Category: Yomi Odunuga

When will we, as Nigerians, begin to appreciate the sacrificial efforts of those hardworking, ‘distinguished’ folks in the National Assembly? When will we start contributing our little stipends to augment the paltry allowances and emoluments they take home monthly? When will we stage a protest on their behalf to force the Presidency to grant them unhindered access to the nation’s vault so that they can get the kind of payment that is commensurate with their uncommon contribution to nationhood? And when will we learn to sing their praises instead of allowing a section of an unappreciative populace to mock, ridicule and bring to disrepute the integrity of our distinguished senators just because they set aside a measly N4.7bn to purchase new Toyota jeeps for all the 109 members of the upper chamber? Personally, I find it appalling and utterly distasteful that some Nigerians are trying to reap political capital from what is apparently a rare belt-tightening measure by the Bukola Saraki-led Senate who has made the deal so transparent. In fact, a list of those who comprise the leadership of the Senate ought to have been dispatched to Oslo, Sweden for a shot at the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences for prudent management of captive capital! Ask me why? Well, which one is better between spending N4.7bn on buying exotic cars and cornering N4.8bn for ‘special prayers’ for a big gun?

I could barely contain the rage boiling within going through several tasteless comments on an online version of the car purchase story. In their haste to hang Saraki and his men in the sun to dry for merely contemplating new exotic cars to hasten the serious business of law making, most of these pretentious public affairs analysts never bothered about the cogent reasons given by the Senate on why the jeeps have become a matter of life and death. They were not introspective and neither were they accommodating of dissenting views like mine. They blabbed about how the 7th Senate and every other senate before it kept on buying exotic cars on the ‘lame and tendentious’ excuse that they were not meant for individual senators but for legislative oversight or committee use. They queried why the current lawmakers could not make use of the ones bought some four years back during the tenure of distinguished Senator David Mark. They declared that spending N4.7bn at this time of economic dislocation is nothing but a waste, inhuman and callous. Chai! Nigerians! We just like wasting grammar and deploying expletives on simple issues. If we expend so much energy on the plan of 109 senators to enjoy a good life from the national till, what adjectives would be left for some persons who now sing like canaries, vomiting mind-shattering confessions on how billions of dollars were spent on frivolities, including items such as procuring prayers and paying for adversarial political consultancy?

After all, all the exotic cars bought for those in the 7th Senate had been paid for, at the appropriately generous ‘depreciation value’ and taken away as mere spoils of office. Thus far, no one has complained about the lack of transparency in the process. So what’s the latest tantrums all about? I’ll break it down. Last week, an online news medium published a story on the plan by the Senate to purchase 120 ‘utility vehicles’ for members, including a replacement of the outlandish vehicles in the convoy of the Senate President. Questioning what it called a ‘deliberate ploy to conceal details’ of the purchase by publishing the bid contract in an advert in one national daily with very limited if not local circulation, the writer listed several humanitarian and developmental projects on which such N4.7bn could be spent, instead of wasting it on funding the luxurious cravings of characters whose quarterly allowances are enough to give poverty-stricken citizens some regular nightmares. At about N60 million per quarter for each Senator, the allowances and other ‘oversight egunje’ are already more than what the American President earns in a year. Thinking that it was doing the poor a favour by whipping up public hysteria against the purchase, the online newspaper scooped details of the purchase to include 120 Toyota Land Cruiser jeeps at a cost of N4,410,000,000:00; one Mercedes Benz S550 (likely bullet-proof) at N49,020,625:00; four Toyota Prado (bullet-proof because of citizens’ envy?) at N149,650,000:00; four Toyota Hilux SS at N102,407,500:00; and five Toyota Hiace Bus — N28,437,500:00. While the other listed items would be available at the pleasure of the Senate President, the 120 land cruiser jeeps would go to the 109 senators and some lucky directors in that hallowed chamber. At least, that has always been the tradition since all manner of persons have discovered the wisdom in earning fat while working less as a federal lawmaker!

If not for the mercy of God, the online medium that published the story could have brought the National Assembly’s Director of Information, Mr. Ishaku Dibal, to harm for seeking confirmation from him while on the wheels. Only God knows how the man managed to pass out the information that he was tongue-tied because he was driving. In any case, why couldn’t they wait for the spokesperson of the Senate, Senator Aliyu Sabi, to switch his phone on before publishing the salacious blackmail called exclusive story? Now, see what the haste to publish has caused the nation! We now have a Senate that is madly angry at the Nigerian media that is fond of crying blue murder when there is none. Even, the Presidency under General Olusegun Obasanjo and even General Muhammadu Buhari would tell you that an angry Senate is the equivalent of a Tsunami or a mad Nigerian cow. They may wreck the boat, especially this one that has its poisoned tail poised against the party leadership. Yes, the new government promised change in the way of doing things. But, in fairness to them, there was no promise that the lawmakers would change to riding Keke-NAPEP to the National Assembly!

Thankfully, the Senate’s riotous anger has been mitigated by Sabi’s statement, which gave detailed information on why the N4.7bn would have to be disbursed for the purchase of these cheap cars. Have we ever thought about the deadly danger these guys are exposing themselves to by failing to demand for armoured vehicles in this season of suicide bombings? What if they have demanded for back-up vehicles in addition to police escorts? But, in recognition of the comatose state of the economy, Sabi explained that the wonder-on-wheels, 2016 model vehicles would strictly be used by the Senate committees as the ones bought for that purpose in the last dispensation were no longer in top notch condition “to effectively serve the present committees.” As it has always been, all the Senators occupy either chairmanship or deputy chairmanship of a committee. Though Sabi did not want to bother us with the list of beneficiaries of the vehicles that he said were sold at “depreciated value”, we all know that most of the senators in the 7th Assembly saved us the anguish of servicing the junk by buying the vehicles just like they did under Obasanjo. So, why should any news media waste ink on the fresh purchase as if it has not become a tradition in our cravings for the good things of life?

Besides, Sabi made it clear that it is wicked for anyone to presume that this gang of senators have not been making sacrifices or tightening belts in solidarity with millions of Nigerians, including workers whose chance of remaining on a monthly wage of 18,000 is hanging in the balance. Hear him: “We have been very frugal, responsive and responsible in our spendings. We have also cut down on several expenses. With respect to the official vehicles of the Senate President, it should be noted that majority of the vehicles in his convoy are his personal vehicles while some of the vehicles that he inherited, including his official vehicles and the backup car, are so old that they are already developing faults and not fit for long journey. The implication is that the vehicles in his official convoy are so old that they are already causing embarrassment for the Senate”.

How else can anyone defend this tasteless invasion on the rights of our distinguished senators and their counterparts in the House of Representatives? Having been elected to enjoy the pleasures of Abuja on our behalf, should they not live their dreams while suffering to make laws for the good governance of millions of hapless Nigerians? If we make noise over the legitimate purchase of less than 130 luxury vehicles for those in the upper chamber, how could we have any strength to shout against the coming purchase of over 360 wonder-on-wheels for those in the Green Chamber? And what is that nonsense I’m reading that the acquisition of the cars is a clear violation of the country’s monetisation policy, as “public officers and political office holders are to receive 250 per cent of their annual basic salary as motor vehicle loan, which translates to N5.07 million for each senator?” Our Senators found a way around that obnoxious rule long ago! Like Sabi said, these vehicles are not for the private use of the senators. They are just ‘working vehicles’ for legislative duties in the care of each senator for four years after which they can be purchased by each senator at depreciated value and as parting gift! Now, what is so strange in this? Nothing, if you ask me.

Let’s get one thing clear, senators ought not be compelled to ride the same brand of cars like the average Nigerian. And so, it is not just demeaning but also utter disrespect for the unique integrity of the Nigerian Senate when the online medium that published the story begins to question why these rare breed of Nigerians should make specific demands for cars with features such as “American Brand, V8, VXR, 5.7, Auto Engine WITH INTELLIGENCE, integrated navigator cruise control, QI-Compatible wireless charging and Kinetic dynamic suspension system, as well as being full option. Do they expect them to cross the border to Cotonou for the purchase of high grade Tokunbo jeeps like everybody else? Were they expecting them to cruise through our bad roads without a good navigation system that would warn them against the dangers posed by area boys, armed robbers or even kidnappers? Do we want them to be visiting the auto mechanic workshops regularly to fix shock absorbers if they had gone for cars without kinetic suspension system? Or is there anyone out there who thinks they should buy my kind of car that has neither developed any technical fault nor stopped on the road in the last six years even when it was manufactured in 2003? Are we saying that an important personality like the Senate President should be exposed to danger just because we do not want to replace a faulty 10-car convoy bought four years back from the manufacturer?

No, I totally condemn this kind of attitude. Every senator, it must be stressed, deserves his joy of fancy. It doesn’t matter if the money could have been used to enhance healthcare delivery or build 235 primary health care centres across Nigeria or even provide over 470,000 children with insecticide-treated mosquito nets at N10,000 each like the online medium pointed out in the report. So are the online reporters implying that our senators should forgo the cars just because N4.7bn would have gotten “over 10 million Nigerian kids complete malaria treatment dosage” at N460 each? Have our distinguished senators become issuers of payment vouchers such that we now reason that the money would have conveniently, “offset a six-month wage bill of 40,000 minimum wage workers?” Should they now walk to the National Assembly daily so that money cornered to purchase cars can be donated for the provision of a “conducive learning environment in schools, 470,000 sets of school furniture, comprising tables and chairs at N10,000 each” so that kids would no longer learn alphabets on bare floor or under trees? Oh, come on! We should respect tradition; our VIP senators are only living up to an established tradition. Let no one add bitterness to their taste bud please!

There is something eternally repulsive about governance in Nigeria to the point that one is compelled to conclude that its greatest undoing is the serial retention of jokers in positions of authority. Characters who – apart from their cursed pursuit of personal gains – are thoroughly ill-prepared for the huge responsibilities that the call to service demands. Right from the days of the military jackboots to the era of a fleecing gang of politicians in flowing Babanrigas and well-tailored suits (well, I admit they could be a disaster in style and fashion also), the missing element has always been the absence of a commitment to service. If we excuse the many years of torment that the military inflicted on the collective psyche of the nation traceable to military dictatorship’s abnormal system, we sure can’t brush off the unmitigated insult that the present crop of leaders seems to be asking us to swallow with tortuous equanimity. That, by the way, is Knucklehead’s reading of the conspiratorial mischief with which the Chairman of the Nigerian Governors Forum and Zamfara State Governor, Abdulaziz Yari, gleefully announced a planned cut in workers’ wages on the grounds that the N18,000 minimum wage module is no longer feasible. Says who?

To be fair to Yari, he actually tabled a basket of nebulous excuses to justify the pay slash which, I assume, will cut across all cadres of staff employed by Nigeria’s 36 state governments. Chief among these is the drastic reduction in oil revenue due to dwindling prices at the international market. As prices fall from a high of over $125 to less than $40 in a mono-product economy, Yari says it was increasingly becoming difficult for the states to receive humongous freebies from the Federation Account, as it won’t in the past. Add that to the fact that most state governments have never deemed it necessary to evolve effective means of generating revenues other than long-existing cap-in-hand monthly junkets to Abuja for monthly federal allocations and you would understand why they now find themselves in a fix. But then, that’s underestimating the reasons why most states are swimming in the waters of insolvency.

One would not have been complaining today if all it takes to be a state chief executive is the capacity to pick up crumbs from Abuja for onward distribution as political patronage to all manners of people after payment of salaries to civil servants who practically sleep on confidential files. In fact, the people could as well entrust their fate into the hands of any simpleton on the streets. Yet, governance is a serious business that requires more than the fleeting attention being paid to it by Yari and his gang. If we must spell it out in capital letters, most states are lying prostrate in the intensive care unit today because those who should be at the forefront of the healing process are sold to a false sense of greed, avarice and ostentatious living that has left the economy bleeding to death. How would any right-thinking person have thought that the decades of beggarly-governance structure would not come crashing down one day?

Even if workers were to be hypnotically convinced to support having salaries cut to the stingiest minimum, the economy of most states would still remain resolutely unhealthy as long as the governors continue with their profligate lifestyle. No matter what, none of these governors would readily concur with a suggestion to do away with multibillion Naira ‘security vote’, endless indulgences for the ‘First Lady’ and a host of other luxuries and inanities under which major disbursements are made in various Government Houses! We don’t even want to go into how they immediately change schools for their kids and those of lucky hangars-on to Ivy League schools in Europe and the Americas including the billions naira wasted on medical tourism to treat ailments such as backache and tooth decay!

The crying reality, which Yari and his colleagues must accept, is that they – our VIP spendthrifts – are a major hindrance to the development of the states. Perhaps, Yari must have thought that he had hit the right chord to lifting the states out of the sinking economic doom when he said that the governors, at the end of their meeting at the Banquet Hall of the Presidential Villa, Abuja, resolved to; “look at ways to enhance revenue generation and at the same time look at ways to cut our overhead costs more especially the political office holders’ salaries and other overhead expenses.We will diversify our economy in the area of agriculture and mining. But at the same time, we should understand our situation where some of us (states) today are taking N100million take home (monthly allocation) and then have salaries in particular of over N2billion to pay.”

How tendentiously magnanimous can these governors be? Beyond the senseless duplication of political offices to gratify aides and hangars-on, governors would need to take radical steps to shut down on their greed to callously rape the states’ treasury. In fact, recent revelations have shown that what goes on in most states in the name of governance is pure, blind larceny where elected chief executives relocate the states treasuries to their private bedrooms. While the people languish in penury and want with the dearth of basic infrastructural amenities, those entrusted with the power to change the tide have been found wanting in the discharge of their responsibilities. Today, as I write this, it is rare to get any former state chief executive that does not have a billion naira graft case to his name. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, in its findings, said a large chunk of the funds disbursed at the Abuja monthly ritual are often routed in dollar loads into foreign accounts. Now, don’t ask me who own such accounts. Though some of them have smartly retired to the National Assembly, sleeping on their loot while others strut the political turf as moneybags and kingmakers, no one is sure if those pushing for a reduction in salaries and wages are not committing higher crimes than their predecessors did. Well, we may not know how determined they were in under-developing their states until some canaries start singing odious tunes about their ‘giant strides’ in office.

But for the on-going trials in the court, how would anyone have known that some of our ‘ever caring’ governors have evolved the best means of creaming off crucial funds from the vaults? For instance, without prejudice to the outcome of the money laundering case before the Federal High Court in Abuja, one should be truly disturbed that the former Imo State governor, Ikedi Ohakim, could package raw cash totaling $2.29m through some so-called ‘associates’ to purchase a personal property in Asokoro. It is not just the amount involved that shocks but also the slimy details about how some otherwise respectable persons have perfected the art of stealing while kicking the poor in the groin. It is even sacrilegious that, in this age and time, government officials corner raw cash with reckless abandon, all in the name of service to humanity. Here I hastily refer to the mind-shattering stories of how billions of dollars meant to equip the Nigerian military in the fight against the Boko Haram insurgents were shared under the table by some demented souls while innocent souls get hacked down daily. It’s a shame really.

There was also that brazen story related by one of the witnesses in the case involving the former governor of Benue State, Gabriel Suswam. The prosecution witness relayed how a whopping three billion naira— part proceeds from the nine billion naira sales of the state’s shares—were audaciously converted into dollars ($15.8m), and discreetly handed to His Excellency for personal use. There was also that case of the controversial $15m that was allegedly offered as bribes to the former head of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, by the former governor of Delta State, Mr. James Ibori, who is now serving jail terms for corrupt practices in the United Kingdom. Countless other cases involving the shameless pillage of the commonwealth by state chief executives abound.

Clearly, it is mere self-delusion for state governors to assume that the civil servants would cave in to their blackmail this time. Already, the labour unions are spoiling for a showdown with this group of over-privileged persons that would first need to cut down on their grandiose lifestyle and kleptomania tendencies before asking the ones they treat with insolent arrogance to make sacrifices. It is one thing if they argue that the civil service needs to be pruned and re-invent itself for effective delivery of qualitative service for the general good. It is another thing for them to wake up to the exasperating reality that the dwindling slide in the price of crude would affect the arrant pilfering that has turned most of them into instant billionaires and power brokers in a political clime that celebrates buffoonery. If these governors have looked beyond the usual monthly pilgrimage to Abuja and developed viable economic alternatives in the states, most of them would have gone past the present hysteria of shedding crocodile tears over paucity of funds to pay workers’ pittance.

Since they appear to be busy groping for answers as to how best to confront the present challenge, the opposition Peoples Democratic Party whose members inflicted the most gruesome pain on the nation’s psyche in their 16 years of misrule, has offered an insight. In its usually atrocious blame-game statement issued on Tuesday in Abuja, it advises the All Progressives Congress led government to, among other things, “evolve economic initiatives to improve the lot of the citizens. The party went on to say that: “It is a statement of fact that under President Buhari’s watch, the nation has witnessed the gloomiest festive season. Under this government, Nigerians have had the worst Sallah celebration and by all indications, this Christmas season is going to be the bleakest ever. More worrisome is the fact that there is no indication that the government has any plan for ameliorating the hardship of the people. Instead, the situation may get worse as this administration, in its lack of economic initiatives, is now rolling up its sleeves to introduce some stringent tax policies, in addition to completely removing the social palliatives Nigerians benefit from.

We therefore align with the people in declaring that this administration is unprepared for governance. President Buhari and his party came to power on propaganda, deceit and falsehood and the government has now shown lack of initiatives and the required competence to successfully move the nation forward.”

Okay, maybe the PDP is making the best out of the gloom that the present regime inherited from it. Maybe, there were some forms of exaggeration here and there to turn Buhari’s change mantra into chaining suffering Nigerians to the stakes. What is undeniably true is that this government, with the highest number of APC governors, would be making a grave mistake to think that the populace would tolerate its whining streak and excuses for a planned austerity measure while leaders luxuriate in government houses. They had better start thinking outside the box to make this change work or be prepared to dance to another change tune in a not too distant future!

May the promise of change not become a mere change of promise. And so, it happens that the All Progressives Congress has learnt nothing ennobling from the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP)’s 16 years dominance! Ironically, the APC had so often claimed that the PDP spent 16 years dragging Nigeria down the rudder of political infamy! If anything, the APC is serially perfecting some of the imperfections that ultimately led to the resounding failure that the PDP suffered in the 2015 poll. Just yesterday, the APC was at the forefront in sweeping out the remnants of the torn umbrella from the seat of power. Then, the sing-song was that PDP’s leadership was not only bereft of democratic ethos, but also utterly unschooled in the principle of internal democracy. Add that to the crying cluelessness at the centre and what you get is a perfect mix of the intoxicating tequila that broke the wings of the PDP. It would not have been out of place if one had thought that a party that rode into power on the crest of citizens’ displeasure with another party’s bland arrogance would be humble enough to learn from such missteps. Clearly, it is now obvious that expecting such now, would amount to scoring the APC far above its capacity.

As night breaks into dawn, it is becoming clearer that the pooling together of these strange bedfellows into one, united bunch of broomstick was nothing more than a common artificial means to an end. It was just a potent power-grabbing strategy. With the bigger prize in its stead, the real scramble for the partitioning of the APC has just begun. The forces that coalesced into a whole are gradually disintegrating into pieces by centrifugal forces and equally centrifugal interests, with sharpened daggers thrust right towards the soul of the party. Of course, the signs had been there right from when Senate President Bukola Saraki and his partner-in-arms at the House of Representatives, Speaker Yakubu Dogara, threw their noses in the air; pulled the rugs off the feet of the party’s elders and plotted their ways into the leadership positions of the National Assembly. One had thought that the party swallowed that gratuitous insult with befuddling equanimity with the hope that it was doing everything within its power to put an end to the clear and present danger that such radical divergence poses to its general survival.

If recent developments are anything to go by, it is safe to say that the greatest threat to the survival of the APC is the APC itself. In fact, nothing exposes the dangerous rumblings in the workings of the party’s internal crisis resolution mechanism than the pathetic handling of the Kogi State debacle following the sudden death of Prince Abubakar Audu, its governorship candidate in the November 21, 2015 election. It is shocking that, in record time, the APC has retrogressively progressed in error since that unfortunate incident in its drive to wilfully self-destruct. It beggars every logical belief that a simple matter that required common sense has culminated into an endless maze of contraption. It’s as if the late Audu left with the original bunch of broom that once held the Kogi chapter together. Now that he is gone, each member is holding aloft a personal broomstick of shame, as the macabre dance gets messier.

Of course, there were sights and sounds indicative of how bad things have gone. The early signs that the party’s symbol of unity was under threat started manifesting when the late Audu’s son, Mohammed, pushed through those deft political moves to succeed his father even while shouting at the top of his voice that his major concern was to mourn the huge loss. The ‘painful’ tears did not blur his vision to take over Lugard House perhaps as an extension of his patrimony. Is it not obvious that things have irretrievably fallen apart when, after series of meetings by the conclave of elders, the party is still swimming in the ocean of deep-seated strife, political uncertainty and a harvest of litigations? So Audu died and what has Kogi State gained from that death other than this shameless display of political mercantilism?

Just the other day, these same self-styled political gadflies gathered at Audu’s graveside, feigning sombreness and offering the finest eulogies to celebrate the death of a colleague that would be sorely missed. Today, they have thrown all caution to the winds in readiness to wrestle with pigs if need be. The sad part is that the leadership at the centre, for some queer political reason, appears to be adding fuel to the raging fire. How, for example, did the party arrive at picking Yahaya Bello as a replacement for Audu in an election that was declared inconclusive without considering the feelings of James Faleke who shared a joint ticket in that poll? Would it have been wrong if, in the course of adopting a doctrine of necessity, the party had settled for a Faleke/Bello ticket based on the fact that the former was already a candidate for Lugard’s House courtesy of the results announced by the Independent National Electoral Commission? By the way, would it have been possible to suggest that Faleke should continue as deputy governor had Audu died in office?

No doubt, Audu’s death truly created a constitutional crisis. Question is: couldn’t the APC have handled the matter with some tact, including taking up the electoral umpire on the vacuous reason it gave for declaring the election inconclusive? Personally, I believe that the party’s failure to apply the laws of equity and fairness in arriving at its choice did not only result in the state hanging on the thread but also caused the conundrum that they now battle untangle with no reasonable progress. It is this failure to show leadership when it mattered most that has given the incumbent Governor, Capt. Idris Wada of the PDP the courage to proceed to the court, saying he should be declared winner. That is laughable to say the least. It is also ludicrous that Faleke, in a sickening madness to get to power by all possible means, would find an accomplice in Muhammed Audu when he could have picked a neutral candidate even as he pursues his case at the court. As things stand today, the only thing that pervades the Kogi debacle is the unreasonable babbling of voices. No one can say for sure when and how the matter would be resolved.

With all the combatants wielding different shapes and forms of broomsticks snatched from the scattered bunch, it is apparent that the APC is sliding into the abyss of disintegration. The centre is bursting at the seams and things have fallen apart. Finally, the plastic laughter of a marriage many had thought was made in heaven has been pierced by a combination of skin-deep primordial sentiments and raw greed. Why would Wada, who apparently stood no chance in the election, give up when he sees a window of opportunity to retain the governor’s seat through the backdoor? Why won’t Bello grin from ear to ear when he has been given the governorship on a platter by the Abuja forces in the party? And why should Faleke surrender a mandate that he fully participated in till the last breath of Audu? Why should Kogi not hang on the tenterhooks ad-infinitum as long as the personal ambitions of these powerful individuals are concerned?

Sadly, the classic victims remain the Kogi electorate each time the fleecing elite play their silly games. Now that those who once constituted a powerful movement have chosen to break into fragments, we can only wait to see how they hope to clear the mess with the disjointed broomsticks in their hands without inflicting a lasting dent on the psyche of a party that is barely struggling to set its footprints on the sands of time. Will Kogi ever exhale after today’s supplementary election or will it remain a theatre of litigations and counter-litigations with a sad reminder of the narrative of the scattered broom? Only time will tell.

I just cannot forget the image that confronted me that particular morning as I settled down to watch SUNRISE Daily, a breakfast programme on Channels TV. There he was on the podium in his trademark expensively embroidered and voluminous Babanriga, waving a short, tightly-knitted broomstick at the crowd of party faithful, excited villagers and close associates. That the crowd had sat through the scorching sun just to listen to him – despite his arrival to the campaign venue some ten odds hours late – bore testimony to the larger-than-life image he had carved for himself in the minds of his people. Not a saint by any stretch of the imagination even before the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission listed truckloads of charges against him, Prince Abubakar Audu had never run short of controversies. A showman by all standards, Audu’s natural turf was the political terrain; he had his own scripted drama tucked under the armpit and he played that self-chosen role until a tragic conclusion last week (or early this week depending of which of the many stories of death catches your fancy).

As the news of his death filtered into newsrooms across Nigeria last Sunday – on a day many had anticipated to be the heraldry of his dramatic return to the Kogi State Government House after harrowing years of failed attempts – his words kept flashing through my mind as I went back to that short clip that fateful morning. How could he have known that those assurances of stellar performance in his third coming were just the hollow words of a man who would soon be departing this world in a haze of confusion? How could he have known that his sudden death would be the defining factor in a keenly contested election where bare knuckle and atavistic campaign strategies were freely deployed? Surely, it could not have been part of the script that his singular ambition to rule Kogi again would be met with such fatal fate.

On the podium that day, Audu danced, mocked and promised. He recalled how he left his footprints at every nook and cranny of the state in almost all sectors of the economy. Listing the roads constructed, schools built, markets rehabilitated, health care centres and various other facilities at different communities, Audu asked the crowd a very simple question: “If I had done all this in the past, do you believe I can do more? If you believe it, raise up your hands”. It was more of a command than a plea. Obviously, the crowd cared less about how the delivery sounded. As long as it was Audu, it was acceptable. At that moment, the crowd burst into a frenetic hysteria. They waved their brooms and shouted his name. The mood was electrifying and Audu was all smiles. It was just about two days to the election and there was nothing to show that this man was having any serious health challenges. Though his pitch was measured and slow, it could have been excused on the strength of his age and the fact that he had been on the road throughout the day, campaigning from one community to the other.

Perhaps, there is more to Audu’s death than the ordinary eye can see. Aside the crude subjectivity of a conspiracy theory which soon dissipated into nothingness, there are reasonable and objective grounds to expect that an independent inquest should be carried out to determine not just the cause of death but also the how, when and why of a death that has now been overtly politicized. As I write this, no one has a definitive answer to the question on the exact time Audu gave up the ghost. The confusion is not helped by reports which tend to suggest that the man died shortly after casting his vote last Saturday in his village, Ogbonicha. There was also another report that quoted the usually ‘reliable’ sources as being emphatically sure that Audu died as early as 5:00 am on Sunday morning shortly after developing some health complications. Then, there was that other angle in which the late former governor’s brother, Alhaji Tijani Audu, told reporters that death came knocking some minutes after the Returning Officer, Prof. Emmanuel Kucha, declared the poll inconclusive.

Hear Tijani: “I was with him when the whole thing started. I was told in the morning of Saturday that he was sick and I called him to confirm but he said he was okay and would be coming to vote by 1pm. He came without showing any sign of sickness and we went together to vote. But the following day (Sunday) by 10 am, I went there to see him and his children said he was having health challenges and was weak, I even advised that after the announcement of the result he should go abroad for treatment”.

I hate to think that some people are latching on to the doctrine of political expediency to cheapen the death of Abubakar Audu. If he had shown signs of serious health challenges some hours before the election, there is the need to unravel how his medical team allowed him to issue himself a medical certificate of fitness to enable him make a physical appearance at the polling booth that Saturday. If that is not a suicidal and criminal breach of professional conduct, what then is? Let’s get this clear, there is nothing in the law books or Electoral Act that compels Audu to be physically present at the polling booth to exercise his franchise for his mandate, if given by the people, to stand. And so, it would amount to turning logic on its head for anyone to argue that the required medical attention, either here in Nigeria or abroad as people of his class are wont to do, was delayed for a peripheral electoral gesture. If that was the case, then those behind this murderous intent must be exposed for what they are. Cold-blooded murderers!

By the way, what political mileage would the leadership of Audu’s ruling All Progressives Congress be willing to gain by contriving with his family, as alleged, to hide its candidate’s death from the public for almost twenty-four hours until the results were announced? Would the announcement of his death have changed the fact that an election was officially conducted and remained inconclusive as declared by the Independent National Electoral Commission? Even if Audu had been declared winner with the commission unmindful of his death, would it have changed the dynamics of the serious ethno-religious politics of Kogi State where seeming political associates hide behind plastic laughter? Now that the election has been declared inconclusive, has it conferred any advantage on Audu’s running mate towards the December 5 supplementary election?

Audu is dead and buried. That’s a fact. The story of his resurrection, laughable as it was, should be seen as an encore to the tale of a man who was held in awe by a section of his community. For those who are still alive to play cheap politics with his death, they need to take a deep pause and pick hard lessons from his tragic exit. There could never be such wealth in this world that is greater than health. Power is alluringly tempting but the lust for power at the risk of a sound health is a sure path to Hades. The little things we ignore while chasing the bigger prize may end up inflicting the greatest injury and deepest regrets on us and many around us. The new chapter that Audu said would open in a blitz of glory sometimes in January 2016 under his leadership has been shut forever, even before it opened. It would become part of what could have been.

Yet Audu represents something that would forever resonate in the memories of the crowd that listened to him as he reeled out his plans for a new Kogi state. That was a mere mortal pontificating. How could he have known that he was just a walking corpse who would soon be resting six feet under the clayey earth? How could he have known that his associates would soon be falling over themselves to reap political capital from a death that was never in the script he held closely to his chest?

In the final analysis, are we not all walking corpses, timed to expire when we shall, even when we have chosen not to learn humbling lessons from others’ vanities in our crazy ambitions? As the metaphysical poet, John Donne in ‘Devotions upon Emergent Occasions’ wrote: “…Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”. For those pretentious mourners who, through acts of commission or omission, now spit on his grave with the despicable politicking that his death has generated in the last few days, do they know what lurks in the corner? If Audu could see from that lonely grave, he would shake his head in disbelief at the speed with which opportunists now dance on his grave. Pity.

Is nemesis dealing the Peoples Democratic Party a fatal blow or is the once-upon-a-time behemoth finally charting its self-destruct lane with suicidal equanimity? Whatever it is, the PDP is in a do-or-die with itself. This marriage of strange bedfellows is undergoing its strictest test of fidelity. And, going by the rate at which it thaws, its end may just be by the corner if its leaders continue to cover the truth behind the decay within, with a mask of deceit. Yes, it is natural for a former ruling party with an ambition to reign ad-infinitum to suffer some debilitating post-electoral defeat trauma having lost woefully to the All Progressives Congress. However, the positive vibes, which reflect the PDP’s ability to bounce back in no distant future, is being hampered by its pitiable whingeing over how it opened itself up for that inglorious exit from power. Down on its knees, it is shocking that the varied interests still spend quality time genuflecting over inane issues when common sense demands they focus on fixing the cluttered variables that eventually shattered their emblematic umbrella.

Without any shadow of doubt, Dr. Raymond Dokpesi was dead right when he listed the forced candidacy of former President Goodluck Jonathan in the 2011 election as a key variable in the sinking of the party’s boat. It does not matter that, typical of the Nigerian politician to beat a retreat at the heat of the moment, Dokpesi has eaten his vomit by denying apologising to Nigerians for the grave mistake his party made in fielding Jonathan at a time when an unwritten zoning formula favoured the North. We were all living witnesses to how Jonathan arm-twisted his way to grabbing power. He did not only lie about the existence of the gentleman’s agreement he entered into, but also ensured that those who insisted on respecting terms and conditions of the zoning formula suffered irreparable loss. How could Dokpesi forget so easily when his preferred candidate, Gen. Ibrahim Babangida, was a casualty of Jonathan’s straight-faced breach?

It is quite amusing that Dokpesi would be playing the ostrich few days after he laid bare his mind on why and how the PDP became a lame duck. In fact, blaming the APC was a tasteless decoy and a cowardly afterthought. Do we assume that the High Chief lacked the capacity to stick to the convictions of the bare-knuckle truth he told his colleagues at the party’s national conference last week? Hear him: “There was impunity, imposition of candidates, breach of the zoning arrangement and lack of a level playing field for members. Make no mistakes; the PDP is aware that there were errors made along the way. We admit that, at certain times in our past, mistakes have been made. We did not meet the expectations of Nigerians. We tender our apology. But the past is exactly what it is. We call on all party faithful, supporters and sympathisers to partner with us going forward”.

You thought that was the truth? Not really. Though tagged a reconciliatory conference, the party’s apparatchiks have consistently demonstrated their affinity for rambunctious patterns of expression. They prefer to live in denial of what remains an open secret to keen followers of the Nigerian political landscape. They wondered why a non-executive member could be claiming to know more than the inner caucus—those who determined where the pendulum of candidacy swings. Brimming with riotous rage, Olisa Metuh, the PDP’s megaphone, says Dokpesi was simply applying the freedom of his mouth to its elastic limit. He said he could not have been speaking for the party which, in its wisdom, picked Jonathan as the best man for the job both in 2011 and 2015. “How can you regret a decision taken, where everyone was there – the NWC, NEC and the national caucus? What are we talking about? Everybody was conscious of the decision. Nobody was coerced into supporting the position.” Metuh had stated.

Courtesy of Mr. Metuh, we now know that Chief Vincent Ogbulafor was not coerced to vacate his position as Chairman of the PDP for daring to insist that the Presidential slot for the 2011 race ought to have been zoned to the North. The logic was to allow a fellow Northerner complete the aborted tenure of the late President Umaru Yar’Adua. It should be clear to us that Jonathan won fair and square at the 2011 primaries without the bully tactic of the old wily fox from Ota, former President Olusegun Obasanjo. It was a ‘conscious’ decision that cemented the relationship of the party so much that there was no single dissenting voice when Jonathan decided to go for a second shot at the Presidency in 2015. That was why the party printed just one presidential nomination form for its sole presidential candidate and asked other “disloyal” members eyeing Jonathan’s seat to go jump into a distant Otuoke river! Hmnnnn….just imagine!

However, the party oligarchs appear to be more amenable to the interventions of another ‘outsider’ in unravelling the reason for the fall of the PDP. In his contribution to the discourse, Dr. Doyin Okupe, the cantankerous public affairs aide to Jonathan in the days of yore, put the blame at the footstool of a boss that failed to be ruthless in wielding power. For Okupe, the PDP committed a grave blunder by fielding a “God-fearing” man as its presidential candidate, instead of a ruthless mad dog. For him, nothing should be spared in an effort to cling on to power. That’s why he blamed his principal for lacking the balls to sack the electoral umpire, Prof. Attahiru Jega, whom he described as being partisan for sticking to his guns that card readers would be used in that elections. Is it not strange that the same card reader used in conducting elections leading to the emergence of PDP governors, senators and other lawmakers across the country was fingered by Okupe as a tool used by Prof Jega to rig President Muhammadu Buhari into power? You can’t help but wonder how Okupe came to the conclusion that Jega, the same man who pronounced Jonathan the winner of the 2011 election, had become profusely partisan by 2015.

Okupe has never failed to amaze and amuse in equal measure. Has he forgotten how he boasted that a Buhari would ‘never’ become the President of Nigeria? While sleeping on the sofa of self-denial, the leadership of the party would do itself a world of good if it takes another look at Dokpesi’s uncomfortable truth rather that Okupe’s sensational realism. No doubt, both have painted the truth from different prisms. One is reeling from the incalculable damage an incumbent wrought on the ambition of his principal and had painstakingly reeled out the facts. The other, still grappling with the tsunami that swept his boss off, simply tabled an excuse of unverifiable facts. It is for those who still wear their thinking cap correctly within the party to look at the mirror and tell themselves the home truth. The Nigerian electorate are becoming more and more sophisticated and conscious of the power of the thumb and it would take more than the ranting of yesterday’s men to deny them that right. Even today’s men need to be mindful of their conduct in office if they do not want to suffer the same fate that has turned the PDP into a crying baby!

Besides, the PDP did not fail for lack of trying to do what Okupe suggested; it lost at the poll due to the resilience of Nigerians to make sure that their votes counted, in spite of the several attempts to test their will. Aside the fact that Nigerians were tired of the serial failure by the then leadership to address the socio-economic crises plaguing the nation, in addition to the general insecurity in the land. The party got kicked out of power because the electoral body saw through its talk to do things differently in spite of all odds. It lost to the philosophical calmness of an electoral head who ignored the noise in the marketplace while focusing on the goal. If only the PDP can ignore the messengers and focus on the message by these two ‘outsiders’ and the damaging role they played at different points in the misfortune of the party, maybe it can begin a rebuilding process that would shoot it into prominence again. But then, all that would depend on the truth its leaders choose to see. So, which would it be? A delusion of what should have been or the illusion of what should have been done by every possible means to cling to power?

‘Slowly, hopes of rebirth are fizzling out as the leadership gropes for answers that people thought were well-articulated during the campaigns.’

First, let me confess my failure to live a vow to shut down on all political commentaries or news items concerning my country during my 40-day absence from this page. Tried as I could, there was always that pull to catch a glimpse of developments at the home front,  just to be sure that the growing band of wailing wailers had not succeeded in shouting President Muhammadu Buhari out of power.  Okay, I may have blown things out of proportion with that allusion. Yet, the drumbeats of verbal war mongering through the screaming headlines suggest that the former ruling party would stop at nothing to make life uncomfortable for those who shoved them off the seat at a time when they were barely halfway through the 60-year delusory master plan they ‘eyemarked’ for themselves. And so, it was difficult not to keep an eye on the unfolding scenario as Buhari dribbled his way through the perilous political landmines primed to ensure his failure.

It is understandable that, having been technically knocked out by a self-inflicted political hara-kiri, it would amount to double jeopardy for the hawks in the Peoples Democratic Party to watch the ruling All Progressives Congress make a mess of governance with its trial and error approach. If we are to say the truth, the APC appears to be feeding the opposition with the ammunition to ridicule its seeming inability to deal with the enormous tasks before it. It is quite easy to finger the PDP’s megaphone, Chief Olisa Metuh, as typifying that surly individual that cries more than the bereaved or that impostor that relishes blowing things out of context just to satisfy his paymasters. But for how long can we continue to give excuses for a Presidency that wrings its hands in confusion as things go from bad to worse? Is it not an irony that the PDP now sees its 16 years of misadventure in governance as better focussed in terms of policies than the APC that’s still grappling with the rudiments of the power game in its sixth month?

When a government that rode on the change mantra becomes criminally slow in discharging its responsibilities, it gives the opposition much vigour to shred its intent. To my mind, Buhari’s lethargic cadence has fired Metuh’s latest vocation in which he issues truckloads of press statements that question every action of the government. Surely, this is not the time to lecture hapless Nigerians about how change is a process and not a transmutation spurned through a magical wand. I bet those who voted for Buhari knew it was never going to be an easy, short walk into the Nigeria of their dreams. Unfortunately, they also did not bargain for the snail speed with which Buhari has confidently kick-started the metro jet. With Metuh and Co baying for blood, there is no better time than now for someone to remind the President of the need to cut down the laughable drama that seems to characterise his leadership style, including the wobbling and fumbling that give the likes of Metuh the impetus to rant endlessly.

Besides, the President needs to employ some diplomatese in his public conduct. There is a world of difference between the deployment of raw, brash language in explaining the Nigerian crisis to the international community and employing diplomatic finesse to address the same issue. For example, I do not subscribe to Metuh’s allegation that the President was deliberately de-marketing the country by telling the international community about the damage that corrosive corruption has wrought on the resources and psyche of the nation and its people. That is the grim reality of our existence. It is one truth we must confront if we truly desire to positively move forward and break away from the motionless movement of the past.

Be that as it may, quite a number of Nigerians are eager to see a Presidency that takes decisive and visible action to address the rot instead of whingeing at every international gathering. In other words, they want to see a can-do-it President, not the one that is all talks without action. After all in the last general elections, the nation voted for active change, not passive lamentation and endless jeremiads. And I write that with a twitch on my fingers!

You may ask, was Metuh justified in asking Buhari to take a deep breath and weigh the consequences of his utterances on the general health of the nation? The answer is: Yes! Was he urging him to paint the image of a hollow white sepulchre while the putrid smell fouls the air? No. Metuh may be the last person to admit that the PDP raped the country to its feeble knees. But he would not be that daring to ask the President to lie. Hear him: “We insist that Mr. President’s unceasing blanket negative labelling of citizens, in a county where millions of honest and hardworking individuals/firms are genuinely contributing daily to the development effort, is indeed a disservice and injurious to the nation and the people.  His recent announcement to the world that the nation is broke and cannot pay cabinet ministers not only sends a discouraging signal but also exposes the ineptitude of the present administration to meaningfully and sincerely exert itself and work with industrious and innovative investors to create and manage wealth. How can any reasonable investor still have the confidence to invest in a place where its President continues to alert that his country reeks of corrupt people and that the country is broke to the extent that it cannot pay cabinet ministers?”

It is amazing that the Presidency has reduced this wise counsel to a simplistic theory of a subtle attempt by the PDP to encourage the President to lie about the parlous state of the economy. Nothing could be farther from the truth which, like trust, is a burden. When Nigerians trooped out to vote for change, they did so with the belief that Buhari would pump some positive vibes into a dying economy and failing nation. They were tired of President Goodluck Jonathan’s swansong of blaming the past for his inability to fix the decay. The whining was not a tonic for growth and Jonathan’s time was up. He was flung out of Aso Rock door and, with high expectations; a no-nonsense Buhari was saddled with the onerous responsibility to set the country on a better direction. If Jonathan was confused about the similarity between official malfeasance and corruption, no one had imagined that Buhari would be that confused. And so, when it became a key nugget in his foreign speeches, we should feel concerned. Like Metuh pointed out, what the international community craves is a spread sheet of the Buhari policy thrust that would attract investments and not his chest-thumping noise about his battle with thieves that always strut the streets laughing back at him.

By now, the APC should realise that the honeymoon is over. It cannot be on a driver’s seat and still be heckling like it did as a shadow government. If the APC fails to exert itself in drafting a clear-cut developmental strategy that is visible for all to see;  if it struggles to put its cabinet together; if the President keeps lamenting about the encumbrances imposed on his performance by a constitution that spells out how things should be done in a federating union, then it should not blame Metuh for his cacophonous and sometimes annoying refrain about a confused party that only thought of grabbing power before thinking of what to do with it!

Buhari needs to understand that citizens no longer smile in the streets. They now wear long frowns as the economy bites harder. Slowly, hopes of rebirth are fizzling out as the leadership gropes for answers that people thought were well-articulated during the campaigns. They thought Abuja was poised to do things differently post-May 29, 2015. Now, they are not sure again with the persistent heckling over intangibles while the season of anomie appears to have taken permanent space in their daily life. Will Buhari provide an answer or will he, like his predecessor, continue to put the blame at the feet of a ruinous past?

Dr. Bukola Saraki, the Kwara State-born politician and, by all sense of the word, a true inheritor of his late father’s exploits in the political terrain, takes his vocation more seriously than many would have imagined. The former banker, two-time governor and aide to ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo recently plotted a coup that saw him perching at the prestigious seat of Nigeria’s President of the Senate, even to the consternation of the leadership of his party, the All Progressives Congress. Some say he is perching precariously on the tip of a dangling rope. That is neither here or there. With the benefits of hindsight, I have no shred of doubt that Saraki must have exploited all the wily tricks in and out of the books to – with cold calmness – manoeuvre his way to the seat. Some say the feat was achieved through a combination of treachery and stone-cold ambition. I beg to disagree. I see his emergence strictly from the prism of what his supporters call Saraki’s patriotic magnanimity.

Who else, if not Saraki? Were it not for Saraki’s selfless love for country and party, we wouldn’t have had a Muhammadu Buhari as President and Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces today. What greater love could a man show other than sacrificing the Number One seat for our Buhari and then, settling for the lowly, albeit, inconsequential seat of a Senate Presidency. Yet, we heckle him for that. Would the heavens have come down if this man had stood his ground and contested the APC presidential primaries with Buhari, former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, Senator Rabiu Kwankwaso and Sam Nda-Isaiah? Would we have called him a traitor as we so treacherously label him today? Why are we bent on rubbishing the good deeds of this latest hero of our democracy in the post-Jonathan era?

I have read quite a number of obnoxiously annoying remarks by some persons, saying Saraki carried the joke too far by alluding to the fact that his decision not to run for the Presidency paved the way for Buhari. They even argue that Saraki’s claim is preposterous. Says who? Well, I think these persons underestimate the potency of Saraki’s pouch of political wizardry and his insatiable appetite for success. Didn’t they say he did not have the capacity to send his father to a late retirement from Kwara politics? Didn’t they say he could not muster enough support to install a governor in that state against Senator Gbemisola Saraki, the preferred candidate of his father? Didn’t they forecast his doom when he jumped ship and joined the APC with the incumbent governor of his state? And did he not reformat the party’s machinery in Kwara state to suit his design such that his candidates emerged victorious in the 2015 elections? So, is there anyone out there who is yet to see the light that we all owe Saraki an appreciation for giving us Buhari at a time when we all clamoured for change at the centre?

If you like, throw your nose up in pessimism, thinking that this is one of those satirical pieces by Knucklehead. Well, you are on your own. I am dead serious. Any man that could perfectly play the stuff reserved for an iconic figure in the 007 movies in real life can become whatever he chooses to become. Abubakar Bukola Saraki is the James Bond of Nigeria’s modern politics. From what he said in a recent interview, we can make a deduction that this fine northerner with a Yoruba name merely bid his time in the run-off to the election and hit his party in the groin at the most auspicious time. That, in itself reflects a unique sense of calculation. After all, the most calculating and even, selfish men have emerged as leaders in many climes. It is not by any stroke of providence that Saraki outdid everyone to be selected as the unopposed President of the Nigerian Senate. It took meticulous planning, deft moves and killer punches. We may not like his style but we have to give it to him that he got his party leadership foaming in the mouth and flailing with needless rage. By that time, he was already holding aloft the prize of his patriotic magnanimity with all the triumphalism that goes with it.

In case anyone is in doubt about how far Saraki would go in his determination to lead the 8th Senate, he offered snippets into what he had to do. His schematic prism is apt and tested: all is fair in war even if you have to dine with the devil with a shorter spoon. This is not textbook logic but tactical pragmatism. For a man who swore he never had any deal with the opposition Peoples Democratic Party, it is interesting that the PDP senators found Saraki too irresistible as a worthy bride for the Office of the President of the Senate. He said he would be the last person to sell his party cheaply for a pot of porridge but the APC came out of that session completely battered, deflated and shred of all modicum of respect. He rode to fame defaming a platform that now nibbles in anguish. But that should not be seen as a crime; after all, we all knew that he had helped PDP to its demise after being given the opportunity of high office. Or we saying he has given the PDP a renewed vigour to gloat?

His traducers now say that if there was any error in how things went awry for a party in which Nigerians reposed so much confidence, Saraki was that error. And so, when he made reference to a “combination of errors” leading to the election of Senator Ike Ekweremadu as Deputy Senate President, it shouldn’t be that hard for him to locate the mastermind of such tragic errors. Even his episodic rendering of the events indicts no one but the talebearer of that beer parlour rant. First, with placid innocence, Saraki said that the overwhelming support he got from the PDP senators was of “strategic interest” to the PDP as a party. What else would have pushed them to a more pliable, ready-to-play-ball candidate in the first instance? Then, Saraki dramatically announced his ‘pains’ that Senator Ali Ndume lost the election to Ekweremadu as he had thought “the two groups within the APC would meet and agree on a candidate.”  What faction was he referring to? The one he refused to meet with whilst dancing naked in the marketplace with the PDP hawks and hiding in ‘small cars’ in the dead of the night at the National Assembly parking lot? Could it be the same faction that obeyed President Muhammadu Buhari’s directive to converge on the International Conference Centre while his ‘election had come and gone’ before anyone could bat an eyelid?

Now, hear him at his sanctimonious best:

“As early as 4am or 5am, I had the contingency plan that by 8am, we would get to the National Assembly. But I was advised that it might not be safe for me, that if I wasn’t in the chamber, it would be impossible for anybody to nominate me. So l had to find my own way, as l was in the National Assembly complex as early as 6am that morning. I stayed in my small car at the car park until quarter to 10am.It was at quarter to 10am that l got the information that the clerk had entered into the chamber. This is the gospel truth. I was there without any communication. Anybody that said he spoke to me was lying. I did not even know. All l was doing was to be monitoring how people were arriving. It was at quarter to 10 that l got the information that the clerk had entered into the chamber.So, l got out of my small car, stretched myself and put on my Babaringa and walked from the car park into the chamber. I didn’t know anything. When l was in the chamber, the only thing l knew was that some of the senators were not present, but l noticed that people were arriving in batches. So, by 10am, the event started and before we knew it, my election had come and gone.”

Now, this must be the stuff Hollywood thrillers are made of. Such thoughtfulness is clearly beyond Nollywood. I may not know how the journalists present at the press briefing reacted to Saraki’s canticles but I sure know the key elements of moonlight tales. It takes an extraordinary man to remain incommunicado and yet get minute-by-minute information on when to stab his ‘colleagues’ in the back! He professed not knowing anything but it turned that he knew everything. The dramatist calls it a perfect setting for a treacherous script. Some say it is a betrayal. No, I disagree again. That is dignifying what never was. You are betrayed by those close to you, not by someone who never makes pretences about where he belongs to when the chips are down. These ones play strictly by their own definition of patriotic magnanimity which was also reflected in the shameful drama that played out during the nomination of leaders in the Senate.

At least, we all saw how Saraki writhed in ‘pains’ as he picked the party men that aided the realisation of his ambition as Senate leaders. Regretfully, he could have shown how committed he was to the party by acceding to the choices made by the leaders if not for the fact that his hands were ‘tied” just like that of his counterpart in the House of Representatives, Speaker Yakubu Dogara.

For those who do not yet know, we are indeed living in strange times when shame has taken a flight and people now wear their garments of infamy with pretentious dignity and vacuous innocence! Pity.

Editor’s Note: This piece was first published on July 14 and is being repeated following what Saraki calls “political victimisation for being Senate President”. Meanwhile the KNUCKLEHEAD Column will be off till November as this writer goes on a vacation. Cheers.

I just cannot help that overwhelming sense of jaw-breaking farcical comedy each time I try to make sense out of the wailing over the public declaration of assets by President Mohammadu Buhari and his deputy, Prof. Yemi Osinbajo. It is not just about the comedic seriousness that the characters concerned attach to their unscrupulous mission to denigrate what should ordinarily be seen as a lofty gesture. It is more about the ludicrous imputations being employed by the leaders of the opposition Peoples Democratic Party to rubbish what its leading lights failed to do in 16 harrowing years with the exception of late President Umaru Yar’Adua. For a party whose leadership ceaselessly harangued Buhari and Osinbajo to walk the talk by making public their declared assets with the Code of Conduct Bureau, it is truly disturbing that these same persons would be leading the herd of noisemakers over what they now term as the deceptive flimsiness of the action. How pathetic!

In its usual jaundiced parochialism, the PDP was quick to dismiss the Buhari/Osinbajo asset declaration as the “release of a flimsy list of belongings” bereft of any shade of credibility, integrity and sincerity of purpose. The party’s cheerleader and spokesperson, Olisa Metuh, as usual, made indecorous snide remarks about the multiplication of the President’s herd of cows from 150 to 250 and cash in the bank from one million naira to N30 million in a space of eight months. He, without offering any scintilla of fact, made innuendoes about hidden assets and actual cost of the buildings owned by the two leaders. He ranted: “We ask, is the resort to a mere list, instead of true copies of the declaration not a ploy to give the Presidency a window for denial in consonance with their widely observed inclination for flip-flopping, backtracking and brazen denials of their statements and actions? Mr. President, this is a mere list of belongings and not public declaration of assets in fulfilment of your covenant with Nigerians.”

For Metuh, gloating while making senseless arguments is a virtue. The other person that would have performed excellently well in that position is Governor Ayo Fayose of Ekiti State who would apparently not sit idle and allow anyone to outdo him in public display of mouth diarrhoea. It is for that reason that Fayose has come out to confess knowing one or two things about where the two leaders hid their real assets. I just pray he would save us the needless suspense and spill the beans if he has any. However, we are not oblivious of the fact that this surely would not be the first time some yam heads in the PDP would be playing to the gallery in a puerile attempt to hoodwink the public. It is not even going to be the last as long as we continue to play the politics of hate and deception.

Be that as it may, it is important to remind Metuh and Fayose that the public declaration of assets by Buhari and Osinbajo has a significant implication for their conduct in and out of office. Peripheral window-dressing as it may seem to those who have refused to see beyond their whimsical sniggering, it poses a moral burden not just on the shoulders of Buhari but also on the activities of whosoever they chose to work with them. At least, it signposts a departure from the mindless looting of the past when culprits simply followed the body language and harsh words of a leader that couldn’t give a damn about his men’s voracious appetite for illegal acquisition of wealth. Or how long ago was it that former President Goodluck Jonathan announced to a stultified populace that it was against his principle to publicly declare his asset and that he cared less what we take away from that stance? Four years or more? No. It was less than three years back during his third Presidential Media Chat in Aso Rock.

Listen to Jonathan’s long-winding, tasteless excuse while seeking to justify the lack of transparency in his governance style: “The issue of public asset declaration is a matter of personal principle. That is the way I see it, and I don’t give a damn about it, even if you criticise me from heaven. When I was the Vice President, that matter came up, and I told the former President (late Musa Yar’Adua) let’s not start something that would make us play into the hands of people and create an anomalous situation in the country. The law is clear. A public officer should declare his assets and, if there are issues, then the relevant agencies would have a basis to assess whether you have amassed wealth or not. When it is said that people should declare their assets in public, it is not only the President or the Vice President, it includes everybody, including ministers.

“When I was a governor in Bayelsa state for about a year before becoming vice president, I was investigated thoroughly. I have nothing to hide. But, because I was under somebody and it was becoming an issue, because of the media, and because my boss had declared, it was said that the vice President must. I declared, not because I wanted to. Initially I said they can talk about it from morning to night, I will not. I said it is a matter of principle. It is not proper. If one amends the law to say that only the President and the Vice should declare assets publicly, fine. But, presently everybody who is holding political office is expected to do, and I say it is not right. Those who made the law knew why they put the law that way. I could be investigated when I leave office. You don’t need to declare assets publicly; otherwise you are playing to the gallery. You don’t need to publicly declare assets. That’s a matter of principle. If I have to declare publicly, it means every political office holder will have to declare publicly. And it is not the right thing to do. That is my belief. It is not the President’s declaration of assets that would change the economy. There are challenges security, power and revolutionising agriculture. These are areas we should be interested in. Whether Mr. Jonathan publicly declares his assets or not is not the issue.”

With the benefit of hindsight, may I ask if the gibberish above sits well with Metuh and that roaring yob in Ekiti? When a President does not give a damn about allegations of sickening corruption around him or how his personal staff, hangars on and praise singers callously rape the public till, why should he expect a public rating that places him above the rot? If he refused to set the templates that would guard the conduct of his men by bending backwards to “list his belongings” to assuage the fear of the public no matter how simplistic, how would he summon the courage to halt the raw stealing right under his nose? Jonathan did not give a damn and that was the signal his aides latched on to embark on the maddening streak of financial malfeasance that was perpetrated at that period. Needless to say that the task before the Buhari administration is to untangle the mess and bring culprits to justice.

We are on the path of reconstruction today because Buhari truly gives a damn about how he is perceived as a leader. He gives a damn about what the people he leads say about him. The onus lies with those who accuse them of under-declaration of assets to come up with proof instead of glorifying the putrid rot of the immediate past. Those who hide under the protection of the law to justify their shameless action should, at least, know when not to display their ignorance in the public space. If Buhari had kowtowed the ignoble recalcitrance of the Jonathan era and if he had decided not to give a damn even if criticised to the high heavens, we would not have been privy to stories on the recoveries of billions of Naira from those who once held us by the balls and dared us to scream ‘daylight murder.’ Damn!