The Nation Newspaper

Category: Saturday Magazine

  • Social medicine: Sexual health matters of men and women in the 35-50 year age bracket

    Much has been said about mature women (married and single) going for younger men for relationships that bother principally on sex, older men (single and married) now preferring girls young enough to be their daughters for marriage. We also have situations where young women, married and single, now form circles of lesbian relationships. The concern in some of these is the inability of one or two of the people involved in a spousal or non –spousal relationship to get adequate sexual satisfaction. Many issues come up when sex related problems declare themselves in normal legal relationships-spousal, non spousal, and are usually not to be trivialized, or ignored because there are no inconsequential matters here. Undoubtedly sex is a major scaffold and the string that holds relationship together so that they don’t fall apart. Most of the sex related problems in the society are not without practical solutions.

    Studies have revealed that men and women in the 35-50 year age groups who are the most sex starved of populations, compared with people who are younger, and this is irrespective of race, all other variables controlled for. What do we do when we observe a sudden or gradual decline in our ability to achieve adequate sexual satisfaction in our marriage or normal relationships?- look inwards to see if something in our body outside the genitalia are responsible, the heart, the lungs, brain/mind? Check if we are eating too much, drinking too much or taking medication that weaken our interest or abilities? Do nothing, and hand over everything to God? Heap the blame on our partner and blame God for not given us more virile partners.

    Take a closer look at ourselves in the mirror and then seeing we are very beautiful or like Adonis wrap it up and go seek excitement in the arms of younger people Male or female?

    These days, it is not really difficult to find relationships and partnerships including multiple partnerships but there are real health risks. It is often not common knowledge that anything that is owned completely by any person and found very pleasurable is like a beast, and if not controlled, will tear it’s owner to pieces- Adventures are not without excitement and pleasures- new sensation, new environment, travels, places, food, clothing, and whatever you may wish to add, but the hidden disadvantages of coital liaisons that are generally accepted as unusual or inappropriate outweigh whatever advantages they have. For an example certain intractable sexually transmitted infections are peculiar and common amongst lesbians.

    It is also common knowledge that HIV/AIDS virus is most efficiently transmitted when people engage in anal sex- a route not anatomically adapted for sex. Inappropriate sexual adventures in any discerning individual can very quickly become an obsession, where suicidal ideation, use of drugs (to overcome performance pressure), murder and deadly diseases can take life away prematurely. As the father of a prominent musician summarized it, they live their lives like candles in the winds and simply disappear from the midst of humanity. For an example, the girl child is barely aware of personal hygiene, being very likely to mistake abnormal vaginal discharge as normal, lower abdominal pain of pelvic inflammatory disease as normal menstrual pain, the fever of hepatitis B infection as malaria or typhoid, the painful swelling of bartholins cyst and ulcer of chancroid as boil and the painless ulcer of syphilis as pimple. the squamocolumnar junction of the girl child’s vagina is much lower compared to that of the matured lady.

    Combined with her lower capacity to negotiate for safer sex, she is placed at a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections. These are not part of the issues of unwanted pregnancies, septic abortions, vesico vaginal fistulae etc. Research has also revealed that mature ladies with relatively obvious body proportions are less likely to succumb to infections like HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis B. The mechanism is based on the relationship between Leptin receptors in adipose tissues and the antigen presenting cells (APC)

    A 36 year old young woman who had regular explosive sexual relationship with her husband claims she simply needed the arms of a young male around her when for reasons she could not explain, she left her husband and after waiting for years and getting snubbed by men, her age agreed to go out with a man much younger than her. She is currently living with HIVAIDS. At first, only her daughter knew about her condition, but soon the school her daughter attends manage to know and now it is all over town.

    For men and women aged 35-50 years, Sexual inadequacies may occur in one or more of the following ways;

    For men, erectile failure, erectile dysfunction tops the list. It takes different forms in different men depending on age. In flaccid impotence, there is no erection at all and the situation remains ISQ despite efforts by a partner. In erectile dysfunction, there are several problems, erection may not occur and when it is achieved, it is weak or not strong enough to achieve penetration. In some persons, there is erection, but it fails a few minutes after penetration

    The most important issue here is age- as we grow older, blood vessels everywhere become narrowed and less elastic. There is no bone in the penis, just muscle and blood vessels; age alters all rheological properties of blood. The number of receptors available for hormones and enzymes to home in are reduced and it is vital to note that the major organs of the body including the eyes, ears , heart, brain/mind, lungs, kidneys are all involved in the action , and so situations of sadness, sorrow, stress, anger, and disease conditions such as diabetes mellitus, hypertension will affect the quality of sex that can be achieved. In the same token, drugs used to treat these diseases of the heart, brain and blood vessels and nerves will reduce or even take away the strength of sexual performance possible .

    Alcohol, smoking, excess sugar and obesity are likely to worsen sexual stamina in men older than 35, some will quickly raise the issue of village men who are married with many wives , smoke crude cigarettes and drink plenty of ‘kaikai’. There are many reasons, from the known to the unknown-one of the known is that individual variations exist in the metabolic activities of enzymes which remove and degrade alcohol tobacco and cigarettes, beyond that, it is becoming obvious now that only a mother and DNA paternity tests that can definitely tell who fathered the children she has, about 20% of first born persons are not biologically related to those they call their fathers.

    Another common problem equally frustrating to a wife is premature ejaculation. This may happen as soon as body contact is made or a few second after entry. While erectile dysfunction, is common in old age, premature ejaculation is usually due to several factors and tend to occur with younger men. Partner understanding, sympathy and assistance are crucial for these two conditions. It is very important indeed for the woman not to make issues out of the experience, because doing so could lead to a situation where her husband suffers impotence only when he is with her but remains very strong and active with another woman- the psychosomatic integration of the human body for a singular action is as complex as that.

    Men experiencing these problems are advised to see a Doctor, but the young man with premature ejaculation has more work to do to help himself if he wants his partner to remain with him . Nothing is more tormenting and women have been known to scream out their frustrations from bedrooms–Doctors with specialist training in these areas talk about the rule of 9, and can be found online. Reducing the frequency of intercourse, graduated stimulation with cooperation from wife are two things you can do

    Retarded ejaculation and aorgasmic coitus can be taken together. When experienced early in marriage, a man with retarded ejaculation may cherished as a sex machine, but there is a problem, the reason he does not lose strength is that he is not losing what normal men give away in their sperm ejaculate-large quantities of energy in the form of ATPS (Adenosine triphosphate).

    Women are trained by Doctors to bring everything to a close whenever they desire by special conditioning of the vaginal muscles. Affected men are also advised to do SFAC (seminal fluid analysis and culture). They may also avoid intercourse for some time, and also to reduce the frequency of intercourse. When the woman discovers the problem, there is increased tendency for aorgasmic coitus such that even the little that comes out does not get up to the outer 1/3rd of the fallopian tube, fertilization does not occur and infertility results despite regular coitus.

    Women more than men in that age group commonly encounter loss of interest in sex and even of enjoying it. It is however more likely for the man to experiment with someone else though temptations can come to anybody even those who appear not to be going out. Sadness, sorrow, illnesses, age and stress are the main causes. Psychotherapy, age appropriate entertainment, sports and entertainment and god communication are often helpful.

    For women, Vaginal dryness may occur as a sign of infection or age related decrease in estrogen, stress and other problems of life the man may feel he is no longer physically attracted to his wife and if the situation persists and he is not reassured, he is likely to start going out, creams and counseling for partner understanding may be useful.

    Vaginismus, in a woman is diagnosed when uncontrollable contractions of the vagina prevents normal coitus, this condition which may not allow the initiation of coitus at all is to be differentiated from the normal ballooning of the upper portion of the vagina that occurs at the peak phase of sexual excitement.

     

     

  • My bitter-sweet love story during civil war

    My bitter-sweet love story during civil war

    Can you tell us about your early life?

    My father was a great man. He was a teacher. But you know teachers of those days were very accommodative; every body in our town lived with us. Teachers were the greatest people then and that was why so many people stayed with us. My father, Chief Anakwenze from Abagana, trained so many people in our village; he was a highly respected man, he was a super disciplinarian.

    As regards my mother, Margret Anankwenze, my husband is used to describing her as an angel from heaven. That is how my husband always describes my mother; she is a highly spiritual lady. I always tell everybody how she used to wake me up when I was a very young girl. When the whole world was asleep, she would wake me up, at about 1am and 2 am in the night, to start giving me moral talks.

    My mother used to say, “You know you are my daughter, don’t do this. You can’t do that. Don’t allow men to come near you, if they touch you, that will be it! You will get pregnant.” So, I grew up with that strict moral training. Her counselling did a lot for me. It helped to mold me, to the extent that even when I got married, my husband used to tell me: ‘Look, I am not your boyfriend, I am your husband, if you need anything, let me know.’

    That was because Mama (my mother) had told me that “If you take anything from men, you have to pay back in kind.” So, I was not into accepting things, anything from a man. So as a married woman, my husband used to tell me “I am your husband; I am not your boyfriend. Tell me what you need.” That was because I had already grown up with the idea that as a woman, you don’t take anything from men. That was as a result of my mother’s consistent counselling. I still recall her words: “You know you are my first daughter, don’t disgrace me o; you have to be exemplary because the whole world is looking at you. If you step wrongly, then, I am disgraced.”

    You have been married to your husband for over 40 years, how did you meet and if you are to describe him, what will you say?

    I call him my ‘Prince Charming’. That is actually what he is. We have come a very long way. We met when I was 13 and we married when I was 21. We have been through various scenes of life, through mountains, through valleys, but God was faithful and saw us through all. I give God the glory. Last year was a very, very rough year for us, health wise. He was very ill, as he was getting better, I also fell ill. Although, they were very fatal ailments but God was awesome. He saw us through; so we are today testifying to the glory of God, we are serving a living God. We are serving an awesome God; to Him be all the glory, now and always.

    Only few women fall in love with a man who eventually ends up being an army general. Can we share your love story and how you lived through the years?

    When I look back, I even wonder how I survived the whole thing. It was very traumatic. But you see, when God says, ‘this will be, that will surely come to pass. We had every challenge that you can imagine. I am the first daughter of my father; I have six senior brothers and a younger sister. I am his eldest daughter. So, he was very emotional about his daughter getting into marriage at 21! At that time, I had not finished my university education; to crown it all, it was during the war. To even make it worse, he was a soldier. My father said: “You this girl, you want to be a widow at the age of 21? What is wrong with you? Your age-mates are not yet married and you have not finished your education; for God’s sake, what is wrong with you? And to crown it all, he is from a very poor family.”

    As far as they were concerned at that time, I perhaps could have been mad. They thought that something was wrong with me. But today, it is a good testimony because the last week of my father’s life on earth, that was in 1983, I went to visit him as I usually did at weekends; and as I was leaving him later, he started to bless me. He prayed for me, blessed me and told me that the only regret he had was that my husband did not come with me on that trip; that he needed to apologise to him!

    He recalled how he had protested so much against him and the marriage. He said: “See how wonderful he turned out to be.” He said that, my husband has turned out to be one child that is better than a hundred children. And to think that he had been against him then made him sad. He said he needed to apologise to my husband. But I told him, you are my father. I have only one father; you have a right to say anything about your daughter. He said: “No, I was nasty to that young man. I need to apologise to him. Since, he is not here with you now, tell him, I am sorry about everything that happened since 1968. Remember to tell him that. Also tell him that I am sorry, that he should find a place in his heart to forgive me for all I did to him.”

    I said Papa, why are you talking like this? He replied: “It is because my time is up, my time is finished. I don’t have anytime left.” This happened on a Sunday. By the following Thursday, they sent word to us about his poor health. I was informed on Friday, and I went there on Saturday. I was told that he had been in coma since Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

    When I walked into his hospital room, he opened his eyes and talked to my mother who was there too. He said: “Somebody came in; her voice is like Ifeoma’s voice, is it Ifeoma?” He was referring to me. My mother replied: “Yes, she just walked in”, and he nodded. And that was the last thing he said in this part of the world. He was happy that I had come. And then, that was the end, he moved on to after life.

    You married at the middle of the civil war and he had to leave the war front to come and say ‘I do.’ The day you married him, what was really going on in your mind? Were you scared that he might die in the war front?

    I told you when God wants something to be, He just makes it happen. We are only mortals; I don’t think we have control over many things. God is the sovereign power. But when I look back, I don’t even know where I got the courage to go on despite the protests from every member of my family. My brothers were mad at me; my cousins were mad at me; my father was not even talking to me. He didn’t talk to me until I had my third son Tobe. He was still very angry with me. When I had my first son, he said: “That girl, she is just ruining her life.”

    Co-incidentally, when the war ended, it was like everybody was proved right. That was because when the war ended, my husband had nothing doing! They were on probation for three years. So, everybody was saying: “We told you! Didn’t we tell you? See what you’ve done to yourself!”

    Men who approached me for marriage, whom I refused then, said: “See what you’ve done to yourself; a nice girl like you?” One man in particular said: “You refused to marry me, it is okay. But please, a good girl like you should not marry a soldier. Just wait, even if you won’t marry me, it is okay. Wait till the war ends, then you can marry the kind of man that deserves you. Don’t marry a soldier”.

    Those hot words continued. It was when I had my third son that my father came to visit me. I was at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, then. He said: “Look at me, I am busy quarrelling and being angry with these people, but it is like God is even blessing them the more. It is as if God is with them. Meanwhile, I am busy being angry with them.”

    When I had my first child, he shunned me. When I had the second one, he equally shunned me. He said: “Foolish girl, she has messed up her life; she didn’t finish her university education and she is marrying. What is she hurrying into marriage for?” So, when I had my third son, he said: “Look at me, I am busy in anger with these people, but it is as if God is not angry with them.” It was then he came to visit me for reconciliation. He brought a lot of gifts; it was at that point he started softening up.

    So, what was your relationship like with your in-laws?

    You know we all grew up together as children, so we are family friends. His father and my father were friends, so we all knew ourselves. So, Mama and Papa, that is my in laws, were like my parents right from day one, and they were very nice people. While I was at the university, I left the three children (three sons) with them. They looked after my three children while I was in school.

    Now, your children are all grown up doctors and engineers, how do you feel?

    I just give God the glory; it is all by the grace of God. I won’t take the glory, it is God that did it, and it is by His grace. We just did our bit as parents, but God completed the assignment. We have five very wonderful children; you can’t ask for better children, they are very nice children.

    But none of them took after their father’s profession…

    He always says that military life is a very dangerous life; that he has survived is a miracle to him. So, he never encouraged anybody around him to go into the military. That was because he said during the war, he saw somebody in front of him die; somebody at his back died; somebody by his right died and somebody by his left died. At that point, he said, one begins to wonder how he himself survived it all.

    But then, I suppose that in Igboland, we give names that have meanings. And my people always say that, your name leads you! His name is Ifeayinchukwu, I supposed that is the flagship of his life, that which has kept on sustaining him and leading him. Ifeayinchukwu means ‘There is nothing impossible with God.’ So, he said he is always surprised how he survived. “At the end of a military operation, you find that people around you are dead, but somehow, you survived. So, everything is by His grace.” So, he said that the military is a very dangerous thing; so he never encouraged anybody around him even his nephews, he never allowed any of them to even think about it.

    “You can go into any other profession,” he kept saying, “but the military, no.” I guess he did that because he kept saying that people just see the attraction, that they are not aware of the danger. “They just see the attraction and not the danger,” my husband used to say; that it is not easy to leave the army with your head on your shoulder. Either way you look at it, you either lose your head through a war situation or a coup-de-tat. So, he never encouraged his children to go for the military. “We only see those who have survived, majority did not survive.”

    Can you recall the most challenging period of your marriage, a time when the line nearly snapped and you nearly did a re-think?

    The most challenging period of our marriage was those initial years, when he had nothing to do. They were on probation and we were in the village, we had nothing doing. And he was the sole breadwinner of his parent’s family. There was no money, it was not easy. It was tough and as a matter of fact, my parents asked me: “What are you doing there? You this girl, come back home! What are you doing there? Are you sure you are normal? What are you doing there? Come back home, so you can go and meet your brothers in America. Your age mates are not yet married.”

    The day they brought that message to me, I told them: “Look, I made this decision and I am standing by it.” I learnt when the person they sent returned home and told them, they all started crying. They said: “Don’t you think this girl is mad? Her head is not correct o, somebody we are trying to save; she is not ready to save herself.” So, I sent back a message: “Tell them I made this choice and I am standing by it.” And I added: “Tell them by the way, I am travelling to Lagos (that was when my husband was in detention), that somebody told us they have found where he is. So, we are going to Lagos to see if we can find him.”

    We spoke to your husband some time ago, he confirmed that his life has always been characterised with near-death situations and miracle escapes from very terrible military encounters; what was your own role during most of those deadly situations?

    Maybe it was the quality of character of the youths of my era; somehow I am a woman of faith. I always believe God is sovereign. I have never told anyone this story before. At the end of the war, my people sent for me, trying to encourage me to return home. ‘Come and go meet your brothers in America.’ I learnt that the General who just finished fighting on the Biafran side was part of the newly re-absorbed officers into the Nigerian Army and who were under house arrest in Lagos for military trial. My first son was just three months old then. I heard that my parents and relatives were crying for me. They said: ‘Are you sure this girl is normal, carrying a little baby of three months to a place she is not familiar with?’

    But God is sovereign, in that at the end of the war, my father in-law called me. Papa had no money; he said: “Look, this is all the money we have in this house, but since you are going with the baby, I am going to give you everything because what can we do? If you see him, please, find a way to send words to us, so that we can have rest of mind.”

    My-inlaws even thought my husband and others had all been killed. So, when I entered the bus, the Niger bridge was broken then as a result of the war. It was when you get to the Niger Bridge, that you find other means of transport to cross you over to the Nigerian side.

    But immediately I came down from the bus that took me there from the village, I was just arranging my basket and trying to hold my little son properly when somebody pulled by as I was arranging my things and said: “Young lady, where are you going with this little baby? He is so young.” I told him I was going to Lagos and he said: “You know what? I am going to Lagos too. Come, let’s go together.” If it was like now, you can be sure it is a kidnapper! So, he said he is going to Lagos but “see, Lagos is far away o. I won’t be in Lagos until like 10pm.” So, I said, it is okay.

    What happened after?

    When we got to Agbor, he stopped, went and bought four pillows. He told me to get up and he laid it on the seat. I was at the back seat of his jeep. Then he told me that he wanted me to be comfortable. He bought me some fruits and said he wouldn’t be in Lagos until 10pm. So, he wanted me to relax; if I wanted to sleep, I should sleep. If I was hungry, I should let him know. After that, we started the journey again and on the way, he asked me: “So where are you going with this little baby? He is so young.” That was when I told him that my husband was an ex-Biafran officer and some of them were in detention and that we just found out where he was, and that I was going to find him. He asked me where the venue of their detention was and I told him, ‘Hotel Majestic, Yaba.’ He told me he knew the place. He said we should drive there straightaway to see if they would allow us to see him.

    When we got to Lagos around 10pm, we drove straight to that place, but when we made some enquiry, we were told he was there, but that they had closed for the day. We were also told that we could not see him, but he would be told that we were there to see him. We were told to return the next day.

    My Good Samaritan asked me what we were going to do since we couldn’t see him. Actually, I had an address of some of his relations who lived then in Obalende. I showed him the address, and again, this good man said: “Oh, I know the place. I will take you there.” So we drove straight there and we looked for the number; that was number 50-something, and as we would have it, the first door we knocked turned out to be that of my husband’s relations -Eddy and Ben. So they saw me and exclaimed, ‘Heee, Ify, Ify, Ify!’ They embraced me, they took the baby and my basket from me and the man now said: “Now, I am sure you are safe, bye-bye.” Then he just walked away into the dark, started his car and drove away.

    When my mother heard this story, she said: “An angel visited you, that God still sends His angels to direct His children’s path.” She was sure that was an angel. He didn’t take a kobo from me and the irony is that if I see that man today, I don’t know whether he is tall or short or black. Even his name, I didn’t remember to ask him. ‘That was an angelic visitation. Just from nowhere, he directed you; he didn’t take a kobo from you, and made sure you were okay; drove you round until he was sure you were safe before he left’, my mother said.

    The next day, I was accompanied by Eddy and Ben to Hotel Majestic, Yaba, where I was allowed to see my husband. He had already been told that I was around. So he was eager to see me. After that, we kept going there everyday to stay with him until he was released in May. After that, we all returned to the village. Nobody thought he would come back alive, so we first stayed in the village. It was rough but God has a way of sustaining His own. We survived it somehow. Even my late senior brother said to me: “You this girl, you made this choice o.” He said: “Are you listening? I don’t want anybody coming to cry to me; you made the decision, so you are on your own completely.” That is how life has been for us. We were always in God’s hand.

    When fortune later smiled on him and he became Minister of Science and Technology, how did you handle fortune as his ‘first lady’?

    Well, I did my own bit as a wife. You do your own and God completes everything. I was able to do my bit as the wife of the Minister of Science and Technology. It was a very busy period of my life and the house was very busy, round the clock; visitors were coming into the house and going. I was always cooking; my house was a market place. But that was how my mother trained us; that anybody that comes into your house must be given food. She said, let them eat and be fed. So, that was my bit then.

    At a particular time, he was almost made the Military Administrator of Anambra State; what happened to that dream and how did you handle it?

    Yes, it didn’t come to pass because he had a major eye problem then. That was between 1985 and 1986. He had a very major eye problem that was quite traumatic but again, God was faithful. It was retina detachment, something that can lead to immediate blindness. In his medical book, it was written in red ink to show it was an emergency. They said: “See your doctor immediately; this is like a medical emergency.” So, he had to travel to America. My brothers just left university then and one of them is a medical doctor. And they arranged this surgery and he survived the whole thing; eight hours on each eye; eight hours of micro-surgery on each eye; my husband is an overcomer. He has seen it all. Again, I just give God the glory for bringing us this far. I have always wished him every blessed thing that he wishes for himself. We appreciate him, we love him and my prayer is that God will continue to move him to a higher ground.

  • JALABIYA IN VOGUE

    JALABIYA IN VOGUE

    ON the fashion scene at the moment, men have been rocking jalabiya which is originally meant to be worn my Muslim men usually for worship. As we know that fashion surely changes over time, the jalabiya now has stopped being an outfit for worship, as you can wear them casually or even to an event. It looks smart and cool on every man, especially when you style it with a turban. Jalabiya now can be designed with lovely embroideries or rather if you like, choose a ready- made one. Jalabiya is very perfect for any occasion, except you are going to work.

  • Abuja gets set for I-G Abubakar’s wedding

    The Inspector General of Police, MD Abubakar, is savouring his new marital status, having overcome previous fears that he might not get married again. Come September 14, Abuja, the federal capital, will be agog with celebration as the Police IG will be signing the dotted lines for the second time with his new lover, Safiyat Bunu.

    Expectedly, the wedding is already the talking point among the rich and famous as they struggle to stamp a lasting impression in the mind of the number one police officer in Nigeria.

    The new bride is the daughter of former FCT Minister, Architect Ibrahim Bunu. Celeb Watch gathered that Safiya, the first daughter of Bunu, and the IG became an item last year; not too long after the demise of his first wife, Maryam Abubakar, who died of cancer in January 2012.

    Those who should know told Celeb Watch that Safiya and Abubakar are deeply in love.

  • Mental health: Tips for preserving a healthy mind

    Are you interested in how you can maintain a healthy mind to keep your body healthy?

    These are practical tips for maintaining a healthy mind

    •Make sure you’re getting enough rest- Sleep is the body’s way of recharging, meaning that sleep doesn’t only increase your energy—it actually boosts your mental health.

    •Forgive yourself for past mistakes – Messing up is a part of life, and mental health requires understanding that and moving past mistakes in our lives. Is there a mistake or regret that eats at you? Let. It. Go.

    •Find a good support system – Whether family, friends, a church, or something else, find a group of people who are willing to love you for who you are. This boosts resilience and helps to provide perspective in the midst of stress and pain.

    •Eat healthy – Invest time in learning which kinds of foods bring you “up” and which kinds bring you “down.” Committing to a diet can make you feel good about yourself, give you a sense of self-improvement, and boost your sense of accomplishment.

    •Exercise – Regularly exercising can help to cut back stress in your life, releasing pent up energy as you work your body. Exercise releases endorphins, chemicals in the brain that energize us.

    •Leave some time for leisure – Make sure you allow time in your schedule for whatever causes you to relax. Maybe it’s watching movies or completing crossword puzzles or walking outside. Make time for the things you know relax you.

    •Stay away from drugs and alcohol – When you consume cigarettes, illegal drugs, and alcohol, these drugs tamper with your mental health, decreasing mental stability and giving you false positive emotions.

    •Commit to helping others – You can build self-esteem and self-worth by regularly pouring out your energy and talents to help others. Volunteering is another activity that releases endorphins, boosting your mood.

    •Learn something new – Part of what makes us human is our tendency to challenge ourselves. Challenge yourself to learn something new— maybe a new skill, sport, or game.

    •Find a good listener, and return the favour – Find one person who is willing to listen to you vent and talk freely. It can also relieve stress to form a listening partnership, where the two of you share on a regular basis.

    •Make the decision not to worry – Worry will consume your mind if you let it, but you can also train yourself to avoid worry, to choose a life without anxiety. Ask God to help you not to worry.

    •Do things that engage your senses – Each day, perform one task that engages each of your senses: sight, touch, smell, sound, and taste. Engaging your senses helps you to live in the moment and focus on the present.

    •Leave time for nothing – Make sure your schedule has a little room for free time: time that is unbudgeted. Use that time for meditation, prayer, or relaxation exercises.

    •Cut out late-night TV and computer use – Studies have shown that watching TV and using a computer late at night can cause depressive symptoms.

    •Work to understand what stresses you – Understand your stressors and be able to recognize how you need to react. Be informed about what is happening in your mind and body.

    •Give and receive compliments – Find reasons to praise people, and be willing to accept people’s praises of you. This will help you to appreciate the good in those around you and recognize it in yourself.

    •Leave time to laugh – Try to laugh hysterically every day. Feed yourself funny things, allowing your mind to decompress from time to time.

    •Accept that there are some things you cannot change – A lot of anxiety stems from trying to change things beyond our control. Recognizing that some things are beyond our control is a key to a healthy, anxiety-free mind.

    •Talk to God about where you’re at – Interact with God in prayer on a daily basis and allow God to be a part of your stress-reduction strategy. He’s been doing it for thousands of years—He’s got a little more practice than you do.

  • …Doris Fisher too

    For many years now, Doris Daba Fisher, a high profile celebrity woman in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, has disappeared from the social scene without a trace. Many who are fascinated by her sartorial and tonsorial essence cannot stop asking questions as to her whereabouts.

    Doris, one of the few Nigerian women who boast of the best and heaviest jewellery collection, can never be found wanting in the style department. So madly was she in love with collecting gold and diamond jewellery that she once expended a whopping sum on a pair of diamond earrings.

    Beyond her bold and stylish fashion sense, Doris is an intelligent physician with solid military training. She was once a medical personnel officer at the Ikeja Military Hospital, Lagos. Formerly married to Yinka Fisher, a popular Lagos socialite, with the marriage producing two boys, she is no longer as visible as she once was.

    There have been tales to the effect that the colourful woman has remarried.

  • Of confused politicians, torn umbrellas and other musings…

    One tale that I used to enjoy so much as a child in Sunday School was the Biblical story of the Tower of Babel. It’s a familiar tale of how mankind came together in the early days of man’s stay on earth to build a great monument, a tower or ‘stairway to heaven’ that will showcase their prowess and achievements as a people. But God, who saw they were doing it for self-glorification, thwarted their efforts. He put confusion in their midst by causing them to speak different languages so they would not understand each other.

    I used to imagine how confused and disunited that singular act by the Creator must have caused the people who could no longer act as one unlike before when they all spoke one language.

    That incident took place thousands of years ago. In Nigeria today, we are having a re-enactment of the Tower of Babel incident. This time, it’s a group known as the PDP (the People’s Democratic Party) that prides itself as the largest party in Africa. Well, by the time the current tsunami sweeping the party settles, it may likely become the smallest party on the continent!

    What’s the connection between the PDP and the biblical Tower, you might wonder. Plenty I must say. For one, the party just like the Tower was set up for selfish purposes, an act of self-aggrandisement to champion the interests of a few to the detriment of the majority.

    Formerly, the party spoke with one voice, united in a single purpose which invariably is to turn Nigeria into the personal fiefdom of the members. For 14 long years, the party succeeded to some extent in enslaving this country, to do with in whichever way it liked.

    What about the matter of ideology, manifesto and other salient issues political parties all over the world hold sacred? To the PDP, such things are unnecessary, what matters is the ‘loot’ that can be shared by the members, making it more of a Come and Chop Association (CCA) than a political party.

     

    Torn umbrella, fed-up people

    Now with the different factions in the once united party, all speaking in different tongues, there’s definitely confusion among the politicians. And once a people can no longer speak with one voice, their strength weakens. Now, the towering umbrella under which the members hitherto took shelter is shredding little by little.

    Normally, a situation like this where there’s so much acrimony in a ruling party, should give the citizens of such a country cause for concern. But what is the reaction of majority of Nigerians to the on-going crisis in the PDP? It’s a real eye opener and a pointer to how unpopular the party, that once boasted that it will rule for sixty years, has become among the people. Comments both verbal, written and viral especially on the internet show a people fed up with the shenanigans, greed and wickedness of the ruling party.

    A party that for 14 years subjugated the people, sucked their resources dry and impoverished and made them poorer and more wretched than before they came to power. What some posters commenting on the situation on a website last week said, sum up the feelings of many: “Let them fall apart, no one will weep,” said one disgruntled Nigerian. Another said: “Let us believe this is the beginning of the good things to come. The wicked PDP that has stolen our common resources these 14 years must be buried so that we start afresh,” Yet another commented: “My mind tells me that head or tail, the masses are going to benefit from disagreements among the politicians. Unity among them had led to governance with levity. May they never be able to speak with one voice again.”

    And we all say a resounding ‘Amen!’ to that. And pray that never again will our beloved country be governed by a set of people in a party that Nobel Laureate, Prof Wole Soyinka in his characteristically blunt manner referred to as a ‘nest of vipers’.

    The average citizen on the street unless he is a party member, does not give a hoot who wins in the ongoing tug-of-war among the members for control of the soul of the party. Will Atiku, a serial decampee as an observer noted the other day, triumph? Or will the octogenarian Chairman of the party, Bamanga Tukur have his way? Who cares? All we want are politicians who will come to serve the people and not those who want to be served.

    We are sick of looters who call themselves leaders, who see the country as nothing but a fat cow to be milked dry. From all indications, this ‘cash cow’ is growing leaner everyday and if we are not careful, may end up with mad cow disease or something even worse.

    As the party embarks on its mission to self-destruct, the prayer of every Nigerian that loves this country should be that the country be henceforth be governed by the right kind of people that will make it a better, stronger and more prosperous place for its teeming citizens.

     

  • Dwelling according to knowledge (5)

    Dear Reader,

    I welcome you to this last edition of the teaching for the month.

    I like to conclude this teaching by showing you the Duties Of The Children.

    The injunction to dwell according to knowledge was specifically addressed to the men. However, children also need to know their responsibilities to their parents, in order to enjoy family success. Ephesians 6:1-3 clearly states: Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

    Honour for your parents is a commandment. In fact, this scripture says it is the first commandment with a promise attached to it. The reason we find a lot of people today, who can’t seem to make it in life, in spite of their hard work, is perhaps because they have dishonoured their parents. If you want to see good, then obedience to God’s command is required. Showing honour and respect to your parents is a commandment that is not negotiable. It does not have any given conditions when it may be disobeyed. That means whether your parents are good or bad, insensitive or irrational, born again or not, no matter their state, honour for them is a must.

    The American Heritage Dictionary defines honour as “esteem due or paid to worth; high estimation; respect; consideration; reverence; veneration; manifestation of respect or reverence.” That means you are to give to your parents due respect and reverence, and esteem them highly under every circumstances of life.

    For failure to honour his father, Reuben lost his glorious place in destiny. The Bible records in Genesis 35:22: And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine: and Israel heard it…

    In Genesis 49:3-4, when Jacob was pronouncing blessings on his sons, what Reuben got was this: Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power: Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father’s bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch.

    It is sad, because Reuben by destiny was the excellency of dignity. He was by destiny supposed to be a man of dignity. But he lost it for one singular act of dishonour and lack of respect for his father.

    Jesus further emphasized this point in Matthew 19:16-19: And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life? And he said unto him … but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said … Honour thy father and thy mother…

    Longevity on earth and eternity with God are both tied to the honour given by children to their parents. This also is part of the 10 Commandments given to Moses in Exodus 20:12. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:12: …A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

    If you want to see many good and fulfilling days on the earth, then as a child in a family, respect for your parents is non-negotiable. You will make it, in Jesus’ name!

    Effectively handling your duties as children demands a life in Christ. This entails confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour. If you are ready to be born again, please say this simple prayer with me, in faith: Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I believe You died and rose again for my sake. Forgive me of my sins, take over my life, make me Your child and let Your peace reign over my life. Thank you for saving me. Now I know I am born again.

     

    Congratulations, you are now born again! I believe that you will begin to experience the reality of the price that Jesus paid for your sins at Calvary. All round rest and peace are guaranteed you in Jesus’ Name!

    Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through:

    E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com Tel. No: 08141320204; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Single With A Difference, Building A Successful Family, and Success In Marriage (Co-Authored with Bishop David Oyedepo).

  • Swiss International opens in Nigeria

    Switzerland-based Swiss International Hotels and Resorts has announced the signing of two upscale hotels, thus confirming locations for the highly-anticipated first operational hotels in Nigeria and continuing development momentum for the fast growing International Hotel Brand in Africa and the Middle East.

    The hotels, to be branded and known as Swiss International Westown-Lagos and Swiss International Mabisel-Port Harcourt are strategically located at 7 Sheraton- Opebi Link Road, Ikeja, Lagos, and Industrial Layout (off Peter Odili Road) Port Harcourt and are well suited to meet the demands of the large population of business market and people living in and travelling to those areas. The full service upscale-market properties featuring combined 202 keys are scheduled to open in October 1.

    “We are excited to add these two properties to our network and continue the development momentum for the Swiss International Hotels brands, in and beyond Nigeria, in strategic markets.

    “The opening of Swiss International in Lagos and Port Harcourt are pivotal moments in the tremendous growth and development of Nigeria which is a vital business hub of the West African economy,” said Dr. Wasiu Babalola, Managing Director for West Africa of Swiss International Hotels & Resorts.

     

     

  • One year after flood disaster:Victims remain poor, desperate

    One year after flood disaster:Victims remain poor, desperate

    ASIUWHU PRINCEWILL is not called a General for nothing. In the heady days of militancy in the Niger Delta he had led his “boys” on a revolution against major oil companies whom he accused of impoverishing his people. Meeting the “General” for the first time is an anti-climax. He was of average build and had none of the fierceness often associated with the dreaded militants, he spoke softly barely above a whisper and only raised his voice when angry.

    Now a repentant militant, he is on a new battle, a non-violent type to compel the government to rebuild and rehabilitate Patani Local Government Area of Delta State and the people who lost their livelihood in the 2012 flood that ravaged half of Nigeria.

    In September 2012, massive flood devastated 22 states in Nigeria displacing about two million people, costing 300 others their lives and destroying 597,476 houses. By November last year, about seven million Nigerians have been affected directly and indirectly with properties- both public and private- worth several billions destroyed. President Goodluck Jonathan granted N17.6 billion to all the states to cushion the effects of the damage, corporate organisations and kind-spirited Nigerians made donations in cash and kind. A Presidential Committee on Flood Relief and Rehabilitation (PCFRR) co-chaired by businessman, Aliko Dangote, and human rights activist, Olisa Agbakoba (SAN), at a dinner in Abuja also raked in N11.35 billion in pledges. Those who were affected across the country began to dream of the beautiful life they would live afterwards, that dream has since remained nothing but a dream.

    “We were promised a lot by the government but we received nothing. The people expected that by now their life would be better and if not, at least returned back to normal, but as you can see, many of them are still crawling,” General said.

    Walking through the streets of Patani, a community which borders the River Niger, the evidence of tragedy is all too familiar. Bello Awele, a 78-year-old man sat under a tree in front of what remained of his house where he lives with his invalid wife, Poere. He was emaciated and looked tired, his house which overlooks the Niger, was the first to get flooded in Patani. “We tried to block the water with sandbags but the flood came in, our house was submerged and we had to run away to Ugheli,” Awele said.

    When the couple returned, the flood had taken away all their life possessions. “The government has not done anything for us, they said they are coming, we are still expecting them, “Poere said.

    Dreams are not the only thing destroyed in Patani, the infrastructure too. Roads caved in and houses were pulled down. The general hospital is in shambles, it is also devoid of patients. Nowadays, only the desperate would patronise it as drugs are scarce and doctors mostly unavailable. In the male ward, a lone adult patient-who had an accident- laid in a foetal position, groaning. A huge bandage occupied where his right hand and leg used to be. All around him, there were cobwebs hanging from the beds, a strange smell pervaded the room.

    “How are you now? I believe the pain is going?” General asked but the man groaned the more. General then urged him to get well and get up. The words sounded flat, almost unkind, as the General made his way out leaving the invalid groaning.

    Chief Emmanuel Poubeni was one of the lucky ones in Patani, though his house was flooded and his belongings destroyed, through the help of his children he has been able to get back on his feet.

    But the General himself suffers. Since the flood submerged his house, destroying his properties, he has since tried to get his large family back on its feet. He has met with little success and while his family also suffers, he tries to engage the government to provide basic amenities that the community can benefit from.

    “We are all in the same boat, we are all victims but the government must move fast and cushion the effects of the flood so that the people can feel the impact of government,” General said.

    It was 7:00am in Adankolo layout, Lokoja Kogi State. Bashir Dan Musa came out of his makeshift one-room plank hut which he shares with his family. On his back, he strapped his last child named Precious who was born at the Adankolo Primary School camp for flood victims. Unable to find enough space for his properties inside the hut, most of his belongings are packed outside at the mercy of the elements. On sighting his visitor, he released the baby to his wife who immediately put her inside a basin which served as the bath tub.

    Musa and his family had known a prosperous past, before the flood which affected two-third of Kogi population; he had lived in a four-bedroom apartment by the banks of River Niger. He was a youth leader and community mobiliser and the youths in Adankolo looked to him for inspiration. Then the floods came and his house was its first port of call.

    “We ran helter-skelter, the flood did not submerge our house, it destroyed it. We were the first to be affected by the flood. When the water overran our house, we had to be moved into the camp at Adankolo,” Musa said.

    Every living day is a torture for the Musa family. When The Nation first visited the family, Musa’s wife was making dinner over a firewood stove. A child stubbornly held on to a small black pot as she battled to remove the burnt layer of spaghetti inside it, once she succeeded in her task, she transported her trophy to her mouth with a look of contentment.

    Musa was the Adankolo camp leader. He fought for the victims and attended to their needs, the government officials feared him for his painstaking and often demanding nature. When President Jonathan visited the camp, Musa was on hand to receive him and delivered a speech on behalf of the victims.

    “Because of what I did at the camp and how I managed the affairs of the victims at the camp, many people said I had made a lot of money. It is hard for them to believe that I live in this hut and I am this poor. After meeting with all the government officials and even President Jonathan, I don’t blame them if they think I am living in a mansion,” Musa said.

    But his realities are far from what his status as the camp leader conferred on him. Currently unemployed, he had begged the Kogi State government for employment and has been given plenty of promises but no action. “We live from hand to mouth, all these things that you see are donations, including the clothes we are wearing,” he said.

    Musa’s main earthly possession is a motorcycle which he acquired nine years ago, but age and persistent use are not friends to the engine and it took about five minutes to get it started only for it to break down after a few meters journey.

    Musa’s life is a reflection of the others who also lost their homes by the bank of the Niger. Many of them have been unable to move forward. A former neighbour of Musa now lives at the Adankolo market, sleeping out in the open under the starry stars. She was not alone, The Nation learnt about 10 families currently make the market their home while waiting for government’s intervention.

    Adankolo, one of the deeply affected communities in Lokoja, is struggling back on its wobbly feet. Though the water receded, those whose houses are still standing have moved back and the schools have re-opened. Life is crawling back to the devastated community as the people picked up where the flood ended their lives.

    But underneath the façade of happiness outwardly exhibited in Adankolo lay a deep anger and mistrust towards the government. The anger of the people manifested itself in Sawa Umar: “The government said we should not come back but where are we to go? They shared N3,000 to each building, is that what we need? Is that what has sustained us since November when we came back?” he vomited his words in anger and venom.

    Musa has a legion of queries against the Kogi State government. He alleged that all the promises of government to Adankolo have not been fulfilled. He blamed the government for providing little comfort for the people, while favouring other local governments.

    “They brought a shelter bus and claimed it has been distributed. I think if that claim is true, I should be one of the first to get one so that my family will not live in this terrible condition. But if you go to Shintaku which did not suffer half of what we suffered, there are shelter buses everywhere,” Musa said.

    “We are not happy, government used us to get what they want. Aliko Dangote gave us relief materials and loan for the women but they now say the money is not for the victims again,” he lamented.

    The people of Adankolo do not believe the government would fulfill its promises. Most of them lamented that the 250 unit housing estate under construction at the old polytechnic quarters would be shared by “government people.”

    There is disquiet about the money given to the victims. According to Musa, the government did not carry the victims along in determining what to give to them. “ We held a meeting with the deputy governor and agreed that the representatives of the people must be notified but the reverse is the case. I learnt they gave Ward A N4million. This is the largest ward and some people got N1, 000. I personally got N5,000 because my house was destroyed,” he said.

    In Ganaja, another heavily impacted community, Jerry Adejo, the manager of Ganaja Motel, didn’t want to talk about the flood. His motel-a thriving business before the flood- is now deserted, for two months it was shut down completely and when it opened, four buildings could not be used any longer.

    “Discussing this issue increases my pain, there is nothing to discuss about, this government has not been responsive. Imagine they gave us only N8,000 since the flood and that was all we received. What have they done to prevent a reoccurrence?”

    Victims resort to self-help

    The long and narrow Omiringi road which led to Otuoke, in Ogbia Local Government Area of Bayelsa State, the home of President Goodluck Jonathan came to an abrupt end as a lone figure emerged from the shadows and flagged down the vehicle near the Akragba River in Otu-Asiga. He was a lean and haggard-looking man of about 50 years, dressed in blue jeans and red stripped shirt; he ordered the passengers to disembark and demanded a fee before the vehicle could pass the bridge.

    The bridge over the Akragba River collapsed in September 2012 during the flood and has remained in that state. On August 17, 2013, Wisdom Dick was standing on Akragba bridge, face beaming with pride mixed with some anxiety. Two months earlier, himself and three of his friends from Out-Asiga community had come together to rebuild the bridge and enable free flow of traffic. Using their skills as builders and buying planks on credit from local businessmen, they built the failed portion of the Akragba bridge and mounted a toll on it to recoup their investment.

    “We spent over N300,000 to construct this bridge, we took the materials on credit and have been paying back the debt from the toll we have collected. We have only N30,000 to pay now before we can start to make profit,” Dick said.

    His colleague, India Otuma, also mounted guard at the other end of the bridge using a long pole to cross the entrance. He released the pole only after the payment of N100 toll for vehicles and N50 for tricycles. As vehicles arrived, passengers came down and the driver would make a slow and painful journey across the plank bridge which creaked under the weight of the vehicles. The “bridge builders” said they suffered for a long time before the bridge could be opened again and even lost one of them, Samuel Avoh, during the construction.

    “Give me the money, you are wasting my time,” India shouted at a car owner who promptly parted with the required funds. He turned around and said; “We are not levying toll, this bridge is very important and the government has refused to fix it, so we borrowed materials to do the job and have to pay back. We have not even made any profit.”

    Omiringi community itself is in mourning, not only of the individual losses but also of the destroyed Omiringi bridge which connected them to the rest of the state. Children and youths in the community came out to begin the unenviable task of cutting the bridge into pieces and selling the parts as stones to house builders. A child about seven years of age sat on a stone and began to hammer away at a rock, after about 15 attempts the rock gave way and dissolved into small granite stones. The stones were then packed into a bag and taken to the road where a bag cost N300.

    The state government distributed 40 bags of cement to the affected communities to kick-start the rebuilding process but that has proved grossly inadequate. The Ondewari clan in Olodiama, Southern Ijaw Local Government hit upon a most brilliant idea. Instead of distributing the cement in measures to the victims, they decided to build a public toilet, some others simply sold the cements leaving the victims in ruins.

    In Otu-Aba, a community close to the home of President Goodluck Jonathan, in Otuoke, mud houses pulverised by the floods have yet to be rebuilt. Others that are still standing have their foundations washed off. While some of their owners who could not reconstruct them had relocated to squat with their relatives in other communities, others who perhaps had no place to go had continued to live there.

    Otuma Ediomolo, a 60-year-old man was defiant refusing to vacate his building with a wobbling foundation. “I cannot go anywhere again. I will continue to live here. We can’t rebuild our houses because we don’t have money. The government has not given us anything”.

    Also distraught is a 75-year-old Matilda. Her mud house was destroyed but she has no money to rebuild it. She relocated to a temporary structure made of roofing materials.

    “There is no money to rebuild it. My husband is late and we don’t have money. The government promised they will assist us but we have not seen anything. Even the 400 bags of cement did not get to me. Our CDC chairman ignored me. He didn’t give me even a bag. I want the government to assist me.”

    Victims living in squalor

    When the communities in Rikko Jos North Local Government Area of Plateau State returned to the houses by the river to rebuild it, the state government promptly declined permission citing the dangers of flood. But the community like the others in flood-prone areas resisted government’s attempt to stop the construction.

    One of the victims, Audu Abubakar, said: “We are not opposed to government’s appeal for us to move away from the water ways, we had expected the state government to assist us with building materials and a new land to build our houses. But the state government was not forth coming in this regard. And you know after the dry season, there will surely be rainy season, so instead of waiting to be beaten by rain, we had no option than to patch up our destroyed buildings and have a place to sleep and keep our children.”

    The community seems set on a path of collision with the government, especially as the government is yet to disburse the N500million grant it received from the Federal Government.

    Mallam Sani Yahaya said: “Plateau State government is so uncaring; we have families, we thought they will assist us to rebuild our homes, but we can’t allow our children to be roaming without a house to sleep. The only option available to us in the absence of no help was to return to where we were. It is not in our best interest to stay in water ways, but who will give us the land to relocate?” Yahaya asked.

    A farmer in Yala council, David Una said: “Since they announced that money from the Federal Government, we have not seen anything. We are only trying to recover from our losses on our own and I can tell you, it is not easy. We are not getting any assistance from anybody.”

    The Special Adviser to Plateau State Governor on Media, Ayuba Pam, however, defended government’s decision to hold on to the fund. “”It is true that the fund has not been disbursed up till now. In fact, the N500 million was not meant to be disbursed. It was meant to be used to alleviate the plight of the victims. The N500 million sent by the Federal Government is not up to one quarter of what the state government is planning to do. Governor Jonah Jang is planning a project that will cost over N3 billion because the infrastructural challenge posed by the flood is more than distributing relief materials to victims. The affected areas require solid bridges, culverts, expanded road network, wider drainage channels and reclaiming the soil of the affected areas.”

    In Cross River, the people of Afi community had more than collapsed buildings to contend with. The river which provides water for about 40 communities was destroyed by mudslides in the flood and with no alternative source of water; the villages are facing an epidemic of gigantic proportion.

    A clan head who did not want to be named said Afi River served as the only source of drinking water for more than 40 villages that lived along its banks. He begged for the sinking of boreholes and water purifying chemicals as an interim measure to meet the needs of the affected villages.

    More flood predicted

    The Nigeria Metrological Agency (NIMET) has predicted more flood this year, this time it will affect 31 states. Already Awele can testify that the water level in the Niger River has risen. Everyday, he hobbles to the river bank and measures the rising water using his eyes. “This water is rising every day,” he announced.

    The victims are not fooled that the next flood would not reverse any gain they have achieved. In Lokoja, the Commissioner for Environment and Natural Resources, Abdulrahman Wuya, said the victims would be relocated from the flood plains. Musa disagreed, saying the community does not trust the government to fulfill its promise.

    As it stands, the victims are locked in a battle of mistrust with their government; will it take another flood to break the jinx?