IT was another walk down the aisle, as Atinuke Khadijat and Babatunde Samson exchanged their marital vows before a judge and men at the Marriage Registry Hall, Orile Agege Local Council Development Area last Saturday.
As a marriage made in heaven, the couple shared their joy in the presence of family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. We wish the couple the best in life and the peace of the Lord as they continue in LOVE.
A new set of beneficiaries of Honourable Adijat Motunrayo Oladapo Adeleye’s empowerment scheme completed their training during the week. According to Winifred Hoke, one of the beneficiaries of the Batch 5 DTP, “The kind gesture of Honourable Motunrayo Adijat Oladapo Adeleye is appreciated as she has provided free ICT training.”
Hoke goes on to explain that “People who have worked in organisations without formal training also have the opportunity to learn further and get a certificate that backs the training. The exposure has assisted a lot of young people in the community in different aspects of their lives. It offers three courses majorly; desktop publishing, computer engineering and adult education. The training has also helped to provide job opportunities for some of the beneficiaries. The school also included an adult education section which educates uneducated adults in Mathematics and English language to enhance their business and communication skills.”
For Samuel, another beneficiary, it is one of the best things that have happened to him recently. “I can now use Microsoft word application programmes to facilitate rapid and efficient manipulation of text in the in the production of a document. So I decided to set up a business centre where people can get value for their money.“
He added: “The vision of the project is to build a nation with responsible and loyal youths and to enhance learning and increased productivity for the mind, thereby bringing reduction to the number of heartbroken and brain-washed youths. It is sad that a number of our young people destroy themselves daily. If they get such opportunities, it would go a long way to better their lot and they would be able to contribute to the development of Nigeria as a whole.”
Thought for the week.
In any relationship, physical affection is so important for any relationship to survive. In this age of constant distractions it sometimes takes connected effort to make sure it happens frequently and meaningfully. If your partner gives you a hug, take a second to lean in their chest and enjoy that moment.
Practice the habit of touching, smiling and flirting with each other on a daily basis. Go to bed 10 minutes to give yourself time to cuddle up with each other before you both fall asleep. If that is not possible, make sure you cuddle up first thing in the morning by waking up 10 minutes early before rushing out of the room. Lots of people believe this will always lead to love making, not necessarily, it can be an appetizer for what to look forward to when you get home from work later in the day, and really it just reminds the other person not to forget “am always here for you”! It is the best way to start and end the day.
QUESTION.
Dear Princess, I have a major issue that I just need to talk to someone urgently because it’s slowly messing up my entire life and I can’t seem to control and handle it any longer, please I need your help.
I am into advertising and work with one of the major agencies around, I’m very dedicated to my work and have risen rapidly over the past few years in my career, I have a good apartment, drive the latest model accord car, can conveniently take care of my needs, support my younger ones and very soon planning to set up my own independent advertising agency, everything on the outside seems to be going on well for me but deep within I know I have a major problem that initially seemed harmless but right now is slowly and steadily destroying my life. Tomorrow is my 40th birthday, I have already started receiving birthday wishes, my colleagues are even planning a birthday get together for me after work in an upscale restaurant in town, everyone seems excited for me but I don’t share their enthusiasm because at 40 I am still single, not into any serious relationship and not really working towards settling down because of the problem I have , Princess, I am addicted to masturbation , it’s a vice that I have been engaged in right from my youthful days and right now I cannot do without it after which I get the self-satisfaction, nothing else seems to matter, I feel satisfied but an inner voice keeps telling me I am destroying myself. Let me explain a bit about how it all started.
I had a very strict upbringing and my parents instilled discipline in me right from my childhood, I was the first male child of the family and my parents always rang it to my ears that I was a leader that my younger ones will always look up to. We were not allowed to play with other kids around after school always indoors, I became used to being on my own, didn’t really know how to mix with other kids even whilst in school I was very quiet and shy, due to the kind of upbringing my parents instilled in me, what mattered was just my studies and nothing more, when as teenagers my school mates were discovering and experimenting how to have relationships with the opposite sex, I was not interested because all that mattered to me was my studies, I was doing really well in my academics, my parents were proud of me, but I became a loner, didn’t really have friends and always kept to myself.
I gained admission into the university in town and since it was close my parents saw no need for me to stay on campus, though I made some few friends but due to my nature I could not really still mix freely especially with the opposite sex, it was during my first year at the university that I started the vice of masturbation, I was reading a journal one day that was talking about masturbation, I became curious, tried the act and I was in a brand new world, it became something I did almost every other day and when other male colleagues were talking about chasing girls all around campus and their sexual escapades, I was not interested since I had my own perfect way of satisfying my sexual needs.
During my final year at the university, there was a girl that we used to read together, we shared the same focus and became quite close, there was this day I was reading in her room on campus, her roommate was not around, she started talking about how much she has always liked me, that I didn’t seem to notice and she moved close, started touching me and even took off her clothes, I was fascinated being the first time I was seeing such but I noticed that I was not sexually aroused, she tried again another time, still I was not aroused, but each time when I got back home and engaged in my act of masturbating I became aroused and got self-satisfied, from that time on, I lost total interest in the opposite sex because I realised that it was only masturbating that could arouse me and that alone was okay for me.
Gradually and slowly, I became so used to the act, I looked forward to engaging in it and lost total interest in ladies, over the years I met a lot of women and some tried to get to know me and engage in sexual relationships with me, due to pressures from family and friends, I tried engaging in relationships with one or two ladies, everything will seem to go on well but when it got to the area of sexual intimacy, I could not just establish that with any woman, even if a woman was naked and got close to me, I really felt nothing, the only time I felt anything was by masturbating, the ladies eventually became tired at my weirdness and left.
Princess I really need your advice, what do I do now, I am now really addicted to masturbating and it is almost destroying me psychologically, I know it is wrong but I can’t just seem to be able to control or handle the issue any longer, I need to be able to sort out my life and have a family as soon as possible before it becomes too late. Ebube Owerri.
Dear Ebube,
A problem shared is a problem solved. As you rightly pointed out, the act of masturbating started in your adolescence years which is where it starts for anyone be it make or female. What this acts does for most people that are addicted to it is to kill their urge for sexual intimacy with the opposite sex. There is a saying that the day the drunkard admits that he is an alcoholic, that is when his salvation begins .You know and have admitted that you have a problem, your reason for writing me is because you want me to assist you in finding a solution. Bear in mind that any form of addiction has to do with a chemical reaction in the brain and the brain is what control our thoughts, so knowing and admitting that start going out an mixing with the opposite sex, don’t think about any intimacy, the first thing is to like that person for who she is, he figure, her shape, her hips, her breasts, think about the kind of woman you will like and look for that kind of woman you have envisioned in your mind, if you are lucky enough to strike an accord with such person, the first thing you must do is gain her trust and vice versa, once that is established, then you have to let her into your world and such person must be willing to help you solve this problem privately. You can also go on the internet to look for methods of getting rid of this addiction because at age 40 with no child and spouse people are eventually going to know that you have a problem and will start wondering what it is.
Thought of the week.
When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself.
MANDY was in her second year on campus when she ran into Bode, a simple and very unassuming gentleman. They liked one another and they had so many things in common which made the relationship exciting and full of prospect.
She was always ready to tell her friends that this was her dream man. He actually helped to fill all the missing gaps in her life and for those two years that they shared together it was a dream come true. But somewhere along the line, one of her friends came in between them and they fell apart.
So, what went wrong and who was responsible for this emotional mess? “He started listening to other people’s opinion about me and a lot of times they fed him with lies. Initially, I went to different lengths to prove my innocence but it got to a point where I realised that they was no point crying over spilt milk. It actually worsened the situation and always made me sad.“
About fifteen months after the break in emotional transmission, Bode discovered the truths. He apologised and wanted to come back. But somehow, Mandy was not as eager as he was. She was afraid that the old scenarios were going to play up again and there was this fear of the unknown.
Arguments should never be about right or wrong. It should be about what will encourage a healthier relationship. This is done by talking (not yelling) through issues and not only forgiving your partner but being a mature personality in the emotional arena.
By not letting go of an issue, they will fester over time and cause you to operate negatively in your relationship as if you are in a war zone. Operating in a relationship that was built in love can metamorphose to something terrible. And if you allow yourself to move in this direction as you would do in a war, then it will make you to look at your partner as the enemy and not your partner. The truth of the matter is that it is impossible to be happy and enjoy life when you are constantly in “defence mode.”
Yes, that sadly is what a lot of people experience in their relationship. On the other hand, it feels better when what you feel brings ecstasy, sweet memories and some fantasy. A colourful relationship can therefore be compared with the rainbow which ushers you into a breath of fresh air.
Emotionally, we respond to colours as they fit the time of day or year. Lack of sunlight can cause mood swings, depression and low energy level. You appreciate the combination in the rainbow in you understands what some of the colours stand for. For instance, blue is the colour of distance and you can relate this to the oceans, skies and the heavens.
The energy of blue helps us to hook beyond the immediate environment, expanding our perceptions towards the unknown. As we swing to yellow you get entangled with the sun and its life-giving and sustaining energy. Yellow enriches, lightens and activates many of the systems of the body. Are you fascinated with the colours? Well, there is still a lot of excitement for you as you track your emotional rainbow.
The words you say and the things you do are very important. It is better to learn how to say the right things at the right time. This actually would give a lasting impression about who you are and where you intend to take the relationship to. Unfortunately, most women never really recognise that they have been making a critical mistake all along in the bid to “save the relationship”.
While they work desperately to keep the one treasure, they end up discouraging their Romeo by saying things he doesn’t really like. Surprisingly, they never figure out that this particular mistake they keep making is the thing that is actually pushing the man far and further away instead of bringing him closer.
Something the woman may think that talking things through is all it takes to make things better. They couldn’t be more wrong. Interestingly, at such moments, the best way to save your relationship isn’t more about talking, or sacrificing, or convincing, or even criticizing. It’s figuring out how to inspire your man by doing the things and being the woman that made him feel passionate about you in the beginning.
It is always better to understand the personality that you are entangled with and the things that he or she likes or dislikes. Once this is settled, then you can move on to the next stages by sealing the deal with affectionate strategies .This would have to be applied in phases and it is better to take one step at a time and not do the last things first.
So, you can see that it doesn’t have to be hard at all. Because if you’re able to make a critical psychological “shift” in the way you feel about yourself and your relationship, the changes that need to happen are going to happen effortlessly and naturally.
Thought for the week.The following questions were asked by surveying 50 married and divorced couples.
1.Why do women fade with time and age?
A. Because they don’t take good care of themselves.
B. They don’t watch what they eat.
C. They don’t take vitamins.
D. They don’t exercise.
E. All of the above.
2. What are the best food, drinks and herbs to eat/drinks for maintaining good health?
A. Water
B. Green leavy vegetables.
C. Food High in fibre.
D. Drink berry juice.
E. Olive oil, strawberries, sweet potatoes.
F. All of the above.
3. What attracts the average man to a woman?
A. Her looks.
B. Her Intelligence.
C. Her figure.
D. Her Bust line.
E. AB and C.F.AC and D.
4. What causes a man to stop finding his spouse/partner sexually attractive?
A. Is it ageing, because some women fade with age?
B. When she loses her beauty.
C. Is it when she herself stops finding herself to be attractive?
D. When a younger woman come into his life.
E. If she believes she is no longer appealing
5. How does a woman keep her marriage, so that a younger woman does not attract her spouse?
A. Looking good all the time.
B. Keeping her figure
C. Good hygiene, able to cook delicious meal. F. All of the above
D. Good housekeeping.
E. Make sure the fire never dies in the bedroom.
6. How does a woman keep herself physically and emotionally attractive?
A. Eat the right food.
B. Exercise and diet.
C. Positive Outlook to life in general.
D. Live a stress-free life.
7. In a marriage, whose duty is it to keep the sex appeal on fire
A. The man.
B. The woman.
C. Both.
D. Either.
8. To you, what is the essence of a good marriage?
A. Love, passion and compassion.
B. Understanding each other.
C. Trust and good effective communication.
D. Both putting efforts, ability of resolve conflicts.
E. Commitment to one another, able to forgive.
F. All of the above.
QUESTION:-
I read your column weekly, I have a story to share and need your opinion because my world just came crashing down some few weeks ago.
I am a surgeon with a successful private practice and was happily married for twenty six years to a woman I loved so dearly, the only woman I ever loved all my life. God blessed us with three beautiful children, who are now all graduates and doing very well, my daughter is planning to get married next year and I must confess that everything concerning me and my family had been going on so very well or so I thought till I received a visitor last week who opened my eyes to some issues and surely I know my life can never be the same again, right now I am still in a complete state of shock and don’t even know what to think, say or do.
Few weeks ago, I was at home relaxing after returning from work, I was alone as my wife had travelled to Dubai and the children were all out, the security guard informed me that a young lady whom I didn’t recognize her name was at the gate asking to see me, I wondered who it was because normally I’m not used to receiving strange visitors at my residence, I asked that she should be ushered into the visitors living room. When I got there, she introduced herself as Oluchi, I asked politely how I could help her and to please explain the reason for coming, she looked uneasy, I could see sweat dripping by the side of her face even though the air conditioner was on, she appeared very uncomfortable.
The young lady asked about my wife, I told her she was not around; she smiled mischievously and said YES! She knew my wife was not in the country and she could tell me where my wife was right now, I started looking at her sceptically, I was becoming uncomfortable too, had something happened to my wife? She said she knows my wife was in Dubai but she knows something I didn’t know; I wondered what this young lady was up to and asked her what exactly is the problem?Then she dropped the bombshell that my wife was in Dubai with her own boyfriend,that my wife has been having an affair with her boyfriend for more than six years now. I laughed, and at the same time was pensive, what was this lady saying? I trusted my wife completely and all through our years of marriage I had never had any reason to doubt her or catch her with any dubious act.Oluchi explained to me that she came to me because she loved her boyfriend, whom she wanted my wife to let go of so that he can concentrate on his relationship with her, my wife was a major distraction to her boyfriend, she was tired of sharing him with an older lady, I was still doubtful, she now gave me details of two previous trips which my wife made in the last one year and said She was on those trips with Samuel ,her boyfriend ,that even while in the country, they had ways of always hooking up for their illicit acts, she gave me more details and right there and then I knew she was sure of what she was saying, at that moment, my legs couldn’t hold me any longer, the room was spinning, I had to sit down very slowly so as not to lose my balance.
After, the lady left, I picked up the phone and called my wife, I asked her where she was and she said Dubai of course, I told her with whom? She started getting irritated and said why was I asking all these questions, I told her that the cat has been let out of the bag and all her dirty secrets have been revealed, she started arguing, (I had earlier explained the story to our children), the kids also called her to tell how they felt ,that they were really let down by her actions, she calmed down, crying that she will be on the next flight home, she was apologizing to all of us saying it was the work of the devil, I warned her sternly not to come back to the house, that I never want to see her again.
Now she is back in the country, calling, begging and sending my best friend to plead on her behalf, I am not ready to accept her apologies because I feel so betrayed and to imagine someone I trusted with my whole world had been deceiving me for years, it is really so painful. Princess what do you think I can do to sort out my life at this point? I am really so confused and scattered.Umukoro-Delta.
ANSWER:-
Two wrongs don’t make a right. What your wife did is very disturbing and un-motherly, but there is no smoke without fire. Please understand that I do not condole what she has done, but why don’t you listen to her side of the story and for your own peace of mind, ask why she did it. Let’s look at some background, as a surgeon, a medical practitioner; you probably work very long hours, again that’s not an excuse for her. On the other hand what type of woman was she before you married her? Where did you meet her? At a Church, Club, or through a friend? Was she a sex freak? Ask yourself all these questions, am very sure with her explanation and what you know about her history, you should be able to come to a reasonable conclusion concerning her actions.
The three children, where do you want to start from again? If you leave her now, can you guarantee what the next woman will be like? On the other hand, if you are the one caught with this escapade, would she forgive you? Please I beg you, do not just close your mind, keep all the cards on the table before making your final decision.
I wish you all the best.
Thought of the week.
For any marriage to work, the mutual effort is by the couples, not just the wife or just the husband. With changing times, with the world of social media, the exposure to different things, the way it is back then for our parents is not the way it is for this changing generation now. The more reason both must know a marriage is a “joint effort”, that it is not just a woman’s duty to keep a home, both a “joint effort” from both as much as possible. Good and effective communication, understanding one another completely, an unshakeable truth, most essentially, a true sense of deep commitment to one another must be re-validate at all times.
Not many women contesting for political offices in Nigeria can boast of having their fellow women support them with financial resources and other human efforts. This has led many to question if women are really their own enemies. Hannah Ojo seeks an answer.
THE hand that rocks the cradle rules the word, so goes a popular saying. However, one does not need a soothsayer to know that this saying does not reflect the reality of the role of women in Nigeria’s political landscape. It does not require a head count to know that women outnumber the men in numbers, yet it is a riddle, but one that is not too hard to crack.
It would amount to an endless effort to give names of godfathers who have backed men and women for political offices in Nigeria. They have not only done this by word of mouth, many of them committed huge financial resources and energy by making public appearances to support their protégées. Nigeria does not lack in number when the roll call of influential women is made, but the question to ask is how many of them after leaving their current positions would be engaged in what someone termed ‘the invisible hand of politics’ to breed a successor?
Are women really in charge here? Some will reply in the affirmative, considering recent happenings in the Nigerian political landscape. First ladies, both at the national and the states’ levels, have wielded influence by affecting decision as to who gets what even though their office is yet to be constitutionally recognised. From the days of Gen Ibrahim Babangida to the current dispensation, first ladies are known to have the unique power to sway; they have utilised this in no small measure. Of worthy note is the role played by Turai Yar’Adua who formed a cabal to hide the ailing president before his eventual death. Although Dame Patience Jonathan may lack the finesse and elegance expected in the standing of a first lady, what she lacks in poise she makes up for in commanding authority. The clout she wields in the presidency cannot be disputed. Nature’s gift to the nation, Taraba State, is in a crisis; an ailing governor confined to a wheel chair is seeking to return to govern the affairs of the state. While many have questioned the morality behind the quest, fingers are also pointing at the ‘unseen hands’ of the first lady, Mrs Hauwa Suntai, in pushing her husband forward despite the state of his health.
That women such as the Coordinating Minister for the Economy, Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the Petroleum Minister Mrs Diezani Allison-Madueke and the presently embattled Aviation Minister, Princess Stella Oduah, are special ministers with weight, is an undisputed reality. President Goodluck Jonathan has been credited for engaging women in his administration. While these may be a pointer to women’s rising profile in political participation, there is, however, an alibi as most of the women in power were appointed. They did not go through the rigour of voting and campaigning.
Clash of the titans
Women have been said to be their own greatest enemy, a factor which might have served as a hindrance to them raising backbones to nurse candidates like their male counterparts. Mrs Nike Fagbemi, a journalist who works with a development commission, is of the opinion that there are god-mothers in the country, but the challenge is women accepting that another of their kind would be referred to as their godmothers. “It is easier among the men, but for the females, everything is about ego and competition. We sure have godmothers, but the challenge is for others to accept them as god-mothers, that sure would be a clash of the Titans,” she submits.
Corroborating the claim of ego is Oluwaloseyi Babaeko, a political strategist from Kogi State, who cited ego and lack of trust among women as their greatest undoing. He said further, “if you look at the women of yester years; whether during the Aba women riot of 1929 to the liberation struggle of Fela’s mother, you will see the unity of womanhood, but things have since changed. It is very difficult for a woman to lead other women. The answer to this is in Amos 3:3: ‘can two come together except they agree?’
At a recent political parley organised by the south west zone of Global Fund for Women Grantees, the issue of godmotherism in politics was recognised as one of the needed requirements for women to gather more position in electoral offices. While godfathers have been known to support their political sons with financial capital, it is not always the case for women. Yet, it is a recognisable fact in the Nigeria of today that politics cannot be played without a strong financial base. Alhaja Nurat Atinuke Babs-Olorunfemi, a two-term Chairman of Amuwo Odofin Local Government Council in Lagos, who is also an activist, said that there is need to reach out to women to fund elections. “The bane of women’s participation in politics is the fact that women themselves do not reach out to each other. We do not have godmothers. Women are not ready to part with their money,” she submitted while making her remark at the occasion.
Fatimah Oyelami, a politician wannabe who works with one of the commissioners in Oyo State, believes one of the issues hindering the trend is the lack of financial support. “There are godmothers in Nigeria but they are not just as strong and powerful as godfathers who have money to lavish on their supporters. Moreso, women have been known to be very economical, so we do not like to spend money.”
Veteran broadcaster, Mrs Bimbo Oloyede, who chaired the occasion, delivering her remarks, posed a point to ponder: “If out of 160 million men and women, 80 million women are not given their due recognition, how can we ever hope to achieve real development unless women become involved in politics?” Meanwhile, she identified mentorship as a key role in advocating the needed change for women’s participation in Nigeria’s political landscape.
Should we look forward to the emergence of politically-inclined women with deep pockets to fuel the much-touted female emancipation in politics? Time, trends and will-power will tell.
All is set for the second edition of Goal Attainment Made Easy (GAME2013), which holds on November 29 and 30 at Oriental Hotel, Lagos. Described as Africa’s number one conference on workforce productivity, it would attract businessmen, captains of industry and women leaders.
According to Abiola Salami, the convener of the conference, GAME2013 is packaged to equip corporate organizations across Africa with the capacity to become more productive in the year 2014 and beyond.
Salami added that GAME2013 is designed in line with in-depth empirical research on the five essential elements of total well being and research conducted by economists, psychologists, sociologists and physicians in over 150 countries across the globe.
Salami stated that Professor Pat Utomi, Prince Julius Adelusi Adeluyi, Jimi Awosika, Sir Ademola Aladekomo & Mrs. Amina Oyagbola are on the faculty for this conference with Dr. Christopher Kolade as Chief Host.
According to him, the conference will also host The Senior Professional Ladies’ Panel Discussion which will x-ray issues affecting women with a view to increasing productivity: “The Senior Professional Ladies Panel Discussion is a special feature of GAME2013, with a focus on women empowerment. Women are at the core of Social Well-Being in any society. The topic of discussion is Balancing Family, Relationship & Career Success.” Salami added.
Justifying the conference for women Salami added: “Women have the awesome, God-given ability to create, nurture and transform. That is why whatever a woman is given; she takes it, multiplies it and gives it life. All a woman requires is a seed and in no distant time, she will give you more than a plantation. Plant an idea in her mind and you’ll see how she will identify your blind spots, conduct a cost-benefit analysis and drive you into excellent implementation. GAME2013 will be a golden opportunity for professionals to learn and network.”
WITH unemployment rate skyrocketing, graduates are aspiring to keep up the pace of being self-employed and so the need to acquire skill becomes very relevant.
The National Bureau of Statistics estimates that Nigeria’s population grew by 3.2 percent in 2011, from 159.3 million people in 2010 to 164.4 million in 2011. With the youth making up 60percent of the Nigerian population, the unemployment rate has drastically moved at an upscale from 21.1 percent in 2010 to 23.9percent currently. Graduates are, therefore, making alternative choices and diving into various skill acquisitions such as bead making, fashion design, hair making, catering with specialisation in cocktail drinks, small chops, baking, and other areas.
“As an undergraduate, I never thought I would end up acquiring a skill,” said Tolulope Abidele. “I’d always wanted to be a lawyer but I guess I wasn’t brilliant enough so I ended up with a degree in Guidance and Counselling. Although I spent five years in the university, burnt late night candles, visited night classes, skipped meals for the early morning lectures, I thought it was all I could do to secure a job after graduation, unfortunately life as a graduate has not been milk and honey,” she lamented.
Abidele, now a fashion designer, has a shop of her own and with all smiles expresses her joy at being able to cater for her younger ones. Adesokan Adebola’s story is no different from Abidele’s, a graduate of Linguistics from the University of Ado-Ekiti, now Ekiti State University. Adebola is now a make-up artist, going to institutions within her reach to sell cosmetics to students and also get them to have facial scrub at discounted amount. When interviewed, Adebola explained that she just couldn’t stay in a place being jobless, as an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. “After I completed the one-year mandatory national youth service corps, the situation went from bad to worse on my return home when after six months I was unable to get a job. Luckily for me, I had saved enough money during my service year, which was what I used to enroll for the training.”
The stories of Abidele and Adebola symbolise an average Nigerian graduate, who, like brother Paul, kept the faith and won the race through various higher institutions, with the hope of being gainfully employed after graduation. However, the reverse becomes the case.
Emeka, a graduate of Chemical Engineering from a university of technology in the eastern part of Nigeria, decided to become a welder. His father was a welder and had trained him through school but according to him, “I didn’t want to get my hands dirty, I decided to search for a job. I got one but I was paid stipends. Three months after I got the job I kept thinking how long I would survive on such stipend when even my father earned more than myself on a daily basis. I decided it was time for me to acquire a skill and not just any one, I chose welding.”
The various reasons for graduates picking up skills have been impacted greatly by unemployment, while a majority concluded that they couldn’t stand being idle and doing nothing; some felt rather than working for an individual who would only use you and lay you off at will, with no job security, they would choose to either learn a trade or acquire a skill.
A majority of the graduates who acquired skills had never been interested in skill acquisition but they have all testified to be better at their various fields and happy they acquired the skill. To be economically self-reliant, Nigeria must diversify her economy as well as encourage the youth to embrace self-employment.
Numerous factors contribute to most graduate acquiring skills. Parents, friends, relatives, neighbours etc are driving forces in the skill acquisition trend for graduates, employed and unemployed. Parents encourage their children immediately after their youth service to either get a job or get a skill. Gaining a good job has proved to be a huge tale of the who-knows-who menace, while learning a skill becomes the better alternative.
Salewa on the other hand said she’d been into trading as an undergraduate. “I sell clothes, mostly Ankara, but immediately I learnt about wire-works (bead making) being trendy, I decided to learn how to make beads.” Fancifully, she shows you one of her works and says, “One of this goes for as much as five thousand naira but it depends on your clientele and their financial capacity. You are able to get back your capital and your profit which is enough to make another bead.”
Has she ever applied for a job? She replied: “I haven’t and with the way people are turned down at interviews I can’t cope. I’m satisfied with what I have currently and will keep learning a new trade or skill.”
With skill acquisition being the main trend for graduates who have tried to be gainfully employed in the corporate world but to no avail, government should embrace the youth acquisition initiative and create more vocational centres, sponsor workshops and trainings in order to experience its role in the community and country alike. Elimination of joblessness, reduction of poverty and hunger are areas that government needs to give more attention. This would help to eradicate crimes which are mostly perpetrated by youths.
YOUR wedding day is indeed to step out and look gorgeous in your best. For a number of ladies looking trim and smart to fit into their dream outfits is one assignment that is a must. It is indeed a period when they go dieting and pamper their skin to look good.
One other aspect of the preparation that helps create the needed transformation is the accessories that would compliment your outfit. While shopping for your accessories, you need to take note of what you need and choice matching accessories for the outfits.
You also need to remember that the other ceremonies preceding the elaborate wedding ceremony are all important for the bride. She needs to create a unique outlook for each event and still strike a wonderful balance with the image that she wants to be identified with.
In your wedding dress, simple necklaces with matching earrings, bracelets and a cute wristwatch helps set the tone for innocence in a unique way. For the engagement ceremony however, you can get more creative and more daring in bright and bold accessories. Looking like a wonderful princess can also be achieved wearing accessories made of diamonds, rubies, Crystals and other accessories made with precious stones.
Thought for the week
The question last week was, “are there still virgins on wedding night? Well, the answer might surprise you fifty young couples were surveyed, married for the last two years. Out of the fifty couples, we found that more than 30% of the wives were virgins on their wedding night. Out of the 30% found, a whopping 25% were from religious background, be it muslim or christian, 25% out of the 30% attributed the reason for been able to be absolute to their mothers and 3% associated it to their fathers. They all agreed that if you have a good upbringing and you listen to the advice of your parents it is very helpful, plus been content with whatever your parents gives you is also very crucial to been able to survive peer pressure. The husbands were then asked if meeting their wives as virgins on their wedding night makes any difference. Most agreed it make them happy, some said, it makes little difference to them. But the one thing that almost all agreed to is that each day they think about their wives, knowing that she has never bear “touched” by another man, it gives then special joy, for this, it help to reduce cheating on their wives, talk less of marrying another woman. Almost all the women agreed to been happy and content with their marriages.
QUESTION
Dear Princess, my name is Oyinkansola, I am a twenty five year old Bio-chemist, there is something that has been really bothering me over the past few weeks and I’ve been seeking someone with experience to advise me, I am just really confused right now.
I come from a middle class Christian family, where my Dad made sure we had the basic things we needed, my mother was a complete housewife, we were three kids of whom I was the eldest, life growing up with my parents and siblings was fun and full of happy memories.
My Dad used to work for a fabric company owned by Lebanese investors, myself and my younger ones all attended good private schools and when I finished from secondary school I promptly gained admission into the University, my parents were really excited and my father was even following me to school to make sure my whole admission process went on well and I settled properly into school. All through my childhood, my parents instilled discipline and strict Christian values into me, I never engaged myself in social vices that some of friends did, till I entered the university I remained a virgin and I promised myself and my parents that I will remain a virgin till I get married. At the university, I maintained the lifestyle I grew up with, I refused to follow the bandwagon and did not join class and hostel mates in going to campus shows and parties, I was a Christian unionactive member. Academically I maintained good grades.
Tragedy struck at the end of my second year in the university, my Dad was involved in a ghastly motor accident and despite all efforts, he lost his life, Princess at this point things started falling apart, my father’s company took care of his burial expenses and gave us three months’ salary of what my father used to earn, it was at this point that it dawned on us that the company had no pension scheme or any other provision in place for taking care of family members of their staffthat died on duty, it was really devastating, my father’s family did not help matters at all, since my father did not leave any will, they were bent on sharing his properties in their supposed ‘traditional’ way, the only house my father built, they insisted it was built on the family land and that the house belonged to the whole family and as such we could not take possession, things went from bad to worse, my mother couldn’t do much as she had always been living in the shadows of my Dad and had no business or source of income of her own, it got to the extent that my school fees and that of my siblings was due and there was no way to pay them.
One evening I was strolling home from the junction where I went to get some needed items, I couldn’t take a cab or bike because I had exhausted all money on me, a car parked by my side and asked where I was going, normally I wouldn’t have answered or even listened to such a person, but I was tired, had no money for transport so I just entered his car when he offered to drop me at home, he was quite an older person, very friendly, and easy to talk with, he noticed the sadness in me and asked what was wrong, I opened up my problems to him and he was very sympathetic, he collected my phone number and promised to call me to see what he could do to help, my hopes were raised and I prayed to God that night to enable the man in keeping his promise.
Some days later, he called and asked me to meet him somewhere in the town for a drink, I rushed up there very hopeful, he bought me lunch and after the meal was when he dropped his bombshell, he said clearly that he was willing to help me more than I even imagined but that I had to pay a price, I didn’t understand initially, then he told me in plain language that he will have to sleep with me before he will render any assistance to me, he showed me money and swore that if I fulfill his condition, he will take care of me and my siblings and make sure we don’t suffer again, I was reluctant and explained to him that I was a virgin ,he said if he confirms it, he would double what he promised to do for me, at this point I was really confused, should I keep to my earlier vow of keeping my virginity till marriage or let this man sleep with me and get the much needed money? I had just a week to pay my school fees or miss my exams? It was tough but I had no choice than to let him have his way, he actually kept to his promise and even took care of me for a while but ultimately his wife at home found out about our relationship and he had to terminate it, I was back to square one and finally got to join a group of girls on campus that were professional call girls, we had agents that had our numbers and called us when we were needed to meet up with men, sleep with them and get paid, Princess I slept with quite a number of men before I graduated but after graduation, I stopped the act.
After graduation, I got a very good job with a reputable medical firm; I was doing really good and was able to take care of my family. I met Ijeoma in the plane on one of my official trips abroad, we got really talking and months later became inseparable and he proposed marriage. Ijeoma is from a very rich and affluent family and now he is planning a very big societal wedding. Now this is the source of my headache, I have lived a very indecent past and I feel in the course of publicizing and having a big wedding, someone might be able to recognize me and spill the beans about my dirty past to my husband to be, Please Princess should I do now? Oyinkansola-Omole Lagos.
ANSWER.
Dear Oyinkansola, your story is very pathetic; I do really commend you for what you had to go through to finish your education. Ordinarily it’s not a practice that I condole but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
There are several options, one is to keep quiet and let sleeping dogs lie. But if you do that, the ‘WHAT IF’ that will be going through your conscience might lead to high blood pressure. The second option is to sit your fiancée down, narrate everything you just told me to him, if he really does love you like he should, he will understand that once you graduated you left that ‘dirty practice’ where it begun. Your past should remain your past, it’s what you do now and in future that should really matter. Just hope for the best and prepare your mind for the worst. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Thought of the week.
To love someone is probably one of the easiest things to do. To keep loving someone in spite of their good and bad habits is probably the hardest thing to do.