Category: Pillow Talk

IT was supposed to be the best part of his life. Kelechi got calls from far and wide but deep down; he knew that this was a mistake. It was just a few hours to the d-day and all the arrangements had been perfected. All that was left was to sleep, wake up and get to the church to sign the dotted lines

The big question however is how was he going to go through the ordeal of getting hooked to someone he just discovered was unfaithful. Should he continue as if nothing had happened or just walk away from everything?

Wondering what happened? “I got a phone call from someone who told me, he was her ex boyfriend. He told me that she had a baby for him about five years ago and wanted me to know that part of the woman that I was getting married to. The news was so shocking because Ada is someone that I cherish so much. I gave up so many things because of her and I did not hide anything from her since I met her.”

Blackmail? Yes, that is natural. “It is normal to have a past but it is also important to let the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with know about those things that might upset the relationship. If you hide things from the love of your life, then they would certainly get upset when they get the information from another source”.

So, what did Ada have to say about this revelation you wonder? “I called her up immediately and asked her about that part of her life. She told me it was the truth. That she had a baby in her final year in school and she kept it a secret because she thought I wouldn’t accept her if I knew. I was really upset and I felt she couldn’t be trusted anymore.”

A few friends intervened, they tried to talk to him, asking him to forgive her but somehow he thinks that something is wrong somewhere. Ada certainly was his dream girl. For Kelechi, she fit into the picture nicely and he did his best to make it work.

His heart was literarily on fire and he almost made up his mind not to allow the wedding ceremony to go on. Then Ada sent him a message, it was very long and she took time to talk about the baby, blackmail from the other guy and why she kept everything away from him. It was obvious that she had gone through so much pain already and his heart melted and forgave her.

Also, the letters, gifts and souvenirs they shared in the past brought the emotional flames back again and the emotional tragedy was reverted.

Great! Thank God, it was resolved by the twosome. The crux of the matter here is that you must always carry your partner along. This way, you will be able to build trust and understanding around the issues that confront you from time to time. It is also important to have regular discussion to see how you are faring, areas of similarities as well as differences.

At such moments, you can talk about what you appreciate most about each other during the last two weeks. Then you can go on to discuss what can be done to improve the relationship, and how to do so. You can then finish up with gratitude to each other for doing the relationship check-in and have a great lunch or dinner as the case may be.

Trust is also very important. You trust yourselves as well as the people around you, especially those who you admire in your life. All of these strategies will help you build up trust, and research shows, that this is key to having happy, lasting relationships. Always keep in the back of your mind a personal evaluation of the level of trust in the relationship. How much do you trust the other person to act in ways that both match your mental model of that person? How much do you trust that person to have your back?

If you want an intentional relationship, do things to build up trust and gather information about the other person’s trustworthiness. Exhibit vulnerability and openness, share secrets, and be generous in your offers to compromise. If the other person shows themselves trustworthy, then be more committed to the relationship. If they do not, then re-evaluate your own level of commitment, as the relationship likely will not work in the long term.

One great way to depict trust is by allowing each other to set boundaries and permit privacy. Luckily, technological developments make it so easy for us to track each other and to be in constant communication. However, permitting each other to have a private space or not pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships. Respecting boundaries and permitting privacy will do wonders for building up mutual trust!

A love feast? Yes, Love and falling in love can be compared to a love feast. When you are at the peak of affections turn table then there would be lots of loving in the air. It would be a time to wine and dine. Time to look gorgeous and be the subject of someone’s admiration, a time and a season to snap photographs to record these wonderful memories.

One other thing that comes to mind when you are feasting and celebrating is to give and receive gifts. It is a way to show appreciation and be appreciated. And there are all kinds of gifts. You need to understand the personality involve to know the appropriate gift to shower on the one you love. There is no point spending a fortune on something that would not be appreciated.

A Souvenir is a kind of gift that comes to mind at this point. It is something that is kept as a reminder of a person, place or event. When you travel out of the country we usually love to bring back souvenirs that would remind us about the wonderful places we’ve been to .Friends whose paths cross yours also give you some mementos to bring back wonderful memories shared later on in life.

One interesting thing however is the fact that there are different types of souvenirs and their quality and attributes make them important or not. Its aesthetics and general design also determine where you would keep it, how long it would be treasures and what it ultimately means to you.

Love according to a school of thought can be described as a souvenir. Something exciting to behold, something carefully designed and something valuable. Once you have given love to someone it can never be erased, it can never be forgotten.

The only snag however is the quality and quantity of loving that you are giving or getting in return. You can actually assess this by cross checking the type of love that was doled out by your prince charming or the lady who has captured your emotions.

You can do your assessments by looking at the different souvenirs in your custody. Some souvenirs are filled with memories; some are expensive, priceless, precious, fake or cheap. A romantic experience can also be filled with pleasant memories or bitter memories. What you get is what you give and the experience is going to stick on forever. Love can also be expensive. This means that it is going to cost you so much to merit the attention of the person you desire. Here you may give, give and give so much just to get the other party’s emotional attention. This does not mean that you are going to get value for sowing so much affection and love.

If the person you are attracted to appreciates what you are doing then it would be a love feast indeed. The memories would be cherished and everything would fall in the right place as expected. This can also be achieved if you haven’t place square love pegs in round holes. Everyone must know and understand their duties and be dedicated to achieve results.

Sometimes, the loving you get compares with fake and cheap souvenirs. Even if you really like these souvenirs there is a limit to how long you can keep such. Cheap souvenirs like love are likely to crack peel off or be broken. When it gets to that stage you would be forced to take it off the wall, away from table or shelf as the case may be.

In the final category you would find souvenirs that are precious and priceless. Even when you know that you have come to the end of the road, you just can’t stop dreaming. The memories are so good, so exciting and each time you reminisce it is likely to transport you to fantasy land. It is surely going to be rated as one of the best romance you ever had. Like a dream you wish and wish that it is never going to end. It a tape that you just love to play and play all over again. A never ending love story. A tale of selfless love told by dreamers and generous lovebirds.

For 28 year old Tola her experience can be classified into a fake souvenir category. Unfortunately for her the memories continue to reverberate even though she would have loved to sweep it under the carpet. A few weeks ago while she was driving to work a thought occurred to her. “I needed to get out of the relationship. It was obvious that we had come to the end of the road. I felt so sad because it was actually affecting my work and social life. Everything around me simply looked like it had come to a standstill.

How did she get to this point and why did she allow herself to be pushed to the emotional wall before taking a decision.“I had been in a relationship for about four years and there was really no value placed on my emotions. Everyday and every minute I felt used and taken for granted.”

Her dream and desire had always been to love and be loved. But somehow the more she tried to achieve this simple dream the more elusive it has become. Has love become so discriminatory? Was affection selective and partial? Sadly, she posed these questions to her bosom friend, Temi who gave her a personal experience that started with tears but ended on a happy note.

“We met in church and everyone was so happy about the relationship. Somehow his parents and mine weren’t friends and we thought it was not going to end well. There was a lot of frustration in between but somehow things changed gradually and it worked out as planned.

The truth of the matter is that every love story is not the same. But your love souvenir is determined by the goals that you set for yourself, dedication on the part of your partner and the dreams that you share in common. You can achieve this by sending the RIGHT CUES to a guy. No matter the obstacles on your emotional path always prepare for success.

AND I would do anything for love

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I’d never lie to you and that’s a fact

But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now

Oh no, no way

And I would do anything for love

Oh I would do anything for love

I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that

No, I won’t do that

I will do anything for Love. This is certainly a familiar love song and it goes on and on talking about the things lovebirds would do, for the heart the cherish and want to keep forever like diamonds. The song which has been recorded by different artistes overtime points to the promises, love heights and the other side, that reminds us all about love’s reality zone.

So, many lovebirds are willing to do everything and anything for the heart that they love. The stakes are higher when it is reciprocal and everyone is happy and intoxicated by the love environment.

Unfortunately, the love season differs. It changes with emotional chameleon taking charge of the stage at different phases of the game. When some set out to betray the love process from the onset, others simply get carried away midway and forget the sweet promises and vows of sticking to one another till death do them apart.

When the chips are down, those who have hearts as strong as the lion learn to move on without causing a stir. However, not everyone who give up so easy. Those in this category would fight as well as take back a pound of flesh or even more. A recent video of a battered widow beaten to a state of coma by a jealous wife and her sister comes to mind here.

The images naturally brings tears to the eyes and you cannot help but pity the woman at the receiving end. As a widow, she must have been a lonely heart and that vacuum obviously led her to trouble. Perhaps, she didn’t even give the man her conscent. Or she may not even know that he was ‘happily’ married.

Whatever transpired between the twosomes is a personal secret. We are not in their shoes and cannot make any assumptions here. They would be able to tell their story that is if it is something they want to go viral like the video in question.

Next, you mind goes to the woman at the centre of the emotional scandal, the wife. Naturally, she would have been nursing emotional wounds overtime. Sadly, that is the story in cheating game. Someone must be at the lower end and the emotional trauma would someday give way to what happened or even worse. Nights of pain, crying in the dark , waking up to curse the day they met , how she is going to pay them back  and subsequently unleash emotional terror . Unfortunately, you don’t have to take the law into your hand to vindicate yourself. Also wrapped in the love triangle is a sister who has also gone through tough emotional times.

Guilty? Yes. You can’t take the laws ( emotional) into your hands , without fully understanding what’s going on in the space. You just cannot be the victim, the prosecutor and the jury. When in a deep emotional mess, the wise thing to do would be to step aside and allow other people to come in and find answers and solutions for you.

Jungle justice won’t work. This is certainly crude and it would only get you into more trouble. As a matter of fact, it may actually mess up the whole process and you will end up losing what you set out to save in the first place.  To survive, it is better to have a great strategy. That would definitely make you smarter, wiser and you would be able to recover, repossess and realign you ‘loot’ without stress.

Interestingly, sometimes the emotional space can be unfair to the real victims. Some things are not visible and there are no arguments that would justify that you have been robbed in the emotional transaction. Here, the best thing perhaps would be to let go of the loot instead of fighting over a heart that has already be repositioned.

Everyone is part of the emotional jury here and you can give your verdict depending on what side of the emotional coin that you are on. We would all have something to say. It’s tough judging a desperate housewife flogging a helpless rival in despair

The crux of the matter is that, they wear the shoes, they know where and how it pinches and you cannot pass a verdict except you have been down that corridor yourself. If you have, then simply do a flashback and recall the things that went on in your mind. Thank God, you didn’t carry out your plans. Imagine, what would have happened if you had done what you wanted to do then. God forbid!

What happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves.

Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was a victim; valuable hearts had vanished courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted’. She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from the hawk-the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of heart, looking remorseful.

This was not the best time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It is the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that cupid’s arrow is on target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on the doors indicating direction to a choice location. This also reminds you of Jeffrey archer’s book, a Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honor betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drive men and women to love and to hate.

A good hunter must have a quiver filled with a sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase(s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

What are you ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrows required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts those are as gentle as dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divides are lion’s crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you list expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger.

If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you chose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have been longing for, lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is the hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills ultimately used it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

When you see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this cupid-send angel, all you see is a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘bush meat’.

The best things in life are free. You don’t need to push it, you don’t need to force it on others . It just comes naturally and the effect last a lifetime. That aptly capture the atmosphere of true love, it bring happiness that is infectious to people around those involved. That precisely is the what is going on in the mind of Benjamin and Toyin at the moment .

“It great finding a heart that is meant for you and you alone. I saw her and another friend on that fateful day. I like the other girl at a distance but my instinct told me that Toyin was the girl. Thank God that I didn’t make a mistake, if I did I am not sure I would be enjoying the emotional frenzy that is going on right now”, Benjamin recalls happily.

That is what he discovered and he is so happy to have found a heart that is really precious. “ One thing that kept us going was the fact that we shared so many things in common. This is very different from all the relationships that I have ever heard, we spend so many memorable times together and the bond kept waxing stronger and stronger. We had only been together for about two years but it seem like a lifetime already”.

They are experiencing emotional bliss and the emotional drama reaches a climax during the week as they tie the knot together. For the lovebirds, it is indeed the best valentine ever. Four wonderful days to go…..Valentine is here again. The atmosphere is getting magnetic by the day and love has indeed conquered all. Feeling loved and being loved in return certainly isn’t something that can be quantified in the real sense of the word, the more you look, the less you see and so it is better to relax and allow your imaginations to run riot .Helen Kellar aptly captures the love mood this way: “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard but must be felt with the heart”.

To enjoy and flow, you must travel light and understand that love has its high and low moments. It is like the tides, they can flow or ebb. Imagine yourself swimming in the emotional river, no matter how good you are, there are moments when you experience utter bliss and you just wish that it goes on and on. That would naturally take you through heights and waves of frenzy and those around you will ultimately feel the frenzy. Laughter, tears of joy and kisses galore. Turn the emotional table upside down and you find yourself at the end of the river, everything ebbs out until you find yourself on dry land. An emotional fish out of the river, gasping for survival.

Read Also: Toyin Abraham praises husband after avoiding a kiss on set

This is certainly what many do not want to experience and when they find themselves here. The next thing would be to think of how to rediscover their love life again.

Love, commitment, romance, communication and support for one another makes the relationship a nest to remember.

Unfortunately, as the time goes by some people tend to forget and abandon the things that brought them together the two love-birds merely forget those little gestures like texting, complementing and surprising, which are an integral part of the relationship. Physical attraction becomes priority and sex become daily-dose.

But, one thing I would say genuinely, that relationship is not about physical attraction, it’s more about understanding, caring, trust and time. One cannot just underestimate the power of these small gestures. Sometimes, misunderstanding and lack of time lead to breakups. So, if you don’t want to face that situation so, give value to small-small things. I’m not asking you to buy a Versace or Gucci for your love, but pay attention to sweet gestures that will keep the spark of your relationship alive and bring you both closer.

Expert strongly advise that the most critical part of the healthy relationship is communication. Instead of moving out from the issues, talk about it. You must also be ready to go through the challenges and tough times together. If your partner is not ready or lacking behind in sharing your partners, problems, understanding what is going on in his or her mind and encouraging them to forge ahead.

No matter the odds, your determination you keep you going and once you are on this part, you must never let your love apart. If you’re meeting your partner after a long time, a single “Love You” works well with a sweet compliment like “You smelling good” or “You look beautiful”. No matter how difficult things are, you must be determined to keep the flame burning.

IT was her birthday and she had planned an outing with the one she loved. Ibidunni had invested so much on her hair, outfit and the other accessories that made the total package interesting. The environment for the dinner was also great and exciting. The date however turned out to be a nightmare because the dude who was supposed to make it romantic failed to turn up.

What a nightmare! Now that it has happened, the whole relationship and memories comes flowing with stark realities. “I realised at this point that I had been wasting my time investing on a guy who did not deserve my emotions. Along the line, I had noticed that he was not sincere with me, I had suspected at different times that he was seeing other ladies but somehow I kept thinking that he was going to change. I kept thinking that he was going to get tired of his bad habits and then we would live happily together forever.”

Dreamer! The truth of the matter is that you cannot give what you do not have. This is why relationships that are unplanned most often fail. Even though every relationship has its peculiar strengths and weaknesses it is better to plan and invest in your emotional future. The next question would be how to you make core love investments? Are you sure that your investments would be appreciated as well as reap emotional dividends at the right time.

Here we must think of the type of emotional investment that we need to make, responsible investing as well as the costly mistakes that emotional investors make before forging ahead. Next, you need to define and understand the kind of investments you need to make as well as how to going about doing it in the right way.

The love arena comes with a lot of complications and what you think is important may not necessarily be cool for the other party. In economics, investment is the accumulation of newly produced physical entities, such as factories, machinery, houses, and goods inventories.

Interestingly, in finance, investment is a different ballgame entirely. Here it is putting money into an asset with the expectation of capital appreciation, dividends, and interest earnings.

However these parallel lines meet at some point. Like financial investments, emotional investments also involve some risk. This includes investment in equities, property, and even fixed interest securities which are subject, among other things, to inflation risk.

Investing in your emotions as well as in the emotions of the one you love is not a short time strategy. It is about making a success about the relationship in the long run and you must have the goal of wanting it to work out. It is only when you are sincere with the heart that you treasure that you would be ready to make core love investments.

To have your emotions given, or “invested,” towards someone or something sounds like a great idea but it requires a lot of hard work, dedication as well as perseverance. It requires the focusing your emotions on to something or someone that you care a lot about.

No matter how hard we try we are still likely to run into emotional and economic depression. They are phases that we pass through in our finances and our emotions. The phase should not be a hindrance, setback or stumbling block. The most important thing is to understand the tools to make use of as you pass through the phase. On the other hand, the assets and investments that you have stored up over time would definitely help you to pass through the raining day without tears.

Experts would readily tell you that it is only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few potholes as the journey through and from the emotional in the road. Some even run into emotional gutters, somersault on the emotional flyovers many times and still survive because they have saved lots of emotions which they use to replenish each time they are in emotional distress.

So, if you recognize ahead of time, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them when they finally show up.

In spite of the fact that every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going strong. Some actually use the problems as a stepping stone, launching themselves to emotional heights they never imagined existed when they started out together.

. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday life. Others also get assistance  by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling as well as observing what other successful couples do to enrich their emotional bank.

It is also good to set up some rules that would guide your relationship with one another. Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems.

ABIODUN is a playboy. He likes having adventures here and there. In the process, hearts are broken and mended. For the fun-loving young man, that is the way it should be; no harm intended. No big deal. At the end of each emotional rat race, he withdraws back to the real shell, Doris. That is the girl who makes his heart skip a bit every time; others are just past times. They fill the variety in the spice of life gap and when he gets tired of the counterfeits, then he goes back to the original.

Recently, he ran into an emotional nest that looked very beautiful at a glance. It was mesmerising all the way. This beautiful city chic had what any guy would fall for. Moyo was elegant and intelligent. She had a great apartment, nice cars and the right connections. Her qualities and friends made her magnetic; the kind of girl any man would want to date. In a short while, Biodun and Doris painted the city in colours. They were seen almost everywhere together. At this point, her friends concluded that she has finally captured his heart.

Unknown to the lover boy, Moyo desperately needed Biodun to complete her personality. Her dream was for him to abandon Doris who had been a major threat to their relationship all this while. The agenda here is to get married to him and make this dream a reality as soon as possible.

Even if he decides to abandon her for the other woman, she could just get pregnant and be his baby mama. That for her would be a fair deal. In her late 30s, motherhood is the greatest thing that could happen to her now. Initially, the great lover boy was oblivious of the game plan, but gradually he began to smell a rat and being a smart guy, the best strategy was to withdraw completely.

When he did, he began to untie the emotional web and then took to his heels. The big question here is if he finally escape from her? Not so easy! The babe pursued her emotional captive around the nooks and crannies causing all kinds of messy scenes in the process. The last straw was the day she showed up at a party where Biodun proposed to Doris. The chic-about-town came around with some of her friends and caused a pandemonium. It was meant to be a memorable day, but this emotional spoiler stole the show and Doris cried like a baby.

In anger, Biodun pounced on her like an angry lion. Amid the confusion, one of her friends whispered, “Daku”(meaning faint). So, she fainted and there was great confusion. Surprisingly, Biodun remained calm and went out of the venue. Where is the man at the centre of this confusion? everyone wondered. Then, he came back again. Interestingly, he heard when the girls plotted to faint mischievously and just played along. So, he went to his car to find his cigarette lighter. It took him a while to find the lighter. When he came back, his friend Tope just kept looking at him, wondering what he was up to and why he looked so unruffled considering the mess he appeared to be in.

He lit it and put it close to her ears. Moyo jumped up and it was at that point that everyone realised that nothing was wrong with her. She was only pretending to have passed out. The girls ran out of the place in shame. Thank God it was finally over, now he can be sure that poor Doris was out of their emotional snare.

Well, the crux of the matter here is that it takes an emotional thief to catch another thief. When you move with two pigs, then you must be ready to dance, walk and talk like one. If you are not the emotional character that you are dealing with, then you may just end up being the victim in the process.

We all know that no two relationships are the same. However, some things would help us have relationships that would endure the test of time. The first is that you must be flexible in changing for your partner 84% of the time. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice your core values, beliefs and priorities under relationship pressures. The truth of the matter is that your relationship is likely to spiral downward if you have an “anything goes” policy.

One other way to have an interesting experience is to be a mystery. Unfortunately, some people tend to bore their partners and hang around thinking they would secure them this way. It’s comfortable and cosy when two people know absolutely everything about each other but we’re more likely to be drawn to a partner who has connections and a passion for life outside the relationship. You also need to remember that a long time relationship won’t flourish if your partner is someone for whom sex is an enlivening essential force and you’re too unavailable

SEARCHING for greener pastures? Yes, everyone dreams of something good and wonderful. We all have standards and it’s great if we find what we want or something close to the original.

Unfortunately, Rebecca has been criss-crossing the emotional zone without getting to the proverbial promised land in her search. “Most times, I wonder what is always happening to me. I have discovered that I do not love the people who fall in love with. On the other hand, I find that the people that I love or really admire are already hooked up. They have people that they treasure and they don’t usually care about my feelings towards them.”

Well, sometimes we do not find what we really want. When you get to this realisation, then you just have to move and not stick to someone that you know that you can never have. All you need to do is to focus on the good sides of the person who cares about you and make the love idea reciprocal. If you do not move on and make the best of your emotional situation, then you are going to be caught in an emotional cobweb that may lead to depression.

Fear, love, jealousy, pride, vanity and resentment. These are some of the emotions that we are faced with on a daily basis, whether we like it or not. The mind can be very adventurous when it comes to love matters. While some can stick to a particular relationship for so long and do things that would make it look new as the years roll by, there are others who are very adventurous.

Like the mouse pad, love is just a click away. The person in question is always experiencing some excitements, a burst of emotions at any time. As soon as the present emotion fades away you can be sure that something fresh and new will take its place soon.

For this group, no single emotional response can be permanent. This relates to the other kind of emotions too. For instance, when any emotion, such as anger, is experienced, the person is likely to stay angry only for some time; eventually the anger will fade away and a fresh emotion will arise.

Interestingly, an abundance of good feelings, and emotional satisfaction, become the criterion for a successful life. However, emotions present problems for the mind (which is just the personality). When emotions become intense, they neutralise intellectual concerns. In fact, common negatively-valued emotions such as self-pity, fear, anxiety, as well as moods like depression, actually tend to inhibit rationality – in particular, intense anxiety seems to produce a mental fog in one’s mind, making it impossible to study.

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Experts also advise that it is important to understand the nature of emotions if we really want to forge ahead and make our relationship to work. This is because it has profound implications for psycho-therapy.

Interestingly, a lot of people think that their feelings are the same as emotions. This is not true because there are fundamental differences between feelings and emotions. There are a multitude of emotions, but only three feeling. These include the pleasant one, the unpleasant one, and the neutral one. The importance of feelings is that they help give rise to emotions, that is, the bases of all emotions are the three feelings.

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Sometimes you can keep emotional hope alive in the face of certain odds. “Mid way into the relationship, things just went upside down and I thought it was all over. However, I made up my mind to play along because I loved her so much. She continued to date the other guy who turned out to be a Casanova. When she realised that I was the one that genuinely loved her, she ran back to me.”

So how did he survive during the hurting period? you wonder. “Well, I must confess that it was really tough but I was determined to make it in spite of the odds. I filled my heart with memories of some of the happy moments we shared together just before the emotional crisis. His ever smiling face, sexy eyeballs and loving smile encouraged me to bank on luck.”

When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that a lot of people who are busy, successful, inspiring sometimes have issues with their partners in their lives.

The big question, therefore, would be that can being successful reduce the amount of emotional current you give? Are you likely to be selfish and self-centred?

Your environment, level of exposure and age also determine how you feel. A medical doctor explains the state of mind of the young girls going into puberty as anxious and adventurous. “At this age, it is normal to feel curious, anxious and ashamed, especially if you are the only girl in the house. I also have a case of someone who was happy because she was going to wear a bra. Others are ashamed and they wear double vest to cover the bump. Some of the changes include menstruation, pubic hair, pimples, growing by the hips, nipples and other internal organs.”

She adds: “Mood swings also occur and the sex hormones are responsible for sexually maturity.  Here the young ones need information to guide them from irresponsible people who would want to take advantage of them.”

BIODUN is a playboy. He likes having adventures here and there. In the process, hearts are broken and mended. For the fun-loving young man, that is the way it should be; no harm intended. No big deal. At the end of each emotional rat race, he withdraws back to the real shell, Doris. That is the girl who makes his heart skip a bit every time; others are just past times. They fill the variety is the spice of life gap and when he gets tired of the counterfeits, then he goes back to the original.

Recently, he ran into an emotional nest that looked very beautiful at a glance. It was mesmerising all the way. This beautiful city chic had what any guy would fall for. Moyo was elegant and intelligent. She had a great apartment, nice cars and the right connections. Her qualities and friends made her magnetic; the kind of girl any man would want to date. In a short while, Biodun and Doris painted the city in colours. They were seen almost everywhere together. At this point, her friends concluded that she has finally captured his heart.

Unknown to the lover boy, Moyo desperately needed Biodun to complete her personality. Her dream was for him to abandon Doris who had been a major threat to their relationship all this while. The agenda here is to get married to him and make this dream a reality as soon as possible.

Even if he decides to abandon her for the other woman, she could just get pregnant and be his baby mama. That for her would be a fair deal. In her late 30s, motherhood is the greatest thing that could happen to her now. Initially, the great lover boy was oblivious of the game plan, but gradually he began to smell a rat and being a smart guy, the best strategy was to withdraw completely.

When he did, he began to untie the emotional web and then took to his to his heels .The big question here is if he finally escape from her? Not so easy! The babe pursued her emotional captive round the nooks and crannies causing all kinds of messy scene in the process. The last straw was the day she showed up at a party where Biodun proposed to Doris. The chic-about-town came around with some of her friends and caused a pandemonium. It was meant to be a memorable day, but this emotional spoiler stole the show and Doris cried like a baby.

In anger, Biodun pounced on her like an angry lion. In the midst of the confusion, one of her friends whispered, “Daku”(meaning faint). So, she fainted and there was a great confusion. Surprisingly, Biodun remained calm and went out of the venue. Where is the man at the center of this confusion? Everyone wondered. Then, he came back again. Interestingly, he heard when the girls plotted to faint mischievously and just played along. So, he went to his car to find his cigarette lighter. It took him a while to find the lighter. When he came back, his friend Tope just kept looking at him, wondering what he was up to and why he looked so unruffled considering the mess he appeared to be in.

He lit it and put it close to her ears. Moyo jumped up and it was at that point that everyone realised that nothing was wrong with her. She was only pretending to have passed out. The girls ran out of the place in shame. Thank God it was finally over, now he can be sure that poor Doris was out of their emotional snare.

Well, the crux of the matter here is that it takes an emotional thief to catch another thief. When you move with two pigs, then you must be ready to dance, walk and talk like one. If you are not as the emotional character that you are dealing with, then you may just end up being the victim in the process.

We all know that no two relationship are the same. However, there are some things that would help us have relationship that would endure the test of the time. The first is that you must be flexible in changing for your partner 84% of the time. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice your core values, beliefs and priorities under relationship pressures. The truth of the matter is that your relationship is likely to spiral downward if you have an “anything goes” policy.

One other way to have an interesting experience is to be a mystery. Unfortunately, some people tend to bore their partners and hang around thinking they would secure them this way. It’s comfortable and cozy when two people know absolutely everything about each other but we’re more likely to be drawn to a partner who has connections and a passion for life outside the relationship. You also need to remember that a long time relationship won’t flourish if your partner is someone for whom sex is an enlivening essential force and you’re too unavailable.