Widowhood can be a challenge to women, especially full-time housewives and the uneducated or unskilled; but it is not the end of the world, as Ayisat Ajoke Afolabi Foundation (AAAF) is proving with its numerous training programmes and support activities. Yetunde Oladeinde reports.
Widowhood for many comes with trauma, frustration, and perseverance.
This particular morning, this group of widows are seated in the hall at the Lagos Chamber of Commerce and Industry (LCCI) looking bright, bold, and beautiful. They were professionals and entrepreneurs in different sectors including manufacturing, agriculture, teaching, and small-scale enterprises.
In a short presentation cum drama, six widows captured their stories to motivate and reassure others. They kicked off with the loss of their breadwinner and loved one, and how they had to start from zero, found their bearing, and rediscovered themselves.
“It wasn’t a smooth ride but mentored and supported by others who had travelled the same road, I gradually began to rediscover myself,” Idowu Fisayo, one of the widows began.
“When my husband died, I was a full-time housewife. I didn’t have any source of income and just didn’t know where to start. It was the hardest part of my life and there were times when I felt like committing suicide. Today, the story is different. I got support from friends who introduced me to the Ayisat Ajoke Afolabi Foundation. “Apart from helping me to get back on my feet, they supported me with my children’s school fees and upkeep. Today, I am empowered and I also mentor and support other women,” she further stated.
She was not alone. The other women took turns to share their experiences and the turning points in their lives, moving many to tears in the process.
Mrs. Foluke Ademokun, Executive Coordinator of the Ayisat Ajoke Afolabi Foundation (AAAF) talked about some of the things done to empower widows, their families and communities: “When they talk about gender-based violence, people tend to look at the physical aspect alone. We focus on widows and those are the people that are at the receiving end of violence.”
Grill equipment were given out to empower some of the women.
“We saw the way they are doing that thing and we want to help them repackage. We need to upgrade and we are also giving some of our widows security devices. We know of the lady that was raped in the BRT bus recently. But if you have a security device, it would be programmed to monitor and track the person. Just like you track cars, they can also track a human being in case anything happens. Also, in a bid to key into the digital age, we are going to do something in that regard”.
She added: “As widows, beyond all this giving we must empower yourselves. Sometimes, we have opportunities for training. For instance, the Nigerian Export Promotion Council is working with us and I have reached out to some of our widows. They are also trying to help the people in agriculture. It is not just for you to be there, you need training in the Ogun State branch of the Council. “
Women, she stressed, must be economically empowered, be ready to empower others, and not just rely on others for survival.
“We want to see how they can train women to be able to key into the export market, to export vegetables. If you have that kind of training, it would make it faster. The essence is to see how we can pull people out of poverty because of what we do. We know women who were not working when their husbands were alive. We have a lot of young widows; some would come with tears. For some of them, it is difficult because they are not educated. Here, the kind of job they can have would be limited. So, we focus on skills training for widows and in terms of our advocacy”.
“AAAF is focusing on how to use innovation and technology to affect. Recently, if you are aware, the Sexual Awareness Act was passed after Buhari left. The Bill was there and towards the end, we tried to reach out to the presidency.
Mrs. Itunu Babarinde of the Lagos State Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation had this to say: “We have some existing skill acquisition centers involved in bead making, sewing, crafts scattered around Lagos, which vulnerable women and widows can leverage on. We also have short-term skills which we do every other month, which we take from one local government area to another. “
Babarinde also talked about AAAF’s legal departments that focus on advocacy and issues of widows and their rights.
“We also have the NGO unit for NGOs in different thematic areas that they can leverage on. We have a programme that we do; it used to be called Mega Empowerment. Here, we empower people with skills that they can leverage with opportunities for gadgets like popcorn machines and sewing machines. We also have grants that we give these NGOs.”
The widows were also taught basic self-defence and safety tips by Kemi Aderinola.
Looking at the trend of gender-based violence in society, she began her presentation this way: “A standing home today is when a man and a woman work hand in hand. A tree cannot make a forest. The woman sees more in the future than men. It is the women that tell the men what is happening to the children when they come back”.
She added: “It is deeply rooted in gender inequality and it continues to be one of the most notable human rights violations. Men believe that they have power more than women. So, the big question is whether we are equal or not. Some men are also facing violence in their homes. While I was in the higher institution off campus, I had a couple who were my neighbours. The woman is actually a boxer but she submitted herself to him and we never knew. The man was always abusing her, but the day she got angry, she threw the man down from the first floor. That was the day we all knew that she had a belt in boxing”.
She also shared her personal story: “My husband never touched me for one day but he ruined me emotionally. But today, I’ve been able to stand out. I tell my friends that when you are going into marriage, you should have three weapons. The first is your education, to innovate anything that you do. The second is the ability to make decisions on your own, without the man, and to plan ahead for the good and bad. What if this goes bad, what would be the solution”?
She continued: “I never knew I would be a uniform personnel but my training got better here. My boss would never allow you to say it is impossible. He would bombard you with questions and tell you many times that it is possible. The third weapon is the ability to do things by yourself. Be innovative; don’t wait for people to come and train you. Don’t wait for people to come and do things for you before you are moved”.
Yemi Adewole, founder of Isaac Mercy Women and Children Foundation also made her contribution to the discourse. Her experiences as a widow motivated her to inspire other widows and help transform their challenges into new opportunities.
Happily, she takes you into her world, experiences and the other things that spurred her interest in the sector.
“I have been a widow for about eight years now. It’s been a very tough journey and I know the financial and emotional trauma involved. In some communities, the traditional belief and culture actually relegates widows to the background”.
Adewole continues: “The little experience that I have had so far is that people hide under their predicament to become nonentities sometimes. I always tell the women that I work with that if they have lost their husbands, they can pick up the pieces and support their children to be better citizens. You have not lost your brain and you have not lost your God.”
Widows, she added, must learn to stand on their feet and make things happen with or without support.
“I usually advise a lot of people to stop indulging widows. There is grace and strength within. Widowhood for me should not be the end of the world. I am not saying women should not care about the death of a loved one”.
Adewole also talked about the things she has done to empower women and the opportunities available to them.
“This year, we marked International Widow’s Day with a walk with the theme Right of a Widow. In addition, we had a talk shop that focused on enlightenment and empowerment by our legal team. There were also free three days vocational training on adire, soap, and snack making for women, especially widows.
