The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • I’m already in love

    For certain reasons, I couldn’t see my dad for two whole years. I must say that it was really tormenting thinking about what my dad would be thinking of me all those days and moths, which turned into two years that I didn’t travel down to see him.

    Even my sister, Dolapo and my other siblings who live abroad have never missed seeing him in any given year. I tried to make up by making the occasional calls to him, but it wasn’t the same. Seeing one’s parents as they grow older is very important and so, the guilt of not seeing and rubbing minds with him was much. I finally made the trip down to Ibadan last week to see my dad and the joy on his face at seeing me was so much I wanted to cry. As a matter of fact, he was still talking about me when I came. He immediately asked them to slaughter chickens and we all had a feast of his favourite ground rice and vegetable.

    My dad, as usual went into the story of how he met my mother years back and I listened once again to the love story. Many events came up and I found myself going to see dad over the next three days. The highlight of it was the blessing I got at the end of the visit. Coincidentally, the prayer session for me came just a few hours before the New Year. So here I am with no resolutions for the year and no grand plans except to follow up on unfinished job of last year and set new goals for the year, but I’m already in love with the year 2013. Entering a new year with parental blessings, to me, is a great way of facing all the uncertainties the year may present. I pray that all of us will have the blessings of God and have a very happy year. Happy New Year!

  • Putting your relationship on the front burner in 2013 Ngozi’s story

    Ngozi and her husband had been together for over five years when she realized that they were growing apart. They barely saw each other anymore between the demands of their careers and raising their two year old twin boys, and, when they did see each other, it seemed like all they did was snap at one another.

    Ngozi missed the way their relationship had once been and wanted things to be different. She worked up the courage to talk to her partner who, much to her surprise, felt the same way.

    They decided to make their relationship a priority and agreed to make some changes in order to make this happen. They started by setting aside some time to spend together two nights each week after their boys went to bed and decided to go out as a couple once a month.

    At first, Ngozi and her husband felt a little awkward spending time together. They weren’t sure what they should talk about or do, but stuck with it and were able to come up with some ideas to try. They gradually noticed that they were arguing less and felt more connected than they had in years. Today Ngozi and her husband feel that the time and effort they put into making their relationship a priority has helped them have the kind of satisfying and loving relationship they always wanted.

    The Lesson

    It is normal for people to occasionally let their relationships slide to the back burner but it can cause problems if you let it stay there for too long. 3 easy steps you can take to make your relationship priority are:

    1. Invest in your relationship

    2. Make time for your relationship

    3. Spend your time wisely

    Next Steps

    Take what you have learned in this article and consider whether your relationship is currently a priority in your life. If not, try the suggestions given in this article to see if they help. Please seek the help of a qualified professional if you need or want support while making these changes or if you feel your situation is not improving despite your efforts.

    Is Your Relationship on the Back Burner?

    When was the last time you spent time with your partner? I don’t just mean being in the same physical space, like being in the same room together while one of you plays on the computer and the other watches television. I mean REALLY spent time together talking, enjoying each other’s company, and connecting emotionally with one another. Take a minute and give it some thought…

    If you couldn’t come up with an answer or if the answer you came up with was so far in the past that you can barely remember it, then its probably safe to say that your relationship has been put on the back burner and is not currently a top priority in your life.

    Why is this a problem?

    Just as when a pan is left unattended on a hot stove, leaving your relationship on the back burner for too long will eventually cause your relationship problems to boil over and make a huge mess. Couples who do not make their relationship a priority tend to feel less invested in their relationship, feel distant and disconnected from one another, and argue more frequently which, in turn, can lead to couples making their relationship even less of a priority.

    How did this happen?

    If you are like most people, you stay busy trying to juggle the demands of whatever you have going on in your life. There are deadlines to be met at work and/or school, children to be cared for, endless chores to be done, and so on… Among all of these competing demands for your time and resources, relationships often get put on the back burner because the short-term consequences for not attending to them tend to be far less immediate and negative than the consequences that go along with not attending to these other things. You are probably highly motivated to make your job a priority because you need to work in order to get paid, but your partner will most likely still be there for you even if you don’t spend much quality time together…right?

    Another reason why relationships tend to get put on the back burner is because dealing with them can be painful. When problems exist in the relationship, it is sometimes easier for people to distance themselves from their partners than it is to try and re-connect with them.

    What you can do…

    Making your relationship a priority is an essential part of moving your relationship off of the back burner. Here are 3 tips to help you do this.

    1. Invest in your relationship. Your relationship, like everything else in life worth having, requires an investment of your time and effort in order for it to be as good as it can possibly be. Recognize that your relationship is unlikely to magically or spontaneously improve on its own and then take active steps to build and maintain it.

    2. Make time for your relationship. In today’s busy world, things that are not scheduled become much lower on our list of priorities because we are too busy and/or tired to get to them, and relationships are no exception. Regularly set aside time for just the two of you to be together as a couple. Have a conversation with your partner about how often and how much time the two of you can dedicate to your relationship and then put it on your calendar. Doing this increases your sense of commitment and makes it much more likely that you will follow through with your plans.

    3. Spend your time wisely. Work with your partner to generate a list of ideas for how the two of you can spend time together as a couple. Choose activities that will allow you to enjoy each other’s company and converse with one another about whatever you want or need to discuss. Remember that it is important to periodically spend some of your time together talking specifically about relationship issues, such as how each of you thinks the relationship is going, where you want it to go in the future, and how you can make that happen.

    Making your relationship a priority does not need to be an elaborate production: even relatively small but consistent investments of your time and effort can go a very long way toward improving your relationship.

    If you and your partner have very serious problems and/or if there is a considerable amount of animosity between the two of you, it may be necessary for you to resolve these issues before you begin the job of reconnecting with one another. Consider working with a qualified professional if you need or want someone to help you do this work.

  • 10 tips for a happy marriage

    To have a really good marriage, you need to work at it. As the saying goes, the only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

    Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage.

    1. Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don’t get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened.

    2. Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.

    3. Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage.

    4. Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.

    5. Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” “would you mind if I….,” and so forth. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and respected.

    6. Never Say “I Told You So.” Remove the phrase “I told you so” from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse.

    People say this phrase for two reasons:

    · To show off that they were right,

    · To get their mates to listen to them in the future.

    What they don’t realize is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting.

    When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out.

    The poet Ogden Nash wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way:

    To keep your marriage brimming,

    With love in the wedding cup,

    Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

    Whenever you’re right, shut up.

    7. Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

    8. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:

    · “She never lets me leave the window open at night.”

    · “He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”

    · “She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”

    · “He always leaves his socks on the floor.”

    These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them.

    There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care.

    Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

    9. Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.

    10. Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it.

    Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.

  • Running out of time as well as ideas … and still do not know what to say?

    Romantic words to use as a starting point for your own message –

    when picking which to use think about which you and the recipient will be most happy with… feel free to pick and mix from this assortment of hopefully romantic words…

    Without you… in my life… without you there no dreams…

    You are the best thing that has ever happend to me … and always will be

    I love you more each day, no I love you more every second of each day.

    I love you. I need you as much as the air that I breathe.

    me + you = happy me . me – you = sadness

    Money could not buy the happiness you bring to my life.

    Three little words

    honest and true

    today and forever

    I will love you.

    Remember that the best words of all are the ones that you say and mean.

  • Is it ok to marry a woman 7 years older than me?

    ar A, good evening. How’re you and the family? Thanks for publishing my request on 17/11/12. Ask God to connect me to the right person. Is it ok to marry a woman 7 years older than me? Personally I don’t like it. Keep up the good job. Shalom. Rev Lucky.

    •Dear Rev. Lucky, I know so many couples whose marriages have lasted through the years and in some of the cases, the wives are older than their husbands. So, personally, I don’t frown at age difference in relationships. But it may call for alarm and concern if you want children (a must in Africa) and the woman is above child-bearing age.

    In that case, you must talk it over. I don’t know how old you are and so I cannot say if this woman who is seven years older is right for you. If you however love her and think you will be happy with her, then go ahead. May God connect you to the right person. Good luck. Shallom!

  • I don’t think I have feelings for my boyfriend

    Good day ma. My name is Joy, I am 17years old, I have a boyfriend that admire but I don’t think I have feelings for him, though he likes me.

    He is 8 years older than me and the problem is that he hardly calls nor texts till I do it myself. He is a nice guy though he works a lot but we hardly talk to each other.

    • Dear Joy, from all indications, you’re not in a relationship. First, you’re not sure of your feelings for this guy, second, he’s not helping matters y not showing he cares enough. Words of mouth alone cannot prove love, actions do. At 17, try to be preoccupied with things that will advance you in the future. Let this boy face the work he loves so much… more than he cares about you and you should face what you care about more than him too.

    From you to me

    •Aunty Adeola, it’s true you don’t know me, but only heaven can tell how much IMPACT your work is affecting lives generally, myself in particular. I cannot thank you enough. 08034065990.

    •Agoro Merry Xmas. My name is Ehi, a professional colleague of yours, based in Abuja. Kindly do me a favour. I want you to please help publish this in your column – l’m Ehi, male, 45, journalist and fromIshan in Edo state. I need a 30 to 35 year old lshan lady for marriage. She must be a qualified nurse and a good Christian, busty and butty. 08032138794.

    •Merry Xmas and Happy New Year in advance Deola. A short prayer, God will continuously bless you and all your expectations God will grantthem on time. A fan of your column. 07037497326.

    •May His Grace, Peace, Love, Mercy and Protection continue to be upon you and your family throughout this season and beyond. Merry Xmas & prosperous New Year. 08023033692.

    •Merry Christmas and Happy New & Prosperous Year to U & your family. In Jesus Name. Amen. God bless U. From All of Us-Adamma, Dami, Ayo, Lola & Richard Aguda. +2348033946969.

    •Beloved, compliments of the season. Imeba Davis Olayi wishes you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May it be a memorable season to remember. Be Blessed.

    •This text comes from one of readers, I’m using this medium to thank you for wonderful writing and the creative ways through which you touch people’s lives, Merry Xmas. Oliver. 08105384986.

    •Merry Christmas dear. Abdullahi, 08033288236.

    P.S: I’m indeed very grateful to all of you who sent season’s greetings to me. I’m sorry I can only publish these few. I will try to do more next week y God’s grace. One thing is sure, I appreciate you all. Thank you.

  • 10 Tips to help you rekindle the love for your spouse by Kristi Patrice Carter

    If you and your spouse have reached a stale point in yourrelationship, don’t fear – help is near. Just about every marriage (whether you’ve been married a few months or years) may experiences a time when the two of you and your spouse need to reconnect. In this article, I’ll provide you with some proven tips to spice up your marriage and get the ball rolling again.

    Look for the good in your partner. Just like you did when you first

    got together, you should make an effort to see the good in your partner. When you first met, their nuisances were cute and attractive so try and ignore those annoyances once again. By seeing the good in your spouse, complimenting them and making them feel special, you’ll set the tone for a better marriage.

    Be more affectionate and loving. Touch your spouse more and tell them that you love them. For instance, when they come home from work, give them a welcome home kiss. Instead of saying gruffly, “Oh hey , it’s you.” Instead, give them a real hug and a kiss (even a wet one if the time is right. This will prove that you do love and care about them.

    Spend quality time together. Many relationships hit a stale point when they don’t make their relationship a priority. So, take time out of your schedule to spend some quality time with your spouse. Whether you decide to cuddle while watching the news or go to a romantic movie, just do it. Make your spouse a priority now. Don’t wait.

    Be spontaneous. If you do the same old thing every single day, your marriage is bound to seem unexciting. Therefore, spice things up a bit. Do something totally unpredictable. For instance if you normally spend Sunday afternoons working in your garden and your hubby is a Cubs fan give up the gardening for a day and go to a Sunday game. Just do something to get out of the rut you’re in.

    Encourage time away. Although it is important to do fun stuff together, you should also spend time alone. Encourage your spouse to spend time with friends. For instance, if your spouse loves to play golf, encourage him to play a few rounds of golf with his friends. You can then have a spa date with some girlfriends.

    Enjoy your life. Don’t be so serous all the time. If your spouse is in a bad mood, don’t have a hissy fit. Everyone makes mistakes so lighten up and stop being so pessimistic. Learn to laugh instead of pout. Do the things that make you happy. You’ll then find that you’re more fun to be around.

    Listen to your spouse and communicate effectively. Instead of talking all the time, really listen to your spouse. Concentrate on what they’re saying and let them know that you care enough to listen to them. Pay attention to them, especially about matters that are important to them.

    Make time for romance. Intimacy and passion are paramount to a healthy marriage. So romance your spouse and make lovemaking a priority to ensure that you rekindle your relationship and show how much you love and value your spouse.

    Control your anger. When you are angry, you often say hurtful things that you can’t take back. Therefore, you must learn to control your anger at all costs. If you need to take a “time out” then take it.

    This will ensure that you don’t say something harmful to your spouse.

    Ask for forgiveness. If you mess up and say something harmful or damaging, sincerely apologize right away. Often times when couples argue, there is a lot of tension. By admitting you were wrong, you demonstrate that you are sorry and care about your spouse’s feelings. In conclusion, a successful marriage is hard work but it is well worth the effort. If you notice that your relationship needs a little rekindling, try the above tips and in no time at all, you’ll rekindle the passion and love that’s there but just needs to be fired up.

  • I won’t forget the kisses of 2012

    Here we are, about to say goodbye to the year 2012. I’m feeling nostalgic already as I remember the great embraces of the year 2012… and the kisses too. Like a child, I opened my arms to the universe at the beginning of the year and like a child the year carried me up high and with God in every step of the way, I was not let down.

    The year 2012 offered me some of the best gifts life has on offer and it made me sail over many seas without drowning. As I surrendered to the dictates of God, I flew over many mountains and across the skies and to the greatest kisses of my life… to the beauty of God ever so sure. I stayed under the shadow of the Being who made me be where angels take dominance and make the sun comforting. I learnt the lessons of life and of love and of giving without wanting anything in return. I got to a place of freedom and so, I won’t ever forget the great kisses 2012 gave me.

    The year 2012 has been for me a good year. I lost some, I gained some and I look forward to 2013 with hope. I pray we all get there with God steering the boats of our life. This year 2012 will soon become another yesterday in our lives, may our tomorrow be bright and beautiful. And may it offer us a lot of emotional kisses and embraces.

    To a lot of you out there whose love made me glow, I can’t help but appreciate you openly. Senator Umaru Dahiru (as usual), I bow my head and say thank you. Abiodun Saheed Hammed… thanks for watching my every step and never leaving me alone. You sure made the year great and sweet. Rt. Hon. Aminu Waziri Tambuwal, I haven’t stopped saying thank you and God bless you. Bukola Daniyan, I feel your love today and always.

    Look at you all Hearts fans in whose voices I hear love and get carried to heights up, up there, I don’t know what I’d do without you all. May we all live happy lives all through 2013. May God grant my last wish for 2012 – May I will be here to welcome us by with love and kisses and warm embraces, amen.

  • Beyond pardon (2)

    It all happened so quickly that before I knew what was happening, we were on the bed, tangled together…

    Obviously, Timi seduced me. But at my age, shouldn’t I have had enough self-control to resist, you might wonder. But what grown, hot-blooded man could see a naked woman, with the kind of assets Timi had, and resist? Even a monk would have fallen to such temptation!

    Anyway, that’s how Timi and I became lovers. Initially, I just saw the affair as a fling, and Timi as someone to keep me company on lonely nights as my wife was so far away. I loved my wife and family and I didn’t want to do anything to hurt them. But I had reckoned without my errant heart. Before long, I had fallen madly in love with Timi.

    I spent most of my free time with her and I didn’t like her being away from me for long. Because of her, my visits to Lagos to see my wife and family reduced drastically and whenever she complained, I would tell her it was due to pressure of work.

    At the end of her service year, Timi wanted to return to Lagos where her parents lived to look for work. But I was against the idea as that would mean our being separated. The thought of her going so far away from me filled me with dread. My life would be completely empty without her.

    “I will get a job for you here, in Port-Harcourt,” I told her.

    I was true to my words. Shortly after, I spoke to the branch manager of a bank in the city who was a tennis partner of mine at the club. Within a month, Timi had been offered a job at the bank.

    By this time, she had left the corpers’ quarters she had been living in and moved in with me.

    “What if your wife comes to visit you unannounced?” she asked, a few days after she moved into my house.

    “We will cross that bridge when we get there,” I stated, holding her close in my arms and kissing her. My wife had only visited me twice in the four years I had been living in the city and she had informed me well in advance on both occasions.

    Living with Timi was wonderful. She was quite caring and always concerned about my welfare. As for me, I loved her to bits and could not imagine life without her. I had no idea what the future held. I was just happy to spend my days and nights with her, to love and be loved by her.

    I was careful though, to keep the affair with Timi from my wife. Once in a few months, I would travel to Lagos and see her and the children and act the role of a good family man. But most times, I couldn’t wait to return to my sweet Timi, to hold her close to me.

    Things went on this way for about a year. Then a day came when things came to a head. It was a Saturday afternoon. There was no work so we were both at home. I was watching a football match on TV while Timi was in the kitchen, helping Johnson prepare lunch.

    “Lunch will soon be ready, honey,” Timi said, coming into the living room and sitting on my lap. She planted a kiss on my lips but at that instance, I was more interested in the action on the TV screen than in her caresses.

    “You and football,” she grumbled as she got up to return to the kitchen.

    Just then, the doorbell rang.

    “I’ll get it!” Timi said, making for the door.

    I could hear her speaking with someone at the door, then she came back in and announced:

    “Honey, there’s a woman at the door asking for you.”

    I got up to see who was at the door. Standing there, a sour look on her face was my wife!

    The showdown

    The sight of my wife at the door, arriving so unexpectedly without warning, so shocked me, that I just stood there, gaping at her. Then I came to myself and said:

    “Mary, what are you doing here?”

    She brushed me aside and came into the room, dropping her traveling bag on the floor.

    “What kind of question is that? Is that the way to welcome your wife who has travelled all the way from Lagos to see you?” she demanded crossly, surveying the living room as if looking for something.

    “I’m sorry, but you gave me quite a surprise. You should have told me you were coming. I would have sent the driver to pick you at the airport,” I stated.

    “Do I need permission before coming to see my own husband?” she asked, going to sit on the couch.

    “I know, but…” I started to say when Timi came into the room.

    “Honey, lunch is ready. Should I serve it now?” she asked, coming to stand by me and holding

    my hand.

    Seeing Mary, she said:

    “Welcome, ma.” Then she asked me with some curiosity: “Is she your sister?”

    Mary stood up.

    “What’s going on here? Daddy Michael, who is this girl?” she asked.

    “Em…This is Timi…” I said.

    “And I’m his girlfriend,” Timi quickly added.

    “What?” she exclaimed. “So, all the rumours I’ve been hearing are true. That you’ve been living with a girl in this house. How could you?” she shouted angrily at me.

    “Mary, calm down. Let me explain,” I said.

    “You say I should calm down? Is that all you can say? Anyway, this nonsense must end today! Little girl,” she addressed Timi, “I’m giving you ten minutes to pack your things and get out of this house. If you are still here at the end of that time, I won’t be responsible for my actions!”

    “And who are you to order me around in my man’s house?” Timi demanded, in an equally angry tone.

    “You still don’t get it? Well, let me tell you since you are so thick-headed. I’m his wife and this is my home. So, get the hell out!” she screamed at her.

    “What?” Timi exclaimed, looking anxiously at me…

    * * * *

    “Look, Mary. Try to understand the situation. What happened was not planned. One thing led to the other and before I knew it, I was in really deep,” I stated. We were in my bedroom later that night. We had spent the past few hours or so arguing over Timi and what I should do about her. I had refused to allow her leave the house after Mary’s order to her to pack out. “She has no where to go. Give me sometime to make alternative arrangements for her,” I had told her earlier.

    “What situation do you want me to understand? That the moment my back was turned, you went and brought in a girl into my home. A girl that’s about the same age as Kate, our first daughter? Francis, you should be ashamed of yourself!”

    “I’ve said I’m sorry. Besides, you are partly to blame too for the situation,” I pointed out.

    “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, glaring at me.

    “Well, if you had moved here with me, this wouldn’t have happened. It’s not easy for a man of my age to live alone,” I stated quietly.

    “So, you are now putting the blame on me. Instead of accepting your mistakes and cleaning up the mess you’ve created, you are looking for a scapegoat for your misdeeds. You are really pathetic!” she stated.

    “It’s late so stop shouting. Do you want the neighbours to hear?” I told her.

    “Let them hear! I don’t care. At least they will know the kind of man you are; one who can’t control that thing in his trousers!”

    “Mary!” I cautioned her, glaring at her.

    She glared back before resuming the quarrel.

    I laid on the bed, silent, listening with half an ear to what she was saying, how my wandering eyes will put me in trouble one of these days, that did I not think of the children and the many years of marriage we had had before jumping into bed with any thing in skirts?

    Timi was in the guest room and I wondered whether she was asleep. She had been unwilling to move from my bedroom and I had had to plead with her, assuring her that she would be back once my wife was gone.

    Two days later, Mary returned to Lagos. Before leaving, she had given me an ultimatum:

    “The next time I come, somebody will..

    •To be continued

    What was the ultimatum that Mary gave her husband? Find out next week!

    •Names have been changed to protect the narrator’s identity. Send comments/suggestions to psaduwa@yahoo.com or 08023201831.

  • I love my wife and I’m clean, but could she be unfaithful?

    I am indebted to you. I cry out of emotion when I see how you advice at times. My wife of 21 years, 16 of which was childless just asked me the effect and consequence adultery. I did not answer her but I have not been the same ever since. We have two 2 kids – boy and girl.

    Please advice; I don’t want to insinuate that she just asked me that question for nothing but I find it strange that she did. Could she have started anything? I love my wife and I’m clean, that’s why I am worried.

    •My dear brother, stop breaking your heart over nothing. There are so many ways a man can know if his wife is cheating, and one of them is NOT through innocent questions. If your wife is cheating on you, I bet, you wouldn’t be the person she’d be asking such a question. Most people who cheat are really discreet about it; in fact, you may be the last to know about it.

    I’m going to show you 10 signs to know if your spouse is cheating on you and 10 tips to help you rekindle your love if it is running low.

    Cheer up brother and make the New Year one to remember in your marriage: Here are 10 signs your partner may be cheating on you.

    1) Cell Phone: If your partner is very protective of their cell phone, they may be trying to hide text messages or phone calls. Yes, I know you can erase text messages and phone calls. I honestly believe if your partner will not leave the phone in the room with you alone, they are trying to hide something. Text messages during late night hours is another sigh. A friend may once in a while send a text message but if they are getting text messages almost every night really late, I would be very suspicious.

    2) Attitude: Attitude is everything. Mood swings to me is a sign to look for. If your partner goes out and comes home in a bad mood or is acting weird for say….not wanting anything to do with you, if they are cheating, they are feeling guilty but place the blame on you for it. In my experience, it’s easier for the cheater to push you away making you feel as if you did something wrong.

    3) Clothing: This is a big deal. If you can smell perfume or cologne then it’s a huge possibility they have been around someone else. It’s not uncommon for people to hug others who wear large around of perfume or cologne. This by its self doesn’t make them a cheater. However, if they have been out late or all night for that matter and they blame it on a family member, be suspicious.

    4) Bathroom: If your partner comes home and goes straight to the bathroom, showers, or whatever, this could be a sign too. If they take a shower and hide their clothes, it’s not a good thing.

    5) Going Out: If you ask to go out with your partner and they tell you NO! You can’t go. There is a reason. Either they are meeting someone or they are not really going where they say they are. If for some weird chance they do allow you to go but act like you are not even with them, it’s time to take notice. Watch the room because it’s possible the person is going to show up. Most people who cheat don’t always tell the person they are seeing they are married or with someone for that matter. If you happen to see someone spending a lot of time around them that you don’t know, be weary.

    6) Sex: This one is never an easy subject to tackle. This can go several different ways. First if they are not interested in having sex with you but once in a blue moon there could be a problem. I was always told if your partner is not getting it at home they are getting it somewhere else. However, they could be getting it at home and everywhere else too. You really just don’t know on this one. In my experience, if they are settled with one person they are cheating with then you are not going to be seeing much action from them. If they are still getting it from you on a regular basis, chances are they could be seeing more than one person.

    Change in sex habits is a sign to watch for. If they are trying out new things but in the past kept them the same all the time, I would ask why the new interest? If they just don’t seem to be enjoying it or seem to be a million miles a way it’s possible you’re not the one they are wanting to be with.

    7) Truck/Car: If your partner keeps the truck/car locked and they don’t want you getting anything out of it unless they are with you, it’s possible a sign is there. If the keys to that car are not kept out in the open and they are hiding them from you. It’s a reason behind it.

    8) Unexplained Receipts: Dinner for two, that’s not uncommon but if you find a receipt for jewelry or lingerie dated around Christmas and it’s March and you know you didn’t receive that type of gift from him that’s a clear bonus they are cheating. Don’t be surprised to hear they picked that up for a buddy or they lost it. The best excuse he could come up with was he placed the bag on the top of his car and drove off, forgetting about the purchase. Yeah right.

    9) Friends: If your partner is hanging out with single people or married ones that you know cheat on their partner’s you should be concerned. Single people go out to mingle with other singles. I am not saying it’s not ok to have single friends when you’re in a relationship but if they are out all the time and you’re never invited, this is a sign.

    10) Your Gut Instinct: By far your gut instinct is the best source you will ever have. This feeling of sickness in the pit of your stomach when you see them drag in at day break should never be ignored. I believe our mind and body know the fact that we are being cheated on long before our heart ever does.

    And now my brother, if you have checked all the hints and your wife is a saint, please give her a kiss and a hug and try out the following tips to put some fire into your marriage: