Category: Online Special

  • Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    For Ladies Only

     

    Only yesterday, I got a funny call from a guy I have never met. He said that he got my number online and would like us to date. Unfortunately (for him) I am married (and happily too), putting an end to that request. That got me thinking about a topic that keeps popping in and out of my head and sometimes comes up in conversations. Is really a good idea to go online, primarily for dating purposes? With all the people we meet at school, at work, church/mosque, in the bus  and so on, is it really that hard to meet new people? I wonder, if a person can’t meet new people any other way, I hope he/she has nothing to hide. You can call me old-school if you like, but the idea of someone I have never set my eyes on calling me out of the blues to ask for a date gives me the creeps. Why? Please continue reading.

    1. Online interaction, or friendship blinds one to a fact we grew up hearing our mothers drill into our young minds, “A stranger is someone who is capable of harming you.” We equate acquaintance or any form of interaction with friendship, and it’s a big mistake. Most of our friends are people we grew up with, went to school with, colleagues, former colleagues and so on. This traditional method means that you know people who know your friend, and have an idea of the kind of person you are dealing with. But with online friends, you are dealing with a totally unknown entity.

     

     

    1. In today’s fast paced, high tech world, meeting strange people online can be very risky. Think back to Cynthia, the Nigerian babe who was kidnapped, and later murdered by a guy she met online, and flew in to Lagos to meet. The poor girl had no idea that she was dealing with a fraudster, and murderer. The internet has become a free and easy highway for psychopaths and criminals to operate virtually without trace, especially in a porous environment like ours.

     

    1. Online dating is unnatural because a major part of human communication is not only verbal communication (speech), but also includes things like tone of voice, body language and the like. Women are created with a natural sense of intuition that often protects us (and our loved ones) from danger, but dealing with someone without face-to-face , and other physical forms of interaction makes it harder to be intuitive. Online communication lacks this feature and makes it difficult, if not impossible to make value judgments for ourselves about the person you are dealing with.

     

     

     

    1. It is hard to verify, ie do a background check on the person you are chatting with. In foreign climes, people are often warned, and given guidelines about dealing with strangers they meet online. Sometimes, as human beings our emotions blind us from seeing the truth before our very eyes, but with the evidence of other people, eyes are opened to the truth. For instance, in a regular relationship, a lady’s visit to a guy’s office, or home can lead to chance meeting with his friend who can inadvertently drop the truth that the guy is married yet conveniently forgot to tell his girlfriend, online relationships don’t accord nearly as much opportunity.

     

    1. Many people have been found to give false information about themselves, some use photos of other people, and sometimes build false profile info. It is hard to continually lie to a person you see over a period of time without making a mistake, telling a mismatched lie and so on, even the body language of a liar can trigger suspicion in the person being lied to. With online communication, it is much harder to tell, sometimes, almost until it is too late.

     

    Having said all the foregoing, I must agree that quite a number of relationships have been spawned by the internet, and led to marriage, but then again, it is still important to take care.

     

  • Pork, Poison or Food? Part 1.

    Pork, Poison or Food? Part 1.

    Pork, which is the flesh of pigs is a delicacy enjoyed in many parts of the world, a practice frowned upon by the three major world religions; Christianity, Islam, and the Jewish Orthodox faith .  Every day, millions of people consume three square meals, intended to power their bodies throughout the day. However, in the hustle and bustle of our modern society, these meals are increasingly becoming more processed and less natural than at any time in history. How is this affecting society’s overall health? The result can be seen in the explosion of sickness, disease and overall lack of good health.  Yet most people never make the connection between their diet and their health status, and are doomed to a lifetime of illness and fatigue.

    Yet decades ago, Dr. Maurice C. Hall, Zoology Chief at the U.S. Public Health Service, stated, “It appears to be a legitimate demand that, when a man exchanges dollars for pork, he should not do it, on the basis that he may be purchasing his death warrant.” Although the good doctor made this statement many years ago, one wonders if the pork purchased today is much leaner and healthier (as breeders and suppliers would want us to believe).

     

    Much of the problem is directly tied to a social ignorance of health, diet and our bodies. Modern science has not helped. In a discussion relating to health and diet, one nutritionist stated that the link between what one eats and how one feels has been blown out of proportion. She went on to state that the origin of sickness is unknown, and that this is the reason we have doctors. But what have doctors and medical science been able to accomplish? Very few illnesses and diseases are actually cured, and fewer still are prevented! Western medicine has been designed to react to an illness, and not help one prevent illnesses and maintain health.

     

    Many assume that trichinosis is uncommon in the modern day. This is mostly due to the fact that this disease is extremely hard to detect in humans. So-called experts will argue that properly cooking pork at 167 degrees Fahrenheit will destroy the bacteria and worms in it. However, most who cook pork are not as careful as those conducting a laboratory study. Simple organisms like these worms are remarkably resilient and just cooking the pork does not make it safe. Even more surprising is the fact that some people even eat half cooked, or raw (aka rare) pork.

    And some of these parasites, like trichinosis, can be incredibly hard to detect. Former chairman of the New York Trichinosis Commission, Senator Thomas C. Desmond, stated, “Physicians have confused trichinosis with some 50 ailments, ranging from Typhoid Fever to Acute Alcoholism. That pain in your arm or leg may be arthritis or rheumatism, but it may be trichinosis. That pain in your back may mean a gall-bladder involvement, but it may mean trichinosis.”

    How the Human Body reacts to animal fat

    Another interesting fact about pork is related to how the human body digests animal fat. The process is called hydrolysis. Studies show that when you eat animal fat, it undergoes a conversion process that changes it from beef fat, for instance, into human fat, the form in which it is stored in the body. This allows the body to remove some of the toxins, and to create tissue that is able to be converted into energy when needed.

    Yet, pork is not subject to hydrolysis. Anytime you eat pork, whether as chops or sausage, its fat is stored in the body as PORK FAT! As we have seen, fat stores much of the toxins. Therefore, you are storing the most toxic form of the animal! When the body does not know how to deal with something, like toxins—it isolates it. In the case of toxins, it stores them in fat. Since your body was never designed to ingest swine fat, it does not know how to do deal with it. So it isolates it, unchanged as pig fat on your body!

     

    And this tissue is not even useful for energy. To convert these pork fat deposits into usable energy, the body must burn up large amounts of glucose, an essential element of brain function. This can lead to a feeling of chronic hunger, which leads to the consumption of more meat, and the vicious cycle continues. Studies have also shown that those who regularly eat pork are more prone to ulcerous skin infections. This should not be surprising, because ulcerous skin infections are COMMON on living pigs and cooking does not kill all the worms and parasites in pork.

     

     

     

    Next week, the real purpose of pigs, and the millennia old guide book of human nutrition.

  • Obasanjo: Son (father?) of controversy

    Obasanjo: Son (father?) of controversy

    By Olayinka Oyegbile

    Olusegun Okikiola Mathew Aremu Obasanjo is no doubt an Akanda eda (special being). He is like the folk character, Ajantala, in the Yoruba fokltales. Ajantala spoke and walked the very day he was born. He was a child of controversy who defied all human limitations. Former President Obasanjo may not belong in the same class with Ajantala, but there is no doubt that he shares a lot in common with this Yoruba folk hero.

    As the former president gingerly steps into the class of the octogenarians, it is clear that he has lived a life that is surely the envy of many. He has lived and continues to live his life trailed with so many controversies. In fact, many believe that he deliberately courts or stirs controversy as a way of remaining relevant in national and even international politics. Here we are going to restrict ourselves to only his home front controversies but not forgetting that at the height of the obnoxious apartheid regime in South Africa he advocated the use of juju, African charms, to free the country from the deadly claws of the obnoxious system.

    Obasanjo has remained a constant feature of Nigerian political life since his fortuitous rise to power in 1979 after the murder of Gen Murtala Muhammed, the then Head of State, who he was second in command to as Chief of Staff Supreme Headquarters. This was perhaps the beginning of his life in controversies. On the day of the coup, while officers like Col Ibrahim Babangida et al reportedly were on the streets to capture the coup plotters, Obasanjo, a senior officer and second in command to the slain head of state, allegedly went into hiding in a civilian friend’s house in Ikoyi until the rebellion was crushed! Until today the man has been silent on where he was on that fateful day.

    Stepping into the shoes of the late head of state, he never tinkered with the transition programme but went ahead with the handover of power to a civilian president on October 1, 1979. Prior to the election and in the heat of the campaign he made the famous statement that the “best man in the race may not win the contest.” This was the first iota of doubt that trailed that year’s election. Those in the camp of Chief Obafemi Awolowo, the then presidential candidate of the Unity Party of Nigeria (UPN), saw the statement as a confirmation of their fear that the election would not be free and fair against their candidate who they considered the ‘best’ among the then five candidates of the registered political parties. The other four were Alhaji Shehu Shagari of the National Party of Nigeria (NPN) who was eventually declared the winner of the election, the late Malam Aminu Kano of the Peoples Redemption Party (PRP), Alhaji Waziri Ibrahim of the Great Nigeria Peoples Party (GNPP) and the late Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe of the Nigeria Peoples Party (NPP).

    The acerbic author

    After his time in office as a military leader, Obasanjo found a new vocation by turning into an author. This was a very unlikely vocation for a man who many have viewed as, to say the least, a ‘nitwit’. His first offer as an author was a record of his role in the Nigerian civil war of 1967-70. During that critical period in the country’s history and towards the end of the war, Obasanjo was asked to take over the command of the Third Marine Commando which had played a crucial role in the prosecution of the war. He took over from the then Brigadier Benjamin Adekunle, popularly known as Black Scorpion. At the public presentation of the book in 1980, the late Chief Bola Ige, who was then governor of Oyo State and a friend of Obasanjo, was the special guest and characteristic of Ige, the Cicero of Esa Oke, he told the author blankly that his book was controversial and that he had opened a can of worms with the memoir. True to his prediction, the book attracted and continues to attract criticisms from those who were at the theatre of the war who felt Obasanjo over stated his role and diminished that of others, especially Adekunle’s.

    That was not all, in 1987 he courted the ire of the north. Both the young and old were offended that he wrote the biography of Major Kaduna Nzeogwu, a close friend of his who was the leader of the 1966 coup that killed the late Ahmadu Bello, the Sardauna of Sokoto, who was regarded with awe and respected as an icon of the region. In fact, the anger against Obasanjo was so venomous that his name and anything connected with him became endangered in the north. Bookshops across the northern states were raided by irate mobs who had not read or could not even read, with copies of the book seized and set on fire. For a very long time, anyone holding a copy of the book or found speaking in support of the author in the north was a target of attack.

    Before the embers of the anger over the Nzeogwu book died down in the northern part of the country, in 1990 again he wrote another book that brewed another heated controversy in his region of the country. The 1990 book Not My Will, which is a memoir of his time as military head of state, ruffled feathers of Awoists because of the way he wrote about the respected politician. In it, Obasanjo stated that what the respected politician spent all his life fighting to get (leadership of the country) was given to him on a platter of gold. This didn’t go down well with his people and the controversy raged for many years. The former president was not done with his controversies; last year he wrote a three volume book, My Watch, in which he wrote damning reports about several other people. These include the man who served as his vice president for two terms, Atiku Abubakar; a former friend and supporter, Senator Buruji Kashamu. The two, among others, were at the mercy of the former president’s acerbic pen. In fact, Kashamu who is now a senator made spirited efforts through the courts to make sure the book did not see the light of day. He got the nod of the court but typical of Obasanjo he went ahead with the public presentation of the book.

    On the political front

    The former president does not suffer fools gladly. During the reign of the former military president, General Ibrahim Babangida, he was in the forefront of those who pilloried the military president for his long winding transition to civil rule and wasted resources. He never ceased to state his mind over the dubious nature of the transition programme. The peak of his criticism was in an interview with a magazine in which he dismissed the entire programme of the Babangida administration and said that if the former military leader sees him and says “good afternoon”, he would have to look out the window to confirm whether it was really afternoon!

    His intervention in national politics did not end with the exit of Babangida from power. At the height of the brutal reign of the late Gen Sani Abacha, when many generals kept their heads under their wives’ or mistresses’ boubou, Obasanjo did not relent. In fact, there was a time that he was told while abroad not to return home because he would be arrested. He dismissed it and stepped into the next available flight home. A few weeks down the road he was arrested and tried for an alleged coup plot against the Abacha regime. He was along with the late General Musa Yar’Adua sentenced to death with some other persons. Yar’Adua died in prison. Obasanjo, a man of destiny, was almost killed too. He later became president and ruled for eight years.

    Toward the end of his second term, he was alleged to be interested in a third term, which was not in the country’s constitution. He never got the chance because the National Assembly turned it down. Up till today, despite widely held belief that he wanted a third term, he continues to deny it. Former National Security Advisor to President George Bush in her memoir confirmed that Obasanjo tried to get the former American president’s support for his bid but was rebuffed.

    The former president had a spat with his anointed candidates in the late Yar’Adua and later President Goodluck Jonathan. Although the disagreement with Yar’Adua never came to a head, perhaps because of his failing health and the fact that he never completed his term, his falling out with former president Jonathan is believed to have led to the man’s loss of the presidential seat.

    His gale of controversies is not with politicians only; he is always at the opposite end of arguments with his fellow Egba, the Nobel laureate Prof. Wole Soyinka. The two octogenarians have never been known to stand on the same side of any issue.

     

  • Vacancy: Imo Air operated by Dana begins recruitment

    Imo Air operated by Dana Air has commenced recruitment of indigenes of the state to occupy various positions in the airline as promised by Governor Rochas Okorocha, during the launch of the airline on 24 of January 2017.

    During the interview which commenced in the first week of February, over 400 Imo indigenes participated in the process even as the airline prepares to hit the ground running with a number of initiatives to better impact the indigenes of the state and the South East at large.

    According to the Accountable Manager of Imo Air operated by Dana Air, Mr Obi Mbanzuo, “we have commenced recruitment of Imo state indigenes to occupy various positions in the airline and the process will be in batches.  

    We intend keeping to the promise of the Governor and at the same time; we are trying not to over bloat our workforce.  As you may be aware, Dana Air was selected to manage Imo Air as a result of our consistency, on-time performance, world-class in-flight service, and shrewd managerial style and we intend sticking to this style just so we can match-up to the operational challenges in the industry.’’

    ‘Definitely, all qualified candidates will be absorbed and as an airline committed to giving back to the society; we are already looking at other areas to impact and contribute our quota to increasing the traffic to Imo state, to make the state an investment and tourism hub in the south-east.’’

    Governor Okorocha while reacting to the news of the recruitment said ‘the exercise is just a confirmation of the promises we made during the launch of Imo Air. I am happy about this, as people thought we were joking about this well thought-out idea. 

    ”The truth is, we want people to visit Imo State for both business and pleasure and going into an airline business was just a perfect business decision, considering that Imo state is the fastest developing city in Nigeria at the moment. And as you know, tourism and aviation are a perfect combination, one cannot work without the other.”

    “We are also monitoring the progress of work at the Cargo International Airport and hopefully in April or May, we will receive the first Cargo plane in Imo State. Imolites should expect more Imo-centric initiatives and very soon, the 10% discount for Imo indigenes will also be unveiled.  We are still working out the modalities and we want to prove to the world that this administration walks the talk and doesn’t just pay lip service to projects.”

    ”Let me also mention here that, Dana Air the operator of Imo Air; is part of a massive conglomerate which spans Automobile, Aviation, Pharmaceutical, Steel, Plastics, Water, Chemical, Banking, and Real Estate. And the idea is to have them invest in various areas in Imo state, particularly in Agriculture. This is our plan as we believe creating a favourable business environment for local investors will bring forth foreign investments and investors’.’ 

    Dana Air having flown a record 4.5 million passengers in the last eight years of its operation, entered into an airline partnership with the Imo State Government to boost tourism, business activities and employment opportunities in the state.

  • Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje: exceptional success in the face of adversity

    Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje: exceptional success in the face of adversity

    Internationally acclaimed actor Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje has been awarded an Honorary Doctor of Literature Honoris Causa of the University of London International Programmes, by HRH The Princess Royal, Chancellor of the University of London.

    Adewale graduated with an LLB from the University of London International Programmes and an LLM from King’s College London, one of 18 Member Institutions of the University of London.

    Responding to his Honorary Degree, presented at the Barbican Centre in London on Tuesday 7 March, Adewale said: ‘My journey to this podium has been a miraculous one. One that was fraught with difficulties and obstacles.”

    “As a little boy in Tilbury, England, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such an honour being bestowed on me. As a young black boy growing up in England, I never felt I belonged, and nor did I feel I had a place, but today, you have given me that place.”

    Adewale’s acting career has seen him perform in critically acclaimed television shows including Lost and Game of Thrones, and major blockbuster films such as The Mummy Returns, The Bourne Identity, and recently the Oscar-winning Suicide Squad, but his start in life was full of adversity.

    Adewale was brought up by white working class foster parents when, after a spell as students in London, his parents moved back to Nigeria. In his address to the students and their guests following his response, Adewale said that the importance of education in his life stems back to his grandfather.

    He explained that, had it not been for his parents’ efforts and their vision for his future, he would not be where he is today.

    “For me, my education became the key to inner transformation and personal fulfilment. One of the greatest life-changing moments was when I passed my first examination. I was always led to believe that I was unintelligent.

    “Throughout my life I had been made to feel incompetent, and that I would never amount to anything. But after passing that first examination, I will never forget how I wept my eyes out. It was only a pass but I felt like an ‘A’ class student […] It empowered me, and I became the driver of my destiny rather than remaining the victim of my circumstances.”

    Adewale added: ‘For me, there was no greater joy than to study within an institution that encourages, supports and celebrates those that apply themselves. My love of education, found at The University of London, changed my life forever.’

    The Orator, Dr Mary Stiasny OBE, Pro Vice-Chancellor (International), University of London, said: ‘This experience of studying for Law proved formative for Adewale, who has mentioned in interviews that the concentration and dedication necessary to completing a Law degree has helped him directly with his acting – learning lines, as well as analysing and breaking down characters, apparently comes a lot easier after spending years revising for exams.’

    She added: ‘Adewale’s story is one of exceptional success in the face of adversity. To have met with the difficulties he has had, whilst growing up, and to have come through them to international acclaim, attests to a positive and determined character that could be an inspiration to many. We are delighted to have conferred the degree of Doctor of Literature, Honoris Causa, on Adewale. It is much deserved.’

  • Simplify Your Family’s Morning Routine with these Tips

    Simplify Your Family’s Morning Routine with these Tips

     

    Any working woman who has ever had kids can relate to the herculean task of juggling a home with a job, even as you wear the hat of wife and mom. Getting out of bed, taking care of the kid(s), preparing the meals, and other chores (with or without help), and getting out of the house before 8am can become an art form. Fortunately, many modern men are hands on fathers, and are adept at changing nappies and helping around the house.

     

    A major cause of stress for new moms is preparing to go back to work with a new baby. There are so many fears and worries that can happen when you have to sort out juggling work and motherhood. Will you express milk or give your baby formula? Will your baby want to continue breast feeding if he starts taking the bottle? Hopefully, a baby can be trained to take both. Mothers need to structure a weekly routine to tackle busy mornings.

    Whatever your lifestyle choice or routine here are a few tips to simplify your routine, especially when your kids are infants.

    1. Divide And Conquer

    Having someone to split up the tasks with is really helpful. A husband can take on many things when you have infants. He can feed an older child breakfast and plays with her, help with packing lunch etc. It also helps to lay out all kiddies stuff by the front door, so it’s super easy to grab on the way out

    2. Do It The Night Before

    Some nights, if there is enough time and energy left after the bedtime routines, make sure to have planned out the children’s outfit for school the next day and stuff like milk, bottles, food, etc. Just make sure that any of the things needed for school are washed and ready and that kids has everything packed in their bags that the nanny or help may need. It’s sometimes painful to do this at night when one is exhausted, but it does make life easier when  rushing in the morning.

    3. Make Mornings Fun

    Some kids are early risers. In many homes, especially in cosmopolitan cities, many families are awake by around 5:45 a.m or even earlier. This can be pretty painful for breastfeeding moms with young infants, especially because many nights they wake up one to two times with the baby. However, it does allow for one to have more time to get things done in the morning before getting out the door at 8 a.m. Having a toddler means finding ways to follow a routine. I think that is one of the biggest challenges in the morning. Allow time to adjust to waking up and give kids some solid attention to make the tasks done easier and allow for more success.

    4. Stay Calm

    Staying calm and connected can be very challenging for parents. There are always things that can go wrong or slow down your routine and cause everyone to get tense. However, a parent’s attitude really affects the children. The slightest bit of stress or upset in a parent makes it harder for kids to adjust to their daily routines. It’s definitely a snowball effect. So, even when your son is fussy or your daughter refuses to put her shoes on for the 100th time, parents have to stay cool. It will help you move forward faster.

    5. Make Weekends Special

    it’s not a great idea to stray too far off from your weekly schedule on the weekends, but finding little ways to make it feel a bit more special can be energizing for your kids, and  for you, too On the weekend, make a special  breakfast and go somewhere together, the beach, a park, anything. Family activities on the weekends help to re-energize everyone when it comes back to that weekly grind.

  • 8 Tips To Help Women Positively Influence Each Other

    8 Tips To Help Women Positively Influence Each Other

    Yesterday March 8 was the International Women’s day, a day set aside to celebrate the female gender the world over. A major theme that seemed to pervade the discourse is the way women never seem to be able to support the next woman. In fact, whenever you find a female doing well, her greatest critics will be women like her who more often than not go beyond not wishing her to actually going as far as engaging in some pull her down things.

    There are many reasons many women can’t seem to stand a successful sister, but tearing a person down in the workplace creates a hostile environment, and reduces morale. Here are a few tips to work together with other women to achieve success instead of needlessly competing.

     

    Lead with a helping hand.

    Keep your stresses to yourself and put others first. Even though we live in a fast paced world, never be too busy to help out when a friend reaches out to you for something. Do not enumerate all the reasons why you cannot help, neither share your own challenges right then. You are only serving yourself by venting to her; it will make her feel frustrated, and she will be less likely to confide in you or trust you in the future. Whenever I travel for work and someone e-mails me with a question, I never reply requests for advise or help by saying “I’m about to board a plane and will answer you tomorrow” or “I’m so busy right now running around to meetings, can we chat tomorrow?” because it makes the other person feel like they are bothering you.

    Ask questions instead of stating your opinion.

    The most powerful stimulus for leadership and change is the art of asking questions. Keep an open mind and ask questions in a respectful, yet provocative, way. This is more effective than stating your opinion to others. Questions should be challenging and pointed, but not destructive. If you frame the question properly, you will discover so much more than you ever thought was possible and definitely more than if you approach the discussion with an accusation.

    Celebrate her hard work and successes.

    Women want to be recognized and appreciated for their hard work, achievements and dreams. Social media makes it easier to celebrate people at little or no cost, so celebrate the women in your community through e-mail, social media etc. It is a an avenue for ladies can share their successes with each other. When you see other women doing amazing things, it inspires you to create your own success story. Take the time to tell another woman that you’ve noticed all of the extra hours she’s been putting in to reach a project deadline or that you think she’s a great role model for her kids. It’s a small gesture that will make a big difference.

     

    Admit when you’re wrong.

    This is easier said than done. If I make a mistake or something isn’t communicated clearly, I immediately turn the spotlight on myself to think about what I could have handled differently. Admitting that I was in the wrong or that I wasn’t putting my best self forward lends itself to empathy from the woman on the other end. Women are often instinctively nurturing individuals, so if you admit your mistakes, anger and frustration will likely shift to empathy and encouragement.

    Avoid criticism and be open.

    It’s easy to belittle people, but this will limit or diminish the growth and potential of a woman. Again, you have to employ self-reflection to figure out what you are doing that is causing criticism from others. Reacting defensively is the easy option; it takes real self-control to step back, evaluate all perspectives with an open mind and come up with a solution that meets everyone’s needs and makes you a better person. It’s not about being right or knowing everything, striving for that is like wanting a dictatorship over others. Instead, allowing people to be comfortable to openly discuss their thoughts and opinions lets them lower their guard and focus their full energy on solutions. This approach will take collaboration and participation to a whole new level.

    Don’t be defensive.

    It’s so easy to feel like you are never enough and so hard not to take offense when someone pushes back or questions something you are doing. Don’t immediately jump to the defensive response. Instead, engage in thoughtful conversation to find out where the questions are coming from. More often than not, questions stem from miscommunication. It’s challenging to communicate via e-mail, text or anything online especially when trying to convey or interpret tone, so look to yourself first before criticizing others. More likely than not, the fault is with you. Besides, you only have control yourself, so decide to let the defensiveness go and embrace an open and collaborative perspective.

     

    Empower others to lead because you can’t do everything

     One person can only do so much so it’s so important to empower other women to lead within the group. A culture of collaboration and openness allows others to grow and feel comfortable developing their own leadership skills. Encourage your colleagues and subordinates to take responsibility and always show appreciation and gratitude for those who become informal leaders. Making others feel good is the key to empowering them to lead.

     

    Put others before yourself; be inspiring and be interested!

    Relationships are created by connecting with people, and relationship building is a huge part of developing a strong leadership approach. Have positive interactions with the people surrounding you, and don’t just let those moments happen when situations come up and you can drop a kind word in passing, look for opportunities to encourage, empower and support the women in your world as often as possible. You will draw people in by being genuinely interested and caring about them. People will want to be around you if you enlighten and energize them. Being around someone who is positive and encouraging is addictive. That energy will branch from you to those around you to those around them until your whole structure is alive with a dynamic force that can conquer any goal.

     

    Although its true that work will still be accomplished when people lead like bullies, there will be little energy and usually no forward momentum. People will focus internally because they need to create walls to protect themselves from constant negative attacks. That strips people of energy that could be put into moving onward and upward. Be the positive force you want others to embody. Show them how to build themselves up by building up everyone around them, and they will build you up further in the process. In the end, none of us needs to gain insightful powers by electrocution. It’s really so simple that it’s easy to overlook that choosing positivity has a huge impact on us. And this impact naturally flows into the people around us. All it takes is deciding to lead with a smile.

  • How to manage a difficult boss

    How to manage a difficult boss

     

     

    Bosses come in different shades and types, no matter how nice, humane they are, or wish you they were, you career success depends on managing the relationship with wisdom.Here are tips to enable you make the best of a challenging situation, things you can do to change the situation from your end, and how such a strategy can help your career.

    Don’t take things personally

    The first rule to bear in mind when dealing with a tough boss is to never take anything personally. Your boss might have a temper, or a very exacting work ethic, or almost unreasonable standards. Or he might or simply be indecisive. Your boss might throw tantrums or demand the impossible from you. Your boss might be short with you. None of these things should be interpreted as personal affronts.

    Always bear at the back of your mind that your boss is human, and dealing with many things that have nothing to do with you; that’s in the background of every interaction. But also, a real professional takes the message in the communication, (This project not perfect yet? Okay!) And leaves any perceived judgment behind.  No matter the tone or manner of the delivery, take the information you need and simply do your job. Also, it doesn’t necessarily matter if your boss likes you or not. But also try not to do something that will annoy him, for your own sake.

    Solve problems by yourself

    If you have a tough boss, try to get your questions answered elsewhere—same with your problems and small talk. It’s not possible to never need something from your boss, but you could probably drastically cut down on how many interactions you have with her where you’re not making her life easier. Focus on delivering results when you walk into her or his office. The more you go in there with solutions to her problems, rather than questions about your own, the better.

    Be proactive

    If you have access to your boss’s schedule, make a note of what big projects and priorities she’s working on and stay mindful of them. Help where you can. Be proactive. Keep thinking forward, and help your boss do the same. And instead of waiting to be asked to check in (or for an informal performance review), take the initiative to schedule regular check-ins with your boss and come prepared. Detail what you’ve been working on and the progress you’ve been making. Basically, anticipate your boss’s needs and questions and have answers always at the ready. This is also a good tip to be promoted fast at your job.

    Radiate confidence

    Even when you make mistakes, especially when you make mistakes! Rather than trying to hide or fib your way out of it, take responsibility. Own it. Say “I messed up and here is how I’m already working to fix it.” Remind yourself that their anger will fade, that you’re still the smart and capable employee they employed, and give them a bunch of good reasons to forget you ever erred.

    Figure out what’s in it for you

    A tough boss can actually be a great opportunity. Such a boss will make you work so much harder, so you need to be that much more on your game. And you’ll probably get lots more done. You’ll also figure out what you are (and aren’t) looking for in your next boss, so you can make a more informed career decision when next you’re on the market. Try to focus on the positive aspects of this challenging situation, and you’ll be able to use this one tough boss to better your whole career.

  • 4 Reasons why you should choose your friends wisely

    4 Reasons why you should choose your friends wisely

    Only this morning, I was chatting with a close relative and she mentioned in passing how a lady snatched her friend’s husband. Such stories have become commonplace, but the truth is that for a friend to do such a thing, it is quite likely that she had shown the traits, no matter how faintly, but the betrayed friend failed to take heed. She might have done it to other people, or been notorious for being promiscuous. A women’s reputation is of utmost importance, and the friends one keeps can make or mar one’s reputation. Why is it important to be selective in choosing your friends?

    1. You will be judged by the type of friends you keep. Have you noticed that our friends are people like ourselves? Why do bankers have many banker friends? Or musicians have many friends in the entertainment industry and such? A popular saying goes, “Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.” This old saying is still apt today for the simple fact that most people make value judgments about a person’s character based on the friends they keep. If you are fun loving, party/club loving individual, you will most likely have many friends who share such a life style. And if a single girl keeps friends who are into “runs”, it is assumed that she is a “runs babe” whether or not she actually does so. This might be the reason many married men do not let their wives keep single, or divorced women as friends, fearing that they might be corrupted by such friends.

     

    1. If you want a friend, be a friend. Many people complain that they do not have friends, or that they have no sincere friends. However, the good book says “He who seeks a friend must first be a friend.” Be a (good) friend; loyal, true, sincere, kind, loving, honest, not a betrayer, or backstabber. These qualities will attract people of like minds to you, and give you the skills to manage/maintain the relationship. Bear in mind the fact that habits can be learnt, unlearnt, and relearned. As such, the absence of desired positive habits is no excuse to continue to live without them, as good habits can be learnt, and bad habits done away with. However, if you choose to do the opposite, rest assured, you might never enjoy the beauty of true friendship.

     

    1. Your friends determine where you are going. Your friends can make you or break you, as peer pressure has been identified as a strong influence in human life, and experience, as many can testify. Many homes have been broken, if not destroyed by the evil counsel of friends, as the popular saying goes, “Friends of a feather flock together”. However, keeping good company will give you a strong frame work for success, why? Because good friends provide positive counsel that will help you succeed. Everyone knows that a student who keeps studious friends is more likely to succeed than one who keeps unserious ones, for the simple reason that iron sharpens iron.

     

    1. To attract the right kind of friends, be a person of value. Oftentimes, people waste their time running after people, in the hope of making them their friends, only to be rebuffed. They fail to realize that you can only offer a person your friendship, the choice to accept or decline your gesture is theirs. However, making yourself a person of value will make you a person people want to be friends with. How? Have you noticed that popular, successful people do not lack for friends? You do not need to be rich, but you must occupy yourself with something you enjoy doing, puts food on your table, meets your basic needs at the least, and takes you off the street. No serious minded person wants to be friends with a person who does nothing but visit friends all day, go looking for charity, gist, or socialize all day.

     

     

  • Terrible reasons married people have less sex

    Terrible reasons married people have less sex

    You might think the current flood of dating apps would mean people are having more sex than ever, but in fact, for many, the exact opposite seems to be true. Gasp!

    A new study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour and reported by the Washington Post found that people are having less sex overall than they were in the 1990s. 

    The study, which used data from the giant General Social Survey, found that on the whole American adults in the early 2010s had sex nine fewer times per year than they did in the 1990s. When you spread that over 12 months, that’s not exactly a heinous dry spell, thank goodness. Still, more sex is usually better than less.

    The decrease was seen across gender, race, region, education, and employment status. One reason for the drop? There are now more people without partners, who typically tend to have half the sex that those with partners do. But even married people (and those living with partners) aren’t doing it as much.

    [quote]There used to be what was called the “marriage advantage,” meaning that those who were partnered up had more sex because they had a ready and willing partner at hand. But that has sadly disappeared. In 1990, married people had sex around 73 times per year, according to reports. By 2014, that was down to 55.[/quote]

    Comparatively, that number for unpartnered people stayed level—about 59 times per year. Even with Match and OKCupid and Tinder, singles aren’t really hooking up more than when you had to meet people the old-fashioned way.

    So why are the married among us failing to get busy with each other? The study suggests it may be because they’re too busy doing other things, like sending work emails or playing games on their phone. After all, how many nights have you sat in bed combing through your feeds, oblivious to the person next to you? 

    [quote]We’re also less happy overall, are more depressed, and are taking more antidepressants as a result. All of these things aren’t exactly known for putting people in the mood. We do know, based on the data, that the decline isn’t due to people working longer hours or consuming more porn. [/quote]

    Of course, just because this is happening on average doesn’t mean it has to happen to you. You can put the phone down and look at your partner again. And if you’re single, you can pick up the phone and try to find a match who makes you want to do more than just look at your phone.

    [feature_slider category=”82112″ count=”8″ caption=”on” caption_style=”2″ nav=”thumbs” animation=”crossfade” easing=”easeInOutCubic” timeout=”1500″ arrows=”on”]