The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Sex

  • ‘My wife denies me sex on pretext of attending vigil’

    A 39-year-old businessman, Oluwasegun Oyedeji, has prayed the Customary Court in Alakuko, a Lagos suburb, to dissolve his 10-year old marriage.

    He is seeking the dissolution of his marriage to Basirat for allegedly harassing him at his work place, denying him sex and being stubborn.

    He said: “My wife is not caring at all. She doesn’t treat my relations with respect. We were ejected from three different houses because of my wife’s bad character.

    “Our first child was 41 days old when we began to experience a crack in our marriage. My parents and my in-law knew everything that happened in our home. This was because we were living with my parents while a fence separated us from my in-law. My wife was complaining that she was not comfortable living in my parents’ house, so I thought she needed her privacy and we moved into my uncompleted house, two weeks after, my wife complained she could not stand the sight of rodents in the house, especially when she was in the kitchen. Whenever I wanted to make love to her, she always hid under the cover of attending a vigil. I was frustrated and had to rent another apartment because we already had three children. Actually, that was the last time we lived as a couple.

    “She once created a scene of sorts in my place of work when she insisted on having the custody of our children. She claimed to be protective of her children, but our five- year- old child was raped under her care, a situation that later resulted in an infection in her private part. Now, it has started festering. I want my children to live with me because my wife can hardly take care of herself.”

    His wife denied the allegations, saying: “He doesn’t care about our children’s welfare. He was responsible for our being ejected from our first apartment. This is the third year since we did anything together as a couple. He only caters for the children’s needs.  Contrary to his claims, I did not disrespect any of his siblings and my daughter is hale and hearty.”

    The couple has three children: Fuad (11), Aliyah (8) and Muinat (5).

    The court’s President, Chief Godwin Awosola, ordered Mrs. Oyedeji to pay N5, 000 for rough-handling the court’s staff who served her the summons.

    The case was adjourned till September 15, for dissolution.

  • Man, 20, jailed over sex with goat

    An Upper Area Court in Kuje Area Council of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) has sentenced a 20-year-old tailor, Sani Abdul, to one year imprisonment for having sex with a she-goat.

    The prosecutor, Ocheche Samuel, told the court that the case was reported at the Kuje Police Station by Doh Ibrahim of the same address with the suspect.

    Samuel said Abdul was caught in a bathroom at Sauka Extension having intercourse with the she-goat.

    He added that when the accused heard footsteps approaching where he was having carnal knowledge of the goat, he tried to escape, but was caught and handed over to the police.

    Samuel said the offence contravened Section 284 of the Criminal Code.

    The accused, who resides at Sauka Extension in Kuje, was later sentenced to one year imprisonment after he pleaded guilty to one count charge of unnatural and indecent offence.

    The presiding Judge, Mr. Adamu Wakili, however, gave him an option of a fine of N15, 000. He also ordered that the accused be remanded in Kuje Prison for one year if he could not meet the fine condition.

  • Love and relationship

    Love, relationship and sex, in the order of important hot topics in the minds of young people rank next to career and money. Youths feel highly misunderstood by parents, teachers, churches and society. Youths have little or no experience about life; no past and no tradition and therefore feel as free agents. They are risk takers and adventurous and like to explore and experiment.

    Bola Dada has dedicated a great portion of this book to the topic of sex the way most authors have not. Sex is the topic most churches do not like to highlight. Parents hope that their wards will not get into it early and the fear is that they may get into trouble.

    Since these issues; Love, relationship and sex are front burners of the existence of man particularly the younger generation, they dominate man’s thoughts and faculty and also represent the key topics of discussion among friends, in the media, social media and books. These issues also play a major role in many decisions and interactions with the opposite sex.

    Bola Dada, in this book, ‘Love, Relationship and Sex’ tries to explain these issues from the perspective of being a christian. In his view, pains,agonies, heart breaks, disappointments, betrayals, frustrations and losses can all be avoided if choices concerning love, relationship and sex are made under the influence of GOD.

    The book contains eight chapters. Chapter one is titled, ‘Let’s talk about Love’; chapter two talks about ‘Chastity’; chapter three is titled ‘The Sex Drive’; chapter four is titled ‘The trials, the temptation and the test’; chapter five discusses ‘Appearance’; chapter six is titled ‘Who are your friends?’; chapter seven is ‘Building a successful future’ and the last chapter is titled ‘Where are the sons and daughters’.

    The first chapter talks about love which is the greatest desire of man; to be cared for. In history, the greatest songs of all time are songs about love. William Shakespeare attained a high ground as a playwright and poet with his plays and poems on love. Romantic novels are usually best sellers and even when thrillers are about crime and adventure, the authors more often create romantic dimensions.

    Most of the movies produced all over the world are on love and when they are not, romance is still included in the plot. In musical videos, makers of music maximise sales with the creation of a form of romance with sexual appeal through dance steps and in the appearance of characters in the videos. Regardless of what is adertised; soft drinks, tissue paper, toothpaste and so on, television commercials also displays a form of love,romance and affection. So, if love is seen in all these and shown everywhere, when young persons come into the world, they like everyone else have to satisfy their love desires because it does not take much to learn from the environment.

    Therefore,the book postulates that what the world preaches in the movies,books, soap operas and songs as love is not love at all. The world teaches lust, infractuation and obsession.

    Chapter two talks about chastity. The book explains that chastity is the quality of practising sexual purity. Sexual feelings are part of what makes us human. That is why married couples can have romantic feelings. Sex, invigorates a marriage and adds zest to life and it enables a husband and wife to be truly one. So, there should be a proper outlet to build the sexual feelings and the only outlet that God recognises is marriage.

    Young individuals play around with sex in the community with reasons which the book refers to as ‘Common lies of the devil’ which are: Everyone is doing it so we should not be different.Nothing is wrong with it, boys saying that they will get married as soon as possible and many girls are falling for the line ‘I cannot help myself’, ‘If you love me, you would let me’, ‘Just this once’ and ‘If you do not let me, I will do it with someone else’.

    The author, gave reasons  why young individuals should avoid pre-marital sex. He said one may never know real love with such act, sex before marriage may affect sexual relations with one’s spouse, there is loss of dignity and self-esteem, it leaves an individual with a life-long guilt, there is loss of God’s presence, there is exposure to devil’s attacks, there is a danger of contacting sexually transmitted diseases, possibility of marrying just anybody and danger to hell fire.

    Purity on the other hand is beautiful. It means that a person has character, self respect and courage. The book encourages that individuals should always turn to God in prayer.

    Chapter three is on sex drive; a powerful force in the body of males and females which creates appetite for sex. According to the book,young individuals should not allow movies, soap operas, and commercials on television to shape their minds. It is important to understand sex drive and learn to control it before marriage. This is possible because God would not ask of it if it was not possible.

    All young people are bound to go through difficult times and face trials(betrayals and disappointments) in life. Chapter four of the book talks about ‘the trials, the temptation and the tests’. Trials can manifest in form of lack which makes concentration on important things impossible. Whatever an individual goes through in life, is nothing compared to a bright future by God.

    In Chapter five, titled ‘Appearance’, it reflects the different ways of dressing around the world that centers on multiple cultures, values and religious beliefs. Like Moses, a way of dressing may be used to identify a civilsation one belongs to and may even reveal one’s religious inclination. Dressings which reflects people’s cultural background and scriptural admonition have been done away with. Dressing seems to have gone haywire everywhere.

    In the nation’s higher institutions, most female students now dress so provocatively and this is also seen in the ‘well modernised’ Pentecostal churches. When you wear clothes that are revealing, you send wrong messages to people. The boys are not left out. The waist of their trousers are lowered and fastened tightly at the middle of the two bottom lobes to reveal their inner wears. This is known as ‘sagging’. In the aspect of bearing tattoos, he examines that throughout history, the tattoo bears the mark of paganism, demonism, baal worship, shamanism, mysticism and every other pagan beliefs known. He attributes bad dressing to poor parenting and wrong influence of the society to individuals.

    Indecent dressing is not good for a christian. It encourages rape and sexual harassment.A fine boy and girl does not need to go semi-nude or sag.

    Chapter six assists young individuals in defining friendship. A good friendship is progressive, there are quality discussions, good behaviour and advice, love, concern and understanding.

    In ‘building a successful future’ in chapter seven, the author advises as one journeys through life, one should be moving in the direction of set goals and ambition. Achieving goals will not be an easy task. An individual will go through a lot of obstacles and distractions and one could only get to the desired destination through focus, good strategies, determination, discipline and diligence.

    The last chapter titled ‘Where are the sons and daughters?’  discusses Abraham’s faith in God which is legendary and it remains a model for children of God today in putting unalloyed confidence in God. In the story of creation, God created man to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. But satan ensured he scuttled the fellowship between God and man. The satan knows that God hates sin and being the great deceiver and liar, he deceives Eve and man into sin.

    One lesson to learn is that satan can go to any length just to destroy one life. If he has to kill everyone in a commercial bus, derail a train filled with passengers or sink a ‘Titanic’ just to get one soul, he will not think twice. The good news is despite the onslaught of the devil against the church, the church will continue to march on and the gate of hell can never prevail on the church. Which side are you on? The author asks readers in this last chapter.

    A new earth created by God is a place of continual fellowship with God. No more sickness, diseases, poverty, anxiety and darkness. Death will be thrown into the lake of fire and therefore, there will be no more death.

  • ‘Conflicts,same sex marriage, signs of end-time’

    Increase in conflicts and terrorism among nations and the ordination of gay men as bishops are some of the signs predicted in the Bible as an indication of the end-time.

    That was the view of the founder of Chapel of Faith Bible Assembly International, Bishop Emeka Nwankpa, who spoke yesterday in Onitsha, Anambra State.

    He was addressing the congregation at a two-day programme for women expecting the fruit of the womb titled: “For the fruit of the womb”.

    Nwankpa said the signs that the world was ending had become convincing, as gay men, who flouted God’s injunction, were ordained as bishops in Western countries, making a mockery of Christianity.

    He urged women to abstain from lesbianism and other immoralities, as they are sinful.

    Over 700 women across the state testified at the programme, organised every three months.

  • Medical doctor decries child sex abuse

    A consultant at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital, (LUTH) Dr Chidinma Ajayi, has decried child sex abuse, saying children are more vulnerable to abuse in the society.

    She said it has become a social norm, which is underreported as the affected ones are not ready to expose the culprit as a result of social stigma.

    Dr Ajayi, spoke at the African Child Day celebration organised by the National Council of Child Right Advocates of Nigeria,(NACCRAN) Lagos State.

    The event held at the media centre, National Stadium, Surulere, Lagos was themed: ‘Sexual abuse and the community’.

    Child sexual abuse, Ajayi said, could either have a long or short term effect on the child as they psychologically live a traumatised life.

    She added that victims are most times violated by someone close to them. She, therefore, advised pupils to be more self conscious and report any abnormal actions from people, who disguise themselves as neighbours, elders, relations or family friends.

    She admonished parents to desist from all forms of child abuse and teach their children sex education.

    State coordinator, NACCRAN, Mrs Olaitan Oshodi, said the society’s greatest asset is the children, which without, is doomed for destruction

    “A child-friendly quality, free and compulsory education should be given to every African child. Education to the child should not be treated as a privilege that the society grants, but a duty that the society fulfils towards all her children,” she said.

  • Customs officers arrested for raping Facebook friend

    Two officers of the Nigerian Customs Service, Seme Border Command have been arrested for allegedly raping a 23-year-old lady.

    The suspects identified as Felola Uzezi and Mohammed Sanni, have already been transferred to the State Criminal Investigations Department (SCID), Panti, for further interrogation.

    The victim told policemen from Area K Police Command that she met one of the customs officers on Facebook and visited him after an invitation. The visit however turned nasty as her Facebook friend and his colleague allegedly raped her.

    It was gathered that the men were picked and quizzed by operatives from Area K Command from where they were transferred to SCID.

    The two men, attached to Gbaji Custom’s checkpoint were alleged to have raped the lady  at Limca Bus Stop area, along Badagry Expressway, home of Felola Uzezi.

    “I met Uzezi on Facebook and became friends with him. After a while, he invited me to his house. Uzezi invited Sanni over to his place when I came to visit him.

    “Uzezi asked me for sex, but I told him that I was menstruating. When his friend Sanni came, they raped me, ” the victim explained.

    The victim later reported  the rape to the police and both suspects were picked.

    Police who visited the scene of the crime, allegedly found blood stains on Uzezi’s bed and a boxer he gave the victim to wipe herself after the act.

    The National Public Relations Officers of the Nigerian Customs Service, Mr. Wale Adeniyi when contacted said he was  aware of the case but details according to him are still sketchy.

    “The Seme Command Comptroller has been notified and he is working with the police for a thorough investigation. We will await a formal report from the police to enable the Comptroller-General take appropriate action. While we await this, we must state that the Service frowns at such heinous crime and perpetrators if found guilty, will be dealt with.”

    Command spokesperson, Ngozi Braide, a Deputy Superintendent (DSP), confirmed the arrest but said that they did not meet on Facebook. She explained that they met at a location in the area.

    Braide said the matter would be transferred to the SCID and that investigation in ongoing to establish what really happened.

     

  • I had sex with 10 men daily, teenager tells court

    A 19-year-old girl (names withheld) Thursday narrated before a Federal High Court in Lagos how she was lured into prostitution in Burkina Faso.

    She was working as a sales girl in Victoria Island before two middle-aged men told her they could help her find a better job abroad.

    The men, Christian Awanebi and Ariwayo Olowede, who pleaded not guilty, allegedly took her to Burkina Faso sometime in 2011.

    Led in evidence by Mrs Anthonia Mgbemeje of the National Agency for Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP), the girl said the men promised to help her get a job in a super store as a sales girl.

    When she got to Burkina Faso, she was allegedly made to have sex with men so she could repay N200, 000, the men claimed to have spent on her travel expenses.

    According to her, she had sex with over 10 men daily, charging an equivalent of N5,000 per person.

    She said the men allegedly made her take a blood covenant, swearing not to tell anyone about her ordeal.

    Mgbemeje said the accused persons committed the alleged offence sometime in November 2012 at Ilasan estate, Lekki, Lagos.

    She said that the offence contravened section 15 (a) of NAPTIP Act 2003.

    The accused persons used were arraigned March 27, last year.

    Their lawyer, Mr Mac Johnson asked the court to adjourn the case for cross-examination of the girl.

    Justice Saliu Saidu adjourned till April 10 for continuation of trial.

     

  • ‘My husband wants divorce because I refuse him sex’

    A 69-year-old housewife, Mrs Simbiatu Oduntan, on Wednesday told an Orile Agege Customary Court in Lagos that her husband, Alhaji Mustairu Oduntan, 84, wanted to divorce her because she refused him sex.

    Simbiatu, a trader, who lives with her husband at 3, Olaleye St., Orile Agege, told the court that the 45-year-old marriage had witnessed ups and downs.

    “The main reason my husband wants to leave me is because I refused to satisfy his demands for sex.

    “I have lost the urge for sex. My thinking is not towards that direction again; but my husband still wants sex.

    “I have told him to get another wife,’’ she said.

    Simbiatu said she could not cook for her husband again because she suffers from swollen legs each time she stood for long.

    The mother of four children, aged between 18 years and 25 years, told the court that she supported her husband’s request for dissolution of the marriage.

    Earlier, Oduntan told the court that his wife would not cook for him and often went out at will.

    “I am tired of the marriage. My wife does not care for me; she goes out and comes back at will. I want a divorce,’’ he said.

    The court president, Mr Adegboyega Omilola, told the couple to maintain the peace, and adjourned the case till May 15 for judgment. (NAN)

  • Your questions on drugs and sex

    Your questions on drugs and sex

    •Dr. Thanks for enlightenment on health issues. Please can you give me specific health shops to get these aphrodisiacs as I have lost libido completely and it is affecting my relationship with my wife. I will be with her hours and I will not achieve erection and if I do once I penetrate it’s over. Please Dr.Adebolahelp me. Mustapha, Abuja 23480.…..4

    •I am grateful for the info published on page 53 of The Nation of January 4 2014. May God bless you. Abe. 2348……..7

    •Dear Dr Bola, Thanks a great deal for your exposition on Saturday The Nation newspaper with caption “the drugs you should know about- aphrodisiacs.” Please, I am 56 years of age but noticed that I do not have urge for sex any more even when I tried to make a deliberate effort to stimulate the urge; my erection is always weak and lasts for a short while. I am afraid of buying any of these drugs prevalent in the market today due to fear of their efficacy and side effects but when I sawyou write up and coming from a scientist in biomed I became so interested. Could you please list the full namesof good drugs that contain these chemicals compounds you just exposed to enable me pick the drugs at the pharmacies or health shops to help myself. Best regards. Mr. Z.

     

    •Good day Ma, I am a regular reader of your column. In your recent write up on aphrodisiacs, you mentioned many drugs for solving erectile dysfunction problems which are not available in pharmacy stores. I am 63 years old and diabetic. Please recommend a good, effective but safe aphrodisiac for me that will help to improve my sex life with my wife. I live in Oshodi area of Lagos State. Please treat as urgent. I have not been able to perform my sexual duties with my wife for some time now. Thanks.2348……..9

    Dear Mustapha and other readers, I wish you an improved relationship with your wife: physical, mental, and spiritual. However, you both have to work on that and you both have to support each other and enlighten each other on what makes you happy and what enhances the union and harmony between you. I know sexual frustration can be a big cross or a painful burden. You can gain from a cross but not from a burden so you first need to determine what you are carrying, cross or burden. If you are suffering loss of libido because you are getting physically incapacitated due to old age or other reasons you may still be able to boost your libido with available therapeutics and non-pharmacological means and you would not suffer unnecessarily. Generally, as we grow older, we recognize limitations that are natural developments and therefore we are psychologically healthy and spiritually peaceful about them and may even bounce in our weakness. We may start wearing glasses, using a walking stick, wearing a diaper, etc., and all that does not matter because we look back at life and see our children and achievements and understand how we became so spent and may even feel proud at the stage we have reached. The old life is being replaced by the new life that is the work of the old life and this gives the old life much peace and joy. In other words, it should never be an unfortunate thing to grow old. However, there are many evils in our world that have made growing old an unpleasant experience that often times we are not ready for or we are unable to welcome. We often have to keep doing our best to live well against the damages we have suffered in life. Within a marriage relationship the effects add up since the two are “one flesh”. You share each other’s physical, psychological, and spiritual damages in a unique way. I urge you to be very free and open and humble with each other, to improve your understanding and acceptance of each other, to strive to support each other, compensate each other, and compromise with each other as needed. Avoid comparing your relationship with other marriages and beware of swallowing TV and popular media portrayal of love and sex as your paradigm (even if they are nice and attractive). Remember that making the best of what you have and where you are at is good psychological health and will continue to bear good fruit in your life and secure further happiness for your future.

    You might be much older than your spouse hence you have a disparity of sexual appetite and sexual capability between you. A significant disparity may occur also if one partner has a demanding career or consuming business and the other is largely relaxed. Health issues may also bring disparities. If you have real disparities, you need to try and bridge the gap through effort, medication, non-sexual compensation, and mutual compromise. A little prayer may flood your vision. For improved libido, try one of the neutraceuticalsthat we discussed earlier:PHGH™, ExtenZe™, Passion Rx™, Erectzan™, Vydox™, orLonginexx™, but first ask your doctor to enlighten you about how their contents may affect you and your spouse. There are a few distributors advertising such products in the newspapers but you can also get them via the Internet if you are a 21C credit or debit card holder. Good health and good relationships to you all.

     

    To be continued.

    Dr. ‘Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 07028338910 or 08160944635

  • Your questions on drugs and sex

    •Dr. Thanks for enlightenment on health issues. Please can you give me specific health shops to get these aphrodisiacs as I have lost libido completely and it is affecting my relationship with my wife. I will be with her hours and I will not achieve erection and if I do once I penetrate it’s over. Please Dr.Adebolahelp me. Mustapha, Abuja 23480.…..4

    •I am grateful for the info published on page 53 of The Nation of January 4 2014. May God bless you. Abe. 2348……..7

    •Dear Dr Bola, Thanks a great deal for your exposition on Saturday The Nation newspaper with caption “the drugs you should know about- aphrodisiacs.” Please, I am 56 years of age but noticed that I do not have urge for sex any more even when I tried to make a deliberate effort to stimulate the urge; my erection is always weak and lasts for a short while. I am afraid of buying any of these drugs prevalent in the market today due to fear of their efficacy and side effects but when I sawyou write up and coming from a scientist in biomed I became so interested. Could you please list the full namesof good drugs that contain these chemicals compounds you just exposed to enable me pick the drugs at the pharmacies or health shops to help myself. Best regards. Mr. Z.

    •Good day Ma, I am a regular reader of your column. In your recent write up on aphrodisiacs, you mentioned many drugs for solving erectile dysfunction problems which are not available in pharmacy stores. I am 63 years old and diabetic. Please recommend a good, effective but safe aphrodisiac for me that will help to improve my sex life with my wife. I live in Oshodi area of Lagos State. Please treat as urgent. I have not been able to perform my sexual duties with my wife for some time now. Thanks.2348……..9

    Dear Mustapha and other readers, I wish you an improved relationship with your wife: physical, mental, and spiritual. However, you both have to work on that and you both have to support each other and enlighten each other on what makes you happy and what enhances the union and harmony between you. I know sexual frustration can be a big cross or a painful burden. You can gain from a cross but not from a burden so you first need to determine what you are carrying, cross or burden. If you are suffering loss of libido because you are getting physically incapacitated due to old age or other reasons you may still be able to boost your libido with available therapeutics and non-pharmacological means and you would not suffer unnecessarily. Generally, as we grow older, we recognize limitations that are natural developments and therefore we are psychologically healthy and spiritually peaceful about them and may even bounce in our weakness. We may start wearing glasses, using a walking stick, wearing a diaper, etc., and all that does not matter because we look back at life and see our children and achievements and understand how we became so spent and may even feel proud at the stage we have reached. The old life is being replaced by the new life that is the work of the old life and this gives the old life much peace and joy. In other words, it should never be an unfortunate thing to grow old. However, there are many evils in our world that have made growing old an unpleasant experience that often times we are not ready for or we are unable to welcome. We often have to keep doing our best to live well against the damages we have suffered in life. Within a marriage relationship the effects add up since the two are “one flesh”. You share each other’s physical, psychological, and spiritual damages in a unique way. I urge you to be very free and open and humble with each other, to improve your understanding and acceptance of each other, to strive to support each other, compensate each other, and compromise with each other as needed. Avoid comparing your relationship with other marriages and beware of swallowing TV and popular media portrayal of love and sex as your paradigm (even if they are nice and attractive). Remember that making the best of what you have and where you are at is good psychological health and will continue to bear good fruit in your life and secure further happiness for your future.

    You might be much older than your spouse hence you have a disparity of sexual appetite and sexual capability between you. A significant disparity may occur also if one partner has a demanding career or consuming business and the other is largely relaxed. Health issues may also bring disparities. If you have real disparities, you need to try and bridge the gap through effort, medication, non-sexual compensation, and mutual compromise. A little prayer may flood your vision. For improved libido, try one of the neutraceuticalsthat we discussed earlier:PHGH™, ExtenZe™, Passion Rx™, Erectzan™, Vydox™, orLonginexx™, but first ask your doctor to enlighten you about how their contents may affect you and your spouse. There are a few distributors advertising such products in the newspapers but you can also get them via the Internet if you are a 21C credit or debit card holder. Good health and good relationships to you all.

     

    To be continued.

     

    Dr. ‘Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 07028338910 or 0816094463