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  • ‘My husband died of pure negligence’

    ‘My husband died of pure negligence’

    Saturday November 21, 2014 started like every other day for the Chaz B Chukuma family-bright, beautiful and full of hopes. But by evening, it had turned bleak, and by dawn the following morning, it was complete darkness. Arrowhead of the family and popular radio presenter, Charles Bruce Chukuyenum Ayibatonye Chukuma, popularly known as Chaz B on account of his highly inspirational radio show, ‘Sharing Life issues with Chaz B,’ on Inspiration FM shut his eyes never to open them  again. One year after, his beloved wife,  and pillar of support, Roseline is up asking questions on the circumstances surrounding his death – especially the part played by the family hospital. She spoke with Gboyega Alaka.

    You recently came out with an allegation bordering on negligence and dereliction of duties against St. Nicholas Hospital regarding the death of your husband, Chaz B Chukuma. Tell us about it.

    It was Friday night, November 21 2015. The day started like every other day. No complaints. I went to my daughter’s school; I was her Class Mummy and we had to do decorations in preparation for the Christmas season; while my husband, Chaz B went to work. At about five in the evening, the show started and I was as usual listening to it in the living room. Then in the middle of the shop, he called to say that he wasn’t feeling too good and that I should come and pick him. Meanwhile his friend, Abiona was in the studio with him and actually offered to take him to the hospital or the house, but he told him “No, my wife is coming to pick me.” And that is expected because we’ve done everything together from day one, 11 years ago. He was my best friend. I don’t have any other best friend order than him. So I went down with the driver, and found that he wasn’t looking too good. I asked, ‘What is the problem?’ and he said his stomach. Meanwhile, he had had incisional hernia the August before. Let me state here that he never had kidney problems like was widely reported and the surgery he had was not about kidney failure or replacement. My husband died with his kidneys intact. The incisional hernia was done at St Nicholas; a doctor there and another who came from India carried out the procedure. And he was fine after that.

    So we arrived the studio and he told me to take him home, but when I saw that he was in pains and very uncomfortable, I said ‘No, let’s go to the hospital.’ We got to St Nicholas and saw Judith, at the reception. Soon after, we met a doctor, Dr Kewe; he asked for my husband’s file, and they said it was in Dr Bamgboye’s office and he wasn’t in town. So Dr Kewe opened an emergency file right there and started asking questions because he practically knew nothing about his medical history. I was the one answering him because my husband was in pains. At a time, he left us, went out and was like ‘I’m trying to reach Dr Balogun, but his lines are not going.’ I called him on my husband’s line and it went through, so I handed him the phone. Eventually, I think Dr Balogun told him to be careful with my husband because he was a post-transplant patient. He also suggested this injection – I don’t know the name; and he was given two shots.

    Meanwhile Balogun said to observe him till the next day, so they sent the nurse to go and prepare for his admission. But before then, I think I heard her say something like ‘I think there’s no room, but let me go and check.’ So my husband told me to go get him his stuff. He took his high blood pressure medication at 10pm; he told me to get him that as well. Then along the way, as we approached Bonny Camp, I got a call from Dr. Kewe asking me to come back. He said ‘Your husband is feeling much better,’ and that I should come and take him home and bring him back in the morning.

    Wasn’t that rather sudden?

    Well, I turned round anyway and went back to the hospital. Meanwhile, they checked his temperature and found that it was high, probably because of the pain and all that; so Kewe sent me to the pharmacist to get Exforge. The pharmacist looked at the prescription and was like ‘Who wrote this? I told her the doctor in Consulting Room 2. She moved to a corner and called him on the intercom. Whatever they were discussing, I do not know, but eventually, he gave me one, which was given to him. But when my husband got up as we made to go, he staggered. And then I asked, ‘Are you sure he’s okay or is it because you guys don’t have a room, because I heard the official expressing doubts about the availability of a room? And before God and man, Dr Kewe looked me in the eyes and said, ‘We don’t have a room, bring him back in the morning.’ He said the injections given to him would sustain him till the morning, and I said okay. Meanwhile right from the moment we got to the hospital, all my husband kept saying was that something was disturbing him around the chest and that if only he could throw up. He obviously needed some kind of medical aid because it wasn’t coming out. But when we got home, I got him a bowl and he was able to vomit something, and looked a bit relieved, so I fell into a slumber and dozed off. Suddenly he woke up at about 6am; he was in this terrible pain. I jumped into my clothes, called Dr Balogun and told him my husband was in a very bad state and that I was driving him down. I also told him that I would like an experienced doctor to be on ground when I got there, to which he said ‘no problem.’

    He said a senior surgeon by name Dr Fadiran would be waiting for me. I lived in Lekki Phase One and it was on a Saturday; so I got to the hospital at Onikan in less than 20 minutes. My husband came down from the vehicle and walked into the hospital all by himself – which I found a bit disappointing, considering that I’d called ahead that it was an emergency. Of course they later brought in the wheelchair and wheeled him into the Emergency Room, but for a hospital like St. Nicholas, that was a minus. And then I still I saw the same doctor from last night. I asked after the Dr Fadiran and he said he was on his way. I asked where he was coming from, and he said Ikoyi. I made a mental note that he should be with us in about 15minutes. Inside the ER, Dr Kewe was struggling to locate my husband’s vein to pass in the drip. I asked, ‘Where is your Anaestasiologist?’ He said he or she was on his way. ‘Where is your radiologist?’ He said that too was on his way. And the doctor too! Virtually everybody that could help my husband was not on ground. At the end of the day, he couldn’t locate his vein on the right hand or so, and he had to switch to the other hand, which was the fistula hand that was used for dialysis before the hernia procedure. Ordinarily, that hand should not be tampered with. He turned to the fistula hand and at a point thought he had got the vein, but of course the drip wasn’t going at the end of the day. By this time Dr Kewe had become confused.

    Meanwhile, my husband kept saying ‘I just want to throw up.’ And Dr Kewe was busy taking instructions on the phone to treat my husband! He may deny it now, but I was right there and saw it all. And then he put him on oxygen. And I found that appalling because it was choking him the more. This person wants to throw up! Even as a non-medical person, I would think that the appropriate thing would have been to help him get whatever it was that was troubling him out. And then he said he wanted to give him an injection. I asked what the injection was for and he said it would stop him from vomiting! He was also given four adrenaline injections. I don’t know what those were for.  To make matters worse, 7.30, 8, 8.30, no doctor arrived. 9’o’clock, no doctor! And then my husband became more uncomfortable. Meanwhile before then, a doctor – not Fadiran came with a suction tube. He inserted the tube. You could tell that he was more experienced, but he obviously came in late. This was what they should have done immediately I came in or even the night before.  Meanwhile my husband continued to struggle and struggle. And at a time some liquid came out of his mouth and nose; and after all of that came out, I knew he had passed because I was holding and massaging his legs. They brought in the shock machine, but alas all that was formality. What should have been done wasn’t done at the appropriate time. My husband passed at exactly 9.30 am. He died because the doctor on ground didn’t know what to do. I still didn’t see the senior consultant doctor until I left. If he was there when he was called that there was an emergency, my husband would still have been here.

    How devastating were you, watching your husband pass like that; at a time when you least expected it?

    My goodness! I almost went mad. If not for the grace of God, I would not be sitting here. At a time, I wasn’t talking to nobody and people were afraid for me. Chaz B and I were so close, like stew on rice. So it’s not been easy at all. But again, looking at my daughter, Monalisa, I get encouraged. I see a lot of her dad in her. Sometimes, she talks and I think that I’m hearing my husband’s voice. It’s one year on Sunday (today), but it still feels like it’s not real. Like I would wake up someday and find that it never happened and Chaz B is still with us. Monalisa’s birthday was approaching and I asked, ‘Mama what would you like for your birthday?’ And she said, ‘I wish my daddy is here.’ And she started crying.

    Why are you coming out to talk about this now? It’s been one year.

    Well I was going to talk about it, but not immediately after his death. I needed time to regain my sanity and be able to talk. He died of pure negligence and I wasn’t going to sweep it under the carpet. I mean this was part of the things he was against and spoke against while he was alive! And I promise him that I would talk. He cannot just die like that. Here was a man I never in my wildest dream thought would leave me in a long time, and then in one week I was being asked to write his tribute. Everybody had submitted their tributes and they were waiting for me. And I was like ‘Whose tribute?’ I certainly didn’t expect him to die from a mere stomach ache, not after he had successfully passed through a more complex procedure like incisional hernia. And you know what? The hospital at the end of the day said he died of dehydration.

    Are you considering legal actions?

    His death needs to be investigated. Professionals should be made accountable for their actions. We should stop managing. If this kind of negligence should be happening in a hospital as ‘big’ as St. Nicholas, then where else is there to go? And then you want to blame people that travel out for medical attention? No. Even my little Monalisa was like, ‘Mummy, I thought hospitals are supposed to take care of sick people?’ I said yes. And she said ‘So why did they allow my daddy to die?’ She’s only seven and she’s already considering not staying in this country. She said ‘Maybe we should just go and stay in America; because she’s been there and as young as she is, she has spotted the difference. I was somewhere in Los Angeles the other day and they were chasing just one man, but you need to see the number of helicopters and personnel that were on the streets. And I was like ‘What! When are we ever going to get here?’ And Dr Kewe in his reply to my petition said that my husband told me he wanted to go home, that he couldn’t share a room with any patient. Here was a sick man, even if he said that while I was away, why didn’t you tell me, his wife? He never said that. Chaz B Chukuma would sleep in a marketplace if he knew I would be there with him. Besides, he didn’t make him sign anything. He should at least have told me ‘By the way your husband opted to leave on his own against medical advice.’

    How have you coped in the last one year?

    Cope? I’m still trying to get used to the fact that he’s gone.

    What kind of a man was Chaz B?

    Chaz B Chukuma was a wonderful man. A man with a heart of gold; very humble. If you knew him, you’ll know what I’m talking about. He was one in a million, down to earth. If you didn’t know him and saw him chatting with security men and drivers, you’d never believe it was him. He was the type that would ply a keke or bike just to get to the studio on time if there is traffic. He’s that kind of a person. Humble to a fault.

    How often did you listen to his show?

    I was his number one fan. Every day, I listened to his show and sometimes when he answered a particular person in a way that I thought wasn’t right, I’d tell him, ‘You have to apologise to that person.’ And the next day he’d apologise. So I was his number one fan, as well as his number one critic.

    What were his plans? He sure had reached a height with his show, where he must have been thinking of the next level.

    This whole office place we got because he was going to go into television. And he was working towards it seriously; had started buying equipment and all of that. We got this place in early October and he passed in November. Not even up to two months. That’s his office right opposite mine.

    What do you remember most about him?

    Everything. We’ve done everything together from day one. Everything around me reminds me of him, especially his sense of humour. Here was a man who’d be on his way home, yet he’d call me countless number of times. He tells me ‘I love you’ God knows how many times a day. And Monalisa does the same. So when Monalisa is telling me that, I see Chaz B. I see him in my dreams. He talks to me in my dream, even though some pastors have said ‘No, no, he’s dead, you shouldn’t have anything to do with him anymore.’ But excuse me, this was my husband!

    I mean, we started from Abuja. This was before he even became the Chaz B that is a household name. We were living in an uncompleted building, a school building in one rough area. At night there were gunshots here and there. He was with Hot FM. But I met him when he wasn’t really doing anything. I was a business woman, but I didn’t have a shop. So I’d gather my goods and take to my buyers and of course they’d owe. We stayed in a room that didn’t have a door, and we used a big plank to create a door for ourselves. Even the floor of our room was just sand. We tiled it ourselves. I got broken tiles from my uncle who sells tiles in Abuja. We called the tiler who charged us three thousand, but we didn’t have three thousand. So we ended up doing it ourselves, which was how I got the mark on my face (pointing to the upper part of her brow). We weren’t tilers; so we ended up having rough and sharp edges here and there. I fell on the tile on my birthday, which was how I got the mark. And he felt so so bad. I mean, we’ve been through thick and thin together! Sometimes, to eat was a problem, and I’d walk down the road to the malams there and speak Hausa to them to get stuffs on credit.

    And having to now lose him at the peak of things…

    Yeah. When we were really settling down; when he should be enjoying the fruits of his labour. I cry every day. I cry at night. Even though I know it’s affecting me, I really can’t help it. Chaz B Chukuma would do anything for me.

    How do you see the future without him?

    What can I say? It’s only going to be by His grace, because the truth is that a future without Chaz B, I never imagined. So I don’t know what it would look like. Of course He that has kept me up till this day will continue to keep me.

    And the dream, are you going to keep it going?

    Well the sad thing is that we’re no longer going to be going into the television aspect of it, because it was going to be a live thing, Chaz B Live. So it was going to be his face. But all that is gone now. All thanks to St. Nicholas. As regards the radio, like you may well know, we’ve been trying, even though we’ve had some ups and downs; don’t forget when the original owner of a brand is no longer there, you can’t expect everything to go as expected. Mr Chike and Mr Stephen have been holding forth. There was a misunderstanding at a point and Stephen left, but he’s back now. The show was an independent programme wholly produced by him. We buy airtime.

    Anniversary plans for Chaz B?

    We have the Ajegunle Project coming up to commemorate one year of his passing. November ordinarily is our month of giving and the Ajegunle Project was something we came up with on the show to help the needy before he passed. Our motto is Strangers, Orphans and Widows. We were going to pay them a visit but he passed before we could do that. So we’re reviving the project and it’s going to happen on the November 28. A lot of people have agreed to be part of it because it’s Chaz B, including musicians and comedians. We’re not really doing much after church; we’ve shifted everything the 28th. So, we’d be cooking right there and distributing to the people. We’ve also asked people to bring out clothes they don’t need. Not necessarily rags. If you have clothes that you haven’t worn for up to six months, that probably means that they’re no longer in vogue with you. You can bring them out for us to give out to those who need them.

  • Husband gets bail for allegedly dragging wife on floor

    Husband gets bail for allegedly dragging wife on floor

    An Ogudu Magistrates’ Court, Lagos, on Wednesday granted bail to a 52-year-old electrician, Esho Johnson, for dragging his wife on the floor.

    The Magistrate, Mrs O. Sule Amzat, granted bail to the accused in the sum of N50, 000 with two sureties in like sum.

    Amzat ordered that two sureties should provided evidence of tax payment and that their addresses must be verified by the court.

    Johnson of No 18, Bosun Anifowose Street, Ojota, Lagos, was arraigned on a two-count charge of assault occasioning harm, which he pleaded not guilty.

    The Prosecutor, Sgt. Lucky Ihiehie, had told the court that the accused committed the offence on Nov. 15.

    Ihiehie said the complainant, Funmilayo, 45, reported that at about 1:30 a.m. Johnson dragged her on the floor, beat her and she sustained serious injury on her right eyes.

    He told the court that the complainant had been married for 25 years and had five children.

    “He always assaults his wife and at one point threatened to disfigure her over a misunderstanding they had.

    “The couples parents and church members have intervened but all to no avail,’’ he said.

    Ihiehie said that the incident happened on Nov. 10 when the accused woke his wife up at 1.30 a.m. and asked her to get out of the house as she was irritating him.

    He said the complainant gently went out and lay down on the floor but the accused came to her, dragged her on the floor and started to blow her on the face.

    The offences contravened Sections 170 and 171of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2011, which provides for three years imprisonment.

    The case had been adjourned till Dec. 10, for mention.

  • Husband battery on the rise, as women fight back

    Husband battery on the rise, as women fight back

    In what may be regarded as one of the landmark changes in human history, women are beginning to wield the big stick in the domestic arena, and turning it against the men. With specific cases, Adetutu Audu writes on a ‘revolutionary’ trend that seems to be putting some men at the receiving end of domestic violence. 

    Emmanuel Osuya, 55, a retired civil servant, recently asked a Customary Court in Igando, Lagos, to dissolve his 32-year-old marriage over allegations of excessive beating from his wife.

    Osuya stunned the court and all audience seated April this year, when he told the judge that his wife, Abigeal Osuya, 50, has turned him into a punching bag, beating him up at the slightest provocation.

    According to Mr. Osuya, his life had become threatened on account of his wife’s aggressive and violent nature: “My wife wants to kill me; she beats me almost every day with dangerous weapons. On three occasions, she actually broke my leg, preventing me from going out for days.”

    He therefore appealed to the court to dissolve the marriage, arguing that “I am no longer interested in the marriage, I don’t want to die now; more so that I am out of love.”

    In a similar case, a 43-year-old man, Edeh Godwin, last month urged an Ado-Ekiti Customary Court to dissolve his 16-year-old marriage to his wife, Ebere over alleged threats to his life, frequent fighting and destruction of property.

    Godwin, a resident of No. 3, Eyin-Odi Market, Odo-Ado, Ado-Ekiti, told the court how on a certain day, he came back from work and met his two wives fighting.

    He said while trying to separate both of them, Ebere brought a plank and hit him on the head.

    On another occasion, the father of three said he came back from work and Ebere hit him with a spanner on his back.

    He claimed that she had also become fond of saying peace will never reign in their house until both of them die. He added that this was what led him into marrying another wife.

    Just last week, the photograph of a man whose wife poured hot water on went viral on the social media. His offence? He was caught sleeping with his mother-in law (his wife’s mother).

    While many may be quick to argue that the husband indeed took his randiness way too far, the fact remains that it was a most gruesome picture and the wife took the law into her own hands, perpetrating a most gruesome violence on her husband in the process.

    Amazingly, domestic violence or abuse had always been perceived as a one-way traffic, with the arrow pointing always at the men. But the situation seems to be changing rapidly, as numerous other cases of battered men abound.

    Thomas Ebi (not real name) for instance had to walk out of his five-year-old marriage when he could no longer stand the battering from his wife. According to him, his wife, Betty used to regularly scream at him and hit him. ‘But when it got to a level where I needed stitches to stop the bleeding on my head after she had attacked me with a knife while drunk, I realised I had to leave. I told my colleagues at work that I had scratched myself during the night due to a change in shaving powder – but actually it was my wife who did it, but I couldn’t tell them that,’ he explained.

    In the case of Jide, he’d probably wish he never accepted his friends’ advice to try out another woman after years of childless marriage. He’d been married to his wife for 10 years without a child and eventually succumbed to the advice to impregnate another woman. Unfortunately, he also contracted a sexually transmitted disease, which he passed to his wife. Hell was let loose when his wife found out and Jide got the beating of his life from his enraged wife. Stories had it that it took the intervention of neighbours to free Jide from his wife’s claws.

    Narrating his own experience, another victim of husband battery, Dele Onigbanjo, said ‘After Lizzy (his wife) had threatened me with a knife on more than one occasion and I had successfully ducked her missiles, she finally got her aim right one morning hitting me with a bowl, which landed just one centimeter from my eye. I turned up for work that morning with blood-stained clothing and had to explain my fragile situation.”

    40-year-old businessman, Omotayo Ogunbola also recently begged an Igando Customary Court to dissolve his 12-year-old marriage over alleged threat to his life by his wife, Alaba.

    He told the court that his wife always attacked him with dangerous weapons, and even threatened severally to terminate his life brandishing various weapons.

    “My wife wants to kill me, she always stabs me with sharp objects and tells me that she will only be satisfied if I die, rather than remain on the surface of the earth,” Ogunbola said.

    The petitioner described his wife as a troublesome fellow and a fighter. “My wife always fights me in the house and she also comes to my office to fight me; on two occasions, she has even written letters to my company, asking them to sack me and that I am an irresponsible man,” he said.

    Ogunbola thus reiterated his plea to the court to dissolve the marriage, saying he was no longer in love and does not want to die young.

    Another gentleman, John Solomon complained of his wife’s unfaithfulness, constant threat of violence and deliberate damage of his social life. “At first, she discouraged me from seeing old friends, especially female friends. She threatened to use violence against them.  She would flirt with my friends, but then tell me that they were trying to seduce her behind my back. This left me feeling distrustful of my friends. Later on, I found out that she had been telling them that they shouldn’t come round because I was insanely jealous. All this had the effect of damaging my social network.”

    Sex denial as a weapon

    And the assault extends even to the emotional, with revelations emerging that many wives are now employing sexual deprivation as a means of punishing their spouses.

    In July this year, Akure-based Segun Owonifari, went to court to seek the dissolution of his 21-year-old marriage to his wife, Celina, over her persistent refusal to avail him of sex and a perpetual nagging habit.

    Owonifari claimed that his wife had become a trouble maker, and that he could no longer trust her due to her cunning ways.

    Last July, 75-year-old Kayode Oguntuase also appealed to an Ado-Ekiti Customary Court to dissolve his 26-year-old marriage over claims of sexual starvation.

    Aside that, Oguntuase also told the court that his 53-year-old wife, Felicia, was having extra-marital affairs. He also said she was stubborn, a thief, a threat to his life and does not care for him, adding that she also hates been corrected.

    As for Bolaji  Ebietomiye, during the eight years he was married, he only had sex with his wife on her terms. “We only ever had sex on her terms. And each time, she would call it off before I came. I would be so frustrated, I would get up and make myself some tea and toast and try to cool off. But she didn’t like me getting up either; I was just meant to stay there and hold her but do nothing. After eight years, I walked out of the marriage.”

    Different strokes for different folks, you may say. For long, domestic violence has been framed and understood exclusively as a women’s issue. While more attention is given to women who are abused by men, men are often overlooked and hardly ever thought of as victims of domestic violence. Incidentally, the reality is that abuse is not always physical, and a lot of men, just like their female counterparts, endure daily emotional, verbal and psychological abuse in silence for years; their self-esteem slowly but gradually eroding away. Eventually, they become isolated from those around them.

    Not an African thing

    Just like domestic violence against women, violence against men may constitute a crime, but laws vary across jurisdictions. Socio-cultural norms regarding the treatment of men by women, and women by men also differ, depending on the geographic region. According to reports, every year, about 3.2 million men in the U.S are the victims of assault by an intimate partner. Most assaults are of a relatively minor nature such as pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting, though a good number are more serious and some even end in homicide.

    Bidemi Ogunlade, a marriage counsellor explained that domestic abuse is not limited to violence. An abusive wife or partner may hit, kick, bite, punch, spit, throw things, or destroy your possessions. To make up for any difference in strength, she may attack you while you are asleep or otherwise catch you by surprise. She may also use a weapon, such as a gun or knife; or strike you with an object; or abuse or threaten your children. Your spouse or partner may also try to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear; act jealously or be possessive or constantly accuse you of being unfaithful. She may also verbally abuse you, belittle you, or humiliate you in front of friends, colleagues, or family, or on social media sites.

    She added that women who abuse men are not much different from their male counterparts who abuse women. An abused man, she said faces a shortage of resources, skepticism from police, and major legal obstacles, especially when it comes to gaining custody of his children from an abusive mother.

    “Our culture still clings to narrow definitions of gender. Young boys are taught not to express their emotions, but to ‘suck it up’ and ‘be a man.’ To this end, men may feel discouraged to talk about what is going on in their personal lives, or feel like no one will believe them,’ she pointed out.

    Most shelters are women-focused – Effah-Chukwuma

    Unlike in the western world, majority of shelters and services for domestic violence victims are women-focused and therefore wholly designed for women.

    Dr. Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, a sociologist and Founder/Executive Director of Project Alert on Violence Against Women is a women’s rights activist, who is breaking the silence surrounding domestic violence in Nigeria. She has also received several awards and recognitions for her doggedness and untiring efforts in the women’s rights crusade. Speaking to The Nation on Sunday on why most shelters are women-focused, Effah-Chukwuma said every organisation has its focus.

    According to her, Project Alert on Violence Against Women focuses mainly on women and young girls and thus can not deviate.

    ‘We came into existence in January 1999 because we identified the need for an organisation to try and tackle the problem of violence against women which is very prevalent in our society. Starting with violence in the home (domestic violence), to violence in the public space (schools, places of worship, work places among others), we set up the first shelter for abused women in Nigeria and it is known as Sophia’s Place. It is only for women and girls.’ She noted.

    Is it that there are no abused men?  We asked.

    Men abuse, Effah-Chukwuma explained is not as prevalent as women abuse. ‘No studies have established that.  That is however not to say that men don’t suffer abuse at the hands of women. Most times, men identify nagging as the abuse they get from women; and then few report cases of physical assault such as one that I saw in the social media yesterday of a woman who poured her husband hot water for sleeping with her own mother.

    Dr. Obi Kanu, a psychologist told The Nation on Sunday that men abuse is on the rise because a lot of today’s women are now in men’s world. In a society where the roles of men and women are becoming increasingly blurred, female-on-male domestic violence will be on the rise.

    ‘Women, these days earn and compete with much aggression as their male colleagues.  Money and infidelity seem the two biggest external triggers for male domestic violence.’ He disclosed.

    Why men don’t report physical abuse

    United Kingdom-based campaign group Parity, claims that assaults by wives and girlfriends are often ignored by police and media. Men assaulted by their partners are often ignored by police, see their attackers go free and have far fewer refuges to flee to than women, says a study by the men’s rights campaign group Parity. Its report, Domestic Violence: The Male Perspective, states that “Domestic violence is often seen as a female victim/male perpetrator problem, but the evidence demonstrates that this is a false picture.”

    Data from Home Office statistical bulletins and the British Crime Survey show that men make up about 40% of domestic violence victims each year. Figures suggest that as many as one in three victims of domestic violence are male. However, men are often reluctant to report abuses by women because they feel embarrassed, or fear that they won’t be believed, or worse, that the police will assume that since they are male, they are the perpetrators of the violence and not the victim. Whereas women who experience domestic violence are openly encouraged to report it to the authorities, it has been argued that men who experience such violence often encounter pressure against reporting, with those that do, facing social stigma regarding their perceived lack of machismo and other denigrations of their masculinity.

  • My emotions led me into wrong relationships before I met my husband – UK-based charity worker Olasubomi Iginla-Aina

    My emotions led me into wrong relationships before I met my husband – UK-based charity worker Olasubomi Iginla-Aina

    United Kingdom-based charity worker, Olasubomi Iginla-Aina, is the CEO of Lightup Foundation, a UK-based NGO. Among other things, Olasubomi through her NGO, has taken it upon herself to travel round some of the poorest nations of the world to give succour where necessary to the poor and downtrodden in society. The main idea, according to her, is to inspire and empower young people across the world to take actions which create positive change and real impact in their communities. But in the course of doing this, Olasubomi, an architect, also has to live her personal life. In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO, she tells us the story of how she scaled through a polygamous home to move up the ladder of life and eventually got a consultant psychiatrist as husband in the UK. 

    You came to Nigeria from the United Kingdom to host the sowing of what is to be known as the Biggest Bag in the World, a project for Guinness Book of World record, and you chose your alma mater as the venue. What is this love for Lagos Anglican Girls Grammar School about?

    I attended Yewande Memorial School. I used to be on the debate team for my school then and I remember I used to tell my friends while I was in primary school, that I will in future attend Lagos Anglican Girls Grammar School in Surulere, Lagos, and I will be the head girl. It used to be one of the good schools then and everybody wanted to bring their children there. As soon as I got into JS 1 there, a teacher spotted me and called me, ‘head girl’. The reason is that I started carrying myself like a head girl from JSS 1, I started to get concerned about the plight of others and caring for other students and I noticed that a lot of the prefects and other students just wanted to work with me even though I was in JSS 1.

    The leadership stint was in me and while I was in SS3, I was doing some studies at Yaba College of Technology at the same time, because I passed my GCE earlier. It was after the WAEC that I started preparing for GCE and luckily, I got 4As and 5Cs. A in Yoruba, A in Mathematics, A in Physics and C in all other five subjects. So, I passed my GCE early and I went further to do Poly-JAMB for Yaba-Tech and just while I was in SS2, I already had admission to Yaba Tech but I could not go because Yaba Tech had a student strike then. So, I started Yaba Tech when I was in SS3 and it was somehow cumbersome. I would come to Lagos Anglican Girls Grammar School today and tomorrow I would be in Yaba Tech.

    How were you able to do all that?

    Well, I grew up not having a mother and that increased my sense of urgency and sense of survival. I was doing architecture in Yaba Tech. I didn’t have a mother; I didn’t have proper guidance. I was just doing it and naturally enjoying it until one day, the HOD came to greet my new principal at Lagos Anglican Girls’ Grammar School and I was the head girl of the School despite the fact that I was studying at Yaba Tech. And because this lady was always proud of me, she said: ‘Subomi come and meet my friend’; she didn’t know I knew the woman but the woman herself didn’t know me because I was a new student at Yaba Tech; and when she extended her greetings to me and said ‘Hello’. I humbly maintained a dodgy calmness because I didn’t want her to say ‘Oh, lady, but I have seen you at Yaba Tech’. I was silently praying ‘Oh, Father God, don’t let this woman match this face with the one she sees at Yaba Tech, just let me leave this place in peace’ and I left the place. So, I have been much attached to Lagos Anglican Girls Grammar School. Again, while I was there, I desired to move to the University of Ife (OAU). I also wanted to be the Student Union President when I get there. It was another self-made decision that God helped me to actualise. And my friends said then that ‘girls don’t become presidents’ and all that, they didn’t understand me. And one day, I left Lagos for Ife.

    How did that happen?

    When I passed my JAMB, there was nobody to go and lobby for me. You know parents used to go to lobby for their children to say ‘Oh, this is what my kid got in school.’ There was nobody to do that. So, I just went to Ife on my own that day and I went to see the HOD at the Environment Department. When I got to his office, there was an elderly woman that sat down with me. She came to advocate for the plight of her daughter. And we were to see the HOD one after another. I was supposed to be the next person because I was there before the woman but this woman stepped in to see the HOD. I was shocked because I had been waiting patiently before the woman came. So, I went in with her and there, the woman was busy advocating and telling the HOD about her daughter and the man was saying ‘don’t worry, she will be fine bla-bla-bla’. And as she was about to leave, because the man all the while thought I was the woman’s daughter, the HOD faced me and said: ‘Young girl, don’t worry, you will be fine, you will get your admission’.

    Seeing the scenario being played out, the woman said: ‘No, she is not my daughter’ and the man looked at me and I said: ‘She is not my mother’.  ‘So, who are you?’ I replied him and said: ‘Sir, I actually came also to advocate for admission; I also got a good grade’. He said: ‘Where is your mother?’ I said: ‘I don’t have a mother’. He said: ‘Ah! Where is your father?’ How was I going to defend a polygamous man with over eight wives and concubines? The man said: ‘Oh, so you came on your own volition?’ and I said: ‘Yes, I also came to get admission’. The man said: ‘Just wait! Just wait!’ And he then dismissed the woman as he wrote my name down and he said: ‘I will make sure I monitor your admission and you will get admission into the school because you have everything it takes.’  When I came back, he said: ‘Oh, you are the number 9th on the admission list’ and that was how I became a student of the Architecture Department.

    You later went on to become the Vice President of the Student Union, what was winning an election like there?

    I wanted to be the Student Union President. I was so concerned because a lot of touts were the ones that became the SUG leaders, and they kept closing the school every time because touts were the ones leading us, they were the ones taking decisions for we that call ourselves ‘sane’. So, I felt there were some things wrong and needed change. I kept telling my friends: ‘Why should we go home because of a nuisance or somebody who feels he is all in all?’ and a lot of them were not even students. So, why should we go home as a result of people who have no life ambitions? Some of us can assume this position and influence a change’ they said ‘no, no, we don’t do that here. Apart from the fact that such position is not for a woman, they will kill you because most of them are cult guys.’

    How did you overcome?

    I fasted and saw in one revelation God showed to me, two moons and I saw my surname, ‘Iginla’ written between those moons. Everybody called me Shuby in school. I was tempted to use Shubby for the election but in that revelation, Iginla was the name I was given, so I needed to follow the instruction to be able to win that election; so, I used Iginla. Now, everybody had been showing off that they wanted to contest and I had just nine days to Election Day. So, I had nine days to prove to the entire Ife campus that I was around and that I can do it.  I asked God what next thing to do, because I did not have any money. Omo ti ko ni iya kii legbo leyin (A motherless child cannot afford to have a sore at the back of the skin).

    So, I stood up and I made my first move. A lady came into my room and I said: ‘Please, just get me chalk’ and N200 fetched us a pack of chalk, and all through that night, myself and a friend of mine in architecture wrote I-g-i-n-l-a everywhere in Ife such that there was nobody that woke up within the campus community of Ife that day that would not see Iginla, because I didn’t have money for posters.  Even up to the toilets and the most hidden corners, there was no how you would wake that you would not want to brush your teeth or take your bath, you must see Iginla in every toilet, we wrote Iginla everywhere and by the time it was morning, everybody was asking ‘Who is Iginla? Because they didn’t see any poster due to my economic challenge.

    But the question refused to go away! “Who is Iginla?” was the question everywhere; but on this particular occasion, I went to Adekunle Fajuyi Hall and I was speaking, telling them about my manifesto and there was this particular guy who did not interrupt my conversation. But my spirit kept going towards the guy. After talking to everybody, I got attracted to him, because he never made a comment, he was just drawing as he was in the Arts Department. So, I spoke to him that I needed a mascot. He promised to get me one by 9pm. By 9pm he knocked at my door and said ‘I am going to be the mascot’ and I said ‘I don’t have money’ he said ‘Just go and get me a white clothe and get me paint’. I don’t know how I got that money to buy paint and we did it. By the time he came out in motion ground where students went to take pictures at Ife, there were lots of camera men there. All of them, it was as if Bill Clinton was in motion ground. People were just taking pictures and there was a sudden mass attention and people started following the mascot with the name Iginla on it.

    Now, God did another shocking thing. There was a lecturer called Ogunbameru, he had about 5,000 students; he was doing a general elective course. Ogunbameru mounted the stage and said ‘Look here, I don’t know who this Iginla is, but I want you people to vote for him’ (Instead of her). That was what he said because nobody knew if it was he or her, he said ‘because he (Iginla) is environmental friendly. He is a not messing up our walls, Ife is a beautiful school but you guys are messing up our halls with laminated posters and you are spending money, nobody knows where you got the money from and you are going to steal the money back when you get into power. Go and vote for Iginla because he is environmental friendly, he is using chalk to write on the wall so that when it rains, it will wash off. And Iginla will not steal your money’. The man was companying for me in front of 5,000 students and two of my friends rushed into my room, they said ‘Where did you know Ogunbameru?’ and I said ‘I don’t know him at all’. I went on to win.

    So how did you move from being a Vice President to become President?

    I had a revelation from God about my president, that he was about to run into crisis. I started looking for him everywhere in school. By the time I saw him, I said ‘Look here, you are about to run into error, please, be watchful of your acts from now so that you will not be removed’. He did not listen to me. One morning I was going into the Acting Department and somebody rushed to me and said ‘Subomi, hope you did not get injured?’. I said ‘injured? What happened?’ She said overnight, there was serious fight and the president was involved. Everybody was involved and there was serious pandemonium everywhere and people had been rushed to the hospital. I packed my bags in confusion and ran to Lagos; and I was terrified, I said ‘I told him’ because I saw everything that was going to happen to him in a revelation that God gave me, so I knew the severity. Within the next 24 hours, I was by the radio listening to the crisis, that Ife had scattered and everything had gone bad.

    I knew there was going to be a parliamentary sitting that night; within that 24 hours, the PRO of OAU was in Lagos; he came to my house but didn’t meet me and he wrote ‘The die is cast, the mantle has fallen, you are now the President of Ife SUG’ You must report within 24 hours to Ife.’ That was how I emerged the President of Obafemi Awolowo University Student Union Government ; and from there, God started helping me and I realised that He had actually deposited a lot in me  which I had even identified when I was in secondary school. I will enter into an election room, for a club for which I am not a member and I will be chosen. I was the President of Jet; I was the president of Red Cross; I was the President of Arts and Craft; I was the head girl. I later realised that I will get somewhere and something will happen and I will have to replace the leader. It has happened not once, not twice and I realised that it was a calling I had to live with.

    You later relocated abroad?

    I actually started Lightup Foundation here. I was involved in a lot of charity projects not directly with the Federal Government; I was just doing my own thing. I was able to use my funds to do a lot of things for the people. By God’s grace I had a very rich father who left wealth for his 41 children. My father, Alhaji Alade Iginla, made each one of us a millionaire in naira through his ‘shares.’

    What number are you among the children?

    I think he had many wives and my mother’s position I wouldn’t know because she passed on when I was very young. I don’t even know which number I am as his child. In 2005, there was draught in Niger Republic and I volunteered myself as a charity worker over there. I felt there were lots of wealthy Nigerians who have money but wouldn’t spend. So, if I have money, I should be able to use it to serve humanity. There was a day I called my insurance broker and I said to him: ‘I wanted to withdraw a large sum of money’ and the guy had to sit me down, he wanted to be sure it was not 419 people that were working on me. He said: ‘What do you want to use this money for? I said: ‘don’t you hear that people are dying in Niger Republic and I have shares? Let’s sell the shares and get food for them. And I sold the shares and got the money.

    I volunteered for Nigeria and we bought food from the Northern parts of Nigeria and took it there. We went to several provinces and localities. We met the governor of the capital of a state, we met chiefs and traditional rulers there and they supported us well. We distributed foods in all the communities, the capital and all the rest. We met UNICEF, we met Washington Post and they interviewed me, it was very colorful. In fact I got to Republic of Niger and I heard somebody say ‘Iginla’ and I looked back, I said ‘Who knows me here?’ And it was actually an Ife student who was guiding Washington Post on assignments and it was really a wonderful experience. Later I decided to travel to America; I prayed that God should direct me to America. I wanted to be sure if that was the direction from God, I didn’t want to go to a place where I am not supposed to be. But I prepared documents to submit to the UK embassy because my mind wanted America, I acted in the flesh, I didn’t know when I addressed all my letters and documents to the US consular officer and I submitted it to UK consular officer. You can see the confusion of course. US was what I wanted but I was forced by the will of God and it was submitted to the UK consular officer. I didn’t know how they didn’t see it, they did not deny that visa. I was going there for the first time and I applied for two years and they gave me two years.

  • Husband admits giving wife money for abortion

    Husband admits giving wife money for abortion

    A herbal practitioner, Morufu Ajah, on Tuesday admitted in an Igando Customary Court, Lagos, that he gave his wife Deborah money for abortion.

    Ajah, 33, told the court that he gave his wife money to terminate the pregnancy because he was not sure if the pregnancy belonged to him.

    “I gave my wife money to abort her pregnancy because she used to leave home without my consent to unknown destination and come back after 21 days or 30 days.

    “She may even tell me she was going to her parent’s place, after some days, I will call her parents; they will tell me they did not see her.

    “So, when she comes back home and told me that she was pregnant, I doubted it. I gave her N7, 000 to terminate it.

    “She collected the money, lied to me that she had done it but never did it,’’ Ajah said.
    The petitioner said that his wife turned his mother into a `punching bag’ that most times, she beat and tore her clothes.

    “My wife had turned my mother’s clothes to rags as she always tore it into pieces whenever she is beating her.

    “She always curse and abuse my mother, calling her a witch and telling people that my mother always fly in the night,’’ he said.

    He described his wife as a violent and aggressive woman that she used to hit him first any time they had misunderstanding and that always prompted him to beat her up.

    Morufu alleged that his wife was fetish that on three occasions, he came back from work and saw salt sprinkled all over the house.

    He urged the court to dissolve their three years old marriage because he was no longer in love and his mother’s life was in danger.

    Deborah, 30, teacher, denied all the allegations, and insisted that the fight in the home was because she refused to terminate the pregnancy.

    “My husband gave me money to abort my baby; I collected the money but used it for another thing.

    “When he later discovered that I did not do the abortion, he started beating me and moved my belonging into the kitchen.

    “He later left the house to unknown destination, it was my neighbours that always contributed money for me to feed till my delivery,’’ Deborah said.

    The mother of two said that she never beat her mother-in-law nor tore her clothes.

    She pleaded with the court not to grant her husband’s petition because she was still in love with him.

    The court President, Mr. Adegboyega Omilola, urged the couple to maintain the peace and adjourned the case till Dec. 7, for judgement.

  • ‘My husband absconded for 10 years’

    Twelve years ago my husband said he had a contract job in Imo State and he left leaving me with three children. It’s been 10 years since he came home and I haven’t heard from him. If he is still alive, I have no idea.”

    These were the words of a 38-year-old woman, Rukayat Omodeni, whose husband, Nurudeen, a Carpenter, abandoned for 10 years.

    The petitioner, a trader, told an Igando Customary Court in Lagos yesterday that the last time she saw him was 10 years ago when herself and her father-in-law went to check on his wellbeing.

    She said:”Since then, his mobile lines have not been going through. I have been complaining to his family but they also don’t know his whereabouts. There was a time his mother said he called her with another line but she didn’t save the number. I am tired of waiting. His mother cries whenever I ask her but it isn’t helping matters”

    Mrs Omodeni said she has been singlehandedly catering for her children’s needs without her husband’s family support.

    “I have three girls. My first daughter is now 17. His siblings have been asking me to be patient but I don’t know how long it is going to be. I want to move on with my life,” she added.

    The union produced three children.

    When the Court’s President, Adegboyega Omilola, asked the Court bailiff if he summoned the respondent’s family, he said yes.

    Adegboyega ordered the petitioner to be peaceful with her husband’s family and adjourned the matter till November 9 for judgment.

  • Wife pleads for husband’s release

    The wife of an Apostolic Faith pastor, who was kidnapped six days ago in Akoko area, Mrs Olu Obafemi, has urged the Ondo State government and security agents to ensure her husband’s quick release.

    She said her husband, Pastor Japheth Obafemi, had just been discharged from the hospital before he was abducted.

    His kidnappers have reduced the ransom to N16 million from N60 million.

    Speaking with reporters at Ikare-Akoko, Mrs Obafemi, a primary school teacher, alleged that the suspected kidnappers asked them to sell their property to raise the money.

    A member of the church, Elder Ade Olaseni, said members of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) are fasting and praying.

    The caretaker chairman of Akoko North East Local Government, Abdulazeez Al-Amam, assured the family that security agents were working to secure the cleric’s release.

     

  • It is exciting having a HUSBAND who believes in me

    It is exciting having a HUSBAND who believes in me

    Tessy Oliseh-Amaize is the brain behind the fashion brand, Tesslo Concept. The kid sister of ace footballer and current coach of the Nigerian national football team, Sunday Oliseh, studied fashion designing at Middlesex University, United Kingdom. Tessy, who got married to Ohimai Amaize, the Special Adviser on Media Strategy to the ex-Minister of State for Defence, Musiliu Obanikoro, and Dele Momodu’s Special Assistant for the 2011 Presidential Campaign, tells Adetutu Audu marriage is the best thing that has happened to her. 

    A what point did you decide fashion? I didn’t decide to become a fashion designer. It was a calling. I was born with it. I doubt that I could have been anything else other than a fashion designer. Being the only girl in the house also contributed to nurturing that inborn passion.

    Now that you have relocated to Abuja, what has been happening to Tesslo Lagos?

    Tesslo in Lagos is still very much alive. I left behind a structure that takes care of my already established network of clients in Lagos.

    Will you say relocating to Abuja has affected your business’ client base in any way?

    It has affected my business positively because it has opened new doors and created room for expansion. Relocating to Abuja has kept me very busy and my hands are full already. I coordinated the maiden African Fashion Week, Dubai which featured African designers from South Africa, Nigeria, Ghana, Kenya, Egypt and other countries of Africa. It was an opportunity to export the rich cultural heritage of Africa to the Middle East. So, being in Abuja has been fun for me business-wise

    How is marriage treating you?

    Marriage is something like no other. I don’t even know what to compare it with because it is a beautiful new experience. I wake up every morning feeling different.

    What is the best thing about being married?

    The best thing about being married is knowing that you are not alone. On a daily basis, you wake up knowing you have your life locked into someone who loves you; a life partner who takes responsibility for you and you take responsibly for him as well. Money can’t buy that feeling.

    Your designs are mostly modelled by your husband. Would it be right to say you got two for one as some people claim on social media?

    I am so grateful to God for giving me a husband I am very proud of. My husband is a born model. Sometimes he asks me how much I will pay him for modelling my designs and then I ask him how much he will pay for making the designs themselves. It is fun though and really exciting having a husband who believes in me, believes so much in my dreams, loves what I love and complements me in all areas. I couldn’t have asked God for anything better.

    In 2006, you won the Best Fashion Designer award in Paris. How has that impacted on who you are today?

    Well, it didn’t change my person. I’m still my original self. But it opened and still opens a lot of doors for the business. For this, I give God all the glory.

    How would you describe your personal fashion style?

    My personal style is edgy. I’m a risk taker and very adventurous with my style. You can see I wear only one earring. I guess I am the only girl in the world who wears only one earring and I wear it only on the left ear. I buy them in twos but I wear one. The one earring is my most visible trademark.

    Everyone is into fashion these days, what makes you different from the crowd?

     I am not that conventional Nigerian designer. I’m a risk taker and very adventurous. My designs are also greatly inspired by nature. Fashion is art because fashion is about putting your imagination to work; it’s about creating something out of nothing. I believe God is the force behind art itself. He created the heavens and the earth in all their beauty and glory; He created man and then became man’s first fashion designer when he clothed Adam and Eve with animal skins in the Garden of Eden.

    You have managed to infuse local fabrics with Western fabrics. Tell us all about bringing African fabric to the global stage.

    I am one person who believes Africa is the next big thing. You can see that reflected in my designs which are usually a fusion of Western and African styles. I believe in always pushing Africa to the world stage.

    You seem to be a growing global brand. How do you intend to accommodate the needs of women all over the world who might have different fashion sensibilities?

    We have our targets. At the moment, we are concerned about satisfying the immediate environment. We have a phased plan to break into new territories and accommodating the needs of the global market won’t be a problem when that time comes.

    How has being the kid sister of popular footballer, Sunday Oliseh, rubbed on your career?

    I think the biggest name I have had in this journey is Baba God. I prefer to leave it at that.

    What is it like being in the industry especially in Nigeria?

    It’s very challenging knowing that there are many factors you have to contend with as a young entrepreneur. You have to worry about manpower, about electricity, getting the right materials in terms of fabrics, trims, re-inventing yourself because fashion is dynamic and constantly on the move. On the issue of manpower, it could be sometimes difficult to get the right employees who have the right attitude and capacity for the work. So for me, that remains one of the biggest challenges in the industry.

    What is the most exciting milestone for your company?

    For me, that would simply be seeing the brand grow from nothing to a brand that has created job opportunities not just for Nigerians but other African nationals across West Africa. It can’t be better than that. Also, when you understand that where you are now has taken the grace of God considering that not all who started the race have been able to come this far, you just look back and be grateful to God.

    What is the most exciting thing about being a fashion designer?

    When I see my clients wear my clothes with all joy and happiness and seeing the smiles on their faces, it makes me feel great and fulfilled to be a fashion designer.

    And what has been the most challenging phase in your career so far?

    Preparing for the Nigeria Fashion Show (NFS) in Paris in 2006 was perhaps the most challenging moment of my fashion career. I came first in a competition of 126 designers. Preparing for it entailed a lot of research about different Nigerian cultures. I travelled across Nigeria studying different cultures to give me inspiration for my collection. It was my first major fashion outing after graduation in 2005. It was a big test on my capacity and what I had studied. It was tasking and extremely demanding.

  • My best friend’s husband (3)

    ALL the pent up feelings I had for Eric and which I had suppressed all this while resurfaced. I held him tight as if I did not want to let him go again. That night, Eric did not go home. He stayed at my place, leaving early the next morning.

    That was how my affair with Eric began. You might think I’m a scheming bitch who went after her friend’s husband. But it’s not true. I never planned it to happen. Granted I had always fancied Eric. I liked him from the first time I set my eyes on him. But I decided to let go when he started dating Patra.

    After what happened between Eric and I, I felt some guilt, that I was betraying my friend. I made up my mind that it was going to be a one night stand, that I would stay away from Eric for the sake of my friendship with Patra. But it was easier said than done. The moment I set eyes on him again, all my resolve melted and I was back in his arms. The feeling was mutual as Eric too, could not stay away from me.

    From weekend visits, he began to come over during the week. Though I enjoyed his company,  I could see the risk.

    “Don’t you think you are coming here too often? At this rate, it won’t be long before Patra finds out,” I stated one evening. I had returned from work to find him waiting for me by my gate. Upstairs in my apartment, I prepared a quick meal for him and while he was eating, I went to take a shower.

    “Mmm, you smell really good. I like your perfume,” he said, coming over to bury his face in my neck. I wriggled out of his embrace and stated:

    “You’ve not answered my question. Patra might see you here one of these days and what will you say then?”

    He shrugged before saying:

    “So what? I’m a grown man and I can go anywhere I please. And I like being with you,” he said, reaching for me again. I just could not get him to face the situation we were in squarely and I decided to simply go with the flow at least for a while.

     

    ***

    Things went on this way between us without Patra suspecting a thing. I was very careful and never gave a hint of what was going on- that I was dating her husband. On his part, Eric could not be bothered. It was like, he wanted her to know about us. There was a time he came over during the weekend and refused to return home on Sunday evening as we had agreed on. Worse, Patra had called me, complaining about his absence.

    “He said he was going for a business trip and would be back today. It’s already six p.m and I have not seen him. I can’t even reach him on his phone as it is switched off,” she said.

    I reassured her, telling her he would show up soon and not to worry.

    At that moment, Eric was snoring deeply in my bedroom. I went to wake him up, so he could get dressed and return home.

    “What’s the rush?” he grumbled, sitting up on the bed. “The day’s still young. Let me rest a little; and come and join me. I miss you,” he stated, stretching his arms for me but I evaded his embrace.

    “Eric! It’s nearly 7. You need to go home. Patra is worried about your whereabouts,” I told him.

    “That’s her problem. I have peace here. Why should I go home to face her nagging and bad attitude. When I’m ready, I’ll go. Besides, I thought you liked my being here. Or don’t you love me anymore?” he queried.

    “That’s not the issue now. Much as I love you and want to be with you, Patra is still my friend and I care about her. I don’t know how she will feel if she finds out about us,” I noted.

    “Well, forget about your friend for now. Focus on us. So, are you coming to bed or not?” he asked.

    It was obvious, Eric had become quite obsessed with me. He preferred being with me than his wife, stating I made him feel loved and appreciated. I could have taken him from my friend if I had wanted. But I just could not bring myself to do it. We were more than friends- she was like a sister to me so how could I take her husband from her? I knew a time would come when I would have to choose between my happiness, my love for Eric and my relationship with Patra which I cherished a lot.

    Believe me it was a hard choice. But in the end, I decided to choose friendship over love. So, about six months into the affair, I told Eric we had to end things between us. As I guessed, he did not take it well. He said I could not do that, that he could not live without me.

    “How could you do this to me, Una! I can’t do without you. I love you!” he said. He pleaded and begged and for a moment, I almost weakened. I loved Eric and it was killing me that I had to let him go. But it was something I had to do.

    “You can live without me. Afterall, you still have your wife. Go home and resolve things with her. It’s over,” I said firmly. And with that, I practically had to push him out of my house. He kept calling and sending text messages but I stood firm in my resolve to end things with him. It was hard for me as well as my heart still longed for him.

    I thought that was the end of the matter until some weeks later when I found out I was pregnant. I am carrying Eric’s baby! Something that is supposed to be a thing of joy under normal circumstances is giving me sleepless nights. On one hand, I want to keep the baby since its for the man I love. Then again, since Patra and I are so close, there’s no way I can hide the paternity of the baby from her; what will be her reaction when she finds out I’m pregnant for her husband?

    And what about Eric? What will he do when he learns about the baby which he will eventually do? Will he do something crazy like leaving Patra for me as he had threatened several times? I’m in a real dilemma!

    What should I do? Both about the baby and Eric who still keeps pestering me to come back to him? Should I take him back because of the baby? The mistake has already been made, getting involved and falling in love with my best friend’s husband. It was all due to my weakness for Eric. But right now, I need to resolve this issue. So, I’ll appreciate readers’ advice on the way forward for me. Thank you!

    Concluded

     

    Readers feedback are welcome!

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08030822400 (sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

    Names have been changed to protect the narrator’s identity and other individuals in the story

  • My best friend’s husband (1)

    THE first time I set my eyes on Eric, something told me I had met ‘the one’ I had been searching for. My soul just went out to him as romantic writers would describe it. Unfortunately, it was all one sided- Eric did not reciprocate my feelings. Instead, he had eyes only for my best friend, Patra.

    Patra and I had known each other since we were very young. Infact, we grew up together in the same neighbourhood and had attended the same secondary school. Later, her father, who worked in a government parastatal, was transferred to Abuja and we lost contact for a while. As fate would have it, she was posted to Lagos for her youth service programme and that’s how we got reunited.

    By then, I was running my own business, a wedding planning outfit. When Patra finished the NYSC, I invited her to come and join me in the business. We have been working together for about four years and the business has grown in that period. And we have not had any personal problems, that is until Eric came on the scene.

    I first met him at a client’s house. She was Eric’s sister who had contracted us to plan her wedding. She was still living with her parents and Eric, who lived elsewhere in town, was on a visit to the family.

    I pride myself on being someone who is not easily carried away by emotions especially where men were concerned. But meeting Eric changed all that. I think I was attracted to him from the first time we met, which was a record as it usually took me time to get to like a guy. Anyway, after that first meeting, I did not see Eric again till some weeks later. Patra and I had finished another meeting with Sharon, his sister and were on our way out when he arrived. My heart grew warm at the sight of him, wishing he had come earlier.

    “I see you ladies are done already,” he said as he stepped out of his car. I told him we had another session with Sharon in a few days.

    “I hope my sister is not giving you a tough time. She can be quite stubborn you know,” he stated, his eyes all the while focused on Patra. Then lowering his voice in a conspiratorial tone, he added: “This is top secret. She has been like that since we were young. I feel sorry for the young man she wants to marry. The poor guy doesn’t know what is about to hit him!” And with that, he waved at us and walked briskly towards the house, leaving us gaping after him.

    One day in our small office, Patra and I were going through some files on her laptop when her mobile rang. She walked towards the window and spoke for sometime on the phone, then turned to me, a surprised look on her face.

    “Who was it?” I asked indifferently, my eyes on the computer.

    “It’s that guy Eric, Sharon’s sister. He wants to take me out for a drink or something. He says you can come too if you are free,” she said. At the mention of his name, I looked up quickly, fully interested.

    “Why would he want to do that?” I asked. I remembered the way he used to look at Patra the few occasions we had met him and my heart fell. God, I hope it’s not what I’m thinking, that he likes Patra. He can’t because I want him for myself, I silently prayed.

    “Who knows, Una? Maybe, he just wants to show appreciation for all the hard work we have put in planning his sister’s wedding,” she stated, with a shrug. Deep within me, I knew it was more than that…

    Losing Eric

    My worst fears were confirmed during the outing with Eric. He took us to an open air garden bar by the lagoon front in the city. We sat close to the water front where some water hycinths grew profusely.

    That evening, it was clear to even the blind that Eric liked my friend. It was not just because he paid more attention to her, but the manner he looked and interacted with her. At a point I simply sat, glumly staring at a few boats that were speeding away, leaving a trail of foamy water in their wake.

    Though it was a nice outing, I felt unhappy at the way things had turned out. Eric whom I liked so much had obviously chosen my friend over me. And she seemed to like him too as she confessed to me when we got home later that night. For one of the few times since our friendship began, I was angry with Patra. I felt betrayed and resentful, feeling that because of her, I had lost Eric.

    How can you lose someone you never had in the first place, the reader might wonder. Truth is, from the first moment I set my eyes on him, in my mind, he was already mine. Now, my friend had taken him from me! I knew I was being unreasonable but I could not help myself. I was consumed by jealousy, wondering what was so special about my friend that Eric would chose Patra over me.

    I kept all these thoughts to myself and never allowed how I felt about Eric to show. Even when they started dating fully, I wished her the best in the relationship. Deep inside me however, I prayed it would not last and that they would break up within a short time.

    My prayers stayed unanswered for with time, their relationship seemed to wax stronger and stronger. My friend had fallen in love and it showed in the glow in her eyes whenever she talked about him. She never hid anything from me concerning their relationship, both the ups and downs. Whenever they quarreled, I was the one she ran to, complaining bitterly about his ‘difficult ways’ and how controlling he could be. At such times, I would put my jealousy of her aside and console her as a friend.

    It was painful seeing them together but at least I took consolation in the fact that my friend was happy. Gradually, I began to accept the relationship, feeling they were meant to be. There was nothing I could do about it and I had to move on. But try as I could, the strong feelings I had for Eric never waned.

    It was to have dire consequences later as my story will show…

    To be continued

     

    What next? Don’t miss the rest of Una’s intriguing tale next Saturday!

     

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    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Una, Patra and other individuals in the story