The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Sex

  • Sex and health

    Over the years and up to recently, readers of this Family Health Column kept sending me questions about their sexual problems, many agonizing and wanting solutions. I realized that many problems are from lack of education, lack of information, and lack of training. Often people can make their own decisions and solve their own problems if they were better enlightened and better prepared. In the past few weeks we have therefore discussed aphrodisiacs. As we treat this topic, we should however remember that knowledge is always a two edged sword that can be used for good or evil.

    Sexual health is an important aspect of family health. Sex is important for bonding of spouses. In scriptural simplicity, Jesus masterfully refers to it as “the two become one flesh”. Various religions do not discount the importance of sex and traditionally, where celibacy was advocated, it was supported by monastic life for the minority that set themselves aside for such living in service of institutional religion, for the sake of religion or for the love of God and humanity.

    “The two become one flesh.” That degree of intimacy, unity, and oneness of a man and wife in sexual intercourse, I dare say, cannot be achieved through any other means. In the early years of marriage it can create a bond that lasts “till death do us part”. Young people therefore need proper sexual education for good and lasting marriages. If sexual experience is proper and good in early marriage, sexual activity may wane over the years while the bonding initiated waxes till death.

    As sex is generally an intimate matter, it is important that couples know how to solve their own problems as much as possible, look up information, choose useful supports carefully, and agree on what is satisfactory.

    Readers have sent many questions and we will discuss some of them for the general readership. Each reader with his or her own physical and spiritual maturity can thus work out what is best for his or her relationship. To help us, we here first summarize some of the benefits of good and proper sex and some of the harms of improper and excessive sex.

    Good and proper sex is guiltless and contributes to physical, mental, and spiritual health; it gives one a healthy psyche and sense of well-being, fulfillment, and happiness; the best of its fruits are progeny (children) which various religions portray as a source of happiness; and good children are generally the best work a couple leave behind when they die. A happy person is a building block of a happy world.

    Improper and excessive sex is a result of some problem. Medically, scientifically, religiously, and culturally, we recognize sexual deviations. Some deviations can be supported, some deviations can be treated, some deviations can be accepted with abandonment, and some deviations can be harmful to innocent human beings. In many cases, improper sex is not a lasting occurrence but is linked with adventure, risky behavior, drug use and abuse, environment, improper relationships, vice, opportunity, power, or peer pressure. It lacks the peace of guiltlessness. The harms produced by such improper sex are plethoric and could be physical, psychological, spiritual, or economic. In other cases, sex may be improper because the participants are physically deviant, mentally deviant, or spiritually deviant and the best they can have is improper sex. Such could be a lasting occurrence or could change for the better with physical, psychological or spiritual support, treatment, or counseling. Improper or deviant sex readily draws stigma from phobic persons; can predispose those who practice such to other people’s bias and prejudice; and can cause social displacement of deviant individuals who then colonize themselves amongst like-minded and similar persons further enhancing their deviant tendency.

    Uninformed, improper, and deviant sex within or aside of marriage can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, sex-linked manias, spiritual numbness, and social disorders.

    There are many products in the market to help people with sexual disability and sexual dysfunction that are treatable. Sexual lack and sexual starvation are also deviant life conditions that many tend to overlook but have consequences. Often deprivation is just next door to depravity.

     

    Dr. ‘Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 07028338910 or 08160944635

  • Same Sex Prohibition Act: The issues

    Same Sex Prohibition Act: The issues

    The Same Sex Prohibition Act, otherwise known as Anti-Gay law, has been a major discourse since it was signed  by President Goodluck Jonathan.A Lagos lawyer, Ikechukwu Ikeji, examines developments that followed the assent at home and abroad

    The recent passage and signing of the Same Sex Prohibition Act (hereinafter

    referred to as the Act) otherwise known as Anti-Gay law by the Nigerian National Assembly and the President, respectively, have raised dusts within Nigeria and on the international scene. The Canadian government was alleged to have cancelled a state visit by the Nigerian President to Canada earlier scheduled for February 13 and 14, 2014.  However, it is not lost on keen observers that the only reason such news item made headlines was its direct linkage to the Act. The European Union (EU) has come out to condemn the Act while other countries have spoken in no less a dissatisfied manner about the Act. Even the Ambassador of the United States of America to Nigeria was quoted to have said that the law may affect the fight against HIV in Nigeria. The CNN was more poignant in rejecting the Act when it reported that it was the most oppressive anti-Gay legislation anywhere in the world. That opinion is subject to debate as it is in sharp contrast to the views of majority of African leaders as well as a Nigerian citizens for whom, if truth must be told, the law was meant.

    The government said the Act was a fall out of the wishes of at least 90 per cent of Nigerians. The remaining 10 per cent are not gay population; it includes a portion of those who, though not being gays, believe that it is against the fundamental human rights of those targeted by the law. There is undoubtedly an overwhelming support for the law by Nigerians, but the arguments against it rage on with some pointing out that there are other more important issues to be tackled than to put so much speed and effort in passing a law that touches on human rights and privacy. The argument of speed may not hold water as the Bill had been before the National Assembly since 2008.

    It should also be noted that homosexuality was already unlawful and criminalised in Nigeria under the Criminal and Penal Codes. The Criminal Code characterises homosexuality as “offences against morality” while the Penal Code refers to it as  “unnatural and indecent offences”. Specifically, under Section 214 of the Criminal Code “any person who (1) has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature; or (2) has carnal knowledge of animals; or (3) permits a male person to have carnal knowledge of him or her against the order of nature, is guilty of a felony.”

    In this regard, the pro same sex advocates may argue that it may be a defense to show that having sex with a fellow man or fellow woman is ‘natural’.

    How true this is will obviously elicit different viewpoints and it is the intendment of this opinion to highlight the different viewpoints with a view to bringing out a clear direction as to whether to support the Act or not.

    The major arguments bother on whether human rights is a principle of absolute universality or whether it is one of relative universality. It is simply a battle between moral universalism and moral relativism. Should there be cultural relativism in applying human rights or should cultural differences not matter in defining human rights? The answer to this question will help greatly in this discourse. We shall get to that point in a short while.

    Before delving into the propriety or otherwise of the Act, it is pertinent to define some relevant terms in the discourse with a view to putting the issues in proper perspective. It is also important to state that the issue of gay rights is so wide that the present platform may be too limited to fully undertake a proper treatise on the subject. Suffice it to say that this discourse is basically aimed at examining the jurisprudential and macro-social implications of the Act vis-a-vis anti same sex legislation and not to undertake section by section dissection of the Act. We intend, simply, to attempt to answer the question whether anti same sex law is necessary in Nigeria at all and what is the relationship between gay rights and human rights.

    Gay simply means homosexual or attracting homosexual desires. In other words, gay means same sex romantic and/or sexual relationship.  The word is used in a loose sense to mean lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) relationships.

    Wikipedia defines human rights as moral principles that set out certain standards of human behaviour, and are regularly protected as legal rights in national and international laws. They are commonly understood as inalienable fundamental rights to which a person is inherently entitled simply because he or she is a human being.  Human rights are thus conceived as universal (applicable everywhere) and egalitarian (the same for everyone).

    Sexual orientation and gender identity rights relate to the expression of sexual orientation and gender identity based on the right to respect private life and the right not to be discriminated against on the ground of “other status” as defined in various human rights conventions, such as article 17 and 26 in the United Nations International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights of 1966 and article 8 and article 14 in the European Convention on Human Rights.

    According to statistics, homosexual behaviour is illegal in 76 countries, and is punishable by execution in seven countries mostly in the Arab Peninsula. The criminalisation of private, consensual, adult sexual relations, especially in countries where corporal or capital punishment is involved, is one of the primary concerns of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) human rights advocates. Even in the USA, only 17 out of 50 States have legalised gay marriage while 37 others refuse to legitimise it. So, it is not even universal as acclaimed by most democratic countries of the world.

    A global charter for sexual orientation and gender identity rights has been proposed in the form of the ‘Yogyakarta Principles’, a set of 29 principles whose authors say apply international human rights law, statutes and precedents to situations relevant to LGBT people’s experience. The principles were presented at a United Nations event in New York on November 7, 2007, co-sponsored by Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay (surprisingly not coming from Europe or North America). These principles have been acknowledged as influencing the French sponsored UN Declaration on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity, which focuses on ending violence, criminalisation and capital punishment in respect of LGBT rights. The proposal was supported by 67 of the 192 member countries of the United Nations, including all EU member states and the United States. An alternative statement opposing the proposal was initiated by Syria and signed by 57-member nations, including all 27 nations of the Arab League as well as Iran and North Korea.

    The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights 1948 (UDHR) enshrines universal rights that apply to all humans equally, whichever geographical location, state, race or culture they belong.

    On its part, the African Charter on Human and People’s Rights 1981 (ACHPR) re-enacts provisions similar to a large extent to the UDHR, but with slight variations in some areas, including communal and family rights as a fundamental human right. Article 17(2) of the ACHPR, 1981 imposes a mandatory duty on the state to promote and protect morals and traditional values recognised by the community.  Anti same sex relationship laws have used this provision as cover.

    The Nigerian government has, however, domesticated the ACHPR making it enforceable as a municipal law in accordance with Section 12 of the Nigerian 1999 Constitution as amended. According to Professor Nnamdi Obiaraeri, Professor of Law, Imo State University, “one peculiar attribute of the African Charter on People’s and Human Rights 1981 is that it imposes certain duties directly on the individual as correlative to his enjoying the numerous rights recognised therein unlike the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the United Nations International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights of 1966 (ICCPR). Thus, under the African Charter, every individual shall have duties towards his family and society, the state and other legally recognised communities and the international community. The rights and freedoms of each individual shall be exercised with due regard to the rights of others, collective security, morality and common interest”. We have no reason to deviate from this line of thinking. We support the thought pattern, which we opine, shall to a large extent, determine our appreciation of the operation of human rights in Nigeria.

    From the foregoing,  it is safe to say that human rights enjoy not only international protection, but regional and state based protection. In Nigeria, human rights are protected by Chapter 4 of the 1999 Constitution as amended. These rights include rights to freedom of association, freedom from discrimination and freedom of thought.

    But are these freedoms and rights limitless? Section 45 of the Nigerian 1999 Constitution clearly suggests the contrary. It provides that:

    “(1) Nothing in Sections 37, 38, 39, 40 and 41 of this Constitution shall invalidate any law that is reasonably justifiable in a democratic society

    (a) in the interest of defence, public safety, public order, public morality or public health; or

    (b) for the purpose of protecting the rights and freedom of other persons

    (2) An act of the National Assembly shall not be invalidated by reason only that it provides for the taking, during periods of emergency, of measures that derogate from the provisions of Section 33 or 35 of this Constitution; but no such measures shall be taken in pursuance of any such act during any period of emergency save to the extent that those measures are reasonably justifiable for the purpose of dealing with the situation that exists during that period of emergency:

    Provided that nothing in this section shall authorise any derogation from the provisions of section 33 of this Constitution, except in respect of death resulting from acts of war or authorise any derogation from the provisions of Section 36(8) of this Constitution.

    (3) In this section, a “ period of emergency” means any period during which there is in force a Proclamation of a state of emergency declared by the President in exercise of the powers conferred on him under Section 305 of this Constitution.”

    The clear import of the above section is to limit the extent to which individuals may enjoy their fundamental human rights. It gives constitutional backing to laws that restrict certain human rights in so far as such laws are reasonably justifiable in a democratic society. It is the opinion of this writer that the present Anti Same Sex Act comes within the purview of this constitutional provision and as such remains valid until declared invalid by a competent court of law.

    This raises the question of our international obligations with regards to international laws and treaties. While not relegating to the background the accepted international law principle of PACTA SUNT SERVANDA, which means that agreements must be obeyed by nations, it is trite that until a treaty has been domesticated into our municipal laws as in the National Assembly enacting it into law, it does not have the force of law and cannot supersede a law already in force. At best, it remains in the realm of suasive precepts. This is provided for by Section 12 of the Nigerian Constitution 1999 as amended which provides to the effect that no treaty between Nigeria and any other country shall have the force of law except to the extent to which any such treaty has been enacted into law by the  National Assembly.

    There is judicial backing for the foregoing submission. In Fawehinmi V Abacha, delivered on Friday, April 28, 2000 and cited as S.C. 45/1997, the Supreme Court in Nigeria was emphatic that much as the African Charter on Human and People’s Rights is of international flavour, it is not in any way superior to the Constitution. Relying on the case of Chae Chin Ping V United States, the Supreme Court held that treaties are of no higher dignity than Acts of the National Assembly, and may be modified or repealed by the National Assembly in like manner, and whether such modification or repeal is wise or not is not a judicial question.

    However, the arguments for or against anti same sex legislation bother on the fact that moral or immoral tendencies of human beings, especially consenting adults, should not be the subject of legislative control, not to talk of punishment.

    There is a dispute between scholars that advocate moral relativism and those that advocate moral universalism. Relativists argue that human rights are socially constructed and are shaped by cultural and environmental contexts. Universalists argue that human rights have always existed, and apply to all people regardless of culture, race, sex, or religion. The argument of the universalists is not lost on relativists who nevertheless, insist that it is in the specifics of the rights that cultural and environmental imperatives ought to be brought to bear in according recognition to any right as inalienable. These two views are also expressed in absolutist terms, creating two ends of radicalism. On one end, the radical cultural relativists hold that culture is the sole determining factor in what is moral or human rights while the other holds that culture plays no role absolutely. According to Jack Donnelly, in its most extreme form, what we can call radical cultural relativism would hold that culture is the sole source of the validity of a moral right or rule. Radical universalism would hold that culture is irrelevant to the validity of moral rights or rules, which are universally valid.

    But there is a middle point to the argument of relativism and universalism. This writer seems inclined towards this midpoint. For want of appropriate nomenclature, we may call this midpoint the ‘weak cultural relativism’ or ‘liberal cultural relativism’. “Weak or liberal cultural relativism” holds that culture may be an important source of the validity of a moral right or rule. Universality is initially presumed, but the relativity of human nature, communities and rights serve as a check on potential excesses of universalism. At its furthest extreme, just short of radical universalism, weak or liberal cultural relativism would recognise a comprehensive set of prima facie universal human rights, but allow occasional and strictly limited local variations and exceptions.

    This, it is humbly submitted, is where the present Same Sex Prohibition Act in Nigera fits in, and rightly so.

    More specifically, proponents of liberal cultural relativism argue for acceptance of different cultures, which may have practices conflicting with human rights. Relativists caution that universalism could be used as a form of cultural, economic or political imperialism. The idea of universalism in human rights  is used as an example of imperialism and the destruction of local cultures justified by the desire to spread Eurocentric values. For example, it has become fashionable worldwide to wear suit and tie as against local dressing traditions of the rest of the world. In particular, the concept of human rights is often claimed to be fundamentally rooted in a politically liberal outlook which, although generally accepted in Europe, Japan or North America, is not necessarily taken as standard elsewhere, especially in Africa and the Arab nations.

    African living is community based. We have a communal mode of living in which humans live or exist together in groups. So, for example in Africa, relations and extended family members live in the same house and sometimes share the same rooms with their fellow members. Individualism is given up for communalism.

    This means that sometimes, there exists communal rights that are regarded as superior to individual rights.

    It is, therefore, the humble view of this writer that the argument that human rights are universal is valid only in general terms. When you particularise certain conducts, they lose their universality. That is why, it will be unlawful for a group of armed robbers to gather in assembly under the pretext of exercising their right to assemble freely. Religion and culture can combine to form the basis of law, which is why polygamy, for example, is a crime in some countries but a way of life in others. Nobody goes into the bedrooms of individuals to inquire whether they are engaged in same sex relationship or not, and to that extent, individual rights are protected. But, when the individual starts making a public show of it or engages in it without discretion thereby corrupting the sensibilities of others, it has the tendency to offend public morality and may be so regarded. This is where the need to check it becomes imperative. We do not need to drink from the cup of dainty modes of lifestyles of other countries who look at conducts that we frown at as normal.

    Opponents of the Same Sex Prohibition Act in Nigeria, in the main, do not really oppose the fact that the law is good. What most of them are saying is that Nigeria being what it is, the Police may take advantage of it to extort people. Another angle to it is that 14 years is too much of a punishment, while we have lesser punishment for even more dangerous crimes like corruption. These are not arguments to say that the legislation should be discarded but arguments on collateral priorities and effects.

    One weakness that appears visible in the Act is the idea of possibly making advocacy for gay rights an offense. Section 5 (3) of the Act seems to criminalize advocacy or support for gay rights. The subsection provides that “Any person or group of persons that witness, abet and aids the solemnization of a same sex marriage or civil union, or supports the registration, operation and sustenance of gay clubs, societies, organisations, processions or meetings in Nigeria commits an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a term of 10 years imprisonment.” Without careful interpretation, persons advocating or lending any form of support to gay groups may be prosecuted under this provision. The National Assembly may do well to re-word and amend this section to exclude advocacy.

    It is our considered honest view that the Same Sex Prohibition Act is a good law reflecting the sociocultural peculiarities of the Nigerian nation and duly aimed at engineering the society in line with decent moral precepts that are acceptable in aggregate of Nigerian peoples.

    What we need to guard against is poor and uncontrolled enforcement. The human rights desks in the different police formations across the country should be re-engineered to withstand the temptation of trampling upon the rights of individuals in the name of fight against same sex relationships and marriage. Advocacy groups should be allowed freedom to express their views without practicing homosexuality. Nigerians should call the bluff of imperialist powers that want to continue their cultural imposition of their lifestyles.

     

     

    IKECHUKWU IKEJI is a Lagos based lawyer and activist

    23-01-2014

     

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and two shall become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

    Not to confuse my readers, sex is an important spice in marriage not outside of it. Remember, we are sinful beings, our view of sex can be distorted, especially when our sinful heart’s desire sex for SELFISH reason. Sex affects our heart, our inward being, not just our physical being. Sin, which is first and foremost a disorder of the heart, therefore has a big impact on sex. Indeed sex is perhaps the most powerful God created way to help you give your entire self to your spouse, Sex is God’s appointed way of two people to reciprocally say to one another, “I belong completely, permanently and exclusively to you. You must not use sex to say anything else. A negative attitude towards sex really hinders the ability to enjoy the beauty of intimacy God designed for a husband and wife to experience. Sex is a unique way to rekindle the covenant you made to your spouse, esp. as time goes on. Wife should not use SEX in marriage as a weapon by denying your husband any time he wants to be with you. This acts leave room for infidelity. There is an important value of sexual satisfaction in marriage. Both parties as part of their obligation must maintain a good body odor, esp. the genital parts. Paul gives us a positive view of sex in (1 Cor. 7:3-5)that a husband and wife have a marital duty to fulfill, that their bodies belong to each other, and that they should avoid denying each other unless by mutual consent. He is telling husbands and wives that mutual sex in marriage is an important part of life shared together. (1 Cor. 7) husbands and wives should not be concerned with getting sexual pleasure from their spouse, but by giving it. We need to be willing to give sex as a GIFT.

    QUESTION

    Whose Children are they anyways?

    Dear Princess:

    I have been married for 18years to my high school sweetheart. I met her virgin at the ripe age of twenty-four. Her parents were strict Muslims, hence, they believe that a woman must wait till the night of her marriage before allowing her mate to touch her was solidly embedded in my wife and her two younger sisters. I work for a reputable law firm, while she works as a banker at a very well-known bank;our marriage has been happily blessed with four children ages 4,10,12 and 17. Our first child, Henry is a younger replica of me; the other three children look more like their mother as far as am concerned. We are both hard working and happy. About 2years ago, I won a visa lottery to the United States. The whole families were very excited. One of my aunts called me and adviced me to just process the visa, but to not plan on leaving my job to go live abroad. At first, I was upset, I felt maybe she was jealous because am the first person in our entire family to be given this opportunity, Eventually, I decided that I will take a year off my job, go abroad and then decide if I want to stay or come back. I then decided to process my children visa and my wife’s visa together with mine. We were then requested to do a DNA testing, for my children and I, on my wife’s parts, I just have to show our marriage certificate and some photo proves. The DNA testing took about a month before the results came out. The first result read “inconclusive” for my three younger children, but proved that at 99.9% am Henry’s father. My wife and I could not believe the results, so they requested for blood sample this time, a mouth swab was done for the first DNA testing. Princess, the test took another month, during that one month, my whole life was in dismay. I could not sleep, I trusted my wife with my life. Yes, I am one of those men that goes after younger girls, but in our society, it is allowed as far as am concerned. The thought of my wife ever cheating on me was unbearable. I had sleepless nights. I dare not ask my wife if there had ever been anyone other than to touch her. On her part, she was very optimistic; she told me more than one occasion that she is sure there was a mistake somewhere. She had never known any other man aside from me. Princess, I believed her. Anyway, the second result came in, it confirmed that 99.9% chance that Iam not my three younger children’s father, I fainted! When I recovered, my wife sat quietly at the clinic reception area, sobbing. I took one look at her; I cannot tell you the thoughts that went through my mind. When we managed to get home, I calmed myself down. I asked if we should do a third DNA. Quietly, she said No! I then asked her what happened. She narrated that as a banker, sometimes they had to go out to sort for clients, that is how they get commissions, the more money you bring into the bank, the higher your commission. Most if not all their male clients will always request for sexually favors, although when you insist for them to use protection, majority of them will refuse. The habit according to her is very common in the banking industry. Has to who the father or fathers of the three children is/are, she does not know. Princess, I was covered with sweat when I heard this! I then asked her, what do we do now? She looked at me and tears just started dripping down her face. I loved and hated her at the same time. I asked why she does not trust me enough to confide in me about this practice in her office. She said she was afraid I will ask her to leave her job, and since we depended solely on both incomes, she could not take the risk. This issue has been on ground now for about 5weeks , I am so confused. I think I have developed High Blood Pressure. Do I send her packaging with the three children? If I do, who will they go to? Or do I just accept my faith and move on? Please l desperately need your advice. Kingsley, Warri.

     

    ANSWER

    Dear Kingsley,

    “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% is how you react to it”. In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything! First of all, I have to say am very sorry for the situation you have found yourself in! Both you and your wife are victims of what our society have become. I want you to look at it from your wife’s point of view. A woman that kept herself till her wedding night before knowing any man, this will tell you that she is not a wayward person, but the usual circumstance that she found herself in. Am sure because she knows that both of your incomes are what sustain the family financially and knowing that if she tells you, you will totally object to it. She made a very sensitive decision and look at what it’s costing your family. Another angle to look at is that she is inexperience when it’s comes to men, hence this sad ending. Kingsley, you said you love your wife. If you send her packing who is she going to go to? Unfortunately, there is no way to test for the paternity of the children father or fathers for that matter, because of am sure she had several clients in the course of the years. When the children were born, you are there, you have been raising them as your own from birth. A friend of mine once told me that her father told her that,“it is not the man that donates his sperm to make a baby that is the baby’s father”, it is actually the one that raise that baby and able to take care of his or her financial needs. In other words, you are those children’s father. I don’t even want you to have a second thought. It will be best for all if both you and your wife can keep this secret between you and take it to your grave. Remember those three beautiful innocent children are the major victims, it will be sad and unforgiving if you take their mother’s mistake out on them! I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week

    “People are more of what they hide than what they show”.

  • Rape

    Rape

    Why most suspects escape justice

    Hardly does a day pass without the rape or sexual assault of an adult, abuse of a minor or incest involving a “father” and “daughter” being recorded. More worrisome is that only a fraction of the perpetrators are jailed. Weaknesses in the judicial system, poor prosecution capacity and social challenges encourage rather than deter rape, reports JOSEPH JIBUEZE.

    SEVEN-YEAR-OLD Queen (not her real name) is seeking justice. She was allegedly sexually abused and assaulted by three ‘friends’, two of them aged 19, one aged 40. Queen lives with her aunt and husband in an estate in Alimosho area of Lagos. Her innocence was ripped from her by the men who are now facing trial, but will she get justice? Her family is alleging a plot to frustrate the case.

    Queen’s aunt, Mrs Ngozi Ugwu, said in January this year, she noticed blood stains on her niece’s pants. Curious, she asked Queen if she was injured. She was shocked when Queen alleged that three of their neighbours had been defiling her. In a chilling revelation, Queen narrated how one of the 19-year-olds first sexually assaulted her. When the second 19-year-old heard about Queen from his friend, he went after her. After abusing Queen, he allegedly told the 40-year-old about what they had been ‘enjoying.’

    While Ugwu was away on a business trip, the three would pay frequent visits to her home whenever they discovered that her husband had gone to work. They would allegedly threaten the infant with a knife, and after having sex with her, would warn her never to tell anyone. Queen said they would “put their wee-wee in her bum-bum”. The 40-year-old would buy her fruit juice and sausage roll and beg her not to talk.

    In another shocking sexual assault case, a mother of two, Mrs Mercy Osaghae, is in court over the alleged abuse of her two-year-old child by a married neighbour. On January 13, her daughter took ill. It was a very hot afternoon. As there was no one at home, she pleaded with the neighbour to look after the child while she went to buy the medication. It was not the first time she would leave her child with the man, even though his wife was away.

    Mrs Osaghee said it took her less than 10 minutes to fetch the drugs and return. On getting home, she knocked on her neighbour’s door. It was locked. She knocked again. Her neighbour answered from inside his apartment and said he was having his bath. She waited impatiently for about 10 minutes when the neighbour opened the door.

    The woman had the shock of her life when she took her child to her apartment and administered the drugs on her. The child vomited soon after. Thinking it was the high fever, she took her to the bathroom to douse her body with cold water. “I pulled off her clothes. As I pulled off her underpants, I saw what looked like sperm. I could not believe it. I began to wonder that may be I had overstressed myself. When it finally dawned on me, I screamed so loudly that another neighbour upstairs heard and came downstairs.

    “I told the neighbour to help me look at my baby. She asked: ‘How come?’ I told her what I suspected. The man I left my child with came in to my apartment and started asking angrily: ‘Are you people saying I raped the baby?’ Some of my other neighbours got angry and started to beat him.”

    Mrs Osaghae said when the man’s wife returned, she knelt, pleading with her to settle matter amicably. Soon, she realised that other neighbours, speaking in Yoruba, were asking the man’s wife to raise money to “settle” her.

    “I ordered everybody out of my apartment,” said Mrs Osaghae, after which she took the child to a private hospital. After conducting tests, the surprised doctor asked: “Who did this?” He then directed Mrs Osaghae to the General Hospital, where they can get a medical report acceptable in court.

     

    Bid to frustrate trial

    Mrs Ugwu and Mrs Osaghae have alleged a plot to frustrate the suspects’ trial. Mrs Ugwu reported Queen’s abuse to the police, and the three suspects were arrested. They were arraigned at an Ikeja Magistrates’ Court. The police prosecutor was said to have applied that Queen be taken to the Girls Correctional Centre at Idi-Araba.

    “I was later informed that on their way to the centre, the prosecutor threatened the girl to change her story or be locked up in a room for five days without seeing her family,” Mrs Ugwu claimed.

    Fearing that the police might be conniving with the suspects to frustrate the case, she applied to the Federal High Court in Lagos, seeking N100 million each from the defendants. Among others, she is seeking an order directing the Commissioner of Police to stop the prosecutor and the Area Crime Officer from taking further part in the investigation and prosecution of the accused persons. Her reason? The police want to frustrate the case. The matter has been adjourned till February 12 next year.

    Mrs Osaghae is facing a similar frustration. She said when she returned from the General Hospital, where she was given a medical report which confirmed that her child was sexually abused, she found relatives of the suspect waiting for her at home.

    “The mother, brother and a lot of them came to beg that we should not take the matter to the police station. The mother said: ‘Are you not friends? What are friends for? Let’s settle this case like family. It seems you are proving stubborn.’

    “I refused to listen to her. The woman held on to my clothes and said that if I refuse to back down, she would show me that she is a Yoruba woman from Ijebu and she would deal with me. I told her she is not God and cannot do anything to me. I held on to the man that violated my baby and insisted on going to the police station,” Mrs Osaghae said.

    She soon discovered that the police were unwilling to thoroughly investigate the matter. Suspecting a bid to cover up the case, Mrs Osaghae sought the help of a human rights group, the Access to Justice (AJ). The group has stepped in and has sought a diligent prosecution of the accused person, who pleaded not guilty at his arraignment at the Family Court in Ikeja.

    AJ’s Director of Programmes, Leonard Dibia, said: “Given the overt and covert efforts to sabotage the case and threats to the life of the family members by unknown persons, we have written to the Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice, Lagos State to take over the prosecution of the alleged crime as provided for under section 211(1) (b) of the 1999 Constitution and its equivalent under the Administration of Criminal Justice Law of Lagos State 2011 which gives him enabling powers thereof.

    “We expect that given the escalation of crimes of this nature in our society and the traumatising effect they have on society’s most vulnerable, the Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice in Lagos State would take over the case. This is to ensure that justice can be served in this matter and serve as a lesson to others that no person who takes pleasure in exploiting young children will be shielded from punishment.” The case has been adjourned till February 17 next year.

    Stories of rape and sexual abuse of minors are common, but how often are the perpetrators brought to book? Recently in Ondo State, men of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC) arrested a 71-year-old man who allegedly sexually abused a seven-year old girl.

    The victim, a primary school pupil, said she was returning from school when the man sent someone to call her. She ignored them but she was dragged into the old man’s room, mouth covered, and violated. The girl was reported to have said that the man “cleaned her up as she bled”. Residents confirmed to investigators that the alleged perpetrator was a “serial rapist.”

    Child advocates and prosecutors admit that conviction rates remain low compared to the rising cases of rape and sexual abuses of children in Nigeria. They attribute this to weaknesses in the judicial system and the low capacity of the police to investigate and prosecute such cases.

    They also point to the society’s attitude towards rape and victims, and the fact that the system can be so frustrating that many victims and their families never show up to testify during trial, even as many victims do not report to the police. The consequence is that despite the existing laws, there appears to be no deterrent against rape, which experts believe is why the crime is on the rise: offenders are not punished.

    In effect, a weak judicial system, poor capacity to prosecute and investigate rape cases add to the pain of victims and their families, who at the end are subjected to even more ridicule. It is like being raped all over again.

     

    Rape, a global crime that leaves deep scars

    The Rome Statute, which defines the jurisdiction of the International Criminal Court, recognises rape, sexual slavery “or any other form of sexual violence of comparable gravity” as crime against humanity if the action is part of a widespread or systematic practice.

    Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent.

    Statistics on rape and sexual assault are commonly available in advanced countries but not so common in Nigeria. A United Nations statistical report compiled from government sources showed that more than 250,000 cases of rape or attempted rape were recorded by police annually. The reported data covered 65 countries.

    Of a sample of 295 female students from Ebonyi State University, Abakaliki in Southeast Nigeria, 36.7 per cent had experienced sexual harassment/victimisation at least once on campus. Of this, 32.4 per cent had been raped.

    This year, in a poll of 585 randomly selected adults from six geopolitical zones by NOI Polls, 34 per cent indicated ‘indecent dressing’ in their answer to the question: ‘What do you think is the most prevalent cause of rape in the society?’ Twenty-nine per cent said they personally knew a victim of rape.

    The World Health Organisation (WHO) states that the principal factors that lead to the perpetration of sexual violence, including rape, are: beliefs in family honour and sexual purity; ideologies of male sexual entitlement and weak legal sanctions for sexual violence.

    Experts say there is no single scientific theory that conclusively explains the motivation for rape. Several factors have been adduced such as anger, a desire for power, sadism, sexual gratification, and mental depravity.

     

    Why conviction rate remains low in Nigeria

    Statistics of rape convicts are hard to come by in Nigeria, but child right advocates and prosecutors say several factors are responsible for the low rate of conviction. One is victim blaming, holding the victim of a crime to be in whole or in part responsible for the crime. In the context of adult rape, the victim’s behaviour, such as possible flirting, or wearing sexually provocative clothing, is believed to have encouraged rape. In extreme cases, victims are said to have “asked for it”, simply by not behaving demurely. This mindset can be a drawback in the prosecution of rape suspects.

    Second, sexual violence, and rape in particular, is considered the most under-reported violent crime. Thus, the number of reported rape cases is lower than both incidence and prevalence rates. Sometimes, the difficulties victims are subjected to tend to discourage others from reporting. Rape is rarely reported due to the extreme social stigma cast on women who have been raped, or the fear of being subjected to public opprobrium.

    The attitude of the police often discourages victims from reporting rape. Advocates said a large percentage of police officers agreed with the assertion that “some women deserve rape”, while others hold the view that “the physical appearance and behaviours of women tempt men to rape.” It is not unusual for rape victims to hear a police officer ask: “Wetin you find go there? (What took you to where you were raped?).

    A report claimed that only one in 25 raped women make a report to the police. Gender rights activist, Shireen Motara, said women often do not report rape because of the reaction they get. Motara, who helps women who are victims of violence, said Africa’s violent culture and rampant misogyny often counteract the continent’s progressive laws.

    It has been noted that the police hardly apply forensic knowledge in prosecution of rape cases. Biological evidence such as semen, blood, vaginal secretions, saliva, and vaginal epithelial cells (typically collected by a rape kit) are used in other jurisdictions in rape and sexual abuse trials.

    Managing Partner at the Partnership for Justice, Mrs Itoro Eze-Anaba, whose organisation fights the cause of rape victims, blamed police inefficiency as the primary reason for low rate of conviction of perpetrators. She said the inefficiency begins at the police station, where a traumatised victim spends a whole day trying to make a report. When her statement is eventually taken, the perpetrator may be arrested, and then brought face to face with the victim. This, she said, discourages other victims from coming forward to make a report.

    Mrs Eze-Anaba also identified faulty or inclusive medical reports, such as where some doctors make categorical statements like ‘there was no rape’ as factors responsible for low conviction rate. The police rely on such medical reports and claim their hands are tied if there is no evidence of rape, especially if a victim has had a bath.

    The activist cited an instance of an 18-month old baby that was violated by a man the mother is living with. The mother went to the police to make a report, but ended up being treated as if she were the perpetrator.

    She was kept at the police station for hours when she ought to be at the hospital looking after her sick child. Her worst experience was that not even the Divisional Police Officer (DPO) believed her story. At the end, it took two days to convince the police that the abuse occurred and to get the incident included in the police report.

    “If a survivor goes through this, another survivor isn’t going to go back to the police in future. And where a victim fails to report, that is one case that has been lost. And you don’t even know if the perpetrator has violated more than 20 people. And so the perpetrator goes free because the police as a whole is not trained to handle cases of rape,” Eze-Anaba regretted.

    Another obstacle to effective prosecution of rapists is the police mentality that the medical report is a conclusive evidence of rape. Once a victim makes a report, she is asked to go to the hospital to get a medical report. Where the report is made three weeks or a month after the incident, the police feel that their hands are tied because the victim has had her bath and therefore cleared the evidence.

    A greater source of worry is that some medical examiners who issue the reports are not skilled in dealing with rape victims, or are not trained to look for signs of rape. Mrs Eze-Anaba believes prosecuting cases of rape does not depend on medical reports alone. “Generally it is believed that when someone is raped, the hymen is broken, but it’s not true. You can have intercourse with a man for years and your hymen is still intact. So, if a medical practitioner that is working with rape victims does not know that it’s not the broken hymen that determines rape, the persons will be looking for the broken hymen.

    “As long as it’s not broken, the person believes rape did not take place. So, there is a whole lot that needs to be done in order for prosecution of cases to be successful,” she said.

    An unhelpful legal system also frustrates prosecution of rape. Cases get thrown out for lack of evidence, mainly due to police inefficiency in investigation and documentation of evidence. The system is designed to believe there has to be physical injuries to prove rape.

    “The fact that there is no injury does not mean there is no rape. There is need for forensic medical training to show that you don’t need to have physical wounds or evidence to prove rape. Some believe if you’re being raped, you fight, you struggle, and there would be wounds on the perpetrator. It’s not true,” said Mrs Eze-Anaba.

    A victims’ advocate, Dr Princess Olufemi-Kayode, said the criminal justice system is very frustrating for rape victims seeking justice. As the Executive Director of a non-governmental organisation (NGO), Media Concern Initiative for Women and Children (Mediacon), a crisis response and sexual violence resource centre, she has seen first hand how rape victims are denied justice.

    “We have been discouraged many times by the criminal justice system,” she said, adding that the slow pace of justice delivery is as bad as not getting justice at all. She recalled the case of an eight-year old girl molested by two neighbours, a teenager and an adult. The girl reported that the two had been penetrating her. The men were arrested, but the case has been in court for five years.

    Mrs Olufemi-Kayode gave another instance of a father of a rape victim who recently told the court that they were “withdrawing” from the case because “they’re tired.” The victim was four when she was raped. The case has gone four years in court. The family has spent scare resources prosecuting the case, but there is no indication that it will end any time soon.”

    She was involved in a case where a father was accused by his daughter of engaging in incest with her over time. The man was charged to court. During his arraignment, he pleaded guilty. “I did it, but it was the work of the devil,” the accused persons said in open court. Everyone in court expected life imprisonment for the man, but the magistrate sentenced him to a two-year jail term. “I think that is a very ridiculous judgment two years. We have had about two of such cases,” Mrs Olufemi-Kayode said.

    “When we began to ask why a magistrate would give two years for a man who had been abusing his child for several years, we were told that the magistrates’ courts have levels, which determines the punishment they can give. But if the law says punishment for rape is life imprisonment, why would a magistrate give a two-year jail term?

    “Why would the police take the case to the court that cannot give the maximum punishment? Why can’t we restructure the system so that the court that can give the full judgment? It’s a question I also have for them.”

    A lawyer and programme officer at the Project Alert, an NGO involved in prosecution of rape and sexual abuse cases, Oluwatobi Asekun, said conviction remains low because victims get frustrated by the system and back out. “Police is always giving excuses that the complainant is not willing to go on. Generally, cases take so long,” she said, adding that pressure from relatives can also lead to cases being dropped.

    Asekun gave an example. “There is a 22-year-old lady who was raped. The alleged rapist is also in his 20s. The guy’s relatives kept begging the survivor. They even offered her money. She refused. Eventually, the boy was arraigned, but the trial was stalled and with so much pressure on the lady, she withdrew from the case. She said she was tired, emotionally drained. She didn’t think she could go on.

    “Apart from the pressure, she reported that she paid for the taxi that conveyed the police officers to where they arrested the boy. She was spending money at every stage yet, feeling that the case was not moving forward.

    “The police are always slow at times in investigating such cases maybe because of lack of funds. The victim has to pay for certain things for the police to act. There is this case of two victims defiled by the owner of an orphanage in Ogun State. They had to pay the transportation fares of two officers from Zone 2, Onikan to Ota for the suspect’s arraignment. Even before the arraignment, the officers had to be given transport money to go and investigate. The police may want to work, but they may not have the resources,” Asekun said.

    According to her, there are instances where a victim who has no money to “settle” the police would be denied justice. “A victim who doesn’t have money to finance the investigation may not get justice, unless the victim meets a good officer who would ensure that the case goes to court,” she said.

    Asekun identified gaps in the laws as a problem. Citing sections 218, 221, 223, and 224 of the Criminal Code as instances, she said the law provides that to prove rape, there has to be corroboration, which may be impossible in the Nigerian context, except in an armed robbery case where there are other witnesses. A section of the law, she said, specifies that prosecution must be commenced within two months of the rape. A shocked victim who does not report within the period stands being denied justice.

    A lawyer, Oge Agbo, said the fact that rape has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt makes proving someone guilty even more difficult. “Rape is a criminal matter and must be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. But it is the hardest thing to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. The law looks at whether penetration was with the female’s consent and that is hard to prove.

    “There may be no bruises or scars but the truth remains that she was raped. Whenever there is an iota of doubt in a criminal matter, the doubt is settled on behalf of the defendant/suspect. So, even if a girl was raped, it is a question of the ability to prove it. The court does not deal with speculation. He who asserts must prove. And most times without scars or bruises, it’s difficult to show coercion.”

    Ignorance of the law is also a problem. The Administration of Criminal Justice Law of Lagos State (ACJL) (2011) was, among others, designed to regulate the hauling of crime suspects into court before investigation. But a DFID-funded study as part of the Justice for All (J4A) programme by AJ said the law has failed due to the pervasive ignorance of its relevant provisions by security agencies, especially the police.

    The study, presented in Lagos, showed that only 29 per cent of police officers in Lagos are familiar with the law or have received any formal training on its provisions.

     

    Seeking solutions

    Worried by the shabby treatment rape victims receive at police stations, with its attendant negative impact on prosecution, Mrs Eze-Anaba set up The Mirabel Centre, located at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH). The centre offers medical examination for rape or sexual assault survivors, counseling, help in reporting incidents to police, information on legal system and referral to other agencies for help not provided by Mirabel. All services, provided in a compassionate and caring manner, are free.

    It took Mrs Eze-Anaba 10 years to get the centre set up. It was she who drafted the Domestic Violence Bill and led the campaign for its passage into law by the National Assembly and 12 states in Nigeria, including Lagos. In the process of the campaign, she met a girl who was raped consistently over time by her father.

    The girl had reported to her pastor, but he did not believe her. The pastor told her it could not have happened. It occurred to Mrs Eze-Anaba that one of the vital ingredients for a survivor of rape or sexual assault to heal is a safe place where she can tell her story and be believed. A survivor, she said, needed a place where she had confidence in, where there was privacy and where her story would be kept confidential to avoid stigmatisation. It was what police stations across Nigeria lacked.

    Since the centre’s opening on July 1 this year, no fewer than 140 survivors from Lagos Mainland had come forward to report being raped between July and November.

    Mrs Eze-Anaba is happy at the positive response the centre is getting, but sad that rape is so prevalent in Nigeria’s commercial centre. “I’m sad that 140 people have been raped between July and November in Lagos. This 140 is just a tip of the iceberg. There’s only one such centre in Lagos State, which is the Mirabel Centre at LASUTH.

    “So, you can imagine what is happening in Ikorodu, what is happening in Badagry, Lekki area or Island or Alagbado, or other areas where people may not have easy access to the Mirabel Centre. Ideally, for Lagos State we should have at least three of such centres. We should have one at the Island and one at Ikorodu because these areas are far from Ikeja.

    “Each state should have a Mirabel Centre because there is nowhere you don’t have cases of rape. We need people who have been trained to handle these cases. If you do a survey, you will see that a lot of secondary school girls are undergoing horrendous experiences in their homes. A lot of them are victims of incest and rape,” Mrs Eze-Anaba said.

    To improve prosecution of rape, the activist said more enlightenment is needed in schools on what victims should do when raped. According to her, majority of rape cases involve school-age girls of 11 to 15, and 0-11 year-olds. “We need to do a lot with the schools. There is also an increase in gang rape. Some victims report that they were raped by 3-7 people. We need to direct our effort towards areas like Oshodi, Ikeja, Ketu and Mile 12 where we have higher number of people reporting. There’s need for probably more policing, more community work. Ultimately, the community itself has a responsibility to stand up and say: ‘We do not want rapists in our community.’ They need to take action,” Mrs Eze-Anaba said.

    For Mrs Olufemi-Kayode, it is important to study the dynamics of crime and design responses that will help victims get justice. “We have a system where people are grieved and hurt, and a criminal trial process that grieves them even more,” she regretted.

    Beyond conviction, the prison system must be more reformatory to avoid a situation where a person gets convicted, is jailed, and comes out to molest someone else because there was no programme to re-orientate him.

    She further suggested a review of the laws. She wants the laws against rape enlarged to include sexual offences not covered by existing laws. “We need to sit down, for posterity sake, and review the process of law and maybe enlarge or expand the interpretation of sexual offences because it has gone beyond the dynamics of when those laws were made,” she said.

    Mrs Olufemi-Kayode believes more people should also specialise on child sexual abuse. She said: “A gynaecologist is not a forensic doctor. He has not been trained specially to know what to look for, particularly in a case of child sexual abuse, in the case a child who has been tampered with for a long time. It’s not only that hymen is not broken. So we need to look for experts. The world has gone beyond ‘I’m a gynaecologist’.”

    She also wants more emphasis on rape prevention. “Prevention is the best cure, but we don’t have any prevention programme at national or state level or in the educational sector. And in the society everybody blames the victim. The victim is blamed from the very first time they open their mouth to say ‘this happened to me.’ The system traumatises everybody.”

    The trial of rape suspects, she said, is sometimes delayed because of the very long time it takes the Directorate of Public Prosecution to issue a legal advice, at times coming long after an accused person had been arrested. Mrs Olufemi-Kayode thinks the DPP should work with the police in determining whether to prosecute. She suggested that victim advocates and social welfare workers must work together with the police to draw a framework that will help victims get justice.

    Asekun said the welfare of the police has to be improved so that they can deliver on their constitutional role without expecting victims of crime to fund investigations. There is need for more public awareness in terms of the law and where to get support when abused or raped, she said. According to her, outdated laws on rape need to be reviewed to make it easier to prosecute suspects. Even the process of reporting rape to the police, she said, has to be structured and simplified. She suggested a system where preliminary report on rape can be made in one place so that the victim does not have to relate her experience more than once.

    Further, the culture of silence caused by fear of stigmatisation has to be repudiated. “Part of the awareness should be that rape is not the victim’s fault. The practice of blaming the victim should stop,” Asekun said.

    A lawyer and columnist, Gabriel Amalu, believes the laws which make it impossible to convict rapists must be amended. “The common cliché is that law is an ass. While that may be right, it may, however, be more appropriate with respect to the provisions of the predominant laws on rape in Nigeria – the criminal and penal codes; and also the case laws, to say that, the law on rape is a horse.

    “Otherwise, if one is gender fair-minded, how can one appreciate the highly technical hurdles as have been held by some courts, as necessary requirements for the proof of rape, under our criminal justice system? Worse still, how can one explain or justify the ordeal and rape on human dignity, otherwise called legal trial, that, a prosecutrix (a rape victim) undergoes, under our adjectival legal system, to secure the conviction of a rapist?

    “These challenges, in my humble view, encourage the incidents of rape, and the time for action is now,” he said.

     

    Wanted: Application of forensic science

    “You can’t prosecute without forensic knowledge,” was Mrs Eze-Anaba’s summation. “The police need to learn how to carry out investigation at a crime scene. Do they know that the human body is also a crime scene the persons that have been violated and raped that the body is a crime scene? Do they have the skills and equipment to do that? No, they don’t.”

    According to her, even senior police officers would claim that is difficult to secure conviction where rape victims cleaned up before undergoing medical test. “No, it’s not, because it’s not just the medical examination that determines if there was rape. In the first instance, even the medical examination, to a large extent, determines whether there was consent or there was no consent.

    “There is forensic camera that can be used to record incidence of rape that took place a month after because you’ll still be able to get marks if there were marks. The police need to be trained on forensic medical examination. If we do not have trained forensic medical examiners, it’s going to be difficult to prosecute cases of rape,” Mrs Eze-Anaba said.

    In other jurisdictions, adults raped in their teens have been able to get justice even after decades have passed. Their abusers are made to face to the law, years after the act was done.

    “For the 30 doctors and nurses that we trained at the Mirabel Centre, they were shocked to learn that the hymen does not need to be broken when one is raped. When you have that mindset that all you’re looking for is a broken hymen, and you get there but the hymen is not broken, and you write that the person was not raped, then you’re raping that person the second time because for someone to come out and say ‘I was raped’, there must be an element of truth. Give the person the benefit of doubt and do your job they way you ought to do it,” Eze-Anaba said.

    A way out, she said, is for the office of the Attorney-General of the Directorate of Public Prosecution (DPP) to take over prosecution of rape, rather than the police. “Can we start considering having the Attorney-General’s office prosecute rape cases? That would help.”

    For Olufemi-Kayode, there is the need for a thorough look at the process of investigation and prosecution. “The laws are there. The Criminal Code says if a child is defiled, that persons is to go to jail for life, with caning.

    A senior police officer, who did not want to be named, said most of the problems attributed to the police, which account for rising cases of rape and low rate of convictions, were true, even as he said efforts were being made to re-orientate the rank and file.

    Police spokesman Frank Mba could not react to the issues raised by press time. When contacted, he replied via text and said: “Sir, whenever you are ready for the interview, call me. I am ready to speak to you on all the issues.” When he was subsequently called severally, he did not answer his calls. He also did not respond to a text message reminding him of his promise.

  • Sex for roles okay for Nollywood, says actor Ugezu

    Sex for roles okay for Nollywood, says actor Ugezu

    Contrary to the views in some quarters about the danger of ‘sex for roles’ in Nigerian movies, Ugezu J. Ugezu, a movie director in Asaba, Delta State, said “the situation is a positive development for the industry.”

    Ugezu, who is also a writer and actor, was spotted in Tinapa, Calabar, during the Africa International Film Festival (AFRIFF).

    According to him, there is nothing wrong in the highly -criticised sex for roles.

    He said: “Since those who need roles in films see nothing wrong in going for it that way, I also see nothing wrong in it. Artistes are different in the way they approach things to get what they want.”

  • I’ve not had sex since I was 17; am I still a virgin?

    No. you’re no longer a virgin in the real sense of the word, but you may be described as a second generation virgin. What made you have sex at 11? I want to believe you were raped. Well, many people wish they could return to virginity and are choosing to become second-generation virgins. Second-Generation Virginity is a choice to abstain from sex again for a period of time. For some, that period of time is a few months; for others a few years or until marriage.

    You may be thinking you had sex too soon and I think so too. Becoming a second-generation virgin is one way to strongly state to others and to yourself that you have decided to abstain from sex. The origin of the word “virgin” is from the Greek word “Virgo,” often associated with goddesses of power. For some, second-generation virginity is a reclaiming of power and control over one’s body. Reclaiming your sexuality: When someone forces or pressures you to have sex, or makes you feel your virginity was “stolen,” it doesn’t feel like that should be your “first time.” Your first time having sex is special, and no one has the right to take that from you. If being raped or pressured into sex has happened to you, you’re not alone. There is support, and your real “first time” is still to come. Second-generation virginity allows you to reclaim your virginity in such cases.

  • Social medicine: Sexual health matters of men and women in the 35-50-year age bracket

    And any time crisis erupts, they recite the creed and strengthen it with the injunction, ‘to cherish and to hold until death do us part’’. The storm is weathered with three simple words-‘I am sorry’’ a passionate kiss or embrace and life continues in perfect harmony. For others, there is no love lust, men are simply machines that make babies and once they have fulfilled their matrimonial obligations, life begins with younger men. Such women simply abandon husbands even in Hospitals at critical moments of their lives.

    Studies have provided avenues through which we can understand why some men and women, particularly those in the age bracket 35-50 years behave the way they do when it comes to matters of sex. Marital disharmony involves very many variables beyond the scope of this piece but age, cannot be ignored. There are now thousands of studies on aging, to try and explain at the molecular level, what proteins are involved and how we can achieve reversal-perhaps the recent scientific breakthrough in the biosynthesis of brain cells in the laboratory is one step in the journey to find solutions to age related diseases such as Alzheimer and senile dementia. Prevention in many situations are cheaper and safer than cure, and as many couples have found out, it is easier for the head of an elephant to pass through the thread hole of a sewing needle than for any woman to successfully reverse the trend when she has let a bad matrimonial situation to go from bad to worse and reach the point of no return. If you think you are too beautiful for one man or two much of a big guy to be tied down by one man. You need to realize that there are risks when any one allows himself or herself to be led by the natural endowment they have-everyone is beautiful as long as God created us all but until people come together, it is difficult to characterize or grade beauty as observed from the outside of a person, considering the fact that behind the personae there is a personality ,unknown, untested, unpredictable. Imagine for instance a young male Nigerian who met he described as a very beautiful lady in the UK and within a short time they were in Nigeria for Marriage. The lady was actually from his tribe, understood and spoke his language but claimed she was from Togo, and while in her husband’s house in UK received different categories of lovers who spoke French with her any time he was around , a situation that went on for years until they came back to Nigeria . Though she simply disappeared with more than half of his properties, when she felt they had come back finally, the young man is alive to start life afresh with the only daughter the relationship produced.

    In many instances, where a man takes off to stay with another woman without any arguments, there may have been some ‘ smoke before the fire came up’’;- ignorance of what a woman should do to keep a husband happy outside food and child bearing, arrogance and disrespect ranging from supremacy problems to husband battering , elevating house helps to spousal equivalent, doing everything including preparing food and taking care of husband’s underclothing’s all have very potential of incremental

    damage to the romance and sexual components of married life

    Beginning gradually, a man begins to respond to what he sees, hears and a critical moment arrives when try as he can, he finds it impossible to lead events , so events lead him to the beginning of a cascade of problems .A father told his verbose son when the former announced he had decided to take another wife so he can enjoy the second part of his life on earth,-false, ‘To abort my decision in order to please you and your mother is to permanently put myself in displeasure for my life, because tradition forbids me to disclose my grievances with you, my son’’

    Sexual deprivation at times comes later when children will have all gone out and people outside assume a couple are about to begin another honeymoon ,and then one party understands he has made a huge mistake ;This is the understanding of many guys now that everything and any non lethal weapon could be employed to ensure a man takes a marriage vow either in the church or court, and other means employed until a child, preferably a boy comes in, after that, sex becomes weaponised for the many situations where it is required to get dresses, cash, cars houses etc. it is now an essential commodity –Younger men are abandoning their children to begin afresh while older ones that have put in everything are simply dying from stress and other diabetogenic and hypertensionogenic conditions created probably inadvertently in association with sexual dysfunction Many believe that societies and cultures show empathy and tolerance to polygamy, polyandry and even worse and unprintable forms of marital arrangements that completely enslave women, but as was demonstrated in a very large African country recently, continuous sexual subordination only serves to bring out the worst in women . Where there is wrong assessment of self worth as opposed to respect value measured for husband are some of the issues discussed, and many so called good friends to lead you out on one foot and have it sawn off , where there are numerous relations, business associates co workers and fellowship groups , it is not difficult to find an outlet to ventilate feelings and find comfort, Again the problem is that, discordance develops sooner or later and the desires linger driving victims to extremes of action that endanger health.

    Health education on human sexuality is unacceptable in many African communities;-when this writer in company of a Colleague of blessed memory did a study on Child abuse in a population of slum dwellers involving a state in the south-south geopolitical region of Nigeria, the reception in more than 50% of the households surveyed was lethally hostile, and so many couples suffer sexual deprivations in painful silence. Others transfer their sexual frustrations to symptom complexes and take hospital admissions each time husband is around. The unsuspecting man continues to settle medical bills until someone discovers something. A reasonable number of others seek gratification outside with dangerous consequences.

    Rather than apportion blame, think of running away or doing nothing, reasonable people look inwards for solution, do the best they can with a high sense of commitment towards success and then ask God to guide and control everything so that success attends their honest efforts.

    The current trend where intending couples are expected to ensure they run all possible laboratory tests including blood group, hemoglobin genotype, screening for hepatitis, syphilis HIV/AIDS, is good, but certainly not enough, because, there are conditions that cannot be captured through lab investigations. There is need to know who you are going to live your life with you must be able to see, hear and possibly feel to ascertain that what you are accepting is normal , so you need to know something about your husband/wife early in your marriage-otherwise, when deviations emerge, you are not likely to know what the normal was, and whether or not to hold yourself wholly or partially responsible for what has happened.-many able bodied optimally functioning young men go into marriage strong and healthy, only to become ravaged with morbid obesity, kidney disease, hypertension and diabetes mellitus from over indulgence—they become a nervous wrecks and impotent, as more pressure to perform is pilled on them, the situation gets worse and they commit suicide so as to let all intra psychic sufferings go. How much of his/her past life do you really know, in terms of drugs, felling of self worth, considerations for others? Relationships, attitude towards family, nuclear, extended families

    Every man or woman must try and know himself or herself and honestly disclose all relevant details to the person they intend to marry before coming together under one roof. Intending couples should discuss issues with regards to general health status, things that turn you off, the ones that turn him on etc. what parts of your body are different from normal, for instance the normal vaginal odourant molecules are aphrodisiac (cause sexual arousal) ,not offensive, but chronic vaginal infections–trichomonas vaginalis and cancer of the cervix will create very offensive and sometimes foamy or blood stained vaginal discharge which becomes more copious during coitus. Conditions like these are sometimes concealed until court marriage register has been signed. Some women also use uterine fibroids as pseudo pregnancy to hoodwink men into marriage and even when the truth is discovered, a man may decide to play intrigue versus intrigue, maintaining a fertile mistress and producing children outside the marriage.

    Emphasis is on trying as hard as possible to keep the man or woman in your life as close to you as possible ,and stop making comparisons between your husband and any other one ,openly or in your fantasy ,or in advertisement because in western societies, the situation is completely different- you can get almost anything you want- there are drugs that can turn you into a sex machine within weeks, drugs that can enlarge any part of your body and surgical operations that can create a new person out of you, they are however not as safe as the claims of those who are marketing them. The side effects have one common pathway. sudden death ,for some, the side effects come later when you are older in the forms of cancer, heart, liver and diseases of prostate.

     

  • My annoying neighbour is trying to steal my guy from me

    Good day ma, I’m a girl of 16 and in love with a guy of 19. Both of us are through with secondary school and plan to go further. The problem is that I have an annoying neighbour who tries to steal my guy from me by acting over-friendly even though she’s dating someone else. Some guys have fallen for her but this guy hasn’t and she’s trying hard. The main problem is that he’s trying to avoid her just to be committed to me. Aunty Ade I really love this guy but I’m scared of losing my virginity to him at a tender age because I was almost a victim of molestation and rape due to the fact that I don’t have a good relationship with my mother (she never sits me down to talk to me) I have made some mistakes and I can’t avoid guys because I’m beautiful and well behaved. Pleases help me before I make a great mistake.

    I want to believe that all concerned in this situation are teenagers. From experience in dealing with people, I know that teenage love does not always last, so there’s no gain fighting over a guy. This guy is yet to find his bearing and so, he’s only just occupying his time with you girls till he gains admission into a higher school of learning.

    If you constantly worry about how to get this girl committed and glued to you, then you may focus of the most important thing to you now – your education. As you grow older and begin to explore the world, you will find out that there is someone out there who is better than this current champion. The boy may be confused as most guys his age about how to handle these two girls showing him attention. And I can bet that he’s enjoying the flirtations of the other girl. It’s just natural with boys to find it amusing that girls are finding them attractive. Give him a break by leaving him to have the freedom to mingle. You’re acting like a mother hen to her chicks by watching him around this other girl. At 16, you really have a nerve! Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much you love someone. He may not feel the same way about you. Honestly, I think that you’re putting too much pressure on yourself because of this boy. Most importantly, if you’re not ready to have sex, let him know. If you’re uncomfortable about something a guy wants you to do, speak up. Muster up the courage to utter a single word: NO. Having sex with him doesn’t prove your love. Don’t believe the lies he tells you. Please don’t ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. And if he forces sex on you, it’s called rape; report it. Remember that no means no.

  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases (stds)

    Sexually Transmitted Diseases are popularly called venereal diseases. Theyare contagious diseases, easily transmitted by sexual contact from an infected person to a sexual partner who is otherwise healthy.

    The germs causing these diseases vary a great deal, but all depend on the warmth and moisture of the sexual organs for survival. They readily penetrate the delicate skin and moist membranes that come in contact during sexual intercourse. Once the germs have invaded the tissues of the sex organs, they propagate and spread to other tissues, even throughout the body in some cases.

    The sexually transmitted diseases cause various kinds of suffering with tragic results as damage to an unborn child, infertility and even premature death. Once established in a person’s body, the disease tends to persist, if untreated, for the duration of life. Syphilis and Gonorrhoea are the best-known venereal diseases, but the range also includes genital herpes, candidiasis and warts, as well as trichomoniasis, chancroid, staphylococcal infections and Lymphogranuloma venereum.

    The symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases vary, depending on the causative agent. There may be abnormal discharge from the sexual organ, with foul odour and itching sensations, as in Gonorrhoea, Trichomoniasis and Candidiasis. There may be ulcers and pinching sensations as in Genital Herpes Simplex, Staphylococcus, Syphilis, Chancroid and Granuloma inguinale. Thirdly, there are those characterized by the appearance of lumps and bumps in the private parts, as observed in cases of genital warts and Lymphogranuloma venereum.

     

    Prevention

    It should be well understood that when a sexually transmitted disease is diagnosed in a man or woman, the disease has probably already passed on to the sexual partner, it is therefore important that both should treated to prevent re-infection.

    Also, it is strongly advised that any suspicion of a venereal disease or of possible exposure to infection, calls for urgent medical attention. In fact, prolonged cases of venereal infections have been shown to predispose one to more dangerous infections such as HIV/AIDS.

     

    Treatment/Control

    In Holistic Lifecare, it is strongly advocated that in order to avoid suffering in the midst of plenty, we must turn to NATURE. Some of the natural remedies being advanced for the treatment and control of sexually transmitted diseases include the extracts of local herbs such as Allium cepa, Senna alata and Plumbago zeylanica.

     

    For further information and consultation on Holistic Lifecare research and services, especially on Blood Infections, Infertility, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Chronic Debilitating Conditions as well as mental and social problems, please call on: 0803-330-3897 or visit: Mosebolatan Holistic Lifecare Centre, Adeyalo Layout, Ogbere-Tioya, Off Olorunsogo Express Bridge, Ibadan. Website: www.holisticlifecare.com.

    Distance is no barrier, we can send remedies by courier if need be. We also have facilities for accommodation, admission and hospitalization in a serene and homely environment.

  • ‘Iyanya’s sex video a stunt’

    ‘Iyanya’s sex video a stunt’

    In recent times, some young Nigerian entertainers have been caught in the web of covertly recorded nude photos and videos that have left their managers sweating for image revamps.

    For Project Fame Reality Show 2008 winner, Iyanya Mbuk, a rumour about his nude video broke, but could not sustain the usual internet buzz, despite being aided by a purported CNN report. Fans believe that the story was short-lived because Nigerian audience have gone sophisticated in such a way that photo concoction, otherwise called ‘Photoshop trick’ no longer sways them easily.

    Reports say the artiste’s ‘privacy’ was secretly captured and uploaded on Youtube by one of his female acquaintances, the night after a U.K show tagged Kukere Concert. Sources say the same girl may be connected to the artiste’s earlier hacked twitter account. The video was said to have been taken down because of youtube policies on sex material on their website.

    Noted for his erotic performances, Iyanya’s fame has grown in leaps and bounds, endearing him to males and females admirers. The singer was said to have conducted a little dancing competition at his Kukere Concert in Manchester, where a girl in a bid to win, pulled up her short gown, causing an awkward thrill for the crowd.

    But these are not deterring corporate bodies who have staked huge sums on the artiste, by way of corporate endorsement.

    Only on Wednesday, the pop singer was at the popular Computer Village, Lagos where Solo Phones Nigeria LTD signed him as their brand ambassador. The one-year contract is said to worth $220, 000 (about 35 Million Naira) in cash, plus a brand new 2013 Toyota Prado. The Solo Phones deal is coming on the heels of an earlier deal with telecommunications company MTN Nigeria, and Zinox Computers.