The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Teenage sex: Should I or should I not?  

    By Richard

    “Should I or should I not?” is a common question among teens. Perhaps you are in a relationship that is progressing in that direction, but you’re not sure what to do. In your mind, you are probably weighing the pros and cons of adolescent sex. On the positive side of the scale, there is immense pleasure to be gained from the act acceptance from your peers, and the fulfillment of sexual desires. The negative side of the scale carries the weights of morals, fear of pregnancy or disease, loss of self-respect and guilt. How do these scales balance? What is the right decision? Let’s take a look at some of the facts.

    Sex in itself can be really good for system as it serves many purposes besides reproduction. Indeed, several health publications have listed a number of benefits to be derived from a regular sex regime in our lives, benefits that range from a boost in the body’s immunity to healthier looking skin and, for men, an increase in sperm production. It is a way to express love for someone; it provides a feeling of security and has the effect of calming people in stressful situations. That being said, as with all things good in the hands of a ‘wrong’ user, there are outcomes that are less than desirable.

    A knife can be used to cut bread, in the hand of a killer however, it becomes an instrument of death. The argument is thus advanced that while the object (sex, in this case) may not necessarily be on trial; the user (Teenagers) may create outcomes that are far less desirable and harmful to themselves, since their immaturity on matters of sex often lead to ineffective contraceptive and preventive methods (indeed condoms have a technique to their use and can pull out during intercourse, if put on wrongly).

    Physically speaking, teenage sex poses more of a risk to the female gender than it does to the male. Whereas adolescent boys may have regular sex without any physical side effects, researches conducted in the U.K. has shown that girls who engage in sex before the age of 25 risk of developing cervical cancer as a result.

    Social Pressures: Most often when boys and girls begin to date, the pressure to engage in sex early in the relationship usually comes from the boys as their social concept of virginity differs considerably from that of their female counterparts.

    Research has found that, depending upon gender, adolescents generally think of their loss of virginity in one of the following ways: as a gift, as a stigma and as a normal step in development. While girls generally think of virginity as a gift, boys think of virginity as a stigma (that is to say they often seek to cover up the fact that they are virgins). In studies, girls said that they viewed giving someone their virginity like giving them a very special gift. As a result they often expected something in return such as increased emotional intimacy with their partners. However, after the act they are often disappointed because they do not feel as though they actually received what they expected in return and this makes them feel like they were used. It is a feeling of giving something important up and afterwards feeling like this action was not recognized. Thinking of losing virginity as part of a social developmental process therefore results in power imbalances in the genders, with girls often left confused as to whether their refusal to engage makes them seem immature. Many young girls understandably feel conflicted by what society is telling them to do; on the one hand they are told to maintain a good reputation by abstaining, while being told on the other hand that in order to maintain a romantic relationship they must behave in ‘adult ways’ (which of course includes having sex with their man). Teenagers, more importantly girls, need to understand that it is their lot to wait patiently for the right age (which is 25, scientifically speaking)  before partaking of this wonderful fruit called sex; indeed most religions go even further to advocate total abstinence until marriage (even if marriage has to wait till age 40). The morality issue is however a matter of personal conviction and beyond the scope of this article. Suffice it to say however that the health implications (both psychological and physical) should be motivation enough to wait, if not till marriage then at least till the right age.

  • The internet and naked photos

    If you are the type with an aversion for nude pictures, then I will advise you to steer clear of the internet this period. This is because, in the past couple of weeks, the internet has been awash with nude photos of certain persons, both famous and the unknown. Never knew that taking naked pictures of one, has become the latest hobby in town.

    First, it was those of a certain lady said to be a top banker in one of the financial institutions in the country. The story goes that the photos were the handiwork of a jilted lover, who incensed by being dumped, took his revenge in a most shocking way, by posting his lover’s nude photos on the web. Those who saw them, all agreed they were not a sight you will want your young children to see. They were that raunchy. Who knew that some bankers, in a profession renowned for its conservatism, lived such ‘wild lives’ on the side? They present such a serious image in those banking halls, it’s quite shocking to hear stuff like this about some of them.

    And secondly, the British Monarchy is in the middle of a serious media storm as a result of naked pictures of Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge and wife of Prince William that were published in a French magazine last week. The offending pictures were allegedly taken by the sharp lens of a paparazzi while the couple were holidaying in a villa in France. This latest scandal is coming so soon after the Harrygate affair- when naked photos of Prince Harry while holidaying in Vegas, were published on the internet.

    From all these examples, it’s becoming crystal clear that the web is becoming a tool that the inventors never envisaged- a medium for exacting revenge and for publishing stuff that will put people, especially the famous in a very bad and embarrassing light.

    For the lady whose pictures were circulated on the internet, one can image her state of mind when the photos, taken in privacy became public property via the web. Anger and despair must have been some of the emotions she felt. And regret for taking such intimate pictures in the first place and sending them to her boyfriend. One of the questions asked by some who saw the photos was why would a grown woman, and a married one at that, with a responsible position in a bank, take such pictures in the first place, much less send them to a boyfriend, not even her husband?

    To them, she brought all the mess on herself and as such has no one to blame for all the humiliation and embarrassment she’s going through, including losing her job. I agree totally with them. Nobody put a gun on her head and forced her to take those pictures. It was a choice she made, a very bad choice as events have shown.

    And her experience should be a lesson to others-those who think nothing of taking lurid pictures of themselves and storing them in their computers, mobile phones and other gadgets- remember, they might come back to haunt you one day. If in doubt, ask former actress Anita Hogan, whose movie career, prematurely ended due to some nude photos of hers that were splashed all over the internet in 2006. Six years later, she’s yet to recover from that scandal.

    As for the Duchess of Cambridge, all I can say is, welcome to the club! As soon as she married into the Royal Family, she ‘signed’ a life-long contract with intense media interest, the paparazzi and public scrutiny. All her actions will be covered by the media (especially the papps) who will go to any length to get exclusive photos of her as the ones taken in France show. She will learn now that with the kind of ‘gold fish’ lifestyle and the life of privilege and luxury she married into, also comes great responsibility. And that includes keeping her clothes on all the time except perhaps in the privacy of her bedroom. So, no more topless sunbathing by the pool, please since she’s not a page 3 girl.

  • The millionaire’s daughter (3)

    She looked at me sharply and asked: “What’s that supposed to mean? Have I not been supportive enough?”

    “You are getting me wrong. I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is that this project means a lot to me and I need all the support I can get for it to take off,” I explained calmly. I could see she was getting worked up and since I didn’t want us to get into an argument, I let the matter drop.

    It was a few days later that the issue came up again. It was Meera who brought it up.

    “So what kind of business are you planning to go into?” she asked one evening after dinner. I looked at her, surprised and pleased as well. I had already done the proposal on my laptop which I quickly showed to her.

    “Hmm. This doesn’t look bad,” she commented, as she used the console to scroll down the page to check all the details including the start-off capital I would require.

    Later, after discussing more about the business, she stated:

    “It looks viable. I think I like it.”

    I simply smiled, glad I had won her over.

    With her support and that of her family, I was able to raise the capital and the business took off. Meera offered me the use of one of her buildings which was vacant then and with the initial staff I recruited, we moved in. That was how I started my own business. My wife really tried to support the business especially at the beginning. The first major job I got was through a contact of hers. It was a big, multi-million naira job and I threw myself into it to ensure I delivered.

    With time, more of such jobs came and I started doing really well, making more money than I had ever dreamt of. To add to my joy, Meera gave birth to a daughter whom we named Cyndi. It was a happy time for us and we became closer. However, it wasn’t long before cracks began to appear in our bubble of happiness.

    Actually, they emanated mostly from our home life. Shortly after our wedding, I realised quickly that Meera was not the domestic type of woman. She knew next to nothing about running a home and worse, was not even ready to learn. She couldn’t cook, wash, clean the house and take care of stuff in the home that a good wife is supposed to do.

    “I was brought up in a home with a lot of domestic staff. A cook prepared all our meals and maids cleaned the house. I never learned to cook,” Meera explained when I grumbled about her shortcomings in the home. We had moved after the wedding, to another accommodation not too far from Meera’s apartment. It was a big mansion owned by my wife’s family with a large garden, a swimming pool and other facilities. To run the place, Meera employed a large retinue of staff including a cook, maids, drivers, a nanny for Cyndi and even a man to do the laundry.

    “Are they not too many? We don’t need all these people,” I stated when the staff resumed for work.

    “We sure do. Who’s going to do all the work around here? Definitely not me!” she declared.

    Besides her inability to cook and do other domestic work, my wife also turned out to be very sloppy and untidy. Most days, our bedroom looked as if a tsunami had passed through it as her expensive outfits, handbags, dirty clothes and other stuff would be strewn all over the place. I liked to live in a clean environment and I couldn’t understand why she was so messy. This caused several quarrels between us but she refused to change her sloppy ways which only manifested at home. Whenever she was going out especially to parties, she would spend hours dressing up and by the time she finished, she would look so beautiful and glamorous, she could be mistaken for a model. Sometimes, I found it difficult reconciling that untidy lady at home with the glamour puss outside.

    It got to a stage I could not bear it any longer and I had to move out of our bedroom to a spare room in the house.

    “I need my own space,” I explained when she asked why I was moving out.

    That was not all. Her attitude towards our lovely daughter became a source of worry to me. Meera hardly paid attention to her, leaving all the care to the nanny. It wasn’t as if she was a busy career woman. She was a director in the family business but she didn’t have to be in the office every day. She went a few days a week and closed whenever she liked. So, she had a lot of time on her hands, yet she neglected Cyndi. She would go out in the morning and would not return home till very late.

    Since I was very busy at work, I didn’t know what was going on till my mum came to stay with me for some time. She drew my attention to my wife’s neglect of her baby.

    “She’s supposed to be a nursing mother, yet she’s hardly at home. She leaves the baby with the nanny all day and only comes home at night,” my mother disclosed one night on my return home from work.

    I looked at the baby who was sleeping peacefully in her cot. She was nearly six months old and was growing very fast. The nanny had closed for the day and she was in the care of my mother. It was nearly 10 pm yet Meera was not back from wherever she had gone to.

    That night, Meera did not come home till nearly midnight. I was really angry with her and I gave her a piece of my mind.

    “The baby is still too young to be left alone. You are the mother. She needs your love and care now,” I told her firmly. We were in her room where she was undressing and as usual, flinging clothes and shoes carelessly everywhere.

    She turned an angry look on me.

    “She has a nanny who’s doing a good job. So, what am I supposed to do? Sit at home and hold her hand?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm.

    I shook my head.

    “That’s not the point. A baby needs bonding with the mother especially at this early stage of her life. A nanny can’t do that,” I pointed out. “Besides, the nanny takes care of the baby, the cook prepares our meals and the other staff do all the work. So, what do you, as the wife do in this house?” I asked.

    She came up to where I stood and smiled coyly at me.

    “I take care of this,” she said softly, her hand slipping inside the loose house robe I was wearing to caress my chest and body. At first, I resisted her caresses as I was still angry with her. But as she slipped out of her undies and she wrapped her warm, voluptuous body round me, I melted.

    I kissed her and fondled her succulent breasts. She began to moan and held me tightly. Soon, we were hungry with desire for each other and falling on the bed, bodies entwined, all was silent in the room for a while except the sounds of our lovemaking…

    * * *

    Despite my talk with Meera, her attitude did not change. In fact, it got worse. She even started sleeping outside our home. When I complained, she would give the excuse that she had gone to a party with Tracy and her other friends and it was too late to return home.

    “I slept at Tracy’s place. What’s the big deal about that,” she grumbled, turning over on the bed with the intention of going back to sleep even though it was nearly twelve noon.

    “The big deal is that you are now a married woman. And a responsible married lady doesn’t run all over town with her friends, going from one party to another and sleeping outside her matrimonial home,” I said angrily and stormed out of her room. I could not understand why she couldn’t just focus on her home and family and reduced her partying ways. I knew when we were dating that Meera was the fun-loving, partying type who loved to attend all kinds of bashes with her friends especially at weekends. Most of her circle of friends, who were all from wealthy backgrounds, were like that including Tracy who was like the head of their group and the most ‘crazy’ of them all.

    Return of Elfreda

    But I had thought with marriage and motherhood, that she would calm down, become more mature and responsible. How wrong I was! She was only interested in two things; shopping and partying. Those were the things that absorbed all her attention to the detriment of her baby and even husband. She could travel to any part of the world just to shop or attend a high class party. She never bothered about my meals or wellbeing as a caring wife should. Agreed, the domestic staff took care of all that but it was not the same. You can call me old-fashioned but I still believe it was a wife’s duty to look after the home and her family. I often longed for a nice meal cooked by my own wife instead of by a cook no matter how delicious his meals were. When I was growing up, my mother did all the cooking in our home and my father never ate food cooked by a servant.

    I wanted the same for myself but it seemed I had chosen the wrong woman. Whenever I complained to my mum about my wife’s behaviour, she would preach tolerance.

    “You should not blame her too much. She must have been spoilt as a child and never learnt the things a woman needed to know about running her home,” she stated one evening.

    To be continued

    Next Saturday, Dave runs into his old flame, Elfreda and sparks start flying… Don’t miss it!

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals.

    Send comments/suggestion to 08023201831 or psaduwa@yahoo.com

  • My time and cat

    Phew… I really had to find time between clearing my table at work, rushing to pay school fees for children and wards, doing airport runs and getting home to cook. Of course, the first sound that greeted me as soon as I got into my house was the meow sound of Fresh. Guilt seized me as I remembered that the last time I fed her was about six hours before then. Poor Fresh! You would feel sorry for her if you knew her story.

    Fresh was barely out of her mother’s womb before somebody saw how cute she was and got her for me. The person feared that other people would see her and take her and he felt I deserved to have her more than anybody else. Since she got to my home, I’ve had to literarily bottle-feed her. Her first few days in the house were delicate for us as well as well as for her. While she wanted the warmth of a mother and snuggled close to us at every opportunity, we had to be sure she wasn’t sitting on chairs so we won’t press out her small brain with our weight. We also had to be careful while closing our doors and we walked around the house with caution.

    We all soon forgot about those delicate days as Fresh began to play by herself, showing she was independent. She also identified her bowl of milk and so, the task of feeding her ended. I was so happy the day I was cooking fish and the nice smell of it brought her to the kitchen and from the way she was licking my feet and meowing, I knew she was  begging me for a piece of the action. I was so delighted to know she could now eat solid food. That meant she was growing.

    My cat, Fresh has really brought a gush of fresh air into the home and we just love watching her. But when I have to go out to work, not knowing when I’d be back home, it makes me feel guilty. I can’t look for a nanny for her; or can I? That would be the greatest insanity of the year. I wonder if anybody has ever gotten a caregiver for their cats. I know about dog handlers, groomers for horses and farmhands for big animals. But cat nannies? None that I know of.

    Even if there are people like that, I don’t fall into the category of people those who can afford that. And since I do not have a housekeeper now and everybody has gone to school this week, I’m alone most times. I have had to do my house chores, make a living and look after the cat by myself.

    I have been able to set the ‘table’ for Fresh in the few minutes I got back home and as I type this, she licking my feet and rubbing her body against mine. I guess that’s her way of saying thank you to me. That is it. She’s no longer angry now that she’s okay and I can face the Hearts page. Richard my neighbor, thanks for your contribution this week. I’m happy to offer you a space for you to try your writing skills. All those writing books you got from the UK are not a waste. I’m sure all those youths who have asked questions on teenage sex would be happy.

    Chioma from Owerri and Mr. O from Abuja, I will not be able to personally answer your questions on how to make a marriage successful, I however got you the piece on marriage as sent to me by Jonathan. I hope you will learn from it.

    To you all in the dating game, I’ll be back fully next week. I love you all and that’s what matters. And to make this weekend really nice for us all, I’m giving us some jokes to make us laugh. Happy weekend.

  • 10 tips for a happy marriage

    10 tips for a happy marriage

    To have a really good marriage, you need to work at it. As the saying goes, the only place you find success before work is in the dictionary. Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage.

    Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don’t get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened.

    Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.

    Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage.

    Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.

    Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” “would you mind if I….,” and so forth. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and respected.

    Never Say “I Told You So.” Remove the phrase “I told you so” from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse. People say this phrase for two reasons:  To show off that they were right and to get their mates to listen to them in the future. What they don’t realize is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting. When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out. The poet Ogden Nash wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way:

    To keep your marriage brimming,

    With love in the wedding cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.

    Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

    Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:  ”She never lets me leave the window open at night.” “He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.” “She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”  ”He always leaves his socks on the floor.” These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them. There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care. Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

    Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.

    Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it. Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.

    Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.

    A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange postcard today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

    A lie detector robot that slaps people who lie

    A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?” “At school.” The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!” The father asks, “Which one?” “Harry Potter.” The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!” The father replies, “What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!” The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.

  • The millionaire’s daughter (2)

    As she leaned towards me, I moved a little and the intended kiss landed on my cheek. She looked at me in surprise.
    “What’s the matter? Don’t you find me attractive?” she said uncertainly.
    “It’s not that. I think you are a very pretty lady. But I believe we are moving too fast.”
    “Too fast?” she repeated. “It’s just a kiss! I’m not asking you to sleep with me!”
     “I know. But let’s take things slower a little, get to know each other better…” I explained.
     “What’s there to know? You already know a lot about me. And as for you, at least I’m aware of where you work. And as your landlady, I know where you live.”
    Then she took my hand, kissed it before saying:
    “Look, Dave, I like you. Very much. And I feel a connection with you that I haven’t felt with any man for a long time. You might think someone in my position can get any guy I want. But the thing is, it’s even more difficult for me to get a decent guy, one I can trust than the average lady who doesn’t come from my kind of background.
    “Besides, I had made it clear to my family that I will choose my own husband and not be in an arranged marriage like some of my friends. Many of such unions end up crashing. I don’t want that. So many men want to go out with me but I know most of them are just after what they can get from me. Like my last boyfriend. I trusted him and he ended up duping me, making away with millions of my money.”
    “I’m sorry to hear that,” I told her.
    “It’s ok. It’s all in the past now. I’m sure you are not like that sneaky bastard. I feel I can trust you because I was the one who came after you and not the other way round. It shows you are not interested in my money.”
    We sat in the car, chatting for a while. Later, we fixed another date.
    “Can’t wait to see you again,” she said softly, taking my face in her hands and kissing me passionately…
    I saw a lot of Meera in the intervening months. She became a frequent visitor to my home and she and Nick got along well. There was only one problem. My girlfriend Elfreda. She lived at the other end of town and she often visited me especially at weekends. There was even a day she came and met Meera and I had to introduce her as my landlady.
    After Meera had gone, she began to ask me all kinds of questions.
    “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two? She was acting too familiar with you!”
    “And what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked her, turning away from the TV to glare at her.
    “Don’t blame me. I’ve been hearing all kinds of rumours concerning both of you. That she comes here a lot and you go out with her and you come back late and …”
    “Can you just hear yourself? So, you don’t have any work to do anymore but go about listening to petty gossip from people who don’t have anything better to do with their time! She’s just my landlady and nothing more. I have nothing to do with her!” I stated vehemently.
    Maybe she believed me for she did not pursue the matter any longer. I might have convinced Elfreda but I couldn’t fool myself that I had nothing serious with Meera. For by this time, we had started dating fully. She had even taken me to her family home and introduced me to her mother and elder brother, Tony. They had welcomed me warmly enough but I could feel their assessing eyes on me, perhaps wondering what I was doing with their Meera. She had another sister who lived in the UK.
     Later, Meera had told me that her brother liked me and was keen on meeting up with me again.
      “What about your Mum?” I asked her.
     She sighed then stated:
      “I can’t really say what her feelings are. You see, she has become very suspicious of any guy she sees me with after what my last boyfriend did. Anyway, it’s my brother’s opinion that really matters as he is the head of the family now. Once he gives the go-ahead, we can start planning our future together!”
    That was the stage I had reached with Meera so I was not being truthful when I told Elfreda that I had nothing to do with her. But how could I tell my girlfriend that I was dating my landlady and she was already thinking of marriage? She would be devastated and I wanted to spare her that agony. You see, I loved Elfreda very much. We had been together for some years and until Meera came into my life, she was the woman I was intending to settle down with. But meeting Meera had changed all that.
    It was not as if I was in love with her. No. My heart was with Elfreda. But being an ambitious young man who wanted to get ahead in the world, I knew Meera was a golden opportunity that I would be foolish to let slip through my fingers. Getting hooked to her would change my life for the better and who didn’t want a better life in this hard world? It wasn’t as if I came from a poor background, though.
    My father was, until his retirement, a civil servant who had risen to a reasonable level in the service. My mother worked as a hospital administrator for many years. So, though we weren’t rich, my parents ensured we didn’t lack and gave all their five children good education.
    “I don’t have much property for you, my children to inherit. All I can give you is a sound education. With that, you can face the world with courage and you will know your rights,” my father used to tell my siblings and I.
    But with Meera in my life, I knew there was no limit to what I could achieve. When I had discussed the matter with Nick, my cousin, he had advised caution.
    “You know, money isn’t everything. It’s Elfreda you say you love and makes you happy. Why don’t you stick with her? You might marry into money, have all the luxuries of this world at your beck and call and still be miserable. Think deeply before you choose as your future happiness is at stake here.”
     I knew that. I also realised I had reached a crossroads of sorts and soon I would be forced to make a choice. To choose between Meera and Elfreda…
    The chosen one
     Things came to a head sooner than I had expected. I had been seeing Meera for about a year when she announced one day that she might be pregnant.
    “I’m usually very regular. Once my period is late like this, it often means one thing,” she had said.
    I looked at her, confused.
    “I thought you were using protection. How could this have happened?” I queried.
     She shrugged.
     “I don’t know. I could be wrong, anyway. I will go to the hospital tomorrow to do a test, just to be sure…”
    She did the test and sure enough, it came out positive. She seemed unflustered by it all while I became even more confused.
    What were we going to do especially since she had stated that she was going to keep the baby?
    “Maybe, this is a sign that it’s time to take our relationship to another level. You know, get married…”
     I knew she was right but I was still unprepared for a final decision about our future. Because that would mean breaking up with Elfreda and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She had been a part of me for so long that the thought of severing all connection with her, was painful to contemplate.
     I stood up and went outside to the balcony of Meera’s apartment. She lived in a beautiful high-rise building, a luxury block of flats in a very exclusive part of town. She was on the fifth floor and I stood gazing down at the swimming pool for the residents in the courtyard below. Everything looked beautiful and serene. And it smelt of wealth.
    “I had to move out of our family home as I couldn’t stand that bitch that calls herself my brother’s wife. At least here, I have my personal space. And peace,” Meera had explained the first time she had taken me there.
     Spread out as far as the eye could see were other high rises and mansions- in between lush greenery- belonging to the extremely rich in the society.
    ‘This is the life of opulence you will be living if you marry Meera,’ a voice seemed to say to me.
    I stood gazing into the horizon for a while then I went inside to join Meera. I spent the night in Meera’s place and the following day, a Sunday, I formally proposed to her. She became very excited and immediately began plans for the wedding.
    She called some of her friends to break the news and later in the day, a couple of them showed up at the apartment.
    Tracy was the first to come.
    “I hope you’ve not given the chief bridesmaid’s position out because that’s mine!” she declared as she hugged and congratulated us.
    “I was thinking of giving that role to Claire. She will…”
    “What!” Tracy cut in. “No way! She’s way too fat. You will spend too much on fabric just to get an outfit that will fit her. If you make her your chief bridesmaid, I will never speak to you again,” she said in a petulant voice.
    Meera laughed.
    “You are so silly! I was just pulling your legs. Of course, you will be my CB…” she stated, laughing gaily at her friend. Later, Meera went downstairs to get something from the car and I made my way to the kitchen to get some drinks from the fridge.
    “I don’t understand you. Why do you want to tie yourself to one lady when there are so many out there to sample?” I turned round to see Tracy standing by the door, her hands on her hips. She walked towards me saying: “Like me for instance. Am I not beautiful enough? I’m even prettier than Meera. Just take a good look at all this,” she said and she swivelled round and struck a seductive pose like a model on the runway.
    “You know I like you. You and I could have a lot of fun together. And I know how to please a man. I will make you happy, much happier than Meera,” she said, coming to embrace me.
    But I evaded her grasping arms and said sternly: “Tracy, this is wrong. I’m engaged to your friend and you shouldn’t be saying such things to me. So, control yourself, ok?” And
    picking up the bottles of wine, I made for the door. I could hear her say behind me:
    “You are playing hard to get, isn’t it? I like that. It makes you even more attractive. But you can’t escape me no matter how hard you try. Tracy always gets what she wants…”
    ‘Not this time,’ I thought to myself as l walked to the living room.
    Having made Meera my choice, I had the unpleasant task of dumping Elfreda. I couldn’t face her so I wrote a letter explaining everything and asking for her forgiveness. My friend, Dick who delivered the letter, latter told me that she almost fainted after reading it.
    “It wasn’t funny at all. I felt really bad for her. Dave, I know it’s your life but was it wise dumping her? That girl loves you so much. I doubt if she can ever get over you or what happened,” he had stated.
    “What could I have done?” I countered hotly. “Meera is already pregnant for me. You don’t expect me to abandon her now she needs me most?”
    “I’m not saying that. I will advise you to see Elfreda. She needs all the consoling she can get now,” he stated.
    I promised him I would visit her but I didn’t. I felt too ashamed to face her. I decided to put the matter behind me and face the future which was Meera. She was very busy with the wedding preparations, as she wanted us to get married before her pregnancy became obvious.
    “I don’t want to be like those brides who go from the reception to the maternity ward,” she joked one day while poring over a magazine for brides. Shortly after, she travelled abroad to get fitted for her gown and shop for other items for the wedding.
    My parents came down from our hometown where my father had retired to for the wedding which was a big, society one. Meera literally glowed; she looked so lovely in her gown and veil that for a while I forgot that it should have been Elfreda I was exchanging vows with and not her.
    It was a nice start to our lives together and I was grateful to God for everything. We travelled out of the country for our honeymoon which lasted for about three weeks.
    When we got back, the plan was for me to resume work at Meera’s family business. But I wasn’t too keen as I had other plans. I had the idea of setting up my own company that will be into computer software development solutions.
    Nick had advised me about that before the wedding.
    “You need to be independent, have your own business, be your own man. That’s the only way you can get any respect from your in-laws,” he had advised.
    But Meera was not initially in support when I told her my plans.
    “What do you need your own business for? Our company is large enough to accommodate you. You can even be in charge of one of the subsidiaries if that’s what you want. I’m sure Tony won’t mind,” she noted.
    “I appreciate the offer but I want to do my own thing. It’s always been my dream. And as my wife, it’s your duty to support me,” I pointed out.
    She looked at me sharply and said:
    “What’s that supposed to mean? Have I…”
         To be continued
    Join us next Saturday for the concluding part of Dave’s story! (Names have been changed to protect the narrator’s identity.)
    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831 or email psaduwa@yahoo.com

  • ‘Our plan is to celebrate tax payers’

    What has been the profile of the
    state’s internally Generated Rev-
    enue (IGR), especially since Governor Rauf Aregbesola took over?
    I handle three portfolios in one. I handle the economic planning, budget and finance. That gives me a helicopter view of where we are, where we are going and how we are navigating. Yes, when the Governor came in, the IGR of this state was slightly above N300 million. It was hovering between N320 million. The first thing he did was to automate the whole process of IGR. When you talk of IGR, it is a gamut of processes. We have the collection processing of it and the banking sides. So, he appointed a consultant to do similar things that was done in Lagos and some other states. They couldn’t just pull-off the ground until the cabinet came in and in November, we actually went live in terms of automation and we insisted that tax payers must pay directly to the bank, and what happened was that the revenue jumped from N320 million to over N600 million.
    But that is not where it should stop in terms of ensuring that you improve your IGR. So, we are now at the second phase. This phase is more difficult because that’s where we are going to do bootstrapping, looking at leakages and ensuring that revenues from agricultural and forestry are not fretting away. Thereafter, we would begin to look at formal sector, beyond formal sector, you look beyond payee and you will be surprised that since the creation of this state, it has never gone to audit books of businesses and enterprises that are deducting taxes from their employees and are supposed to be remitting to government. All these are areas of improvement that Mr. Governor had to come in.
    Already, Mr Governor has come up with a law that is currently in the House of Assembly on revenue administration. What the revenue administration does is to re-orientate internal revenue service and refocus it and actually challenge the officials and put their career in their hands in terms of training, re-orientation, operational flows to run their operations.

    Do you have any incentive in place to encourage tax compliance and what is the ratio of current capital spending?
    I think from the tax, we discovered that we have a lot of high networth individuals who have country homes here and come around on weekends. And what we have done is talk to them, encourage them and try to also sensitise them and let them also know the programmes of the Governor in terms of development. We believe that we will have some of them walking in voluntarily to pay their taxes. At least, since I became Commissioner of Finance, I have seen more than ten people, high networth individuals that have walked in to say I am a citizen of Osun, I earn dividend income, revenues and I want to pay my taxes. So, our plan is to celebrate them we want to launch our electronic tax card, which enables you to carry your tax payment like a wallet. So, you must have read in the news that we were not going to tax people unnecessarily. Prior to this administration, we discovered that the people of Osun State have been practically abandoned.
    There was no social overhead capital expenditure; there is no emergency project and programme in the key sectors of the state economy. So, we knew if we start taxing them from day one, would be unnecessary burden for the Osun people. That is why the government came up with intervention schemes like ORIP, OYES. In ORIP, we have farmers that we provide micro credit, we gave them land. They pay credit to the landowners in Unit trusts, such as a trustee scheme. They pay the landowners and part of that is actually ploughed back by the government. These are ingenious indirect ways of taxes to ensure that these individuals that benefit from government intervention also pay back by fulfilling their civic responsibilities. So, that is being worked out and for those of them that are in cooperative societies, we engage them at that level rather than running around the streets in Gestapo or uncivilised manner. Basically, that is what we have been doing to improve the revenue.

    What is the ratio of the recurrent to capital spending?
    You know the Federal Government is doing 70 recurrent to 30 capitals, but we here in Osun we are doing 56 capital and 44 recurrent. But we intend to do 70 capital and 30 recurrent. We are trying to push our recurrent expenditure down in what is called financial concurrent checklist to monitor it.

    Why are you raising capital from the bond market?
    You will agree with me that bond is what we should use for developmental programme.
    We are not happy with roads that lead to our capital city. We are not just building roads; all our roads on capital projects have bankable documents, which tell you about the social-economic importance of that road. It tells you about the visibility of that road. Osogbo-Iwo road, for example, you will be surprised that that is the most economically viable corridor. We must do that road too and we also talk about our flagship investment project which is the OUP—a logistic center, which is also we are trying to build, not just a logistic center but a commercial centre where you have commercial activities and exchange of good and values, and that will be an exchange point for our farm produce going to Lagos via rail. That will also be an exchange point for finished goods coming to Osogbo.
    We believe if we can reactivate it through that flagship investment activity, we will be better off. Fortunately, the Federal Government has renovated the railway lines which are working now and we have signed a MoU with them which will lead to a full-fledged private-public partnership arrangement. My colleague, Mr Alagbala is already talking to investors in the Middle East that are bringing in funds into that OUP. We will provide the physical infrastructure but they will provide the commercial infrastructure and they will run it. In other to do that, we must build roads. We have awarded a dual carriageway to that centre and some of the funding will come from the bond. I will not go for commercial loan for such a huge capital projects, I will rather do bond. We are also looking for concessionary loan that are long term from the World Bank, China EXIM bank but the fact remains that borrowing from a foreign market is at risk of unstable foreign exchange. That is why we have chosen to go to capital market. We are currently with the SEC and in a matter of weeks, it will be concluded.

    What is the level of this year’s budget implementation?
    We are above 60 per cent for 2012 budget. You know in government, it is cash-base accounting.

    What is the debt profile of the state?
    There so much talk about N18.3 billion. It was actually N21 billion. N18.3 billion was a single loan that was drawn in a very dramatic manner in the sense that it was supposed to be for a project. The construction period for that project was three years and 24 months. So, you expect a phased drawing of the facility. Banks will give you an availability period which is supposed to be at least equal to the project period, which means the loan will be available for drawing in phases but the former governor Olagunsoye Oyinlola just drew it once and the state had a debt overhang. That is why the N18 billion is being so much talked about because the purpose was so wrong. Why borrowing a short-term of two to three years to build six stadia at the same time. So, that was a mismatch, and why should he borrow at the twilight of his tenure? Even with the Court of Appeal judgement, they would have left in six months, thereby creating problem for the incoming administration. So, what Mr Governor did was to extinguish some of the short-term loan and he brought it down to N8.6 billion.

    What are the incentives being mapped out for investors in the state?
    Some were mentioned during the investment summit. We talked about availability of electricity in Osun because of the regional control centre that we have. Currently, there are Federal Government projects to improve electricity and we are already talking to the federal government that they should let us fund it to make it quicker. We know they will make a refund for that. Two key projects of the Federal Government that are pursuing are the Osogbo/Ede transmission line. It is supposed to be sub-station but has been slow. We can fund it hoping for a refund from the FG, that will make electricity available to feed our Export Free Trade Zone, which the former administration said it spent N1.5 billion on but could not find any structure on it. That will be a key industrial centre. We also promise our investors water and Mr Governor has said he will go beyond that by providing the roads. We are not just saying we wanted to do investment summit. We are going to define our comparative advantage.
    Also, there will be easier access to land for investors. Our policy is a one-stop shop. Even in the Ministry of Land, the whole idea is that we need to make land buying easier. Ideally, one should be able to get a Certificate of Occupancy out within 90 days. But to fast-track it, as the owner, you must have all your documents ready and submitted to the surveyor-general’s office. In fast-tracking, it comes with extra cost. Every property owner will shortly have titles and every private land and properties will be captured through a programme. For an agricultural land, there is an innovation that we want to pride our self as pioneering. A bill is before the state’s House of Assembly that will look into ways to ensure investors get lands without having problem with the community.