The Nation Newspaper

Category: Saturday Magazine

  • Princess Theresa Taiwo Olusanya ups the ante

    Princess Theresa Taiwo Olusanya ups the ante

    These days, you cannot miss the sprightliness in the gait of Princess Taiwo Olusanya, the pleasantly beautiful daughter of the late Asamo of Akureland, Ondo State. More than ever before, Princess, as she is fondly called now, buoys and bubbles with immeasurable excitement. And the reason is not far-fetched. Some weeks back, the lady who is into property development declared her intentions to go into politics in Ondo State. Interestingly, Taiwo is ready to contend with the tough politicians in the state money for money and power for power.

    Though she is still keeping to her chest the position she is vying for and her political party. Avery popular individual, who also co-runs a popular boutique with her twin sister, Mrs. Kehinde Bajowa, wife of a former SSG, Taiwo is not getting complacent with her meteoric successes both in business and private life.

  • Wale Osinubi launches foundation

    Millionaire businessman and chief executive of Wesco Pools and Lottery, Barrister Adewale Osinubi, recently took his philanthropic gesture further by launching a new foundation to cater for the needy, the less-privileged and indigent students.

    Before the launch of Wesco Foundation, Otunba Osinubi had been involved in various empowerment schemes that touched many lives.

    A few months ago, he yielded to pressure from his home town, Omu-Ijebu in Odogbolu Local Government Area, Ogun State, to join active politics. Before then, he had been a major financier of new breed politicians across political platforms in the area.

    While he has kept mum on his exact political ambition ahead of the 2015 elections, he is rumoured to have been pencilled down for the deputy governorship slot in one of the emerging political parties in the state.

    He is said to be presently engaged in wide consultations preparatory to his official declaration in a few months time.

  • My unfulfilled dreams as a governor

    My unfulfilled dreams as a governor

    What is your take on the nation’s current political situation?

    As I said before, Nigeria has always managed to survive. At times, it seems that the nation will crash tomorrow. But from there, it gets up again. So, we will continue to survive but under very big strain. At the same time, we should not take things for granted. See what is happening in other parts of the world, such as the Middle East. One after the other, there were demonstrations in Morocco, Egypt, Libya, Syria and other parts of the world. That means that people are becoming more and more aware of their civil rights.

    And most of the problems are economic. The gap between the rich and the poor is too wide. We are not saying that everybody should be equal, but we must keep that gap close enough. These are some of the things we should not take for granted and believe that nothing will happen. Let us not stretch our luck to the breaking point. Let us ensure social justice and equal opportunities for everybody. These are some of the things that if we do, the country can survive.

    Let us also harness our resources. It is not only oil but also solid minerals. Let us invest enough in agriculture and manufacturing. These are the real sectors of the economy where we should put in enough resources and develop them. We have been talking about electricity for decades and nothing seems to be improving. We cannot develop as long as the real sector is not developing. The real employers of labour cannot employ. The highest employer of labour today is the government. That is very wrong. In the developed economies, the government employs a very small percentage of the work force. Not more than about five per cent. Here, the private sector is almost dead. These are some of the issues we must tackle if the country is to be peaceful.

    What I think is going on is that our nation has been on a continuous drift and that drift has not been halted, and it has affected our lives in all sectors-economic life, social life, anything you can think of. Nothing seems to be working. I think that something needs to be done. Otherwise, we would get to a point where we would not be sure of what is going to happen next.

    Why has it been difficult for people like you to disregard their political affliations and come together to do something?

    Even if the elite want to transform this country under whatever name you give it, they must carry the people along. If you don’t carry the people along, whatever you are doing becomes elitist. Now, the wants of the ordinary people are not so many. They want three square meals a day, ability to send their children to school, attend the hospital when they are sick and secure jobs for their children after they leave school, and so on. So, these are the basic needs of the ordinary man, and no matter what you are transforming, if you don’t carry them along and you don’t try to meet with these needs, you will never succeed. It means you are doing an elitist transformation where only the elite gain.

    So, let us see how we can look very seriously downwards and see what the man on the street wants. We have enough resources to meet these wants.

    We have had almost 40 years of military rule. Will you say the country is moving forward with democracy?

    I would say we are moving forward, but it depends on which direction. We are moving forward, and you should know that there is a learning process. A lot has happened. A new leadership has emerged. The only problem is that we are not as committed as our forefathers-the Ziks, the Awolowos, the Aminu Kanos, the Sardaunas, and so on. In their time, they were so committed and the fight was different. The fight was against the white man and the aim was to gain independence for Nigeria, which they achieved.

    Unfortunately, we have not been able to manage ourselves well thereafter. And this happened because after the white man left, we started fighting ourselves. The struggle for power has been raging since then amongst ethnic groups, political parties, religious bodies, and so on. So, that has been the confusion and the ordinary Nigerian is the worst for it.

    Recently, you raised the flag of the All Progressives Congress (APC) in Imo State. What do you think are the chances of the party in Igboland?

    I see a very bright chance for APC. The South-East has followed PDP from the beginning till now and has nothing to show for it. In 2011, we had a body called Igbo Political Forum and we were working seriously towards having an Igbo President elected. Our target then was 2019. Our ambition then was that at the latest, by 2019, Igbo presidency would become a reality. But we scuttled it,

    2019?

    Yes, 2019, at the latest. But we messed it up because of selfish needs. Some people jettisoned the organisation in the last minute and worked for themselves and not for the Igbo. And today, as far as PDP is concerned, there is no plan for Igbo presidency. In APC, 1 think we have an opportunity. I tell the Igbo that if they work hard under APC and support the party, my projection is that by the year 2023, an Igbo man will be President.

    2023?

    Yes. We’ve got to be realistic. I said latest. It is possible we get it in 2015. But my personal projection is that latest by 2023, we will get it.

    After who and who might have ruled?

    The way things are going, whoever rules from 2015, by 2023 at the latest, an Igbo man will get it.

    Even if Jonathan comes back? Are we making an assumption that an Igbo man will become President after him?

    No, I’ve never believed that the next President after Jonathan will be an Igbo man. That has never been part of my plan. Knowing Nigeria the way I do, I don’t want to be over-optimistic and then promise our people what cannot happen. I don’t see President Jonathan handing over to an Igbo man.

    Why is an Igbo leader like you talking this way?

    It is not possible. We know the trend. Even when I was in PDP, I was part of the extended caucus that signed the minutes of that meeting we had in the Villa, where we agreed that after Obasanjo, a northerner would rule and after that, it would come down to the south. So, within PDP, there is no hope that after Jonathan, another southerner or an Igbo man would move straight into the Presidency. This was the calculation we had in 2011, and we told our people then that we had an option. That was the time we met with the northern group under Adamu Ciroma. And we had an agreement. It was in the papers. It was published and we signed.

    Do you actually realise the social implication of what you are saying?

    What is it?

    You are telling your Igbo kinsmen that…

    (Cuts in) I haven’t said anything other than that ‘latest’. The meaning of ‘latest’ here is that they can also have it earlier if they work hard. I want to be on the safe side and I say if we work hard, latest by 2023, an Igbo President would emerge.

    Would emerge?

    Yes.It may be shocking to you, but that is the truth of the matter. Those who promised us 2015, where are they (laughs)? The same people who promised us 2015 are the people telling us today that Jonathan is entitled to a second term. So did they not know in 2011 that he would be entitled to a second term?

    So, when you people were pursuing the presidency in 2015, Igbo wasn’t even in the agenda?

    Yes. What realistically we were thinking at that time was 2019. They promised us 2015, but realistically, we knew that was 2019. I know you are shocked. You will be shocked. You want me to say we will have Igbo president tomorrow. You can’t have it without working for it. What’s the organisation on the ground? What contacts have you made? Or is it that by 2015 an Igbo man will be president?

    Be realistic. We lost 2015 in 2011. If we had followed the programme in 2011, probably we would have had it in 2015 or 2019 latest. This is the truth. I will never believe that a South-South president will hand over to a South-East president. I said then and I’m still saying it today, that it would be impossible in the Nigeria context. So, why not work for something that is possible? There was an interview Chief Edwin Clark granted; I think it was in June. I saw that interview as being frank.

    What did he say?

    He said that the Igbo were not yet prepared for the presidency; that they had not started any move to run for the presidency of this country. He said the South-South started in 2003, and he concluded by saying that when the Igbo are ready, they would help the Igbo.

    So getting prepared to run for a Nigeria’s presidency has now been turned into an ethnic and violent affair? That is the kind of preparation I see the North making.

    No matter the method they use in their own case, the question we are asking ourselves is, what is the method Igbo people are using now?

    Let me return the question to you. What are you people doing to produce a president of Igbo extraction?

    There are many groups. But for those of us in the APC, we look at what is happening today, an Igbo man could probably in 2015 indicate interest. My party has not zoned anything. We have not decided where the presidency is going. So, the Igbo man could have a chance in 2015.

    Assuming he does not make it in 2015, whoever gets there, the Igbo man can now prepare very well and see that by 2023, an Igbo man would be President. That’s the situation.

    Your calculation does not even work?

    Why?

    Because you have assumed that after Jonathan, it will not be an Igbo man but a Northerner…

    Yes. But I didn’t say a Northerner. You didn’t hear me mention any ethnic group (laughs)

    Okay, I concede. Now, it would be any group after Jonathan and Jonathan may end his tenure in 2019 if he is re-elected in 2015?

    You can’t assume. I’m talking from the point of view of APC. And from the point of view of APC, are we expecting Jonathan to be re-elected? No. You are asking me, but I cannot tell you what any other person is doing on the APC point of view. I’m calculating that if the Igbo don’t make it in 2015, we must definitely work hard for it. Nobody will dash you the presidency. It means that the Igbo should come into APC and work hard for it.

    So, your ‘hard work’ is in the context of APC?

    Yes, in the context of APC. That is why I cannot speak for PDP. I’m speaking for APC. For me, the PDP is gone.

    Gone, in terms of?

    I mean our chances in PDP have gone. We lost it in 2011. I tell you the truth, no matter the way you see it, we lost it in 2015. We need to start positioning ourselves through APC to be sure that if we don’t make it in 2015, because my party has not in any way said the presidency is zoned to this side, we must begin seriously to work under APC and achieve it latest by 2023.

    But there is still a problem there?

    What problem?

    A lot of Igbo people see the APC as a Yoruba party.

    Some say it is a Yoruba party, others say it is a northern party. Why can’t we make it an Igbo party? That is why we’ve got to work hard in APC. You can see the baptism it is getting. Some say it is a Yoruba party. Some say oh, it is a Hausa-Fulani party. They just give these tags to scare our people away. APC is a Nigerian party and a lot depends on how you work on it. If in the 2015 election we work hard, I promise you, APC will take a minimum of three states out of the five in the South-East. And that will be the beginning.

    Can you name the states?

    I don’t want to name them. Any of the five is an opportunity.

    Would you take Anambra?

    By the grace of God. That would be the beginning.

    You already have Imo State, right?

    Yes, we have Imo State. So, we will add one more. And I said minimum. Supposing we take all the five. Mind you, it is not the powerful people that vote; it is the grassroots people who would look at the APC as a party that wants to cater for the ordinary people. And by the time we release our manifesto, by the time we start working, start our campaigns, you will see that the ordinary man will see that that’s where his salvation lies. So, he can leave the elite in the PDP.

    We hope to be in control of the centre. For us to execute our programmes, we hope first and foremost to grab the centre. We’re not joking. It’s not a question of dragging people out of the centre. And the group that needs the APC most is the Igbo.

    What makes you think so?

    Yes, I think so because when our states key into the programmes of APC, we will see development in Igboland. That is one. Again, the Igbo presidency we’re talking about becomes more realisable, unlike in the PDP where there’s no programme for it. But some leaders come out and say you will get Igbo presidency tomorrow morning only for them to get ‘settled’ with contracts, etc. When they get these things, as far as they are concerned, Igbo Presidency can wait. We’re not like that in APC. We are quite dedicated.

    Are you going to run for Senate again under APC?

    I can tell you, I took part in the formation of APC. I was one of those who planned the merger, and at the time we resolved that, we took our ambitions and put them in our pockets. By the time we finished merging and the party settles down and everything has been put on ground, you can come up with your ambition.

    So as at today, I cannot say what I’m going to run for. I’ve not even given it a serious thought if I’m going to run for something or not. Our preoccupation as at now is to put APC on the ground. Having been registered, registration is just one step. The next thing is to put it on the ground, and that is what we are all working towards. As for our individual ambitions, everybody has his. But it’s not an issue yet.

    What is your guiding philosophy about life?

    My guiding philosophy about life is to act according to my conscience at all times. Once I consult my conscience, whatever it tells me, that is what I do. And when I do it, I have no regrets. But once my conscience is not clear on an issue, I will not try it. But I believe that we are all human beings. Even when probably you have been placed in a better position, you must try also to help those who are down to get up. These are the things that guide me in life.

    I try to treat my fellow human beings as humans and always regard whatever position I find myself as a temporary position, because no position is permanent. I believe in it so much. You can be there today and tomorrow you are down, next tomorrow you are at the top. But what kills many of us is that when we find ourselves in certain positions, we think that it will last forever. One day, you will come down. If you have that at the back of your mind, it will make you to behave well. It will make you to treat others as you will like to be treated. My philosophy of life is for me to act according to my conscience. That is the summary of my philosophy.

    Are there things you remember today with regrets? Are there things you could have done differently if given another opportunity?

    Of course, yes. For everybody, it has to be. You cannot, with hindsight, review what you did for eight years and find all of them quite in order. There must be a few that you believe that, well, given hindsight today, I would have done them differently. There are always.

    Can you give examples?

    I may not be able to give a lot of examples, but I would say that one of the things that I want to do that I did not do well, was the issue of technical education. I remember it till today. I had a philosophy that I wanted to do real technical education, which meant establishing artisan schools, craft schools. I think that is what we lack. We can have all the engineers in the world, all the doctors, but we don’t have artisans. That is an aspect of my administration that I think that I did not do quite well.

    Secondly, it was my ambition to link up the three cadres of health management; that is the primary, secondary and tertiary health. I did not quite link them up. There were some of these things I failed to do, which I think I should have done. But in any case, lack of resources also contributed to it; not that I did not know that they should be done.

    Another thing I believe I would have done differently is the issue of Imo State University. I thought of establishing two major campuses of the Imo State University, but I could not get them working. The teaching hospital in Orlu, the College of Engineering in Okigwe, I started them but I could not get them to the level I should have got them to before I left. These are some of the things I could not achieve as I desired. Subsequent regimes should be able to continue from where I stopped.

    What did you accomplish during your tenure as governor?

    What makes me feel happy most when I remember Imo State is not the structures on ground, but the human capital I was able to build. To me, that is what makes me feel happy. In my time, I had this poverty alleviation programme and it helped a lot of people. When I go to Imo State today, you see market women I would not even remember recounting what my poverty alleviation programme helped them to achieve. I have had many of such experiences and they gladden my heart. It is not just the issue of structures.

    In my time, we did not have so much money, but we were doing some contracts. We made sure that we distributed them well. It was not a question of getting one contractor to build everything. We distributed them and spread them among contractors from the three political zones, so that the idle youths in the villages would find work to do. This made me happy. I remember the state secretariat in Owerri, which has 10 large buildings. The buildings were given to 10 individual contractors spread among the three senatorial zones in the state. Anytime I visited the construction site, I felt happy seeing youths who would have been idle in their villages working at the sites. These engagements prevented them from taking to crimes. All these made me happy.

  • No woman can snatch my husband if I get a second shot at marriage—Aisha Falode

    No woman can snatch my husband if I get a second shot at marriage—Aisha Falode

    YOUR TV programme, The Amazons, is solely about women. Are you such a feminist?

    No, no, no. It is not for women alone; it is for the family. It is just that women are the ones who drive the family. The home is set by the woman. The woman defines how she wants the home to be run. She is the bedrock of the family. She takes the initiative. She builds the foundation for the children.

    If you get the family right, you get the society right. A lot of the problems we have in the society now can be traced back to the family. And as women, we feet concerned that there is a lot of holdback when we want to deal with these issues, especially the non-traditional issues. Those are the issues that really affect us as a society. For the women, even though we talk about it in our private moments, we are never bold enough to bring them to the fore for public discourse.

    Take for instance sexual intercourse. Promiscuity is not only about the girl child; it is also about the boy who is just starting to discover himself. At what point do you start to talk with a child about sex and the consequences of being sexually active?

    We live in a society where you cannot place any restrictions on the children anymore. Learning and teaching is reality for the kids. If you don’t talk to them about it at home, they are going to have to find out themselves. We have a lot of outlets that will give you this information, whether you like it or not. So it is your responsibility as a family to sit the child down and tell the child that look, what you see on TV, a lot of it is the reality.

    Reality is what drives the television. It is basically for entertainment, but the reality of life is different from the reality of TV. The responsibility of them distinguishing between the moral, the ethics, and what is right and perceivable still falls on you as a mother. This is where we come in.

    Even as mothers ourselves, we have a lot of issues that trouble us. For instance, you talk about relationship and what really holds a marriage together. Even though you may not be married, you are exposed enough. You have friends who are married. You have relations who are married. So, you have a lot of experience and example to draw from.

    Women have a lot of health issues that we are not too comfortable to discuss.

    Take menopause for instance. A lot of us go through menopause at very early age now, but because of the restrictions, how will the society perceive us? You talk to your friends and they are like no o, I don’t want people to know that I am old. But, for God’s sake, it is not a disease; it is just a natural process that you have to go through in life.

    Menopause, these days, does not even come with age. And what if it comes with age? I mean gone are the days when a woman hides her true age. These days, I’m happy to tell you I’m over 50. The men will tell you without even thinking twice about it. Why do you want to hold on to this stereotype belief that with a woman, everything has to be kept secret?

    Even if it is a disease, should someone be afraid to talk about it?

    What does it take for a woman? If you know that something is wrong with your breast, why don’t you discuss it with your friend? Why don’t you seek medical help? Why do you want to leave it too late until, perhaps maybe, what you didn’t want people to learn about will eventually kill you and it will become public knowledge to rest of the world? We are just trying to break that barrier between what is permissible. Everything is permissible. This is what The Amazons is all about.

    It is not all about women issues. We also talk about politics. We talk about governance: how does it affect us as women? How does it affect our children? What is the guarantee for the future if we continue this way? What is the leadership role that a woman can take in order to effect the changes that we so deserve and desire as the bedrock of the family? What is our responsibility in ensuring that the quality of leadership that we put in place actually starts from the home? How do we prepare our children?

    Look, if you can’t beat them, join them syndrome has to stop in one way or the other. These are the moral values that you must hold on to as a family. Good name, in Yoruba parlance, is better than silver and gold. You have to protect the name and integrity of your family. I think if we can get these basics as a family, it will translate to the bigger picture of the quality of leadership.

    At what point did you conceive The Amazons?

    Well, it had always been there. You know you sit down with friends, and you just let go. But in order for you to now affect the larger society with what we discuss, I found that there was a lot of restriction among friends, saying we can only talk about it here. Men sit down and talk about relationships; they talk about their experiences with women. Why can’t we also talk about our experiences with men? A lot of women are going through divorce. They are patching their marriages. They want to make it work by all means, but a man will not care a hoot about it. We are not saying that as a platform of affecting the society, what is wrong is right. We are just saying that what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right. But there are some things you just cannot make happen the way you want them to be.

    What are the other options? How do you move on with your life? A lot of us are undergoing counseling in this Lagos State because of the pressure of marriage; because you want to have a relationship; because of the pressure of ‘look, I’m over 30 and I still cannot find Mr. Right.’ The family will put pressure on you. Your parents will put pressure on you. Friends will put pressure on you. But there a lot of bachelors who are in their 50s and nobody is pressurizing them. These are the issues we are talking about.

    But some of these issues also border on culture, ethics and values…

    We understand the ethics. We understand the values. But if there is nothing you can do about the ethics and the values, what is the way forward? What are the options in other for you to move on with your life?

    What are the highpoints of the show?

    The highpoint is when we are able to get people to break down the barriers and really come and talk about their experiences. We have had menopause discussed after several attempts to talk to people, saying ‘look, there is nothing wrong undergoing menopause.’ We have had women come to talk to us about their experiences and our feedback on facebook was quite amazing.

    Look, menopause has broken down marriages. Men could not just understand, why is my wife suddenly becoming depressed? Why is their sudden mood swing? Why is she not having interest in those things that used to interest her? They couldn’t find answers to it because they didn’t understand what was going on with the woman and, therefore, there is a disconnect in the relationship and that eventually affects the marriage to the point that they have to get separated.

    But if the men could understand, perhaps they will be more empathic. Perhaps they will be more understanding. Perhaps they could give that support that women need. We pleaded for advocacy; that the same way we are talking about cancer opening, that it is a killer, you need to do x, y and z, why don’t you also let women know these too? Let there be some kind of public enlightenment where it will really be discussed, where you have a forum, preparing women for menopause. Before you will hit the menopause, there is something called the pre-menopause; the periods are far in between. These are things you will experience in your body. The oestrogen and prostrogen are going to get depleted and it will affect your skin and your mood. You are going to break out in sweat. You are going to have internal heat. Perhaps, if you have any, it will shot up your blood pressure and this is where you seek help. Where is the support group? That information will really help in a long way.

    We’ve also had a boy who lived as a girl for so many years and because of the stigma couldn’t come out. Now the boy has realised that he cannot continue to pretend about his body. He was actually born with a defect where you have both the male and female genitals. When he grew out of it, he sought support and was able to undergo medical support in the United States. Now he is a full, handsome grown man. But he still needs one more surgery in order to complete the process. He was bold enough to come out and talk about it on The Amazons.

    We also had the people we call the run girls; girls who sell their bodies for money. Although they are not on the street, they do it through connection and network. We also have what we call the Aristos. They have proper jobs, but they still are not contended with what they have and still think that selling their bodies for money to keep up their social status is the only way they know. We brought them on the programme and told them that it is not the solution. We are able to now manage them and take them off that line of action.

    But it still depends on the free will of the individual. They know the consequences, the risk of getting involved in such act: you could be raped, killed or drugged. You could end up with STDs or HIV. They know all these risks and consequences and still, they are not able to pull back and say ‘look, I could die from this.’ But because this is the only way they know how to survive, they still continue.

    We have several other incidents. We have gone to the market and seen women who, although they are not literate, they understand the power of global currency because they are global traders. They have made millions selling fabrics in Oke Arin (market). They send their children to the best of schools in the world and live comfortably. You do not need also to be so much educated. We place so much importance on certificate as a nation, which is why we have so much employment.

    The government also has not helped with the fact that we need to diversify our education. Apart from this paper qualification, what happens to our technical colleges? Abroad, you see plumbers, painters, you know workmen. They earn much more than those who wear tie and suit to go to the office in the morning. Why don’t they develop this sector of education? Everybody cannot be a graduate.

    You turn out the graduates and there are no employments to absorb the work force. And what do you have? You have youth who do not know how to channel their energy and they are involved in vices, fraud, kidnapping and all kinds of things. It is a means to survive. So, you need to deemphasise this paper qualification and begin to also pay respect to technical qualification. That way, we’ll have jobs for our youths. There will be wealth creation. The youth can also create wealth for themselves and become self employed and employ others. These are serious issues that we treat on The Amazons. Ultimately, it is about the family.

    In this part of the world, women dread aging. Why is that so?

    I don’t have a problem with age. I tell people my age. I hit 50 last year. I’m proud to be 50. In a lot of ways, I can relate to the saying that age is in the mind. You are only as old as you feel in your mind. Once you feel that you are old, you begin to behave like an old person. But if you still feel young in your mind, you are what you perceive yourself to be. So I will encourage a lot of women to still deal with their mind as though they are young and still do the things that they used to enjoy doing although with moderation. I’m not saying go about still wearing your mini skirt. Now, you have to be conservative, respectable and still feel young. This is the way I think that women should start dealing with the issue of age.

    If you enjoyed clubbing as a young woman, get a group of friends together and have a girls’ night out. You may not go to the same club as your children. Don’t go and stay overnight. Go to the movies with a group of friends. Just go and hangout and come back home. It also helps relationships, where you are not suffocating one another. Your man is the outgoing type, you are at home nagging. He’s not going take you out all the time, he also needs his own time to be with his friends, hangout, go to the bar or go and hangout and watch the game with the boys. Pick interest in what your man is doing, but don’t suffocate him.

    The same thing with the man; don’t suffocate your wife. Give yourselves space. Of course, you also need time to spend with your husband. Take yourselves on holiday. It helps in a long way to maintain the freshness in a relationship.

    Over the years, there has been the argument over what really helps to keep the home. Is it food or sex?

    See no pretences. If you talk to 10 men, 90.9 per cent of them, that is almost a 100 per cent, will tell you that what goes on in the bedroom is much more important than what is in the plate on the table. Talk to them. That is what they go after when they go after girlfriends. The girlfriends don’t cook for them. It is what they do with these men that take the men to them. Let’s don’t pretend as women. Be creative. ‘Daddy, it’s me and you tonight.’ Recreate that old time and they will enjoy it. Even when they are in the process of straying, they remember that my wife can give me what I want. Even if they want to, they are held back because the woman is fantastic, and they are wondering why they are wasting their time with these small, small girls.

    Forget about food. Although it is also important, those people they are going out to see are not cooking for them. That is the truth. Let’s be frank about it. Perhaps, if I was as matured as I am when I got married, I could keep my home. But I wasn’t mature. If I get a second chance today, God help the lady that will come and take my place. Ase baba nla ise (she will have to toil for it).

    This is the time for women to wake up. Keep your relationship. Keep your man, whatever it takes. What is it that he is going to look for outside? I will give him double at home. This is what men want. We brought them to the programme on how to sustain your marriage, and they told us verbatim. Forget about the food. It is the food in the bedroom that is more important. Maybe in the days of our mothers, you know they were traditionalists, they were not adventurous.

    How many children do you have?

    A girl and a boy.

    For the girl, what was it like when she was growing up, considering your busy schedule?

    The thing is learn to be a friend to your children and they will tell you anything and everything. If you earn their trust, if they have anything, they will come to you and say ‘Mummy, this is it.’ If they are having problems or if it is about how to get back their boy, what do you think? Why is he behaving like this? Speak to them as a friend. If they earn your trust, they tell you before they do anything and they seek your advice. Your advice will become very important to them. Without your advice they cannot do anything. They will have to run it by you, even thought the decision is still for them to be made.

  • Are there any safe, effective manhood enlargement drugs?

    Are there any safe, effective manhood enlargement drugs?

    I am in a great fan of your page on relationships. Well done. I have a boyfriend whom I see a future with, but his penis is just 3.5 inches when erect. This concerns me as it is small beyond satisfaction. He is fantastic in every other way but I just can’t get this thought out of my head, that he’s small and that I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy penetrative sex with him.

    I’ve read some of your previous responses to men who have enquired about this and your advice is that there are drugs that work with penis enlargement. Are there really such drugs and are they safe? – Shandy.

    Dear Shandy, I bet you have seen those men with mega-phones around proclaiming the wonders of their herbs. And I’m sure you must know that they remain in business because people patronize them. People patronize you either because they want to try your product or they have tried it and are coming back for more. The truth however is that some of these herbs have terrible side effects as they have not passed through tests and evaluation for safe use hy human beings. Not many people will come out to say they have been embarrassed after using such herbs.

    Luckily, you’re not asking about such herbs here. Yes, there are indeed penis enlargement drugs. I know because I got some bottles from the UK and gave family members and friends who reported seeing changes after using it.

    Before I talk about how penis enlargement drugs work, let me ask you this: what is small and what is not small?  The fear that a man’s penis or your partner’s penis looks too small or is too small to satisfy your partner during sex is a common fear. But a number of studies have shown that most men who think their penises are too small actually have normal-sized penises. Similarly, studies suggest than many men have an exaggerated idea of what constitutes “normal” penis size. Consider that:

    The average penis measures somewhere between 3 and 5 inches (or about 8 to 13 centimeters) when not erect, and between 5 and 7 inches (13 to 18 centimeters) when erect. A penis is considered abnormally small only if it measures less than 3 inches (or about 7 centimeters) when erect, a condition called micropenis.

  • Derin Agbaje claims her place in social sphere

    Unlike in the days past when the wives of bank executives confine themselves to the home front, most of them now freely flaunt their beauty and dress sense. After all, they are endowed with chubby faces and the wherewithal to live the good life.

    Derin, the beautiful wife of the Managing Director of Guaranty Trust Bank, Segun Agbaje, is no exception. Blessed with a physique that would be the envy of any young girl, Derin seems determined to claim her place in the social sphere. With a gait and composure that scream silently, Derin is savouring the sweetness of shindigs and corporate events as she has become a very familiar face at top-rate events.

    This custodian of glitz has a way with fashion; so much so that fashion freaks now refer to the daughter of Mrs. Toyin Olakurin, the first female chartered accountant in Nigeria, as a style icon. Her love for designer wear and accessories cannot be overlooked.

  • I thought I was going to be shot the day my abductors released me —Archbishop Kattey

    I thought I was going to be shot the day my abductors released me —Archbishop Kattey

    RELEASED after nine days in kidnappers’ den, the Dean of the Anglican Communion in Nigeria, Archbishop Ignatius Kattey, has relived his experience in the hands of his abductors, who he said gave him the N200 with which he rode home on commercial motorcycle popularly called okada. Kattey, who said he had forgiven his abductors, also said he started falling in love with the young men that captured him after two days in their custody.

    The clergyman, who was briefing reporters at his private residence at Alode-Eleme, Rivers State, also blamed the rising wave of crime in the country on poor parenting. He said the kidnappers knew that he was a man of God, but because they did not have good upbringing, they had no respect for his position.

    He said from his observations, his abductors, one of whom was about 22 years old, were able bodied young men, and some of them were well educated but had no jobs.

    Identifying bad parenting as the cause of the kidnappers’ action, he urged governments at all levels to provide jobs for Nigerian youths, provide development for the people and, as matter of urgency, review the security situation of the country.

    Kattey, who regained his freedom after nine days in captivity, faulted the Rivers State Police Command’s claim that they rescued him from his captors. It will be recalled that he was abducted with his wife, Beatrice, at about 10 pm on September 6, 2013 at Aleto, Eleme on their way to Port Harcourt. But his wife was released the same night while the abductors fled with the clergyman.

    Reacting to the release of the Archbishop, Angela Agabe, the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO) in the state, said it was the police that rescued him.

    But this claim by the police did not go down well with Kattey who told reporters that his kidnappers released him on their own, attributing his release to divine intervention because he knew people were praying for his freedom all over the world.

    Kattey said: “The police did not rescue me. They did not rescue my wife. I saw the police for the first time two days ago (Monday). I told the Commissioner of Police that his PRO was telling lies. And if the police would not tell the truth, who would tell the truth?”

    He said the Commissioner of Police in the state, Mr Mbu Joseph Mbu, had apologised to him for the lies PPRO told about his release.

    He, however, acknowledged that efforts were made by security agencies to secure his release, as he saw helicopters hovering over the forest where he was kept by his abductors for about 500 times but could not see him.

    He said it would have been very difficult for the search party to find him, as he was kept in a very thick forest and asked to lie down most of the time. He also said his kidnappers kept moving him from place to place because they sensed that the local hunters and their dogs were sniffing around for him.

    According to him, there was a time the hunters’ dogs came close to where he was being kept in the bush, but his captors told him to keep his mouth shut so that they would not be detected. He said he would have made some noise if he knew that he was the one they were looking for.

    For this reason, he said, they started moving him from one place to another, sometimes blindfolded, chained or tied and made to sleep in his cassock in the rain and water.

    He said: “I was not tortured, but I was under difficult conditions. I slept outside in the rain and sun with my cassock. I didn’t have my bath for all those days. I was in the forest and was moved from place to place. Feeding was once a day. At times, I was given sachet water. At times it was fast food and other times boli (roast plantain). I was left in the rain and had to lie down in a pool of water because I could not stand all through the night. I wore the same cassock, rain or shine.”

    The 65 year-old Anglican Archbishop also said he was not aware of any ransom paid on his behalf, adding that he could not have paid any ransom as he had no access to his bank during the period.

    He also said that his freedom was an act of God, because the kidnappers sometimes argued over his continued stay with them in the bush until they finally made up their minds to free him.

    Recalling how he was released, he said: “On Thursday evening, one of the persons who had watched over me told one man that was with him that they should release me. He said I had stayed long. The other man got furious and threatened to shoot him for asking that I should be released. ‘What has this man given to you that you want to release him?’ he asked his partner.

    “That night, they moved me to another place and we stayed from morning till night. Then one man came and said, ‘This man will go now o!’ I thought they wanted to shoot me. I didn’t say anything. One of them, who was engaged in a phone call, said they should hold on.

    “After a while, they asked me to follow them and make sure I didn’t talk to anybody. We kept moving until they stopped a commercial motorcycle (okada) and asked me to climb it. They actually gave me N200 to pay for the fare… I don’t know what actually happened, but I believe that God touched their hearts.”

    On whether his abductors gave him any message to government, Kattey said: “They did not give me any message to deliver to anybody. But in the bush, I asked them why they were doing this to me? They said the government and the society forced them into what they were doing because most of them were graduates but had nothing else to do.

    “I understand that the police have arrested some persons, but they are not among the persons I saw in the bush. The police are holding the wrong persons and should release them. I told the commissioner of police. The real people are in the bush.”

    Kattey also said: “May we appeal to the federal and state governments to as a matter of urgency review the security situation in our dear country Nigeria? May we also urge the leaders, especially the political class, to be sensitive to the plight of the governed by providing the basic responsibilities of government to her citizens? If this is done, we believe governments would have been able to put in place strict measures that will not allow crime to breed unchecked and unreprimanded in our nation.”

    It was not possible to reach the wife of the Archbishop, Beatrice, or any of his children, most of who were abroad during the press conference. But when Governor Chibuike Amaechi paid a visit to her while her husband was in captivity, she prayed for God’s intervention and unconditional release of her husband by the kidnappers.

    “My husband is a man of God who preaches peace. He believes in God and wherever he is, God is with him. We are sure he will be well. But he should be released,” Beatrice said.

    The wife of the Anglican Bishop also expressed regrets over the security lapses in the state and called for serious concern and attention to avert future re-occurrences.

    Also speaking during the visit, the Chancellor of the Diocese of the North, Sir Emeka Ichioku, in his vote of thanks, expressed confidence that Kattey would return to his family hail and healthy.

    The Chairman of Clergy Association of the Diocese of the Anglican Communion of Niger Delta North, Venerable Richard Okpara, also offered prayers for the family of the Archbishop and prayed for God’s intervention for his unconditional release.

    Amaechi, who was represented at the sympathy visit by the Secretary to the State Government, George Feyii, enjoined Christian religious leaders to intensify prayers for unconditional release of Kattey.

    He said, his administration was doing everything humanly possible to ensure the unconditional release of Archbishop Kattey.

    The governor said: “This administration wants to assure you that it identifies with this family because the kidnap of the Archbishop is a very serious matter, and it has compelled us to identify with the family. And right now, everything is on track to ensure that Kattey returns to continue his assignment with God.

    The governor further appealed to the kidnappers to urgently effect his release to enable him continue his ecclesiastical call to the service of God and humanity, which he stressed is for the benefit of all Nigerians and betterment of the society.

    Also reacting to the travails of Kattey in the hands of the kidnappers, Senator Magnus Abe, representing Rivers South East in the National Assembly, charged Nigerians to see it as a wake-up call, insisting that the country can no longer afford to play with the issue of security.

    Abe also disclosed that joblessness and financial challenges should not be used as excuses for indulging in kidnapping and armed robbery.

    He said: “I just want to use this opportunity to thank the Christian faithful across the country. Every Christian in this country showed concern. So I thank all of us for what God has done and to say that this actually is a wake-up call for us as a country. We can no longer afford to play with the issue of security.

    “This is a servant of God. This is a leader of the church. This is an Anglican priest. This is a known character in this state and country, highly respected, and then little boys will just come, drag him around the way they did?”

    While the Archbishop said that he had forgiven his abductors, Abe declared: “It is totally unacceptable and we must condemn it without reservation. My Lord, when we catch them, the issue of forgiving them will arise. But we must look for them and we will never stop looking for them.”

  • How can I get over my heartbreak?

    How can I get over my heartbreak?

     

    Dear Aunty Adeola,

    Thank god for your column. It has taught me many things about life. I need your help now about how to heal after my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me for another girl. I still love him but I have enough pride to go and beg when I know he’s always with this new girl. I want to put him behind me but I don’t know how to go about it. Please tell me what to do. – Irene.

    Dear Irene, I’m glad that you have a lot of dignity and you’re smart enough to know that there’s no point is trying to get this guy’s attention now that he’s drunk with the affection he must be feeling for this new person in his life. I know it can feel like the end of the world when you’re losing the love of your life. Heartbreak can feel equally devastating when you thought you’d found your soul mate. You may feel deeply upset, bleak and rejected. It’s a truly awful time. There are few experiences in life that are more hideously painful than having your heart broken. And it can happen at any age. But the happy fact is that most people not only get over heartbreak, but they go on to love again.

    Your broken heart will heal. Yes, it won’t be so easy, but if you give yourself time, your heart will sing a new song soon, but you must let go of this guy completely as you desire. Below are tips on how to mend a broken heart:

    Get someone to look after you

    If the break-up comes out of the blue, you’ll be in a state of shock. You certainly won’t be thinking straight, and you’ll probably have physical symptoms such as insomnia and weeping, or you may feel completely numb. Don’t try to struggle through this alone: get someone to look after you. If need be, arrange a few days off work.

    Treat yourself with care

    In the weeks after a split it’s normal to feel as though you are physically ill. So try to treat yourself with the care you would if you were recovering from an illness.

    Get plenty of rest. Have scented baths. Tempt yourself with healthy, delicious foods. Maybe buy some luxury fleecy pyjamas and a furry hot water bottle cover. This is a time when you need to indulge and comfort yourself.

    List 50 good things about you

    When your heart is broken, it’s easy to feel that you are to blame and that you are worthless. These feelings contribute to you feeling really wretched. So it would help if you could remind yourself of just how great you are.

    Write a list of 50 things that are good and worthwhile about you. Once you’ve completed the list, add one more thing to it every day. This will help to improve your self-esteem, which has doubtless taken a knock.

    Talk things through

    Now is the time you need your confidants to listen while you go over and over what has happened. As you talk things out, the worst of your feelings will gradually lose their hold on you. Your friends will probably be very available to you in the early days. And some may even listen if you ring them at three in the morning. You’d do the same for them – wouldn’t you?

    List bad things about your ex

    When we’re heartbroken, we tend to dwell on all the perfect times we spent with our ex.

    But, to get over him or her, you need to start seeing things more realistically. Maybe he was controlling or boring when he’d had too much to drink. Perhaps she was too possessive or had a family who kept interfering in your lives.

    Make a list of everything that was bad and that you don’t miss. Put this list somewhere prominent, like on the fridge. Add to it every time you think of something new – which may well be often!

    Hide photos

    Some people are so angry they destroy all photos of their ex and cut him or her out of any shots of them together. Certainly, it isn’t helpful to keep seeing images of your beloved. But you may one day regret destroying all photos from this time in your life.

    Instead, collect up all photographs and put them in the loft or give them to your friend or mum for safekeeping until you’re sure you know what you want to do with them.

    Don’t try to be friends

    Your ex may have suggested you keep on seeing each other as mates. But this is something the person who wants out usually suggests to the partner being rejected, and is far more about the dumper’s guilt than real friendship.

    It will not help you to try to be friends – at least not initially. Having contact with each other when the break is still recent just prolongs the agony. Every time your ex says something nice to you, you will interpret it as meaning that the relationship can be rekindled. Don’t do it.

    Never have sex with your ex

    There may come a time when your ex comes round to see your children or to sort out some belongings.

    You’ll get talking, and you may even crack open a bottle of wine. At this point it is all too easy to find yourself hugging and kissing – and heading for the bedroom.

    Unfortunately, having sex will only confuse and upset you further, especially if your ex leaves immediately afterwards, which is very likely indeed.

  • Strut around in skater skirt

    Strut around in skater skirt

    SKATER skirts are one of the most versatile pieces of clothing this moment and you can match them with sandals, flats heels, wedge etc. They look absolutely great on chubby girls because of the flare shape when worn with a button shirt usually tucked in. Skater skirts are also lovely to wear with cropped tops without showing too much of the belly. Throwing on a blazer with a skater skirt also looks elegant. One might think skater skirt is only for teen girls but when we wear it in absolutely stylish ways, it looks good on anyone. Let make-up be minimal when wearing this lovely piece. Chunky accessories are also fine with the skater skirt. Look sweet in skater skirts

  • Decoding the code!

    SOME corporate organisations insist on a strict business look. They also dictate the colours to wear to the office to achieve the conservative professional look.

    For those who may have a date, party or an evening-out with friends after office hours, it will not only look ridiculous but too serious if they turn out at an event in their corporate attire – if they can’t rush home after office hours to change into something casual and light for the occasion.

    Corporate casual is a little more laid back than business attire. Are you looking for nice pants or long skirts, nice crisp shirts (button up shirts are normally a safe choice), comfortable casual shoes? Well, help is here as the following tips will help you in achieving the perfect corporate to look casual in a jiffy:

    *A white shirt works anytime, especially over a pair of dark-coloured pants or jeans.

    *Jazz-up your look with bold accessories.

    *Change the big bag to a clutch purse.

    *Most professionals prefer to wear flats to work especially if they are not mobile because it makes mobility easy. No problem. But when changing from the corporate look to the casual look, wear heels for that chic effect.

    *Dump the jacket but make sure that your camisole is trendy enough for you to wear alone.

    *However, for business dates or formal evening events, you can include more formal attire, if you like, like ties, suit jackets and blazers.

    *Let down your hair for a relaxed look.

    *If you wear a low cut, use hair accessories to jazz it up.

    *If you have a subdued make up, tone up with bright colours.

    *You can wear an LBD with a jacket for work in the morning and dump the jacket later in the evening. To make this look work, put on a big shiny chunky necklace with flashy earrings. Or use a silky scarf with mixed bangle bracelets.

    Sometimes, just a statement piece, like an overly long necklace, or killer shoes are enough to add drama. You would be amazed how great pair of shoes and a little clutch can do wonders to dress up that little black dress.