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  • Renewing your marital relationship (2)

    Dear Reader,

    I welcome you to another edition of our series on Renewing Your Marital Relationship.  Last week, we were made to understand that one of the things to do to renew your marital relationship is, having the right expectation. This week, by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, we shall examine the topic: How to Build Strong Intimacy in Marriage.

    It is the responsibility of the man and his wife to build and develop a strong and healthy intimacy in their marriage; because intimacy is the pillar of every successful marriage. A loving and joyful marriage is one in which both partners are intimate with each other. Intimacy is crucial for strong family and marital relationships.

    Intimacy means a warm, close, confidential or private relationship, which develops through long association, friendship and familiarity. Many couples wistfully remember the sweet, innocent times before marriage, when they were so interested in each other. When we talk about intimacy in marriage, it is that warm, close, confidential or private relationship between husband and wife.

    When we talk about intimacy, a woman or man should be the most intimate person with their spouse. They should be best of friends. Neither of them should be as close to anyone else as they are to each other. Intimacy indicates the deepest level of privacy that one can think of. It is what makes marriage successful and enjoyable.

    Without intimacy, marriage becomes horrible, cold and lonely.  Intimacy in marriage needs to be promoted, for the marriage to remain enjoyable and last a lifetime.

    God has commanded that the husband cleave to or cherish his wife. He is expected to spend time with her to ‘know’ her more.  For intimacy to be developed in marriage, both husband and wife should depart from all forms of interferences and cleave to one another to enable them become one flesh.  God’s Word says: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Therefore, you must “leave” so that you can “cleave.”  When you do, you are sure to enjoy intimacy in marriage.

    How to enhance intimacy

    You Must be Open

    To be intimate with your spouse, there must be no hide and seek game. You must be ready to open up to your spouse, so as to earn his/her trust.

    Embrace Trust

    Trust is an essential ingredient in our daily living. The very essence of life depends on trust. A marriage cannot survive without trust. Trust is not a gift; rather, it is a virtue that must be built through experience over a period of time. Trust is reciprocal. The more you express your trust, the more your spouse responds to you in trust. You must endeavour to believe in your spouse.

    Be faithful

    To enhance intimacy in your marriage, you must be faithful to your spouse. Learn to keep secrets concerning everything your spouse tells you (Proverbs 28:20).

    Express love

    Be willing to express your love to your spouse, more than anyone else. Let your spouse be your close confidant.  Communicate and discuss issues with your spouse.

    Be a good listener & communicator

    You must be a good listener.  When your spouse is talking, you must not be too busy to listen to him or her. Be ready to listen, discuss and make contributions as well. Engage in an open communication. Open communication is the ability to discuss anything with your spouse. It includes sincere expression of thoughts, feelings, as well as careful listening.

    Be available

    You must be willing to make yourself available to your spouse, whenever he/she needs you. No matter how choked up you are in activities, you must create room for him/her, by making yourself available.  Learn to spend quality time with your spouse. Engage in fun activities like, taking a stroll together, playing games etc. (Songs of Solomon 2:4).

    You must be caring

    You must be ready to express a genuine concern for your spouse’s well-being. If you do things you know hurt your spouse, you cannot have a healthy intimacy. You can develop a more caring heart and mind, by learning to think of your spouse’s feelings before yours. Always ask yourself before acting or speaking, “If I do this or say this, will I hurt my spouse?”

    Benefits of intimacy

    • It brings about unity, which promotes God’s presence and blessings in a marriage. The Bible says: Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity (Psalms 133:1).
    • It brings about free flow of communication (Proverbs 27:19).
    • It promotes longevity in a marriage (Proverbs 31:11).
    • It makes marriage more enjoyable (Isaiah 62:5).
    • It brings about greater spiritual strength (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

    The grace to build a strong intimacy with your spouse is only available when you are saved. You get saved by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord.  If you are ready to be saved (born again), please say this prayer: : “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, congratulations, you are born again and you are now a child of God! He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

    If you prayed this simple prayer, congratulations, you are born again and you are now a child of God! He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • The oath (2) :Relationships

    The oath (2) :Relationships

     My childhood friends, some of whom had ended up having kids for different men out of wedlock, were all envious of my good fortune at marrying Ena. 

    AFTER the oath we took between us, things progressed smoothly between Ena and I. Shortly after, we got married and settled down to living as husband and wife. Life with Ena was blissful. My only complaint was his tight work schedule.

    He was a businessman who did a lot of contracts with different companies and was thus a very busy person. I hardly saw during the week and even some weekends when he had deadlines to meet. He, however made it up to me and the children whenever he had some free time. On my 25th birthday, for instance, he took the whole family to South Africa to celebrate it. It was the first time I was traveling out of the country so you could imagine my joy.

    My childhood friends, some of whom had ended up having kids for different men out of wedlock, were all envious of my good fortune at marrying Ena.

    “Mercy, whatever charm you used on him, please give me some! I want to marry a rich man like your husband too,” one of my friends, Doris said one day when she came visiting me at home. I had taken her on a tour of the nice duplex we lived in a very nice neighbourhood and she had simply gazed at everything in wonder.

    “You are really enjoying o! You mean just the four of you live alone in this big house?” she queried. I nodded, laughing and she had shaken her head. We had grown up together in the same street and like most families in that neighbourhood lived in very crowded accommodation. Doris, her twelve siblings and parents including a few relatives lived in a one room apartment. Her four year old daughter from a former boyfriend also lived with them. Their home was always noisy with fights and arguments a regular way of life.

    “Anyway, thank God one of us has left the ghetto for a posh place like this. I won’t mind living here o! Maybe you should employ me as your house help so I can come and enjoy with you!” she said.

    “No way! You are too big and too pretty to be my house girl! I no wan lose my husband o!” I retorted and we both laughed.

    ****

    With my husband’s help, I got admission to the university to study Business Administration. I had to be attending classes from home and between going to school, taking care of the children and my husband, it was tough. But I persevered because I was really determined to get a degree.

    It was in my second year that I got pregnant. After giving birth to my son, Tejiri, I returned to school and focused on my studies. To assist with the baby, Ena got a full time nanny, a retired nurse who was very competent. That helped me a lot as I could stay in school for all my classes without worrying too much about my baby.

    We had been married for about five years when the accident happened. My husband had gone to Abuja on some business and was returning to Lagos when he was involved in an accident. He had been scheduled to return by air but his flight had been cancelled. Since he had a very important business meeting the following morning, and unable to get another flight, he had decided to return by road. He was first admitted in a hospital near the town the accident occurred but because of the severity of his condition, he was transferred to the teaching hospital in Benin.

    On hearing the news, I immediately flew to Benin to be by his side. I wept bitterly when I saw my husband. He was in a coma, breathing through an oxygen tank and was unaware of his

    surroundings.

    “This is no time to cry, Madam. You need to pray now so he can recover,” the doctor in charge of his case told me on my arrival.

    So, I prayed as I had never done before. I remembered how we met, got married and our life together since then. I petitioned God to save my husband and I would serve him all my days.

    But it was all in vain. He died a week after the accident without regaining consciousness.

    To say I was devastated was putting it mildly. It was like my life ended, as if the light in my life had been switched off and there was nothing but darkness everywhere…

    A father’s request

    It’s been three years since my darling husband died. I have still not recovered fully from the shock of losing my husband at such a young age. Things have not been easy for me all alone with three young children to bring up. Financially, I have no worries as Ena left the bulk of his considerable wealth to me and the children. Perhaps, having a premonition of his death, he had written a will some months before the accident. His family had not contested it thankfully and had not harassed me in any way concerning their brother’s estate.

    I miss my husband daily and though there are pressures from some quarters for me to remarry, I have no interest in being with another man. Just last week, my father had come visiting and had brought up the issue of my marrying again.

    “You are still young. You should marry again so you can have someone to help you take care of these children,” he had stated in his usual blunt manner. He had even proposed to matchmake me with a son of his friend who had just relocated from the United States. But I had not been interested.

    Besides the lack of interest, there is also the oath I took with Ena all those years ago before our marriage. When I made the vow to him, I never in my wildest dream think this would happen, that I would be a widow at 31. Ena had told me that it’s a vow that cannot be broken or there would be consequences.

    I don’t know much about the spiritual significance of taking oaths so I would appreciate if readers who know about these things can enlighten me. I don’t know what will happen in the future, whether I will meet a man and fall in love again. Will it be possible for me to marry again despite the oath I took with Ena? And if I do, will any misfortune happen to me as some people I discussed the matter with have suggested? Please help!

    Concluded

  • Rekindling the fire of love in your Marriage!(2)

    Dear Reader,

    Welcome to another week with the Holy Spirit. Last week, I began this teaching on how to rekindle the “fire of love” in your marriage. In the course of that teaching, I discussed elaborately on what marriage is all about.

    This week, I’ll be examining a key factor that sustains a Christian marriage Love Responsibility!

    It is not enough to be married, it has to be sustained.  The love responsibility is the master key in sustaining a fulfilled marriage relationship. Love is the instrument a man uses to make his wife a glorious woman, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing.

    The kind of love that should exist in a Christian marriage should be unconditional. A love that cares when there is no apparent reason to do so. God demonstrated this kind of love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). In the same vein, God commands all husbands to love their wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).

    God, through Apostle Paul, issued this commandment to all husbands. It is not an admonition or suggestion, but an instruction that must be obeyed. Your love for each other must be expressed. I read an inscription on a wall some years ago which said, “Love is not love until it is expressed.”  This is true! God gave His love expression; therefore, you must do the same.

    How can love between husband and wife in particular be expressed? This can be done in thoughts, words and actions.  Let’s take it one after the other:

    1. Loving in Thoughts

    When your heart is full of loving thoughts, it readily finds expression in the words you speak. God’s Word says: for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34). If a man, for instance, uses abusive words on his wife, he is speaking out of the abundance of his heart.  Men initiate things, while women respond to them. Therefore, husband, initiate the love relationship between you and your wife, and she will respond to you. No woman hates to be loved. When you love your wife, you easily win her submission.

    Ii. Loving in Words

    Three short words, which some couples neglect are: “I love you.” Yet, by them, men and women come together to establish God’s counsel on the earth. However, these words are forgotten after the euphoria of the wedding ceremony is over. Words are powerful! Therefore, give voice to your feelings; it is not foolishness! The world was made by faith-filled words. Let your “I love you” to your spouse be full of faith. Wife, don’t nag your husband to death by repeatedly pointing out his shortcomings or problems in your home.  Where there’s a need for correction, use the sandwich method compliment, correct and then, compliment again.

    • Compliments:

    Praise your spouse for doing something well or for something you like about him or her. Everyone loves to be praised; everyone loves nice things to be said about them. Men and women who are not complimented do not feel appreciated.  So, when someone outside showers them with the much sought compliment, they are easily taken captive. My husband is never too tired to appreciate and say, “I love you” to me. Each time I hear that from him, I’m excited and on top throughout the day. It works!

    However, you need to understand that until you accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour, you can’t effectively love your spouse as Christ ordained it. You can do this by saying this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship(John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • Loving your wife the Bible way! (2)

    Dear Reader,

    Welcome once again to this column. This month, God’s Word will make you better than you were last month, in Jesus’ name.

    Last week, we began looking at the topic: Loving Your Wife the Bible Way. We saw from scriptures that if a man would love his wife without conditions, he must lay hold on light from God’s Word, as seen in Ephesians 5:25.

    This week, I shall be teaching on what I have captioned: Love Expression! Everyone wants to be loved, and everyone needs love. Jesus showed this to be a healthy desire when He asked: Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? (John 21:15).

    Love is not love until it is expressed. Even God Almighty did not just assume He loved man; He expressed it by giving His most precious possession His Son. The Word of God says: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son… (John 3:16). You don’t just love in your heart or thoughts; you must go one step further by giving it an expression.

    Husband, until you comply with this commandment to love your wife the Bible way, you may never taste fulfilment in marriage. You make it automatically easy for your wife to response in total submission to you, when you exhibit unconditional love to her.  Remember, no woman resists love or hates to be loved. As you begin to love her wholeheartedly, not minding her errors, she will begin to respond to you, and your family harmony will be kept aflame, radiating the glory of God.

    If only husbands could learn to give their wives more attention and more time, their situation will brighten up. Some men can give a lot of money to their wives; but to give their time is the problem. They claim that their time is too precious to be wasted.

    Does spending quality time with your wife equal time wasting to you? To give a listening ear to what your wife is saying, thinking or going through should be of greater value to you than the physical or material things you may be privileged to give her. If only you can do this, your discussions with her will not always end in physical combat.  I know I’m communicating to someone right now.

    Husband, attempt to be 100% patient with your wife, as you may seem to know better than her. Allow her make her mistakes and lovingly intervene. By so doing, she will be more careful next time, so as not to make the same mistake.

    It is throbbing to know that most men find it difficult to say, “I love you.” Well, it could be a cultural hang-up; but Jesus, Who, though is God and is a man among men, set the pace when He told His disciples that He loved them and asked them if they loved Him (John 15:9).

    Saying the words, “I love you” to your wife, may be just what you need to do, to cause a transformation in your home. It doesn’t portray weakness like others conclude, but strength. Also, action speaks louder than words, they say. So, if you are confessing love for your wife, but you act selfishly by not giving money for her upkeep and that of the children (1 Timothy 5:8); screaming, “I love you” at the top of your voice, would have no meaning to her. This is because your actions are disproving your love.

    To sum up, God is love! To bring God, Who is righteousness, peace and joy personified into your marriage and home, you must love your wife unconditionally. Remember, love is not love until it is expressed. As you express your love to her in particular, and the family in general, great shall be your peace in every aspect of your life.

    Moreover, you need God’s help in expressing love to your wife, and that begins with you accepting Jesus Christ as the Lord and Saviour of your home. Say this prayer with me and Jesus will come into your heart, and your home: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

     

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored)

  • Family Government (2)

    Dear Reader,

    Welcome to this week’s teaching. Last week, I started this teaching series on Family Government and we examined the responsibilities required of the man, as the head of the family. This week, we will be examining The Responsibilities of the Woman in the family.

    The role of the woman in family government is one of submission. To “submit” means to put oneself under the authority of another. A wife is therefore scripturally expected to be under the authority of her husband. So woman, if you are the type that your husband cannot instruct; then you are not submissive!

    God’s Word in Ephesians 5:22 says: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. You have a primary responsibility of submitting to the leadership of the man as commanded by God. According to the creation story recounted in Genesis 2:22, God took a rib from the side of the man to form the woman. This means that the role of the woman is beside the man in submission.

    My husband used to say that anything that has two heads is a monster and I agree with him. In a family government, there is only one head recognised by God and that is the man. This is unquestionable and non-negotiable.

    Also, it is hypocrisy when submission is not genuinely from the heart. Genuine submission to your husband should reflect in your speech and behaviour in public, and private. Your words will reveal it and of course, your actions will speak even louder than your words! Submission should cover every area. Even if your husband is an unbeliever, he is still the husband, so you the wife, should submit.

    However, it is also important to note that submission to the authority of your husband does not mean doing it in foolishness.  Any submission that will make you go into sin, disobey God’s Word and eventually miss heaven is unscriptural. When whatever you do, does not fit into the Lord’s command as Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18 admonishes, you are to decline. This, however, must be done in meekness.

    Submission should provoke you to contribute to the success of the family government by giving reasonable suggestions, ideas, prayers and other forms of helps as the case may be. Allow no room for arguments, fighting and disagreement because they are easy access by which the enemy comes in. Communicate effectively in wisdom.

    There are four major keys that make submission easy, and they are: prayer, obedience, love and humility. If you don’t love your husband, you will find it difficult to submit to him (Titus 2:4).  I have been married for over three decades now, and my husband and I have never had an occasion to look at each other in the face in a scuffle, argument or fight. Your submission speaks for you and wins your husband (1 Peter 3:1). I am a living testimony to the fact that it is possible to live together without fighting and arguing, and many couples are enjoying the same blessing. If it is working for others and me, it will also work for you, if you believe, in Jesus’ name.

    This sister’s testimony will build up your hope and determination in fulfilling your responsibility in your government:

    “I lost my marriage in 1996, due to stupidity and ignorance. I came to the Bible School in August, and during the course on Family Life, the Bishop’s wife said, ‘Divorce can be healed.  Wounds can be healed, but the scars remain forever. As much as possible, fight them’.

    I made up my mind to fight it and take my home back. I discovered that there were some things I needed to drop from my life. God worked on me through the messages I received on this altar, and I straightened my path. Right now, we are reconciled and there is peace in my home. My husband has more respect for me now, and I have also learnt to respect him better. I give God all the glory!”  Adeniran, F. (Mrs.)

    God is still in the business of restoration and He will restore, and help you make things right again as you accept Him through His Son, Jesus Christ, and become born again. If you will like to be born again and begin to enjoy God’s help and peace in your home, please say this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org, pstfaithoyedepo@gmail.com; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • Perils of the post-truth era (2)

    “It is crazy what we are watching every day, it is absolutely crazy. He keeps repeating ridiculous throwaway lines that are not true at all and sort of avoiding this issue of Russia as if we are some kind of fools for asking the question.”

    Shepard Smith, Fox News anchor made this comment after a blustery press conference by President Donald Trump last Thursday. At the conference, Trump slammed the media as peddlers of “fake news” – or, when it comes to CNN, “very fake news.” For the benefit of those who don’t know, Fox News is the unofficial mouthpiece of the Republican Party, so this comment by one of their news anchors is a big deal.

    Not done, Smith added, “Really? Your opposition was hacked, and the Russians were responsible for it, and your people were on the phone on the same day it was happening, and we are fools for asking those questions? No sir, we are not fools for asking those questions, and we demand to know the answer to this question. You owe this to the American people.”

    Smith was referring to reports in the Washington Post and New York Times that Russian intelligence meddled in the last elections and that Trumps campaign team was in contact with them before and after the election. One of the fallouts was the resignation of the National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn who resigned after it was revealed that he discussed sanctions with the Russian ambassador to the U.S. and then lied to the Vice President.  It is now getting clearer that the intelligence community is leaking sensitive information to the media to let the American people know what is happening.

    These developments indicate we are indeed living in very interesting times. I’m concerned for one reason: whatever happens in America has a strange way of touching other nations. For us in Nigeria this should be worrying because we have a set of politicians who do not care if the entire country burns down, politicians we all know do not play by the rules. I’m talking about politicians who have enough resources to start and finance a war. This is why we have to pay careful attention to what is happening in the U.S. and Europe.

    What just happened in the U.S. has emboldened extreme right wing groups in Europe. We have to wait to see how the elections in Germany and France go to fully comprehend the Trump bug. Already in Nigeria, we have government officials who speak like Trump and have the capacity of turning truth on its head when it suits them. So what Trump is doing may end up being a good case study for our politicians: in essence, say whatever you want to say and damn the consequences thereafter.

    While trying to make meaning of what is happening in our post truth world, I came across an interesting article written by Lauren Griffin of the College of Journalism and Communications, University of Florida. “Don’t Call Trump a Liar – He Doesn’t Even Care About the Truth” is as incisive as they come. “A liar,” she wrote, “cares about concealing reality; a bullshi**er, like the president, is totally indifferent to how things really are.

    “If you’ve been paying attention to the news over the past week or so, you know that last weekend America was introduced to the concept of “alternative facts.” After Trump administration Press Secretary Sean Spicer rebuked the media for accurately reporting the relatively small crowds at President Donald Trump’s inauguration, senior White House aide Kellyanne Conway told NBC’s “Meet the Press” that Spicer wasn’t lying; he was simply using “alternative facts.”

    With that interview a new lexicon “alternative facts” was included in political lexicon. Analysts are still working through the process of figuring out what to call these mischaracterisations of reality. To me, this is simply looking people straight in the face and saying what you “think” is right to the detriment of whether they are factual or not. This – I can deduce – cannot be divorced from Trump’s obsession with TV and other ratings.

    Jake Tapper of CNN was amazed that for close to 80 minutes nothing was discussed about the American people who voted Trump into power. He simply told Trump to grow up “stop whining” and face governance.

    The media is divided on whether “alternative facts” is an outright lie or another way of putting an issue across. Griffin pointed out that some outlets have resisted labeling Trump’s misstatements as lies. The Wall Street Journal’s editor-in-chief Gerard Baker, for instance, insisted that the Wall Street Journal wouldn’t label Trump’s false statements “lies.”

    Baker argued that lying requires a “deliberate intention to mislead,” which couldn’t be proven in the case of Trump. Baker’s critics pushed back, raising valid and important points about the duty of the press to report what is true. As important as discussions about the role of the press as fact-checkers are, Griffin stated “Baker’s critics are missing the point. Baker is right. Trump isn’t lying. He’s bullshi**ing. And that’s an important distinction to make.”

    And what does that mean? Bullshi**ers, as philosopher Harry Frankfurt wrote in his 1986 essay “On Bullsh*t,” don’t care whether what they are saying is factually correct or not. Instead, bullsh*t is characterized by a “lack of connection to a concern with truth (and) indifference to how things really are. Frankfurt explains that a bullshi**er “does not care whether the things he says describe reality correctly. He just picks them out, or makes them up, to suit his purpose.”

    In addition to being unconcerned about the truth (which liars do care about, since they are trying to conceal it), Frankfurt suggests that bullshi**ers don’t really care whether their audience believes what they are saying. Indeed, getting the audience to believe something is false isn’t the goal of bullshi**ing. Rather, bullshi**ers say what they do in an effort to change how the audience sees them, “to convey a certain impression” of themselves.

    In Trump’s case, much of his rhetoric and speech seems designed to inflate his own grand persona. Hence the tweets about improving the record sales of artists performing at his inauguration and his claims that he “alone can fix” the problems in the country.

    I quite agree with Frankfurt. Each time I listen to Trump, I miss former President Obama greatly. The way Obama connects with people is simply legendary. I’ve not seen that with Trump, except maybe with people who cherish his ideology. It is therefore little wonder that Obama is rated the 12th best president ever in U.S. history by presidential historians.

    I listened to an interview on Aljazeera where a former Bush adviser said if he were not an American living in America, he would’ve thought Trump was talking about another country. He was referring to Trump’s inaugural address which contained rhetoric about the “decayed” state of the country and rampant unemployment. He said this is a verifiably false statement which most Americans know.

    So why does misinformation spread so quickly, especially on the social media? Why doesn’t it get corrected? When the truth is so easy to find, why do people accept falsehoods? That’s a big question in this era. A new study led by Michela Del Vicario of Italy’s Laboratory of Computational Social Science, explores the behaviour of Facebook users. It provides strong evidence that the explanation is confirmation bias: people’s tendency to seek out information that confirms their beliefs, and to ignore contrary information.

    This finding highlights a wide range of issues, especially the last presidential campaign in the U.S. where the acceptance of conspiracy theories and competing positions in international relations became the norm.

    Next week we shall conclude on how Trump was able to “bulldoze” his way into the White House, what impact his approach played and the communication lessons therein.

     

     

  • Dazini’s misfortune (2)

    There was a gentle tap on her shoulder. Gentle enough to wake her up to reality. She opened her eyes, but she could not see the person who tapped her shoulder. She cleared her eyes with her left palm. And she saw clearly. She was no longer in the sitting room where she and her mum had shed uncontrollable tears.

    The whole place was beautiful. And sweet-scented. She was puzzled. She wondered what she was doing there, and how she had gotten there. There was no one around she could ask.

    But she could not but be fascinated with the beauty of the garden-like environment. This must be another Garden of Eden, Dazini thought. In no time fear seized her entire being. But just before she decided to scream, there came again a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turned to see who was there.

    She did not see anybody. The fear in her increased a thousand fold. The tap came again. And she turned again. Still there was no one. Then came a voice. A voice more than terrestrial.

    “Welcome!”

    She was startled. And she jumped up.

    “Who are you and where are you?”

    She did not get any reply.

    “I said who are you and where are you?”

    Still there was no reply.

    “What the hell am I doing here?”

    And the reply came.

    “To answer for all you deeds on earth…”

    She laughed.  A rancorous one at that.

    “Do you mean I’m dead and no longer on the earth?”

    “Yes…”

    “You can’t be serious…”

    “I’m more than serious. The difference between the state of sleeping and dying is very minute. I hope you know that.”

    “What is your name, who are you and where are you?” she cut in.

    “I’m Mr. Judgment…”

    “Mr. Judgment? Can’t you show your face?”

    All Dazini got for a reply was a chuckle.

    “Answer me now…”

    Mr. Judgment did not say anything.

    Tears gathered in her eye-lid. She could not believe that she was dead. The last she knew before finding herself in this perfect environment was that she was crying with her mum. To think that in such a short interval somebody who identified himself as Mr. Judgment was telling her she no longer belonged to earth sickened her.

    For the first time since she found herself in this environment she took a proper look at herself and discovered that she was naked. Stark naked.

    She soon became more confused when she was transformed into a different environment, where a full moon forced its way out from a sheet of dark-blue cloud, showering the area with silvery beams. You could see people walking down the different sides of the asphalted road. It was night fall already and the number of vehicles on the road had drastically reduced. Many of them had been parked in garages.

    The canopied trees lining the road created the illusion of mercury bright drops. Dazini was over-powered by some strange feeling and she could not but whistle. The moon and the dark patches of the cloud soon got entangled in some fierce battle. In the end, the moon had its way. And the area got more dosage of gentle rays of light.

    The beauty of the area could have filled Dazini with joy and satisfaction. But her heart was heavy. A thought was yet to take shape in her mind when Mr. Judgment spoke again. This time, she was back in the environment she likened to the Garden of Eden.

    “Do you like this environment?”

    She did not answer.

    “Do you like this environment?”

    She first hesitated, but later answered in the affirmative.

    “You sure like good things…” commented Mr. Judgment,” but I’m sorry to inform you that you are not home yet. This place is not meant for looters like you.”

    She could not protest.

    “Bye forever,” announced Mr. Judgment.

    Then a being she could not describe appeared from nowhere, grabbed her and dragged her towards an inferno she had not seen anything like before. And made to drop her inside…

    ***************************

    “Ye, ye,” she shouted and was back to life in her beautiful London mansion.

    “What is it?” Madam Ikuku asked, jumping up from the floor where they had both fallen asleep after minutes of shedding hot tears.

    Dazini cleaned the sweat on her face. She was shaking.

    “What is the problem?” Madam Ikuku asked again.

    Then, the dreaded six-letter word headline Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt came to her mind again. And the tears increased. It had indeed been another long night filled with scary dreams.

    She was too saddened to notice that it was only 422a.m. Sleep had been murdered and thrown out of the window.

    “How did I get here?” she asked herself.

    It all started when a long-standing family friend, Dr. Luck Than, accidentally found himself in power as the president and pulled her out of what she thought was a well-paying job. First, she was put in-charge of the Ministry of Works. Her first major assignment was a tour of the Lagos-Benin Expressway. The road was a death trap. There were craters almost on every one kilometre. Some of the craters were big enough to swallow a danfo. She was shocked at her discovery and she wept and the cameras caught her and she appeared on the front pages of many a newspaper.

    She could not fix the road before she was moved to another ministry, where she was off the public radar for some time. Then what appeared to be her breakthrough, which time soon turned to her doom, was her movement to the Ministry of Petroleum Resources.

    By this time, she had become the golden fish and there was no hidden place for her. Men courted her friendship. Women were not left out. Black and white people and even albinos fell over one another to be in her good books. Bank executives, oil sheiks and politicians either prayed to find her favour or get some juju to make her see things their way.

    Her face became an everyday feature in the media. The blogs scooped around for gossips about her. Twitter, facebook and what have you heard about the grace of this woman and could not but join in telling her story, real or imagined.

    It seemed like a roller coaster. But like life itself, everything has an end. Dr Than was defeated in an election that many thought might end in bloodshed.

    A phone call cut into her thought. The time was now 7a.m. She stood and walked to where the phone was and she sighted The Carnivorous City for the second time in about 24 hours. The caller was Jide Luko, a business associate and one of those who benefitted from her magnanimity as minister. Luko’s firm, Twelve Energy Limited, got a juicy oil bloc, cheated the government in the payment of signature fee, took loans from banks and never paid back, among many other atrocities. He became so rich that he owned an estate in Beverly Hills and went around the world with a famous model, Aomi Candle.

    “Hello,” she said on picking the phone.

    “Hello Madam, I am almost in your house as agreed,” Luko said.

    It was only then it occurred to Dazini that she was supposed to be going with Luko to see an Oncologist.

    “I have forgotten,” she said. And before Luko could say anything else, she added: “Can we reschedule? I am not really in a good shape. The last 24 hours has been terrible and it all started with that report about me forfeiting $153m to the federal government.”

    “I am sorry, my sister. I can understand what you are going through, especially with your state of health, the international probe and the media trial back home. That is enough to break down anybody. I will get the Oncologist to reschedule. He is a very good friend and I am sure he will willingly create time whenever you are ready.”

    “Thank you my brother and God bless you,” she said, as she hung up.

    She called Atete to get her Tramadol. She took two and told her mother she was going in to rest. Madam Ikuku followed her daughter in and together they mounted the bed. They did not fall asleep immediately. They tried some chit-chats, with Madam Ikuku doing most of the talking. She talked about what a blessing she had been to her and the fact that she would always be proud of her no matter what the world thought. Dazini was close to crying at some point, but she avoided it because she knew it would not change her misfortune. Sleep soon took control of their lives.

    ***************************

    Dazini wakes up. Her mother is no longer with her. The Tramadol must have really knocked her off. She checks the wall clock. The time is 8pm. It means she has slept for about 12 hours and she still feels like sleeping. She needs to eat and take her medications. She stands up and picks a shirt and trousers from the wardrobe to cover herself nakedness.

    As she makes for the sitting room, a voice seems to tell her: “This is the time to call your pastor. This is the time to make peace with God. This is the time.”

    She has heard and ignored the voice before. Now, she feels like she is getting to a point of no return and who else but God can save her soul and make her whole again?

    Dazini decides right there that the time has come to give God a chance to perfect things in her life and turn her misfortune around. She no longer wants to be hunted by Dazini forfeits $153m to Fed Govt or any other thing.

  • How to avoid mistakes in relationship (2)

    HERE are more useful tips that will be of great assistance to those who have been out of relationships for a while and people who are of age that at the verge of going into a relationship for the first time.

    In the previous edition, we mentioned the following: making your first date short and casual, letting go of the past, personal space, getting a life and avoiding unnecessary jealousy.

    This review is necessary for readers who are joining us for the first time. Total dependence can put a strain on your relationship; always depending on your friend or partner can affect your relationship. When you keep asking from a person all the time, let’s face it we are human, it will get to a point where the person cannot take it any longer.

    The effect is that less attention or avoidance will then set in because of the constant demands.   Relationships thrive when there is a level of independence, a situation where you don’t solely rely on your partner or friend for everything. It will interest you to know that most of the mails I receive from those seeking relationships or life partners have financial independence as the common requirement in demand.

    This goes to show that majority do not want liability. Besides it pays a lot to be empowered no matter the situation. Next is to try as much as possible to know your place; it is very important to know and maintain your position in a relationship. Some people misinterpret certain actions to suit their personal intension without seeking proper clarification. Avoid playing the role of a wife or husband until you are declared one.

    In addition, unrealistic expectation cannot be left out when mentioning mistakes in relationships; expectations are good, but must be discussed together. After all, everybody goes into a relationship for instance with some level of expectation, depending on individual needs, but the challenge is when such expectations are not actualized because of the fact that they are not practical. This can affect the relationship.

    Knowing the warning signs: The signs are always there when the relationship is no longer the same, but in most cases, people seem to ignore the signs by not addressing necessary issues.  Numerous indicators can warn that a relationship may be heading for the rocks or at least for some sandbars.

    Avoid taking things for granted and be observant. Many get carried away without taking note of certain details. It is always proper to use your head in matters of the heart.

    However, setting of boundaries must not be neglected in avoiding mistakes in relationships because boundaries define who you are, it reinforces the fact that you are different and unique from others. Boundaries explain what you think and feel, as well as what you are ready to tolerate.

    They also define your preferences, your likes and dislikes. Most importantly boundaries help you determine for what you are and are not responsible. A healthy dating relationship requires good, solid and well-defined relational boundaries.

    Lack of patience for the relationship to take its natural course: Taking it slowly allows you to get to know each other better with time. Most relationships can be classified into four stages. The initial stage is the period when you are simply testing the waters to see if you like the person or not.

    Then, next is regarded as the infatuation stage. This is the time you are madly in love with the person and absolutely blind to his or her faults. This can drag on for a long time, everything is happening so fast.

    Thirdly is the stage of reality bite which occurs when you suddenly discover that your perfect friend or partner is not that perfect after all. Finally is the stage where you are caught between staying and maintaining the relationship in order to advance to the next level or let go of the relationship and move on.

    Therefore, with a clear understanding of the various stages gives the ability to take things easy by allowing the relationship grow at its own pace without rush.  Trying to change your friend or partner to suit your specification is always a big mistake.

    Our personalities are different. So, in a situation where you go into a relationship with the mindset to change the other person is not a good idea because you can only change yourself, not your friend or partner, but knowing and accepting the fact that everybody has their strength and weakness is a better approach instead. Don’t try to change them. What you can do is to learn how to accept them for who they are.

    Being too desperate to get into a relationship is a major and universal mistake, especially for those who feel that time is running out. Biological clock is ticking fast. As a result, they panic and are ready to settle for any one so long they are in a relationship. Wanting a relationship is just not the same as waiting to be in a relationship with a special person.

    Finally, putting the above points into consideration will help your avoid certain mistakes for your relationship to run smoothly and for your protection from the pain of contemporary dating pitfalls. As a result, you will be on your way to building a loving and lasting relationship.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com.  You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.

  • The A to Z of skin care (2)

    Niacinamide: A form of vitamin B3, this compound strengthens the skin’s outer layers, improves elasticity and soothes any redness or irritation. And is found wherever vitamins are sold.

    Oxybenzone: Now, back to sunscreen. This ingredient absorbs UVB rays, so it is often combined with avobenzone (which absorbs UVA light) to create broad-spectrum sun protection.

    Peptides: These are tiny protein particles that signal your skin to produce collagen (which, again, helps to plump up fine lines and wrinkles). You’ll often see them marketed as ingredients in moisturizers and anti-aging creams.

    Quercetin: If you see this on any of your product labels, know that it’s an antioxidant derived from purple grapes and green tea to fight free-radical damage.

    Retinol: Long considered the gold standard in anti-aging ingredients, this vitamin A derivative encourages cell turnover and increases the production of hyaluronic acid and collagen, which makes it a great treatment for acne, in reducing hyper pigmentation, and smoothing fine lines.

    Salicylic acid: This is commonly found in products for acne-prone skin, this beta hydroxy acid removes excess oil, and dead cells from the skin’s surface to help keep it clear.

    Titanium dioxide: This big sounding word is just a mineral filter found in many all-natural sunscreen formulas that shields the skin from UVA and UVB rays.

    Urea: A potent humectant (any ingredient that attracts water from the environment to the skin), it is often used in moisturizers because of its ability to keep skin moist while also exfoliating dead skin cells.

    Vitamin C: You know what vitamin C is. But did you know it goes beyond fighting just colds? Also known as ascorbic acid, this antioxidant boosts collagen production, and inhibits pigment formation to treat and prevent spots from forming.

    Whey protein: Derived from milk, this supplement (popular in powdered form for protein shakes) is actually known to strengthen skin, hair and nails, in addition to the obvious muscular benefits.

    Xanthan gum: This natural thickening agent helps to stabilize liquids in skincare products, and many more things in our lives.

    Yeast extract: When applied to the skin, this reparative ingredient improves the firmness and smoothness of skin without being too harsh.

    Zinc oxide: A commonly used ingredient in sunscreen, this gentle filter offers UV protection with an extremely low risk of irritation, making it ideal for sensitive skin types.

  • How to improve on your marriage (2)

    Dear Reader,

    Calvary greetings to you in the precious name of Jesus Christ! Last week, I shared with you on what your perspective should be about marriage. I also said that marriage is a miracle.

    This week, I will be looking at what I have captioned: Marriage Covenant Responsibilities.

    The Word of God makes it clear that marriage is a covenant, and this is expounded in my book: Marriage Covenant. What is a Covenant? The dictionary defines it as ‘a binding agreement or a contract’ usually between two people.

    The Word of God says: Marriage is honourable (Hebrews 13:4). It goes to say, therefore, that the agreement of marriage between two people is seen as a good thing in the sight of God, which eventually leads to honour and dignity for the parties involved. I want to let you know, therefore, that it is a good thing that you desire marriage, if you are not yet married. For those already married, it is a good step you have taken in life. You shall have no cause to regret it in Jesus’ name.

    However, as good as marriage is, there are covenant responsibilities that must be operated, in order for it to produce the desired good. The Word says: If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land (Isaiah 1:19). There is good in marriage, but you must be willing and obedient to operate the covenant.

    My husband, Dr. David Oyedepo will always say, “A life without responsibilities is a liability”. Furthermore, he says, “Responsibility is the price for greatness”. Do you desire good in your marriage? Are you longing for peace, harmony and serenity in your marital life? Then apply yourself to the demands of a good home. If you are yet to enact the covenant of marriage, begin to ask for grace to comply with the demands.

    What are these Covenant Responsibilities?

    FOR THE MAN:

    As A Husband, you are the head of the woman, the leader and not a dictator. You are to love your wife unconditionally as a friend and as a lover sexually (Ephesians 5:25-29). You must honour her and not treat her as a lesser being, or a slave (1 Peter 3:7). Much more, you must dwell with her according to knowledge.

    As A Father, you have the responsibility of raising your children in the nature and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:6-7), not by bullying and beating. Instead, apply the rod of the Word of God, and as you mold them in the fear of the Lord, you are raising godly children, who will in turn call you blessed.

    As A Provider: A French proverb says, “A father is a banker provided by nature”. Your primary responsibility is meeting the needs of your home. The woman is only your help meet. Never shift your responsibility to your wife; it is anti-covenant to do so. To shy away from this responsibility makes you worse than an infidel [an unbeliever] (1 Timothy 5:8). This shall not be your portion!

    FOR THE WOMAN:

    As A Wife, you have the power of influence, while your husband has the power of authority. Thus, you must be a positive influence. Your responsibility, however, as far as God is concerned, is that of submission. Willingly surrender yourself to be ruled by your husband, obeying him in love (Ephesians 5:22-24). Cook and dress to please him (I Peter 3:2). Learn to go to God in prayer, rather than arguing.

    As A Mother, train your children spiritually, physically and morally, bringing them up to become arrows in the hands of God. Your role in the life of your children is a non-transferable responsibility. Therefore, don’t push them to another person to train for you.

    As A Home Maker, see to the general welfare of the home, plan and manage the resources provided (Titus 2:5). Also see to the welfare of every member of your household. This is your primary assignment, before your career or business.

    You need the grace of God to carry out your covenant responsibilities. You need to surrender your life to Christ so that, that grace can be released to you. You can say this prayer and receive that grace: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

     

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).