The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Married

  • Edo: Married woman found dead in hotel 

    Edo: Married woman found dead in hotel 

    A female gospel singer identified as Yvonne Omoarebokhae has been found dead in a hotel owned by a former lawmaker in the Edo State House of Assembly.

    She was said to have lodged into the hotel with a Lagos based Pastor whose name was given as Apostle Psalm Okpe of the Fresh Oil Ministry.

    Husband of the deceased, Odion, said his wife met Apostle Sam on Facebook and after several months of chatting, his late wife was invited last week Thursday by the Pastor to perform in Warri, Delta State.

    Odion said Apostle Sam claimed to have programme in Warri, Asaba and Benin City where his wife was to perform.

    He said his wife called him at about 10am last Friday that she would be home soon.

    The physically peeved husband said, “At about 9:30pm, the police used my wife phone to call and invited me to report at the Airport Road police station.”

    “I waited for more than two hours at the police station until the police asked me to go home but I insisted on knowing the whereabouts of my wife.”

    “The DPO later told me that my wife was picked at a hotel in the GRA and rushed to the Benin Central hospital where she was confirmed dead.”

    “I am yet to see the corpse of my wife to know want happen and who is responsible for her death. We have a three-year old baby at home.”

    It was however learnt that the pastor has been arrested and helping police with the investigation.

    State Commissioner of Police, Chris Ezike, confirmed the death of the woman and said the matter was under investigation.

    Ezike said a post mortem examination will confirm the cause of death.

    His words, “It is under investigation. The man is married and the woman is married. Not until a post mortem is conducted, we cannot conclude what happened. I have asked the matter to be transferred to the State CID.”

  • Married life is sweet, says Dolapo Oni

    Married life is sweet, says Dolapo Oni

    Screen diva, and real life princess, Dolapo Oni, seems to be enjoying life to the fullest as a newly married woman. Recently married to Prince Adegbite Sijuade; son of the late Ooni of Ife. Her new status seems to have made her a marriage counselor of sorts. Taking time out of her busy schedule as a talk show host and actress, she advised youngsters to decide what they want out of life when it comes to marriage, as it goes beyond age.

    “You need to decide what you want to do in life because it’s one thing to decide what you want to do before you meet someone and you now suddenly decide what you want to do,” she said,

    “I think as a woman you need to know yourself inside and out before you can complement another human being.”

    As befits her entry into royalty, her traditional wedding which held in Lagos literally shut down the Lagos social circuit, an event in which even A-listers were gated. And the sultry talk show hostess recently acted her first movie, Diary of a Lagos Girl in which she played Bim. The movie chronicles the life of an acquisitive Lagos girl, and how meeting new friends changed her worldview.

    Speaking on her role in the movie, she said, “I have acted in dramas, but the movie was all about having a story for an elongated period of time, although it wasn’t that different from shooting TV. Apart from that, from shooting to getting to the cinemas took a year. It was interesting to wait this long to finally see the work on the big screen. I am working on more movie projects, and TV series, as I also just finished shooting the second season of my own show so the sky is the limit in 2016.”

    Responding to enquiries on how she is coping with life as a married woman and wearing the two hats of wife and professional woman, she quipped, “Married life is sweet”.

  • The ironic twists in the way I married my wife- Abuja-based hotelier Ini Akpabio

    The ironic twists in the way I married my wife- Abuja-based hotelier Ini Akpabio

    Abuja-based urbane hotelier, Ini Akpabio, was groomed from an early age to manage a family business. From choice schools in Nigeria to Europe, he returned home to take over the family business which today has interest in different sectors of the economy. But Akpabio is more known in the hospitality and tourism industry with his Nanet group of hotels. A stalwart of tourism bodies in the country, Akpabio advocates for an improved hospitality and tourism industry in the country. But just as he works hard, Akpabio also enjoys the good life along with his wife. Said he: “We do not just work and talk tourism, we also practise what we preach.” In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO, he shares his  lifestyle with us.

    You seem to have grown up as a silver spoon kid?

    I was brought up by parents who in those days could be termed middle class; all those who came up from that background in those years could be refered to as silver spoon. We were exposed to the best schools right from kindergarten and ended in schools abroad. Right from when I was very young, we started going for holidays outside Nigeria. And we were always living in the best part of town wherever we found ourselves.

    What fond memories do you have of childhood?

    My set started the Federal Government College in Kaduna. So I have friends from all over Nigeria. One of my best friends is from Adamawa, a Muslim. We lived around the country, from Kaduna to Abuja, Enugu, Port Harcourt, Lagos and so on.

    How did you meet your wife?

    That is interesting, I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight because we sighted ourselves early in life. We even had pictures taken when we were in our teenage years. Our parents knew each other while they were in Kaduna. They had also been friends when my late father was working in England in the same hospital and in the same department.

    I had known my wife for a long time. All through the time I was a small boy and my wife was a small girl, it did not cross my mind that she would be my wife. What happened was, after I finished my first degree in Nigeria, I went to England for the second degree. I ended up living there for quite a while,. and got to the age of marrying. I was about marrying a lady over there, who holds a British passport, my mother came over to London but the lady in question had never been to Nigeria and insisted that she was not going to come over to Nigeria with me. And I wasn’t ready to stay in England married to her and then choose to return after 30 years or so. It wasn’t going to work out.

    So what did you do next?

    I came back. However, because my mother had seen that I was nearly married and that marriage was what young men tried to dodge for as long as possible then, there was pressure on me. I am from Akwa Ibom State but at that time, I had three women that I would have got married to. First was my present wife who is a Yoruba; then an Ibo and an Hausa girl. And because I had not been living in my part of the country, I had hardly had  a girlfriend from Akwa Ibom.

    My uncles put pressure on me to return to the village so they could look for a wife for me. But I did not heed the call. So for someone who was nearly married to a Briton, I didn’t see myself going to the village for a wife! My mother and two sisters began a plan to get me a wife. Sooner, they opened my eyes to my present wife. I then started seeing her in a different light, no more as a family friend, no more as a small girl, but as a young lady, and from there, we became attached and eventually got married. So it wasn’t love at first sight because at the time we met as children, we didn’t know what love meant.

    Years after, how has your married life been?

    It’s been fun; we are very compatible. We understand each other; she has been able to speak 80% of my native tongue Ibibio. She participates in things I do, like power biking, motor racing. I am very involved in all that, and she has been an asset to the business, just like my mom said she would be.

    How about your style, are you a flamboyant person?

    I am rather sophisticated. I have lived in different parts of the world, Spain, Germany, England and in Nigeria, I have lived in Kaduna, Abuja, Lagos. So, I enjoy simple dressing, but well co-ordinated; 90% of my shoes are of one colour, that is black, so that means I am not very flamboyant. About 70% of my clothes are also of dark colours, blue, navy blue, dark brown, black and so on. I am not one to combine yellow and green attires, or wear white shoes. I see some of my friends wear white socks and green and yellow socks (laughs); that is their style, I bear them no grudge. Also because of my type of business, we are usually in suit and tie or formal traditional clothing.

    What appeals to you?

    I love people who are not hypocritical. We do too much hypocrisy in Nigeria; our leaders sit in church, yet do the opposite of the preachings to their fellow human beings. We have leaders who are sycophants. Having lived long in Europe, I tend to favour the transparent lifestyle. For Nigeria, I like to see a country that lives up to expectation. A country can never evolve unless her best brains are brought up to run the affairs of the country. I pray that this administration does that.

    What men’s accessories do you love most?

    I love wrist watches; I do not wear neck chains. I wear glasses as a necessity, but they have come up to become fashion statements, sometimes I match them with what I’m wearing.

    You have been in the food industry for a long time, one would expect that you would be big in size, how have you been able to keep being trim?

    I had to be careful. I wouldn’t say that because I run hotels then I have to be a glutton and become big in size. It’s true that when one becomes wealthy, there is tendency to over-indulge in food and drinks, it is a problem for men and even women. I am active. I go to the gym, I take care of my health. I have a mother who is keen on healthy living, so I learn from her. I travel with my gym bag and I power bike a lot.

    Seems you enjoy working with your wife and also playing with her…?

    (Laughs) My wife and I have actually won trophies in car racing. She is my co-driver. In Abuja, we have done motor-rallies togther and we emerged first. We also play the games of Badmington, Lawn Tennis and so on. We also travel a lot within and outside Nigeria. We do not just work and talk tourism, we also practise what we preach.

    You are known to be in the hospitality business…

    I am the Group-Managing Director of a company now known as International Nanet Group. Under this, we have subsidiaries which include Nanet Hotels Limited, Nanet Investment and Properties Limited, Nanet Farms and others. International Nanet Group is the holding company. We have seven subsidiaries.

    But you started out in the hospitality sector…

    Yes, our core strength still revolves around tourism: hotels, restaurants and fast foods, everything that makes up the hospitality and tourism sector. And now we are doing a lot of consultancy for state governments. We consult with them and work with them in repositioning in terms of tourism and ensuring creation of employment and improving their IGR through proper placement of tourism, entertainment, and other leisure issues in their state.

    Is your wife involved in running the business too?

    She is involved. Interestingly, my mother started the business. My father was a civil servant, a medical person. Though five years down the line, he resigned and teamed up with my mother, to drive the business process. We grew up in a house that was business all the time. My parents were very much involved. Later on, I was co-opted into it. But when I came back from England where I went to do Masters in Hospitality and Tourism after my first degree in Business Administration, one of the things that I told my parents was that I did not want to continue that kind of family business. That was because I wasn’t very keen on working with my brothers and sisters who were already in other disciplines which were different from hospitality and tourism.

    I believe that the mere fact that you are the son or daughter of someone that owns a particular business, does not mean you must stay in it if you are not trained in that line of business. My siblings were architects, sociologists and accountants. So I laid down the rule that if they wanted me to run the business, since I am qualified, I will not run it without my siblings. I also requested that when I marry, I did not what my wife to be part of the business. I didn’t want to be discussing business at home, in the office and every  place. That would be too tedious.

    But I give thanks to my mother who was able to convince me that my wife is very hard working, that she will be an asset to the business. I was brought up to respect my parents and their views and the fact that there was merit in what she said, I finally accepted that my wife should work with me. Right now, she is the only immediate real family member that is working with me. However, just

    less than a year ago, my first daughter finished her NYSC programme after she got a degree in Hospitality and Tourism Management. She decided to join us. So it is now back to family business.

    What is the strength of Nanet like now?

    We are approaching 15 states now for consultancy, we are in 14 states in actually running hotels physically. Some of the hotels belong to the state governments, federal agencies, while some belong to private individuals. In the past, we had been in 20 states of the federation; we have done businesses in Taraba, Bauchi to Yenegoa, Abia, Cross River and so many other places.

    What has the response from the state governments been?

    The response has been good. Sometime last year, it was ruled at the court that aside the FCT, every state can enact laws for their state, guiding the processes of culture and tourism in their states, and this has opened up a lot of opportunities in the sense that it is not likely that all the states will have similar things when it comes to tourism. Some states may have different classes of classifications, while others may have different kinds of levies. I think that it is a reflection of the fact that we are a federation. So states should have a high level of autonomy as observed in USA which we are copying. We hope maybe in future, this will flow into other activities of the states. Also the very popular one is the state police which people have been calling for, to what extent should states have power over security in their jurisdiction.

    You just mentioned states having divergent tourism plans, can you take one state for instance that you are interacting with and the kind of tourism plan that should be there?

    We are interacting with Plateau State; we have made advances to some other states like Kano, Nasarawa and some states in the southern part of Nigeria. When we had meetings with some of these states, we found out that International Nanet Group will be able to create a tourism road map for the state to use as guideline and that will create a synergy approach to tourism. A roadmap that has been overtime too, could become obsolete. In such case, there could be a need to do a re-look at them, bring them up, before we ask the state government to implement.

    Another thing we also look at is bringing up the components that we feel form the tourism framework. Some of the components can be derivatives of the roadmaps. We  also earmark some significant areas; for instance, we work on classifications of tourism components. We also look into levies, how to harmonise and streamline against double taxation. We sensitise the private sector and encourage private-public sector relationship.

    Most of the tourism players belong to associations. So the associations have to be carried along. They have to be engaged and carried along on all new creations and policies. We guide states to do this to bring less friction, more co-operation and harmony between the states and the industry players.

    Why did it take the states long to realise that tourism is important for their states?

    It’s unfortunate that tourism is still backward at the local, state and federal levels. There is this small country noted for crude oil whose Prime Minister was in Nigeria recently for a conference. When asked, the Prime Minister said his country will be known for two things, which is agriculture and tourism. So a country can take it upon herself to robustly identify with tourism despite being one of the top producers of crude oil. It shows the importance of tourism, their understanding of the limitations of making oil the only major source of their income. Same goes to the United Arab Emirates which is one of the major players in the global oil industry, but also fully involved in tourism as a priority sector.

    So our states have to realise the importance of tourism. Governors do not seem to understand the place of tourism. One of the few governors that ever understood the place of tourism is ex-Governor Donald Duke of Cross River State, who ruled the state based on an idea of tourism. So it is time to tell the states, even the Federal Government that tourism has a major role to play. Once it is in place, other things will follow. Once you have tourism as your priority, it means that you will repair your roads, you must have good houses, good electricity system; it means you must have water, security and create jobs for people. Tourism is what binds everything together. That is because there is no tourism if you do not have anything to sell.

    A place like UAE that has made its country a trading point, tourists come to buy, so it makes sense for the government to industrialise the nation. That is why we say that tourism is a win-win situation. It breeds a proper natural synergy.

    Why it has taken the states long is also that for instance, Lagos State had to take NTDC to court, that Lagos should have powers at the state level to look at its own issues on tourism and hospitality. It went on in court and later on, it was accepted that every state should be independent. That created opportunities for every state government, Commissioners of Culture and Tourism and the states themselves, to harness into the tourism bandwagon and gain all the benefits of tourism. What is the hotel and tourism situation in the North? Is tourism coming back to life there?

    Tourism has been severely affected by Boko Haram insurgency in the northern part of the country and that includes Abuja. It has been a very disastrous period for our industry. But let me divert because even before the Boko Haram came into play, we have had lots of skirmishes in the northern part of the country which bordered on religious issues. Kaduna, for instance, has been boiling for a long time; Bauchi, Kano, even Plateau as well, under different religious and ethnic issues. So the North had started experiencing a lot of turmoil. It also became apparent that during the time of politicking, there was a new dimension in political tension leading to political riots. All these were affecting the economies of these states. Then came the blossoming which emerged in Boko Haram, which did not just become a Nigerian problem, but also an internationally engineered terrorism.

    The President had to start by visiting the neighbouring countries because it is now more than what Nigeria can stomach. That was the climax of it. Up till today, the drop in tourism number and hospitality earnings fluctuated in the North and in some states like the three most ravaged states of Northern Nigeria, Borno, Adamawa, and Yobe, reducing to 25%. People are surviving on that. There has been a significant negative impact from political, tribal and Boko Haram insurgency, especially on tourism. Some other sectors of the economy may not be feeling it that badly. You know, even in time of war, you still have to eat; so manufacturers of food items still manage to survive. People will still speak to each other; so the GSM technology would still be working and so on. But for us, nobody in his right mind will go for holiday purposes and meetings in cities where there are problems like insecurity and so on. So we have had a bad situation.

    The new government has, however, assured us that things will soon turn out differently. Even when Boko Haram is crushed, it will still take us a few years to reposition those cities in the minds of people for tourism. Today, I had to convince some young persons who want to change their NYSC postings from Yobe and Borno to stay put there. They said they do not want to stay there. I had to tell them that I did my NYSC in Sokoto. I told them to be hopeful, that once the Federal Government crushes Boko Haram, these places will be in urgent need of services, and they would be the lucky ones, instead of looking for crowded places like Abuja, Lagos or Port Harcourt.

    On the federal level, what can you say about tourism at this point in time?

    The way I see it, there will always be problem in our tourism sector; there is no way that a wrong can turn out to be right. We have been shouting at the rooftop that the NTDC is the engine room of tourism in Nigeria, and the first thing to do to that engine room is to put the right person there to drive the process. Once you do not have a professionally qualified, professionally experienced person manning the NTDC, it will manifest into confusion, and that will degenerate into creation of other offices, wrong policies, disorganisation, inability to understand what needs to be done and a total waste of time to an agency that is directionless.

    This has impacted negatively in the country in such a way that tourism in Nigeria now is directionless. That has been the bane of tourism in Nigeria. This has been replicated not only in NTDC but virtually in all the agencies of the Federal Ministry of Culture and Tourism. It even starts with the minister’s background, can’t the position be reserved for people in the field of tourism like it is done with other professions, like we have in the Ministry of Health? When will Nigeria start to recognise the tourism sector as a specialised sector? So until those things are addressed, we shall continue to experience the hiccups in tourism as we are presently having it.

    Still about getting it right, we have a new government in the country, as a staunch member of most of the tourism associations in the country, what can you say is the expectation of the industry from the new government?

    I would even add the question that, what have we done, because, for the government to do what we ask for, we actually need to table some things before the government. The Federation of Tourism Association of Nigeria (FTAN) the umbrella body for all the tourism associations in Nigeria, took many pages in the national newspaper, welcoming the new administration and clearly outlining that will be very good in our sector. And the change we want is to have professionals in the various offices of the ministry at federal, state and local level.

    The era of medical doctors becoming ministers and commissioners in the ministry of culture and tourism should be a thing of the past, core professionals should reflect as Director Generals of agencies of the ministry, people who have the requisite knowledge of culture and tourism is about. We also appealed for a tourism bank, intervention funding, like the bank of industry which concentrates 99% on industrialisation.

    There is also the Bank of Agriculture, so we should have a Bank for Tourism. Then we also mention some laws that should be enacted at all levels of government that would make tourism easy in the country. These were things that were well articulated to the new government.

    Has your tourism body engaged the government on these issues?

    There has been a waiting game for the new ministers, as you well know, it is not easy for everybody to reach the Vice President and the President  because of their hectic schedule but we are still trying so that we can take these issues to their door step.

    You have also veered into farming…

    Yes, Nanet has been doing farming for quite some time; we have done this vertical diversification. When you are in the hospitality sector, you are prune to wonder about producing your own chicken or growing your own cassava since they are the raw materials you need. So we had been involved in large-scale agricultural farming in Kaduna, Abuja and some other states in the North in the past. We have revived them again to produce crops and poultry farms to produce thousands of birds. In the past, we had thousands of cattle and sheep and goats. Overtime, we became less focused on that. But because of the thrust of the present government on food sufficiency, and agriculture as a priority sector, Nanet is planning a comeback but we will start with agro-processing.

     

  • Group holds conference for singles, married

    A non-denominational ministry, Family Booster Ministry has concluded plans to organize its annual singles and married Lagos conference holding on Sunday, September 27, at the Gymnasium hall, National Stadium, Lagos.

    The founder of the ministry, Pastor Bisi Adewale made this known in a release made avaliable to The Nation yesterday said that the conference is focused on equipping the married and singles, especially the youths in Nigeria with positive information in every area of lives which include spiritual development, promoting healthy marriage, building good relationship, academice, finances, career, association and others.

    He said that the programme tagged: ‘Pillars of Marriage’ is poised to bring together thousands of singles and married from across the country as the programme has become an annual event that has been inspiring and transforming

    Adewale, who will be ministering on that day with his wife, Yomi, informed that they will be joined by other ministers of God, including popular Benita Okogie; Aperire; Provers 360 and Living Voices. They will minister in music and others.

    Adewale, who recalled that last year’s edition was a great success because of various testimonies that followed, said that the 2015 edition, which is expected to be greater, will feature book bonanza; fire prayers; dynamic teachings and free recharge cards.

  • ‘I found out he was married a week before our wedding’(2)

    DESPITE my misgivings about Stan, I still agreed to marry him when he proposed. You might wonder what made me do it. If I was not sure of a man, why would I want to marry him? Frankly, I can’t really tell. I just found myself agreeing to the plans he was making concerning our future; where we will live, how many children we will have and other stuff. Perhaps I was tired of seeing my mates getting married while I remained single. I wanted to be attached to someone too, have a man of my own that I can call my husband.

    Anyway, when I told my family I had found a suitor, they were happy as well as relieved. I was the only girl in my family that was still single; even my younger sister had beat me to the altar a year before. Though her case was a kind of ’emergency marriage’ as she had been pregnant for the guy while she was still a student and my father had insisted he married her or face the consequences.

    Out of happiness that I was finally settling down, my parents offered to foot most of the wedding expenses. I expected my fiancé to object and insist it was his responsibility and all that. But to my surprise and annoyance, he gladly accepted their offer. The issue caused a big quarrel and I refused to speak with him for some days. I felt he was trying to take advantage of my parents by shirking his responsibilities.

    Afterall, he worked in a bank and was making good money so what was his problem, I told him angrily during the argument.

    “It’s your duty as the man. I can support with what I have but leave my parents out of it. They can assist us but I think it’s unfair to leave everything for them to do! What kind of man are you if you allow your prospective in-laws to be solely responsible for your wedding?” I said angrily.

    “But you shouldn’t blame me, Nelly! Afterall, it was your Dad that offered. I didn’t ask,” he pointed out.

    “Then you should have refused his offer!” I countered. Though retired from the civil service where he had worked for many years, my Dad did consultancy and other businesses to keep busy and supplement his pension. Though he was doing well, I did not want him to exert himself too much on my behalf just because I was getting married.

    The church member

    Later, Stan and I sorted out our differences and forged on with our plans. A few weeks before the day, my fiancé informed me he was having cash flow problems due to a business investment he had made. He then asked for a loan to help with some of the wedding expenses. At that time, I did not have much money of my own. What I had was some money my brother had sent towards his house project and a small business he was planning to set up.

    I decided to ‘borrow’ the money and give it to Stan with the understanding that it was a loan that had to be paid back as the money, about N2m was not mine but my brother’s. He agreed and collected the money, promising to give it back once his investment paid off.

    Then one day, about a week before our church wedding, I was in church when a woman, a church member approached me. Though I had been seeing her around, I was not close to her.

    The woman, Sister Agnes said she had some useful information for me pertaining to my fiancé and would like to talk with me. Wondering what it was all about, I followed her out of the hall.

    Outside, she showed me one of my wedding invitations, stating that somebody in the church had given it to her. It was Gina, a member of the youth programme to which I belonged. I had given some IVs to her to distribute to her family and friends.

    Sister Agnes told me it was the name of my fiancé on the card that had attracted her attention. She asked if he worked in a certain bank, even mentioning the branch he was based. I nodded my head.

    She was silent for a while before speaking and what she said shook me deeply.

    She advised me to call off the wedding at once because my fiancé was a married man.

    “What?” I nearly screamed on hearing her words.

    “It’s the truth. We work in the same office so I know him very well. He’s not only married, he has children. I think he has four kids. They all live with the wife in his hometown,” she stated. I felt as if I was dreaming or was in a trance. How could this be? That the man I was about to walk down the aisle with a few days is already married, with children? Impossible!

    I could not believe it. And from my countenance, the lady could tell what I was thinking.

    “This can’t be true. Sister, are you really sure about this?” I queried.

    “Of course I am. I even know his wife. She has come to the office a couple of times to see him. Wait let me show you something,” she said. She brought out her mobile phone and showed me some pictures. It was a send forth party for a member of staff that had left the bank. There among the other staff was my fiancé, smiling happily at the camera.

    “It’s him,” I stated, staring blindly at the photos.

    Suddenly, my legs felt so weak that I had to sit down or I would have fallen. The woman later told me things about my fiancé that left me dazed. She said he was fond of dating ladies, especially customers of the bank whom he perceived as having money. He would promise all kinds of things including marriage just to get close to them and their money.

    “There was a case he was involved in a few years ago that almost cost him his job. The lady in question whom he had nearly conned with a fake marriage was from an influential family. They had threatened to take the case to the police but pressure was put on them by a top official of the bank whom Stan is close to and the matter was resolved quietly. I thought he had repented but he is still at his old tricks,” she noted.

    To confirm her words, she called Stan and put the phone on speaker. When he answered, they spoke briefly about office matters the she asked after his family.

    “They are all fine. I’m even with them right now at home. My second boy has been ill and is on admission at the hospital. I had to come down and see how he is doing. I will be back in town tomorrow though. So, see you in the office then,” I heard him say on the phone.

    “My God,” I intoned, suddenly feeling cold and hot at the same time as if I was coming down with a serious case of malaria. It had been confirmed in his own words. What further proof did I need.

    That day, I can’t remember how I got home. I was in a state of shock from the revelations about my fiancé. Later, I told my parents what I had heard and they were equally shocked. They felt deceived and my father, in great anger vowed to deal with him ‘for trying to mess with my daughter’ as he put it.

    He called a top police officer he knew who went and arrested Stan the following day at his office. I took some satisfaction in knowing the shame and embarrassment he must have felt at being taken away from his place of work in a police van.

    The wedding was called off and my family filed a case of fraud and theft against him.

    He could not refund the money he collected from me on the pretence of planning a fake wedding. So, the case was charged to court. As I write, Stan is cooling his heels behind bars, serving a five year jail term. He was sacked by the bank not just because of my case but another case involving some stolen funds.

    To me, it serves him right for what he is going through. He tried to fool me, deceiving me that he wanted to marry me when all he was interested in was my money. Nemesis has caught up with him and I hope he rots in jail!

    I hope other ladies will learn from my case and be careful because a lot of guys these days are on the prowl, looking for ladies people to devour.

    Concluded

     

    Send comments/suggestions to 08030822400(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

    We have changed the names of Nelly and other individuals in the story to protect their identities.

  • Re: ‘My cousin is married to a fraudster, but who will tell her?’

    (Text messages and e-mails have been edited for brevity, clarity and grammar)

     

    – Ella should not have married him in the first place- the courtship was too short, barely six months. That’s too short to know someone fully. Anyway, the deed has been done. My advice is to tell her about your findings. But do it in a sensitive manner because of her condition. Take her to her mother’s place or an older person in the family and tell her the truth about her husband. It’s better she finds out now than later. Who knows whether he has plans to steal her money and run away like he did with the other woman. So, tell her as soon as possible. Thanks and keep up the good work you are doing with your entertaining and thought provoking stories. Mike from Abuja via email.

     

    -On your story about a lady married to a fraudster, it will be in her best interest to let her know because when the hands of justice catches up with him, Ella and the rest of the family will be labelled as criminals. Besides, she might be the next victim. From Baruwa, (Mrs) (08115151***)

     

    -If you really love Ella, tell her now before the devil destroys her completely. She would surely get over the shock with time. A leopard can’t change it’s spots. Yinka- (08035049***)

     

    -The story is very interesting. We need the concluding part. Kudos to the writer. (07035357***)

     

    – Whatever happened between Jack and his first wife should be left to them to settle if and whenever they meet. Besides, we don’t know what actually transpired since we’ve not heard Jack’s side of the story and Eric should not have told his wife; even at that it should be kept as a secret. They should apply wisdom to advise Ella to prevent such happening to her rather than disclose it outright. As it is, the union will collapse if she finds out as there will be lose of trust. But are Eric and his wife sure that Ella is totally ignorant of Jack’s past? Festus Sese, PH. (08037522***)

     

    -It is better for you to tell her in a simple way but you must tell her. Blessing O, Lagos (07085987***)

     

    -Good evening. Please I advise both of you to tell her right away or Ella may never forgive you when she finds out eventually. Please tell her now! Thank you. From anonymous, Festac, Lagos. (08038046***)

     

    -No dog is sleeping here, they are all awake. Time is running out too. Not to tell Ella is not an option if they are true and honest cousins. BZ, Kaduna (08099300***)

     

    -You and your husband should tell Ella about her husband at once; unless you don’t care what happens to her because he will definitely hurt her and the hurt will be worse then than now. (08088069***)

     

    -As quickly as possible, give the duped woman Jack’s address and quietly watch the matter pan out or you will eventually be an accomplice to Ella’s misfortune. (07088740***)

     

    -Your husband got the information divinely, to deliver your cousin from future trauma. If you fail to tell her, be assured that the load the conman would have carried, would be on you. Steven. (08035093***)

     

    -You guys really have to tell her. If its possible, tell her the story and pretend it happened to a friend of yours and see her reaction; then you can tell her that it was her husband that is involved. Obiefuna A, from PH. (08039458***)

     

    -In respect to the article to yesterday’s edition of the Nation newspaper, if her cousin doesn’t tell her, she is still going to hear about it and it might be too late then; maybe after he has swindled her too. The white woman has vowed to get him and she meant it. If the hands of the law catches up with him, it might be too hard for Ella to bear, so its advisable they inform her very soon. Good day. Hussein via email.

     

    -Pretend to be reading this same newspaper before her. If she gets curious about what you are reading, narrate the story to her and seek her opinion. Her perception about the story will enable you know what her state of mind is and whether you can tell her its her husband. Via email.

  • We got married even though we knew we were both AS

    We got married even though we knew we were both AS

    Who is Ndidi Obiora?                    I am the CEO of Enthyst Events and Enthyst Fashion Klinik located at Dolphin Estate in Ikoyi, Lagos. I am a free-spirited person. I am spiritual, passionate about everything I do. I am me. And I am easy-going, to a large extent.

    You’ve been in the social scene for a while, even winning fashion and style awards here and there, what aspect of fashion are you involved in?

    I’m not a fashion designer; rather, I am a fashion buyer. Over time, I have been able to source and identify international designers and labels which I stock for sale exclusively to my clients. Hopefully too before the end of this year, I would also be able to add the local designers too because Nigerian designers are now understanding the whole idea of the ready-to-wear fashion line. We are getting to that point. I will be very proud to carry the works of our local designers.

    I am not new in this business. As an organisation, we have been on the clothing business for the past four years. But as an event consultant, we are warming up for our tenth year celebration next year. For the event consulting business, we conceptualise, define, plan, manage, execute and implement events. When we get a brief, we come up with the full concept of the brief, define it for the client. What sets us apart from our colleagues is the fact that we are very creative, we turn a small idea into great ones and our clients are usually surprised at the outcome of the brief they give us. From birthdays to weddings, fashion shows, music shows and award nights, everything event is what we do. No matter the size of the event. We have done events for 30 people, 50, 100 and 3000 people. That is the beauty of it all; no two events turn out the same because of the different concepts for the events that we do.

    Let’s talk about the fashion aspect of your work. Where do you get your international labels?

    The labels are mostly from the Middle East and they are mostly labels that are not popular out here. What we do is to explore the Middle East. I do not carry the American or the British style of clothing. No, that is over-flogged. The clothings from the Middle East are those that cover the whole of a woman’s body and also at the same time make her look graceful without revealing her body. Again, most of the clothes we carry from there are those that are easily called one size fits all, which means that a dress that will fit a size eight can also be worn by a size 20.

    So it is different. It is new. Some of them are Grecian, there’s detail in the definition of the style of clothes and it is amazing the way it makes a woman look and cover parts that should not be exposed, I mean the parts that show the flaws of a woman. You know, by the time a woman starts to have children, it is very likely that she will start to put on weight, then a little flaw here and there. And most women will want to cover such flaws. These clothes help a woman to do just that and also make her avoid the use of girdles. But more importantly, they make a woman come out looking elegantly beautiful.

    No wonder you wear clothes from the Middle East a lot of the time.

    Definitely, I wear them too. I am a believer of the saying that you are a product of what you do or sell. And you have to wear your own products also. That actually makes it easy for me because wherever I go to, people are always stopping me to ask where I got the clothes from. That is how I actually started out in the business because I suddenly realised that there is an opening for a market in it. I started small with just a few people. But because it is different, it got on popular fast and then it was on major shows and every other important places.

    Are they mostly gowns and boo boos?

    Yes, most of them are red carpet dresses. If you want to be the belle of the ball, then you wear one of it to create that effect for you. So, they come in gowns, jump suits, boo boos and so on.

    They look quite expensive and you being in an upscale area also must mean that they are outrageously expensive.

    (Screams) Oh no, they are affordable. I sell to a lot of women that understand and appreciate the concept, class and style of our clothings. And that I must tell you constitute a lot of women out there. People come to me and when they get one, they turn around and tell me, thank you. That is the biggest joy I get. It is not about how much money that you spend in my store; it is the fact that you are so happy to be in that outfit because you know that you are going to steal the show at the event that you will be going to. There will be that excitement in you to finally wear that outfit after you have bought it. That is what gives me great joy.

    But before the last 15 years that you’ve been in business, what were you doing?

    I was in advertising. I was also in the telecoms industry, while the banking industry was my last port of call before I finally resigned and started my business.

    Why were you jumping from one industry to another?

    (Laughs) Yeah, I was jumping. But the beautiful aspect of it is that I kept to one line of profession which is marketing. You know, marketing and client service kind of go together, somewhat interwoven. I am a marketing person. I have always been that.

    Why marketing?

    Oh, marketing comes natural to me. It is not about what I studied. It is something that came to me naturally. And it is always better when it is in-born like it has been with me. Marketing is not about what you learn, it must be inside of you, though you can later go on further to polish it by getting certificates and so on. However, I studied International Relations at the Obafemi Awolowo University. For me, that was the academic side of life. That is because those who know me also know that marketing is in my blood. My friends even openly say that ‘Ndidi can sell ice to the Eskimos!’ But in selling anything, I always ensure that I believe in whatever I am going to sell. If I believe in it, then the rest is history.

    Where did you grow up and what memories of your childhood do you recall?

    I attended the Federal Government College, Owerri, Imo State but I grew up in Lagos because my parents live here in Lagos. I was born in Germany though. My parents were there about that time studying; they got married and had me there. There is much I remember of my early days. I do not really know which part to dwell on right now but, I must say that I cherish what my children now call family time. Yes, that is what I recall I had in my early days at home. I recall that we used to be together with my parents, going out together and having a nice time. Those were the days I cherish most.

    Have you returned to Germany since then?

    No, but I hope to. I have been to all parts of the world but not to Germany. And that is because I just haven’t had any reason to go there. So I hope to. My god-parents are Germans; so, I do hope to go and see them some day. I am, however, in constant touch with them. Every year, they send me a gift on my birthday, just like they did when I was getting married; they sent me precious gifts. I’m really looking forward to going back there some time to see them some day.

    Why haven’t you gone all this while?

    It is probably because I haven’t really had something to take me there. During the course of the year when I am planning my business trips, Germany does not come into the picture. That is because it is not on my business route.

    You sell fashion, so tell us what fashion things attract you personally?

    Clothes attract me. When I see clothes on mannequins, I gush. I just drop. I love clothes. I love details in clothes. I also love jewelleries that enhance feminine outfits and looks. I am a sucker for shoes. I have a weakness for shoes.

    That means you have a closet that is filled with shoes?

    Oh, this is confession time. Yes, I do (laughs). I never stop buying shoes for myself. I do love shoes. I must also confess that I am a shopaholic. And once you are that, then every lovely fashion item gets your attention and the next thing is that you are thinking of buying it. From bags to shoes and clothes, it was just right for me to open a shop and start clothing people. I was already used to spending a fortune on clothes. So when I started clothing people, it made me feel less guilty shopping for clothes and fashion items.

    Could it also be your good figure that makes fashion come natural to you?

    Well, well, well, (laughs) I wish I know how lovely my figure looks but I know that I love to look good in clothes. And to do that, one needs to maintain a certain body structure or figure. If you can’t keep such figure, then wear the clothes that fit your big body structure. You cannot be on the big side and love to tuck in clothes. No, that won’t fit. You have to wear what suits your body frame.

    Tell us about your style

    I like to be graceful. I love elegance. I like to be comfortable. I like that my clothes do not wear me but that I wear my clothes. I like it when I meet you, you see me and not the clothes I wear. I love to have carriage and charisma. That is all part of looking right. I also know that my style does not end with what I wear; it extends to my make-up, my hair, and my nails. Each of these makes up my style. Even when I am wearing a pair of Jeans, the way I put it together, the fine lines of the clothes and the neatness does it for me. It is not about just buying an expensive dress; it is about how I put it all together.

    What vanities of life have you found difficult to resist?

    (Laughs) Ha, if my dad was here now, he would have had something to say about that. What vanities I find difficult to resist? That must be fashion! That is what I find difficult to resist in every angle of it, from clothing to shoes, to the hair and all other aspects of it.

    Do you consider Nigerian women fashionable?

    Totally. I doff my heart for the Nigerian woman. We are the most fashionable in the whole world. And I like the fact that we always go all out of our way to look good, especially in the last six years; I have watched the industry grow from strength to strength. It is amazing. It is an industry that will blow up big.

    If you weren’t a business woman, what else would you have done?

    I have not done any other thing but business sort of. Even at that, I do not just do business, it is usually passion-driven. Event business is pretty much like being in the entertainment industry because you get to work a lot within that industry. I find myself being drawn more and more in that direction. That is another industry that does not have enough investment to drive it. For instance, we do not have real good, solid studios in this country. If there are, then they must be few. And because of that, it costs some of the very talented artistes that do not have the funds lots of money to go into the studios to produce their works. I am looking at committing funds in that direction.

    Does that suggest that you like music?

    Yes, I like music; I love entertainment, especially female folks in the industry. I believe that they are not given enough opportunity to blow. The women in the music industry can do better if given the opportunity. So, I am looking at investing in that direction and see what comes out of it.

    Does that mean that you love to dance too?

    I love to dance. I am looking forward to opening a dance school soon. First and foremost, it will be to occupy the young people’s time. As a working mother, we are saddled with the fact that we have to leave our children at home with the nannies. Most of these nannies are not educated. So, these children are spending a lot more time with the nannies than they are spending with their mothers because by the time you get to the house, they are probably asleep. I started thinking about something more rewarding for the children to do after school rather than go home and spend time with the nannies. So, learning how to dance in a convenient place with in-built security came to my mind. Dance is fun. It is relaxing and it also instills some form of discipline in children at a very young age.

    You talked of your children just now, how about family and what’s your view about marriage?

    Oh yeah, I am married with children. Being an events person means that I handle a lot of weddings too. I also meet a lot of would-be brides and grooms. I get to talk to them indirectly counseling them. I tell them that marriage is a beautiful thing when you marry your friend. There will be closeness. There will be communication. With someone you call your friend, there will be trust and you can tell your friend anything. For me, marriage should be with a friend and should be about friendship.

    What role does love have to play?

    Love is very important. I am from the old school that believes that the ratio of love should be 60-40 and 70-30: More from the man and less from the woman, of course depending on the society. That way, the man has more to hold unto. I believe so much in love in a relationship, to the extent that I liken it to a situation whereby you can pluck an eye out for the one you love. Why I put friendship before love is because having both in one makes a good combination for marriage. And lastly, a family that prays together stays together.

    Was yours love at first sight?

    Totally, right from day one, we fell deeply in love with each other. Also because of the love that my husband and I had, we knew that we are both AS but still went ahead to get married.

    You mean both of you knew?

    Oh yes, we knew but still went ahead and got married because we love each other and knew that whatever circumstances that turn out, we will be there for each other. We have three children and one of them has sickle cell. He is, however, a strong boy. He is a fighter and there is so much love around him. That is why it is important that there is strong love between couple and strong love in a home.

    Tell us about your spouse

    The truth is that my husband is the reason why I am fulfilled today, in terms of the support that he has been giving me. There is a trace of him in everything I have done to get to where I am today. All the things I am doing now are things that I had dreamt a long time ago that I will do. But it took him to share my dreams, to believe in those dreams with me and enable me to get to accomplish those dreams.

    As a working mother, how do you find a balance?

    I have a hectic schedule, which also means that I have a busy lifestyle. When I am not doing events, I am travelling for the fashion business. I travel every now and then to find the designer stuff for my clients. But having said that, my children and their dad understand what I do and that goes a long way to make it easy for me. But when I do not have anywhere to go, I stay home and enjoy my family. We also go away from it all once a year for a holiday which lasts between 10 days to two weeks in order to bond with the children.

    You are a beautiful woman, how do you ward off advances from men?

    I do my work and move on. I don’t give advances the light of day. It’s all about work for me.

    Your best holiday?

    I love Dubai because there is always opportunity to shop. Shopping is also relaxing for me. But my husband does not like us to combine shopping with our holidays. Like when we went to Seychelles, there was nowhere to shop, also in Egypt, though I eventually found a shopping mall in another part of town in Egypt. Shopping is a crazy relaxing therapy for me.

    Your first car?

    It was a Daewoo. It is funny the way things change. It was a small car. My husband bought it for me when I was in the university. It was everything for me then. But now I have bigger cars. I love the roomy space.

  • ‘I married her despite being told we are incompatible’

    After three different clerics revealed we were not compatible, I still married her. Now, I am trapped in a loveless marriage.” These were the words of a 50-year-old trader, Akintoye Oladejo, who is praying the Alakuko Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve his 25-year-old marriage to Folashade. He alleges that she frequently attacks him on trivial issues.

    He said: “I have not known peace since I married Folashade. She publicly harasses my female friends because she thinks I am having extramarital affair. I was ashamed when my wife publicly referred to me as a thief for no reason.

    “I first brought her case to court in 2009 to formally divorce her because we have been separated for six years but I was prevailed upon to withdraw the case after she agreed to change. Each time I return home with money, my wife steals from it.

    “My wife gladly rented out a shop I locked when I was out of town. She doesn’t seek my permission at all. Her attitude disgusts me. Each time my children visit me, she beats them mercilessly. The last time they visited, my wife brought policemen to arrest me. Our second child was in my wife’s care when she got pregnant. How? Who? and where? I still don’t know. She seized our children’s phones saying they would inform me about what was happening in their house.

    “After I had spent N80,000 to process our fourth child’s admission into the university, which was successful, my wife stopped him from accepting the admission. So, I want a divorce this time because my wife has refused to change for the better.”

    Objecting to the divorce, 44-year-old Folashade said: ”The suffering started when he married another woman. I made a vow not to sleep with him since he married another woman after me. His wanting a divorce is because I refused to sleep with him and this has been like that for eight years. I don’t want our marriage dissolved because my children have no other father.

    “Yes, I stole his money and rented out his shop because he doesn’t give us allowance.”

    Their first child, who was present, pleaded with the court to settle her parents’ dispute.

    The court’s President, Chief Awos Awosola, fixed a chamber discussion for the parties and adjourned the case till October 23, for judgment.

     

  • ‘My brother was under pressure to get married but he died on wedding day’

    ‘My brother was under pressure to get married but he died on wedding day’

    One of the siblings of a man, Chukwuemeka Batholomew Nzekwe, who died on his wedding day, has revealed how his brother was put under pressure to get married by family members.

    The wedding ceremony turned tragic in Ekwulobia community, Anambra State on Saturday August 9, 2014, when the groom Chukwuemeka, died on his way to church.

    The 38-year-old man, according to a family source who spoke in confidence, rode on a power bike with his best man to beat the traffic when a man who wanted to alight from a car parked beside the road hit them with the door.

    “My brother had for long been disturbed by our family members to get married and we all were very happy when he announced that he had found a lady he would marry. He had concluded all necessary arrangements that could make the wedding ceremony grand.

    “He chose to ride with his best man on a power bike in order to beat the heavy traffic on the road, not knowing that it would lead to his death.

    “The incident happened at about 9.30 am when an occupant of a vehicle parked along the road hit them with the door of the car when he wanted to alight.

    “My brother fell on his head to the ground and died instantly while his best man is in critical condition in a private hospital.”

    The news of the incident shattered the joy of family members and guests who were seated in the church and brought the service to an abrupt end.

    “Although, the bride (name withheld) was taken away from the church, she was so traumatised that she now talks like someone who has gone nuts,” the family source added.

  • I’m married to trouble, man tells court

    A traditional medical practitioner, Olatunde Salia, is seeking to divorce his  wife, Ganiyat, because of alleged attempted murder, rudeness and constant fighting.

    Salia, who said he remarried to kill loneliness, told the Customary Court in Alagbado, a Lagos suburb: “I thought I had passed the stage of child nursing. I never knew I was wrong. I wanted peace but I found trouble.”

    Salia, who said the 12-year-old union was contracted under Native and Customary Law, added: “My wife knows the nature of my job, but she complains bitterly whenever I attend to female clients. She is very temperamental. The last time I tried to avoid her trouble, she ate rat killer. Out of fear, I hurriedly took her to a nearby hospital at night.

    “My wife and I wash separately to the extent of fighting over clothesline. She lacks respect and embarrasses me publicly. We have children but from different spouses. We married to support each other in times of distress. What else do I want from a woman who doesn’t listen to me? I can’t bear the pain anymore; I don’t mind dissolution.”

    Ganiyat, however, told the court: “How can another woman buy foodstuffs into our home when I am still alive? He told me to leave his house if I was tired of him. I slightly pushed him because of the provocative statement. My husband swathed his leg and told his friends that I intentionally wanted to destroy his leg. He is quick to anger. He punched my eyes because I accused him of selling on credit; I have been in pains for over two weeks now.”

    “ I lied to have taken a rat poison because my presence in the house wasn’t noticed. I don’t regret my actions. My stubborn attitude has brought me this long in the marriage. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused him. At this level, death should be the only thing separating us.”

    The Court President, Mr Olubode Sekoni, advised them to cease fighting and maintain peace since they still live together. The case was adjourned till Thursday for judgment.