Category: Yomi Odunuga

FOUR months after Chibok happened, Ebola scourge has brought another dimension of high anxiety, breaking into the nation’s consciousness with such deathly impact. There is an increasing number of suspect victims of Ebola while two persons have died of the expensive but deadly joke about using water as prophylactic treatment of Ebola.

When President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan tagged Mr. Patrick Sawyer a “mad man” for irresponsibly ignoring a travel restriction out of Liberia and thereby becoming the sole carrier of the deadly Ebola virus into Nigeria, many said it was an un-presidential retort. Well, I beg to differ; there is time to be statesman-like and there is time to be completely human, especially when one is confronted by deadly realities that can wipe out so many lives in a matter of weeks. Of course, I’m aware of the age-long cliché here that the living should not speak ill of the dead.

However, we should understand that what the late Sawyer did was not just a despicable act but callous in its entirety. And regardless of how well we try to cover rotting cadavers with the fragrance of a thousand flowers, it does not in any way equate a licence to make heaven. Buffeted by truckloads of problems that continue to defy any quick fix solutions, Sawyer’s tragic visit couldn’t have come at a worse time in the life of this country.

That singular trip to Nigeria has thrown an entire nation into confusion, aside exposing its citizens to one of the deadliest diseases that ever afflicted mankind. Now, we all live in real fear of one another while concern mounts across the globe. Today, Sawyer is gone yet he is here with us daily. Collectively, we remain the potential collateral damage of his act.

The virus he left behind is spreading like wildfire, unleashing its fatal blow and ravaging our souls. The signs are not just visible in the violence of the President’s swear words but also in the reality of death that haunts the land. This Sawyer left a sour taste in our mouth. Since Sawyer had nothing positive to contribute to our nation’s woes; he should, at least, have spared us the anguish of cursing his cremated body to the lonely grave.

If he had hearkened to the wise counsel to go into seclusion or surveillance, to determine if he had been infected with Ebola virus following the death of his sister of the virus in Liberia, we could have been spared the anxiety over an epidemic which Jonathan, in his legendary uninspiring dry comic, has vowed to eliminate in just two months! Anyway, we all know what to believe when our President gives timelines.

Or is there anyone in his cabinet that can refresh our memories on the timelines that have been met by Jonathan even on matters he has full control over? But then, this is not about presidential bashing. It is about what the grave indiscretion of the late Liberian- American, Mr. Sawyer, is inflicting on our psyche. In far-away USA, Sawyer’s wife, Decontee Sawyer, who is a radio host in New York, gave a robust defence for her husband’s decision to visit Nigeria.

She explained that Mr. Sawyer had no trust in the healthcare system in Liberia and had possibly headed to Nigeria with the hope of receiving better treatment for his ailment. Surely, he had a flawed picture of our healthcare system and he was unaware that our VIPs would rather die in foreign hands instead of our mismanaged hospitals.

And even if that were the case, how come the relevant authorities in Nigeria were never informed of that sickening visit? Or could it be that certain persons knew about the deadly trip but closed their eyes and blocked their eardrums in exchange for crisp dollars? We need to know what really transpired before Sawyer boarded a Nigeriabound plane! With an epileptic health system that has gone into the intensive care unit as medical doctors continue with their strike action over unfulfilled promises by the government, it is laughable that Jonathan could come up with that rude joke of a scoring a triumph over the Ebola scourge within 60 days.

As I write this, two health workers, a medical doctor and a nurse, have died from the disease. They were directly involved in treating Mr. Sawyer at the First Consultant Hospital, Lagos. A protocol officer who had contact with Sawyer also died of the virus on Tuesday in Lagos. Eight infected persons, including a nurse who just got married recently, have gone into seclusion while 177 persons have gone under surveillance.

In a country where records of movements and crossborder activities are rarely monitored, we would be deluding ourselves to think that the data above is anywhere near accurate. And that is exactly where the problems lie. No one can say for sure how many Sawyers are spreading the virus in hidden places as the government battle to confront the scourge.

A nurse, who was one of Sawyer’s primary contacts in Lagos, has been tracked to Enugu. She travelled to her home town to visit her family but she is now under surveillance with 20 others she came into contact with in the city. With the development, the total number of Nigerians under monitoring for the dreaded virus is now 198.

Even in climes with near-perfect policies on health and environmental issues, governments and citizens have to tread with caution while keeping tabs on developments in West African countries that are mostly affected by the scourge. Perhaps, we would have been saved from the “pure madness” of Sawyer if relevant agencies had been proactive in sensitising Nigerians on the threat that Ebola virus poses to humanity.

While it is not impossible that some of us would have ignored the warnings; claiming with the usual Nigerian religious fervour that Ebola virus cannot be the ‘portion’ of God’s children, I’m sure that many other Nigerians would have since begun applying much caution in their daily interactions. They would also have observed certain precautions including maintaining the highest form of hygiene.

In truth, what the Sawyer madness has done is to rekindle our legendary fire brigade approach in tackling clear and present danger. When the President’s immediate response included releasing some millions of dollars, we realize that as usual, we don’t fail to throw money at our problems. A friend of mine has warned, jokingly though, that the money should not be “isolated and quarantined” into private pockets! Today, we now know the danger the slightest of delay can cause in the life of a nation.

If Sawyer had not evaded the Liberian authorities who had placed him under surveillance, and found his way into a Lagos-bound plane via Lome, Togo and Accra, Ghana, we wouldn’t have been running from pillar to post gulping all manner of ‘medications’ to ward off a virus that kills within 21 days of infection! Aside the fact that handshakes and hugging have been left to the discretion of those who dare to take the risk in public gatherings including worship places, the dying and the dead may no longer be availed the traditional last minute love and kindness hitherto extended to them by close family members.

The Ebola virus is so latent that it still poses danger to anyone that comes in contact with the remains of an infected person. An ordinary handshake or any contact with the secretion of the infected is all that is required for one to become a victim of a disease that was imported into Nigeria by ‘one mad man’ as the President noted. Listen to Jonathan: “It is unfortunate that one mad man brought Ebola to us, but we have to contain it.

As a government, we promise that we will do everything humanly possible to contain the Ebola virus. My conversation with the WHO D-G, Dr Margaret Chan was revealing. She said 60 per cent of the transmission was spread during burials. That is why in my announcement; I’ve been saying that people should be careful about burials. Some people like burial ceremonies. This is not the time for burial ceremony, somebody is dead, he is dead, leave him there.

This is not the best time for those ceremonies. If he is dead, he is already dead, Sawyer that brought this Ebola to Nigeria; his sister died of Ebola, and he started acting somehow, his country asked him not to leave the country, let them observe him, but the crazy man decided to leave and found his way here.” What I feel is the shrill anguish of a man who is deeply concerned about a clearly avoidable affliction one foreign body has wrought on a country of over 160 million souls. It’s not just about the dead not having a decent burial.

It’s also about how the living- –men, women, boys, girls, poor, rich, old and young—have become victims of the murderous intent of the dead Sawyer. Surely, no one can blame the President for being rash in his comments even if the subject of presidential anger is as dead as death itself. I’m sure we won’t blame him either if he transfers such positive vibes to nailing those who daily plunge Nigeria into chaos by their action and inaction.

How wonderful would it be to see a President who calls a spade by its name and not just a farming implement? How heart-warming would it be to see a Jonathan comfortably calling corruption by its damned name without cloaking it with a more tempered language! Now that we know that we have a President that could burst into a fit of riotous rage even at the dead, we can only hope he would be that enraged in a determined effort to pull the country out of the brink!

SOMETIMES you wonder whether you had unconsciously left something out in your previous writings to warrant this repetitive lamentation. When the entire madness began to unfold, everyone had thought it was a rude awakening that would soon evaporate into thin air, ending as abruptly as it began. Days ran into months, months into years and we, the lucky ones alive, have come to accept President Goodluck Jonathan’s declaration that terrorism has come to stay with us. It is the sad and terrible reality of our new dawn. Today, as I settle to write this, I can’t help but ponder over what we have lost to this gripping monstrosity, this harvest of bloodletting. Aside the constant erosion of our humanity in words and in deeds, is anyone out there taking stock of the gradual collapse of that building block called trust among the various ethnic groups and religious divides? And are the authorities weighing the long-term implications of this eerie feeling of mutual distrust in a nation already cursed with a near-dysfunctional political system? Of course, we had lived in denial for months with the hope that the government would deliver on its dud promises to put an end to the killings, maiming and daily dehumanisation of the citizenry. We even delude ourselves with the lame thought the no Nigerian would dare wire himself up with bombs just to commit mass murder. We said Nigerians love life too much to contemplate death! However, the unfolding events in the last few weeks must have awakened many Doubting Thomases to the real futility of living in a fool’s paradise. With the insurgents unleashing bombs after bombs at different locations while deploying female suicide bombers to wreak havoc during the Eid-El-Fitr holidays, it just dawned on us that a once fading fear of the unknown bomber is now fully engraved in our hearts. And so, within a 24-hour interval, three female suicide bombers were at their suicidal best in Kano and they could have effected maximum damage but for providence and the valiant efforts of security men on duty. Yet, lives were needlessly lost at a period when Muslim faithful were celebrating the successful end of Ramadan. It could have been worse if the officers of the Nigeria Police had not moved in swiftly to detonate the bomb-laden Peugeot car parked in front the Eid mosque in Kano. We can only imagine how many lives would have been lost if a vigilant resident had not reported the strange presence of the car in that vicinity at that awkward time to the authorities. Yet, in spite of the ‘minimum’ damage wrought by the insurgents over the weekend, we should not forget that the people that died were not that ‘common’ to their family members. They were not nameless. Few moments before their untimely death in worship places, fuel stations, markets, villages, homes and even on the roads, they had interacted with friends and associates and had looked to the future with renewed hope. But then, they were hacked to death by that faceless female suicide bomber; that brainwashed coward that threw grenades into the church during mass; that gun-toting extremist who opened fire on defenceless residents of Garkida in Adamawa State; the equally avoidable massacre of over 30 Shii’te members in Zaria including three sons of its spiritual leader and the twin bomb blasts in Kaduna which almost claimed the lives of two very prominent northerners. It was yet another week of sorrow, pain and anguish. As the monster growls in pursuit of more blood, we quiver in silence knowing that the authorities would always dribble round the issues concerning our safety. How misplaced can hope be on this canvas of blood? To my mind, the greater tragedy lies in the facelessness of the suicide bombers. In saner societies, a DNA test would have revealed the identities of the three female bombers that died in the Kano tragedies. Okay, there was a faceless, fourth bomber a day after. But, as I write this, all we could rely on are the conjectures of sources regarding the average ages of the harbingers of death. They remain nameless, rootless and traceless other than being teenage female bombers! How pathetic. To add salt to a festered wound, there was no report of any CCTV recording of any of the blast to, at least, give one a glimpse of the modus operandi of the sect. In any case, how can anyone be sure that the Kano bombers were actually young ladies when the security agencies had recently exposed a male bomber who disguised as a woman in the Kaduna blast? And if we are to believe that the female gender is being massively proselytized into becoming human bombs, can we trust the authorities to get to the roots of this and nip it in the bud before it metamorphosed into a huge killing factory? Particularly more saddening in the novel deployment of female suicide bombers for attacks on innocent citizens is the involvement of a 10 year-old girl. Security agents arrested a pair of suspected Boko Haram members, who were allegedly travelling in a Honda CRV with a 10-year-old girl who was wearing a suicide bomb apparatus along a road in Katsina. The child, named Hadiza, was later discovered to have been strapped with an explosive belt. Anguish, anger and anxiety mounted further about the possibility that some of our Chibok girls could be brainwashed into such acts after their prolonged captivity. Of course, the government has vehemently denied the rumour, claiming knowledge of the location of these ones. I believe the government the same way I believed The Presidency when it denied offering financial gratification to the parents of the abducted girls who visited Jonathan last week! I can only imagine that the N22.4 million that was disbursed to some of the parents in their hotel rooms was a ‘gift’ from the concerned presidential aide that did the disbursement in the dead of the night! Pity. The outpouring of emotions notwithstanding, there is an urgent need for the government to re-strategise on its fight against terror. We need to focus attention on the new trend in which women and young girls are being abducted by insurgents each time they raid communities. It is scary to think of what they could do with the 219 school girls that were abducted over 110 days ago in Chibok. Beyond the mental torment and dehumanising abuse which the girls must have been experiencing in the hands of their heartless captors, what would happen if these extremists succeed in brainwashing them into becoming suicide bombers like the three alleged female bombers in Kano and the one that killed a soldier in a recent suicide attack in Gombe? What if any of these ones had succeeded in penetrating a crowded place at any location? Would we have been satisfied with the muffled explanation of a ‘female bomber between the ages of 16 and 18?’ The point needs to be made that it shouldn’t take the assassination of a General Muhammadu Buhari or Sheik Dahiru Bauchi for the nation to be thrown into a deadly turmoil. The killings in Zaria were, to say the least, uncalled for. Though the military has pleaded self-defence in the killing of over 30 members of a group on a peaceful protest, there has been no evidence to suggest that those killed bore any arms or threw grenades at their killers. Surely, the lives wasted were not just numbers. They were known faces being mourned by family members. We need to understand that nothing estranges the citizenry than a situation where they are confronted with a military that pays scant or little regards to the sanctity of human lives. Why should anyone feel comfortable justifying the use of live bullets against armless protesters? What happened to the use of water canisters, tear gas or other softer, less armful method of dispersing a crowd? If there is anything that is as clear as the daylight, it is the fact that the carnage is not about to stop. In another needless attack on Wednesday, a female suicide bomber killed five students at the College of Islamic Studies, Kano State Polytechnic, Kano. She was said to have joined a queue of students checking the list of postings by the National Youth Service Corps. And in Potiskum, Yobe State, 13 lives were wasted by suicide bombers when two mosques were attacked late on Tuesday night. The list of the injured keeps increasing as the harvest of tears continues. Nothing suggests that these faceless and nameless killers are by any means clueless. Not with the accuracy with which they continue to pick their targets in recent times. We have heard that this is not, by any means, a conventional war. We have been told that the security agencies are closing in on the insurgents and the abducted girls would soon return home to their parents. We have been admonished to cooperate with the security and report suspicious movements in and around our environment to the appropriate authorities. We have witnessed how timelines have been given and shifted severally in the fight against terror. Inasmuch as we want to believe those who say they are on top of the situation, our minds are troubled because we are not sure anymore. The upsurge of female suicide bombers calls for worry. The clinical execution of deadly bombings in states under emergency rule calls for worry. The focus on politics as the country burns is nonetheless troubling. And the mere thought that those who tell us not “to panic and go about our normal business” might just be as clueless as the rest of us sends shivers down our spines. And then, we ask: would there ever be an end to this endless bloodbath as the President assured us, once again, in his condolence message to the families of the Eid-El-Fitr killings? Only the President and his lieutenants can answer this question and that’s if they are not as clueless as the rest of us!

IN yet another week of madness and senseless rage, Nigeria bleeds further. The peaceful ambience that usually pervaded Nyanya, one of the popular satellite towns in Abuja where millions of residents hide their heads after the hustling and bustling in the city, was blown up in bombs of sorrow and tears. By the time the capital city woke up to count its losses, over 80 innocent lives had been cut short and hundreds were battling for dear lives at different hospitals. The pain was not just in the sickening Monday morning violence that shredded them into bits of human flesh and the horror that greeted the living in that early morning bomb blast. The pain lies in the fact that these ones, like many others in the past, died without knowing what sins they had committed to deserve such an inglorious exit. They were among countless others who have been failed by a state where leaders know nothing about the state’s duty of guaranteeing our right to life.

There was that father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt and breadwinner that rushed out just to eke a living that would probably feed many hungry mouths. There was the truck pusher, the bus conductors, the commercial driver, the local cobbler popularly called shoe shiner, petty trader, nail cutter and the jobless graduate brimming with hope in the face of so many odds. They all perished, some burnt beyond recognition.

The images that confronted us were gory but we were forced to look at them. They were grim reminders of how low we have sunk, how unfeeling we have become and how fast we are losing our humanity! And then, you

ask: did the perpetrators of this evil have blood, no matter how dirty, running in their veins? We yelled, cried, cursed with teeth deeply buried in the tongue, railed and ranted. Yet, inside us, we knew these ones would never come to life again. They are gone forever, to be remembered by those who truly loved them—the husband that has suddenly become a widower; the wife who would have to adjust to living without her man by her side; the parent who would never see that child he had placed so much hope on; the child who would have to hold on to memories of a parent that would never be there again; the brother who would never see his sister again and the sister who knows that that dotting brother has departed to the land of no return. Sadly, that’s the reality that confronts us.

Those who have made it a habit to condemn one dastardly act after the other would feature prominently in the papers.

They would embark on the familiar drill of visiting the hospitals, consoling the wounded, throwing money at the problems and vowing to bring the demented souls that wiped out a generation to book. Doesn’t it sound like a familiar refrain? Those who never get tired of offering platitudes would be at their melodramatic best, feigning pain and anguish at the loss. In times like this when we are united by an unmitigated sorrow, nothing is impossible. Everything is possible! And so, while we were still struggling to fathom a reason why the Nyanya mass murder succeeded in spite of the detailed security network in Abuja after a number of tragic moments in the past, the killers of our collective dream weresaid to have, on a single night, abducted over 230 girls from Government Girls Secondary School in Chibok, Borno State. In our usual manner, we went into riotous rage. How could that be in an environment that was under heavy security surveillance? Could it be true that students are still being exposed to ,the maniacal operations of insurgents after the deadly attacks in Federal Government College, Buni Yadi, where 43 students were killed and 16 abducted in March? How ‘secured’ is an environment where insurgents could invade settlements for six hours, packing abducted students in trucks, setting homes on fire and slaughtering residents?

Strangely, no one doubted the story. How could we? Were we not told to go about our ‘normal business’ as our ‘safety is assured’ even when hundreds of lives have been cut short in this maddening space? How many lives did marauders waste in Zamfara State recently? How many villages have been raided by gunmen in Benue and what was the casualty figure? How has Nasarawa State fared in the hands of attackers who steal, maim and kill? How about Wukari in Taraba State? What about the daily haulage of dead bodies in Borno, Yobe and other parts of the North? And what is the contribution of armed robbers, ritualists, kidnappers and hired killers to this sea of blood?

We may never know the answers to these questions. But we do know one thing for sure. It is the responsibility of the Jonathan administration to rein in the criminal in our midst, no matter their political affiliations, and instil order. It is a sacred duty he owes the nation and not tendering tendentious excuses for his failure! We cannot continue to hang on to a promissory note that devalues our lives as depraved minds take the centre stage. The Nyanya killings, to my mind, sends the message home that the enemy within is not just baying for more blood but that he is audaciously doing it right at the President’s doorstep. I’m sure that message is not lost on the authorities and that probably explains the President’s visit to the blast scene few hours after the light went out for the 80 souls. It is just as well that Jonathan has promised to wipe out the insurgents and their sponsors. He definitely cannot afford to sleep on his hands while the greatest threat to his tenure as a President continues to hit him below the belt.

Yet, in times like this, we do not expect that some of the President’s men would be playing to the gallery in the name of political correctness especially when lives of innocent Nigerians are being wasted in an orgy of unmitigated violence. So, with all the bloodletting, one funny character called Olisa Metuh, still had the presence of mind for insensitive politicking in a season of mass sorrow, blatantly accusing the opposition All Progressives Congress of being behind the killings, bombings and slaughtering! And if members of the party were truly behind the horror, why should a ‘caring’ President feign such indifference and avail them the template to elongate our anguish? So impudently, the Minister of Information, Mr. Labaran Maku, could relish us with an incredible story about how Jonathan has been undergoing ‘psychological’ anguish due to the killings at a time when his party’s spokesman was busy justifying the President’s singing and dancing at a political rally barely 24 hours after the Nyanya mass murder. Psychological anguish indeed! So, the best way to send a ‘loud statement to terrorists that government cannot be stopped from working’ was for the President to attend a political rally a day after the shredded bodies of innocent citizens were denied the decency of being packaged in body bags to the morgues? So, there is no line of distinction between the cheap politics we play here, the cheap deaths that pervade our land and the hare-brained ranting in high places? How long would this unfeeling mass continue to dance on the graves of the dead? In times like this, words do fail me. I can only shiver at the banality embedded in official indolence in this season of anomie. May God heal our land, amen.

Postscript: It’s been over 100 days since the Chibok school girls were abducted and close to 100 days when this piece was published on April 19, 2014. If anything has changed since then, it is the scary reality that terror now walks on two legs on our streets. A recent report by Risk Consultancy Maplecroft lists Nigeria as top in world’s deadliest terror attacks with an average of 24 deaths per incident out of the 146 recorded between January and June, 2014. In those hundred days, hundreds of lives have been wasted by those who wave the flag of painful deaths with sadistic triumphalism.

100 days is more than three months and we are still at this sorry pass, wondering who’ll be the next victim.

Do we still have a country to call our own? Indeed, Nigeria is not laughing. Or is she?

IT is really amusing that the two-day visit of the Pakistani girl child education advocate, Malala Yousafzai, to Nigeria has suddenly reawakened the dead conscience of those who have, for over three months, remain so insensitive and utterly indifferent about the fate of more than 200 girls that were abducted from a secondary school dormitory in Chibok, Borno State. For so long, these innocent girls were left to their agonising fate in the hands of heartless abductors.

I had watched, in utter stupefaction, how our ever-busy Very Important Personalities were grovelling to share the moment with the 17-year-old strong-willed girl who has given a whole new meaning to hope amid the suffocating misery in our country. No doubt, Malala’s inspiring story and her presence in Nigeria on her 17th birthday to push for a more humane interest in the plight of the Chibok girls couldn’t have come at a better time. Her outspokenness, candour, courage and determination to soldier on despite a failed attempt to cut short her life should rekindle hope in a society that has almost sacrificed the abduction saga on the altar of political shenanigans.

Perhaps if the members of the Bring Back Our Girls Movement had not persevered in spite of the intimidation,subtle blackmails and direct assaults by agents of government, Malala wouldn’t have been here to question our humanity as a people. Not that she said anything different from what some concerned Nigerians and the much vilified Chibok girls’ protesters have been saying. Just that, unlike the crying Nigerian citizens whose voices always irritate the powers-that-be and who rarely get audience, Malala had direct access to The Presidency and she truly seized the opportunity to pump some hot truth into some dead ears.

Interestingly, her host giggled as the soul-searching words kept pounding. It was one body-piercing whiplash that the presidency absorbed with shocking equanimity. Just picture a scenario where a toddler was chastising adults for failing to live up to the expectations of a doddering infant! When Malala spoke about her mixed feelings of hope and heartbreak, we perfectly understand where that is coming from.

The only problem here is that we’ve spent too much time in the theatre of heartbreak to ever imagine the possibility of hope for a new dawn. Yet, for a girl of her age, she did ask the right questions and did not hesitate to press the right buttons no matter the discomfort that may have caused some people.

Listen to her: “One important thing about today was my meeting with the President, Mr Goodluck Jonathan. I met him today and I told him that I hear the voices of my sisters.

I’m representing my sisters and their parents today and if you are the elected President, you need to fulfil your responsibilities and your responsibility is to listen to your people, who are saying bring back our girls. Luckily the President assured me of two things. He promised that the government will chose the best option to bring back the girls alive and safe. And the second promise he made, which is very important, is that he will meet with the parents of those girls that are abducted and I’m hoping that he will fulfil it. I’m hopeful that the President will meet you soon because he made the promise to me and to you Nigerians.”

Thankfully, no one ordered that Malala should be arrested for calling the abducted girls her sisters. No one asked her to justify how she could have heard the ‘voices’ of girls whose parents had not seen in over 90 days. No one questioned why she flew all the way to Nigeria to dabble into an issue that does not concern her. No one accused her foundation of being a ‘franchise’ for demanding that a President walk his talk. Of course, it was obvious she did not come alone to Nigeria.

She came with the backing of the international community. So, there was no need to ask her if she had evidence of the abduction. By the way, that’s on a lighter note.

Question is: did Malala say anything that is fundamentally different from what the Bring Back Our Girls Movement has been asking for? No! Yet, in less than 24 hours after making a request, Aso Rock’s Protocol Unit was able to fix a hush-hush presidential meeting with the 12 parents of the abducted girls that graced the Malala parley and five out of the 57 girls that escaped from the abductors on the night of April 15, 2014. Now, that was a record-breaking speed for an entity with snail-speed protocol for common citizens. What could not be done in more than 90 days was achieved in hours just because Malala made her request in the full glare of the international media! You can’t help but ask if these were the same parents whose integrity was once questioned by powerful forces that fell short of accusing them of conniving with the Borno State Government to manufacture an abduction saga that never took place. And when the Boko Haram sect decided to taunt us with the traumatic video of the abducted girls following which some of the parents identified their wards, didn’t some presidential apologists accuse them of wailing crocodile tears on national television to attract international attention? Did The Presidency not botch a scheduled visit to Chibok, ostensibly to share the grief of the parents and assure them of a safe return of their children? In those 90 days of anguish, terror, fear and hopelessness, what did these persons do to assuage the parents that they are not alone in that tortuous mental journey?

I am truly tickled by the fire Malala’s words has ignited in Mr. Jonathan’s soul. I’m also dumbfounded by the speed with which he has swung into action even before Malala boarded the plane back home. While not taking his eyes off the orchestrated gale of impeachment in some states in addition to the second term endorsement visits to the seat of power, Jonathan has equally managed to focus attention on the Boko Haram challenge. He has rescheduled a meeting with an enlarged gathering of the Chibok parents sometimes next week, we were told. He has set up a 26-man Victims Support Fund Committee headed by Gen. Theophilus Danjuma (rtd) which would raise money from wellmeaning donor agencies and Nigerians with the aim of bringing succour to victims of terror in whatever way possible. He has also promised victory against terror. Those who believe a persistent bashing of the Bring Back Our Girls movement would do the magic have upped the ante. Leaders of the protesters have been maligned, abused and demeaned all in a bid to douse the cry for a return of the girls. Interesting development, isn’t it? Most importantly, our President has issued an impending whiplash for the insurgents should they persist with the harvest of killings, maiming and bloodletting. He promised them hell.

Hey, does that sound familiar? With the speed of light, he had dispatched a letter to the National Assembly asking for approval of an external borrowing of $1billion dollars (about N160 billion) to equip our Armed Forces and sundry security agencies. The $1 billion, it must be stated, is different from the almost trillion Naira appropriated for the security agencies in the 2014 budget. If approved, it means money wouldn’t be a problem in this seemingly endless battle against a sect with nerve-wracking fire power. The only problem is the persistence with which our leaders throw money at problems, only to benefit a few contractors and fronts within an opaque system.

The President’s brutally frank letter titled “Tackling ongoing security challenges: Need for urgent action” read: “You are no doubt cognizant of the ongoing and serious security challenges which the nation is facing, as typified by the Boko Haram terrorist threat. This is an issue that we have discussed at various times.

“I would like to bring to your attention the urgent need to upgrade the equipment, training and logistics of our Armed Forces and security services to enable them more forcefully confront this serious threat. For this reason, I seek the concurrence of the National Assembly for external borrowing of not more than $1 billion including Government to Government arrangements for this upgrade.”

I know some people have already rolled out the drums to felicitate with Mr. Jonathan on this smart move to raise money with which to fight terror. But can we pause for a while to ask what the security agencies did with the billions appropriated in the past for the same purpose. Has there been any forensic audit of the Armed Forces to determine if they have judiciously utilised resources for the benefit of the state? Was the Borno State Governor right when he said the insurgents are better equipped than our military and could that be the reason for this urgent need to borrow billions of naira for “equipment, training and logistics to forcefully confront

this serious threat” as espoused by the President? What is the mode of payment for this loan and at what percentage?

How are we sure that the money would not be diverted for other use as 2015 inches near? And what is the government doing to block the route through which funds get to the insurgents?

In a country where laws are obeyed in the breach and where billions of subsidy cash ‘evaporate and condense’ into private pockets, it is not impossible to imagine that a meagre $1 billion could as well suffer the same fate. With Armed Forces that could not be said to have forcefully distinguished itself as the bastion of integrity and sheer professionalism, it would be foolhardy for anyone to sign off a billion dollar loan to a government which has a record of flip-flopping even on the basic issues of taking responsibility for defending helpless citizens or empathising with them. Whatever it is, it is intriguing that Malala’s biting questions have led to a rush of fire brigade strategies. We can only hope for the best as the Commander-In-Chief wields his ‘koboko’ to tackle a clear and present danger.

For now, Danjuma’s rude joke about the committee’s terms of reference not extending to a visit to Sambissa Forest without the Commander-In-Chief leading the troop is not on us. The joke is on those who allow terror to overwhelm an entire nation. Clearly, we are not laughing on this side until we see how far the presidential ‘koboko’ can go to rein in terror.

EXACTLY88 days after over 200 school girls were abducted from their dormitories in Chibok, Borno State, I can’t just believe the depressing details being churned out in certain quarters. It’s one thing to take the citizens on a silly ride that leads nowhere and it’s another thing to treat them as dumb and unthinking fools. In spite of our many failings as a nation, I never thought we would ever get to this sorry pass where political brickbats are being thrown around as the abducted girls go through the most unthinkable trauma in the hands of their abductors. Down here, it’s been 88 days of playing cheap politics, trying to be politically correct and pitching tents with the various camps. Up there at the Boko Haram camp, it’s been 88 days of unimaginable anguish for the girls, their innocence violently plucked! It’s been 88 days since they were ripped from their roots and we are still counting the days as the buck passing goes on down here.

When the news first broke sometimes in April, I had whined on this page about burying my thoughts in the cadenced candour of poetry in Nigeria’s cacophonous atmosphere where one step forward equals three steps backward. That was some three months back when the authorities were comfortably living with the delusion that the story of the abduction was nothing but the fictional exertions of social media commentators and fake newsmen; a time when we were fed with the outlandish heroics about the fraudulent ‘rescue’ of 80 out of the over 270 school girls that were initially abducted; the reported brave efforts made by the parents of the girls to confront death in Sambisa forest; the comic relief of sorts that played out when the First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, attempted to intervene; the setting up of a presidential committee to determine the veracity of the abduction story; the foreign intervention and the global #bringbackourgirls campaign; and the twists and turns of a tragic story that, 88 days after, is still developing.

In that particular piece titled “Our girls, our shame, our failings”, yours truly equally barked at a system that tends to see everything from the prism of political insularity rather than national ethos. Unfortunately, the security apparatchiks, hard as they try to convince us otherwise, are fully enmeshed in this dirty game of playing to the gallery. Rather than being insulated from the disturbing shenanigan, they have become a major content of the festering mess. And that’s why it’s not surprising to Knucklehead that, three months into the sickening abduction, we are all still sitting on our hands, whinging in solitude that the 234 girls would just walk out of bondage if they were truly in any chains in the first place! Shame.

No, don’t get it twisted. I’m not in any way saying that nothing has been done on all sides of the divide to free the girls or draw attention to their plight. Not at all. But what is manifestly undeniable is the international community’s waning interest as far as the abduction saga is concerned. After a few weeks of worldwide hysteria, the rest of the world has moved on, leaving us to writhe in sheer hopelessness. Clearly, recent developments simply justify the frustrations that have been expressed by concerned citizens over the ability of the Nigerian government to protect them. Why can’t they understand that the monotony of their excuses over this matter depresses the spirit?

Three months into this worrying saga, they relentlessly feed us with tendentious excuses! Okay, we remember that the Chief of Defence Staff, Air Chief Marshall Alex Badeh, once told us that the military knew the exact location of the abducted girls and was only being tactical in its rescue efforts so that the innocent girls would not come in harm’s way. Good! We are also aware that the presidential committee set up on the issue had submitted its report in which it was explicitly stated that members of the Boko Haram sect actually abducted close to 300 girls in a secondary school in Chibok. Better! At least, we now know that it’s no fiction. We have been told that concerned foreign governments have been offering technical and military assistance in the rescue effort and that our military would leave no stone unturned in reuniting the girls with their grieving parents. Splendid! We have also been promised that anyone found to be involved in terrorism, no matter how highly placed, would be made to face the full wrath of the law. Excellent! In fact, nothing would gladden my heart more than seeing every evil-minded person’s head on the guillotine! Even the President had, at various times, assured us of the safety of the girls and his determination to reconcile them with their parents. Gbam!

In all this, we tend to forget one critical thing—how the singular effort made by the #bringbackourgirls group helped in drawing local and international attention to the maddening, lethargic and almost do-nothing attention given to the incident in the first four weeks. Of course, I know the resilience shown by the groups to continue with the non-violent sit-ins at public parks in Abuja to push for the rescue of the girls must have scrabbled some elitist balls.

However, it does not preclude the fact that the story of the abducted girls would have paled into insignificance without such efforts.

Sadly, the sacrifice being made by these Nigerians is being ridiculed by the same agencies they have put to task on the need to rescue the girls.

To this end, I concur with Emeka Madunagu’s assertion that it is sheer pettiness for the security apparatchiks to blackmail the #bringbackourgirls movement to desist from tasking President Goodluck Jonathan to walk his talk as Commander-In-Chief. Lest we forget, Jonathan it was who promised to return the girls “soon”. The problem is: this presidential ‘soon’ appears to be limitlessly elastic! And so, if some persons have chosen to demand an update 88 days after, why should they be shouted or hounded down for asking a caring President to, for the love of country, walk his talk? So, the movement is now a “franchise” with bank account? Members of this franchise are planning to brief the foreign press on their plan to storm Sambisa forest! They have become so ubiquitous to the point that the government is truly confused and wouldn’t know which particular group to talk to! The activities of the group encourage and compliment terrorism! Oh, c’mon! What’s so confusing about inviting an individual like Oby Ezekwesili and the other leading members of the group that interact with the press daily to a round table discourse on the way forward? Is that enough justification to bar the accredited members of the group from attending the scheduled briefings on the Chibok abduction saga at the office of the National Orientation Agency?

For now, I align with Ezekwesili’s statement on the vexatious allegation to wit she declared: “We are conscious of our rights and responsibilities as citizens and we are exercising them to remind government of their own responsibilities to provide security to citizens and rescue those in distress. We cannot be stopped from exercising our citizenship rights through intimidation.

Far from seeking to undermine the efforts of the security agencies, we seek to enhance it and make it more robust and effective. Our concerns about the lack of results so far, 87 days after these girls have been abducted, are aimed at motivating the security agencies to more effective action. Our activities are open and our meetings are in a public space, the Unity Fountain.

There is no compulsion to membership and our symbols such as the red t-shirts, face caps and pins are donated voluntarily by members. We are motivated by empathy and the need to search and rescue these girls. We are shocked that all we get from our security agencies is harassment, vilification, innuendoes and threats. This must stop. Security agencies have the responsibility to protect rather than intimidate citizens trying to do a good turn. Finally, rather than see our civic action calling on the government and its security agencies to do their work as enemy action, we urge them to take action against the real enemies who are the terrorists that have abducted and kept in captivity for almost three months over two hundred innocent Nigerian girls.” Gbam!

I may not know how long the authorities plan to go on with this motion without movement. What I do know is that nothing has been done, in words and in deed, to assure us that those unfortunate 234 girls would be coming home soon. In 88 days, we have recycled stale tales and jaundiced hypothesis. So, what did Jonathan tell the National Council of State on Tuesday in Aso Rock that is remarkably different from his public moaning in the last 88 days? According to reports, he excused the delay on the ‘meticulous’ tactical approach by the security agencies to minimise loss of lives. Hmnnn….what a jejune way of exposing confidential tactics! Besides, wasn’t that the same excuse Badeh gave the Oby Ezekwesili-led #bringbackourgirls movement some few weeks back? A foreign journalist accused the President of displaying a do-nothing attitude towards rescuing the girls and his spokesman, Dr. Reuben Abati, fired back, saying that Jonathan would not be pressured into revealing Federal Government’s aggressive rescue efforts to the public in order not to endanger the lives of the girls, all in the President’s needless drive to mollify his critics! How meticulous can anyone be in making the open secret, secret?

As for the latest development in which the security agencies have, once again, disclosed the involvement of some politicians in a ‘leading party’ in the funding of terrorism, I wait with bated breath for the disclosure of their names. But as that goes on, let us focus on the issue at hand. It’s a national shame that 88 days after, our girls are still in captivity, forced to live with the reality of a bleak future at the mercy of a monstrous group. And since Jonathan and his men plead for more patience on this matter, what we can do really is to do nothing to upset the apple cart even as a poisonous bee settles on our balls! Isshhhh! But then, I ask, will that bring the girls home?

LIFE, I’m aware, never gave us the assurance of a harvest of unlimited laughter neither did it promise us unfathomable thorns of sorrow. However, as the Nigerian situation sinks frustratingly deeper into a state of anomie, the Hobbesian prognosis of man’s life being “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short” gets too close for comfort.

In all honesty, I had vowed, some few days ago, to stop haunting myself with the songs of lamentation that pervade our land and focus on the small things that seem to drive away our collective pain. Tried as I could, my laughter bleeds blood and aches with deep pain. I have often wondered why, in recent times, every smile that I manage to etch on this seemingly eternally forlorn face is interjected with the eerie silence of anguish. Somehow, and without realising it, violence now defines our jokes as fear rules the land and we laugh through the drop-dead anguish. Before now, we thought we could reclaim the humanity we lost on the altar of cheap politicking. Today, no one is sure if we ever had any. Or did we?

Like I have often ranted, we need not bother asking where and how we got to this bloody plain. It’s simply pointless especially with the infantile politics strewn around this calamitous rendezvous. You can hardly make sense out of this nonsensical maze. You are condemned to waking up the next day to be confronted with another sad tale of lives snuffed out in one village, town or even city.

You ask if a nation could ever survive this endless bloodletting and you are told the authorities are clipping the wings of the perpetrators. You dare them to name and shame the blood sucking vampires but a tribe of babbling voices shouts you down, offering reasons why it is not politically expedient. Yet, daily, we count the body bags in tens, scores and hundreds. Now, how do you reconcile this with the thunderous silence in high places sans the monotonous echoes of presidential platitudes? Why is there so much hatred in the land? No one is sure of any answer. Everyone trudges on until the next tragedy happens and, as usual, we shrug it off with our ‘ahs’ and ‘ohs!’ This life! If the dead could move, I’m sure my friend, Suleiman Bissala, would have turned in the grave when President Goodluck Jonathan repeated the same line at the scene of the June 25 bombing in EMAB Plaza, Wuse 2, Abuja. For sure, no one is asking our President and his men to perform

magic. No. But what’s the point in offering a relief that everyone knows is a no-brainer. As terror grows in monstrous velocity through the years from Plateau State to virtually every parts of the North with shades of its showing up in other geo-political zones, it’s been a repeated streak of hopeless assurances laden with ignoble lethargy. It’s easy to whine that it was unfortunate that Bissala, a Managing Editor (North) with The New Telegraph, happened to be at the right place at the wrong time and that he was one of the victims that fell into the deadly trap set by the evil ones pumping fear into our hearts.

But how would that guarantee a better future for his wife and five young children? How do they start foraging for faith in a society that has lost its humanity as the ogre of mutual distrust grows by the day? How does one rationalise the tragic loss of professional colleague few moments after observing the Asr prayer as a devout Muslim? Do we even understand the collateral damage this harvest of needless deaths is inflicting on families, on our psyche and on the society at large?

The crying truth is: terror has seized this country by its tender balls. It is killing us softly. Aside the abductions and killings in Borno, Kaduna, Benue, Plateau and Taraba states with hundreds of casualties, the spate of bombings or blast in just ten days, as captured by a report in the July 2, 2014 edition of the Daily Trust, should be of major concern to all of us, especially those who pretend to be on top of the situation.

According to the report, eight souls were lost in the car bombing in a school in Kano on June 23; the EMAB Plaza bombing wasted 24 lives on June 25; the hotel bombing in Bauchi claimed 13 lives on June 27; a whopping 56 bodies were recorded at the market bombing in Maiduguri on July 1; two persons died in the Kaduna blast on July 1; and many were injured in the ‘carbide’ blast in Osun State on July 1. The paper forgot to list the number of people that died in the controversial car/oil tank explosion in Lagos. All this in just 10 days in the life of a nation that pretends to be on a roller-coaster! With all this, you’d have thought fear would have cowed the average Nigerian into a state of paralysis where laughter is a sacrilege, an impossible reality. Not really. If anything, Nigerians, once described as one of the happiest people in the world, have reawakened their sense of humour in an astonishingly brazen manner. And so, in defiance to those peddling hate messages, killing and maiming with reckless abandon while taunting the authorities to get them if they could, Nigerians have evolved an ingenious way of soaking their pains in the ocean of painful laughter. You just need to read through some of the jokes being shared on the social media and other platforms to appreciate the creative instincts that Nigerians employ to poke fun at their pain and lighten the gloom. Below are a couple of the interesting ones that this writer has come across in the last few days which has rekindled some form of hope in this fallen house! There was this one which makes light joke of the Super Eagles’ ouster at World Cup. It reads: “After their return from Brazil World Cup, Super Eagles players were so ashamed of their failure that they decided to disguise so as not to be recognised. Mikel disguised as a Reverend Father. While walking on the streets of Lagos, suddenly, an old lady walked up to him and said: ‘Hi, Mikel!’ Amazed and annoyed that an old lady had seen through his disguise, he went back and dressed like a Mallam.

Again he bumped into the same old lady and she said: ‘Where are you going to, Mikel?’ Confused and puzzled, Mikel asked: ‘But how did you recognise me Mama?’ The old lady laughed out loud and replied: ‘Are you stupid or what? Oloshi, it’s me, Calamity Yobo!’

Another post, a rehash of a recent true life incident somewhere in Nigeria, really got my eyeballs rolling in tears. It asks: “Do you come with the FIFA World Cup Trophy? Oh, you were not informed…ehn? Kontunu…no problem. God will see us. There is God, there is God in everything we are doing. Those goals that are sharing in Brazil will answer. What of two goals, two goals? Ehn, what of two goals that can tell us that you guys prepared for the match…? Do you come with any? Keshi…no? Na only you waka come? Will you keep quiet? Chai! Chai!! Chai!!! And then this one that has gone viral on many platforms: “Nigeria don nearly doroscatter . Everywhere is dorobombing. Over 200 girls are doromissing and yet we are singing dorobucci. Hmnn, let us doropray before things doroworsen. So, my doropeople , do have a nice doronight and be dorovigilant if you don’t want to dorodie. This is not dorofunny ooo. Please doroshare if you dorolike it!

You may laugh it off as one of those jokes but they are more than that. Deeply embedded in these funny lines are the pains of a nation in tethers—a country in search of redemption. These little nuggets somehow help in keeping hope alive. We laugh because we are tired of crying to the deaf ears of those who simply do nothing other offering excuses for incompetence. We are not unmindful of the fact that this dangerous bell of violence, killings and bombings do toll for all us. Oftentimes, we do ask: who’s next in this senseless carnage? No one knows as the enemy lurks in the shadows, baying for blood. However, since life is for the living, we’ve resolved to soak our tears in the ocean of painful laughter, fully aware that tomorrow’s promises are shrouded in the mystery of the unknown. That’s the reality that confronts us daily as we, the living dead, bury the dead. What’s next in this stream of tragic impulses? If you ask me, who do I ask?

BEYOND borders, socio-economic differences, the unifying force of cultural affinity and all other phenomena that either unite people or set them apart from one another, there is something about the game of football that magically captivates all. It is not just the seriousness with which 22 energetic footballers chase a round-leather object while thousands of direct spectators and millions of others across the globe cheer and jeer. It is not even about the raw grit, sheer athleticism, crude tackles and deft moves that tickle. Its magnetism not only enlivens the spirit but somehow ignites the fire of patriotism in many across Nigeria.

That explains why people breathe, live, love, hate and even die for the game of soccer as it is called in the United Statesof America.

For us here, football is not just any other sports with its highs and lows. It is more of a catharsis. Even before the bombs started booming in our backyards and the dead were being counted in hundreds of body bags, football has always captivated our fancies in a crazily queer way. When everything else fails, we’ve always hidden the drudgery of quotidian living in the warm embrace of crucial football victories by the Nigerian team. After all, our trophy cabinet couldn’t be said to be that dusty like that of my favourite English club, Arsenal, until mother luck smiled on it last season with the capture of the English FA Cup. Nigeria not only holds the bragging right as African champion, it also has a couple of FIFA age group world cups in the kitty. So, it has not been a bad journey in the footballing world for us.

And in moments like this when Brazil, the host of the 20^th Mundial, is literally on fire, unity is writ large on our wide canvas of pain. We just can’t help being proud of our achievements on the field of play, no matter how temporal

and short-lived this may be. And so, when Chief Coach of the Super Eagles of Nigeria, Stephen Keshi released his 23-man list of players that would make the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, we knew we were bound to experience some sort of hysteria even as citizens of a nation in the throes of war from all fronts. Not that we were comfortable with some of the names that magisterially made an inroad into Keshi’s list. Not that we didn’t identify the tired legs and doubtful inclusions. We were just optimistic that the ultimate hysteria would be that of joy in victory even when the warm-up matches gave us little hope with a harvest of drawn matches and a loss to the USA. We just believe in that undying spirit of a Nigerian that we would always grind out a cheering result from the gravest of situation. After all, were we not grouped with lowly Iran, inexperienced Bosnia Herzegovina and deadly Argentina?

We imagined our team would clinically eliminate Iran and stave off any upset from the Bosnian pretenders. Anyhow, we were set to exhale in Brazil. Or so we thought.

We were, by all standards, ready for a party right from the blast of the whistle in the match against Iran. I can’t say, for sure, that we went to Brazil with the largest governmentsponsored delegates since the media has not really written

much on that aspect of our game. But what I know, for sure, is that we are adequately represented in Brazil with the President of the Senate, David Bonaventure Mark, as Cheer Leader, ably assisted by truckloads of ministers, heads of boards and parastatals, hangars-on and friends of the Oga at the top.

I’m told, as I was writing this last week, that the Nigerian Football Federation is set to storm Brazil with another crowd of delegates to be led by the Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister of the Economy, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, to physically witness the demolition of BH (not Boko Haram but Bosnia and Herzegovina) and Argentina by Keshi’s bumbling, notplaying- to-instruction team. I wish them luck as the party goes on in Brazil at the home front burns.

However, even before the Super Eagles filed into the field last Saturday for their second match against BH in Brazil, I had reminded them of the deadly activities of the Boko Haram sect back home in Nigeria. If we are all agreed that football plays a unique role in the forlorn search for peace and unity in our country, then it should follow that the Super Eagles are condemned to giving us something that would temporarily take us away from the gnawing realities of the times. No matter how enervating the task, we can only exhale when we succeed in nailing BH in Brazil. Somehow, we grilled out the needed three points in that match. It then rekindled our hope that we could

go further than we had imagined at the beginning of the tournament. Of course, we were a bit deflated by that abysmally dismal performance against Iran. Yet, typical of the Nigerian spirit, we knew it was too early to say that our cup of good luck has run out. How can that be when our party train just pulled up in Brazil anyway? Why should Keshi’s team deny the world the opportunity of seeing the latest dance steps from the world’s largest gathering of the black race? Is it skelewu, azonto or etigi?

Every goal scored by us at this tournament must come with a unique dance both on and off the pitch. We saw a bit of that when Osaze Odenwingie drove a nail through the hearts of the BH boys led by Edin Dzeko. Our wrinkled faces need some facelift of smiles! Thankfully, Dzeko’s cancelled goal didn’t deny us of that boisterous smile.

Question is: would victory at the World Cup in Brazil etch a permanent smile on our faces? No, it won’t. But since we delight in the vacuity of temporary joy, it would give some persons a reason to latch on as the bounty of a warped democratic practice.

It may not bring back our girls who have spent more than 75 days of hell in the hands of their hardened, insensitive abductors. Instead, it will evoke a national hysteria of crimson unity. The victory may not even be dedicated to the scores of people that have been bombed and may be killed, maimed and dehumanised at the various viewing centres by the blood-sucking Boko Haram sect as the World Cup tournament enters the third week. What we would have instead is the usual boot-licking where the medallion of success is delicately placed on the lean neck of the man with the good luck. By then, all the prayers, angst, patriotic fervour, anxious moments, near paralysis and even outright deaths due to cardiac arrest during a football match would not matter.

What counts is the cheap, infantile politicking that is bound to follow.

In spite of all this, there is a way the Super Eagles can truly play their hearts out for the ordinary Nigerian who continues to suffer from the callous brigandage of the ruling elite.

There is a way they can make us burst into tears of joy amid the putrid smell of sorrow. There is a way they can take us to Brazil as a major part of that frolicking group, searching for catharsis in that strange land of samba rhythm and riveting ladies with the famed Brazilian hair. If only they can see beyond the clamour for dollar rain in lost, drawn or won matches and focus on playing the game as true patriots, they would have won our affection. They can, for instance, draw positive vibrations through a resolve to win Monday’s Round of 16 match against France for the abducted Chibok school girls and all those innocent lives wasted by insurgents and petty criminal gangs in our country. How about winning Monday’s match in memory of those killed while watching a game of football at viewing centres in Yobe and Adamawa states? Would it be out of place to wear a black band in memory of those heartlessly bombed to death at a shopping mall in Abuja last Wednesday? What’s wrong with fighting for victory in the search for true unity?

Absolutely nothing! But is that what would be on display on Monday or the whimsical antics of a mentally-drained team in a bitter brawl over allowances with equally greedy government officials?

Of a truth, we may never know what’s in stock for us until the team file out to trade tackles. What we know is that teams that have gone to the World Cup with a baggage of unresolved issues often get booted out in disgrace. If in

doubt, let us ask our next door neighbours, the Cameroonians, how things panned out for them in Brazil 2014 in spite of a galaxy of stars on display.

With just one drawn, one won, one lost matches at the group stage and a coach that has refused to take responsibility for his mistakes in the uninspiring showing against Iran, wouldn’t it be too hasty to begin a party that might likely end in crisis? Anyway, let us keep hope alive the same way we fervently pray and hope that the abducted Chibok girls would suddenly reappear in their parents’ homes in one piece! It’s a tough call really. But then, is there any better way to frolic with flourishing relish when our land is wreathed in the silent noise of fear, blood and anguish? So, I’ll be keeping tabs in Brazil as we battle the roaring incompetence that has turned us into a laughing stock by those who ought to know that you don’t fight terror with arms clasped in surrender! Hope they get the message. God bless Nigeria.

SENATOR Effiong Bob, Pro-Chancellor of the University of Benin and two-time Senator representing Akwa Ibom North East Senatorial District, is a fascinating character. For a man whose chubby face was roughly dragged on a rocky floor by powerful forces bent on truncating his desire to return to the Senate for the third time in the 2011 elections, it is soullifting that he still finds the courage to interfere in the affairs of a state in which governance has been completely ceded to a demi-god. For, if the truth must be told, the politics of Akwa Ibom State, in the last six years or more, appears to have lost its vibrancy and democratic fervour as Governor Godswill Akpabio, ‘the self-acclaimed ‘uncommon transformer’, continues to have a firm grip on the soul of the state. Nothing justifies this better than the frenzy that has been generated over who and where Akpabio’s successor should come from and the callousness with which some person’s political trajectory had been cut short in order to derail their ambitions in ruling the state after the exit of Akpabio. But that is a subject for another day. What has clearly manifested is Akwa Ibom’s gradual transformation into the good, the bad and the ugly in no particular order! Of importance to this writer is Effiong’s carefully-woven intervention and commentary on the controversial Governors and Deputy Governors’ Pension Bill 2014 which was recently passed by the Akwa Ibom State House of Assembly. While every other bemused commentator was busy huffing and puffing over the humongous figures legally farmed out to these privileged set of Nigerians who wouldn’t mind relocating the state’s vault to their backyard on retirement for offering to serve as elected representatives, Effiong raised fundamental questions on not just the quality of the Nigerian legislature but also its much-vaunted independence. Of course, this author of “Independence of the Legislature in Nigeria” should know better. His was a clarion call for us to take another look at that critical arm of government and see if we can carry out a successful surgery on its modus operandi so that some sanity can be injected into our political system. Our democracy will continue to remain endangered as long we have lawmakers who behave as ball boys in the political arena, pouring libation at the feet of the executive. It was Effiong’s belief that, by now, every politically conscious Nigerian should be tired of watching grownups acting like common touts, throwing chairs and abusing privileges as it was, once again, displayed by members of the Edo State House of Assembly where eight lawmakers attempted to impeach the speaker. I had thought that such a scenario would never repeat itself after the farcical drama that played out in Rivers State the other day. But what do I know? Effiong’s argument as regards the Akwa Ibom State pension brouhaha is simply this: the unconscionable, systemic rape of our collective wealth and senseless self-aggrandisement by all shades of characters in our political space would continue until such a time when the Nigerian legislature forcefully ejects itself from the armpit of the executive where it presently hibernates. If the lawmakers in Akwa Ibom had not sheepishly bowed to the dictate of his imperial majesty through error of commission or omission, it wouldn’t have been that easy for them to pass the bill into law in less than seven working days. If there was any debate on the bill at all, it was merely a choreographed dress rehearsal for a bill which has ‘transformed’ into a law through other route. How was it possible that such a controversial bill never went through the drill of public hearing or anything close to a referendum before it was speedily passed and rushed for the governor’s signature? Okay, so the profligacy didn’t start with Akpabio. So what? It’s been argued, and rightly too, that the public needs to throw more searchlights on states where ex-governors, their deputies, former speakers, deputy speakers and the house leadership have been draining the treasury in the name of pensions. From Lagos State to Kwara, Rivers to Gombe, Borno to Sokoto, unbelievably huge funds with confounding subheads are said to have been approved as pension packages by the various houses of assembly for the these governors and others. In most of the cases, the lawmakers had rebuffed public outcry whilst the controversial bills were passed and signed into laws with pomp and ceremony. The sad part is that these laws become legally binding while the incoming government, regardless of its political leaning, often turns a blind eye to reverting such as it stands to benefit from its continuous implementation. That is in addition to the fact that many of the ex-governors ‘retire’ into active service in Abuja as senators, ministers, party chair or chairmen of boards and agencies! Soon, Akpabio will be in Abuja contributing to the law making business on behalf of the rest of us! Hmnnn, as the Americans would say, ain’t these folks lucky? In as much as Knucklehead is not against former leaders leading a life of comfort in retirement, a big question mark hangs over the crazy pension packages being set aside for them. A situation where every former political holder craves an eternal life of luxury amid the crying poverty in which pensioners die on the queue waiting for stipends is utterly inhuman. Why, for example, should any former governor insist on having state-funded mansions in Abuja and in any chosen location in his state? Why should he burden the state with his cravings for state-of-art cars every three or four years when he still draws monetary pension with free medical insurance for himself and members of his family? Why should it be the responsibility of the state to fund his personal aides outside the government house? If someone spends, at the most, eight years in office and retires with pensionable benefits ranging from having four cars at his service every three years, 300% of annual basic salary as furniture allowance every two years. 10% of annual basic salary for maintenance with a coterie of domestic staff to boot, then why the hell is it difficult for the same government to pay pensioners, who had spent the better part of their life serving the nation, their monthly stipends? It’s simply pure callousness. I’m also aware that Akpabio’s spin doctors have strongly defended his action, claiming that his amendment to the pension bill in his state was aimed at injecting some sanity into a law that has no ‘credit ceiling’ on how much a former governor could draw for certain subheads in a year. That, to my mind, is a simplistic way of looking at a very delicate matter in which a “people-oriented” governor attempted to put a colossal credit ceiling of N100 million ($600,000) free medical allowance for himself and N50 million ($300,000) for his deputy. On a lighter note, you wonder if the governor was anticipating a sickness bigger than that of his deputy to justify the huge discrepancy in the medical ceiling. I once listened to Akpabio and the Speaker of the state assembly justifying the bill on a live television programme and I concluded that the Akwa Ibom State House of Assembly has its thinking faculty permanently tied to that of the Government House, Uyo. It is, therefore, not surprising that it took the 26 members less than seven days to pass a bill dated May 15, received by the Acting Clerk of the State House of Assembly on May 19, was passed into law for the governor’s assent on Monday May 26 and was signed into law on May 28. What a historic speed! Effiong asked. The point is: the absence of a robust legislature which understands and judiciously discharges it responsibility without fear or favour seriously impugns the time-worn ethos of democracy. Ours is an outright charade. As Effiong noted, the passage of the controversial law failed “the elementary process of passing a bill into law. At every level of the Legislature, bills of such critical dimensions are usually, without exception, subjected to public hearing and intense debate before passage. In this particular case, every process leading to the ultimate passage of that bill by the House was shrouded in ridiculous secrecy. This has raised more haunting questions than answers.” With all his self-adulation about “uncommon transformation”, could it be true that Akpabio’s Akwa Ibom still has 65 per cent of the populace jobless while a condescending house of assembly made itself available for the passage of a law that would further drain the resources of the state and “satisfy the voracious appetite of a few people?” Is Effiong not justified in describing the law as ludicrous and borne out of extreme callousness? And for those who still believe that our legislature is not being remote controlled by state chief executives, it would do them a world of good to ponder over Akpabio’s statement on how he ordered the state assembly to remove the vexatious section of the law. Describing the public outrage as a “tidal wave of propaganda, misinformation, falsehood, cynicism and mischief”, he declared: “I have decided that we should lift this evil siege by proposing to the House of Assembly that parts of the amendment putting a N100m ceiling and a N50m ceiling on the medical bill of former governors and deputy governors respectively be expunged from the amendment. Let it revert to the open-ended situation inherent in the law before the amendment.” Did you notice the gloating and bare-faced brigandage? And so, he has to decide for an unfeeling, unthinking, prebendal and unserious legislature! That’s tragic, to say the least!

So Femi Fani-Kayode has finally pulled the mask off his face, showing his true chameleonic colours and the yamheads at the Wadata House headquarters of the Peoples Democratic Party are offering him a red carpet to strut on? Why is Knucklehead not amused? Since we are all agreed that the constant tendency in political gimmickry here and elsewhere is ‘permanent interest’, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with a dog going back to eating its vomit! And so, rolling out the drums for a prodigal that is, at best, a political liability is a needless indulgence for anyone who cares to look beyond the laundering stream of excuses. The tragedy of the democracy this nation professes is that it is deceit-laden. It is a wonder, really, that our home-grown democracy is still wobbling on wooden crutches in spite of the deadly pummelling inflicted on it daily by the strange bedfellows in our political space. Fifteen years after the military went back to the barracks; it has been same of the same in this yoyo game of politics. So, let no one rejoice over a mere ‘deflection’ of a man who has the capacity to defect times without number so long as personal benefits swing in his direction.

In fact, Fani-Kayode should be commended for his patience and tenacity. At least, not many politicians of his gross, self-seeking type would patiently remain a loyal card-carrying member of the All Progressives Congress for close to a year-and-a-half before jumping the ship to a nest where his bread would be buttered once again! For someone who raises the stakes as one of the few “nation builders” in our midst in addition to a wanton self-proclamation as a devout Christian, Fani-Kayode would have, in a way, exposed the faces of evil to millions of hapless Nigerians by naming and shaming those “handful of people that have sympathies for Boko Haram with a clear Islamic agenda.” Or did his Christian mind fail him at this most critical moment when the nation is in search of a hero that he had carried his shoes on his head and run to a party which he once condemned with no less infantile verbiage? The crying truth is that no one needs to be clairvoyant to predict what would happen after that visit to Aso Rock to, presumably, interact with ‘my President.” Be that as it may, with FKK, certain categories of aides to President Goodluck Jonathan shouldn’t make the silly mistakes of sleeping with two eyes closed. But should they ignore this unsolicited advice from this bird with a broken beak, they may wake up to rue the day they allowed a gadfly that speaks from both sides of the mouth to share a table with their boss!

Anyway, didn’t someone say that deceit is an open-ended rule of engagement in politics? And so, this man of faith whimsically tagged along even while eating on the same table with members of a party that was “working hard silently” and “behind the scenes” to produce an all-Muslim pairing for the 2015 presidential election! He danced to the tune for months even when he saw clearly that “all the substantive positions of the national executive of the party are made up of almost exclusively Muslims!” So, he knew all the while that he had been mingling with “closet Haramites” for more than a year only to realise how ‘repugnant’ it was to him after just a visit to the seat of power? Oh, c’mon!

In all honesty, it would have been shocking if a man with stellar educational background like Fani-Kayode had not regurgitated all the conspiracy theories that have been flying in the social media in the past few months, to drive the final nail on the coffin he specially designed for the APC. He did not remember that the Federal Government, for years, kicked against every attempt made by the United States of America to label the Boko Haram sect a terrorist group until the demon took things into its own hands, killing, maiming and stealing our joy. Of course, he must have forgotten that the President once appealed to our understanding, reminding us that the people bringing terror to our doorsteps ‘are our cousins, brothers and fellow citizens.’ But he recorded Lai Mohammed saying that it was unconstitutional for the same government to proscribe the sect. He vividly forgot that some leading members of his former party had vehemently dissociated themselves from the ‘devilish’ sect and had even threatened to sue those linking them with the herd of killers. Yet, his memory was fast in recording an occasion “where the leading presidential candidate only last year said that Boko Haram ought not to be killed but ought to be treated like the Niger Delta militants, granted amnesty without any conditions, pampered and paid and who said, in 2001, that Muslims should only vote for people who will protect their faith!” He never recollected an interview where the Borno State Governor, KashimShettima, told Christiane Amanpour on CNN that the members of the sect were a ‘bunch of lunatics” and misguided irritants. But he would not only question the role of the governor in the abduction of school girls in Chibok but would also accuse the APC leaders of politicising the “whole of the Chibok issue and who are not sincere in trying to get the girls back”. I’m sure, for him, like many other delusional aides, the abduction story and images of dejection on the faces of parents of the abducted girls remain a farce aimed at distracting the transformation agenda! No wonder the President told a gathering of his party men on Thursday that “most of our PDP states are doing very well. In fact, security challenges are less in the PDP states because of the commitment of the governors.” I’m sure the governors of Bauchi,  Plateau, Benue, Taraba, Kaduna and Niger must be giggling when he said this.

No. It’s not as if we are strangers to this trend. Decent men don’t play politics here and we should not expect anything less even in the APC. Perhaps, if politicians have not mastered the art of lying through the teeth, Nigeria wouldn’t be in this mess. Hardly do you get anything that inspires or gives you the hope to believe that there would be an improvement soon. But, as citizens who feel the brunt of the shenanigan in high places, we owe it a duty to remind these folks of their antecedents. For a man who proclaims a much vaunted but vain ‘principles’, we would like to advise Fani-Kayode not to recant his earlier declaration that the Jonathan government has been progressing in reverse gear because it only succeeded in frittering a whopping $47 billion left by the Obasanjo administration. We would like to know if the once frittered money had been miraculously ploughed back into the system or if more misery has been inflicted on our collective treasury since Fani-Kayode first accused this same PDP-led government of reckless spending.

In case he has forgotten, let me remind him of statement credited to him during the public presentation of “High Life: the Lifestyles of Nigeria’s Rich and Famous” authored by the Society Editor of THISDAY, Mr.Lanre Alfred. He was quoted thus: “In 1999, when President OlusegunObasanjo came to power, he met $1.5 billion in our foreign reserves. Yet, by the time he left office in 2007, eight years later, he built up those reserves from $1.5 billion to $67 billion. Out of that $67 billion he deducted $20 billion and used it to pay off a large chunk of our foreign debt. That is how we arrived at the figure of $47 billion, which was left in our foreign reserves in 2007 when Obasanjo left office and handed over power to the incoming administration.

“Today, four years later, despite very high crude oil prices and record amounts of oil and gas sales, Nigeria still only has approximately $45 billion in her foreign reserves. Let us look at our foreign debt profile. In 1999, when President Obasanjo came to power he inherited a foreign debt of over $30 billion from the Abubakar administration. Yet by the time he left power in 2007, he had paid off that debt fully and for the first time in the history of the world, sub-Saharan Africa had a country that was completely debt-free. No other African country has ever achieved this. Yet sadly, four years later and under the administration of President Goodluck Jonathan, our foreign debt has risen from zero to $9 billion. Consequently, all the admiration and wonderful accolades that we won as a country from the international community for exercising and indulging in financial prudence and good old-fashioned fiscal discipline when Obasanjo was in power have been squandered and lost.”

In an interview with this reporter, Dele Anofi and Faith Yahaya titled “Biafra: Blame Ojukwu not Awo or Gowon for death, suffering and starvation” published in this paper on November 4th, 2012, Fani-Kayode lamented: “In 2012, Yoruba are not in the Federal Government as far as I’m concerned. We have been short-changed and there is a lot of instability and discontent. How can you have 50 million people as part of you, I’m talking in diaspora as well as in this country, and they don’t play key role in the Federal Government? And also, you don’t treat people in various Yoruba states in a very fair manner at all and you expect everything to be okay for you. You can’t do that to Yoruba people, we are just too big. So, if they get anything else wrong, what they need to get right is that they need to treat Yoruba with immense sensitivity, reach out to them and try to carry them along. If you continue to treat them as if they don’t matter you are asking for trouble.”

Now that he has traced his steps back to the Jonathan network, I hope the Yoruba people would begin to experience some levels of stability and contentment without any trouble. What’s fair is fair. A proud son of the land is back to reckoning in high places! Hmnnnn!

Of course, there were truckloads of other allegations levelled against Jonathan when some persons were shut out of participating in the eating of our national cake. All this pales into insignificance after that curious visit to a “wonderful” President. Now that the “doors” have been opened for the former Minister of Aviation to, again, see those “wonderful” persons living in Aso Rock, Nigerians can trust this fellow who pretends never to see or hear any evil while feeding at the master’s table to continue in his vainglorious ways. We can only wish him luck as he settles down to eat his vomit under the lure of the high table with which he is so fondly familiar beyond any earthly restraint. Since every principled person must accept the fact that conscience is an open wound, those speaking about religiosity should also understand that someone more higher than them would finally judge our trajectory through life—the One that sees through the deceit and political flirtations that continue to alienate that mass of the citizens! And by the way, I’m a Christian too but equally conscious of the vanity in a tiger proclaiming its ‘tigritude.’ We know one when we see it! God bless our nation.