Widows all over the country recently marked the International Widows Day. In this encounter, YETUNDE OLADEINDE takes you into their world as they talk about their challenges and how they have been able to survive inspite of the odds.
THE theme for this year’s celebration is, “Widow’s empowerment and political participation.” At the Rose of Sharon Foundation, the activities to mark the event began as early as 8.20 am when the widows and their children had free medical examinations and free drugs. Apart from ensuring that they were physically healthy, Dr Idowu Malomo , a consultant psychiatrist who had attended to so many cases related to widows and depression, took time to talk to them about the importance of their mental health. “Depression is almost synonymous with the widows that I come across and it’s important to help them get out of this stage.”
This year, the highlight was widows telling their stories and how they have managed to survive against the many odds. In addition, a panel of discussants advocating for more economic empowerment and political participation for widows who wish to run for political offices tried to look at opportunities and potential for these women as they face another phase in their lives.
Many were moved to tears as a widow with disability moved towards the podium. She told her story in Yoruba and it was interpreted by the compere. “I lost my husband about nine years ago and I was overwhelmed by the burden that he left behind. I had two sets of twins and my first set was in JSS 1 when he died. I joined the Foundation and prayed that my children’s names would be picked as beneficiaries. When the list came out, I was amazed to find that three of my children were the first three on the list. They are all in the university at the moment.”
For Sola Ibitoye, life literarily came to a halt in 2006 when her husband died. “From the time we left the burial ground till date, I have not set my eyes on any of his relatives. I have three children and two of them are on scholarship. One of them, Oluwakemi Ibitoye, made second class upper and she got an award and N75, 000 cash last year. I shed tears of joy when I heard the news and I know that my days of sorrow were over. She is currently serving in Zamfara State.” Like Ibitoye, Abigail Ayeni who lost her husband in 2005 went down the memory lane to talk about the bad times and how she almost committed suicide when she heard that her brother-in-law was her husband’s next of kin. “He took everything and I had to survive with life as Olopo (local caterer).”
Another widow who had challenges claiming her husband’s benefits also talked about how she got free legal services. “After the meeting last year, I was opportune to know about the assistance from FIDA and I got connected to someone who asked me to come to their office. Just before this encounter, I had been trying to pursue my husband’s money since 2007 and at a point in 2010, they gave us what I would describe as a tip of the iceberg. Somehow, I missed the place in anxiety and then I traced them to Makoko where I submitted my late husband’s documents. In the past, I went to Abuja twice, went to Pencom but it was tough getting it. FIDA put a finishing touch to it and we got the remaining part of the money this January.”
Glory Godwin Akpan, a reggae artiste, designer and one of the beneficiaries, thrilled all to a song titled, One in a million. The guests, widows and members of the Foundation’s board of trustees took to the dancing floor and the atmosphere was charged. As Akpan stepped down from the podium, the widows shouted and she received hugs and more applause. She had obviously overcome the rough times. But as soon as you asked her about her widowhood experience, the smile and her mood changed. “It happened when we were coming back from a studio because we were both artistes. He dropped me, after recording all night, in the morning and went off to work. He later went to the bank because we were about to shoot our video. Getting to the bank, he had an accident at the bank and the glass door collapsed on him. Instead of rushing him to the hospital, they ran to call the police. They then took him to the station to make a statement. They kept him there and he was bleeding profusely.”
It was at this point that Akpan knew about the incident and she rushed to see her better half. “I rushed him to the hospital and the clothes that I wore were soaked in his blood. He was working with Brian Munro as an engineer and he slumped at work one day. He was later taken to the company hospital because the glass scattered all over his body and he had pains all over his body. They admitted him and the expatriate who looked at him said he needed blood; he had lost so much blood. He died five months after the incident.”
Sadly, she went down memory lane to talk about the initial shocks and how she survived the odds. “I sold everything trying to go home. To get to Akwa Ibom, you must have nothing less than five thousand naira. We are from the same place; his village is next to mine in Akwa Ibom State. First, I tried the company but they kept asking me to come today or come tomorrow. I sold my phone to have some funds at that point. The company abandoned us, the bank abandoned us and the family abandoned us. It was only God, my three children and I.”
Akpan continued: “The family came and said that I killed their brother; they threatened me and said I would bury my children before my husband. The following day, my son was vomiting blood from the mouth, nose and ear. I rushed the children to the church immediately. After the burial, the family took everything. They went to the company and they got some money without giving me a dime. However, I thank God today because my children are alive and doing well. I met the founder of the Foundation, Mrs. Alakija, one year after the loss of my husband and she has really helped me. My last daughter is attending one of the biggest schools around and the bill is paid by the Foundation. I won an award on the 27th of May this year and life has changed positively for me and my children.”
The first lady of Lagos State, Mrs. Bolanle Ambode, who was a special guest of honour at the event, talked about the challenges faced by widows and the fact that they are the most vulnerable group of people in the society. “To address situations like this, the Lagos State Government, through the Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, has established skill acquisition centres in many areas of the state to train widows and other women in various skills and vocations at no cost to them.”
At those centres, there are free trainings on decoration and event planning, fashion, tie and dye, soap-making, pomade-making, hair-dressing and many more. “The overall objective is to make them financially independent and become employers of labour. Following closely on economic empowerment is political participation for widows. Thanks, to our growing democracy, the political space is constantly expanding to accommodate and engage more women in political offices, either as elected or appointed office holders.”
While noting the enormous challenges and cultural barriers for widows, Ambode advised the widows to forge ahead in order to make life better for their children. “Bad as it may be for a woman to lose her beloved spouse, that should not be the end of her own life. In most cases, children are there to look after. Therefore, women, specifically widows, should play active politics. Obviously, the gender equation in Lagos State is encouraging. Widows with the right empowerment can participate. You cannot stay out of the game, not even on the excuse of being widows. So, come out of your shells and take part in active politics. The advantages of this include active engagement, social interaction, income and more.”
On her part, the Foundation’s founder, Folorunsho Alakija, took time to talk about some of the projects which include the enterprise development training that helps to educate beneficiaries on basic financial management skills, customer care and effective sales conversion. “It was expanded to include skills acquisition and vocational training sessions. The widows’ children and orphans who are undergraduates and graduates also received career counselling and training in CV writing skills to prepare for the labour market. We have given interest-free loans with flexible repayments plans to more than 600 widows since inception, with most of them keep coming back to ask for top-up loans once they complete the servicing of existing loans. This has helped to bring economic stability to their lives.”
She added: “For our educational programmes, the total number of scholarships awarded to date is 1,366 comprising orphans and widows’ children. Seven widows were awarded scholarships to higher institutions under the RoSF Scholarship scheme, and four of them have graduated. The Foundation has produced 104 graduates till date, and we are still counting.”