The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Indian girl, 13, begins master’s degree

    SUSHMA Verma, who finished high school at the age of 7 and earned an undergraduate degree at 13, has now enrolled in a master’s degree in microbiology in northern India. Her father sold his land to pay for some of his daughter’s tuition in hopes of catapulting her into India’s middle class.

    In a country where many girls are still discouraged from going to school, Sushma Verma is having anything but a typical childhood.

    The 13-year-old girl from a poor family in north India has enrolled in a master’s degree in microbiology, after her father sold his land to pay for some of his daughter’s tuition in the hope of catapulting her into India’s growing middle class.

    Verma finished high school at 7 and earned an undergraduate degree at age 13 milestones she said were possible only with the sacrifices and encouragement of her uneducated and impoverished parents.

    “They allowed me to do what I wanted to do,” Verma said in an interview Sunday, speaking her native language of Hindi. “I hope that other parents don’t impose their choices on their children.”

    Sushma lives a very modest life with her three younger siblings and her parents eating, sleeping and studying alongside them in a cramped single-room apartment in Lucknow, the capital of Uttar Pradesh state.

    The 13-year-old’s father sold his land to pay for some of her tuition in the hope of catapulting her into India’s growing middle class.

    Their only income is her father’s daily wage of up to 200 rupees (less than $3.50) for laboring on construction sites. Their most precious possessions include a study table and a second-hand computer.

    It is not a great atmosphere for studying, she admitted. “There are a lot of dreams … All of them cannot be fulfilled.”

    But having no television and little else at home has advantages, she said. “There is nothing to do but study.”

    Sushma begins her studies next week at Lucknow’s B. R. Ambedkar Central University, though her father is already ferrying her to and from campus each day on his bicycle so she can meet with teachers before classes begin.

    Her first choice was to become a doctor, but she cannot take the test to qualify for medical school until she is 18.

    “So I opted for the MSc and then I will do a doctorate,” she said.

    Sushma a skinny, poised girl with shoulder-length hair is not the first high-achiever in her family. Her older brother graduated from high school at 9, and in 2007 became one of India’s youngest computer science graduates at 14.

    In another family, Sushma might not have been able to follow him into higher education. Millions of Indian children are still not enrolled in grade school, and many of them are girls whose parents choose to hold them back in favor of advancing their sons. Some from conservative village cultures are expected only to get married, for which their families will go into debt to pay exorbitant dowry payments, even though they are illegal.

    For Sushma, her father sold his only pieces of land 10,000 square feet (930 square meters) in a village in Uttar Pradesh for the cut-rate price of 25,000 rupees (about $400) to cover some of her school fees.

    “There was opposition from my family and friends, but I did not have any option,” said her father, Tej Bahadur Verma.

    The rest of Sushma’s school fees will come from a charity that traditionally works in improving rural sewage systems, which gave her a grant of 800,000 rupees (about $12,600).

    “The girl is an inspiration for students from elite backgrounds” who are born with everything, said Dr. Bindeshwar Pathak of Sulabh International, who decided to help after seeing a local television program on Sushma. She is also receiving financial aid from well-wishing civilians and other charities.

  • Beating about the emotional bush

    WHAT would life have been like if she did not meet Phillip? That was the question on her mind. That guy turned her emotional miscalculations to a positive change. He brought her heart out of the emotional rubble and repositioned her on an emotional height she never imagined was going to be ever possible again. He thought it was going to be a worthwhile experience.

    “I met Phillip about eight months ago when I went to see my cousin in the office. He was introduced casually to me and I almost did not notice him because he was not my type of guy. But somehow the guy liked me and he took my number from my cousin. He called and kept calling and I felt he was a distraction at that point. At a point, I told my cousin to help me get rid of him and the way he persisted.“

    When he refused to give up, Omowunmi threatened to block his number from her phone. “It was at this point that my cousin came around and sat me down to talk about this situation. He told me that I was beating about the bush and waiting for a guy who was not interested in me to take me to the altar. He also warned that if I finally succeeded in achieving this dream, it wasn’t certain that it was going to last because the gentleman whose heart I longed for had his heart in many emotional pies. I disagreed with him and argued that my dear Sumbo was only being distracted and that at the appropriate time he was going to come back to me. I went on to try to sound convincing, arguing that all we needed was time. I broke into tears and my cousin tried to console me, saying that the tears were part of the uncertainty that I had about the future with Sumbo.

    “For me, it was indeed a heart opener and a lot of the burden in my mind came out and I was relieved. It was at that point that I made up my mind to move on and give Phillip the opportunity he had been crying for. In a short while, I discovered that he was a very sincere person and not the type that liked to be pretentious about his feelings. I was the only woman in his life and the previous relationship he had ended about two years before we met. He also had a wonderful family who appreciated me so much.”At this point, she realised that she had been beating about the emotional bush for so long, it looked as if love had finally eluded her.

    At a point, she finally found what she thought she was looking for in Sunmbo, the guy who captured her heart and held her captive for about two years. Just when she thought she had found what she was looking for, she came to the realisation that he was a Casanova.

    A heart filled with roses? Yes, that had always been her dream; a desire to be a modern day Cinderella or Snow white.

    Sumbo was exactly what Omowunmi had been searching for all her life. Interestingly, the encounter was a chance meeting. On that fateful day, she was going to the salon to retouch her hair which was long overdue. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to pick her relaxer and she decided to stop over at the supermarket to pick one.

    As she stepped into the premises, she bumped into this handsome dude who was just starring at her. ‘Nonsense, can you just move out of the way? ‘ she muttered. Not moved, he assisted her to pick her bag and get herself together. A very close encounter and she was disturbed further, but somehow Sunmbo was cool and calm. “At that point, I wondered what he was up to and quickly moved out of his way. In my heart I kept wondering if he was a fraudster, a miracle or was it just love at first sight? He came back and it was apologies galore. As he helped her to carry her things out to the car she felt something leap in her heart. She left for the salon thinking it was all over but Sumbo drove ahead and parked in a corner watching her gesticulations and every move. He liked what he saw and decided he wanted a relationship with her.

    When Omowunmi finished in the salon, she drove back home tired. The most important thing she wanted was a good sleep. To her utmost surprise, the guy she bumped into at the supermarket was right beside her at the doorstep. Was she going to shout for help from her neighbours or allow her emotional instinct to take over? Well, she took the latter option and that was how the relationship started and got really groovy. For about two years, he treated her like an idol. A lot of her friends were wistfully envious of these two lovebirds and the way they projected their relationship to others. On her part, Omowunmi was also a very beautiful lady with the right curves. She was very faithful with her dude. Of course, there was a constant deluge of propositions but no one was able to lure her away from her dear Sumbo. Conversely, Sumbo’s heart was not stable, it moved in so many directions and that ruined everything they built together.

  • ‘How we’re creating jobs from trash’

    ‘How we’re creating jobs from trash’

     Bilikiss Adebiyi-Abiola, is CEO of Wecyclers, a social enterprise that uses low-cost cargo bicycles to offer household recycling service in neighbourhoods around Lagos. Recently nominated as a finalist for the 2013 International Cartier Awards Initiative for Women, Adebiyi-Abiola spoke on her project with Hannah Ojo

     

    YOU have described Wecyclers as an initiative geared towards social entrepreneurship, how many people have you touched?

    So far we have provided employment to different people; the cyclers, the guys at the site. We have eight of them. They are usually young men between the ages of 18 and 30. We also have women who work in our sorting centres. In each community, we have a center where we park the bicycles and aggregate the materials that we collect. We have women who work there and separate the bottles, the sachets and other waste materials and put them in separate places, because every material that we collect is a commodity for sale. We have been able to create employment for eight people and in total we have 16 employees. We have 3,400 subscribers. Our subscribers are households and we have about 18,000 people that we are directly in relationship with.

    Who do you sell these commodities to?

    Mainly we sell to recyclers who would use them to make new products. People make things like carpets, mattress filings, pillow fillings and other things. So far we have collected over 100 tons of material since we started operating and by the end of this year, we plan to have 40 cargo bicycles. So that is going to be over 40 jobs created.

    Do you work with the guys at the rubbish dump?

    The waste material at the point of generation which is the household level has a higher value before it gets mixed with the other materials and becomes waste. So we work at the household level. We are looking at working with people at the rubbish dump because that is where we are trying to get to at the end. We want to be able to work with the wheel pusher’s association. We want to work with them in a way to generate employment for them. Once we get some more traction, we definitely want to engage with them.

    How does your collaboration with the Lagos State Waste Management Authority (LAWMA) work?

    LAWMA comes in as a platform that makes regulations and also empowers small business to come in and do wheel and recycling collection. LAWMA gives us a license authorising us to collect the refuse materials. They also regulate us and help by providing access to their sites and also provide us with other forms of support. They also help us with networking because as an agency of Lagos State, they have a lot of connections. So we are very grateful to LAWMA because they have been of immense help since we started.

    How do you bring gender equality to bear here; do women ride the cargo bikes?

    I will love to see women riding those bicycles. But being a woman myself, I wouldn’t want to see any of the women hurt. Those bicycle rides can take about 50 to 100 kilogram, but if we have a woman that can do it, we would definitely encourage them. Usually they want to sort. I am particularly proud of one of them who supervises our hub. We have these community places where we park our bikes and they are run by supervisors. Our most successful supervisor is a woman. She manages the bicycles and the people who work under her.

    Tell us of the early challenges as you started out?

    It has been really tough; we have had a lot of challenges. Initially, one of toughest challenges was building the wecyles, because we didn’t even know what it will look like. We just knew we wanted a bicycle and it was hard. When we were working on this project, we were in the US for some time and we were doing a lot of competitions and getting feedbacks. People over there did not really understand what we were talking about because they are used to the way it works in their country and they don’t understand what we are facing here in Nigeria. But when we got here, we got a lot of support from people. It was the difference that took us to this level. We would never have gotten here without our supporters. Absolutely!

    Where are the locations where you carry out operations in Lagos?

    At the moment we work in Itire in Surulere and Oyingbo near Ebute-Meta. We focus now on low income neighborhoods because they have the need. They need people to come in and help them to clean their environment. We have heard people say that after we’ve come in, they have seen reduced cases of flooding. We work with LAWMA, so we sit down and we figure out where we are going to go next.

    What is the cost of a wecycle-as the cargo bikes are called and how do you intend to build more taking cognisance of the population of Lagos?

    It costs about N125, 000 to build one wecycle. Companies can contribute to build one. We have had GSK and Coca-Cola helping out with sponsorship. We are considering reaching out to more companies in order to be able to expand our reach to more neigbourhoods.

    How do you certify that these bikes are fit to be on the road?

    We work with MIT’s bicycles department, where you have a lot of experts around. They came in to Nigeria last year and they worked with us to build these bicycles and it is based on world standards. We copied what is done in India. If you go to India, you will see these bicycles there. The reason why we chose this was because the neigbourhoods we are working with are densely populated and the roads are tight, so we want a rugged bicycle that can work there. It is also good for the environment because people will not have to inhale fumes. Within a small radius, we can be successful with it but when you look at long distance, we are definitely going to look at using other means of transportation. But the main one will be our bicycles.

    What measures have you put in place to ensure that your sorters and riders are protected and do not contact the diseases you are trying to prevent?

    As a startup, we just wanted to start; but now we are looking back, taking a step back and saying ‘how can we do this right?’ We are doing it but it is going to be a slow process. At the least, they have to have their gloves, face masks; aprons and they have to wash their hands.

    Assuming Lagos State gets it right and clear our rubbish as they should, where will Wecyclers be?

    We think that there is a space for us in Lagos State because the most pressing issue for them is landfill. The landfill is going to be full very soon and Lagos is the smallest state. There is nowhere to put the trash, so they need to have a place to direct this trash. We think that we are going to provide them with a way to divert at least 20 percent of the trash that is generated in Lagos away from the landfill. We see ourselves as actually working with Lagos State to do this collection hopefully.

    What is your take on leisure and fashion?

    I am big on fashion. On leisure, I like reading books and spending time with my kids.

    Tell us about some of the awards you have won?

    Our efforts at cleaning the environment have been recognised both in Nigeria and globally. I have been privileged to get fellowship and awards such as the MIT Dlab Scaleups Fellowship, the Echoing Green Fellowship, finalist for the 2013 Future Awards and finalist for the 2013 Cartier Women’s Initiative awards.

  • ‘I don’t sleep when others are sleeping’

    ‘I don’t sleep when others are sleeping’

    Her story reads like something from the pages of an inspirational book but one need to meet Miriam Imoroa, Head, Business Development of Cedarfield, a company she founded three years ago, to know that hardwork and service are the background to good success. She reveals her staying power in a competitive business environment to Hannah Ojo.

     

     

    WHAT is Cedarfield about, and how did you start the business?

    Cedarfield is a company I founded three years ago. Basically, we do web branding; we design websites, corporate identity, among other activities. We have done websites for over 300 companies, locally and internationally. We have done corporate identity up to 100, if am not mistaken, for corporate organisations. We help organisations in revamping their corporate identity and for some we help build their corporate identity from the scratch. We are also involved in training and consulting services. We train people on web skills. I have experience in consulting firms and while working there, I always put in my best and my boss was always impressed and I was encouraged since I am gifted in designing. Actually, I never knew that I would have a business of my own anyway until the day a friend of mine suggested I launch out on my own. The name Cedarfield is actually inspired by God. The first time the word ‘Cedar’ came into my mind, I discovered it while reading my bible; then I googled it. And then I saw several cedar but I wanted something different that can actually differentiate me from other people. So the idea of ‘field’ came up. When I looked up the word field in the dictionary, and I got a different meaning that I was hitherto not familiar with, so I put the words together and it made sense and from there I called my lawyer to register the business. I started by getting referrals; I did a job free for someone and gradually they started referring me and the business began to spread. When I started, I was still working with a consulting firm because I needed to put resources together and get things in place. Then I would do my office work from Monday to Friday and then do my personal business on Saturdays and Sundays and most times I had to work through the night just to get the customers’ job done to their satisfaction. When I finally took the decision to stand on my own and my MD at the time got to know, it was a big blow for him and he didn’t really find it funny; but I had to get started because it was clear to me that it was the right time for me. At the early stage, my clients had to come to my house but eventually I was able to put things together, got an office space and employed other people.

    Your field is quite competitive, how have you been able to stay afloat of competitions from other quarters?

    We have made an impact as much as web designing is concerned. Although the market is very competitive, being a woman in this line of business has been good. Our works speak for us. We get referrals and we try as much as possible to influence our clients positively. When you take a look at some of the things we have done, you see that we take our time because we are very careful about corporate branding. So we always put in our best to make sure we deliver on time and to expectation. Some of the people that work with me are graduates; although when they came here, some were not really good in web designing but we had to brush them up to actually meet up to our clients’ demands and expectations.

    Your market is quite competitive; what are the principles that have sustained you?

    Number one is determination. Other principles are the fear of God, consistency and perseverance. When others are sleeping, I am awake thinking of the next idea. I think of what next I should learn and things I need to discover and explore in order to keep myself afloat despite the competition. I find myself trying to keep up with things that could give me an edge. Also, I thrive on persistence and prayers. God has actually been my strength from the very beginning. Although I engage in constant prayers, but as I said, when others are sleeping, I don’t sleep because it is in the early hours of the morning that I get my ideas.

    How do you manage challenges?

    I have heard people who say they started business and could not continue because of the challenges. I see more of divine intervention because sometimes I will map out my own strategies, things will not work out but God will just work in his own way. This is our third year and so far so good, things have been working out well. We don’t’ take proposals around like the early stage when we had to wait for three or five months before getting calls. Now, our clients come looking for us. If you log on to the internet and you are looking for website design companies in Nigeria, we are among the list of companies. Most of our clients actually contacted us via that avenue. Thankfully, we never really struggle to pay salaries.

    How financially rewarding is it starting out on your own?

    I find fulfillment in what I am doing because people are paying for my ideas. Every effort and skill that I put in is profitable. I am able to meet the needs of my staff, my own needs and other people around me. Even when it looks like business is slow, that is when we are happy the more. We just take our time, treat ourselves nicely and wait for the next opportunity to come.

    People complain that there are no jobs, but here you are standing on your own and doing quite well, what can young people learn from you?

    First of all, they need to identify with their maker. They need to discover the field and skill that they are passionate about. They should also surround themselves with the right people. I always surround myself with people who inspire me a lot and I have been passionate about learning. Young people need to grow at what they are good at and they should not be afraid of starting out while also learning to serve others. They should put in their best in any organisation because if you help someone achieve their vision, someone else will help achieve your own vision; that’s what I have realised. If you ask from my former employers, they can testify to my ability because I took the work as if it were mine and I put in my best because I always strive for a touch of excellence.

    Your educational background does not correlate with what you are doing now, what other things influenced you to go into web designing?

    Surprisingly, I am doing business administration as a course and I have a background in banking and finance but I am not working along that line. Actually, my mom was a banker, she worked in the Central Bank of Nigeria and that period I wanted to be like my mom, so I think I got into banking and finance for the wrong reasons. It was while working at PMD, a consulting firm, that I learnt about performance training and then I thought it would be of immense benefit to know more, so I ventured into business administration. I had also been opportune to work with several companies. I started working at the early age of 15 and in each organisation, I was always lucky that my papers and certificates did not come into play. What counts most is what I am able to bring to the table. I am a stickler for excellence and that had always worked for me. In the companies that I have worked, each time I noticed that things weren’t in place, I went out of my way to work on them. I worked as if the company was my own and that work ethics have really paid off for me.

    Do you have plans for expansion?

    Yes certainly! My dream is to take Cedarfield to the next level. We are growing, not really big yet, but we’re coming up. I am looking at a future when Cedarfield will become a household name. We are evolving around web-based application development. That is the path for the future.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thoughts for the week :Compatibility Chart.

    -A score of 80 and above (Excellent)

    -A score of 60 to 80 (Good)

    -A score of 40 to 60 (Fair)

    -A score below 40 (Do not touch)

    1) Is he/she your friend? (10)

    2) Does your heart jump when you see/talk to or think about him/her? (5)

    3) Do you share the same feelings? (Spiritually, emotionally, and sexually) (10)

    4) Do you share the same religious beliefs? (10)

    5) Do you come from similar educational backgrounds? (5)

    6) Do you come from similar family backgrounds? (5)

    7) Does the person attract you physically? (5)

    8) Do you prefer his/her intellectual ability compared to the physical appearance? (10)

    9) Do I like him/her regardless of the physical or intellectual? (10)

    10) Do you like him/her because of intellectual and physical appearance? (5)

    11) In a conversation, do you share the same ideal, insight and beliefs? (10)

    12) Regardless of his/her past experiences/ social background, do you still see yourself having a future with him/her? (10)

    13) Do you see yourself with him/her in the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years at least.

    Question:

    Dear Princess, reading your column in the last few weeks has given me the courage to write my story and seek for your advice. When I was 16 year old, leaving with my grandmother, due to my promiscuity, I got pregnant, it was very difficult to know my baby’s father, I was sleeping with five different guys at the time. When I approached each of them that I was pregnant, they each laughed at me telling me they are aware of my other lovers, since I could not tell my grandmother that I was pregnant, I decided to keep hiding the pregnancy until am able to find a solution. One morning, my grandmother came by my bed while still asleep to ask if I was pregnant, I looked at her in disbelief, she kept staring straight into my eyes, almost daring me to deny it, at this point, I had tried everything possible with no luck, I said, yes am pregnant! Princess, I thought she was going to pass out; I quickly got out of bed and gently pulled her down to sit beside me. I started sobbing gently; I explained to her what I was able to tell her without disappointing her too much, most importantly that I do not know who my baby father was. My grandmother shook her head, reminding me that it was because of my waywardness that my mother had indirectly disown me. Ever since my parents brought to leave with my grandmother, my mother had not called or visited me. My father on the other hand, calls me regularly, whenever in Nigeria, he will come visit me and will sometimes take me out. My grandmother that day called my father to tell me what I had done. My father, been his only daughter stood by me and of course, my grandmother obviously disappointed not so much because I got pregnant, but for the fact that I could not produce the baby’s father, nevertheless, continued to care for me until I gave birth to my baby. After my baby was born, both my dad and grandmother stood firmly by me, my mother of course now more than before visibly disappointed at me as usual, did not call me. When my daughter was five year old and I turned twenty-one, my father still in England but separated from my mother requested that I come over there to leave with him, so that I can further my education, being a British citizen, the transition was very easy for me. I left my daughter with my grandmother with the hope that I will soon come back for her once am settled.

    On my twenty-sixth birthday, I met my future husband, we started as friends, eventually, our relationship got serious, eleven months into the friendship, we got married. During our courtship the issue of my daughter never came up, just like one of the ladies in your previous stories, I feltif I told him, it might put a strain on the relationship, so I decided to keep quiet. Princess, I was one of those lucky ladies, no stretch marks whatsoever on my stomach talk less of my body to indicate having had any child. My husband later found out that I have been communicating with a girl that lives with my grandmother, I lied to him that she is my half-sister, of course, he believed me. We moved back to Nigeria about two years ago, my dad and grandmother now are urging me to tell my husband the truth, they believe that one day, the bean will get spilled, and it will be very difficult to fix it then. My daughter is now fifteen years old, its ten years into my marriage, the saying, am catch a rock and a hard place! My husband and I have three beautiful children whom we love dearly, but I also love my first daughter just as much as I love her siblings, but because the way society views and treats an unwed mother, especially a sixteen year old, I felt at the time like an outcast, so it was difficult to tell my husband at the time. Princess, please advise me on how to tell my husband the truth without hurting my marriage. Amiola, Badagry.

    Answer:

    Dear Amiola, am sure you are a regular reader of “askprincess”, You know how I keep stressing the importance of my believe of the primary ingredients for both male and female in any relationship not to talk of marriage. It is like a foundation of a house, if not built on a solid rock, will eventually crumble. Relationships and marriage, both must be built on love, understanding and effective communication. There is a saying, “fire and gunpowder do not sleep together”, because if they do, explosion will eventually happen. The bonus ingredient is honesty,that is not just a bonus, it is a gift! When two people claim to love each other like you and your husband, then I really do not understand how people like you do it, keeping such a huge secret from the love of your life, honestly, it will be eating me alive to be carrying such a burden around. Have you ever hear of this saying, “the truth shall set you free”. Look at how many people you have hurt or still hurting as far as am concern from your youthful waywardness and act of selfishness and self-centeredness? You said your mother has indirectly disowned you, the one person that should have been advising you about life, the one person that should been a friend, a sister and of course a mother to you.Your grandmother, yes, she has no choice, if she’d sent you packing, what would have happened to you and the baby? You probably will not have the type of life you have right now. Your father on the other hands, like most fathers, they always have a soft spot for their daughters, especially the first daughter, and you being an only one. Now, your poor daughter, growing up without a mother and sadly without a father either.You have robbed her of a good foundation, you have robbed her of the kind of nurture that one can only get from a “mother”, you have robbed her of what you have , to be a “daddy’s girl”. If she is a girl that does not easy forgive, she might never forgive you for denying her a proper upbringing. Now, you not telling your husband the truth from the beginning had cost her any chance of coming to ever live with you and your family. I don’t know if your daughter had ever asked you who really her father is? You have not been able to produce father for her, but the modern technology now, using DNA, it will be easier to know who the father is, not robbing her the chance of not knowing a father, and getting robbed twice by not knowing her stepfather is very sad. Your husband is supposed to be your better half, the person whom you are supposed to share for better and for worst with, in sickness and in health. You know, it is so sad that a lot of men and women do not have the clue of the “bases” of what a good marriage entails. I am very sure your spouse will be hurt, probably disappointed that you do not trust him enough to share this secret with him. He might even go as far as to tell you that he can never trust you again, that if you cannot share your secret with him, then who do you share it with? Be prepared for his anger, find a good time to tell him the truth, and it shall set you free! I pray it will not rock your marriage too hard, if it does, be very patient and prayerful for God to give you the wisdom, knowledge and patience that will allow your husband to see the reason behind your thinking, whatever your husband throws at you, be ready for it, for the sake of your daughter and her siblings. You need to cross this bridge and start a fresh life in other to build a good and loving relationship with your daughter so that what happened between you and your mother will not repeat itself. I wish you the best.

    Thought of the week:

    When you have contentment, you have everything!

  • My mission is to reorientate women and young people

    My mission is to reorientate women and young people

    Morayo Afolabi-Brown is a broadcaster with vitality and élan, whose journey to the top can be attributed to God’s grace and mercy. Daughter of the late Nigeria Bar Association (NBA) chief, Alao Aka-Bashorun, Morayo is deputy director of programmes at TVC and host of popular breakfast show ‘Your View,’ which she anchors alongside a retinue of beautiful and cerebral ladies. She spoke with Hannah Ojo about how she is using television to reorientate Nigerian women.

     

     

    TELL us about your background?

    I was born in Lagos; both of my parents are Lagosians. I went to Corona Primary and Secondary school and had my degrees at Rutgers University in the United States. I moved back home in 2004.

    How did the journey into broadcasting begin for you?

    I had always dreamt of being on TV but I knew I couldn’t just get on television just like that. And so I knew I needed to learn the ropes. So the first thing I did was to look for jobs in media-related agencies. One of my first jobs in Nigeria was with a company called CMT Connect, a PR agency. I started in that company as a human resource person but progressed and became client service personnel, from where I got exposed to the media, PR, managing clients and all that. From there I moved on to another company, Q Media, where my job was to develop content for companies. Then people were still paying money for ideas and reality shows. I wrote a play in that company for MNET called ‘The Roots’ and the script won the New Direction Project on MNET. That’s how I started getting more exposed to the media industry. Unfortunately Q Media went down and I had to stay at home for a while.

    I knew from the onset that my purpose in life is to help reorientate women and young people. I thought a lot of women were making wrong decisions because of certain influences and knew the media was a major tool in changing that.

    We all watch a lot of TV, home videos and get influenced by what we see on them, so I knew the TV was going to be a major media tool in my mission. So I started thinking of how to get into television. I heard about HiTV, which was a cable station, and prayed fervently to get a job there; but for five months, I didn’t get any call even after I’d sent copies of my CVs through my uncles. By the end of 2007, my frustration became unbearable and I just picked up my CV and walked into HiTV office.

    I told the security man I had an appointment with the MD, who in turn gave my name to the PA to the MD. Of course the PA told me she didn’t have me in her record; and at that point I moved closer to the PA and told her, “Aunty please sit down, I don’t have an interview here, I just want you to do me a favour.” Amidst teary eyes, I said to her “Please just help me give your MD my CV.” That’s all I asked because I knew that God who directed me there would finish his work. That was the last working day of 2007.

    I had another appointment at Insights Communications, an advertising agency, but I really didn’t want to work there. So I left my CV with the PA at HiTV and went for the interview. While I was in front of my interviewer, the MD of HITV called me and said “I just saw your CV, you’ve been hired. Start January 10….”

    So were you assigned to the media or some other department?

    Initially I was made to work in admin but my mom said to me: “Morayo don’t worry. You’ve got the media that you want; even if they say you should be security guard, just do the job.” So I worked hard at the job and opportunities came up. I was helping my boss who started liking me because he thought I was very good at writing letters and doing a lot of things. Then something happened and he resigned and his position became vacant. I applied for it and got the job. Before I knew it my MD was impressed, he put me in charge of the department, gave me my former boss’ official car and a better package, because I was earning very poor as an admin officer. Gradually I grew in HiTV and became a top executive until it went down. And then I got a job here. I got a call that there was an opening and that’s how I made it to TVC. My steps obviously have been ordered by God.

    What inspired you to insist on the media despite the initial hurdles and challenges?

    What inspired me most was the need to change Nigeria and have women participate in politics and become decision makers. I had a deep urge to change their orientation and make them understand that their job is not only to be at home and as wives but also be out there helping the society as community leaders and ensuring that things are done properly. So I’m hoping to make sure that Nollywood is produced in such a way that it actually educates and not reinforce the culture we are trying to get rid of, such as men slapping their wives and all that. And also get rid of music videos where young girls are dancing naked.

    Where did the whole concept of ‘Your View’ breakfast show come from?

    I lived in America for 10 years and while I was in there, I watched a programme called ‘The View,’ where five women came together and I had always said that when I get an opportunity on TV, I would like to put together a show where real women talk about normal things. We don’t want to be all about make-up and fashion. We want a show where women are seen in a very different light, and that we are equally educated, have suggestions and ideas, think politically, economically and so on. By God’s grace and because of my position here at TVC, I was allowed to do this show. We brought women of different backgrounds together and did an audition. We didn’t want to bring too many celebrities; Yeni Kuti was fantastic because she offered to be part of the show. The idea was to have a show where women speak the truth as it is and a voice helping to build role models for young people, so they can see that I don’t want to sleep around to get to the top, and that they can actually get things on merit.

    How has the name Alao Aka-Basorun influenced you in your journey so far?

    My father influenced me by helping me to have an independent thinking. He helped me to know that my future cannot be in another man’s land and made me promise that I would come back home. He made me love being a Nigerian. He made me realise that it is important to give back to society and that I must not die without making an impact. He instilled that in many of his children.

    You are married and active in the media; what does it take?

    Thank God my husband met me while I was in the media, so he understands my job as a media person. I prayed for a husband that will appreciate and understand God’s purpose in my life and I thank Him for my husband’s support, he is always there for me. And God forbids it gets to a point where he says ‘quit your job’ because if he does, I will. But I know it won’t happen because I am working according to God’s purpose in my life.

    Advise for wannabes?

    The only thing I have to say is ‘never leave God.’ It’s almost like a cliché but it is the truth. Pray hard, continue to stay with God, hear him. Once you hear from God and he tells you what to do, everything else falls in place and the rest is history. Also have a passion for your country, because there is no room anywhere else. And be the change that you desire in the world.

    What other things do you do apart from broadcasting?

    I’m a mother, that’s pretty much it and I’m a wife. But broadcasting is it for me right now.

    You talk like an activist, should we expect to see you in politics sometime soon?

    Really! My father was an activist so I have it in me. My first step now is to help change the thinking of Nigerian woman. That’s my first focus. Let’s start with that first; and if something else happens afterwards, then we’ll take it from there.

    Fashion sense and style?

    I am not really big on fashion but I am striving, I’ll get better, trust me.

  • Solutions to real life

    Thought for the week:

    Are women the reason why men are refusing to fulfill their responsibilities as a man? That question when 25 men and 25 women were interviewed, each gave different opinions. Most men believed yes, women are the reasons why men are refusing to fulfill their responsibilities as men, women on the other hand are refusing, to admit that they are the reasons why men are lacking in their responsibilities as men. Out of the 25 women interviewed, almost 90 percent refused to admit that they are the reasons for these defaults in men. They believe that aside from an average Nigerian man supporting his wife and taking responsibilities for their children. Most men instead of staying with one woman to raise as many children as possible, they’d rather have issues with several women, leaving their woman to fend for herself,and their children. Now with the responsibility of feeding, clothing, and educating these children, most would have no choice but to go out and seek other men for assistance in helping them with this burden. By doing this the cycle continues because the ones that are able to give money to the mistress, might not be doing his duties at home as a husband and father. On the other hand some young men when interviewed said our young women are getting so westernized now that they see men as a counterpart, contemporaries, with an attitude of “what can a man do for me”, that cannot be done by me. This attitude, eventually, leads to lack of respect for their male counterparts. Most young women of nowadays according to the men surveyed, believed that a man that is after and chasing them, are “Moroons”,“stupid, or week. Often times, this becomes a reason why some men would rather not spend a penny on a woman until he is certain that she is the right one, and sometimes, this practice might backfire on the man, while his action, can be translated or perceive as being plane stingy.

    In conclusion, men have their reasons for not supporting women nowadays and women have their reasons for taking some men for all they’ve got. My belief is that as much as our women want to be westernized, our men have to realize that in the western world, and men do not have 10 wives and 100 children, by so doing they are able to cater for their family. If this happens, the circle of women running after men for support will drastically reduce. Most men are lacking in their duties by chasing after so many women and the women that condone this habit are not making matters any easier. We must all realize that we are endangering our children’s future, if each of us does not start to think that we each have a responsibility as individuals, households and communities to start doing the right thing so as to better the type of bed we lay for the future of marriage in our society. Then we have one another to blame for the failure of what we have created. Interestingly, we take joy in copying all the easy and the bad habits from the Western world, but ignored the right and the difficult ones. Until a system of accountability and reaper-caution, is set up by our government in tracing dead beat dads and their hidden income, compelling them to be responsible and pay “child support” for the care and education of their children like in the USA and other western countries, this trend of our women selling themselves so cheap sometimes for their own survival and for the survival of their children will continue. By this, the foundation of any marriage will continue to be threatened, and the future of our society will continue to be in jeopardy.

    Question:

    Dear Princess my name is Orelope, married to my husband for about 5 years now. We have two children, a boy and a girl. Prior to meeting my husband, he was married twice, each marriage producing a boy each age 20 and 22 respectively. I was also dating a guy named Fola. I started dating Fola in my second year while in the university, Fola was in his last year. We had agreed to get married as soon as I finish my National Youth Service. Fola once finished, travelled to the United States for his post graduate studies. In fact by the time he left, I was about two months pregnant , he was my first and only boyfriend then, I lost the baby in the third month. I continued communicating with my fiancé and had even planned to go spend the summer with him when I was introduced to my current husband by my oldest sister. It was during the burial of our mom, my sister introduced him to me as an old school mate. At burial party, my sister asked me to cater for Jide, as if my guest, I agreed, although I was a bit curious because we each have our own circle of friends. I really couldn’t understand why my sister asked me to cater for her friend, I still went along. When Jide was leaving, he asked for my number he said he would like to call me so that he can thank me some more for my hospitality towards him. I gave it to him, not thinking anything about it. He called me about two days later, to cut the story short, we started dated for six months steadily before we got married, I was six weeks pregnant when we got married. Every time I will go have our baby, my sister would volunteer to come and stay at my house to help take care of the house and my husband, I will alwayshappily agree. My sister is also married, but she is a third wife. Anytime I will travel abroad, she will be the one to come and babysit my two children. My husband owns fleets of cars which he rents out. One day on a weekend, we took one of the rented cars to church. I saw a note addressed to my husband, the handwriting looked like my sister’s. I picked it and tried to open the letter, my husband snatched it out of my hands. He said it’s something that is addressed to him and I have no right to open it talk less of reading it. I handed it over to him and kept quiet. We just celebrated our 5th year anniversary, my sister was there and very supportive of us as usual. A week after our anniversary, one of my husband’s friend’s wife called me and asked if I could come to her house. She said she has something to discuss with me. I went to see her the following day. I arrived at her house around 1p.m. and didn’t leave until 5p.m. I learnt through her that my husband had been dating my sister since their secondary school years, they separated when she married to her first husband, he too got married to someone else. When her first husband died, the affair was renewed between the both of them. The conclusion was that the lady suspects that they are probably still seeing one another according to what she learnt from her husband. She warned me to be very careful of my sister. Princess, I am still shocked and confused, should I ask them or should I just let the sleeping dog lie. Orelope, Abeokuta

    Answer:

    Dear Orelope, huh!huh!!huh!!! There is a saying “Where there is a peace in the country, the chief does not carry a shield” I don’t understand why your sister, your blood sister for that matter will see it fit to arrange you for her boyfriend to marry you. In my opinion, asking your sister or husband will definitely cause a strain in your relationship with both of them, worst yet, they will both deny it since it’s not that you’ve caught them together, the burden of proof is on you. On the other, am not saying the lady is lying, but you should keep your eye open and monitor them very well, even if you catch them together, there is nothing you can do now, the bottle is already broken, you cannot possibly put it back together. You have two children now, are you going to now risk your happy home because of their stupidity? Act as if all is well, it’s not like there is a child between them, make sure you are the “perfect wife” by doing all your wifely duties, including but not limited cooking, keeping your neat at all times, taking good care of your kids and of your husband, but most essentially, always give your “best” performance in the bedroom, don’t wait for your husband to ask for it, if he is a five times a week man, make sure he is getting it seven days. Concerning your sister, limit the assistance you ask from her or the ones she voluntarily gives in reference to when you travel or in case you decide to have another child. Just because someone is a blood sister does not mean they cannot harm you, be very careful and vigilant. I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week:

    “Never allow anyone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”, where there is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING, you should be each other priorities!

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question: Dear Princess, my name Deborah, I am a professional Lawyer, currently, I practice with a foreign company here in Nigeria. Prior to this, I was a professional registered nurse in the United States while my husband is a doctor and since has become a lawyer too. We have 3 daughters together. My husband still practices in the United States as a doctor and a part time Lawyer. Prior to accepting my post with this foreign company my senior sister called me from Nigeria that her oldest and only daughter age 16 has finished high. She will appreciate if can send her to come and leave with me for mainly two reasons. One, because of the instabilities in some of the universities here, plus her husband illness (stroke) had made it difficult for him to work for the past 2 years. She has been the one supporting him and their 4 children, she begged me to allow her daughter to come over to assist me around the house and in the process help pay for her university education. I discussed the issue with my husband, he agreed that as long as her responsibilities are fully mine, he has no objection. Honestly I was a bit skeptical mainly because of my husband’s waywardness with women. I have had my share of crying and broken hearts from him in ever since we were married. One day I came back from work sick. I was supposed to work the night shift as a nurse, around 1a.m. I started feeling sick. My supervisor took over my shift and asked me to go home, I got home around 2a.m. Downstairs I saw a lady’s purse that does not belong to me, I was curious, I made my way up to our room, only to find my husband and a very good friend of mine cuddling together in the bed. I moved closer to them to make sure I was not hallucinating because of the pain killer I took earlier. Yes, it was my friend Kike and Femi my husband. I screamed, Kike, surprisingly, they both jumped up, my friend ran to the bathroom and my husband went for his robe and put it on. I asked what was the meaning of this is, he said he asked no explanation except that he should not have brought her to our bed. I looked at him still in shock, I wanted to slap his face, but controlled my temper. I said “you should not have brought her to our home?” You are married to me, what right do you have to be having an affair with another woman, talk less of having one with my friend. Meanwhile, my friend had gotten dressed and rushed out of the house. he wanted to run after her, I blocked his way and told him that he is not leaving this house until he is able to explain the reason for this affair since our 25 years of marriage, this as far as I am concerned is the 5th one am aware of, but this is the first time I caught him right handed and in our home. He started by saying, well you have yourself to blame. You are the one that always airs out our dirty laundries to your friends. There is nothing that is going on in this house that all your friends do not know about. Your friend called me on the phone and asked if she can come over to see me, I said yes. She got to my office, she started telling me how abusive her husband is and that she is fed up. She showed me a wound on her left arm, which I treated. I told her to come every 3 days so that the nurse can clean and dress her wound for her. One day after her wound had healed, she called to see if I was around, she said she was in the vicinity, that she wants to come and say hi, I said no problem. When I finished with the patient I was seeing she came in sat down, the next thing she said was “some people have head but no cap and some have cap but no head”!. I asked why such a comment? She proceeded to tell me if I have any idea that you have finished your 4 Duplex home that you are building in Lagos. Instantly, it felt like somebody had just poured iced cold water on me. He looked at me and said, you have not heard anything. She went as far as to tell me your complaints about how I always come home tired and that the last time I touched you was more than 5 months ago. That even then that I am a “one minute” man. Princess, I felt like the floor should just opened and swallowed me up. He went one to tell me how she told him that he is not taking care of his responsibilities at home, that I am the one paying for our children’s school fees, I can go and on. I was wrong and I accepted my blame for airing my dirty laundry with my friends. What has that got to do with you sleeping with her and bringing her to our home our matrimonial bed? His response was that since I share everything that goes on with my friends anyways, he felt it is only proper to bring her to our house so that she can also see what is going on first hand, I felt like throwing up. To cut the long story short, our marriage was never the same since that day. So now, when my sister asked to take over the care of her 16 year old , my subconscious warned me against it, but I know my sister’s situation, and Morenike, being her first and only daughter I felt I should assist her in giving Morenike a better education and a better life. Since at age 16, she is still a minor, i went as far as to adopt her, the process took about 9 months. Morenike came to us just before her 17th birthday. My sister was a late starter, my children were 22, 21, and 19 years old at the time. All 3 of them were schooling out of state, Morenike was the only one who was a day student. 2 years after Morenike came, I got my law degree, and the main reason for getting this law degree was that my husband and I knew in the very near future we are eventually going to meet in court. I personally want to make sure I get him for everything he has, that is by the way. I have been away from home (USA) for the last 3 months. Normally I will go back every 5 to 6 weeks, but we have a serious case right now that I am in charge of. So I have not been back for the last 12 weeks. About 2 weeks ago, my sister came to my office, she looked very worried, appeared as if she had been crying. I asked her what seemed to be the problem. She said “Deborah I am in trouble” I said sister, please stop beating around the bush what is the problem? she replied, “Morenike is pregnant!” At first, my brain did not register what she just said, I asked again, what is the problem? She closed her eyes this time, drew her head back on the seat and put her hands on her head, she responded “I said Morenike is pregnant” I took a deep breath and asked her how and who is responsible. Princess, inside my head something was telling me your husband is responsible, trying to listen to my sister and at the same time trying very hard to push the nasty thought out of my head. My sister now leaned forward, put her hands on top of my hands and said gently, “Femi is responsible” The last thing I remember was “Femi is responsible” I passed out. I regained consciousness, I slowly opened my eyes, somewhat my cloths was soaked. I touched myself, two of my staff including my sister were standing over me, in unison asking if I was alright. I nodded, with their assistance, I pulled myself together, took a sharp deep breath and looked deeply at my sister. Our eyes locked, and she nodded as if she read my mind. I thanked my two staff members, reassured them that I was alright. When they left, my sister sat down beside me and put her hand around me, putting my head down so that my head rested on her shoulder. I took another deep breathe and asked “what do we do now?” She started sobbing slowly, I turned and looked at her, two tears, almost simultaneously rolling down her eyes. She said “Deborah, it’s all my effort, if I didn’t send her to you to assist me, this would not have happened. I now smiled, I said no, “it is my fault I should have seen this coming, but in my defense, anytime the thought will cross my mind, I always pull it aside saying “Femi is loose, but he is not an animal.” Well, I guess I was wrong. Listen, both of us cannot sit down here and blame ourselves. One thing Femi is lucky that Renny is about 19 year old now, otherwise I will make sure he rots in jail for abuse of a minor and molestation. My sister looking so distraught, my husband is no longer my priority now, how to resolve this problem and get Renny back on the right path is the priority now. Princess both my sister and I are confused because our parents were medical practitioners that preached religiously against abortion. Our upbringing and religious background against abortion are so embedded in us that we are now both confused and scared. Princesses please advise me on what to do concerning my pregnant niece by my husband. I am extremely confused and scared. Deborah, Ikeja.

    Answer:

    Dear Deborah, there is a saying, “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” Well this one is broken and you must find a responsible and delicate ways of fixing it. You did what most people will never do for their siblings, to take the responsibility of your sister’s daughter, your niece, you took it upon yourself to the extent of adopting her so that she can enjoy all the benefits an average American enjoys. If I am not mistaken, your husband left all her responsibilities solely to you. You did not because of that get angry at him because she is your niece. Your sister on the other hand was doing what she felt was best for her only daughter since she is the breadwinner in her family due to her husband’s illness. Yes, both of you knew the risk you were taking by letting your niece come to stay with you because of your husband’s history with women, but neither one of you could have believed or even fathom the thought that he will go to the extent of sleeping with your niece while you’re away making money for your family. Your niece on the other hand should also be blamed too. Yes, maybe she was scared, maybe she was threatened by your husband, but at that age she know right from wrong and the implications of what they were doing should have been very clear to both of them. Although you have not asked for an advice concerning your husband, but since he is the major player here, I must also talk about him. I do not know what is going on with him, where you went wrong with him. As a couple, there must be respect for each other, your matrimonial vows is so diminished, also non-existence. You need to figure out or sit him down with your husband and ask him what your offense is that he continuously hurt and disgraced you. My advice on that is no matter your decision concerning him, put the feelings of your 3 children into consideration before making any moves, “after a foolish deed comes remorse”, in other words, don’t throw the bath water out with the child!. Now concerning what to do about Renny’s pregnancy, sit down with your sister and consider this options. Morally and ethically, is it ok for your niece to have that baby wherein your children and your grand- niece will have the same father. Think about the child’s future and how that can affect you and all concerned psychologically. The next option is to abort the pregnancy. I am strongly against abortion, but in this case it might be your only option. Going against your strong upbringing and your strong religious belief but the end result will justify the mean to eventually put this terrible ordeal behind everyone. Now the best thing also is to make sure your niece and your husband live separately so that this nasty occurrence does not occur again. I wish you and your sister the best in any decision you come up with.

    Thought of the week:

    “A loveless life is a living death”

  • ‘Excellence does not discriminate’

    ‘Excellence does not discriminate’

    If a book were to be written on the theme ‘Dream Chasers’, Adekunbi Adeoye would definitely play a significant role in it. Suave, urbane and beautiful, Adekunbi, who is in her twenties, walked out on a lucrative MTN Nigeria job offer to start Sesewa, an HR company she founded as a Law undergraduate at the Obafemi Awolowo University. She told Hannah Ojo how she finds fulfillment helping young people acquire employability skills during internship opportunities.

     

    HOW was the idea of Sesewa conceived?

    Sesewa is a Yoruba coinage which means se ise wa? (Is there a job?) I started the company while I was an undergraduate at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. But the idea first came to me during my internship programme with a Law firm. I was training as a lawyer, but the internship experience opened my eyes to what operated in real life and helped me to make a more informed decision. Thereafter, I wasn’t thinking about Law like I used to, because I suddenly realised that I wanted more out of life. The internship thus exposed me to what I could spend my life doing. Back to school, I said to myself: ‘every single person deserves an opportunity to have a foretaste of what they may want to do after school.’ I did a bit of research and I realised that my little idea of internship was actually a global reality that Nigerians weren’t tapping into. So, I wanted to use the opportunity to bring myself forward to help young people in Nigeria and across Africa. I unveiled the company in 2009 and before we knew what was happening, I got a couple of newspaper interviews and opportunities. Thereafter, I saw the possibilities of what I was doing and started helping friends find internship and jobs.

    Did you have any work experience before fully launching out?

    I had my NYSC with MTN Nigeria. I think it was one of the biggest opportunities for me because I worked in the finance department and had the chance to see what structures really looked like. I had deliberately delayed my NYSC for three months after Law School just to give my inner cravings some attention. Thereafter, I went to get a job with an event company as an HR executive. At MTN, I saw how much was coming in, what the company was using money for. Right after service, I got two opportunities: one within the MTN system and another with another HR company. But I didn’t take up any of them. I thought that would amount to throwing away an opportunity of building my own company. Something just kept telling me that this was the time to stand up and make the difference I always wanted to make. So I started gradually. I was doing internships, consulting for small businesses and before I knew it, we had a lot on our table, and today, we help small businesses grow their structures. We help them build structures around their businesses even as we help young people around Nigeria find internship opportunities in these organisations.

    Are there challenges that are peculiar to your line of business?

    I am excited about challenges. They are stumbling blocks that once you scale over them, you simply become better. One of the challenges I had was that a lot of companies didn’t understand what we were saying regarding internship. To combat that, we started an advocacy. We went about telling companies to create an internship structure. Another challenge would be about internship students who wouldn’t get to work on time. They didn’t have proper work ethics. So you can imagine me finding jobs for young people whom I believed so much in, but who didn’t make good use of the opportunity. Those were the big challenges. But we started using advocacy to solve the problems. I went for speaking engagements to schools and started telling young people what is expected of them and how they need to maximise their opportunities and time. On the part of clients, we work more with small businesses because they are at the bottom of the ladder since the bigger companies who can afford to pay have taken the “smarter” guys. Another challenge was the huge human capital constantly in transit – waiting to serve. It is no longer a challenge anymore because small businesses can now develop innovative ways of recruitment through internships.

    Based on your experience on the job, what do you think young people should do to become employable?

    This is a fundamental question; and it is the reason I started Sesewa. Young people should know that their future does not start when they are given an NYSC certificate. They should learn to prepare themselves for the real world, even while in the university. They can achieve this by being part of structures of the various clubs and societies on campus. Truth, is when you work within these structures, you learn to work more with people; and you become better in terms of intellects. Our education is not the way it used to be. It is falling every day, such that the things that people are being taught are no longer directly applicable in the work place. So, people need to enlarge their mindsets and look for opportunities to learn what will be required of them by employers in the future. Most of the times, I advise students to engage in volunteer works while on vacation or during ASUU strike and to learn to write their CV early.

    How rewarding has Sesewa been in terms of finance and fulfillment?

    The fulfillment is fantastic. I wake up every morning and I am happy to resume at work. When I started, people wanted me to go work for someone else because there wasn’t anybody I could really model what I was doing after. Money-wise, it’s not a lot of money because IT students are not being paid much. We have a policy that our paid internship must be at least a $100 dollars or at worst N15, 000 a month. So it’s not a lot of money actually but the passion to see young people grow up and become very powerful and knowledgeable at the end of their internship is a big reward. We consult for small businesses, so money comes from doing that as well.

    Who are the people that have influenced you?

    One of the people who have had great influence on me is Mr. Olakanmi Amao. He guides me in terms of my career in human resources. Another person is my mother, her strength is amazing and her love for people is something that I want to have. There is also Demola DejiKunmi. These people have all had big influences on my life.

    Has being a female been an added advantage in achieving your goals?

    There is no discrimination against excellence. When you see a great job, you don’t ask if it is a woman that did it or a man. I am a big fan of doing the job excellently. I don’t think being a female has left me with disadvantages. Besides, I’m not gender-conscious. I have always had a supportive family and nobody ever told me that ‘you can’t do this because you are a female.’ I was simply guided to do anything that I wanted to do.

    What plans are you putting in place to reach out to other young people across Nigeria?

    We have plans for expansion even across Africa because I have learnt that human capital is not a Nigerian problem; it is a continental problem. So we are looking at expanding to other places in Nigeria as well as Africa. One of the greatest challenges we have had is that there is a lot of demand for our products than the supply. We get more demand from the students than the few companies available. We are in Lagos because Lagos is the centre of a lot of businesses. If we are able to get into a lot of companies in Lagos, then we can expand to other branches in Nigeria.

    Do you ever miss practicing law?

    (Smiles) Every time I meet a client I always remind them that I am a lawyer but because I love my job a lot, it doesn’t make me really miss practicing Law. On the other hand, I wish I had started Sesewa much earlier.

    What is your take on leisure and fashion?

    My weekends are very sacred. As much as I love my clients, I don’t share my weekends with them. I restrict work to Mondays to Fridays. Sometimes I leave my laptop at the office, just to make sure I don’t start working when I should be spending time with family and friends. That’s what I do to ease off the tension from work because it is only a living person that will wake up in the morning and go to work.

    What is style to you?

    There is much more to me than I am doing now in terms of style. Back in the university, I used to be very big on style but since I started work, I just try to keep it simple.

  • Fresh emotional ideas

    SEARCHING for greener pastures? Yes, everyone dreams of something good and wonderful. We all have standards and it’s great if we find what we want or something close to the original.

    Unfortunately, Rebecca has been crisscrossing the emotional zone without getting to the proverbial promise land in her search. “Most times, I wonder what is always happening to me. I have discovered that I do not love the people who fall in love with me. On the other hand, I find that the people that I love or really admire are already hooked up. They have people that they treasure and they don’t usually care about my feelings towards them.”

    Well, sometimes we do not find what we really want. When you get to this realisation then you just have to move and not stick to someone that you know that you can never have. All you need to do is to focus on the good sides of the person who cares about you and make the love idea reciprocal. If you do not move on and make the best of your emotional situation, then you are going to be caught in an emotional cobweb that may lead to depression.

    Fear, love, jealousy, pride, vanity and resentment: These are some of the emotions that we are faced with on a daily basis, whether we like it or not. The mind can be very adventurous when it comes to love matters. While some can stick to a particular relationship for so long and do things that would make it look new as the years roll by, there are others who are very adventurous.

    Like the mouse pad, love is just a click away. The person in question is always experiencing some excitements, a burst of emotions at any time. As soon as the present emotion fades away you can be sure that something fresh and new will take its place soon.

    For this group no single emotional response can be permanent. This relates to the other kind of emotions too. For instance, when any emotion, such as anger, is experienced, the person is likely to stay angry only for some time; eventually, the anger will fade away and a fresh emotion will arise.

    Interestingly, an abundance of good feelings, and emotional satisfaction, become the criteria for a successful life. However, emotions present problems for the ego (which is just the personality). When emotions become intense they neutralise intellectual concerns. In fact, common negatively-valued emotions such as self-pity, fear, anxiety, as well as moods like depression, actually tend to inhibit rationality in particular, intense anxiety seems to produce a mental fog in one’s mind, making it impossible to study.

    Experts also advise that it is important to understand the nature of emotions if we really want to forge ahead and make our relationship to work. This is because it has profound implications for psycho- therapy.

    Interestingly, a lot of people think that their feelings are the same as emotions. This is not true because there are fundamental differences between feelings and emotions. There are a multitude of emotions, but only three feelings. These include the pleasant one, the unpleasant one, and the neutral one. The importance of feelings is that they help give rise to emotions, that is, the bases of all emotions are the three feelings.

    Sometimes you can keep emotional hope alive in the face of certain odds. “Mid way into the relationship things just went upside down and I thought it was all over. However, I made up my mind to play along because I loved her so much. She continued to date the other guy who turned out to be a Casanova. “When she realised that I was the one that genuinely loved her she ran back to me.”

    So how did he survive during the hurting period? You wonder. “Well, I must confess that it was really tough but I was determined to make it in spite of the odds. I filled my heart with memories of some of the happy moments we shared together just before the emotional crisis. His ever-smiling face, sexy eyeballs and loving smile encouraged me to the bank of luck.”

    When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that a lot of people who are busy, successful, inspiring sometimes have issues with their partners.

    The big question therefore would be: can being successful reduce the amount of emotional current you give? Are you likely to be selfish and self-centred?

    Your environment, level of exposure and age also determine how you feel. A medical doctor explains the state of mind of the young girls going into puberty as anxious and adventurous. “At this age it is normal to feel curious, anxious and ashamed especially if you are the only girl in the house. I also have a case of someone who was happy because she was going to wear a bra. Others are ashamed and they wear double vest to cover the bump. Some of the changes include menstruation, pubic hair, pimples, growing by the hips, nipples and other internal organs.”

    She adds that: “Mood swings also occur and the sex hormones are responsible for sexual maturity. Here the young ones need information to guide them from irresponsible people who would want to take advantage of them. “