The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

Why I’m labelled a snob -GBEMI OLATERU-OLAGBEGI

Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi strutted into our consciousness as a co-presenter with the hottest OAP, Dan Foster, at COOL FM during his daily morning show many years ago. In 2009, she moved to the newly established BEAT FM. With a brand new set of OAPs, she helped establish the radio station as the voice of urban music and pop culture in Nigeria. The multi-talented graduate of Oakland University, Michigan in the United States has also ventured into shoe designing and making her mark. She speaks with ADETUTU AUDU on her journey to fame

YOU cut your teeth as a radio presenter and instantly became one listeners loved to listen to. How did your journey to broadcasting world start?

My journey into broadcasting started in school. I interned at the school radio station in the university (Oakland University, Rochester, Michigan). I moved back to Nigeria for NYSC. I was a junior reporter at NTA in VI and I got a part time job at CoolFM at the same time as a news editor. I really wanted to become a news anchor on TV. I thought that people who used to read the news were just so cool. After sending a letter, CV and everything, I got a call. I was basically to assist in editing the news at Cool FM. You know before the news is read, it has to be collated, compressed and edited; so that was what I was doing for some weeks. I was basically an intern and I would work from about 6.00am till noon. I met Dan Foster and he thought I was interesting and that was how I got on radio. I started doing the morning show with Dan Foster. I was his co-anchor for about a year until I got my own show. And I’ve been doing radio ever since.

Was it a natural progression from broadcasting to shoe design?

Broadcasting and shoe designing are two different things. Most OAPs either move on to corporate communication jobs or politics.

You recently unveiled your shoe line. At what point did you figure this out?

I decided when I was a teenager that one day I would own my own shoe line. I really love shoes and it was so difficult to find my size.

Do you design with a specific type of customer in mind?

I design shoes for the woman who wants to be comfortable, stylish and is not trying to break the bank.

What are your criteria for well-constructed and well-designed shoes?

That all materials to be used are of the best quality possible!

Are there styles of shoes you like or prefer to others?

I like all kinds of shoes. I like flats, heels, gladiators and athletic shoes.

Can you tell us about a pair of shoes you’ll never forget?

I’ll never forget my first pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. I still have them, but I don’t wear them anymore. They were really, really high and I could barely walk in them.

Recently, there have been a lot of collaborations between designers and celebrities with mass retailers. What’s your take on this?

I think designers and celebrities collaborating with mass retailers are a good initiative. The fans of the celebs get to purchase clothes designed by people they admire.

Do you have a motto when it comes to shoes?

I don’t have a specific motto. As long as the shoes look good and the wearer enjoys them.

How would you describe your style of shoes versus other brands?

Gbemisoke Shoes were created for women who wear from a UK size 8 and up (US size 10 and up). It’s quite tough for women with bigger feet to find their size.

If you had to impart a bit of shoe wisdom, what would that be?

Try to buy classic styles when buying shoes. Classic styles are always in vogue.

Growing up, who influenced you early in life-the good, the bad and the ugly?

My parents definitely influenced me. They taught me how to work hard and work smart.

How has your family name helped in shaping you into who you are?

My family name is very popular. My grandfather (who was the Olowo of Owo) is responsible for the popularity. Apart from having many children, he was influential in the political arena. His life and work taught me to make a difference and to stand up for my beliefs. He was a very confident man. That’s where I get it from.

What was the attraction to Soulmate and why did you accept to be their ambassador?

The Soulmate brand approached me to be their brand ambassador and I accepted after meeting with the CEO. He told me the story of how he started the company from scratch with nothing. I admired his tenacity and passion for the brand. It is a proudly Nigerian brand.

You won the Future Awards in 2008 for ‘On Air Personality of the Year’ and many other awards, so what keeps you going?

I am grateful to God for all these accolades. I just won On Air Personality of the year again at the Nigerian Broadcasters Awards. What keeps me going is the love for the job.

How would you describe your style?

I’m not going to pretend I’m some fashionista and say that my style is eclectic this and that. I just want to be comfortable and look nice. I think even the most stylish and popular people have had misses. I look at some photos and I’m looking good in dresses I thought I didn’t like and vice versa. My style is very simple. I don’t like fuss.

Of all the shoes that you’ve designed, which has given you the most satisfaction?

I am most satisfied by my mules. I just received the samples and I’m very excited.

What criteria do you use when designing new shoes?

I think of the shape, the colours, and if the style will be in vogue for a long time.

How do you decide on colours for your shoes?

I think of the typical woman; what shoes she needs. What colours she will most likely wear and what colours are in vogue.

Aside broadcasting and shoe designing, what other ideas are you yet to explore?

I am working on a lot more. I am always thinking and exploring on new ventures.

Do you have any superstitious beliefs or self imposed rules by which you live?

I just try to be good to everyone. The key word is “Try”.

What aspect of shoe designing do you love most?

When the concept becomes a reality; seeing the prototype I envisioned in my mind.

You once revealed in a chat that you cannot date anyone in the entertainment industry, has this decision changed?

It has, just a little. I’m not ruling out everyone in the entertainment industry.

How have you remained scandal-free for this long?

I’m what they call a workaholic. Even when I’m on vacation, I’m thinking about what work to do. So, there’s really been very little time for scandal. It doesn’t mean I’m not a human being or that I haven’t done some things wrong. I’m just more focused on my work. I was once labelled as the most anti-social OAP, because you would only see me at work functions and I never used to come out for anything. The only time artistes would see me was if I was interviewing them in the studio. You would never catch me at events. But around 2009, I decided to start coming out a little bit more. I’m working on it. I’m trying to be a little more sociable but at the same time, I’m not trying to be in-your-face all the time. I believe in making your work talk for you. I am just Gbemi, simple and short; trying to hustle, trying to make it.

People perceive you as being rude. How do you feel when you hear such comments?

I’m just me; maybe I’m not as friendly as people want me to be. I don’t make friends like that. I kind of have to study you first before I welcome you to my ‘inner circle’. I’m just very work-oriented, so I cut out all the small talk in between. I don’t open up to people just like that. I think it’s also because I don’t like the ‘fakeness’. Let’s be honest, Lagos is full of fake people with fake lifestyles and I really don’t have time for that. I also think a lot of artistes think I’m standoffish. I try to be as cordial to everybody in the industry no matter how big or small.

April 10, 2016
SOLA OYEBADE My passion for modeling

Good looks, the right physique and creativity as the watchword. These aptly sum up the world of energetic Sola Oyebade who has carved a niche for himself in the fashion industry. Interestingly, the passion started from the age of 16 where he learnt the ropes. Ever since, his passion and interest in the sector has continued to grow, making a mark in the local and international scene. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE, he talks about his passion, challenges and potential.

UNDER the brand Mahogany International, Oyebade runs Mahogany Model Management, one of Europe’s largest modelling agencies for models of colour. He also organises the Top Model of Colour , UK’s only modelling competition for models of colour in addition to organising Mahogany Bridal Show, an African Caribbean bridal and lifestyle exhibition.

What spurred him to do the things he does in spite of the odds? “When I started in the fashion industry, it was primarily because I saw a gap in the market and because there did not seem to be people or companies that were catering to the black or ethnic community.”

From modelling to bridal and international fashion shows, you wonder what gives him the inspiration and energy to do all these and he says: “The primary thing is that I love what I do, absolutely love it. So, I don’t need any motivation as the passion is naturally there. I get so much satisfaction putting shows together and ultimately seeing them come to fruition and being successful. Making people happy is such a great motivator as it keeps me doing what I do. “

At the moment, Oyebade is working on this year’s edition of the Nigeria’s Next Top Designers. He talks more on the project: “We are supporting Nigeria’s Next Top Designer 2016 because we know that it is a platform to promote our models and agency for more awareness. This is a growing project which impacts the lives of people like fashion designers, fashion sketchers and more.”

The modelling arm of his business has been in existence for over 12 years and it has impacted on the lives of a lot of young people. “We provide a range of services that includes providing extras for TV, films, music, videos, catwalk, choreography and portfolio services for models,” he explains, adding, “Mahogany covers the full range of modelling genres including high fashion, petite, plus size, commercial, swimwear, lingerie, editorial and hostesses.”

He adds: “Our models have participated in top fashion shows, commercial, editorial and look book shoots both in the UK, Europe, and Africa. Some of the shows include Africa Fashion Week London and Nigeria, London Fashion Week, Fashions Finest London, The Ladies Wardrobe Exhibition Fashion Show, Music Meets Runway, Nigeria Student Fashion and Design Week.”

Mahogany Models, Oyebade informs, has worked with some of the top designers, as well as with major commercial clients having carved a niche over the years. “At Mahogany, we not only look for models that are beautiful and have the potential to make it within the industry, but also pay particular attention to their character and personality as we feel these are very important when deciding which models to take on to our books.”

Oyebade, who is the Creative Director of the Nigerian Fashion Week, London, talks about the exploits in the sector, challenges and potential for the future. “The last edition of the Nigeria Fashion Week, London, was a very big show. We had a fantastic venue and we changed the format to close people round the runway and had specific jobs for them and the exhibition surrounded it. We got more designers and it was a two-day event and had six shows on each day,” he discloses.

Working with the models for the show was also a very exciting moment for Oyebade. “We literarily got thousands and thousands of models and we went through a rigorous process to select the best from all over the world. It just shows you how well the show is doing. Interestingly, you find that a lot of these models are actually ready to pay their own transportation, accommodation and other costs just to do the show. So, it takes you through a lot of classification and trying to decipher who you want to use and who not to use,” he enthuses.

Now you want to know what Oyebade is looking forward to and he replies this way: “What I am looking forward to is international standard. So, that means that for women, they are going to be five feet and above; and for men, they should be 6 feet and above. I want something that is different in terms of their look and I do not want something that is substandard. What we try to do is to get a variety of looks, so that you have very light skin, very dark skin, a bald headed model and wigs. A variety that is not just Nigerian, but include African Caribbean, white models, Asian models so that it reflects a variety that is appealing to all.”

Next, he talks about his expectations from models on the runway and how they can make a mark in a field that has become very competitive. “I think Africa is made up of all nationalities, not just made up of Nigerians or dark-skinned Africans, but it is made up of Asians, white people from South Africa and other places like that. So, we wanted the last show to be our best show ever and I tried not to get so involved with the theme that is going on. I am more concerned with the creative look, the hair.”

Oyebade continues: “I must also say that the clothes that the designers put on was great and I think that was one of the hardest shows that I have had to work on. Having to tell designers to tell their stories in a unique way on the catwalk. Interestingly, most times they come out with something that they think is their best, but I usually tell them that they can improve on what they have to create a difference.”

Challenges? Yes, there are a number but that has not deterred Oyebade from putting in his best. He says: “Sometimes, they go round to see the initiator of the show, but she tells them that as long as the creative director does not like it, there is nothing she can do about it. Why we are doing all this is that it is important to critique ourselves from inside before going out there to face those who would do a critique of what we are presenting to the world.”

What are some of the things that he gives attention to? He responds: “Some of the things that I look out for are the quality of the stitches, the quality of the work to see if it is original and all that. If you go out there and you put something out that is not good, you would be the first to come out and say so. The big question then would be why we allowed something that is not up to standard on the carpet.”

As a man who has to do a lot of work with designers who are female, you wonder if their designs would fit into what he considers appropriate, and he says: “What we tend to do is not that they cannot show what they like; it is more of quality. A number of our designers have problems with their stitches and finishing.”

April 10, 2016
What to do when your partner is emotionally distant

DEAR Harriet, My wife gave me the shock of my life last week when she told me that I no longer satisfy her emotionally and that we are living together but very distant. We have been married for ten years with two wonderful children. I am worried and disturbed. Please, I need your advice on dealing with our emotional situation. Thanks

Mr. Wale O. Lekki

Thanks for sharing your story. Every marriage has its own challenges, but the beauty of the union is when couples are open to one another about issues affecting them, dealing with the challenges become easier.

Therefore, your wife coming out openly to discuss her feelings is a good thing instead of keeping silent or pretending that all is well when in the real sense, all is not well, and this can lead to other problems in the home, if not treated properly. So see the situation as a good thing. Do not worry. Let your heart not be disturbed. Everything will be just fine.

As some relationships grow, spouses or partners are faced with daily work stress and other responsibilities. They might start spending less time together as they use to, or that they actually spend time together, but there is this feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

When a person starts experiencing this feeling with their spouse or partner, if not addressed properly can give room to other issues that can affect the relationship or marriage. However, here are some useful tips that might help you to tackle emotionally distance in relationships.

Self-evaluation: Personal check is necessary from time to time because it helps partner or spouse to know what he or she is doing right or wrong. Then, the next step to take is to have a conversation with your partner or spouse about your observations where you feel you might not be meeting up, reason for the challenges you are encountering and how you feel it could be affecting your emotional aspect of the relationship, seek her opinion on the issue as well then try to work on it together.

Make each other a priority: To deal with emotional disconnection with your partner or spouse is to learn to put your spouse on the top of your list. A lot of complaints surface when people are married after being very close before marriage, for example “if only I was important to him or her” or he /she does not pay attention to me anymore.

Most of us take good care of their possessions like cars, houses, shoes, jewellery, bags than our relationships. For some, not that they don’t care, but they just assume that their spouses should understand or that they know that they care and love them dearly with or without showing it.

The truth is that most couples or long time friends often take one another for granted. May be because they assume to know each other so well that even what matters or interests their spouse or partner is given little or no attention any more, forgetting that could be the reason while the person is in the relationship and that if such is not taken care of the relationship might stop working.

In order to deal with emotional distant partner or spouse, you must make each other feels special and needed. Learn to show care and concern about issues that troubles him or her. This can be challenging mostly when you have obligations to fulfil, not withstanding little steps can be taken to improve intimacy in relationship.

In addition, try to remember your initial attraction to one another. Who said it is too late or that you are too old? Think about it, if possible, list them out. It is only when you quietly reflect on those things that you will start feeling again, so build on the feelings and respond to your partner or spouse in a positive way.

Compliment plays a great role as well, take note of little details and show appreciation. Thank you, you look very nice today or I like your hair style and so on go a long way in keeping spouses or partners connected. Be spontaneous in expressing your love to one another, touching and kissing give a sense of being loved and appreciated dearly. Create time to spend quality time with each other without any distraction. Enjoying good moment together can help your feel connected again.

Avoid negative criticism: Learn to correct with love. Control your temper, if you get angry easily. Avoid verbal abuse. Spoken words can either make or destroy a relationship. You can destroy your spouse or partner both physically or emotionally by what you say to them. For example, if a spouse is constantly talking down on his /her spouse, thereby killing her self-esteem, making her feel worthless or less important, the outcome is that the person involved will start pulling away gradually.

Furthermore, learn not to switch off on your spouse or partner when issues are being discussed. This is a bit common for some people. They dismiss or pay little attention to matters they feel are not important, forgetting that what you regard as irrelevant can be relevant to the other person.

Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj

April 9, 2016
A corper’s escapades (3)

ANYWAY, as I got more involved with Shade, my relationship with IB took a back seat. I still cared about her but it was not the same as before. Shade was the one on my mind all the time and I always looked forwards to being with her.

We continued to see each other regularly in secret until she suggested we should go public with our relationship. It was about two months before the end of the service year. I was amazed at how time had passed so quickly and the one year service programme was drawing to a close.

“Soon, your youth service will end and you’ll leave Adura. What will happen to me then? I’ll come with you to Lagos! I’ll tell my father about us, that we love each other and we want to be together!” she said.

We were at one of our regular rendezvous points in the state capital where we had spent the night.

“You can’t do that, Shade! At least not now. What about your fiancé?”

“Forget him! I don’t love him. I barely tolerate him. He’s proud and full of himself just because he’s a Prince. He doesn’t own me! I’ll tell my father I’m no longer keen on marrying Dayo. It’s you I want to be with,” she stated.

But I knew it would not be as easy as she put it. From what I had heard, such long-standing engagements were often difficult to break as there were other people and interests involved not just the couple alone.

“Don’t do anything rash for now as that might create more problems for us. The best thing is let me finish my service here, then let’s see what happens from there,” I advised.

“Ok, darling. As long as you don’t run away to Lagos and leave me all alone here. You know I can’t live without you. You are my life now,” she said, hugging me tightly.

I kissed her, reassuring her that we will work out a way so we could be together. Already, a plan was formulating in my head as a way out of our situation.

How was I to know that events were about to unfold that would render whatever plans I had useless and make me scamper for my life…

***

“Francis, you mean all this was going on and you didn’t tell me? I thought we were friends!” Ebuka stated, sounding upset. I had just told him about Shade and I and the plans I was making for us.

“I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. But we had to keep it top secret because of the situation- you know Shade has a fiancé, a Prince. Abeg no vex!” I pleaded with him.

That calmed him down a bit.

“So, all this while you said you were travelling to Lagos to see your parents, it was the girl you were with. Francis, you are a real bad guy o!” he stated, hitting me playfully on the shoulder.

“Anyway, I don’t blame you. That girl fine no be small,” he added.

“So, what are your plans for now?” he queried some time later.

I shrugged.

“I intend travelling out to do my Masters degree. I’m hoping Shade will come join me so she can attend school over there as well,” I told him. That was the tentative plan we had at the moment. But its success was based on Shade being able to extricate herself from her engagement with Prince Dayo.

And that would depend on her father and Dayo’s father too. Would they give their consent to Shade calling off the engagement or would there be opposition? What about Dayo? What would be his reaction when he finds out his fiancé had fallen for someone else and no longer wanted him?

We both knew there were challenges ahead but we never envisaged how tough it was going to be.

April 9, 2016
Africa is our home ground – Noesis Strategic Institute Boss

Murtaza Versi is founder, CEO and business coach of Noesis Strategic Institute, a resource that helps service organizations in Africa to achieve higher levels of performance, developments and profits. His interview with Africa Business Communities and shared with The Nation Online Reporter:

Would you please introduce Noesis Strategic Institute?

Noesis Strategic Institute is a premier consultancy and training institute, providing superior quality programs across Africa’s service industry workforce. As a company, we continuously add to our “toolbox” new ideas, skills and approaches from all over the globe, so that we can deliver leading‐edge programs and value‐added solutions to our customers.

We learn from the best so we offer the same to our clients. Our philosophy is simple; we build champions within an organization so they can teach others, internally, to do the same. And we do this with one goal in mind: to deliver tangible, profitable results.

In today’s competitive marketplace, with rapidly‐changing technologies and growing consumer demands, the best way for businesses to succeed is to adopt a mindset of growth and learning.

In which industries does Noesis Strategic Institute operate and who are your clients?

We help service organizations in Africa, elevate, empower and sharpen the workforce by building a cohesive system to achieve business success.

What are the USP’s of your business?

Africa is our home ground. Change management is our expertise. We embed capacity in your people to be cohesive, customer focused and deliver success.

We believe in building capacity within the organization through champions. Behaviors and attitudes cannot only be changed through training, it has to be observed, and we teach the champions how to do exactly that.

We have a range of products and programs which are global, and we bring local context to the programs.

Why did you start Noesis Strategic Institute?

Africans in totality are very hospitable and every individual is a gem that becomes more valuable with polishing. Developing the necessary skills, attitudes and behaviors at every level of an organization are essential ingredients for success.

This is what we strive for at Noesis every day.

What did you do before starting Noesis Strategic Institute?

My background has been in the leading multinational service-based companies operating in Tanzania, such as Ethiopian Airlines, KLM and Precision Air.

What can be done by entrepreneurs and government to stimulate the business environment in Tanzania?

In any industry, Customer Service strategy is a crucial aspect of differentiating one company or Government from another; service style is something that cannot be copied. It takes leadership to create the culture and an environment of service delivery for long term sustainability.

If companies or governments focus on the culture of customer service, then innovation and marketing becomes part and parcel of the culture. If leadership believes and walks the customer service approach, creates a culture in the organization or government, they will benefit in a variety of ways:

Word of mouth advertising
More FDI’s in this case for governments
Growth year after year
Globally competitive
Staff retention because they are happy to be part of a successful company
What can you say about the targets, plans and ambitions of Noesis Strategic Institute for the next few years?

Our target for the next five years is to create a Customer Service driven continent, and we will be able to establish this by creating a Pan-African consulting group which will bring together locals that are passionate in driving the customer service and emotionally aware, ethical and authentic leadership programs in the continent. We have already begun to establish partnership in South Africa, Kenya, Rwanda, Ethiopia and Namibia. We are now embarking on establishing ourselves in the other parts African continent.

Which African countries do you predict will perform best in 2016?

I’ll say Ethiopia and Tanzania, and I’ll give my reasons. In the case of Ethiopia, with the population of around 96.5 million people, and according to World Bank statistics of a growth rate of 10.8% in the period of 2004-2014, this country is expected to see strong growth because of its Agriculture policy, and also having a strong national airline which promotes global traffic. Furthermore, the building of its cargo fleet will help establish exports of various commodities including the best coffee produce.

The new government in Tanzania has made a task out of curbing corruption and improving revenue collection. They’re also working to speed up the process for investment and service delivery, which will help in the growth process. A recent development in the construction of oil pipeline from Uganda to Tanga port in Tanzania worth 4bn USD is an example of what can be achieved. Also the using of locally extracted gas to generate energy will assist in reducing costs of doing business. Generally it’s the Leadership and improved policies of the country that will drive its economic growth.

April 2, 2016
Double trouble: Where is my Italian husband?

Since she returned from Italy in 1994, life has been anything but fair to Madam Adisa Sule. Her 22-year-old son insists she must produce his Italian father while she is seeking medical assistance to regain sanity. TAIWO ABIODUN captures the challenges the woman in her 40s is grappling with.

Madam Adisa Sule went to Italy as a young and promising lady in search of greener pastures in 1990. She returned four years later with some property, including vehicles, and was able to build two houses. But she has since sold one of the houses while she lives in the other. Things, certainly, are not as rosy as they once were.

She appears now to be of unsound mind, wearing different clothes at the same time. Her speech can also be incoherent. She survives on income from her 10-room bungalow, most of which she lets out while she and her son, Luka, occupies one of them. In front of the building is a small kiosk where she sells provisions.

When our correspondent visited her home at No. 64, Ogunmowola Street, Owo, Ondo State, the kiosk was empty.

“Now, things have changed,” Luka told The Nation amid tears. “Things are not as rosy as before. And these tenants give my mother a hell of problem by not paying their rent regularly, knowing her condition.”

A sojourn in Italy

Recalling her stay in Italy, Madam Sule said: “I am a traveller. I travelled to Italy with the help of one of my aunties. I worked at a place called GDP, where Luka’s father, Jacket, was also working. It is an Italian company where they manufacture vests. I met the man in Torino. I used to go to Milano – I know many places – and spent two years there. I lived with my husband for two years. His name is Jacket. He was a member of the staff of the company where I also worked.

“I remember that if you travelled to Italy then, it meant that God had answered your prayer. Request for it was the in-thing and everybody’s prayer then. I knew one Tunde (surname withheld) from my home town, who used to settle the quarrels I had with my aunties then in Italy.”

The return to Nigeria

Madam Sule recalled her meeting with Jacket, which resulted in pregnancy. According to her, they were lovebirds before she came to Nigeria.

She said: “When I was coming to Nigeria, he followed me to the airport and remained there till the plane was airborne. When I got to Nigeria, we were still communicating. But in-between, something happened and I was no longer hearing from him.

“I wanted to tell him that his baby boy had been delivered. I gave birth to this boy here. We named him after St. Luke in the Bible because his father and I went to church to pray to have him in Italy. But in Owo, they call him Luka (good). After his delivery, calls to his father’s phone were no longer going through. Later, we lost contact. I called the only line he was using then but it was no longer going through for years, even till now.”

Asked what efforts she had made to locate the father of her son, she said she went to many places seeking divine knowledge of her man’s whereabouts without success.

She said: “I searched for the man that impregnated me and I did not see him. I prayed and prayed and prayed to make sure I saw him, but nothing happened. We visited spiritualists, yet no luck.

“I still remember that the father of my baby led me to the airport and he saw me off when I was coming to Nigeria. And the painful aspect of it is that it was not my first time of coming back to Nigeria, for I used to come home to see my property and oversee my projects then. If I had not been coming home, it would have been difficult.”

Corroborating Madam Sule’s claims, her neighbour, a retired schoolmistress who identified herself as Iya Omo Emi, recalled that when Madam Sule returned to Nigeria, she was heavily pregnant.

She said: “We all saw her pregnancy then and it was already big. As at then, there was no cell phone like today. But we had an analog phone we were using, through which she too used to receive telephone calls from her supposed Italian husband. So, she was correct in all her words.

“Later, we did not hear from him again. It is true that she was communicating with her supposed husband.”

The neighbour, however, pleaded that Madam Sule be helped to find her lost partner.

She said: “I am appealing to all Nigerians in Italy, especially through the social and conventional media, that whoever knows anybody in Italy should help in locating her husband. Anybody who knows his address should help in tracing him.

“The mother of this woman created this problem and she is dead now. If she knows the address of the husband, then he can be traced. I am an educated woman. I know what I am saying.”

The good times in Italy

Recalling her stay in Italy, Madam Sule said. “I had been going to Italy since 1990 and had this boy in 1994. While in Italy, I worked with a textiles company. At first, I was working with my aunt, assisting her to sell African foods.”

Asked whether she smoked or did drugs, she said: “I did not smoke Indian hemp while in Italy. But I smoked a cigarette called YES. It was more expensive than the ones sold here.

“I can speak the language, but not fluently. I lived in Pietasanta. They wrote everything in Italian language. I met my man in Torino and came to Nigeria with his pregnancy.”

Asked why she decided to return to Nigeria alone, she said: “I came back home when my colleagues were coming back. I too decided to come back home to see my house. Many came back home after making some money. I came home with a lot of money. I used to book first class seats in the aircraft.”

Son, Luka, speaks

Fair-complexioned Luka was clearly not happy that his mother had not shown him his father and for selling off her three-storey buildings cheaply because she wanted to go back to Italy. The half-caste said the deal was not done in a proper way and his mother was short-changed because of her mental illness.

He said: “I don’t know my father and I cannot trace him. My mother only told me that he is an Italian and that I look like him. But what is the essence of living without knowing my father? I am not threatening her because of the state of her health but I am pleading with her and foreigners as well as Nigerian and international media to help look for my father. How will I at 22 not know my father? Friends make mockery of me that I am an Italian but a bastard.”

The handsome young man said he left secondary school at Junior Secondary School Three (JSS3). He has no means of livelihood, as he is unemployed. He also said he was learning barbing before he jettisoned the idea.

Asked why he failed to complete secondary school, he said: “I have no money and my mother too has no money. If I have a father, I would be in school.”

What irks Luka is his mother’s usual response that since he knows the road to the airport, people would help him find his father if he goes to the airport with his picture.

Asked what hope Luka had of finding his father, Madam Sule said: “What is my problem with him not knowing his father? If he loves his father, he would look for him. Would he tongue-lash his father the way he tongue-lashes me? No way. His father will bring out his pistol and shoot him. He does not respect me, so how will I show him his father who is in Italy? I have showed him his father’s picture. He only needs to go and search for him.

“If he gets to Rome and goes down to Pontosita iro Pinivero, he can easily get his father’s house. I was not as old as him when I lost my father, so what is his problem? My mother died last year, and I was just 16 years when my father died. He should go and look for his father.”

Living together

Living with his mother has been a problem for Luka. He says he cannot continue to stand the sight of men sneaking in the dead of the night to sleep with her.

He said: “Because of her mental state of health, some men who cannot feed themselves come here to have sex with my mother. I cannot stand it. Yet, they can’t give her money.”

The statement annoyed his mother who said he could not stop the men from coming to her. Mother and son live together in one room.

Madam Sule said: “I have four children. This boy (Luka) is the third child. I have a child for an Ekiti man, one for an Owo man and another for a Calabar. This one is for an Italian. If you look at him very well, you will know he looks like a half-caste. I’m married to four men.”

“I attended Ahmadiya Secondary School, Owo and I did not go beyond Form One. For my elementary school, I went to Local Authority Primary School in Okitipupa. When there was no job here, I went to Italy. Many went to Italy to sell wares and in the evening, they go to Asuwada where they do prostitution. But I did not do such a thing. My sister did not allow me to do it at all.

“While in Italy, we were selling foodstuff like African beans, yam and garri. In Italy, we could be 50 in a room.

“I have never seen cocaine in my life. My sister did not allow me to join any bad gang and my Italian husband used to give me money.”

Our correspondent spoke with her elder brother, Mr. Raji Suleiman, who said he would be happy if his half-sister receives medical help. He said he had taken her to some spiritual homes but reasoned that she needs medical attention too.

He said: “My name is Raji Sulaiman. I am a half-brother to the woman. She was not really very close to me. When she came back from Italy, the mother did not allow me to get close to her. Her condition was not like this.

“However, I don’t know more than that. But we would be grateful if anyone can assist. Her siblings did not believe she has a problem. If they knew, they would have taken her to the hospital. They do not believe that something is wrong with her. They say she is harsh. You can take the horse to the brook but you cannot force it to drink water.

“I only know that they were fighting over her property. This boy (Luka) had not listened to me. If he had stayed with me, he could have been better than this.

“He said he wanted to learn barbing, but after spending some time with me, he left.”

On the woman’s condition when she returned from Italy, Sulaiman said: “It is true she came from abroad with a pregnancy. I have thought beyond this. We don’t know her husband’s phone number in Italy and we don’t know his family. Each time I see her son, Luka, I feel sad. Why should a man of this nature not have a father? The mother stayed with me for some time, and she used to sleep soundly until she left here again.”

Asked whether he shared the belief in some quarters that she was ‘called’ home by supernatural means or ‘African power’, the brother disagreed, saying: “I don’t believe she was ‘called’ home by force, for she came with a lot of property. She really assisted her family members. I believe it is an attack, and her destiny.”

April 2, 2016
How to stitch a broken heart (2)

IN continuation with last week article, we will be looking at more tips on how to get over the sudden break-up of a long time relationship; some of our saddest moments are when we experience broken relationships. Whether it is between siblings, husband and wife, friends, broken relationships can mean broken heart. In addition to certain points that were mentioned last week, here are the tips to help you get beyond the pain and move on.

Stop the blaming game. Her putting an end to the relationship is not your fault; it is her decision. According to your story, although we are not fortunate to hear her own version, you love her selflessly and you did everything within your reach to make her happy because you saw her as your wife, so try not to be too hard on yourself; accept that the relationship was not meant to be.

I know it can be very difficult sometimes, but the truth of the matter is that you must move on, thinking may be if you have done things otherwise is not going to change anything because she has moved on, all the calls or text messages she is sending to you is not to get back with you, but for you to see her as a friend not an enemy.

Next step is defining your real intention. There are two important questions you must ask yourself. Are you trying to move past the break-up, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You must know what you want in order to move on. Another way to move on is to avoid every form of communication with your ex, no matter how tempted you are. If possible, try not to take her calls, or delete her messages.

Don’t make her a topic for discussion among friends, especially when you are with friends who are friends with her as well. Don’t embarrass yourself or put yourself in situation where you will look back and feel humiliated. Come out with your head high. Broken heart is not the end of love in your life. You will love again with the right person at the right time.

Avoid going into another relationship right away so that you can be sure of what you want, instead of using the person to fill in the gap or emptiness you feel as a result of the break-up. This is one of the greatest challenges people who are brokenhearted encounter. It will be nice to give yourself time to heal properly from the pain.

However, make the best out of the situation by occupying your mind. Get busy doing what you wish to achieve in order to improve yourself, instead of sitting thinking about how it was and how it should have been. Learn from the break-up and be a better person. Take the whole thing as a wake-up call and get moving.

Let the attachment or connection go, like the saying goes “never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option”. Care for you because the person hurting here is you, not your girlfriend. Conserve your energy for those who deserve it, beginning with yourself. Get support; take away the worries of how you are going to face your family members and friends who know the closeness of your relationship with her.

This is when you need the help of your true friends and family members. So talk to them, be specific about where you want them to come in. For example, may be you will like to be in their company socialising. Or consider visiting a counsellor if you feel the situation is beyond you. Get help immediately if you are feeling depressed.

Do not misinterpret the end of a relationship as meaning you are somehow not enough. At times, people do not have the ability to offer others the type of affection and care they need or deserve. It is their issue not yours. You should be perfectly lovable just the way you are. Know that this phase will pass away some day.

Finally, you must allow forgiveness; when you are hurt by someone, you love and trust. You might become angry, sad, or confused. If you dwell on the painful event or situation, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. Learn to trust again; there is no question that break-ups can be painful and it might be tough to trust and love again, this might sound impossible. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there is a risk. Don’t let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life loving and laughing.

Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj

April 2, 2016
Re: Violence in Relationships

IN the penultimate week and the one before, I wrote about the contentious issue of Violence in Relationships, and spoke about some of the effects on the individual, their partners, families, and even the society.

Only last week, a colleague told me the story of a female cop whose husband had successfully abused their three daughters, all under the age of fifteen. When she discovered, she left him and proceeded to seek redress in the legal system. Surprise, surprise, the woman was vilified by friends and family for taking the man to court. Even worse was the fact that the abuser was actually pressing buttons from the police net to quash the case. The case died a natural death, just like many like it.

If the truth be told, Nigerians have an uncanny habit of protecting evil under the guise of stuff like culture, and “What will people say?” Even worse is the fact that more often not, abusers don’t simply stop with their partners, many go on to abuse children; sometimes theirs, the children of partners, friends, and family members, not to mention neighbourhood kids. When they are caught, and the aggrieved parents of the victim seek redress in the legal system, they are harangued for doing so, being told, “after all, they have begged you.” When will we begin to protect ourselves, and our children from sick people who need to be locked away permanently; for their sake and that of the society? The responses I received from some quarters about my articles on Violence in Relationships, buttress that fact, enjoy.

Hello Jane, I love your thoughts on violence in relationships. It is barbaric and unacceptable. Couples should exercise patience, understanding, and restriction so as to avoid violence in relationships. Ibitoye, 08033530289.

About your write-up; four reasons to leave an abusive relationship. Hope you have left your husband? That is if you are married? It does appear that you are a gender jerk, and a separatist. 07069689551

Response

Dear Sir/madam, it is actually for everyone. Abusers occur in both sexes, although I don’t advocate divorce, I believe that such people need help so that their loved ones can be safe. P.S. Just in case you abuse your spouse, please seek help.

Good afternoon, I live in Abuja. I am a reader of the Nation, and would like to speak with you. Your last article in last Saturday’s Nation spoke about my wife and I. We have a lot to talk about, please text me the best time to call you. Thanks. FF, Abuja

March 26, 2016
‘Nigeria has been technically bankrupt since 1980’

Prof Ademola Ariyo, is a professor of Economics and Head of Department of Economics at the University of Ibadan. He has also served as Commissioner for Finance and Economic Planning in old Oyo State (1986-90) and Special Adviser to the Minister of Finance (1993). In this interview with Oseheye Okwuofu, he talks about the economy, budgets and other national issues.

What is your assessment of the 2016 budget?

Well, I think it’s like a hamper; a basket containing so many good, bad, not too ugly, and whatever, but I am generally happy about the re-orientation of the budget more towards the people. It appears we are now talking of people-centred rather than people – oriented.

There is a difference between the two. If a budget is people-centred, then it is bottom up, and you want people to feel the impact directly. That is different from people-oriented. You can always justify throwing money into the river on behalf of the people.

So, that element of people-centredness is the whole essence of budgeting. A credible and legitimate budget starts and ends with the people. So, to that extent, I think this government has started well.

Do you think the capital expenditure of 30 percent as contained in the budget is good for a country like Nigeria?

I think it’s a right thing and a mark of a re-orientation towards capital budget in the belief that if properly implemented it will help build the national capacity to produce and provide facilities for the needs of the people especially infrastructure. My concern is that there are so many illusions that are affecting the nation because of some arguments here and there. You know, we have so many high strip economies all over the place. First of all there is no universal benchmark on the proportion between capital and recurrent expenditure because of the structure of each economy. For example, in Nigeria everything depends on the government, so you can be arguing for more on recurrent and less on capital and whatever have you. In other societies it is private sector driven, so that type of economy can have up to 80 percent recurrent and the growth will still be very significant but the important thing is that there must be infrastucture, what we call the facilitators of development. The second aspect has to do with the problem of the value of capital expenditure. Research has shown that capital expenditure has not been contributing to growth in Nigeria. About three, four, five studies using different methods came to the same conclusions.

Increasing the vote to capital expenditure is not necessarily beneficial unless there is deficiency in the process, part of which is corruption, government is fighting tooth and nail, and I hope it’s pursued to a logical conclusion. But then there is a gestation period. Corruption is so endemic, in fact, if we can declare a whole year as a year of cleansing corruption without spending one naira, I won’t mind that. So, what I’m saying is that well it sounds nice, but it is still a gamble based on historical value of per capital expenditure to the nation.

Don’t you see the 2016 budget as a ploy to mortgage the nation?

Well, I think there is serious danger ahead. By that I mean this issue of borrowing to support government. Historical antecedents do not support going headlong into further indebtedness. You see, in Nigeria over the years, borrowing had not had any long term positive impact on the economy. Unfortunately, most of these loans were being used for what we call project support. They were not used for projects that will generate money to repay itself. In fact, one would have seen the possible correlation between debts and growth using classical method. In many cases they are negative. And the reason is very simple. Our debt profile is not sustainable. In fact, research has shown that Nigeria has become technically bankrupt since 1980. And to that extent, the rates of growth of our debt servicing obligations have been higher than the rate of the growth of the GDP. Secondly, there is a problem in the kind of advice being given to the government. The so called debt GDP ratio, you can’t generalise it because of the structure and whatever considerations for a country. Even now, I have heard some people saying you can borrow up to 40 per cent ratio. I feel like crying for the country, what type of country is that? And there is element of distortion and reality of facts, comparing debts and GDP. All the models I’m aware of, will not talk about you paying your debt from GDP but from your revenue because you are relating your standard value of your future debt obligation against your future value flows. So, a more defensible and realistic measure of debt should be the ratio of debt to your revenue profile because you are repaying debt from revenue and not from GDP. It’s like in a private establishment; they compare your overall ability to the total value of your sales. Yes, that doesn’t make sense. They can only relate it to your cash flows, because I heard them saying if you borrow more, it will now come to two point something GDP, and then to fourteen point something. I think it’s a ruse. So, I think there is a serious problem there. I agree to the idea of taking in more capital flows.

One should not go again for capital budget support. Secondly, there are other sources of funding capital projects like Public Private Partnership (PPP). Why don’t we go for that or contractor financing that will be repayable from the proceeds of those particular projects.

So, these are the type of options I thought the government should have considered very well. But going headlong with this huge loan in one particular year… I believe the government should be very careful otherwise the nation will be worse off in the long run.

Sir, Nigeria is in this present mess because of the over dependence on crude oil. In spite of the huge opportunities to diversify, the past governments failed to do so, what do you think is actually wrong?

Well, I don’t think the government needs new advice, except to let the government know that the chicken has come home to roost. We have been saying this for a long time and because of oil, the country’s economy has been suffering from what we call the Dutch disease, because we are getting cheap money from oil which we don’t work for, then you paralysed all the other areas. In fact, it has so many connotations. One, the oil has technically neutralised the people and has disenfranchised them because the government can ignore the people and still have money to spend. The Awolowo era we are talking about that time no government will ever go into budgeting without talking to farmers because that is the source of the revenue they are spending. But who does the government want to speak to now? They have the international oil companies, just roll out the oil, get some money, spend and go back. It is a pity we have to learn in a very hard way because unfortunately we are not the only oil producing economy. Look at Saudi Arabia, look at Norway. I remembered when there was oil price surge in 1979 that was when Saudi Arabia started diversifying. We started squandering our own, we said we have so much money, we didn’t know how to spend it wisely. But I think the honeymoon is over, what we have refused to do in normal process, we just have to do it in a very hard way now. There is no oil money to rely upon. Even, I know the rate of drop in price was very sharp, so there might be some movements up and down, but I doubt if we can ever have the type of boom we had for almost 15 years with oil price soaring to $110 per barrel. That arose because of wars and crisis from other countries that could not join the oil market. There was even information that Iran has struck a deal on the nuclear weapon, and see what happened to oil prices because they can now join the market. In fact, Iran is even ready to sell its oil for five dollars because it needs the money. Now, Libya is sorting out itself. The different factions are now reconciling and of course, Libya will soon join the market. So, if we refused to do the right thing to make a change, change will change us involuntarily. We don’t need any sermonising. It’s better we streamline our ways.

The recurrent expenditure of N4.2 trillion in this year’s budget has fallen under criticism. What is your opinion?

Well, it depends on the composition because I know that last year it was not as high as this and I’m not sure if there is any dramatic change in the elements. My point is that these intervention programmes which are geared towards the people, recruiting more teachers, school feeding and so on are those that added to the recurrent expenditure. To that extent, I think they are part of the structure and focus on poverty alleviation programme and human capacity development. If well spent, I think they are productive recurrent because they will enhance the quality of national output in the medium to long term, incidentally, I remembered that this issue of school feeding was one of the issues that were comprehensively debated during Vision 2010 and is still consistent with the provisions of the constitution. They’re supposed to manage the economy in the best interest of the people especially the vulnerable groups. So, I don’t have much problem with that. The idea of recruiting teachers is also a vital principle to me it makes sense because education is the incontrovertible input into national development. For example, last time I went to South Korea I was dazed, a country that has been sentenced to penury after the Second World War, they have recovered.

So, I struggled to see, to know the genesis, they started from the reform of their education sector, both formal and non- formal, and this is what has propelled them to where they are now. So, I don’t know, starting with teachers, in terms of portfolio of activities, a well structured education sector reform, I don’t know whether that should have been the first thing to come before the others, I don’t know, but that the government recognises that there is need for teachers is commendable. Having done that this year, they should now be looking for other complementary activities that will make education a tool for development rather than being a mere consumer good the way it is now because what we have now is that people are looking for certificates to get to public offices and start taking public money. That is the mind of so many people and that is the danger here. Our education is not yet for development but for destructive consumption. I don’t know the other components but like I said, even beyond that one, if it is well spent research has shown that the recurrent expenditure has been oiling the existing fiscal capacity that we have even for the little production we are able to make internally, not the huge capital expenditure. So, it depends on the management and the structure of the recurrent expenditure. There is what we call re-current capital expenditure in Nigeria. Normally, in a normal society, whatever work done on a road, ideally it should serve between not less than ten years before you start repairing, but right now, by the time they are handing over, the roads have collapsed, even some collapsed during construction. There are some roads that stood throughout for the past 30 years. That is what I’m saying, roads that will outlive the financial year. I think there is a country where by law any road constructed must last not less than 25 years. But what do we have in Nigeria? But I think the issue of debt serving is also a problem and with our so called advisers who were saying we have to borrow more. We have about N115billion that we want to spend on debt serving. How much do we get from what we borrowed? The only ones that I think that are defensible are servicing of staff as long as they are on your payroll. You also must provide for what we call working overhead. You don’t pay them salaries without providing the means for them to work. There is what we call consolidated revenue fund charges that are part of administration. Generally, what makes the government to work very well, okay, those are pardonable but if there are severance allowances there and there, and all these training that are not geared towards any productive activity. Even, the issue of duplication, like the issue of monetisation, they will be claiming allowances in their pay slip and they are also getting direct allocation from the government. I don’t know whether that is part of overhead. So, like I said one has to look at the content. We are still having the lingering effect of electoral promises, but when the reality dawns on us we will now go back gradually.

The International Monetary Fund (IMF) has remained at our back door and many Nigerians are not comfortable with them because of what they considered as ‘their stringent conditions’. Do you really think the IMF means well for Nigeria?

Well, I will be surprised if the IMF does not mean well for any country. You see, there is a couple of question. Do we really mean well for ourselves? That is the important thing. Are we the only nation the IMF has been talking to? They’ve been talking to China, they’ve been talking to South Korea, they’ve been talking to Singapore on consultation but they have been moving ahead. Inherently IMF has its own policy framework and objective sign onto by all the member nations. You can only question them if they have not been operating according to the approved guidelines. But in our own case what do we actually need? We must determine what we actually need for IMF to come or not to come. So, that is the crux of the matter. IMF will do its normal work, it’s now left to us to decide to take or reject. You have the right to reject. They won’t impose anything on you. The only thing I know is that in those days the IMF will not come to a country unless that nation is in Intensive Care Unit financially. So, it depends on whether they have more information than we have or they are here to warn us to steer out of Intensive Care Unit. The IMF chief said she did come to discuss any support but to tell us that we have to be careful about corruption; we have to be careful about our fiscal profile. To me, that is instructive enough. Even, if IMF were to be a devil, there is an adage that says blessed are those that want to fool you but woe be tie those that allow themselves to be fooled. We must know what we want. It is only when they said we want to force it on you as a nation that we will start blaming the IMF. And one of the things that I see to be a blessing to this nation is this issue of the size of our budget. I was reading here and there…the government has adopted zero-based budget and all that, I chuckled because some of the other things to see beyond the deep knowledge of the word of the value of the zero-based budget…in a nutshell, zero-based budgeting wants you to prioritise in relation to defined objectives. But you cannot define your objectives in the absence of a national plan which we don’t have. It is when you have national plan that you have what we call programme. Each plan has its own set of programmes. From each programme, you now have a set of activities. So that describes what we call clustered budgeting before you now come back to zero-based budget. So you can rank that project in terms of its multiplied effect towards achieving your objectives.

But where is our plan? The absence of the plan, budgeting becomes a license to squander and that is what we have seen now. All these ‘Dasukigate’ and whatever gate, they are part of it; you just spend money. But because we cannot relate the expenditure to some specific target that the money was supposed to achieve. How are you basing your revenue projection at much more above the ruling market price? No, it is the other way round. You must be conservative. If you cannot have a pauper like the tax rule we had, it will be foolhardy to budgeting well above. You don’t invest on the average; work on the worst case scenario; plan for the worst and hope for the best. So instead of looking at this jumbo budget, the government can engage what we call flexible budget. So, if the revenue went up beyond your projection, you will now go back to the inventory of projects and move ahead. But you based your projection on $38 per barrel, I don’t know it could go back to that this year and you rely on incentive borrowing. I doubt if the projects will be reasonably implemented. That is my personal area of concern. So these are the issues I want government to look at but like I said, all we need to do is to sit and be much more realistic.

You mentioned that you would have loved it if a whole year is devoted to fighting corruption because of its endemic nature. That has been the concern of the common man on the street but the problem is where are all the recovered money from some peopleý going into?

Well, I strongly believe that this government will notý degenerate to that terrible level. It is a total violation of the appropriation act. Secondly, if that money were to come on board, they should be targeted at specific activities, preferably this issue of poverty alleviation in a more structured way. People will directly feel the impact and it goes a long way. And they can deploy it strictly to properly manage infrastructural facilities. Look at how much can be spent on power, look at Benin-Ore road, they are all recurring decimals. So what I have seen is that those recovered money should be earmarked for special projects that will be properly managed. Then we can get value there from. I just hope this government can make an enduring difference on the nation. I believe the government has started; expectations are very high but in addition to just recovering stolen money, my concern is what happens after Buhari. He did it in 1984 and 1985, the succeeding government blew everything. In addition to recovering everything recoverable, they should be focused on proactive strategies. It is like water is leaking out and people are mopping out the leakages, why don’t you go to source of leakage and block? The national budgetary plan has been totally vandalised. You need institutional building; and then you must have a means of making sure that whatever amount was received is properly accounted for, whatever amount claimed to have been expended must be traceable.

March 20, 2016
Double trouble: Woman battles mental illness as 22-year-old son insists she must produce his Italian father

Since she returned from Italy in 1994, life has been anything but fair to Madam Adisa Sule. Her 22-year-old son insists she must produce his Italian father while she is seeking medical assistance to regain sanity. TAIWO ABIODUN captures the challenges the woman in her 40s is grappling with.

Madam Adisa Sule went to Italy as a young and promising lady in search of greener pastures in 1990. She returned four years later with some property, including vehicles, and was able to build two houses. But she has since sold one of the houses while she lives in the other. Things, certainly, are not as rosy as they once were.

She appears now to be of unsound mind, wearing different clothes at the same time. Her speech can also be incoherent. She survives on income from her 10-room bungalow, most of which she lets out while she and her son, Luka, occupies one of them. In front of the building is a small kiosk where she sells provisions.

When our correspondent visited her home at No. 64, Ogunmowola Street, Owo, Ondo State, the kiosk was empty.

“Now, things have changed,” Luka told The Nation amid tears. “Things are not as rosy as before. And these tenants give my mother a hell of problem by not paying their rent regularly, knowing her condition.”

A sojourn in Italy

Recalling her stay in Italy, Madam Sule said: “I am a traveller. I travelled to Italy with the help of one of my aunties. I worked at a place called GDP, where Luka’s father, Jacket, was also working. It is an Italian company where they manufacture vests. I met the man in Torino. I used to go to Milano – I know many places – and spent two years there. I lived with my husband for two years. His name is Jacket. He was a member of the staff of the company where I also worked.

“I remember that if you travelled to Italy then, it meant that God had answered your prayer. Request for it was the in-thing and everybody’s prayer then. I knew one Tunde (surname withheld) from my home town, who used to settle the quarrels I had with my aunties then in Italy.”

The return to Nigeria

Madam Sule recalled her meeting with Jacket, which resulted in pregnancy. According to her, they were lovebirds before she came to Nigeria.

She said: “When I was coming to Nigeria, he followed me to the airport and remained there till the plane was airborne. When I got to Nigeria, we were still communicating. But in-between, something happened and I was no longer hearing from him.

“I wanted to tell him that his baby boy had been delivered. I gave birth to this boy here. We named him after St. Luke in the Bible because his father and I went to church to pray to have him in Italy. But in Owo, they call him Luka (good). After his delivery, calls to his father’s phone were no longer going through. Later, we lost contact. I called the only line he was using then but it was no longer going through for years, even till now.”

Asked what efforts she had made to locate the father of her son, she said she went to many places seeking divine knowledge of her man’s whereabouts without success.

She said: “I searched for the man that impregnated me and I did not see him. I prayed and prayed and prayed to make sure I saw him, but nothing happened. We visited spiritualists, yet no luck.

“I still remember that the father of my baby led me to the airport and he saw me off when I was coming to Nigeria. And the painful aspect of it is that it was not my first time of coming back to Nigeria, for I used to come home to see my property and oversee my projects then. If I had not been coming home, it would have been difficult.”

Corroborating Madam Sule’s claims, her neighbour, a retired schoolmistress who identified herself as Iya Omo Emi, recalled that when Madam Sule returned to Nigeria, she was heavily pregnant.

She said: “We all saw her pregnancy then and it was already big. As at then, there was no cell phone like today. But we had an analog phone we were using, through which she too used to receive telephone calls from her supposed Italian husband. So, she was correct in all her words.

“Later, we did not hear from him again. It is true that she was communicating with her supposed husband.”

The neighbour, however, pleaded that Madam Sule be helped to find her lost partner.

She said: “I am appealing to all Nigerians in Italy, especially through the social and conventional media, that whoever knows anybody in Italy should help in locating her husband. Anybody who knows his address should help in tracing him.

“The mother of this woman created this problem and she is dead now. If she knows the address of the husband, then he can be traced. I am an educated woman. I know what I am saying.”

The good times in Italy

Recalling her stay in Italy, Madam Sule said. “I had been going to Italy since 1990 and had this boy in 1994. While in Italy, I worked with a textiles company. At first, I was working with my aunt, assisting her to sell African foods.”

Asked whether she smoked or did drugs, she said: “I did not smoke Indian hemp while in Italy. But I smoked a cigarette called YES. It was more expensive than the ones sold here.

“I can speak the language, but not fluently. I lived in Pietasanta. They wrote everything in Italian language. I met my man in Torino and came to Nigeria with his pregnancy.”

Asked why she decided to return to Nigeria alone, she said: “I came back home when my colleagues were coming back. I too decided to come back home to see my house. Many came back home after making some money. I came home with a lot of money. I used to book first class seats in the aircraft.”

Son, Luka, speaks

Fair-complexioned Luka was clearly not happy that his mother had not shown him his father and for selling off her three-storey buildings cheaply because she wanted to go back to Italy. The half-caste said the deal was not done in a proper way and his mother was short-changed because of her mental illness.

He said: “I don’t know my father and I cannot trace him. My mother only told me that he is an Italian and that I look like him. But what is the essence of living without knowing my father? I am not threatening her because of the state of her health but I am pleading with her and foreigners as well as Nigerian and international media to help look for my father. How will I at 22 not know my father? Friends make mockery of me that I am an Italian but a bastard.”

The handsome young man said he left secondary school at Junior Secondary School Three (JSS3). He has no means of livelihood, as he is unemployed. He also said he was learning barbing before he jettisoned the idea.

Asked why he failed to complete secondary school, he said: “I have no money and my mother too has no money. If I have a father, I would be in school.”

What irks Luka is his mother’s usual response that since he knows the road to the airport, people would help him find his father if he goes to the airport with his picture.

Asked what hope Luka had of finding his father, Madam Sule said: “What is my problem with him not knowing his father? If he loves his father, he would look for him. Would he tongue-lash his father the way he tongue-lashes me? No way. His father will bring out his pistol and shoot him. He does not respect me, so how will I show him his father who is in Italy? I have showed him his father’s picture. He only needs to go and search for him.

“If he gets to Rome and goes down to Pontosita iro Pinivero, he can easily get his father’s house. I was not as old as him when I lost my father, so what is his problem? My mother died last year, and I was just 16 years when my father died. He should go and look for his father.”

Living together

Living with his mother has been a problem for Luka. He says he cannot continue to stand the sight of men sneaking in the dead of the night to sleep with her.

He said: “Because of her mental state of health, some men who cannot feed themselves come here to have sex with my mother. I cannot stand it. Yet, they can’t give her money.”

The statement annoyed his mother who said he could not stop the men from coming to her. Mother and son live together in one room.

Madam Sule said: “I have four children. This boy (Luka) is the third child. I have a child for an Ekiti man, one for an Owo man and another for a Calabar. This one is for an Italian. If you look at him very well, you will know he looks like a half-caste. I’m married to four men.”

“I attended Ahmadiya Secondary School, Owo and I did not go beyond Form One. For my elementary school, I went to Local Authority Primary School in Okitipupa. When there was no job here, I went to Italy. Many went to Italy to sell wares and in the evening, they go to Asuwada where they do prostitution. But I did not do such a thing. My sister did not allow me to do it at all.

“While in Italy, we were selling foodstuff like African beans, yam and garri. In Italy, we could be 50 in a room.

“I have never seen cocaine in my life. My sister did not allow me to join any bad gang and my Italian husband used to give me money.”

Our correspondent spoke with her elder brother, Mr. Raji Suleiman, who said he would be happy if his half-sister receives medical help. He said he had taken her to some spiritual homes but reasoned that she needs medical attention too.

He said: “My name is Raji Sulaiman. I am a half-brother to the woman. She was not really very close to me. When she came back from Italy, the mother did not allow me to get close to her. Her condition was not like this.

“However, I don’t know more than that. But we would be grateful if anyone can assist. Her siblings did not believe she has a problem. If they knew, they would have taken her to the hospital. They do not believe that something is wrong with her. They say she is harsh. You can take the horse to the brook but you cannot force it to drink water.

“I only know that they were fighting over her property. This boy (Luka) had not listened to me. If he had stayed with me, he could have been better than this.

“He said he wanted to learn barbing, but after spending some time with me, he left.”

On the woman’s condition when she returned from Italy, Sulaiman said: “It is true she came from abroad with a pregnancy. I have thought beyond this. We don’t know her husband’s phone number in Italy and we don’t know his family. Each time I see her son, Luka, I feel sad. Why should a man of this nature not have a father? The mother stayed with me for some time, and she used to sleep soundly until she left here again.”

Asked whether he shared the belief in some quarters that she was ‘called’ home by supernatural means or ‘African power’, the brother disagreed, saying: “I don’t believe she was ‘called’ home by force, for she came with a lot of property. She really assisted her family members. I believe it is an attack, and her destiny.”

March 19, 2016