The Nation Newspaper

Category: Saturday Magazine

  • I feel bad whenever my stepchild comes visiting

    While courting my wife she confessed by mistake she had a baby, I didn’t care then but now I feel

    different. I am finding it difficult to cope with the thought especially whenever the child comes visiting. I wish I had not gone into it, though our marriage is blessed with two children. – Disturbed Abbey

    Dear Abbey, I understand how you feel but it’s an unwholesome feeling, I must tell you. Yes, you may feel bad that your wife has a child who is older than your own children and who may even be old enough to pass as your wife’s brother or sister. It may make you feel that your wife is old. Another emotion you may also be passing through is the fact that your wife would certainly be having private time with this child because as you’re feeling the way you are feeling right now, she may not want to get you involved in the child’s life, which would make you feel worse because you may be jealous of the time they spend together laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Wake up my dear brother, there’s nothing you can do about it if she’s a good mother. A mother will love all her children irrespective of how many fathers she got them for.

    If you like what I do, then you must know that I became what I am today partly because of the love my late stepfather, Mr. Jimi Allen gave me from a child of three years old till I became a young woman. My love for spirituality, for people, for music, for beauty and for service to mankind all came from his practical teachings. Be a good stepdad to your additional child and learn to love him or her. No matter how you look at it, he/she is a part of you. If he/she does not get real love and goes into crime or other bad things, your children are going to be stained because that is their blood brother or sister who is involved. For the sake of God and those children who share the same blood with this person you feel uncomfortable about, accommodate him/her and borrow something from the tips below.

    •Be patient when waiting for your new stepchild to respond to your caring, affection, and love. Often, the child is deeply wounded by circumstances involving their biological father and the breakdown of their primary, original family unit. For many, building a new relationship is threatening to them. Time is the best healer but so is keeping actively positive and supporting yourself whenever you’re around the child.

    •Spend time with the stepchild in his or her activities. Helping with schoolwork, projects, and attending sporting events or clubs like scouting they’re involved with will show them you’re willing to support their efforts. The more involved you are, the sooner the child will accept you in your role of alternative dad and be grateful that you’re a part of his or her life too.

    •Balance the time and gifts you give your own children with the stepchild. Both your own children and your stepchild are a part of your family now. Avoid playing favourites under any circumstances; each child is to be treated as equal, and no child deserves to be treated as an outcast.

    Keep a watchful eye on how your stepchild interacts with your own children, if you have any. Jealousy is toxic to any relationship. If this appears to be occurring, try to head it off immediately. To maintain a happy family atmosphere, step-sibling anger must be dealt with fairly and prudently.

    Never treat your stepchild like he or she is not worthy of your time or affection just because he or she is not your biological child.

    Never make your step child feel like you don’t care or like them, or that they are in the way of your relationship with their mother.

    •Invite the stepchild to participate in your own activities. If you fish, golf, or do other hobby activities, where it is appropriate, take your stepchild along. Not only does this give the child a chance to see what you enjoy, but it gives his or her mother a break. On the other hand, never force the child to do what you’ve asked––if he or she shows a disinclination toward fishing or rewiring the house, don’t force it. Given time and your enthusiasm, the child might come around to trying it. But if he or she is never interested, then that’s just a reflection of his or her interests, not a reflection on you. Pushing the child to do things he or she hates just to try and prove you’re buddies will backfire. Instead, keep looking for common ground until you do find an activity the child would like to share with you.

    Spend time with your stepchild and teach him or her ways to become a responsible adult.

    Show the child you’re willing to help out in housework. It is important for children to understand that keeping a household is a family job, a shared household responsibility, and not just the mother’s. Don’t be old-fashioned, even if the child’s real father is.

    •Communicate clearly and calmly. Let your stepchild know that you are available to talk whenever needed and be a good listener when your stepchild does come to you for a chat. Be open-minded and accepting of difference, as the child has had different experiences before you came along. Make your own preferences known without being harsh or intimidating––always explain your actions and preferences with sound reasons.

    Never let the only interaction you have with your stepchild that day be yelling and screaming. You should always try to focus on the positive things they do and not always the things they are doing wrong.

    Keep your negative opinions of the child’s biological father to yourself. Unless you’re asked directly, don’t bring up your opinions of him in front of the children or anyone else. If you are asked directly, be circumspect and tactful, as there is often a risk of an emotional overflow. Each parent’s parenting style is different and unless the father is not taking part in parenting at all or is abusive in any way, you don’t need to pass judgment.

    Never argue with the child’s mother in front of the child. Be especially careful about making derogatory remarks about her where the child may hear. The child will be highly alert to any disharmony, mostly due to a sense of protectiveness toward the mother and holding a strong hope that this new relationship will result in creating a happy family arrangement.

    •Respect the child’s private space. Any child, from preteen through their teen years deserve a reasonable amount of privacy and private space, and unless there is serious concern about the child’s behavior or activity, the more space they are given, the more trusted they will feel.

    •Raise the child in alignment with the child’s mother’s wishes, not contrary to them. This means having open lines of communication with the mother about her expectations and intentions for raising your stepchild, and having clarity on the direction both of you will take. As much as possible, defer to her preferences unless they are dangerous or threaten to destabilize the family or relationship the two of you have.

    Respect the child’s mother’s disciplinary and homework regimens. Even if you think they may be out of line, don’t raise this in front of the child or make passing remarks that undermine her. Instead, talk to her privately about your concerns and try to reach a compromise that benefits the child.

    Discuss decisions which affect your stepchild directly or indirectly with his or her mother. Don’t sign the child up for a summer at a military academy or sports camp without talking it over with her. Don’t buy the child firearms, fireworks or even seemingly harmless ones like paintball guns or BB guns without her knowledge and consent. Never take the child out on an ATV, snowmobile, micro-light or other potentially dangerous recreational vehicle without her express permission.

    Talk about computer games, video games, and other cultural influences with the child’s mother. Social pressure will often press on mom to let the child do it, whatever “it” is, because everyone else is doing “it”.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Abike Dabiri-Erewa gets credit

    The Black and White cum Elegance and Style Awards have come and gone, but those who were part of the soiree have not stopped talking about it. The ball, which also featured an award ceremony at Ruby Gardens, Lekki, Lagos penultimate Sunday, also recognised outstanding fashion enthusiasts. The tube girl turned House of Representatives member, Abike Dabiri-Erewa, was one of those recognised. She was voted the most stylish lawmaker.

    Dabiri, a journalist with the Nigerian Television Authority before embracing politics, was nominated alongside some other female House Representatives members. Still basking in the euphoria of the award, Dabiri-Erewa had another feather added to her cap recently when a street in Ikorodu part of Lagos was named after her on account of her contributions in the House of Representatives.

  • Trendy tote for you

    Trendy tote for you

    WE all know a beautiful bag is worth much more than a penny. In different styles and varying sizes they come.

    They appear big, boldly making a statement and seemingly asking each woman of style and class how big is your hand companion.

  • Nigeria is a better place than its image outside

    Nigeria is a better place than its image outside

    Dr. Paula Gomes is the only white face in the palace of the Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Lamidi Adeyemi 111. Fast-pacing, quick-talking Gomes first visited Oyo 20 years ago; and ever since, she has been going and coming to the ancient town. Recently, the Alaafin of Oyo noticed her interest in the culture of Yoruba people and the monarch honoured her by making her his Cultural Ambassador. In this interview with GBENGA ADERANTI, this Portuguese shares her experience in Oyo in the last 20 years and why she has embarked on a crusade to preserve Yoruba culture. Excerpts:

     

    What do you really do for Alaafin?

    I’m the Culture Ambassador for Alaafin.

    How did you meet Alaafin?

    My first contact with Alaafin actually was the beginning of last year, but I have been in Oyo already for a while, coming and going.

    What were you doing in Oyo before now?

    I came to Oyo because of the culture. I used to come to Nigeria while I was a student of History about 20 years ago. I know Yoruba land though I cannot say very well but quite well; 20 years ago was the first time I came to Oyo and I thought there was no more culture in Oyo. When you talk about culture, culture is in everything, food, literature, the way you dress. All this time while I was a student, I always shuttled between Osogbo and Oyo. With time and mixing together with people, I saw that a lot of cultures came from the ancient town of Oyo Ile. That is why I actually came to Oyo to make more research on it.

    Does that mean you are leaving Oyo after the completion of your research?

    No, I’m not going to leave, I’m just telling you that while I was a student, I used to come to do research and after that I came to Oyo not on my private interest to know more but because Oyo had nothing to offer more about their own culture. If you go back to the history, you will know that Oyo Empire dominated all the kingdoms in Yorubaland and you as well know that it was when Alaafin Sango was a very strong king ruling, actually during the 7th or 8th century, that the influence of Oyo Empire in Yorubaland was massive. And much of the culture in our day not only in Yorubaland but also in the Diaspora, everything was connected to Sango. That was why I came here to know more about him and like I said, I have been around for four years. There is a lot here to be preserved because that is the history of a ethnic group that has survived outside and is really appreciated.

    In Europe nowadays, we are looking for the ancient culture that has something to give to the humanity because what we are expecting from life is to live long and to live long with quality, you can have a good car, you can have lots of money but if your body is not in the equilibrium, if you die young, what is the essence of life? Life is long life with quality and quality means first of all, your body has to be strong, has to be healthy and the philosophy and the knowledge of the Yoruba is like the philosophy and culture from India and China.

    Acupuncture from India is based on lots of ancient culture, they are very similar to Yoruba culture. What we are looking for is that deep knowledge of Yoruba which they have about the nature, that you can find the equilibrium between the body and the spirit, because Yoruba believe that there is one God who is called Olodumare. Then this Creator has created, and when He created the earth, He sent the energies to the earth which are divided into four elements and these are known all over the world: water, you cannot live without water; air, you cannot live without air, that is oxygen; fire and earth.

    These are the four elements that the Yoruba people believe and if you go to other ancient cultures, all of them are the same. They are all talking the same language. So the Yoruba people like to personify those energies like other ancient cultures and they believe that if the body, which is the aye; the material life which is also aye and the spiritual life, which is orisa. Orisa is not God; orisa is what you cannot see, it is invisible. You have the visible world which is aye and the invisible world which is orisa, people used to think that orisa is another God, it is not. It is not the correct translation because when you say orisa sango, orisa osun, all the 401 orisa are the invisible power of the nature. They are everywhere in the world. You cannot live without water, you cannot live without air, so people should be very careful when they translate.

    We don’t say Olodumare Sango, Olodumare Osun . When you have the equilibrium of the invisible world, aye and not visible world, orisa, you have what you need to live, you have ase, you have power; it is very simple. These people have philosophy, these people have a very strong knowledge which is given through Ifa. It is an oral history coming from very ancient times like all the other ancient cultures, and these need to be preserved. That is why I’m here, to try in my own capacity to show the Yoruba people that they are very valuable.

    How vast are you in Yoruba language?

    Mo ti gbo die die, sugbon Yoruba ko rorun (I understand smattering Yoruba, but it is not easy).

    How old are you now?

    Normally you should not ask a lady how old she is.

    You should be…..

    (Cuts in) I will not tell you.

    What about your family?

    I have my family, like I said, I go and come back but I have been here for two years without going home.

    I’m talking about your husband and children?

    Well, I will not like to go to my private life; you know that is very private. I will just like to talk generally; I will not like to say anything about my private life.

    Some people spell your name Gomez why is yours Gomes?

    My name is a Portuguese name, it ends with an ‘s’ it is Portuguese but if it is ‘z’, it is Spanish.

    Have you read anything about Suzanne Wenger?

    Yes, I know her very well. Like I said, I’ve been coming for 20 years, I used to be in Osogbo, so I knew Suzan Wenger very well. Actually I can say that she was and she is an inspiration for me because she really tried for Osogbo and Osun State, especially Osogbo. Today, what is there, people should be very grateful because if not for her who fought for it, it would have gone long time ago. She really preserved what people who said were the bush, the history of Osun Osogbo. Every people has its own history. People are crazy to travel abroad to go and see our culture, let me tell you, you have to appreciate your culture as well because we preserve our culture, so you have to preserve your culture as well. That is what I’m trying to do. I know Suzanne very well.

    Don’t you sometimes feel you are going Suzanne Wenger’s line?

    Look, I’m not Suzanne, I don’t want to follow Suzanne’s line, I want to follow my inside. I want to follow what my inside says. Suzanne did what her inside said; me, I’m doing what my inside tells me. So I can never be Suzanne because each individual is unique and special, so I don’t want to imitate Suzanne and I don’t want to be Suzanne. Do you understand me? Suzanne is Suzanne. She was a great person that I have in my heart; I only follow what my inside tells me, so I can never be Suzanne because if I try to be Suzanne, I’m not myself. I’m just doing what I feel is correct to do. I’m not an artist, Suzanne was an artist so I can never try to be an artist but I have passion for this culture because I believe it can give a lot to humanity; the way India people and Chinese people are, they are already giving to the humanity.

    I believe that Yoruba people can give as well but for that to happen, Yoruba must be proud of themselves and they are not, they are losing their own identity, the Indian people are not like that, they preserve their culture and they are proud of it. Chinese people, they are proud of their culture. They teach their own children to continue and today, if you go to Europe, if you’re a VIP, instead of you to go to hospital, you go for alternative medicine. Because we got to a point that we realised that all the chemical medicine you take will cure one part and destroy the other part.

    Actually what you want in life is to live long, it is through the natural thing that your body can stay longer, do you understand? People want to go to Europe, people want to go to America, what kind of life do we live? A lot of people are dying too young through heart attack; the life we live is to go to work and come back home. You know we are an old continent but now we are turning the thing around. We want to go back to what we don’t have anymore; we want to eat bio-ecological, we are tired of plastic food because of cancer.

    If you put a Yoruba child who has nothing inside one compound and you put a white child, which one is stronger? Why do you think Europeans live longer? It is because we have access to medicine for free because the society is organised, but if we don’t have access to medicine and the hospital to maintain us alive, we cannot live the way you people live because you are too close to nature.

    I know you are not in the Niger Delta area, but foreigners are constantly being warned to be wary of Nigeria, do you sometimes get scared that you could be kidnapped too?

    Look, let me talk about myself, I do go to Delta State, I’m not afraid to go. I think that the image which is given to the outside world about Nigeria is different from actually what is happening in Nigeria. I’m not saying that it is not dangerous but Nigerian people are very nice. I think the government should rebrand. For example, when you think about Brazil, you think about football and carnival, but there are people who are still eating from the garbage. There are people when you go outside they will steal your things.

    But when you talk about Brazil, people think about football and carnival, people don’t talk about those who eat in the garbage or people robbing people. I’m in Oyo, nobody robs me, I travel, I don’t have any trouble with anybody. But when you talk about Nigeria, you think about 419; they tell you it is a bad place, why don’t you rebrand it? Nigeria has many things to offer the people outside. People love your culture, people really appreciate your culture but they are afraid because of the image that have been created. If government rebrands the country, I believe that bit by bit, people will start coming because of culture. So there is need to rebrand.

    People go to America; me I don’t have anything to do in America. I studied in America, I went back to Europe because if you go to America, you have to be careful, if you are not careful, somebody may follow his gang and they will shoot you. You train your children to shoot because they can just come and kill you. Do you understand? Everything has to have an equilibrium, Nigeria needs to be rebranded because it has a lot to give to people. I cannot talk about Hausa and Ibo, I can only talk about Yoruba, that is what I know. Yoruba people are beautiful, the culture is beautiful, people are friendly and they should not lose their identity because if they lose their identity, they will never find it. They can never be white, I cannot be black. I have to accept who I’m and people should be free and be proud of what they have.

    The introduction of foreign religion has eroded the belief system of the Yoruba people, what do you think will happen in the nearest future?

    I don’t like to talk about religion because for me it is a private thing, religion is like politics, you are a Christian or Muslim, you are ACN or PDP or whatever. Religion is something that is private, but you know if you go back to the history, it was always a problem with religion, religion tries always to dominate and control and when you talk about Africa, especially West Africa, it has suffered a lot, through the slavery, families were destroyed, alot of blood in the name of money was shed. Religion for me, I respect everybody, I don’t look at people from their religion, I respect people because everybody is special and everybody is a creation of God. So, that is why I don’t want to go deep into religion.

    Religion is a personal belief it is not only going to be today, it is yesterday and going to be tomorrow and the process that is going on now in Nigeria was in Europe before. Life is a mystery and because it is a mystery, people try to control people through religion. Me, I don’t believe in anything, I believe in what I feel because I’m a creation of God but I respect everybody and every belief, if you tell me now that this is what you believe, this chair, I will respect you.

    You were talking about your support for nature and local herbs (agbo), Yoruba herbs are from nature, do you drink agbo?

    Yes of course, it is not only Yoruba, we Europeans we use herbs, we have different herbs, different teas. Why do you eat efo (vegetables), why do you eat all these vegetables? Why? Because you need vitamins and minerals, so the herbs are here to help us but the new sicknesses that are in the world, they are killing people. They are sicknesses that you can cure or maintain but you destroy other parts of your body. This is not a belief, this is science, that is natural science not a belief, a belief is something you cannot prove, but 1+1=2, that is science. Yoruba herbs are science; they are natural science, not a belief. If you are feeling something, you take the herbs, like a natural tea, if you feel better, your body has eliminated what is not good.

    It is not only the Yoruba people that use herbs, if you go to my country, we have alternative medicine which we are preserving, we use alternative medicine. We are no more going to doctors and Yoruba have big knowledge in this science and they are putting it as a belief because culture is part of everything, what you eat is part of your culture.

    At times I wonder why people like you will leave your comfort zone for a place like this where you have to struggle to get things done. What was on your mind when you were coming here?

    It depends on what you call comfort. What is comfort for you?

    Light, good roads etc.

    In life, we cannot have everything, if you have light 24 hours, if you have good roads, we have everything, we stay in AC office, and you leave for AC cars. Lots of people are getting sick because AC is provoking problems in the lungs. A lot of people in Europe are now putting the AC off and now open their windows. I do say we’ve given the experience to them and we want to go back to olden days. In the office we have the AC, we have the car, we don’t have to walk too much. We take the car, we go to the supermarket. We have everything we need from the supermarket, we go home, we have the TV, we get the quality of life. We human beings are meant to live up to 120 years, but at times we don’t live more than 50 and 60 because we need comfort of life, we have no exercise and we eat junk food. Lots of children are born already with diabetes and cancer because they want comfort of life.

    In life, there are positive and negative sides. The individual is responsible for his own life . So we have to look the other way. Most people in our own generation in Europe, we want freedom, they want to live long. We are tired of all this imposing life style, we want freedom, we want relief, we want long life. Most people in Europe are isolated, they live alone, is it not better to live in community? We should live together. Are we meant to live alone inside houses?

    A lot of people in Europe have problem with depression, they have neurotic problem because of the life they live. They are not living the life creature gave us. We are living a plastic life, we are staying alone isolating ourselves, in front of television 24 hours. No exercise, is that a good life? Can our bodies live long? It is not possible. Good life is fresh air, to breathe, to exercise. Good life depends on the concept of each individual. I love privacy, but I want to live long.

    The last time I saw you, you were not wearing Yoruba attire, today, you are not still wearing Yoruba attire, why?

    You know I have to be what I’m, I can never be a Yoruba. I don’t mind, sometimes I dress in batik an indigo or adire. I’m not Yoruba, the same way you are not from my culture. I have to be who I’m and I have to dress the way I feel comfortable. That is why I’m not putting on Yoruba dressing. You people are putting on Yoruba dress because it is beautiful in you, when you put on Yoruba dress, you look elegant. I used to say that and I’m not the only person, that you people have natural beauty; even if you don’t have anything when you dress, even if you go to the market, even if you go to clean something, the way your people dress, you look elegant and it looks magical. So I have to dress the way I feel comfortable with.

    Do you sometimes feel home sick?

    To tell you the truth, no, I don’t feel home sick. Nobody sent me here, I’m here because I want. I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel strong and I feel I’m doing what I like. I’m not the kind of person that wants to stay in the office; I don’t want to live that kind of life people call comfort, I don’t .

    Do you know anything about Ifa (Oracle)?

    I know what I can feel, what I can see; I can never know it well as the native people. Number one, language; for you to really know it very well, you have to start from small because it is a knowledge which is given orally, it is not a written knowledge. And there is something that is very powerful, people from generation to generation transfer this knowledge orally. See how powerful, look, we have to write them. We have to go back to religion which I don’t want to talk about, Christians and Muslims carry the Bible and Koran respectively, and do you see Yoruba carrying anything? Their brain is powerful, you know the level of capacity assimilation you are exercising with your brain but we if we don’t write it down, we forget. The question is why are you destroying all these?

    How have you been coping with the food?

    I don’t have any problem. I eat everything. But I don’t like snake or this kind of frog, I don’t know what they call it, I don’t like it and I don’t like bush meat but I like okete (bush rat) if it is well cooked but all the remaining, I eat everything, eba, amala, fufu, semo. I don’t like so much, but I eat eko (corn paste), moimoi , ekuru (beans paste), ewa (beans).

    What do you really do for Alaafin?

    I’m trying to preserve the Yoruba culture and trying to reeducate the people that they are very important, they are very valuable, that they have a lot of value and they should preserve the culture. I’m trying to promote what is ancient, what is history because without history, how can you tell your children that you are Yoruba? People without history don’t have direction. I’m trying to promote what is in existence because if Yoruba don’t want it, the international people will appreciate it. There is no problem because tomorrow, we are ready to teach your children Yoruba and we are ready to teach your children about your own culture.

    How did you meet Alaafin?

    As I said, I had been in Oyo already and I asked Bashorun (one of the Oyo high chiefs) to bring me to Alaafin because I wanted to meet him. For me, everybody is important, I’m not saying this king is important, this king is not important but relating to history, he (Alaafin) is the strongest king in Yorubaland. I wanted to see him and tell him that he has to preserve his culture and if he fails to preserve his culture, tomorrow, nothing will be there to show to the world. So these were the reasons I wanted to see him.

    How much of support have you gotten on your crusade so far?

    What kind of support?

    Financial support

    Nobody is helping me financially. I’m doing it by myself and now I have a foundation people can support because there is need to preserve the temple, preserve the palace. These monuments, these are culture heritage, there is need for preservation. Why do you want to go to England to see the queen and the palace? For what? Because it is history. So that is why people want to come to Nigeria and see the history of Alaafin, the history of Yoruba. This palace is the biggest and oldest palace in Yoruba land, it is falling apart. I’m trying to raise fund to repair this palace in its old originality so that Oyo children tomorrow will come and ‘say that my grandfather, my ancestors were living like this’ because I can take you to my country and tell you that my ancestors are like this.

    Quite funny, why is it that it is foreigners or Yoruba people abroad that are interested in this project like this?

    Go back to the history, we white people have colonised and have destroyed your culture. We brought our culture, we forced people to change inside and outside. You have lost your identity, you want to be what we are. That is why now people from outside come to support what still exists for you to appreciate.

    If you go to the slavery time, look, all the slaves that went to America, if they did not practise Christianity, they would be killed. What is happening again? I believe what is happening today is that everything that our people destroyed, let’s rebuild it again, we should not be ashamed. The Europeans go to Kenya to see African culture, Africa is beautiful, African people are beautiful, why not Nigeria?

  • Wet weather makeup

    Wet weather makeup

    You know how hard is it to keep your makeup spotless during the rainy season? The toll is pretty harsh on face, hair and body in general. In order to be able to flash our best side it is essential to bunch up the most vital tips to keep our makeup dazzling. Apply these tips and bring out the best of your look in this season. This time of year promises quick and surprise showers that can ruin our look in the blink of an eye. Though there’s no need to quit using makeup, it is still wise to acquire all the helpful professional tricks and face the rainy days with confidence and style. As the seasons change, it is recommended to learn the new way of applying cosmetics and using the right products our skin really requires.

    Besides the vital skin care rituals there are other practices that must be applied for the best results.

    The keywords when it comes to rainy season makeup are water-proof and light makeup. These are two qualities that are essential to surviving this period with a flawless look. If you manage to adopt the tendencies of the season you’ll see the beneficial results pretty soon. Smudging and other makeup disasters can be easily prevented if you approach the problem from the right angle. Let’s see the most important makeup tips for rainy season.

    Makeup base

    Beginning at the base it is worth mentioning that often the main cause of smudging is the excessive foundation use. Those who find it indispensable might still use a thin coat of it. However, it should be preferably water resistant.

    Eye makeup

    Rain immediately means waterproof mascara. Since normal mascara would quickly smudge when in contact with humidity it is recommended to use a special formula that will resist the extreme weather conditions.

    It is a well-known fact that these products can’t be washed off so easily.

    However, with the use of the proper makeup removers this problem will be also ruled out.

    Makeup artists also recommend switching the dark eye shadows with the more natural and sheer colors preferably also with a waterproof quality. The colours of the season offer endless options to look great even if the weather outside is gloomy.

    Blush

    It is a common mistake that ladies commit each rainy season. They use a blush with an inappropriate texture. The rainy days scream for complex compositions, that’s why it is a golden rule that when sporting a water-proof makeup we should choose a mousse or cream blush that can resist the impact of humidity.

    Makeup gurus often neglect the use of blush and instead practice a smashing trick. They use a bit of lipstick you can spread with your fingernails and the effect is just as gorgeous as with the use of blush.

    Lip makeup

    Lip gloss is the top notch no-no beauty product of the season. It might get in contact with humidity which can result in smudging and an unflattering look.

    That’s why you should rather rely on high quality lipstick that will fabulously top your makeup. There are several formulas and brands on the market that guarantee a long-lasting effect.

    Make sure you test it beforehand in order to avoid any lip makeup accidents. You can either go for the blood red lips effect or for the classy and natural makeup trends. Choose the one you can pull off with great style in order to perfect your look

  • Jeans trends

    Be a jeans lady in the hottest styles of the season, wearing to work, ideal for going out or just staying in.

    Are you on the hunt for that perfect pair of jeans? A new season means hundreds of gorgeous denim pieces dropping in store, from printed jeans and cute cut-offs, to dungaree dresses and denim jackets. So, update your denim wardrobe!

    Skinny, flared, cropped, shorts or dungarees, we cannot get enough of jeans!

  • ‘Why I will live up to 120’

    ‘Why I will live up to 120’

    Rev (Dr) Samuel T. Akande, former General Secretary of the Nigerian Baptist Convention was the first preacher to vie for election in Nigeria. As a presidential aspirant under the defunct National Republican Convention (NRC), he attracted criticisms from many quarters. He spoke last week with Sunday Oguntola in his Ibadan home on the experiment, his many battles as a church leader and life in retirement.

    You clocked 87 some weeks back. How does it feel at 87?

    Well, I still feel young and very active. I eat well – twice in a day in the morning and evening. In the afternoon, I just take snacks. But sometimes I just drink cold water only and that is sufficient for me. Sometimes, I eat groundnuts, which Americans call peanuts. I do a lot of walking-exercise every time in the morning. I walk around our big compound for about 35 minutes.

    My brain is still alert. I just completed works on the third edition of my book, The courage to live. I did the Yoruba version of it. The foreword was written by the late Chief S.O Adebo. I am working on another book, which is being published in the United States of America. The Nigerian edition will follow shortly. So, I try to keep young and active every time.

    You retired some 17 years ago, what have you been doing?

    I retired as the Executive Secretary of the Nigerian Baptist Convention at 65 after I served there for 40 years. I was first a pastor, then lecturer at the Nigerian Baptist Theological Seminary, Ogbomoso. Then, I became the President of the Nigerian Baptist Convention and retired as General Secretary/Chief Executive. When I was serving as the secretary in Nigeria, I was also serving as the secretary of the World Baptist Alliance in Africa. That position took me to not less than 49 countries in the world. Now, I feel fulfilled and I thank God.

    In retirement, I am running a school, which my wife and I founded some 18 years ago in Texas, USA. We call it International Institute of Evangelism that trains evangelists and teachers of the world. It is an inter-denominational school. It was registered here in Nigeria in 2000. We meet regularly every Saturday at Immanuel School, Samanda, Ibadan.

    In the early 90s, you made history as the first preacher to contest an election. What gave you the audacity to contest the presidential election under the defunct National Republican Convention (NRC)?

    I never thought of it until 1992 when some people came from Lagos. I can’t remember whether they were Baptists or not. They said people were pointing out that since former President Ibarahim Babangida had assured he was going, credible Nigerians like me can make a difference. I was born in Awe near Oyo but raised in Ghana. Having been a minister of the gospel who will not compromise and care so much about the welfare of the nation, they thought I would make a difference. When that message kept coming, I went to pray and felt the Lord seemed to be saying to me ‘you don’t have money but you could contest elections and you might win’.

    At that time, Baptists would not hear that one of them, let alone their chief executive officer was vying for election. But because I felt God wanted me to do it, I went into it and registered with NRC. As soon as some of these Baptists heard that I had registered, they began to call for my resignation. One of the men who called for my resignation at that time eventually became a civilian president of this country. He is a Baptist. But I didn’t care. I went into it and began to mobilise, telling everyone I was going to be President.

    There was this man called Chief Adeseun Ogundoyin from Eruwa. I went to him and said, ‘Ogundoyin, I’d like to contest presidential election. How do I go about it?’ The first question he asked me was how much I was earning. I said N1, 341. That was my pension, what I was being paid despite having five academic degrees, all from America. Then he said ‘since you are interested, I will help you. I will speak to Babangida that I have a candidate’. Right there, he went ahead and talked to Babangida, who said I could contest. So, I went around canvassing people.

    The first amount he gave me was N10, 000. I never saw that amount of money before…

    (Interjects) Even as chief executive of a large church like the Baptist Convention?

    … Of course, I wasn’t receiving that much. I was only signing cheques for people. I never received that much. So, I began to campaign and the time came for me to contest the election at the state level. Many people kept criticising but I insisted I’d go into it since God said I should. But I didn’t know that God had a different plan for calling me into it. I went into it and the day of election came here in Ibadan. I won here. At that time, there was no Ondo, Ekiti or Osun states. They all came together and voted for me.

    When I was declared the winner and lifted up, I had only N500 in my pocket and I was afraid someone might tuck his hands into my pocket as they were lifting me up and take the money. So, I held on tight to my pocket to preserve the money. Some of them noticed and came when I was bought down. They said ‘what kind of a president would you be if you can hold on to common N500? Then we went to Port-Harcourt for the National Convention where I also contested. As soon as we got there, people from Oyo State, now Osun, Ondo and Ekiti said ‘don’t vote for this Akande. He would not allow us to chop’. With that kind of message going round, I did not win there. I said to them, ‘you will continue to chop but you will chop and chop until you have stomach ache’ Don’t we all have it now? Since then, I have never shown interest in politics again.

    But then later, I discovered that during the time I was in politics, God helped me. Before then, I didn’t have a house or a car…

    As Baptist Convention President and General Secretary?

    I never did. I was earning N1, 341 until I retired. What can one do with that kind of money? Then, Ogundoyin bought me two cars- a Mercedes Benz and Toyota Station Wagon. He gave me money to complete this house where we now live. Then, I realised God diverted me to politics so that He could bless me. Since then, I stopped talking politics because we haven’t made any progress at all. We are still where we were before I contested.

    Is that because you have given up on Nigeria?

    Sometimes one wishes to give up on Nigeria. There is no progress, development or change. Things are going from bad to worse and we are making many bad names around the world. My wife and I travelled to America one day to visit our children. We both have tribal marks. As soon as we landed in one airport and they saw our marks, they moved us to one side since they were sure we are Nigerians. They set Alsatian dogs on us. They were sniffing our bodies for cocaine. We were begging saying we spent over 15 years in the United States and our children have been there. They just wouldn’t listen to us. They released us after a thorough search.

    But I am hoping that maybe one day God will raise up a leader who will be tough on the citizens. Any leader that is not tough and straightforward cannot transform this country. I had a lot of problems when I was General Secretary of the Convention. The war was too much because I was not ready to compromise and people wanted me to. That was why they kept saying Akande is bad. I have no problems over such perception. Today, I am a happy man.

    Yes, people really hated your guts and said many terrible things about you. How do you react to them?

    Don’t mind them. They just wanted me to compromise. They wanted me to see something that is black and say it is white. If any Baptist Church in those days tried to change our mode of worship, I would go there straight and wage war against them. I would threaten to remove them from the Convention. Today, things have changed; many Baptist Churches have become Pentecostal. They are no longer Baptists. If I heard of any pastor who did something bad, I would report straight to the ministerial board. But if I found the board was dilly-dallying, I would go straight to that church and tell them your pastor is not doing well. Because of that, they said I was confrontational and dictatorial.

    Were you not?

    Yes, I was because I was raised in Ghana. I went to High School in Cape Coast from 1945-1949. I taught for two years in Ghana in a town called Suhun. The very same night I got there, I met the lady who became my wife. She bought food for me and I soon as I saw her, my heart went to her. From December 15, 1949 we went into courtship until December 15 1956 when we got married. We have been married for 56 years and four months.

    But you see when I was General Secretary, they prefer that I see things and look away. I knew that people were very dishonest then even in the church. As Secretary, I gave out contracts to people and they would approach me with my own ‘share’ after completion. Of course, I’d flatly refuse. One of the leaders came to me one day and advised me to compromise; that I was too tough on the people.

    My reaction was that if God was behind my election, no man would be able to remove me. They tried all kinds of things. I was President from May 1, 1977 to April 30, 1979. I became Secretary from May 1, 1979 to April 30, 1991. In the last year, people wanted to remove me and I insisted they would not succeed. I retired gloriously on April 30, 1991.

    Sometime in October 1990, I had got ready and packed my things for Ede where we were to meet for the monthly meeting of the Executive Committee of the Convention. As I was about to leave the Baptist building, I got a telephone call from one of the officers of the Convention not to attend the meeting. He said there were two lorry-loads of ‘kill-and-go’ policemen to arrest me. I was already in politics then. I heard the policemen accused me of bringing thugs to the meeting venue. I knew where it came from. They were the women leaders of the Baptist Convention and I never went. The policemen waited to no avail. They wanted to disgrace me and take me to Ilesa prison.

    There were also allegations that you were diabolical. How true were they?

    Yes, I heard all of that too. They accused me of using talisman to bewitch them. You see I had a ring. You know people can be so stupid. I bought it for $100 from the US when I graduated. When anybody graduates from America with cum laude, it means he has graduated so well with honour. So, I was putting the ring on just for decoration.

    When I became General Secretary, each time we went to the convention and they would ask a question, I was always at a loss. This was because we would have tough 30-40 questions because they just wanted me to fail. I’d be rubbing my hands, thinking of how to answer the questions. Suddenly, I’d remember I had a ring on and start rubbing it. Somehow the answer would come and they would be shouting, ‘he has come o. He is bewitching us o’.

    When I realised that, I discovered I had something to make them fear me. So, from that time, at conventions I‘d raise the ring and be rubbing it. They would keep shouting openly that I was using talisman. If anybody died in those days and we had confrontations before then, they would say I was responsible for it. There was the case of one pastor in Oke-Ogun, Oyo State. I helped him go to America for his degree. But he loved women too much and I knew this even before he left. We had moved the wife after he left from their official residence on the orders of the Convention. She then went to report me to people in Oke-Ogun.

    When the husband returned, the woman had rented a house owned by an Alhaji in Felele area of Ibadan. This Alhaji had a beautiful young lady that the pastor was having an affair with. The Alhaji went to Molete Baptist to meet the elders and told the pastor to be very careful. But in the meantime when this man was going to America, he owed the Nigerian Baptist Convention N90, 000 and I used to write to him to pay up but he did not bulge. He kept reporting that I was harassing him.

    So, one day, he had an affair with this lady again. He refused to stop because it was already part of his nature. He took his bath and walked away from the house. Unfortunately, he had contacted a charm that forbids one from crossing a river. The moment he crossed it, he fell down and died in front of a woman selling beans. When people heard he was dead, they said, ‘Akande had killed him’. In fact, the people in his town till date believe I killed him. They said the moment he came before me with the money, he just died. I simply said, ‘that is your business.’

    Are you bothered by such allegations and bad perceptions?

    Who cares? I am not at all. God is my protection. People are free to believe whatever they want about me but I know my hands are clean. That is why I believe I cannot die now. I am going on to 120 years. One of our lecturers in the school who turned 73 recently was visited by students. They prayed he would live to be 90 and he said, ‘No o, I don’t want to be alive up to 90’. I was like, ‘That is your business.’ I am going up to 120.

    What else would you be doing till then?

    I would simply be seeing all my children and grandchildren. I have five children and they are all American citizens. I want to see my great, great grandchildren. What is wrong with that? I still want to enjoy life in Nigeria. This house is on a three-and-half plot of land that somebody gave to us. I went to preach at the wedding of his daughter and printed out my sermon outline. He was so happy that he gave me a plot in Ojodu, Lagos and I said I can never live in Lagos again. I said I would take a land anywhere in Ibadan. He brought me here and handed it over to me. His name was Chief Supo Morohundiya, a successful lawyer and native of Ibadan. Somebody then came and asked why I was not building it then. The man helped me with cement and started building for me then he stopped. I took over until someone else completed it for us.

    You mean you did not receive a house from the Convention?

    No, there was nothing like that. I understand they do that now. But in my own case, that was how I got the house.

    What has changed in Nigeria between then and now?

    You see people were not running after money then. There was contentment and satisfaction with everything people had. From 1952-1955, I was in Abeokuta as pastor in Owu Baptist Church. Until then, this country was fine. But the elections of 1965 opened our eyes to the possibility of rigging. I was a member of the Federal Electoral Commission. In those days, we called it Western Region Electoral Commission. I used to have a picture all the members took somewhere. Only two of us are alive; others have died. The other man is in Ile-Ife, a lawyer. Mr. Esua was our chairman. I noticed that there would be troubles. Some of the politicians who have big names today and others who have died would come to our meetings and boast of winning.

    They would say, ‘We are going to win whether you like it or not. Those of you who will not cooperate will be dealt with.’ I was particularly singled out for intimidation and harassment. They said, ‘if you are not careful, your stomach will become so big that it will burst’. We heard all of that. I didn’t know that the secretary was already in league with them.

    One day, something terrible happened. Our Secretary was Mr. Ojerinola while his immediate predecessor was Mr. Oke. Oke was walking from his office when gunmen aimed at him. They thought he was Ojerinola. They were going to kill him. He was hit and he died. I preached at his funeral service. That was the introduction of violence in the nation’s electoral history.

    The day of the election was fixed and I went on to Abeokuta. I was the electoral officer for Abeokuta. I went to a polling booth and saw a woman ‘pregnant’ with voter cards. I didn’t know that other members of the commission had been compromised. They had signed that the election was free and fair. But Esua did not sign. They brought the letter to me in Abeokuta. I said I can never sign such a letter. I accompanied three other members to England where we were to print the ballot papers. We were to print it in Stuttgart, Germany and I kept on telling them not to rig. They felt I would disturb them. They decided to drop me in Nigeria and went back to England to print the papers. When they came back, they declared a terrible result. That episode led to military intervention in this country. The truth is, I don’t know if Nigerians can ever change. We keep showing we are not ready for change.

    Are you still angry with the Nigerian Baptist Convention on some of the ill-treatments you spoke about?

    I am not angry again. Those who did it God has dealt with them. I don’t attend Convention sessions again because I am too old for that. But you see all the young boys who are there now don’t listen to advice. Yet, none of them was born when I entered the gospel ministry. One of the retired General Secretaries was four years old when I joined the ministry. They don’t ask me for advice and I don’t need them to ask me. There was one of my successors who packed all my documents to one side.

    Another one living in the house that I built for them ordered his family to be cooking close to the plaque that registered my name to obliterate it. It took another Secretary to undo that injustice. So, I have been through a lot but I have forgiven them. I believe the reason why God has preserved my life is to confirm that I am their leader. I am still their Baba. They cannot wish me away.

  • Looking Cute

    Looking Cute

    YOU don’t really have to dress extravagantly before you look cute. At times, small dresses bring out our beauty without being conscious of that.

    When you wear them, you must make sure your accessories such as bags, shoes, neckpieces and probably, fashion/cocktail rings do not go off the radar. Your small dresses could be of different fabrics, patterns and colours as you so desire. Amazingly, most short women will want to appear taller and leaner. This is relatively easy to achieve if you stick to the following guidelines:

    Stick to monochrome outfits or outfits with few colour variations. You would look perfect in simple shift dresses, with little colour, accents here and there.

    Dresses will look great on many short women, as they automatically created the much desired 2/3 1/3 look. If you opt for a tight, slim silhouette then this will make you look even taller

    Getting clothes with the right fit and size is even more important for short women. Ill fitting clothes will add extra bulk.

    An obvious way to gain height is to wear heel. However, don’t go overboard with these. Getting heels that are too high will make you look out of proportion.

    Go easy on the oversized accessories as these may overwhelm you.

    Often with petites, your legs will be relatively short. To make those appear longer you can wear the same colour belt as your pants or skirt.

    Vertical patterns will always elongate and would be especially good for your pants or skirt. Horizontal stripes are best avoided.

    Although a short dress can be very effective for short people when they are young, I would advise against them over 40.

    Instead opt for styles than fall just below or on top of the knee. A high waisted skirt or pants would make your legs appear longer.

    Wear shoes that keep your heels free. Avoid straps around the ankle and instead opt for shoes that elongate.

    Create nice vertical lines with open straight jacket and cardigans. A great look is to have a cardigan or jacket the same length as your dress.

    Buttoned shirt dresses that stop just above or on top of the knee will create a nice vertical line as well.

    Wear v-line tops to further elongate your look.

    Avoid short trousers and pants that stop at the ankle. Best to wear pants with straight pipes or wide legged ones with heels, preferably high waisted.

    Make sure that your tops stop at the hip-line or above. Longer tops will make your legs appear even shorter.

    Choose boots that stop just below the knee and avoid boots that end on the mid part of your shins.

  • I’m ready to kill myself if I don’t know if he loves me

    Dear Adeola, I love reading your page a lot. I’m Treasure, I’m 18 years old

    and am dating a guy whom I love but I don’t know if he loves me due to my shyness. Please reply. I am confused and ready to kill myself.

    You claim to love reading my column but sometimes, the things I feel like saying would make you dislike me. If you feel like killing yourself just because you’re not sure of a guy’s love, then maybe you’re welcome to do just that. You don’t have to seek the counsel of

    a soothsayer before you know if a guy loves you. I have treated that many times on this page and I have published hints of knowing if he just wants a fling or a serious relationship.

    In these times when some of your mates are battling with how to survive cancer, hunger, lack of funds for education and family neglect, you want to die because of a guy. Okay o, do what your mind tells you. I’m out of it. But in case you want to touch base with reality, let me just say this: Learn to love yourself first. When you love yourself, you won’t be bothered about so many trivial things.

  • Ways to kill boredom

    Ways to kill boredom

    And if you’re so bored stiff that you can’t help it, here are things you can do when staring boredom in the face, and none of them involve checking the internet.

    Cook a nice meal. You won’t know how much fun it is to cook something you’ve never tried before. Check out cook books or try out something you see on TV. It’ll take up so much of your time that boredom will fly away.

    Watch your favourite movie. Nothing breaks the monotony for most people better than kicking back and popping in their favourite movies. For me, it’s Tyler Perry. I get a good laugh watching his (her) antics.

    Read a book. There’s probably one you’ve been meaning to pick up for the last few months. Or one you’d like to read again. So open up a good book and get lost in another world.

    Make a to-do list of short-term goals. It often feels like there’s not enough time to look past right now, or later today. But if you’re bored, you clearly have time, so why not make a list of things you’d like to accomplish in the near future?

    Clean out your closet and drawers. This may not sound like fun, but it actually is kind of refreshing once you get into it, and the feeling you have at the end is worth it. Throw away all your clutter, get organized, and throw away or donate those things you haven’t worn in six years to charity.

    Load music onto your i-Pod or MP3 player. Pretty self-explanatory, but it’s a good way to spend your time that doesn’t involve reading up on Britney Spears’ latest mishap.

    Call or write that person you’ve been meaning to call or write.

    There’s always that one person you know you need to get in touch with but never seem to get around to contacting. “I’m so busy,” you say. “I don’t have time.” Well now that you have time, get in touch. They’ll be glad you did, and you’ll thank yourself afterwards.

    Work Out. Always a good choice when you’re feeling a little sluggish.

    Pass the time and perfect your physique in one swift motion.

    Take a Walk: As for me personally, taking a walk or doing some minutes on my mini-stepper boosts my mood and makes me happy. By the time I’m through with walking, I take time out in the bathroom and feel really

    good afterwards. Try it.