The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Gbenga James still anonymous

    Not a few people are wondering if Gbenga James’ disappearance from public glare does not have to do with his EFCC-inspired court case. For some unknown reasons, he has chosen to stay indoors.

    Before he recoiled into his shell, Gbenga James, once a close friend of former Ekiti State governor, Ayodele Fayose, was one of the big boys who determined the direction of social activities in Ibadan. It is a matter of public knowledge that he enjoyed good rapport with the Afao-born former governor.

    And Gbenga was not just a governor’s friend; his influence was so pervasive that one would think that he was next to Fayose in the scheme of things in Ekiti State. He flaunted his closeness to Fayose to warrant caution from friends and reprobation from foes. But all that changed when the dreadful former boss of EFCC, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, beamed his searchlight on the Fayose administration in which Gbenga, a big time farmer, was very active.

    Gbenga, who did not enjoy immunity like Fayose was arrested over some suspicious deals he had with the former governor in respect of a poultry project the administration undertook. The infamous “poultry project” became the basis for the misfortune that later befell him and his governor friend.

    Gbenga has since been keeping a low profile.

  • Otedola’s wife steals show at Lagos wedding

    Otedola’s wife steals show at Lagos wedding

    Nana Otedola, wife of oil and gas magnate, Femi Otedola, is a woman that one does not get to see often in social circles. But whenever the reticent woman chooses to have a feel of what the social space feels like, she does so with panache and style.

    After an absence that has lasted many months, she was sighted at a wedding event recently, held on Victoria Island, Lagos. Dressed to the nines, her beautiful face and radiant skin looked resplendent in her gorgeous attire. She was elegant as she walked into the reception hall shoulder to shoulder with her husband and their lovely daughter, DJ Cuppy.

    Nana, as would be expected, instantly became the cynosure of all eyes at the gathering. It was an event in which she simply stole the show from other women. Even their pop sensation daughter, whose latest song has been enjoying rave reviews on radio stations in Nigeria and the UK, did not gain as much attention as her mother.

    She and her daughter were seeing repeatedly whispering words into each other’s ears.

  • Toke Makinwa, Maje Ayida keep fans waiting

    Toke Makinwa, Maje Ayida keep fans waiting

    Things are looking up for Idanre, Ondo State-born on air personality, Toke Makinwa. The current year has seen her take her trade to an enviable height; a development that has not gone unnoticed by her employer, fans and the corporate public.

    To say that Toke, who rules the airwaves from Rhythm 93.7 FM with her velvet voice has become one of the hottest babes in town is to state the obvious. With promotion at work, a couple of deals signed with some corporate brands and some thriving multi-media projects, through which she smiles to the bank on a weekly basis, Toke could not have asked for a more fulfilling year.

    Toke was at virtually all the big shindigs that have taken place in Lagos during the year, with a report claiming that her bank account got fatter with every occasion. What is more, the year 2014 is said to hold a lot of promise for the sexy tube diva.

    The anchor of the popular programme, Morning Drive, on Rhythm 93.7 FM, would be said to have had a fulfilling year but for her continued status as a spinster, in spite of wide expectation from fans that the beautiful broadcaster would formalize her romance macho built Maje Ayida.

    Many big boys are said to be falling head over heels for the petite broadcaster who, fortunately or unfortunately, is engaged to Maje who seems to have more pressing matters on his hands now than marriage.

  • Tokunbo Afikuyomi renews ambition

    Tokunbo Afikuyomi renews ambition

    Senator Tokunbo Afikuyomi is one man who loves to court relevance at every opportunity. As a former students’ union activist and ‘MKO Abiola for President’ crusader, Senator Toks, as he is fondly called by friends, has definitely paid his dues.

    In the past few months, the two-term, two-district senator has been living in self-imposed exile in the United Kingdom, leaving many to wonder if he had embraced political oblivion as a reality. The Senator who has represented Lagos Central and Lagos West and later opened a wine bar in Ikoyi, moved abroad after his term as Commissioner for Tourism in the first term of the Fashola administration. He later moved to Osun State at the beginning of Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola government, hoping to enjoy some patronage from the new government. But his romance with the Osun State Government lasted shorter than he probably anticipated.

    Sensing that he might have expended his goodwill with the government, he decided to leave for the UK where he has been reminiscing on the good old times as a high ranking senator in Abuja before he attempted to succeed Asiwaju Bola Tinubu as the governor of Lagos State.

    But Celeb Watch has gathered that Afikuyomi may stage a come-back, as he is now eyeing his former position as the senator representing Lagos West; a position presently occupied by Senator Ganiyu Solomon (GOS), who is rumoured to be nursing governorship ambition in Lagos against 2015.

  • Gbemi Saraki back on social radar

    Gbemi Saraki back on social radar

    Two years after her governorship ambition was truncated by her own brother and immediate past governor of Kwara State, Dr. Bukola Saraki, followed a few months later by the death of her father and political backbone, Dr. Olusola Saraki, Senator Gbemi Saraki has resurfaced after taking a sabbatical from both the political firmament and the social space.

    While the pretty politician was away in her anonymous cocoon, tongues wagged with rumours. Some said she was trying to make a family, others said she was nursing the political wound inflicted on her by her own brother. The only major appearance she had made since then was at her father’s one year remembrance a few weeks ago.

    A few days ago, however, she was sighted at Senator Teslim Folarin’s 50th birthday in Ibadan. Gbemi radiated the kind of joy associated with inner peace at the occasion. In fact, a serving senator was quoted as saying that no woman could be so peacefully beautiful without a man in his life.

    Meanwhile, her name is being rumoured as one of those penciled down for ministerial appointment by the Presidency any time soon. Information available to Celeb Watch indicates that her name has already been sent to security agents for screening.

  • A love to hold (2)

    LENNY looked and sounded so sincere that I relented a bit.

    He had about a month to go on his contract with my company. I told him if he was still interested in me some time after the expiration of the job, then…

    I left the rest unsaid but he got my drift.

    “You will give me a chance then?” he said, looking excited.

    I nodded.

    “Let’s see what happens then,” I said. I was not sure I was doing the right thing by giving him hope about us being together but it was the least I could do in the situation. My thinking was that by the time the job finished and we were no longer seeing each other regularly, his feelings for me might wane. ‘Out of sight, out of mind,’ I thought.

    But I had reckoned without Lenny’s tenacity. By the time the job finished, he was still coming to the company a few times a week ‘to check on the systems’ he told me but I knew it was simply an excuse to see me.

    When he could not come physically, he would phone or send messages. It was obvious my strategy was not working; instead it had had the opposite effect, making him more crazy about me.

    So, one day, about a month after his contract ended, I called him and we met up. I had closed from work for the day so we drove to an eatery not too far from my office.

    After we had eaten, we sat in his car chatting for a while.

    I told him how I felt about him and that though I liked him, a relationship with him would be too complicated.

    “Complicated? How?” he asked turning to gaze at me. Before I could say anything, he added:

    “I can see you are still bothered about the age thing. Well, if it doesn’t bother me, I don’t see why it should be a problem to you.”

    “Even if I’m ok with it, what will other people say? Your family, for instance. Do you think they will be happy to see you with someone like me, an older lady?” I argued.

    “You see, that’s the problem with a lot of people, they worry too much about what ‘others’ will say or think. Look, Rosa, what matters is what we feel about each other. What others think about us being together should not be our problem. Besides, what makes you think my family won’t like you? Anyway, when we get to that ‘bridge’, we will cross it,” he stated reassuringly.

    That evening, he was so convincing in his arguments that he broke down my defences. I finally relented and decided to give him a chance.

    Later, as I lay in bed that night, the last thought on my mind before drifting off to sleep, was the look of joy on Lenny’s face when I finally agreed to date him. He had hugged me tightly to himself as if he would never let me go…

     

    The gathering storm…

    A few days later, a Saturday, Lenny came to pick me up for an outing. We had a nice time and we saw regularly after that. With time, we became a couple. Being with Lenny was a different experience for me. You see, I’ve had some really terrible relationships in the past and had in fact reached a stage where I had almost given up hope on men and love. That was until Lenny came into my life. It was like, in him I was being compensated for all the ‘ugly frogs I had kissed’ in the past. He lavished love and attention on me and treated me like a princess. What more could a lady want?

    He put my happiness above every other thing and always wanted the best for me. I was very happy with Lenny and even my friends noticed the change in me.

    “You look so radiant these days, Rosa. This new guy must be taking very good care of you,” Maria said one day at my home. She was on a visit with another friend, Anna.

    “Who’s the new guy?” Anna asked, turning to me.

    “Ask her now! Na she sabi!” I said sarcastically, going to the kitchen to get more drinks for them.

    They were leaving some time later when Lenny came.

    “How’s my sweetheart today?” he said, as he embraced me.

    I smiled, telling him I was fine. He had already met Maria so I introduced him to Anna.

    “Let me see them off. I will soon join you,” I told him.

    “That your guy is really cute. Does he have a brother?” Anna asked as we stood by Maria’s car, chatting.

    “Why are you asking?” I queried.

    “Because I want someone like him,” she declared.

    “Thief! Go to the shopping mall and you will get one to buy! Ole!” Maria said teasingly and we laughed.

    Before they left, Maria drew me aside. She wanted to know what Neenah, Lenny’s cousin thought about our relationship.

    I shrugged before saying:

    “She has seen us together a couple of times. She doesn’t seem to mind.”

    “That’s good. I was worried she might not like you hooking up with him,” she said. Then getting into her car, she waved before driving off.

    If Neenah did not object to my dating her cousin, the same could not be said of his family members.

    One weekend, I was in his house one morning when his mother and younger sister arrived. It was my first time of meeting her so I was a bit nervous and anxious as well.

    I greeted and welcomed them warmly. Lenny was taking a shower so I went to get them some drinks.

    Lenny came out later and introduced me to his mother.

    “Mum, this is Rosa, my fiancée,” he stated. That surprised me because he had not formally proposed to me. Infact, we had not even discussed marriage yet in the six months or so we had been together. So, why was he calling me his fiancée, I wondered.

    His mother looked at me up and down as if looking at something she did not particularly like then said in a displeased tone of voice.

    “Fiancée? Since when? You never told me you were engaged!”

    “Well, I’m telling you now, Mum,” he said. He then told me to prepare some food for his mother and sister so I left for the kitchen.

    From there, I could hear their voices. I knew they were talking about me so I went and stood by the kitchen door.

    His mother sounded upset from her tone of voice. She was telling Lenny that she was not happy with his choice of a wife stating:

    “Of all the ladies in this town, you went and chose someone like her! What were you thinking? Has she bewitched you or what?” she demanded.

    I heard Lenny laugh, before assuring her that he was in his right senses.

    She then said in a commanding tone:

    “Well, whatever you have with her must stop. Now!”

    To which Lenny countered:

    “I can’t Mum. She’s the one I love! The one after my heart!”

    I could see a great storm gathering over our heads and as I went back to preparing the meal, I wondered what the future held for Lenny and I…

     

    •What next? Don’t miss the juicy details next Saturday!

     

    •Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

     

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

  • A parade of STYLE

    A parade of STYLE

    One of man’s great pleasures and obsessions is developing a sense of class that is far beyond the ordinary. Some call it style. Others simply say it is individuality. Depending on the side of the divide you may choose to pitch, style is simply doing things your way. Style defines a man. It is a badge by which he or she is recognized.  So, being stylish is purely being individualistic. Over the years, men have consciously cultivated dressing culture that tends to define their style. In the parade of Nigeria’s stylish men, KAYODE ALFRED x-rays Nigerians of various strata and standing who have carved a niche for themselves as men of style.

    PRESIDENT GOODLUCK JONATHAN’S ‘Resource Control’

    There have been Nigerian leaders, past and present who emerged, at one period or the other, and whose eras were largely defined by their dress culture. From the late Sir Tafawa Balewa, Dr. Nnmamdi Azikiwe, former Presidents Shehu Shagari and Olusegun Obasanjo to serving President Goodluck Jonathan, there was and there is still a consistency in their dress culture which reflected the geography of their birth.

    However, with President Jonathan’s ascendancy to power he brought with him, wittingly or unwittingly, a tsunami-like ‘fashion-buzz in Nigeria called ‘Resource Control.’ In the history of Nigeria, never has a president’s dress culture captivated his subjects’ fancy like that of President Jonathan’s traditional Ijaw cultural attire. President Jonathan’s Niger-Delta attire with a bowler hat has become his trademark. While this dress code has drawn admiration from across board, the President can also be described as a marketer of his culture with his attached love of his native Ijaw attire. No wonder, it has become a fad among big boys across the country’s socio-economic and political firmament.

    MIKE ADENUGA’S love for kaftan

    Dr. Mike Adenuga might be perceived in many quarters as the least visible billionaire to be sighted in high octane events. And as such, assessing his dress culture could prove a bit of a task. Adenuga’s rise to fame and fortune began at the young age of 26 in the 1970s when he was involved in the distribution of lace and other textile materials.

    Perhaps this might have accounted for his penchant for kaftans of lace derivatives. Not known for adorning European three-piece suits, style for Adenuga, appears to mean freedom. With a frame described in urban language as ‘Plus Size,’ Adenuga loves to be free, as such, his love for flowing robes and kaftans is legendary.

     

    IBIKUNLE AMOSUN and his ‘sky-scrapper’ cap

    Only on rare occasions is Ogun State governor, Senator Ibikunle Amosun seen in suits. But when he is in his traditional attire, he hardly does so without complementing it with his sky-scrapper cap. At every occasion he graces, his cap dwarfs even the giant among the crowd.

    Right from his days in the upper chamber of the National Assembly, “SIA” (Senator Ibikunle Amosun) has evolved the ‘onilegogoro’ cap style which is fast becoming a fad in and around Ogun State. Many believe he has only continued to promote a style created by the first Executive President of Nigeria, Alhaji Shehu Aliyu Usman Shagari, and the late Chief Solomon Lar of Plateau State both of whom wore the tallest trademark cap in Nigeria’s history.

    FEMI OTEDOLA’S love for ‘immaculate white’

    Femi Otedola is famous for his sparkling white traditional attire. Additionally, Otedola adorns foot wears that could be said to be a collector’s item. To Femi, looking stylish comes at a cost.

     

    ROTIMI AMAECHI

    A confident but youthful swagger driven by a trendy fashion sense, is one of the things that define the Rivers State governor, Rotimi Amaechi. He shares the same fashion style with President Jonathan. They have both made the Niger-Delta attire an object of national fondness. Rotimi is not complete without adding his walking stick to make a statement that he is rooted in the Ijaw culture.

    KOJO ANTHONY WILLIAMS

    The name of Kojo Williams will receive perennial mentions every time list of Nigeria’s most stylish men is compiled. This sport loving former NFA chairman knows his onions when it comes to style. Being stylish is not as simple and the same as spending vast amounts of money on designer brands and keeping up with trends. In fact, inexpensive clothes can be worn with style as long as you know how to make the most of it. Kofi knows this and practices it to details. Kofi creates his own unique style. He is popular with suits and bow tie. Kojo feels comfortable and confident in them.

    JOHN OBAYUWANA

    John Obayuwana is the Managing Director of Polo, the exclusive outfit that vends some of the finest Swiss watch and jewellery brands such as Vacheron Constantin, Piaget, Chopard, Baume and Mercier, Montblanc, Rado, Technomarine and Balmain. John is like a preacher who makes the Bible his companion. One of the most visible apparels you are likely to spot on Obayuwana when you see him is his expensive wrist watches of different designs.

     

    TONY ELUMELU

    Bankers have a reputation for smartness and neatness. Tony Elumelu, who managed Standard Trust Bank and later, United Bank for Africa, for ages, epitomises smartness, for which bankers world-wide are known, all because of his fondness for suits.

     

    SEGUN OSOBA

    Everything about Aremo Segun Osoba, as far as dress code is traditional. Aremo never sheds off the toga of a traditionally stylish person. He never compromises on his traditional regalia. And he has continued to gracefully in the native outfits.

    LANRE OGUNLESI

    Lanre Ogunlesi’s style is summed up in the following narration he gave in one his numerous interviews: “My son has asked me repeatedly what separates the well dressed from the very well dressed. And I never fail to reiterate that ‘neatness’, being very neat from head to toe is the first rule. Not how expensive or stylish your duds are. Not how fashionable and appropriate your apparels pass. No matter what you adorn, once you fail the ‘cleanliness’ test, you can’t get anywhere.” Lanre wears them neat and smooth.

    DEOLU ADEBOYE

    Deolu, son of General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, preaches better style sermon with what he wears. He did not only open ‘Wisemen Apparel’ to sell top of the range men’s wear, he wears what he sells. You must be extremely anti-social to keep mute without asking Deolu where he gets the stuff he wears.

    EYIMOFE ATAKE

    As a learned profession in the legal world, not a few expect Eyimofe to be conservative. His profession calls for it, but not so for this very successful Lagos-based lawyer. With a physique that belies his age at 53 years, Eyimofe looks good in whatever he wears.

    OBARO IBRU

    Colour combination is a tricky aspect of style which Obaro has mastered effortlessly. Obaro does not only know how to mix and match, but his collection of designer jeans makes bold fashion statement any day and anywhere.

    AIGBOJE IMOKHUEDE

    Aigboje Imokhuede is not a man of many words. But the outgoing Managing Director of Access Bank plc makes for this with his dressing. Smartness is Aigboje’s watchword. Neatly tailored suits are Aig’s signature tune. He is said to have a wardrobe endowed with top names in suit making.

    SANI DANGOTE

    Cool, calm and collected are words that define Sani Dangote’s mien. For Sani, expensive clothes will look completely unstylish if they are not right for you. He has a good eye for details. That is why you would always find him unruffled even after a hard day job. For him, it is comfort and confidence

    TUNDE FOLAWIYO

    Tunde’s gait stands him out from the crowd any day. Self-conscious and meticulous in nature, the scion of the Folawiyo dynasty, comes to the scene with an impeccable carriage and knack for simple but refined attire.

    SUBOMI BALOGUN

    Otunba Subomi Balogun is a veteran socialite whose style should be a case study for stylists. For someone whose sheer industry has thrown up a global financial institution with rock-solid financial base, one wonders how he finds time to look as trendy as he does in his full regalia of white apparels as his trademark.

    ALEX AKINYELE

    Chief Alex Akinyele likes enjoying life to the fullest and he makes no pretence about this. To the Ondo-born High Chief, age is just a number. His age should not deter him from looking good. With his well shaved moustache, he is always resplendent in his grandly embroidered robes made of Aso-Oke.

     

    LEKAN OSIFESO

    The scion of the Osifeso clan in Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State and Chairman of LEKAI Nigeria Limited, a construction company, Lekan Osifeso is known for his customised crested jackets. He mixes colours with elegance and aplomb. A quintessential dazzler on the social scene, he looks very comfortable in the most luxurious suits and traditional pieces. He is an all-rounder with a peculiar style difficult to imitate.

     

    OBA FREDRICK AKINRUNTAN

    Royalty aptly describes Oba Fredrick Akinruntan’s style. With his beaded fly whisk (Irukere), the Olugbo of Ugbo displays his emblems of power with an individuality that cannot be ascribed to any other king. The founder of Obat oil and gas is a flamboyant character in the mould of kings. He is one of the most stylish monarchs in Nigeria.

     

    PAUL ADEFARASIN

    Paul Adefarasin is one of Nigeria’s trendiest pastors. He is the Senior Pastor of House on the Rock Churches Worldwide,. Pastor Adefarasin has a penchant for crispy, elegant suits. Adefarasin once said that one’s outward appearance should be a reflection of one’s heart. In recognition of this statement, he often makes a fashion statement. He once won an award as a style icon.

     

    CHRIS OKOTIE

    With a relatively successful career in pop music before venturing into evangelism, Pastor Okotie never leaves anybody in doubt about his passion for looking trendy. Okotie is unapologetic about his trademark long jackets. He is also a freak for shoes of different colours and designs.

  • Why do women stick around with men who treat them like crap?

    Deola dear, what does it mean for a man to steal a woman’s heart? Painfully, the man seems not to treasure it, always subjecting the woman to harsh treatment. Often, she tells me, ‘It’s over between me and him’ but after a few days or weeks, I find them back with each other. Has a man ever stolen yours?

     

    You want to know if a man has ever stolen my heart?

    Of course… not once, not twice. But I don’t go stupidly in love. Maybe that’s the difference between me and those who stay in abusive relationships. Every day, I meet women who are in bad relationships and you hear them casually state that their men (baby daddy or not) treat them like crap, yet make it sounds like it’s no big dp where you’re not financially able to stand on your own, get a job and get a life. If a woman has to wait for the man before she can buy ordinary pap and akara and even her nail polish, then the man won’t even value you to start with.

    If your friend keeps going back to this man and it is cretin he is treating her badly, keeeal. In fact, you get the impression that they’re so used to it that it’s almost okay with them. That makes you wonder why they still complain and wonder “why them!?” If you’re reading this, and this applies to you, I really urge you to figure out what it is in life that you want. You DON’T “NEED” a man to make you happy. You may THINK that you do, but you do NOT! For all you women who say you’re stranded at home with kids and your man wants nothing to do with you, let him know you can actually live without him and be happier. If you’re in a kind of relationship quite and watch events. It’s always best when we learn to keep quiet after talking. If they’re meant to be together and live happily, time will tell. If not, you will remind her of all you told her. Thanks for being a good friend.

  • How to make your husband happy

    1. Be romantic. Romance can easily become a back-burner priority after years of marriage. Make sure to save time for romantic activities like candle-lit dinners, go to the cinemas together or cuddling up to watch a movie at home.

    2. Spice up your sex life. One of the main aspects of marriage where the excitement can quickly fade is the sexual aspect. You’ll both have to work hard to keep your sex life interesting, but thankfully there are several things that you can do.

    Don’t get stuck in a boring routine. If you and your hubby are used to having sex without any foreplay or wooing beforehand, sex can become just another activity that happens when you get in bed. Take the time to woo each other at spontaneous times to avoid feeling like you have allotted time for being intimate. Scheduled sex is not sexy.

    Listen to your hubby’s wants and needs. Know what your hubby’s preferences are and what he wants to try in the bedroom. His desires may change over time. Just ask him what he likes and wants, this question in itself can be a turn on!

    3. Set a date night. Between you and your hubby’s busy schedules, it can be very hard to find time to spend with each other. Make a commitment to go on a date or make a home-cooked meal together at least once per week. Here are some date night ideas:

    Go to dinner and a movie. This classic never gets old if you switch up the restaurant and the movie genre each week.

    Make dinner together. Try making a dish that requires more effort than one you would make on a random week night. Make vegetable soup for instance from scratch to have fun while cooking.

    4. Send flirty text messages throughout the day. Sometimes nothing is better than a spontaneous text or voice message from your lover. Call just to say “I love you” or send your hubby a flirty message that contains something for him to look forward to.

    Send sexy snap chats to your hubby to remind him what’s waiting for him after work. Make sure to warn him that you sent a sexy snap in advance so that he doesn’t open it in front of his friends, or worse, his colleagues.

    5. Get some new sexy outfits. If you’re constantly wallowing around the house in baggy clothes. It might be time to take a trip to the shops for some new clothes. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in front of your hubby, but be sure not to lose track of taking care of yourself as a result. Spice up a plain outfit with a sexy blouse or dress. Put of a pair of stilettos to elongate your legs. Every man loves long, sexy legs. A pair of heels are a quick and easy way to make any outfit look sexier. Get some new lingerie. Lingerie is a sexy way to spice up your bedroom life and make your hubby see you in a new light.

    6. Have an attractive attitude. Being attractive isn’t all about looking sexy, it’s about exuding a compassionate attitude as well. Be sure to retain a kind disposition toward your husband and be considerate of his feelings.

    Exude happiness. As humans, we’re all going to have good days and bad days. While you shouldn’t try to mask your feelings if you are feeling sad or depressed, you should try to be a pleasant person to be around whenever possible. Smile. Visual signals are just as important as words. Avoid walking around with a scowl on your face all day and try to smile as much as possible.

    7. Exercise. This might sound like a plea to get you to work out for the sake of a sexy body, but exercise can provide you with so much more than a slim frame and ripped abs. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, neurotransmitters that reduce stress and induce happiness. Maintaining a steady exercise routine has also been shown to increase sexual desire as a result of the positive effects working out has on your body and mind. Try energy-inducing exercises like running. Don’t overlook the positive effect that simply feeling sexy can have one your love life. When you feel desirable, your confidence and sexuality shine through.

  • I feel cramps in my vagina when my boyfriend touches me

    Dear Aunty Ade, I’m 29 and one of your favourite fans; I always read your column. I have a big problem that is tearing me and my boyfriend apart. I feel cramps in my vagina when I’m not menstruating especially when my boyfriend touches me, like if he tries to kiss or caress me or even hold me. Please I need your help. Your biggest fan, Nancy.

    I suspect you have Vaginismus. Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.Vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary tightness of the vagina during attempted intercourse. The tightness is actually caused by involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina. The woman does not directly control or ‘will’ the tightness to occur; it is an involuntary pelvic response. She may not even have any awareness that the muscle response is causing the tightness or penetration problem.

    In some cases vaginismus tightness may begin to cause burning, pain, or stinging during intercourse. In other cases, penetration may be difficult or completely impossible. Vaginismus is the main cause of unconsummated relationships. The tightness can be so restrictive that the opening to the vagina is ‘closed off’ altogether and the man is unable to insert his penis. The pain of vaginismus ends when the sexual attempt stops, and usually intercourse must be halted due to pain or discomfort.

    Vaginismus can normally be treated and fully overcome in a reasonable time frame. Motivated women without significant complications usually find that six weeks is adequate to resolve their sexual pain or penetration problems. Research has shown that even two-week time frames are potentially realistic where there is an intense ‘full-time’ effort, professional assistance, and no significant complications. See your health care specialist for counseling. If they can’t help, I can help you procure a kit to help you overcome the problem.