends are asking me out (without each of them knowing). How can I accept for one and refuse the other without causing a fight between them? Stephanie.

    Dear Stephanie, it happens every time that two people closely related or friends fall in love with the same person. It’s possible that both are very serious about you and it’s also possible that both are very nice boys. What is not possible is for both of them to be the same kind of people in the way they talk and do things. There must be something about one of them that makes him more special than the other.

    You need a lot of wisdom and maturity in dealing with this issue and if both of them are matured, you should sail through it without drowning. Make it known to both of them that the other person is also interested in you and that you can’t have the two of them at the same time. You have to be bold about naming the one you have preference for and let the other person know that you all can remain friends since you’re still in the same group of friends. But if after all said and done, there is any trace of animosity, let them be. There are so many fishes in the river, you can always find a good guy elsewhere without upsetting a good friendship.

  • What men really want in bed

    Enthusiasm

    When it comes to sex, you can get an ‘A’ for effort. Guys want to be with someone who’s actually into sex and not doing it as a favour or just going through the motions. ‘There is nothing more seductive than an enthusiastic lover,’ says Lou Paget, certified sex educator and author of The Big O: Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming. ‘That beats out the perfect body or the perfect face anytime. A man wants feedback that a woman is into doing things with him!’

    New tricks

    Men want a lover who is willing to try new things from time to time. That doesn’t mean you have to go all 50 Shades of Grey. Just be open to ideas. ‘Sexual desire is like an appetite,’ says Paget. ‘We all want to try different flavours – otherwise we’d get bored eating at the same place all the time. Men want someone who is willing to explore unique feelings and new sensations.’

    Worried that whatever you do is suddenly going to become part of your nightly repertoire? Don’t think of it as a can of worms. Most likely the occasional change-up is all he needs.

    Praise

    We normally think of women as the ones who need reassurance about their appearance, but men get insecure, too. A lover who will find something to compliment and worship about her partner will never lack affection from him.

    ‘Every man wants to know they have that special something that turns a woman on,’ says Paget. ‘It could be something that turns her head or something like his intelligence or sense of humour that she finds incredibly sexy.’

    Bossiness

    It’s not a cliché, ladies. A man wants a woman who will tell him what to do – at least in the bedroom. Most guys will be thankful for a little instruction, especially if it means they’ll succeed at pleasuring you.

    ‘A woman who can guide you with sounds or one word responses is preferred as it takes away the guess work,’ says Paget. ‘Just remember to avoid acting like a sexual traffic cop!’

    Confidence

    Men want someone who will leave the lights on and let him get a good look at her. Stop worrying about covering up any squishy parts. ‘Indirect lighting is Hollywood’s best friend and it can be yours as well,’ says Paget. ‘Need I repeat that men are visual creatures and they want to see their partner? It’s a big part of their turn-on factor.’ Confidence is sexier than anything!

    Sex on the brain

    A woman who keeps sex in the forefront of her thoughts knows how to inject it into life outside the bedroom – and that’s sexy. Try sexting him or be extra naughty and playful in public. ‘Do it in a discreet way,’ say Paget. ‘Let your partner know that you’re thinking about sex throughout the day. Remember, your brain is your sexual power source.’

    Flair for fantasy

    A man craves someone who will listen to his fantasies – and tell him hers. ‘Many men are scared to share their fantasies as their partner may react by saying, ‘You have got to be kidding, that’s sick,’’ says Paget.

    ‘You don’t need to give him his exact fantasy but instead try negotiating how you’d both like to feel during the fantasy. Create your own scenario together.’

    Initiative

    Guys want someone who sometimes initiates sex but also lets him ‘be the man’. ‘It’s in a man’s DNA to be the caretaker, which also translates into the bedroom,’ says Dr. Sadie Allison, America’s Pleasure Coach and author of Ride ‘Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking,www.TickleKitty.com.

    ‘So while most men love to be in charge, always being the initiator can get old. It’s hot when a woman takes control and shows him that she wants him. It’s actually every man’s fantasy to surrender for just a little while!’

    Dirty talk

    Men love hearing a play-by-play of what’s happening during sex – or what you want to happen next.

    ‘What men see, hear and feel are direct lines to the ‘other brain,’’ says Allison. ‘Dirty talk is just another fun way to arouse your man. It also turns them on psychologically because men are super attracted to women who are sexually uninhibited.’

    Hero worship

    All men want attention showered on them – especially if that attention is on his private area! Yes, other aspects of sex are important, too. But let’s be honest, most men are fixated on oral sex and any other activities that are genital-focused.

    ‘Stroke his ego by stroking his cock,’ says Allison. ‘Being a generous lover is key. Worshipping his jewels as much as he does is a good way to keep him totally into you.’

    A massage

    What guy doesn’t want a woman who gives great… massages? And not just the sexual sort, though they can be very erotic. Men want to feel good all over, just like you do.

    ‘Touch is a basic human desire,’ says Allison. ‘Sensual or not, it can be one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. Touching all over usually leads to something more fun anyway.’

    Lace

    You might think, why waste money on lingerie that’s just going to get crumpled up in a ball and tossed on the floor in two seconds? But men are visual and seeing the present they are about to unwrap is important to them!

    ‘A guy likes the ‘for his eyes only’ component of this, with the sneak peak of your body being a total turn-on,’ says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover.

    ‘Unwrapping you also boosts his ego because he knows you are like a gift, and all his.

    Courtesy: iVillage.co.uk

     

  • Inside the fascinating world of Nigeria’s POWER BIKE RIDERS

    Inside the fascinating world of Nigeria’s POWER BIKE RIDERS

    AS she entered the bank building that morning, the young lady drew curious glances from onlookers. Not surprising considering the way she looked. Dressed in full biker gear in sturdy black leather jacket, black trousers complete with hefty knee, elbow and shoulder pads and black biker shoes, she could pass for something out of the science fiction movie, Transformers.

    As she left the building after transacting her business, a man ran after her.

    “Good job, good job!” he gushed, shaking her hand. Then he handed her an envelope containing some money as a way of, “showing his appreciation and admiration of her,” as he put it.

    That incident is one of many that Matilda Otulana, one of the hundreds of power bike riders in the country, faces regularly. Wherever she goes either alone or in a group, she attracts attention with on-lookers gazing at her in wonder as if she is a strange being from space. Others wonder if she’s human. Being a lady in a sport regarded as a macho one for mostly the male folk, gets her double attention.

    “I get mixed reactions from people,” the legal practitioner who works in a bank, told The Nation. “Some are impressed while others hate it. In my bank, I have people who like it because it’s not common.”

    The fad for power biking in Nigeria

    While the sport of power bike riding in Nigeria is a relatively new phenomenon, motorbikes have been a regular feature on Nigerian roads in many towns and cities for decades. Japanese made models like Yamaha, Suzuki and Vespa were the popular choice of motorbike lovers who rode them both for business and pleasure. Then sometime in the 1970s and 80s, commercial motorcycles, popularly known as ‘okada’ became ubiquitous on the roads as a faster means of moving around traffic-choked roads in the metropolis.

    And now the power or superbikes. These motorcycles are bigger, sleeker and faster with speed range of between 150- 350 km per hour. Beginning with a few numbers some years ago, these fast, rugged ‘machines’ have become more common on our roads. Besides the rugged looking bikes which are eye-catching enough, the riders when kitted out in their full body armour of jacket and trousers, full face helmet, boots, gloves, knee and elbow pads and other biker ensemble are a sight to behold. With their fast as-lightening speed and the stunts they perform, they could pass for characters in a gritty Hollywood action movie, especially of the James Bond variety.

    Wherever they are, especially when riding in a group, they draw stares and comments from the public who are often thrilled by their daredevil moves and speed. Over time, they have assumed a tough, rugged image, a kind of swagger that has further endeared them to a section of the public.

    So, who are these power bike aficionados who have chosen life on the fast lane, riding bikes at dizzying speed that would give the faint-hearted person serious heart palpitations?

    In their day jobs, they are highly trained, respected professionals such as lawyers, bankers, engineers, doctors, industrialists, pilots among others. Off-duty, however, the formal office suits are switched for tough-looking biker gear that give them an intimidating look. To some of these bikers, it’s a hobby while for others, it’s the thrill, sense of adventure and freedom it gives.

    Adebayo Banjo, an engineer and 35 year-veteran of bike riding belongs to this category. “I love riding power bike because it’s exciting. It represents freedom and speed,” stated the 53 year old in an interview. His forays into the sport started with a modest Suzuki 250 model in the ’70s but has now graduated to riding more exotic ‘big bikes’.

    Another great lover of these bikes is Femi Segun, former ambassador and multi-linguist. “Super bikers come in different outlooks. But one common thing among them is their unique style, bravado, and love for adventure,” he explained when asked on his passion for bike racing. His choice ‘machine’ which he rides about town is a ‘beast, a Kawasaki ZX1400 Ninja. It’s about the second fastest sports bike in the world which does 1-100 kph in 2.5 seconds with a top speed of 320kph.

    His love for racing began decades ago as an undergraduate at the then University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University). “I started riding Superbikes when I was in my second year on campus in 1976. That was when I bought a Kawasaki 250cc. It was considered big in those days. After that I began riding my friends’ Kawasaki Z1000cc. That makes it 36 years ago, since I started riding bikes,” he disclosed.

    Continuing, he added: “In the beginning, I actually started out riding Mobylettes, you know, the small motorized bicycles that you pedal until it starts when I was about 13 years old in 1972. An uncle of mine had one and used to let my cousin and I ride it up and down the street, whenever he came visiting my parents. Then in 1975, this same cousin’s roommate at the University of Ife (Now OAU) had a small Kawasaki 100cc. We used to ride that, also. That was the first time I rode a bike that had proper gears.”

    Ikhide Izokpu is the current President of Easy Riders Motorcycle Club, Lagos. A public servant, he has a Bsc from Ambrose Ali University, Ekpoma, Edo State and an MBA from the Lagos State University, LASU.

    He began riding six years ago due to his ‘passion’ for racing. Said he: “I will substitute flair for passion. As you grow older, you look for the opportunity and time to do what you enjoy doing. When I was much younger, then bikes were one in a million- you could sit outside for about two hours without seeing them, so when one passes once in a month, you are like wow did it just pass? I get excited whenever I see them and I told myself that when I grow up I want to do that. And when I got older, I started riding.”

    On the thrill of riding Otulana, whose desire is to see more women riders, said: “The kind of fellowship you gain from being a biker is awesome. I’ve enjoyed the thrill. I don’t know how to describe it. There is this adrenaline I get when I’m on my bike.”

    Toying with danger

    While certain sports and pastimes come with an element of danger, that of motorbike racing is doubly so because of the intense speed involved. Though statistics are not readily available, there have been reported cases of accidents involving power bike riders which have resulted in bodily injuries and in some cases death.

    Speaking on this, Izokpu stated: “Well, it depends on the community and where you are actually riding to. Every mode of transportation has its own dangers. Like two weeks ago, a car just passed the toll gate going through inward Lekki, within few minutes, the car just somersaulted at absolutely no speed. If it was a motor cycle that went off like that, they would say okay because it’s a motor cycle, but it was a car. So, if we actually can, all of us, nobody is exempted, obey traffic rules and regulations, I’m sure it will be safer for motorcycles. If you are going to measure risk among Keke Marwa (three wheeler tricycle, okada, cars, buses, trailers, I think motor cycles have a higher risk.”

    “Biking could be a dangerous sport, but everything is dangerous if not well managed,” declared Charley Boy, musician and entertainer and one of the pacesetters of power bike riding in Nigeria sometime ago in an interview. The self-proclaimed ‘Area Fada’ of Okada riders of Nigeria, disclosed that he was always careful while riding, and as such, had never been involved in a crash.

    The same cannot be said for Otulana who has had about three crashes since she began riding four years ago. She shared her experience: “I’ve had three crashes. It was on the Lagos/Ibadan Expressway. We were going to ride on one way, and we had to ride through a muddy path. It was very slippery and I mistakenly hit a Nissan car’s rear light. My biker friends gathered round me to help out and dusted my body. Meanwhile, the owner of the car was complaining, ‘My car! my car! You must fix back my car.’ By then I had not removed my helmet. By the time I did, the man was surprised to discover that it was a woman biker. He just shouted ‘go away’. Though he was upset at it, he was also surprised. I didn’t sustain any wound though the bike was slightly damaged and I had to repair it in Ibadan.

    “On my second trip to Ibadan on our way back to Lagos, I was so tired and not as alert as I used to be and started making mistakes on motion. As we rode pass Mowe/Ibafo, a bus driver just hit my bike by the side and had to drop the bike. I fell off the bike. By then, a crowd had gathered around me to know what was wrong. I removed my helmet and was almost going to fight the bus driver when the mob started beating him.

    “In fact, I had to beg them to stop beating the driver. Funnily, some children were touching me to see if I was a human being. My biker friends too had stopped to see what was wrong because we look out for each other while riding. I knew they were trying to ride back to see what had happened to me. I just checked myself and found no injury on me. So, I started my bike and rode on. It’s a fantastic experience.

    “If the road is in good condition, Lagos to Ibadan is 55 minutes on bike but the road is bad which we travelled in an hour. You speed and reduce your speed in some parts. My bike is called a sport tourer. It’s good for long distance. When approaching a pothole, you have to reduce your speed to 60km so you manoeuvre through the pothole because your hand is always on the brake, you down gear.

    “My third crash was very slight. A driver hit my bike on motion and ran away. I was able to control it to avoid me falling off the bike. I’ve been very lucky while riding on major roads.”

    To Banjo, motor bike riding can be quite safe if one is well trained and follows the rules of riding. “There are rules governing power bike riding,” he maintained, noting: “People should be well trained before riding. They also need to be well kitted to protect themselves in case of accidents. They should always ride in full biker gear of helmet, jacket, boots, elbow and knee pads.”

    While most riders complain about the bad roads in the country which hamper a smooth riding experience, Banjo’s biggest grouse is Keke and Okada riders. “They are the biggest dangers to us on the roads because they are so reckless. Then, there are the drivers of Jeeps particularly the women, many of whom can’t drive well. Weekends- Saturdays and Sundays- are the most dangerous days because that’s when these women come out in their Jeeps; we have been hit many times by them. There are also oil spills, potholes and other things which disturb us on the road. I had accidents when I was younger and I used to speed a lot,” he noted.

    For Segun, a major crash some years ago cost him some teeth and broken bones. “I know that I was one of the earliest to have a major crash in which I lost two of my teeth and broke some bones on October 8, 1976. But I survived it obviously,” he said.

    Long distance riders

    While some riders like short city or town shuttles, for others like Izokpu, the longer the distance, the better.

    “Out of town ride is my favourite,” he said, adding: “I have been to most states in Nigeria on my bike. You actually have to prepare for it, first you have to be mentally and physically fit. Secondly, you have to know your body system. I will give you an example. Riding now (in the afternoon), it will be very hot. You may think you are okay but you could be very dehydrated and the next thing you could just fall off the bike and you would be wondering what happened?

    “So, if you know that you are dehydrated, you stop and sip water. Usually when riding, you use the cannon pack- it’s like a back patch, coming to your front and goes into your mouth- then as you ride, you sip at any point in time you are dehydrated. So I use it when I’m going for long journeys like going to Benin or Abuja. Initially, I used to take it to Benin but now I don’t use cannon pack to Benin. It’s also called dehydration pack. I use it when I go further than Benin or further than a four hours journey and I get tired. If you don’t have that, you can always stop every hour and take a sip of water or Lucozade, usually water and a little sugar and glucose.”

    “I’ve not done pass Ibadan, Abeokuta and Lagos. I hope to go on far distance riding,” said Otulana, who does not see biking as a big deal. “When I get the kind of reaction I get from people, I feel sometimes, what’s the big deal with riding a bike? There is really no big deal in riding a bike, just that there are few women who do it.”

    An elitist hobby?

    Power bike riding is an expensive hobby, considering the cost of the motorbikes and other paraphernalia of riding. Findings show that many of them are more expensive than cars, with some going for about N2.3m and others about N4m and above, depending on its capacity. For instance, popular brands like Yamaha 1000cc costs about N2.3m or more. “Some of the exotic, big bikes can go for as high as N5m, including cost of insurance,” said Banjo. This has made some observers of the sport to brand it elitist like polo or other popular sports of the rich. Many see it as a hobby for the ‘big boys’ in town, who have the wherewithal to afford the expensive bikes.

    But Izopku disagrees, stating: “I wish I can say yes but I will say no to the assertion that power biking is elitist. if you decide to commit to a car, and you buy it for one million naira and use it to commute to work every day and I say, ‘me I no fit for traffic o,’ and I opt for a motorcycle of N700, 000, that is my means of commuting to work. Your means is car, so that’s the way it is. If I want to buy a motorcycle for five million, and I can afford it to commute to work, I will. If you want to buy a car of seven million, or simply five million, it is what you want, so it has nothing to do with being elitist or that it is for the rich only. It is like saying the car is for the rich. There are cars of N200,000, likewise bikes of 200,000. It is for everybody, so it is relative.”

    Brotherhood of bikers

    With the increasing number of people taking up the hobby, different associations and clubs have sprung up to take care of bikers’ interests. In Lagos, there are the Easy Riders Motorcycle Club, Ikeja, the Wheelers, the Angels (based in Festac) and a few others. In Abuja, there is the Capital City Motorcycle Club, among others.

    On the benefits of belonging to the five year-old Easy Riders’ Club, its President said: “It’s the passion. We share ideas, share experiences, exchange contacts just in case you need someone to assist. You can work in a bank and I need to access the facilities, work in telecoms or oil company and I need to get a product or anything, we just help ourselves.”

    Otulana, who does not feel intimidated being one of the few female bikers, spoke on the camaraderie among bikers. “The club makes me feel I’m part of them because we share a common bond together. We have actually learnt the act of trust; it’s more than sharing the same passion, we see each other now as a family. Initially when I started riding, they welcomed me in whether they thought I was going to finally ride or not. The fact that I am a lady does not make any difference.”

    Banjo is not too happy with what he referred to as, “certain individuals who are trying to form clubs and cliques and force people to conform to their rules.” It’s one of the growing problems of biking in Nigeria today,” he grumbled. “There are some bikers going to government and saying ‘we are bikers association and asking that laws should be put in biking. This is not right; they don’t have the right to lord it over bikers because once you start putting restrictions on bikers who are free-spirited, you are moving towards cults, gangs like Hell’s Angels (in the U.S). We, the real older bikers want to maintain our integrity and protect ourselves from unscrupulous elements trying to take control of riding in the country.”

    Wives’ worries

    Due to the element of danger in bike riding, it is understand able why most spouses of riders tend to be apprehensive about their partners’ sport of choice. Some are vehemently against it and do anything to stop their husbands from riding.

    A Lekki-based mother of two, who spoke on condition of anonymity, stated: “When my husband bought his first power bike about six years ago, I was not happy at all. I feared for his safety, especially when someone we knew died while riding to Benin on his power bike. I begged him to sell it and to stop riding but he refused. So, one day when he travelled out of the country, I looked for a buyer and sold it. You can imagine how mad he was when he returned and found his bike gone! It caused a quarrel that lasted for nearly a year. Later, he bought another one and for the sake of peace in our home and to keep my marriage, I didn’t protest. In fact, I no longer quarrel with him about riding and let him do what he wants.”

    She’s not alone in her concerns for her spouse. Said Segun on this: “Of course my wife is concerned. She was so relieved when I sold my last bike, Suzuki GX750R a couple of years ago as she thought I was done with riding. She was upset when she saw this new one, but she had to accept it when I explained to her that I had a project I was working on which involves bikes and that was why I need one at this time.”

    “Initially it was a no,,” said Izokpu on his wife’s reaction when he was making plans to buy a power bike. “When I told her I wanted to buy a motorcycle, she told me: ‘You are joking’ and she walked away. She forgot the husband that she married. I had already thought the process through and I just decided to throw it to her, this is what I am gonna do, so you better support me. I knew that if I sat down to discuss it with her, she would definitely not agree, so I told her this is what am going to do and you better support me.

    “The first couple of months when I got the motorcycle was traumatic for her- she kept praying and praying. Whenever I travelled was the worst. So, whenever I stop to buy fuel, I have to send her a message, ‘I am at Ijebu ode’, or Ore or any other place. So, she got used to it for like six months before she started feeling comfortable. Now, if I tell her I’m going out of town, Abuja, to Ghana or anywhere, she is absolutely comfortable with it.”

    Asked if they ride together like some bikers do with their wives, he jocularly stated: “Let’s put it this way; it is allowed only for one person to be insane in the house. I am the insane one, she is the good one. Absolutely lovely woman!”

  • My annoying neighbour is trying to steal my guy from me

    Good day ma, I’m a girl of 16 and in love with a guy of 19. Both of us are through with secondary school and plan to go further. The problem is that I have an annoying neighbour who tries to steal my guy from me by acting over-friendly even though she’s dating someone else. Some guys have fallen for her but this guy hasn’t and she’s trying hard. The main problem is that he’s trying to avoid her just to be committed to me. Aunty Ade I really love this guy but I’m scared of losing my virginity to him at a tender age because I was almost a victim of molestation and rape due to the fact that I don’t have a good relationship with my mother (she never sits me down to talk to me) I have made some mistakes and I can’t avoid guys because I’m beautiful and well behaved. Pleases help me before I make a great mistake.

    I want to believe that all concerned in this situation are teenagers. From experience in dealing with people, I know that teenage love does not always last, so there’s no gain fighting over a guy. This guy is yet to find his bearing and so, he’s only just occupying his time with you girls till he gains admission into a higher school of learning.

    If you constantly worry about how to get this girl committed and glued to you, then you may focus of the most important thing to you now – your education. As you grow older and begin to explore the world, you will find out that there is someone out there who is better than this current champion. The boy may be confused as most guys his age about how to handle these two girls showing him attention. And I can bet that he’s enjoying the flirtations of the other girl. It’s just natural with boys to find it amusing that girls are finding them attractive. Give him a break by leaving him to have the freedom to mingle. You’re acting like a mother hen to her chicks by watching him around this other girl. At 16, you really have a nerve! Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much you love someone. He may not feel the same way about you. Honestly, I think that you’re putting too much pressure on yourself because of this boy. Most importantly, if you’re not ready to have sex, let him know. If you’re uncomfortable about something a guy wants you to do, speak up. Muster up the courage to utter a single word: NO. Having sex with him doesn’t prove your love. Don’t believe the lies he tells you. Please don’t ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. And if he forces sex on you, it’s called rape; report it. Remember that no means no.

  • 2015: Jonathan should honour the agreement he allegedly had with governors, if there is any-Ex-Kwara Governor Bola Latinwo

    2015: Jonathan should honour the agreement he allegedly had with governors, if there is any-Ex-Kwara Governor Bola Latinwo

    Retired Group Captain Salaudeen Adebola Latinwo is former military governor of Kwara State, in the short-lived regime of General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd) between 1984 and 1985. A native of Offa, Kwara State, Latinwo is an aviation technology and management specialist. He is also a public affairs analyst. In this interview with Deputy Editor, VINCENT AKANMODE and Assistant Editor, LINUS OBOGO, Latinwo recalls his travails in the military which culminated in his early retirement from the Nigerian Airforce. He also laments the crippling corruption bedevilling the country, ditto the aviation sector and shares his perspective on the proposed national conference, even as he accuses President Goodluck Jonathan of suffering credibility deficit on account of his several failed accomplishments. Exercepts:

    You had always wanted to be an aeronautic engineer before you were cajoled against your wish, by the late Sardauna of Sokoto and the then Premier of Northern Region, Alhaji Ahmadu Bello, to get enlisted into the Nigerian Airforce. How much of your dream would you say you eventually realised?

    The point was that as a young man growing up, there was always that ambition of wanting to be a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant or an engineer. The engineering we knew then was aeronautic and everyone wanted to be an aeronautic engineer. Fortunately for some of us, there was this call then by the Sardauna of Sokoto to be part of the young airforce that was being put together then for the country. While some of us thought the opportunity was something that had to do with the building of an aircraft, others thought it was about the military.

    Initially, some of us were reluctant because we did not want to have anything to do with the military. But somehow, the Sardauna of Sokoto recognised the fact that the Northern part of the country needed to be strongly represented in the air force. And so, he started looking for young men with the potential to be enlisted. We were called to the Government House in Kaduna and convinced to take advantage of the opportunity provided we were qualified. It was like a father talking to you and that was how about two or three of us were shortlisted and taken to Germany for the training.

    It was when we got to Germany that we realised that it was a military affair, when they started issuing us military uniforms. When we saw that it had more to do with the military than the building of aircraft, some of us insisted on returning home. We made it clear that it was not something we wanted to do. But we were persuaded to stay and we did. We were told then that being an air force officer was all about prestige, power and authority.

    So, to answer your question, I will say that I did not, as a matter of fact, realise my aeronautic engineering ambition. But some of my children have surpassed that with PhD in aerospace engineering.. In fact, my last child has a Ph.D in aerospace engineering.

    Did any of your children take after you militarily?

    No, but they have been able to excel in their various chosen careers. When you remember the terrible experience some of us had leading to the premature end of my career as an air force officer, it was not something to encourage the children to voluntarily to take after me in terms of career. But despite everything, I still remain grateful to God for His love.

    It is obvious that you are still seething with anger and resentment. Do you still hold the grudge against those you feel were part of your travails and premature exit from the air force?

    It was not exactly about anger, but about unfilled career aspiration. It could be saddening when you remember how you were cajoled into starting something that was initially not part of your life’s desire only to see it, having taken the bold move, terminated abruptly in what I will call the prime of mine youth. At 42, I was a Group Captain, but I would not say that was how early I wanted my career to come to an end. It was a painful experience to find oneself roped into something you knew nothing about and I was faced with the threat of my life being brutally taken away for no just cause. And by a stroke of divine providence, my life was spared.

    Of course, as a human being, you are expected to hold a grudge. But when you realise where the opposition and hate is coming from, what could one do? It came from the very top level because some people wanted power at all costs and in so doing, they stopped at nothing to actualise and retain it, even if it meant doing away with those perceived as standing in the way. This kind of thing is often very prevalent in a developing country such as ours where someone must pull two or three people down through blackmail and conspiracy just to grab power.

    With that being said, I took everything that happened to me as part of my sacrifice that I needed to give to Nigeria as a developing country. I have since moved on because as long as I remain alive, life must go on. One must learn to put aside grudges and move on in life because the attributes you have will always assist you to forge ahead to the envy of those who do not want you to succeed. It was not an easy experience to be forced out of what you know and love all of your life into a world you hardly understood their language. A world where people tell you they are coming while they are going.

    A lot of people would want to attribute your travails and subsequent exit from the force as part of the consequence of the military incursion into the political governance of the country. Would you say that was your own price for the military involvement in politics?

    There is always a misconception in that regard. My understanding is that the military had to step in when there was excessive corruption and ineptitude in the system and they did that for a reason. Unfortunately, in the course of trying to restore sanity in the system, some people had personal ambition and agenda which tended to subsume the larger mission for the intervention.

    My answer to your question is to try to assess the military by narrowing it down to regimes rather than the military as a whole. Every regime must be broken down and assessed by whatever contributions it made while it was in power rather than by wrongly generalising the military. The military incursion was more of a necessary action to better the lot of the country. It was true that some regimes came and twisted everything to zero level and squandered the respect the people had for the military as an entity.

    Whether this is true or not, there was the perception that the country would not be where it is today if the regime under which you served had endured a little while longer. How correct is this perception?

    I think it is matter of personal opinion because nobody knew what would have happened after one and a half years. Sincerely speaking, for the one and a half years that the Muhammadu Buhari’s regime lasted, it was straightforward and focused. It came out with the War Against Indiscipline (WAI), the queue culture, the monthly sanitation culture, among other policies meant to reorient and mobilise the people and galvanise that nationalistic fervour in them. The moment a leader is able to manage the people in the way that they should act, they will be able to see a future where they will not think of stealing public money and doing those things that will bring the name of the country to shame. It was apparent that people admired and embraced the policies the regime of General Buhari was instituting. But unfortunately somebody thought otherwise and decided to alter the regime.

    What is your comment on the alleged highhandedness of that regime?

    No, it was not highhanded. There was no doubt that there was a lot of corruption and embezzlement within the system and the administration said: ‘We heard this and that about your corrupt practices.’ So, the onus was on the politicians to prove that they were not corrupt. But in life generally, sometimes you need to do certain things to galvanise actions from the populace. That was precisely what the regime did at the time. In life also, you cannot sit down and have things too easy with you. If you desire an orderly society, you must be ready to pay a price. That was the price we insisted the Nigerian society must pay. If trading in cocaine was your business and we found out that it was destroying our image internationally, it meant therefore, that you could lose your life by doing business in cocaine. As a matter of fact, that tended to frighten people. I think that was one of the few things people saw as being highhanded.

    It was rather unfortunate that those who succeeded in pulling the regime down were key members of the same regime. That, in itself, highlighted the personal ambition that was at play. I have read about a country which found out that an issue like religion was becoming too difficult to manage and it had to hands off religion as a policy of state for 10 years to concentrate on issues that were of economy. For 10 to 15 years, nobody talked about religion. That is how a nation is built. It must be built on sacrifice from all and sundry, both the leadership and the lead.

    Given your revulsion for corruption, how do you react to the N255 million armoured car scandal surrounding the Minister of Aviation?

    By now, the President should have asked her to step aside until investigations are completed. Stella Oduah is one out of about 170 million Nigerians. Neither the country nor the Ministry of Aviation will grind to a halt if she is shown the door. Even if she was the one who founded the PDP, as far as it has become a party for everyone, it is no longer her party. Therefore, giving her the boot is not something that requires long contemplation. Of course, she could be brought back after the investigation if she is found not culpable. There is no point pampering her and appearing to be glossing over the scandal.

    Aviation is a serious sector. It is like medicine where if you put a quack gynaecologist as your brother or sister in place of an expert, all the patients will die one after another. So, in aviation, you do not put anybody as minister simply because the person is close to you. It will be a recipe for air disaster. The moment corruption has crept into the sector where a minister is exposed to such temptations as gifts of armoured cars, then, there is real and present danger. That is what we are witnessing. (The minister, however, on Thursday denied that the cars were bought for her).

    Still on corruption, the regime which you were a part of postured to be fighting corruption at the time. How would you defend the allegation of ’53 Suit cases’ against that regime and which no response was offered until it was sacked?

    In my mind, I think people got it wrong on the issue of the 53 suit cases. Well, I was not at the headquarters then, but what I gathered was that the father of the ADC to the head of state was returning to the country and he (ADC) was at the airport to assist him with his luggage. I really don’t think there were up to 53 suit cases. But the whole thing was blown out of proportion and out of mischief.

    I knew both General Buhari (rtd) and the late General Tunde Idiagbon very well. They were strict, honest and distinguished gentlemen who operated a zero-tolerance for graft and sleaze. These were men who did not know what was going on at the airport. If his ADC’s father was returning to the country and the boy was at the airport to assist him, I don’t see what is wrong with that.

    Do not forget that this is a country where people take advantage of situations just to blackmail you. And this particular incident could not have been an exception. Even though I was at Ilorin then, I was not fascinated by the story because there was no substance in it. It was more of making a mountain out of a molehill. Beyond this singular incident, I do not think there was any incident that you could lay hands on and say this was what that regime did in terms of compromising itself.

    I was part of that regime and it was one that was honorable, focused and determined to straighten issues. If you look at the character of somebody like General Buhari, you will understand that he is someone with a very strong personality. He is passionate about what he upholds. It is this passion that has been driving him to see if he can turn things round for the country, if allowed the second chance now that he is in politics. Buhari has so much to offer this country and he is propelled by this self-belief and determination. Judging him from his military performance, Buhari is more than capable. But as a politician, I cannot say because that is quite a different constituency altogether. He is not one who listens to gossip. I just hope and pray that he will be allowed the chance one day to offer his service in a leadership position.

    Have you been in touch with him ever since his administration was terminated?

    I have not been in touch with him. Sincerely no! There was really no personal relationship or close relationship. It was purely official. He was my boss as a senior officer and head of state.

    If Buhari believes he has something to offer, do you also believe that he’s got something to offer?

    Well, given the circumstances we found ourselves, we need somebody who is very firm. For now, I do not know of any. The only challenge is the difference in circumstances. At first, he operated under the military, but is it the same circumstance now? No. that is where there could be a constraint. If we have to stay together as a country, then we need somebody as firm and honest as Buhari. I think he has got the attributes. This is not to say that I am recommending him for anything or canvassing for him. So, you have to get me right.

    Some of your colleagues are in politics either in elective or appointive capacity. What has kept you away from politics?

    My own way or my attitude to politics is quite different from other people’s approach to it. I knew I could not fit into the brand of politics being played here. I like doing things in an honorable way. Our politicians are people who say one thing and turn round to do the other. I am someone who stands on his honour. I know places where people find it uncomfortable when they see people like me around them because they know that I operate on the side of truth.

    I have since made up my mind not to be involved in serious politics but to be making contributions when asked upon. I do not want to be involved in active politics. Maybe the opportunity will come one day, but if it does not come, maybe my children will be the ones to take it up.

    Some people are already expressing a sense of foreboding ahead of 2015 because of the opposition to the return bid by Mr. President and the likely backlash this will trigger. Do you nurse this fear as well?

    No. I do not nurse the fear. As a matter of fact, I understand there is an alleged agreement he purportedly went into with some people. I do not know how true this is. But if there existed such an agreement, for me, it is only honorable to honour it. It might be difficult to say there was no agreement, because politicians of the Nigerian hue hardly do anything or go into something without an agreement. So to turn round and say there was no agreement is unacceptable. If the atmosphere was friendly, cordial and involved two to three men and you accepted it, then it is only honorable to abide by it. But if you decide to bring the law or constitution into it, it becomes unmanageable because you have defaulted in your honorable position to honour what you conscionably went into. There is no basis to make recourse to law or constitution because you did not remember the law when you went into an agreement.

    He will be looking for crisis, anarchy if he reneges on an agreement he purportedly went into. I recalled talking about the manner I was retired with my wife and I told her that if this was the sacrifice we had to make to keep the country together, then we had to let go what they did to me. That was how we put the whole thing behind us. This is the way leaders should look at issues. They should learn to look at issues beyond themselves in the overall interest of the country.

  • The girlfriend that I love so much is secretly dating my younger brother

    Dear aunty Adeola I love reading your columns every week and it has helped me a lot, now aunty I have a problem that is killing me inside and giving me heartache. My girlfriend that I love very much is dating my younger brother secretly. I noticed it and asked her what is going on between her and my younger brother she said nothing was going on. I am sure that something is going on because I saw some lovely text massage that my brother has been sending her. And any time she comes around she likes staying with him. So Aunty Adeola I really need your advise now because I am confused. – Chike from Imo state.

    You seem to have common sense because you appear to be handling this issue very well by not fighting. In cases like this, you really can’t be too sure that your brother is having an unholy alliance with this girl. The fact that they’re close and send text messages to each shouldn’t ordinarily cause you to be solid sure there’s something between them. But if the text messages are indeed explicit and descriptive of feelings of affection, then you may be right that there is indeed something going on. If that is the case, it’s best to just quietly move on and watch what your brother and the girl will do next without you in the picture. It would be good to know if they will come out and show the world then that they are in love (or lust). Brotherhood is more important than girls; I want you to hold on to that. There will be plenty of girls out there, not just that one. It’s not worth ruining a relationship between two brothers because for all we know, she’s probably laughing at both of you anyway.

  • The vow (2)

    After the oath we took between us, things progressed smoothly between Ena and I. Shortly after, we got married and settled down to living as husband and wife. Life with Ena was blissful. My only complaint was his tight work schedule.

    He was a businessman who did a lot of contracts with different companies and was thus a very busy person. I hardly saw during the week and even some weekends when he had deadlines to meet. He, however made it up to me and the children whenever he had some free time. On my 25th birthday, for instance, he took the whole family to South Africa to celebrate it. It was the first time I was traveling out of the country so you could imagine my joy.

    My childhood friends, some of whom had ended up having kids for different men out of wedlock were all envious of my good fortune at marrying Ena.

    “Mercy, whatever charm you used on him, please give me some! I want to marry a rich man like your husband too,” one of my friends, Doris said one day when she came visiting me at home. I had taken her on a tour of the nice duplex we lived in a very nice neighbourhood and she had simply gazed at everything in wonder.

    “You are really enjoying o! You mean just the four of you live alone in this big house?” she queried. I nodded, laughing and she had shaken her head. We had grown up together in the same street and like most families in that neighbourhood lived in very crowded accommodation. Doris, her twelve siblings and parents including a few relatives lived in a one room apartment. Her four year old daughter from a former boyfriend also lived with them. Their home was always noisy with fights and arguments a regular way of life.

    “Anyway, thank God one of us has left the ghetto for a posh place like this. I won’t mind living here o! Maybe you should employ me as your house help so I can come and enjoy with you!” she said.

    “No way! You are too big and too pretty to be my house girl! I no wan lose my husband o!” I retorted and we both laughed.

     

    ****

    With my husband’s help, I got admission to the university to study Business Administration. I had to be attending classes from home and between going to school, taking care of the children and my husband, it was tough. But I persevered because I was really determined to get a degree.

    It was in my second year that I got pregnant. After giving birth to my son, Tejiri, I returned to school and focused on my studies. To assist with the baby, Ena got a full time nanny, a retired nurse who was very competent. That helped me a lot as I could stay in school for all my classes without worrying too much about my baby.

    We had been married for about five years when the accident happened. My husband had gone to Abuja on some business and was returning to Lagos when he was involved in an accident. He had been scheduled to return by air but his flight had been cancelled. Since he had a very important business meeting the following morning, and unable to get another flight, he had decided to return by road. He was first admitted in a hospital near the town the accident occurred but because of the severity of his condition, he was transferred to the teaching hospital in Benin.

    On hearing the news, I immediately flew to Benin to be by his side. I wept bitterly when I saw my husband. He was in a coma, breathing through an oxygen tank and was unaware of his surroundings.

    “This is no time to cry, Madam. You need to pray now so he can recover,” the doctor in charge of his case told me on my arrival.

    So, I prayed as I had never done before. I remembered how we met, got married and our life together since then. I petitioned God to save my husband and I would serve him all my days.

    But it was all in vain. He died a week after the accident without regaining consciousness.

    To say I was devastated was putting it mildly. It was like my life ended, as if the light in my life had been switched off and there was nothing but darkness everywhere…

    A father’s request

    It’s been three years since my darling husband died. I have still not recovered fully from the shock of losing my husband at such a young age. Things have not been easy for me all alone with three young children to bring up. Financially, I have no worries as Ena left the bulk of his considerable wealth to me and the children. Perhaps, having a premonition of his death, he had written a will some months before the accident. His family had not contested it thankfully and had not harassed me in any way concerning their brother’s estate.

    I miss my husband daily and though there are pressures from some quarters for me to remarry, I have no interest in being with another man. Just last week, my father had come visiting and had brought up the issue of my marrying again.

    “You are still young. You should marry again so you can have someone to help you take care of these children,” he had stated in his usual blunt manner. He had even proposed to matchmake me with a son of his friend who had just relocated from the United States. But I had not been interested.

    Besides the lack of interest, there is also the oath I took with Ena all those years ago before our marriage. When I made the vow to him, I never in my wildest dream think this would happen, that I would be a widow at 31. Ena had told me that it’s a vow that cannot be broken or there would be consequences.

    I don’t know much about the spiritual significance of taking oaths so I would appreciate if readers who know about these things can enlighten me. I don’t know what will happen in the future, whether I will meet a man and fall in love again. Will it be possible for me to marry again despite the oath I took with Ena? And if I do, will any misfortune happen to me as some people I discussed the matter with have suggested? Please help!

    •Concluded

    •Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

  • Gorge dwellers:A life at the mercy of reptiles, ill-health

    Gorge dwellers:A life at the mercy of reptiles, ill-health

    YOU would not suspect that there is a settlement below the steep road. There is nothing to alert a visitor to the fact that he or she is close to a cliff and there is no buffer to prevent one from tumbling in. As you peep into the settlement below, the array of houses scattered in the gorge evoke fear. There are houses with all manner of designs, some completed, some uncompleted.

    Between the houses are drainages that flow into a swampy bush where scores of monkeys have a field day. Their presence constitutes no spectacle to the residents who have grown familiar with them. There is no passable road for cars or motorcycles. To get into the gorge, you must descend 48 stairs that seems like eternity to complete. The exercise leaves you panting and perspiring.

    That is the daily experience of residents of a gorge in Martins area of Akute, Ogun State. A gorge, according to the National Geographic (Education), is a narrow valley with steep, rocky walls located between hills or mountains. The term derives from the French word gorge, which means throat or neck. A gorge is often smaller than a canyon, although both words are used to describe deep, narrow valleys with a stream or river running along their bottom.

    A number of natural forces form gorges. The most common is erosion due to streams or rivers. Streams carve through hard layers of rock, breaking down or eroding it. Sediment from the worn-away rock is then carried downstream. Over time, this erosion will form the steep walls of a gorge. The flooding of streams or rivers increases the speed and intensity of this erosion, creating deeper and wider gorges.

    Lagos and Ogun states boast a number of such gorges. At the gorge community in Akute, Ogun State, the residents don’t have to get out of the ‘hole’ to worship. There are churches here. The only thing they don’t have is a big market. But they have found a way round it by stock their houses with whatever they need.

    On a typical weekend in the gorge, you would see people watching foreign football leagues through the satellite dishes adorn the roof tops of some of the houses. Those who are not watching matches are listening to music. There are no gates or fences like there are in the world outside. They are not considered necessary because there are no threats to life.

    More and more Nigerians are making gorges their abodes. Ironically, the gorges are surrounded by exotic houses.

    Hope, an indigene of Anambra State who owns one of the houses in a gorge in Akute, believes there could be no other better place than the gorge. He had bought half a plot in the gorge for N150, 000 six years ago and has since lived in the place. He would not subscribe to the view that residents of gorges are exposed to serious danger, particularly floods.

    He said: “There is no problem here except the presence of small snakes, and when they come, we kill them. This place is peaceful. The problems you have outside, like robbery and other things, we do not experience them.”

    Hope is particularly happy that he has a place of his own.

    Because the community was peaceful, Hope invited his brother to come and buy land and build his own house too. But Hope’s brother has not been able to complete the house because the omo onile (natives) insisted on collecting N50, 000 before they would allow him to roof the house. “But for the problem of the omo onile, my brother would have finished his house and joined us here,” he said.

    Another resident of the gorge, Mrs Yemi Adewale, said it was the 14th time she would be climbing the 48 stairs of the gorge in one day. Surprisingly, she showed no sign of fatigue or tiredness.

    Adewale said: “I have lived here for 15 years and there has not been any natural disaster. If there had been a disaster, you would not have found anybody here.”

    While admitting that the residents live in fear of dangerous animals, particularly snakes, she was quick to explain that the human movements and voices had driven the animals into the forest. ”Because those animals hear human voices, they will not come out to attack us,” she said.

    Majority of the residents dismiss any fear of flooding, insisting that the foundations of their houses were done in such a way that they could not be threatened by floods.

    While it takes a visitor a lot of effort to ascend or descend the stairs, young and old residents do so with amazing ease. The reporter watched school pupils returning home, descending the stairs with utmost ease.

    A builder and site engineer, Mr. Joseph Oluwatoyin, who incidentally was handling a construction beside the gorge, said building in the gorge is like sitting on a keg of gun powder. “If you think you are buying a cheap piece of land cheap in the gorge, you are bound to suffer the consequence in the nearest future. For me, I won’t buy land in the gorge and I will never advise anybody to do so. But if you insist on buying and building it, it is your problem.”

    Oluwatoyin believes that only very rich people have what it takes to build a solid house in a gorge. But he said the rich would not even do so because it does not make economic sense.

    He said: “I believe that only the rich can afford to build in the gorge because it requires a lot of money to do so. But come to think of it, why would a rich man buy land here? I think the only people who buy land here are those who want to build houses at all cost. But, my brother, it is a matter of time. They will see the consequence when flood comes, particularly now when many states are prone to flood.”

    Concerned about the perennial flood that occurred in the state early in the year, the Lagos State Government threatened to demolish buildings in gorges.

    A medical doctor, Dapo Ayeni of May Day Medical Centre, Akute, Ogun State, described the environment as hazardous. He said the air that the people living in such a community breathe is polluted.

    He said: “There is going to be stagnation of air because everywhere is choked up. I will not advise anybody to live there. But it is a good place for farming because you have lots of carbon dioxide which the plants need,” he said.

    Ayeni said apart from the fact the environment is not hygienic, it is particularly dangerous for pregnant women. “I won’t support anybody to live in that environment. Such a place is only good for farming because there is a lot of carbon dioxide there.

    “The implication for the pregnant woman is that she may not have enough oxygen. The density there is low and a pregnant woman needs a lot of oxygen. A baby born in such an environment will be small and not be able to grow well. Even the mother will not be able to live well; she will be falling sick.

    “Apart from that, a pregnant woman needs a level ground to move around. If she has to move up and down, it stretches the abdominal muscle in such a way that at times, it can provoke unnecessary pain and discomfort and lead to premature labour.

    “Pregnant women are prone to falling. They can fall on their tummy or something like that. So, a pregnant woman does not need that kind of environment. The place is polluted.”

    Kunle Awobodu, a building expert and Chairman of Building Collapse Prevention Guild, blamed the growing rate of building in gorges on the relaxed building regulations and supervision in the border towns of Lagos and Ogun states. He warned that houses built in gorges are susceptible to erosion, landslide and instability in their foundations.

    He said no construction would have been allowed in such places if the owners of such land had sought the approval of town planning authorities. “But because Nigeria is a society where things are not done in the proper way, you find buildings in such places. It is a threat to the safety of the building and the occupants. It is not advisable to build in such places,” he warned.

    Bode Jegede, an architect and former principal partner at Archiworth Associates, said it is not proper to build houses in gorges. He said as an architect, he would not design a house meant for a gorge. “Gorges are meant to be natural erosion paths. They are generally at lower level. They are not buildable areas,” he said

    He said many building exist because their owners don’t usually put the appropriate information on their survey, adding that the buildings in gorges do not have architects’ supervision. “If a chartered architect is caught in such area, there are penalties. So, there is no way an architect will supervise building in a gorge,” he said.

    Besides erosion, he said, buildings in gorges have other implications: “Any other area around it is on higher level. If there is any mining activity, it may be 100 of kilometres away, it can affect structures in the gorge, because if there is a movement in earth, gorges are the first points that will suffer.”