The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • Ladies don’t feel secure when they are with me; what could be the problem?

    Sister Adeola good morning, my name is Damilola my problem is that I noticed ladies do not feel secure when they are with me, please what could be the problem.

    Dear Damillola, if you follow the tips below, they may help you solve your problem:

    •Be yourself and act natural. No one likes a fake, so just be yourself. People will admire that you aren’t afraid of what others think. Don’t be different on purpose though; this will just make you seem weird.

    •Sincerely praise others. Don’t use flattery, but genuinely give credit where credit is due.

    •Avoid making fun of others. Avoid insulting other people unless you’re just messing around. Don’t say anything hurtful. Be really careful with this. The longer you’ve known a person, the more you can mess around with him or her.

    •Make fun of yourself. You know yourself better than pretty much anyone else, so it’s easiest to make jokes about you. Everyone likes someone who’s humble.

    •Confidence is important. Try sticking to your principles and don’t say the opposite a few moments later. That just makes you look like you are desperately trying to find something smart to say (Think about what you are going to say).

    •Think about what you are going to say before saying it. Consider what people’s reactions will probably be, and decide if what you are about to say is worth being spoken.

    •Minimize others’ mistakes Do not correct other people, unless their mistake will end up making things worse for them or someone else. Also, downplay it if others point it out.

    •Be inclusive. Don’t use an inside joke unless everyone present knows it. Also, don’t refer to something about which a person in the conversation doesn’t know without explaining it to him or her.

    •Be bold! Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself! Being open is important in making people relax.[[Image:Free Silly Sisters Making Faces Creative.

    •Have GOOD hygiene.

    •Remember the types of things the people who you are around like, then you can talk about things you all like, and everyone will be laughing with you and smiling soon!

  • Bride of winter (4)

    I closed early from work that day, pleading a headache as the excuse. The headache was for real because after the things Shelly told me, a massive headache came upon me and I sat glued to my chair as if paralyzed. I managed to get home, however and I went straight to bed as soon as I entered the house. My usual routine after work was to do some chores and prepare dinner for my husband. But that evening, I had no energy to do any work. I laid, curled up in bed, all kinds of thoughts going round and round in my head.

    “How could this have happened?” I kept thinking. ‘And what was I supposed to do?’

    At that moment, I wished I was back home in Nigeria with my family and close friends. But I was all alone in this cold city with no one to talk to or seek advice from. I felt so miserable and sorry for myself, I broke down in tears.

    “How could Henry do this to me, after all we’ve been through?” I said to myself, remembering Shelly’s words.

    “When he came to the country newly, he got married to Milly. It was an arranged marriage, done to enable him get his papers so he could remain in the country to avoid deportation as his visa was about to expire. They were supposed to stay together for a while before filing for divorce and going their separate ways. But the ‘business’ arrangement turned to something else when Milly got pregnant with Henry’s baby. You must have seen the little boy- she brings him to work once in a while. Anyway, some of us who knew about the arrangement thought perhaps, they had decided to make the ‘arrangee’ marriage real and remain together. But it wasn’t to be. They still got divorced after the baby was born. And sometime later, you arrived on the scene.” At this point, she paused to take a sip of water before continuing.

    Drawing close to me, she said softly:

    “I thought with your arrival, whatever they had together would end. But from the look of things, they are definitely back together- they are surely dating. He goes home with her most evenings after closing from work and people have seen them at different spots in the city acting very cosily like a couple in love. I know he’s supposed to visit her once in a while because of the child but this is different. I’m telling you all this because I like you and I feel bad that all these things are happening right under your nose and you are completely ignorant about it. What Milly is doing is bad. Since Henry is married to you now, she should lay off. And you need to do something fast to get your husband out of her clutches…”

    But what could I do? I thought. Confront him and give him an ultimatum? Tell him to stop seeing the woman? Would that work? What if he denied everything? Could he do that with the child’s existence? I had seen the little boy named Ray a couple of times and each time, he often reminded me of someone. Back then, I couldn’t really make the connection, but with what Shelly had told me, I now knew who he reminded me of. My father-in-law! The boy bore an uncanny resemblance to Henrys father whom he resembled as well. So, the family resemblance was there. What explanation would Henry have for that if he said the boy wasn’t his?

    Feeling suddenly thirsty, I went downstairs to the kitchen to get some water. I was drinking it when I heard the key in the door. Henry was back.

    “Sweetheart, I’m home! Where are you?” he called out.

    “In the kitchen,” I said calmly

    He came up to me and held me by the waist.

    “How are you feeling now? Shelly told me you came home early as you weren’t feeling too fine. I tried calling but your phone was switched off. Is the battery dead or what? he stated, as he turned me round.

    “I’m fine,” I said, averting my eyes and slipping out of his arms.

    “You don’t look ok. And your eyes are red. Have you been crying? Is everything alright?” he asked in a worried voice.

    “I said I’m fine. Just leave me alone, ok?” I said harshly. I left him and went upstairs to my room, locking the door after me.

    He came up and started knocking.

    “Abby, what’s the matter? Is it something I’ve done? Open the door, let’s talk about it,” he stated.

    “Just go away! And leave me alone!” I nearly screamed at him.

    “Why are you behaving like this? I come home from work and you refuse to talk to me! What have I done this time?” he said, knocking repeatedly all the while.

    It was at this point that I opened the door and he came in. I stood with my arms crossed on my chest, ready to do battle with him.

    “You are asking me what you’ve done? Ok, I’ll tell you. You are nothing but a cheat and a liar! You’ve betrayed our love and I will never forgive you for that,” I declared, glaring at him.

    He looked at me, puzzled.

    “What on earth are you talking about? Now, you are really beginning to piss me off!” he stated in an angry tone.

    “You pretend not to know what I’m talking about, isn’t it? Ok, let me tell you. About your mistress or lover, Milly, the son she had for you and how you have been cheating on me all this while and I didn’t know! Henry, how could you do this to me?” I cried.

    “Oh, that!” he stated quietly before going to sit on the bed. “Shelly must have been opening her big mouth again,” he noted.

    That got me incensed even more.

    “Is that all you can say? After I have caught you in the act? I now understand why you are always too tired to make love,” I said angrily.

    He looked up warily at me.

    “Look, Abby, calm down and let’s talk about this like adults. It’s not what you think…” he began but I cut him short.

    “What am I expected to think? Just tell me!” I demanded, glaring at him.

    He sighed before he began to speak.

    “My involvement with Milly was due to the situation I found myself in when I got to this country newly. It’s tough being an immigrant here, with no job, no papers and the fear of deportation hanging over one all the time. My friend, Syl who invited me over disappointed me. It wasn’t really his fault as the business he was planning to do could not take off; he could not get the necessary funding from the bank. So, it was like I was on my own,” he disclosed.

    Continuing, he added that it was at this point that Milly came to his rescue. “She really helped me a lot. She agreed to the ‘arranged’ marriage without collecting much money from me and also got me the job at the care home,” he said.

    “So, how come she had a baby for you when it was meant to be an ‘arrangee’ marriage?” I asked sarcastically.

    He explained that it was a mistake; that they had gone to a party one day and had returned home drunk. “One thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. She insisted on keeping the baby when she found out she was pregnant though we were supposed to get divorced some time later. I had told her about you, that I had a fiancée back home and there was no way I could remain with her,” he explained.

    I was silent for a while as his words sank in.

    “But why didn’t you tell me all this earlier? And why are you still going to her house, spending time with her when your so-called ‘arranged’ marriage has ended?” I wanted to know.

    “I planned telling you but I wasn’t sure how you would react. And it’s because of my son that I visit her,” Henry stated.

    I looked at him coldly.

    “And you expect me to believe that?” I queried.

    He didn’t answer but sat staring at the floor.

    After his explanation, I calmed down a little though I was still angry with him. What annoyed me most was the fact that he did not tell me about what happened between him and Milly earlier and I had to hear it from someone else. As my husband, I felt he should have confided in me and even told me about the baby she had for him. Now, he was using the child as an excuse to keep seeing her. I didn’t feel very comfortable with that as I did not trust the woman.

    So, a few days later, I suggested to him that he should get custody of the boy; that I was even ready to look after him- that way his dealings with Milly will be on official basis only. He said it would be difficult as the courts usually gave custody of children to the mothers.

    Then, one Saturday morning, Milly came to our house to pick up my husband for a day outing with his son as it was the boy’s birthday. I was angry that she was acting as if she had a right to my husband and I told Henry he could not go with her.

    But he defied me and still went, stating that he needed to spend some time with his son.

    “Don’t bother coming back to this house! You can stay with her if you want!” I screamed at him as he was entering her car.

    It’s been over a month now and I’ve not seen or heard from my husband. He has not been at work either. Worse still, I heard Milly was on vacation and she had travelled outside the country. My fear is that they’ve gone together with their son as a family, leaving me behind. I’m very confused right now as I still love my husband very much and I don’t want to lose him. Or my marriage. Have I, with my attitude driven him into the arms of the other woman? What should I do? I’m thinking of calling his family members back home especially his dad so they can talk to him to return home as I miss him so much. I want him back. Please I need your advice. Thanks.

     

    Concluded

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals.

    Send advice/suggestions to 08023201831 or psaduwa@yahoo.com.

  • Married women love me more than single ladies

    All through my love life, it has been disturbing as married women admire me and show love to me more than single ladies. I am a bachelor and I’ve been willing to engage a lady for marriage but always I make attempt in keeping a relationship, I could not find love. But wherever I go and have contact with married women, they tend to admire me much and wish to keep me away from having relationship with any other woman. I don’t want to commit adultery but the pressure on me has been too much. How can I escape this since most of these married women are caring?

    My brother, any married woman that tries to get you in her bed is digging a grave for not only herself, but you too. Once a woman gets married, she belongs body and soul to her man. So all these women showing interest in you are silly. If they’re tired of their marriages, they should leave rather than cutting corners.

    I really wouldn’t know why single girls would not find you good enough. Could it be that you’re so handsome girls feel insecure around you, or you’re so matured they can’t handle you? Whatever the problem may be, try to ask those who know you well what they think your problem is. It’s also possible that you love older women and so, you’re free around them and they show you the green light as a result of that. If that is the case, get the attention of an older woman who is single (she could be a divorcee or a widow) and try to start a relationship. But married women? Don’t go there.

  • When did we become a nation of such unhappy people?(1)

    Recently, the results of the ranking of the happiest countries in the world, was released. According to a new global happiness measurement, the Happy Planet Index (HPI), Costa Rica (in Central America), has become the happiest country in the world. The criteria used were namely life expectancy, experienced well-being and ecological footprint.

    With this new ranking, Nigeria has lost her prime position as the happiest country in the world. It was an unsolicited title bestowed on us about seven years ago by another happiness index group. Back then, the news was received with mixed reactions by many citizens. Some, seeing the dire situation in the country then, disagreed with the ranking, wondering the criteria used in judging us so highly in the happiness stakes.

    “How can we be the happiest people in the world with so much poverty, disease, hunger, unemployment and other indices of underdevelopment confronting us?” they wondered. Others, however, incurable optimists supported the ranking, buttressing their stand with this argument:

    “Agreed we have all these problems, but you still see people looking happy and smiling everywhere you turn even in the midst of all these problems. What does that tell you? That we are a happy people!”

    Between that time and today, a lot has happened and our happiness rating has fallen drastically. We are now number 135 in a ranking of 151 countries in the happiness index (with

    Botswana at the bottom of the table as the saddest country in the world).

    What could have happened to make us fall so low, from being the happiest to become one of the saddest countries in the world? Too much, I believe. And more is happening daily to wipe the smiles off our collective faces.

    The causes of misery in the land are obvious and some have been cited above. But above all these, is the death of hope. And optimism.

    Even in the midst of so much poverty, what kept most people, living truly miserable lives, going was the belief, the hope that there is a greater tomorrow- ‘e go better’ as we like to say in local parlance. That is the spirit that moves the market woman sitting under the scorching sun all day selling wares with a street value of less than a N1000, the teenage street hawker risking his young life dashing through the traffic to sell a few bags of ‘pure water’, the danfo driver who leaves home by 4 am to take commuters to their places of work, the unemployed graduate who left school when Abacha was still in power and has not worked for a single day but is praying and hoping that a good job, perhaps in an oil company will materialize soon…the list is endless.

    It’s this Nigerian spirit, a never say die one, that baffles foreigners who can’t understand why we seem to be so happy despite all the ills in our society. What they fail to grasp is our love of life. The average Nigerian will hang on to life no matter how wretched his condition is. That perhaps explains why we have such a low suicide rate compared to other countries, even more affluent societies with higher standards of living. It must take something really terrible for a Nigerian to take his own life. This is unlike in a country like Japan for instance when a man can jump off a bridge to his death just because he feels his name, image and reputation have been affected by a scandal or allegation.

    Not so in this country where some one will be caught stealing billions from the public treasury but will feel no sense of shame. Instead, when taken to court, even with his battered reputation, he will be seen smiling, in hand cuffs and waving to his supporters who are often dressed in aso-ebi, singing and dancing as if in a street carnival.

    Anyway, as I was saying, it’s our zest for life, a belief in a better future that made us rank very highly in the happiness scale in the past. But in the past couple of years, the tables have turned and something seems to have happened to our indomitable spirit…

     

    To be continued

  • This one life, this one chance

    I love music to my bones and as shy as I may be sometimes, I never run away from a good dance. Dance. Well, that’s another thing. I’ve never been a good dancer, but what does that mean to a soul that loves music like I do. So when I woke up the morning after I returned from England, I talked to my Maker and then I got some music into my system and I really danced. I danced this time because of many reasons. I have the chance to dance now, so I want to do as much of it as I can. I later went to the large mirror in my bathroom and switched on the light overhead it and took a look at my face. I did what came next to my mind; I touched it tenderly and brushed some colors into it. I’m not usually one to give much time for vanity, but I felt I had the chance to do that and I needed to do it to my satisfaction.

    On transit in France, I sat close to an old woman, and life’s many lessons stared me in the face again yet again. The old woman was on a wheelchair and my attempt to say hello to her didn’t evoke any reaction. I used ‘style’ to study her closely. The hair on her head was grey and matted roughly. The matting must have been on for more than a month (we women know when we see these things). She stared blankly into space and didn’t seem interested in anything around her. I almost thought she was deaf but when one of the staff of the airline came to speak with her and she nodded, I saw I was wrong.

    Before time, boarding started and she was wheeled to the aircraft. I soon forgot about her.

    I was seated just after the toilet by the aisle and I had the misfortune of seeing everybody going to and fro the toilet but I tried to enjoy my television entertainment. The old woman came back to my consciousness when she walked on her feet to the toilet. Of course, a cabin crew was closely behind her. She went into the toilet, sat on the seat and didn’t bother to lock the door behind her. The cabin crew cast a knowing look at me and I winked. The woman is probably too old to bother about closing toilet doors and may not even care about whoever sees her nakedness these days.

    I tried to imagine this same woman ten years before now and my mind tells me that she might have done things differently. Ten years in our lives are precious years that we cannot get back. Maybe this same old woman of today would not step out of her house without her make-up properly done. Maybe she was such a healthy and happy woman back then and wouldn’t need anybody to guide her to the market, let alone toilet. Maybe in her hay days she cared so much about her privacy that blowing her nose alone had to be done discreetly and woe betided anybody that stumbled on her in the toilet. But today, all that seems to be history.

    So many things crop up in the human life that we sometimes cannot control. For some, tragedy and the loss of close family members stop the tickling of the clock and the sound of music. For some, bad health creeps in and makes strong legs weak and dependency on others sets in. For others, economic hardship and certain misfortunes change everything and life becomes difficult.

    For me, this year alone, I have lost a sister, a favorite in-law and one of my best friends, Ebecks (Tunde Ajewole initiator and producer of Elaloro on radio). I always thought these people would be always be there to play and laugh with. If I could have the chance to see them again, I wouldn’t postpone sharing a good laugh in the name of being busy. Now I have missed that chance. Thank God for the times we had and the fun we had together. All I have left are memories.

    Life’s unpredictable turns happen when we least expect them, but it is easier to bear if we have memories of the good things we did when life presented them. Like that old woman, I may not be able to hold my make-up brush in years to come and I may not be able to twist to the good music I hear, but now that I have the chance, I want to build enough memories to last me a lifetime.

    Somebody was quoted as saying, “We have one life, one chance, and what we do with it is up to us”. What are the opportunities you have today that you are keeping till later? Make use of it now. The chance you have now may not repeat itself. Who is that man or woman you love so much but whom you haven’t spoken to because you’re waiting for the right time? They may be planning to leave town because they’re lonely and you don’t know. This is your chance to get what you want by talking to them. Below are quotes from some people about missed time and missed chances. Learn from them and make use of the chance you have now.

    “Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads – at least that’s where I imagine it – there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.” ¯ Haruki Murakami.

    “Moments, when lost, can’t be found again. They’re just gone.” ¯ Jenny Han.

    “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” ¯ Harriet Beecher Stowe.

    “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” ¯ C.G. Jung.

    “There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.” ¯ Kazuo Ishiguro.

    “Don’t fear death, fear the un-lived life- Angus Tuck.

  • I don’t have the passion for sex but my woman demands for it

    Mine always demand for sex but I don’t get the passion and I love her so much.

    I wish I knew why you do not have a passion for sex. One thing I’m sure of however is that women enjoy being chased for relationships and later sex. So when a man acts like he’s not interested at all, it makes the woman do the chasing in order to be sure that nothing is wrong.

    I don’t know how old you are, but I know that later on in men’s life, some may slow down on sex. Work pressure, family problems and so on may also contribute to lack of interest in sex.

    Below are so some tips to get the burner on for you in the bedroom:

    Get a medical checkup: To eliminate physiological causes for your lack of desire, a trip to your family physician or gynecologist may be in order. Ask if hormone replacement therapy such as testosterone would be appropriate. Evaluate whether side effects from medications or medical conditions are a factor in your situation. Discuss whether herbal remedies or dietary changes may be helpful.

    Make having a satisfying sexual relationship a bigger priority in your life: There are at least two very important reasons that you should take your sex life off the back burner and pay attention to it. The first is your relationship with your spouse. Your marriage depends on it.

    Your spouse’s feelings about himself/herself depend on it. Your future together depends on it. You have to stop thinking you can have a great relationship without satisfying sex unless your partner wholeheartedly agrees. Don’t resign yourself to passionless lovemaking or a relationship void of true intimacy.

    Even elderly and chronically ill people can enjoy a robust sex life. The second reason is that unless you are truly enjoying your intimate relationship, you are really cheating yourself! If you aren’t all that interested in sex at the moment, you are probably thinking, “I don’t feel cheated at all,” but I’d like for you to take a moment and think back to a time when sex was more fulfilling.

    Really think about it. Wasn’t it wonderful? Didn’t it feel great? Recall what it felt like to be a more passionate, sensual person. Didn’t you feel better about yourself? Wasn’t it more fun? When you think back to times when things were better between you sexually, you may ask yourself what happened to your passion and what caused this to change in you. You may also wonder if you will ever feel the same way about being sexual as you once did. Perhaps it’s the seesaw phenomenon at work; the more one person does of something, the less the other person does. Well, this holds true for sexual issues as well.

    Since your spouse has been the one to focus on sex in your marriage and you have felt pressured about it, you have backed away. In fact, it’s entirely possible that the cat and mouse dynamic in your relationship has dampened your desire, even fooled you into thinking you don’t like sex anymore. But this isn’t necessarily so. Your negative feelings or apathy may have more to do with the chase than sex itself. In order to change this, one of two things must happen. Your spouse can stop chasing (and you better believe that this will be one of my suggestions), or you can become more proactive for making things better between you. Since you are the one asking for advice, I am going to strongly suggest that it is you who has to take charge of changing things. You need to start to figure out the steps you ought to take to feel more passion and desire. Make feeling sexier your pet project. If you don’t, you are missing out on one of life’s greatest joys, feeling truly intimate with the person you love. Don’t shortchange yourself. Forget about doing this strictly for your partner or the marriage, do it for you!

  • Sex is good for you (adults only)

    According to male legend Arnold Schwarzenegger ‘The best activities for your health are humping and pumping’. In many ways this is true; safe sex does have lots of health benefits. Those who have sex once or twice a week have been shown to have higher levels of immunoglobulin A or IgA, an antibody which helps protect you from respiratory diseases like the cold and flu. Also researchers have found that men in their 20s who had five or more ejaculations per week were one third less likely to develop prostate cancer in later life. It would seem Mr Schwarzenegger is on to something.

    Get active to get more sex Everyone wants more sex and we know how you can get it. Dr Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist at Rutgers University explains that ‘People fall in love when dopamine levels rise in their brains’. This is the neurotransmitter that controls the brain’s reward and pleasure centres. You can only get more dopamine by doing two things: the first is to have more sex. The second is to recreate a rush of dopamine by doing an exciting activity, such as bungee jumping, flying in a helicopter or even doing something simple like climbing a tree. Once you have raised your partner’s levels of dopamine, they will want to have sex with you more.

    Morning sex is best When we think of having a romantic encounter with that special someone, we often think of moonlight hitting silk sheets or candles flickering in a seductive, half-lit room. However, our bodies may be more attuned to having sex in the morning. Men’s testosterone levels peak in the morning and so men become more easily aroused at this time. Although many men wake up erect anyway, this does not actually mean they are sexually aroused – but what better way to start a day, be it giving or receiving.

    Men enjoy sex more When you’re under the covers, who is enjoying sex more; you or him? Interestingly this is not a new debate. In Ancient Greek mythology Hera complained to Zeus that he got more pleasure from their sex than she did. According to a new study, it is possible that Hera was telling the truth. Researchers at the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, found that nearly nine out of 10 young men reported having an orgasm most or all of the time they have sex with their partner. However, less than half of young women experience orgasm that frequently when they have sex with their partner.

    Our bodies show when we want to have sex Women give several physical clues when they want to have sex. Firstly, when a woman is aroused her pupils will dilate. If a woman sees a man who she likes when out, but does not know him, she will give him prolonged eye contact. Her lips will also purse and if she repeatedly gazes at his lips then it is very likely that she wants him. However, if a woman crosses her legs or arms and repeatedly looks away from a man, he’s just not in there.

    He used to have a clitoris Once upon a time, it would seem we were not all that different from each other. In the first trimester of pregnancy, the fetus is gender neutral, being neither male nor female. However, the fetus has all the makings of a clitoris and vagina. It is not until eight to 12 weeks have passed that males become distinct.

  • Ways to keep your relationship fresh

    Every relationship has its point where things begin to seem a bit…well…dull. When you first start dating, the excitement of getting to know someone new, trying new things and having new experiences is exhilarating and helps to keep the spark alive. But after a while when the “new” hype has died down, we look for other ways to spice things up in our relationship. Instantly we think, the bedroom! But spicing things up between you and your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily have to mean amping up your sex life. Staying connected is what’s most important, in whatever way possible. Although I am all for keeping things hot in the bedroom, here are a few ways that you and your boyfriend can keep the relationship fresh by staying connected. Trying out at least a few of these tips will be sure to give your relationship the face lift it’s been needing:

    Keep It Routine: Although spontaneity is great, having some sort of weekly routine keeps you guys on track too. Sometimes, trying to find a moment of spontaneity with such a busy schedule is hard to do. Developing some sort of routine, even something as simple as doing laundry together every Sunday, can be a good way to spend some down time together.

    Go Somewhere: Take a small weekend getaway together. Sometimes a change of scenery is all you really need to keep things fresh.

    Keep It Together: Consider taking part in those activities you love but assume your partner hates, i.e.: attending a sporting event with him, or taking him shopping with you. Don’t torture each other, make it a comfortable experience. Use this as an opportunity to show that you really care about each others likes and dislikes, and are willing to step out of the box for one another!

    Fight It Out: Pick one day a month to really have it out with one another. That’s right, schedule a fight. Go out of your way to keep the peace for as long as possible, and use that one day to vent about all that’s been bothering you. Although it’s practically impossible to “plan” your emotions, planning a day to air it out might be a good way to know when the heat is coming.

    Sext It Out: Sexting might not be the brightest idea if you’re sending half-naked pictures of yourself to a guy you’re just hooking up with, but sexting with your boyfriend can really keep things exciting in the bedroom—and it will eliminate those awkward “here’s what I like and here’s what i want you to do to me” moments when you’re all riled up and ready to go.

    Claim a Place: A rock, a tree, a bench, a park, any place that you and your boyfriend can call your own will give a bit of tangibility to your relationship. Make memories there. You’ll be surprised how something so simple as claiming a place as your own will keep the two of you connected.

    Keep it Old Fashioned: Sitting down and having an old fashioned conversation with one another can prove to be a lot more rewarding than you’d think. Eliminate all of the everyday distractions; the cell phones, iPods, gadgets and whatever other noise that will inhibit your ability to give each other your full undivided attention, and just talk. Getting to know someone is an ongoing process, and however close you think you may know your boyfriend, you’ll surely discover something new simply by listening. Kill two birds with one stone by having your talk at the new place you’ve claimed, or during that weekend trip you guys are planning.

  • The things on my mind

    I’m always a busy person but before those active periods of the day, I have moments of laziness when I just relax on the sofa, sip my hot chocolate and read anything of interest while listening to cool, sweet music. But the last few days have seen me getting more active than ever and I haven’t had a ‘me’ time, which is painful. The fact that the time I spend in England is not as much as the full days I spend in Nigeria means the days seem shorter here. There are so many things to do within the short period I’m here that time is always against me – it runs too fast.

    While here, I have business to do, appointments to keep, house chores to do, social visits to make and hosting to do.

    As I type this, I’m hosting some business partners and I have to send Hearts. I must confess that their discussion and argument about the football match between Chelsea and Manchester played days ago is irritating me. I can’t stop wondering why people have such heated arguments about matches when the lucky footballers don’t share their stupendous wealth with any of them. As they’re here talking about what doesn’t mean anything to me, I have so many things on my mind.

    I have to finish striking off all the items on my shopping list. I have to run errands and make final payments for a great ‘toy’ which wheels I just got for myself.

    Most importantly, I have to give a general answer to the questions people have asked about love, sex and relationship between last week and today. I treated the issue of the woman whose husband wanted a threesome last week and I started reactions with my comment that I could buy her some sex toys to make lovemaking pleasurable in her marriage.

    Well, I have bought the toys and some other useful sex aids to keep the fire burning in some bedrooms. I will very much wish that all Hearts fans have beautiful relationship and happy lives. But before we all start tearing off our partners’ clothes and dragging them to the bedroom, it would be nice to know why sex is good for us.

    Sex alone cannot hold a relationship, though. So, it’s important to know some basic things that will keep your relationship fresh. Keeping your relationship fresh also means knowing what turns your guy off he might not want to discuss with you. I have all the tips you may need on these questions here.

    I pray November brings us all the joy we have prayed for and I pray that at the end of this month, we will all meet here to celebrate the end of the year. Enjoy a sexy weekened!

  • When he cheats and tells you…

    Phew! Dear Lord, please help me pass across this message in a way only you can, amen.

    You did not catch him in the act. In fact, as far as you were concerned, he would never smell such. Then he comes home one day

    sober and weather beaten, at first you are scared he may have lost his job,

    but he tells you it’s worse than you think. With a contrite spirit, deflated ego, tail in between his legs, he stoops… and in between quivering lips, and barely audible mutters, he begs you for forgiveness… Why? He slipped….he cheated on you…

    Sister, so many of us have found ourselves on this all-too-familiar stage – …betrayal, hurt, hate, pain, ache, all trying to burst through… a combustible blend.

    If you will permit me sis, this is my humble submission. Men are not wired to kiss and tell. Oh no they are not. For them. Whatever happens in ‘Vegas’ stays in Vegas.

    So if you have a man who brings the error, regrets and pains of ‘Vegas’ home and asks for forgiveness, then, sis lovely, you have got a man to whom you matter so much and that is so so important. Not all men give two hoots how you feel even if you find out.

    Gather yourself after the initial shock and reaction.

    Brace yourself like the strong woman that you are.

    wrap him round cover him up. He is hurting that’s why he told you.

    You are also hurting that’s why you reacted.

    Heal together.

    Help each other.

    This is not the time for the ‘couch treatment’ and family confab.

    Oh no, not yet sis.

    The way you handle this delicate stage is so very important and will determine the course of your relationship.

    It will determine, in most cases, if he will go back to ‘Vegas’ or come back home to you.

    Don’t forget, Men will naturally give you their future if they can recall your maturity in yesterday’s issues.

    This is not a ‘bullet proof’ solution but it sure keeps some pellets away…