The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • The mistress (1)

    They say that a mother is often her daughter’s best friend, confidant and the only one you can trust in this world. Well, for me that saying did not apply because I saw my mother more of an enemy than a friend. As a teenager in secondary school, I would often sneer at her words of advice and wisdom she gave me concerning life, especially men and how to cope with them.

    “This woman and her ‘talk’; she won’t just let me rest!” I would often say to my friends at school and we would laugh.

    You see, my mother was the strict type. She was always restricting my movements and never allowed me to stay out late. I used to envy Diane, my best friend whose parents gave her more freedom. At 15, Diane already had a boyfriend and her mother even permitted her to be sleeping over at his house. I often wished I had a liberal mother like Diane’s- I thought she was cool and my own mother old-fashioned, someone that belonged to ancient times.

    I was young and headstrong then, not realizing that whatever my mother was doing was for my own good. I’m only realizing that now, many years later, after so much has happened in my life, things that should not have occurred if only I had paid attention to my mother’s advice.

    Anyway, here I am in a situation I’m stuck in, with no hope for a solution. How did I get to this state? Well, it’s a long story…

     

    ****

    I should start my story by introducing myself. My name is Nicole and until, my marriage I used to work as a nurse in a top private hospital. Infact, I met Frank, my husband at work. He had fallen ill late one night and had been rushed to the hospital. I was on night duty then. After the doctor had attended to him, the matron had assigned me and a colleague to take good care of him as he was a ‘very important patient.’ I did not know why he should merit special treatment- it was later I found out he was a close relative of a governor in one of the states in the country.

    Anyway, I did my best for the patient- maybe too much. For after he recovered and was discharged, he returned some days later to the hospital, to express gratitude to the staff for their care of him.

    He told us that while he was still on admission, arrangements were being made by his family to fly him abroad. “But I told them, you guys were doing a good job and I was getting good treatment here,” he stated. Before leaving, he gave us some money and also took my number and that of Anna, my colleague.

    Some weeks later, he called me. I was at home resting as it was my day off.

    “How’s your health now?” I asked politely after the pleasantries. He was doing quite well, he said and had even resumed work.

    “I will be traveling to the States next week. Was wondering if I could get you something. What will you like?” he asked.

    I told him he could get me anything nice; we chatted for a while then hung up. A day before his trip, we spoke again and throughout the two weeks he was abroad. It was obvious he was interested in me. I didn’t turn him down when he eventually told me he wanted to date me. I knew he was married with a daughter but I just could not resist him. Besides being good-looking, he was very rich, from a good background and well-connected. I guess I was flattered by his attentions too. What average girl today wouldn’t be?

    Anyway, I started seeing Frank and it was a new beginning for me. I enjoyed being with him so much and all the good things he did for me that I dumped Gabe, my boyfriend of three years. He was very upset about it and even reported me to my mother.

    Of course, my Mum was not happy when she found out who my new boyfriend was.

    “Oma,” she started, calling me by my native name. “How could you? How can you been dating a married man? If what Gabe has just told me is true, you must stop this relationship at once! I did not bring you up to be wayward! This must stop. Now!” she said furiously.

    Of course, I ignored her words. I was far too gone in my relationship with Frank to end it. So, I told my mother that at 24, I was old enough to know what I wanted and it was Frank I wanted to be with.

    “Can you just hear yourself? You want to be with a married man? Of what good is that? Do you want to be a home wrecker? You better mend your ways because this path you have chosen will lead you no where! Mark my words! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” she screamed at me.

    That day, I angrily stormed out of the house. ‘Spoilsport,’ I thought, believing that my mother did not want me to be happy and was only out to ruin my relationship with ‘the love of my life,’ Frank

     

    Meeting madam

    Anyway, I continued to see Frank. As our relationship waxed stronger, so did my mother’s opposition to it. My father, who was retired after many years of working as a teacher was pragmatic about the matter.

    “Let her see whoever she wants to. She has to get married one day. Or you want her to stay here and get old in my house?” he asked my mother who angrily turned on him stating:

    “Is that all you can say about this issue? Your daughter is running around town with a married man and you don’t see anything wrong with it? Now I know where she got this behaviour from- it must be from your side of the family because we don’t have wayward people in my family!”

    It wasn’t just my parents who were divided over my relationship with Frank. My siblings too were split along those against and those in support. I was the last born in a family of six- three girls and two boys and you can say I was spoilt being the last. At least, that’s what my mother always used to say.

    Whatever my family felt about Frank, I didn’t care. I was having fun with him and that’s what mattered. We had been seeing each other for nearly ten months when I came face to face with his wife. It happened one day when I had paid a visit to my sweetheart in his office. As usual, he was happy to see me.

    “You are looking very sweet today,” he said, beckoning on me to come and sit on his lap.

    I moved over, sat down and he kissed me. We were sitting that way, just gisting and laughing when the door to his large office opened and a woman entered.

    It was my lover’s wife. I recognised her from a photo of hers I had seen in a magazine once.

    A shocked look came over her face when she saw Frank and I. Coming closer, she stated furiously:

    “Frank, what’s going on here?”

    Looking at her from head to toe, an angry look on his face, he retorted:

    “And you, what are you doing here? Did I send for you? You better go back home and mind your business and stop disturbing me! Busybody woman!”

    I tried getting up from Frank’s lap but he held me down. So, I sat still, my heart beating fast, expecting the irate woman to pounce on me any minute…

    •What happened to Nicole that day? Don’t miss the sizzling details next Saturday!

    •Names have been changed to protect Nichole’s identity and other individuals in the story

    •Send comments/suggestions to psaduwa@yahoo.com, psaduwa007@gmail.com or 08023201831

     

  • What’s happening to Beach Centre?

    What’s happening to Beach Centre?

    When in 2009, Erelu Abiola Dosunmu opened the Beach Centre, an exclusive elite club, at her Victoria Island home in Lagos, it was widely acknowledged and celebrated. Its inauguration was graced by the eminent persons in society, an indication of her social prowess.

    Membership did not come cheap either. It cost millions to enjoy the facilities at the elite centre. But barely four years after, there are reports that the multi-million naira facility is now a shadow of its old self, lying fallow.

  • How does male enhancement spray work?

    Dear Aunty Adeola, I have read a lot about male enhancement drugs and I have seen some of the responses from your fans but I am afraid to try any of those drugs because I hear some of them have side effects. I’m in my early 60s, so I must be careful with what I take. Somebody told me about some male enhancement sprays, do you have an idea how they work and how can I purchase them in Nigeria because it seems there are no sex drugs around. I will also like to point out to you that women too need some forms of enhancement. My wife is really frigid during sex and since she has reached menopause, she is dry most times which makes sex boring. She has tries some jellies to ease the dryness but it is too messy for me and the fact that I now that it is not natural lubrication makes it annoying for me. I have only remained faithful to her because of my position in church. Do you have anything to help our sex lives? – Uncle J.

    Dear Uncle J, let me address your wife’s issue first since we can’t help you without helping her too. Yes, for most women sex can become less enjoyable after the menopause. The natural decline in estrogen levels can make it uncomfortable. Some women also find their interest in sex declines, and the body changes that happen with ageing don’t help. Dry skin, greying hair and middle-age spread can erode self-esteem. A survey suggests that 84% of menopausal women find sex painful. In the survey, nearly 70% said their relationships had suffered as a result. Women’s health expert and GP, Dr Sarah Jarvis, says so many women suffer in silence with common menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness, because they are embarrassed to speak to their GP. But there is a big solution is sight. There are supplements she can use to combat dryness during sex. Also, she might want to try royal jelly to make her skin supple and her youthfulness restored.

    As to your question on sex enhancement sprays, they are good, not only for the man using it, but the women too will discover something nice has hit her. Some of these sprays are oil-based, making it easy for penetration. They work by reducing the sensitivity of the penis. Foreplay can now be prolonged as can the following sexual intercourse and it works after five minutes of using it and you can bet that you will take her to clouds yet undiscovered. The sprays I know are manufactured under strict pharmaceutical controls in licensed premises in the UK and Germany and are protected by a series of trademarks throughout the world. You just apply two or more measured sprays as required to the head of the penis shortly before intercourse. Of course, they are available in Nigeria and I have personally sent a mail to you. Enjoy sir!

     

  • How can I maintain my long-distance relationship?

    Dear Aunty Deola, I have enjoyed reading your column for a long time now, but it has not addressed my own

    personal problem. I just met a wonderful man on a recent trip abroad. I’m a top executive where I work and he is always doing well in the country he lives. I have gone to see him twice and he has come to see me once, but the distance is making both of us uncomfortable. What do you think we can do to maintain this relationship so it can last? – Sandra.

    Dear Sandra, I can tell you that it is difficult when you love somebody and you can’t see him immediately you want to. It’s even difficult on cold nights and days when you wish you could go to the cinemas together. It’s always a lot expensive making all those trips to see each other. Thankfully in your own case, you seem to be comfortable enough to afford frequent trips. As they say, dating is hard and doing it across state lines is harder! Follow these rules to keep it together even when you’re apart.

    Agree on your commitment level

    Couples in long-distance relationships know they’re taking a risk, not to mention making a few sacrifices. But if you see a real future for the two of you, the sacrifices won’t seem to matter. Still, before you get involved in a long-distance relationship, there are a few things you have to establish. Are you exclusive or are you seeing other people? Don’t assume that it’s one or the other if you’ve never discussed it, especially if you’re looking to keep things one-on-one. “With long-distance relationships, you need to have a detailed, intimate conversation, including whether the connection is monogamous or open,” says Tonya Reiman, author of The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy. “Confirming the level of commitment will help to avoid unnecessary jealousy issues and fights.” If you think this is the one, get ready for some hard, but hopefully rewarding, work. “The amount of time couples are able to maintain a long-distance relationship really depends upon how they nurture it,” says Reiman.

    Don’t keep secrets

    Honesty is paramount to any relationship, but especially one that’s maintained from different cities, states, even countries. It’s crucial to be forthcoming — especially about your own insecurities. As a matter of fact, revealing what makes you anxious can lead to improvements in the relationship, as well as a greater level of sensitivity from your partner. “Call when you get home from a night out, and tell your significant other, ‘I really wish you were here,’” adds Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide. Avoid constantly talking about one person your faraway mate may see as a romantic threat. “And don’t kid yourself,” says Tiger. “Spending all of your time with one person can easily lead to temptation, so make sure you hang out with lots of people.”

    Surprise each other

    Routine is actually a good thing when it comes to long-distance relationships. You can look forward to your next conversation or visit because you know exactly when it’s going to happen. But every now and then, step up the romance a bit. That means calling unexpectedly and “upping the physical anticipation with [phone] sex and saucy email banter,” says Tiger. But don’t invest your money in flowers: “Surprise visits are the best gifts you can give.”

    Maintain your sex life

    Just because you don’t sleep in the same bed every night, doesn’t mean your relationship between visits has to consist of dry spell after dry spell. On the contrary, says sex expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., contributor to GoodinBed.com, “Our brains are our biggest sex organ.” So use the distance to your advantage by stimulating each other mentally and therefore sexually. “Learn how to talk (and text) dirty,” suggests Tiger. “It doesn’t have to be overt — just enough to make each other wonder if you’re fully clothed.”

    Plan frequent visits

    Reiman recommends that long-distance daters see each other in the flesh at least one weekend a month. You know the excitement of being asked out on a second date while you’re still on the first one? Do the same here. Never finish a visit without planning the next trip. But, says Reiman, “If you can’t physically see each other as much as you would like, virtual dates can work wonders.” Skype, anyone?

    Send cards and gifts

    Texts, Facebook, Tweets — all of the electronic communication options at our disposal have made long-distance dating much easier, that’s for certain. But how did couples do it in the pre-email days? Introducing… the pen and paper! (Remember them?) “The major thing missing during a long-distance relationship is physical proximity to your partner,” explains Tiger. “Snail mail, while no substitute, brings you that much closer to your sweetheart, because you’re touching the paper he touched and reading the lines he wrote by hand.” How’s that for a romantic thought? And she even takes it a step farther: “This is why spritzing the paper — very lightly! — with your perfume or cologne is a nice touch, even if it’s a little cheesy.”

    Trust each other

    “Commitment is a statement of intention. If you know your partner well, and a regular routine is kept, issues of trust will not rear their ugly heads,” explains Reiman. That said, trust also means giving one another the benefit of the doubt. If your guy says he’ll call you after work around 6 p.m., but the phone doesn’t ring until 7 p.m., assume he was pulled into a meeting with his boss, not having drinks with that hot girl in accounting. Just because your imagination can have the tendency to run wild, doesn’t mean you should let it.

    Set an end goal

    How long is too long to be in a long-distance relationship? Well, that depends on you, your guy and your respective situations, but at some point you’ll need to live in the same city. (You may even expect to have a ring on your finger!) “There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel, a time when you’ll be in the same place, or at least the understanding that one of you will have to move at some point,” says Tiger. “If you’re in a new relationship, this might be too intense a topic to broach for a while, but you can still talk about the fact that you’ll need to talk about it [eventually].” She suggests setting a deadline. For example, agree that after three months you’ll have a “state of the union” conversation. After all, if you’re both in it for the long haul, these are decisions you’ll want to make sooner rather than later. That way you’ll know the relationship is — or isn’t — right for you.

  • Musa Danjuma, Jide Omokore celebrate

    Musa Danjuma, Jide Omokore celebrate

    It was meant to be a low-key party, but the presence of top dignitaries at the 63rd birthday of billionaire businessman, Musa Danjuma, revealed that the younger brother of Gen. Theophilus Danjuma is a gold fish that has no hiding place. So, it was another moment of jollity and conviviality at the Parkview Estate, Ikoyi, Lagos residence of the husband of Caroline Elkanem as friends, family members and associates gathered to celebrate him a few days ago.

    The occasion, which witnessed an influx of socialites, had both the old and new friends of the stylish man from all walks of life in attendance. From bankers and big players in the oil and gas sector to politicians and corporate gurus, it was one event that spoke volumes of Musa’s influence and social standing.

    Musa and his beautiful actress wife, Caroline, made sure that the select guests were pampered with the choicest meals, drinks and dessert. At the party were dignitaries like Terry Waya; Tayo Ayeni, owner of Skymmit motors; Senator Daisy Danjuma and many others.

    Lest we forget, popular businessman and Chairman of Spog Oil and Gas, Jide Omokore, also added another year to his age. He had a low-key birthday at the head office of Spog Oil and Gas in Lagos. It was a nice outing as he strutted with his retinue of friends and staffers. It was an evening of good menu and infectious atmosphere of camaraderie for those who attended the bash.

  • About Bodunde Adeyanju

    Bodunde Adeyanju, a fomer Special Assistant to former President Olusegun Obasanjo, is in the news again. He is said to be eyeing the number one seat in Ekiti State. And to realise his ambition, he is said to be moving from pillar to post.

    Not many would have forgotten that Bodunde was fingered as the man who allegedly helped the former president to collect and disburse monies from the controversial MOFAS and Marine Float accounts but he has since debunked the allegation as a poorly choreographed bunch of lies.

    Perhaps as proof of his innocence and freedom, he has now joined the growing army of aspirants jostling for the governorship ticket of the People’s Democratic Party in Ekiti State against next year’s general election. Not a few political observers, however, believe that his governorship ambition may be a tall dream.

  • ‘Nigeria loses billions due to non-compliance with bilateral agreements’

    ‘Nigeria loses billions due to non-compliance with bilateral agreements’

    Mr. Dayo Bush-Alebiosu, accomplished architect, astute administrator and lawmaker of the Federal Republic, is currently Chairman, House Committee on Treaties and Bilateral Agreements. Bush-Alebiosu who acknowledged the fact that Nigeria is a signatory to over 400 treaties and protocols covering a wide range of bilateral agreements among others, is, however, unhappy that the country is yet to reap the socio-economic benefits of most of these conventions. He spoke with Ibrahim Apekahde Yusuf

    Nigeria is a signatory to over 200 protocols and conventions but from preliminary investigation, I understand a little over 15 have been ratified so far. Why is this so and what do we stand to gain by signing these treaties?

    To be honest with you, I used to think that Nigeria has just 200, and I thought less than a quarter of these conventions had been domesticated. But now we know it’s close to 400. The whole essence of been part of any treaty or protocol is so that the nation and the citizenry at large can benefit I suppose. But that has not been the case with Nigeria.

    But one country that has reaped bountifully from treaties is South Africa. I can say without any fear of contradiction that South Africa has been the sole beneficiary because of how seriously they have taken treaty.

    As to whether Nigeria is thriving in that area, I will tell you no. it is based on the treaty that we signed we have companies like Shoprite, Protea Hotel, Stanbic IBTC, Standard Chartered Bank and so many of them. You can imagine how well they’ve done here because they could understand this and took good advantage of existing treaties.

    It is based on some of these treaties we have signed out there that is why you see all kinds of companies operating here today.

    For example, look at the Bilateral Air Safety Agreement (BASA) we have signed that is why the British Airways at the moment enjoy a lot of unfair advantage over us. For instance, they can fly to any part of the country without any restriction as such. But a national carrier or airline operating from Nigeria would to make connecting flights from London to other parts of UK, which means that you are also helping to boost the revenue earnings of those towns because you cannot fly there straight from Lagos or Abuja.

    What this means is that our local aviation industry cannot and will never thrive because we don’t have the quantum of investment other competing nations have.

    I remember a couple of years back during the argument between Nigeria authorities and BA, when the Prime Minister David Cameron, said in an interview that the solution is to first of all ensure that we domesticate the BASA.

    Is there any constitutional backing for some of these conventions and beyond rhetorics, what really is in it for Nigerians?

    I’m aware that Section 12 of the 1999 Constitution expressly states that for any treaty to have the backing of the law it must be passed by an act of the National Assembly. The act that established the procedure goes on to explain how these treaties must be domesticated before imposing financial obligations on the country.

    Talking about benefits, there is a lot we can gain from domesticating these treaties as I have said. But for the domestication of the Montreal Convention on compensation of air accident victims, the victims of the Dana Air crash there won’t have been compensation for the victims’ families. In the Montreal convention, it is stated clearly how much they were to be paid and all that. But we kept hearing that we have not been able to locate the families.

    In Lagos state for example, if you die without a will there is a department in the ministry of justice that takes charge pending when things are going to be resolved.

    So, the only way we can really benefit from the various treaties is by ensuring that we domesticate them first of all. I believe where there is a will, there is a way.

    Can you be more specific on the quantum of losses that Nigeria has greatly suffered in recent times as a result of non-domestication of these treaties?

    As far as I know what we loss in terms of revenue and foreign exchange runs into billions yearly. It is mindboggling. For example, if you look at how much is being lost in the aviation industry you will be amazed. How many connecting flight are lost. So how do you expect the Chanchangi airlines of this world to enjoy a level playing field if they run their operations at such an exorbitant cost?

    So if you continue to drive me out of business because I don’t have the fund, how will the business grow? And that’s why we will continue to have the problem we have in the aviation industry. Aviation is not something you play around with, the BASA is very important and then you hear some people say it’s not necessary, maybe they need to go double check the way it’s been done in other countries.

    A country like the United States, I’m aware though is signatory to many protocols is known to have breached some of them. Take the Kyoto protocol on climate change for instance. The US is known to have violated this. As a country don’t we also have a right to say no, we can’t be bound by some of these conventions?

    Before I answer your question let me say for the records that our committee is peopled by experienced lawyers, diplomats who have a good grasp of international diplomacy, bilateral agreement, negotiations and all that. Some of them are professors, technocrats among what have you. So, we are on a familiar terrain.

    As some other advance countries do, before they enter into any treaty they argue on the basis of what is favourable to them and all what not because they see these texts well ahead. But it might interest you to know that most of these conventions are hardly available in black and white so it is nearly almost difficult to attempt a clinical study on them as such. Speak with 30 expert lawyers, you will find that quite a number of them don’t have access to the text of most of these treaties and this creates a problem.

    I don’t want to play the blame game but in all of this you could see that somebody somewhere is not actually doing his job. You recall shortly that the National Assembly are suppose to be a part of the whole process but they never seems to be doing that, so I can put it to you that your constituency is actually to blame largely for the way things have actually gone?

    I beg to disagree there. First, the committee on treaty is a new committee of the House, it’s never been there, we’re the pioneer committee and the reason the National Assembly established this committee was us to get things right. Normally, there are processes and procedures before we say bring this treaty, and let us domesticate it and that is what has necessitated us into passing the bill. The treaty making deal was sponsored by Hon. Emmanuel Ejime, chairman, Tobacco Control. He said, you know what, with the way things are its high time will consulted with the National Assembly. Right from the onset before going ahead to pass this bill, I mean to sign these treaties, you can see clearly now what will happen.

    I will give you another example; Nigeria went and sign to become a ratified the premium for tobacco and shortly after signing, we gave a lot of room for tobacco company to come.

    I’m not trying to play the blame-game here, but when these companies come here they are given tax cuts, whereas Nigerian companies that have gone outside the country to operate to enjoy similar incentives.

    Still talking treaties, what best practice can Nigeria readily adopt maybe within West Africa sub region or even advance economy?

    I tell you when it comes to best treaties; Australia has the best legislation in that area. We can also copy Ghana because they are doing well. Yes it’s an executive function to sign these treaties, but this must be done in conjunction with the lawmaking body, which is the National Assembly before the laws of the land can stand. If by now less of the treaties are yet to be domesticated these have infringed on the treaties that have been for long are yet to be domesticated and yet, they have gone to sign and even imposed financial obligations on the country one way or the other. Yet what they are paying is not even recognised by the constitution. What court do you take them to? They can go to court and that’s why in some cases, companies perpetrating oil spillage can’t be tried in Nigeria because some of the conventions guiding their operations haven’t been domesticated in the first place so they can run go scot free should any issue arise.

     

  • What men really want in bed

    Enthusiasm

    When it comes to sex, you can get an ‘A’ for effort. Guys want to be with someone who’s actually into sex and not doing it as a favour or just going through the motions. ‘There is nothing more seductive than an enthusiastic lover,’ says Lou Paget, certified sex educator and author of The Big O: Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming. ‘That beats out the perfect body or the perfect face anytime. A man wants feedback that a woman is into doing things with him!’

    New tricks

    Men want a lover who is willing to try new things from time to time. That doesn’t mean you have to go all 50 Shades of Grey. Just be open to ideas. ‘Sexual desire is like an appetite,’ says Paget. ‘We all want to try different flavours – otherwise we’d get bored eating at the same place all the time. Men want someone who is willing to explore unique feelings and new sensations.’

    Worried that whatever you do is suddenly going to become part of your nightly repertoire? Don’t think of it as a can of worms. Most likely the occasional change-up is all he needs.

    Praise

    We normally think of women as the ones who need reassurance about their appearance, but men get insecure, too. A lover who will find something to compliment and worship about her partner will never lack affection from him.

    ‘Every man wants to know they have that special something that turns a woman on,’ says Paget. ‘It could be something that turns her head or something like his intelligence or sense of humour that she finds incredibly sexy.’

    Bossiness

    It’s not a cliché, ladies. A man wants a woman who will tell him what to do – at least in the bedroom. Most guys will be thankful for a little instruction, especially if it means they’ll succeed at pleasuring you.

    ‘A woman who can guide you with sounds or one word responses is preferred as it takes away the guess work,’ says Paget. ‘Just remember to avoid acting like a sexual traffic cop!’

    Confidence

    Men want someone who will leave the lights on and let him get a good look at her. Stop worrying about covering up any squishy parts. ‘Indirect lighting is Hollywood’s best friend and it can be yours as well,’ says Paget. ‘Need I repeat that men are visual creatures and they want to see their partner? It’s a big part of their turn-on factor.’ Confidence is sexier than anything!

    Sex on the brain

    A woman who keeps sex in the forefront of her thoughts knows how to inject it into life outside the bedroom – and that’s sexy. Try sexting him or be extra naughty and playful in public. ‘Do it in a discreet way,’ say Paget. ‘Let your partner know that you’re thinking about sex throughout the day. Remember, your brain is your sexual power source.’

    Flair for fantasy

    A man craves someone who will listen to his fantasies – and tell him hers. ‘Many men are scared to share their fantasies as their partner may react by saying, ‘You have got to be kidding, that’s sick,’’ says Paget.

    ‘You don’t need to give him his exact fantasy but instead try negotiating how you’d both like to feel during the fantasy. Create your own scenario together.’

    Initiative

    Guys want someone who sometimes initiates sex but also lets him ‘be the man’. ‘It’s in a man’s DNA to be the caretaker, which also translates into the bedroom,’ says Dr. Sadie Allison, America’s Pleasure Coach and author of Ride ‘Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking,www.TickleKitty.com.

    ‘So while most men love to be in charge, always being the initiator can get old. It’s hot when a woman takes control and shows him that she wants him. It’s actually every man’s fantasy to surrender for just a little while!’

    Dirty talk

    Men love hearing a play-by-play of what’s happening during sex – or what you want to happen next.

    ‘What men see, hear and feel are direct lines to the ‘other brain,’’ says Allison. ‘Dirty talk is just another fun way to arouse your man. It also turns them on psychologically because men are super attracted to women who are sexually uninhibited.’

    Hero worship

    All men want attention showered on them – especially if that attention is on his private area! Yes, other aspects of sex are important, too. But let’s be honest, most men are fixated on oral sex and any other activities that are genital-focused.

    ‘Stroke his ego by stroking his cock,’ says Allison. ‘Being a generous lover is key. Worshipping his jewels as much as he does is a good way to keep him totally into you.’

    A massage

    What guy doesn’t want a woman who gives great… massages? And not just the sexual sort, though they can be very erotic. Men want to feel good all over, just like you do.

    ‘Touch is a basic human desire,’ says Allison. ‘Sensual or not, it can be one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. Touching all over usually leads to something more fun anyway.’

    Lace

    You might think, why waste money on lingerie that’s just going to get crumpled up in a ball and tossed on the floor in two seconds? But men are visual and seeing the present they are about to unwrap is important to them!

    ‘A guy likes the ‘for his eyes only’ component of this, with the sneak peak of your body being a total turn-on,’ says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover.

    ‘Unwrapping you also boosts his ego because he knows you are like a gift, and all his.

    Courtesy: iVillage.co.uk

     

  • Two friends asking me out….

    Hi Aunty Dee. I am in a dilemma; two close friends are asking me out (without each of them knowing). How can I accept for one and refuse the other without causing a fight between them? Stephanie.

    Dear Stephanie, it happens every time that two people closely related or friends fall in love with the same person. It’s possible that both are very serious about you and it’s also possible that both are very nice boys. What is not possible is for both of them to be the same kind of people in the way they talk and do things. There must be something about one of them that makes him more special than the other.

    You need a lot of wisdom and maturity in dealing with this issue and if both of them are matured, you should sail through it without drowning. Make it known to both of them that the other person is also interested in you and that you can’t have the two of them at the same time. You have to be bold about naming the one you have preference for and let the other person know that you all can remain friends since you’re still in the same group of friends. But if after all said and done, there is any trace of animosity, let them be. There are so many fishes in the river, you can always find a good guy elsewhere without upsetting a good friendship.

  • Inside the fascinating world of Nigeria’s POWER BIKE RIDERS

    Inside the fascinating world of Nigeria’s POWER BIKE RIDERS

    AS she entered the bank building that morning, the young lady drew curious glances from onlookers. Not surprising considering the way she looked. Dressed in full biker gear in sturdy black leather jacket, black trousers complete with hefty knee, elbow and shoulder pads and black biker shoes, she could pass for something out of the science fiction movie, Transformers.

    As she left the building after transacting her business, a man ran after her.

    “Good job, good job!” he gushed, shaking her hand. Then he handed her an envelope containing some money as a way of, “showing his appreciation and admiration of her,” as he put it.

    That incident is one of many that Matilda Otulana, one of the hundreds of power bike riders in the country, faces regularly. Wherever she goes either alone or in a group, she attracts attention with on-lookers gazing at her in wonder as if she is a strange being from space. Others wonder if she’s human. Being a lady in a sport regarded as a macho one for mostly the male folk, gets her double attention.

    “I get mixed reactions from people,” the legal practitioner who works in a bank, told The Nation. “Some are impressed while others hate it. In my bank, I have people who like it because it’s not common.”

    The fad for power biking in Nigeria

    While the sport of power bike riding in Nigeria is a relatively new phenomenon, motorbikes have been a regular feature on Nigerian roads in many towns and cities for decades. Japanese made models like Yamaha, Suzuki and Vespa were the popular choice of motorbike lovers who rode them both for business and pleasure. Then sometime in the 1970s and 80s, commercial motorcycles, popularly known as ‘okada’ became ubiquitous on the roads as a faster means of moving around traffic-choked roads in the metropolis.

    And now the power or superbikes. These motorcycles are bigger, sleeker and faster with speed range of between 150- 350 km per hour. Beginning with a few numbers some years ago, these fast, rugged ‘machines’ have become more common on our roads. Besides the rugged looking bikes which are eye-catching enough, the riders when kitted out in their full body armour of jacket and trousers, full face helmet, boots, gloves, knee and elbow pads and other biker ensemble are a sight to behold. With their fast as-lightening speed and the stunts they perform, they could pass for characters in a gritty Hollywood action movie, especially of the James Bond variety.

    Wherever they are, especially when riding in a group, they draw stares and comments from the public who are often thrilled by their daredevil moves and speed. Over time, they have assumed a tough, rugged image, a kind of swagger that has further endeared them to a section of the public.

    So, who are these power bike aficionados who have chosen life on the fast lane, riding bikes at dizzying speed that would give the faint-hearted person serious heart palpitations?

    In their day jobs, they are highly trained, respected professionals such as lawyers, bankers, engineers, doctors, industrialists, pilots among others. Off-duty, however, the formal office suits are switched for tough-looking biker gear that give them an intimidating look. To some of these bikers, it’s a hobby while for others, it’s the thrill, sense of adventure and freedom it gives.

    Adebayo Banjo, an engineer and 35 year-veteran of bike riding belongs to this category. “I love riding power bike because it’s exciting. It represents freedom and speed,” stated the 53 year old in an interview. His forays into the sport started with a modest Suzuki 250 model in the ’70s but has now graduated to riding more exotic ‘big bikes’.

    Another great lover of these bikes is Femi Segun, former ambassador and multi-linguist. “Super bikers come in different outlooks. But one common thing among them is their unique style, bravado, and love for adventure,” he explained when asked on his passion for bike racing. His choice ‘machine’ which he rides about town is a ‘beast, a Kawasaki ZX1400 Ninja. It’s about the second fastest sports bike in the world which does 1-100 kph in 2.5 seconds with a top speed of 320kph.

    His love for racing began decades ago as an undergraduate at the then University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University). “I started riding Superbikes when I was in my second year on campus in 1976. That was when I bought a Kawasaki 250cc. It was considered big in those days. After that I began riding my friends’ Kawasaki Z1000cc. That makes it 36 years ago, since I started riding bikes,” he disclosed.

    Continuing, he added: “In the beginning, I actually started out riding Mobylettes, you know, the small motorized bicycles that you pedal until it starts when I was about 13 years old in 1972. An uncle of mine had one and used to let my cousin and I ride it up and down the street, whenever he came visiting my parents. Then in 1975, this same cousin’s roommate at the University of Ife (Now OAU) had a small Kawasaki 100cc. We used to ride that, also. That was the first time I rode a bike that had proper gears.”

    Ikhide Izokpu is the current President of Easy Riders Motorcycle Club, Lagos. A public servant, he has a Bsc from Ambrose Ali University, Ekpoma, Edo State and an MBA from the Lagos State University, LASU.

    He began riding six years ago due to his ‘passion’ for racing. Said he: “I will substitute flair for passion. As you grow older, you look for the opportunity and time to do what you enjoy doing. When I was much younger, then bikes were one in a million- you could sit outside for about two hours without seeing them, so when one passes once in a month, you are like wow did it just pass? I get excited whenever I see them and I told myself that when I grow up I want to do that. And when I got older, I started riding.”

    On the thrill of riding Otulana, whose desire is to see more women riders, said: “The kind of fellowship you gain from being a biker is awesome. I’ve enjoyed the thrill. I don’t know how to describe it. There is this adrenaline I get when I’m on my bike.”

    Toying with danger

    While certain sports and pastimes come with an element of danger, that of motorbike racing is doubly so because of the intense speed involved. Though statistics are not readily available, there have been reported cases of accidents involving power bike riders which have resulted in bodily injuries and in some cases death.

    Speaking on this, Izokpu stated: “Well, it depends on the community and where you are actually riding to. Every mode of transportation has its own dangers. Like two weeks ago, a car just passed the toll gate going through inward Lekki, within few minutes, the car just somersaulted at absolutely no speed. If it was a motor cycle that went off like that, they would say okay because it’s a motor cycle, but it was a car. So, if we actually can, all of us, nobody is exempted, obey traffic rules and regulations, I’m sure it will be safer for motorcycles. If you are going to measure risk among Keke Marwa (three wheeler tricycle, okada, cars, buses, trailers, I think motor cycles have a higher risk.”

    “Biking could be a dangerous sport, but everything is dangerous if not well managed,” declared Charley Boy, musician and entertainer and one of the pacesetters of power bike riding in Nigeria sometime ago in an interview. The self-proclaimed ‘Area Fada’ of Okada riders of Nigeria, disclosed that he was always careful while riding, and as such, had never been involved in a crash.

    The same cannot be said for Otulana who has had about three crashes since she began riding four years ago. She shared her experience: “I’ve had three crashes. It was on the Lagos/Ibadan Expressway. We were going to ride on one way, and we had to ride through a muddy path. It was very slippery and I mistakenly hit a Nissan car’s rear light. My biker friends gathered round me to help out and dusted my body. Meanwhile, the owner of the car was complaining, ‘My car! my car! You must fix back my car.’ By then I had not removed my helmet. By the time I did, the man was surprised to discover that it was a woman biker. He just shouted ‘go away’. Though he was upset at it, he was also surprised. I didn’t sustain any wound though the bike was slightly damaged and I had to repair it in Ibadan.

    “On my second trip to Ibadan on our way back to Lagos, I was so tired and not as alert as I used to be and started making mistakes on motion. As we rode pass Mowe/Ibafo, a bus driver just hit my bike by the side and had to drop the bike. I fell off the bike. By then, a crowd had gathered around me to know what was wrong. I removed my helmet and was almost going to fight the bus driver when the mob started beating him.

    “In fact, I had to beg them to stop beating the driver. Funnily, some children were touching me to see if I was a human being. My biker friends too had stopped to see what was wrong because we look out for each other while riding. I knew they were trying to ride back to see what had happened to me. I just checked myself and found no injury on me. So, I started my bike and rode on. It’s a fantastic experience.

    “If the road is in good condition, Lagos to Ibadan is 55 minutes on bike but the road is bad which we travelled in an hour. You speed and reduce your speed in some parts. My bike is called a sport tourer. It’s good for long distance. When approaching a pothole, you have to reduce your speed to 60km so you manoeuvre through the pothole because your hand is always on the brake, you down gear.

    “My third crash was very slight. A driver hit my bike on motion and ran away. I was able to control it to avoid me falling off the bike. I’ve been very lucky while riding on major roads.”

    To Banjo, motor bike riding can be quite safe if one is well trained and follows the rules of riding. “There are rules governing power bike riding,” he maintained, noting: “People should be well trained before riding. They also need to be well kitted to protect themselves in case of accidents. They should always ride in full biker gear of helmet, jacket, boots, elbow and knee pads.”

    While most riders complain about the bad roads in the country which hamper a smooth riding experience, Banjo’s biggest grouse is Keke and Okada riders. “They are the biggest dangers to us on the roads because they are so reckless. Then, there are the drivers of Jeeps particularly the women, many of whom can’t drive well. Weekends- Saturdays and Sundays- are the most dangerous days because that’s when these women come out in their Jeeps; we have been hit many times by them. There are also oil spills, potholes and other things which disturb us on the road. I had accidents when I was younger and I used to speed a lot,” he noted.

    For Segun, a major crash some years ago cost him some teeth and broken bones. “I know that I was one of the earliest to have a major crash in which I lost two of my teeth and broke some bones on October 8, 1976. But I survived it obviously,” he said.

    Long distance riders

    While some riders like short city or town shuttles, for others like Izokpu, the longer the distance, the better.

    “Out of town ride is my favourite,” he said, adding: “I have been to most states in Nigeria on my bike. You actually have to prepare for it, first you have to be mentally and physically fit. Secondly, you have to know your body system. I will give you an example. Riding now (in the afternoon), it will be very hot. You may think you are okay but you could be very dehydrated and the next thing you could just fall off the bike and you would be wondering what happened?

    “So, if you know that you are dehydrated, you stop and sip water. Usually when riding, you use the cannon pack- it’s like a back patch, coming to your front and goes into your mouth- then as you ride, you sip at any point in time you are dehydrated. So I use it when I’m going for long journeys like going to Benin or Abuja. Initially, I used to take it to Benin but now I don’t use cannon pack to Benin. It’s also called dehydration pack. I use it when I go further than Benin or further than a four hours journey and I get tired. If you don’t have that, you can always stop every hour and take a sip of water or Lucozade, usually water and a little sugar and glucose.”

    “I’ve not done pass Ibadan, Abeokuta and Lagos. I hope to go on far distance riding,” said Otulana, who does not see biking as a big deal. “When I get the kind of reaction I get from people, I feel sometimes, what’s the big deal with riding a bike? There is really no big deal in riding a bike, just that there are few women who do it.”

    An elitist hobby?

    Power bike riding is an expensive hobby, considering the cost of the motorbikes and other paraphernalia of riding. Findings show that many of them are more expensive than cars, with some going for about N2.3m and others about N4m and above, depending on its capacity. For instance, popular brands like Yamaha 1000cc costs about N2.3m or more. “Some of the exotic, big bikes can go for as high as N5m, including cost of insurance,” said Banjo. This has made some observers of the sport to brand it elitist like polo or other popular sports of the rich. Many see it as a hobby for the ‘big boys’ in town, who have the wherewithal to afford the expensive bikes.

    But Izopku disagrees, stating: “I wish I can say yes but I will say no to the assertion that power biking is elitist. if you decide to commit to a car, and you buy it for one million naira and use it to commute to work every day and I say, ‘me I no fit for traffic o,’ and I opt for a motorcycle of N700, 000, that is my means of commuting to work. Your means is car, so that’s the way it is. If I want to buy a motorcycle for five million, and I can afford it to commute to work, I will. If you want to buy a car of seven million, or simply five million, it is what you want, so it has nothing to do with being elitist or that it is for the rich only. It is like saying the car is for the rich. There are cars of N200,000, likewise bikes of 200,000. It is for everybody, so it is relative.”

    Brotherhood of bikers

    With the increasing number of people taking up the hobby, different associations and clubs have sprung up to take care of bikers’ interests. In Lagos, there are the Easy Riders Motorcycle Club, Ikeja, the Wheelers, the Angels (based in Festac) and a few others. In Abuja, there is the Capital City Motorcycle Club, among others.

    On the benefits of belonging to the five year-old Easy Riders’ Club, its President said: “It’s the passion. We share ideas, share experiences, exchange contacts just in case you need someone to assist. You can work in a bank and I need to access the facilities, work in telecoms or oil company and I need to get a product or anything, we just help ourselves.”

    Otulana, who does not feel intimidated being one of the few female bikers, spoke on the camaraderie among bikers. “The club makes me feel I’m part of them because we share a common bond together. We have actually learnt the act of trust; it’s more than sharing the same passion, we see each other now as a family. Initially when I started riding, they welcomed me in whether they thought I was going to finally ride or not. The fact that I am a lady does not make any difference.”

    Banjo is not too happy with what he referred to as, “certain individuals who are trying to form clubs and cliques and force people to conform to their rules.” It’s one of the growing problems of biking in Nigeria today,” he grumbled. “There are some bikers going to government and saying ‘we are bikers association and asking that laws should be put in biking. This is not right; they don’t have the right to lord it over bikers because once you start putting restrictions on bikers who are free-spirited, you are moving towards cults, gangs like Hell’s Angels (in the U.S). We, the real older bikers want to maintain our integrity and protect ourselves from unscrupulous elements trying to take control of riding in the country.”

    Wives’ worries

    Due to the element of danger in bike riding, it is understand able why most spouses of riders tend to be apprehensive about their partners’ sport of choice. Some are vehemently against it and do anything to stop their husbands from riding.

    A Lekki-based mother of two, who spoke on condition of anonymity, stated: “When my husband bought his first power bike about six years ago, I was not happy at all. I feared for his safety, especially when someone we knew died while riding to Benin on his power bike. I begged him to sell it and to stop riding but he refused. So, one day when he travelled out of the country, I looked for a buyer and sold it. You can imagine how mad he was when he returned and found his bike gone! It caused a quarrel that lasted for nearly a year. Later, he bought another one and for the sake of peace in our home and to keep my marriage, I didn’t protest. In fact, I no longer quarrel with him about riding and let him do what he wants.”

    She’s not alone in her concerns for her spouse. Said Segun on this: “Of course my wife is concerned. She was so relieved when I sold my last bike, Suzuki GX750R a couple of years ago as she thought I was done with riding. She was upset when she saw this new one, but she had to accept it when I explained to her that I had a project I was working on which involves bikes and that was why I need one at this time.”

    “Initially it was a no,,” said Izokpu on his wife’s reaction when he was making plans to buy a power bike. “When I told her I wanted to buy a motorcycle, she told me: ‘You are joking’ and she walked away. She forgot the husband that she married. I had already thought the process through and I just decided to throw it to her, this is what I am gonna do, so you better support me. I knew that if I sat down to discuss it with her, she would definitely not agree, so I told her this is what am going to do and you better support me.

    “The first couple of months when I got the motorcycle was traumatic for her- she kept praying and praying. Whenever I travelled was the worst. So, whenever I stop to buy fuel, I have to send her a message, ‘I am at Ijebu ode’, or Ore or any other place. So, she got used to it for like six months before she started feeling comfortable. Now, if I tell her I’m going out of town, Abuja, to Ghana or anywhere, she is absolutely comfortable with it.”

    Asked if they ride together like some bikers do with their wives, he jocularly stated: “Let’s put it this way; it is allowed only for one person to be insane in the house. I am the insane one, she is the good one. Absolutely lovely woman!”