Can you tell us about your early life?
My father was a great man. He was a teacher. But you know teachers of those days were very accommodative; every body in our town lived with us. Teachers were the greatest people then and that was why so many people stayed with us. My father, Chief Anakwenze from Abagana, trained so many people in our village; he was a highly respected man, he was a super disciplinarian.
As regards my mother, Margret Anankwenze, my husband is used to describing her as an angel from heaven. That is how my husband always describes my mother; she is a highly spiritual lady. I always tell everybody how she used to wake me up when I was a very young girl. When the whole world was asleep, she would wake me up, at about 1am and 2 am in the night, to start giving me moral talks.
My mother used to say, “You know you are my daughter, don’t do this. You can’t do that. Don’t allow men to come near you, if they touch you, that will be it! You will get pregnant.” So, I grew up with that strict moral training. Her counselling did a lot for me. It helped to mold me, to the extent that even when I got married, my husband used to tell me: ‘Look, I am not your boyfriend, I am your husband, if you need anything, let me know.’
That was because Mama (my mother) had told me that “If you take anything from men, you have to pay back in kind.” So, I was not into accepting things, anything from a man. So as a married woman, my husband used to tell me “I am your husband; I am not your boyfriend. Tell me what you need.” That was because I had already grown up with the idea that as a woman, you don’t take anything from men. That was as a result of my mother’s consistent counselling. I still recall her words: “You know you are my first daughter, don’t disgrace me o; you have to be exemplary because the whole world is looking at you. If you step wrongly, then, I am disgraced.”
You have been married to your husband for over 40 years, how did you meet and if you are to describe him, what will you say?
I call him my ‘Prince Charming’. That is actually what he is. We have come a very long way. We met when I was 13 and we married when I was 21. We have been through various scenes of life, through mountains, through valleys, but God was faithful and saw us through all. I give God the glory. Last year was a very, very rough year for us, health wise. He was very ill, as he was getting better, I also fell ill. Although, they were very fatal ailments but God was awesome. He saw us through; so we are today testifying to the glory of God, we are serving a living God. We are serving an awesome God; to Him be all the glory, now and always.
Only few women fall in love with a man who eventually ends up being an army general. Can we share your love story and how you lived through the years?
When I look back, I even wonder how I survived the whole thing. It was very traumatic. But you see, when God says, ‘this will be, that will surely come to pass. We had every challenge that you can imagine. I am the first daughter of my father; I have six senior brothers and a younger sister. I am his eldest daughter. So, he was very emotional about his daughter getting into marriage at 21! At that time, I had not finished my university education; to crown it all, it was during the war. To even make it worse, he was a soldier. My father said: “You this girl, you want to be a widow at the age of 21? What is wrong with you? Your age-mates are not yet married and you have not finished your education; for God’s sake, what is wrong with you? And to crown it all, he is from a very poor family.”
As far as they were concerned at that time, I perhaps could have been mad. They thought that something was wrong with me. But today, it is a good testimony because the last week of my father’s life on earth, that was in 1983, I went to visit him as I usually did at weekends; and as I was leaving him later, he started to bless me. He prayed for me, blessed me and told me that the only regret he had was that my husband did not come with me on that trip; that he needed to apologise to him!
He recalled how he had protested so much against him and the marriage. He said: “See how wonderful he turned out to be.” He said that, my husband has turned out to be one child that is better than a hundred children. And to think that he had been against him then made him sad. He said he needed to apologise to my husband. But I told him, you are my father. I have only one father; you have a right to say anything about your daughter. He said: “No, I was nasty to that young man. I need to apologise to him. Since, he is not here with you now, tell him, I am sorry about everything that happened since 1968. Remember to tell him that. Also tell him that I am sorry, that he should find a place in his heart to forgive me for all I did to him.”
I said Papa, why are you talking like this? He replied: “It is because my time is up, my time is finished. I don’t have anytime left.” This happened on a Sunday. By the following Thursday, they sent word to us about his poor health. I was informed on Friday, and I went there on Saturday. I was told that he had been in coma since Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
When I walked into his hospital room, he opened his eyes and talked to my mother who was there too. He said: “Somebody came in; her voice is like Ifeoma’s voice, is it Ifeoma?” He was referring to me. My mother replied: “Yes, she just walked in”, and he nodded. And that was the last thing he said in this part of the world. He was happy that I had come. And then, that was the end, he moved on to after life.
You married at the middle of the civil war and he had to leave the war front to come and say ‘I do.’ The day you married him, what was really going on in your mind? Were you scared that he might die in the war front?
I told you when God wants something to be, He just makes it happen. We are only mortals; I don’t think we have control over many things. God is the sovereign power. But when I look back, I don’t even know where I got the courage to go on despite the protests from every member of my family. My brothers were mad at me; my cousins were mad at me; my father was not even talking to me. He didn’t talk to me until I had my third son Tobe. He was still very angry with me. When I had my first son, he said: “That girl, she is just ruining her life.”
Co-incidentally, when the war ended, it was like everybody was proved right. That was because when the war ended, my husband had nothing doing! They were on probation for three years. So, everybody was saying: “We told you! Didn’t we tell you? See what you’ve done to yourself!”
Men who approached me for marriage, whom I refused then, said: “See what you’ve done to yourself; a nice girl like you?” One man in particular said: “You refused to marry me, it is okay. But please, a good girl like you should not marry a soldier. Just wait, even if you won’t marry me, it is okay. Wait till the war ends, then you can marry the kind of man that deserves you. Don’t marry a soldier”.
Those hot words continued. It was when I had my third son that my father came to visit me. I was at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, then. He said: “Look at me, I am busy quarrelling and being angry with these people, but it is like God is even blessing them the more. It is as if God is with them. Meanwhile, I am busy being angry with them.”
When I had my first child, he shunned me. When I had the second one, he equally shunned me. He said: “Foolish girl, she has messed up her life; she didn’t finish her university education and she is marrying. What is she hurrying into marriage for?” So, when I had my third son, he said: “Look at me, I am busy in anger with these people, but it is as if God is not angry with them.” It was then he came to visit me for reconciliation. He brought a lot of gifts; it was at that point he started softening up.
So, what was your relationship like with your in-laws?
You know we all grew up together as children, so we are family friends. His father and my father were friends, so we all knew ourselves. So, Mama and Papa, that is my in laws, were like my parents right from day one, and they were very nice people. While I was at the university, I left the three children (three sons) with them. They looked after my three children while I was in school.
Now, your children are all grown up doctors and engineers, how do you feel?
I just give God the glory; it is all by the grace of God. I won’t take the glory, it is God that did it, and it is by His grace. We just did our bit as parents, but God completed the assignment. We have five very wonderful children; you can’t ask for better children, they are very nice children.
But none of them took after their father’s profession…
He always says that military life is a very dangerous life; that he has survived is a miracle to him. So, he never encouraged anybody around him to go into the military. That was because he said during the war, he saw somebody in front of him die; somebody at his back died; somebody by his right died and somebody by his left died. At that point, he said, one begins to wonder how he himself survived it all.
But then, I suppose that in Igboland, we give names that have meanings. And my people always say that, your name leads you! His name is Ifeayinchukwu, I supposed that is the flagship of his life, that which has kept on sustaining him and leading him. Ifeayinchukwu means ‘There is nothing impossible with God.’ So, he said he is always surprised how he survived. “At the end of a military operation, you find that people around you are dead, but somehow, you survived. So, everything is by His grace.” So, he said that the military is a very dangerous thing; so he never encouraged anybody around him even his nephews, he never allowed any of them to even think about it.
“You can go into any other profession,” he kept saying, “but the military, no.” I guess he did that because he kept saying that people just see the attraction, that they are not aware of the danger. “They just see the attraction and not the danger,” my husband used to say; that it is not easy to leave the army with your head on your shoulder. Either way you look at it, you either lose your head through a war situation or a coup-de-tat. So, he never encouraged his children to go for the military. “We only see those who have survived, majority did not survive.”
Can you recall the most challenging period of your marriage, a time when the line nearly snapped and you nearly did a re-think?
The most challenging period of our marriage was those initial years, when he had nothing to do. They were on probation and we were in the village, we had nothing doing. And he was the sole breadwinner of his parent’s family. There was no money, it was not easy. It was tough and as a matter of fact, my parents asked me: “What are you doing there? You this girl, come back home! What are you doing there? Are you sure you are normal? What are you doing there? Come back home, so you can go and meet your brothers in America. Your age mates are not yet married.”
The day they brought that message to me, I told them: “Look, I made this decision and I am standing by it.” I learnt when the person they sent returned home and told them, they all started crying. They said: “Don’t you think this girl is mad? Her head is not correct o, somebody we are trying to save; she is not ready to save herself.” So, I sent back a message: “Tell them I made this choice and I am standing by it.” And I added: “Tell them by the way, I am travelling to Lagos (that was when my husband was in detention), that somebody told us they have found where he is. So, we are going to Lagos to see if we can find him.”
We spoke to your husband some time ago, he confirmed that his life has always been characterised with near-death situations and miracle escapes from very terrible military encounters; what was your own role during most of those deadly situations?
Maybe it was the quality of character of the youths of my era; somehow I am a woman of faith. I always believe God is sovereign. I have never told anyone this story before. At the end of the war, my people sent for me, trying to encourage me to return home. ‘Come and go meet your brothers in America.’ I learnt that the General who just finished fighting on the Biafran side was part of the newly re-absorbed officers into the Nigerian Army and who were under house arrest in Lagos for military trial. My first son was just three months old then. I heard that my parents and relatives were crying for me. They said: ‘Are you sure this girl is normal, carrying a little baby of three months to a place she is not familiar with?’
But God is sovereign, in that at the end of the war, my father in-law called me. Papa had no money; he said: “Look, this is all the money we have in this house, but since you are going with the baby, I am going to give you everything because what can we do? If you see him, please, find a way to send words to us, so that we can have rest of mind.”
My-inlaws even thought my husband and others had all been killed. So, when I entered the bus, the Niger bridge was broken then as a result of the war. It was when you get to the Niger Bridge, that you find other means of transport to cross you over to the Nigerian side.
But immediately I came down from the bus that took me there from the village, I was just arranging my basket and trying to hold my little son properly when somebody pulled by as I was arranging my things and said: “Young lady, where are you going with this little baby? He is so young.” I told him I was going to Lagos and he said: “You know what? I am going to Lagos too. Come, let’s go together.” If it was like now, you can be sure it is a kidnapper! So, he said he is going to Lagos but “see, Lagos is far away o. I won’t be in Lagos until like 10pm.” So, I said, it is okay.
What happened after?
When we got to Agbor, he stopped, went and bought four pillows. He told me to get up and he laid it on the seat. I was at the back seat of his jeep. Then he told me that he wanted me to be comfortable. He bought me some fruits and said he wouldn’t be in Lagos until 10pm. So, he wanted me to relax; if I wanted to sleep, I should sleep. If I was hungry, I should let him know. After that, we started the journey again and on the way, he asked me: “So where are you going with this little baby? He is so young.” That was when I told him that my husband was an ex-Biafran officer and some of them were in detention and that we just found out where he was, and that I was going to find him. He asked me where the venue of their detention was and I told him, ‘Hotel Majestic, Yaba.’ He told me he knew the place. He said we should drive there straightaway to see if they would allow us to see him.
When we got to Lagos around 10pm, we drove straight to that place, but when we made some enquiry, we were told he was there, but that they had closed for the day. We were also told that we could not see him, but he would be told that we were there to see him. We were told to return the next day.
My Good Samaritan asked me what we were going to do since we couldn’t see him. Actually, I had an address of some of his relations who lived then in Obalende. I showed him the address, and again, this good man said: “Oh, I know the place. I will take you there.” So we drove straight there and we looked for the number; that was number 50-something, and as we would have it, the first door we knocked turned out to be that of my husband’s relations -Eddy and Ben. So they saw me and exclaimed, ‘Heee, Ify, Ify, Ify!’ They embraced me, they took the baby and my basket from me and the man now said: “Now, I am sure you are safe, bye-bye.” Then he just walked away into the dark, started his car and drove away.
When my mother heard this story, she said: “An angel visited you, that God still sends His angels to direct His children’s path.” She was sure that was an angel. He didn’t take a kobo from me and the irony is that if I see that man today, I don’t know whether he is tall or short or black. Even his name, I didn’t remember to ask him. ‘That was an angelic visitation. Just from nowhere, he directed you; he didn’t take a kobo from you, and made sure you were okay; drove you round until he was sure you were safe before he left’, my mother said.
The next day, I was accompanied by Eddy and Ben to Hotel Majestic, Yaba, where I was allowed to see my husband. He had already been told that I was around. So he was eager to see me. After that, we kept going there everyday to stay with him until he was released in May. After that, we all returned to the village. Nobody thought he would come back alive, so we first stayed in the village. It was rough but God has a way of sustaining His own. We survived it somehow. Even my late senior brother said to me: “You this girl, you made this choice o.” He said: “Are you listening? I don’t want anybody coming to cry to me; you made the decision, so you are on your own completely.” That is how life has been for us. We were always in God’s hand.
When fortune later smiled on him and he became Minister of Science and Technology, how did you handle fortune as his ‘first lady’?
Well, I did my own bit as a wife. You do your own and God completes everything. I was able to do my bit as the wife of the Minister of Science and Technology. It was a very busy period of my life and the house was very busy, round the clock; visitors were coming into the house and going. I was always cooking; my house was a market place. But that was how my mother trained us; that anybody that comes into your house must be given food. She said, let them eat and be fed. So, that was my bit then.
At a particular time, he was almost made the Military Administrator of Anambra State; what happened to that dream and how did you handle it?
Yes, it didn’t come to pass because he had a major eye problem then. That was between 1985 and 1986. He had a very major eye problem that was quite traumatic but again, God was faithful. It was retina detachment, something that can lead to immediate blindness. In his medical book, it was written in red ink to show it was an emergency. They said: “See your doctor immediately; this is like a medical emergency.” So, he had to travel to America. My brothers just left university then and one of them is a medical doctor. And they arranged this surgery and he survived the whole thing; eight hours on each eye; eight hours of micro-surgery on each eye; my husband is an overcomer. He has seen it all. Again, I just give God the glory for bringing us this far. I have always wished him every blessed thing that he wishes for himself. We appreciate him, we love him and my prayer is that God will continue to move him to a higher ground.
