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Tag: romance

  • Senami Sosu renews romance with fame

    The story of Senami Sosu is a validation of the saying that jumping off a sinking ship has its attractions just as loyalty also has its rewards. While many so-called friends and even lovers created as much space as possible between themselves and James Ibori after his arrest and subsequent incarceration in the United Kingdom, Senami Sosu stood by him through thick and thin. Throughout the Delta strongman’s miserable sojourn in jail, she stood by him like the rock of Gibraltar, helping to cheer up his ailing spirits.

    Having been picked from obscurity by the Delta ex-governor, Senami became a fixture on the social scene. But the trend was halted with Ibori’s arrest as she went underground to avoid suspicion, though she kept visiting Ibori in jail and remained true to the man she sees as her salvation from a life of misery. And now that he has returned to the country with fanfare, Senami is back on the social scene with a big bang.

    The former University of Lagos student and Ibori are an inseparable pair these days. They go everywhere together, and it is even rumoured that the duo have legalised their relationship. They were recently spotted together at the birthday bash of Benin big boy, Mike Igbinedion, acting all lovey-dovey.

  • Seven bedtime habits you must adjust

    Seven bedtime habits you must adjust

    The time you spend with your spouse right before you drift off to sleep is arguably the most important interaction you’ll have all day. Largely, it helps you overcome all day stress and the hectic workload at the office or place of business.

    Below, relationship experts share seven bedtime mistakes couples often make — and how to get back on track.

    1. Going to bed at different times.
    Sorry, night owl/early bird couples: Differing sleep schedules may seem like no big thing, but it’s more harmful than you realise, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author ofMarriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.

    “It’s a recipe for feeling lonely and emotionally (and physically) detached from each other,” she said. “One of the best things about being a couple is the warm, fuzzy time you share right before drifting off to sleep — why would anyone want to sacrifice that?”

    If you’re going to bed at separate times, there may be more to it than meets the eye, said Berger. “A conflict or grudge might exist that you need to talk about earlier in the day.”

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    2. Being inconsiderate of your spouse’s schedule.
    If your late night TV or texting habits are getting in the way of your spouse’s rest, it may be time to move the flat screen or smartphone out of the bedroom, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist based in Little Rock, Arkansas. Whetstone called on a real life example to illustrate her point.

    One husband I counselled was a physician and had to be at the hospital by 6:00 a.m. every weekday. He pleaded with his wife, a stay-at-home mum, to not watch TV when he was trying to get a good night’s sleep but she wanted to keep it on all night as background noise

    Whetstone recalled. “Despite every effort ­– like suggesting she get headphones or he get earplugs and blinders for his eyes — nothing brought him peace and she would not budge. A few years later, they divorced.”

    3. Saying nothing — or very little — to each other before bed.
    After a long day of work and looking after the kids, who can blame you for wanting to jump into bed and call it a night? Still, it’s worth trying to carve out some time to emotionally reconnect with your spouse.
    “Take the time to talk about the highlights and low points of your day,” said LiYana Silver, a San Francisco-based relationship coach. “There’s no need to offer advice or therapy to each other — just keep it to a short share.”

    4. Spending time with your smartphone over quality time with your spouse.
    Do yourself a favour and escort your smartphone out of the room before you head to bed. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and texts should always take a backseat to your spouse, but especially before bed, Berger said.

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    “Taking a tablet or phone to bed with you harms your relationship in two ways: First, it isolates you emotionally from each other,” she said. “Secondly, when we’re on electronic device shortly before sleep, the stimulation from the screen tends to keep you awake. With insufficient sleep, we’re likely to be less patient, kind and tolerant toward our partner the next day.”

    5. Self-grooming in bed.
    Save the grooming regimen for the bathroom. As Whetstone has heard from clients, nothing kills romance quite like an errant toenail flicking you in the face.A wife I worked with was disgusted with her husband’s tendency for grooming his nails in bed,” Whetstone recalled. “She’d say, ‘I hear a click or crack and every now and then a piece of toe or fingernail hits me in the face or flies across the room and bounces off the wall!’ Even when the nails didn’t hit her, she felt like he didn’t care at all about what she thought of him.”

    A wife I worked with was disgusted with her husband’s tendency for grooming his nails in bed. Whetstone recalled. “She’d say, ‘I hear a click or crack and every now and then a piece of toe or fingernail hits me in the face or flies across the room and bounces off the wall!’ Even when the nails didn’t hit her, she felt like he didn’t care at all about what she thought of him.

    6. Putting physical intimacy on the back burner.
    Starting to feel more like roommates than spouses? If one of you is avoiding coming to bed or is seemingly disinterested in sex, talk through your issues before you hit the sheets, said Whetstone.
    “When it comes to sex, quite a few clients have told me they suspect that their spouse won’t come to bed at the same time they do because they want to avoid sex — and quite a few don’t deny that,” she said.”I always say, ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk about it rather than hide out in another room and tiptoe to bed once you know they’re in a deep sleep?’”

    “I always say, ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk about it rather than hide out in another room and tiptoe to bed once you know they’re in a deep sleep?’”

    7. Going to bed angry.
    You shouldn’t abruptly end an argument just because it’s late and you’re both tired. But allowing unresolved conflicts or misunderstandings to fester time and time again isn’t good for your marriage, either.

    “There is a good reason for the saying, ‘Don’t go to bed angry,’” said Berger.

    “Instead, do your best to clear up issues well before bedtime, so when you’re ready to turn in for the night you’ll both want to communicate lovingly, in words, tone and actions.”

     

    First appeared on Huffington Post

  • How to master ladies’ G-spot

    How to master ladies’ G-spot

    There’s no doubt you’ve heard of the G-spot: that mythical area that feels extra good for ladies when you hit it. But sadly, there are a lot of women who actually haven’t even found their own G-spots themselves. Why not?

    For starters, it can be hard to locate. And when she’s masturbating and her clitoris is right out there in the open and ready to go, going on a solo treasure hunt in search of it the G-spot might just feel a little unnecessary.

    However, for the women who have managed to find that sacred spot, the results can be pretty mind blowing, and any guy who can find his partner’s G-spot and use it to give her maximum pleasure would qualify as an incredible lover. Finding it, however, is only the first step. You’ll need to know how it works, and the best way to stimulate it for maximum pleasure. Having a few sex positions handy that target this erogenous zone will further help your cause.

    Ready to start searching and blow her mind? Here’s how to master the G-spot — what it is, what it does, how to find it, best practices for making it feel good and beyond.

    Now would also be a good time to note that the orgasms that occur through stimulating the G-spot versus the ones that result from clitoral stimulation are related — but are felt a bit differently. “G-spot orgasms also overlap with clitoral and vaginal orgasms, as the area known as the G-spot is accessible through the front wall of the vagina and is located in very close proximity to the legs of the clitoris,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “Both scientific and anecdotal accounts of G-spot orgasms, however, suggest that they are distinct from other experiences of pleasure.

    Women often report that a G-spot orgasm feels different from a clitoral one, as they experience sensations of bearing down or pushing out with their pelvic floor muscles as opposed to tenting effect from clitoral stimulation.

    In fact, research suggests that the brain actually uses different regions for processing each of these feelings.

    “Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. Barry Komisaruk discovered that vaginal, cervical and G-spot stimulation activates different parts of the brain via four different nerve pathways that innervate the clitoris, vagina and cervix,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “What is most exceptional about this differentiation is the fact that the Vagus nerve bypasses the spinal cord, allowing even those diagnosed with complete spinal cord injury to experience pleasure and orgasm via the cervix.” So, now you know how it all works. But if the G-spot differs in location from woman to woman, how do you go about finding it?

    This article first appeared on askmen.com

  • Making up with your ex

    Making up with your ex

    IT’S over. You’ve broken up, hired attorneys, filed or are already divorced. You thought that you were successfully moving on, and you’re facing what feels like another long, lonely weekend alone. Sure, you’ve been dating, but you haven’t met anyone of enduring significance. When you first separated you felt confident and justified, even hopeful about meeting someone new, but now you’re feeling miserable.

    You’re laying on the couch, obsessing over what could have or should have been with your ex. You’re wondering what they’re doing and whom they’re with. Are they thinking about and missing you too? Maybe they’re your Great Love after all, and you screwed up in letting them go!

    So when they text you with an “I miss you. Can we talk?”, you’re beside yourself with hopefulness and glee. You feel like this is the miraculous moment you’ve been praying for. Here’s your chance to make it right and get back together.

    Not so fast!

    In my work with divorcing couples, and being the veteran of two divorces myself, I’ve learned personally and professionally that no matter what your lonesome heart is telling you in this moment of vulnerability, it’s critical to remain rational, take it slow, and most of all, keep your eyes open. I can promise you those unresolved problems will rise again, once the hormones and excitement settles down and you’re back in your comfort zone.

    If you both truly want to use this as a second chance at creating a happier, more successful and secure relationship, make sure you can both clearly answer a resounding “yes” to the following relationship well-being stabilizers before calling your attorneys and jumping back in. Please note that the operative word here is “both.”

    1. We have a plan of action in place to deal with disappointments that may occur. It is important to have a “rough waters, this is shaky territory” game plan for how to handle your responses differently this time around. Discuss the problem areas that you had in the past and the needed changes. Having some strategies in place will eliminate some of the shock and disappointment that occurs when you realize not much has magically changed during the time apart.
    2. We have no secrets, no masks and are willing to speak our truth. Many times we hide our true selves in order to keep the peace and win approval, attention and love. But then, we never feel completely known or seen. To make it work, you need to have the following agreement: No secrets. No masks. I am really me. You are really you. No lies, no games.
    3. We won’t bail when things get tough. There has to be a firm commitment to stay together while you are making new and permanent changes. Create a love contract that declares your willingness to hang in there and hold hands when the inevitable problems, fears and regressions arise.
    4. We are prepared to take it slow and rebuild again. This is a second chance for love. Take it slow. Don’t fall prey to the lure of ex-sex. While the desire to jump into bed may be strong, give yourself the time to learn about each other anew and see each other with fresh eyes. Go on dates, talk and build trust. Become friends. Be gentle and nurturing with yourself and your partner. Notice how safe it feels to really be you. Are your needs being met? How loved and accepted do you each feel?
    5. We have the same goals for the relationship. It’s problematic if one person wants to move quickly and the other wants to take it slow. Or one of you wants children and the other doesn’t. Don’t reunite before you are sure the timing is right and a mutual commitment of goals is agreed upon.
    6. We are ready and willing to forgive the past. If you truly want to repair and rejuvenate your relationship, you’ll have to resolve the negative feelings and come to a place of forgiveness and understanding with yourself and each other. As the barriers melt and a renewed sense of safety and relief replaces hurt, your hearts will be free to truly love again.

    Let’s face it, no relationship is problem or disappointment free. The real strength and cohesion between you is often revealed in how you deal with the problems and frustrations that arise. This time around, make sure you have a plan in place, especially for your hot button issues. Decide in advance how you’ll solve problems as a team, not make issues exclusively a “me” problem or a “you” problem. When problems do arise, the best question to ask is “How would love respond?” Loving actions brings caring solutions.

    A breakup isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it can give a relationship the healthy shake up it needs. Like a brush with death, splitting up can breathe new life and love back into a relationship that has lost its luster, grown lonely, built up a shopping cart of unexpressed resentments, or got caught up in the spin of too many distractions. Suddenly, in the midst of this rebirth, you value being together more and realize how much you really do love each other.

    This could be a second chance to have that great and enduring relationship your heart desires, or it could be the necessary completion you need to fully move on. Whatever the outcome, the willingness to choose love over fear is a worthy journey no matter how the relationship ultimately ends up.

     

    Sheri Meyers, Psy.D is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

     

    Source: huffingtonpost.com

  • Ladies don’t love men who do these five things

    Ladies don’t love men who do these five things

    More often than necessary, you might have heard a friend complain about women not finding them attractive enough or perhaps be jealous of another friend who women always clog around. The reason could be that they engage in these things that turn women off.

    Several pieces of research have been done into the gap between men and women. It’s not rocket science to determine what men find less attractive to women. Take a quick look at these few blunders:

    Another bottle of wine too!

    Most men love a woman who loves to party but like a little policy. Sorry, ladies, but a real friend should not drink more than necessary. It is very embarrassing if someone sees my man “that drunk last week cuddled and constantly using the toilet. Thus, the task of ensuring that it does not happen is a factor to consider in hanging around the guy.

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    Forgot to shave

    There is no denial that men who give time to shave usually appear more attractive to women. If you are not sure, ask a female friend or workmate politely. It’s no mystery that women also have hair growth, but there are few men who feel attractive carrying bushy armpits, moustache or chin hair. Yeah, you may ask why women go as far as shaving everything including the hair in their Hood.

    Cursing like a ‘danfo’ driver

    Some of us have friends and may be relatives who use the f-words and the k-words often and we forgive them but that is not to say that we do not have some reservations. However, as a guy who wants to be loveable and charming to ladies should rather avoid such. This is not to say that you have to start speaking like Barrack Obama addressing the Congress or Queen Elizabeth of United Kingdom, but a little attention to your words is not too much to ask. It shows a sign of respect for the lady.

    Know the right time

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    Crazy, crazier, craziest! A typical loveable guy by all ladies is one that understands when to touch her, where to touch her and how to touch her that she might say Stop. In fact, an attractive, smart dude understands that she actually meant Continue! Similarly, there are brave and lively ladies who like to have it rough. Play rough, run around, punch them and carry them. Unfortunately, you are going to be tagged boring if you fail to respond to her gesture for a rough play per time. She wants to run but you want to sit, that’s an error.

    Perfume

    You either accept this as a fact or not, perfume is there to enhance your scent. Sometimes it also helps to create an identity or to fall, it depends on your ability to choose the right perfume. Usually, perfumes with very strong fragrance don’t go well with ladies because it chokes them. Well, don’t be disappointed if they choke you, just endure.

    In essence, do you use perfume? Do so with caution. Men burst out on huge smoke odour. Some smart ladies like to figure out the name of your perfume by perceiving the fragrance. Interestingly, they feel challenged when you confuse them by mixing two or three perfumes. Hey! Be careful in mixing perfumes, hence you begin to smell like an undertaker from the gr*veyard.

     

     

  • Why beautiful, smart ladies fall in love with silly, ugly guys

    Why beautiful, smart ladies fall in love with silly, ugly guys

    The reasons why every individual engages in certain things like making the choice of lovers is mostly personal. In essence, what works for you might not work for someone else. No doubt, this is a recent trend in the world of relationships.

    Below is a question from an anonymous reader on why beautiful and smart ladies fall in love with men that are silly and ugly.

    The Question

    Hi Dating Nerd,

    I have been noticing a recent trend in the dating world. Why are women attracted to such unintelligent men? Do they get a sense of power out of it or is it a lark?

    I have a few friends who are not the sharpest tool in the shed but yet manage to get laid every night. The women, however, are intelligent. I have spoken to many different women about this issue, and they think dating dumb men is really a turn-on.

    The women I have asked have such careers as doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, etc. My point is these women are not stupid. So what the hell is going on with this current dating trend? Please shine some light on it for me, because I refuse to dumb myself down for any person.

    – Unappreciated Genius

     

    The Answer

    Hi Unappreciated Genius,

    I get why you’re confused. After all, intelligent men are inherently superior, right? Why would a woman want to date some dumb jock when she could date a guy who quotes Proust and understands the motion of molecules? Wouldn’t she miss the scintillating debates? Wouldn’t she get frustrated that she couldn’t talk about her dissertation?

    Well, not necessarily. See, there’s a shaky assumption at the heart of your question, which is that smart men are inherently superior. And this is incorrect, for two reasons.

    First reason: Women don’t need men to provide intellectual stimulation. They can get that on their own. Look around you. If you hadn’t noticed, women are now lawyers, doctors, marketing sharks, insurance executives, and captains, so to speak, of industries. Many, many smart women are occupying demanding roles in the information economy. Increasingly, women spend long workdays absorbing avalanches of data and issuing complicated recommendations.

    And nobody — well, almost nobody — wants to keep their brain turned on all the time. If you’re a smart woman with a high-powered job, it’s perfectly reasonable that you’d want to hook up with an intellectually relaxing dude-bro, rather than an intellectually demanding guy like you.

    If this seems implausible, that’s only because it runs counter to some of the hoariest old relationship stereotypes. Y’know, like the one about the 1950s husband figure who does a complicated job and comes home to a simple, loving wife. Or the one about the private equity fund genius who dates a slew of European models. Dating someone who’s felicitous but a bit dim is not a new trend. It just seems more novel when the gender roles are switched up.

    And if this doesn’t seem fair, well — reader, look inside yourself for a second…

    Aren’t you attracted to the girl you met at the gym who isn’t necessarily exceptional at trigonometry, but probably looks great on a dance floor, or, more to the point, a bedroom floor? Don’t you find a certain kind of giggly, un-snobby femininity attractive?

    Don’t lie to me, now. All nerds nurse crushes on cheerleaders. It doesn’t seem right to judge women for having similar attractions.

    The second, more important reason is this: A lot of smart guys really suck with women. As we all know, intelligence doesn’t necessarily translate to emotional skills. Especially because a lot of intellectual dudes didn’t necessarily get a positive social experience growing up. Many dorky, sweet men are just unpracticed in terms of how to flirt, or date. And then there are straight-up terrible smart dudes: condescending pseudo-intellectuals and bitter PhDs.

    Surely, you’ve heard of the term ‘mansplaining.’ Y’know, the thing where men pepper their co-ed conversations with explanations of extremely basic phenomena as if the women they were talking to had never left their houses. Whatever you think of the word itself — whether or not you think it unfairly categorises the male gender — it is a very real phenomenon. Lots of women are tired of having men lecture at them about whatever.

    And usually, I don’t think it comes from a bad place. Men want to impress women. We’re under the impression that knowledge itself is impressive. And it is often said to be a quality women want in men. So we get the unhelpful impulse to brandish it at random. Also, the main genre of dude conversation is the hours-long exchange of minutiae and trivia. It’s not like mansplainers think, “Well, it’s time to be sexist now…” and then launch into their thing.

    But those good (or at least benign) intentions don’t change a thing. Mansplaining is still, at best, tiring. Every woman I know well is fed up with being on the receiving end of male rambling. They’ve all practised the pained but polite facial expression required when some software engineer goes on a monologue about how Radiohead’s last few albums were unappreciated. And maybe you’ve never done such a thing, ever. Maybe it isn’t you. But you can’t blame women for being wary of self-styled intellectuals.

    After all, compare that to your friendly gym-rat type of guy. He’s chill, easygoing, and doesn’t feel the need to speak in paragraphs about his existential crises. If he has a philosophy, it’s probably along the lines of “stay hungry,” or “be nice to people.” Also, he was probably popular in high school and is thus comfortable in conversation, self-assured, fond of making compliments, and pretty good in bed. His reflex isn’t to tell women all about seismology. He just says dumb sh*t to get a laugh. And it works.

    Everything I’ve said so far has been a condemnation of smart dudes. Even if you agree with me, I still haven’t given you any usable advice. But now I will do that. You might not like it, though.

    My advice is this: Learn from the dumb dudes.

    By that, I don’t mean suppress your intellect, or act stupid. What I mean is, change up your game a little. Upon meeting a lovely woman, is your first instinct to say something profound about a giant novel you just read? Well, maybe don’t do that. Instead, ask her some questions about herself. Say something silly. Keep it light. Don’t make the interaction laborious.

    Rather than being worried about displaying your intelligence, try hard to find a common connection with the woman you’re talking to. Look for shared interests, or opinions, or just something you can both laugh about. Be warm and genuine first, and verbose later. And, crucially, on your online dating profile, don’t write six paragraphs about all the smart stuff you think because you’re so smart. That’s just tedious. (I have done the same thing in the past, for what it’s worth.)

    Also? Those dudes of mediocre brainpower who are landing all those chicks probably have good style, and they’re probably in good shape. All the grey matter in the world won’t make up for a horrific outfit, a ridiculous haircut, or being in hideous physical shape. Get that stuff locked down. It’s as important as anything intellectual. Maybe much more.

    There’s a larger lesson here. When you see women being interested in men who aren’t like you, don’t just scratch your head, and assume that they should want what you’ve got instead. Instead of judging, observe. You’re being given important information about women’s needs. A man of your intellect should know how valuable that is.

  • Lagos Babe Cries Out: Help, My Honeypot Is Humongous!

    Lagos Babe Cries Out: Help, My Honeypot Is Humongous!

    A Lagos babe recently broke down in tears crying for help because her honeypot is too wide. This is what she had to say:

    “Please help me, my honeypot is so so wide. There is no soap, cream, oil I have not used, I have even sat on hot water, still no way. I have done everything there is.

    “The last resort now is that I went to see a doctor, as he asked me to lie down and open my legs. As I did, he screamed and asked me what happened? Yes it’s that bad, my honeypot is permanently open.

     

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    “The lips of my honeypot is so black and ugly, if I am urinating it’s like shower pouring. I don’t even want to talk about sex because it’s very very bad, even the guys complain. You can’t even give me a head cause all you will be seeing is a deep hole, I am so ashamed of myself and the life I lived.

    “All I did was f**k big d**ks, all my sex toys are so massive, I put different objects inside of me. I have used a pestle that comes with mortar to masturbate before, I don’t know what happened to me and my sex life, I became a freak, even my anus can’t grip anything again.

    Also: ‘Sex is the lubricant in a relationship’

    “I’m so scared that I might end up a lesbian because no man can enjoy my body anymore. And I don’t have millions of Naira to travel out for a surgery. Please I need serious help. How do I go about this? Please help me?”

    Please be your sister’s keeper.

  • Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    For Ladies Only

     

    Only yesterday, I got a funny call from a guy I have never met. He said that he got my number online and would like us to date. Unfortunately (for him) I am married (and happily too), putting an end to that request. That got me thinking about a topic that keeps popping in and out of my head and sometimes comes up in conversations. Is really a good idea to go online, primarily for dating purposes? With all the people we meet at school, at work, church/mosque, in the bus  and so on, is it really that hard to meet new people? I wonder, if a person can’t meet new people any other way, I hope he/she has nothing to hide. You can call me old-school if you like, but the idea of someone I have never set my eyes on calling me out of the blues to ask for a date gives me the creeps. Why? Please continue reading.

    1. Online interaction, or friendship blinds one to a fact we grew up hearing our mothers drill into our young minds, “A stranger is someone who is capable of harming you.” We equate acquaintance or any form of interaction with friendship, and it’s a big mistake. Most of our friends are people we grew up with, went to school with, colleagues, former colleagues and so on. This traditional method means that you know people who know your friend, and have an idea of the kind of person you are dealing with. But with online friends, you are dealing with a totally unknown entity.

     

     

    1. In today’s fast paced, high tech world, meeting strange people online can be very risky. Think back to Cynthia, the Nigerian babe who was kidnapped, and later murdered by a guy she met online, and flew in to Lagos to meet. The poor girl had no idea that she was dealing with a fraudster, and murderer. The internet has become a free and easy highway for psychopaths and criminals to operate virtually without trace, especially in a porous environment like ours.

     

    1. Online dating is unnatural because a major part of human communication is not only verbal communication (speech), but also includes things like tone of voice, body language and the like. Women are created with a natural sense of intuition that often protects us (and our loved ones) from danger, but dealing with someone without face-to-face , and other physical forms of interaction makes it harder to be intuitive. Online communication lacks this feature and makes it difficult, if not impossible to make value judgments for ourselves about the person you are dealing with.

     

     

     

    1. It is hard to verify, ie do a background check on the person you are chatting with. In foreign climes, people are often warned, and given guidelines about dealing with strangers they meet online. Sometimes, as human beings our emotions blind us from seeing the truth before our very eyes, but with the evidence of other people, eyes are opened to the truth. For instance, in a regular relationship, a lady’s visit to a guy’s office, or home can lead to chance meeting with his friend who can inadvertently drop the truth that the guy is married yet conveniently forgot to tell his girlfriend, online relationships don’t accord nearly as much opportunity.

     

    1. Many people have been found to give false information about themselves, some use photos of other people, and sometimes build false profile info. It is hard to continually lie to a person you see over a period of time without making a mistake, telling a mismatched lie and so on, even the body language of a liar can trigger suspicion in the person being lied to. With online communication, it is much harder to tell, sometimes, almost until it is too late.

     

    Having said all the foregoing, I must agree that quite a number of relationships have been spawned by the internet, and led to marriage, but then again, it is still important to take care.

     

  • 3 Reasons you should not fund him.

    Today we will be discussing a very contentious topic, “To fund or not fund”. It might seem like a tricky question but it is never a good idea to buy love, especially if you are a woman. Why on earth should a woman give a man (who is not even her husband) her money? Not a good idea at all! Back in the day, men took care of their wives and families, and ruled their households like mini fiefdoms. Times have changed, and women now make their own money, but men still expect us to submit, so what do we do? We submit, if only for the sake of peace. However, if a woman has to foot the bill, she has become the boss, not just a helpmate. So why do I think so?

     

    The man was designed to be the head in every marital/amorous relationship, and if he is the leader, he should foot the bills (or at least a large part of it). Why? Because money is power, whoever has it controls the power dynamics of the relationship. In all my years, I am yet to come across a man who is happy to be fed or funded by a woman, they might date (or even marry) a woman for her money, but trust me more often than not they will find a less financially buoyant woman to spend their change on, so as to feel like men.

     

    Giving a man your money puts you at risk of attracting gold diggers/gigolos. Only yesterday, I read the story of a divorced silver spoon celebrity chick. She said, “I really loved him, but when I had a financial challenge, he took off. Apparently, that was all he wanted.” Guess what, the guy in question is remarried to a younger woman today. Speaking further, she said, “I have never dated a man for money, however in another relationship; a man took my hard earned money, and ran.” Guess what? Her story is nothing new, I am yet to see an instance where the woman funded the relationship and it worked out. The only female relative I know who tried it put a man through university, clothed, housed and fed him, his mom, and siblings for years, while he was unemployed. When he finally got a job, she never set eyes again on him; after three kids.

     

    You can never really tell if it is you he loves or your money. Modern females are educated and independent, but marriage demands that we submit to our man. How does a person submit to a man one is feeding? More often than not, such women become / are accused of being shrewish, and the men feel justified in taking off. What about an old friend of mine who dated a guy while she was putting herself through the university. She would feed him, and spend her heard earned savings on him, guess the first thing he did after he graduated? That’s right, he dumped her. Obviously he never loved her, only her money. My advice? Do yourself a favour, and find yourself a man who has a job. Oh, and just in case he attempts to turn you to his ATM; dump him.

     

  • Actually, not all men are swine, 4 ways to know he’s not

    Actually, not all men are swine, 4 ways to know he’s not

    A while ago a colleague mentioned in passing that men are only useful for having kids, and not much more I beg to differ, although there are a lot of not so acceptable guys out there, there are quite a number of good ones around. It is as the Yoruba saying goes, “If you decide to close your eyes to let a bad person pass, you might not see the good person when he/she does pass by.” So rather than continuing to think that all men are tarred with the same brush, it makes sense to be armed with tools to make the right choice. Here are four tips to help you decide whether or not he is a good catch;

    He really does love you

    When I say love, I don’t mean it only in the romantic/erotic sense, but in the sense that the Latin language calls agape- unconditional, selfless love. A man who really loves you wants what is best for you; almost like the way a parent wants only the best for their kids. This kind of man will make sacrifices for you, simply because he wants what is best for you. Like Ada, whose husband allows her to pursue a career she loves, even though it took her away from home on holidays and Sundays at the start. Furthermore he supported her with tools and advice, even though the pay wasn’t all that great. At the end of the day her career took off, and she attributes her success to the support of a wonderful man.

    He is interested in your happiness

    A loving man wants his woman to be happy, even if it might cost him some discomfort, such a man does this simply wants you to be happy. Someone once told a another lady, let us call her Yemisi, “you will never be happy being only a housewife, your talents and gifts are such that you would never feel fulfilled until you pursue your dreams.” Fortunately, she was married to a man who recognized her gifts and allowed her to somehow juggle her marriage, home, and career. Fortunately for her, her man recognized that as well and gave her the opportunity to use her god given gifts and talents. Even though he had a successful and demanding career of his own, he gave her all the support she needed. This rare man often helped with the shopping, and the kids, made dinner for the family when he returned from work, as she often got him later than he did. She credits him for being ‘a real rock’.

    He treats you nicely

    Women are moved by what they hear, while men are moved by what they see. A woman’s self-image can be made or marred by the way her man views, and treats her. If he treats her well, she will most likely have a positive self-image, if not, she will have a negative one. It’s the reason why women in abusive relationships have a poor self-image. They feel unhappy and unloved.  A man who disrespects you with his speech and attitude is an accident waiting to happen. Do yourself a favour and end the relationship for your own.

    He makes you better

    No human being has the power to change another, but finding a good man is like wind to a kite. Just as the kite will definitely fly, the woman will. A good man will pick you up when you are down, push you when you are discouraged, and celebrate with you when you succeed. He never feels threatened by your success, in fact, when you succeed, it’s his success as well because he backed you all the way. Such guys help you write or rewrite your resume, help you find a job,and encourage you to write that exam or certification. When you a look at your life, it’s easy to say that your life is better because he is in it, whether or not he footed the bills.