The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • 9 Signs your bad relationship is affecting your life

    When you are in a bad relationship, it’s hard to actually watch out for the signs your bad relationship is affecting your life and really messing with your personality. Bad relationships can be extremely unhealthy for your entire body, your mood and can really cause your personality to change. If you are trying to find out some signs your bad relationship is affecting your life, take a look at my list below.

    1. Weight Loss: This is probably one of the most common signs your bad relationship is affecting your life. Are you constantly losing weight? Are you constantly slimming down without meaning to? Do you drop weight in no time at all, just because of the stress of your relationship? Watch out for this girls, it might be nice to lose the weight, but you want to do it the healthy way and this is unhealthy.

    2. Depression: Depression is another common sign that your bad relationship is affecting your life. Do you even want to go out of the house? Do you constantly feel down and can’t remember exactly what joy and happiness feel like anymore? These are things to watch out for

    3. Constant Crying: Crying is something that a lot of people experience when they are in a fight in a relationship, but if you are crying every day, every night and at random times, is that normal? No! You shouldn’t constantly feel like you need to cry, your relationship should make you happy, not this stressed out!

    4. Walking on Eggshells: Do you have a constant feeling that you can’t speak your mind? That if you do, it’ll only upset your partner and then it’ll turn into a huge fight? Truthfully, you should be able to be honest in your relationship and if you are always walking on eggshells, it can bleed into your life outside of your relationship too.

    5. No Self Esteem: Your self esteem can be extremely hard to build up, but it can also be really fragile once you do. If you are losing your self esteem because your partner is constantly putting you down, that’s not a good feeling. It’s also not healthy at all.

    6. Secluded: Remember when I said that with depression, you don’t want to go out? Well, being secluded actually holds true as well. This is when you don’t even want to leave the house. Doing anything is an huge inconvenience for you and can even make you feel sick!

    7. Being Pulled in Too Many Directions: When you are in a really bad relationship, you can feel like you are constantly being pulled in too many directions. This is especially true if your partner is needy and is always pulling your attention away. Remember, you need to slow down and take time for yourself too.

    8. Weight Gain: While some people might lose weight, weight gain is another common sign that your bad relationship is affecting your life. If you are an emotional eater, you could constantly be eating everything in sight and you can’t quit. That’s how you deal with being in your relationship. That’s hard!

    9. Moodiness: Finally, how are your moods? Are they constantly swinging from one end of the spectrum to the next? That alone could be a sign that your relationship is not stable and that you are fearing for something and that it’s affecting your life.

    So girls, these are all of my signs that your unhealthy relationship is affecting your life. What other signs are out there? Give them up!

  • 10 relationship deal breakers you should be aware of …

    Relationship Deal Breakers can be things that you might not even be aware that you are doing. The smallest and simplest thing in the world could, actually be one of the many relationship deal breakers for your man. Below, I’ve detailed out the relationship deal breakers that I’ve come across that way at least you know what is off limits!

    1. Not Backing Your Man Up: This is a biggie girls. If you don’t back up your man is whatever he does or says (within reason mind you), it could be one of the relationship deal breakers that could break you up! A man likes to know that his girlfriend is going to be there no matter what so show him by backing him up!

    2. Playing the Jealousy Card too Much: I hate, hate, hate when men and women constantly try to make their partner jealous. A little jealousy here and there is okay, but keep it to a minimum. There is a difference between flirting with a guy that works at a gas station that pumps your gas to grinding up on a guy that isn’t your boyfriend in a club. Keep it classy, not trashy ladies!

    3. Neglect: This is a huge one and one that I am actually guilty of too. Men want to feel important, want to feel secure in their relationship and want to be paid attention to. One of the biggest relationship deal breakers is actually their women neglecting them. Remember this one okay ladies?

    4. Any Lies: So you think that the occasional white lie is okay right? That is, until your guy finds out about it. When you lie to your boyfriend, it is hard to gain back that trust. Just keep it open and honest it’s better that way.

    5. Criticizing & Judging: How would you feel if you were constantly judged and criticized? Most women would go haywire if their man critiqued what they wore, what they eat, how they talked what do you do to your boyfriend? Do you constantly judge him, constantly criticize him?

    6. Disappearing without Notice: We all need our ‘me’ time. I get that, I need some ‘me’ time sometimes too, just let your guy know where you are! This is one of the biggest relationship deal breakers out there. Men like to know where their girlfriends are at not all of the time mind you, but they at least like to be kept in the loop.

    7. Withholds Sex: Oh-em-gee, I hate this trick. In a relationship, you should never use sex to dominate your man. It’s the quickest way to lose him and definitely the worst way to make a reputation for yourself. Remember, men talk too.

    8. Constantly Drinking: Drinking with the guys is fine, drinking with your girlfriends is even cool, but if you are constantly drunk what guy would have fun with you? You want a guy that is going to like you tipsy and sober. You want to remember the night that you had with your man right?

    9. Too Poor: If you can’t afford a cell phone bill, rent or even a a dinner out, you really shouldn’t be in a relationship. Guys, this goes for you too if you can’t take your lady out, that can definitely be a relationship deal breaker! You don’t have to be rich, you just have to have enough money for savings and not to be completely broke all of the time.

    10. No Phone Calls just Emails: When you are in a relationship, you have to nurture it. It isn’t something that you can use technology for. If you are a technology-driven person use the phone, see your boyfriend. Don’t just use emails or texts, it’s not way to have a relationship.

    There are many different relationship deal breakers that could potentially put your relationship in danger. If you find yourself committing one or more of these relationship deal breakers stop it! It might be hard, but it’ll be worth it in the end. What tricks and tips do you use to nurture your relationship and keep is happy and healthy?

  • How does male enhancement spray work?

    Dear Aunty Adeola, I have read a lot about male enhancement drugs and I have seen some of the responses from your fans but I am afraid to try any of those drugs because I hear some of them have side effects. I’m in my early 60s, so I must be careful with what I take. Somebody told me about some male enhancement sprays, do you have an idea how they work and how can I purchase them in Nigeria because it seems there are no sex drugs around. I will also like to point out to you that women too need some forms of enhancement. My wife is really frigid during sex and since she has reached menopause, she is dry most times which makes sex boring. She has tries some jellies to ease the dryness but it is too messy for me and the fact that I now that it is not natural lubrication makes it annoying for me. I have only remained faithful to her because of my position in church. Do you have anything to help our sex lives? – Uncle J.

    Dear Uncle J, let me address your wife’s issue first since we can’t help you without helping her too. Yes, for most women sex can become less enjoyable after the menopause. The natural decline in estrogen levels can make it uncomfortable. Some women also find their interest in sex declines, and the body changes that happen with ageing don’t help. Dry skin, greying hair and middle-age spread can erode self-esteem. A survey suggests that 84% of menopausal women find sex painful. In the survey, nearly 70% said their relationships had suffered as a result. Women’s health expert and GP, Dr Sarah Jarvis, says so many women suffer in silence with common menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness, because they are embarrassed to speak to their GP. But there is a big solution is sight. There are supplements she can use to combat dryness during sex. Also, she might want to try royal jelly to make her skin supple and her youthfulness restored.

    As to your question on sex enhancement sprays, they are good, not only for the man using it, but the women too will discover something nice has hit her. Some of these sprays are oil-based, making it easy for penetration. They work by reducing the sensitivity of the penis. Foreplay can now be prolonged as can the following sexual intercourse and it works after five minutes of using it and you can bet that you will take her to clouds yet undiscovered. The sprays I know are manufactured under strict pharmaceutical controls in licensed premises in the UK and Germany and are protected by a series of trademarks throughout the world. You just apply two or more measured sprays as required to the head of the penis shortly before intercourse. Of course, they are available in Nigeria and I have personally sent a mail to you. Enjoy sir!

     

  • How can I maintain my long-distance relationship?

    Dear Aunty Deola, I have enjoyed reading your column for a long time now, but it has not addressed my own

    personal problem. I just met a wonderful man on a recent trip abroad. I’m a top executive where I work and he is always doing well in the country he lives. I have gone to see him twice and he has come to see me once, but the distance is making both of us uncomfortable. What do you think we can do to maintain this relationship so it can last? – Sandra.

    Dear Sandra, I can tell you that it is difficult when you love somebody and you can’t see him immediately you want to. It’s even difficult on cold nights and days when you wish you could go to the cinemas together. It’s always a lot expensive making all those trips to see each other. Thankfully in your own case, you seem to be comfortable enough to afford frequent trips. As they say, dating is hard and doing it across state lines is harder! Follow these rules to keep it together even when you’re apart.

    Agree on your commitment level

    Couples in long-distance relationships know they’re taking a risk, not to mention making a few sacrifices. But if you see a real future for the two of you, the sacrifices won’t seem to matter. Still, before you get involved in a long-distance relationship, there are a few things you have to establish. Are you exclusive or are you seeing other people? Don’t assume that it’s one or the other if you’ve never discussed it, especially if you’re looking to keep things one-on-one. “With long-distance relationships, you need to have a detailed, intimate conversation, including whether the connection is monogamous or open,” says Tonya Reiman, author of The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy. “Confirming the level of commitment will help to avoid unnecessary jealousy issues and fights.” If you think this is the one, get ready for some hard, but hopefully rewarding, work. “The amount of time couples are able to maintain a long-distance relationship really depends upon how they nurture it,” says Reiman.

    Don’t keep secrets

    Honesty is paramount to any relationship, but especially one that’s maintained from different cities, states, even countries. It’s crucial to be forthcoming — especially about your own insecurities. As a matter of fact, revealing what makes you anxious can lead to improvements in the relationship, as well as a greater level of sensitivity from your partner. “Call when you get home from a night out, and tell your significant other, ‘I really wish you were here,’” adds Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide. Avoid constantly talking about one person your faraway mate may see as a romantic threat. “And don’t kid yourself,” says Tiger. “Spending all of your time with one person can easily lead to temptation, so make sure you hang out with lots of people.”

    Surprise each other

    Routine is actually a good thing when it comes to long-distance relationships. You can look forward to your next conversation or visit because you know exactly when it’s going to happen. But every now and then, step up the romance a bit. That means calling unexpectedly and “upping the physical anticipation with [phone] sex and saucy email banter,” says Tiger. But don’t invest your money in flowers: “Surprise visits are the best gifts you can give.”

    Maintain your sex life

    Just because you don’t sleep in the same bed every night, doesn’t mean your relationship between visits has to consist of dry spell after dry spell. On the contrary, says sex expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., contributor to GoodinBed.com, “Our brains are our biggest sex organ.” So use the distance to your advantage by stimulating each other mentally and therefore sexually. “Learn how to talk (and text) dirty,” suggests Tiger. “It doesn’t have to be overt — just enough to make each other wonder if you’re fully clothed.”

    Plan frequent visits

    Reiman recommends that long-distance daters see each other in the flesh at least one weekend a month. You know the excitement of being asked out on a second date while you’re still on the first one? Do the same here. Never finish a visit without planning the next trip. But, says Reiman, “If you can’t physically see each other as much as you would like, virtual dates can work wonders.” Skype, anyone?

    Send cards and gifts

    Texts, Facebook, Tweets — all of the electronic communication options at our disposal have made long-distance dating much easier, that’s for certain. But how did couples do it in the pre-email days? Introducing… the pen and paper! (Remember them?) “The major thing missing during a long-distance relationship is physical proximity to your partner,” explains Tiger. “Snail mail, while no substitute, brings you that much closer to your sweetheart, because you’re touching the paper he touched and reading the lines he wrote by hand.” How’s that for a romantic thought? And she even takes it a step farther: “This is why spritzing the paper — very lightly! — with your perfume or cologne is a nice touch, even if it’s a little cheesy.”

    Trust each other

    “Commitment is a statement of intention. If you know your partner well, and a regular routine is kept, issues of trust will not rear their ugly heads,” explains Reiman. That said, trust also means giving one another the benefit of the doubt. If your guy says he’ll call you after work around 6 p.m., but the phone doesn’t ring until 7 p.m., assume he was pulled into a meeting with his boss, not having drinks with that hot girl in accounting. Just because your imagination can have the tendency to run wild, doesn’t mean you should let it.

    Set an end goal

    How long is too long to be in a long-distance relationship? Well, that depends on you, your guy and your respective situations, but at some point you’ll need to live in the same city. (You may even expect to have a ring on your finger!) “There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel, a time when you’ll be in the same place, or at least the understanding that one of you will have to move at some point,” says Tiger. “If you’re in a new relationship, this might be too intense a topic to broach for a while, but you can still talk about the fact that you’ll need to talk about it [eventually].” She suggests setting a deadline. For example, agree that after three months you’ll have a “state of the union” conversation. After all, if you’re both in it for the long haul, these are decisions you’ll want to make sooner rather than later. That way you’ll know the relationship is — or isn’t — right for you.

  • My annoying neighbour is trying to steal my guy from me

    Good day ma, I’m a girl of 16 and in love with a guy of 19. Both of us are through with secondary school and plan to go further. The problem is that I have an annoying neighbour who tries to steal my guy from me by acting over-friendly even though she’s dating someone else. Some guys have fallen for her but this guy hasn’t and she’s trying hard. The main problem is that he’s trying to avoid her just to be committed to me. Aunty Ade I really love this guy but I’m scared of losing my virginity to him at a tender age because I was almost a victim of molestation and rape due to the fact that I don’t have a good relationship with my mother (she never sits me down to talk to me) I have made some mistakes and I can’t avoid guys because I’m beautiful and well behaved. Pleases help me before I make a great mistake.

    I want to believe that all concerned in this situation are teenagers. From experience in dealing with people, I know that teenage love does not always last, so there’s no gain fighting over a guy. This guy is yet to find his bearing and so, he’s only just occupying his time with you girls till he gains admission into a higher school of learning.

    If you constantly worry about how to get this girl committed and glued to you, then you may focus of the most important thing to you now – your education. As you grow older and begin to explore the world, you will find out that there is someone out there who is better than this current champion. The boy may be confused as most guys his age about how to handle these two girls showing him attention. And I can bet that he’s enjoying the flirtations of the other girl. It’s just natural with boys to find it amusing that girls are finding them attractive. Give him a break by leaving him to have the freedom to mingle. You’re acting like a mother hen to her chicks by watching him around this other girl. At 16, you really have a nerve! Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much you love someone. He may not feel the same way about you. Honestly, I think that you’re putting too much pressure on yourself because of this boy. Most importantly, if you’re not ready to have sex, let him know. If you’re uncomfortable about something a guy wants you to do, speak up. Muster up the courage to utter a single word: NO. Having sex with him doesn’t prove your love. Don’t believe the lies he tells you. Please don’t ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. And if he forces sex on you, it’s called rape; report it. Remember that no means no.

  • The girlfriend that I love so much is secretly dating my younger brother

    Dear aunty Adeola I love reading your columns every week and it has helped me a lot, now aunty I have a problem that is killing me inside and giving me heartache. My girlfriend that I love very much is dating my younger brother secretly. I noticed it and asked her what is going on between her and my younger brother she said nothing was going on. I am sure that something is going on because I saw some lovely text massage that my brother has been sending her. And any time she comes around she likes staying with him. So Aunty Adeola I really need your advise now because I am confused. – Chike from Imo state.

    You seem to have common sense because you appear to be handling this issue very well by not fighting. In cases like this, you really can’t be too sure that your brother is having an unholy alliance with this girl. The fact that they’re close and send text messages to each shouldn’t ordinarily cause you to be solid sure there’s something between them. But if the text messages are indeed explicit and descriptive of feelings of affection, then you may be right that there is indeed something going on. If that is the case, it’s best to just quietly move on and watch what your brother and the girl will do next without you in the picture. It would be good to know if they will come out and show the world then that they are in love (or lust). Brotherhood is more important than girls; I want you to hold on to that. There will be plenty of girls out there, not just that one. It’s not worth ruining a relationship between two brothers because for all we know, she’s probably laughing at both of you anyway.

  • Could it be that I have spirit wife?

    I have approached many ladies for marriage/girlfriend, but no one agreed with me. Ma, could it be that I have spirit wife?

     

    Instead of asking about the possibility of a spirit wife, you should ask why you’re a turn-off to women.  ??Below are some of the reasons some girls gave for turning down a guy, If any of them applies to you, then brother, you’ve got to change:

    Bad hygiene. If a guy always burps when I’m around or cleans his ear/belly button with his car keys, it’s horrible! And Farting. If a guy farts I’m sure that’s when the romance is gone! – Aisha.

    When they don’t speak their mind. In my opinion, the biggest turn off for a guy is when they don’t speak their mind. I hate when my boyfriend always does what I want. He never speaks for himself. He should have the confidence to take control but not too much confidence to try to overpower her. – Helen.

    Cockiness. Cockiness stupidity. That’s a huge turnoffs. It’s good to be confident but not to the point of narcissism. And acting like an idiot is not cute! At all! –Tara.

    Jerk- one who is an unkind, unwilling, close-minded doesn’t hear anybody but himself unless you say you’ll put out for him then turn around cheats on you, apologizes and says all the nice things that you want hear just to get back with you. Forcing you to decide between your pride and self respect for his artificial love and in all, he knows exactly what he’s doing but would never even give a second thought to hurting your feelings. – Lolly.

    Bad breath. Bad breath, yellow teeth, smokes, chews tobacco, drinks, lazy, messy, disrespectful, and thinks there the best thing that ever walked the earth, and oh yeah a spiter. – Omolabake.

    Guys that want your attention all of the time! My last boyfriend would pull me away from my friends just to say like 1 unimportant thing to me! I gave him attention and i liked him a lot but Clingy guys are the worst turn off in the world!!!!! – Dorothy.

    If he’s sexist. If a guy can’t view me as an equal, he’s out of here! If he’s racist, it’s probably just as bad. I can’t stand people who can’t appreciate different cultures. – Nneka.

  • A man promised to assist me…

    Hello ma, I am 19years still a virgin and a secondary school liver I really want to save lives that is why I want to be a doctor, but my parent said I should atend school of nursing , I want to go to university I know I will make it. There is a man who promise to asist me and will latter mary me, I know he is very intrested in my veginity should i give up advise me.

     

    My response to you is from Genesis 25.That is the story of Jacob and Esau.  If you don’t know that story, let me tell you and if you know it already, let me to retell it: Jacob and Esau were two brothers.  Esau was favored by his father, and Jacob was favored by his mother.  Esau was a great hunter; and Jacob was a quieter person and enjoyed being around the home.  Now, one day Esau had been out hunting all day long, and he came back from hunting absolutely famished.  His brother, Jacob was a very tricky fellow. In fact, the word, Jacob means trickster, cheat or clever. Jacob, who was a very tricky fellow, said to his brother:  “Esau, my brother, I would love to have your inheritance; I would like to have your birthright.”  The older brother, Esau, said, “You’ve got to be crazy, but what do you have to offer?” Jacob said, “Well, Brother Esau, I’ll give you a good bowl of porridge.  I’ll give you some real hot oatmeal right now.”  Esau was very famished; he had been out hunting all day long; his stomach was really growling; he was light headed he was so faint with hunger.  He was also irresponsible, a little bit careless and a little bit impulsive, and so he blurted out, “All right, give me that bowl of oatmeal.”  But Jacob cleverly persisted, “Can I have your birthright?  Can I have your inheritance?”  And the older brother said, “OK, but give me the food.  I am absolutely famished.”  He ate; he woofed it down.  The next morning, the older brother Esau woke up, and he was absolutely sick; he was mortified; he was so ashamed of himself that he had given up his birthright, his heritage for a bowl of…(have a bowl of oatmeal nearby, as a prop if the preacher wants one)…oatmeal.

    So my girl, would you like to lose your birthright over a plate of porridge? I doubt you want that to happen to you. This man doesn’t have to sleep with you before he helps you. If he can’t help, let him go because it is not certain he will marry you after taking your virginity.

    By the way, work on your grammar.

  • How did the wedding ring and gown originate?

    Please ma, how did the wedding ring originate and hasn’t the wedding gown outlived its usefulness since there are hardly pure brides these days? – Uche, Ibadan (08097724479).

     

    The Origin of the Wedding Ring

    Many of the wedding traditions that we follow today date back to centuries past, while others are only a few years old. The exchanging of rings, depending on which explanation you believe, is one of the oldest marital traditions around. One version of the origin of the wedding ring states that, during prehistoric times, the groom would bind the bride’s ankles and wrists with grass, to keep her soul from escaping (some say it was really to keep her from running away!). Once the ceremony was complete, he would remove the rope, and tie it to one of her fingers. This tradition gradually evolved from grass, to rope, to leather, and finally, to a metal band. Another story comes from the ancient Romans, who placed a ring on the third finger, because it was believed to house the “Vena Amoris” or the “Vein of Love,” which ran directly to the heart. They chose the left hand, because the heart was then believed to be on the left side of the chest. These traditions were spread ’round the world, as new lands were discovered; thus, we have the tradition of the wedding band that is still highly recognized today across many religions and cultures.

    As to whether the wedding gown has outlived its usefulness, it depends on the colour we’re talking about here. Somebody who knows has something to say: Since the tradition of wearing a white dress has nothing to do with virginity at all, then yes.

    The white dress was orignally a symbol of weath, since white fabric was expensive and the dress would only be worn once. The wealthier families showed they could spend a large sum of money on a dress for one day that would never be worn again by purchasing a white dress. It wasn’t until a couple of queens wore white dresses, and their photographs widely publicized (both in the late 1800s) that white wedding dresses became widely popular. In fact, even in the century during the Great Depression era, most wedding dresses were not white.

  • My boyfriend is angry

    Dear Adeola, I’m a 19-year-old gal, I have a boyfriend who loves me and do also love him but recently after we had a serious fight over the guys I hang with and he accused me over having other boyfriend apart from him which wasn’t true it took him a week to forgive me but ever since then he doesn’t call or text as he used to and when I want to see him to talk to him about his recent attitude he said he wasn’t just not in the mood. Please help me out, I  just don’t know what to do. It’s just as if I am all alone.

    Aunty Adeola I am a very BIG admirer thank for all our words of wisdom. Please ma can you hook me up with a caring lady. -07034948889.

    Thanks for the drug for male enhancement. It’s working and I need some more to take with me to Israel as I will be going for the Holy Pilgrimage with my wife, but I want you to know if  interferes with diabetics as my sugar level has gone up a little after I started using it. – Osakwe, PH.

    P.S : I’ll help you find out.