For Cecilia, the past few months have been chaotic; indeed. The lady in her mid-thirties has had to work on so many projects and family engagements that could not be shelved. Personally, her philosophy in life is that what must be done, must be done well. So, she put all her resources and energy into the activities and made sure everything was in order.

By the time she was sure that everything was okay Cecilia realised that the stress had taken a toll on her health. She decided that it was better to take a break for two weeks. Naturally, travelling came to her mind and she made arrangements to go out of town for a while.

It was fun and Cecilia met new friends. Fortunately or unfortunately two days before the end of this memorable holiday, Cecilia slipped and got a dislocation in the right arm. What a pity! The pain was simply unbearable and the trauma made her forget the sweet memories she had just experienced. She then had to ask for an extension to sort out this silly arm that now became the centre of attention.

Her boss granted the leave extension and advised her to take things calmly. The first few days and weeks were very traumatic for her. The arm ached so badly and she wondered why it chose to happen at this point. As a matter of fact, the strain reminded her about the bitter memories from her last relationship.”Emeka was an ungrateful idiot. When I met him he had no job, no house and had nothing except his degree. At that point, he looked very humble and appeared to be righteous.” She strongly believed in impacting people’s lives and she began to help him open doors that had been closed for so long. “I had some savings in the cooperative society of the organisation that I was working for and I was allowed to borrow twice as much. I gave Emeka to start a business and he was very happy at that point.

Was that a smart thing to do? Well, we can’t really blame her because love is about giving and sharing. “He used the money to start a business and things went well. I also introduced him to a number of friends and acquaintances and he got a number of contracts in the process.”

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Two years down the lane, Emeka”s fortune changed and this was the best time to show gratitude. She was wrong! Just before she realised that she had made a mistake, he began to tell her that she was not fit to be his better half. “Suddenly, he began to complain about my dress sense and a number of other things. I told him that I would change and he agreed to give me another chance.”

Was this lover boy truly going to give our friend another chance? “About six months after I got a letter from Emeka saying that he had travelled to the United States and that he had married someone else.” Poor Cecilia, she was devastated and her heart sank. She promised never to fall in love again. Thinking about this grand betrayal now made her health deteriorate. Interestingly, the doctor on duty took a keen interest in her. It turned out that they were both victims of love and somehow they got closer and closer. He turned out to be the man she has been waiting for all this while.

The big question here, is how do you find your bearing when you are at emotionally crossroads? First, it is important not to play the blame game. Assigning blame will cause the other person to either get defensive or feel worthless. Neither of those feelings promotes peace in a relationship. When blame enters into the conversation, then one person becomes the victim and the other becomes the reason why bad things are happening. Does that sound like a platform for a loving and peaceful relationship?

The crux of the matter is that, you are in this relationship together and assigning blame just creates a separation in your partnership. Resist the temptation to assign blame, bond together, and work through the situation like partners.

One other thing that you need to do is to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. When you are upset with your partner, it is easy to focus on what we think they did wrong, or even what we think is wrong with them. How productive is that mindset? That is one big question that we need to ask ourselves.

What we focus on expands and becomes more noticeable. Wouldn’t it be better to remind yourself what you love about this person and why you fell in love with them in the first place? If you want a happy and peaceful relationship, apply the life skills of positive thinking and positive focus.

If you find yourself feeling moody and argumentative, focus on the blessings in your life. Focus on the deep value that your partner has added to your life. By shifting your focus, you shift your state away from the negative and towards the positive.

WATER, water everywhere and none to drink. This comes to mind when you compare what’s going on with the fuel scarcity at the moment. A car (heart) without fuel (love) is useless. It can’t go far. Even if it is a brand new car, with gadgets that are fantastic, you are not going to go far if you can move it (heart) at the pace you want.

Fueling (loving) a car (heart) sounds easy but when it comes to the nitty gritty of it all, you discover that it is a very complex (whims and caprices) process. The routine of washing the car, servicing it at the right time would determine if you are in charge or not. In addition, choosing the appropriate fuel is important because this can also mar the process. Adulterated fuel, like adulterated love, takes you to the ‘End of the Road”.

Timing is crucial. It is wrong to do the last things first. Experts actually advise that it is better to fuel the car in the morning and not in the middle of the day because heat creates vapour, which leaves space in the tank. Some people can also be miserly with the way they dole out their affection. Interestingly, fuel experts warns that doing the refueling (loving) once in a while may damage the fuel pump (heart) or wear out the filters (emotion).

The driver of the car should be in charge and know when to fuel and refuel the tank without stress. Sadly, there are times, when those in the emotional saddle discover that their emotional tank has been emptied and they are stuck. That is what ought to have happened to a bride recently. Unfortunately, things just did not go as planned. She dreamt of love, imagined it during the day and looked forward to the physical actualisation of the forever happy-ending kind of tale she had read so much about.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. Just when she thought that she had the emotional world in her pocket, the emotional thief and pickpocket strolled in and had the last laugh. It is worse when you are cruising on the emotional highway with a heart that does not know what he wants. That was exactly the scenario that she found herself.

Her dream man changed his mind and walked away. He chickened out at the last moment and she was back to square one. That is a bad dream and nobody looks forward to this in a relationship. Sadly, it is the reality for many. Just imagine how you would feel like as a bride being left at the altar under dramatic circumstances.

An empty aisle. It should have been love, but it is over. Emptiness, bitterness and frustration. Tears and more tears. The emotional turning-point can be explosive. It starts with a small spark that spontaneously combusts and starts a wild fire that just can’t be controlled. Poor dreamer, you still wish that it wasn’t true. Sometimes, you wish that the flames will die down. But when it ignites just before the most daunting commitment of your life, the blaze seems to blind you from seeing the forest for the trees. All the truth of the matter is that many of us just cannot imagine living a lifetime in that kind of heat.

A bride recently fell into this category and no matter how hard she tried; it was difficult putting this emotional miscalculation behind her. “All this left me with a wedding and no groom.”

The harm had been done but she decided to make the emotional exit memorable in her own way. So she called her photographer in tears and decided to have a photo-session without the groom. Instead of canceling photography coverage, the heartbroken lovebird decided to use the photos to help the healing process.

She was really strong and came to the realisation that she could have a wedding if she turned her mind to it.”What I learned is that a wedding is something entirely different from a marriage,” said Jones. “A wedding is about all the people and things that come together to witness two people get married. A marriage is just about the bride and groom. So when my entire family decided to come to New Orleans anyway and see me through the aftermath, it became evident that all the same people and things that made up my wedding still existed. There just wasn’t going to be a marriage. Truthfully, I couldn’t see anything optimistic at first. I was just grateful I wasn’t alone.”

Interestingly, the source of her inspiration was the photographer. “It wasn’t until my photographer suggested doing a photo-shoot anyway that I realised something truly beautiful happened out of all the ugliness. It was the first time my entire family was together in one place, just for the sake of being together, for over a decade or more. And they all came together to hold me up. Somehow, the solidarity and seeing and feeling unconditional, forgiving love radiate from them made the pain of my ex-fiancé’s decision almost irrelevant. In the armor of my family’s strength and support, I could face the battle of heartbreak without fear or humiliation. I cried. I laughed. I sang. I danced. And somehow, in an indescribable way, I won. Did I get married? No. Do I still have a lot grieving and healing yet to do? Yes. But all of that will be okay in time because, in the end, I got so much more than a wedding.”

Young, restless and beautiful, Eucharia looked like she had the emotional world in pocket.  But behind the façade is a lonely heart, a heart in despair. Her mind suddenly flashed back to a telephone conversation she had with Monday, the father of her only child a few minutes back and it brought instant tears.

Sadly, the one who stole her heart was an emotional crook. Like a fool she trusted him with her heart and everything only to be abandoned at the climax. At that point, she was already pregnant and she made up her mind to keep the baby against the odds.

When the baby finally came, Monday was nowhere to be found. Luckily for her the boy looked exactly like Monday and that for her was some consolation for the trauma she had gone through. “His mother came around and apologized saying Monday had three other children from different ladies. She was already saddled with enough burdens and there was no point expecting much the poor old woman.

Ever since, Eucharia has been struggling to take care of the little tot alone. Unfortunately, she has some financial problems at the moment and her account is in red. That was why she decided to give him a call and see if he would take care of some of his son’s bills. As usual, the cassanova was elusive and it was at that point that she came to the realization that she had been a fool in this game. How could she have fallen for a callous heart ? Why did she allow his looks and sweet tongue to deceive? And why did she abandon a kind heart for this emotional devil?

Now that she appears to have learnt her lesson, it is too late. She was never in charge, all her efforts had been wasted because she had been running after an emotional goose. The problem for a lot of people is that we get carried away with the physical things and forget that the things that offers comfort are usual not seen.

Life offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, there are many challenges.

Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner gets bored too soon, and you don’t know how to make a relationship last.

Conversely, it could be that you are always  attracted to the wrong type of person and keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past.

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In the emotional context nothing is really permanent. One minute lovebirds are soaring high with their emotions and the next minute you find them falling apart like humpty dumpty, unable to bring back the affectionate pieces together again. So the big question would be why do we crave for love when we know is it not stable, unfair and uncertain.

The truth of the matter is that true love can be magnetic, it conquers all. A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life, from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness.

For many finding a heart that is genuine, someone that we want to share our lives with can be very difficult. That however should not make you give up.

Expert’s advice is that you don’t despair, even if you have a history of relationships that don’t last or if you feel burned out by traditional and online dating, you can still learn how to find lasting love.

Even when you find love, it can be tough maintaining it. There would be times when your emotional vehicle runs out of fuel, needs serving or crashes. The crux of the matter is that, it’s only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the affectionate road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

Whatever the case is, it’s also important to recognize that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love.

By YETUNDE OLADEINDE

WHAT do you do with Love that has gone sour? Usually, it is better to throw it in the trash can before it runs the tummy. That is exactly the way Teju is feeling at the moment. She had just survived an emotional hurricane and just could not fathom where and how she was going to move on. The feeling at this point can be compared to jumping off a moving train, the disaster that would follow is better imagined than experienced.

Flashback down the emotional memory lane and it looked like the best love story. But along the line, she came to the realization that the relationship which lasted for two years and four months was filled with ’emotional errors’. The guy she wanted to donate her heart to was a serial cheater.

Sadly, Teju just had to move on, hoping to find a better heart, one that would not contaminate whatever was left. On her heart, she felt it may just be too hard to start over on a clean slate. The other option therefore was to avoid any emotional entanglements for now.

The emotional pressure she was going through started to affect her work and so she thought of different ways to recover herself.

A few weeks after she just could not take her mind off and there was also tension at work.  Teju decided to take a break from work and the restaurant in the neighbor looked like a great arrangement. A few minute walk down the road and she was in the right place, relaxed in the serene environment feeling different. The meal was also great and she waited a little just to get refreshed before going back to work.

Two jolly good fellows walked in looking as famished as she was and they also had lunch. Once the stomach was sorted out they talked about some of their recent conquests and escapades. Midway into the conversations they remember a third friend, Lanre and the exploits he made when he was part of this team of emotional ‘musketeers’.

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Unfortunately for them Lanre recently found love and amended his ways. “I just don’t know what is wrong with that guy. How can he lose all his head for one woman? I thought he was stronger than this but he has really disappointed me. Sometimes, when I remember his matter I get really upset. That is why I have stopped thinking about him”, Adamu lamented.

The bone of contention is the fact that their good friend has ‘repented”. Old things and ’emotions have simply passed away. “One other thing that he does is that he actually keeps all the money he makes into a joint account with this woman. To make matters worse is the fact that the alert actually goes to the woman’s phone number. He just cannot do anything without her. Is that really what they call love. Humh… I am sure that something fishy is going on.

The question here is what is wrong with being faithful a hundred per cent. Our friends however feel differently and believe that it is better to have a plan B in every arrangement. “That is not how to be faithful at all. I think he is just being a Mugun and I am very sorry for him. I just hope that it won’t be too late before he realises what’s going on”.

Humorously, Mr. B goes on to talk about a similar experience and how a smarter Alec survived the emotional struggle. “Muyiwa had always been smart from our schooldays. Then about three years ago he met this lady and he became very cool and calm. The first time I met the lady in question; I just did not like her at all. She was very rude and domineering and I told him that he was not likely to go far with that kind of lady”.

He continued: “For the first time, Muyiwa was visibly angry with me and he told me not to interfere with the relationship because he was in charge. So I left him with this emotional cross and thought this was another lost case. We met at a friend’s party about six months after and we reconciled. It was there that he made me realise that he was not as foolish as I thought. “We have a joint account and we use this account to service whatever we need to run the home. I pretend to put all my resources in the account but I have a secret account where all the extras that I make is kept. The strategy however is to look and feel helpless financially, so that I can continually draw from the joint account .This way I have a robust savings account that she doesn’t know exist”.

Can you beat that? Well a lot of women actually get stuck on the road to an amazing relationship, and most times it has to do with a fear of the unknown.

Lots of women who are afraid of being alone also end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it”.

So you need to identify what you want and if it isn’t there, then there is no point hanging on. If you’re afraid of being alone, you’re likely to put up with behavior you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of being in a relationship.

The environment is cool and calm. The birds are equally resting in the nests and they must be in dreamland. Somehow, that peaceful ambience changes suddenly, a strong wind blows and the sweet sleep of two birds is disturbed, they were flung out in the open screaming for help.

Like this bird, a lovebird has been ‘evicted’ from the emotional nest. So how did she get to this point you wonder? In tears she takes yours truly down memory lane to tell her story. “I have been in a relationship with Juwon for about three years and we have had a wonderful time together. While it lasted he was so caring and I did not have any cause to doubt the fact that he loved me. However my friend, Adetoun has been complaining about seeing my man with different women and warned me to be careful”.

Last week, she came around again and the story, she told me really broke my heart. “I saw your man holding hands with his secretary at the beach last week. If that is the man you call your heartbeat, then it is better not to have a heart at all”.

That can’t be true. At least she could handle all the other tales but knowing that Juwon secretary was her younger sister’s friend made the news really unpalatable. So our dear friend decided to take the bull by the horn. “I decided to go to his office to confront him about the things that I had been hearing all this while. However when I got there, there was no need to ask any questions, they were both locked in a deep embrace. Even when they finally noticed that I was in the room with them, Juwon ignored me and continued to cuddle the girl”.

Confession time? Not really. “Thank God you saw things yourself. There is no point pretending anymore. This is the way I feel about that girl, I have finally realized that she is the one that I love and I just cannot hide my feelings anymore. I am sorry if I have hurt you with the shocking reality and I think it is best to say goodbye now”.

Dazzed, the poor babe walked back home in tears. Why did she listen to her friend, at least what you do not know does not hurt. Maybe things would have been different if she didn’t find out that they were cheating on her. Perhaps, it was better not to have shifted this emotional doomsday. What would be would definitely be. The truth of the matter was that she loved the guy badly. It was an unfinished business and she just wondered if he would ever change his mind and come back into her arms. Their love nest had been so sweet, always cuddling themselves in and out of the nest. In his arms, sleep had always been sweet and memorable. Life is lonely in bed these days and filled with the bitter memory of a sad ending to what she hoped for.

You can imagine how our friend is feeling; the love nest can be exciting when you are laid back in the arms of the one you love.

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Warmth, comfort, rest and sleep. Sweet sleep would definitely make your sleep sound. When you sleep happily, then you are going to wake up filled with joy and sweet dreams. All the things you imagine during the day, the activities that you surround yourself with are the things that you are likely to see in your dreams.

Conversely, when things are rough and bitter, then you are going to be haunted and wake up having nightmares. It says a lot about your state of mind, emotional disconnect and interconnectivity.

The love nest is the most valuable asset in its worse when you do not sleep when you should. This way you are stealing from nature and you certainly would not be at your best.

For birds and lovebirds an eviction is something to dread. Interestingly, this is the season of emotional eviction. It cuts away your dreams; it startles you from slumber land and brings you back to the stark reality of your situation.

An eviction notice? Not all the time. Sometimes, the process can be slow; giving you enough time to fathom what to do or what steps can be taken to retain this comfort zone. When a tenant (lovebird) is served with an eviction notice, they still have rights and options.

The crux of the matter here is that, if you persevere and sustain the emotional tempo and may just get back into the Love nest against all odds. Forceful eviction is worse. That means that the other party is totally fed up with your actions or inactions. But again, why would any heart eject or evict someone that they claim to really love or care about.

The truth of the matter here is that, if you play by the rules, the owner of the emotional manor is likely to send you packing, when you fail to pay your rent, have become a nuisance or you have simply overstayed your welcome. As scary as the notice is, it is the eviction itself that tells you that you have finally come to the end of the road.

Loving somebody and getting someone to love you back on a fifty –fifty bases can be really ‘good’. The truth however is that the emotional pendulum is not static, it moves in a crazy way and that is what makes it unpredictable.

It can swing any way or anyhow. Your mood, state of mind and the ‘bird’ you settle for determines how balanced your emotional space would be. Shifting with a heart that is in grief can be a great dilemma but you can make it work, if you really try?

This kind of love deal however can’t be struck on a platter of gold; you have to work hard because it’s usually a hard emotional nut to crack. It can actually be boring doling out affection in quantities that you cannot reap.

Here you must be ready to listen, give lots of love in return to the one  who is on your affectionate thermometer.

Trust, forgiveness and a heart willing to live up to emotional promises and expectations is equally important.

When your hearts is heavy with grief, you need to do certain things to purge your emotions. The grief within has its own heartbeat and you can convert this to a positive energy. The greatest desire would therefore be to resist the rhythms of grief. You also need to get someone to stop this bleeding or weeping heart.

Ronke is feeling this way at the moment. Her husband died in an accident and it hurts because it is the only true love she has ever had. Since then she has struggled and struggled with her emotions without any luck. Her doctor tried to talk to her and at a point he gave her some antidepressants. BUT she is just so lost without the love of her life.

In the journey of the heart and soul, it can be very tough to find purpose when you are in grief. For some it is easy to find a replacement, while others take a long time to excavate a new heart, a heart that would bring meaning to their lives once more.

When you are in this state of deep seated loss, what you need is someone who believes that the sun will rise again.

Omoshalewa is also feeling bad because she just lost her mother. Her eyes were swollen and she was still not tired of crying. Tears for a mother she loved so much. How can this woman chose to depart from this world now. Life can be really callous and her heart was sinking on a daily basis. It was actually a time she expected some emotional sympathy from her father.

Yes, she knew his heart was sinking too and she expected him to shower all the affection on her as the only child from that union. Unfortunately for our dear gal, this was not to be: Her father’s affection shifted almost immediately via the shifting cultivation ‘methodology’.

“When my mother died about a year ago she left a terrible vacuum for my dad and I. We just didn’t know how to pick up the shattered pieces. Suddenly, my father’s disposition changed, he looked happier and it was obvious that he had moved on.”

Naturally that should have been a plus but when the little girl discovered the ‘tonic’, she was disappointed. “Midway, I realized that my father was dating my class teacher. They came close when she came for the condolence visit with two other teachers. She took his number and somehow they became very close”.

To her utmost surprise, it became a very serious affair and the visits became more frequent. “Then I realised that there was no going back for the two of them. That was just too fast and it affected me psychologically. I became very troublesome and my father had to send me to my grandmother place.

This made me really angry and I began to hate my dad.    Does it mean that my father has forgotten my mother so quickly? Could it be that he never really liked my mother and was pretending all along? Or could it be that all this were my teacher’s handiwork and she seduced him to take all the actions that he did?

And before she could say jack, the woman was pregnant and she was delivered of a baby boy a year after her mother died. Poor gal. It is only natural to feel betrayed by your dad and class teacher. But again, that is the way love operates. It can happen anytime and anywhere. The demise of your mother had created a vacuum and in a short while he found another missing rib.

You just cannot blame him totally because he followed his heart. She ignited the flames and sparks that followed showed that they were really in love. As for your class teacher, she did not need to seduce him to win his heart. A lot of other people must have visited to condole, yet he did not swing that way emotionally. The truth of the matter is that love can catch up with you anywhere, anytime and any how.

By YETUNDE OLADEINDE

A brand new pair of shoe, wrist watch and a bag can really be a delight. It’s would surely look good and you just want to hold onto it forever. But as the days, months and year rolls by the feeling changes. Its either you still have some feelings towards this treasure or you want to give it out and need a replacement. Interestingly, this also happens to our emotional treasures too. When you first fell in love with that prince charming, you couldn’t take your eyes off the dude. You must have had sleepless nights all thinking about him but gradually the degree of emotions has fallen from the love heights you used to share together. Now, as we test your heart for romantic vibes, it’s almost zero.

Romance is essential and you need to make it work. It can be maintained by bringing in things  that your partner cherishes to bring back the memories. Candlelight, compliments, romantic bubble baths, showers, and romantic dinners are good ideas. You can keep your emotional flag flying at a great altitude if you inject a little romance into some of the things you do and some of the places you go.

That is why the foundation you lay for the relationship is very important. You need to discuss and plan for the future of your dream. This can be done during courtship or during a specially packaged honeymoon. Even though the tradition of a honeymoon following nuptials has changed from its original meaning, it still has a wonderful role to play.

Northern European history describes the abduction of a bride from a neighboring village. It was imperative, that the abductor, the husband-to-be, takes his bride to be into hiding for period of time. His friends assured his and her safe keeping and kept their whereabouts unknown. Once the bride’s family gave up their search, the bride groom returned to his people. This folkloric explanation presumably is the origin of today’s honeymoon, for its original meaning meant hiding.

The Scandinavian word for honeymoon is derived, in part, from an ancient Northern European custom in which newlyweds, for the first month of their married life, drank a daily cup of honeyed wine called mead. The ancient practices of kidnapping the bride and drinking the honeyed wine date back to the history of Atilla, king of the Asiatic Huns.

So that leaves us with the question of where the “moon” in the word “honeymoon” originates. One piece of folklore relates that the origin of the word moon comes from a cynical inference. To the Northern Europeans the terms referred to the body’s monthly cycle and, its combination with honey, suggested that not all “moons” of married life were as sweet as the first.

For many this certainly should be a happy, peaceful time for lovebirds to relax and celebrate the new union. Unfortunately, we also find a number of stories where honeymoon vacations have resulted in horrifying tragedies affecting one or the two lovebirds.

Unfortunately this was not the case for Shrien and Anni Dewani. Instead of the romantic happy ever ending scenario, it’s been tales of honeymoon murder and demands for extradition of the culprit by the family of the one that was killed. Here an Indian origin businessman Shrien is accused of plotting the murder of his wife during their honeymoon.

Anni Dewani, was shot when a taxi in which the couple were travelling was hijacked in the Gugulethu township near Cape Town. She was found dead in the back of the abandoned vehicle with a bullet wound to the neck. Dewani and the driver were said to have been ejected from the car before Anni was driven away and killed.

Why would this 33 year old plot to kill his Swedish born Indian wife in South Africa. Did he suddenly discover that he did not really love her? Or could it be that he suddenly ran into an old flame and thought it was better to extinguish this new flame instead.

On his part Shrien has denied any involvement in his wife’s murder and was seeking to delay his extradition on account of his mental health. So, he has been excused from appearing in court, having been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and depression. Now that the drums of justice to avenge this injustice have been heard the man runs for cover with the ‘insanity excuse’. He is to be extradited from Britain to South Africa to stand trial.

This love story unfortunately contrasts sharply with the next story yours truly ran into recently. Surprisingly, the second story is about two oldies trapped in the love nest and happy to be emotionally tied together for so long. Instead of looking for faults, getting tired of the other and complaining about wrinkles and fat in odd places, they showed love to one another in mega doses till the end. A California couple born on the same day and were married for 75 years recently died one day apart. Helen and Les Brown died on July 16 and 17 respectively both at the age of 94.

For those who had a close encounter with them as well as monitored their relationship, theirs was always described as, ‘a wonderful blessing”. They were full of Love and passion. The couple who shared the same birthday of December 13, 1918 actually eloped in 1937 after they met in High school.

That was not all there was to the quintessential romance. They were also fun-loving and beautiful people. This confirmation was made by their eldest son, Les Brown junior who sums it all this way: “It was a real love match. They were together every day for 75 years”.

By Yetunde Oladeinde

MOVING around the love corridor can be really exciting for many. Here there are no boundaries, no restrictions and you just allow yourself to be mesmerized by the intoxicating atmosphere. Here you just want to love, love and love till you get to the zenith .Once you get to love’s greatest height, there certainly is no going back, you are hooked.

But the big question here is who is has gotten your heart hooked? Is it someone who truly loves and appreciate you? Could this be someone who would stand by you in good and bad times?

Or are you hooked with an emotional traitor, a chameleon just trying to exploit you, use and then dump you?

The latter unfortunately is what just happened to poor Mandy. Her heart is in turmoil and she just cannot seem to understand what is happening to her relationship. “I met Olaitan at a business meeting about seven and half months ago. He came to represent his company while I also came to represent my boss. Someone, I arrived a little late because of traffic and I met him standing outside the door, making a call. I asked for the venue and he directed me into the place and that was how it all began”.

Mandy continued: “Immediately after that meeting he walked up to I and we talked as if we had known one another for years. He was quite friendly and I liked everything about him. He also seemed to be hooked and we practically did so much together, was always in each other’s company and we always talked on phone for hours”.

One other interesting aspect of the relationship was that they never quarreled. “Olaitan is such a peaceful guy and he would always do things that would make me happy or comfortable. Even days, when I forget to attend to some personal things that concern him; he would just dismiss it with a smile and say its okay. He gave me total love, peace of mind and stability in everything around me. Friends and colleagues noticed that I was blossoming, especially when I just came out of a very bad relationship and I was hurting deeply”.

While she was basking in the euphoria created by Olaitan, something cropped up. “I went to see him at home one day and I ran into his mum who came into town the previous day. Olaitan quickly introduced me to her as his fiancée and I saw a deep from on mama’s face”.

Just while Mandy was trying to decipher what might be going on in her mind, the old woman exploded. ‘Didn’t my son tell you that he has another lady that he has been in a relationship with for five years? What did you use on him; I cannot seat down and watch you destroy what they have built together for so long. You better move on and find your own husband. I can assure that you would never get my blessings in this relationship”.

For the first time, I saw Olaitan getting angry and he told him mother that it was over between him and the other lady. “I am the one who is going to marry the wife. I have to make the choice and I know what is good for me. Mandy is my choice”, he said.

Mandy continued: “The battle line was drawn and from that point mama did everything to stop us. Luckily, we were united in love and we survived all the odds. At a point, Olaitan mother realized that she just could not come in between us and she finally accepted yours truly.

Wedding cards have been sent out and the D-day is already around the corner. As she sat on the chair compiling the guests list, her mind riveted on all that has happened and she thanked her stars for having a great heart by her side. She also had no doubt that he was going to live up to expectations and she would try her best not to disappoint him too.

Trust, interestingly is one thing that would help to keep any relationship going strong.

Always keep in the back of your mind a personal evaluation of the level of trust in the relationship. How much do you trust the other person to act in ways that both match your mental model of that person? How much do you trust that person to have your back?

If you want an intentional relationship, do things to build up trust and gather information about the other person’s trustworthiness.

Experts also advise that it is better to set boundaries and permit privacy to make the relationship wax stronger. Interestingly, technological developments has now made it easy to track each other and to be in constant communication. However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships.

By Yetunde Oladeinde

THE atmosphere within was quite serene. The décor and facilities wee all fantastic and they made the environment unique. However there was a snag, this beautiful room had no roof and all that was within did not make up for this single omission. On rainy days, poor Shade was exposed to the harsh weather and the story was the same when the scorching sun took turn to do the usual. In addition, the missing roof top brought all kinds on invasion within and at the end of it all the discomfort was more than the comfort within.

This scenario actually paints the picture of what Folashade was going through before she ran away from her love nest. On the surface, Sunkanmi appeared to have made all the provisions required to make her world go round. But when she came into his heart she discovered that the heart was like a room without a roof. She could never be protected here, she would never experience real love and for so long her heart was exposed to the harsh elements. She was abused by all kinds of intruders and he was just non challant about the whole saga. The more she complained, the more hostile he became and when she just could not take it anymore, she ran away. It was at this point that our dear Romeo had a change of heart, friends and loved ones who heard the one sided story he told also began to rain insults of Folashade. But then when the true story unfolded, it was obvious that she just could not survive in that kind of space, it was better to fight and run way instead of losing her sanity to an uncaring heart.

For a lot of people finding your way out of a wrong relationship can be very traumatic. For Deborah, this was the same experience.  It was quite frustrating but was at that point that I made up my mind to move on and give Matthew the opportunity he had been crying for. In a short while, I discovered that he was not as bad as I thought he was. He also had a change of heart and things got really better.

At this point, she realsied that it was better to stay with this emotional devil instead of going after someone else who may actually turn out to be a disaster.

A heart filled with roses? Yes, that had always been her dream. A desire to be a modern day Cinderella or Snow white.

Dotun was exactly what Maureen had been searching for all her life. Interestingly, the encounter was a chance meeting On that fateful day, she was going to the salon to retouch her hair which was long overdue. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to pick her relaxer and she decided to stop over at the supermarket to pick one.

As she stepped into the premises, she bumped into this handsome dude who was just starring at her. Nonsense can you just move out of the way, ‘she muttered. Not moved he assisted her to pick her bag and get herself together. A very close encounter and she was disturbed further but somehow Dotun was cool and calm. “At that point, I wondered what he was up to and quickly moved out of his way. In my heart I kept wandering if he was a fraudster, a miracle or was it just loves at first sight.  He came back and it was apologies galore. As she helped her to carry her things out to the car she felt something leap in her heart. She left for the salon thinking it was all over but Dotun drove ahead and park in a corner watching her gesticulations and every move. He liked what he saw and decided he wanted a relationship with her.

When Maureen finished in the salon, she drove back home tired. The most important thing she wanted was a good sleep. To her utmost surprise, the guy she bumped into at the supermarket was right beside her at the doorstep. Was she going to shout for help from her neighbors or allow her emotional instinct to take over. Well, she took the latter option and that was how the relationship started and got really groovy. For about two years he treated her like an idol. A lot of her friends were wistfully envious of these two lovebirds and the way they projected their relationship to others. On her part, Maureen was also a very beautiful lady with the right curves. She was very faithful with her dude. Of course, there was a constant deluge of propositions but no one was able to lure her away from her dear Dotun. Conversely, Maureen’s heart was not stable, it moved in so direction and that ruined everything they built together.