The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • My wife is like iced fish due to her dryness in bed

    Dr., please I’m having serious problems with my wife. For about four years now, I no longer enjoy sex with her. We sleep like strangers on the same bed. Naturally, she isn’t the romantic type and she is like iced fish in bed because of her dryness. I have to force her before she uses gel and even during her ovulation period, she doesn’t bother about sex and the annoying part is that every little thing, she gets angry. She’s full of complaint, finds it hard to listen to others and upon all, we are yet to have children. We have done all tests available and nothing is wrong with both of us. I’m sick and tired of this and I don’t want to cheat. Please advise.

     

    My brother, I keep saying on this page that I’m not a medical doctor. Okay, maybe you people want to confer on me an honorary doctorate degree. That will make me ‘Doctor of Hearts’; that’s nice.

    Now to serious business, there are three fundamental issues here and all together are enough to make a man have doubts about the ability of the union to withstand the tests posed to it. Let me attempt to touch them one by one. You will however need to book an appointment for counseling.

    Vaginal dryness during intercourse: Normally, the walls of the vagina stay lubricated with a thin layer of clear fluid. The hormone estrogen helps maintain that fluid and keeps the lining of the vagina healthy, thick, and elastic. During menopause however, the drop in estrogen levels reduces the amount of moisture available. It also makes the vagina thinner and less elastic. Apart from menopause, estrogen levels can drop from childbirth and breastfeeding, radiation or chemotherapy treatment for cancaer,

    surgical removal of the ovaries, anti-estrogen medications used to treat uterine fibroids or endometriosis. Other causes of vaginal dryness include allergy and cold medications and certain antidepressants, douching, lack of enough foreplay before sexual intercourse. No matter what the cause, vaginal dryness can be extremely uncomfortable. It can lead to itching, burning, and painful intercourse.

    The most common treatment for vaginal dryness due to low estrogen levels is topical estrogen therapy. Topical estrogen replaces some of the hormone your body is no longer making. That helps relieve vaginal symptoms, but it doesn’t put as much estrogen in your bloodstream as oral estrogen hormone therapy (HT). Most women use one of two common types of vaginal estrogen:

    Vaginal estrogen tablet: You use a disposable applicator to insert a tablet into your vagina once a day for the first two weeks of treatment. Then you insert it twice a week until you no longer need it.

    Vaginal estrogen cream: You use an applicator to insert the cream into your vagina. How often you apply the cream depends on the brand. This is applied every day for the first two to four weeks and then one to three times a week.

    Trying for a baby: This is one factor that may be giving room for tension in the home. You need to address it squarely. Since you are trying for a baby, I know a very good drug that may help with conception and at the same time increase cervical mucus because cervical mucus helps sperm survive and travel from the cervix up to the uterus and fallopian tubes. A lack of quality fertile cervical mucus can make getting pregnant difficult. It may also be a symptom of another problem that may be causing infertility.

    Still talking about achieving pregnancy, you may need to talk to a doctor friend of mine who specializes in that area.

    Her attitude: Until I see both of you together once or twice, it would be hard to judge if her attitude is right or wrong or if you are the one not understanding her enough. A woman doesn’t have to agree with everything you say if she has points of her own that differ from yours.

  • I actually cried tonight…

    THERE are many good people out there as there are many bad people too. I had a very nasty experience this week that I’ll like to share with you all. It was so bad that I actually cried. On my Facebook page some days ago, I related the occurrence of how a supposedly nice and well-meaning Hearts fan turned out to be a conman who got me through this very Hearts page. I’m sharing my experience as well as some of the comments I got from friends and fans all over the world. Please be careful when dealing with strangers no matter how kind they may sound.

    HE called me this morning and introduced himself as an Arik manager who was one of my fans in The Nation newspaper. He prayed for me and commended my efforts at addressing different problems. God knows I have been thinking of how I could help all the unemployed graduates who have been besieging me with demands for jobs. So when he said he wanted to contribute his own quota to the unemployment menace in the country and that I should give him the names of two graduates who could work in either Port-Harcourt or Enugu, I quickly gave him the names of two people who had been on my neck. He then said there was an interview going on that day and he would ensure they got the job if they could fly down immediately. That was around 12.00 and he said the interview was for 2.00pm. I warned the two graduates I got not to go as time was too short. I advised them to ask the man to get in touch in case there was another opportunity. I also warned them not to pay if the man asked for it as I didn’t know him and I couldn’t vouch for him. But desperation made them pay into the account the man supplied when he said he could get them discounted tickets to make it on time for the interview. Now the so-called Mr. Bartholomew Obiora whose telephone number is 08101170128 is no longer answering his calls. I should have known when he asked if I didn’t want to travel so he could give me a discounted ticket. I immediately answered that I could pay for my ticket all by myself. It was later that he texted about this job thing and I fell for it. Too bad. So bad. Ifedayo Precious Akinyandenu: Why are we so desperate that we duped unemployed youths? The guy shall no longer know peace IJN, AMEN. Aunty, nemesis shall catch up with the guy, since you are working with good intention. Adebayo Idowu: Nemesis!? Before the coming of nemesis, me think law enforcers should apprehend him, if only to act as deterrent to others. Pat Ola Gbenga: Your guy – the fraudsters is not as smart as he seems. He left a lot of messy traces – 1. Phone number and 2. Bank acct. so it’s easy to give him unrest for the rest of his life till he’s caught. James Emeh: How much did the desperate graduates pay, the conman -if much the guy Adetutu Adetola Adetokunbo: God will compensate you. Kola Ogunbiyi: He cannot run away for too long. Hold the owner of the bank account money was paid to responsible and prosecuted. M o s u n Adeboye: NIGERIA…….. America in the making!!! Dupe Zeniat: Hajia the Lord is your strength a ni si oore se insha allah a de ni jebi. Aameen. Just be calm and follow the trend God’ll touch his heart and he’ll send back the money to their accounts. Gbolahan ‘Keem Agoro: Deola, I just called the guy, he has no choice but to send back the money to the owners. Don’t be discouraged, keep the fire burning. Samuel Adetunji Shomuyiwa: That phone number is registered to someone, should he not cooperate. Get warrant from police, then to service provider for user profile/data. Adetunji O. O. Basorun: Scammers everywhere … Adewale Sunny Adetoro: Adeola Agoro my dear sister, you have nothing, absolute nothing to worry about on this issue. By their fruits we shall know them. You have worked and laboured over the years to build a name and reputation for yourself and the good result is visible for all to see. Just continue to march on, keep soldiering on. No one, no matter how fast or brilliant in the business of criminality can tarnish your good image. The LORD is your strength. Dozie Kaidi Obiaku: Hmmmmm… The phone number will do him in even if protocol makes the process protracted and frustrating. Clarah Heyiju: Humnn, what a life. You will not know how much you mean to people until you fall in trouble. Aunt Deola, keep moving, I know it’s not you but God in human form, we are proud of you. We trust in you. We acknowledge your braveness, Olorun Afun yin se o. Bukola Abiola: Such is life, God will intervene. Nonye Okafor-silas: Every day for the thief and one day for the house owner. Don’t worry his cup will get full just one day and he’ll get the judgment he deserves. He can’t escape it, but meanwhile let’s be vigilante and wise like a serpent because we have a lot of wolves in sheep skin walking around looking for unsuspecting individuals to maim/destroy. Emeka Ibemere: Go to the particular network he used to call you and get his picture from them because I know that the number is a registered number. He may put wrong address but his picture will be original else, the network is fraud one if all the Identities are not complete. Take heart but next time, don’t do business on phone. Face to face interaction matters in any business venture. Mary John Faoye: Nigeria we hail thee. 419 every where even our government are they not tricking us? where are the promises? ….good road, uninterrupted power supply, free education, improved health service ,pipe borne water? Come to think of it, where is our taxes going to? It has now become a case of JESUS for all, everybody for his/herself. God is watch. Amos Johnson: It is so painful that honest people falls often for these type of con men. Don’t worry, be happy so long as those the two gentlemen would trust your judgement, because u told them not to, but they did. My sympaty pls. Anyanwu Osukwu: Cheap 419, the guy is a hungry idiot. David Adegboye: Ma sis, me think this man can still be tracked with the phone and account number. Using your influence, please don’t let him go free. Thanks. Olusegun I. Dada:Yes I concur. Please what’s the account number and bank, although I can almost guess which bank. Gbenga Lawal: A tale of desperate job seekers and unsure facilitator. Balogun Danjuma OmoBaale DaleKatunsa: When someone starts giving me compliments whether due or undue… I always have a premonition they are up to something… I don’t blame you though… I blame the graduates who do not take instructions and advices… before you open an exam question paper, they will give instructions on answering the exam questions… if they did that for four years… haba they should be wise enough…. Accept my sympathy though…God repays… Alao Sakirudeen: Let me add to the useful suggestions by well meaning Nigerians that, for him to refund the money he collected from those two guys should not be the end, I suggest a thorough investigation should be lunch on him to unravel the evil and agony he must have caused so many defenseless Nigerian. Don’t be surprise the imposter might have amass wealth through this method. We need to stop this animal in human skin once and for all. Please share his account and mobile numbers. Take care. Oyeyemi Oyedeji Gbenga-Mustapha: If it Is the Obiora we all know, one day will be one day o… Monkey won’t return from market… Sam Onebamhoin: Na wah oooo Balogun Danjuma OmoBaale DaleKatunsa: Well, the real fraud is when he said he will get them the job no matter what… I smell cheating somewhere… Olusegun I. Dada: I even doubt if he will refund the money. he knows you cannot go to any Bank and ask for balance on any account that is not your own. Now that he is cooperating, please ask him if he will be willing to come up and own up to his crime? Albert Osiagwu: @Mustapha: If you all know him why not somebody report him to the authorities then. Oh, look at me, foolish man. This is Naija we are talking about. Brenda Fortune Ubani: This country is in a whole mess! Oyeyemi Oyedeji Gbenga-Mustapha: @ Albert. From the tone of our Oga, Mr Bolaji Tunji, on this issue, I repeat, if it is the same Obiora I and Adeola Agoro worked with, hmmmmmmn, monkey dun reach market o…. Oyeyemi Oyedeji Gbenga-Mustapha: @ Albert. He has disappeared from the scene of our profession, so no one can track him. I had a close shave with him even as my professional colleague and was not too surprised the way he was shown the door back then. Ogunsola Funmilola Omodaratan: @Mustapha I wonder because I read this same post in one of my oga profile yesterday Oyeyemi Oyedeji Gbenga-Mustapha: @Funmi. That, I believe is why some of our Ogas are interested in this development and ‘sharing’ same on FB. because some also were ‘attempted’ by that Obiorah, but I dnt know if he is now this Obiorah. Olusegun Koiki: Why won’t some people change from their devious ways? it’s unfortunate that when some young Nigerians are struggling tooth and nail to make the two ends meet, some people are bent in putting the name and image of the country in the mud through their actions and inactions. very soon, this useless Obiora would be caught and prosecuted. t o Olusegun Koiki: Why won’t some people change from their devious ways? it’s unfortunate that when some young Nigerians are struggling tooth and nail to make the two ends meet, some people are bent in putting the name and image of the country in the mud through their actions and inactions. very soon, this useless Obiora would be caught and prosecuted. Pastor Emmanuel Ejeje-enya: Those who eat from the sweat of others are only mortgaging their own future! Ogundepo Olaide: O gaa ooo different kind of innovation on corruption every here and there. Olayinka Akanni: His day of water-loo is numbered,its a matter of time.I heard one was burnt 2 death recently in one-man village. Toyin Runsewe: You’ve got to be more careful. You are too carefree. Thank God it’s not more than this; you know the kind of soup you would have found yourself. Ignorance is not an excuse girl. Samuel Adeshina: Please have the victims received their money back? John Michael Shemang: Unfortunate I would say! It’s a lesson learnt the hard way. Don’t be so carefree about anything. It is well my dear. Intimate me of any available space. Haliru Andi: @ Adeola. May Allah rid us of the bad elements in our midst. Samuel Adeshina Jesss: I was hoping the guy will turn out to be a good man but it clear he is a fraud star, now let’s all explore all we can to bring him down. No more talks but action now. Adeola Agoro I advise you inbox a mail and pick few people who are willing to join the investigation team, when sending mail, just add all the few names so all the conversation and discussions will only be read and seen by only the selected few so in case he is reading here he cant know our next move anymore… All next action should continue inbox Teniola Abe-Disu: Looks like someone is being swindled. Abdullah Abdulmalik Kash: This is insane. Since you have his mobile number why not report him to the authorities. Ifedayo Precious Akinyandenu: Why are we so desperate that we duped unemployed youth? The guy shall no longer know peace IJN, AMEN. Aunty, nemesis shall catch up with the guy, since you are working with good intention. Adebayo Idowu: Nemesis: !? Before the coming of nemesis, me think law enforcers should apprehend him, if only to act as deterrent to others Pat Ola Gbenga: Your guy – the fraudster is not as smart as he seems. He left a lot of messy trace- 1. phone number & 2. Bank acct. so it’s easy to give him

  • Cozy ideas to make couples have a merry and romantic Christmas

    It’s Christmas again and apart from thanking God for making us see another yuletide season, we should sped the long holiday snoozing, smudging and setting some magical milestones. Waoh! Check out these tried-and-true tips from experts, celebrities and happy couples from around the world. You would be glad you did!

    •Hit the road: “Right after a family party, my husband and I head for the beach, where we and six other couples have tents reserved for the whole weekend. Part of the time it’s just me and my hubby of 27 years, but a lot of the time we spend with the crew – playing games, telling stories and having a blast. By the time I go back to work on Monday, I am rejuvenated and ready to get in the Christmas spirit.” Patti Beecroft.

    •Focus on food: “We’re planning our Christmas around my husband’s roasting goat in his charcoal smoker, with friends and family on hand to sample his handiwork.” Tamilore.

    •Express thanks: “On that special day, thank each other for the gifts (material and nonmaterial) you have given each other over the past year.” –Dr. Patti Britton, iVillage’s Sex Coach.

    •Dance by candlelight: “I’ll be staying home and celebrating with my husband and children this holiday and in the New Year. We’ll pop some popcorn and watch a family movie, and then, when the kids go to bed, we’ll put on some music and dance by candlelight.” Aisha Hamisu.

    •Dream: “Give yourself a gift as a couple. Take five minutes each to tell each other your dreams, hopes and desires. Then do a third round, making up some fun and wonderful new dreams to do as a couple. Then schedule some of them. –Marcia Wieder, America’s Dream Coach and author of Making Your Dream Come True

    •Strip down: “My husband and I are moving just a few days before Christmas, which definitely puts a damper on any plans for big parties with lots of friends. But we both decided that will be fine. It’s our first New Year’s Eve as a married couple, and I can’t think of any better way to ring in the new year than with a plate of shrimp, a glass of champagne and my sweetheart in his boxers.” Kristy Alonge.

    •Change the celebration date: “In order to enable our adult children to spend time with their spouses’ families, we let them go to their in-laws’ on Thanksgiving, and then we celebrate as a family a week later. Meanwhile, my husband and I take a mini vacation to some faraway place – time alone we really enjoy. Works great!” Alhaja Zainab OgoOlorun.

    •Get a baby-sitter: “My mother is watching my baby boy for three days so that my boyfriend and I can spend a little time alone. We’re going to Obudu Cattle Ranch for this coming chirtmas and New Year. There is nothing more romantic than standing at the top of Obudu and looking at the cable cars as they move slowly to and fro. Peju Aborisade.

    •Steal away: “If you and your partner will be attending lots of parties, create a subtle signal and use it mid-party when you want to steal a few minutes of time for just the two of you. Duck into the kitchen or a quiet corner and … connect.” –Sherry Amatenstein, iVillage’s Dating Doyenne

    •Pretend you’re in Hollywood: “I’m going to enjoy a formal, private, candlelit dinner at home with my fiancé, then have a champagne toast in the bathtub at midnight.” –iVillager Jeannie

    •Make your house more romantic: “Go away to a bed and breakfast or turn your home into one — make your environment cozy, homey and romantic with candles, potpourri, breakfast in bed and so on.” –Robin Gorman Newman, author of How to Meet a Mensch in New York.

    •Unplug: “My plan for a pleasant New Year’s Eve with my honey is to build a fire in the fireplace, open a bottle of wine, enjoy homemade food, disconnect the telephone and turn off the pagers and cell phones.” Liz Mensa.

    •Fall in love again: “Approach each day during the holidays as if it’s the first day of your relationship. Many times we take our partners for granted; we forget to pay attention to our partner’s thoughts, ideas and moves. If you look at your partner the way you did when you first fell in love, it will keep the relationship fresh and alive, and will also create more interest.” –Susan Taylor, Ph.D., author of Sexual Radiance: A 21-Day Program of Breathwork, Nutrition and Exercise for Vitality and Sensuality

    •Have sex: “Sex is a wonderful way to reduce stress and build togetherness. But don’t force it; making sex a ‘have to’ will only increase your stress level.” –Dr. Patti Britton, iVillage’s Sex Coach.

    •Overcome obstacles: “My husband is the security chief of a shopping mall, so he has to work on New Year’s. I am planning to put on my best dress, pack a picnic dinner and spend the night with him and his staff.” –iVillager cocacolagal.

    •Be grateful: “My husband and I are just coming to the end of a very difficult phase in our relationship. I think the best thing we can do this holiday season is to surround ourselves with the people we love the most and be grateful that it’s a new year.” Jody Allen.

    •Shop for sexy stuff: “Fill each other’s stockings with sex-related gifts, such as IOUs for sexual favors. You can even buy books filled with them.” –Dr. Patti Britton, iVillage’s Sex Coach.

    •Keep it simple: “My husband and I like screaming, ‘Happy New Year!’ in our pajamas, and then being able to quickly go to bed.” –Mary Daniyan.

    •Throw a family fete: “The best holiday party we ever had was when we invited over a few couples with kids the same ages as ours, rented movies, played card and board games, ate pork roast, hot dogs, sauerkraut and dumplings and drank sparkling cider. Everyone slept over, and the next morning, we all had breakfast together. Everyone pitched in. It was like a big slumber party.” Shelley Okon.

    •Enjoy nature: “My boyfriend and I are big nature lovers. The best thing we’ll do this holiday season is to get bundled up and go for a long walk in the night. The harmattan breeze is more romantic than most people have cared to discover. It’s just perfect to make you cuddle each other. Sefiya Dantata.

    •Celebrate early: “Open a few of your smaller presents to each other a day or two before Christmas — it can really help to put you in the holiday spirit.” Mrs. Ambi Owanbe.

    • Grab and kiss your guy: “As long as I am with the man I love over the holidays, whatever we do will be all right, so I grab him at every opportunity and give him sweet kisses.” Tinu Ayegbayo.

    •Decorate a deux: “To celebrate Christmas, my significant other and I go to any of those big stores and buy decorations, play Christmas music, drink whatever is cool by us and snuggle by the light of the tree. It’s a great feeling.” Jennifer Falode.

    •Skip the gifts: “Holidays are for loving, not gifts. They’re about spending time with the ones you love.” Gloria Ssilas-Anuobe.

    •Be a secret Santa: “Every year, I send my husband anonymous presents in the mail. He’s pretty sure it’s me, but he’s never caught me in the act and until he does, it’s my little secret. It totally cracks me up!” Ngozi Anozie.

    •Give yourself: “As often as I can around Christmas, I set time aside to go and just be with someone I love. Sometimes it’s to help them with a chore, but just as often I spend the time totally focused on them, with no goal in mind. It’s astonishing the feeling of closeness this brings.” Amaka N.

    •Skip overspending: “I have found that my best New Year’s Eve celebrations have been staying home with my honey and keeping my money.” Rita Bassey.

    •Kill two birds with one stone: “My husband and I are combining a family reunion in Florida with a well-deserved and much-needed vacation.” –iVillager Jane.

    •Toast each other: “Once all the shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking and running around is done, I can’t wait to sit back in my own home with my husband and toast us.” –iVillager Leslie.

    •Keep it light: “The holidays can be pretty stressful, so I do everything I can to make things fun for my boyfriend – tickle him, say silly things, basically find the humor in every situation.” Jane Mark-Adu.

  • Why do women stick around with men who treat them like crap?

    Deola dear, what does it mean for a man to steal a woman’s heart? Painfully, the man seems not to treasure it, always subjecting the woman to harsh treatment. Often, she tells me, ‘It’s over between me and him’ but after a few days or weeks, I find them back with each other. Has a man ever stolen yours?

     

    You want to know if a man has ever stolen my heart?

    Of course… not once, not twice. But I don’t go stupidly in love. Maybe that’s the difference between me and those who stay in abusive relationships. Every day, I meet women who are in bad relationships and you hear them casually state that their men (baby daddy or not) treat them like crap, yet make it sounds like it’s no big dp where you’re not financially able to stand on your own, get a job and get a life. If a woman has to wait for the man before she can buy ordinary pap and akara and even her nail polish, then the man won’t even value you to start with.

    If your friend keeps going back to this man and it is cretin he is treating her badly, keeeal. In fact, you get the impression that they’re so used to it that it’s almost okay with them. That makes you wonder why they still complain and wonder “why them!?” If you’re reading this, and this applies to you, I really urge you to figure out what it is in life that you want. You DON’T “NEED” a man to make you happy. You may THINK that you do, but you do NOT! For all you women who say you’re stranded at home with kids and your man wants nothing to do with you, let him know you can actually live without him and be happier. If you’re in a kind of relationship quite and watch events. It’s always best when we learn to keep quiet after talking. If they’re meant to be together and live happily, time will tell. If not, you will remind her of all you told her. Thanks for being a good friend.

  • How to make your husband happy

    1. Be romantic. Romance can easily become a back-burner priority after years of marriage. Make sure to save time for romantic activities like candle-lit dinners, go to the cinemas together or cuddling up to watch a movie at home.

    2. Spice up your sex life. One of the main aspects of marriage where the excitement can quickly fade is the sexual aspect. You’ll both have to work hard to keep your sex life interesting, but thankfully there are several things that you can do.

    Don’t get stuck in a boring routine. If you and your hubby are used to having sex without any foreplay or wooing beforehand, sex can become just another activity that happens when you get in bed. Take the time to woo each other at spontaneous times to avoid feeling like you have allotted time for being intimate. Scheduled sex is not sexy.

    Listen to your hubby’s wants and needs. Know what your hubby’s preferences are and what he wants to try in the bedroom. His desires may change over time. Just ask him what he likes and wants, this question in itself can be a turn on!

    3. Set a date night. Between you and your hubby’s busy schedules, it can be very hard to find time to spend with each other. Make a commitment to go on a date or make a home-cooked meal together at least once per week. Here are some date night ideas:

    Go to dinner and a movie. This classic never gets old if you switch up the restaurant and the movie genre each week.

    Make dinner together. Try making a dish that requires more effort than one you would make on a random week night. Make vegetable soup for instance from scratch to have fun while cooking.

    4. Send flirty text messages throughout the day. Sometimes nothing is better than a spontaneous text or voice message from your lover. Call just to say “I love you” or send your hubby a flirty message that contains something for him to look forward to.

    Send sexy snap chats to your hubby to remind him what’s waiting for him after work. Make sure to warn him that you sent a sexy snap in advance so that he doesn’t open it in front of his friends, or worse, his colleagues.

    5. Get some new sexy outfits. If you’re constantly wallowing around the house in baggy clothes. It might be time to take a trip to the shops for some new clothes. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in front of your hubby, but be sure not to lose track of taking care of yourself as a result. Spice up a plain outfit with a sexy blouse or dress. Put of a pair of stilettos to elongate your legs. Every man loves long, sexy legs. A pair of heels are a quick and easy way to make any outfit look sexier. Get some new lingerie. Lingerie is a sexy way to spice up your bedroom life and make your hubby see you in a new light.

    6. Have an attractive attitude. Being attractive isn’t all about looking sexy, it’s about exuding a compassionate attitude as well. Be sure to retain a kind disposition toward your husband and be considerate of his feelings.

    Exude happiness. As humans, we’re all going to have good days and bad days. While you shouldn’t try to mask your feelings if you are feeling sad or depressed, you should try to be a pleasant person to be around whenever possible. Smile. Visual signals are just as important as words. Avoid walking around with a scowl on your face all day and try to smile as much as possible.

    7. Exercise. This might sound like a plea to get you to work out for the sake of a sexy body, but exercise can provide you with so much more than a slim frame and ripped abs. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, neurotransmitters that reduce stress and induce happiness. Maintaining a steady exercise routine has also been shown to increase sexual desire as a result of the positive effects working out has on your body and mind. Try energy-inducing exercises like running. Don’t overlook the positive effect that simply feeling sexy can have one your love life. When you feel desirable, your confidence and sexuality shine through.

  • I feel cramps in my vagina when my boyfriend touches me

    Dear Aunty Ade, I’m 29 and one of your favourite fans; I always read your column. I have a big problem that is tearing me and my boyfriend apart. I feel cramps in my vagina when I’m not menstruating especially when my boyfriend touches me, like if he tries to kiss or caress me or even hold me. Please I need your help. Your biggest fan, Nancy.

    I suspect you have Vaginismus. Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.Vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary tightness of the vagina during attempted intercourse. The tightness is actually caused by involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina. The woman does not directly control or ‘will’ the tightness to occur; it is an involuntary pelvic response. She may not even have any awareness that the muscle response is causing the tightness or penetration problem.

    In some cases vaginismus tightness may begin to cause burning, pain, or stinging during intercourse. In other cases, penetration may be difficult or completely impossible. Vaginismus is the main cause of unconsummated relationships. The tightness can be so restrictive that the opening to the vagina is ‘closed off’ altogether and the man is unable to insert his penis. The pain of vaginismus ends when the sexual attempt stops, and usually intercourse must be halted due to pain or discomfort.

    Vaginismus can normally be treated and fully overcome in a reasonable time frame. Motivated women without significant complications usually find that six weeks is adequate to resolve their sexual pain or penetration problems. Research has shown that even two-week time frames are potentially realistic where there is an intense ‘full-time’ effort, professional assistance, and no significant complications. See your health care specialist for counseling. If they can’t help, I can help you procure a kit to help you overcome the problem.

  • We’re together for just three months now…

    Good evening ma. I’m a regular reader of your column and I have a little problem to share with you and I need your help on it. It goes like this: There’s this guy I’ve been in love with for three months now, but we’ve quarreled for more than 10 times as if we have dated for a year. All these quarrels are not over important things; ordinary jokes sometimes lead to quarrels and he will keep off for days. I don’t know if this is because we are not staying close to each other he is in Lagos while I’m in Akwa Ibom State. Please tell me what to do. Love you.My dear girl, whether you live together or apart, once two people talk all the time, they are bound to have issues once in a while or always. In your own case, you’re just getting to know each other and coming from different backgrounds, you may say things the other person may not be used to, that would hurt or annoy them. I know a couple who were quarreling all the time because one person was always correcting the other about pronunciations and grammatical structures when the person being corrected thought he knew everything already and that nobody ever corrected him in the past. It took a while before he realized that his partner meant well. For your sake, I’m publishing the piece of writing below: A Series Of Misunderstandings

    Written by David Wygant

    A relationship involves two people getting together, falling in love, having wonderful times, having amazing sex and having a great friendship. A relationship is really just a series of misunderstandings. Think about it. You’re in a relationship. You’re getting along great. Everything is perfect. Then, all of a sudden, you have a misunderstanding. What happens when you have that misunderstanding? Both people will usually go into defense mode. Defense mode is so much fun, it really is. One person hurts the other person. Instead of apologizing, the person will say “The reason why I hurt you was . . . ” and they will give a list. They will say things like, “It’s just because of the way you talked to me. So then I said that back to you.” It seems like nobody can really just look at each other and say, “I’m sorry.” So many people have trouble saying those two words. Why is it so hard to say ‘I’m sorry?’ If you hurt someone, don’t go into defense mode and let yourself justify needing to get your reasons across. Why not just apologize once in a while? If you would do this, then maybe you’d have fewer misunderstandings. A relationship is really a series of misunderstandings until you finally give in and understand one another. So many things in a relationship can go wrong. The problem is that during these misunderstandings, it is hard to let go of that for which you are fighting. It’s hard to let go of a lot of things. The thing about a relationship is that you need to let go and try to understand the other person better. If that person asks you for the same things over and over again and yet you don’t do it, obviously you’re not doing something they would like you to be doing. Instead of just doing that thing, however, people will cause a misunderstanding by getting defensive and saying something like “I do all these other things for you, so why aren’t you satisfied?” That person probably is satisfied. They just want or need more of something. Part of a relationship with someone is to give the other person unconditionally the things that they need in addition to the things you want to do for them. Relationships would have far fewer misunderstandings if people would get out of defense mode, dropped the ego and really looked at each other as being on the same team. Otherwise, a relationship will just continue to be a series of misunderstandings.

  • I’ve not had sex since I was 17; am I still a virgin?

    No. you’re no longer a virgin in the real sense of the word, but you may be described as a second generation virgin. What made you have sex at 11? I want to believe you were raped. Well, many people wish they could return to virginity and are choosing to become second-generation virgins. Second-Generation Virginity is a choice to abstain from sex again for a period of time. For some, that period of time is a few months; for others a few years or until marriage.

    You may be thinking you had sex too soon and I think so too. Becoming a second-generation virgin is one way to strongly state to others and to yourself that you have decided to abstain from sex. The origin of the word “virgin” is from the Greek word “Virgo,” often associated with goddesses of power. For some, second-generation virginity is a reclaiming of power and control over one’s body. Reclaiming your sexuality: When someone forces or pressures you to have sex, or makes you feel your virginity was “stolen,” it doesn’t feel like that should be your “first time.” Your first time having sex is special, and no one has the right to take that from you. If being raped or pressured into sex has happened to you, you’re not alone. There is support, and your real “first time” is still to come. Second-generation virginity allows you to reclaim your virginity in such cases.

  • From you to me

    •Re: Things men love about our bodies: You tried ma but you missed out the very obvious one – breasts (boobs)… Great day and best wishes. Segun (07056844966).

    •Good morning Aunty. Words cannot explain how grateful I am to you . I used the drug for the very first time last night as directed and wish you were there… My girl was awed by how I could go on and on without getting limp as before. I can’t thank you enough. Thanks. Segun from Ibadan.

    •I pray Almighty God go before you as a consuming fire and destroy all the plans of the enemies against you and your family this season in Jesus name, amen. Pastor Smith (08033302737).

    Happy new month and happy weekend dear ma. More grease to your elbow while wishing you the protection of the Almighty god always in Jesus name, amen. Best wishes and excellent regards always from Efuntade alani Olusegun, 08065334335.

    Thanks for all you’re doing. You will not see shame at the end of your life. Extend my greetings to your family in general. Kafaya (08153270847).

    •Joy is the most chesished by the heart. May God bless you with enduring joy. May His grace be a sword for you in the battles of life. May He favour you with infinite blessings, amen. 07038437926.

    •Thanks for your kindness to me. You’re a very kind woman. Your business will have no success limit. God bless you. Brian, Port-Harcourt, (08033137713).

  • Screening canvassed for early detection of hypertension, diabetes, others

    How can Nigerians reduce risk of developing terminal diseases? It is by being moderate in whatever they do, especially their food intake say Lagos State Deputy Governor, Mrs Adejoke Orelope-Adefulire, wife of the governor, Dame Abimbola Fashola and chairman of Mosan Okunola Local Council Development Area (LCDA), Mr Abiodun Mafe.

    Nigerians they said, should be wary of the food they eat so as not to endanger their health.

    This was contained in the messages to residents at the screening for diabetes, hypertension and cancers in the 57 local governments and LCDAs of the state.

    They listed healthy life styles such as regular exercises, moderate alcohol consumption, avoidance of smoking, eating and drinking in moderation and regular health screening as ways of reducing the risk of falling victim to killer diseases such as hypertension, diabetes as well as prostate, cervix and breast cancers.

    The event and the first round of integrated statewide wellness health week was held at Rauf Aregbesola Primary Health Centre, Mosan-Okunola, Local Council Development Area (LCDA), Ipaja.

    According to the trio, embracing healthy life styles and paying proper attention to healthy living habits will not only reduce the risk of falling victim to these killer diseases but also help prevent it.

    The deputy governor, represented by the Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, Mrs Risikat Akiode, said it was in realisation of the need to prevent the killer diseases that the government initiated the wellness health week aimed for the screening of hypertension and diabetes as well as prostate, cervix and breast cancers.

    She said hypertension, diabetes and cancers are some of the non communicable diseases that have become prevalent and responsible for over 60 per cent of deaths in the world, adding that if the trend continues unchecked, the diseases are expected to account for 73 per cent of deaths and 60 per cent of the disease burden in the year 2020.

    ”It is against this background that our administration has come up with this initiative, which also aims to increase the tempo of sensitisation and awareness to maximally help prevent, reduce these diseases and improve the health status of Lagosians”, Mrs Orelope-Adefulire said.

    Mrs Fashola called on residents to take advantage of the week-long integrated health screening present to get screened for hypertension, diabetes, breast, cervical and prostate cancers.

    She enjoined them to always visiting primary health centers for checks.

    ”Please be aware that these diseases do not present any noticeable symptoms until at the late stages, then it will be too expensive to treat and manage and could lead to loss of life of our bread winners,”she added.

    Mafe said the rate at which Nigerians die of non-communicable diseases calls for serious concern, calling on all residents to seize the opportunity of the free health screening to do a thorough medical check-up to know their health status.

    He said: “The event is not fun-fair but a programme aimed at bringing awareness to our people between about the killer diseases. The World Health Organisation (WHO) statistic shows that 22 percent of the Nigerian population is affected by high blood pressure, which is called a silent killer because it does not show sign or symptoms till it might be too late.”

    The council boss lamented that proliferation of fake blood pressure measuring devices and popular diet like some brand of noodles people consume had made Nigerians at risk of terminal diseases.

    Also speaking, Special Adviser to the Lagos State Governor on Public Health, Dr. Yewande Adeshina said the programme is put up due to inadequate knowledge and awareness of the symptoms, signs and effects of the diseases.

    “The goals of this programme are to detect early asymptomatic and undiagnosed clients with NCDs and to prevent complications through prompt, effective treatment and referral of diagnosed cases. Following the continuous and sustainable sensitisation and public enlightenment of the entire populace of these diseases, it is expected that the turnout would increase considerably,” she said.

    Adeshina explained that the screening for hypertension and diabetes will take place concurrently in the 20 LGAs and 37 LCDAs using screening sites selected in the LGAs and LCDAs adding that the screening for cancers of the breast, cervix and prostate will take place in one LGA per senatorial districts, that is; Alimosho, Lagos Island and