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Tag: love

  • Ambode, Wike preach love, friendship, peace

    Ambode, Wike preach love, friendship, peace

    Governors Akinwumi Ambode (Lagos) and Nyesom Ezenwo Wike (Rivers) have urged  Nigerians to use this year’s Christmas to promote love, friendship, peace and reconciliation.

    Ambode, in his Christmas message signed by his Chief Press Secretary, Mr Habib Aruna, said the season symbolises love, care and compassion for persons, especially the weak, vulnerable and less-privileged.

    According to him, his message to everyone at this period is to put a smile on the face of persons who may not necessarily be able to pay them back.

    “Christmas is a season that explains the depth of God’s love for mankind and exemplary sacrifice that we should emulate in our relationship with our neighbours irrespective of status and creed.

    “This season is another opportunity to increase our acts of kindness and touch the less privileged in our society.

    “Therefore, this Christmas means so much more than just mere merriment. It is a veritable avenue to extend love to the less-privileged who are disadvantaged in several ways.

    “In this special season therefore, I urge you all to spread love and be our brother’s keeper. Let us reach out to those who struggle to provide for their families. Let us put smiles on the faces of the weak and vulnerable. This is the real essence of Christmas,” Ambode said.

    He said the last 12 months brought about different challenging situations which combined to make both residents and the state stronger, just as he expressed optimism that Lagos would get even better in the New Year.

    “Our hope is based on our unshaken faith in the grace of God, the solid foundation which we have laid in terms of infrastructure development and renewal.

    “It is also based on the policies and programmes which we have put in place to positively impact on the social and economic well being of our people,” he said.

    Ambode commended residents for the peaceful atmosphere the state had enjoyed over the years and urged them to emulate Jesus Christ and embrace peace and continue to pray for continued peace in the state.

    “We shall continue to pray for continued peace in Lagos; we shall continue to pray for increased prosperity of our people.

    “We shall not relent in our prayers for Lagos to continue in its path of accelerated and unprecedented growth and we shall look forward to more of your prayers, now, in the New Year and beyond.

    “Our government appreciates the spirit of tolerance and cooperation which has provided the enabling environment for growth and development in Lagos State.

    In a Christmas Message, Wike said the season exemplifies love, advising that Nigerians should always  love one another.

    He urged Rivers people to use this year’s Christmas to erect  platforms  of love, peace  and reconciliation for the greater development of the state.

    The governor advised Rivers people to pray for the state to enjoy greater peace for the state government  to consolidate on her developmental programmes  that have made the state first amongst equals.

    He assured the people of the state that he would remain  focused in his delivery of pro-people projects and programmes to improve their standard of living. .

  • Kashamu preaches love, peaceful co-existence

    Kashamu preaches love, peaceful co-existence

    As Christians join others around the world to celebrate Christmas, the Senator representing Ogun East Senatorial District at the National Assembly, Senator Buruji Kashamu has called for love as a prelude to the entrenchment of sustainable peace in the country.

    In his goodwill message at Christmas, Kashamu  urged Nigerians to also see the season as an opportunity to reach out to fellow Nigerians irrespective of tribe, religion and other cleavages.

    The statement reads:  “The annual commemoration of the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ is a most auspicious time for us, as individuals and as a nation, to rededicate ourselves to the virtues and ideals which the Messiah preached and exemplified during his earthly ministry.

    “Christmas is not only about the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It is also the celebration of the greatest gift to mankind. Therefore, let us seize this moment to reach out to fellow Nigerians. Let us promote the things that unite us as a people rather than those that divide The Us along ethnic, religious and party lines.

    “I enjoin us all to resolve this Christmas to make the ideals of peace, harmony, tolerance, love and goodwill to all even more manifest in our interactions with others. The season of Christmas is one that exemplifies the virtues of love and peaceful co-existence. We must continue to extend a hand of love, kindness and live as one big family irrespective of our  beliefs and leanings. We must also continue to respect one another; respect for one another is a key element for national peace and growth.”

  • Let Love, peace dominate Christmas

    The All Progressives Congress (APC) in Osun State has enjoined all Christians in the state and their extended families and friends to have a pleasant celebration, dominated by love and happiness and moderated through discipline in an atmosphere of peace.

    In a message of goodwill to citizens of the state the party’s chairman, Prince Gboyega Famodun, said that ‘the centrepiece of Christmas is love, without which human society will be in a state of perpetual conflict.

    ‘No matter what faith we profess, Christmas is a time all humanity ought to have a feel of love’, he said, adding that ‘Osun should not be different.

    ‘In the coming days, it will be Christmas when all attention hopefully will be focussed on the significance of the ‘birth’ of Christmas in Jesus of Nazareth, the unquestionable symbol of God’s love. ‘Thus, this is not the time for hate, envy and man’s inhumanity to man’, the APC noted, adding that ‘the central teaching of Jesus is the love for God and neighbour.

    ‘That is the spirit in which Osun should observe Christmas’, the party said.

    ‘This period should also be one of the reasons to be grateful to God, not only for sending His son to the world to teach us the way back home, but also for His mercy, in seeing us through this long and difficult year.

    ‘In particular, the people of Osun have a lot to be grateful, for the flood disaster ( omiyale) has become a phenomenon of the past. The environment of Osun is now a lot better; our children now go to school in facilities that are comparable to any such structure in the world.

    ‘We have less crime to deal with and above all, this state has been acknowledged as one of the most peaceful in Nigeria, and perhaps the best investor-friendly area’, the party said. ‘So, let’s make progress by also becoming one of the friendliest and loveliest places to be at Christmas time’, the party urged.

     

  • 23 crazy, weird signs that might mean you’re in love (2)

    23 crazy, weird signs that might mean you’re in love (2)

    HE pushes your buttons in ways that no one else ever could, and it makes you want to scream in frustration. How could he spark something this intense in you?

    12: You have more energy

    As you go through your day, you feel more alive and energetic, as if you have a constant adrenaline rush going through you.

    You feel more productive, like you can take on the world every single day. And you’re not on drugs. Well, you’re probably not on drugs. You’re not on drugs, right?

    This weird, natural energy boost that lifts your mood and gets you excited through the day… where did it come from? It’s a crazy experience, it actually feels like you’re high on life.

    Could it have come from… him?

    13: You get defensive when your BFF is negative about him

    So you know how your BFF’s job is basically to rag on the guy you like, right? Well, maybe normally it wouldn’t bug you and might even be comforting to hear, but in this case, it’s the complete opposite.

    You have an instinctual need to protect him if she dares say anything even remotely rude about him. Even if she’s not saying something that bad, her not being super appreciative of his amazing nature is enough to spark a bit of fury in you.

    14: You have fun talking with him no matter what you’re talking about

    It doesn’t matter what the topic is, you’re just delighted to be having a conversation with him about anything.

    Even the most random, uneventful stuff (like the weather or the news) becomes exciting, engaging and fun. You can even talk about stuff you don’t care about at ALL (like his fantasy football league that you’re not even in) and it still feels like you’re having the most interesting conversation in the world.

    (Seriously, dudes, unless we’re in love with you, or IN it, we don’t care about your fantasy football league.)

    15: You totally stop thinking about your ex

    So you might have had an obsession with your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart and cheated on you with his ex-girlfriend (or whatever he did).

    You might have missed him or completely hated his guts with a burning passion that could light a thousand suns. You might have gone weeks where every morning you wake up and your first thought is wondering whether you could fit him inside a blender.

    And now? You actually pretty much don’t care anymore. You don’t fixate on your anger for the guy who screwed you over. You almost feel a sense of indifference.

    It’s a crazy experience. You never thought you’d see the day where he’s truly gone from your thoughts, but now he is… because someone else has taken over your thoughts.

    16: You do boring stuff with him just to have the chance to spend more time with him

    Does he have to go to the super market because he’s out of eggs? Sounds like fun! He needs to stop at CVS to pick up razors? Sign me up!

    No matter how boring it is or how much you’d normally hate it (errands, ugh), you’d never turn down the chance to do it with him.

    17: You can talk to him about anything

    And I do mean anything. You’re totally comfortable around him.

    You can pee with the door open without feeling weird. You tell him about a gross zit you popped the other day, he laughs and pretends to be grossed out.

    And when you have something serious to talk about with him, you know he would give you his full undivided attention about anything… just like you would for him.

    18: You can’t concentrate at work and suddenly have ADD

    So you’re at work and supposed to be doing some kind of spreadsheet or paperwork or training the new killer whale at the park to jump through a hoop, and what are you doing instead? You’re daydreaming about him.

    Or if you’re around family and friends, your mind is elsewhere. You’re just not present in the moment with them, because you’re thinking of him.

    You can’t even help it, it’s like you’re in this beautiful daydream where it’s just you and him in the world. You feel like you’re in a small world built for two, a world only you and him could ever possibly understand.

    You might even be dodging your responsibilities in lieu of an all-day text or email chain with him. And when you’re not writing, you’re sitting there obsessively checking your phone or refreshing your email waiting for the second he writes back.

    19: You can’t explain why you’re always happy

    All of a sudden you feel giddy and lighthearted for no apparent reason at all. Things that might have annoyed you or brought your mood down before don’t seem to bother you at all now.

    It’s like you’re a different person. It’s as if there’s a ray of sunshine splashing across your face. And the best part is the smile on your face comes from a place within. It’s a specific kind of happiness you’ve never experienced before. And it’s beautiful. You can’t even help it.

    20: You’re less attracted to other guys

    Ryan Gossling? George Clooney? Brad Pitt?

    Eh, whatever.

    He is enough. You can see your favorite actor and not even have the same heart-stopping reaction you would have before.

    And if you even think of being with another guy, it doesn’t really appeal to you the same way it used to. You don’t feel any kind of intense attraction to them anymore.

    All you want is him.

    21: You mentally make note of the things he likes

    Quick: What’s his favorite song? Or his favorite movie? Or his favorite color?

    Did you just rattle off the answer?

    If he mentions specific, random things he likes you can’t help but take notice. Subconsciously or not, you want to know how to make him happy.

    22: You save and remember all the firsts you have with him

    You remember the first time you met him. The first time you kissed. Or you might even have the ticket stub from your first date.

    Whatever it is, little moments with him become special, cherished memories. And you remember every detail.

    23: He scares the hell out of you Deep down, you know in your heart that if he wanted to hurt you, he’d be able to completely destroy you. You might not want to admit it, but he could break your heart so badly it’d bring you to your knees in pain and send tears streaming down your red blotchy face.

    If he tries to show you his emotional side, you might try to act like it’s too much too soon but secretly, deep down, you love every second of it.

    If you’re really honest with yourself, you’re terrified of where this could possibly lead with him, and yet you can’t help but want to take things further.

    And you know that if tomorrow you woke up and weren’t afraid of what the future with him could mean, you would miss it more than anything.

    So to sum it all up…

    Remember, a lot of the time, the biggest obstacle to love is denial . It’s scary to realize you’re in love, and it’s really easy to say, “Nope, not me, I’m not in love with him, nooooope.”

    But if you read this list, and realized that a bunch of these signs apply to you…

    Well then I hate to break it to you sister, but you’re in love.

    If you’re in love, first of all congratulations, and second of all that makes it even more important that you handle these to make or break moments every woman experiences in her relationships with men because if you already love him then your potential for heartbreak is as high as possible, so pay attention because this next step is vitally important. At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger.

    Concluded.

     

    Source: vixendaily.com

  • Love rythms from an enclave (2)

    Love rythms from an enclave (2)

    CHIEF Agbara’s visit to me continued on frequent basis. Often, I would come out of the hostel or class to meet him.  At times, I would feel not wanting to see his face. In all these, I was very polite to him, but not ready to sleep with him. I  was careless about his influence or wealth. My mother brought me up to be contented, and I was alright with that. Even when the sun refused to shine, we all believed that the comfort would come thereafter. It was always a matter of time. I was also careful not to accept gifts from him. What if he turned later to hold me to ransom? I didn’t need to strain my neck to see the masquerades; the talebearers would give me the needed information, meaning, I didn’t need to let flashy things derail my initial goal. I could later get more goodies keeping to the regulations my parents taught me.

    One day, after we had retired to the hostel, the light had been put off and voice of Mrs Babajide Ifo rang like a metallic bell, telling us the inability of the school authority to get a donor or sponsor for the school’s sick bay and modern library. The light was still off, but we dared not tell her to put it on. We were there listening attentively and murmuring to ourselves.

    I didn’t say anything because I had nobody in mind for such. If it was a minor thing, like cleaning up of the sick bay, arranging and re-arranging the library with books. I would have come out to volunteer, but money, I no sabi that one o. As the hostel mistress was about to go, Ayobami called her. The way she called and the manner Mrs. Babajide responded, you would think the whole life of our school depended on that idea.

    “Ma, I have a way out,” Ayobami echoed out on the top of her bunk bed. It was the norms for the senior ones to sleep on the lower bunk, while the juniors slept on the upper bunk. Many have rolled down in the middle of nightmare. It had happened to me twice. So also was Ayobami the day she overrated at the school’s middle of the year party sponsored by Ogbeni Niyi , a local philanthropist with deep interest in grassroots football.

    “A way out my dear?” she replied eagerly.

    “Yes Ma”.

    “I am all ears love”.

    At the mentioning of love, we chorused almost at the same time “eh eh ennnn”.  Mrs. Babajide could only say such beautiful words with disciplined minds. Her ‘love’ was cane and her dear literarily was ‘stood down’ as a form of punishment.

    “The school authority is in a dilemma. If truly you can bail us out, I promise you that for the next one year, no punishment for you”.

    “O yeahhhhhhh,” we chorused again, not minding what would come out of it via punishment.

    Mrs. Babajide could only say such beautiful words with her long care due to her disciplinarian act. Somebody whom I suspected to be Bisola in upper class coughed out mischievously just to let the house mistress know that if tomorrow came, Ayobami would not  be spared of the usual care called “chin-chin” by the students.

    “If you can do this for the school authority through your goodwill and connections, we would remember you for good”.

    “I will try my best ma”.

    “Then we will see tomorrow for more details. Is that ok by you love?” .

    “Yes Ma”.

    Mrs. Babajide was about to go, and we were happy to let her go so in order to make what happened our night gist, when she suddenly turned back.

    “Ayobami, when do we go and see the person or do we need to give you a letter first?

    “Ma, anytime you are ready because the contact is within your reach.”

    “My reach?, you mean …….”

    “Yes Ma, its my friend”.

    “Aaah!, arrant nonsense, what a mess. So you are the key contact and you keep mum since we have been deliberating on this. Would you get up my friend,” she said with her normal stern voice. She came to the side of my bed trying to raise me up.

    In this, I was speechless because I did not know what Ayobami was talking about. I didn’t have any contact. No key figure in my diary or dictionary. My thought was that Ayobami was playing her prank again.

    “Ma, I don’t know any person,” I almost stammered.

    “But your closest friend said contrary. Please, don’t let me be lost. The two of you should talk to me,” he pleaded. Even in the dark, I could picture her face.

    To cut a long conversation short, the following morning saw us sitting in the house mistress office and we had a long discussion. The person Ayobami had in mind was Chief Agbara! What an insane thought! I whispered to myself.

    “Ma, Chief Agbara is not my close friend and I have never asked him for anything in life. It is Ayobami and co that have been enjoying his largesse.

    “You are 25 years old. Matured enough to know your way. We are not saying you should date him; we want to send the letter to him using your name as the contact person. The norm is to have a name attached as the key person so that the glory won’t go to the wrong person. We can go there together or ask the dispatch rider to take it there, who knows there might be a light at the end of the tunnel!

    “If that is the case Ma, I can take the letter to his office and make sure it gets to him”. The look on her was brighter enough to remind me of that moment forever.

    “That is my daughter for you. We are not saying you should be promiscuous. At least, we have imbibed the training in you here. But we can officially use your contact”.

    The letter was sent to Chief Agbara alongside other wealthy men in the society. Ten of them in number, but to my surprise, only Chief Agbara responded. Within three months, he was able to satisfy the school’s yearnings by building a library and a clinic. Rather than the school bay, he made it a clinic and equipped it with lots of drugs.

    The news went round that my sugar daddy was the messiah for the school. From the towns to the villages, it was an open news. At the market place, people were staring at me without any control. Even in the church, the news was there that my sugar daddy who would make me his third wife had donated life-time buildings to my school.

    My parents, in all these, refused to make any noise, either by calling me or going to the school authority for an explanation. I was a bit worried. But my conscience kept me going. I knew that I had never kissed Chief Agbara or gone into a private moment with him. Though it was hard to believe, but God and my friends remained my witnesses.

    The local newspaper drew my cartoon and that of the chief with the caption, “Who knows what”. It got me infuriated. I called the chief to explain to him what I saw. He told me that he was aware already and he had instructed his lawyers to take a normal position. My school rector at the college invited me to a special dinner alongside the hostel mistress and my closest friends. It was a night to remember. The second day at the assembly ground, I was openly mentioned and the whole school clapped for me. I was already a ‘tin-god’.

    On the launch date, something dramatic happened, the library  was named after the chief and the school clinic after me. It was unbelievable. To cap up all, Chief Agbara indeed is my biological father.

    (To be continued).

  • …of love and self

    …of love and self

    Life has taught me to love everyone, especially myself.

    It’s funny right? No it’s not. Most people have talked about underestimating others and they never talked about themselves. What about you? How many times have you done that to yourself? I think am also talking about you and not me.

    But that’s true, how many times have I thought I couldn’t do something or reach a height?

    How many times have I, in my most factual and sincere mind with all compassion, what others call church mind, set limits that are far too less or low for myself? Countless.

    I respect others and appreciate them when they do something good. Not jealous or envious of their success or achievements but obviously I never did that to myself. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this.

    That for me is bad, really bad. It erodes me of self-worth and personal dignity. I mean, what’s the point of lifting others when I myself am plugging down the trail. Am good, yeah even if no one tells me. At least if am not you wouldn’t read this article up to this point.

    But I have got to appreciate myself, even if just a pat on the back or an unusual meal once a while. I could just go to the movies, walk through the beach, buy a new cloth, do something unusual but not crazy just to say “thanks man, you are appreciated.”

    It’s not pride. It is self-esteem. Who am I to be humble when God has made me proud by creating such abilities in me, leading me to discover them and providing a means to express them?

    Sometimes selfies may be too much but they show self-worth. I show I am handsome (you put your own) if I take selfies and post them online. It doesn’t matter if someone likes it or not.

    What matters is that I see myself worthy of being online, my pictures are worthy of being seen by someone else. I may employ moderation but I will definitely do it, either you like it or not.

    So I will get on it, it may be once in a blue moon but I will do it. I have got to be celebrated, not just on my birthday and not necessarily by others, but by myself. It will sound boring right? I will try to make it as interesting as possible.

    That’s my new resolution.

    I love myself. Do you?

  • Not a love affair

    •Federal Government bemoans high rate of tax evasion but who really loves to pay tax?

    That payment of tax is a civic obligation of every adult citizen is a truism. But even truer is the fact that no one really enjoys paying tax for the simple reason that parting with hard-earned income must rank tops in the hierarchy of man’s list of discomforts. This explains why through the course of history, human beings have devised various means of evading the payment of taxes. Again, historically, tax collectors have remained among the most hated public officials.

    The modern man has created for himself tax havens and an intricate web of tax-dodging mechanisms. And there are tax consultants, professionals who are permitted by law to help people pay less tax or even no tax at all. They are at home with the arcana of taxation and the labyrinthine passageways of tax rules. Taxation is therefore not a tea party. It is indeed one of the trickiest tasks man ever devised.

    This is why we are in no guise nonplussed by the recent report about the Federal Government uncovering about 800,000 companies that never paid taxes.

    Minister of Finance, Mrs. Kemi Adeosun, in an article revealed that a little less than one million companies, including government contractors never paid any form of taxes. She said further that the entire country had only 14 million active taxpayers from an economically active base of about 70 million. And at that, a good chunk of the number, indeed, over 90 per cent were salary earners.

    This situation is no doubt pathetic and symptomatic of a distorted economic paradigm. And Mrs. Adeosun said so much. The nation’s tax backbone has remained rudimentary, she said, because Nigeria had lived under the illusion of an oil economy for too long. However, Nigeria is far from being an oil economy in the mould of Kuwait, Saudi Arabia and Qatar that have very high daily crude production against small populations.

    She opined that these countries can actually do without tax income as revenues from oil sales were more than enough to run their economies. Nigeria, on the other hand, is dogged by a large population contending with a comparatively meagre daily oil production. The earlier the country comes to this realisation and upgrades her tax platforms, the better for her economy.

    According to the finance minister: “The historical government apathy towards revenue mobilisation is one of the effects of the mistaken identity that saw Nigeria perceive herself as an oil economy. This administration is determined to correct this identity crisis and all its concomitant effects.”

    Going forward, she said the Federal Ministry of Finance had commenced a database project that combines data from various arms of the government, including bank records, property and company ownership, and Customs records. Through this, accurate profiles of taxable individuals and companies would be created.

    The minister’s revelation is shocking and should indeed be troubling to any patriotic Nigerian. What she has brought to the fore is the fact that Nigeria’s current tax system is far from being robust, comprehensive and sustainable. The tax base is yet quite minuscule and requires an entire paradigm shift to bring it to its required size as the minister has suggested.

    From her narrative, less than one million private individuals, businesses and companies in Nigeria are captured. This is preposterous for a country of about 180 million people. Now that the Federal Government seems to have come alive to the reality of the country’s situation, we say better late than never.

    We suggest a more comprehensive reform of the tax system. The issue is not so much about evasion here as the captured sample. We need a regime that must first capture as many of the eligible as possible. Creating a deep database is the tough job. Making people pay has become a lot easier today, especially with improved technology.

    Citizens would also pay taxes free-willingly in a transparent and accountable environment devoid of corruption. Besides, if the citizenry are already saddled with providing there basic amenities, it would amount to multiple taxation to make them pay a penny more. No one wants to throw hard-earned money into a sink-hole.

  • Bury the love hatchet

    Folarin and Ndidi have been dating for about three years. Each time one of their friends sends an invitation to their wedding or bachelor’s or spinster’s eve, her heart skips. This time around, it was Biodun’s bachelor’s eve, and Folarin kept the details from her. But, fortunately for her, she got the news from Biodun’s girlfriend because they were close. She found her way to the venue and found him with another companion.

    Cheated? Well, if there was another word that could take care of her feelings, this wasn’t quite appropriate. She moved nearer and gave the gal a beating of a life time. The whole party and attention shifted to her and on the spot, Biodun told her it was really over. “Now that you know that it isn’t you that I love, then I can have some peace.”

    What could she really do now? Perhaps it was better to go back to the drawing board and bury the love hatchet. If she got another opportunity to talk with him, they would try to figure out what went wrong and what they could do to get their love back on track again.

    Wait a minute! Haven’t they been talking about this same matter before? As a matter of fact, the talks actually made her upset and even angry at times because his arguments were always unrealistic. But then she persisted because she felt if they could talk things through and make him realise how much she still cared for and loved him, then he may just change this terrible attitude.

    That was not all. Even your friends and family had intervened at different times and it all turned out that you were doing the right things and that if he wasn’t listening, opening up, and “getting it”… then he was the one to blame. That he was the one being selfish and immature.

    Naturally, some of these other reasons made her feel a little bit better but it was only for a moment. It still didn’t explain why, despite everything she was doing to improve herself and their relationship, he was still getting more and more distant, difficult and just wanted to end things with her.

    Sometimes, it is possible to make a miscalculation based on your intuition. This way, you are likely to ruin a great relationship because you did the right thing at the wrong time. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following your instinct, the only difference is to understand where and how to apply it.

    For a number of ladies, therefore, you discover that instead of using this intuition to their benefit, such people actually end up shooting themselves in the foot and destroying what would have been a marvellous relationship.

    But there are times, when what you have is not worth expending precious energy on. The heart that you have fallen helplessly in love with is actually a counterfeit, an adulterated version of what you dreamed of. It may also be that you are not totally ignorant of the antics but you just want to hold on thinking that things would sort themselves out with time.

    Sadly, some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change” once they are married and he would fit into the arrangement with time. But most times, it doesn’t really turn out this way.

    For Bimpe who has found 60 per cent of her requirement in her man, it still can be a hell of a time. “The same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that my sweetheart possesses and the reason I fell helplessly for him is the same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that sometimes work my last nerves at times,” she recollects.

    In every relationship, it is important to spell out the terms and understand the personality you are dealing with from the outset. This would let you know whether it is better to continue or make a u-turn if it is only going to end in tears.

    If you do not get off a stressful emotional train, then you may crash with the train. Many get caught up in trying to mould and perfect things even when it is obvious that they are never going to go far together.

    It is better to let your woman or man be who they are….flaws and all. The one thing you need to know is that you love unconditionally with not only all the person’s good sides but with all the bad as well.

    We also need to remember that men think differently from women, especially when it comes to why they do the things they do in a relationship (s).

    “I am going on my sixth relationship and have been with this current boyfriend for seven months. At the beginning, I liked what I saw and it looked like a dream come true.” But gradually, she began to discover another side of this emotional story and at the moment she is at a crossroads. “He stammers, but I didn’t see it as a problem because he was always smiling and happy. But when I got closer and we got used to one another, I realised that he always got angry if I didn’t quickly understand what he was saying while stammering. At such moments, he could be really difficult and I wondered how I was going to cope with such moods in future.”

    Well, she needs to make up her mind on time. This may actually make or mar their relationship and she needs to be sure that it is something that she can cope with in future.

  • HEARTS…a story of love, heartbreak and life [CONCLUDING PART]

    HEARTS…a story of love, heartbreak and life [CONCLUDING PART]

    It is 3:30am in the early hours of the morning. The cock is yet to be astir to herald the dawning of a new day. Silence seemed so loud, and the only company Amarachi had was the chirping of crickets, and the “tick tack” rhythmic sounds from the humongous wooden clock that hung on the wall of their living room. Her eyes were heavy and deluged with bags and intermittent downing of tears; her entire being was overwhelmed with sordid emotions.

    Ping! Ping!! Ping!!! Femi’s Blackberry phone buzzed with pings from Amarachi. “Where did this Yoruba boy drop his phone?” she said with a slightly worried and contoured face. “Only God knows what he is doing at the moment? He might as well be with a girl, or is he drunk again with his friends…, wait a minute, hope he is not in trouble?” Amarachi’s mind paced back and forth with very squalid thoughts of what her “partner” Femi might be up to.

    While Femi was chasing and wooing her, he did not have to overstretch his luck and masculine prowess to win the primed and already vulnerable heart of Amarachi. Femi didn’t only look or talk the part, he also “acted” the part; he sent her gifts, took her to beautiful and exotic places; their lifestyle seemed so perfect that anytime they went out, ladies all around would go green with envy – wishing they were in Amarachi’s shoes. As the saying goes, “only the wearer of a shoe knows where it pinches”, looks can be very deceptive.

    Read also: HEARTS…a story of love, heartbreak and life [PART ONE]

    If the envious ladies had been more discerning to look closely at the corner eye of Amarachi which was covered with a dark shade of fancy spectacles, they would have noticed her left eye was black; one that Femi so graciously brandished with constant battery, bludgeoning and pummelling. Maybe then, they would not have admired but pitied her condition.

    During the early days of their relationship, she had noticed quite a few unsettling behaviours that Femi would usually display. He would call her obnoxious and derogatory names, hit her slightly in the head when he is upset with her, and would hang out with different ladies at different times at night clubs and beer parlours. Because of her desperate need and fixation for a “father figure”, affirmation, and validation she stuck with him, in the hope that she would change him one day.

    Read also: HEARTS…a story of love, heartbreak and life [PART TWO]

    Now, it is 3:30am in the early hours of the morning. The cock is yet to be astir to herald the dawning of a new day. Silence seemed so loud, and the only company Amarachi had was the chirping of crickets, and the “tick tack” rhythmic sounds from the humongous wooden clock hanging on the wall of their living room. Her eyes were heavy and deluged with intermittent downing of tears; her entire being was overwhelmed with sordid emotions. It seemed like history was about to repeat itself because her mother went through a similar ordeal in the hands of her dad. The only difference was that she wasn’t married to Femi yet, but they were already cohabiting.

    Being in a relationship with Femi didn’t complete her because she still felt the void from two years earlier when her parents’ marriage of over twenty years dissolved like a melting ice. There is still a hole in her soul that wouldn’t heal.

    Knock! Knock!! Knock!!! “Would you come and open this door for me this minute before I break you with the door?” Femi said. He was outside wallowing in the cesspool of his vomit; he had gone clubbing with his cronies and had gotten himself drunk again. This seems to be the new normal for Femi. Amarachi rushed to the door, her fragile hands were shaky and wobbly because she did not know what to expect after she opens the door. As she summoned the courage to unlock the door, Femi bashed into the house very angrily, irrational, and unsteady because of the excessive alcohol he had drowned his system with.

    “Rain, rain, go away, come again another day…hmmm…ahhhh…” Femi sang as he staggered and took a giddy posturing. “Woman, how dare you lock me outside? I will deal mercilessly with you!” Before Amarachi could explain and calm him down, he launched out his already positioned hand and landed a debilitating slap on her already battered face. She fell to the ground, stood up and ran for dear life. He threw his half empty bottle of vodka at her but missed as she pranced and traversed all the corners of the living room. As she ran up the stairs, Femi ran after her; he grabbed her so tightly that she could hardly breathe, and as she struggled with him on the stairs she inadvertently pushed him just to free herself from his bestial clamp. Nooo…she screamed and watched as Femi rolled and desultorily fell down the stairs. SHE SCREAMED…SOME BODY HELP ME!!!

    Whether you find yourself in the position of Amarachi or Femi, or neither of the two, it is very important to understand that the coming together or joining of hearts is not meant for two unstable and emotionally infantile individuals.

    “Hurting people” hurt people.

    A romantic relationship will not cure your inordinate cravings and addictions; neither will it fill the emotional void you constantly feel as a result of trauma or neglect. You cannot steer the ship of your relationship successfully having the wrong notions, mind-sets, and unrealistic expectations.

    Looks can be very deceptive. They say not all that glitter is gold, however, as an addendum, not all that is gold is good for you! This might be the singular determinant of whether your life will be a worthy example or a complete disaster. If you feel lost and vulnerable, please don’t suffer in silence, talk to somebody, preferably a counselor.

    If you are going through domestic violence or know someone who needs help, please can contact the appropriate agency of government.

     

    By Moses Emorinken

    Email: brandphase@yahoo.com

    Twitter: @memorinken

    Instagram: @memorinken

  • Of love, infatuation, obsession and lust

    Of love, infatuation, obsession and lust

    It is common and very normal to confuse lust, obsession, and infatuation for love.

    By definition, lust is an emotion or feeling of intense sexual desire. By implication, it is more of a physical attraction that pushes a person to seek sexual gratification. Teenagers are more susceptible to confuse lust for love.

    However, as we grow older, become wiser and get more experience in life, we are able to differentiate love from lust.

    God created us to have physical urges, desires and needs. In themselves, they are not wrong or bad. But when we yield to them at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons and with the wrong person, they can become destructive.

    Infatuation according to Wikipedia is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion, usually towards another person for which one has developed strong romantic feelings. Unlike lust, infatuation has its origin in something more transcendental than just feeling attracted to the physical appearance of someone.

    It is usually an unguided passion towards someone you most likely do not have knowledge of or any aorta of familiarity with. All you feel for the person is physical or sexual attraction; He or she might not even return or share the affection you have for them. Infatuation is usually unrealistic but very idealistic.

    Obsession on the other hand can be very easily confused for great love, when in reality, is just an ailment of the mind that keeps the person emotionally and mentally enslave to someone else. It is an overwhelming desire to possess another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.

    It is often mistaken for love especially among youths these days. Recently, there have been several cases of ladies committing suicide over guys that left them for someone else; since they couldn’t cope with rejection, they decided to put an end to their own life.

    While the stubborn ones among them believe if they can’t have the person they are obsessed with, then no one will; they try to either hurt or (in extreme cases) kill the person.

    LOVE is a feeling especially in the soul; a connection that goes over and beyond physical appearances.

    When you truly love somebody and that person loves you back, you feel an overwhelming sense of value and worth; unlike lust, infatuation and obsession which render their undiscerning victims empty, dry and finished.

    You don’t have to chase after it, because if it is love, it happens naturally. When you are in love with someone, His/her happiness becomes your happiness and you can’t imagine life without him/her which is why you might think you are obsessed.

    But you also need to understand that if the feeling is not reciprocated you won’t want to force the other person to be with you. Love makes you selfless; it brings out the best in you and sometimes the worst which your other half will accept willingly if he/she truly loves you.

    Love is never enslaving but liberating. It never lays absolute claim to its significant other.

    It is always patient and kind. Never jealous, boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and it is not resentful.

    After all have been said and done, what really matters the most is how much we have given and experienced love.

    People really do not care how much you know, but want to know how much you care. SHOW SOME LOVE TODAY!