Category: Weekend Treat

  • No country for the old or the young

    In organized societies, certain age groups are deemed vulnerable and as such require the protection of the authorities against any form of abuse or maltreatment. Top on the list are OAPs (old age pensioners) and the very young (those 25 and below). For the latter, programmes such as good educational facilities both academic and vocational are provided to equip them for the challenges of adult life in a modern world.

    All this investment in the young is highly necessary as the youths are the main inheritors of the future. The law of nature with regards to Man’s mortality ensures that the older ones die out and the next generation takes their place. It’s an immutable law that man, no matter his advancements in science or medicine, can change. This is the reason, societies with a keen eye for the future invests heavily in its young people.

    As for the OAPs, these have spent the best parts of their lives-their youth and most productive years-serving their fatherland and communities. With retirement comes a time to put their feet up and take a well deserved rest from their labours. A situation made easier with the monthly pension often paid to them. But what happens in a situation where the pensions, as small as they are, are not paid regularly? Hunger, disease, suffering and even early death becomes common. That is the lot of most OAPs in our dear country.

    But let’s leave the retirees for now and talk about the young ones who are making news for all the wrong reasons right now. If you have been living in this country for the past decade or so, you will agree with me that this is not a good time to be young. It’s like everything has been done to not just emasculate but frustrate the nation’s youths. Successive administrations, lacking in vision and with no clear-cut plans for the country have failed woefully to invest in the young. The result is poor educational facilities with disenchanted and restive academic staff as well as students forced to study and live in environments that are sometimes unfit for animals.

    After finally graduating maybe 5-7 years after matriculation (for a 4 year course), what does the youth of today face? Massive unemployment, with a labour market that is virtually non-existent as new jobs are not created each year despite the fact that millions of job seekers, pour into this market from the numerous tertiary institutions in the country. Indeed, these days, it’s far easier for one to walk to the moon and back than get a job, months after graduation in Nigeria. The few exceptions are those with parents with top connections or long legs, who can pull a few strings from behind the scene to get good jobs for their kids.

    As if all these are not enough to give these young ones grey hairs before their grandparents, they have to contend with a gradual reduction in their numbers. The past few years have seen a systematic attack on this group. Youth corps members posted to certain parts of the country to serve their fatherland with the zeal and vigour associated with youth, have been mauled down like animals in a slaughterhouse. The Boko Haram menace has been particularly hard on the youths as many have been ferociously cut down in their homes, churches, schools and other places.

    The recent incidents in Mubi and Port-Harcourt involving students have only added to the frightening statistics of a nation losing the flower of its youth. Both incidents coming so close together have left most Nigerians, who have been completely desensitised and traumatised by years of bad governance, mass poverty and a general loss of hope in the system, shocked beyond words. The bestiality of the acts is beyond belief, like scenes from a horror film. That such barbarism can occur in a 21st century Nigeria have left many wondering whether this is a sign that we are gradually retrogressing, going back to the stone age or medieval times when the law of the jungle prevailed.

    What I find so distressing about these incidents is the pointlessness of it all. What could these young boys have done to warrant such brutality, to be plucked down in their prime in such a brazen, heartless manner? It’s just too horrible to contemplate that in our society of today, we have people in our midst whose beastly behaviour would put wild animals in the jungle to shame.

    Many have condemned the acts and called for the culprits to be brought to book. It shouldn’t end there because we have heard such sentiments before and nothing comes out of it at the end of the day. The sad truth is that this is a country where crime is treated with great levity. Most criminals get away with their crimes and it’s the innocent who suffer. An official is caught stealing billions of naira from the national coffers and what happens? He’s often given a slap on the wrist and allowed to walk away free, to enjoy his ill-gotten loot in peace.

    That is the reality of our society today and why corruption has become the biggest industry in town. And the reason for an increase in such criminal activities like kidnapping, armed robbery, drug trafficking, rituals/voodooism, yahoo yahoo, etc among the youths who have been socialised to believe that it is only through crime that one can become successful in life. That crime pays in Nigeria. They are a product of their environment, you know (but that’s a topic for another day).

    Meanwhile, all those responsible for the deaths of those students must be prosecuted and jailed. That’s the only way such evil acts don’t occur again as we are tired of burying our young people. Most youths are very angry with this country because they have no sense of belonging. The feeling among them is that their collective patrimony have been stolen by their greedy elders and there’s nothing left for their present or even future.

    The OAPs too, who see their pensions looted by those who are supposed to look after them are equally frustrated and bitter against the country. Indeed, Nigeria has become like the movie of the same title, ‘No country for old men.’ Or young ones for that matter. A pity…

  • Why NYSC should not be scrapped- Ex-Governing Board Chair, Chief Linus Okom

    Why NYSC should not be scrapped- Ex-Governing Board Chair, Chief Linus Okom

    A few months away from now, the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) will be 40 years. Established by Decree 24 of May 22, 1973, the scheme has gone through a purple patch, socially and culturally. In this interview with Assistant Editor, Linus Obogo, immediate-past Chairman of the Governing Board, Chief Linus Emonse Okom (OON), lauds the idea behind the scheme, just as he flays those calling for its scrapping. Excerpts:

     

    As the immediate past Chairman of the Board of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), how would you assess the success or the otherwise of the scheme, in terms of objectives, nearly 40 years after?

    I will say it proudly that the objectives have been achieved. This can also be attested to by the various participants, both past and present that the objectives have been achieved. There is no one who will tell you that he or she was not excited about the scheme. And there is no present participant who will say that he or she is not happy about the scheme.

    Culturally and socially, the scheme has achieved a lot. Hitherto, there were some Nigerians who may not have had the opportunity of knowing where Abuja was or where Port Harcourt, Ogoja or Sokoto was. But today, with the NYSC scheme, they have been able to know where these towns are located and they have interacted with the locals of these towns. Apart from knowing where some of the cities and villages are located, the NYSC scheme has also afforded participants the social benefits of inter-marriage.

    Until the recent security challenges, virtually every NYSC member wanted to be posted outside of their towns and villages. But this is not to say that corps members are still not being posted to states other than their state of origin or state of their choice.

    The scheme was initiated on May 22, 1973 by the then head of state, General Yakubu Gowon (rtd.) with the objective of forging cultural and social integration at the end of the Civil War in 1970. He must be commended for his foresight.

    The operation of the scheme was designed to be a tripartite affair between the federal, state and local government. While the Federal Government sees to the financial welfare of the participants, the states were to assist in the area of transit accommodation during camping, while local governments intervene in the area of transportation, which often times is not available because they do not have the means. And this is where the challenge has been.

    There is also the challenge of security, both at the state and local governments. Even when the issue of accommodation is addressed, security, in recent times, has remained a thorny issue because of the emergence of insurgency in some part of the country. I must state, however, that the issue of security has not proved insurmountable to the government. It has always been the responsibility of the government to provide security and it has never failed.

    With respect to the corps members’ stipend, as the chairman of the board, my board had recommended to the government to carry out a review, which it did. Today, corps members receive a stipend of about N19, 800. It is negligible though, but it is an improvement on what used to obtain. So, in a nutshell, I can say that the objectives of the scheme, since its inception, have been achieved. There has never been a time that the scheme has been found to have outlived its relevance. It is just of recent that the issue of insecurity started raising its head,q1aw and this is peculiar to some states in the North.

    There is the criticism that the scheme has become mere cosmetic, especially as corps members pass out at the end of the service with no future guaranteed them. How do you react to the issue of employment discrimination against corps members in some part of the country?

    Well, this aspect you spoke about was not injected into the decree setting up the corps in 1973. The observation is well taken, but it did not form part of the decree that as a matter of compulsion, corps members must be engaged by their host communities. But I want to say that it is not all corps members who are usually not engaged at the end of their service year. Some host communities, governments and organisations are generous enough to engage those considered to have excelled in their primary assignment. In any case, it is the prerogative or the discretion of any state, or organisation to engage whomever they want to engage since there is no compelling statute or decree that says that at the end of the service year of corps members, they must be given mandatory employment. But on the whole, and to the best of my knowledge as the immediate past Chairman of the Governing Board of the NYSC, governments and organisations have continued to provide employment to deserving corps members whenever such vacancies exist.

    It will interest you to know that in Bekwarra Local Government Area of Cross River State, there are some corps members of South West extraction who were offered permanent teaching appointments in the council because they were adjudged to have offered quality service deserving of being retained. They have imbibed the culture of their host, so much so that they speak Bekwarra language better than some indigenes. Quite a good number of them are excited about it and they are proud to be considered worthy for placement in the council teaching service. So, it is not entirely true that corps members are usually discriminated against when it comes to employment. There may be a few isolated cases, but it is not enough to draw a generalised conclusion. In the state civil service, it all depends on the chief executive of the state, the governor. If he is given a favourable report about some particular corps members and there are vacancies for their engagement, they are employed without prejudices to where they may hail from. But to say it is imperative that they must be given employment, it is not correct because that is not included in the decree or the Act of the parliament setting up the scheme.

    A lot of Nigerians have expressed concerns that the NYSC has outlived its usefulness and as such, it should be scrapped outright. Do you agree with this?

    I do not agree that the scheme has outlived its usefulness. I do not also agree that it should be scrapped. If you ask many of the corps members themselves if government should scrap the scheme, they will tell you no. They will strongly kick against it. To be honest, the integration aspect of the scheme has worked effectively. The only sore point is the state of insecurity in some parts of the North, which has taken the shine out of it. I am aware that during the last general elections, some of the corps members were attacked and killed. Perhaps that is why some are quick to conclude that the scheme has outlived its usefulness. So far, the scheme has hugely succeeded and it should be allowed to continue because it is still relevant. Those who suggest the scrapping of NYSC do not wish Nigeria well. A pocket of insurgency in some parts of the country is not enough to call for the scrapping of the scheme. the benefits outweigh any other consideration.

    As the immediate past chairman of the Governing Board of the NYSC, what aspect would you recommend for review, if you were to recommend a review of the policy?

    I will recommend that for the scheme to succeed and remain relevant, government should strengthen security in areas that have become seemingly unsafe for corps members to live and carry out their primary duties. This is very important in the face of the emerging security challenges in the country.

    But bear in mind that Nigeria is not the only country with this type of scheme. You will find a similar scheme in the United States of America, where young people are allowed compulsory two-year service in the military. It is just a matter of whatever name any country may give to its own scheme. My recommendation is that government should look into the aspect of providing adequate security, particularly in volatile states.

    There have been suggestions that one of the ways to make the scheme more relevant is to redirect the focus where participants will serve a compulsory two-year service in the military, following which they can be fully absorbed into the army, air force, navy or the police. How agreeable are you with this?

    This is entirely beyond any individual, whether in the service or outside the service. The NYSC has since become an Act of the National Assembly or parliament, and for that suggestion to have any force of law, a bill has to be sent to the National Assembly for the amendment of the Act to make it possible for corps members to serve a compulsory two years in the military. It is only the National Assembly that can bring about this change.

    Even if I wish this to happen, it will be a mere wishful thinking because I do not have the power to make it possible. The National Assembly is the only body that can make this possible through an amendment to the Act establishing the scheme.

    During my time as Chairman of the board, I found out that Bayelsa was not accepting corps members who were particular about serving in the bank. They insisted that they be sent to the classrooms to teach. Later on, Rivers State followed suit. The idea was to make the scheme as relevant to the need of these states as it could be. That was as far as the scheme could be interfered with. But beyond that, only the National Assembly has the last say.

    If changes are effected to make the corps members to be integrated into the army, navy, air force or the police, you will be polluting the atmosphere in these services. Things will no longer be the same. It might bring about bad blood. While it is the disposition of America to allow a compulsory two-year service in the military, it is not our disposition. Else, General Gowon would have decreed so.

    Ahead of 2015, the North is already asking that the presidency should return to that part of the country. As a chieftain of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, is the agitation in order?

    From all indications, it is obvious that as Nigerians, we do not have self-discipline. If indeed, we are disciplined, what we should be focusing on is good governance. 2015 is a long way off and we should not be preoccupied with that for now. Rather, this government should be supported to ensure that it succeeds in delivering the gains of democracy.

    As a people, Nigerians are too much in a hurry to cross the bridge even before getting to it. It should rather be the other way round. I am sure that by the time we get closer to 2015, there will be compromises on what is right for the country. But for now, it is too early to discuss 2015.

     

    Nigeria is today embroiled in endemic corruption with every facet of our national life neck-deep in the pandemic. Would you say both successive and present governments have done enough in the fight against corruption?

    When Nigerians say corruption has become deep-rooted, I laugh. We tend to narrow corruption only to politicians and governance. But everywhere, there is corruption. There is corruption in churches, in schools, in the homes, in the family. There is nowhere that there is no corruption.

    There is a way that you tell someone ‘good morning’ and it is well taken. But there is another way that you may say it and it is perceived as corruption.

    Any behaviour that you put up that is seen not to be transparent, it is corruption. Anything done outside the norms which may have nothing to do with money could also be seen as corruption. Corruption is already here with us. Nobody can end corruption in a way we tend to prescribe. The only thing to do is to minimise it.

    There is no country in the world that is free of corruption. The only difference is the degree. If there was any country that is free of corruption, then there would have been no need for the Transparency International to grade or rate countries on the basis of corruption index. Let us not be fooled here, corruption is not all about money and misappropriation of it. It is about doing what we ought not to do in terms of our dealings with our fellow human beings- social, religious and business relationship with others. It is not only when it involves money that we assume it is corruption. It is a wrong notion. When a father or a mother loves one of his or her children more than the others, it is corruption because you are discriminating against the other children.

    The day we woke up and decided to concentrate our attention on only oil, while forsaking agriculture, groundnut, cocoa, coal, cotton, to me, that was corruption. As long as we continue to highlight corruption from the standpoint of money, we will be missing the true meaning of corruption.

     

    There are agitations for the creation of more states in the country and Ogoja, being one of the old provinces with Afikpo and Abakiliki under it, is today the only one that has neither not been made a state capital nor a state created for it. What do you make of this?

    That is part of the corruption we are talking about. This is a perfect example of corruption. Like you rightly noted, Ogoja as a province, had Afikpo, Abakiliki under it. That was when we used to talk about the COR State. Then we later had South Eastern States, but today, we have states like Rivers, Ebonyi, Kogi, among others. Sadly enough, nobody is talking about Ogoja state. In those days, we had people like the late Chief I.I Murphy who championed our cause. Today, we have nobody to fight our case. But then, it is still corruption which is why Ogoja is being left out of state creation. If there was justice, you do not need anyone to make a case for it, it should have been created like any other. One day, we may have a messiah who will deliver us.

     

    There is an alleged force in Cross River State today called the “Three Musketeers of Power”- Duke, Imoke and Gershom Bassey, in the state politics, which has reportedly perfected plans to rule the state in that order. In the spirit of zoning, justice and equity, where does that leave the Northern Senatorial Zone of the state in 2015?

    Politics of participation is very good when zoning is an issue. And this is inherent in the politics of the creation of senatorial zones in the state. When you consider a situation or scenario where two out of three brothers have taken part in a meal and the third person has not had a taste of it, without any prompting, do you not think that it is only fair to allow the third person to have his share?

    So, in the contest of power rotation, power should naturally go to where the third senatorial zone has not had a taste of it. And that is the Northern Cross River. Luckily for the zone, we have a God-fearing governor in the person of Senator Liyel Imoke (CON). He has told us at various town hall meetings that “we in the Central and in the Southern zones have enjoyed power from 1999 to 2015 or thereabout. It is only proper that the Northern Senatorial Zone should produce the next governor in 2015.” Governor Imoke is a gentleman, a man of honour and a man of his word. He has continued to assure us of his promise to us and so far, there is nothing to suggest that he will renege on his promise. He is a man of fairness, justice and equity. The zone has the personnel, the skills and wisdom to take up the challenge of ruling the state in 2015. What we are praying for is the unity of purpose and God will definitely grant us our prayers. It is on the basis of political morality that Governor Imoke is saying that power should go to the North in 2015. The trinity you are talking about knows that the state is made up of three zones, otherwise, Duke should have handed over to his fellow Southern zone brother. But he handed over to the Central and it is in that order that the North is awaiting its turn in 2015, after which Gershom can aspire and have it.

     

    What happens if the North does not have it in 2015?

    It will be unthinkable. I really do not know how that will happen that the North cannot have it

     

  • I’m 21 but my interest is on older and bigger and well-endowed ladies

    Dear ma, I am 21 but recently my romantic interest seems focus on far older and bigger ladies who are well endowed. They appear sexier than younger ones. Should I go after them? Tony.

     The T-o-n-y! Your romantic interest is interest-i-n-g o! AT 21 you’re already dreaming of going after ladies your big brothers are scared to try. I salute your courage o. What advise will I give a determined young man now? Do I tell you not to go after what you desire? Just do me a favour, no matter what you want in a woman, let your aspirations in life be higher than that. What that means is that whatever you’re doing now, be so serious about it that when you’re rich and famous, no big lady will be able to turn you down. If you’re a failure and you venture to talk to ladies who are far older, they will so much insult or beat you that you would know that they are endowed in other areas too.

  • Re: My dad thinks I’m a failure; is there anyone out there who can help me?

    Dear Aunty Adeola Agoro, I just read your ‘Hearts’ with regards to one Innocent. I advise you’re in a better position to solve the boy’s problem. I’ll advise you call him and ask him to give you the father’s names and phone number and talk with the father. Don’t forget to introduce yourself to the father as a staff of The Nation, Lagos. This  will make him to take all your advice very seriously and begin to implement it with speed. Tel him what he stands to gain training  the son. Let him show the boy love.

    P.S: Thanks for your opinion. Please note however that I stopped being the Society Editor of The Nation four years ago, so I will not tell the man I’m a Nation staff if I do call him. I do this column as my civic contribution to fellow human beings.

  • Has tea and lemon stopped my growth?

    Hello ma, I am a very good fan of yours because I learn a lot from you. I’m 16 years old. When I was 10, I was so big my friends used to laugh at me. Out of frustration, I started taking tea with lemon and it worked! But since then I’ve not been able to grow. My mum is tall while my dad is average, is my past deed working against me? I look small now when people see they take me for an adult. Secondly, I’ve been suffering from pile since last year. What do I do? I need your help.

    I doubt very much if tea and lemon can affect growth. I know a lot of tall people who grew up taking tea and lemon. Children in early childhood usually grow at a rate of about two to two and a half inches per year, up until they begin puberty, when their growth will slow to about one to one and half inches per year. There is acceleration in growth as they hit their peak growth velocity in puberty, to about three to three and a half inches per year for girls and four inches per year for boys. Growth then slows again in girls to about two to three inches per year after the first period until they reach their adult height. Boys and girls usually continue to grow until they are 14 to 16 years old, but this depends on when they started puberty. Remember that girls reach their pubertal growth spurt about two years earlier than boys, so in early adolescence; many girls are taller than boys.

    To evaluate whether you are short, it is important to get a growth chart to see how you have been growing. Your doctor may decide to just observe your growth over the next 3 to 6 months to decide if or not you are grow normally. Discuss the pile issue with him too. Cheers!

  • Generators and deafness in the land (2)

    Continued from last week

    In that type of noisy situation, a good night’s rest is impossible and one often wakes up most days red-eyed and irritable from sleep deprivation.

    And this applies to a large proportion of the populace who have to endure the noise emitted by these nasty generators. Now you understand why many people these days are grumpy, stressed out and generally angry with the world.

    And as if the noise from the gens are not enough trouble, other things contribute to noise pollution in the country and consequently, the deafness rate in the country. Top among these is noise emitting from religious houses like mosques and churches. Many are situated in residential areas and at times of worship, the noise from the loudspeakers they often use is on the same level, if not more than those made by the generators.

    In fact, my very good friend and namesake, Pat once lived in a house at Gbagada with a very big church as next door neighbour. On Sundays, while other faithful are heading to their places of worship, my friend will be sitting comfortably in her house.

    When you ask her why she’s not at service, she will reply:

    “There’s a church right at my doorstep so why should I bother going faraway to worship. I follow the service from the beginning till the end. I participate in the praise and worship, listen attentively to the sermon and I also partake in the blessings from God.”

    “How do you pay your tithes and offerings then?” she is asked.

    “That is between me and my God. It’s none of your business. Afterall, the Bible says the right hand should not know what the left hand is doing! So, how I pay my tithes should not be your problem!” she would retort.

    If the noise pollution is not bad enough, what about the air pollution caused by the noxious fumes emitting from the generators? Thick, poisonous fumes come out from most of them which pollute the air space. The health hazards of these fumes are many and can cause such respiratory problems such as asthma, bronchitis, cartarrh, breathlessness among others. What about the long term effect of inhaling these fumes such as lung cancer and other forms of cancer and other diseases that might not manifest now until years to come? Besides, many people have died in their homes while sleeping with their gens on. The hazards are indeed numerous.

    From all this, it’s obvious that the onset of generators in this country has been a real ‘curse’ not just economically, socially, health wise but in other ways. They’ve caused Nigerians too much trauma and all kinds of stress and we cannot continue like this.

    So what should be done about these machines? The sensible thing is have all of them dumped in a refuse heap and destroyed. But we can’t do without them for now due to the poor power supply in the country presently.

    This is why those in charge of the power sector should intensify efforts in improving the power situation. In fact, any serious government should make it its number one priority as improved power will have a multiplier effect on the economy and improved quality of life for the people.

    That way, a time will come when we can all gladly pack up our generators and dump them in the store room for future generations, who hopefully will live in a Nigeria with 24 hour power supply, to marvel at and wonder what ‘these strange-looking machines’ were used for…

    Concluded

  • Did armed men make a call at my place?

    There are so many questions playing in my mind since this past Tuesday when I was rudely informed that armed men came visiting at my house.

    As a rule, I must empty the bin in the kitchen before going to bed every night. I like waking up to the fresh fragrance from my air freshener, and I know how bins left overnight could negate this. So once I was sure there was nothing to bin anymore that Tuesday night, I took the bin downstairs to dump in the waste bin outside the house. I was going back into the house when a neighbor stopped me from going back inside. She announced that the gateman was at his security post tied hands and legs. “He told me that some armed men came inside and tied him”, she said.

    How did he tell her that, since he was tied, I asked. She said she wanted to tell him something at the security gate when she saw he was tied. She didn’t wait to listen to more, and of course she didn’t wait to untie him before she bolted outside. Apparently, she was hiding under a tree outside the house when she saw me coming out and decided to inform me. We alerted some neighbors and the security man was untied after which we made sure that there were no unwanted visitors in the house.  Nabo, the security man said about ten armed men came visiting, bur he said he didn’t know what they did next after tying him with ropes in his room. He said they took his phone before leaving him.

    The questions I’m still not able to find answers to are: could tem armed men just come into a house and not as much as announce their presence anyhow if they meant business? How come nobody saw them apart from Nabo? Agreed, our doors are these Israel bullet-proof doors, but our windows are glass, if they actually wanted to operate, couldn’t they have knocked on the windows to get our attention?

    I don’t know why I’m having strange feelings that Nabo is working on something. He might have made up the story  for a future reason, and somebody (an accomplice of his) helped tie him. But we have reached a stage in Nigeria where fear has taken over our emotions? I’m so scared of asking Nabo direct questions because he might plan to tie me hands and legs when no one is watching the same way he was tied, that is if he knows what we all don’t know. Please, join me in praying for our safety and security in my house. We need it.

  • My husband won’t marry me legally even after having a child from another woman

    Good day ma thanks for solving others people’s problems which I am one of them. I’m a woman from Ondo State with 3 kids of 12, 9 and 6 years respectively. Just this year my husband had a child with another woman without my knowledge. This has caused problems between us. Now my husband said he wants to do traditional engagement with me when my family called him, but I said I want ‘REGISTRY MARRIAGE’. My husband said no, but he said he loves me that his late father had warned him against Registry EGISTRY, but his brother married through registry. I’ve said I am not interested in the marriage again because of problems presently in the marriage, please ma what do I do now?

    Dear Madam, if your husband is proposing customary marriage, then go for it. Customary marriage as far as Africa is concerned is valid, and in my own opinion, it is better to be married in the presence of your family and your bride price paid than nothing.

    Do not try to fight for a registry marriage when he has made up his mind on what he wants. He’s different from his brother and you must respect that. You have lived with this man for years without as much as a ring, now even after straying and having a child from another woman, he still finds it worthy to take you as a new bride, please dump pride and accept.

    Let me tell you something; registry marriage or not, this is Nigeria where men sleep with their girlfriends with their wedding rings firmly on. Okay, some men may remove it before the action, but does that remove the fact that they sleep with other women? Registry marriage does not make the man faithful. In your own case, he already has a child from another woman anyway. He alone knows if he wants the mother of his new child for keeps or if it will stop with just this child. If he has made up his mind that this woman will continue to have kids for him, going to the registry with you won’t stop it. You’re thinking of getting married under the Acts so you can sue him if he goes ahead to have another wife or other children? Forget it! Even the solicitor you get for your case and the judge to hear the case may be die-hard polygamists if they are men. If they are women, they are probably married to men who have other wives.

    Settle down in your marriage and be good to the man. Most men will eat out of your palms if you make them feel like kings. If you give him respect, honour, sex at the right time and laughter around the house, he is likely to stay glued to you and wonder what took him to another woman in the first place. Love this new baby as your own and win your husband’s respect. I wish you well.

  • The millionaire’s daughter (5)

    Elfreda was everything Meera was not: loving, caring and homely as well.

    She was always concerned about my welfare and to top all that, she cooked very well and often prepared the most delicious meals for me.

    One evening, I was at her apartment and as she bustled around preparing dinner, I could not help but compare the atmosphere there with the one at my home. There was a homely feel, an air of domesticity that was lacking at home. Here was a woman who knew how to take care of a home and her man unlike my wife to whom the kitchen was an alien territory never to be ventured into.

    I sighed and changed the channel on the TV.

    “What’s with the long face?” Elfreda asked, as she sat besides me on the couch.

    I smiled at her and drew her to me.

    “I was just thinking about the past. How good we were together…” I stated, a hint of regret in my voice.

    “You are right. Perhaps, that’s why I couldn’t get over you no matter how hard I tried,” she said, looking at me in a way that made me ache with longing for her.

    Cradling her face gently in my arms, I said:

    “Thanks for opening your heart to me again. I promise you that things will be different this time. I will never, ever let you go again, no matter what happens. Please trust me on this.”

    She gazed at me for a while before speaking.

    “I believe you, Dave. Besides, I don’t really have any choice as my life is meaningless without you. I tried dating other guys just to get you out of my mind but it wasn’t possible. As long as you are by my side, I’m happy,” she stated, smiling sweetly at me.

    I kissed her on the forehead and held her tightly to me.

    The runaway wife

    On getting home that night, Meera was already there. I was surprised to see her because she got home most days very late at night.

    “And where are you coming from at this time of the night? Don’t tell me it’s the office because I know you left there long ago!”

    I glanced behind me to see if she was talking to some one else. Then I looked at her in surprise.

    “Are you talking to me?” I asked her.

    “Who else could I be talking to? There are only two of us in this room!”

    “And what business is it of yours where I’m coming from?” I queried as I walked towards the staircase to go to my room.

    She stood in front of me, blocking me off.

    “I’m your wife, remember? So, it’s my business to know what happens to you,” she responded.

    I burst into laughter at her words, which made her step back a little.

    “Wife? What wife? When was the last time you played your role as a wife in this house? When did you ever care about my welfare or that of your daughter for that matter?” I enquired.

    “Is that why you’ve been running all over time with that tramp?” she asked belligently.

    “What are you talking about? What tramp?”

    “Stop acting dumb! You know who I mean? Your ex-girlfriend, Elfreda. Or you think I won’t know? That you’ve been running around town with her? Spending time with her?” she demanded angrily.

    I was surprised by her words but it didn’t show on my face as I said:

    “I see you are drunk again. If you don’t have anything better to say, just shut up. I’m tired and I need to rest,” I stated, pushing her out of the way.

    As I climbed up to my room, I could hear her screaming:

    “I don’t blame you! Now that you’ve made money and are rich, you think you are a star! Let me remind you in case you’ve forgotten; I made you whatever you are today! And with a snap of my fingers, I can unmake you! I know you are cheating on me and it must stop because nobody cheats on me! You are my husband and as long as we are still together, I can’t share you with another woman, least of all that bitch!”

    I laughed out loud as I opened the door to my room. ‘Imagine her calling someone a cheat. What is she then, with all her boyfriends?’ I thought to myself.

    I continued to see Elfreda despite Meera’s threats. It was necessary for me to retain some form of sanity because of the situation at home which was becoming impossible. Meera and I were fighting nearly everyday, a situation which made me reluctant to go home after work. Most days, it was Elfreda’s place that I went to from the office. It was like a haven of peace in a very stormy situation.

    “I don’t know how long I can go on like this,” I grumbled to Dick one day. I had gone to visit him at home and we had been talking about my problems at home.

    “You have to take it easy,” he stated.

    “For how long? Life with Meera has become impossible. She’s just driving me crazy. I can’t bear it any longer,” I said, taking a sip of my drink.

    “So, what do you intend to do?” asked Dick.

    I sighed then said:

    “I really don’t know. I’m really confused right now,” I stated sadly with my hands on my head. “The sensible thing is to just walk away. But I don’t believe in divorce. I don’t want my daughter to come from a broken home. But I can no longer stay with Meera because of her behaviour. Do you know she keeps bringing her boyfriends home and flaunting them in my face? How long can I continue to tolerate such horrible behaviour from my own wife? I don’t want to commit murder but anything can happen one of these days if she dares bring one of her men to the house again…”

    We were silent for a while then Dick said:

    “I know it’s not the time to say this, but I think you should have stayed with Elfreda. She’s the right woman for you…”

    “You think I don’t know that?” I stated vehemently. “I regret leaving her every day. I just thank God that she forgave me and accepted me back. Now, no matter what happens, I will never leave her again. I want her by my side always as she makes me happy, helps me forget my sorrows.”

    A few months later, Meera unexpectedly travelled abroad. She did not inform me about the trip. I got home one night to meet a note she had dropped for me in which she stated that she was taking a break from me and all the trouble I was causing her.

    “I’ll be away for about a year. I’ve left Cyndi behind as I believe she will be better off with you as you always accuse me of being a bad mother. You accuse me of kinds of things but you seem to forget that I, Meera made you what you are today. Instead of showing gratitude, all you do is give me stress. I’ve had enough of all the grief you give me so goodbye for now…”

    To be frank, I felt nothing but relief at her going away. I would now have some peace in my life but it was going to be temporary as she would still be returning. Right now, I’m thinking of filing for divorce on the grounds of desertion so I can be with Elfreda always. She’s the one I want to be with and I want nothing more to do with Meera. Do you think I’ve made the right decision?

    Readers’ reaction welcome.

    Concluded

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals.

    Send advice/suggestions to 08023201831 or psaduwa@yahoo.com. The best response from a reader wins N1000 recharge card.

    Preview of next week’s edition titled ‘Bride of winter’

    Abby and Henry dated for some years before he travelled out of the country in search of a better life. After five years of being separated, Henry returned to the country so they could get married. He went back to his base abroad after the wedding, with the plan for his bride to join him later. A few months later, Abby jets out of the country to meet her husband, full of high expectations of a life of bliss and happiness abroad with her beloved. But the reality of life over there is far from what she dreamt of. Don’t miss this exciting new series in your ever sizzling The Nation!