Category: Pillow Talk

WHAT happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves.

Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was a victim; valuable hearts had vanished courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted’. She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from the hawk-the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of heart, looking remorseful.

This was not the best time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It is the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that cupid’s arrow is on target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on the doors indicating direction to a choice location. This also reminds you of Jeffrey archer’s book, a Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honor betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drive men and women to love and to hate.

A good hunter must have a quiver filled with a sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase(s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

What are you ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrows required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divides are lions crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you list expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger.

If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you chose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have been longing for, lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is the hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills ultimately used it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

When you see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this cupid-send angel, all you see is a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘bush meat’.

“Cause all of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections.” ~ John Legend (All Of Me)

This sums up how Adeola is feeling right now. He has found a heart that is making his world go really round and they are heading for the aisle in a couple of weeks. Even though, his emotional dream has finally come through, his mind keeps going down memory lane, recalling emotional valleys and days he almost thought the love corridor wasn’t meant for him at all.

“I had a relationship and I trusted her so much. She turned out to be a cheat and before I knew it, she got pregnant for someone very close to me. That betrayal was a big blow and it took me a great while before I got over it. It was one of the saddest things that ever happened to me”.

What do you do when you feel so disappointed with your emotional life? Usually, it is better to walk away and that is exactly what Adeola did. It wasn’t easy but he is glad he survived the pains of betrayal.

“I am not the kind of guy who falls for or gets carried away with every girl that comes my way. As a matter of fact, I can actually count the number of girls that I have dated on my fingertips. Truth of the matter is that I am not what you would call a ladies’ man”.

First and foremost, the Romeo in question has a very poor social lifestyle. “I don’t have friends and I hardly go out. The few people around me know that I am a workaholic and when I am not at work, you can be sure to find me in the house”.

At a point, family and loved ones got really worried and began to harass him about his social life.”At a point, I got really fed up, everyone around me thought they knew what I needed and began to advise me to get busy along the social corridor’.

Worried? Not really! “Personally, I thought all was well. I knew that once I saw the girl I really like everything would fall in place. Interestingly, I finally found her, the proverbial bone of my bones. We met in the examination hall, we were writing the same professional examinations that morning and she sat right in front of me. As soon as I saw her, I just liked everything about her. After writing our papers, I walked towards her and she just starred at me in a snobbish way”.

That naturally did not deter me. As a matter of fact, I like women who are difficult to get. Perhaps, she was in a bad mood because of the paper, she just wrote, I told myself. I finally succeeded in getting her number and that was how it all began. As we moved on in the relationship, I realsied that she was just like me in every aspect of life, a woman who is strong minded, not a talkative and very focused in her lifestyle. That made me like her even more.

The only snag was that she had another guy in her life and she told me about him from the onset. Not the type of lady who would lie about anything. The other relationship was however having problems because of distance and some other related factors. Luckily, I won the emotional battle, the guy had found another heart and the vacuum gave me the opportunity to be her man. Finding this heart, I must say is the best thing that ever happened in my life and I am so glad I found her”.

The crux of the matter here is to find a heart that you desire and learn to understand each other.  Once you know how to make the heart you cherish happy, things would definitely move the way you want.

One other thing that you must understand is that communication is key, you must speak the same love language and make the love nest as interesting as possible. It is therefore important to make effort from time to time and understand the language your partner is speaking.

In addition, it is also necessary to also not only what your partner is saying, but how they are saying it, it actually takes away their fear of being open and honest.

You must also remember that the emotional nest is not a bed of roses. Always prepare and arm yourself with emotional tools needed for the good and bad times. Even when you are not satisfied with the way things have turned out, you can complain and argue in an effective way. . Arguing is a normal and healthy part of any relationship. The key is to argue effectively and with compassion in mind. We need to speak our truth with kindness and love. If you don’t think you can be calm, make sure to take a time out and revisit the topic when b you are in a better frame of mind.

For Cecilia, the past few months have been chaotic. The lady in her mid thirties has had to work on so many projects and family engagements that could not be shelved. Her philosophy about life helped,  for her what must be done, must be done well.So, she put all her resources and energy into the activities and made sure everything was in order.

By the time she was sure that everything was  okay Cecilia realised that the stress had taken a toll on her health. She then decided that it was better  to take a break for two weeks. Naturally, travelling came to her mind and she made arrangements to go out of town for a while.

It was fun and Cecilia met new friends. Fortunately or unfortunately two days before the end of this memorable holiday, Cecilia slipped and got a dislocation in the right arm. What a pity! The pain was simply unbearable and the trauma made her forget the sweet memories she had just experienced. She then had to ask for an extension to sort out this silly arm that now became the centre of attention.

Her boss granted the leave extension and advised her to take things calmly. The first few days and weeks were very traumatic for her. The arm ached so badly and she wondered why it chose to happen at this point. As a matter of fact, the strain reminded her about the bitter memories from her last relationship. “Emeka was an ungrateful idiot. When I met him he had no job, no house and had nothing except his degree. At that point, he looked very humble and appeared to be righteous.” She strongly believed in impacting people’s lives and she began to help him open doors that had been closed for so long. “I had some savings in the cooperative society of the organisation that I was working for and I was allowed to borrow twice as much. I gave Emeka to start a business and he was very happy at that point.

Was that a  smart thing to do? Well, we can’t really blame her because love is about giving and sharing.”He used the money to start a business and things went well. I also introduced him to a number of friends and acquaintances and he got a number of contracts In the process.”

Two years down the lane, Emeka”s  fortune changed and this was the best time to show gratitude. She was wrong! Just before she realised that she had made a mistake, he began to tell her that she was not fit to be his better half.”Suddenly, he began to complain about my dress sense , mannerisms and a number of other things. I told him that I would change and he agreed to give me another chance.”

Was this lover boy truly going to give our friend another chance? “About six months after I got a letter from Emeka saying that he had relocated to the United States and that he had married someone else.” Poor Cecilia, she was devastated and her heart sank. She promised never to fall in love again. Thinking about this grand betrayal now made her health deteriorate. Interestingly, the doctor on duty took a keen interest in her. It turned out that they were both victims of love and some how they got closer and closer. He turned out to be the man she has been waiting for all this while.

The big question here, is how do you find your bearing when you are  at  emotionally crossroads? First, it is important not to play the blame game. Assigning blame will cause the other person to either get defensive or feel worthless. Neither of those feelings promote peace in a relationship. When blame enters into the conversation, then one person becomes the victim and the other becomes the reason why bad things are happening. Does that sound like a platform for a loving and peaceful relationship? You are in this relationship together and assigning blame just creates a separation in your partnership. Resist the temptation to assign blame, bond together, and work through the situation like partners.

One other thing that you need to do is to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. When you are upset with your partner, it is easy to focus on what we think they did wrong, or even what we think is wrong with them. How productive is that mindset? What we focus on expands and becomes more noticeable. Wouldn’t it be better to remind yourself what you love about this person and why you fell in love with them in the first place? If you want a happy and peaceful relationship, apply the life skills of positive thinking and positive focus.

If you find yourself feeling moody and argumentative, focus on the blessings in your life. Focus on the deep value that your partner has added to your life. By shifting your focus, you shift your state away from the negative and towards the positive.

DAYDREAMING. No, she wasn’t. This was actually a dream come true. Tears, tears and more tears. It’s been tears of joy since the day, Maduka proposed to her. He took her unaware and the worst part of it all was the fact that she wasn’t even sure about the relationship.

Even though, she really liked him, she always had the feeling that he was a ladies man, the type many ladies wanted to have and you just are not sure of who was going to get him. It brought memories of heartbreaks and she just did not want to go through that tortuous corridor anymore. To play safe, she decided to stay calm and avoid hearts that were oversubscribed. “We met at a party and as soon as he saw me he just liked me. Of course, I liked him because he is a very good looking man, he had all the feature that any woman would want in her man. However, all his physical assets made me quiver each time I remember my experience in my last two relationships. When you have that kind of man in your kitty, you cannot sleep well. You get scared because of the emotional hawks lurking around and waiting to get you out of the way”, she recounts.

She continued: “The more I ran away from him, the more he pursued until he captured yours truly. Even my friends and family members who kept encouraging me to give him a chance were glad that it worked out well. Now, I know that it was beyond me. It was something God himself and worked out and perhaps it was a compensation for all the things that I had gone through in the past”.

This was indeed a dream come true. Poor Cynthia, she had gone through shocks and bumps along the emotional corridor. At some points, she was devastated passing through valleys that were cold and tortuous, tormented by emotional vultures in different ways.

She takes you down memory lane this way:        “The first experience really broke my heart to pieces. he was my first love and we dated for about three years. We went through every stage of the courtship meticulously and I was really proud to introduce him to my friends and relatives”.

Challenges? “There was nothing to complain about. He was simply a great guy who moved around with few friends, he dotted over you in such a way that it took me ages to get over it. I cannot even recall seeing him get angry no matter what happened between us. So, I just couldn’t believe that we had come to the end of the relationship when he left.

So, what went wrong, you wonder? “The truth of the matter is that he hasn’t told me anything till date. He just walked away without looking back or remembering the good times that we shared together. At a point, I just refused to take no for an answer and I decided to comb everywhere for any information about what made him to end our relationship.”

First, she went to the family house to see his mother and siblings but nobody was willing to see her or talk to her. “Next, I went to his friends but they also kept sealed lips. Only two of them, who had disapproved of our relationship from the onset, were willing to let the cat out of the bag. They told me that his ex girlfriend, the babe that broke his heart just before we met came back. He was obviously still in love with her and he dumped Cynthia without looking back at all. “

That unfortunately laid the foundation for the other relationships that Cynthia got involved with subsequently. “I was determined to break every heart that came my way. I wanted them to feel and experience what I had passed through. They usually left in frustration and in my heart I thought nobody could every filled the vacuum created. I always put up a non-challant attitude, made life difficult by nagging and getting into controversies with the people around them”.

She added: “In fact, I really hated the men that came my way. Each time they told me the truth, I just found it difficult to trust them. In my heart, I believed that all men were liars.’

It went on and on and at a point, she made up her mind that life would be better and stable if she remained single. “It wasn’t just because of what I was passing through personally. I saw all kinds of things happening to my friends and it got me thinking that it wasn’t worth the stress afterall”.

Interestingly, it was at this point that Raymond walked into her life. “I tried to get rid of him a number of times but he just did not give up. He was so sure that he had found love and he did everything to make it work. Now, I am so glad it worked out. This is actually the best Christmas gift ever. ‘Believe this is all happening to me. Feeling like Cinderella with a wonderful prince charming.

WHEN you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the center of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here

you can scroll down memory lane recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspires and affects others. From the trees you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what where you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place. It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

The one you desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you anyone any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of ‘an albatross around his neck indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in temptuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 meters. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of bird in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

The behavior of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

Interestingly, these birds the bones from its wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First it is going to lose its clear white color at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden? Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

Conversely if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones.  Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

ONE way to discover and rediscover yourself is by learning from others. Everybody certainly has a love story to tell you and you can be sure that no two stories can ever be the same. You can also learn from others by reading love stories or watching such movies at home or the cinemas. Lovebirds love to dine out and watch movies and this certainly is one of the best places to learn and appreciate those you fall in love with , what goes on in their hearts as well as how to live happily together forever. Or from the other side, it could be a NEVER ‘Ever After’love story.

For many the latter, love is a mirage, a dream that never comes true. That was what yours truly discovered at the Cinema lately. Lots of lonely buddies and happy folks are literarily crying in the rain. In this kind of scenarios, nobody is likely to see your tears because the raindrops would be stronger than your teardrops. The only difference however is that you are going to purge yourself from the bitter memories, the uncertainty and the frustrations of running after an elusive heart.

Interestingly, yours truly discovered this phrase from the movie ‘Journey to self ‘written by Ashionye and produced by Fressia Entertainment.

Would it be interesting to watch? You also wonder if is there going to bring fresh revelations for an old timer like yours truly. Doubting Thomas? No need for that. The best way to tap from your environment is to have an open mind, this way you can get water out of any love stone.

So, yours truly got set and it was time to learn from five yawning hearts, hearts that either fell in love or allowed love to get the better part of their lives at some point. It was the story of five friends who went through different emotional phases to rediscover themselves. Unfortunately, the fifth lady (Uche) did not have the opportunity to get a second chance on the affectionate timetable. She committed suicide when she discovered that she meant nothing to the man she was married to. Instead of being loved, she was a mere property whose worth had been reduced to nothing when she could not bear children.

In the movie, you follow the story of five childhood friends, Regina, Nse, Rume, Alex and Uche who was a victim, sacrificed on the altar of love. Interestingly, she was the one who pulled her friends together over the years with a seemingly happy disposition. She gave other a shoulder to cry on while she bottled up all the tears in heart. Sadly, she left with a series of letters, letters which later provoked her friends to open up on secrets that had become almost ‘stale’.

Luckily, it made them do the things they feared to do and it ushered them into another interesting phase in their lives. Alex threw away her toy boy and got a real man. Nse got the courage to tell her husband about a baby she had way back in school and to her surprise he forgave and accepted her. Regina opted for divorce while Rume’s relationship had also broken and could not be mended.

As the poured their hearts out you it brought vivid images of the deception, blackmail and bitterness from people they love or thought loved them. It made you laugh and cry a little. The things women go through all for love. Can they really do without the heartaches which have actually become part and parcel of almost every relationship?

Humour from Rume and good production made it a delight. It also brought to the fore issues about women and relationships as well as how to find a way out of the emotional woods if you ever get to this point. It featured Nse Ikpe Etim, Dakore Akande , Tosin Sido, Katherine Obiang and the writer of the script, Ashionye Michelle Raccah.In it you find tips on how to make good use of friendship as well as how to be a friend indeed. Lies, secrets and self discovery are the other things that you discover as you allow your mind to explore the many possibilities encountered in the love arena.

It is only natural to want to keep and treasure something that good. If you are lucky to have a very special connection, then you would do everything to make it last. And because it’s so good, you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found your Mr. Right. It is at this point that you find a lot of ladies getting  anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about her. Unfortunately, this is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a lot of mistakes. You can and should communicate what you want to a man and set certain standards.

But you have to do it from the beginning… not keep things bottled up, “hoping” he’s thinking and intending the same things from the relationship that you are, and then feel upset and confused when months later you find out that he doesn’t. If you let a man know what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship early on, then he won’t feel cornered or “hassled.” He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

WHEN you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the center of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here

you can scroll down memory lane recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspires and affects others. From the trees you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what where you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place. It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

The one you desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you anyone any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of ‘an albatross around his neck indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in temptuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 meters. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of bird in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

The behavior of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

Interestingly, these birds the bones from its wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First it is going to lose its clear white color at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden? Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

Conversely if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones.  Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

IT was her birthday and she had planned an outing with the one she loved. Ibidunni had invested so much on her hair, outfit and the other accessories that made the total package interesting. The environment for the dinner was also great and exciting. The date however turned out to be a nightmare because the dude who was supposed to make it romantic failed to turn up.

What a nightmare! Now that it has happened, the whole relationship and memories comes flowing with stark realities. “I realised at this point that I had been wasting my time investing on a guy who did not deserve my emotions. Along the line, I had noticed that he was not sincere with me, I had suspected at different times that he was seeing other ladies but somehow I kept thinking that he was going to change. I kept thinking that he was going to get tired of his bad habits and then we would live happily together forever.”

Dreamer! The truth of the matter is that you cannot give what you do not have. This is why relationships that are unplanned most often fail. Even though every relationship has its peculiar strengths and weaknesses it is better to plan and invest in your emotional future. The next question would be how to you make core love investments? Are you sure that your investments would be appreciated as well as reap emotional dividends at the right time.

Here we must think of the type of emotional investment that we need to make, responsible investing as well as the costly mistakes that emotional investors make before forging ahead. Next, you need to define and understand the kind of investments you need to make as well as how to going about doing it in the right way.

The love arena comes with a lot of complications and what you think is important may not necessarily be cool for the other party. In economics, investment is the accumulation of newly produced physical entities, such as factories, machinery, houses, and goods inventories.

Interestingly, in finance, investment is a different ballgame entirely. Here it is putting money into an asset with the expectation of capital appreciation, dividends, and interest earnings.

However these parallel lines meet at some point. Like financial investments, emotional investments also involve some risk. This includes investment in equities, property, and even fixed interest securities which are subject, among other things, to inflation risk.

Investing in your emotions as well as in the emotions of the one you love is not a short time strategy. It is about making a success about the relationship in the long run and you must have the goal of wanting it to work out. It is only when you are sincere wit h the heart that you treasure that you would be ready to make core love investments..

 To have your emotions given, or “invested,” towards someone or something sounds like a great idea but it requires a lot of hard work, dedication as well as perseverance. It requires the focusing your emotions on to something or someone that you care a lot about.

No matter how hard we try we are still likely to run into emotional and economic depression. They are phases that we pass through in our finances and our emotions. The phase should not be a hindrance, setback or stumbling block. The most important thing is to understand the tools to make use of as you pass through the phase. On the other hand, the assets and investments that you have stored up over time would definitely help you to pass through the raining day without tears.

Experts would readily tell you that it is only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few potholes as the journey through and from the emotional in the road. Some even run into emotional gutters, somersault on the emotional flyovers many times and still survive because they have saved lots of emotions which they use to replenish each time they are in emotional distress.

So, if you recognize ahead of time, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them when they finally show up.

In spite of the fact that every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going strong. Some actually use the problems as a stepping stone, launching themselves to emotional heights they never imagined existed when they started out together.

. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday life. Others also get assistance  by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling as well as observing what other successful couples do to enrich their emotional bank.

It is also good to set up some rules that would guide your relationship with one another. Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems.

The atmosphere within was quite serene. The décor and facilities wee all fantastic and they made the environment unique. However there was a snag, this beautiful room had no roof and all that was within did not make up for this single omission. On rainy days, poor Shade was exposed to the harsh weather and the story was the same when the scorching sun took turn to do the usual. In addition, the missing roof top brought all kinds on invasion within and at the end of it all the discomfort was more than the comfort within.

This scenario actually paints the picture of what Folashade was going through before she ran away from her love nest. On the surface, Sunkanmi appeared to have made all the provisions required to make  her world go round. But when she came into his heart she discovered that the heart was like a room without a roof. She could never be protected here, she would never  experience real love and for so long her heart was exposed to the harsh elements. She was abused by all kinds of intruders and he was just non  challant about the whole saga. The more she complained, the more hostile he became and when she just could not take it any more, she ran away. It was at this point that our dear Romeo had a change of heart, friends and loved ones who heard the one sided story he told also began to rain insults of Folashade. But then when the true story unfolded ,it was obvious that she just could not survive in that kind of space, it was better to fight and run way instead of losing her sanity to an uncaring heart.

For a lot of people finding your way out of a wrong relationship can be very traumatic. For Deborah, this was the same experience.  It was quite frustrating but was at that point that I made up my mind to move on and give Matthew the opportunity he had been crying for. In a short while , I discovered that he was not as bad  as I thought he was. He also had a change of heart and things got really better.

At this point, she realsied that it was better to stay with this emotional devil instead of going after someone else who may actually turn out to be a disaster.

A heart filled with roses? Yes, that had always been her dream. A desire to be a modern day Cinderella or Snow white.

Dotun was exactly what Maureen had been searching for all her life. Interestingly, the encounter was a chance meeting on that fateful day, she was going to the salon to retouch her hair which was long overdue. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to pick her relaxer and she decided to stop over at the supermarket to pick one.

As she stepped into the premises, she bumped into this handsome dude who was just starring at her. Nonsense can you just move out of the way, ‘she muttered. Not moved he assisted her to pick her bag and get herself together. A very close encounter and she was disturbed further but somehow Dotun was cool and calm. “At that point, I wondered what he was up to and quickly moved out of his way. In my heart I kept wandering if he was a fraudster, a miracle or was iit just love at first sight.  He came back and it was apologies galore. As she helped her to carry her things out to the car she felt something leap in her heart. She left for the salon thinking it was all over but Dotun drove ahead and park in a corner watching her gesticulations and every move. He liked what he saw and decided he wanted a relationship with her.

When Maureen finished in the salon, she drove back home tired. The most important thing she wanted was a good sleep. To her utmost surprise, the guy she bumped into at the supermarket was right beside her at the doorstep. Was she going to shout for help from her neighbors or allow her emotional instinct to take over? Well, she took the latter option and that was how the relationship started and got really groovy. For about two years he treated her like an idol. A lot of her friends were wistfully envious of these two lovebirds and the way they projected their relationship to others. On her part, Maureen was also a very beautiful lady with the right curves. She was very faithful with her dude. Of course, there was a constant deluge of propositions but no one was able to lure her away from her dear Dotun. Conversely, Maureen’s heart was not stable, it moved in so direction and that ruined everything they built together.

She spent a fortune to buy the jewelry and every morning, all she did was to take a good look at it, smile and put it back into the treasure chest. Great investment, and then one day she needed some cash and her mind riveted that way. Yes, she was going to use this investment to get what she wanted. But to her utmost surprise, the charming gold bracelet was fake. Fola felt really bad, she threw away the box and it content. How can she hold on to something that is so worthless?

Interestingly, that is the way it is for a lot of relationships. You keep the person you treasure in the uppermost part of your heart. Like gold and diamonds, they have been treasured for so long and your dream is to keep them there forever. But then somehow something happens and your emotional treasure turns out to be a bundle of affectionate disappointments. It becomes useless and you just want to put ‘it’ behind you. Usually, when you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of “promise” and connection, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way.

You might even vow not to date again for a long time, because you just don’t want to get hurt again. It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little “bubble” you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy. What do you need a man for anyway?

You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close.

You don’t want to be vulnerable. What’s the point, if all that’s going to happen is that you’ll end up feeling more of the same? Well, the truth of the matter is that love does not always work this way. Sometimes you win and there are times when you lose.

If you are really honest with yourself, you’ll realise that you don’t want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience. As a matter of fact, one great guy you’re meant to be with could be out there somewhere. And unless you create the “space” for him in your life, you won’t be ready for love when he finally surfaces.

If you’re not taking a risk, then you may just be risking never feeling the love and connection that could transform your life someday. Of course, if your experience with the opposite sex has been, well, less than great, then you would surely have some reservations. For those in this category, they would rather stick a twig in their eye than date again. But the simple truth is that you can experience the kind of love that you’ve always wanted in your life, regardless of what kind of bad experiences you’ve had before.

When you wear an emotional love crown there are lots of expectations. And because so much has been given, you would also want to give back to your crown prince. Once you do not meet the person’s expectation, then things are likely to fall apart. Here you would be thinking of how to get back the love, passion, and enjoyment out of love and life. For a lot of women it is important because they prefer to stop the vicious cycle of getting into a relationship, getting a man, and then losing themselves. The ultimate goal usually is to have a truly loving and “evolved” relationship.

You can also achieve this if you learn to change the way you go about your relationship, you can make this change happen in the man you’re with – or in the kind of man you attract.

Some, however, believe that you can only get to your love destination if you get the right partner. Sometimes , you don’t need to wait for the right relationship to “happen to you,” when you have the power to make it happen for yourself and feel 100% confident about where your love and relationship is headed.

In a lot of relationships the sparks reduce when there is breakdown in communication. Mistrust, arguments and feelings of hurt are likely to occur and recur in this kind of relationship. It further leads to a continual state of frustration, misunderstood feeling and being unappreciated. The truth of the matter is that unexpressed feelings usually pile up and poison the relationship. The emotional buttons that your partner pushes in you can make you happy or angry depending on how you guys connect. So, it is better to be committed by listening not only with your ears but also with your heart.

Always remember that in any relationship it is not what you get but what you give that matters. Criticism, contempt, being defensive and stonewalling are signs that the sparks you once enjoyed in a relationship are going or gone. Even though teasing is an important tool for building healthy relationships, you need to understand your partner to know what jokes are appropriate and those that are not. Please don’t overstretch your limits when it comes to joking or teasing your partner.

The truth about attraction is that it is not just about being a great beauty, or about seducing a man into having feelings for you. It is actually about something deeper and more long-lasting. And the best part is that once a man feels this level of attraction for you, almost nothing can keep him away from wanting to be with you.