Category: Feminique

By Temilolu Okeowo

DEAREST Mummy Temilolu, Although, I’m a Muslim, I love you so much because your articles always touch my heart. Since I began reading your articles in my grandfather’s newspaper, my life has never been the same again! I feel so free of the weight my friends succeeded in placing on my heart because I want to keep my virginity till my wedding night. Please don’t stop writing as I look forward to reading you every weekend! Thank God for you!

Misturat Alao

Dearest Parents,

In the last 2 months, the black community especially Nigerians all over the world have been applauding the first African, first black and the first woman in the world to head the World Trade Organisation- Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala who is unarguably a worthy role-model for any female the world over. Her rising and focus in life makes her a priceless gem, an enigma and a global wonder which any female should aspire to be like. Sadly, the role-model of an average Nigerian girl today is one with a questionable character who appears to have more vices than virtues. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong! However, I deal with girls on a daily basis and I know those they gravitate towards and those they wish to be like! But can one really blame them? We are all a product of our background, pedigree and what we were exposed to in our impressionable years/the values our parents handed us.

Parents…parents…parents, please may I ask what you are exposing your children to and how you’re preparing them for the future? Are you intentional about your parenting or overwhelmed by the storms of life? This is a very serious matter! The average Nigerian girl is completely lost in guys/romance to start with, most of those with smart phones are mostly interested in what’s trending on the social media and what would make the world notice them so soon even when it doesn’t makes sense and comes with a price that could completely scatter their life’s settings!  These girls carry much more than you can ever imagine! They carry what can settle you in future and give you a life of your dreams! You need to monitor their focus, their friends, their role-models and prayerfully guide them to where their potentials can place them in life. I bet Dr. Okonjo-Iweala’s parents must have ensured all her potentials were put into good use! You can’t just mind your business saying you want them to follow the path their feet want to go! Haaa…may they not have fatal accidents on the highway of life!

Girls…girls…girls, show me your friends and I will tell you who you are! Show me your role-models and I will show you your future!!!

I pray your lack of foresight, impatience and inability to delay gratification will not kill your stars! I pray your concentration on the flash and glamour and those trending on social media today would not derail your destinies completely when you should be studying hard and developing yourself to have the best of life and become what no one in your generation can boast of! Do you even care to know God’s plan for your life?

Enough of following makeup, Fashion, Art of Seduction & Dream Life Styles on Instagram! you can build yourself to become a great dream, an envy of nations like this global phenomenon- Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala -Nigeria’s first female Finance Minister, first female Minister of Foreign Affairs, Managing director of the World Bank and now the first African and the first female Director-General of the World Trade Organization!

Lord have mercy!!! What a wonderful wonder! A fortress, an institution! The real eternal Excellency described in Isaiah 60! Now, nations would be clamouring for her attention!

When she was your age, there was no internet, she didn’t have as much access as you have to acquire all the knowledge needed to be everything she is today! DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE MORE???Can you please in God’s name try and have excellent grades to start with and not be contented with being an average student and see where it can take you?

Stop fantasising and sleeping on social media! Who says your star is destined to shine with modelling or singing or blogging or you know what? That may not be God’s plan for you! May the social media not derail your destiny! May your hard-work, consistency, diligence, excellence, dignity and integrity stand you out in the world and may you not end up with a man that’ll scatter your destiny in Jesus mighty name!!!

I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

FINAL WORD

Chastity does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital and extra-marital sex. Stay chaste!

Evangelist Temilolu O. Okeowo is the founder and Head girl of The Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations, an apostolic ministry for girls in their teens and twenties, and Girls Club of Nigeria, an NGO for Nigerian girls aimed at influencing a positive change. She published her debut-book for girls – THE BEAUTY OF LIFE – as an undergraduate and has other books and publications. She was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2003 and is a Certified Forensics Examiner.

Olanike Shodunke is a woman with so many parts. A caterer, farmer, health advocate and entrepreneur. Interestingly, she tells you that the secret of her success is making sure that all the different parts are given attention. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talked about her passion, memorable moments, challenges, future plans and more.

What was the inspiration at the beginning?

This is something that I am very passionate about and I would say that the inspiration to go into the sector was a calling.  In addition, I got inspiration from food Networks, top bakers in the industry and most importantly the feedback from my clients keeps me going.

There are so many opportunities in the sector.  Man needs food to survive on a daily basis. In addition, my craving for a good meal, balanced diet inspired me to monetise this need. Personally, I love good food.

What are some of the memorable moments in the sector?

I have quite a number and they motivate me to do more and put in my best. One of such moments  was when I was invited by one of my clients for an event.  It was a catering job and I catered  for Kings, politicians and a number of celebrities.  It was an awesome experience  and my presentation was satisfactory and they all testified to it.

What do you consider as the turning point in your life and career?

The turning point in my life and career  was attending Leading Ladies Business Institute.  It is Nigeria’s foremost Business Institute for  female entrepreneurs . It was a wonderful  phase and the  exposure gave me a better  perspective and new orientation about the ease of doing  business.  It also broadened my knowledge in my field of expertise.

What are the challenges?

There are so many challenges.  This includes the current state of the economy, high cost of raw materials and so many other factors.  Unfortunately, this is not making the client to get the treats that they deserve or want.

How has doing this influenced your personality?

Working in the sector is very interesting  because you meet a lot of people on the job. It has therefore helped me to build  my self esteem and understand people  very  well. Now, I have great confidence in myself I believe that I can  achieve any goal that I set for myself.

What advice do you have for Nigerian youths?

I would tell them to maximize the opportunities around them and discover  their talents. Going to school  is good  but I will advise any youth today to look inward and get a trade. The crux of the matter is that  being financially independent and successful is very  important.

There are no jobs out there and so must know your Onions, work hard and be determined.  Always remember that personal development is critical.

What  are some of the other things that occupy your time?

I am into network marketing and it’s been very worthwhile experience. Here I promote particularly health products. In addition, I am also a real estate consultant and poultry farming. I did a little bit of cucumber farming and right now, I am fully into poultry farming. And most importantly, my family occupies a big chunk of my time .

What are some of the developments that you will like to see in the sector?

The sector is a gold mine and there are so many opportunities  that need to be explored and developed.

So, basically the changes that I would like to see in the sector are many. One of such is that I want to see Nigerian Menu being embraced all over the world. Our food is rich and it would be great to see our caterers making a mark and generating good revenue for themselves and the nation.

What are you looking forward to in the next few years?

There is so many things and aspect of the business that would have developed in unique ways. By God’s grace, I would love to see  my brand, Taste Imaginations become a household name and having branches in different parts of the world.

Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

I have quite a number of people that I have worked with and they have influenced and impacted on my career greatly. However, I would just want to mention two of them here. The first is Mrs. Ibukun Awosika  and secondly, there is Mrs. Ayodeji Megbope. They have been a great source of inspiration and I admire them for the passion, hard work and dedication.

How would you describe the impact of COVID-19? 

We all know that COVID-19 impact my sector and it affected businesses and social gathering tremendously. Of course, we know that this   is actually the bedrock of outdoor catering,  events, parties and all this were all put on hold because of social distancing. So, basically  businesses  were affected including mine. However, I used that opportunity to work on the other aspect of my business and that gave me the ability to be innovative in different ways. I also spent more time on farming which is something that I am also very passionate about.

What are some of the changes that you would like to see in Nigeria today?

Nigeria is a very great nation and there are so many untapped opportunities and potentials. I have lived here for four decades and unfortunately, I am still looking forward to great things. I am yet to experience the greatness the way I would have loved to in different areas. So, I strongly believe that it is time for our youths to actively  participate in creating the  future that they want for themselves and for posterity.

Tell us about your experience as a farmer?

My experience as a farmer has been very interesting and impactful. As a poultry farmer we deal pure layers and the experience has been interesting and demanding as well. You need to be timely especially when it comes to feeding the birds. You have to be sure that the weather is perfect for the birds, not too hot and not too cold. It is also good to have very good and faithful staff. It is an asset to have trustworthy staff around the farm. They would make sure that nothing goes wrong any time or at all times.

What are the challenges in farming?

For me, the major challenge is getting staff that is trustworthy. This is very important when it comes to handling finance, sales of eggs, feeds. At some point, for close monitoring we had to install CCTV camera and another major challenge is that you need to avoid staff that are smoking and drinking alcohol. This can cause high bird mortality rate and we thank God that we have been able to manage all this challenges with wisdom.

What are some of the changes that you would like to see in the sector?

The price of a crate of egg for example has almost doubled within the last two years. The increasing insecurity challenge in the country has led to shortfall of the raw materials needed for chicken feed. If the government can help us solve the issue of insecurity in the country, then our produce would be available.

How does this help to boost your catering business?

The best way it can help me as a caterer or caterers generally is if government can solve the issue of insecurity in different parts of the country. Farmers would be encouraged to work or farm if insecurity is resolved. Then you would find that the prices of food stuff, vegetables, fruits and others would be affordable. That way aterers can serve or deliver their services at prices that are reasonable.

Do you have young people who you mentor?

Yes, I have people that I mentor. I actually mentor people in different aspects and the most important for me is being self employed and having good morals. All this help you to develop your personality as well as help to grow and sustain the business.

You just clocked 40, what does this mean to you?

To the glory of God, I believe that this is a new phase in my life. A new phase has started and I also believe that it is a phase of increase and responsibilities, leadership and mentorship. The past few years have afforded me some responsibilities that I carry. I want to use this to help others to thread safely in their endeavors. I would also want to make deliberate efforts to impact positive in lives and make it a life worth emulating.

Debola Deji-Kurunmi is a coach who is passionate about equipping a new breed of African leaders.
Over the years, she has been recognized for her leadership impact and this includes the being a two-time mentor at the Queen’s Young Leader Awards, 2018 Mandela Washington Fellow, 100 Most Inspiring Nigerian Women 2019 and currently serves as a Youth Representative at the Nigerian Economic Summit Group. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she takes you into her world.

Tell us how you got into life as a coach?

I got into coaching by accident literally, because I had always been the go-to counselor for friends and colleagues as far as 2002 while on campus. In 2003, I started a mindset empowerment community on Obafemi Awolowo University, which grew into a movement of young ladies who were awakened to a sense of purpose and personal power.

Also because of my passion to transfer knowledge and show others whatever I find to be working for me, I naturally found myself in the coaching context from my early twenties.

By 2010, my desire to create transformation for people and help them fulfil their higher potential had become a full-blown passion; thus, leading me to create safe spaces for people, especially women, to meet up, learn and connect with the insights they needed to improve their lives. Back then, I led what we called Life Academy for Women and freely produced Introspective Journals to aid personal reflection and journaling.

In 2014, I officially founded IMMERSE Coaching Company as a personal transformation coaching firm for men and women seeking life clarity, intentional growth, elite productivity and visionary execution.

What was the experience like at the beginning?

Actually, I am always fascinated by the memory of how we started. We have been well received by our audience from the beginning. I started out providing coaching to 20 women at a time over a 30-day period, helping them clarify their goals, craft a commitment to healing and create their Life Plan.

Every woman who went through the IMMERSE Academy as we called it at the time, would go and invite others. We quickly grew our clientele base simply by the power of crusadership. Our impact was significant and undeniable. We witnessed women starting businesses, stepping out domestic abuse, focusing on their goals and solving real problems in their communities.

As our audience grew, we also started to expand our courses and programs, as well as began to recruit other Coaches, whom we trained and certified, to join the organization, so we could reach even more women. The journey has been amazing! What started as a community of 20 women, has grown into a global community of over 45, 000 members in 99 countries including men and women.

What are some of your recent activities?

IMMERSE Coaching Company has three distinct arms. We’ve got IMMERSE Inner Circle which is our women-only coaching membership with thousands of super-achieving and leading women who use our courses, programs, and resources as tools for their growth and personal transformation. Within this membership, we have served over 3, 000 women since we launched it in 2019 and we’ve built over 80 courses, accessible to our members.

What inspires me the most about IMMERSE Inner Circle is our Changemaking Projects. Every 90 days, our members adopt a community, orphanage, hospital, school and others to provide charitable support and directly impact the vulnerable persons there.

The second arm at IMMERSE is Men’s Arcade, which is our men-only coaching practice helping men attain real success and elite performance through mentorship, game-changing courses and valuable support systems for the work they do. We are excited about the partnerships we have with father-figures, male mentors and inspirational leaders who provide guidance to men on their path to elite performance and true success.

The third arm is Visionary Compass, a 40-week high-tier coaching and mentorship system that helps visionaries and leaders elevate their income, impact and influence through their life’s work.

You are also an author of 20 books, what is the inspiration?

Well, I believe that books are a powerful way to store transgenerational wisdom and preserve legacy. Books are a way to remind the next generation of the mysteries you uncovered in your time. Books are gateways into realms where men lived and wisdom they discovered. I write books because I want to connect with people in intentional ways, and allow them to experience mental awakenings at their own pace.

I love writing, and I have so many more books within me which would be released in the days ahead by the grace of God. Some of my most loved and widely read books are the 4 books in the FIRERBAND Series, My Life is Full of Encounters, and Kingdom of Words.

What does being a two time mentor at the Queen’s Young Leaders’ Award in the UK mean to you?

It is completely humbling to mentor some of the most outstanding young leaders in the Commonwealth. First of all, I am so proud of the Queen’s commitment to highlight the extraordinary work and achievements of young outstanding visionaries across the Commonwealth and to invest in a program that equips them for even greater effectiveness.

Being a two-time mentor is an honor that afforded me the opportunity to directly impact those building solutions particularly for Africa, and creating change for vulnerable communities. This is at the heart of the work I’ve done in the last ten years, and I found it a source of great joy to provide guidance, support, and practical advice to these young leaders during their time at the Queen’s Young Leaders’ Program.

What are the challenges you encountered with the COVID-19 pandemic?

The COVID19 pandemic definitely hit the world in profound ways and highlighted to us some important lessons which continue to shape how we live, work and interact.

As a Coaching Firm, we had so many clients and members of our global communities who were badly hit with severe financial and health challenges. We thus had to become merchants of hope and quickly pivot our coaching approach to provide resources on coping, resilience, mental health and inner strength.

On the other hand, COVID-19 met us prepared as far as our work at IMMERSE Coaching Company is concerned. We had fully built out a virtual learning platform to host our interventions including fully online courses, virtual conferences and non-residential programs. We significantly grew our audience during the Pandemic, and became the go-to resource center for founders, executives and leaders seeking coaching, training and human capital management.

What are some of the memorable moments in your life and career?

Well, my career has been an adventurous journey of personal discovery and self expression! I found early that I am a multi-dimensional woman with many gifts and many sides to me. So I generally took a path of discovering my passions, testing different waters without falling into stereotypes or fixating on labels; and I embraced the principles of stewardship and value creation as navigation tools for a life of purpose.

I started out as a HR professional, working across recruitment, training and development, compensation and benefits as well as performance management. And totally loved my experience! After a few years, I moved into consulting and specialized in learning and development because from the beginning till now, I have always been a firm believer in the power of knowledge to transform people.

When I couldn’t contain my passion for social innovation and public policy, I moved into the international development arena, working on projects by the World Bank, United Nations and Crans Montana Forum. During this time, I also took on a job with an ASPEN-mandated Foundation in Nigeria focused on female entrepreneurship.

Strengthened by my desire to equip NGOs and nonprofits in Africa to better deliver social impact, I founded Ideation Hub Africa in 2015, which has grown into a 12, 000+ member-strong ecosystem of nation builders, social innovators and nonprofit professionals building Africa through their development efforts.

All the while, I never stopped investing in my passion for people’s development and after I left consulting in 2014, I also founded IMMERSE Coaching Company. At IMMERSE, we help people actualize their higher potentials and achieve their goals through personal transformation. Our biggest proofs are the over 45, 000 people across 99 countries of the world who have taken our courses and joined our coaching programs. Today, we have many of our members creating change within their industries and countries.

What is your experience as a Mandela Washington Fellow?

Oh! That was actually a significant experience for me. In 2018, I was selected by the US Government as one of the most outstanding young leaders in Africa alongside other brothers and sisters of mine on the continent. It was definitely validating to be recognized for my commitment to build Africa by building its people. This has always been my desire and dedication.

Being selected as a Mandela Washington Fellow took me to the United States, touring exceptional businesses, charities and government parastatals across the State of Minnesota, as well as undertaking an Executive Education Program at University of Minnesota’s Humphrey School of Public Affairs. At the end of the fellowship, I was selected to deliver an IGNITE Talk to my colleagues at the Summit in Washington DC. That IGNITE Talk “how to fry fish to solve a wicked problem” became a source of inspiration to many visionaries home and abroad.

With Vera Chidi-maha

It is soothing to know how much time and money women now spend on their looks and physique. It is even more soothing to know that the aftermath of the ‘investment’ is paying off; ladies in relationships now keep their homes. Most men no longer stray and even when they do, they oftentimes come back home. Suffice it to say then that the modern women have come of age. Women now watch what they eat. We are now more conscious of our weight especially the tummy which is very key. Our armpits are always shaved.

Our nails are often fixed or at least trimmed. We are conscious of using tissues after we urinate to avoid status on our undies and to avoid offensive odour when we open to our men. We wash thoroughly during bath. And oh, our hair do’s? Our greatest asset ever! We braid, we fix weave-on, we perm, and the list is endless. In fact, sometimes we dye our hair to darker shades to give it vitality.

We are more conscious now of the type of brassier we wear. Women now put on firmer bras that will change and enhance their looks. Most women now attempt to put on very crazy high heeled shoes it is the trend now. As I write this piece, not a few women would be unhappy leaving their homes without either a roll on or perfume/ deodorant in their bags. Of course, we need to smell good at all times.

These measures, most women have taken in order to consolidate their relationships. The clause here, however, is that these might not be enough to get and keep a man.

Oh, no doubt about it; men are indeed wired by sight, studies have shown. In fact, to buttress these findings, try and conduct an experiment on your own. Notice that a man that is chatting with you and is so engrossed in the conversation can easily be distracted when a pretty lady walks past. As a matter of fact, if they don’t stare out of respect for you, they struggle to ignore the lady, if one is observant she can tell easily. I have an admirer in my office that will oftentimes tell me how much he loves to see my face but as soon as a pretty lady passes by he will forget me for that split second and stare at the lady. It is not right, but it is the way men are. If your man does that sometimes, please do not be upset, it is their nature. Beauty attracts them and they react on impulse, they do not mean any disrespect to the lady they are with.

Having said that, I have also observed that a lady’s good looks may attract a man but it may not be enough to sustain the relationship for long. Oftentimes, to keep a man, women need to be intellectually sound. This is where our mind come-in. studies have shown that most men prefer women that can either match them intellectually or at least have something upstairs. Findings has shown that outward beauty can only keep a man temporarily but hey want more for an enduring relationship.

There are many misconceptions about what sort of women, men prefer. Not all men are the same and their preferences depend on their personalities. Men make different choices depending on the long and the short term relationship. Let’s consider the long term aspect which is more important. Men hate nagging women. Men simply cannot stand chatter boxes. As human beings, there’s always a limit to what men can take and communication is always the key when it comes to a long term constantly nag and argue are disliked by men.

Men love decisive women. – when it comes to long term relationship, men always prefer women who are good decision makers and who can help men with their problems. Men do not like to lead all the time therefore a decisive woman who can occasionally lead rates high on their most wanted women list.

Beauty with brains. The aspect of attraction cannot be taken out of account here. Men prefer women who are attractive to them. But beauty alone cannot induce them into a long term relationship rather brains and intelligence is something which keep them strongly attracted to a woman for a long term. Problem solvers – men prefer women who are smart enough to solve their problems. Men prefer women who are more intelligent than them and can act as problem solvers when it is necessary.

Should be a mother – long term relationship is all about having a family and taking care of the house. Therefore, most men prefer to have a woman that can take care of them like their mother. Men love to be pampers them more but their mothers.

Therefore, if you give them a caring touch like their mother, men would find you more attractive and would be more attractive and would be more than willing to get into a long term relationship with you.

But these tips do not guarantee success with men but I assure you it is a great start.

By Chidi Vera-maha

Recently, a close neighbour of ours could not wait to show us his new car. “Come Madam,” he said, “I want to show you something”. As I followed him, he took me straight to the car park, pointed towards a fine car.

I must admit the car was quite a very clean one, but it was not the car that got the better part of my attention. It was the excitement on his face, he just could not hide it. He was beaming from ear to ear, just by looking at his face; you could tell that the car was just his dream come true.

Just as we were still admiring the car, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. In all my years on planet earth, never have I seen a man this happy or excited showing off his wife and I am like, what is it with men and cars. Are wives not supposed to be prized far above rubies, (the virtous ones, I mean) I do not think it is fair on us woman, if a mere car should get more attention from the man then us.

A cousin of mine claims that her man spends fortune to maintain his cars, but when she dares to ask for an increment in her allowances, he questions her and then complains that the economy is bad. Call this a protest if you like, but some wives simply can’t recall the last time their man showed them off to either friends or co-workers.

In order not to be seen as one-sided, I decided to speak to some respondents on why the wife and the car have to be in competition in the first place.

Their responses are as varied as their names and faces are.

Sola: “I don’t know, I have never really thought about it. I think I spend more money on my wife. In my opinion, I feel a woman is more expensive than a car. Although in a way, a wife is comparable to a car because she is somebody you acquired and then you are under obligation to take care of her. Your wife is a part of your life and often times you are more conscious of your wife than your car”.

Yemi: ‘My wife is far more useful to me than my car. You see, I can afford to park my car if it will make my wife happy because before the car came, my wife has been there, and after the car, my wife will still be there. So in the light of this, I would rather pay more attention or spend more on my wife than my car’.

Muyiwa: “My wife comes before the car. The reason is that if I don’t maintain my wife, she would not last in my house. I can afford to buy a car today and discard it tomorrow, but I cannot do same with my wife.

“In the first instance, my wife is a human being, and as such, she is more valuable than my car. On the other hand, the family needs to maintain the car to keep the family mobile”.

Ben: ‘My wife will kill me if she reads this, but faithfully speaking, I spend more money on my car than I do on my wife. The car is meant to ease her outings and those of the kids. Instead of her hopping from one bus to the other, the car will be a better deal for the whole family”.

Leke: “In fact, one’s car is considered to be a person’s first wife. For instance, if one is always seen with a car and he is suddenly seen trekking, the first thing he will be asked is about his car and perhaps later his wife. When a car breaks down, one cannot afford to leave or dump it. If there is no money, one must borrow to get the car back on the road”.