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Tag: marriage

  • Marriage: A garden of treasures (2)

    Dear Reader,

    Welcome to this week’s edition of Family Forum. Last week, I started a teaching revealing the treasures in the marriage garden as designed by God Himself. I know that you have already started enjoying the treasures in your marriage in Jesus’ name.

    This week, we shall be examining more of these treasures and some tools needed for cultivating the marriage garden.

    THE RIVER

    God said in Genesis 2:10: …And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted and became into four heads. Another treasure found in the garden planted by God is the river. Rivers are of tremendous benefit to man. From them, you get water for drinking, bathing and washing purposes. Rivers can also be used for irrigation, making all-year-round farming possible.

    Water in Bible terms also represents the presence of the Holy Spirit (John 7:38). Lack of water can cause death by thirst. Don’t die of thirst in your marriage, when there are lots of thirst-quenching rivers in it. It is thirst in marriage that makes couples prefer staying away from home, rather than enjoying their homes with their families.

    I know of a man who prefers to stay back in the office after closing hours, rather than go home. It is not because he has work to do, but to keep away from home and have some peace. The home atmosphere was not what it ought to be. You can purpose to make the atmosphere in your home the best for the Holy Spirit, as well as for your spouse and children.

    To the glory of God, my husband and I receive a lot of inspiration from the Holy Spirit, right inside our home. More often than not, a greater percentage of instructions we have received for our ministry to date, were received right at home. Make the atmosphere of your home a conducive one.

    The river also can be used to generate power in the natural. In marriage, this implies that all-round power, spiritually, physically, materially, financially and socially is additional treasure. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says: Two are better than one… In addition, inside rivers are precious treasures, such as mineral deposits that can yield prosperity when properly traded with. That is why Isaiah 60:5 says: … The abundance of the sea shall be converted unto thee. When you handle marriage in the scriptural way, you are bound to prosper in all areas of your life.

    Tapping the best that the marriage garden has to offer, demands a total obedience to God’s commandments concerning marriage. He has also made available several tools, for the man and woman to best accomplish the task of cultivating and keeping their marriage gardens. The most important tool given to the man, as a vital instrument for digging out the treasures in marriage, is the tool of love. God, Himself, used this tool in John 3:13 and commanded that man uses the same tool in Ephesians 5:25. The only type of love that can stand the test of time and dig out the treasures in the garden, is the God-kind of love, the unconditional love. There is no woman who does not respond to love. Even if she does not respond at first, keep loving her and very soon you will be amazed at the warmth and closeness it will generate.

    For the woman, the tool of submission has been given to her by God to bring out the treasures in her marriage garden (Ephesians 5:22). Her effective use of this tool will bring the treasures of unity, genuine care, strength and covering upon her from the marriage garden. A rebellious and non-submissive woman is alone. She will have to struggle to take decisions on her own and to see to their execution. Such a woman has removed her covering and can expect unprecedented attacks.

    Complete obedience to the tools given by God and a practical use of them, will guarantee your enjoyment of the treasures in your garden. This testimony is a proof of this fact: “When I was ready for marriage, I noticed that some things were working against me, but I was not a serious Christian then.

    However, when I dedicated my life fully to Jesus Christ in 1992, it became obvious that I lacked wisdom, counsel and I was emotionally immature. My obedience to the different ministrations I have received here has made my life and marriage to have meaning and direction.

    Now my marriage is established and I am free from all manner of oppressions of the wicked. My family has increased remarkably and I now apply myself to the wisdom of God that He has imparted on me, by reason of the teachings and ministrations I get here!”

    You too can rededicate your life by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord, as this will enable you to understand and obey His commandments with ease. If you will like to dedicate your life to Jesus Christ, please say this prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am sinner. I cannot help myself. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your blood. Deliver me form sin and Satan to serve the living God. I believe You died for me and on the third day, You rose that I might be justified. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your kingdom.

    Congratulations, you are now born again! I believe that you will begin to experience the reality of the price that Jesus paid for your sins at Calvary. All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name!

    Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com, faithdavid2013@gmail.com Tel. No: 08141320204; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Making Marriage Work, Marriage Covenant, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

     

  • Marriage: A garden of treasures

    Dear Reader,

    Marriage is a garden planted by God, a garden of teaching, learning, understanding, accommodating and appreciating. What does Marriage mean to you? Is it a blessing or a ‘necessary evil’, as many would say? Is it a bed of roses or one that is full of thorns and thistles? Is it a help to you or an everyday hurt that you are trying by all means to avoid?

    I have good news for you. This month, I shall be showing you the true blessings of marriage. As you apply the truth in your own marriage, you will begin to enjoy the same blessings in Jesus’ name.

    Marriage is a unique relationship ordained of God, for a man and a woman to give and receive satisfaction of their healthy needs and desires. It is the oldest institution in the world, having its root in divinity. God, Himself instituted it. This is clearly seen as written in Genesis 2:22, which says: …The Lord God… made … a woman, and brought her unto the man. It is not the culture of any country of the world. It is heaven’s culture. Marriage can be likened to a garden. When God conducted the first wedding, He placed the couples (Adam and Eve) in the true environment for marriage – “the Garden of Eden.”

    The dictionary meaning of a garden is a piece of ground used for growing flowers, fruits, vegetables and other plants. Marriage is a garden planted by God Himself. God’s Word in Genesis 2:8-16 says: … The Lord God planted a garden… God was and is still the Great Planter of the marriage garden. His design is always the best. When you accept His design, the best of your marriage will come out for you. Like every normal garden, there are several efforts and care applied, in order for the health and beauty given to it to yield its best, as God designed it to be for you.

    Marriage is not just an ordinary garden, but a garden full of treasures. These treasures are there, just waiting to be dug out. However, digging is a gradual process that requires patience, labour, diligence, wisdom and determination from you. I am a living witness to the fact that marriage is a garden full of treasures.

    By the grace of God, I have been digging out some of the treasures in it and I tell you, they are profitable. God is no respecter of persons. The same Lord is rich unto all. You, too, can start digging out the treasures and make use of them to the glory of God.

    Let us examine some of the treasures in the marriage garden.

     

    TREES

    Genesis 2:9 says: Out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food… In the natural, trees have many uses, and they can also be reproduced into many things. Trees make for beauty, hence the statement “…every tree that is pleasant to the sight…” Trees give shade from the heat of the sun and are sometimes used to ward off erosion. They can be used to drain excess water from swamps that may breed infectious insects and other health hazards. Likewise, marriage is meant for beauty. It is meant to check the excesses of life providing security and comfort from the usual stress of life. When you act in conscious obedience to the Word of God concerning marriage, you will begin to enjoy the blessings of marriage.

    Trees produce edible fruits that are good for food as written in Genesis 2:9: Out of the ground made the lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food…. What food does in the natural world, is to quench hunger and leave you satisfied. Also, marriage is meant to give you satisfaction in life. Lack of satisfaction and continuous hunger, is what has pushed many married men and women outside the home to commit adultery.

    Here is a testimony that will build your faith up: “I used to worship in a place where I was made to believe that misunderstanding brings about understanding. I was even asked if I had any serious quarrel with my wife and I said, ‘no.’ I was made to believe that quarrelling and fighting were parts of marriage. I believed this and we started having problems at home. With Word of God that we have heard, read and put into practice along with the right spiritual food that we have received from this place, my marriage, to the glory of God, has been healed from every misunderstanding.” Yours can experience the same in the name of Jesus.

    Since God created the marriage garden, He alone has all that can make it work. For you to have a better access to God’s help, you need to accept His Son Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. If you will like to accept Jesus Christ, please, say this prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. I cannot help myself. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your blood. Deliver me from sin and satan, to serve the living God. I believe You died for me and on the third day, You rose that I might be justified. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom”.

     

    Congratulations, you are now born again! I believe that you will begin to experience the reality of the price that Jesus paid for your sins at Calvary. All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name!

    Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com, faithdavid2013@gmail.com Tel. No: 08141320204; 07026385437; 07094254102

     

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Making Marriage Work, Marriage Covenant, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • How can I maintain my long-distance relationship?

    Dear Aunty Deola, I have enjoyed reading your column for a long time now, but it has not addressed my own

    personal problem. I just met a wonderful man on a recent trip abroad. I’m a top executive where I work and he is always doing well in the country he lives. I have gone to see him twice and he has come to see me once, but the distance is making both of us uncomfortable. What do you think we can do to maintain this relationship so it can last? – Sandra.

    Dear Sandra, I can tell you that it is difficult when you love somebody and you can’t see him immediately you want to. It’s even difficult on cold nights and days when you wish you could go to the cinemas together. It’s always a lot expensive making all those trips to see each other. Thankfully in your own case, you seem to be comfortable enough to afford frequent trips. As they say, dating is hard and doing it across state lines is harder! Follow these rules to keep it together even when you’re apart.

    Agree on your commitment level

    Couples in long-distance relationships know they’re taking a risk, not to mention making a few sacrifices. But if you see a real future for the two of you, the sacrifices won’t seem to matter. Still, before you get involved in a long-distance relationship, there are a few things you have to establish. Are you exclusive or are you seeing other people? Don’t assume that it’s one or the other if you’ve never discussed it, especially if you’re looking to keep things one-on-one. “With long-distance relationships, you need to have a detailed, intimate conversation, including whether the connection is monogamous or open,” says Tonya Reiman, author of The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy. “Confirming the level of commitment will help to avoid unnecessary jealousy issues and fights.” If you think this is the one, get ready for some hard, but hopefully rewarding, work. “The amount of time couples are able to maintain a long-distance relationship really depends upon how they nurture it,” says Reiman.

    Don’t keep secrets

    Honesty is paramount to any relationship, but especially one that’s maintained from different cities, states, even countries. It’s crucial to be forthcoming — especially about your own insecurities. As a matter of fact, revealing what makes you anxious can lead to improvements in the relationship, as well as a greater level of sensitivity from your partner. “Call when you get home from a night out, and tell your significant other, ‘I really wish you were here,’” adds Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide. Avoid constantly talking about one person your faraway mate may see as a romantic threat. “And don’t kid yourself,” says Tiger. “Spending all of your time with one person can easily lead to temptation, so make sure you hang out with lots of people.”

    Surprise each other

    Routine is actually a good thing when it comes to long-distance relationships. You can look forward to your next conversation or visit because you know exactly when it’s going to happen. But every now and then, step up the romance a bit. That means calling unexpectedly and “upping the physical anticipation with [phone] sex and saucy email banter,” says Tiger. But don’t invest your money in flowers: “Surprise visits are the best gifts you can give.”

    Maintain your sex life

    Just because you don’t sleep in the same bed every night, doesn’t mean your relationship between visits has to consist of dry spell after dry spell. On the contrary, says sex expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., contributor to GoodinBed.com, “Our brains are our biggest sex organ.” So use the distance to your advantage by stimulating each other mentally and therefore sexually. “Learn how to talk (and text) dirty,” suggests Tiger. “It doesn’t have to be overt — just enough to make each other wonder if you’re fully clothed.”

    Plan frequent visits

    Reiman recommends that long-distance daters see each other in the flesh at least one weekend a month. You know the excitement of being asked out on a second date while you’re still on the first one? Do the same here. Never finish a visit without planning the next trip. But, says Reiman, “If you can’t physically see each other as much as you would like, virtual dates can work wonders.” Skype, anyone?

    Send cards and gifts

    Texts, Facebook, Tweets — all of the electronic communication options at our disposal have made long-distance dating much easier, that’s for certain. But how did couples do it in the pre-email days? Introducing… the pen and paper! (Remember them?) “The major thing missing during a long-distance relationship is physical proximity to your partner,” explains Tiger. “Snail mail, while no substitute, brings you that much closer to your sweetheart, because you’re touching the paper he touched and reading the lines he wrote by hand.” How’s that for a romantic thought? And she even takes it a step farther: “This is why spritzing the paper — very lightly! — with your perfume or cologne is a nice touch, even if it’s a little cheesy.”

    Trust each other

    “Commitment is a statement of intention. If you know your partner well, and a regular routine is kept, issues of trust will not rear their ugly heads,” explains Reiman. That said, trust also means giving one another the benefit of the doubt. If your guy says he’ll call you after work around 6 p.m., but the phone doesn’t ring until 7 p.m., assume he was pulled into a meeting with his boss, not having drinks with that hot girl in accounting. Just because your imagination can have the tendency to run wild, doesn’t mean you should let it.

    Set an end goal

    How long is too long to be in a long-distance relationship? Well, that depends on you, your guy and your respective situations, but at some point you’ll need to live in the same city. (You may even expect to have a ring on your finger!) “There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel, a time when you’ll be in the same place, or at least the understanding that one of you will have to move at some point,” says Tiger. “If you’re in a new relationship, this might be too intense a topic to broach for a while, but you can still talk about the fact that you’ll need to talk about it [eventually].” She suggests setting a deadline. For example, agree that after three months you’ll have a “state of the union” conversation. After all, if you’re both in it for the long haul, these are decisions you’ll want to make sooner rather than later. That way you’ll know the relationship is — or isn’t — right for you.

  • Renewing your marital relationship (4)

    Dear Reader,

    We have come to the concluding part of this month’s teaching. In the past teachings, we learnt how to build a strong expectation and intimacy. Last week, we were also taught types of intimacy.

    This week, I will be sharing with you on Spices For A Sweet Relationship. It will interest you to know that God instituted marriage and intended every house to be a sweet and peaceful home. Most Christians dream of a sweet home, a place where joy, peace, prosperity and fruitfulness abound. But they are not ready to pay the price it takes, for their dreams to find fulfilment.

    I would like you to know that a successful home is possible; but it does not happen by chance. You must programme it, if you desire it. You must take responsibility for the renewing of your marital relationship, because whatever you make or fail to make of it, is what it becomes. If you want your marriage to fulfill God’s will, you had better start doing what you are supposed to be doing, as a child of God. God has given you brain, so that you can let Him rest. The following are simple truths you can apply practically to your relationship and marriage, so your home can take a new turn.

    Appreciate the good in your spouse and family members, and then the bad will depreciate

    Whatever good thing and strong point you can see in the life of your spouse, let it be a source of your happiness and inspiration. Praise God for this aspect of his/her life, and then every other area where he/she does not measure up to, will begin to disappear in your eyes.

    Celebrate your spouse – Remember that other people are secretly wishing this same man or woman is their husband or wife. Keep that which you have jealously. Magnify your spouse in the face of the devil.

    Sow joy – Remember that it is what you sow that you shall reap. If you sow excitement into the atmosphere in your home, you will reap joyful family members. You will be happy yourself and your home shall be full of joy.

    Adapt to your spouse – Like what your spouse likes. Know his/her tastes and flow along with him/her. That way, you will feel free and flow.

    Maintain body contact always – This does not necessarily mean sex. Hug each other. Give little kisses. Give your spouse a peck of encouragement, especially in public. Don’t be ashamed to hold your spouse. Be free, not of necessity, but as a life-style.

    Create Godly (not good) climate around your home – A Godly climate will eventually produce good climate. Fill your home with Christian music, Christian books, inspirational materials, etc. Let everything around your home spell God.

    Organise Feasts – Learn to celebrate important days and events. Make it a habit, remembering birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. Make big events, out of ordinary days. Use these occasions to get excited and rejoice with your family members. You don’t have to call people. Gather your wife and children and just celebrate with whatever thing you have.

    Be one – Do things with your spouse. Pray together and do things in common. Let your children see oneness in you. A house divide against itself cannot stand. Communicate and know your spouse, to be able to vouch for him/her when not there. It makes you happy.

    Give no place to the spirit of unforgiveness – During a lifetime together, marriage partners will naturally make mistakes and offend each other. No human being is perfect. God’s Word calls on us to forgive: “…Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13). If you don’t forgive, you will not be forgiven. If your wife or husband offends or goes wrong somehow, correct him/her immediately in love, and forgive. Also forget.

    Be Contented – Contentment brings satisfaction. If you are not contented, you cannot be happy. Be satisfied with your husband, your wife, your children, your finances, your life and environment. Praise God, and you’ll be happy.

    The journey of ensuring that order reigns in your home, begins with new birth. You get born again by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready for this new birth experience, please say this prayer: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins.  Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank You for saving me. Now I know I am born again!

     

    Congratulations!  You are now born again! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com; Tel.  No: 234-1-7747546-8; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by Pastor Faith Oyedepo are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work and Building a Successful Family.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Renewing your marital relationship (4)

    Dear Reader,

    We have come to the concluding part of this month’s teaching. In the past teachings, we learnt how to build a strong expectation and intimacy. Last week, we were also taught types of intimacy.

    This week, I will be sharing with you on Spices For A Sweet Relationship. It will interest you to know that God instituted marriage and intended every house to be a sweet and peaceful home. Most Christians dream of a sweet home, a place where joy, peace, prosperity and fruitfulness abound. But they are not ready to pay the price it takes, for their dreams to find fulfilment.

    I would like you to know that a successful home is possible; but it does not happen by chance. You must programme it, if you desire it. You must take responsibility for the renewing of your marital relationship, because whatever you make or fail to make of it, is what it becomes. If you want your marriage to fulfill God’s will, you had better start doing what you are supposed to be doing, as a child of God. God has given you brain, so that you can let Him rest. The following are simple truths you can apply practically to your relationship and marriage, so your home can take a new turn.

    Appreciate the good in your spouse and family members, and then the bad will depreciate

    Whatever good thing and strong point you can see in the life of your spouse, let it be a source of your happiness and inspiration. Praise God for this aspect of his/her life, and then every other area where he/she does not measure up to, will begin to disappear in your eyes.

    Celebrate your spouse – Remember that other people are secretly wishing this same man or woman is their husband or wife. Keep that which you have jealously. Magnify your spouse in the face of the devil.

    Sow joy – Remember that it is what you sow that you shall reap. If you sow excitement into the atmosphere in your home, you will reap joyful family members. You will be happy yourself and your home shall be full of joy.

    Adapt to your spouse – Like what your spouse likes. Know his/her tastes and flow along with him/her. That way, you will feel free and flow.

    Maintain body contact always – This does not necessarily mean sex. Hug each other. Give little kisses. Give your spouse a peck of encouragement, especially in public. Don’t be ashamed to hold your spouse. Be free, not of necessity, but as a life-style.

    Create Godly (not good) climate around your home – A Godly climate will eventually produce good climate. Fill your home with Christian music, Christian books, inspirational materials, etc. Let everything around your home spell God.

    Organise Feasts – Learn to celebrate important days and events. Make it a habit, remembering birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. Make big events, out of ordinary days. Use these occasions to get excited and rejoice with your family members. You don’t have to call people. Gather your wife and children and just celebrate with whatever thing you have.

    Be one – Do things with your spouse. Pray together and do things in common. Let your children see oneness in you. A house divide against itself cannot stand. Communicate and know your spouse, to be able to vouch for him/her when not there. It makes you happy.

    Give no place to the spirit of unforgiveness – During a lifetime together, marriage partners will naturally make mistakes and offend each other. No human being is perfect. God’s Word calls on us to forgive: “…Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13). If you don’t forgive, you will not be forgiven. If your wife or husband offends or goes wrong somehow, correct him/her immediately in love, and forgive. Also forget.

    Be Contented – Contentment brings satisfaction. If you are not contented, you cannot be happy. Be satisfied with your husband, your wife, your children, your finances, your life and environment. Praise God, and you’ll be happy.

    The journey of ensuring that order reigns in your home, begins with new birth. You get born again by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready for this new birth experience, please say this prayer: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins.  Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank You for saving me. Now I know I am born again!

    Congratulations!  You are now born again! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com; Tel.  No: 234-1-7747546-8; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by Pastor Faith Oyedepo are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work and Building a Successful Family.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • ‘God ordained marriage’

    ‘God ordained marriage’

    Penultimate Saturday, at Ilorin, the Kwara State capital, the daughter of an Ilorin-based lawyer, John Olusola Baiyeshea, Abigail Yetunde and her beau, Michael Babajide Alabi tied the nuptial knot. ADEKUNLE JIMOH reports

    The solemnisation of the wedding between AbigailYetunde, daughter of an Ilorin-based legal practitioner, John Olusola Baiyeshea and her beau, Michael Babajide Alabi took place at the United Missionary Church of Africa (UMCA), Tanke, a suburb in Ilorin, the Kwara State capital.

    As early as 9.30am on that day, human and vehicular movement on the Chapel College Road, off the University of Ilorin Road, Tanke was heavy.

    Dignitaries from all walks of life graced the colourful wedding.

    Members of Baiyeshea’s constituency – the Bar and even the Bench – were not left out they turned out in large number.

    The numerous canopies and television monitors outside the expansive hall of the hilltop church testified to number of guests who graced the occasion.

    Before the exchange of marital vows, the officiating minister, Reverend Gbenga Odebiri, exhorted the new couple, saying: “Marriage was ordained for companionship, mutual living, help and comfort for another both in prosperity and adversity.

    “It was ordained for procreation that children should be brought up in the fear and admonition of the Lord to the praise of His Holy name and it was ordained in order that the natural instinct and affection implanted by God might be hallowed and directed aright, that those who are called by God to this holy estate should continue therein in the pureness of living.”

    Also, Evangelist Isaac Omoleyin of the World Assembly Church, said the institution of marriage came from God.

    Quoting from Genesis 2:18, he said: “Unceasing prayers, forgetting resolved issues and ability to forgive each other,” are some of the factors that ensure the sustenance of marriage.

    After declaring Alabi and Abigail husband and wife, Revd Jonathan John Issa presented the marriage certificate to the couple. The couple and their parents then signed the marriage register.

    At the end of the service, the couple posed for photograhps with family members and well-wishers before they moved to the M and M Events, where guests were lavishly entertained.

    The bridegroom was decked in a white shirt with an ox blood bow tie and an ash colour suit on top of a pair of black trousers.

    The couple who arrived at the venue of the reception at 1:53pm was led into the elegantly decorated hall by the bridal train. The couple danced to the admiration of all into the hall.

    After a short prayer, the chairman of the occasion, Emmanuel Baiyekusi, said God made the day a reality so that all glory would be His.

    “Bringing up a family is very important. If your parents have been married for four decades and are still together, I call it the miracle of commitment. That means you have to be committed,” he enjoined the new couple.

    Dr S. K. Adedoyin supervised the cutting of the cake designed in white and a sprinkling of black.

    Father of the bride Baiyeshea expressed happiness

    “I feel happy. I thank God for making this a reality. I give honour and glory to God. That is the summary of how I feel.

    “My piece of advice to the newly wedded is for them to surpass the records of we, their parents. I mean if God has helped us to do well, they should do better and we will pray for them to do better.”

    In his vote of thanks, the groom, Alabi, described the large turn-out as a show of goodwill for him.

    He also thanked the Baiyesheas for giving their daughter to him, promising to be a good and caring husband.

     

  • Renewing your marital relationship (3)

    Dear Reader,

    For the past few weeks, I have showed you how you can renew your marital relationship, by building a strong expectation and intimacy. By the grace of God, this week, I will be discussing a few guidelines on intimacy. My focus will be on Types of Intimacy.

    Intimacy is the closeness of your relationship with your spouse – emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and in many other ways. Intimacy is not an end, but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage.

    Intimacy can have different meanings for men and women. However, all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person. Women are often portrayed as having the desire for emotional intimacy, while men are portrayed as only having a desire for sexual intimacy. However, intimacy can take many forms, including the following:

    Emotional intimacy

    This is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Here, the couple is able to share personal feelings, to trust one another, and to feel safe and secure with each other. Emotions can be described as strong instinctive feeling.

    Women, generally, understand emotions better than men. The first step to emotional awareness is to pay attention to your feelings, identify them, and think of possible reasons for them. Work on noticing the differences between strong emotions, such as terror and fury, and the differences between more subtle emotions such as anxiety, insecurity and irritation.

    Emotional intimacy can occur, once people know what they are feeling, convey those feelings to each other, and express concern and understanding of their feelings to each other.

    Mental or intellectual intimacy

    Marriage has a cognitive and planning dimension, which includes sharing thoughts about life, making plans together and discussing goals. It also involves a mutual understanding about all the important issues in your marriage. Setting goals together is one of the ways to further intellectual intimacy. For example, you might set goals to improve your intimacy, etc.

    Spiritual intimacy

    Marriage has a spiritual and philosophical dimension that include sharing spiritual and religious attitudes, behaviours, beliefs and life experiences. This involves sharing religious beliefs and observing religious practices together, such as praying and attending church. As you share spiritual experiences, you will become united in your attitudes and goals. Couples become active in a church where they can learn, grow, and serve God along with others.

    Recreational & Social Intimacy

    This is enjoying activities together, like running, golfing, or reading. Watching a TV programme or preparing a meal together can be good ways to build recreational intimacy. Marriage has a social dimension in which the partners enjoy doing things together and spending time together.

    Financial or monetary intimacy

    The fiscal dimension of marriage deals with decisions and actions concerning earning a living and spending money. This comes with discussing and sharing your finances.

    Sexual intimacy

    Husband and wife share their physical love for each other, by sharing their bodies and physically becoming one. This is one of the most important dimensions of healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue about sex. Someone once said, “A major strength for happily married couples is the quality of the sexual relationship”.

    The (Different) Meaning of Physical Affection to Men and Women

    Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their wives and husbands. However, what this means from both sexual and emotional standpoints, is somewhat different for men and women. Therefore, typically men and women enter into marriage with different beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important, so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided.

    It’s been said that, typically, men give love and commitment, in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex, in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex, while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs, while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

    Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured, before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse.

    Men often need to be sexually aroused, before they can truly feel and express love. It’s through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives’ need for love and emotional support.

    Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground, so that their emotional and physical desires can be fulfilled. Understanding each other’s feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate, is the key.

    Until you are a born-again child of God, you cannot benefit from what has just been discussed. To be born again entails confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins. Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank You for saving me. Now I know I am born again!

    Congratulations! You are now born again! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com; Tel. No: 234-1-7747546-8; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by Pastor Faith Oyedepo are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work and Building a Successful Family.

  • I don’t believe in marriage – Femi Kuti

    I don’t believe in marriage – Femi Kuti

    WITH Felabration 2013 coming up, have you been able to achieve the dream behind setting it up?

    Definitely! We are all Nigerians and we know what it means to run a festival at that level with no cost, with no major sponsor for over 13 years. I think we have to be applauded. It’s a feat that hasn’t been achieved in Nigeria. All the great festivals we know in Nigeria have broken down. Everything doesn’t last and then it’s free. It is little or no issues with security. The security is very tight. We hear of little or no incident and with the crowd of over 10,000 people coming in, week-in week-out, I think we have to be commended. And we have to thank everybody for being peaceful. We thank the media for covering the story for us, we have to thank the musicians that perform for free, everyone that has put their little bit to make it a great success. Now Felabration is everywhere in the world especially in major cities, the world over. The event my sister started has grown.

    Will Rita Marley’s child be performing?

    I think we are having visa problems with him. He is not her child but one of Bob Marley’s sons. He has agreed to come and the contract has been finalized, we are awaiting his visa. If he gets his visa, that’s good. We had a number of bands coming in from America but we heard that they cannot get their passport because of the shut down. We have some Afro beat bands coming from the United States of America but with the shut down, we don’t know. However, we have some bands coming in from Ghana and of course our great Nigerian musicians like 2face, Kwam 1, Davido, Wizkid, Eedris Abdulkareem, Kennis Music and other rascals including myself will all be there.

    Apart from finance, what other challenges are you encountering?

    I think the major challenges are finance and security. We would love a situation where we would pay the artistes well and dictate the pace. Now the artiste will tell us what day they are free and all that but normally, what it should be is to tell the artiste when we want him to perform and pay him. But we cannot dictate the pace to the artiste when they are doing you a favour. Felabration has to bend to everybody’s rules. We hope to have a situation where we can dictate when an artiste performs. The next thing is to get the museum working. Apparently, Lagos state has bought the other land for the car park but we are still looking for major sponsors that will make the museum work properly. We have big dreams that we want to put in place, only big money can put this into motion. We have managed to keep this place tidy, clean and it is well kept without major money. Hopefully, we’ll get the car park and the guest house running before the next Felabration.

    Does the Fela Broadway Show also have an input in this year’s edition?

    I’m sure you know what it cost them to come last time? They are a cast of about 50. By the time you talk about their air ticket, housing them, and so on, you would know what I mean. I think it was the Lagos State Government that brought them the last time and I knew what they had to do to bring them. Eventually, what we are going to be focusing on is new talents and more bands. I will love a situation where we do not have only hip hop people miming to their tunes but we want to show the dexterity and talents Africans are gifted with. I would love to bring in more bands in the future. I think this will be the priority of Felabration.

    Outside Felabration, what is the family’s stand on Fela’s biopic being packaged by an American company recently?

    I don’t know about it. There are many things I don’t know about. I don’t think it’s done yet. This is a movie that has been in the works for about five years now. I’m sure you know it is not a film that they do overnight. They have to do the burning of the house, the soldiers, et al. If they are going to do a movie of that magnitude, it’s going to be a great movie. It is going to take time. They have been talking about this movie for ages now.

    Does the family have any plan to do that?

    No. We are only going to give them the license to do it. We have a legal team that deals with all of these things. My own duty as a member of the estate is to give the approval. I have signed the contract ages ago and I know maybe it will take another two to three years before this dream will materialize if it does. I even believe the first contract we signed for five years would have to be renewed if the film has not been completed within that time frame. When my father died, that was in the making but that contract expired, so they had to sign a new contract. And because there is no money in the music business, the family has been very lenient when discussing with all these people because, we all know about piracy. Everybody is downloading his music, so you have to be very understanding. Everybody wants to make money, so the family has had to be very cool with who is giving authority, how they give the authority. We have a good legal team handling all these for the family of course; we have to still protect the integrity of the family.

    Given the status quo of the country, will you say your father has been vindicated and was misunderstood in his lifetime?

    He was misunderstood for a purpose because he saw corruption and he knew what corruption was going to do and those involved with corruption wanted to get away with dictatorship and corruption which was what he was against. And because he used his own unconventional way of protesting, it didn’t go down well with the authorities. Then the authorities controlled the media up to a point until after Daily Times, when other media houses came because we have to remember that it was only government newspapers and TVs, so the story was told from the government perspective until other private news outlets and magazines started to come out helping Fela’s story to be seen from another point of view.

    Are you saying that you are different specie?

    I am probably more diplomatic because I have learnt from what I saw of him. First, you have to understand the political climate we live in. Let us remember who voted for Obasanjo? Except if we want to be dishonest with ourselves, Obasanjo won the first election, clean and clear. What would Fela have done if he was alive and this same Nigerians still went to vote for this same Obasanjo? Didn’t they hear Fela sing about this man? Then, it is still this same Nigerians that were criticizing this man and they know.

    In his lifetime, Fela described you as a better sax player; he is master of the organ, are you honing your skills further?

    I can never be better than him on the organ but definitely I will floor him on the sax. He knew it and except you are a Fela fanatic, you will not want to accept it and I’m not boasting, it’s a fact and he knew it. There are many things I can do with the sax and that is because there are many reasons why he did not get to the level I got to. The beatings first of all; Fela could not hold the sax because they broke his shoulder blade, so many people did not know he was suffering a lot of internal pain especially after 1977- the burning of the house. Fela was suffering a lot of pain; he couldn’t even hold the sax well. Like I said, the child has to learn from his father. I think I have stepped up my game and don’t forget I was not trained like Fela was trained. Fela was trained to play the piano. The piano I am playing, I am playing it like I have practiced it for 13 years but finding a voice has been a major challenge. Many people that are great pianist, you don’t hear of them because they can’t find a voice. What I have done is I have used my knowledge to find a voice even on the trumpet

    How will you rate your album?

    I think it is my best album without doubt. It’s a very frightful album. I have a fear that production wise, I might not be able to beat it.  Production wise, it is definitely the best. It’s comparable to the Shoki Shoki album that won all the awards then. I think the last album, Africa for Africa, would have probably done as well if I had recorded it in Europe or in France but that was recorded here and we had a lot of technical issues here that the studio could not meet up with the international standard. That album, people in the Grammy saw the talent and it got nominated. If this one gets nominated again for the Grammy, I don’t know if it will win but if it gets nominated, I will definitely not be surprised. All the major critics worldwide say it is my best work.

    At over 50, some people say it seems you became more sexually active?

    That is not true. I am not more sexually active. I have even turned off sex a lot now. When you see a beautiful woman, when you reach my age and you have responsibility like me, you will know what I am talking about. As a young man, you would want to chase her. If you decide that in your mind, many things will come into your mind like the responsibility of catering for six children, that the girl may need a new phone, and so on. I used to take care of four children. One is going to Ife, I just paid in. One is in UNILAG, one is doing Film Directorship.

    Now I have managed to take them this far, unfortunately if they were my only kids, I will be a free man; I will even be going on holidays. My son is going to University in London, I am thinking of pounds. I can tell you that the mothers of my children, we stay together, we are very serious. You could say we are husband and wife but I don’t believe in marriage. I feel we are like in a marriage situation. I just don’t understand why one man will say I pronounce you man and wife, in that case, I pronounce myself man and wife. I am very different from my father but in a lot of ways like him. Like I couldn’t understand why he married 27 wives. When he married them, he divorced them but if I told you that these women, why are you marrying them? I didn’t have a problem, my mother had a problem but we as kids didn’t have any problem with them. When the problem started in Kalakuta, for us it was fun, I just saw 27 mothers, I didn’t see 27 competitions.

     

  • Husband wants 30-year-old marriage dissolved

    A 60-year-old husband, Mr.Abdullahi Saka on Monday prayed a Customary Court sitting in Ado-Ekiti, to dissolve his 30-year-old marriage to Mrs Iyadun Abdullahi, for allegedly committing adultery.

    Saka told the court that apart from committing adultery, his wife was frequently fighting him and some of their neighbours.

    He said that the 30-year-old marriage had produced two males and two females, who are now grown up.

    Counsel to the petitioner, Mr Ajibade Abubakar, told the court that neither Mrs Iyadun Saka nor her counsel had appeared in court since their first appearance in 2011.

    Ajibade said that the estranged wife had since returned all her husband’s property in her possession, “which shows that she is no longer interested in the marriage’’.

    The Court’s President, Mr Joseph Ogunsemi, ruled that there was nothing the Court could do now since the defendant was absent or not present in the Court at the time of its sitting.

    He adjourned the case to Oct. 28 for further hearing. (NAN)

  • I’ve been getting marriage proposals but… —Katherine Obiang

    I’ve been getting marriage proposals but… —Katherine Obiang

    For Katherine Obiang, now an On-Air-Personality, her love for the big screen in recent time is soaring. The humble mother of three, who loves travelling, in this interview with DUPE AYINLA-OLASUKANMI, talks about her new role as a project manager for a stage play running this month at Terra Kulture, and the reason she is still a single mother, among other issues.

    YOU have been known as a TV person. Why this new passion for movies and the stage?

    Well, it is always good to diversify and try new things. I am always up for new things. So, when the director, Sola Roberts, ran the idea by me and we kept talking about it, I said to him you are a young person, do something that will stand out because of your passion for the art. So, he said let’s do Elechi Amadi’s “Pepper Soup”. It is a comedy, and everybody likes to laugh. Things are so intense that we can be carried away with our everyday life; we need something to ease the stress. And I have always loved the stage.

    Stage is difficult, don’t get me wrong; it’s more difficult than film. We had friends who were willing to support and PlayFactory produce it. He asked me to produce it but I just prefer to deal with project managing. People are exploring new frontiers; OAPs are going into movies; radio and TV personalities are also opening their minds to new things. So, I just felt why don’t we stay with the family and make it a Cool Wazobia and NigeriaInfo thing.

    Are you considering dumping radio for movies?

    I don’t think so, I think I will just try to blend it the best way I can. I don’t know which way this road is leading me to but I am flowing with it for now. I can’t say what I will do or not do.

    How did you come about the selection of an OAP for the play?

    Well, I just felt these are OAPs that people identify with personally, and because they have also hosted successful shows. I spoke to them and that is how the dream came true. People complained about stage, but now a lot of young producers are trying their best to resuscitate the stage. And to make it more fun, we have got some comedians too. And there is Lawal Sheriff, the news editor at Cool FM, he has a theatre background. But when you see him, you won’t know that he has an artistic side that he would like to bring out as well. And not just the regular faces that we are used to it; we also have the good fortune of working with two internationals, a French Lebanese and an American. The cross culture angle is great. It is just coincidental that everybody is coming from Cool FM and Wazobia.

    Now that you are giving so much of your time to work, how do you handle the kids?

    Well, the kids are currently on vacation, to resume soon. But I just have to find a way to do it. The children know about my new project and help me read out my script. My son will take Ichela, and my daughter will take Ineba, while my last daughter who can’t read yet is left in the cold, and I just give her something to occupy her. You hear the lines being delivered by children, you will laugh because they are innocent; imagine your eight-year-old reading that? And she is trying to put life into it. They know mummy is working and we have to do it together. So, the routine has been established. When they get home, they have to do their homework, leave them on the table and I can look at it when I get back. It is not easy, but I just have to balance my activities before the hair on my head turns grey. But it is exciting for them.

    OAPs are known to be in the background, why are they trying to get recognition now?

    I think the fact is everybody is looking for ways to conquer new borders. And because we have a disadvantage; I have been a TV person, so I know that the attention is immediate whether you like it or not. But radio, you have to struggle to put yourself out there because all they know is your name. All they know is your voice and that might sound different once you are out of the studio. Take Mayowa Lambe for example, she is a different person on radio. People would say ‘oh I love Mayowa, she is a spirited person’. But when you see her outside, you will not recognise that she is Mayowa, because she speaks pidgin on radio. So, we are trying to conquer that disadvantage; but not struggling to do this and having the interest makes all the difference. I am an accountant, but I had to do it, because my parents were against it. Now, I am in the line of communication art, so they have given up. We are working round our disadvantage to make it our advantage.

    You are so busy, is there a space for a man?

    I am taking a breather. Right now, I have young children. After you have been in a relationship for so long, I think it is healthy to open your mind to other things. Let’s chase money first, it will come along. When you look at your children, you want to give them so many things, so let me focus on that. My parents do ask me, especially my mum. I am busy doing so many things, which include Lekki Wives Season II. Anyone who comes into my life now is just coming to suffer. I can’t focus on that person. It is not that I don’t get attention, I do. I get all sorts of attention, but I am not ready.

    I think in our society, people don’t understand when you say you are not ready. They look at me, like I must be mad; but that is the truth. For me, I don’t want to bargain, because there are so many things to consider. I am on the radio from 10am to 3pm. From that time to wherever, I am running against time and, of course, I must also pay attention to my children. By the time I am done, I hit the bed fully clothed. And by six in the morning, my son will come and put on the light, ‘mummy, it is time to wake up.’ It is a miracle I am still like this; it is God. And I can’t do any meeting before my time on radio, except I am on leave. And when I am on leave I like to travel, to go and breathe a little. But it will come; I have no doubt about that. Man matter? I don’t have power.

    Do you miss being on the television?

    I had an amazing time on television but I don’t really miss it. My boss (at Nigerian Info FM) recently told me we will be going on television soon, so I just might be going back to television. It doesn’t look like I have a choice.

    Tell us, why the sacrifice of television for radio?

    Television is more natural for me than radio but I soon became tired of the constant harassment it brought my way. And then, I had reached a point at NTA where nothing really excited me anymore. I wanted new things and to an extent, the bureaucracy there (NTA) didn’t have plans for that. Again, there was too much attention from the press – I couldn’t go anywhere without being recognised, it is still the case now though. Television was an intrinsic part of me but radio was a place to hibernate for me. Radio allowed me to be more vocal and impact more through my words as against the many distractions on television.

    Having spent over a decade in the media, any personal plans?

    I would like to have my own talk show and get people to talk and share experiences in a different way from what we see here; a platform where I can talk with people and help them laugh even as we share their problems. I want to bring on board all sorts of personalities; the serious-minded or light-hearted people and it would be on TV.

    How did you start your journey in the Nigerian media?

    It was during my one-year internship. I was working with the accounts section of a radio station and one day, the programme manager called me and asked me to read something for him, after which he asked if I had thought of doing something on radio. I gasped, but because I am always up for a challenge, I said yes when he asked if I was interested. I used to script everything I said so I can sound interesting and gradually I grew into it.

    What inspired the set up of your media outfit, 2PM?

    I wanted something different and unique and 2PM media was born. A small representation of what I do and all the things I can do.