A below-the-knee amputee battled poverty. Help came from a foundation. He got a wheelchair and regularly got food to nourish his spirit, body and soul. For reasons yet to be explained, he sold the wheelchair and preferred to torture himself. The foundation got wind of the development and struck him off the list of beneficiaries.
He got angry and labelled the foundation and the ‘yeye’ man who got me angry enough to write this piece scammers.
The ‘yeye’ man, who fought his way out of the poverty in Niger Delta to the exclusivity of NICON Town, did not take kindly to the amputee’s claim and declared that not everyone deserves kindness. He added a clincher: “A mind-set that does not know gratitude kills faster than hate.”
It is for his posts such as this that I have decided to let his career go up in flames today.
Welcome to the world of Ali Baba! Now, you know the man I am donating his career to the gods. It is not my fault. Let’s blame the ‘yeye’ man who packs so many talents into one body. He is a writer. He has done some fantastic photography. His poetry is in a class not a few believe only special poets belong. He also acts, motivates and hosts talk show. The entrepreneur in him is of no mean stature.
How can one man have all these talents and still does well? I am baffled and it is for this reason that I am deploying my writing skill to ‘finish’ the career of the one who lost his first and surname decades ago.
Like Zaq in Helon Habila’s Oil on Water, he seems always interested in the greater meaning. I cannot tell if he left Niger Delta for Lagos with ‘unsettled emotions’ like Etiaba left New York in Maik Nwosu’s A Gecko’s Farewell. But I can tell that where he comes from poverty dances ‘Makosa’ every minute. Many of his people live in houses made of wood and covered with palm frond, which must be changed from time to time as they wither away. So many children cannot go to school. Yet the oil of Nigeria’s prosperity is drilled in their domain. The majority dwells in hell; the minority in heaven. It is like the people have sinned against their leaders, the men they elect to lead them.
In some parts of the Niger Delta, they never see night. The multinational operating in these areas have their flow stations so close to homes and send out gas flares throughout the day. So, the only way to differentiate between night and day is to check their wrist watches.
In many towns, oil pipelines are in the open. Often they burst or are burst and our soils and existence are damaged in the process.
I can tell that this son of a soldier born in Warri but from Agbarha-Otor has risen from the flabby back of the Niger Delta to become an institution. Ask other comedians and they will tell you he is the king. Their king got me angry when, three days ago, he used his Instagram handle @alibabagcfr to explain to a follower the concept of his popular comic contest Spontaneity. The fighter in him once again returned to town. The post told me the time has come for a focus on this Niger Delta-born multi-talented soul who I have the feeling reads with the appetite of an astute scholar. He cherishes books as gifts and always celebrates people who buy him great books.
For Ali Baba, keeping quiet when someone tries to rubbish you or what you stand for is not a virtue. Silence is not golden in such circumstances. You need to read his Instagram posts to understand what I mean.
He also sees desperation in saying “I need just any job”. As far as he is concerned, only people who do not have value to add thread this path. Harvesters should not play the role of planters, he preaches.
Hell came down when a contestant on the show who goes by the name Timelessaproko faulted the judges for writing her off as not being spontaneous. After leaving the show, she took to the social media to complain about how ‘padi-padi’ syndrome was killing every facet of Nigeria. She challenged Ali Baba to release the video of all the contestants so that the public would have the opportunity to judge.
The ace comedian’s first response was to make her understand that it was his show and had the right to decide what standards to use. He followed up by releasing the video of her performance on the show. I watched the video, which Ali Baba released in three parts because Instagram could not take all at once. Like Ali Baba, there was nothing funny or spontaneous in her performance, except speaking Pidgin English is now considered funny and spontaneous.
Enough of the fight! Ali Baba is much more. Ali Baba – who owns the Oniru Estate-based multi-purpose centre called Xqzmoir – stuns with almost all his Instagram posts. He has a brilliant knack for playing on words in ways that only an intelligent mind can. Do not mind the fact that this guy who is impatient with lazy minds ends almost all his posts with ‘what do I know?’
If you doubt me, let me serve you some of his dishes. In a caption he did for pictures of a lady who was big and later became trim, he wrote: “I come from a family where we have big bones…Bone that thing.” Then in another caption on a picture of Nollywood actor Ufuoma McDermott in which her daughter was pushing her from behind, he wrote: “When your daughter’s got your back…The push is usually towards the pizza place or ice cream.”
I still have more. Latest husband in town Banky W recently shared pictures of the stripes or cuts on his shoulder as a result of a skin cancer surgery he underwent. When Ali Baba posted this picture, this is what he wrote: “By HIS stripes you are healed…You will come back with better cutting edge songs and you will be carried shoulder high in all you do.”
And please one more: The acronym of the names of Actor Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi is FAR. A few days ago while wishing her a happy birthday, Ali Baba played on the acronym when he wrote: “I nearly missed it…happy birthday my friend from faaaaaaar back…” His posts give the impression he thinks deeply and reflectively before typing.
This man – who does not believe two heads are better than one – has, for some time now, been on a campaign for monuments, such as those of Fela, Awolowo and so on to be moved to places where people can access and take pictures with them like we see abroad. He sees no sense in putting them in the middle of the road, barricading them and asking people not to cross the lawn. I totally buy the idea of this success story who believes two heads can only be better than one when they are two good heads. Can you beat that?
My final take: Ali Baba’s is not a career that is about to go up in flames because he keeps re-inventing himself. With his Ali Baba Seriously on NTA, he has added another feather. Instead of going up in flames of fire, it will go up in flames of blessing and what do I know other than to tell Atunyota Alleluya Akpobome, who is ‘just a comedian’, to continue to break a leg.
