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Tag: men

  • The men in our lives (V): Brothers

    The men in our lives (V): Brothers

    We all played together as children. Sometimes they were very caring; sometimes they were bullish and loved to chance us. They were ever ready to put that troublesome classmate of ours in order. We grew up loving them most of the time. Our brothers are our little daddies and could be more protective over us than our fathers.

    A time comes when things suddenly change and we see our brothers as a clog in the wheel of our progress conniving with our fathers. They tend to be so hard on us and protective when it comes to boys. They are the ones who report us to dad about some boys we have been seeing or some group of bad girls we have been hanging around with. True, the word “brother” stands for love, support, comfort, succour, protection, amongst other things, but how far should it go? Every young girl sure needs some guidance from an older and wiser person but some brothers tend to stretch their duties too far. In fact, so many young girls would rather not go to the same college or university with their brothers. Not because they do not want anyone to check their excesses but because they do not want unnecessary hassles arising from assumptions.

    Elizabeth, 22, said she went to the same university with her brother whom she had a wonderful relationship with while they were in the primary and secondary schools. So close were they that they were seen as partners-in-crime and got punished for each other’s naughtiness most of the time. They had to share a flat together at the university. Her brother virtually terrorised her throughout her stay because of hear-says which were mostly false as she said she wasn’t interested in her environment and could not mingle. She said he beat her sometimes and was fond of calling her all sorts of derogatory names. She said he always went home recounting what the tell-tales told him about her and this always got her into serious trouble and she ended up being punished for atrocities she never committed. When she could no longer bear it, she left their flat in school and refused to go home damning what her family thought. She would have revolted easily but had so much sense her brother never knew she had and a lot of times she felt she was wiser than him.

    She refused to talk to her brother for months because the effect his seeming protection had on her was totally devastating and hurt her badly. After a while, he realised his foolish ways of protecting his sister and apologised to her. Her family had to wade in and apologise on his behalf, but the trauma he put her through had made her so tough that she refused to talk to him. A lot of times when they came across each other in school she wanted to talk to him because she loved him as her brother but the pain he caused her was incomprehensible and not one she could forget for so many years.

    Interestingly, some girls said their brothers cover up for them and take them to parties though they are protective to a certain extent. While talking to the boys, most of them maintain they know better the “evil” boys could to do to girls and they would not want their sisters caught up in all that. This is true, after all the boys who practice the “evil” on girls are brothers to some girls. And most of them believe young girls are gullible and pretty silly in thinking. Some of these brothers want to put some sense into their heads by battering them. This is not nice.

    Every brother has a duty and responsibility to protect his sister and guide her through life; however, it should be done reasonably. It must be emphasised that growing up is a learning process of getting to be a better person and being who you really want to be. A girl should be reasonably monitored and cautioned but at the same time allowed to make her mistakes and learn from them and most importantly live her life just the way she wants. Besides, one’s adolescence comes in a life time and that phase has to be lived to the fullest, though with wisdom. However, we must appreciate our big brothers because they only mean well. Next week, by God’s grace, we’ll discuss how best to deal with them.

  • The men in our lives (IV)

    The men in our lives (IV)

    In the last two weeks, I’ve been writing on what makes a good father and the very important role he plays in bringing out the best in his daughter. Now, what about girls defiled by their fathers? This ugly situation is rampant these days and it is called INCEST. We often hear stories of uncles who raped their nieces but I was shocked to discover a young girl so close to me whose waywardness was caused by her father. She came to spend her long vacation with my family and I realised she liked to wear revealing clothes and pushed her chest forward around males.

    Rumours of her dalliances with the males in the neighbourhood were rife and before long, she was nick-named “cheap.” One of the domestic staff members “caught her” with the security guard barely a week into her holiday. She could do the sexiest and craziest dance steps so much that you would think she went to a dancing school. Many times, she got missing for long hours and came back with funny tales. Some other times, she said she was spending the weekend with her uncle or going for a vigil only to end up in her boyfriend’s house. Yet, she was only 15.

    The amazing thing was that no matter how much you reprimanded her, even lovingly, she never changed. No matter the leverage of insults hurled at her, she just could not be bothered and never showed any form of remorse. It was already her way of life and we assumed a spiritual angle to it. She always came back home with tales of her classmates’ escapades with boys. This is a girl who never had any sober moments. But one day, after a weekend at her uncle’s house, she came back looking dejected and tired. When asked what the problem was, she burst into tears and narrated how he slept with her thrice before she could collect her stipend of N 1,500 for the week. This was the same uncle we had invited over to discuss his niece’s waywardness who had castigated her to no end. She said it had been going on for a long time but could not tell anyone because he was the only one fending for her since her ailing father had no job. She said each time she told him she feared becoming pregnant, he would tell her to ask her mates about abortion and have sex with her till she became sore.

    Her next revelation was most shocking. She said her father deflowered her against her will at age 13. She said he simply told her that she constantly reminded him of her mother, his late wife who died at her birth, and wanted her to fill the vacuum she created. Unbelievable it seems, but it’s happening to so many other girls. He continued sleeping with her every now and then while she lived with him.

    One can only wonder what would become of the girl because he not only defiled her physically, but mentally and emotionally. At her tender age, she saw sex as an in-door game and a means to get phone cards, snacks, money to buy hair extensions, fix her nails…and so on. Obviously, such a girl would grow up unable to handle relationships with the opposite sex.  She’s likely to be very suspicious of men and see them as mean and callous. If her father could do the worst to her, then all men could as well be as beastly as they seem. However, that depends on how she’s taken care of by those around her if she spoke out. She may get over it on time and who knows, the experience may not have a long-lasting effect on her. But you will agree with me that it is not only a breach of trust but a very evil thing to do.

    Our relationship with our fathers goes a long way in determining our personality and shaping our destiny. Those with responsible and caring fathers are very lucky. And those without responsible and caring fathers can still get on with the support of their mothers or siblings.

    A Few Tips on How A Father Can Play His Role Effectively

    1.  He must have a good and respectful relationship with the child’s mother. Children are affected by the environment in which they grow and by what they see. That forms their personality and way of life.

    2. Parents are role models for children. A girl who grows up with a loving father knows she deserves respect from the man she marries. If a father comes home drunk every day or gets involved in shady deals or flirts with the opposite sex, his son would do the same and his daughter would feel she can’t marry a better man. What the children see mould their principles and morals.

    3. It is important that the family bonds by sitting together at dinner, praying together etc. This relaxes the child and gives her the opportunity to express feelings, ideas and experiences.

    4. There must be a good level of discipline in the family. If wrongs are punishable, good behaviour must be rewarded and emphasised.

    5. Fathers MUST give exclusive attention to each child as often as possible. During       their time together, they should not allow distractions to interfere. As a result, their children would feel noticed and special!

  • The men in our lives

    The men in our lives

    ONE of them laid the egg that brought us into this world. When we tried to talk, his name was the second we uttered. We grew up seeing him as our hero as he was on hand to cater to our needs.

    However, at a certain age, we saw him as the villain (father dearest).

    Some of them we grew up with, we played together and fought each other as they always turned out to bully us as caring as they were. They want to live our lives for us because they feel they know better. They may know better, but can’t they let us be who we “wanna be?”(Big brothers).

    Then comes those we never really grew up with. Those we hate to love, love to love, love to hate. They seem to have a stronger hold on us than the men we were with during our formative years.

    They are boys actually, but because of their domineering presence in our lives, they’ve become men!

    They rule our hearts, our minds, our souls; they make us fools for love.

    They are the major reason why we have so much trouble with the other men we have biological ties with. (Boy friends)

    How can one ever forget the men whose real interest we are oblivious of?

    They are our parents’ male domestic staff, our teachers… my goodness! Our lecturers, our brothers’ friends, our cousins, even our “uncles” and father’s friends as we mature.

    Some of them openly make amorous advances but we are way too innocent to know the depth of their ungodly interest in us.

    Unknown to us, a mere look from them strips us naked and one cannot even imagine what goes on in their heads. If only we knew, perhaps we would run far away from them. (Cradle snatchers)

    The men in our lives love us, protect us, and harass us emotionally and physically, cause us so much pain and make us wonder why we came into this world as females.

    But, can we really survive without them?

    No wonder, they say it’s a man’s world!

     

    Hello peeps,

    I am glad to be in touch with you again. Some girls have been sending messages to me to write about dealing with boys. While that makes sense, there are other men out there we ought to learn to deal with as well. However, the first male I’ll be discussing in these series would be the most important man in our life of all time – our father. True, so many fathers have failed their children for one reason or the other. At the same time, there are fathers who remain precious gems to us for the rest of our lives even after their demise. Who knows, many a father may not even know they are not carrying out their due responsibilities – now I am not referring to the financial aspect but talking in general terms. I’ll be writing on what we expect from our fathers and how the father’s love coupled with a strict upbringing and attention to the least detail of a girl’s life could make her not only a very special child but a rare gem and an extra-ordinary human being. Our fathers are meant to be our heroes. Every female would do everything to make her hero happy and proud of her. True or false? You know better.

     

    FATHER DEAREST

    To start with, we were brought into this world as a result of copulation between a man and a woman. When we tried to talk, our father’s name was the second we called after our mother’s. He is the very first man in our life. In our formative years we grow to love him so much. He becomes our hero especially if we grow up living with him under the same roof. He takes care of things (if he is the responsible type) and we assume he fights any evil around us. We run into his arms and want him to carry us on his shoulder even when we can walk. He is the first we take our homework to before he directs us to our mother. He is the one we often boast about at school. “My daddy is … my daddy bought me … took me…” and so on. Like mummy does not exist. All of these happen in our formative and impressionable years. Well, it continues for me though he passed on eleven years ago.

    When young people get to their teens and start experiencing all sorts of changes in their bodies, they see the world as a whole new place. They feel they have to be left alone and express themselves the way they deem fit living life to the fullest in the way they understand it. This is usually contrary to what daddy thinks. As such, it is rare to find a teenager who has never rebelled or tried to rebel against her father. This is because any responsible father will always protect his children, especially his daughter.

  • Okra is safe for men, says Iwu

    Okra contains a wide range of nutrients at good levels. It has a lot of health benefits including spermicidal activity. OYEYEMI GBENGA-MUSTAPHA writes.

    Contrary to belief, okra is good for men, former Chairman of Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) Prof Maurine Iwu has said.

    Iwu, a pharmacologist and Chairman, Bioresources Development Group said once the base of the okra is removed, it could be taken by men. Many men shy away from taking okra because of the belief that it weakens their libido and makes sperm watery.

    But Iwu said okra (Abelmoschus esculentus syn. Hibiscus esculentus) contains a wide range of nutrients. It has high vitamin C and folate levels and also contains good amount of magnesium, manganese copper and small but useful amount of thiamin, riboflavin, niacin and vitamin E. The base acts as a spermicide.

    He said: “Research has demonstrated that okra may have a cholesterol-lowering effect, possibly due to its fibre content. It has also been investigated for its anti-inflammatory properties.

    “It has been hypothesised that the binding of bile acids to fibre is one of the mechanisms by which fibre exerts a cholesterol-lowering effect. Bile acids are synthesised from cholesterol by the liver, but when bound to fibre are excreted. To compensate for this loss, serum cholesterol is converted by the liver into bile acids, thus lowering levels of cholesterol in the blood. An in vitro study into the bile acid-binding capability of okra, beets, asparagus, eggplant, turnips, green beans, carrots and cauliflower found that okra was significantly more effective than all other vegetables.”

    A research work entitled:  ‘Plant and Food Research Confidential Report No. 2325’, has proven that Okra has cholesterol reducing property. The research stated that Okra was included for its viscous fibre content (0.39 g/100 g FW) in a study comparing the effects of a cholesterol-lowering diet with that of lovostatin (a common statin).

    Prof Iwu said Okra improves skin health, as one study investigated the effect of polysaccharides derived from different food sources, including okra as skin therapies.  It was found that rhamnogalacturonans from okra increase keratinocyte proliferation in vitro, thereby potentially aiding in skin healing and rejuvenation.

    “This plant has Anti-inflammatory activity. The products of 5-lipoxygenase mediate allergic and inflammatory responses. These products are implicated in the development of a number of diseases, including thrombosis, atherosclerosis, inflammatory diseases and allergies such as asthma. Sekiya (1997) investigated 90 foods as possible inhibitors of 5-lipoxygenase as well as 12-lipoxygenase and cycloxygenase and okra was one of a small group found to inhibit 5- lipoxygenase activity.”

    And for those with ulcer, they might find respite in Okra as its Anti-Helicobacter pylori activity has been established.

    “Okra is a traditional Asian treatment for gastric problems, on account of its mucilaginous content Lengsfeld et al. (2004) investigated the effect of various okra extracts on the bacteria, H. pylori, a known cause of chronic gastritis, gastric and duodenal ulcers and stomach cancer. Using an adhesion model based on sections of human gastric mucosa, this study found that pretreatment of the bacteria with a preparation of fresh okra juice inhibited the bacterial adhesion almost completely. However, freeze drying and reconstituting the juice reduces its effectiveness.”

    Prof Iwu encouraged Nigerians to go back to the basics-natural food, as he said, “It is good to juice your fruits and cook your vegetables,”.

  • MEND attacks Shell Forcados’ pipeline

    • Claims responsibility for Agip pipeline attack

    Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) has said it attacked Shell Forcados Sub-C pipeline located in the Western Delta.

    The militant group in a statement signed by its Spokesman, Gbomo Jomo, said its scuba divers launched the attack at about 3am on Thursday.

    Gbomo in the statement recalled that MEND had on March 1 sabotaged the pipeline.

    Shell had earlier this month closed its Forcados crude oil export terminal because of an undersea pipeline leak.

    The pipeline has the capacity to handle 400,000 barrels of crude a day reportedly more than a fifth of the 2.2 billion barrels produced daily in Nigeria.

    MEND said its fighters were successful in causing further damage to the ongoing repairs on the terminal.

    It said the fighters inflicted “the heaviest toll ever on the oil industry since the commencement of its ‘Hurricane Exodus.”

    MEND further claimed responsibility for the attack on the Agip crude oil and gas pipelines in Ikarama Oil Fields located in Bayelsa State.

    Holes were reportedly drilled on pipelines belonging to the Nigerian Agip Oil Company (NAOC) in Ikarama community, Yenagoa.

    The pipelines in Ikarama oil fields were said to be spewing oil from three points into the environment after the attack.

    Ikarama is known as a hotbed for pipeline sabotage in the Niger Delta region with Agip raising the alarm that 90 per cent of the spills that had occurred so far in the area were the handiwork of oil thieves.

    Two of the compromised spots were said to be discharging crude oil while the other point was said to be spewing gas.

    MEND’s statement said: “At about 0300Hrs today Thursday, March 27, 2014, scuba divers from the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) revisited the Shell Forcados Sub-C pipeline in the Western Delta which we had sabotaged earlier on Saturday, March 01, 2014.

    “We were successful in causing further damage to the on-going repair works, inflicting the heaviest toll ever on the oil industry since the commencement of ‘Hurricane Exodus’.

    “The Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) also takes responsibility for the Thursday, March 20, 2014 attack on the Agip crude oil and gas pipelines in Ikarama Oil Fields located in Bayelsa State.”

  • My ordeal in the hands of Mbu’s men, by Abe

    My ordeal in the hands of Mbu’s men, by Abe

    The representative of the Rivers South-East Senatorial District in the National Assembly, Magnus Ngei Abe, a lawyer, is the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Petroleum (Downstream) and a former Secretary to the Rivers State Government (SSG). In this interview with Bisi Olaniyi in Port Harcourt during his first visit to Rivers State after the January 12 in which he was shot with a rubber bullet by policemen at the Rivers State College of Arts and Science, Rumuola, Port Harcourt, Abe relives his experience.

    How has it been since the incident of January 12, during the inauguration of the Obio/Akpor Local Government Area of Rivers State chapter of the pro-Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi’s Save Rivers Movement (SRM) at the Rivers State College of Arts and Science, Rumuola, Port Harcourt?

    First is to thank God that I am here and I am able to talk to everybody and see everybody. That is the most important thing that has happened. The second thing is also to thank God for the victory at the Supreme Court (of Amaechi against Sir Celestine Omehia on February 7).

    We have had lots of these crises. Any right-thinking person will agree that it is time for us to put some of these things behind us. Since last year, there had been a concerted attempt to remove the governor (Amaechi) from office and overthrow the government of Rivers State by force and there is no provision in our Constitution for that kind of behaviour.

    Having tried by all earthly means and they have failed, I will appealed to them to now sheathe their swords and let us work together, to try to help the people of Rivers State. That is the reason for which we say we are playing politics. What we are doing now is not helping them. It is clear that the governor cannot be removed without the law. So, since that is clear and that is what we all agreed, as citizens of Nigeria, let us work with the governor, let him do his job and let all of us, who also have jobs to do, be allowed to do our own jobs. If we do that, it will help the state (Rivers), it will help the country.

    For us to turn Rivers State into a theatre of war, because of the ambition of any single individual, is morally, politically and spiritually wrong. We cannot kill ourselves here, because of anybody. If people feel that they want to join a political party, they should be allowed to join the party of their choice.

    If you feel that you have superior reason why people should follow your own party, explain your reasons to the people. Do not carry guns to go and attack or kill the people, for going to join another party. There is no justification for that kind of behaviour. As far as I know, the President (Dr. Goodluck Jonathan) himself has said he does not think that anybody’s ambition is worth anybody’s blood.

    So, how come, the blood of the young boy in Degema-Kalabari (headquarters of Degema LGA of Rivers State)? Whose ambition has the blood they spilled for? So, we should put a stop to these things, before it gets any worse.

    Nobody should assume that when you throw a stone into the market, you know who it will hit. If we continue to buy guns and arm people, every gun you buy has a lifespan of over one hundred years. So, who knows who will be your friend tomorrow? Who knows who will be your enemy tomorrow? Who knows in which direction these guns will point tomorrow? Let us play our politics, win or lose, let us thank God for the privilege he has given to us to lead and we should move on with our lives.

    Some leaders of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Rivers State and the Grassroots Development Initiative (GDI), which has as grand patron, the Supervising Minister of Education, Chief Nyesom Wike, as well as the Rivers Police Command are still insisting that you were not shot by policemen on January 12 and that you simply pretended to attract global attention and sympathy. What is your reaction?

    I was not alone there. There were more than 200 people, who saw what happened. This young man was there with the camera. He was beaten up and his camera was destroyed. So, if nothing happened, why were they so eager to make sure that no picture of what happened got out?

    They opened fire on us in their midst. We were not in any crowd. To say that I was not shot is the largest understatement or the biggest lie of the century. These men opened fire, teargassed, everything was fired everywhere. People saw what happened. That I was not killed, yes, but to say they opened fire on you and you did not die, therefore nothing happened, is the height of. I do not know how to describe it. However, for me, I am going to court. I have asked my lawyers to file my case in court, against all those who had hands in what happened. I will meet them in court.

    How will you react to the refusal to read the letter of the 11 defecting senators and the next line of action?

    The Senate is a political institution. The problem we have in the Senate is political. There were some reports in the papers that I was angry and I walked out on the Senate. It is not correct.

    As you can see, even physically looking at me, I had an appointment with my doctor and so I wanted to leave early. The fact remains that what we have in the Senate is not different from what we have been having. We have a situation in the Senate. We have confidence in the leadership of the Senate. We have confidence in the Senate as an institution, that we will find a solution that will enable us as individual Senators to find our own satisfaction and self expression. That will allay the fears and concerns of those who have fears and concerns. That will protect the democracy of our country and uphold our constitutional rights and the rights of all Nigerians, particularly elected lawmakers, to abide by what their people want.

    So, it is to craft a solution that takes all these individual elements into it and satisfies all of them. That is the challenge before the Senate and it is not a new challenge. That is what the Senate is known and respected for. So, we are confident that one way or the other, we will find a solution that will not threaten the unity of the Senate.

    So, whether letter is read or letter is not read, as I pick up my card, I become a member of the APC.

    I cannot be a member of the APC and be sitting with PDP people, because in the Senate, we sit according to our party. So, I will not sit there. Definitely, we must find a solution that will enable me to sit with my colleagues and contribute to the floor.

    If I sit with PDP people, if I talk, how will it be recorded? Will they say Magnus Abe, PDP Rivers South-East? When I am no longer a member of the PDP. It has to be recorded that Magnus Abe, APC, Rivers South-East. That is what I am.

    So, the solution that will craft all these problems and solve them is what the Senate needs and that is what we are working for. Nobody is against anybody. Nobody is fighting anybody. We are politicians and we will play politics.

     

  • Day Ugborodo men, women rejected their leaders

    Day Ugborodo men, women rejected their leaders

    There was palpable tension in Warri, Sapele, Benin City and even Lagos and other towns inhabited by Itsekiri indigenes in the run-up to the gathering of thousands of Ugborodo indigenes from all over the world. The venue was the famous Ikpere Hall at Ode-Ugborodo, the traditional headquarters of Ugborodo community perched on the tips of the Atlantic Ocean in Warri South West Local Government Area of Delta State.

    It was tagged the ‘Mother of all Gatherings’ by some, while others simply said it was the last frontier in the battle to reclaim the oil-rich community from wicked leaders, whose supremacy tussle over the Ugborodo Governing Board, an arm of the influential Ugborodo Trust, had caused so much deaths and suffering.

    On one side of the divide is David Tonwe, a former councillor, former chairman of Warri South West Local Government Area and one-time chair of the Governing Board. His counterpart is Chief Thomas Ereyitomi, his former deputy who won an election into the highest position in the council. Both men, rich in their own rights, have been recurring decimals in the history of the community over the years and they backed by various leaders for various diverse reasons.

    The rivalry between the two groups had led to several deaths and destruction of property which some accounts put at about a billion naira in the past years. The tempo in the bloody beat reached its crescendo on January 4, 2013, when a section in the crisis invaded the town. The incident led to several deaths and wanton destruction of property.

    The fuel for the latest insurgence was the battle by the two sides to reposition for the control of the $16billion Export Processing Zone (EPZ) in the community. The composition of a 21-member committee to interface with the Federal Government had seen both sides flexing their muscles.

    Prior to the gathering of Saturday, February 1, a faction in the crisis had raised the alarm over alleged plan to scuttle the peace deal of the state government. A statement signed by 10 elders, led by Pa Wynne Agba, a former Secretary of the Council of Elders and Sandys Omadeli Uvwoh, among others, alleged that the Tonwe/Dr Alex Ideh faction had concluded plan single-handedly nominate members.

    They insisted that the move was against the decision of the peace committee headed by the Secretary to Delta State Government, Comrade Ovouzorie Macaulay, that each group nominates 10 members each.

    “However, information available to us indicates that the Dr. Alex Ideh/David Tonwe faction in collaboration with some elders in their faction, have concluded plans to hold a meeting in Ode-Ugborodo on Saturday, Febuary 1, 2014, for the purpose of constituting the entire

    21-member Ogidigben (Ugborodo) EPZ Interface Committee envisaged by the peace committee.

    “This is contrary to the directive of the peace committee in Asaba on January 19, 2014, accepted by both factions,” Pa Wynne added.

    The peace deal brokered by the government was against the backdrop of the January bloodbath and fever-pitch tension as the project drew nearer. President Jonathan had waded in and asked the state governor to rein in the crisis before it spiralled out of control. On his own the governor had also made several efforts, but distrust and suspicion over his intention had kept the Tonwe group out of it.

    The Olu of Warri, Ogiame Atuwatse II, visited Governor Uduaghan after the bloodbath and chose Austin Oborogbeyi to chair the 21-committee, leaving 20 that was shared 10/10 among the factions. But even as the Olu was announcing his choice, the community leaders including Pa JOS Ayomike, had slammed the monarch. They particularly criticised his silence over the invasion and death of Ugborodo people.

    It was against this fluid background that hundreds of elders, youths, women and children started streaming from the various communities into Arunton, enroute to Ode-Ugborodo venue of the meeting.

    They came from all over the world – from the state, all over Nigeria, the United Kingdom and the United States of America. Joseph Ayomike, founder of Agura Hotel, one of the foremost hotels in Abuja, Mr Maxwell Okoro, a former Director of the Central Bank of Nigeria, Ete Harriman-Ayida, Moses Ajijala, Edward Okoturo, Patrick Metseagharun and Solomon Iyinboh.

    David Tonwe, Joseph Uwawa and Michael Lodge, the youth leader, were there too, but Tonwe’s counterpart, Thomas Ereyitomi, Ayirimi Emami, Isaac Botosan and other prominent members of that faction were conspicuous by their absence.

    The atmosphere was tensed. Highly charged community youths stood on the beach – there is no jetty – awaiting the arrival of guests. They insisted that all the guests disembarked on the beach, as they (youths) usually do, and make the long journey through Arunton through the sandy path to the Ikpere hall located at the end of the community.

    This reporter was one of those who made that long journey. On the way, he passed the Eghare-Aja Wellington Ojogor, Mama Ayuwe and other prominent leaders of the community. Weighed down by age, Eghare Ojogor’s steps were shorter and visibly more painful. But he made the journey.

    At the town hall, already seated was the Olaja-Orori Benson ‘Dube’ Omadeli, dressed in impeccable white long sleeve traditional shirt over a red ‘single’ wrapper. On his head he tied his customary headgear – a somewhat off-colour peach/purple damask headscarf.

    The spiritual head did not enter the town hall. He sat under a canopy mounted outside at a vantage position from where he could see through the sea of people to the podium where Eghare Ojogor and other leaders sat. His face was deadpan.

    When the meeting started, Omadeli sprang to life; his voice rang out, cutting through the crowd and reaching the podium and the throng of people either standing or seating outside the hall. He told them that the purpose of the meeting was to deliberate on happenings in the community over the past weeks, including his arrest and allegation of illegal bunkering and attempted murder levelled against him and the trio of Michael Lodge (aka Ukpede), Joseph Uwawa (Logbemi) and Churchill Omadeli.

    In moving speech punctuate by the shout of ‘heart of God move them, hand of God move them’ and chants of ‘end of our sufferings’, the Olaja-Orori, showed his apparent ease with the Itsekiri language as he expressed the gratitude of the Ugborodo people to the Federal Government for the proposed EPZ.

    He said, “We are here for the progress of the EPZ; whatever assistance we can offer, we will. We have been tagged troublemakers, but we are not. We must comport ourselves like trained and educated people.”

    The meeting reached boiling point when the issue of the acquisition of land for the project came up for debate. They were vehement in the expression of displeasure over the handling of the project thus far and condemnation of the performance of the Trust.

    Speakers, including Ayon Gbesin Asin, Wilson Akperi, Boyo Iyinboh, Anunu Uwawa, Michael Rowaino, Oludewa Oritsedumi, Anderson Ebiekutan and Moses Ajijala said the leadership of the Trust over the years had betrayed their trusts.

    Akperi was particularly aggrieved that while the communities of their Ijaw counterparts were fast developing because of proper management of their resources, Ugborodo community was decaying.

    “As the Ijaws are empowered that is how our Itsekiri sons and daughters are also empowered. But look at our communities; look at the hall where we are holding this meeting today!”

    For his part, Iyinboh said, “Our (Ugborodo) enemies are within us. We have been too patient when we know our fund is being looted and did not chase out our oppressors. Our people must benefit from the goodness in our land.”

    Anunu Uwawa lamented that some of the leaders who were in position to share the benefits reportedly told those who got the jobs slots allotted to the community that “The job is not for them to buy cars or build houses, but to feed themselves. This means they want to keep the people in perpetual slavery, where they live from hand to mouth.”

    As various leaders from Ijalla, Atunton, Ogidigben, Madangho and Ajudaibo spoke, they were greeted with cries of ‘Uya otanren ooo”. And by the time the microphone returned to the Agbebijo it was clear that a no-confidence vote would succeed against Tonwe and Ereyitomi.

    When Omadeli asked what to do with the failed leaders, the crowd was unanimous in their shout of “away with them”.

    Consequently, the Olaja-Orori pronounced the sack of the two factional leaders and dissolved every other structure in the community. He said neither Tonwe nor Ereyitomi or any other individual, group and institution were competent to speak on behalf of the community or represent it whatever capacity.

    “The traditional leadership structure of Ugborodo as encapsulated in the offices of Olaja-Orori, Eghare-Aja and the Registered Trustee has henceforth been given full mandate to handle all issues affecting the Ugborodo Community; including issues relating to the siting of the EPZ in Ugborodo.

    “Furthermore, the Assembly called on governments, agencies, companies and the general public to henceforth discountenance any correspondence, publication and meeting that are not entered into and signed by the trio of the Olaja Orori, Dube Omadeli, Eghare Wellington Ojogor and the Registered Trustee of the Community’ Trust, Pa Eworitse Tsebi,” he added.

    He warned that all communications on the letterhead of the community would only the signed by the listed trio and advised government agencies, companies and other bodies operating in the area to be mindful of the antics of “impostors who would want to use the letterhead to hoodwink them.”

    In his response, Tonwe, promised to abide by the resolution of the assembly. “The owners of the community say they do not want any faction again; they have dissolved all factions and taken over the leadership of the community.”

    Not unexpectedly, Thomas Ereyitomi, in his reaction described the outcome of the assembly as null and void. He said his group knew the plot and purpose of the meeting, stressing that was what informed the press conference of two days earlier.

    He said, “The decision of that meeting cannot be binding because it was a sectional meeting. They are only trying to give it a semblance of generality by calling it whatever name they choose. It is like us holding our own meeting and saying anything. We cannot say it is a meeting of the entire Ugborodo. That is not done.

    “If they say there is no faction, then they should be able to say what has led to the crisis in the community. Besides, those who attended the meeting partook in the peace meeting where the decision to nominate 10 members each was taken, they cannot attend the meeting and then go back and say the decision is not binding on them,” Ereyitomi said in a telephone chat with our reporter.

     

  • Why women sometimes act tough against men—Interior décor expert Oluwadamilola Akinsete

    Why women sometimes act tough against men—Interior décor expert Oluwadamilola Akinsete

    FOR Lagos-based accountant-turned furniture maker and interior decorator, Oluwadamilola Akinsete, last year was a good year. As the Chief Executive Officer of ‘Home Inspiration,’ she successfully moved into a bigger, posh showroom from the Mainland area to the heart of Victoria Island where her upper class clientele dwell. The commissioning was indeed a big society event. However, just as the year was dimming out, her father passed on at a ripe old age. We met her in deep preparation for the upcoming burial. But she still found time to tell us about the lifestyle that turned her into a Lagos celebrity and successful businesswoman.

    Recently you re-located from the Mainland to the Island. What prompted this?

    The truth is that our new showroom was ready for us to move into much earlier than 2013. But it took some time to perfect everything here. It was when it was totally ready that we commissioned it at the end of 2013. What inspired me to move big to the Island was the need to have a flagship showroom. If you are doing a good business for over two decades, then you would have come of age. We needed to stand apart in a unique way. Even within this short period we have moved here, I can see that we have started adding value. It is an opportunity for people in Victoria Island to have one stop place for furniture and interior decorations.

    You sell high profile furniture and home products to the rich, what is your perception of the taste of the rich?

    Anybody who walks into our showrooms as far as I am concerned is a high profile person. I respect my customers. However, what I have been able to learn is that anybody who comes your way is not a coincidence. So you make the best of everybody that comes your way. Human beings are rich in one thing or another. Like I said earlier, when you pay attention to the rich, when you have their interest in mind and they know it, you enjoy them. However, human beings are human beings, rich or poor.

    Can you describe yourself?

    I want to believe that I am very gold-driven, very hardworking and focused. I am also non-diplomatic. Though I do not know if that is complimentary, especially in this part of the world where we have our culture and all that. But what I know is that I am blunt, straight and I just say it as it is.

    Would you say your early life influenced the person that you are today?

    I have only one parent left now, my father died recently. I had parents who were diligently strict; they had a lot of integrity and very hard working. At an early age, my siblings and I learnt the value of hard work. When I became an adult, my early years taught me a lot about life, which I also applied in business. In business, for instance, you need a lot of discipline, you need a lot of integrity and you need to be very hardworking. These are the values that my parents inculcated in me at a very young age. My primary school was at Maryland Convent, while my secondary school education was at Federal Government College, Ilorin, Kwara State. I studied Accountancy at the University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University).

    One notices that you are also simple in nature

    Oh, that is me. I don’t put on unnecessary airs. When you are a Christian, you find out that you do not attach too much importance to this world; more so when you realise that there is not really much in this world. We will leave at some point in time. And when we do, we will equally leave everything behind to return to our maker.

    As a young girl, what were the dreams that you had about the future?

    Now that I have to think of it, I cannot really remember whether I had dreams of becoming this or that in future. But I know that as a girl then, I wanted to finish school quickly and then go into business. I attended a boarding school in Ilorin. It was tough. I wanted to complete school quickly and leave. Though I realised later that attending boarding school was good. It toughens you, instils discipline and hard work in students. You wake up in the morning to face morning duties, which you have to do before going to the classes. You have to bathe with cold water in harmattan. That training helped. But then, we were mostly complaining that the authorities there were wicked and hash. But we’ve found out later in life that it was for our own good.

    The choice of studying Accountancy, whose idea was it?

    That idea was from my dad. He kept at it; he said I must do a professional course; that I must be a doctor or lawyer. Well, I didn’t want to be a doctor. I didn’t want to be a lawyer too because I knew that I didn’t want to be reading for the rest of my life. Somehow, I knew that lawyers read endlessly. Accounting did not look bad after all. I had always been good with figures. To appease him, I studied Accounting. I enjoyed it. I am also still doing Accountancy now because it helps me in business.

    If you were not an accountant, what else would you have loved to be doing?

    I really do not know. Perhaps I would have just stuck to business. I knew that I would be an entrepreneur.

    What motivated you into setting out in business?

    I guess what prompted me into business was the need to be an entrepreneur. I had the need to add value to the nation, to my family and to myself. There was also the need to develop the creativity that God had already deposited in me; and the need to earn a living, which was also very important. I started out the business even before I graduated from the university. I started with soft cushions and curtains. I guess I must have had some sort of divine guidance. I never sat down and thought or planned to be an interior decorator. It was not a well thought out plan at all. It was something that just evolved on its own way back in 1993. I started playing with the idea when I was in the university. I knew I didn’t want to go into paid employment. I wanted to do something on my own. My late dad was a businessman. He was into transportation; he was running haulage business. He used to have trailers that did haulage business with African Paints, Cadbury and other organisations.

    So I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be like him. I think that must have influenced me somehow to be an entrepreneur. Incidentally, my parents had five of us, but the rest are in paid employment. I am the only one that is in business as an entrepreneur. So maybe I took after my dad in that respect.

    How did the early millions roll in for you?

    I was always living in Lagos with my parents. Though I went to school from time to time and came back. Before I finished school, I had already had the mind-set of being an entrepreneur. Immediately after the university, I returned to Lagos. I didn’t get an office, so I operated from home. I was doing something that I enjoyed and for which I had a passion. So it was natural for me to keep at it. That was how I got better in what I was doing. I have been blessed with good clients, some who have been with us for as long as 15 years. Some Nigerians are very good. When they see that from your heart that you can perceive what is good for them, and that you have their interest in mind, you will enjoy them.

    What makes you happy?

    My work makes me happy. I am happy because I am contributing my quota to the society. I am happy knowing that I am making this world better than the way I met it in my own way. I am employing people, training and re-training them. I counsel them too. I push them to be better. I am also happy knowing that people are earning a living from this organisation, not only the direct staff but also the indirect staff, the contractors and the sub-contractors. These are what make me happy.

    As a woman entrepreneur, how do you cope with your home, hectic work schedule and the business environment?

    I balance all sides. Women are naturally good at handling multi tasks. God gave us that gift so nobody should boast about it. It is a natural gift from God. Women are capable of doing many things at the same time. So with such a natural gift from God and the wealth of experience built over the years, I have been able to be organised and get all aspects of my life working and balanced.

    What does success mean to you?

    Success to me means being close to God. I know that there is no success without God. Success means relying on Him and being close to Him. After that, you have to be focused. Don’t be engaged in idle things or frolicking about the whole place. Success means being attentive and facing the important things. Lastly you have to believe that one person can change the world. If a person is able to impact values in children, youths, relations or the environment, then that person is successful. The person has prepared a better world than he or she met it. You can change the world through one person at a time.

    As a successful woman, how do you relate to women?

    I don’t see or relate to women in terms of what they have or which business or which role you play. Everybody’s gift is different. If a woman does not do business, she could be a career woman or a home maker or housewife as they are called here. All these are wonderful. Everybody has a part to play. For some women, the role or assignment that God has given them is to take care of the home and it is perfect. For some women it is career, while some other women, it is business. Nobody is better than the other. You have to realise the purpose and role that God has given you. When you do this, you’ll find out that you will be excelling in whatever you do. You cannot say that because you are into business and doing well so you are better than the career person. No, it is not like that. And you cannot say that because you are a home maker, then you are better than the career woman. No, I do not see life that way. We are all important and playing our different roles. There are actually men who tell their wives not to go into paid employment or even do any income paying work. If that is what a woman agrees with the husband, it is all well and good.

    Do you find time despite your executive work schedule to pay attention to ladies’ affairs such as fashion and attending to kitchen matters?

    Every woman must know how to cook. I love cooking. I cook regularly. I enjoy it. I do not have any problem with cooking at all. As for fashion, I love looking good. Every woman should look decent, especially when you interact with people every day.

    And what kind of food do you enjoy most?

    That will be rice and dodo (fried plantain). That seems to be what we mostly eat these days.

    What fashion accessories would you not do without?

    Forget it. There is nothing that I cannot do without! My fashion sense urges me to look simple and comfortable. In doing that, I do not need to break the bank. God has blessed us with our Ankara material right now, so every woman can wear it and be simple and comfortable without breaking the bank. I like pink colour. I wear pink. When I have cause to wear fashion accessories, I choose whatever suits the occasion.

    What does glamour mean to you and when should a woman be glamorous?

    When I see very glamorous women, they look good to me. Any woman can look glamorous especially if he has the time and resources to do so. To be glamorous is good. For some women, that is what their husbands like. For some other women, it is not what their husbands want. Such women just love being glamorous. They love looking that way. So my advice is that if you can afford it, and you have the time, be glamorous.

    What do you value most?

    It is God. I value most my relationship with God.

    Was getting up the business ladder easy for you?

    I can tell you that all through the years, it has not been easy for us, but then, God has been good. Nigeria can be quite challenging but God’s grace has been sufficient for us. My first shop was on Allen Avenue in Ikeja, Lagos. But even as I speak to you now, some challenges are still there. In fact, some challenges even grew with time. They became more than before. For instance, the problem of non-availability of power, a few years ago, you could predict when you might have power. That was because the light was stable for some hours of the day. But over time, it became very irregular. Now we just stay on generator. The more you pay the light bill, the less you see the light. We have the burden of paying double taxation. Then also, there is the mass craze for wealth which was not there before. So many people come looking for employment. But as soon as you give them the employment, they do not want the work again. All they want is the money. They do not want to work for the money. All they are targeting is to make money. And life does not work that way. You have to strive. You have to work hard to make money. So the staff do not stay. Once they find out that they cannot make the money instantly, they leave. So you end up training one set of people after another. There is this craze for wealth among our youths, which was not there 10 years ago.

    How has your training influenced your staff?

    It is the ones that are ready to be influenced that get influenced positively. The truth is that we are having a big issue here in Nigeria. I don’t know whether the failure is from the home. Our generation was different. Our generation had strict parents. I think it is different today. Today’s parents are lax. Most of the youth that come for training do not even see it as such. Some are level-headed and reasonable to know that it is for their good. But some have mostly been spoilt from home. In those days, it was different. Children had the fear that their parents must not get to hear that they are involved in any bad conduct. You dare not be reported for bad conduct. This issue has become a major problem in our society. It could be as a result of people now making more money; they are over-indulging their children.

    It is unfortunate that we actually saw this happen in Europe and America. The challenges they are having over there with the youth is because children were not disciplined. We saw it and we have been imbibing the same foreign culture. So the same thing that has been causing a problem in Europe is happening here now.

    When you are under severe pressure, what keeps you going?

    I hope I am not sounding like a cliché; the truth is that it is God that keeps me going. When I am down, I read the scriptures or I go to church to hear an inspiring sermon. God knows when you are down. He knows when you are at the low ebb. He could send a word at that time to you. The sermon in church could be about what you are going through. From there, you draw inspiration to apply to your situation. That is how I find encouragement to move ahead.

    Were you a tomboy as a little girl?

    Yes, I was (laughs). I was the only girl among four boys. I was a real tomboy. I used to climb trees, exchange blows with the boys. I also used to roll on the ground with them. I kicked like they did and jumped on trees. I even had so many scars on my legs as proof for my early lifestyle. You know, boys could be so rough. They most often want to show you that they are stronger and I would want to show, for instance, that I am older.

    How does that affect the way you relate with men now that you are in business?

    Sometimes it’s still a running battle. You find men who think ‘she is a woman’, so they can do that or do this with her. That is why women seem to act tough because most of the time as a woman, you need to prove yourself twice as much. When a woman talks to a man, some men sneer that she is shouting. Their attitude towards a woman in power is somehow. However, in daily business life, I come across gentlemen who are truly gentlemen. At the same time, I still do come across the other type who thinks ‘she is a woman.’

    How do you spend your leisure?

    I rest. I completely shut down and rest to recharge my internal battery. I love good sleep. I put my phones on silent mode and take time off to sleep. Even three hours of good sleep could be very worthwhile.

    Women and make-up go together. Or what do you think?

    I am neither here nor there regarding that. Some women are so beautiful that they don’t need it. But there are also some other women that make up enhances. So I am indifferent to make up. Sometimes it depends on where one is. Actually, some days I use it, some days I do not. There are many days that I don’t.

    Are you hoping to be a minister in the church some day?

    I don t think so (laughs). Not an ordained minister. But I know that wherever we are, in our own ways, we are ministers too.

  • Tonye Harry …The good that men do live after them

    Tonye Harry …The good that men do live after them

    Obuama community in Degema Local Government of Rivers State is set for the funeral of its son, Tonye Ezekiel Harry. He was the speaker of Rivers State House of Assembly from 2007 to 2011 and was still a member of the House representing Degema constituency before his sudden death on October 4.

    He collapsed at Port Harcourt Polo Club, where he was enjoying his favourite game with some of his political friends and died on his way to hospital abroad.

    The late Tonye’s funeral begins today and ends tomorrow. He will be buried at Obuama, where he was adored for his large heartedness.  Of course, one thing the people of Obuama community, popularly known as Harry Town, will miss from his death is his generosity. He was said to have imparted on many lives in the community and the constituency, especially in the area of education and empowerment of the youths.

    A visit to Obuama shows that the members of the community named Obuama  Harry’s Town due to the contribution of Tonye’s grandfather to the development of the community. He shared his resources to empower the people.

    Chief Opakriba Harry, one of his elder brothers, who was with the late Tonye at Port Harcourt Polo Club when he collapsed, said Tonye was the Iroko tree of Obuama and Degema. He noted that the late Tonye’s popularity in the community and Degema was because of his contributions to humanity.

    Narrating what transpired before he died, Chief Opakriba said: “When he collapsed, I took him to the family clinic but when I discovered that the doctor would not be able to do anything about his condition, I decided to call Dr. Ogbonna Harry and Dr. Akpan. We now agreed to move him out of the clinic; so, Dr. Harry told Dr. Akpan to call the driver of his ambulance to move him to a specialist hospital located at Emenike Street, Port Harcourt. And before we got there, all the consultants were ready waiting for us. It was there that Governor Rotimi Amaechi got the information and rushed to the hospital.   He stayed with us for nearly two hours thinking on what to do to revive his friend and brother.  He ordered Dr. Parker, the Heath Commissioner that he should bring evacuator and make arrangement to fly him abroad. But it was this issue of bureaucracy and due process that contributed to his death.”

    Opakriba said Tonye was one of the many philanthropists in this generation who made numerous sacrifices towards the enhancement of the society.

    He said: “He has, through his developmental agenda, touched many lives in his community and the society at large and knowing the importance of empowerment programme in a community, he chose not to do away with it. He established scholarship scheme through which a lot of Degema youths have been sent to school. And apart from this, he indulged in human capacity building , which was one of the numerous ways of empowerment.  He helped many people, especially the youths who were not privileged to engage in any meaningful activity for the sake of surviving the current economic harsh weather. He made a number of the youths in his Degema Local Government Area of Rivers State to contribute positively to society.”

    The youth leader of the community, Daminabo Harry, said the community and the people of Degema would forever remember the late Tonye for his generosity. He noted that there are many ongoing projects at Obuama sponsored by late Harry. He said hundred of youths benefitted yearly from his educational empowerment fund. He said churches and schools at the community received one donation or the other.

    “Until this moment, we don’t believe that Tonye is death. When we heard the news of his death, everybody started crying not because he was the first person to have died in this community but because of his generosity.  He has done extremely well in the community’s development. You can see the community’s Town Square, including the compound close to the area, have all been tiled.  He also extended the tiling to other part of the community, which was ongoing before he died. Three days before his death, he paid close to half a million for the fibroid operation of a woman in this community; she is still at the hospital now.

    “About 50 persons got their school fees from him and close to 200 youths benefit from yearly bursary; while 30 persons, excluding the ones I don’t know about them as the youth President, were under scholarship. He just finished building Obuama Youth Centre, though yet to commission the centre before he died. He has also donated big generators, music instruments for churches, even cash for the expansion or building of some churches in the area. He was the sole sponsor of Obuama beauty pageant, Harry’s Town festival and football competition in the area. I think these are the reason why the youths and the people of the community have not stopped crying.”

    When Niger Delta Report visited Mrs Giya Finnyat a Hospital in Borokiri axis of Port Harcourt, she said the late Harry paid for her fibroid operation three days before he died; she regretted that death did not allow her to meet with late Tonye to say thank you for saving her life. “When I need this operation, I had no kobo to take care of the bill; then I told my children to visit his office and inform him about my plight. I thought he would not assist but to my surprise, he told my children that I should prepare my mind for the operation. He died few days after he paid for the bill, because when I regained my consciousness, they told me the story of his death. I have planned to meet him to say thank you for what he did in my life but death has prevented me. God for my sake grant his soul eternal rest,” she said.

    Mr.  Fonyama Thompson, a family friend, said the family is yet to believe Harry’s death.

    He said: “My only concern now is that it is now becoming a tradition in this community to lose their prominent sons in the hand of death at a time when we needed them most. More than 10 years ago, the community lost a great son, the late Dr. Marshall Harry. Today we have lost another great son, we are not happy.”

    The late Harry represented Degema Constituency, served as Speaker of Rivers State House of Assembly between 2007 and 2011 when he was succeeded by Otelemaba Dan Amachree.

    Born November 21, he was first elected into the Rivers State House of Assembly in 1999, making him one of the oldest members of the state legislature. He was an avid lawn tennis player and had sponsored tournaments in Port Harcourt. An Accountant and holder of separate MBA in Marketing and Corporate Governance, the late Harry was a political leader in his native Degema and Kalabari.

     

     

     

     

  • Social medicine: Sexual health matters of men and women in the 35-50-year age bracket

    And any time crisis erupts, they recite the creed and strengthen it with the injunction, ‘to cherish and to hold until death do us part’’. The storm is weathered with three simple words-‘I am sorry’’ a passionate kiss or embrace and life continues in perfect harmony. For others, there is no love lust, men are simply machines that make babies and once they have fulfilled their matrimonial obligations, life begins with younger men. Such women simply abandon husbands even in Hospitals at critical moments of their lives.

    Studies have provided avenues through which we can understand why some men and women, particularly those in the age bracket 35-50 years behave the way they do when it comes to matters of sex. Marital disharmony involves very many variables beyond the scope of this piece but age, cannot be ignored. There are now thousands of studies on aging, to try and explain at the molecular level, what proteins are involved and how we can achieve reversal-perhaps the recent scientific breakthrough in the biosynthesis of brain cells in the laboratory is one step in the journey to find solutions to age related diseases such as Alzheimer and senile dementia. Prevention in many situations are cheaper and safer than cure, and as many couples have found out, it is easier for the head of an elephant to pass through the thread hole of a sewing needle than for any woman to successfully reverse the trend when she has let a bad matrimonial situation to go from bad to worse and reach the point of no return. If you think you are too beautiful for one man or two much of a big guy to be tied down by one man. You need to realize that there are risks when any one allows himself or herself to be led by the natural endowment they have-everyone is beautiful as long as God created us all but until people come together, it is difficult to characterize or grade beauty as observed from the outside of a person, considering the fact that behind the personae there is a personality ,unknown, untested, unpredictable. Imagine for instance a young male Nigerian who met he described as a very beautiful lady in the UK and within a short time they were in Nigeria for Marriage. The lady was actually from his tribe, understood and spoke his language but claimed she was from Togo, and while in her husband’s house in UK received different categories of lovers who spoke French with her any time he was around , a situation that went on for years until they came back to Nigeria . Though she simply disappeared with more than half of his properties, when she felt they had come back finally, the young man is alive to start life afresh with the only daughter the relationship produced.

    In many instances, where a man takes off to stay with another woman without any arguments, there may have been some ‘ smoke before the fire came up’’;- ignorance of what a woman should do to keep a husband happy outside food and child bearing, arrogance and disrespect ranging from supremacy problems to husband battering , elevating house helps to spousal equivalent, doing everything including preparing food and taking care of husband’s underclothing’s all have very potential of incremental

    damage to the romance and sexual components of married life

    Beginning gradually, a man begins to respond to what he sees, hears and a critical moment arrives when try as he can, he finds it impossible to lead events , so events lead him to the beginning of a cascade of problems .A father told his verbose son when the former announced he had decided to take another wife so he can enjoy the second part of his life on earth,-false, ‘To abort my decision in order to please you and your mother is to permanently put myself in displeasure for my life, because tradition forbids me to disclose my grievances with you, my son’’

    Sexual deprivation at times comes later when children will have all gone out and people outside assume a couple are about to begin another honeymoon ,and then one party understands he has made a huge mistake ;This is the understanding of many guys now that everything and any non lethal weapon could be employed to ensure a man takes a marriage vow either in the church or court, and other means employed until a child, preferably a boy comes in, after that, sex becomes weaponised for the many situations where it is required to get dresses, cash, cars houses etc. it is now an essential commodity –Younger men are abandoning their children to begin afresh while older ones that have put in everything are simply dying from stress and other diabetogenic and hypertensionogenic conditions created probably inadvertently in association with sexual dysfunction Many believe that societies and cultures show empathy and tolerance to polygamy, polyandry and even worse and unprintable forms of marital arrangements that completely enslave women, but as was demonstrated in a very large African country recently, continuous sexual subordination only serves to bring out the worst in women . Where there is wrong assessment of self worth as opposed to respect value measured for husband are some of the issues discussed, and many so called good friends to lead you out on one foot and have it sawn off , where there are numerous relations, business associates co workers and fellowship groups , it is not difficult to find an outlet to ventilate feelings and find comfort, Again the problem is that, discordance develops sooner or later and the desires linger driving victims to extremes of action that endanger health.

    Health education on human sexuality is unacceptable in many African communities;-when this writer in company of a Colleague of blessed memory did a study on Child abuse in a population of slum dwellers involving a state in the south-south geopolitical region of Nigeria, the reception in more than 50% of the households surveyed was lethally hostile, and so many couples suffer sexual deprivations in painful silence. Others transfer their sexual frustrations to symptom complexes and take hospital admissions each time husband is around. The unsuspecting man continues to settle medical bills until someone discovers something. A reasonable number of others seek gratification outside with dangerous consequences.

    Rather than apportion blame, think of running away or doing nothing, reasonable people look inwards for solution, do the best they can with a high sense of commitment towards success and then ask God to guide and control everything so that success attends their honest efforts.

    The current trend where intending couples are expected to ensure they run all possible laboratory tests including blood group, hemoglobin genotype, screening for hepatitis, syphilis HIV/AIDS, is good, but certainly not enough, because, there are conditions that cannot be captured through lab investigations. There is need to know who you are going to live your life with you must be able to see, hear and possibly feel to ascertain that what you are accepting is normal , so you need to know something about your husband/wife early in your marriage-otherwise, when deviations emerge, you are not likely to know what the normal was, and whether or not to hold yourself wholly or partially responsible for what has happened.-many able bodied optimally functioning young men go into marriage strong and healthy, only to become ravaged with morbid obesity, kidney disease, hypertension and diabetes mellitus from over indulgence—they become a nervous wrecks and impotent, as more pressure to perform is pilled on them, the situation gets worse and they commit suicide so as to let all intra psychic sufferings go. How much of his/her past life do you really know, in terms of drugs, felling of self worth, considerations for others? Relationships, attitude towards family, nuclear, extended families

    Every man or woman must try and know himself or herself and honestly disclose all relevant details to the person they intend to marry before coming together under one roof. Intending couples should discuss issues with regards to general health status, things that turn you off, the ones that turn him on etc. what parts of your body are different from normal, for instance the normal vaginal odourant molecules are aphrodisiac (cause sexual arousal) ,not offensive, but chronic vaginal infections–trichomonas vaginalis and cancer of the cervix will create very offensive and sometimes foamy or blood stained vaginal discharge which becomes more copious during coitus. Conditions like these are sometimes concealed until court marriage register has been signed. Some women also use uterine fibroids as pseudo pregnancy to hoodwink men into marriage and even when the truth is discovered, a man may decide to play intrigue versus intrigue, maintaining a fertile mistress and producing children outside the marriage.

    Emphasis is on trying as hard as possible to keep the man or woman in your life as close to you as possible ,and stop making comparisons between your husband and any other one ,openly or in your fantasy ,or in advertisement because in western societies, the situation is completely different- you can get almost anything you want- there are drugs that can turn you into a sex machine within weeks, drugs that can enlarge any part of your body and surgical operations that can create a new person out of you, they are however not as safe as the claims of those who are marketing them. The side effects have one common pathway. sudden death ,for some, the side effects come later when you are older in the forms of cancer, heart, liver and diseases of prostate.