The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Pursue your destiny (XXXI)

    YEAR Temilolu, I must be the one you had in mind when you decided to write on depression. I’ve been suffering from the grip of this unwanted companion in the last 5 years. It started mildly but I couldn’t detect it until it became very severe. It has since murdered sleep in my life and this has really affected me psychologically and especially my mood, countenance and emotions. I’ll be glad if you can proffer a remedy either medically or through a professional Christian counselor. Thanks.

    Prince

    Hello ma,

    I really find your write-ups very inspiring especially the one you wrote on depression. You have really saved a soul. Thanks and may God strengthen you to inspire girls the more.

    Funke

    Temilolu Okeowo,

    I want to thank God for your write-up of Sunday, 24th of May on Depression. I am really blessed by your message and I pray that the good Lord will continue to bless you, your business and your family in Jesus name. Amen. Thanks.

    Tony (Ikare-Akoko, Ondo State)

    I welcome you all to school on Sunday! 2 weeks ago I started discussing Depression which is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It could be caused by tragedy- like the loss of a loved one, loss of job or prized possession/assets, suffering, obstacles, frustration, failure and disappointments. If it is allowed to grow in your heart, it could end up bringing so much pain, emotional torment, deep grief, sadness, guilt, despair and hopelessness. It is a very bad spirit and of course anti-God. It shuts the light of God and every form of goodness away from your heart and what this means is that your soul becomes the house of despair and everything bad and then grants the devil a comfortable space in your life.

     “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

    Proverbs 4:23King James Version (KJV)

    When Solomon refers to guarding the heart, he really means the inner core of a person, the thoughts, feelings, desires, will, and choices that make that person who he/she is. By refusing to forget about the deathly blow life has dealt you and wallowing in self-pity, you are shifting your focus away from the plans, purposes, and unbelievable blessings God has attached to your destiny without you asking. God sees this as a lack of faith, and without faith, it is impossible to please God. He sees it as you glorifying the devil and I tell you it only keeps God away from swinging into action on your behalf. What befell you is very bad and unfair but some people have gone through worse and come out very grateful to God because it only pushed them to grab all the devil had been hiding from them. There is nothing new under the sun and there is nothing God can’t do in your life even before the end of today. He has the power to change that situation that has made you an object of mockery over the years. He has the power to make that enemy who has tormented your life over the years and made you wish you were never born your footstool before the end of today. So, why don’t you spend time thinking of how your vindication is going to shake the world and teach others an unforgettable lesson? Little did you know that in times of great pain and affliction, what we imagine and wish for come to pass so soon. So, if you’d rather spend time brooding on other likely failure and trouble to come, you are deliberately causing yourself so much harm that could eventually kill you!

    Now, have you even ever considered why you may be passing through these tribulations? The cause of your depression could arise from the consequence of the choices you make, the consequence of choices others make and the consequence of day to day circumstances and this can be likened to the vagaries of life. One of the reasons why we have to be careful of the choices we make is because we would always face the consequences and have ourselves to blame if anything goes wrong. This does not mean we should go crazy and tear ourselves in pieces, it only means we should take responsibility for it and think of ways to deal with the situation and get out of it fast while learning lessons from it. For instance, when you don’t study hard and instead concentrate on your boyfriend or inanities, it’s absolutely your fault when you fail your exams.

    When we suffer from the choices people make that affect us it seems harder to deal with because we cannot control others. We can only control how we react to their choices and actions. For instance, if a boy you love so much ditches you because he doesn’t love you anymore, you can’t force him to love you. You can’t control his relationship with the opposite sex. If he’s flaunting a new girl in your face, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You can only help yourself by deciding to come out of the hurt and get on with your life. It could be severe and it usually takes time but it will surely pass and you would come out of it more mature. And that’s why when teenage girls ask me if it’s okay for them to have a boyfriend; my response is that it’s a waste of time and energy which should be spent on developing one’s self intellectually, psychologically, spiritually etc. in order to make the right choices and the most of life. There’s time for everything.These heart breaks have diverted the cause of so many glorious destinies. I tell you it’s not easy recovering your original destiny but with God all things are possible. We have the power to avoid some good measure of trouble through the choices we make.

  • Prey in the emotional jungle

    WHAT happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that unfortunately is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves. Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was once a victim; valuable hearts had vanished courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

    Recently she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted.’ She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from this hawk – the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of hearts looking remorseful. This was not time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It’s the norm and so it is best to thread with caution.

    If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that Cupid’s arrow is on target and if you miss the target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on doors indicating direction to a choice location.

     This also reminds you of Jeffrey Archer’s book, a Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honor betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passions that drive men and women to love and to hate.

    A good hunter must have a quiver filled with sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase (s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

    What you are ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrow required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as a dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divide are Lion’s, crocodiles, antelopes, hyenas and antelopes.

    Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you list expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger.

    If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you chose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

    Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have be longing for , lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

    Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for the emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is that hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

    Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills and ultimately used it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging as well as intrigues.

    Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

    You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

    Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at  trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

    When you also see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears , instead of turning around to caress  this cupid-sent angel , all you see is  a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘ bush

  • ‘I received death threats as DPP’

    ‘I received death threats as DPP’

    Ngozi Chianakwalam is the Chairman, Investment and Securities Tribunal (IST). She was also a Solicitor General and Director of Prosecution (DPP) in Abia State.In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about life at the tribunal, the challenges, state of the capital market and more.

    WHAT is the mandate of your tribunal?  The Investment and Securities tribunal adjudicates on Capital Market issues. These are cases arising from shares, brokers, the Nigerian Stock Exchange, Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and so on. The Tribunal came about after the government set up a panel. You know that in the regular court cases take a very long time, so concerning the capital market there is need for cases to be decided timely because Shares are volatile.

    Matters concerning the capital market have to be decided very expeditiously. At a point in time, the Federal Government felt that there was need to look at what could be done and they set up a panel, the Odife panel. Then the Odife panel worked on it and after extensive investigations came up with a report. One of the recommendations was setting up a Tribunal that was different from the regular court, to handle capital market issues. That was how the Investments and Securities Tribunal came to be. It took off in the year 2002.

    Are there some landmark cases?

    Yes, we have quite a number of Landmark cases. There is a law that makes provision for the setting up of the investor’s fund. Many investors lose their money, lots of money running into millions either through fraudulent practices by bankers or stockbrokers. A position was made for that fund in the Investment and Securities Act but nothing was done about it until the IST delivered a judgment and gave the Nigerian Stock Exchange Commission a mandate and a time frame within which to set up the fund. They were forced to set up the fund and fortunately the inauguration of the committee for the fund took place last year. That is one of the landmark cases and there are quite a number of them in different areas.

    At what point, did you come into the tribunal?

    I came into the tribunal in February, 2013. When I came in I met quite a number of challenges. The first was that we did not have a befitting office at the headquarters and even at the zonal offices. They are rented apartments and like you know many landlords don’t like to renovate their buildings. Where we were staying in Abuja was not good enough, I would want to call it an eyesore.

    So, my ambition was to get us a befitting place. We are a world class Tribunal, the United States Securities and Exchange Tribunal does not even have our kind of Truibunal. In 2013 when we attended a programme with over 80 countries the officials there who  commended us asked others to emulate us, saying Nigeria is a trail blazer. So if you have this kind of tribunal, you should also have a befitting office.

    My desire is that different countries from Africa should come to borrow a leaf from us. The second challenge was fund. Normally, we are funded by the Federal government budgetary allocations but with the falling economy, allocations have been falling and falling over the years.

    There was not much to take care of the basic needs of the Tribunal but we have always been fighting for the capital market because the other players in the market, Nigerian Stock Exchange, Securities and Exchange Commission, Central security legal system, all get funded from proceeds of the transaction fees. They charge one per cent of every fee and we were just asking for ten per cent of that one per cent.

    It was a fight and I am happy to say that the coordinating Minister of the Economy, Dr Ngozi Okonjo Iweala has directed SEC to look into it holistically to make sure that we get funding. I am also happy to say that as at last year an order was made for us to get funding, even though there is still some hiccups and resistance here and there.

    Another major challenge was that the staff had not had promotion since 2011; there was a little rumble of industrial unrest when I came in and so I begged them to allow me to settle down first. I am happy to say that we conducted promotion exams last year and we got approval from FEC to get our own house in Abuja.

    Let’s talk about memorable moments at the Tribunal?

    For me, it was when we got FEC approval to acquire our own place. They also gave directive that they should give us land in the central business district.

    Are you the first female to hold this position?

    No, I am the second. The first was also a female and she held the position for two terms of five years each making ten years. It is usually tenure of five years, renewable for a second term. Women are doing very well on the job. If you work hard enough, nobody would think of you as a woman.

    How would you describe the state of the capital market today?

    You know that there was a fall in the capital market after the problems that occurred between 2007 to 2008. The transactions are building up now; there was a lull prior to the elections. They didn’t know what the outcome of the election would be but immediately after the election, there was a rise again. The capital market is building up and we are praying along with it. Since I came in, we have delivered about 55 judgments and the total verdict in monetary value is worth over 350 billion naira. The tribunal has helped to boost confidence in investors.

     There are some outstanding issues, you know lawyers like to explore loopholes and so they come up with preliminary objections. We have quite a number of Appeals pending at the Court of appeal. What we did last September to save the situation was to have new IST rules. So here if you have a preliminary objection, then you have to file it along with the case, so that the delay can be cut off.

    What constitutes a crime in your court?

    Our court is a civil court; it is not a criminal court. Once SEC gets reports about problems in the market, it is their duty to report to us. They may try it before their own administrative proceedings committee. When they are not satisfied with the judgment of that committee, then you can come to us. You can also come directly to us. For example, you may have complained to SEC and they didn’t do anything. You have a right to file your case before us.

    The type of cases that come to us includes market manipulations, shares manipulations, and infractions.

     There was a time when banks were claiming to give people loan to buy shares; those are the kind of cases that come to us. If your stock broker sold your shares without your permission. We also have acses of people collecting money from investors claiming that they are investing them and at the end of the day, they don’t. We also have an Alternative Dispute Resolution department that deals with fraud claims. We are very expeditious and the Law says we should complete our cases within 90 days.

    How has working with the Tribunal affected you personally?

    It has broadened my perspective. It is a different area entirely in my career. I have been in persecution, litigation and now this is adjudication. I was called to the bar in 1978. My father was also a judge; he inspired me but he didn’t force me. My mother was a fashion designer.

    Let’s talk about life as Solicitor General in Abia State.

    It was quite interesting because Abia State was created in 1991. I worked in the Ministry of Justice, Imo State, then I was already a deputy director and we had to go back home to set up a new Ministry. There were four of us who were the most senior and we were virtually mates. I became the pioneer DPP and another became the pioneer Solicitor General.

     I was DPP for 9 years. It was quite challenging especially when you had to decide on all the criminal matters in the state. You get threats, you get all kinds of things but once you believe you are doing the right thing, God would just protect you. In 1999, I was appointed Solicitor General.

    Was there a memorable case that you like to remember?

    I remember that there was one notorious kingpin in Abia, Umahia to be specific at that time. People thought he was untouchable, then he committed an offence and the police came from Lagos to investigate him. In the process of investigation, they found arms in his office and we charged him with unlawful possession of firearms and he wanted to bypass me and go above to stop the case. It was a battle between me, him and those above me. We got him locked up and people were surprised, saying who is this woman.

  • Just window shopping…

    BUY one, get one free. That’s a familiar phrase. We all like to get things free and when the bargain is right, then purchase is as good as done. Using one stone to kill two birds, interestingly, is not a bad idea.

    That precisely was what an Indonesian woman did recently. She desperately needed money and decided to sell her house. However she was still very attached to the house and so she also offered her hand to a suitable buyer of her house.

    Interestingly, she has found a man willing to both buy the property and marry her.”His name is Redi Eko,” Wina Lia, 40, told her happy story. “He is also looking for a wife.”

    Like her, Redi is also a single parent. When he heard about Wina’s financial difficulties, the 46-year-old state-owned company employee offered his assistance. “He will sell his house in Lampung [in Sumatra] and will use the money to help me,” she said.

    Wina put her two-bedroom, two-bathroom house, which comes with a fish pond and spacious backyard, in Sleman, in Yogyakarta province, up for sale two months ago. The asking price was around $76,500. Her online ad went viral, thanks to the tagline: ‘Buy the house and marry the owner at the same time.’

    I wish, I wish, I wish. This reminds one of the popular song by R. Kelly. A song about a heart that’s missing in action. It takes you from fantasy land where your imaginations run riot and you begin to imagine that you have the heart that you’ve always dreamt about in your kitty. Next you just want to hold, touch, talk to and be with this treasure forever.

    Criss-crossing your fragile mind are memories of the good old days together but just when you think you found what you are looking for, it slips away again and you are back to square zero.

    This interestingly is what happens to a lot of us when we go window shopping. You do this at the state when your purse (heart) is empty and you feel like purchasing a new heart. The search for a replacement takes you sometimes on a wild goose chase. Conversely, it could be shopping for something fresh and something that may ultimately give you joy. Look until you commit ‘lookery’. When you finally find what you think your heart desires, the next thing would be to pay and have it for keeps.

    This interestingly is where you hit the bump. The price tag is not realistic. Still determined to give it your all, you do some emotional assessments, juxtaposing the alternative forgone with your scale of preference. If it is exactly what your emotions crave for, you may just not mind emptying your pocket or bank account. When this does not measure up, then you may become more daring and sell off one of your prized possession just to have this heart.

    To purchase a heart in the emotional market, you must know what you are looking for. Random Sampling (kisses) isn’t likely to get you far at all. You must also have the capacity (experience) to buy what you want at the right time, in the right shop, as well as at the right market.

    If you want a trendy heart, then the best buy would be in the emotional boutique – glitz and glam. But again you must not be colour blind here. Don’t go for grey (dull heart) when what you truly desire is a red (hot variety).

    The crux of the matter however is that some people don’t really know what they want to buy. If you fall into this category, the emotional supermarket is waiting for you. You would surely be mesmerized because everything is here in duplicates. Big and small, fat and slim, fresh and frozen, dark and lovely or fair and white.

    Oh dear! It’s quite expensive. Why not! You are likely to buy more than you actually bargained for here. It is actually temptation galore and by the time you step out, you would find that you have actually bought the things you do not like or need.

    Too late! If you are the type that is miserly, then you would end up with hearts from the local market.

    It is cheap and you do not need receipts for hearts purchased. Quality control is also not guaranteed.  Everything is at your own risk. The worst place to be is the emotional black market; it is a place for desperate hearts. Everything here is shrouded in misery, mystery and secrecy. No direct sales, the transactions are done by middlemen that you may never see again.

    Flings? Yes and also the fact that you just can’t tell what you are buying and who is selling what. Yet, sometimes what you get may just meet up with your standard but if it does not, then you run into trouble big time. Like adulterated fuel from the typical black market, your heart would definitely grind to a halt.

  • ‘Nobody argues with excellence’

    ‘Nobody argues with excellence’

    Titi Adeleye is the CEO of EDEN group which is into architecture, properties and interiors.  She is also the vice chairman of the Lagos State chapter of the Nigerian Institute of Architects. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she takes you into her passion, challenges and how women can make the best of the opportunities available to them. 

    HOW has the experience been as an architect? It’s been interesting. There comes a time in your life when you just want to begin to give back to the profession that made you, when you realise that you have become a senior member of the profession. I always tell people it’s very demanding on your time and resources but it always pays to be part of a professional body.

    How would you describe the practice in Nigeria today?

    I would say that we are not yet there. In other parts of the world, the practice like other things is regulated. They are guided by codes and all the professionals know their trade. Here we still have to ensure that Architects are given their proper place. The Architect is the head of the building team.

    How many years have you been doing this?

    I have been in the profession for over 20 years.

    Why did you study architecture?

    I studied architecture probably because I realsied that I am a very creative person. The unique thing about architecture is that you have to be good in the arts and in the sciences; you have to be an all rounder. If you are not good in the arts and good in the sciences, then you are most likely to opt for medicine.

    If it is the other way round, then you may become a lawyer. But when you could combine both, then looking for a good course, architecture fitted the bill. Incidentally, we had a good technical drawing department in my school, then Federal Government Girls School, Oyo. I later went to the then University of Ife, now Obafemi Awolowo University.

    How did you find the course in school?

    The course was very good. I must say that as an architecture student, you had to do lots of courses outside the department. We did a lot of courses, some in the law department, survey department and still did our own major courses. We still had to do the sketches, the drawings, studio work, as well as going around the campus to sketch. It was not just the reading thing; you had to go around drawing, sketching with T squares and drawing boards.

    Where was the first place that you worked?

    After my education, I was torn between lecturing and practicing. But I made up my mind that I wanted to practice because as an architect, you have to practice for a couple of years. It is called tutelage, before you pass your exams and get your seal. I actually made up my mind that I wanted to work in one of the five big outfits in Lagos. So I worked with Majoroh Partnership.

    What was the experience like?

    It was quite great because I had a boss who had and still had a passion for architecture. Architect Majoroh tutored us on all aspects of the profession. It was very tough, we didn’t like it then but looking back now, we really appreciate the experience.

    Would you say that female architects are treated equally with their male colleagues?

    Previously no, but now these days, it is coming to about 50/50.

    How would you compare the profession then and now?

    When I started practicing, the profession was more manual than it is now. We had to do a lot of things manually, painstakingly and you had to go through the grill. But now, there are so many short cuts; the profession is more technologically driven and the risk is that, we are losing sight of the fact that this is a very artistic profession. The truth is that your laptop or your ipad can’t design for you. You still have to do some of the designs yourself. From Majaro, I decided to set up on my own. I have been in practice since 1994, started as TICON Associates and it grew to be EDEN Group.

    What are some of the achievements?

    Over the years, we have been privileged to be involved in the designs of houses; the Ondo State Government House as well as refurbishments of places like the Kwara  and Ogun State Government House.

    What are some of the challenges?

    Like every other profession, there are challenges. The other thing is that a lot of people brandish themselves as architects, offering the services that you offer at a cheaper rate and clients would wonder why they should pay more. Another challenge is the dearth of good artisans. No matter how good your designs are, you need good workmanship to translate what you set out to achieve. The truth is that we like paying for products and not services.

    Let’s talk about some memorable moments in life and on the job?

    I am always happy when a client becomes a repeat client, or when they refer us to other clients or see a job that we have done and say it is the architect that has done this, that I want to do my job. Personally, I think it was when I had my first child, when I held my daughter in my arms.

    Would you say that the profession is fair to women?

    Let me start by saying that life is not fair. Then coming to the profession , I always tell young female architects that because of where we have found ourselves  in Africa and Nigeria, a woman has to work extra hard. If men are doing fifty, you have to do a hundred. The fact that you are a woman, people tend to look at you and try to down size you.

    When you prove your mettle, you become different. My mantra is that nobody argues with excellence. When you see an excellent job, it becomes unimportant whether it was done by a man or a woman. So let your work speak for you, no matter how small the job is. What I did for my biggest client today, was a fair. A 25 square meters at the trade fair and I did it with a lot of passion. The fair was going to open the next day, I was there at night, I was there in the morning and somehow the Managing director was impressed. I went beyond what they wanted me to do.

    For a lot of women coping with family life and career can be tough, how did you survive this?

    A woman has to priortise. That’s what I do; I am always making a to-do list. Here you know what you have done and what you need to carry over till next day. You need to know what is important and what is not. Then you have to have the buy-in of your family. Let the man and children understand what you are doing. At the end of the day, whatever sacrifice is being made is made by everybody and whatever gains is for everybody. The little time, you spend with your family should be quality time.

    Let’s talk about the people you admire?

    Internationally, I admire Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Joyce Meyer. Locally late Dora Akunyili, she was a remarkable woman and Sam Adeyemi of Daystar.

    Do you attend Daystar?

    No, that’s not my church. I admire him because he is a man who practices what he preaches.

    His wife is also an architect, do you also admire her?

    Yes. She was actually my classmate, we were in school together. I admire them for the Ministry they have built and because they practice what they preach.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    I think the greatest influence in my life has been my parents and my upbringing. We were not very rich and despite the fact that they had four girls before the boys came along, they gave us the best they had then. My dad especially was practically everything. The moment they could afford to take us abroad, they sacrificed everything.

    They ensured that by the time, we were leaving home, there was really nothing anybody could do or show us to make us behave like, we had never seen this before. My dad thought all the girls how to drive personally, by the time we turned 16. They were both school principals, very strict but very loving.

    If you had to advise our women, what would you tell them?

    A woman has to be strong. Don’t just fall apart at every little thing. You can go to the toilet and cry, wipe your tears and face the world. TD Jakes says, life is meant to test your staying power. Secondly, women should strive for excellence. This should show in the work you do, your office and the way you dress. Thirdly, women have to be there for themselves, not fighting each other.

  • A letter to President Buhari

    Dear Father,

    My Nigerian sisters and I congratulate you on the occasion of your inauguration and wish you all the very best. However, we are saddened by the ridiculously low number of our mothers in the National Assembly. If there are only 8 women out of 109 members of the Senate and 14 women out of 360 members of the Federal House of Representatives, how can our voices be heard?

    It is high time; the female folk stopped being treated like toys and second-hand goods. During campaigns you see a lot of women gaily dressed and swaying their backside in excitement in the hot sun for their candidates most of whom are males and what do we get in return? First Class marginalization in elective and appointive posts. I would never preach gender equality because it is against divine order but the female is the mother who builds the home and the home is the bedrock of the society! As long as we continue to have a poor participation of women in politics, we can never have enough role models for the girls who would determine the fate of the future Nigeria. No wonder an average Nigerian girl doesn’t know Malala Yousafzai the Pakistani activist for female education and the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate  but know Kim Kardashian, a social media personality and model and her likes so well. You may please go to town and ask even girls who have the privilege of attending private schools and hear their response.

    Why can’t our girls who have been brought up in so much hardship become global champions? You will agree with me that hardship is a must to climb the ladder of greatness. The pain these girls feel when their parents can’t meet their needs should make them dream, dream and dream big. But unfortunately, an average Nigerian girl believes she has to pay with her body to meet even her basic necessities. Even their mothers encourage them to “sell their bodies.” I know a 14 year old girl who has to sleep with her uncle-her jobless father’s immediate younger brother before he gives her #1500 weekly allowance. A lot of girls are pushed into prostitution because of poverty arising from their parents’ unemployment and they are surrounded by people who lack moral dignity who encourage them to use what they have to get what they want.

    Can you imagine the type of children they would bring to the world? Grand High Harlots and thieves of course. Sad, very sad! How can corruption ever be stamped out? A dirty vessel produces nothing but filth. If these girls are not re-orientated, there’ll be greater corruption in future!

    Due to this madness of the flesh, girls now bring children into the world indiscriminately through unwanted pregnancies and end up becoming single mothers who can’t fend for themselves least of all their kids and then continue sleeping around just to have food to eat. Can we ever have a stable and morally-upright society with street kids? How would corruption ever come to an end?

    Daddy, a lot of girls who were destined to be world-changers, solution providers and environmental transformers have been badly damaged and had their glorious destinies diverted due to lack of basic necessities and the right upbringing. God knows why He made you president and would give you the grace to make an effective change in Nigeria that would last till eternity.

    While thanking you in anticipation of a total freedom of our sisters from the bondage of Boko-Haram and a complete cleansing of Nigeria from such evil, we also expect the following from you.

    1. More appointive and elective positions for women so they can represent the women and girls, look after them adequately and be an encouragement for young girls to aspire to be.

    2. Encouragement of moral rearmament and instructions in schools including campaigns for chastity.

    3. Encourage the National Assembly to come out with a legislation that will bring an end to girl-child marriage.

    4. A legislation to make education for girls in all parts of Nigeria compulsory.

    5. Create an enabling environment for parents to work. Create enough jobs so girls can get jobs when they graduate. And of course their husbands-to-be need jobs as well.

    6. “Conference material” penchant among government officials should be stopped. During conferences, female secondary school and university students are usually mobilized to warm the beds of interested government officials.

    7. Stringent measures must be taken against sexual harassment in tertiary institutions and work places.

    8. Female hostels should be built for homeless girls in all the States.

       There’s so much more but please start with these and you’ll be wiping the tears of so many girls who wish they were never born. May your era become Nigeria’s golden era and may you live long in Jesus name. AMEN!

    Yours sincerely,

    Barrister (Miss) Temilolu Okeowo

  • Playing to the emotional gallery

    THE emotional terrain is very complex; just when you think you have your finger on the issue, it slips away like the proverbial golden fish. That is why it is important to keep, nurture and treasure what you have before it slips away. You must have a strong bond, something that can pass the test of the emotional time.

    Interestingly, this is a field that thrives on frivolities, things you think do not matter actually matter a lot. Whether it’s your first kiss or your last kiss; whether it’s with someone new or with your longtime partner; kissing certainly leaves an impression; one that lingers long after your lips have disengaged.

    Sadly, it is not every ‘kisser’ (lips) that gets this lifetime opportunity. Who wants to kiss a nobody? Who wants to kiss a mouth that has been infested with cancer? You probably would understand this better if you witnessed something yours truly experienced recently.

    A small crowd recently gathered in front of a Lagos restaurant. It is the typical Lagos crowd, inquisitive as the cat or just being the usual busy body, minding other people’s business just for the fun of it. Can’t really blame anyone, there is so much tension around and this perhaps is one of the best ways to easing tension and being their brother’s or is it sister’s keeper?

    Like the rest of the pack, your eyes finally rest on the subject matter. Oh no! It’s awful, a young man having seizures, rolling all over the place. He struggles to get up and then falls into the gutter. Like a man drunk with alcohol, (love) he struggles to come back again, hoping to conquer his state (heart) but this time around, he falls back hopelessly and helplessly again.

    What he has within is not sufficient to tackle the harsh realities out there. In a short while, the onlookers go into the archives to fish out his physical, financial and emotional history. So, if they are used to seeing him this way, why are they making a mountain out his molehill.

    Bruised, battered and confused, he continues to do his thing oblivious of the noise and attention that his condition has created. What he needs now is support (counseling) and attention (love). Well, he is not likely to get this from this maddening crowd.

    Then someone remembered that he once had a beautiful girlfriend, a heart that once made his world go round. “So where is the idiot’, retorts another. “Who wants to stick with a liability? Trust women, they are only there when everything is rosy,” ends the character who played up the emotional agenda.

    The crux of the matter is that the chief judge and the other judges, on the emotional bench are right. Everybody loves a winner; we just don’t have the patience for losers at all. The rosy side is greener anyway and it is usually difficult to get the emotional horse to a river that is polluted with sickness, disappointments or poverty. Hearts are satisfied when the dude or babe is clean, good-looking and financially buoyant.

    Do you really blame them? How many hearts would fall for someone whose bank accounts are in red, someone who has just gone blind, lame, reached menopause or convicted? Poor guy! That unfortunately is the way love deals with a lot of us. You fall, fall and fall again. Hopelessly and helplessly, sometimes never finding your bearing again.

    The only memories that you are left with are the scars, pain and frustration of never finding love again. At this point, what our friend needs is love and understanding. However, you can be sure that the reverse would be the case. Tales of condemnation from emotional convicts, those who ironically had trampled on the emotions of others without understanding the gravity of the emotional crime committed.

     They usually have the audacity to condemn another heart because they were not brought to book for their emotional shenanigans.

    Emotional seizures occur when we are confused and are not in control of the situation. At that point, you find out that so many things would be running riot in our brains and you are bound to make lots of mistakes. Making mistakes means that your rating would fall and you are bound to be castigated for the actions you took or did not take.

    For a heart in this state, everyone around you seems to understand the issues that you are confused about. They would all proffer solutions that are poles apart and expect you to run around in emotional circles trying to fill the yawning gaps.

    Once you fail to meet up with the great expectations, you would be mocked, laughed at and ultimately become an object of emotional ridicule. In order to live up to expectations, you may begin to do certain things that you would not do ordinarily. Instead of getting out of the woods, this may also get you more depressed while you play to the emotional gallery.

    Your emotional disorders have a tendency to bring recurrent seizures and you would just not be able to fathom how to stop or reverse the state in which you have found yourself.

    Epilepsy like the emotional corridor is a bundle of confusion. While a school of thought believes that drug and alcohol misuse has been the cause for many, you find another group preferring solution from what many think could be the problem. The second school of thought actually advises that liquid medical marijuana shows promise against severe epilepsy.

  • Pursue your destiny (XXX)

    GOD will make a way

    Where there seems to be no way

    He works in ways we cannot see

    He will make a way for me

    He will be my guide

    Hold me closely to His side

    With love and strength for each new day

    He will make a way, He will make a way

    By a roadway in the wilderness, He’ll lead me

    And rivers in the desert will I see

    Heaven and Earth will fade but His

    Word will still remain

    And He will do something new today

    Oh, God will make a way

    Where there seems to be no way

    He works in ways we cannot see

    He will make a way for me

    He will be my guide

    Hold me closely to His side

    With love and strength for each new day

    He will make a way, He will make a way

    As I settled down to write this article, God laid the above song in my heart and I can assure you it is a message to a reader who is depressed and confused about life; a reader who doesn’t know which way to turn for help; one who has been swimming in the black depths of despair for too long a time; a reader who woke up this morning and wondered for the umpteenth time why he/she woke up again and who has attempted suicide a number of times. Well, no matter what shame you’ve been wallowing in, I congratulate you because your dark days are over as God is about to surprise you. He’s about to send help that’ll eventually make you thank Him for all you had to deal with. That shame will be turned to glory and whoever has gotten used to a life of being needy and begging everyone around for money is about to become a philanthropist! You don’t believe me? Watch out for your miracle in this coming week as you sing that song as many times as possible, morning, afternoon and night. God shall bless you and all the ends of the earth shall fear Him. AMEN! Psalm 67:7 KJV

    Rebranding Your Spirit

    In the last few weeks we’ve been getting rid of foul spirits borne out of our human nature which could hinder our spiritual growth and the presence of God in our lives and which invariably suppresses our destinies. So far, I’ve discussed Anger, Pride, Envy/jealousy, Fear and Unforgiveness and how we can conquer them in our lives. Today, I’ll be discussing Depression. I welcome you all to school on Sunday!

    Depression is the state of feeling very sad and without hope. It is also a medical condition in which a person feels very sad and anxious and often has physical symptoms such as being unable to sleep etc. It is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It is often triggered by life circumstances such as a heart break arising out of a broken relationship, a loss of job or a loved one, rejection, failure, low self-esteem etc.

    As humans we are intricately complex creatures. When things go wrong in us, they do so in myriad and nuanced ways. What makes one really sad may not make another that sad. Our experiences in life also count as one who has been having a jolly ride in life would be badly hit when he suddenly finds himself in a dark tunnel with no clue as to where to go or what to do. We have not been promised a trouble-free life but we’ve been empowered to scale through unhurt and even make the best out of the situation. In fact, I dare say a lot of people would never manifest their original destiny without being terrified by life to start with. Life has a way of testing our strength in times of adversity and that is what determines our altitude in life. If you can braze up yourself,  armed with faith, hope and trust in God while going through a series of painful bashings that could make people wonder if you are cursed for living such a troubled life, life would eventually turn around some day and not only salute you but reward you. It may not be easy at first, in fact at a point you may be tempted to curse God especially when you are sure you have been standing right, but what sense is there in fighting your only source of help? What sense is there in allowing a heavy weight and a dark shadow take the space of the spirit of God in your soul? What sense is there in wasting your time in the valley of life? I know it’s not been easy but someone has gone through worse and eventually came out shinning like a million stars! You have to give God some more chance this week. You have to come out of your doldrums and possess all your goodies wrapped up in that dark cloud.

    Assignment

    Prayer Point: Holy Ghost arise, overshadow my life in the name of Jesus! (Pray this aggressively for 30 minutes every night before you go to bed. Result- That heavy weight would vanish before next Sunday.)

  • ‘I love working with children’

    ‘I love working with children’

    Agnes Abiodun Owolabi is school administrator and principal, Federal Government Girls School, Sagamu, in Ogun State. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about the falling standards of education, cultism in secondary schools, remuneration for teachers and more.

    A lot of people have been complaining of the falling standard of education, what do you think is responsible for the decline in unity schools?

    I think it is the crop of the candidates that were given admission into unity schools. If you look at them, they are not the best. When you are taking somebody who scored two per cent, what can you do with that? The unity schools in those days were for the best students, when I was in Benin they were really good and that encouraged me when I got to Queen’s College, I thought that they had excellent students. They had thirteen per cent and I used to compare them with where I was coming from.

    I came from Ogoja and the unity schools there, then they scored ten per cent and we were invited to the ministry by the then Minister and they asked us about the strategy to maintain the standards. By the time I left Ogoja, was about 98 per cent and we were ranking among the first three among the unity schools in the country both in Moths, Chemistry and any subject.

    I was at Queens College for almost 18 years. After that, I was transferred to Ilorin to Ogoja and back to Sagamu. The Sagamu that I was expecting was not what I met on ground, compared to our days at Queens College; Sagamu doesn’t have any place when you compare the unity schools because I was in Benin Girls School before I was moved to Queens. Sagamu is nowhere in terms of academics and lack of discipline and everything is just upside down.

    If you look at their results, there is nothing there. I was embarrassed and I had to report to the ministry, I thought that Sagamu was an extension of queens. The closeness of Sagamu to Queens was a factor and anyone who does not gain admission to Queens is referred to Sagamu. Queens College always had the best students but that has also changed. By the time I came here, I found that the place is volatile but I thank God that I am on top of the situation.

    Volatile in what aspect?

    The members of staff, they were always agitating for one thing or the other. Although my predecessors contributed to the agitations, I wouldn’t blame them. But I think they should have done it in another form, maybe communication gap caused this.

    What is the idea behind the creation of Unity schools?

    The idea is to unify all the tribe. Although every tribe is entitled to education but we cannot say that because everybody is entitled to education, we should just bring anybody.

     In some schools, some students cannot even write their names.

    So what exactly is wrong?

    The first thing is the foundation from primary schools. All the films that they watch and the fact that they have lost focus. The parents are also contributing to what is happening. These days, parents do not have time for their children, they are running after money. Look at the children in private schools, they are excelling because the parents here are concerned. We invited parents for open day, many complained about fuel scarcity. If you have the love of your children at heart, no matter what you would be interested in the child’s welfare and progress.

    You also hear stories of parents paying people to write exams for their children, what does this portend?

    A lot of them believe that money can do it all. But when NECO discovered that people now pay money for their children when they are writing the Common entrance that was when NECO introduced a second exam. It is during this second examination that is when everything is exposed. Here the private schools are also guilty because they also place so much emphasis on money. They copy everything for them and they have miracle centre.

    Cultism is a trend in schools these days, how have you been addressing this?

    Just before I came to Sagamu, I heard that they caught some students for cultism in the school. When you get them like that, the best punishment is to dismiss them from the school. The problem however is with the parents, who would come begging that their children cannot do that .They see their parents and some of them are members of cult groups.

    Are the teachers motivated enough to do their work?

    They are not! That was why the teachers I met in Sagamu were agitating. They were owed over 20 million, there was no money and they were owed allowances and some other benefits. I do not really blame their predecessors because there was no money. It was not limited to Sagamu alone; it cut across all the Unity schools.

    Teachers would go for promotion interview they would come back and not get the money that they are entitled to. And there is another thing, the way teachers are being treated, people look down on teachers, if you ask our SS3 students how many of them want to be teachers, they would say no and be raising up their hands for courses like Engineering or Medicine . Nobody wants to be a teacher because of the treatment.

    Over time, you hear people say that the teachers reward is in heaven. Do you agree with this?

    We live on earth and so we have to get our rewards here. We do not know what heaven looks like; when we get there we would know.

    As an administrator, what do you think that the average teacher should be earning?

    Teachers should own vehicles, they should own houses. Some people are still earning below forty thousand naira a month and if you look at the amount what can that buy. When I was on level 16, I was earning N190, 000 my son was earning 250,000.

    What inspired you in your choice of career?

    My parents, both of them were teachers and my elder sister was also a teacher. I thought as a woman you would be able to come back home early to take care of the family. I thank God for my children, they passed through Unity schools and they are doing well.

    Looking back now after over three decades, do you have any regrets?

    I have no regrets at all. I love working with children.

    What advice do you have for the incoming government?

    Everybody is banking on the incoming government and that they would look at education.  Education is the bedrock of everything.  The doctors, engineers and even the president passed through the school system and through teachers at one point or the other.

    They go through a process and the foundation is solid. If the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? There is an adage in Yoruba that says that any river that forgets its source would dry up. So, people in government need to give the sector a facelift.

    To monitor the students, bring them up to good standard is a lot of work. We do not sleep, many work round the clock and we should be compensated accordingly. Not just the teachers but the facilities and the totality of the school system. We do not have electricity at the moment and we pay a lot on diesel.

    Teachers should be trained and retrained, while parents need to be sensitized. For instance, if we have the 21st century classroom in Nigeria, where you have a project and every student has a tablet, everything would be okay.

    As a stakeholder, how has the PTA assisted?

    They should be encouraged to do their best because it is in the best interest of their children. For instance, all the personnel that we do not have, the ad hoc staff, it is the PTA that is assisting us. For example in the school we have only one driver, the remaining two are being taken care of by the PTA.

  • ‘How parents can help stamp out bullying’

    ‘How parents can help stamp out bullying’

    The U.N. in 2012 declared 4th May as official anti-bullying day with the aim of preventing bullying. While about 25 countries which include the U.K, USA and Australia have adopted various anti-bullying policies, Nigeria, unfortunately, is yet to adopt any despite its prevalence in our schools, offices and communities. Adesola Oyinloye-Ndu, an activists is behind Bullying is not an option, a special training module developed to tackle bullying, speaks with Adetutu Audu.

    WHAT really is bullying? Bullying is defined as deliberate intimidation or persecution of those

    who are perceived as “weaker”. The victim of bullying is usually

    referred to as the “target”. Bullying ranges from one-to-one bullying

    to more complex bullying where the bully may have one or more

    “assistants”. Bullying comes in various forms. These include: physical bullying where there are physical assaults such as hitting, pushing, kicking, tripping, choking, spitting at, forcing into vices

    such as gayism or lesbianism and stealing.

    Emotional bullying, which could be further classified into psychological, social and relational bullying; Psychological bullying could be in the form of gossiping, isolating, ridiculing, passing notes, threatening gestures. Social bullying involves hurting

    one”s reputation or relationships, spreading rumours and embarrassing

    someone in public. Relational bullying hits at the very heart of a person’s self worth. It includes ignoring, public humiliation, and spreading rumours or lies.

    Verbal bullying is usually aimed at people’s culture, family, race, or religion and could come in the form of teasing, taunting, threatening, daring and name-calling.

    Sexual bullying, which is the unprovoked victimisation of a male or

    female, young or old, by physical assault, unwelcome sexual comments

    and rumour-mongering.

    Tribal bullying, which is an attack on a person”s tribe and cyber bullying which occurs over the internet or mobile phones.

    Who may be bullied?

    Anyone through no fault of his or hers could be bullied.

    Are bullies mainly big or tall?

    A bully may be small or big, tall or short, young or old but they all

    share one trait in that they often have poor social skills and judgment with few feelings of empathy, compassion and guilt. They have low self esteem, hence take on their targets to “feel good”. The bullied or targets are not the problem but the bullies! Bullies regardless of their background may be home-grown having come from a dysfunctional family where he or she was bullied at some point, or they may be anxious bullies because they suffer from deep insecurity and emotional distress or sadistic bully with a history of aggressive behaviour. There are some we call underachieving bullies due

    to their academic performance, hence take to bullying. Worse still is

    the bully/victim who may have once been bullied and turned into a

    Bullying, sadly, affects both the bullies and the bullied and this

    could be on short term or long term basis.

    Can you tell us the effect of this on the society?

    The effects of bullying on the bullied include fear, anxiety, stress, depression, intense pessimism, loss of self confidence, lack of motivation, sleeping disorder, alcohol or drug abuse, self harm or suicide. On the part of bullies, an unchecked aggressive behaviour at

    childhood may become a “normal routine” and the pattern of aggression

    or intimidation becomes more entrenched.  Studies suggest that teen

    bullies often fail in school, careers, friendship and relationship as

    they get older.

    So, what is the way forward?

    The U.N. in 2012 declared 4th May as official Anti-Bullying Day with

    the aim of preventing bullying. Whilst about 25 countries which

    include the U.K, USA and Australia have adopted various anti-bullying

    days, Nigeria, unfortunately, is yet to adopt any despite its prevalence in our schools, offices and communities.

    Parents, teachers, other adults and bystanders can help to curb

    bullying. Parents need to stay connected to their children. Career

    should not be a barrier in being close to one’s child. The boarding

    house is not a remand home where parents dump their kids and don’t

    bother to know what is happening to them. Parents, teachers and other

    adults should listen to a child’s complaint and help as appropriate.

    In our society, it is not uncommon to find adults blaming a victim of

    bullying.  Please, listen to the story of the bullied and help positively. This will in turn help the bullied regain his or her self esteem.

    You mentioned a bystander. Who is a bystander?

    A bystander is that person who witnesses the act of bullying on

    another. A lot of bystanders rarely intervene when bullying is taking

    place as they may either find pleasure in watching or they are learning vicarious bullying or they are afraid of the bully. Bullies because of their low self esteem love to have bystanders around as a show of strength when they bully their targets. Hence, bystanders should not show any interest even when the bully tries to invite them; encourage other bystanders to walk away, stand up against bullying and say things like “That is not nice, you know”; “stop it”, “How would you like it if someone did same to you”? Therefore fostering

    parents/children or wards relationship and encouraging children to

    speak out rather than shouting them down will boost self confidence of

    every child and reduce bullying incidents.

    Definitely, one cannot rule out school in dealing with bullying. Where do schools come in?

    Bullying should not be seen as norm. Unlike the myth that bullying

    toughens, it actually destroys and weakens self esteem and self worth.

    Some schools have “secret” anti-bullying squads that report bullying

    incidents to the school authorities. The members in these squads are

    usually appointed individually without the knowledge of other students in order to monitor and report bullying activities in classes and

    dormitories. Some schools accommodate students of the same class per dormitories with a supervising senior of the choice of the students in the dormitory. Raising awareness on bullying and its effect and having

    an anti-bullying policy in place and implemented in schools have been

    proven to curb bullying schools. It is a proven fact that most bullies in our schools in Nigeria do not understand the implications of their actions, hence see it as a game until someone talks to them about short and long term damages to themselves and their targets. I also encourage schools to engage students in creative thinking and writing so they can divert their energies in positive actions!

    Are there links between bullying and societal vices and crimes?

    Yes, there are. Are there are links between bullying and cultism….Yes, there are! Are there links between bullying and insurgency….Yes, there are!! Hence, the need to curb bullying in our schools is non-negotiable at a

    time as this when cultism, insurgency and drug abuse are topical issues in our country.