The Nation Newspaper

Category: Yomi Odunuga

  • And the President explains…

    Without doubt, last Wednesday’s Presidential Media Chat was one of the best outings of President Goodluck Jonathan in recent times. His past attempts at wowing the audience in a question and answer session, no matter how short, had been anything but inspiring. Oftentimes, through the television and radio sets in the living rooms of expectant citizens, he had vicariously dragged them through the torture of his uninspiring whining. The problem, I hazard a guess, lies more with his eternal predilection for dancing around crucial issues and belittling weighty matters instead of justifying his action with convincing analogies. That is where Wednesday’s episode was different. This time, those who package him, taking a cue from his perpetual bumbling, commendably did well in asking the President to address the issues and imbue his answers with some substance. Did he ‘kill it” during that session? Well, I would not say he did. However, did he make a better job of what had become a drab, uninspiring two-hour media interaction with the Nigerian President? Yes, he did. At least, we can now pin him down on some knotty issues that had been begging for answers since his first misadventure on the programme aired live on the network of the Nigerian Television Authority.

    So, what did Jonathan say that was remarkably different from what he had said in the past? Quite a lot if you asked me. It was apparent that Jonathan needed to make clarifications on certain statements credited to him, which the rival All Progressives Congress has been using to haunt him as the campaign for the presidential seat gets hotter. There could not have been a better platform to ventilate those thoughts than a nationwide live programme hosted by the President himself. Therefore, we should not begrudge the organisers of that ‘special programme’ if they had carefully picked members of the panel. Let’s face it, wouldn’t it have been tantamount to committing political suicide if the panel was made up of persons that would insist on asking questions without the timely ‘cuts’ of the moderator and the obvious restrictions placed on the flow of questions. Aside that, Jonathan actually said certain things that adequately compensated for the psychological torture some of us suffered, watching him struggling through a web of astounding paradoxes.

    First, there was that discomfiting ‘truth’ he exposed about the hurriedly postponed February 14 presidential election, which raises more questions than answers. But for that programme, the nation would not have known that Jonathan was never consulted by both the Independent National Electoral Commission and the security services before a seeming ‘unilateral’ postponement of election by six weeks due to what the INEC Chairman, Prof. Attahiru Jega, called ‘security concerns in the North East’. Of course, most Nigerians were aware, even before the official announcement of the postponement, that the rampaging activities of the Boko Haram insurgents had reached such a scary scale that a fair conduct of an election in that troubled region requires extra-ordinary security measures. And that was exactly what the security chiefs had promised to provide before they changed the tune in the middle of a fascinating dance.  What shocks us as a people really is the revelation by the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces that his office was never briefed before his security chiefs wrote a letter to Jega that they would not be able to guarantee the safety of the over 700,000 personnel that would have taken part in the election! Now, with due respect to the President, that is a classic case of someone being economical with the truth. Some say it comes pretty close to lying through the teeth.

    Listen to him: “If the security services say there has to be an adjustment within this period, ordinarily there should not be an issue. I see election as a tournament. I do not see any big deal. I was not consulted and I don’t need to be consulted.”

    Going by his declaration, is Jonathan telling us that the security apparatchiks just met at an officers’ mess in Abuja for a binge after which they drafted a letter to INEC on the need to change the dates for a general election without as much as seeking an approval from their Commander-in-Chief? Is that how it works now? Is Jonathan also denying any knowledge of the curious kite flown by his National Security Adviser, Col. Sambo Dasuki, in Chatham House, London where he called for a shift in the election timetable due to the poor distribution of the Permanent Voters Cards?  So the President never placed any significant value to the call made by his political godfather, Chief Edwin Clark, that Jega should resign on allegations that he was conniving with the opposition party to oust Jonathan out of the presidential seat through the February 14 election? Could it mean that none of the appointed security chiefs thought it wise to brief the President that an additional six weeks’ battle with the insurgents would make peaceful election possible in the North East? If that is not a treasonable offence, then President Jonathan would have to organise another media parley to explain to the Nigerian citizens what constitutes treason apart from the alleged pelting of his convoy by “young ignorant people!.” Oh, come on Mr. President, you are the Chief Security Officer of the country for crying out loud and it is un-presidential for you to tell us that those that enjoy the privileges of that office at your pleasure neither informed you of that critical decision nor do they ever need to inform you. Seriously, does Jonathan expect the nation to believe him? Has he belittled the position of Commander-in-Chief to the point of being ignored on such serious, sensitive matter?

    Moving on, Jonathan also tried to justify an earlier presidential gaffe in which he says stealing is not corruption. I confess that he probably spent a greater part of the one-and-a-half-hour interview lecturing Nigerians on the remarkable differences between a plain thief and a corrupt person. At a point, he even alluded to the fact that Nigerians, especially those from the South West, seem to have a pathological hatred for thieves while they would gladly embrace a corrosively corrupt Nigerian. Ha! His explanations notwithstanding, it would have been better if the President had apologised for failing to communicate effectively the message when he first made that statement. It was too grave a mistake to make and he waited far too long for the shocking declaration to go viral in the public space before he mustered the will to dribble his way through a maze of confounding explanations. Having made the necessary corrections however, Nigerians would love to see when the Jonathan Presidency would move from the prosecution and conviction of the petty thieves it celebrates daily to tackling the extreme damage inflicted on the economy by the bigger, industrial-size ‘oles’ in and around the seat of power. They would want him to stop deodorising corruption with sweet-scented fragrance by pardoning the few convicted pilferers who could not wriggle through the long arm of the law. Whether he calls it stealing or corruption, a thief is a thief and he deserves his days at the gallows. That is what has been essentially missing in his lame fight against corruption!

    Thankfully, Nigerians should be glad that they could hold their President to certain promises that he vowed to fulfil. Although, Jonathan had set quite a number of unrealistic targets before, we should believe him when he said the elections would go on as rescheduled because, by March 28, the security situations in the North East would be good enough for the conduct of election. After all, he remains the C-In-C and he should know the gravity of such a promise. We should also believe him when he suggested that it would be practically impossible to “recover” all the hundreds of girls abducted in Chibok by the Boko Haram insurgents. That would be asking too much from a government which is still busy strategizing on a rescue plan 305 days into an abduction that has drawn the attention of the world to our special way of doing things! Even the anguished parents of the girls know that a 100 per cent rescue of the school girls would be tantamount to building a mountain of hope on a foundation built on the despicable spittle of hopelessness.

    It is also interesting listening to the President dissociating his office from those preaching hate messages and dragging the name of the INEC Chairman into disrepute. He said over 80 per cent of persons making such ‘stupid’ comments are not known to his campaign office. To my mind, that is a very bold and patriotic comment and the President must be commended for dissociating himself from this band of noisemakers on a national television programme. However, what we wouldn’t know is whether a large chunk of that ‘unknown” 80 per cent includes the likes of the Director-General of Peoples Democratic Party’s Campaign Organisation, Dr Ahmadu Ali, who called on Jega to resign; the spokesperson of the PDP who accused Jega of conniving with the APC to rig the election; the campaign organisation’s Director of Communications, Chief Femi Fani-Kayode, who continues to insist on Jega’s resignation, and; notable personalities in the President’s camp like Chief Edwin Clark, Senator Femi Okunrounmu and Dr. Chukwuemeka Ezeife, who are equally pushing for Jega’s sack!

    Could it be possible that the notable warlords from the creeks who are beating ethnic war drums are ‘unknown’ to Jonathan even when one of then in received thunderous ovation at the President’s campaign rally in Yenagoa? Anyway, why should we bother about the silly gloating when the President has explained that such “stupid things belong to the garbage world” in a year when he has vowed that the May 29, 2015 handover date remains sacrosanct? Why? Anyway, that is what you get in a garbage in, garbage out system!

  • Random thoughts on the campaign trains

    One thing that sets this year’s electoral campaign miles apart from the previous ones is the overflowing stream of cheap talk – call it pedestrian propaganda. One is also astonished at the creative, even if warped imaginations of Nigerians in twisting real life history to malign or impugn the reputation of opponents. In fact, someone said a former Head of State had put a call to some of his colleagues, urging them to find a way of putting a halt to the gale of hate-filled messages that continue to resonate on the campaigns trains. It’s not just the election proper that is turning out to be a do-or-die venture, even the campaigns have been soaked in blood. Well, literarily. If cheap talks were a major prerequisite for electoral triumph, by now some persons wouldn’t have bothered waiting for the official announcement of the results by the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) before rolling out the drums. Unfortunately, that would be carrying optimism to an absurd level.

    The reality is that supporters of the two leading presidential candidates—President Goodluck Jonathan and General Muhammadu Buhari—have taken pettiness to a ridiculous level in their campaign strategies. They just don’t get it that the modern day Nigerian electorate needs to be persuaded rather being coerced in a participatory democratic system. No matter how we look at it, this election will not be won on a platter of the twisted logic and ad hominem arguments that is on display daily on social media platforms and even the traditional media. Too many lies are being peddled as truth and the Nigerian voters are becoming wary of the whole shenanigan.

    From the little that one has been able to glean from the slime-laden campaigns, two things stand out; Buhari has been marked as an unbending dictator who is seeking office with the aim of inflicting more anguish on Nigerians regardless of the fact that, in a democracy, certain institutions are constitutionally empowered to check the excesses of the executive. It was as if Buhari would be the first former Head of State that would be seeking to be elected into the highest office in the land. On the other hand, Jonathan comes out as a woefully pathetic leader with an abysmal record that has gravely wrecked the ship of state especially in the last four years. These are the two extremes that confront Nigerians and they wait to exercise their rights to pick their next leader. Like highly respected The Economist puts it, the choice on February 14 is between a former dictator and failed President! Now, that says a lot about an entrapment between the devil and the deep blue sea.

    Away from the intrigues of the possibility of shifting the dates for the elections, the uninspiring statements at the campaign podiums and the fixation on issues that have never defined the outcome of results, we need to understand that elections ought to be won and lost through reasoned logic and informed commentary and not by sentimental whinging of monumental incongruities. If only Jonathan and Buhari can help us in drumming this into the heads of their fanatical supporters, this journey would no doubt be less tedious. It is this failure to grasp this basic fact that has led to the worsening tension in the land. Some persons have simply become paranoid at the looming prospects of losing power while others seems too elated at the possibility of grabbing it without really giving a deep thought to what they want to do with it!

    The question has been asked: why can’t the candidates campaign on their strengths rather than spending quality time gloating on the opponent’s weaknesses? The answer is simple. There is pretty nothing much to thump the chest over. So, the next option is the resort to silly taunts and dirty strategies that beggar belief. And so, the argument is no longer about Buhari’s capacity to set Nigeria on the right track of fiscal discipline, economic development and a secured environment. It is now about that part of his that needs to go through some sort of purgation. Suddenly, they woke up to realise that a man who had contested election and lost three times in the past is nursing a national aspiration from the blighted position of an ethnic or sectional jingoist. And I ask, what then is Jonathan if he has refused to publicly condemn the perfidious rant of his kinsmen who threaten war should the incumbent lose in a contest that demands the free will of the people to elect their leader? That, by the way, has been the greatest malaise against our national growth. It is quite apparent that Jonathan is not an exception and that is why his ‘people’ keep on appropriating the seat as their turn to exhale. No matter how we look at it, a clear and present danger lies in the fact that we have willy-nilly allow the discourse to veer from the real issues of development to dovetail into the politics of the North versus the South. This is quite unfortunate.

    At this time in the nation’s history and with the threats posed by the Boko Haram menace, those playing the dangerous cards of the North-South dichotomy will only aggravate the chaos. For, in truth, Nigeria is in distress. No matter how colourful the campaigns, we cannot forget that lives are being lost daily to the insurgents. Those who aspire to lead us should appreciate the significance of this message. If they cannot rule over a united and indivisible Nigeria, then they should forget such aspirations. This is surely no time for political imputations and back-biting. The time requires leaders who would see a threat to one as a Nigerian problem that must be tackled headlong. This is no time for sitting on the fence and playing the ostrich.

    For example, when Jonathan and Buhari tell potential voters on their campaign trains that they plan to end the Boko Haram insurgency in the next few years, we should take them to task on how they would achieve the plan. There is nothing wrong in asking Buhari if he has now realised that the Nigerian government has not been killing innocent Northerners in the guise of hunting down those blood-sucking insurgents. Just like I see no harm in taking Jonathan to task on when he realised that those killing, bombing, slaughtering and inflicting pains on innocent and law-abiding citizens do not fall into a presidential categorisation of ‘our brothers and relatives!” That is no-brainer. We can even ask him to be categorical of what has happened to the over 200 school girls kidnapped in Chibok for over 298 days now!

    No, don’t get it twisted. While no one can accuse Jonathan of doing nothing in pushing back the insurgents, he stands condemned for a rather belated decision to confront the menace headlong. Mr. President should be man enough to take responsibility for sitting on his hands for so long while these agents of terror soiled our streets with the blood of innocent souls. But those who did not offer him any advice on how best to resolve the matter do not have any moral basis to blame him for wielding his power to put an end to what has become a national calamity.

    We can save this country from the brink if the real issues are brought to the fore instead of the pettiness that has been flying over our campaign space. As I write this, I shiver to mention the benumbing things that have passed on as campaign messages. The two main candidates in the presidential race should be worried that millions of Nigerians have reportedly left their bases to relocate to places they consider safe during the election. This casts a serious doubt on what most people consider the peripheral gestures of signing a peace accord when the campaign, in words and spirit, have been anything but issue-based.

    For now, I think the campaign teams have done a good job of painting the two major contestants as not only monsters in a deadly race to appropriate presidential power but also as potential bunglers in office. Having wasted valuable time and raking up dirt from the past to justify that line of thought without much success, can we please go back to the basics? The time to end the empty babbling is long overdue. But will they listen?

  • When Jonathan spoke on May 29, 2011

    LET’S give it to President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, his speech writers are arguably the best collection that any leader from this clime has been blessed with. By the way, I noticed that his other ‘names’—Azikiwe, Mainasara and Omoluabi—were conspicuously overlooked during the oath-taking proper at his inauguration last Sunday. Perhaps, it was a signal that politicking has had ended, synthetic attachments had to be discarded as the arduous task of transforming Nigeria had just begun. Nevertheless, it was humbling seeing a man from the backstreets of a region that has been thoroughly despoiled taking an oath of allegiance as the nation’s First Citizen. Whichever way we look at it, the Jonathan,story is an inspirational tale that should wake up the deadened cells and ignite hope in this thick miasma of hopelessness. If well-packaged and backed with good intentions and productive fruits, the Jonathan journey may just be the magical tonic that will rekindle our dwindling hope for a better tomorrow. For now, that blurred hope is buried in the shallow water of lamentation which tends to flow ceaselessly. Years after years, the hope that many cling to has been receding like a mirage for majority of the citizens.

    If all we need to get out of the deep mess the nation has found itself are inspirational speeches padded up with stimulating poetic cadence, then none could have been more appropriate than Jonathan’s. I still remember how he got us drooling last year at the Eagle Square when he made public his intention to run for the highest of office in the land. I remember how he touched that tender part of humanity by appealing to our sentiment. How many ordinary citizens will find it difficult to acknowledge God’s power and great possibilities when the sandal-less son of a poor canoe carver mounts the national podium to speak of hope? I recall how he pulled us to his side by recanting the tale of an ordinary boy from Otuoke village who lived to achieve his dreams. I couldn’t have forgotten so easily how he vowed to put Nigeria on the right pathbecause, like he said, he could also feel our pain.

    Hear him again: “I was not born rich, and in my youth, I never imagined that I would be where I am today, but not once did I ever give up. Not once did I imagine that a child from Otuoke, a small village in the Niger Delta, will one day rise to the position of President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. I was raised by my mother and father with just enough money to meet our daily needs.

    “In my early days in school, I had no shoes, no school bags. I carried my books in my hands but never despaired; no car to take me to school but I never despaired. There were days I had only one meal but I never despaired. I walked miles and crossed rivers to school every day but I never despaired. Didn’t have power, didn’t have generators, studied with lanterns but I never despaired.

    “In spite of these, I finished secondary school, attended the University of Port Harcourt, and now hold a doctorate degree. Fellow Nigerians, if I could make it, you too can make it. My story symbolizes my dream for Nigeria. The dream that any Nigerianchild from Kaura- Namoda to Duke town; from Potiskum to Nsukka, from Isale-Eko to Gboko will be able to realise his Godgiven potential, unhindered by tribe or religion and unrestricted by improvised political inhibitions. My story holds out the promise of a new Nigeria. A Nigeria built on the virtues of love and respect for one another, on unity, on industry, on hard work and on good governance.”

    Therefore,, we can relatively assume that the man who swore to an oath on May 29, 2011 at the Eagle Square is no stranger to the Nigerian problem. Having foraged for fate in the same tough environment that has turned many into living like recluse or psychiatric test case, Jonathan could be said to be fully prepared to begin a transformation process that would change the old order and returndignity to the larger populace who have been dehumanized by the system. But then, this might as well be an expensive assumption if Mr. President fails to put his hands on the plough as soon as the ceremonial aspect of the job is over. Any man that speaks with such passion and angst against a system that he feels has delivered little must surely be coming to the table with something different. That, to my mind, was what Jonathan attempted to put before us in his well-publicized inaugural speech. He had clearly spelt out what he planned to do with the power handed over to him by the people. And what did he say?

    In simple plain language, Jonathan listed his priorities as including, among others: spearheading the fight against corruption; ensuring improved medical care for all; leading the process for democratic growth in Africa; engendering first class education; fulfilling his promise of electricity for all; paying special attention to agriculture and providing efficient, affordable public transport system.He also promised a safer Nigeria so that investments could thrive. He touched on the essentials and waxed lyrical. He employed the right words to soothe nerves. It was his moment and he luxuriated in it.

    His words: “You have entrusted me with your mandate, I will not let you down. I know your pains because I have been through it and I am one of you. The time of lamentation is over. This is the time for action. But Nigeria can only be transformed if we all play our parts with commitment and sincerity.”

    That was the man with the bowler hat speaking. Now, speechmakingis over. The appeal to sentiment is gone. It is action time. How will Jonathan fare?

    Well, it is too early in the day to say. Already, some have laudedhim for signing the Freedom of Information bill into law. They said he made the right choice in picking Sen. Anyim Pius Anyim as Secretary to the Federal Government of the Federation. He has been commended for thinking outside the box in putting together his cabinet and for speaking out against the shameless lobbyists who wanted plum political appointments for their wives, relatives,

    concubines and hangers-on. However, are these signs of the successstory to come?

    Yet we need to ask some questions. Has it ever occurred to these persons that these could as well be mere flashes that could amount to nothing at the end of the day? How many times in the history ofthis country have we seen leaders who would start on a high and, in a short moment, succumb to the pressures and wily intrigues of the powerful elite? How many times have we seen them abandoning those things that required urgent national attention only to end up embracing the mundane? How many times have our dreams of a better tomorrow been deferred by the hollowness of their empty promises? How many times have we rejoiced over a well-timed speech only to discover that the one who delivered it never remembered a single word out of the high-falutin pledges he made?

    One thing is clear: Leaders are not scored high just because they took some good steps and made some good choices in the beginning. History judges them in accordance to how well they were able to comport themselves and handle power in the overall interest of the people. Mr. Jonathan is in this for a long haul. This journey will take him four years to complete. Just barely five hours intothat journey, there were signs that it was not going to be a smooth ride with bombs going off in key cities of the North; one was dropped in Zuba, very close to Abuja to maim and kill innocent citizens. This is not just an affront on his presidency; it is aimed at testinghis resolve to rein in the perpetrators of this despicable act.

    It may not be out of place to say that the 518 citizens killed in Kaduna, the corps members whose dreams were malevolently crushed in Bauchi and others whose innocent blood were spilled during the April 2011 post-election violence have become sacrificial lambs to democracy and the birth of this administration. Indeed, the blood of the April 2011 martyrs has watered the tree of freedom and democracy in Nigeria. Leadership failure at this point in history

    would amount to a callous denigration of their supreme sacrifice and President Jonathan must know this.

    What is required now is more of productive action and less of speechmaking. Will Mr. President step up to the challenge or will he continue with the show of helplessness that has seen his government roaring with righteous rage each time bombs decimate the lives of innocent souls? Let him chew on these things as we wish him all the luck towards meeting our justifiably huge expectations. He surely needs loads of good luck!

    Knucklehead’s note: The piece above which was first published as ‘A President and his speeches’ on June 4, 2011 captures the bond Jonathan signed with Nigerians on his ascendance into the Office of the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Question is: has he lived up to his words? Well, the index is there for everyone to see if we are to judge him on the fight against corruption, level of insecurity, power generation, health, education, infrastructural development

    and job creation. Would Jonathan, in all honesty, score himselfabove average four years after presiding over a country ravaged by insurgengy, polarised by ethno-religious crisis and famished by a dwindling economy?

     

  • Now, a President with quotable quotes!

    RUTH told, most of the things you would be reading here today do not originate from Knucklehead. As the country inches towards another general election, one can’t help but notice the comic relief that Nigerians from all shades of life continue to inject into a discourse on the dynamics of an election that has thrown out different issues. It does not matter which side of the divide one belongs, there is always that refreshing satire—that comments that lights up the atmosphere and makes burst into tearful laughter. There is that post that justifies laughter as catharsis and eases the tensed and almost morbid fixation of some persons to Nigeria’s politics of hate and bitterness. Here, I confess a fascination for some of the jokes especially the popular ones on the social media which poke fun at the two leading presidential candidates—President Goodluck Jonathan of the Peoples Democratic Party and Gen. Muhammadu Buhari of the All Progressives Congress.

    I marvel at the way Nigerians draw humour even from the most serious situation. Take, for example, an interesting post on the wall of a friend titled “My last political post here.” Evidently unfazed by the orchestrated noise over Buhari’s certificate saga and the political mileage some persons had hoped to gain from such, the lady declared with some tinge of humour that: “if you like, tell me that Buhari went only to Almajiri school, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me that Buhari never attended any school before, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me Buhari was actually raised in the bush by wild animals only, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me Buhari is actually an alien from Mars, I will vote for Buhari. Tell me that Buhari is actually 100 years old, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me that Buhari has AIDS, Ebola, Marbug, Hepatitis, cancer of all his organs, kuru and mad cow disease, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me Buhari jailed every single Nigerian that was alive during his tenure, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me that during Buhari’s tenure, people had to apply to government and get approval before they urinate, defecate, eat or drink, I will still vote for Buhari. Tell me that Jonathan Nigeria would be better than paradise in four years if I vote Goodluck, I will still vote for Buhari. Save you words, your energy, your keyboards, time and leave me alone!” You would be making a grave mistake if you thought the post above should be the height of the cult following that Buhari has been able to attract less than four years when he was obviously a paperweight candidate in the 2011 election against an incumbent Jonathan. There have been several equally laughable posts. For me, the one that got me rolling on the floor was a twitter joke in which Buhari was said to have allegedly wondered why the eggheads at the leading party continue to make an issue out the certificate brouhaha instead on focusing on the defining factors that would sway voters. The post read: Buhari: “It is a tragedy to see the ruling party focus on pettiness and lies, rumours of cancer, foreign treatment and certificate the know exist.” In response, one Bedoun fired a retort: “Sir, forget and never talk about it. We will vote for you even if you are not alive on election day!” O blimey!

    But, on a serious note, I really don’t understand why the ruling PDP is wasting vital time on Buhari’s decision to tender an affidavit to the Independent National Electoral Commission in place of his secondary school leaving certificate which was the reason for his enlistment as a commissioned officer in the Nigerian Army in 1961. It beggars belief that the highly-respected Nigerian military has allowed itself to be dragged into a matter that should have been left for politicians to fret and heckle over or, at best, left in the hands of the court. Without going into the silly suggestions and tendentious statements credited to some babbling opportunists even after Buhari made public his certificate, it is important to highlight what the 1999 Constitution (as amended) defined as Secondary School Certificate or its equivalent. Section 318 Part IV of the Constitution states: “School Certificate level or its equivalent” as follows: (a) A Secondary School Certificate or its equivalent, Grade II Teacher’s Certificate, the City and Guilds Certificate; or (b) Education up to Secondary School Certificate Level; or (c) Primary Six School Leaving Certificate or its equivalent and –(i) service in the public or private sector in the Federation in any capacity acceptable to the Independent National Electoral Commission for a minimum of ten years, and (ii) attendance at courses and training in such institutions as may be acceptable to the Independent National Electoral Commission for periods totalling up to a minimum of one year, and (iii) The ability to read, write, understand and communicate in the English language to the satisfaction of the Independent National Electoral Commission, and (d) Any other qualification acceptable by the Independent National Electoral Commission. By deductive reasoning, shouldn’t follow that a letter that was duly signed by a Principal of a school and accepted by a revered institution like the military to enlist a student as commissioned officer must equally justify the fact that, at least, Buhari has the “ability to read, write, understand and communicate in English Language” to the satisfaction of INEC? Or must Buhari necessarily adopt the vacuous oratory, diction and intonation of a Femi Fani-Kayode before those hounding him would acknowledge that he has a semblance of education? By the way, let me state without any equivocation that Fani- Kayode suffers a debilitating form of verbal diarrhoea in addition to violently dealing a fatal blow to learning and character by insisting that Buhari should be stripped of whatever he had worked for in the military. It is disheartening that all he could come up with is a jejune allegation of perjury against a man who had pleaded that the discourse should shift to germane issues like the scandalous rate of unemployment, insecurity and corrosive corruption. Sometimes, I just ask, how did we end up having clowns paddling this ship of state?

    Now, away from the hard talks. Like I said, one intriguing thing one has taken away from the campaign train is the humour Nigerians continue to make out of the speeches. In the past, a leading columnist had condemned President Jonathan’s inability to entertain the nation with quotable quotes. Today, I doubt if that columnist wouldn’t be biting his fingers for being hasty in his judgment. There are quite a number of quotes bearing the special imprimatur of the Number One Citizen. In fact, there is this particular collection currently trending on the social media which, I believe, is meant to douse the tension in this challenging times. Of course, it is difficult to ignore the glaring mischief in the compilation. Yet, the humour is undoubtedly refreshing. Below is what the ‘unknown’ author dubs the President’s quotable quotes in the last few weeks:

    1. “Go to the ministry of Agriculture to see the level of development in the Agriculture sector”—GEJ (My take: Sir, do we need to go to the Ministry of Agriculture before we know that the cost of food/foodstuffs today, is almost three times the prices before you became president?) 2. “Buhari and other past leaders did not buy arms for the military”– GEJ (My take: Sir, did our military use slings and stones to fight the ECOMOG war?” 3. “I am talking to those of you who are between 23 and 25 years”—GEJ (My take: Sir, are you saying those of us who are way above 25 years old should go ahead and vote for Buhari?) 4. “I will create two million jobs annually if am re-elected”– -GEJ (My take: Sir, how many jobs did you create in 6 years?) 5. “I will send 1st class graduates abroad to do their Masters degrees”—GEJ (My take: Sir, you finally agree that our schools here are not good enough for people to study?)

    6. “If I jail every person in government, who would be left to run the government?”—GEJ (My take: Sir, I guess it was Femi Fani- Kayode that spoke through you here because I can’t believe you said this!) 7. “How much did Jim Nwobodo steal that Buhari regime put him in jail”—GEJ (My take: Sir, please tell us how much one needs to steal before it can be called corruption!) 8. “If I go to Chibok, they will kill me”—GEJ (My take: Sir, if you, the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces, is scared to go to some parts of the country, then we are all in trouble. Don’t you think so?) 9. “Henry Okah was contracted by some Nigerians to kill me”—GEJ (My take: Sir, we are interested in knowing the people who want to kill our President because an attack on our President is an attack on all of us. So, please mention the names of those who want to kill you sir!) 10. “My advisers are misadvising me”—GEJ (My take: Sir, Nigerians didn’t vote for your advisers. You were the one that appointed them!)

    11. “Buhari that can’t remember his own phone numbers is saying he will change the economy of the country”—GEJ (My take: Sir, this statement from you is too petty and highly un-presidential!) 12. “I am coming up with strategies to fight corruption”—GEJ (My take: Sir, how about strategies to fight stealing?) 13. “I will minimize terrorism if am re-elected”—GEJ (My take: Sir, you have been president for almost 6 years ooo!) 14. “My Generation have failed you”— GEJ (My take: Sir, since you agree that you have failed, don’t you think you should be preparing to leave rather than fighting to remain in Aso Rock?) 15. “The monies spent to run the office of the First Lady are from NGOs”—GEJ (My take: Mr. President! Mr. President!! Mr. President!!! How many times did I call you? Let me pretend as if I didn’t hear this one!”)

    And there comes the icing on the cake: “GEJ to provide 2 million jobs per year if re-elected. To get more jokes, send Bros Jona to 2015!” On a final note and as Nigerian popular comedians are wont to say each time they make a caricature of prominent figures in the political space, ‘na joke I dey joke ooo!’ This is just something to laugh over and not to be taken too seriously especially when it is written by Knucklehead me. For the records, I do ‘give a damn’ about this caveat emptor please!

  • Hollow words on a broken canvas

    But for the seriousness he attaches to his speech, Niger State Governor, Dr.AliyuBabangida, would have easily passed for a jester or a stand-up comedian whose words must be taken for what they are—jokes. And so when this shadowy character, who wields executive powers in a state that has a rare privilege of producing two living former military heads of state, Generals Ibrahim BadamosiBabangida and AbdulsalamiAbubakar, takes himself far too seriously to fall into that category. The self-styled Chief Servant to the people of his state recently threw an insight into the weird world of politicking that should be of interest all students of Political Science and the ever-gullible Nigerians who believe every politician’s words and promises must be some sort of bond or social contract. Well, for those who insist on leaders walking their talk, they may need to pick some nuggets on leadership buffoonery from the Chief Servant’s repertoire. His verdict? There is no place for morality in politics and anyone seeking nothing but the truth in the murky waters of politics must be living in a fool’s paradise!

    If in doubt, then listen to the piece of advice he graciously offered during the inauguration of the Peoples Democratic Party gubernatorial campaign committee in Minna recently: “If you cannot lie, get out of politics. Anything you are involved in has its own rule. You are in politics to win, win first and let other things follow. Don’t be the one crying louder; lest you will be the one they will take to court.

    If you are talking of honesty or morals, go and become an Imam or Pastor. Politics cannot be the way it used to be. The challenges are more now. The variables have changed. The issues that we are going to face in 2015 are different from the ones we faced in 1999 and we must bear this in mind. Our society is not as grateful as it used to be, the values and morals have gone down. If you want to win, use the modern morality.”

    Words.Heavy words.Disturbing words.Scary words. These have become a critical part of our politics as Nigeria embarks on yet another transition in democratic governance. Whatever it is, we can only ignore Babangida’s statement at our own peril. After all, hardly can anyone vouch for the so-called pastors and imams these days. Many of them would feign religious piety and, with relish, sacrifice the Lord on the altar of mercantilism. How many of them would put morality first ahead of personal interest when discussing issues of national interest? Be that as it may, what should rev up our anger buttonsreally is the rate at which the smartest liars get the tickets to manage our collective fortunes. In these days when most of the country leaders, both past and present, speak from both sides of the mouth, it becomes difficult to sniff the truth from the heaps of lies they spin every day. The tragedy is that some despicable persons, whose sole vocation is to stall our advancement as a nation, expect us to make informed decisions on which of the ‘lesser evils’ we should cast our vote for in an electioneering year.

    The sad reality of Nigeria’s wobbling and endless trajectory towards greatness is that its story is being etched on a broken canvas— a collage of ignoble lies. It is, to say the least, sickening that each time its modern-day statesmen attempt to tell their stories, they are haunted not just by their messy past but also by the uninspiring legacy they bequeathed. By now, it should be clear to every discerning mind that, in spite of all the sloganeering,Nigeria is yet to have its own Mahatma Ghandi, Lee Kuan Yew or Martin Luther King. Not one of those pretending to ape these highly respected figures qualify to clean their shoes—not even President Goodluck Jonathan despite his shoeless past! The difference is that while the LeeKuan Yews, Ghandis and Luther Kings of this world had a clear vision of what they wanted out of the struggle to emancipate humanity and change their story, their Nigerian ‘version’ is a band of confused, selfish and clueless clique of bounty hunters who lack the capacity to own up to their misconduct. While others turn their dreams into reality by holding to that which is fair, just and equitable, ours slaughter the dream at its infancy!

    At this point, it is instructive to understand what BabangidaAliyu calls the ‘modern morality’ in political roguery. It is that kind of morality that elevates pure lie into an art. That is why the old wily fox in Ota Farms, former President Olusegun Obasanjo, penneda questionable ‘selfie’ of his stewardship in government. It is the brand of morality that propelled former military President Ibrahim BadamosiBabangida, the evil genius on Minna Hilltop, to lay claim to ‘sainthood’ should anyone dare to compile the list of those who stole the country blind. By the way, that would be an interesting collection. This modern morality also roars out loudly in President Goodluck Jonathan’s outburst against “motor park touts” who make provocative statements against his bumbling governance style. It is the morality that sees the logs on other people’s eyes while conveniently blurring out the huge specks in one’s eyes. It is nothing but a logical illogic!

    Someone says these are empty words dropping off the lips of the pot, the kettle and the frying pan. All the same, it speaks volumes about our leadership recruitment process if all our past and leaders do is vomit nonsense whenever they intervene in national discourse. However, we should be thankful to IBB that he did not deny that his administration was corrupt or even institutionalised it as an official policy. The only insult he would not stomach is the one that says he ran the most corrupt government in Nigeria. In a recent interview, the master dribbler made every effort to give a lie to that impression. His words: “Maybe I have to accept that (institutionalisation of corruption). But anybody with a sense of fairness has no option but to call us saints. I don’t have the facts but if what I’m reading in the papers is currently what is happening, then I think we were angels.” Even among thieves, there is something called honour! Unfortunately, IBB’s troubling analysis of corrosive corruption in high places came on a day OBJ fired another shot at GEJ, accusing him of superintending over a regime that has wasted $55bn crude oil savings in less than four years. He said: “I have no grudges against Jonathan and I think Jonathan equally has no grudges against me. When we left in 2007, the reserve was said to have been raised to $35bn. I heard that the reserve increased to $67bn before the end of that year. But our reserve now, I learnt, is left with only $30bn.”

    And what exactly was GEJ’s response? First, he threatened to expose how some of his predecessors squandered billions of dollars that would have taken Nigeria out of the doldrums or, at least, set it on the path of growth. Second, he pulled off the gloves and fired straight from the hips. I must confess that, this time, no one can accuse Jonathan of incapable of giving us a quotable quote. Hear him: “Some people call themselves statesmen, but they are not statesmen, they are just ordinary politicians. Are you building this country? Or are you a part of the people who tell lies to destroy this country? Are you planning to set the country ablaze because you did not get that particular thing you want? You are not a senior citizen, you can never be. You are an ordinary motor park tout. If you are a senior citizen, you will act like one!”

    Words! Yet, these folks say they bear no grudges against one another? We sure expect more of the ‘friendly bombings’ as the election draws near. The more we get this first hand insight into how different administrations have ingloriously mismanaged the Nigerian economy, the more enlightened we become in making our choices. Now that Papa has stopped deceiving his Pikin as the best option for the job and the pikin has equally engraved the logo of a motor park tout on his former Papa, while publicly proclaiming a paternal relationship with an evil genius that ‘stole less’ whilst in power, we can only wait with bated breath for the interesting series in this unfolding drama.

    Meanwhile, can they, for once, stop blabbing and learn some hard truth as espoused by Lee Kuan Yew who said: “I’m no longer in active politics, it’s irrelevant to me what young Singaporeans think of me. What they think of me after I’m dead and gone in one generation will be determined by researchers who do PhDs on me.I did what I thought was right, given the circumstances, given my knowledge at the time, given the pressures on me at the time. That’s finished, done. I move forward. You keep on harking back, it’s just wasting time.I have no regrets. I have spent my life, so much of it, building up this country. There’s nothing more that I need to do. At the end of the day, what have I got? A successful Singapore. What have I given up? My life!

    How many of the clowns in our political space can lay claim to these truly inspiring words by a man who guarded his country to the zenith of development, a man whose story is being told across the globe? How many of us left us with a better Nigeria? How many of them sacrificed a jot of their blood to lead this country out of this road to perdition? Where is that successful Nigeria that they make a song and dance of in their flowery speeches? So much for the shameless proponents of modern morality and its acolytes!

  • What is Bro Jona saying?

    What is Bro Jona saying?

    What exactly does President Goodluck Jonathan make of the barrage of criticisms against his overall performance as Nigeria’s leader over the past six years or so? This question becomes more pertinent as Nigeria inches towards another crucial election in February this year. In the last two or three weeks, it appears the President has been so overwhelmed by the critical comments that he now seizes any available opportunity to whinge at every public appearance. Of course, one understands the frenzied, almost frustrated attempt at shouting back at the growing band of critics at a period when every political wannabes in our system cling to whatever straw they can lean on to remain relevant. What beggars belief is the President’s plea to innocence and an ignoble demonstration of a defeatist attitude. Each time Jonathan talks, he comes across as someone needlessly being vilified for, presumably, firmly walking his political promises. Nothing, I dare say, could be farther from the truth.

    Rather than throw up his hands in surrender to what his apologists would snidely term as uninformed and acerbic criticisms by those bent on pushing him out of office in 2015, it would benefit Mr. President greatly if he critically sifts the issues with the aim of addressing those that are, at best, self-inflicted. In truth, certain things have been said about this President that could be termed jaundiced, politically-inspired and wickedly untrue. Politicians are always adept at doing that. Yet, that is not the main reason why criticism stalks Jonathan like a putrid sore. For a man who rode on the back of widespread general acceptance to become Nigeria’s first democratically elected President from the minority South-South, he should ask himself some hard questions on why his acceptance rating meticulously nosedives, steadily treading on a bumpy downward slope in less than four years on the saddle. It is only when he does this that he would be able to appreciate the enormity of the problems on his hands. It is a cross he swore to bear!

    In his own words, Jonathan admits that the country he presides over is reeling under the yoke of a life-threatening impairment; hamstrung physically, psychologically and socially by a harvest of tragic impulses. He wonders why the problems keep piling up instead of abating, considering the ‘unprecedented’ giants strides he has made in different sectors of our national life. He said that but for the prayers of well-meaning citizens, the country could have been in a deeper mess than it is already soaked in. And then, the resort to biblical canticles: “I always say that whenever I read the Bible, especially the Old Testament, particularly the journey of the Israelites from Egypt to the Promised Land, and the kind of challenges they faced; their confrontations, the wars up to the days of King David, they were always fighting. You may need to ask, why should children of God continue to be fighting?  I believe what is happening to us now is not even as serious as sometimes the passages we read in the Bible and God saw them through.”

    If this is the President’s understanding of the Nigerian situation, then we have a problem on our hands. Indeed, we should all realize now that we have a problem of leadership that is much bigger than we all thought. The difference between his biblical exhortations and the Nigerian story lies in the debilitating leadership vacuum that has driven the country into an abyss of woes. We all know the trajectories the Israelites had to pass through and the inspiring leadership that saw them to the Promised Land up to the time of King David and his encounter with Goliath. In every step they took, there was the God element and a leadership they could trust. The reward was the song of victory after many years of gnashing teeth in lamentation. In our own case, there is the belief in the God element with a glaring dearth of an inspiring leadership. And so, the best we can boast of is a triumphalism that glorifies mediocrity of a generation of bumbling and wasteful leadership. Sometimes, you just wonder why a country so blessed with abundant human and natural resources is cursed with such tragic leadership recruitment processes! If Jonathan insists on being our modern-day David, I honestly doubt if he has the capacity to overcome the Goliath on his path! I seriously doubt it.

    By the way Mr. President, when you boasted the other day that Nigerians would praise you when you leave office, are you in anyway saying that we don’t seem to appreciate all the sacrifices you have put into the re-engineering of the country for greater development? Or are you, as you are wont to do, paraphrasing Jesus Christ who said a prophet is never appreciated in his domain? If that is the case, then you are getting it twisted. Nigerians are not under any obligation to praise you for what you have done. With Mr. President’s so-called ‘transformation agenda’, Nigerians have seen long stretches of a mirage over vast stretches of parched land, with little water to quench thirst even while rich aquifers and wellsprings of crude oil abound. Shame. Nigerians, Mr. President, are obliged to take you up on those things you have failed to do and the ones you have handled with crying incompetence. You occupy a seat from which much is expected. The Presidency is not a seat for whingeing individuals or those who offer tendentious excuses to justify plain misgovernance. That seat, President Jonathan, is for people who are prepared to walk their talk or ready to walk honourably out of the seat!

    You really want to know why people can’t stop pointing accusing fingers at you as the country wallows in the bloody waters of violence, endless bloodletting and utter breakdown of law and order? The answers are not that difficult to fathom Mr. President. Never in the history of this nation has any leader superintended over a mortally divided people like what it is unfolding right under your nose. Those who truly voted for the political slogan of ‘a breath of fresh air’ are daily being choked by the fetid odour of intolerance that has taken over our land. Those who were swayed to stand by you on the promise that that they would witness rapid infrastructural development in key sectors of the economy can no longer swallow the bitter pills of failed promises. How many times, in a span of four years or less, have you told them that regular electricity supply would soon be ‘a thing of the past?’ What did you ask them to look forward to in the areas of primary health delivery? What significant improvement can you point to in the educational sector? In what significant way have you impacted the lives of the poorest of the poor? How far have you gone in the closet fight with corruption? And, wither security?

    Contrary to your thinking, Nigerians are not a bunch of unappreciative people. They really don’t need to wait for your departure to compare your achievements with that of others before acknowledging your worth. If they cry now, it is because they believe something is fundamentally wrong with your leadership style. How do you justify the kilowatts of darkness in spite of the billions of dollars spent in the power sector? You once said Nigerians would soon be getting rid of their power generators in “a couple of years.” Today, more homes are purchasing different brands of the noisy machines to keep hope alive! What reason would you give for the continuous infrastructural decay in spite of the propaganda that things have significantly improved? Why do students keep recording abysmally low performance en masse, in various examinations despite claims that a lot has been done to stem the tide? Why the increase in the number of unemployed graduates, out-of-school children and other categories of persons? Why has corruption become the official policy of state to the point that serving ministers now run to the courts to prevent a possible probe of their stewardship by the legislature?

    Above all things, Nigerians are tired of hearing their President’s feeble attempt at justifying the carnage going on in the North-East. It is not enough for President Jonathan to keep on making a noise and dance of the fact that terrorism has become a global phenomenon and that no part of the country is safe. What? Being the President, it is his responsibility to do something about it just like every other global leader worth that name has been doing. They want to be briefed on the mathematics of a “stable economy” as poverty bites harder. They want to know why a select group of Nigerians reeks of stupendous wealth amid the crying penury. They want to know why 217 young girls remain in captive some 264 days after they were abducted from their school dormitories in Chibok, Borno State. They just don’t understand if they still have a President who is firmly in control of the ship of state! That is why they ask questions and task him to be presidential in words and in deeds!

    So, when next the President wonders why he should fit into a self-imposed title of the world’s most criticised leader even by those who played a major role in imposing him on the rest of us, he should not look farther than his shadows. Let him first ask himself a pertinent question: do I have the capacity to lead these people of divergent cultures, religions and tribes to the Promised Land like the biblical Moses and David? In this question lies the answer to his search for a fallen popularity rating. He surely needs not wait until he vacates the seat!

     

     

  • Obasanjo: Flawed memories, unending ego faults (2)

    Obasanjo: Flawed memories, unending ego faults (2)

    IT is somewhat comical to read Obasanjo castigating Jonathan for lacking the capacity to pick “aides sufficiently imbued with the qualities and abilities to help him out.” It is benumbing that Obasanjo could express frustrations that most of the aides were too busy “manoeuvring and strategizing” on how Jonathan could realise his dream of a second tenure in office such that it would be difficult for the revered statesman to “buy the idea of presidential innocence!” Can you just beat that? Obasanjo was expecting Jonathan to call his own aides to order when he did nothing other than pleading innocence each time he was asked his take on the controversial, money-gulping tenure elongation agenda that was eventually quashed by the National Assembly!

    If I may ask: How many of his key aides did Obasanjo punish for supporting and funding the Third Term Agenda when, as he once said, it was not part of the favour he sought from God then? Did he do anything to his close aides to whom an erstwhile governor, Saminu Turaki claimed to have delivered billions of Naira for Baba’s Third Term project? Today, and in a sardonic twist of the tale, the story has changed. The agenda for self-perpetuation in a tenured office was never his, Obasanjo now says. He said the brains behind it were state governors who would have benefitted more from it. He said though he would not feign ignorance of the permutations, yet it was never his intention to benefit from it.

    Listen to Obasanjo talking on Obasanjo at the venue of the book launch: “People say that it was obvious that I wanted a third term and I ask those who say I was behind the third term to bring concrete evidence to prove that I spearheaded it. I have presented evidence in my book that proves that I was not behind it, even though I knew about it. Some governors were the ones behind it because they felt the governors would benefit from it. I have evidence to prove that everything I wrote is true and anyone that feels otherwise should present concrete evidence to prove his point. Third term was not my agenda or intention although I would not say I did not know about it. I did not mastermind third term. Those who were telling me to go on were the governors that were going to benefit from it.” Ha, Baba! How dare you give truth a direct whack in the face with a baggage laden with lies in such brazen manner? How can Obasanjo describe Jonathan as a President who is “not too weak to be able to butter his bread and, if necessary, to engage the services of Satan to achieve his self-centred interests on the altar of all else” and yet refuses to see that the leader he imposed on the rest of us has simply copied his script and was merely implementing such with an assured self-centredness that beggars belief?So, in Obasanjo’s warped thinking, Jonathan is the only Nigerian leader in recent times who devotes quality time dealing with “supposed enemies and various matters that would not serve his interests?” Well, it is understandable when some elders fail to recollect their irascible and self-serving wiles. With or without the deliberate effort to embellish and distort reality, it is called selective amnesia spurred by the onset of senility. Somehow, it cannot be all knocks for the retired Army General. It would be interesting to read his accounts about how a once-impregnable relationship with General Theophillus Danjuma went awry. What exactly could be responsible for the biting criticism unleashed on his person by the unsmiling Danjuma when Obasanjo was seeking re-election in 2003? How did Otunba Oyewole Fasawe, who had the privilege of flying with him across the globe as a “Friend of the President”, become a persona non grata few months into Obasanjo’s second tenure? What were the intrigues and nocturnal power play that were going on in the dark crevices of Aso Rock when normal human beings would have gone to bed? What were the notorious facts and fables surrounding House 7, which some VVIP were said to have chosen as a perfect centre to wantonly indulge in carnal rascality? Well, maybe some of those salacious details would be in Obasanjo’s trilogy.

    Most importantly, I am curious to know how and why Nigeria’s reigning presidential Rottweiler, Dr. Doyin Okupe, was sacked by Obasanjo. Although, that was some years before he saw the sense in playing a perfect fit role as President Jonathan’s attack dog, Obasanjo must have seen something that was to manifest in Okupe’s latter years as a rabid, locally-trained, rabies-infected dog for a man he would gladly liken to Jesus Christ. Of course, those who felt insulted by Okupe’s blasphemous statement against the body of Christ need not fret. Like Lara Wise wisely counselled on her Facebook page, it is not within our power to fight, maim or kill for Christ. Hear Lara: “Relax peeps. Relax. Jesus does not like curses and insults. He has not sent us to say such stuff to anybody okay. There is no basis for comparison. After all, Jesus never contested for any election not to talk of seeking another tenure. Jesus is Lord, not a politician! How can one round up the folly this man? For me, that settles it. Doyin Okupe’s silliness, no matter how condescending, knows there are boundaries that he would never cross when it comes to playing snooker games with some prophets’ names. Why should he quiver while engaging in such blasphemous act when Obasanjo said his principal would gladly engage the services of Satan to sanctify his butter and bread?

    While no one should quarrel with Okupe’s new-found fad of rinsing his mouth with a name which his principal should ordinarily bow and tremble at its mention, it would be interesting to know how Okupe reacts to Obasanjo’s dismissal of his antecedents as “one man whose case I know too well.” I just hope he would be man enough to come clean on the circumstances surrounding his dismissal as Obasanjo’s spokesperson in early 2001. If he does this convincingly, then he would have the bragging right to dismiss Obasanjo’s statement as the rant of a frustrated, power hungry old man.

    By the way, has anyone within the corridors of power given a thought to Obasanjo’s verdict that Jonathan surrounds himself with spokespersons who cause more harm than good to his person and office? By now, if all efforts made to dab King Nebuchadnezzar with a saintly fragrance could only fetch him an epaulette of infamy which proclaims his place as “the most criticised President in the world”, those tasked with that responsibility should know that they have simply failed. Ouch! I know it is a painful pill to swallow especially when such atrocious judgement is being spewed by no less a self-conceited fellow like Obasanjo. It is even more frustrating when one finds it difficult to fault the man who has a record of one’s misconduct. Could that be the reason why Okupe has been treading with caution even with the backing of his “Jesus Christ” in Aso Rock?

    By my reckoning, it is sheer illogic for the government to adopt a defeatist strategy of not dignifying Obasanjo’s allegations against Jonathan with a response. Clinging on to some legalese cannot justify the loud silence in Aso Rock since the public launch of the book. Without mincing words, Obasanjo says the stealing and corruption currently being perpetrated under Jonathan’s watch are unprecedented in the history of graft as an official policy of state since independence. If a key player in the harvest of mis-governance inAfrica’s largest gathering of the black race says so, it should not be waved off as the anguished cry of a sinking man. It is not something that should be knocked off with a bottle of choice wine. It calls for genuine concern. Obasanjo may have made the mistake of pointing an accusing finger at Jonathan while the remaining four giggle at his foolishness. Yet, that single finger exposes too much rot and the silence in high places only gives credence to his statement that the blind, systemic looting of our common wealth has “left a bad taste in the mouths of most Nigerians.” Ordinarily, the real Jesus we know would not hesitate to whip some sense into the brains of those who desecrate his temple. Sadly, Okupe’s ‘Jesus’ has only succeeded in tongue-lashing the band of despairing and alienated Nigerians who continue to equate stealing in billions of Naira with corruption! Now, why won’t Obasanjo come out smelling like a speciallydesigned silverware in a China shop when corruption seems to have been emblazoned with the official vote of confidence by the highest office in the land? I’m sure Baba, in spite of everything, is having a big laugh in his farm right now!Jesus wept!

    …Are the Chibok girls gone forever?

    It is exactly 250 days since over 200 girls were abducted by the Boko Haram insurgents in their dormitories in Chibok, Borno State. After weeks of wringing its hands in disbelief, the government eventually admitted that the girls were actually abducted by the insurgents following a disturbing video clip in which a leader of the group threatened to sell the innocent young minds into slavery. Nudged by persistent protest across the world as captured by the initiators of the #bringbackourgirls movement, the Nigerian government wobbled through countless reasons to justify its painstaking efforts at rescuing the girls without causing any collateral damage even as the spectre of female suicide bombings persists. Yet, Nigerians keep hope alive, believing that the girls would soon be back home by some undefined miracle. They also cling to an assurance given by the security authorities that government was aware of the location of the girls.

    Today, 250 days on, it appears the government is passing a message to Nigerians to forget the girls. They may have gone forever if we are to believe statements credited to the Special Assistant to the President on Public Affairs, Dr. Doyin Okupe, when he appeared on a television programme last Monday.

    Asked about the fate of the Chibok girls, Okupe stuttered: “The issue of Chibok girls is a tragedy but it is a tragedy that we must bear with fortitude. Chibok girls are a torn in the flesh of the administration. If it was possible to get them yesterday, I know that this government would have done it.”

    Well, the government could not rescue them yesterday, they have not done it today and, going by the ominous prognosis embedded in Okupe’s words, there is no guarantee that they will be back tomorrow. Harsh reality it seems. But, after 250 days in captivity, who is sure of anything other than to keep hoping endlessly on hope?

  • Obasanjo: Flawed memories, unending ego faults

    Obasanjo: Flawed memories, unending ego faults

    LOVE him. Hate him. Mathew Aremu Okikiola Olusegun Obasanjo is not one that can be ignored. This former President and Nigeria’s longest serving leader is a newsmaker any day. The contents of his bag of mischief are inexhaustible. This selfacclaimed dogged fighter for Nigeria’s unity not only relishes a fecund courtship with controversy, he is, by all forms and shades, controversy personified. Even his occasional silence breeds the kind of tempestuous peace that pervades the graveyard. When he throws punches, his targets should expect nothing less than bareknuckled killer jabs. He is not one to spare his sparring partner neither does he have the patience to hearken to that nonsensical cant which forbids combatants to hit the below the belt. To him, all is fair in the battle for political martyrdom. All obstacles, or a semblance of it, must be pulled down. The man that many perceive as a Wily Old Fox, pseudo-scholar and the Unforgiving One would stop at nothing to project himself with a suspicious fragrance of integrity and exemplary leadership while he defines every other person as egocentric, corrupt, inept or unfit to occupy public office. Now that should not come as a surprise. With an ego seemingly larger than an entire nation and everyone in it, Obasanjo believes that Obasanjo knows it all. After all, those who have meticulously followed his trajectory would readily admit that Obasanjo sees himself as the best thing to have happened to Nigeria after God!

    Personally, Knucklehead would have been pleasantly startled if Obasanjo’s latest book on his 8-year stewardship as a democratically elected President had sneaked into our bookshelves, unheralded by the pettiness that goes with governance in this part of the world. That would have been ‘un-Obasanjoic’ in all sense of the word. In fact, those who vilify him for ignoring a Federal High Court’s injunction restraining him from publishing his three-part autobiography titled ‘My Watch’ miss the point. Even as a serving President, he once threatened to walk out of the late Justice Chukwudifu Oputa-led Human Rights Violations Investigation Commission’s sitting, whimsically announcing that he was too big for any small lawyer (Femi Falana) to “put anything to me.” The date, I remember vividly, September 11, 2001—the day terror visited America in broad daylight. Obasanjo walked out of that panel and he never went back to testify. Since then, there have been scores of such orders and judgments by courts of competent jurisdiction that were either flagrantly disobeyed or completely ignored under Obasanjo’s watch. Therefore, Obasanjo was merely playing to his name by justifying the clear disobedience to constituted authority. But then, that is a minor issue.

    Of greater interest to this writer is the content of Obasanjo’s book. If newspapers reports were anything to go by, Obasanjo, as usual, condemns everybody but himself for everything that was wrong with the nation and his government. With the gloves off, he unleashes the deadliest attack on some personalities including his estranged deputy, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, his imposed successor, the late Umaru Yar’Adua and the ultimate beneficiary of the electoral heist supervised by the Obasanjo administration in 2007, President Goodluck Jonathan. Although I am yet to read the book, I would not be surprised if this man refuses to take responsibility for the role he played in ensuring that this nation remains one big joke, trapped in the endless web of a dream deferred. While this Nero was busy chasing ‘traitors’ to their homes and forcing them to resign their appointments, hardly did he realise that this burning Rome was borne out of the dire consequences of his petty fiddling. Now, the rotten legacy he bequeathed on the ever-suffering populace has come to haunt him and there is no way he can exculpate himself from this sickening madness of crying incompetence.

    How long would Obasanjo play the ostrich by ‘bombing’ his estranged godsons and political rivals? When will he step out and be counted as a true leader who, like every other human being, has his strong points, weaknesses and foibles? So, Atiku, his once-powerful deputy who had a firm grip of the nation’s economy during their first tenure, is a “blatant and shameless liar?” The late President Yar’Adua is an “ingrate” who tried to return Obasanjo’s gift of a presidential slot with an attempt to implicate him on corruption related offences. Likewise, without alluding to any evidence aside his gut feelings, it was Obasanjo’s belief that the former Lagos State Governor, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, is corrupt. If over 200 Chibok girls had not been abducted, I doubt if Obasanjo would have realised how incompetently clueless the man he foisted on Nigeria as Yar’Adua’s spare tyre and anointed successor, in the eventuality of death or incapacitation through health, has become. Now, he tells us that the same Jonathan he queued behind in the 2001 general election is not only inept but also ineffective, clueless, careless, insensitive and callous. So, Mallam Nasir el-Rufai, one of Obasanjo’s favourite ministers and author of “The Accidental Public Servant,” is a brilliant character who is economically defective in saying the truth to the point that Obasanjo had to reveal how he had been making one of his guest houses available for a friend and a married missus? Hmnnn….the things these clowns in positions of authority do!

    Anyway, this is not about what Obasanjo said but more about those things that were, at the most, barely mentioned or completely left to our imaginations. Based on his grey-haired wisdom and a seeming determination to say it as it is, I would have expected the former Army General to tackle the issues raised about his own indiscretion within his family. At least we know quite a few touchy ones circulating out there. However, like the book’s reviewer, Mr. Patrick Okigbo, noted in his comments, it is amazing that Obasanjo characteristically dismisses “the more personal family scandals such as the allegations made by his first wife or daughter as personal issues that are being handled within the family.” I grunted when Okigbo criticised how this Oracle of Politics (apologies to Governor Aliyu Muazu of Niger State) “exonerates himself from any responsibility or blame for the failed leadership despite the fact that he was the principal architect of the Yar’Adua/Jonathan Presidency that resulted in the current administration.”

    Okigbo would go on to ask this poignant question: “So, is Obasanjo a saint or a sinner? For me, Obasanjo is nowhere close to a saint even if I am the least qualified to tag him a sinner. No matter what he says in that book, available records indicate that he ran his government with vindictive gusto. For him, shooting down the enemy within and without is a vocation. This man, who rants endlessly about Jonathan’s inability to dissect the truth from the garbage of lies he is being fed with by the throng of “greedy hangers on or hungry lacklustre characters interested only in their mouths and their pockets”, is also guilty of a graver sin of ruthlessly hounding hangers-on who erred by telling him the truth he passionately abhors. It is laughable that he has chosen justify the sacking of Chief Audu Ogbeh as the chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party on an alleged close affinity with Atiku and a plot to embarrass his Presidency. Well, that could be his reading of events then. But, as a reporter in The Presidency at that time, I still recollect the celebrations that greeted Ogbeh’s exit. Then, it was an open secret even among Aso Rock cleaners that Ogbeh had to get the boot because of the discomfiting truth he detailed in a personal letter addressed to Obasanjo. The message was hard on the President and the despicable role he was playing in the humiliation of former Governor Chris Ngige by the Uba brothers? Question is When Obasanjo got Ogbeh’s letter, what did he do? Did he give Ogbeh a pat on the back for being man enough to caution him on the need to tread softly or did he visit Ogbeh’s house for an unplanned last supper after which he demanded and got a resignation letter?

    It is somewhat comical to read Obasanjo castigating Jonathan for lacking the capacity to pick “aides sufficiently imbued with the qualities and abilities to help him out.” It is benumbing that Obasanjo could voice his frustrations that most of the aides were too busy “manoeuvring and strategizing” on how Jonathan could realise his dream of second tenure in office such that it would be difficult for the revered statesman to “buy the idea of presidential innocence!” Can you just beat that? Obasanjo was expecting Jonathan to call his aides to order when he did nothing other than pleading innocence each time he was asked his take on the controversial, money-gulping tenure elongation agenda that was eventually quashed by the National Assembly! How many of his key aides did he punish for supporting and funding the Third Term Agenda when, as he once said, it was not part of the favour he sought from God then? Did he do anything to his close aides whom an erstwhile governor, Saminu Turaki claimed to have delivered billions of Naira for Baba’s Third Term project?

  • They want to impeach Jonathan, like seriously!

    They want to impeach Jonathan, like seriously!

    MOST of the times you are caught between laughing off the multi-dimensional, self-inflicted crises plaguing this country or employing laughter as a form of catharsis to blurt out the gory details of a nation that has refused to grow out of the embryo in which it has been trapped since ages past. Of course, those who seek the easy way out often resort to cheap escapism to explain our jaundiced movement without motion. Yet, the greatest tragedy lies in the clear and present danger that stares us in the face as we retreat into the nearest safe cocoon to a heave a temporary sigh. Well, that sigh rarely lasts more than few days before the reality of the monster we nurture kicks us in the groin, daring us to raise a hand of protestation if we are not the architects of our ill fate.

    The scenario painted above captures my feelings concerning the joke making the rounds that some funny characters in Nigeria’s legislature are making moves to impeach President Goodluck Jonathan over what one of them called ‘a clear breach of the Constitution.’ Is that not what all of them at the centre have been doing under one guise or the other all these while? Clearly, this man here will not bat an eyelid if the President is asked to vacate that exalted seat for someone who can be more presidential in words and in deeds to take firm control. Unfortunately, that is not the case in this matter. Those asking for Jonathan’s head on the guillotine are not doing it for any salutary interest, not even for self-enlightened interest. If Jonathan must go, it has to be through a more convincing and acceptable route. It will never happen under this band of noisemakers that suddenly wakes late in the day to realise that Jonathan has been riding roughshod on our Constitution. Could it be the same set of lawmakers that trooped to the Presidential Villa the other day, to endorse Jonathan for another shot at the Presidency unopposed?

    Quite honestly, I have tried to see if I could identify with just one, out of the 14 listed breaches listed against Jonathan, to justify this latest charade and I just could not find any. For a Senate with its fair share of Methuselahs without greyhaired wisdom, I would have thought that they would understand that impeachment proceeding against any duly elected person ought not to be treated with kid’s gloves. It should not be an opportunity to display crass incompetence and poor understanding of how constitutional democracy works. It is not and should not be a knee-jerk reflex approach. Our democracy suffers needless collateral damage because the active participants and the electorate have refused to wean themselves of military mentality and ‘bolekaja’ tactics. It is all noise and no reason. No matter how they try, shouting empty threats would not get Jonathan off that seat. In fact, if I were him, I will simply ignore the noise. By the way, how on earth do they think they can impeach our hardworking President on those cooked-up allegations?

    And what exactly were the allegations anyway? After over three years of patting Jonathan on the back for his relentless and strategic fight against insurgency, some aggrieved senators are just realising that the President has woefully failed to ‘curtail Boko Haram insurgency?’ They just got to know that the lethargic approach to the endless bloodletting has exposed Nigeria to ‘international ridicule with the abduction of 200 Chibok girls?’ Maybe I need to remind them that their ‘timely intervention’ is coming at just 235 days after the abduction! In one split brain wave moment, this select group of senators accuse our President of, among many other charges, unduly politicising the security situation; failing to act as de facto President; refusing to sign 120 bills; failing to give accounts on ‘missing’ $10.8bn from the Federation Account and another N10bn spent on chartering private jets by a powerful female minister in his cabinet; inability to tackle sloppiness/failed governance; violating constitutional provision and oath of office. Are these guys for real? Why didn’t they indict for allowing his patient wife to enjoy the limelight with him? Or is that not an impeachable offence?

    When did it become an impeachable offence for a President to ignore recommendations made by lawmakers on particular matters or an outright refusal to implement such reports by panels and committees? As some would ask in the local parlance, na today dem take crayfish sauce soup? What concrete evidence do they have that Jonathan’s hands are writ large in the setting up of ‘nebulous groups such as TAN for his re-election campaign’ contrary to the provisions of the Electoral Act? What is their business if, in his informed wisdom, the President refuses to establish the Nigeria Police Council? Has the non-existence of that body affected the clinical annihilation of ‘hoodlums’ from the gates of the National Assembly? Are they saying that, as Commander-In-Chief, the President needs their permission to deploy his Armed Forces? What is illegal about the deployment of hooded men to snatch electoral victory from the jaws of defeat by the way? It is, in my considered opinion, the height of disrespect of the Office of the President of Nigeria for any lawmaker to allege that Jonathan has been ‘sowing seed of hatred and turning one part of the country against the other. ‘Who saw him when he was sowing the seed and why was he not reported to the appropriate quarters?

    Seriously, these are laughable allegations. Someone needs to put an end to this shenanigan of an impeachment proceeding. If the man has been dancing a foxtrot with his beau in the past three-and-a-half years and nakedly abusing power, those who tolerated his excesses with condescending aplomb cannot just rev into irreverent inaction to shove him off his seat few months to a general election. That would be tantamount to hitting a man they once shared crumbs with on the table of deceit below the belt. Where were they when other well-meaning citizens cried themselves hoarse, demanding an end to the reign of impunity and total mis-governance? Did they not all troop to the seat of power behind the National Assembly, to plead with the President to jack up the transformation sedative that has left all of us clueless about the essence of governance? Were they under the influence of a substance when they told an astounded populace that contrary to the howler made by Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi – as he then was – there was no missing dollars in the Federation Account? How can they be sure that our amiable, upwardly mobile Madam Minister wasted N10bn on private jets when they never mustered the courage to invite her for questioning? What do they understand by sloppiness in an environment where the transformation train is moving at the speed,of light?

    In case they do not know the significance of the journey they are about to undertake, here is what Justice Sylvester Ngwuta of the Supreme Court said about impeachment recently: “Impeachment of elected politicians is a very serious matter and should not be conducted as a matter of course. The purpose is to step aside the will of the electorate as expressed at the polls. It has implications for the impeached as well as the electorate who bestowed the mandate on him. If the matter is left at the whims and caprices of politicians and their panels, a state or even the country could be reduced to a status of a banana republic.”

    And here lies the point. The senators and the other clowns gathering signatures in a bid to throw out Jonathan are carrying this joke too far. In any case, how do they expect us to take them seriously when former President Olusegun Obasanjo, an escapee of countless impeachment plots during his eight-year tenure, recently lambasted them for shrouding corruption in the opaque nature of budget padding, extorting money from ministries, departments and agencies in addition to getting slush funds from the executive to cover up misdeeds?

    Could this be the reason why the latest joke has been welcomed with deafening silence even in Aso Rock? Welcome to our Banana Republic!

  • In defence of Okupe, his gang and his vomit!

    RESIDENTIAL aide on public affairs, Dr. Doyin Okupe, is an irritant with a cause however ignoble you may think it is. He is doing everything in his office to bulldoze his face into our homes every day. Hate him or love him, the Ogun State born medical doctor is damn good in the discharge of his responsibility which necessarily involves hitting hard at anyone who dares to punch holes in his principal’s so-called transformative strides. When he was appointed as Special Assistant on Public Affairs some years back, it was clear that his job schedule would involve barking and shouting down a growing band of armchair critics who would not allow President Goodluck Jonathan to patiently enjoy his run of luck in Aso Rock. He came on board at a time when the President’s popularity rating was criminally dwindling as his spokesperson, including the then Minister of Information, Labaran Maku, ran from pillar to post in their largely unsuccessful effort to put some positive spin on an ugly downward slide. The lot fell on Okupe’s fat (no pun intended) shoulders, to inject some political aggressiveness and fiery rascality into the President’s public relations strategy.

    Of course, going by precedents, no one has ever done this kind of job in Nigeria bearing a crest of morality on his chest and dabbing his face with a sweet-scented powder of reason. It is not a job meant for those who cannot turn logic on its head and twist the tale in favour of their principal—the greatest man that ever lived in Nigeria (if you believe those grossly fallacious advertisements). On this job, you simply cannot afford to see a fault in your principal. He is infallible, perfect and saintly. To be honest, I laugh when some unschooled and politically ignorant social media activists take umbrage against Okupe for the ‘recklessness’ with which he defends every policy of the government. I snigger when I read piles of critical commentaries, castigating Okupe for daring to discharge his duty to the best of his abilities. I shiver each time I recollect that Okupe’s name was missing in the last National Honours’ list. Personally, I believe someone in The Presidency or in the Office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation did a great disservice to Okupe’s sense of duty. That such a nationalist’s name was missing is a national calamity. It should not happen again! From all indications, Okupe should have been one of the recipients of the same honours that was dashed one ‘Alhaji’ who led thugs to scale the gates of the National Assembly in defiance of intelligence reports as captured by the a Inspector General of Police and Chief Judge of the Federal Government, Mr. Suleiman Abba. Or didn’t we listen to Okupe as he blamed the fenceclimbing lawmakers while commending the tear-gas throwing men in black for their professional conduct in the face of unwarranted provocation? Hmnnnnn. As one of the editors here would put it: Haba,

    Abba! Now, let me fire straight from the hips: it is unfair to label Okupe the government’s Rottweiler for repeatedly drumming it into our dead eardrums that Jonathan remains the best leader of all times in our chequered history. Trust me. I would have led the band of critics to lambast him if he had not justified that position with some unassailable facts. On this matter, he took advantage of his background in medicine in clinically dissecting the achievements of his boss. We must also understand that the task was made difficult by the fact that he was responding to allegations of dismal failure made against Jonathan by Okupe’s former boss, the wily old fox in Ota Farms, ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo. Why should we deny Okupe a rare opportunity to gloat when the accuser- in-chief was the same individual that once hired and fired him from Aso Villa? Do we expect him to sit his ass down while Obasanjo runs riot with his sacrilegious condemnation of everything Jonathan, an apprentice undertaker who has exceeded his master, OBJ’s inglorious marks? How then can Okupe look his principal in the face and justify his pay with all the perquisites that come with barking down on critical elements?

    Besides, in this era of do-or-die politics, it is a risky business to allow anyone to have a monopoly of mouth diarrhoea. It would have been politically suicidal for this hardworking man to look the other way when the man who foisted a Jonathan on us not only declared him an abysmal failure but also clueless and inept. Aside his biting letters to wit The Presidency had duly responded to, ‘Baba’ – as Obasanjo is fondly called by those who worship at his altar of political mischief – has personally taken the battle of a sore relationship between a godfather and his godson to the doorstep of Jonathan. On Wednesday, Baba Iyabo was at it again, hitting his estranged political godson hard on the groin. He said his pick for the vice presidential slot under the late President Umaru Yar’Adua’s short-lived regime continues to wring his hands in surrender as the Boko Haram menace has become a ‘big industry’ in his government. He blurted, with sniggering candour, that Jonathan wasted three solid years before he could do anything tangible in confronting the deadly activities of a sect that has crippled the economy of the entire North-East geo-political zone of Nigeria. He said any well-meaning government would have come up with a workable strategy to mediate what was evidently an impending implosion for oil-producing countries with the discovery of shale oil. The failure to be proactive, he noted, has led to the hurried announcement of the devaluation of the Naira and some austerity measures, which would hurt the average Nigerian the more. He said this government, if allowed to continue with its pussyfooting on all matters of state, might end up borrowing huge funds to ruin the country.