The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Exquisite local body art

    Exquisite local body art

    Looking good is a unifying factor for brides no matter what part of the world they come from. Yetunde Oladeinde take a look at the trend and how it has affected brides from the northern part of the country.

    WHAT do you think would be going on in the mind of a bride from northern Nigeria. She is coming from a place with rich culture heritage, a place where women love to look elegant and adorn themselves with expensive jewelry and precious stones. Culture plays a great role in the dress code, the choice venue, menu and the whole wedding package.

    From head to toe there is something to look at for, Shimmering hairpiece would be the first point of attraction and it takes you to a face that is irresistible to the beholder. Creatively, she becomes a piece of moving art with the adornments that speak volumes. Her hands and legs are is adorned with lali, a form of body art that enhances the bride’s beauty just like modern day makeup. Unlike a tattoo (design), the lanli is temporary and washes off after a while.

    These beautiful brides are ornately decorated for their wedding ceremonies. Mehndi is applied to her hands and feet and she wears real gold jewelry the more the better.The Hausa wedding ceremony is called a fatiha and is typically hosted by the men in the family. In keeping with the culture of separating the sexes, the father and other men sit together, separate from the mother and the women.

    In the past, the wedding outfit for brides in the part of the country were dresses are very different from what you have in other parts of the country. Things are gradually changing. At that point, you are not likely to find these brides in white attires or opting bright jewel tones, like red, turquoise or green. All that has changed and what you have is the contemporary look which almost everyone has adopted.

  • ‘My life as a blogger’

    Adaku Abimbola Ufere, Editor in Chief, ThirdworldProfashional, tells Adetorera Idowu what it takes to run a successful blog and the future of Nigerian Fashion industry.

    WHAT’S your blog niche?

    I don’t really consider my blog as having a particular niche per se. Generally, it’s considered a fashion and personal style blog but it’s so much more than that. The fashion is merely an aspect of what it’s about. I’d describe it more like a visual diary and dispenser of unnecessary/necessary information.

    When and how did it all start?

    I started my blog in October 2008 when I moved to Abuja to start Law School. I wanted to chronicle fun things to do in my new city and also keep my friends plugged in on what I was up to, so I started taking pictures everywhere I went and talking about it and things kind of just took off from there.

    Who inspired your love for beauty and fashion?

    Definitely my mother, I grew up in a very male household so my mum was like the touchstone for all things girly, and since I was the only girl at the time, I got the full brunt of everything she did. She took me to the salon with her, we got mani-pedi’s, massages and shopped together. I copied everything she did; I tried my hardest to morph into a mini Mrs. U when I was growing up. My cousins were also a big part of it, I have very glamorous older cousins and they used to send me magazines and clothes and tell me what all the latest trends were and put make-up on me when I was like 6 years old. So I really had no choice but to love beauty and fashion.

    How can you rate your success in terms of visits and partnerships?

    I’d rate it extremely high. I average about 10-15,000 unique visitors a day and an average of about 200,000 hits a month. My reader feedback and interaction is also a great way to measure user statistics and those are beyond anything I could have imagined when I started. In terms of partnerships, my level of success has been pretty mind-blowing as well. I’ve worked with major brands both inside and outside the country.

    What are your thoughts on the future of the Nigerian fashion?

    The future is so bright. We’re moving from specialty fashion labels to everyday high-street wear, affordable and available to the average Nigerian. E-commerce is blowing up, now I can get all the fashion I want at the click of a mouse from home-grown Nigerian labels. In addition International recognition for Nigerian fashion is growing as well. All in all, I think Nigerian fashion is poised to compete in the big leagues.

    How are you using your blog to promote Nigerian fashion?

    I wear a lot of Nigerian designers and work with a lot of Nigerian brands who are constantly being showcased on my blog.

    Who are those you would like to collaborate with in future?

    I’d definitely say Lanre Da Silva Ajayi, her clothes are a dream and I’m a huge fan. Also Iconic Invanity, the embellishments, the out of this world over-done grandiosity makes my inner Anna Dello Russo sing.

    Any comments on ‘aggregators’ posing as bloggers?

    It’s a free world. Who am I to stop anyone from expressing themselves in whatever way they please.

    How do you combine blogging with your day job?

    It’s very stressful. I work 8-5 so I try to make time a few nights during the week to bang out a post but my main work night for ThirdWorldProfashional is usually Sunday night. I try to answer emails, work through my backlog and write as many draft posts as I can every Sunday.

    What does it take to start a successful blog and what’s your advice to those who want to start a blog?

    Consistency, originality and passion.

    Most people who blog are creatives who desire an outlet. So there’s already that love to create something and dispense information regarding it. But again, like everything else that starts out fun it becomes work. So you have to be sure its really something you enjoy doing and would like to see grow to long term or else the tendency to get bored creeps in after a while. Maintain originality, its easy for readers to know when someone isn’t being true to themselves, carve out your own lane and stick to it.

    What legacy do you want to leave?

    A legacy of versatility. One that refuses to be pigeon-holed, one that says you can be a chef/party-planner/rock musician/nuclear-physicist at the same damn time if you want to. You have only one lifetime, make the best of it.

  • The best time to know God

    The best time to know God

    DEAR friends, it gives me great joy to be in touch with you again today. This is the fourth week since this column began and it gladdens my heart that parents and girls and even the men are calling and sending text messages as soon as they read, making inquiries on how to be a part of the Club and also discussing their challenges, looking for a way out. This motivates me to reach out to my readers more and proffer solutions to issues concerning the youth. Today, I’ll be discussing one of the fundamentals of fulfilling our destiny and living a good life.

    It grieves my heart to see a youth who as a little girl dazzled everyone and was always on top of her class with straight A’s till she gained an admission into a prestigious University abroad to study Aeronautics but was brought back home like a “mad person” due to an abuse of hard drugs. I hear you say “peer pressure.” True, but did she have to bow? This is an only girl whose parents almost had to bend over backwards to send her to the best schools since kindergarten to ensure she had the very best standard of education to nurture her exceptional intelligence. Their great dreams for this glorious child have suddenly crashed into smithereens.

    We all have an understanding that in life both good and evil exist. And we are also aware that goodness comes from God and evil is championed by the devil because above all things God wishes us to prosper and enjoy life in spite of tribulations. We must not also forget that the devil will always fight a shinning destiny that will give you joy, people of relevance, significance, those who want to be voices for their generation and human gold mines generally. And he knows once he attacks them and succeeds in incapacitating them in their youth, they never become what they were destined to be. Cultists, armed robbers, drug addicts, prostitutes etc are youths. How many of them eventually fulfill their divine destinies? A lot of children are being diverted from their destiny; polluted and manipulated. Most of them don’t even know what they are doing; they are lost and just find themselves doing what the devil and his agents want them to do. Peer pressure? Do they have to bow?

    Everything about our existence on earth is spiritual so is good and evil. Right from the time a child arrives into the world he/she must be soaked in the spiritual as much as possible. The state of one’s mind controls one’s life and if it is corrupted by darkness, one cannot live a normal life. If your spirit is connected to God, you will have a strong grip on your destiny and become exactly what God created you to be. As soon as children can talk and understand what you tell them, they must be fully aware of God and made to put Him first in all things. This is not just about going to the place of worship but they must be filled with the spirit of God and in fact exude Godliness. A lot of people go to the place of worship but are full of darkness. It is the wisest thing to ensure your child’s emotions, motions, walk and entire life is scripture-controlled. Life is pivoted on laws, rules and regulations. God’s kingdom operates on spiritual principles and to have the best of Him, these principles must be strictly adhered to. A sure way is by obeying God’s commandments and studying the scriptures consistently. By so doing, one is reading God and rubbing minds with Him. Now tell me, how can darkness overshadow a life that is filled with light? A mind without God is the devil’s play ground. If children can master the lyrics of the latest hip-hop songs word for word and still have fantastic grades, then they should be able to memorize hundreds of verses in the scripture which will keep the devil away and catapult their destiny. Save yourself from future trouble, preserve and guard your child’s destiny jealously.That child is not too young to know God and be filled with His spirit. The best time to know God is NOW!

  • Could unleash emotional terror

    NOBODY wants to be in a business without any benefits. Out of desperation a number of people take certain jobs and businesses thinking that things would get better later. Most times things do not get better or match their dreams and it is at such moments that they resort to drastic measures or revert back to statuesque.

    The same applies to our various relationships there must be something interesting or exciting about the other person to make the love dream work. Sometimes the love ingredient was actually present at the onset but after a while it shrinks and subsequently diminishes.

    When you notice that the heart that you care about is shrinking then you need to lend a helping hand. This is important because if you don’t do something fast your affections would be wasted. When you get to this point you need to fashion out ways to bring back the original intimacy to survive.

    Enitan has had a fair share of relationships and at a point she figured that she was pretty in tune with what romance and intimacy were. So there was no point beating about the emotional bush searching for the elusive Mr Right. It was better to settle for what she was acceptable even though it was not the original idea.

    The next set assignment was to make this second hand emotional car move her bode , soul and mind through the required shedules that would ultimately take them to the desired destination. A lot of psychological repairs, painting and cleaning had to be done and she put in everything into this project to make it work.

    Through sharing her life with Banji, Enitan who had been deprived of affection realized just how important and special romance and intimacy could be. Whaoh! Was this what she had been missing all this while and from that point there was no holding back. She became a slave to love sowing affection endlessly and hoping that all the affectionate tears sown were appreciated.

    ‘We dated for about eighteen months and he was so nice and gentle. we went everywhere together , did almost everything together and at a point we seemed to reason almost alike. Each time I looked into his face, I thanked God for uniting such a great heart with mine”.

    An emotional miracle ? Well, not quite . “I went shopping one day and realized that a lady had been trailing me. I decided to comfort her and to my surprise she wasn’t remorseful at all. I wanted to know what she wanted from me and that was when she let out the cat from the bag. She was Enitan’s secret lover and she was tired of been kept in the cooler”. The crux of the matter here is that when you keep something in the fridge or freezer it is for a while.

    The intention usually is to keep it and bring it out when the time is ripe. If you forget to do this or realize that you do not need the item in question then it is either going to loose its taste or crack if it is in a bottle.So it is with our emotions. A plan B in a relationship means that at a certain point the former would be replaced by the latter. However if the calculations do not go as planned then someone who must feel used is bound to get angry and unloose emotional terror. Who has been playing the fool here? Someone certainly must give way because the two timers have been unveiled and you either take ‘it’ or leave ‘it.’

    The best way out of the emotional woods is to play the game according to the rules. Maintain a good relationship and let your partner know that you are always thinking about him or her. This really takes very little effort and costs absolutely nothing but your time.

    “My woman sends me several text messages throughout the day while he’s at work, just to say he’s thinking about me. I find myself really looking forward to these, and if most of the day goes by and I haven’t received one yet, I realize how much I miss them!”

    He adds: “One morning, I woke after she was already at work, and when I went into the bathroom to take a shower, there, written on the mirror with a bar of soap, was a message from her. I didn’t clean it for two days!”

    Interestingly, these little reminders that your love is on your mind even when you are not there will make her feel special and important and they take very little time and effort on your part for such a large payoff in return.

    Give her a gift for no reason at all and make it something personal or homemade. Compliment her. If you are going out for the night and you know she took special care to dress and prepare for the evening, be sure to tell her she looks nice. I know a lot of guys don’t notice the little things like a new hair cut or a new outfit, but if you think she looks good, tell her so, and mean it.

  • Mothers, where are you, please? (II)

    Mothers, where are you, please? (II)

    THESE days children are practically left alone to raise themselves. A lot of women stumble into motherhood; some get into it due to societal pressure and are not prepared to raise kids. While so many others cannot concentrate on raising their kids properly due to economic pursuits. Obviously, a mother’s monitoring and minding goes a long way in shaping the life of a child. In the first instance a lot of mothers themselves were not properly raised. So can you imagine the sort of children that would come from them most especially if they do not realize they have a faulty upbringing and ought to make an effort not to make the same mistake with their children? If mothers can take the troubles of carrying pregnancies for nine months and risking their lives while at it, one can only wonder why they cannot commit themselves to proper upbringing of their children. Girls especially, need unconditional love and a close knit bond. However, because of some reasons including those earlier mentioned a lot of children are left to the care of their nannies and other domestic servants.

    For instance, a mother who closes from work and gets home when the children have gone to bed, goes to work again over the weekend or goes partying cannot bond well with her children. Bonding is most important in the formative and impressionable years, so also is attention. A child’s personality is built right from the formative years. This is when the child ought to start knowing what is wrong and what is right. Raising a child is not the total responsibility of the mother but both parents. However, the mother is likely to have more time than the father. Also, we must not forget that it was her hand that rocked the cradle most of the time. We are in a crazy world with all sorts of manner of people who influence our lives in diverse ways. The nanny may seem very nice, neat and hardworking but may end up shaping the life of the child wrongly and in fact cause great trouble. We all have different backgrounds, orientation and principles. Also, one must keep emphasizing that the teen age is a very critical time of a child’s life and close monitoring is required. The decisions and choices a child makes goes a long way in shaping her destiny. This is a time where morals are loose in the world generally and a lot of people are punished for doing what is right. A time when the media thrusts upon teens the wrong role models and a time when government looters are openly celebrated. A child who has been taught morals (provided her parents are not morally-bankrupt) and handled with an iron-hand at her impressionable years is likely to grow up a morally-upright youth and the moral decadence around her may not affect her as long as she’s constantly monitored and reminded that there’s so much reward in doing good.

    A lot of mothers are too weak to discipline their children when they misbehave. This is very unpleasant and has ruined a lot of children. Some people may say times are changing and they should only be supported with prayers. True, prayers are needed but I tell you, a child who was not spared the rod would succeed far better than a child indulged all the way. Also a lot of mothers, even the married ones are so loose or do I say too “westernized”, they dress in very seductive outfits either to keep with the latest trends or to be able to keep their husbands from straying. However, it does no good to their daughters because the girls will dress in a worse manner and eventually exhibit a high degree of immorality.

    Any mother who wants her child to grow up successfully must first and foremost check her life. She must be very sincere with herself. She must scrutinize her own life and check what is wrong and how the wrong came about. She must look back at her upbringing and check where the fault was and make sure it doesn’t become a family pattern. Mothers must be their children’s number 1 role model and must exhibit good manners and a charitable personality so as not to end up raising monsters. They must teach respect not only for those older but also in authority and in fact everyone. They must insist on honesty, integrity, patience, perseverance, kindness, tolerance and humility especially as children will need it to accomplish their goals and sustain it.

    Remember, in Africa, a good child belongs to the father while the bad child belongs to the mother. The Girls Club is committed to ensuring every Nigerian girl grows into a good youth, then woman and become an appreciable tool wherever she finds herself in life. Every week, there would be tips on how best mothers can bring up their children and save their future.

  • Aspirin helps to increase fertility

    Aspirin helps to increase fertility

    TAKING aspirin could increase a woman’s fertility, new research suggests.

    U.S. scientists found low doses of the drug could improve the chances of conception and of having a live birth.

    But, contrary to popular belief, they discovered taking the drug does not prevent miscarriage.

    Researchers at the National Institute of Health say many doctors prescribe low doses of aspirin to women who have had a miscarriage or stillbirth and who want to conceive again.

    However, they say the effectiveness of this treatment had not been proven.

    So, they randomly assigned more than 1,000 women with a history of pregnancy loss either a low dose of aspirin daily or a placebo.

    They then followed them for six months while they tried to conceive.

    The researchers found there was no difference in the pregnancy loss rates between the two groups.

    But, they did find that women who had experience a single, recent pregnancy loss had an increased rate of pregnancy and live birth while taking a daily aspirin tablet.

    These women were classed as those who had lost a baby before four and a half months gestation within the past year.

  • Accessories for the groom

    Accessories for the groom

    MOST times, when plans are on for the wedding almost all the attention shifts to the bride .This should not be so because the groom should also be a very important factor and must be taken into consideration . It is essential for the groom to look great and compliment his beautiful bride on the wedding day.

    To do this in a unique way, you must also be very comfortable with what you are putting on. Groom accessories are the best way to finish off the wedding outfit and add some variety to the occasion. Alternatively, you may opt for a more formal wedding and you would want your outfit to include a waistcoat.

    If you will be wearing a morning suit (three-piece suit consisting of tailcoat, waistcoat and trousers), a muted or contrasting waistcoat will add to the formality of your wedding.

    Others prefer their wedding attire to be contemporary, and perhaps less formal. A waistcoat actually helps to add individuality to your outfit, but you must be careful in your combination so that it does not clash with the rest of your suit.

    Cravats are the traditional attire worn with a morning suit; particularly if you are wearing a wing collar shirt can be a delight. The wearing of the cravat helps add grandeur to the groom’s outfit.

    Neckties are essentials and they can be worn for both a formal and informal wedding. It is recommended that the groom wears a plain collared shirt. Most grooms may have never worn a cravat before and therefore choose a tie as a more comfortable, and slightly more relaxed option. When choosing a tie, the design options are endless.

    Although the necktie proves most prominent in today’s society, the bow tie is making a comeback with fun-formal weddings. Ready-tied bow ties are available, in which the distinctive bow is sewn into shape and the band around the neck incorporates a clip. Some “clip-ons” dispense with the band altogether, instead clipping to the collar. However the traditional alternative, consisting of a single strip of material, may be known as a “self-tie” bow tie to distinguish it.

    Most good quality shirts will have French or double cuffs which are cuffs on a dress shirt that are folded back and then closed by cufflinks. Cufflinks are a particularly good way to add an element of sparkle or colour to an otherwise formal outfit! Indeed, whilst the average man would not expect to wear glitzy jewelry, crystal cufflinks are seen as a perfect way for the gentleman to accessorise and add sparkle to his outfit. Likewise enamel cufflinks are great option for someone looking to add colour to his suit.

    If your wedding shirt does not have the two holes for cufflinks, and instead has buttons, you may wish to opt for button covers. Crystal button covers offer a way of spicing up your buttoned shirts, without the use of cufflinks! , Cufflinks may be one of the first accessories you’ll think of when it comes to your wedding wear.

  • FINAL WORD

    CHASTITY does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital sex. Stay chaste!

    Miss Temilolu O.Okeowo is the founder of Girls Club of Nigeria an NGO for girls of secondary school age aimed at influencing a positive change. She published her debut-book for girls-THE BEAUTY OF LIFE as an undergraduate and has other books and publications. She was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2003 and is a Certified Forensics Examiner.

  • ‘Standards for women are usually too high’

    ‘Standards for women are usually too high’

    Ibifuro Tatua is the Chief Executive Officer of Boss Pan Africa Limited, an oil and gas contracting and servicing firm, and also the boss of Zamoor Potential Ventures, an event outfit. In an interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, the energetic lady talks about life as an entrepreneur and how she inspires children and young people in different communities.

    WHAT are the things you do in the oil and gas sector? The company is a service provider for a number of the multinationals like Shell and we work on food items, office equipment and stationeries, among other items. I am also an image maker for some state governments like Delta and Bayelsa states.

    What was it like when you were setting up your business?

    At the beginning, nobody believed in me. Even when I was starting the magazine I was discouraged by many who told me that a number of magazines were folding up and that it was a very competitive terrain. First of all, I did not get the support that I needed but that did not deter me in any way.

    Secondly, when I made up my mind to go ahead, there was the challenge of selling because everyone expected you to get the mileage from the outset. The first thing that hits you here is nobody wants to give you a chance; they expect you to go and experience with others and not them. Some even think you are a fraud because of the experience they have had in the past. So it was difficult convincing people to do certain things and you had to do it free hoping to win them over when it’s ready. I had those challenges and it inspired me to do more as well as understand the terrain better.

    My journey into publishing started in 2008 precisely, when I first published a magazine for kids, called Master and little Miss Africa, which was followed with an actual culture and talent pageant for kids. The magazines were given out for free to kids in different schools, but after two years, I had to venture into other lines of businesses as the magazine and cultural show was not a money-making venture. It was just something I did in trying to inculcate the fast diminishing African culture in our children. In 2010 and 2011, I had changed platform to social media, particularly Facebook where I talked about national, political and social issues.

    What was childhood and growing up like for you?

    I am a University of Port Harcourt graduate, I was born and bred in Port Harcourt. I am a Port Harcourt girl and I had my basic and tertiary education in Port Harcourt starting from Wesley Methodist Nursery School to McDonald Memorial Institute, in Rivers State.

    I am proud to be from Niger Delta, I am proud to be a Nigerian. I would be proud to be from any part of Nigeria, but sometimes I feel especially blessed that I am from a region endowed with natural resources that happen to be the mainstay of my country, but I still think that we as a people should begin to look beyond oil. If we begin to focus on human development, agriculture and skills acquisition, then the oil will just be an added advantage and we won’t have to envy Dubai as we have by far more man power and resources to have a better Dubai in Nigeria.

    Even though I have offices, I work mostly from home and I tell my staff everything extra they need to know about the job, and I let them represent me most times except in cases where I have to be directly involved. I also ensure that I have an office close to the children’s school, so that school run becomes easy. This arrangement, and working from home too, allows me enough room for bonding with the kids.

    What are some of the recognitions you have earned?

    It is such a joy and honour to be recognised and awarded the “Africa Emerging Young Entrepreneur of the Year”. I have heard about the African Achievers Award, I had thought about it; I even hoped to get it someday but I did not think I would be getting it this soon. So, for me, this award is like a fairy tale and a dream come true. It also goes to show that hard work and every little effort you put in whatever you do has a way of rewarding you when you least expect. It means that my work is appreciated across Africa, it means I am doing something right.

    I have had other awards and honestly the feeling is always great. Every time feels like the first time; I get really excited every time I receive an award letter because they come at different times, from different organisations, for different reasons at different stages of my career. I try to improve in output and excellence daily. However, the very first award I received did knock me off my feet. As you know, it is said that the first cut is the deepest. It was a really humbling experience for me when I got the “Niger Delta Young Performing Personality of the Year” award in Calabar at the Niger Delta Achievers Merit Award.

    Where do you hope to be in the next ten years?

    I knew that the Boss brand would be a household name at this point. We would have added other products like water, wine and different areas of investments. It would definitely be a brand to reckon with.

    What are the things that inspire you to do the things you do?

    I see lots of opportunities and I just do not know why people are complaining. I am a go-getter and I like to do the next thing that appeals to me and do not wait for people to motivate me. I motivate myself and look out for ways to improve on what I am doing.

    What would you describe as the turning point in your career?

    For me, this happened when I did a project for some female ministers at the Villa. I made it a passion and it turned out to be a wonderful outing. The women loved what I did and I was celebrated. It was one of the happiest moments in my life and I felt really appreciated. It also opened a number of doors for me and I got a number of referrals in the process.

    What are some of the challenges facing women in leadership?

    I think that the standards that they set for women are usually too high. Instead of giving them credit for a job well done, they think that all they earn comes from sex and favouritism. Most times, this is not true.

    Which was your very first job?

    I worked in a construction company as a site clerk at the beginning. It was a very big company and they were into buildings like churches, schools and universities. Interestingly, I started making money from that point in my life. Apart from my salary, I was giving people contracts and helping to lift other people up.

    Let’s talk about the people that you admire?

    Anybody who does things differently or who thinks outside the box is my role model. Mrs. Diezani Alison-Madueke, Nike Art Gallery and Wole Soyinka are some of my role models. Diezani Alison-Madueke is my number one. I like her for her resilience and she comes first in the world of men. She was in Shell for many years and there was no female director. She became the first female director of Shell and later first female petroleum minister and has recorded a number of other firsts.

    Do you have people that you are mentoring?

    I have a programme for children who are from poor homes. I have started working with about 40 of them and we met some at the Lagos Bar Beach. Unfortunately, we could not trace the parents of a number of these children. We need to contact their parents to get their consent and my lawyer says we need to go through some welfare procedures first. My desire is to give them a home, not charity.

    It would be a place where they can live and be comfortable and keep hope alive. A place where they would have the basic things of life like TV, DSTV and cars to take and bring them to and back from school. The vision is to fund such children up to the university level and secure a better future for them. The orphans can even bear my name and we intend to keep it open so that their parents can have access to them when they are ready to take them back.

    If you had to advise young people what would you tell them?

    I think that the young ones need to look inwards and discover themselves. Look at what happened recently to immigration jobseekers and the fact that office jobs are not there. If they seriously look around them they would discover something that is a good product that they can project. There is nothing that is too small, and they can actually bring in a new product in a unique way. They can find alternatives to light and it could actually be the production of torch lights.

  • What to do with fractured remains?

    TRUE love should be able to withstand the test of time. It should get better as it passes through the emotional furnace and be purified instead of being burnt out.

    A teen-age father was arrested recently on suspicion of biting off the tip of his infant son’s nose in a fit of rage because the child was crying. What a pity! Well, you can’t totally blame him because he is not yet mature for the responsibilities entrusted upon him.

    That, of course, is no excuse because he chose to tread the path early and must be made to bear the consequence. Joshua Cooper, 18, was therefore booked into jail on suspicion of child cruelty and aggravated mayhem for the incident.

    The whole drama started when the police were alerted to the incident following a “hysterical” call from the newborn boy’s 17-year-old mother and first responders found the baby bleeding from his nose.

    “One third of the child’s nose had been severed off and the child was rushed to the hospital and later transferred to the Children’s Hospital due to the severity of his injuries. The baby’s skull was also fractured, and his brain was hemorrhaging. After further investigation, this immature father and lover was arrested and sent to jail, far away from those he claimed to love and you just wonder if he was ever love in the first place.

    Joshua obviously is not alone. There are so many hearts that have been fragmented and fractured this way. A number of people actually rush into the love arena without an inkling of what awaits them at the other end of the emotional tunnel.

    By the time they are hit with the reality and responsibilities expected, their hearts freeze and instead of showing affection they give out the reverse and the result is that more hearts get frozen in the process. From love heroes and heroines, they become terrors dreaded on the emotional highway.

    The emotional corridor, pedestrian bridges and highways are supposed to bring succour and comfort to many. Unfortunately, it now boasts of hit-and-run drivers, hoodlums and charlatans. When you find yourself in this kind of arena, you are naturally going to be filled with fear or worry about your relationship.

    Well, this is another hard truth. Everyone does. At different points, we all have this inner “voice” that pops up in your mind trying to sort things out, sift out the lie. Here, you are bound to make more discoveries as well as identify the symptoms of a dying or dead relationship.

    Sometimes you move on to a better side of the relationship, and it is at this point that things begin to fall back in the right place. But there are times when the voice makes your heart sink deeper into the abyss. It is important to note that when this voice comes up, you must acknowledge it for what it is.

    The voice is an expression of some of your own fears or worries, but not the best of you. And the voice might be trying to tell you something it could be helpful to know, but the voice is rarely right. The voice is not your best or highest “self.” It’s a part of you, but not all of you. Being aware that the voice is not entirely “you” and is just that – a voice – makes all the difference in how you live your life and the choices you make in your relationship.

    The crux of the matter is that when you allow the voice to speak for you and occupy your thoughts, it would certainly drive your emotions and feelings in the wrong direction.

    When someone has a crush on you, they would be ready to do anything for love. It is at that point that they would overlook all the bad things that you do or have ever done to them. But as soon as you hit your emotional limit, then you have lost it. It is at such points that you find someone who has been showing a lot of interest in the past suddenly losing interest and wanting to let go. Of course, now that you have come to the realisation that you are about to lose the gem you never cherished, you would be desperate and your immediate reaction is probably to launch into “fix it” mode. You might start to worry, ask her what she’s thinking and feeling, and generally try to “fix” the situation.

    While this might seem like a sensible, proactive thing to do, it usually ends up leaving you frustrated and can actually create more distance between you and the heart you want a second chance from.

    Naturally, when one person in any interaction becomes the “convincer,” the other person will usually resist. It’s human nature, and we all know that you are likely to pass through different phases and your level of tolerance will determine how far the two of you can go. The best thing you can do is to take the focus off needing to fix the situation and simply give the person space to determine whether it is worth continuing with the relationship or not.