With Rois Ola
It’s not new for some of us that have family members who cannot resist asking you questions about your love life. It is yet another holiday season of celebration( even if you don’t feel like it)and you have to rekindle your relationship with various members of your family and friends, extended family members are not left out of this.
It is that time to make up excuses for intentionally ignoring the several WhatsApp messages, phone calls and sms you didn’t respond to or missed some time back in the year.
Not to even mention the endless messages harassing your peace about your love life and sometimes sex life.
To help you maintain your composure this Christmas without going crazy, here are a few things I would personally like to advise you to try in order to deal with the awkward feeling of inadequacy of self-confidence that may befall you while being bombarded.
Joke, when will you find a partner and settle down?
It is your responsibility to explain to your family and maybe friends that it is ‘your liking’ that you be single. They need to understand that settling down isn’t only about when you do it but also who you do it with.
You can reassure them that you appreciate their love and that they should not rush you into a relationship before you are ready.
Aderemi, can we set you up on a date?
Since they feel you should not be alone, your family members will try to hook you up, with or without your permission If you are ok with it, you can go on the dates but if you don’t want to be set up on dates without your permission, then you may need to set up boundaries.
You need to let them know that piling pressure on you to settle down isn’t making it any easier, but only complicating it for you and causing more confusion.
Read Also: How to survive a broken relationship
Segun, how about that your ex-girlfriend, Funke?
There are times you may bring your partner to meet your family for the first time, it is embarrassing when they, your family, keep bringing up your ex every now and then into the discussion, most especially if they were fond of your ex.
It would be prudent if you gave your family, beforehand, the limits within which to keep their small talk, let them know you are bringing someone and explain to them boundaries of such discussion so that you don’t embarrass yourself or partner.
Even if they say they are cool, listening to your family talk about your ex will sure make your partner uneasy, especially when they are doing it second after second, that may end the relationship as well. So be prepared!
Gbemi, why did you and Dotun even break up sef?
There are times we don’t like talking about breakups that we have invested a lot on especially when we are still in the healing process.
Breakups generally make people sad and your relative or family friend constantly making reference to your breakup won’t be nice at all. Just tell them that asking or talking about your ex causes you more pain and you need support to heal and not to worsen the pain.
Facing a firing squad is not funny and every one’s space should be respected. facing questions like when will you get married? This new relationship we hope it will last? but Femi is better than this new guy, what did you even see in him? How come you let Omolara go, wasn’t she good enough for you? The thing is self-assured answers will go a long way in getting nosy family members off your back.
So Bisi, anyone special in your life, or don’t you know you are not young again?”
This statement repeated year after year by mothers, grandmothers, and over sabi aunties, sometimes even uncles the world over.
Of course, there are definitely relatives out there desperate to see you quickly married, they take your lack of a spouse and children personally, and who can’t understand why you haven’t found “The One” yet, most especially when they feel you are getting old.
Just try to keep the annoyance in check, knowing that they may be truly concerned, an ideal answer will be God’s time is the best right?
What you should say: The tactic here involves a quick, honest, and upbeat response, followed by a change of subject.
With a breezy tone of voice, offer a simple statement like “I have a great group of great friends, and I feel really blessed to have them, and of course you, supporting me all the time.” Then ask mum or grandma about her next church women’s meeting. Clean, clear, and drama-free change of topic.
“Dupe, don’t you think it’s time to rethink your priorities?”
In this case family members want to know why finding a partner hasn’t taken precedence over every other activity in your life.
Although they sometimes mean well, but when they ask you these questions, it makes you want to run and hide What you should say: The fact is you don’t owe anyone an explanation for Whatever happens in your life.
Although you may feel tempted to dive into a long discussion or explanation, about your most recent dating disasters and the fulfilling nature of your career, it’s not necessary. Just respond with “I am very happy with my priorities at the moment”
A pleasant but firm tone, confident body language and solid eye contact, with a warm facial expression read as friendly rather than hostile, so it doesn’t make you look defensive, it helps you assert yourself with maturity and respect. I wish you all the best.
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