The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Obama names first woman head of US Secret Service

    Obama names first woman head of US Secret Service

    US President Barack Obama has picked the first woman director of the Secret Service.

    Julia Pierson, formerly Secret Service chief of staff, will succeed Mark Sullivan, who announced last month that he would retire.

    The agency was caught up in a prostitution scandal last year during a presidential visit to Colombia.

    The Secret Service investigates financial crimes and protects the president and his family.

    “Over her 30 years of experience with the Secret Service, Julia has consistently exemplified the spirit and dedication the men and women of the service demonstrate every day,” Mr Obama said in a statement.

    “Julia has had an exemplary career and I know these experiences will guide her as she takes on this new challenge to lead the impressive men and women of this important agency.”

    Ms Pierson, originally from Florida, joined the Secret Service’s Miami Field Office in 1983.

    From 1988, she spent four years with the Presidential Protective Division. Ms Pierson’s appointment does not require confirmation by Congress.

  • ‘I asked God why I had sickle cell’

    Toyin Adesola, an economist and the daughter of the former Vice Chancellor of the University of Lagos, Professor Akin Adesola, has lived with a painful blood condition for 48 years.

    In spite of the many stumbling blocks living with sickle cell has brought her way, Toyin is a bundle of positive energy as she chooses to ignore her flesh and focus on living life to the fullest. This spurred her to give up her fifteen-year-old catering business to set up the Sickle Cell Advocacy and Management Initiative, SAMI. In this interview with Rita Ohai, she shares her pain and journey to fulfillment.

     

     

    WHAT was it like being the child of a Vice Chancellor knowing that they live by very strict standards?

    It was interesting. I must say I learnt a lot from him.

    We used to call him ‘daddy back-up’ because he always tells us to have a back-up plan.

    Although in those days, they did not know so much about sickle-cell but because he was in the medical field, he understood what I was going through.

    Back then he was very protective, especially when it came to doctors treating us anyhow and I always wondered why he would not just allow them to treat me but with hindsight, I have learnt that it is not everything a doctor says is true. You need to think about the consequences.

    All my friends were children of professors, so it was pretty interesting.

    He was also a man of integrity. I remember when I wanted to get into Unilag and my marks were not high enough, the normal thing others would have done is to speak to people there since he was a former VC and I would go in, but he said ‘no’; he insisted that I go to the nearest one that my marks could take which was LASU.

    Some people would scream and wonder how he could do that, but it was his way of living. A very principled person and I love him for that.

    Did you ever feel like you were treated differently from your other siblings?

    Yes! In a way it was because of what I call over-protectiveness. I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things and my sister would go out and have fun.

    It was pretty difficult to get them to understand that I also had a life to live. But as I grew older and began to assert myself they began to understand that all they had to do was encourage me to be the best I could be.

    You say you lived in the hospital for most of your young life, how did it affect your education?

    Oh it affected me seriously.

    In primary school, I was always coming second or last in class. It was not that I wasn’t intelligent but because trying to catch up with curriculum was difficult, so I could not attend any of the school events.

    When I entered secondary school, I did my form 1 and at the end of that class I had a major issue with my legs and I had to stop school entirely and I did not finish secondary school. It was after many years when friends were already entering or even finishing from university that I decided that my life could not just roll by like that.

    This spurred my to do a crash course in JAMB and WAEC over a period of two years and I entered Lagos State University where I had an extra year due to my health but I was able to finish this time.

    Did being born a sickle cell patient put a damper on your social life?

    Going out has been difficult except you have money to take cabs all over the place. I cannot take the bus because of my physical challenge.

    Sometimes, I may want to do things that I see other people do and I wish I could do it. I loved going to the theatre and attending concerts but that has reduced drastically over the years.

    There are limited things I can do and as I have grown older. If I have to walk around, I would need to use a small cane because of my knees which have reduced my mobility.

    We spend more time staying at home than going anywhere and climbing the stairs is an issue.

    I experienced quite a number of this in my journey with sickle cell. I had some complications with my legs and I had to be on crutches for a while. I spent many years living in the hospital. I say living in the hospital because I was shuttling between the home and hospital, so I can understand what it means to live with sickle cell. Some people describe the crisis pain as worse than labour pain, so it is really extreme.

    As a result if your health you are yet to get married, has this affected you in any way?

    Initially it did. But my take is that marriage is good but if you get into it with someone who cannot handle it and then your partner decides that he did not bargain for it, that can be a problem.

    I have been able to deal with that issue because I am so occupied with other things.

    We live in a society that believes that if a woman is not married, it is the end of the world. In the more developed societies, it is not a big deal as long as they are happy.

    Do you ever hope to find love again?

    Yes. Everybody believes in love. It is a standard. If it comes, it is good but if it doesn’t, I move on and focus on making an impact in other people’s lives.

    In spite of this ailment, are you open to having children?

    In a way, yes. I have even thought about adopting but I have looked at the prospect of having children as a big responsibility.

    I have to be sure that I am able to take care of myself and the child because having children is not the same as having a toy.

    Was there a point that you ever cursed God for having sickle cell?

    I asked the question ‘why me?’ but I will not say I cursed God. I felt that it did not have to be me and I wondered why it could not have been somebody else.

    But I have realised that God will not give you more than you can bear. There is always a good that will come out of every bad situation planted by the devil. If I did not have these experiences, I cannot share with someone who has it. They would say that I do not understand what they are going through. For this reason, I easily communicate with people and they can see me as an inspiration because I am able to overcome it.

    When you see couples who have AS genotypes, would you encourage them to get married?

    Well, I would not force them but I would want them to think about it deeply. They need to go for counselling and if one or any of the couple feels they cannot handle it, it is best to break that relationship because if they enter and in the thick of it, one person decides to get a divorce, the child will have to deal with the problems of a broken home on top of the health problem.

    It is a double-edged sword, which requires you make wise choices.

    What do you like about your life?

    I like the fact that I am a source of inspiration for people. I love the fact that people can see that I have gone through so much yet there is still a zeal and passion in my life.

    I am not negative about what I went through, I am positive about it.

  • In front of a distorted mirror

    A special Easter dinner, with a special date, sure calls for celebration. For about an hour she tried to package herself for a desired outlook. Now she is set but she needs an approval from the standing mirror in the bedroom. Unfortunately, the mirror is no longer in one piece; there are cracks and she just cannot have a full view of herself. Disappointed! Why do we really need to use this reflective surface with metal amalgam?

    Well, People use it basically for different reasons and the common reason is because they want to see the image they are projecting. “Am I looking really good? Can I look better than this or do I like what I am seeing in this mirror? Unfortunately, if the mirror that should give answers to these questions and many others is distorted, then there is bound to be confusion. With a distorted mirror, you can never get the right answers to your emotional questions.

    As a matter of fact, this mirror is going to compound matters and disorganise the whole love equation for you. Personal grooming, decoration and architecture are some of the uses of the mirror. It can also be used to make your space larger while drivers use the mirror for checks. If you don’t use the mirror properly for driving, then it may result in an accident.

    Physical cracks and dirts would make it difficult for you to get a clear picture of who you are, who you want to be and someone others would admire and hold in high esteem. You can therefore compare a relationship that is falling apart and going through turmoil as one in front of a distorted mirror. Here you can see love clearly; you can feel the romantic aroma or appreciate love even when it is beside you. All you are going to hold to would be the pains, the trauma as well as the confusion.

    The emotional distortions would definitely make you think that love would always bring you pain and tears. And when you finally find the real thing you may not just be willing to give love a chance. That is exactly the way Matilda is feeling at the moment. Her wrist watch (heart) was faulty and she took it to someone (a new lover boy) for repairs. It was actually a minor thing and all the guy needed to do was to replace the battery and her love time would roll on.

    Instead of telling her the truth, he removed other parts of her precious wrist watch and things got complicated. Sadly, he brought more distortions into her heart. How was she going to go into the next phase without doubts? Yours truly tries to console her but it was obvious that this gal was lost emotionally. ‘How did I get myself into this mess?” she asked for the umpteenth time.

    Of course, nobody can claim to be an emotional genius when it comes to the nitty- gritty of falling in love. No two love stories can ever be the same, the only thing that makes every story similar is the efforts you put in to make it work.

    You try, try and try again. If for some reasons, it does not work the way you want, then you come to the realisation that you just must move on. Is your emotional platform about to embark on a major change? Well, before you take the plunge, you need to consider a number of things. First, you need to know that the ability to manage change successfully is a characteristic of how mature you are as well as understanding the personality that you are involved with.

    In today’s volatile emotional environment, successful change is a process of ongoing adjustment at all levels. This requires lovebirds, whose primary role is to establish context, provide the energy, as well as challenge and encourage innovation and risk-taking.

    Communication is a skill that you must appreciate when your love train is about to take off. Make it a duty to carry the other person along so that they really understand when the train is taking off, your love destination and what they are going to benefit in the long run. It is only when you conquer this stage that you can hope to use communication as an effective tool in your relationship.

    Most times, an inaccurate assumption by the other person ultimately leads to other problems. There is also the dangerous moment of silence which of course may not be golden at this point. You may also need to avoid nagging or the use of non verbal signals like tones, facial expressions and body language when you are frustrated or angry. Always remember that for intimacy to thrive, all broken down communications must be restored.

    For a lot of people, first impression really counts. In football, when we miss a free kick or a corner kick, we usually get another chance. Unfortunately, there is never a second chance to make a first impression. Most times, people usually form their opinion of us in the first thirty seconds of seeing us by judging our appearances or visual communication and our speech. Then they can then go on to evaluate our inner qualities later.

    It’s also important to say that we gain credibility and confidence by the way we present ourselves. Although dressing to conform may not always be our preference, it is actually the best way to project the image we want.

  • Cruising with a restless ‘buddie’

    THREE jolly good fellows ran into themselves at a restaurant. It was a time to talk about the good times, dreams and some escapades too. As the talked laughing and throwing banters, their voices vanished into murmurings each time they tried to recall some of the ‘baddest’ deals and how they survived or either ran into troubled waters.

    Then Kunle’s phone rang and his disposition changed. What is the matter, someone queried and he replied: “It is this handcuff, the smallest handcuff in the whole world. Since she wore the wedding band on this hand, I have lost my peace. Each time the phone rings and I realise that she is the one on the other side of the line, I feel like switching off my phone.

    Bosun laughs and laughs. “When are you going to grow up? You have to play this game according to your terms. How can you allow a woman to dictate the pace for you? You must learn to be in charge and let her know that she either lives with your terms or opt out.”

    He goes on and on dishing out emotional tutorials to his friends. Midway into this emotional classroom, his phone also rings and he beckons to his friends to be quiet. “Hello… It’s noisy here. Is this Seye or Bolatito”.

    The caller replies, “It’s bolatito, don’t you know my voice anymore.” Then he goes on. “My dear, I am sorry I haven’t sent the money I promised to send to your account number. I think I misplaced the account number, please resend it so that I can send the money”.

    Mischievously, the babe burst in laughter. “See your life, this is not Bolatito. It is Seye and I wanted to test you and I can see that you are a super star.”

    A master of the game, Bosun switches almost immediately. “What is your problem? Are you ‘winding’ me or what? Bolatito is my little cousin and she needs some money for her project. Your voice sounds just like hers and your number is not on this phone because I just changed the handset”.

    Settled! He winks as she drops off the line breathing a sigh of relief. His friends applaud this show of smartness and he goes on to tell his own side of the story. “These girls are too many. How many names, faces or voices can you remember? I am just helping them after this entire world would be very dull and boring without guys like us. I don’t know what is wrong with our girls, once they see a promising guy like yours truly all they want is how to get you by hook or crook.

    He adds that : “At least eight gals are asking for my hand in marriage, don’t you think I am too much. Unfortunately for all of them , I am not yet ready. They may just have to look elsewhere for a guy they want to tie down with the wedding band.’

    Well, the truth is that Bosun is not alone. There are a number of guys who think this way.This kind of thing certainly stings and so if you have had the unfortunate experience of dating a man only to have him tell you he’s “not ready” then you need to ask yourself certain questions. What are you doing that he does not like and appreciate? Or how can you attract a guy who is honest and committed?

    The truth is that a man will have no problem at all throwing away his bachelorhood when he feels certain things with a woman. Is there a particular trick that you must learn or unlearn? Not really, there’s actually no magic to this. You can make a man feel these things for you to the point that he can’t get you out of his head and doesn’t want any other man to take his place.

    These things are easy to learn and, once you know what they are, you’ll find that dating and relationships actually become fun instead of experiencing just one disappointment after another.

    First, you need to understand where the relationship is going. It is also important for you to know how to naturally motivate a man’s desire to want to get closer. You need to smoothly and easily form such a rock-solid bond with a man to the extent that he is the one who pushes you for a commitment.

    So what you get is Zero resistance from him. You don’t even need to stress yourself with the usual convincing, negotiating, or pleading from you.

    This tool is all about sending the right cues to a guy. A man craves being with a woman in order to feel and cultivate what he can’t feel himself. If you want to be that woman, you have to get into this positive energy space first.

    Guys also have a duty when it comes to making this ‘tango’ work. Yet, it is good understand why guys do what they do and learn how to relate with them in a way that makes it easier for them to get closer to you. All this is going to help increase your chances of finding that amazing guy and creating a great relationship with him. Remember that if you don’t meet and connect with the right guy, then nothing else is going to matter.

  • A Nigerian girl helps US police catch robbers by being smart

    A Nigerian girl helps US police catch robbers by being smart

    DOYIN Oladipupo was on the phone with a police dispatcher, hiding in a closet when she heard the door open.

    Three intruders, who had set off the home security alarm, came into the walk-in closet in her parents’ bedroom, apparently looking for items to steal from the Chula Vista, California, home.

    The 15-year-old was cowering in a corner next to some shelves. She thought her bright toe nail polish would give her away.

    “I was so scared. I could see them,” she told CNN affiliate KGTV. “I thought they would see me.”

    The 911 operator heard one of the intruders hollering at the others and told the girl, who was home alone, not to talk.

    The dispatcher then asked her to tap once on the cordless handset to indicate she understood not to open the closet door.

    She remained silent and still, Oladipupo told KGTV, while the intruders came in and took jewelry off a shelf, she said.

    Police said in a statement that when officers arrived, the three intruders were loading items from the home into a car on the street. Two of the suspects are 17 years old, and the third is 18.

    The car had been stolen a week before the attempted burglary, which happened Tuesday afternoon. There were items from other burglaries in the car, police said.

    “I don’t know how I did it, honestly,” Oladipupo said. “Because when I think about it now, my heart just starts beating.”

  • Shopping 101: What to buy for your man

     

    WOMEN often have a hard time buying the right gifts for the men in their lives. One of the reasons being that men tend to buy everything they want themselves with great ease. But there are a few tricks to help get the perfect item in as little time as possible.

     

    What’s trending?

    If you want to buy an on-trend outfit for a man, go for a pale-blue button-down shirt with a knitted tie, chinos, a pair of loafers and a double-breasted knitted cardigan. Stripy tops or a chambray shirt are great if you want to be a little more adventurous, and navy is a particularly flattering colour. But stay clear of anything too fashiony.

    If you haven’t got much money, just buy the best pair of socks or the best shirt you can, rather than a cheap version of something expensive. He can never have enough shirts. Think about the man’s profession and what he already has in his wardrobe, so your purchase is practical.

     

    Accessorise

    Leather wallets look great and come in lots of shades, so it is one area where a man can be a bit more colourful. Belts are also good to buy, as men do not often spend a lot of money on them. You could give them a really luxurious one.

     

    Finishing touches

    No man is going to complain if you buy an expensive men’s watch. A man wears a watch because he can’t wear a Porsche on his wrist. It’s the one thing that men feel OK to talk about sartorially. Beaded bracelets are great buys, too. They add a bit of irreverence to a classic outfit.

     

    Appeal to his vanity

    When it comes to presents for men the best things come in small packages. Tell them the gift will make them look younger and more handsome and they won’t argue – most men are open to grooming. But you want a product that looks good in the bathroom alone. Fragrances are difficult, as they smell different on different people, try finding out the kind of smell he like and you just might have a winner.

  • Women should not stay in the kitchen

    Women should not stay in the kitchen

    Business tycoon, mother and a royal princess from Eko; these are the many hats Princess Funmilayo Bakare Okeowo wears with dignity.

    Spurred by a need to break beyond the economic and gender barrier she faced as a young wife, Funmilayo listened to her mother’s advice, strived on her own and built a business that rivalled her competitors. Now the second largest producer of envelopes in Nigeria, the Chief Executive Officer of FAE Limited spoke with Rita Ohai on her journey to the top.

     

    YOU run the second largest envelope-manufacturing company in Nigeria. As the only woman at the top of this field, how did you build your brand?

    Over 20 years ago, my mother and I were distributors to Wigeen-Steep, a company that produced envelopes at the time. At the end of the year, they would give us fridges or television sets for being the best distributors.

    One day, I felt I had done enough and wanted to own my business. I did some research, bought the machine that was needed and became a manufacturer. I was passionate about it and it has been good for me.

    In Nigeria it is normal for men to want to oppress women but since you already have that at the back of your mind, you will need to strive harder to succeed so that you can stand tall among your peers.

    Also, I gave it my best every time because if I did not want people to just rank me among the mediocrities.

    If you look at my envelopes, you feel how smooth they are and the look very professional. And we ensure that about 80 percent of our materials are gotten locally.

    Has putting efforts into running your company profitably affected other areas of your life such as your family?

    It has not been easy but thank God my husband is a brother and father. He fills in the gap for me and whenever I am becoming weak, he is there to support me. Plus I have beautiful children who stand by me through thick and thin.

    Although my children are all out of the house, I keep in touch with all of them as much as possible. At least one of them calls me every night and we talk for about two hours each time.

    One of them works with me as the Chief Operating Officer. My baby is in the medical school in Canada while my daughter is a lawyer practicing in Calgary.

    Plus I try to prepare my husband’s favourite dish which is Ikokore. My husband had to teach me how to make it because he is an Ijebu man.

    What do you not like about being an entrepreneur?

    I love everything about owning my business. I feel proud as an industrialist.

    In the morning when I enter the factory, this might be sentimental, but there is an internal joy I feel when I hear the machines work. I just get happy.

    Sometimes when I am upset, I go to the factory, pick up a chair, sit down and look at what God has done for me.

    Who can you say has been the greatest influence in your business life?

    My mother! She was a teacher for 35 years and she was tougher than my dad, but she was the best.

    Initially I thought she was a bad mum. Along the line, I found out that she had become the closest person to me and I could discuss anything with her. Even while I was at boarding school, I would come home and work for my mum and she would pay me, no matter how small.

    When I wanted to be a full-time house wife, it did not go down well with her. It was a real tug of war and she insisted that I must work. At the time, my husband did not want me to work so I was between the devil and the deep blue sea.

    She sat me down and told me that it was a beautiful thing to be married but it was more honourable for a woman to be able to raise her head among her peers.

    So I went to work with her while she was selling small stationeries like pencils and rulers at her petty shop. We ran this company together for a few years before she passed on.

    I really loved her. If you want to destabilise me just tell me that you dreamt that my mother told you to ask me to sit down on a chair for two days, I will obey you, no matter who the person is.

    As a child, was there any household chore you could not stand doing simply because you disliked it?

    I hated washing clothes (she laughs).

    I always found a reason to run away from doing the laundry and my mother who was a disciplinarian would be on my case.

    Right now, I do not wash clothes any more, thanks to washing machines and drycleaners in this jet age.

    Also I would want to advice young women not to stay in the kitchen. Go out and work hard because what a man can do, a woman can also do it. I am not regretting the life I have lived at all. I can talk to the high and mighty. I wine and dine with the people in the corridors of power simply because I am not confined to the kitchen. That is not to say you should shirk your responsibilities, but be smart about it.

    If you had to live permanently anywhere outside Nigeria, seeing how tough the economy is, where would you pick?

    I am not going anywhere. All I want is for the country to improve because this is home for me.

    Let me give you an example, I travelled abroad for three weeks and got this severe cough. When I went to the hospitals there, they gave me all kinds of drugs and it refused to go, but the minute I stepped into Muritala Mohammed Airport, the thing disappeared.

    What do you think tears couples apart in marriage?

    The lack of friendship. Many of the people who get married these days do not work on being confidants or close friends with their spouses.

    When you are not friends, little issues blow up into major ones because there is no understanding between both parties.

    If the wife does something, the husband will not know how to handle it so he starts talking to people outside the home who will give him wrong advice, he starts having girlfriends and then trouble grows.

    When my daughter was about to get married, I just told her to focus on being friends with her husband, that way you can get away with anything.

    Smiling is a visa that can open doors even with your in-laws. People say mother-in-laws are bad but it is up to the incoming party to warm up to her because she is not bound to like you since you are from different backgrounds and she does not want anyone to displace her in her child’s life.

  • South African women drinking to harm their unborn babies

    PREGNANT women in one of South Africa’s poorest areas are drinking heavily to deliberately harm their unborn babies in order to claim higher welfare payments.

    There has been a spike in the number of babies born with disabilities in the country’s Eastern Cape, where crime and unemployment are widespread and newborn babies represent a form of income for mothers.

    Women who drink heavily during their pregnancy run a much greater risk of giving birth to children with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).

    Children with this condition are born with characteristic physical and mental defects, including short stature, and small head and brain, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO).

    There is no cure for FASD and treatment is focused on mental health and medical services to manage the resulting lifelong disabilities that include learning difficulties, behavioural problems, language, delayed social or motor skills, impaired memory and attention deficits.

    A major problem is the prevalence of illegal drinking houses called shebeens, where homemade, highly addictive and damaging alcohol called kah-kah is sold.

    Kah-kah is a milky brown liquid and while its exact ingredients are unknown police have found batches made from yeast, water and battery acid.

    “If I don’t drink this, I’m like someone who is sick,” one mother said, swigging from a transparent bottle containing kah-kah. “I can’t sleep, and I can’t think straight but when I have this then I am better and I can do anything.”

    She said she drank about “five or six bottles a day” and that this started from “about nine o’clock” in the morning.

    According to Sky News, while police frequently raid shebeens and shut them down, new shebeens open up just as quickly.

  • When it finally fizzles out

    TWO wonderful hearts met a few years back and at that point they dropped every distraction and decided to forge ahead. But four years after, they are singing a different tune and both feel used, taken for granted and not getting value for the emotions spent. First you ask the gentleman why he decided to walk out of this emotional nest and he spits out the words: “She is not romantic at all. Yes, she is pretty and dresses very well. However, she does not put in extra effort and this can be a great turn off.”

    Haba! Is it so difficult to be romantic or could it be that he has found a more romantic bird somewhere? Every question asked brings more frustrations, arguments and counter accusations. It is obvious that things have indeed fallen apart and whatever magnetic bond shared at the beginning had fizzled out.

    The emotional current started fading out some months back and she knew at that point that they had actually come to the end of the road. “I just noticed that he had changed towards me and everything I said or did make him angry. Even when I kept quite he would make up a story and would read meanings to any response I offered. He didn’t use to behave this way and I knew that somebody somewhere had stolen his heart. I just had to let go because it became traumatic trying to win a heart that had metamorphosed from love to deep hatred.”

    A quick diagnosis of this emotional ailment and you find that they were not operating on the same love frequency and channel. The girl tuned off thinking she had captured her Mr. Right when he needed her most. Not satisfied with the miserly emotions doled out, he looked elsewhere and found exactly what he had been looking for. By the time the gal realised that another bird had filled in this vacuum, it was already too late.

    What a transformation! Love, like life, isn’t constant. While it is possible to win a particular heart for a lifetime, some hearts are quite restless, energetic and very adventurous. Just when you think you have found what you are looking for or dreaming about, it zooms off like a butterfly looking for another beautiful flower to perch on.

    So, it is therefore common to find lovers lost on the emotional Island. Unfortunately, you cannot fly alone. What about a by hook or crook way out of the emotional woods? Oh no! It is impossible to move at your pace; on the love path you can only fly with someone who is willing to fly. If the one you love has other ‘interests’ then you may just let this lovebird be.

    The scenario can also be compared to walking on a broken bridge; here, crossing over to the other side can be a real torment if you are lucky. But if you are not, then you can be sure that one of the lovebirds or both of them would fall off.

    Those who are successful in their relationships are usually people who know how to trigger that deeper, more alluring kind of emotional attraction in their partners. This way the person you are attracted to would want to spend more time with you and be around you. Some think that hooking a great pal has a lot to do with their looks, the things they wear and charisma.

    Yes, this actually matters, but it’s just a tip of the emotional iceberg. Looking and feeling beautiful will definitely be a big bonus but in order for your ‘buddies’ to want something more than just a fling, you must understand the personality that you are dealing with and get him or her to feel addicted .

    Experts also advise that it is better to lead with attraction. It is also better when you avoid things like: Complaining, talking about “boring” subjects like the weather or what you do for a living or even letting him “carry” the conversation.

    A lot of our ladies package themselves very well attending to the physical details, thinking this is all that matters. He’ll fall for you because of the way you make him feel when he’s around you, and because you trigger that gut-level of intense emotional attraction in him. If you know what this is and how it works, you’ll realise how effortless it can be to get a great man to ask you out.

    Interestingly, it is better to learn the steps behind taking a man from that initial “physical” attraction to feeling utterly addicted and wanting to be around you all the time. Casting your emotional net into affections’ sea is not a predictable exercise at all.

    It is better to learn and understand the specific tips and insights into the kind of words, body language and attitudes that trigger a man to think, “Hey, there’s something about this girl I really like and I am curious about. I like being around her. How can I spend more time with her?”

  • Ways to be a good friend

    SOMEONE once said, “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it to you when you forget the words.”

    This is eternally true as taking the time to nurture a friendship is worth every moment. As the years pass, some people will stay by your side, but many will not and you’ll realise that each friendship you keep is priceless.

    But to have a good friend, you must be one, and it takes a lot of effort and care.

    In spite of the many stories of back-biting and jealousy we hear about female relationships, there are still a few good women out there who will have your back and hold your hands against all odds.

    When you find these special people, hold on tight and never let them go. But to keep them by your side, you would need to learn how to be a good friend. These are some tips to see you through;

    1. Never forget birthdays or other important dates. Your husband, your boyfriend and your kids may forget your birthday or the anniversary of your big promotion but your girl friend never will. Always call, send a card or a gift on her birthday and any other important dates.

    2. Celebrate her accomplishments. You love to shine and so does your best friend. So always make sure to celebrate her accomplishments , no matter how big or how small. It is also a great reason to go out and enjoy an evening without the kids and husband.

    3. Make time for your girl friends. As real life begins to get in the way of your social life with kids, husband and job interfering, making time for your girl friends is crucial to maintaining a good relationship. You would never expect to have a good marriage without spending time with your spouse so how can you expect to ignore your girl friends and still have a close relationship. Make time to talk and stay involved in each other’s lives.

    4. Always have your girl friend’s back. True girl friends never gossip about each other and never tolerate someone else talking smack about their best friend. Girl friends know each other’s faults and will even point them out to one another but they never allow anyone else to point out those faults.

    5. Give and receive to strengthen the bond. Always be there when your girl friend needs you, whether it is to help her move furniture, mourn the loss of a beloved pet or eat ice cream and bash her ex. Remember that your girl friends need to help you too in order to feel close to you.

    So, ask when you need help and do not try to do everything alone. Asking for help is as important as giving help when needed because it keeps your relationship in balance and gives both of you the opportunity to feel needed.

    6. Be honest. This was the root of what happened with my friend – – she lied to me and involved another good friend in the lie. Girl friends are honest with each other no matter how difficult the subject. My best girl friend of 15 years and I have fought many heated battles because we are honest with each other; however, that honesty is what has held us together for so many years.

    7. Laugh, cry and dream together. Sharing good times and bad times creates a bond that is strong. It helps you through the tough times. Remember that no man is an island and we all need a shoulder to cry on from time to time.