DEAR Ma, how can I get myself out of this pain? My partner broke up with me just because I say no to sex outside marriage. I love him so much I don’t want to lose him but he said he can’t continue with me any longer. Please what can I do to forget him? I’m dying in pain and crying as I’m texting you. Please help ma!
Grace Moses, 25
My dearest Grace,
You want to choose an ordinary human being over God? Who even says he’s God’s choice for you? If I were you, I’d let him get lost if he wants and then let God appear! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CARRY AS A 25-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN??? Only a man who pays your dowry should have access to your body and your spirituality! Haaa…He certainly doesn’t deserve you and he’s not worth your tears my dear- after all the pain, denial, hardship and temptation you’ve endured over time??? If I hear “peem” again on this matter…Hmm…Don’t let me spank you my darling! (Smiles)
If only you knew how elated God is that you chose Him over the stupid, bad, devil and what you stand to gain from Him especially with the pain you have to endure and your tears you would have just told your so-called boyfriend- “Get thee behind me devil!” Too many women and even men all over the world have lost the supernal power of God and what should announce them in the world through ungodly sex! A lot have lost everlasting grace and glory, so many have missed divinely-ordained spouses who should assist in their life’s journey and help them become what no one in their generation is. A lot have become rags spiritually because they have been fragmented and distributed their lives/destiny/soul all over the place as a result of sexual intercourse with multiple partners. It would interest you to know that a lot of your mother’s mates who were created as financial pillars and spiritual power houses are begging to feed and even looking for men to sleep with because they flung their virtues away on the altar of sex in their heydays! It may also interest you to know too many all over the world are suffering from very strange battles which has made life very unpleasant for them because their parents invited trouble into their lives through sex outside marriage. So many children from single parents may never be able to fulfil their glorious destinies because of inadequate minding- physically and spiritually- unless God intervenes!
Too many lives have been boxed into “hell on earth” by the devil because they gave it the reins of their lives by defiling God’s temple and turning God against them! You better fall on your knees and start thanking God for the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life which won’t let you defile the temple of God! I plead with you to start making gargantuan demands from God! Tell God to open your eyes to see the wonderful wonders ahead of you perhaps you’d discover God just saved you from ending up with thrash (I don’t mean to be insultive here) so you can have the gold He’s prepared for you!
In case you don’t know because your pastor doesn’t discuss this in your church- you are a spiritual power house- God’s power house- a power generator! You are an authority in motion! You are a walking wonder, a container of virtues, a mobile altar- the light in your family, in your office, everywhere you go! Everything you lay your hands upon has to prosper because you carry the presence of God! May I announce to you and from experience too that you don’t have to decree a thing before it is established- you can just imagine a thing and have it come to pass! Believe me, there’s nothing you can’t acquire because you practically have the world at your feet! Let no man steal this from you! Refuse to share your life and your superb greatness with anyone but your husband!
For every virgin or secondary virgin experiencing this- write today’s date down, because you choose God over the devil, unless you don’t see this- between now and the month of December, God will send you a man 10 times better than the one who won’t wait till your wedding night and you’ll marry this year in Jesus name!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
JOHN Ehiguese is the Founder/CEO of Mediacraft Associates, one of Nigeria’s leading PR consultancy firms, and the exclusive Nigeria affiliate of the FleishmanHillard global PR network. In this interview with IBRAHIM APEKHADE YUSUF, the immediate Past President of the Public Relations Consultants Association of Nigeria (PRCAN), the umbrella body of practicing PR consultancy firms in Nigeria and one of the leading lights in the nation’s Integrated Marketing Communications ecosystem, speaks on his career trajectory in his over three decades of practice vis-à-vis prospects and challenges of the business thus far. Excerpts:
Managing business in Covid-19 era
Like most businesses, the integrated marketing communications ecosystem has had to adjust to the new normal imposed by the outbreak of the yet ravaging Corona virus (COVID-19) pandemic. Sharing his experience thus far, John Ehiguese says things are not as bad as they seem. “Strictly from my agency’s perspective I won’t say we have been adversely affected by COVID-19. Obviously, we have been lucky we haven’t suffered any severe shocks on account of COVID-19. But we currently work from home two days in a week. That’s part of the fallout of COVID-19, so we are not fully back in the office yet. But in terms of naira and kobo, we have not really lost any business. As a matter of fact, right now the industry is booming quite frankly.”
Typical day
As part of the new norm, the Edo State-born technocrat is taking things a lot easier these days, which is why he rises for the day at 7 o’clock in the morning and subsequently set out to the office between 8-9am.
Management style
For someone who is used to working with a team, his management style, he says, is one that encourages openness as much as possible. “I’m accessible to my staff. I hear them out. I encourage them and I try to carry them along in all the things that I do.”
Management philosophy
If you call him a man on a mission you will definitely not be wrong because he set stores by the ideal and idea of his vision. “I believe that your vision for the business is the most important thing, especially as an entrepreneur. The vision is your business so you need to sell the vision to your people to get their buy-in. That is the only way you can succeed. I have a very define vision for the business and I like to sell this to my people.”
Delegating responsibility and micromanaging people
He delegates as well as micromanages people depending on the demands of the job at hand.
“For me, it’s a mix of both really because you know I have a 40-man team so obviously I can’t do everything, as such, I have to delegate. But at the same time, I’m involved in a consultancy business and clients want to see that their business is properly resourced, with the right talents. So as much as possible sometimes I get involved and at other times, I just allow my people to do their thing.”
Team player
Obviously a team player, he says this is the only way he knows how to add fillip to the overall vision of the company, which is to always aim for the trophy. “I can say I’m a team player because I have to motivate the team and get them to achieve the set objectives. So I have to motivate them because I’m also a part of the team to some extent.”
Motivating staff
To boost staff morale he offers what he calls, ‘competitive remuneration package’ in line with industry standards. He also offers something beyond the paychecks. “I also look for other encouragements too. For example, we are heavy on staff training and development because I believe your staff is as good as what they know, so we do enforce that periodically. That’s key for us.”
Stick and carrot approach to management
As a rule, he applies the stick and carrot approach to management. ”My natural inclination would be to do the carrot more but I have to run a business. So you need a mix of both. Sometimes you have to use the stick. But I try to strike a healthy balance between the two.”
As the boss around here he has the power to hire and fire at will but he has had to do the latter rather sparingly. “I haven’t really fired anybody except for dishonesty and fraud. I don’t have any such issues now. Staff turnover has been great. As we speak, I have a staff that have stayed with me for 11 years, some eight years and so on and so forth. So, we’re relatively stable in terms of staff turnover within the industry standard.”
Personal motivation
His motivating factor personally is getting good results. Such news readily gladdens his heart and helps to literally pump up his adrenaline positively too. “I have a next-level mentality. When I’m pursuing a goal, I’m alive. So whatever I achieve is a conquered territory for me. So I always aspire to greater heights. For me, there is a constant aspiration. That’s what makes me tick.” Not for him is the complacency and daydreaming about yesterday’s achievement. “I’m always aiming higher. For me, every milestone is a stepping stone.”
Everything is about the business
Call him a busy bee, you won’t be wrong. He is completely sold on the business. “Right now, I’m focused on my primary assignment which is to run my business successfully. That’s where I’m focusing all my energy right now. I don’t have time for distractions now. What I’m doing now is a full-time job so that’s tough enough for me. So, I really don’t have time for much else.”
Hobbies
As to be expected, in his younger days he was active in sports but not anymore. “I used to play table tennis. But I’m not so strong any longer. I do brisk walking once in a while. I like reading, watching TV, and news. But right now, watching TV is not much of fun because all the news around are very upsetting and not encouraging at all.”
As to how he unwinds, he deadpans, “I don’t socialise much.” One way he lets out steam and ease off stress he further reiterates is by simply taking a walk. “I do brisk walking between two to three times in a week. I don’t have the energy for long walks because I’m not a young man anymore. (Laughs).”
Books read
A lover of best thrillers, he says his best books back in the days were written by the master thriller writer himself, Sidney Sheldon. But these days, he reads more of business and news magazines.
Choice holiday destination
Travelling was one of his pastimes until COVID-19 happened on us all, he says matter-of-factly. “I used to travel until the outbreak of COVID-19. However, my choice holiday destination is Cape Town, in South Africa. It’s a beautiful place and city to behold. The attraction for me is that I just love the sanity it offers and the sights and sounds too. I go to Table Mountain cableway. Each time I go to Cape Town, I do the bus tour of the town and it never bores me. It just keeps getting interesting every time.”
Best decision thus far
The best decision he ever took was to go back to school for his MBA degree. “My MBA career expanded my network and that was some 20 years after I left the university. That was precisely in 2003. I was already a family man (laughs). But pursuing my MBA to me was a life-changing decision at the end.”
Worst decision in working career
His worst decision he says with a tinge of regret is trusting one of his staff too much earlier in the business. “I gave a staff a blanket cheque, so to speak, and he abused it. Looking back now, that was the worst decision I have taken. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again because I got my fingers burnt by trusting too much.”
Values imbibed growing up
Groomed on fine moral ethos in the Christian way, the younger Ehiguese says such has stood him in good stead thus far. “I grew up in a strict Christian home and to that extent I think I have very high moral values. That has helped me even in my career. Right now, there are certain things I won’t do. There are lines I won’t cross and this is all because I had an early grooming in the right way. And that has helped my career greatly.”
Lessons of life
One of the lessons life has taught him is that you reap whatever you sow. “I believe if you’re consistent enough, there is always a way around challenges. I see challenges as opportunities to achieve something great.”
Definition of success, career-wise
For him, success is a journey and not a destination. “My belief is that you have to keep aspiring to be successful and you have to keep striving until you get to the grave. So, I really don’t think success is a final destination. For me, it’s a journey. Remember, I told you earlier that I have a next-level mentality so I’m always aspiring to get better at what I do and then achieve more. So success for me is not just measured in naira and kobo terms because there are things money cannot buy, which are also elements of success. For example, a peaceful home, rest of mind, lovely children are what money cannot buy for you and those are all part of the success mix in life.”
Recipe for CEOs who suffer burnout
An upwardly mobile chief executive who has been able to attain certain level of symmetry both within and outside the workplace, he readily advises others to strive at achieving work-life balance in their day-to-day work schedules.
“As a CEO you must work hard no doubt but you must also devote time to rest because the body is not a machine; even machines need to rest sometimes. For me, the best thing is to strike a balance and apply moderation in whatever you do too, “he admonishes.
Sense of style
A generally avant garde person, he tries to set the pace in terms of his dress sense. “I’m not crazy about designers’. I just buy what fits me and what I’m comfortable in. I don’t necessarily follow the trend. I always want to be unique in whatever I wear. Of course, my most important dress accessory is wrist watches. I’m not a collector though but I have got almost a dozen wrist watches. That’s my sense of style.”
Culinary delight
Not much of a foodie, so he doesn’t have a favourite meal. “I’m not really fuzzy about food. I eat almost everything, but I like to eat healthy and that’s what my wife says she likes about me. So, I’m not really particular about any meal as such I don’t have any favourite preferences. I try to eat right and healthy.”
Dear Ma, I saw your comment in a Facebook page and I was tempted to view your profile! And was greatly amazed at your boldness in preaching virginity till marriage! Although I’m no longer a virgin which I seriously regret till date but with the little I’ve read so far on your timeline, I’m so convinced I’ve found the path and person who would lead me to the life of my dreams through your God-given messages. May God continue to empower you ma!
Nkali, Abia State
Dear Ma,
How can I get myself out of this pain? My partner broke up with me just because I say no to sex outside marriage. I love him so much but he said he can’t continue with me any longer. Please what can I do to forget him? I’m dying in pain and crying as I’m texting you. Please help ma!
Grace Moses
Dear Momma,
Your words, write-ups and comments on issues of life give me hope. It makes me believe that there are still women with honour and love for holiness out there! I have been mocked times without number as a result of my resolution to preserve my virginity till marriage not wanting to have a man that’ll be taking care of me and of course sleeping with me outside marriage! It’s so heart-breaking and runs me into depression. Can you imagine being booed and jeered at for righteousness sake? What a crazy world! However, I thank God for discovering you and know that according to your words- my glorification and everlasting reward is on the way! May God continue to inspire you ma!
Obianuju
My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters,
Are you being taunted by family and friends for always asking for help and rejecting sexual advances from men who can take care of your needs?
Sorry…sorry…sorry please! However, did you know God has a record of all the goodies you’ve ignored just because you fear Him? DO YOU THINK THAT’LL PASS JUST LIKE THAT? Whewww….If only you knew how committed God is to those who fear Him, you’d never spare a thought to your friends who would sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry to have all their dream goodies! Even if from their promiscuity they ended marrying good men and even have children, I repeat, what A’s destiny can endure, could destroy yours! Do you know the type of star you carry? Do you know God’s plan for your life?
Refuse to yield to the stupid, bad devil! A lot of your aunties and role models who tell you there’s nothing wrong in using your body to get what you want are still looking for men to sleep with to make ends meet even when they’re well over 50 when they should have become spiritual, financial power houses, fortresses etc.
But this is what the Spirit of God said I should tell you- “For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.” Leviticus 26:9 KJV
Haaa…a whole God saying that to you!!! Hmmm…believe me, you may not even look or smell good now because you can’t afford to yet you stick to God – little did you know that fear of God in you is building you up into a fiery furnace, a spiritual house and a formidable weapon in the hands of god- a city set on a hill that’ll be saluted till eternity, a light to the world! Yes!
Please note today’s date, by the time God who sent me to you is done with you, some of world’s wealthiest and most honourable men would jostle to supply your needs without asking for anything in return! You’ll say I said so! Before then, may you receive help from an unexpected quarter this weekend! I love you my sweets!
May god single you out for phenomenal, global honour and flaunt you before the world in Jesus name!
I shall respond to Grace Moses’ message next Saturday!
To be continued.
I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
When dozens of underserved and displaced Nigerians began launching micro-enterprises and earning digital income in the middle of a national lockdown, it was not through charity, it was through a government-supported digital skills programme, designed and led with intention. Behind the programme’s structure and success was Victor Uchenna Moses, a digital transformation leader serving as IT Strategy Lead at CEES Assist Resources, the consultancy tasked with delivering the initiative. His work was not limited to planning. He directly taught, mentored, and adapted systems to meet people where they were offering not just skills, but dignity and digital access. ALAO ABIODUN spoke to Victor about how the programme worked, what digital inclusion really demands, and what other governments and organisations can learn from its success.
This was a digital skills project. But unlike many, it seems it reached people usually left behind. What made it different?
We designed it with the most disconnected people in mind. Most of our learners had never worked with digital tools. Some only had basic mobile phones. Many were from displaced or underserved communities. So we structured everything around accessibility, not assumptions. We focused on mobile-first tools, online safety, digital communication, basic productivity apps, and how to apply them to real-world income generation. But more importantly, we built a system where learning felt possible from day one.
This happened during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. What challenges did you face?
The programme launched at a time when movement was limited, power was unreliable, and connectivity was a challenge. We responded with blended delivery: online where possible, offline where needed. We used WhatsApp, printable guides, and small group sessions with safety protocols in place. People showed up hungry to learn. Our job was to remove the barriers not just technical, but emotional too. We adapted daily to keep the programme going. It was service under pressure, and it was worth it.
What were the outcomes? Did the learners gain lasting benefits?
Absolutely. More than 60 individuals completed the programme, and within weeks, 38 had launched income-generating digital services ranging from WhatsApp storefronts to online freelance gigs to mobile repair marketing. Just as importantly, over 40% of participants used their new skills to apply for microloans and digital business grants. Many of them reported increased confidence in handling transactions, promoting their work online, and managing digital communications. That shift from being digitally excluded to digitally active—is the true outcome.
What was your role specifically in this project?
I served as the IT Strategy Lead from CEES Assist, responsible for designing and overseeing the Community-First Digital Access Framework (CFDAF), ensuring compliance with federal policy, managing facilitator coordination, and mentoring participants directly. I also taught several modules especially around using digital tools for real-life income generation. This was not a contract to deliver. It was a national mandate to empower.
Some believe digital transformation belongs only in urban centres or corporate spaces. You seem to disagree?
Completely. If you can build systems that work for those who have the least, then you can build systems that work for anyone. Digital inclusion is not a side-project, it is infrastructure for justice, development, and resilience. When people are digitally excluded, they are economically excluded. When they are included, they do not just use tools, they build with them.
What can policymakers learn from this?
First, we must stop treating inclusion as charity. It is a strategy. A digitally connected population is more resilient, employable, and self-reliant. Second, we need to fund and scale programmes designed for real-world conditions, not just cities or broadband corridors. Every community deserves access to the tools of growth. And third, it takes partnership. This programme succeeded because of coordinated delivery between federal actors and implementing partners like CEES Assist, who understand both infrastructure and the human layer.
What’s next for you?
I am now working to scale the CFDAF framework in other emerging contexts. We have begun exploratory conversations with delivery partners in Ghana and Northern Kenya, where similar conditions exist low access, high potential, and the need for simple, adaptive infrastructure. This is not about exporting solutions. It is about sharing what works, and working alongside local actors to adapt and deliver it sustainably.
The programme was delivered using the Community-First Digital Access Framework (CFDAF)—a low-bandwidth, modular learning system combining, WhatsApp micro-lessons, Printable toolkits,Offline exercises and Asynchronous mentorship.
It aligned with Nigeria’s National Digital Economy Policy 2020 and met international donor compliance standards on inclusion, data protection, and measurable public outcomes.
I clearly understand that real digital transformation begins with the most overlooked communities. By delivering practical systems with dignity, structure, and vision, he is not only bridging digital divides he is building ladders to lasting opportunity.
Dele and Shayo (not real names) have been married for a few years. Shayo is a housewife, taking care of the kids, while Dele goes to work every day. Dele came back from work one fine evening, expecting to get “something light” from his wife after dinner, only for her to say “Dele I have already masturbated a few hours ago, so I am not really in the mood right now”.
This was the fifth time Shayo was telling him this in three weeks, so obviously, she had replaced “Dele” with her “fingers,” using her newly purchased vibrator hidden away somewhere in the house. Dele was so angry at being deprived of his right. Being a Christian, he didn’t believe in cheating on his wife, and he didn’t want to be put in that situation so he wanted her to stop using that “evil” vibrator right away. Out of fear, she threw it away, but couldn’t overcome the urge soon and started using her fingers to please herself, Dele couldn’t take it anymore when he discovered and that was the beginning to the end.
This story is the same or slightly different with many other experiences of couples in various homes. Some partners accept it because they feel it’s much better than “adultery”, while some see it as a slap on the face. The interesting part is men rarely talk about it amongst themselves. Women are more open in discussing it with each other, while couples don’t even want to mention it at all. Really interesting, isn’t it?
Couples should be open about their sexual wants and desires, as well as their dislikes. 85 % of men and 45 % of women who live with their spouses are said to have masturbated. Vibrators, sex machines, sex toys and even sex dolls are steadily replacing human contact and encouraging masturbation addiction. Many people would argue that this is more common with men, than women, well that is not our debate for today, but on how it affects both genders and its aftermath in a relationship. Masturbation is derived from the Latin word “manstuprare,” meaning “to defile one’s self by hand”.
Many couples I have counselled or spoken to say that masturbation is a very uncomfortable topic to broach. Imagine walking in on your partner masturbating? So many questions will be running through your head at once. Apart from immediately casting and binding the devil, there are several thoughts that rush through your mind, number one being who or what is my partner thinking about while at it? Some couples may wonder if masturbation can ruin their relationship. Other couples don’t even want to discuss it.
Masturbation often carries a stigma. Some religious, cultural and spiritual traditions associate masturbation with immorality or sin.
But the truth is masturbation can become an addiction which can cause harm to your relationship with several signals stated below.
When you get to a point where you inflict self-injury on yourself due to this habit, it can lead to other challenges in your relationship.
If your spouse uses masturbation to cope when they are under stress, especially when work pressure increases and next step is to quickly get a private place to “handle” themselves, then this is a big issue because apart from leading your partner to other stress management behaviour it can quickly escalate into a big problem, imagine having to get to the toilet anytime you are under duress.
This can create a feeling of rejection if one’s partner finds solace in masturbating rather than sexually connecting with their partner. If your partner finds it very easy to replace physical contact with you, even when you are available.
We operate in a religious environment. The weight of guilt that presents itself with this act, especially in connection to our religious and spiritual beliefs (if you have any) will lead to secrecy or in some cases creating and maintaining a double life around your sexual lifestyle.
One of the criteria for addictive behaviour is the frequency of the act, sometimes partners who want to stop and are unable to do so, sometimes unconsciously increase after trying to make effort to stop due to the helpless feeling it gives.
Putting religion or cultural beliefs aside, it is an unhealthy habit with emphasis on the word habit, not only as an individual but for couples. Masturbation is very common among adults, yet it remains a challenging and uncomfortable topic
It causes a feeling of inadequacy, especially when the partner discovers about it, they tend to blame themselves, assuming that their spouse or partner is bored or unhappy with them. Masturbation is a problem that interferes with day-to-day life, especially when it is used to substitute real intimacy with another person.
Your partner may feel that his or her partner has been keeping secrets. What couples should understand is that couples have different viewpoints. People who masturbate may do so in different amounts. There is nothing like an acceptable number or not an acceptable number. where we can establish you have a problem with masturbation is when you can’t achieve orgasm with your partner through intercourse, the best is to seek help from a therapist. They can work with you and your partner to iron out major concerns affecting your relationship, or smaller issues you are struggling with.
So many couples if they can be a sincere struggle with masturbation. It all depends on if you feel you should tell your spouse that you masturbate. But you shouldn’t allow the feeling of inadequacy overtake you if you discover your partner masturbates, as long as you can maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals communicate effectively to understand each other and know exactly when to come in. Adult individuals are entitled to their own thoughts, even what our society might deem repugnant. Basically what should be your priority which is my major rule for relationships is that all your sex, including fantasies, should be with each other.
Is it possible to stop masturbation, especially when it is affecting your relationship? I would say yes! Definitely, you can stop it.
Instead of trying to restrict your partner’s behaviour for instance because restriction with words like “you must stop this habit at once’ will only aggravate issues. It is a matter of discipline and acceptance to try and stop, once there is a will there is away. If you desire to help your partner to stop, then the best method is to
Talk to them about the habit.
Find out what triggers it (for instance work pressure).
Ask them how you can help them stop it.
Give mental and moral support; don’t make them feel ashamed.
Try to turn their attention to something else, so that they get to use their time constructively.
Do it slowly, change cannot happen overnight.
Know when to seek professional help.
Learning to stop masturbating is a process and this process takes time. To overcome this behaviour you’ve practised for months and sometimes even years, you personally need several coping strategies in order to save your relationship and cause less damage to show them you really want to stop.
Keeping a full schedule will cut down on the opportunities you have for masturbation. Find activities that are self-soothing, engaging, or exciting. I personally recommend joining a gym, start running or jogging, exert yourself physically.
You will also need a healthy diet for your body, caring for yourself may reduce urges or provide motivation to resist. It can also provide a new focus for your energy and efforts. You also need to be accountable to someone you trust, if you can find a support group. That would be excellent and the right path to recovery. It can also help you develop new behaviour. You need to limit your lone time, wear extra clothes at night to cover everywhere as much as possible, make it difficult for the temptation to be successful. Stop everything that triggers the urge, like porn, sex magazines and so on, and most of all, be patient with yourself while healing yourself. Good luck!
DEAR Mummy Temilolu, You’ve made so much impact in my life since I stumbled on your articles. I was also a virgin until I got into the university and I lost it to a liar! Mummy, please don’t stop telling us the truth about virginity! The guy that deflowered me is married now with kids, but I’m still single. He came to me after he got married saying he’s not happy in his marriage and that he wants us to have a nice time together with a lot of gifts for me but this I turned him down! Even before I saw your posts, I’ve been keeping myself. Thank you ma for telling us the truth some of our parents won’t tell us believing we are grown up enough to be giving them money they don’t even know its source. Thank you so much ma.
Abosede
Dear Aunty Temilolu,
I am 27 years old, an HND holder and still a virgin but my life is nothing to write home about. I have had only one boyfriend in my life and he insults me that I have no vision as he has a better life than I.
Please ma, write an article on innocent girls who had a poor upbringing and don’t know what to do with their lives. How they can get help to get well-trained to attract the right suitors.
Funmilola Adeojo
My darling angelic Funmilola and other wonderfully-wonderful girls who have chosen to fear God rather than please their flesh and the world.
I couldn’t help but shake my head as I read your message Funmilola. How can a human-being make you feel so unworthy? You an uncommon and most priceless jewel, fantastically-blessed amongst women! How come you don’t even recognise who you are and what you carry? The fact that you can even brood over someone who doesn’t think much of you is cringe-worthy? I’m sorry but I have to ask- “who is he by the way and by the bush?” Any carnal-minded person reading would say I’m over-flogging sexual purity! Hmm…what a world! If only the average human knew the risk and ridicule they subject themselves to opening up and sharing their lives “anyhow”…but sadly, the devil, the headmaster of the world has gotten into their heads-mind and soul! May God illuminate the heart of someone reading but whether that happens or not, I won’t stop preaching this and saving as many girls as possible from peril and arming them against a satanically-patriarchal society!
Funmilola, may God forgive you for saying your life is nothing to write home about! Before biblical Mary’s conception, was she ever known? She was just a simple girl bethrothed to a carpenter! What about Esther before she became a queen? She was an orphan and the only relative she had was an uncle whom the bible recorded always sat at the gate. Yet, God found them worthy to be used by Him and transformed their lives beyond human comprehension! I bet your life isn’t as low as theirs was before their eternal fame! Now tell me, if you believe in God and He has been there for you over the years, is there anything God won’t do for you for choosing to obey Him? I repeat- may God forgive you for saying your life is nothing to write home about!
Whaaaaaat??? With all the power and glory you carry? May your ignorance and spiritual dullness not kick you out of God’s incredibly-grand design for your life! Before I write on your request, please detach yourself from that boyfriend of yours immediately and get ready for the best days of your life! I shall address your request in my next article. May God show you a sample of the rewards of obedience and let it manifest in your life before then in Jesus name!
Let me add this-
For every favour/gift you lost because you won’t give sex- mark my words- God will give you unbelievable spiritual gifts and inexhaustible wealth!
Some ladies will be jilted this year because upon spiritual enquiry, their suitors would discover they’ve been emptied of their goodness/virtues. May such never happen to you! Stay chaste!
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They are sisters of Nigerian descent in the United Kingdom: Shay, Annamay and Kay. Shay and Annamay are twins, while Kay is their younger sister. They belong to a fast rising singing group known as SHiiKANE. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE, they open up on their journey to fame, memorable moments and losing their mom.
The music industry can be brutal and you learn pretty quickly that it is every man for himself,” Annamay, one of the twins in the UK musical group, ShiiKANE, began, as the trio settled for this interview on their experience in the world of music and more.
“Our experience with music has been a journey of ups and downs. If not for the passion we have for music, we would’ve quit a long time ago.”
The crux of the matter, she explained, is getting dedicated people to work with and fulfill their dreams: “It’s hard to find loyal people in the industry. So, when you do, you have to hold them tight. We are lucky that we have each other to lean on during the hard times”.
On her part, Shay takes you down memory lane to how it all started. “Annamay and I are twins. Right from primary school, we always used to sing. We went to school in London in a small predominantly white town. We were the only Black family on our street and one of three other Black families in the school. During school recitals, plays or concerts, they would always ask the Black kids to sing or dance because they assumed all Black kids could sing or dance.”
Luckily, the trio already had a love for music, “Our parents were always playing music in the house, so it came naturally to us. From a young age, we wanted to be Janet Jackson or Whitney Houston. Every weekend, our parents would take us to Nigerian parties; so we would hear all the latest Nigerian music and we loved it. We loved the way the music made us feel. We didn’t understand Igbo or Yoruba but we loved the music”.
Annamay takes over from her twin sister and takes you further into their world. “Whilst at secondary school and university, Shay and I joined bands and singing groups but eventually decided to be a duo. We would always ask Kay to join us but she refused”.
However, they just didn’t let go because they badly wanted their sister to be part of the big dream.
“I wasn’t really interested in being a musician. I really wanted to be an actor. So, I went to university to study for a degree in Theatre and Performing Arts,” Kay chipped in.
To be or not to be? Annamay and Shay didn’t give up on Kay; and along the line, they won her over to their singing side.
“At some point, our mom persuaded me to join my sisters’ group and that’s how we started singing together and became SHiiKANE,” Kay enthused.
Obviously, their parents who never forgot home in Asaba, Delta State, also gave them Nigerian names. Shay goes by the name Ifeanyichukwu, Annamay’s is Uchechukwu, while Kay’s Nigerian name is Nkemdilim.
Kay revealed that coming together as a brand and making waves was fun but it also came with some challenges.
“The initial challenges were learning how to work together as siblings. We argued a lot! And our mom had to settle a lot of our arguments. Shay and Annamay would always argue and I would be in the middle; but we would always fix things quickly because we wanted it to work and we had a lot of people waiting for us to fail.”
Determination, dedication and passion have kept them bonded together whilst they have also kept their eyes constantly on the bigger picture, and carving a niche for themselves.
Kay continued: “People didn’t believe in our dream at all. The only person that never doubted us was our mom. She was our biggest fan. She used to work for the Nigerian High Commission in London and would always sell our mix tapes and CDs to her colleagues. She always told us to stay focused and believe that we could do all things through Christ who strengthens us”.
Their most challenging moment, however, was working out how to finance their music: “Recording studio sessions, photo-shoots, paying producers, shooting music videos and then paying to promote the work once it’s all done. It’s been hard financing it all because we’ve never been signed to a label, and we’ve never had an investor”, Shay informed.
Instead, they have had to work day jobs to finance this passion and they all confess that it’s hard to do both at the same time.
“As an artist, you want to focus on the art and not worry about the business side of things; but since we don’t have an investor backing us, we don’t have that privilege. Sometimes, it’s hard to be in a creative zone if you’ve just finished working a corporate job for 8 hours”, Shay explained.
Happily, they also let you in on some of their memorable experiences in the entertainment sector as well as the things that inspire them.
For Annamay, a moment that stands out was meeting 2Face at the MAMA’s in South Africa.
“He was so humble and welcoming. He told us he knew our music. He actually sang our first single to us to prove it! He said he could see the effort we were putting into our careers and told us we must keep going and never give up. We were star-struck; we couldn’t believe he actually knew who we were. Meeting other musicians we’ve looked up to is always memorable, especially when they’re humble and open, because we’ve definitely met a few rude ones too”.
On her part, Kay says she gets inspired by hard working people. “It’s always inspiring to see artistes that work hard because it pushes us to work harder. We have always admired artistes like Olamide. He’s always reinventing himself and always keeps his projects interesting. He works very hard and we pray to stay consistent like him. We get our inspirations from movies, from life; we see art everywhere”.
Pain of losing mom
Shay, however, says losing their mom is a memory that will never go away.
“It was so unexpected because she wasn’t sick at all. She collapsed in the office at work one morning and that was it. She had a sudden heart attack; till today, they don’t know the cause. It still affects us because we are too young not to have her in our lives.”
That remains a major setback and turning point in their lives; but they decided they just had to move on.
“It made it harder to stay focused on our dreams; not having our number one fan cheer us on has been difficult.”
Moving on with the pieces, it has been a learning curve with lots of memories.”Going on tour with Tekno and again with Kizz Daniels was an interesting experience. It was our first time going on a tour and it was hard being on the road as supporting artistes without all our comforts. We learnt a lot and were grateful for the opportunity”, Annamay recounts.
ShiiKANE
Another great opportunity was performing at Felabration at the o2. Kay captured it this way: “It was an amazing experience and an honour to be on the stage. Fela Kuti is the backbone and genesis of the international community being interested in Nigerian music, so it’s an honour to pay homage to him and his legacy”.
Kay also talked about some of the other things that occupy their time.
“We started a YouTube channel in 2018 called SHiiKANETv, once we realised that we needed to find a way to grow our fan base that wouldn’t cost us too much money. We needed another way to connect with our fans and gain some new ones. Once the pandemic hit in 2020, we decided to add another channel called ‘SHiiKANEReacts,’ reacting to music videos. Both channels combined, have nearly 60,000 subscribers, with nearly 10million views”.
To relax, they go to the gym. Before the pandemic they used to travel a lot to unwind. “We would love to see women included a lot more in all aspects of the music industry, not just artistes – more women behind and in front of the cameras. From A&R to management to photographers, the list goes on and on. We try to hire 90% female on video and photo-shoots, as we know how important it is to be proactive about making a change”, Shay said.
Annamay added: “We would love to see more female music collaborations too. We often reach out to female artistes to work with but haven’t been that successful yet. We hope that changes in the future”.
The ladies are currently recording their debut album and one could practically feel their passion as they talked about it.
“We have taken over two years away and not released any music since our N.W.A EP in 2019; so we’re ready to release new music. The album should be ready by the third quarter of 2021”.
Sound Sultan, a huge inspiration
Inspiration come from mentors and the girls have so many mentors and role models, many of whom they admire at close range and from a far.
“The late Sound Sultan was a huge one. We met him so many times and he was always so nice to us. Always had our time and never made us feel unseen. He invited us to a video shoot he was doing in London and made sure he included us so much in the final edit. It was an honour to know him. He worked so hard right up until the end and we’ll forever be in awe of his strength and courage”.
Other role models would be people like Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Niniola, CardiB, Wajé and particularly Tiwa Savage, because of what she represents in the industry.
“For a woman to be a mother, wife and still be one of the biggest artistes in Africa is a huge accomplishment in a society that doesn’t allow women to be great. All their accomplishments are amazing”.
Next, Annamay gives a shout-out to St @NigeriaMusic, who has been very instrumental in their career.
“He has supported us from the beginning of our journey into pursuing our music in Africa and has always seen the global vision. Another amazing mentor has been Latasha Ngwube aka Latasha Lagos”.
Should they have to change something in the industry, what would it be?
Kay is the first to respond: “Misogyny!! The double standards between men and women are alarming. This needs to change in order for the industry to grow. More female managers and executives will help this change”.
For young people who want to come into the sector, she has this piece of advice: “Make sure you have a budget! Nobody will tell you that this industry is a business first before anything else. Talent comes after business. If there is no money to push the product just like any other business, it will fail. The financial backing is what keeps the business consistent”.
Annamay adds: “Keep all enjoyment in moderation- e.g. partying. It’s part of the lifestyle but too much of anything is danger ous!”
Relaxation
They all agree that relaxation is important and that they indeed relax by watching reality TV.
“We don’t have BBNaija in the UK, so we used to watch it on the Africa Magic App or keep up on Instagram. It is very entertaining. We also go to the gym and spa a lot.”
Travelling is part of the fun and they love going to Spain, France, Tanzania and Atlanta GA.
“We really want to visit the Maldives and Thailand soon.”
ShiiKANE
Reading is another thing that keeps the girls going. “At the moment, we’re trying to read more books by African writers. Currently I’m reading ‘Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Achebe and ‘I am a girl from Africa’ by Elizabeth Nyamayaro,” Annamay informed.
Trendy and good looking, the SHiiKANE girls are quite experimental when it comes to fashion. You actually wonder if there is anything they won’t do in the name of fashion.
“We can never say never o! Maybe we can never wear raw animal skin with blood, or human blood etc, but we are quite experimental with fashion. So nothing is off limits”, Kay replied.
New wave of COVID-19 brings back memories of the lockdown last year and keeping safe and as far as they are concerned, “The rules in the UK were pretty strict; so we just spent most of 2020 in the house. We only go out to get groceries; and tried to always wear a mask and sanitise our hands. It was pretty tough not travelling anywhere for so long but slowly things are getting back to normal.”
Their heart goes out to Nigerian youths in the country and all over the world.
“It was so hard watching the protests, then watching the Lekki Massacre live as it was happening. It was so traumatic but we we’re inspired by the Nigerian youths’ resilience and their desire to make Nigeria a better country for all. We advise all Nigerians, especially the youths to register to vote and make sure they organise themselves. Get behind one candidate and vote.”
Last line
Life is full of lessons, but the hardest, they insist is the loss of their wonderful mom. “After losing our mom, we learnt that nothing is promised and we learnt quickly that we only have each other. We are family and whether we like it or not, we are stuck together and we must always stick together. It’s what our mom wanted and we will never let her sweat be in vain”.
When it comes to celebrating your wedding anniversary you want to make sure that the day is special. This means that you are required to put in some thought to the day to make sure that firstly, you have something planned and secondly, the day is as romantic as possible. If you are unsure where to start, don’t worry, we’re here to help. Here are 10 romantic ways to celebrate the wedding anniversary.
Weekend Getaway
Nothing says romance quite like being whisked away on a weekend break. The beauty about these is that you can stay within your own country of jet off to a city break somewhere else. You don’t have to go for a week, simply go away on the Friday night and come back on the Sunday. You’ll both feel revitalised for a break away together. This is the perfect anniversary gift!
A Special Meal
If your significant other has a favourite meal that they enjoy, why not try and cook it together. There’s something fun about getting into the kitchen and working through a recipe. Not only can you have fun, but you’ll also both end up eating something that you created.
Relax At A Spa
Nothing says romance and relaxation quite like a spa! Why not treat yourselves to a spa break? You can opt for more treatments to really make the day extra special. From massages to flotation wraps, you want to come away feeling refreshed and relaxed together.
Picnic In The Park
If you are short on time and money, then one way you can get round this is a lovely picnic in the park. You can get all your favourite snacks, from chocolate, sandwiches to champagne and Strawberry’s. You can while away the hours in the sun and make the most of each other.
Find A Botanical Garden
If the weather is nice and going away just isn’t an option due to work schedules, why not find a beautiful botanical garden. There are plenty of them to choose from and you can make a day of it. Botanical gardens are full of sensory options you can explore together. You can walk, talk, and grab coffee.
Rewrite Your Vows
When you got married, chances are you wrote and read wedding vows. Why not spend an evening revisiting these? You don’t just have to read them together, why not rewrite them? If you’ve been married for a long time, then it may be time to update them to vows that reflect how long you’ve been together and how much you’ve been through over the years. Not only will it bring back memories of your special day, but it’ll also work towards goals together.
Order Gifts To Be Delivered On the Day
Anniversary’s require special gifts; you don’t need to get ones that relate to the traditional items though. If you aren’t able to spend the day together for whatever reason, then why not order a special gift to be delivered on the morning of the anniversary? This could be anything from flowers to jewellery! This way, when your other half opens the door, they’ll be surprised and happy that you took the time to remember.
Go Out for A Meal
If you went out for a meal on your first date, why not go to the same restaurant? It may well not be your favourite one, but the fact that this is where you connected could make the night extra special. You can talk through old memories and laugh about how young you were when you first met.
Recreate Your First Dance
When you did your first dance, chances are you were filled with nerves when other people were watching you. This time, make it about just you two. Put the music on and dance around your living room and kitchen and just enjoy one another. Dancing is a great way to connect and by retracing your steps you are making it extra special, filled with love and laughs.
Use Your Wedding Gifts!
Chances are you were given a lot of special gifts on your wedding day, and we would bet that you actually haven’t used the special gifts. If you were given lovely glass wear and table wear why not get it out and make the most of it? You don’t need to use to everyday, just make sure that you do get round to using it!
Wrap Up
When it comes to wedding anniversaries you don’t need to spend the earth to make the day extra special. It is the small gestures that make a world of difference and can really make the day romantic. Whether it is a weekend break or rewriting your vows together, you can cement your relationship further and look forward to a future together.
Love is one of the world’s most misunderstood concept. It’s not quite like they make it seem in the movies, but real love is often better than you might have imagined.
From the idea of love at first sight to a perfect soulmate, here are 14 myths about love that you’ve probably bought into that are totally erroneous.
LOVE WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY
Love is often represented as the ultimate happy ending, but that’s not necessarily correct. It isn’t a fix-all cure.
If you’re unhappy before you find love, you won’t suddenly be a different, happier person after you’ve found it.
The best relationships can definitely enhance our lives, but they can’t make us happy all on their own.
IT’S EASY ALL THE TIME
When a relationship is hard all the time, you know that it’s not right for you. But that doesn’t mean healthy love is always easy.
When two people come together and connect, difficulties will always arise. No matter how amazing your love is, it will get hard sometimes.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS A THING
Sorry, but love at first sight is not a thing. After all, love involves trusting someone and committing to them. So, how can you get that from just looking at someone?
The good news is lust at first sight is definitely a thing, and that pretty much feels the same anyway or better put, is usually mistaken for love.
YOUR SOULMATE WILL BE PERFECT
Maybe the one is out there for you. While some of us have a few soulmates or feel like we have none at all, others find that one person they believe was meant for them.
But even if you find that person, they will have flaws.
Forget about finding the perfect soulmate because, they don’t exist any more than love at first sight.
YOU’LL BE HAPPIEST WHEN YOU ATTRACT YOUR OPPOSITE
They say that opposites attract. And although that’s true in some situations, don’t believe that you’ll automatically have the best relationship with someone who’s the complete opposite to you.
In fact, if someone has different values and fundamental beliefs from you, it’s actually very difficult to have a long-lasting relationship with them.
YOU CAN CHANGE ANYONE IF YOU LOVE THEM ENOUGH
Fairytales would have us believe that anyone can change for love.
The truth is that, this kind of thinking will leave you trapped in hopeless relationships, waiting for someone not worthy of your time to change.
Some people can change. But if you’re seeing no signs of it, don’t wait around for it just because of love.
YOU’LL NEVER ARGUE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Healthy relationships might be more blissful than toxic ones. But there will still be arguments. All couples fight eventually and it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other. Disagreeing is normal and healthy, and one of the hurdles you’ll have to overcome.
LOVE HAS TO LEAD TO MARRIAGE
Tradition says that love has to lead to marriage, and that marriage is the ultimate declaration of love. But regrettably, marriage isn’t for everyone.
And while we think of marriage today as an act of love, it’s way beyond that.
LOVE HAS TO BE DRAMATIC
Although the relationships in the shows we grew up watching, like “Sex and the City”, “Friends”, and “Gossip Girl” are full of drama, real love doesn’t have to be so dramatic.
If it were that intense in real life, it would be extremely draining.
YOU’LL ONLY EVER LOVE ONE PERSON
Some people do end up only loving and being with one person. But that’s definitely not the way love has to be.
It’s okay to fall deeply in love with several people throughout your life. It doesn’t mean that the love you feel is not as authentic or meaningful as the love two people share when they’ve never loved anyone else.
IF YOU’RE IN LOVE, YOU CAN’T BE LONELY
Ha! In theory, being in a loving relationship should help to ease loneliness. But people who are in love can and do feel lonely for a variety of reasons.
Love doesn’t stop two people from working in different countries. And it doesn’t stop couples from spending Saturday night alone during a fight.
Unfortunately, love is not an end to loneliness.
LOVE IS ONLY FOR THE YOUNG
Again, some people think of love as being an experience for the young only.
In popular culture, most of the stories we consume about love feature young characters. But in reality, love is for people of all ages.
You’re never too old to fall in love.
LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS
In other words, love is enough. This falsehood is another belief that will keep you trapped in the wrong relationship.
Loving someone isn’t a good enough reason to stay with them if you have every other reason to leave.
Trust, commitment, loyalty, vulnerability, safety, and happiness all play a part. They all matter too.
FALLING IN LOVE COMPLETES YOU
Nah! Falling in love is a wonderful feeling that can definitely enhance your life. But if there’s a void inside you, it won’t magically disappear when you start loving someone.
Just as it won’t fix an unhappy person’s problems and make them happy. Love won’t complete someone who is lost and trying to find their purpose in life.
Love is a powerful part of life, but it’s still just a part and not the whole.
It’s quite easy to hurt a person especially a loved one with a word or an action during a fight.
The resentment can linger for much longer after the fight is over thereby, ruining the once loving relationship.
Below are ten actions to totally avoid when having a misunderstanding or fight with a loved one:
Never resort to name-calling
Name-calling or zeroing in one of your partner’s insecurities or vulnerabilities during an argument is a low blow. You may be angry, hurt or frustrated in the moment, but that’s no excuse for this type of behavior.
If you’ve been with your partner long enough, you probably have a sense of certain things about them that would be especially hurtful if you brought them up during an argument.
The problem with these types of jabs is that they can be particularly difficult to move past.
Try focusing on the issue at hand rather than making personal attacks and saying something about your partner that you will probably later regret.
Arguments can be tough to get through, but you still want to demonstrate mutual respect towards each other.
Never fight in public
If you allow yourself and your partner to fight in a public place then, most likely, you do not respect each other or the surrounding people.
Do not take skeletons out of your closet in public. It’s way better to talk about your issues at home.
Do not go to bed separately
If it wasn’t a tradition to go to bed together, ensure on the day of any fight you consciously make the attempt to actually retire to bed together as this will ease the atmosphere and quickly resolve the conflict.
You may end up lying back to back at first, but in the morning you will wake up in each other’s arms without the tiniest hint of last night’s fight.
Note: By going to sleep separately, you show that you are not ready to make up.
Never walk away mid-argument.
When a person completely shuts down or disengages in the middle of an argument without warning, it makes your partner feel as though you’ve pulled the rug out from under them.
The conflict remains unresolved and it leaves your partner alone, confused and even more frustrated.
Simply leaving the house during a fight will only show how uncomfortable you feel staying under the same roof as your partner.
Slamming the doors, running into the darkness, leaving the conflict unresolved, all these will make your partner think twice about your level of maturity.
It’s way better to wait until you both calm down, and then you can discuss everything as adults.
However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a timeout, that’s fine. But it’s better to voice that to your partner than to just bail.
Never ever talk about divorce/separation
When you say “Let’s divorce or go our separate ways” during a fight, this can become the biggest insult ever.
These words have the ability to hurt the feelings of your partner really badly. And the more often you say them, the faster the divorce will actually occur.
If you love each other, never talk about parting.
Never make a major decision during an argument.
When things between you and your partner are heated, you probably don’t have the clarity necessary to make a weighty decision. Instead, wait until things have cooled down before you try to come to a consensus.
Unless you are in an immediate health and safety situation such as domestic violence, it is usually wise to refrain from making important decisions during the heat of battle, when emotions tend to run high and judgment tends to run low.
Never bring up past mistakes or unrelated issues to deflect and distract.
If you want to fight fair, then dredging up your partner’s past errors in a bid to “win” the argument is a big no-no.
It’s often irrelevant to the present debate, counterproductive and can make your partner extra defensive.
If the main cause of the fight is a pile of unwashed dishes, then let it stay that way.
Do not remind your partner of all their prior wrongdoings as this is a way to turn a minor domestic issue into a big ugly conflict.
It is always best to address the direct cause of the fight rather than bringing in other past issues into the present one.
Work through the issue rather than focusing on being ‘right’ or the ‘winner’
Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team.
So proving how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. Plus, if you’re more focused on building your case than you are on understanding your partner’s point of view, you’re not going to get very far.
Finding middle ground or agreeing to disagree helps a relationship to thrive while both partners feel worthy of consideration.
Never get physical/Avoid violence at all cost
While fighting, people tend to show the worst sides of their character.
Some, trying to prove themselves right or more powerful than the other, resort to violence.
Don’t ever allow yourself or your partner to use violence, no matter how angry you might be with each other.
The physical pain caused by a loved one has the ability to kill all the feelings that once bound you together.
Don’t include other family members in your fight(s)
Your fight concerns only the both of you and no one else.
By drawing your parents or any other family member into the conflict, you risk turning a regular fallout into a real family mess.
Even if harmony returns to your relationship, the other members of the family will most likely remember everything and use that against you or your partner when given a chance.
Thus, it best to handle your issues between the both of you than bringing the entire family into it as long as no one is being battered.
