The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • My life at 50 –Abike Dabiri-Erewa

    My life at 50 –Abike Dabiri-Erewa

    Hon. Abike Dabiri-Erewa is an amazon. The TV personality-turned politician is currently the Chairman of House Committee on Diaspora of the Federal House of Representatives. She recently turned 50. She spoke on her journey so far in life, especially her transmutation from broadcasting to politics.

     

    You recently turned 50, how does it feel to hit the golden jubilee?

    We thank God for His many mercies. Glory be to God that one is alive to be 50. I thank God for growing in good health. I thank God for every new day. They say life begins at 50, and I absolutely agree, because with a great family, a great husband, lovely children, a wonderful job, good health… what more can you ask for?

    Some people believe that at 50, if you are lucky, you have more money, less energy and no time. Is this also applicable to you?

    I don’t know about more money (laughter), but I won’t say less energy. My husband keeps saying where do you get all this energy from? If you live a healthy lifestyle, you will have a lot of energy. But of course, you should not deceive yourself that you are 20 years younger. 50 years doesn’t mean you are less energetic. In fact, I’m doing my exercises more than before. Nothing really has changed. I feel happier and better at 50 than ever. I give all the glory to God. There are some things I wouldn’t do again.

    I remember in those days when I was 20 years, in Lagos, there were three prominent night clubs, Faze 2, Paradizo and Fantasyland. You just hopped from one to the other in taxis – but you can’t do that now. There are some things you wouldn’t do now that you are 50 years, and there are some things you will continue to do. I have maintained the same lifestyle, the same person.

    What was your childhood like?

    Growing up was fun with a lovely family. I remember I came back from St. Theresa’s College Ibadan, during one of the holidays, my cousins just came in from England and were staying with us at Adeniyi Jones, Ikeja, Lagos. One of them put a frying pan on the fire, anad we started dancing to the music of Sunny Ade. We forgot the pan on the fire and it got burnt. I had to carry it with my bare hands. The scar is still there today on my right hand. I was about 13 or 14 at the time. I was rushed to the hospital and the nurses said they gave me an award as the most courageous child of the year because I had saved our house from being burnt.

    I also remember a few of the pranks we played in secondary school, like jumping the fence to buy ‘Iya Akeem’s rice’. It was ‘Ofada’ rice. We were there on this particular day without being aware that the vice-principal had seen us. She waited for us to come back before calling us to give us our punishment. That was St. Theresa’s College, Ibadan. Then the good days at University of Ife, I had so much fun on campus. Driving from Ife to Lagos was also fun.

    Now, from Lagos to Ibadan, you can spend 10 hours because of bad roads. We were three sisters and we used to alternate cooking. I didn’t like cooking. When it was my turn, I found a way to dodge and begged the two other girls. My younger sister would agree, but my elder sister would not agree. It was a lot of fun growing up. I also remember my days in Ikorodu. Ikorodu was home to everybody, especially during the festivities. I remember one of the times we came to Ikorodu, my sister and I were going somewhere and we saw two rams heading our way. I’m generally scared of any kind of animal, so we ran. I went in one direction and she went in the other, which was our way home. So I went missing. My parents were really worried, they looked for me, but they knew I would be okay. But you can’t say that today. I was kept in the Baale’s house who gave me food. I wasn’t worried. They asked me who my father was, and I said Ashafa instead of Erogbogbo. I was in primary school at the time. By the time they walked round every household, they knew they would find me, and they found me comfortably in the Baale’s house, playing with his children. That can’t happen today.

    Are your parents still alive?

    Yes, my father is 86, while my mother is 82. In fact, this year, they will mark their 60th wedding anniversary. As I turn 50, I have a sister who is equally turning 60, so it is turning out to be a three in one family celebration.

    Which one of your parents inspired you the most?

    Both of them. I have a father who was quite strict, and a mother who was in-between. We had the fear of our father who made it a point of duty to run whenever we saw him coming. We had sympathy from our mother. Whenever we wanted to do something terrible, we would remember the two of them and immediately do the right thing. Their combination gave us a good balance. They both taught me to be content.

    Contentment is a virtue, and any person who has it, has it all. You will be surprised that you might be happier with N50, 000 in your pocket than somebody with N50 million in his pocket. My father had a great sense of humour, and he is a wonderful person to be with. My mother is a very kind woman; she taught us kindness and giving. She can sacrifice her eyes to save someone. The most important thing probably is that they brought us up with a lot of love and not a whole lot of money.

    The name Abike Dabiri is a household name and has been so for some years now. From NTA days of Frank Olize’s Sunday Sunday Newsline. What has kept the brand, Abike Dabiri going strong?

    I have been active right from my days at the University of Ife. Students used to chant ‘Abix Eros’ in action. We even had a live band where we entertained on campus. It was me, Magdalene and two other guys. One of them is late now. I would say it is the grace of God that has kept me going as well as some principles I cherish. Integrity should be your watchword, no matter what. Most importantly, you must have the fear of God in whatever you do.

    When I wanted to go into politics, I was told that politics was dirty. If you are dirty, you play dirty. Just be who you are and don’t try to be another person. Believe in yourself, have faith in yourself and be fair to others. The greatest love of all is the love you have yourself. If you love yourself, you will love those around you. If you love those around you, you wouldn’t be destroying people. Rather, you’ll strive to make things better. May be l have been lucky.

    When I was going into politics, I didn’t know what to expect. But today, I really thank Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu because he stood by me. When I wanted to contest, it was like where was she coming from? But Asiwaju said these were the kind of women we should encourage. He has encouraged women a lot. His wife too has been amazing. Of course, the people of Ikorodu too proved themselves, the elders and women in particular. When I went into politics, I started out with the women. I was attending the ward meeting for five months before I took a decision. I went to Asiwaju and he gave me tremendous support and he is doing that till today. I was also lucky that when I got to the House of Representatives, a new committee was created which was media committee. It was a place I was very comfortable in.

    Do you miss your years at NTA?

    Definitely. I was there for 15 years. I still miss television, it’s a part of me, and I intend to still do a few things on television as time goes on.

    What will you say is the highpoint of your 50 years on earth?

    There are too many of those moments to single out one. Having my children, marrying Mr. Erewa. Most of my happy memories are with my family. Winning my first, second and third elections has also been happy moments for me. I have so many of them. I have a few sad moments, but it’s nothing to dwell on.

    What about when your first marriage broke up, wasn’t that your sad moment also?

    No, because we didn’t just break up. It broke up over a period of time. He went abroad and never came back. It was painful, but I didn’t dwell on it. I concentrated on my children and my job.

    Do you still communicate with him?

    Yes. When it’s necessary, we do.

    Do you miss not having a girl?

    Yes, but I love my boys. I love children, and would have loved to have more, like six or seven, like my mother (laughs). But God said two. Then again, I have two more from my husband, making four, so I thank God for my boys. With them, I do not miss anything. I have lovely nieces, Tomi and Tosin. There are many girls around me. Mary, the miracle baby is still on my scholarship, she is in SS III now.

    You don’t have a child for your second husband, is there a reason?

    It is not a priority. We did not get married because we wanted children. We are married because we love each other and the companionship is great. We are not interested in more babies, we already have four, and we are only waiting for grandchildren. Our marriage is based on a solid relationship.

    What does friendship mean to you, and when and where did your friendship with Funmi Ajila and Enitan Allen start?

    Friendship means everything. For Funmi Ajila and Enitan Allen, we have been friends for over 22 years; our friendship is based on understanding and love. I have other friends too, Bimpe Ashafa, Yemisi Ibrahim, we are very close.

    Being a Muslim, do you have a Muslim name?

    Kafayat. I am a practising Muslim. I went to Catholic schools, but I am from a strong Muslim family. I love and practise my religion. But people make the mistake of thinking that religion should be political. It should be between you and your God. Islam is a religion of peace and bliss; it is a religion where you are one with your God. Saying your prayer five times daily becomes a part of you. My husband is a Christian, but he is not bothered. He is very supportive of it.

    Would you say you have lived a full life at 50?

    I said life begins at 50 and you are talking about seeing it all and living a full life? (Laughs) how is that possible? 50 is the new 40 – life began at 40 in those days, but today, life begins at 50. There is still a whole lot to do. Success is not about age or money; it is about the number of lives you have touched. I need to touch more lives and reach out to more people. Life is just beginning at 50.

    AT 50, is there anything you want God to give you?

    Good health, long life, prosperity, everlasting peace, abundance of provision, a whole lot of knowledge, righteousness, good character and a good name.

    Talking of a good name, how much of those issues that have rubbished the House of Representatives, would you say have tarnished your good name?

    Whenever there is anything wrong with the Reps, I’m part of the institution, so I feel bad about it. We all have to help build that institution; it is the weakest arm of the government. The parliament is the bastion of democracy. As time goes on, I’m sure we will appreciate the institution better.

    You are in your third term in the House of Reps, are you likely to run a fourth time?

    I thank God for the privilege of a third term in parliament. I still have three more years to serve. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

    On two occasions, it has been rumoured that you are gunning for the post of the Deputy Governor of Lagos; do you have any plans in that direction?

    You don’t gun for deputy governor. It is a privilege for me and an honour. I went into politics at a time when it was a risk. People were not ready to take such risks, but we did. Now everyone wants to contest, which is all good, but parliament is a place for cerebral people, you need to read a lot. We need to put our best in the parliament.

  • Is he being unfaithful to you?

    Reasons why men cheat

    Approximately 40 percent of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada – Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

    That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50 percent of men cheat at some point in their marriages.

     

    Why They Cheat

    The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks).

    “They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.

    That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce – one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women- so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.

    So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”

    Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates – and extra-marital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says.

    And “power wives” beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.

    “Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says. Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.

    “Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown).

    Here are nine excuses guys give for doing the extra-marital mambo:

    1. She ain’t what she used to be: The typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.

    “If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.

    Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds. And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.” For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.  “Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”

    That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company).

    “All the evidence shows that when (women) feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.”

    2. No one loves a ball buster: Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife.

    She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to (swat her away).”

    The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.

    Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).

    “A woman didn’t do something that excuses cheating.” Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.

    3. She just doesn’t “get” me: Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.

    “It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”

    A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says.

    4. It’s the thrill: Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. ”It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”

    By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.

    But that’s not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger.

    “The betraying partner’s failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful,” he says.

    5. Blame it on the “hunter”: Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation.

    They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.

    “Maybe he married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”

    Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.

    Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.

    If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says.

    6. Biology, baby: “It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says. “Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”

    But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”

    Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control.

    “Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss.

    “Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says.

    7. It’s just sex: For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says. That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:

    “Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?

    “If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?”

    8. Not tonight, dear:  Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.

    So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.

    More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein. Their sexual values are just not compatible.

    9. Because we can: OK, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.

    Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.

    “We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”

    “That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner.”

  • Scott Tommey pampers self with private jet

    Scott Tommey pampers self with private jet

    That Scott Tommey is doing well for himself as one of the smartest entrepreneurs around is a fact that can hardly be disputed. And saying that the Managing Director and Chief Executive Officer of Osmoserve Global Limited has an exquisite taste would amount to stating the obvious.

    Information reaching Happenstances now is that a few days ago, he acquired a brand new private jet as a birthday gift for himself. Those who sighted the private jet informed Happenstances that the Bombadier Challenger is one of the latest and most luxurious jets around.

    Some of his close friends are still celebrating the new acquisition with him in London where he is currently taking a short break from his tedious schedule.

  • Bimbo Odukoya’s daughter set for the altar

    Bimbo Odukoya’s daughter set for the altar

    Lovely daughter of the late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya of the Fountain of Life Church is getting set to don her bridal assortments and stroll down the aisle with her sweetheart of many years.

    After getting engaged in an elaborate introduction ceremony in July, the happy couple is ready for the ageless institution of marriage.

    The brilliant and amazingly gifted crooner, Tolu, who recently featured the elegant stallion, Onyeka Onwenu, in her song, will be proudly wedded to Olumide Ijogun, one of the directors at Oba Otudeko’s Honeywell Group of Companies.

    The wedding, slated for November 3, 2012, will kick off with an engagement ceremony in the morning. The church service will follow immediately at the Fountain of Life Church, after which reception will take place at Balmoral Events, Oregun, Lagos.

    Arrangements are in top gear to ensure that the day is made a memorable one for the young couple. Party planners and extras have been engaged to ensure that all goes well.

    The wedding, though coming seven long years after her mother’s death in the crash of Port-Harcourt bound Sosoliso Airline Flight 1145 on December 10, 2005, is certainly one that would have made her mother proud.

  • ‘I have better houses but opted to live in 100-yr-old mud house’

    ‘I have better houses but opted to live in 100-yr-old mud house’

    Sunday Laoye (aka Hakuna Matata), is the elder brother of the Deputy governor of Osun State, Mrs Titi Laoye-Tomori. He was a factor in the former Oyo State. He still participates actively in the present Osun state politics. He was once detained in police cell and eventually remanded in prison. The 66- year-old man is still full of vigour and energy. for more than one hour, while this interview was being conducted, he stood on his feet without showing any form of fatigue. Laoye shares his experience with GBENGA ADERANTI about his activisim, relationship with his sister, why he is still strong at 66 and his life style.

     

    How old were you when you were arrested?

    Like the other people who used to jack up their age, I don’t do it. I don’t desk my age because I’m not a civil servant. I was born on 23rd October 1946 and I was arrested on April 15, 2008.

    You were talking about your son, what really happened?

    Let me tell you one truth, except we want to deceive ourselves, I have been in this game for so long and there is no governor in this state, you can ask anybody , that I don’t participate in the process of his winning. I’m born to win, that is what lots of people call ‘born to win’. I’m a very lucky person and I have a strong political armoury. I’m the leader of the Renaissance Front .

    I was to be celebrated last year; I was to be given a chieftaincy title on October 23 last year by the Oludo of Ido because of my struggle, because of the part I took in liberating some political friends. When my son died on September 20, last year, there was nothing called chieftaincy title again.

    Our group, Renaissance Front, is made up of a lot of professionals, professors, architects. The governor of the state knows the team called Renaissance Front, because Renaissance Front is supportive of his cause. We are always for him. We are not anti-government, we are pro-government. Most of the time, we proffer solutions to the problems in this state. We are not proud, if you see us you will love us. Our spread is balanced, we are in more than 30 states with one area office.

    Besides I’m a compound man. I live among my people, that is Orubuka Compound. that is where the present deputy Governor, Titi-Laoye Tomori, was born. I don’t live in an estate, I’m not a GRA man.

    Why do they call you hakuna matata?

    Hakuna matata is a Swahili language which means ‘no problem’. A cousin who was a lecturer, who had been in Kenya for 15 years came and said there was no time I had problem, he said I was always happy. then, he gave me the name hakuna matata. If you see where I live, though I dress properly you would not believe that this is where hakuna matata lives. If you come on a Wednesday, you would see an array of cars in my compound, they are the professionals who have come for political meeting. It will surprise you, though I have properties elsewhere, I still prefer to live in a mud house that was built over 100 years ago, I’m happy there. I shit in pit latrine.

    Since high politicking goes on in your compound, I’m correct to say you are the Baba Orubuka of Osogbo land or let me compare you with Adedibu.

    Ask my political opponents, they refer to my place as agbala (compound). I’m not like Adedibu. I don’t take money from the people I want to assist. that is why when you see this poor phone and the N3,000 credit that is there, you will be happy.

    Will you relive your arrest and detention experience?

    I was picked up on April 15 , 2008 around 3:30am. the person who came to pick me up regrettably, when my first born, Dapo died, came to commiserate with me. I was picked up. They took me to FIB along the express road. they were asking me questions, before I was taken to Ataoja Police Station. I was there, I wrote my statement. They wanted me to implicate my good friend, my leader, the governor of Osun state, Ogbeni Rauf Adesoji Aregbesola which I refused to do, they took my statement.

    They came the second day, they sat me down. I was surrounded by three AK47 guns. During the course of the stupid questions they asked me, they told me to write an additional statement and I asked them what they meant by additional statement. I took the paper they gave to me and I rubbished them.

    I threw the piece of paper on the IPO. And I asked them to shoot if they wanted to shoot. By and large, they left furiously with the 407 the car they were using to operate. They nearly somersaulted at the gate. They came as early as 6.30 the second day, they took me to the magistrate’s court. The magistrate in attendance asked me after reading their charge, ‘Sunday Laoye vs Commissioner of police.’ They said I was involved in a bomb blast. I said what do you mean? They now asked, if I wanted my case to be tried there, I said no. he said where? I said high court. I provoked him. They now took me to SARS. I was in SARS for almost 33 days. Again, they said they wanted to refer me to the court, I refused. it was from there I was remanded in prison for almost 30 something days.

    You still drive yourself all around town, why is this so?

    I still retain my small gulf car. Between six and seven, you won’t find me driving this Mercedes jeep. you see me inside golf alone, I drive myself. I’m not chauffeur-driven because I hate a lot of things big men do to their drivers. Some of the big men, when it remains two or three days to pay, they sack their drivers. When I had a driver, between 26 / 27, his salary was paid. But right now, I can’t afford to pay a driver.

    Was there anytime your family discouraged you from the struggle?

    (Long pause) I have a very very strong wife, she does not discourage me from politicking.

    Even at the risk of your life?

    She was always with me when I was being detained at SARS. She would come 10 am and would not leave till 9pm, even my late son and others, none of them discouraged me. If they had discouraged me, my temple would have crumbled. As you see me so, health wise I’m sound. I’m always alone in this car.

    When are you going to quit activism?

    Till death do us part. I can not leave politics, I cannot leave the struggle. More importantly, the present governor is not a coward, he is very tough. I love him, he is a great man.

    What role did you play in the choice of your sister as the deputy governor? Was it as a result of the part you played in the struggle that made her to be appointed a deputy governor ?

    No. Rather because my sister is the deputy governor, it has created more problems for me because I cannot take any major position in government. A lot of people come to me for obligations which the two of them (the governor and deputy) are meeting. I go to neither deputy governor nor governor’s office but let me tell you the truth of the matter, my hands are in both offices. There is no time I write my leader, Ogbeni Rauf Adesoji Aregbesola, that he will refuse to come to my aid. We communicate at different times positively; I don’t get negative answers from the two of them. I’m okay, I’m rich in mind more than any serving commissioner.

    Where did you imbibe the culture of activisim?

    I took my political tutelage from the Cicero of Esa Oke (the late Chief Bola Ige). When I was young, I was always in the struggle. I led a team protesting against our principal when I was schooling in Freetown. I attended government college Freetown, we were agitating against the authorities, I was to be expelled alongside other students. imagine a guy who went to Freetown because he could not get a place in Nigeria, he had nobody, my father died when I was eight years. imagine you had a chance to school in Freetown, you were leading a protest, forgetting that you are not a Sierra Leonean. I took part in the process of activism through my senior in school in Sierra Leone, I used to admire him. I copied this my senior in school and when I came to Nigeria, I was involved in activisim. When I saw the Cicero of Esa Oke after returning to Nigeria, I was impressed. He had what I could call oratory prowess, he was a commander. I loved him, he was a man of so many languages. Luckily, I met Chief Awolowo, December 5 1978. I was the one who mobilised all the youths in Osogbo for the then Unity Party of Nigeria (UPN). it was there the Cicero spotted me and gave the job of organisiing secretary of the defunct UPN.

    How come you have so much political influence here?

    I have mixed with a lot of present and past leaders like Dr. Hammed Oladepo Kusamotu of blessed memory; the late Major-Gen. Shehu Musa Yar’Adua, the elder brother of the late president, Umaru (he has my picture in his home); Arthur Nzeribe, he is a friend. I’m younger to them but very close. If I go to Oguta, I will sleep in his house. I was here in 92/93 to work for the election of Chief Kolapo Olawuyi Ishola and when Osun State was created, I came home with Dr. Wale Adeniran. Adeniran happened to be the pioneer Education Commissioner here.

    What about Oyinlola’s government, did you take part in the election of the governor too?

    I took part. But after the election, I didn’t like the position they gave me – the Chairman of the State’s Sports Council and I also had a grouse with the governor then. by and large Action Congress (AC) came. My wife is a politician too,very powerful. At present, she is treasurer of the party at Olorunda Local government. She left me in the PDP, she went to join the AC, which later became the ACN. Immediately the ACN people saw her, they said Hakuna would soon join them.

    I refused to go to the office, they refused to sack me. I now said if I wanted to be sacked, the best thing I would do was to join a friend of mine when he was going for a political rally. I now joined him by holding a broom during one of his campaigns. Oyinlola saw it. the second day, they brought my letter of sack. I was happy to take the letter of sack and we celebrated the sack by going to The Place (a joint in Osogbo). We celebrated my sack. I now fully joined ACN and we started dismantling the structure from Olorunda that we helped them to build.

    I have to thank God today over the growth and development we are seeing in Osun State. I swear over the dead of my mother and son. The PDP can never win any election in Osun again. See what ACN is doing, see roads, see what is happening; see O’Yes thing, they employed over 20,000 people a thing which Oyinlola refused to do. In the next few months, the roads will be tarred. When that one is done, you will have a smooth ride with your vehicles and they are not stealing money. There are lots of changes on our roads, in every facet of lives, but Oyinlola, for seven and half years, they did nothing.

     

  • There are four guys who say they love me but I have eyes for someone else

    Please, Aunty, i am confused, there are four guys who say they love me but I have eyes for someone else. B.

    As far as I am concerned, you do not have business with the four boys running after you. The one you want should be your main focus. But if the one you love doesn’t feel the same, do not rush to meet any of the four waiting in the wings. Wait until you meet another person you truly admire. There’s no point in managing people we honestly don’t feel anything for just because we want to be in a relationship.

  • My cousin and I had sex once and since then she has been insisting we do it again

    Good morning madam, my name is D from Benue state. I am 21 years old. My cousin sister has been kissing and romancing me and we both had sex and since then she has been insisting we do it again. And I don’t want to. Please help me. Thank you.

    I know that in some parts of the North, it is allowed for cousins to marry each other. I wouldn’t know about the legality of it in your part of Benue State. Even if it is allowed in your culture, I’m sure that your culture frowns at sex before marriage. If you’re sure your parents would oppose to a relationship with your cousin and if you know that it is considered a taboo, then stop it. Let your cousin know in strong terms that you do not wish to go on with it. If it’s the sex that is holding her to you, then let her know you’re not her sex toy.

  • I can’t allow any bitch to steal him from me

    Hello ma, I love my boyfriend so much that I can’t allow any bitch to steal him from me, but the problem is that I don’t really know if this guy truly loves me as I do. Please ma tell me how to know if he loves me? Miss Olivian.

    Miss Olivian, your language alone shows you must be a bit aggressive. Nobody has even tried to take this guy (at least you didn’t say that), yet, you’re already using the word bitch. Anyway, for your information, love alone does not guarantee your boyfriend’s safety from other ladies. A whole lot of works go into a relationship – respect, being considerate, intelligent and enterprising are just some of the qualities men look out for in a woman. It wouldn’t matter if it is a bitch that offers him all these things and you are a saint, men are looking beyond only the profession of love now.

    See you; you’re not even sure of the guy’s love, yet you’re ready to fight. Below are tips to help you know if he truly loves you:

    He shares your favorite pastimes – While not a deal breaker, any man who continues to be active in your favorite pastimes, even though you understand he does not like them, loves you. One of the most important things for a man in a relationship is connection. The context and content does not matter. He just wants to be with you.

    He calls you frequently – Does it really matter why he is calling? Are you not glad that he is? A man who is involved with his relationship and in love with you will always call. When there is a thought on his mind and he wants your opinion, when he just wants to see if you are ok, and sometimes it will be just because he misses you. If you’ve argued with him and you ignore those calls, be aware that the action does not escape your mans attention. Consider the alternative, he could never call and wait for you to do it. Next time, pick up that phone when it rings, otherwise you will not know how he has thought to express his love and apologies.

    He brags about you to his family & friends – Sometimes you may feel he talks ad nauseum about you. However, put yourself in his shoes and see how proud your man is of you and how lucky he feels to be a part of your life. He shows this in the greatest way possible, he tells his family and friends. For a man, including family and friends on the details of his relationship is a very big step for him in that relationship. If he is talking about you, he loves you – guaranteed.

    He tries to be nice to your family & friends – Some women may not like the idea of their significant other being friends with their friends. Such issues as friends being caught in the middle during problems may arise. However, just the notion that your man cares to be nice to family and friends and have positive interactions with them shows that he cares about the people that you care for. He wants to please you and make you happy.

    He never stops romancing you – No matter how busy your man is, does he set time aside for you? Forget setting time aside, does he actually make time for you? If so, you are looking at a man who loves you. He will stop caring about his own stresses to relieve you of yours. He will send you an email, leave you a sticky note, write you a letter or leave a message on your machine when he knows you are not around to pick up the phone. He spends your time together relaxing you and occasionally giving you a present or a card. That kind of attentiveness cannot be faked. He is in love.

    He says so, in so many ways – Every action may show his feelings for you, but no action is more certain than a verbal expression. The tone of his voice and the look in his eyes, the wrap of his arms around your shoulders as he whispers he loves you should leave you with no reservation about how he feels. Some people feel that saying ‘I love you’ too often makes it less special. For a man, saying I love you is the height of his expression of his feelings for you. The more you hear it, let it be known, the more he feels it.

    Now, you ask if anything else that will tell you if he loves you. Your answer is—What else do you need? These simple signs are tried and true. His willingness to perform these actions will show you that your man loves you.

  • Bride of winter (1)

    “Ah! Abby! I’m so happy for you! So, you will soon be leaving us to join your husband abroad. You are so lucky! I really envy you!” enthused my friend, Tari.

    “Na so we see am o, my sister!” I replied in pidgin, a wide grin on my face.

    I had gone to her house that Saturday afternoon to break the news to her about my impending trip out of the country to join my husband, Henry. She had screamed with excitement and though, it was over an hour since I arrived at her place, she had not stopped talking about the matter. That was the problem with Tari; she loved to talk and she could go on and on about an issue until one got tired of listening to her. But that day, I didn’t mind her loquaciousness as I was in such a good mood.

    I felt pleased and happy that finally, my beloved husband and I would now be together. The journey to this point of our relationship had been long and tortuous most of the time. In fact, there were times, it looked as if there was no hope for us and I was fighting a losing battle. But through it all, I had persevered, not giving up hope until I realised my dream-of spending my days and nights for always with Henry.

    There had been all sorts of talk from my family, friends and even colleagues on my long wait for Henry, who had travelled out of the country five years earlier.

    “It’s not very wise to wait for all these guys who travel abroad. Are you sure he hasn’t married someone else, like an oyibo lady, for instance?”

    “What if after waiting all these years and at the end of the day, he doesn’t return for you? What will you do then? Time is going and you are not getting any younger! Do you want to end up an old maid and childless?”

    “I will advise you to forget about him and marry one of these guys who have been proposing to you. What’s so special about this Henry that you ca’’t forget him. Girl, wise up…” were some of the comments they made.

    All these remarks and pressures put a great strain on me and it was tough coping during the time of waiting for Henry. If it had not been for friends like Tari and a few others who kept encouraging me to persevere, I doubt if I would have been able to endure for so long. That was the reason she had been one of the first persons, outside my family that I had broken the news about my impending journey to.

    “I hope you won’t forget us when you leave. It’s like that with most people who travel abroad. They forget those they left behind,” stated Tari, frowning slightly.

    “Even if I forget everybody, I can’t forget you and the love and support you gave me all this while,” I reassured her.

    She smiled, then said:

    “In that case, I better give you the list of items I want you to buy for me when you get there. Remember that dress we saw at that boutique in Surulere that I liked so much but I couldn’t afford? I want you to get me something like that and some skirts and tops, shoes, some cds and dvds, handbags, make-up, cream, mobile phone, laptop, a microwave…” she enumerated.

    “Thief! Ole! Where do you expect me to get money to buy all those stuff? You want me to go and steal?” I said.

    She shook her head.

    “You won’t need to do that. Your husband has money-just a little amount of his wealth will take care of the shopping. Abi I lie?” she queried, a mischievous look in her eyes.

    I laughed and playfully pulled at her long, braided hair, making her scream with pain…

    The strange proposal

    That night as I lay in bed, unable to sleep from excitement, my mind kept drifting to the past, to when my story with Henry began. You see, Henry and I didn’t meet in the conventional way that most couples often meet. It was through his father that I met him. This was how it happened.

    His dad and I worked in the same office though in different departments. I didn’t know him that well and I only related to him on an official basis. But I noticed that he was always looking at me in a special way whenever we passed each other. If he was a younger man, I would have concluded that he was ‘interested’ in me but that was not the case as he was quite elderly.

    Then one day, the mystery was solved when he eventually spoke up.

    He had called me into his office and I had gone reluctantly, all the while wondering what he wanted.

    “I’m sorry for bothering you like this, my dear, but there’s something very important I will like to discuss with you,” he began after I had sat down.

    I stared at him, patiently waiting for what he had to say.

    His words took me by surprise.

    “The fact is, I like you. I like the way you behave and comport yourself,” he said, pausing briefly.

    He must have noticed the look of surprise on my face, for he quickly went on:

    “I have a good reason for saying this, so please hear me out. I’ve been watching you for some time and I like what I see. You are not only beautiful but you seem to be a girl of good character. I believe you will make a good wife. So, based on that, I want to marry you!”

    To say I was surprised was putting it mildly. For a while, I sat with my mouth open, just staring blankly at him. When I eventually found my voice, I blurted out in an angry tone:

    “Sir, I know today is not April 1 so this can’t be a joke. How can you be talking about marriage to someone you barely know, and one that is old enough to be…”

    “My daughter!” he concluded for me then burst into laughter.

    “My dear, take it easy. When I say, I want you as a wife, it’s not for me. It’s for my son, Henry. You will make a good wife for him and I know he will like you. As I do!” he stated, still smiling.

    I calmed down then and seeing the funny side of the situation, I even smiled.

    “Sir,” I began, “I appreciate the nice things you’ve said about me. But I’m sorry to say that I can’t accept your proposal. In the first place, I don’t know your son…”

    “That shouldn’t be a problem. When the time comes, you will meet him,” he said.

    “But what if I don’t like him?” I stated sceptically, trying to wriggle out of the situation as politely as possible.

    He looked at me fondly, then said:

    “I assure you, that won’t be a problem. Just meet him first, ok. I’ve told him about you and he’s keen on meeting you.”

    After I left him, I kept thinking about the man’s proposal. I had had many marriage proposals in the past but this was the first time I was getting one like that. Not that I was keen on getting married then. I was in my mid-20s back then and I was not in a hurry to settle down. I was more interested in my career and making money and having fun with my friends.

    But the manner of the proposal piqued my curiosity. So, I agreed to meet the son, Henry, though I had no intention of having a relationship much less marriage with him. But I was in for a pleasant surprise when we eventually met…

    To be continued

    Read the juicy details next Saturday about Abby and Henry’s first meeting!

  • I cheated on my boyfriend and now the other guy won’t go away

    Dear Aunty, am 21 years old, I have been dating a guy close to five years now and we both love each other but there was a time I thought he did not love me so I tried so many things including cheating on him, but right now i want to quit the second guy but he seems to love me too, so am confused. Please help me. Thanks. From V.

     Dear V, I don’t subscribe to cheating in relationships, so I do not pity you for the dilemma this other guy is putting you through by sticking to you. You have to make up your mind now and choose the one who makes you really happy between the two. Sentiments such as long duration of friendship and so on do not count when happiness is the major consideration. Do yourself right and stay with the one you’re most comfortable with.